Chapter Text
On Half-Blood Hill, Will hugged me and I buried my face in his shoulder, promising myself I wouldn’t cry.
“I’ll miss you every day I’m gone, Death Breath.” He was trying to sound lighthearted but I could hear the tears he was holding back.
“I swear to all the gods if you die I’m going to march down into the Underworld and drag you back up here by the ear, Will Solace.” I tried to sound threatening but knew I was failing miserably.
“I won’t, don’t worry Neeks.”
Will’s breath hitched in his throat as I grabbed him and kissed him one last time before he left on his quest with Cecil and an Ares girl.
“Get out of here.” I gave him a little shove and blinked hard.
“Yes, sir.” Will mock saluted and started down the hill. Then he looked over his shoulder and called, “Oh, and by the way- marry me?” in the most nonchalant voice I’ve ever heard. He could have been asking the weather.
“Yeah, yeah, sure.” I answered absentmindedly, too distracted worrying about him, before I realized what he had asked. “Wait- wait, what ? William Solace, you get your fucking ass back here so I can kill you!”
Will whooped as he ran down the hill, stumbling and laughing and screaming, “He said yes! He said yes! Did you hear, he said yes!” At the bottom of the hill, he pitched something small and black at me.
I caught it and opened it, grumbling. Inside was a silver skull diamond ring. Our initials were carved on the inside of the band. As shocked and pissed as I was, it made me smile and I slipped it on.
Jason and Percy were losing their shit in the background as I watched Will leave. He better get back here alive, I thought. He better get back alive so I can kill him and then marry him.
“They’re back! They’re back!” a camper shrieked from outside.
I leapt out of my bed. Back? As in- back ? Good gods, they were back… I could have cried with relief. Instead, I straightened out my ring, which I’d been wearing every day since Will left, and ran to the hill.
Upon getting there, I saw Cecil Markowitz first.
“Hey, Markowitz!” I clapped him on the back in my frenzy. I knew I couldn’t keep a smile off my face so I probably looked slightly deranged. “Where is he?”
Cecil’s face contorted slightly.
“Nico… for one of our trials, we met Aphrodite. And she, well, in order to finish the quest, we needed something from her and she required a sacrifice. Not a human sacrifice!” he added quickly. “She had to erase the memory of the thing one of us loved most. And Will…”
“Yeah, big deal! So Will won’t remember his infirmary, now where is he?” I swallowed down my what ifs and pushed past Cecil to find Will. He wouldn’t forget me, there had to be things he loved more.
I found him hugging his siblings down by the lake. My walk turned into a full-on sprint as I rushed towards him.
“Will! Will!” I called. His gaze snapped to mine as I threw myself at him, hugging him with all my strength.
He tensed and my mind short-circuited. This couldn’t be happening… He slowly pushed me off him and studied me. “Sorry, but- who are you, exactly?”
This isn’t happening, this isn’t happening…
I felt a lump rise in my throat. “Will, it’s me… you remember me, don’t you?”
“I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in my life. Who are you?” Will sounded tired and exhilarated. A wound on his cheek was scabbing over and his blond hair was muddy and tousled but his eyes were as bright as ever.
“Will, it’s Nico. He-” Austin started, but Will cut him off.
“I don’t know any Nicos.” He was starting to sound slightly irritated.
I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and if hearts could shatter, mine would be dust right now. I shook my head and forced the tears down.
“Will… it’s me. You can’t… you’re back- I’m right here… ” I grabbed his arms and shook him slightly. The ring on my finger felt a thousand times heavier. “It’s ME! ”
He tore himself out of my frantic grasp and backtracked, holding out his hands defensively. “S-stay back! What are you talking about? I don’t know you- I’m sorry, but I just don’t!"
Voices were echoing in my ears and everything was going in and out of focus. He doesn’t know you… he doesn’t remember you at all…
The Ares girl who had gone on the quest put her hand on Will’s arm and looked at me pityingly.
“Nico, right? He used to talk about you all the time, about how he couldn’t wait to come back to you. He missed you so much.”
Tears were dripping off my cheeks and sounds were forcing their way out of my mouth.
“It’s ME! Will, why don’t you remember? It’s me! Please… please, Will, please… ”
His annoyance turned to a lost, horrified look that confirmed everything. He didn’t know, he didn’t remember.
I was nobody to him.
I spun on my heel and ran back to the common. I slammed the cabin door behind me and curled up on my bed. I could feel the shadows rolling off me in waves. My mind was occupied by Will, Will, Will.
Will singing horribly off-tune healing hymns to me in the infirmary.
Will throwing that black box at me with that hysterical grin on his face.
Will kissing me every day no matter what.
Will’s sleepy ‘I love you’s.
Will braiding my hair on dates in New Rome.
Will sneezing like a freaking elephant.
Will being there, without fail, every time I had nightmares about Tartarus.
Will nearly burning down the Big House in a semi-successful attempt to make cookies for me.
Will helping me redecorate the Hades cabin.
Will laughing about how over the span of six years he made me love him.
Will and I planning our wedding over Iris message…
Until one day he didn’t call or answer anymore.
I raised my head through a haze of thick tears and broke down sobbing. The cabin door squeaked and I looked up, not even bothering to hide my crying.
It was Annabeth. She shut the door behind her and drew the curtains shut. She walked over and sat down on my bed. Without a word, she passed me a box of tissues and put an arm around my shoulder.
“You heard?” I asked, sniffling.
“I heard. How’re you doing?”
“Fine.”
Annabeth paused and looked at me, tilting her head. She brushed the hair out of my eyes and pulled me closer. “Really?”
“I’m okay.”
Annabeth sighed. “Or maybe you’re not and it’s okay not to be okay.”
I was silent for a moment. “I’m not okay.”
“And that’s okay. It’s okay to cry, crying cleanses you. And for what it’s worth, I can help you. You’re not the only one with a boyfriend who lost his memories, y’know.”
“But that’s different, Annabeth!” My voice was catching and tears were running down my face again. “Percy remembered you! Will doesn’t- he doesn’t- I’m nothing to him anymore!” I burst out sobbing again.
Annabeth was there with open arms the whole time. But it wasn't the same, I kept thinking. It just wasn't fair.
When I was done, Annabeth asked me if I had anything I wanted to get off my chest, anything at all, or anything I just wanted to say, for the slight chance she might have an answer.
“I don’t want to be happy anymore. I’m done trying, Annabeth, because when I do become happy, something bad always happens.” I finally said after a moment as she passed me a tissue to wipe my nose.
“Nico… you’re not afraid to be happy. You’re afraid of being sad again.” she answered. “And you keep yourself away from happiness because of the belief that it will plunge you into depression again. There’s a difference, and I should know…”
Her words just bubbled up frustration inside of me. I walked over to my dresser, where I had photos propped up, and picked up the one of Will. With a gutteral outburst of anger, I tore it into shreds and sat down amongst the pieces, head in hands.
“I… I’m sorry.” was all she said. “I know that our situations aren’t the same, Nico, and they never will be. But the spell was targeted to erase the one thing he loved most, and he loved you the most. He had no control, Nico.”
“He did! If he even loved me a little he would have fought it, like Percy did for you.” I whispered, voice shaking like an autumn leaf.
“Nico, you know that’s not true.” Annabeth sighed, putting an arm around my shoulders.
The ring on my finger was like lead, weighing my hand down with its burden. I slipped it off and was going to drop it onto the floor for a skeleton to take away when I hesitated. I couldn’t, I couldn’t, the last piece of Will I had left, I couldn’t throw it away. Instead I dropped it into my pocket and shrugged off Annabeth’s arm.
“Thank you… for your time. But I- I need to go. You know, for a walk.”
“Will you be coming back?” Annabeth’s sharp gray eyes searched mine and for a flitting moment I could understand how Percy fell in love with her over me. It was her very nature.
“I… I don’t know, Annabeth. Promise me you won’t say anything… please?”
She ran a hand through her blonde curls. “If that’s what you really want, then okay.”
“Thank you.” I turned to leave.
“Nico?” I turned around, door knob gripped in my fist. “Stay safe, alright?”
I didn’t answer. I just left.
And on my way out, who would I run into but Will fucking Solace, who even was he to me anymore?
He winced as if he expected me to attack him, then straightened. “Look, I really don’t know you but I’m obviously someone who’s important to you. Everyone keeps trying to tell me-”
“Listen.” The harshness of my own voice surprised me. “You and I- we hate each other. I was thinking we could start over when you didn’t seem to remember me, but I guess not. Just- nothing ever happened. We hate each other.”
He put a hand on his temples, squeezing as if his head hurt. “For some reason I’m getting the feeling we never hated each other…”
“We hated each other.” I said coldly. And god, my heart was breaking, it was shattered like glass on the floor, it was dust. “We hated each other then and we do now.”
I turned tail and melted into a shadow.
And the dust was gone, dissipated, carried away by the wind. Where was my heart? Where had it gone?
I don’t think I had one anymore.