Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

uselesslesbian: Hey captain, can we like,,,,, go out tonight? And get drunk?

Captain Sunshine: You’d do it even if I say no, so why bother asking?

uselesslesbian: Just because. Thx

Moroni: Who changed my name again??

Eggplant: What do you mean, Moreau? I see no difference. Do you Connor?

Dumbass: Nope. Nothing new.

Captain Sunshine: Guys?

Dumbass: Ok so we did it. But just because he needs a name too!

damndaniel: uhh I have smth

damndaniel changed Moroni to French Dick

Eggplant: That’s waaayy worse

uselesslesbian: It suits him lol

French Dick: I hate you, you useless lesbian.

uselesslesbian: Thx back @ you

French Dick: I’m not a lesbian?

surferboi: No u r just gay af

GoalGurl: Jean’s sensitive about sexualities, don’t bully him

Dumbass: He’s also the only one we allowed to be in this group bc cap wouldn’t stop crying

Captain Sunshine: I DIDNT

uselesslesbian: U did

Merlin: It’s ok dad

Captain Sunshine: Stop calling me dad

Merlin: Why tho?

Dumbass: LOL

Eggplant: OKAY BACK TO WHAT ALVAREZ SaID

uselesslesbian: Thank you very fucking much

Eggplant: U r very fucking welcome

French Dick: I want to leave so badly.

surferboi: U can’t escape Alvarez

Dumbass: Or cap’s glow

Captain Sunshine: My glow?

Eggplant: When you smile and say nice things ‘n stuff like that

Merlin: What you do all the time

uselesslesbian: Period.

Captain Sunshine: ok….

GoalGurl: BUT how bout movie night tmrw @ McArthur’s?

Merlin: SURE

Eggplant: Gr8

French Dick: Do I have to be there?

Captain Sunshine: You don’t have to if you really don’t want to. It would be nice though :)

surferboi: Insert Jeremy looking like a sad puppy if his fav isn’t there

uselesslesbian: Come on Moreau! Don’t leave Cap like that!

French Dick: ….

French Dick: I want popcorn.

Dumbass: The sad puppy thing made him weak

 damndaniel: OK WTF

damndaniel: WHY IS THERE A VIDEO ONLINE WHERE JEREMY GETS PUNCHED

Dumbass: IN THE FACE?

Merlin: MY DAD OK???

Eggplant: HIS BEAUTIFUL FACE??

French Dick: ???

uselesslesbian: Wow he really desperate for the views

surferboi: WHAT HAPPENED??

GoalGurl: We were buying stuff for the movie night

GoalGurl: And when Jeremy went to get the popcorn,,, there was this man with a Raven’s jersey,,,

Dumbass: FUVKING SHIT WHO

uselesslesbian: Do I look like I asked the guy when he was done punching Cap?

French Dick: Where are you? Is he okay??

uselesslesbian: Wow I’ve never seen you text that much before

French Dick: I won’t repeat myself.

GoalGurl: He’s fine. His nose is still bleeding a bit and the black eye is beginning to swell

Captain Sunshine: I look like a bad boy :)

uselesslesbian: No u don’t

Merlin: U could never

Captain Sunshine: :(

French Dick: Does it hurt much?

Captain Sunshine: I’m fine

surferboi: Cap, did you punch back??

Dumbass: Y do u even ask

GoalGurl: It’s Jere. Of course he didn’t

French Dick: I’ll find this guy.

Captain Sunshine: Jean no

uselesslesbian: JEAN YESS

Merlin: French Dad YEEEESSS

damndaniel: Moreau yeeeaahh

GoalGurl: Why did Kevin Day just text me a paragraph about why Jere got punched and that he’s sorry and that I should tell Jere that he is really amazing and stuff like that?

GoalGurl: Wait why does Kevin Day have my number??

damndaniel: Why does Kevin Day have my number lol

uselesslesbian: Guess he knows you’ll be a good captain next year so he got it early

Captain Sunshine: Naww, Kevin’s nice :)

surferboi: Kevin is literally Jeremy trash

French Dick: He’s dumb

Eggplant: Is that the best insult you can think of rn? You’ve called me worse!

French Dick: At least he’s talented

Merlin: DAAAD

Eggplant: Cap, tell your boyfriend he’s mean!

Captain Sunshine: ??

French Dick: I’m not Jeremy’s boyfriend?

damndaniel: U can’t fool us

surferboi: Yeah we know what love looks like, we see Alvarez and Laila all day being disgustingly in love

Dumbass: And we heard you say Je t’aime

French Dick: U speak French?

Dumbass: Or was it je t’adore?

French Dick: Forget I asked.

Dumbass: We watched enough French movies in school to know what it means!

uselesslesbian: And cap’s background is a pic of u sleeping

French Dick: Jeremy.

Captain Sunshine: OOPS

Captain Sunshine: Ly tho <3

French Dick: …

Merlin: Don’t let dad hang!

French Dick: I can do what I want

Captain Sunshine: :(

French Dick: Je t’aime, mon soleil

Captain Sunshine: <3 <3

Dumbass: NAWWWWW

uselesslesbian: Screenshot, insta, twitter, snapchat.

surferboi: RETWEET

French Dick: I hate you.

Eggplant: Nice

Dumbass: SHAHD

Merlin: CALL ME GOD

uselesslesbian: Why?

Dumbass: Remember when we tried to teach Moreau vines?

Captain Sunshine: Yeah, he came back an hour later and asked me if I could bench u 2

Dumbass: Wow rude

Merlin: OK SO We were at the dollar store and I came up to him and said Dad look it’s the good kush

Merlin: And he said without missing a beat THIS IS THE DOLLAR STORE HOW GOOD CAN IT BE??

Dumbass: HE SUBCONSCIOUSLY LEARNED

damndaniel: Pls tell me there is a video?

Dumbass: THERE IS

French Dick: I despise you two

Merlin: WELL THX FRENCH DAD

GoalGurl sent a video

It was only ten seconds long. Jeremy was walking into the room, wearing a hoodie that’s sleeves looked too long for him and boxer briefs. His hair was ruffled from sleep. He was wearing his glasses and stretched while yawning. Then the camera turned to the side where Jean sat next to Laila on the couch, staring mesmerized at Jeremy, lips quirked upwards in a small smile and slightly parted. Alvarez on his left pretended to puke.

Eggplant: Wig? Snatched

Dumbass: Jeremy? Wearing French Dad’s hoodie

surferboi: Moreau? Gay af

GoalGurl: Hotel? Trivago

damndaniel: But why’s Cap only getting up now?

uselesslesbian: Jean and he didn’t get much sleep last night ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

French Dick: NO

French Dick: He couldn’t sleep bc he drank too much coffee

Captain Sunshine: :(

Merlin: Idiot Dad

Dumbass: PSSShHH don’t insult your dad!

Merlin: Oops. Sorry dad!

Captain Sunshine: Np?

Merlin: Gr8

French Dick: Isoe if McArthur and his minions prank me again, I will kill them without hesitation.

damndaniel: Isoe?

Eggplant: Minions? No we are partners in crime

Merlin: Damn right

French Dick: I swear on exy.

surferboi: I’m not saying Jean Moreau is a woke king but that’s exactly what I’m saying.

GoalGurl: you go, you multilingual emo boii!

Captain Sunshine: WHat prank??

Dumbass: Nothing serious

Dumbass: We just bought a few of his books in German and French and switched those with his English ones. His face when he opened the German one was HILARIOUS

uselesslesbian: What you wanna say is you guys bought expensive books for Jean? Naww that’s cute

Merlin: No we

Merlin: Shit she’s right

uselesslesbian: ;)

French Dick: I want my books back. You get the German ones

Eggplant: So u keep the French books??

French Dick: Duh

damndaniel: JEAN SAID DUH GUYS

damndaniel: IT HAPPENED

French Dick: Shut up Jenkins. Or I’ll kick your ass @ practice harder than I already do.

damndaniel: Cap! Get ur boyfriend!!

Captain Sunshine: Jean, don’t be like that :(

uselesslesbian: Yeah don’t be like that BABE

French Dick: I’m going to block you.

uselesslesbian: No u r not

French Dick: Try me.

surferboi: The plot thickens

Dumbass: GAHD STOP PLAYING WITH ME AND BE A GOOD CAPTAIN BOYFRIEND

GoalGurl: For god’s sake, leave him alone guys

Captain Sunshine: Shouldn’t you guys be studying for your exams tomorrow? :)

Merlin: HE’S DOING THE THING

uselesslesbian: WHat thinG??

Eggplant: PUTTING A SMILEY BEHIND A THREAT

Dumbass: BYE WE’RE GONNA GO TO THE LIBRARY

Captain Sunshine: Good :)

GoalGurl: JERE NO

Captain Sunshine: ?

GoalGurl: OH no wait. That’s good. Continue

Captain Sunshine: :)

GoalGurl: I want yall on the court tmrw at seven!!!!

Dumbass: Come on! We didn’t do that bad @last game?

French Dick: That wasn’t the worst I’ve seen you guys play

surferboi: Coming from you, that’s a confirmation that we were good

Captain Sunshine: I think I’ll bench myself for a week. Brownie said I should lay low, rest and get back with full energy :/

uselesslesbian: When Brownie said that, do it. That last hit was pretty bad

Merlin: We don’t want you to pass out from exhaustion dad

Dumbass: Yeah, who would call Moreau back if you were out??

damndaniel: He would massacre us.

French Dick: I’m not that bad?

surferboi: U literally shoved me when I didn’t score a goal after three tries????

Captain Sunshine: ?You?did?what? JEAN????

Eggplant: Damn, Cap didn’t know his bf is a sociopath

uselesslesbian: Shut up kinkboy

damndaniel: Yeah, let the adults handle that

GoalGurl: Be quiet child

damndaniel: Sry mum

French Dick: I didn’t really shove him?

Captain Sunshine: Why is this a question??

Dumbass: Fuck, my dads are getting divorced. I wanna stay with French dad

Eggplant: Me too. We can kill his mood easier

Merlin: I’ll stay with the glowing daaaaaaddddddddd

damndaniel: Ditto

surferboi: I want both?? Divorce is bad???

uselesslesbian: Divorce is unacceptable!

French Dick: I can’t deal with this.

French Dick left Trojean’s UselessSexyCheerleaders

Captain Sunshine: Ok who changed the name again??

Captain Sunshine added French Dick to Trojean’s UselessSexyCheerleaders

Dumbass: I didn’t.

GoalGurl: No one asked you?

Dumbass: Ok so I did it.

Chapter Text

uselesslesbian: CAP COME BACK WE MISS U!

Captain Sunshine: I only left yesterday?

Merlin: WE MISS U DAAAAAAD

damndaniel: all these fake ass bitches r moody without our glorious captain around

surferboi: what he said

GoalGurl: How’s your family tho?

Eggplant: We r gr8

GoalGurl: His family by blood

Captain Sunshine: Everyone’s doing fine!

Dumbass: WE MISS U COME BACK SPON

Eggplant: *spoon

Dumbass: Fuck u

French Dick: Fuck *You Connor

Dumbass: SHUDDUP FRENCH DAD

GoalGurl: So,,, Jean punched Hendrickson

Captain Sunshine: ???????????????

uselesslesbian: gahd ma heart cant take that sweet worry of our beloved cap for his grump

Merlin: Nice

French Dick: He should’ve known being quarterback doesn’t give him the right to harass our freshmen. Especially when he’s a racist asshole that thinks football is “the best sport”

uselesslesbian: fuq im so proud of you rn Moreau.

surferboi: She’s cryin

damndaniel: GAHD WHAT A NICE PERSON U ARE JEAN

French Dick: I will rip you apart, feed your guts to a stray dog and leave you in a dark alley to die painfully.

damndaniel: I got goose bumps.

Merlin: HE CARES ABOUT STRAY DOGS WHAT A SOFTIE

Dumbass: What a poET

Eggplant: Sign me the fuck up for a book filled with Jean Moreau quotes

uselesslesbian: “am I happy enough for you yet?”

Merlin: “Stop saying I’m cute, I’m a dangerous adult!”

damndaniel: ugh down memory lane we goooo

Dumbass: “Connor, if you eat this, you’re the dumbest person I know.” WELL I NEVER SAID IM SMART??

Captain Sunshine: “I didn’t know if you’re more of a cookie person or a cake person, so I bought both. Oh, and cupcakes.”

uselesslesbian: WHAT OH MAAAAAHHHH GGAAAAHHHDDD WHEN DID HE SAY THAT???

damndaniel: Jean Moreau? You mean a certified cutie?

French Dick: Why Jeremy.

Captain Sunshine: :)

Merlin: remember when Jean cut his finger on paper and Jeremy almost cried?

Dumbass: I CRI ED

surferboi: I CHOKED

Eggplant: petition to protect Jean Moreau from any harm possible

uselesslesbian: First on the list: USC TROJANS AHSFHALFhdA

French Dick: Don’t you have any control over your girlfriend, Laila?

GoalGurl: I do, but it’s not worth it to stop her right now bc SHe’s RIGHt

Merlin: GUYS DO YOU REMEMBER THE HOR

French Dick: McArthur. Shut.up.

surferboi: THE HORSE

damndaniel: THE H O R S E

French Dick: Screw you.

GoalGurl: come ooonnn

GoalGurl: That was so cute??

Captain Sunshine: I will never delete those pictures<3

Eggplant: YOU HAVETHE PICTURESSS???

French Dick: If you send them the pictures, I will divorce you.

Captain Sunshine: SORRy guYS BUT I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND VERY MUCH

Dumbass: Traitor.

Dumbass: I JUST BOUGHT BOTH SEASONS OF SONNY MUNROE

French Dick: What’s Sonny Munroe?

damndaniel: Yeah we r intellectuals. We only know Broody Moreau

Merlin changed French Dick‘s name to Broody Moreau

Broody Moreau: You didn’t.

Merlin: I did.

uselesslesbian: Im thriving on Moreau’s hate for our love

Broody Moreau: I don’t hate your love?

damndaniel: HE’S GETTING SOFT

Broody Moreau: Shut up I’m trying to formulate this nice

surferboi: damn

GoalGurl: He’s already typing for five minutes?

Captain Sunshine: He deletes most of it

Broody Moreau: Sometimes you are a bit… too much for me? I mean, I’m getting used to it, but still. You’re always so happy and you hug people and talk about problems and don’t try to be on the court every minute. I’m not like that, but I try

Dumbass: OMG THAT’S SO SWEEET I CAAANT

uselesslesbian: Best boy!

GoalGurl: You’re doing fine! We love you sooo much!

Captain Sunshine: He won’t answer any texts or calls for the next hours.

Eggplant: ABORT MISSION LEAVE THE BUILDING LEAVE THE LOVEBIRDS

surferboi: Nah they cuddlin

GoalGurl: Yep. Jere’s probably crying proud tears

uselesslesbian: Who took my pink tape??

Merlin: Connor

Eggplant: James

Dumbass: Blake

surferboi: All three of them ig?

damndaniel: They pranked the freshmen

GoalGurl: Don’t tell us more. If they find out you did it, we won’t be on your side

Merlin: THATS SO NOT FAIR YOU GUYS HAVE TO TAKE OUR SIDE

uselesslesbian: Why tho?

Merlin: Well damn idk

Dumbass: Good point

Eggplant: You are traitorous bitches

damndaniel: Hell ye we r

surferboi: Proud and out

uselesslesbian: GUYS GET THE CAMERA REAL QUICK AFHAKS

surferboi: I’M OMW WHAT HAPPENED???

Dumbass: DON’T CARE ITS CAPS WORTHY

uselesslesbian: JEAN’S WEARING THE ONESIE CAP BOUGHT HIM!!111!

Eggplant: NO???

GoalGurl: Yes!

damndaniel: oh ma gaaahhhdd

damndaniel: shit i sound like alvy

Merlin: French Dad is looking secsy

Eggplant: The koala onesie??

Dumbass: Damn

surferboi: HE CAN SO PULL IT OFF OML

GoalGurl: So cute!!

Broody Moreau: Are you seriously fanboying/fangirling right now?

damndaniel: duh

Broody Moreau: You guys are so useless.

uselesslesbian: No im a uselessLESBIAN

GoalGurl: He just sighed very loud and very annoyed

damndaniel: I’m proud to announce to you

damndaniel: My dearest,,,,

damndaniel: My best bitches,,,,,

Merlin: Spill it Daniboi

damndaniel: Thx, that’s a nice name

damndaniel: SO

damndaniel: Jean and I went out today with captain excellence Jeremy Knox and okay striker excellence Luke Miller and we SAW A HORSE

Eggplant: I just fell from my seat

GoalGurl: Where did you go?

surferboi: Okay striker excellence?

damndaniel: U r my best friend shuddup

surferboi: We saw a horse

damndaniel: thx

Merlin: WHATHSD

Broody Moreau: Why do you make such a fuss?

Eggplant: BC ITS YOUR SECOND HORSEEE

Dumbass: And alone the first one was hilarious

uselesslesbian: “It’s nice to meet you. Please don’t bite me.”

Broody Moreau: It had this look in its eyes??

Merlin: GAAHHDD

damndaniel: HE PATTED ITS HEAD AND IT NUZZLED HIS CHEEK AND JEREMY WAS BLUSHING SO HARD AND LUKE TOOK A PICTURE AND I WAS LYING ON THE GROUND CRYIN

Broody Moreau: You are exaggerating. You stood still and had this big dumbass smile on your face all of you have

Dumbass: Excuse you thats the Trojan’s spirit

damndaniel: So. That happened

Broody Moreau: And now we have practice

Broody Moreau: Of course. NOW you don’t reply.

Merlin: I’ll always reply to your texts French Dad!

Broody Moreau: Practice!

Merlin: rUDE

Merlin: And who said Moreau cant be sweet?

damndaniel: that would be HOES

surferboi: Luckily we r bitches

Dumbass: Damn straight we are

uselesslesbian: Sry not straight

Dumbass: WhERE ARE MY LESBIANsSSS

GoalGurl: I heard O’Brien wants ten more laps tomorrow. Jere?

Captain Sunshine: That’s great Connor!!

Dumbass: Fuq u

Merlin: BacK TO MOREAU feEDING CAP???

uselesslesbian: Im not crying you are

Eggplant: Im cryin. Yep

Broody Moreau: Don’t make it sound so amazing.

surferboi: Yesterday was LIT

damndaniel: For the sake of my undying bromance with you. Never say LIT.ever.again.

uselesslesbian: I still cant walk a straight lineee

Merlin: I still cant believe Coach let us turn up the music in the bus,, Loved that shit

Eggplant: And did u c Jean’s face when Connor and Alvy started to twerk??

surferboi: Silent Gay Judgement™

Dumbass: Aint that his default expression??

damndaniel: WHoooooppp

Broody Moreau: I’m going to block all of you.

GoalGurl: And Coach Rheman forbid you to ever touch the radio again

damndaniel: BUT S T I L L

damndaniel: I love the videos

uselesslesbian: SEND THEM TO MWEEE ASAP DANI

uselesslesbian: DANDAN

uselesslesbian: mY FAvoritE BOIII

damndaniel: Not impressed yet

uselesslesbian: MY DaMN DANIEL BOIIII

damndaniel: Well damn u got me there yeEt

surferboi: Welcome to the intervention. Today we’ll talk about Jean ranting the fuck outta coach

Broody Moreau: He asked me??

GoalGurl: He asked if anyone had something to say about the new line-up

Merlin: And u legit started ranting for half an hour bout our abilities, past games etc.

Dumbass: I dont understand ur brain dude

Dumbass: 2 much analyzing, 2 much exy. How do u pass ur exams?? Do you write complex exy stuff as answers??

Broody Moreau: I tried

Captain Sunshine: Jeeeaann :(

Broody Moreau: The professor didn’t like it.

uselesslesbian: tragic

Broody Moreau: And I was just answering Coach’s question. What’s wrong with that?

Eggplant: U criticized the hole team

Broody Moreau: *whole

Eggplant: DONT BE RUudE

Broody Moreau: I just did what I had to do!

Broody Moreau: And *rude

damndaniel: HE USED AN EXCLAMATION MARK WE’RE DOOMED

Captain Sunshine: Let’s think about what Jean said today and try to improve that tomorrow :)

Merlin: Cant,,,,resist,,,,,the,,,,,,smiley,,,,,,,,

Broody Moreau: I cant believe we’re friends.

uselesslesbian: SO WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS?? THATS SO CUTE JJ :)

damndaniel: DyING HELp

damndaniel: HE WROTE cant !!!!!!!

Dumbass: Welcome to the Trojan side of this world!!!!

GoalGurl: <3

Captain Sunshine: <3 <3

surferboi: He grew up so fast :’)

Merlin: MA DAADS THE BESSST

Broody Moreau: And you ask me why I think you are annoying.

Broody Moreau: <3

uselesslesbian: GAAAHHHDD WHAT A SOFTIEEE