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Chapter Text

From the moment she meets her, Lexa dislikes Raven Reyes.

The first time she sees her Lexa is waiting in line to get coffee before her next class. The line is moving impossibly slow and Lexa checks her watch repeatedly, worried she’s going to be late. She wonders what’s taking so long, normally the line goes much faster. She cranes her neck to look around the line and that’s when she sees her. A girl with tan skin, brown eyes and wild, chestnut colored hair. She’s wearing a red bomber jacket and flirting with one of the baristas. They’re both just standing there smiling and staring at each other as they talk, and Lexa couldn’t be more annoyed. Is she seriously going to miss her daily caffeine intake because some girl is trying to get into the barista’s pants?

Thankfully, one of the baristas seems to be doing her job, and Lexa sympathizes with the look of irritation that crosses her face as she glares at her coworker. She finally gets to the front of the line with fifteen minutes to spare before her next class. She orders her usual—an unsweetened Americano Misto with almond milk—and the barista smiles and gets to work.

Lexa tries to ignore the pair that have been holding up the line in an attempt to keep her cool, but she can’t help but hear them flirting. They’re not exactly being quiet or discrete. The brunette is trying to get the barista’s phone number, but the barista is playing hard to get and really, Lexa’s irritation just continues to grow.

She doesn’t even realize she’s been staring until the brunette turns and catches her, giving her a once over and a wink. Lexa blushes and quickly looks away, completely mortified at having been caught and flustered by the way the brunette was checking her out. She feels her palms start to sweat and is relieved when her coffee is ready so she can grab it and leave. She makes sure to leave a large tip and gives the brunette and flirting barista a scowl before she walks away.

The second time she sees Raven Reyes, the feeling of dislike only increases.

She’s sitting in her Research Methods class later that day. It’s a required class for her Political Science degree, and she’s paying close attention as the professor reviews the syllabus. The class is bigger than Lexa had anticipated, the room almost at maximum capacity with only a few seats remaining in the first and second row.

Lexa is sitting in the front row.

She knows she’s in the minority. That most students prefer to avoid the first and second rows in a college classroom, but Lexa enjoys them because she’s an overachiever who wants to make a good first impression on her professors and it helps her pay attention. She’s read in numerous peer reviewed articles that developing positive relationships with professors is a key component of academic success in college, and since Lexa is trying to get into law school she figures the more networking and academic success she can achieve the better.

She’s following along with the professor’s PowerPoint as the whole class goes over the syllabus.

Lexa is taking notes and asking questions at appropriate times, when suddenly the class is interrupted by the loud sound of the classroom’s heavy metal door wooshing opening and slamming shut. The professor stops speaking and the whole class turns to look at the intruder and Lexa feels immediately annoyed. It’s the chestnut haired girl from the coffee stand. She strolls into the room all cool, casual, and nonplussed. Her too cool for school attitude combined with her bomber jacket, aviator sunglasses perched on the end of her nose, and obnoxious gum chewing really irritate Lexa.

Class has already been in session for nearly twenty minutes, which means that the girl has already missed a third of the class. On top of that, she doesn’t seem to have any of the required class materials with her, which really irks Lexa. It’s one thing to be late for a class, but to be late and unprepared is like the ultimate academic sin and a clear mark of an entitled student who doesn’t care. Lexa got into Stanford by working her ass off to get good grades and scholarships. She didn’t have any alumni family members helping her get in. Clearly this girl must be one of those spoiled rich kids who’s parents are paying for college, or someone with special connections who doesn’t take her academic career seriously.

It’s one of Lexa’s biggest pet peeves.

The girl saunters into the classroom, scanning the room, although Lexa can’t really tell at first due to the tint of her sunglasses. She lowers her sunglasses and her eyes lock with Lexa’s and Lexa squirms uncomfortably in her seat as the girl wiggles her eyebrows before giving her a cocky smirk. Lexa quickly looks away, feeling her cheeks flush as she intently studies her syllabus.

“It’s nice of you to finally join us Miss?”

“The name’s Reyes. Raven Reyes.” She says, like she’s fucking James Bond, and again, Lexa has to stop herself from rolling her eyes at the girl’s antics.

“Well, Miss Reyes, it seems like you are quite late considering class started twenty minutes ago.”

“Yeah, sorry about that doc, I kind of got caught up in something important that I needed to finish.” She says smugly, clearing her throat, before turning to look Lexa in the eyes and wink. Lexa finds herself blushing again and looks away, feeling irritated by how easily Raven seems to be able to fluster her.

“Well Miss Reyes, if you would be so kind as to find a seat so I can continue going over the syllabus.”

Raven doesn’t respond at first, just keeps her eyes locked with the professor while chomping loudly on her gum, and Lexa nearly jumps when she pops a loud bubble that seems to echo throughout the whole classroom. She hears a few snickers in the back of the class. No doubt some slackers who are impressed by the gall Raven has to be so inappropriate—clearly lacking any type of respect in the face of authority, as well as social etiquette and decorum.

“No problem doc.” Raven drawls out, and honestly Lexa can’t believe her nerve!

The professor is clearly annoyed too, though Lexa thinks she is doing a pretty good job of keeping her cool considering the circumstances. She turns back to the board, continuing where she left off, as Raven saunters her way across the room at a leisurely pace and unceremoniously plops herself down in the seat beside Lexa. Raven immediately pulls out her phone and starts typing away, and Lexa takes a deep breath and tries to exhale her irritation so she can focus on the class.

Despite her best efforts, Lexa can’t help the way her eyes keep trailing back over to Raven. Raven is distracting—chewing her gum loudly and letting out little noises as she scans and types out messages on her phone. And really, if the girl was better behaved, Lexa might actually think she was kind of pretty.

Raven lifts her head up from her phone and catches Lexa staring. Lexa is again mortified at being caught and she quickly turns away to focus her attention back up front. She can feel Raven continuing to stare at her and tries not to blush.

“Hey there, nice to see you again.” She hears Raven’s smug voice, and tries her best to ignore it, writing something down on her syllabus. “Oh, so you’re just gonna ignore me then? Okay. Whatever. Your loss.” She says and goes back to typing on her phone.

Once the PowerPoint is done and the professor has answered everyone’s questions, they move on to a class activity. Lexa hates class activities. Especially on the first day and especially when they’re the icebreaker type. She’s not here to make friends, she’s here to get a degree. But alas, the professor forces the class to participate in a get to know you type of interview with one of their peers, putting a list of questions on the board for them to ask one another.

Lexa turns to her left but the person beside her is already paired off with someone else, as is the person sitting behind her. Everyone else around her seems to have paired off with someone, and much to Lexa’s dismay that leaves Raven as her only option. If Lexa wasn’t such a rule follower and over achiever she would seriously consider skipping the activity altogether, but unfortunately for her she is.

So Lexa takes a deep breath, trying to calm her irritation and low-key hatred for the girl before turning to look at her. Raven is still looking at her phone, her sunglasses now tucked in the the front of her shirt and she’s laughing at something, completely unaware of the task at hand. Lexa clears her throat, trying to get her attention, but Raven is too wrapped up in her phone to notice. She rolls her eyes, feeling her irritation building again, taking a deep breath before making a second attempt.

“Excuse me, would you like to partner up?” Lexa asks, congratulating herself for managing to sound so nonchalant. It seems to get Raven’s attention though because she puts her phone down on the desk before turning to look at her.

“Oh, so now you want to talk to me?” She snarks, giving Lexa yet another cocky grin. Lexa just narrows her eyes.

“Want is a strong word. More like, I have no other choice. Everyone else is already partnered up.” She grits out and Raven just rolls her eyes.

“Oh please, I am an awesome partner and you are lucky to have me.” She retorts and Lexa just sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Can we please just get this over with?”

“Oh trust me, once you get to know me, you’ll never get over me.” Raven smirks.

Lexa swallows down her biting remarks feeling the tension building in her body. By some miracle Raven seems to realize that she’s pushed Lexa too far and eases up. And Lexa is grateful for small miracles.

The interview ends up being frustratingly annoying. Lexa has to hold back her wrath, and finds herself flustered more than a few times since Raven seems to be intent on making her blush. They find out each other’s majors during the interview, as well as where they’re originally from. Lexa thinks they couldn’t be more different. Raven is from LA and Lexa is from New York. Raven is studying engineering and Lexa is double majoring in political science and psychology. Raven is an underachiever but a self proclaimed genius and academics come easy to her, something Lexa still has doubts about. Lexa on the other hand is smart and an over achiever, but has to work really hard to achieve success.

One thing they do seem to have in common is that they both love NASA and outer space.

Supposedly Raven is studying engineering because she wants to get into Caltech’s graduate engineering program so she can work for NASA one day. Which again, Lexa is somewhat skeptical of. Especially with Raven’s seeming lack of discipline, preparedness, and punctuality. She doesn’t even bother to question it, not wanting to deal with the annoying conversations she knows it will no doubt lead to.

Lexa talks about how she’s planning on going to law school because she wants to help people. Citing her desire to help kids, sharing a story about a friend in high school who had an abusive father and how the legal system failed them. It’s part of what motivated Lexa to go to school to become a lawyer. Raven gets uncharacteristically quiet, a far off look in her eyes. Lexa frowns, unsure of what to do.

“Raven?” She asks quietly, not wanting to startle her.

“What? Oh, right sorry. That’s cool you want to do that. You know, help people. Not a lot of people out there like that.”

And something about Raven’s words combined with the look in her eyes gives Lexa a pang in her chest, makes her wonder if she was wrong in her original assessment. Of course the moment of concern is quickly over when Raven makes an inappropriate sexual comment about lawyers to her, and Lexa rolls her eyes.

Eventually the interview ends and the professor tells them that the person they interviewed is the person they will be paired up with for the semester-long research project they’ll be conducting. Lexa is practically seeing red, trying not to hyperventilate. Raven looks far too pleased and Lexa literally has to clench her fists at her side so she doesn’t accidentally punch the cocky grin right off her face.

“Looks like you’re stuck with me after all.” Raven says smugly wiggling her eyebrows, and Lexa just sighs.

How did she get so unlucky?

Raven asks for her phone number, and Lexa knows she’s being irrational but she refuses to give it to her, not trusting that Raven won’t send her annoying messages or inappropriate texts. So she compromises and gives Raven her email addresses instead. Raven gives Lexa her phone number despite Lexa’s unwillingness to do the same. “You know, just incase you change your mind or something.” Which Lexa most definitely will not, but she pockets the number anyway, knowing that if they’re working together all semester, it might come in handy at some point.

As soon as she leaves the classroom, Lexa rushes over to the student activities board, searching for a yoga class she knows she’ll need to sign up for if she has any hope of surviving the semester with her sanity intact.

At the end of the day, Lexa is cleaning out her pockets before changing into her pajamas and finds Raven’s number. She begrudgingly puts the number in her phone before she loses it. Lexa texts Raven to give her, her phone number, convincing herself that she’s overreacting, and that she needs to be professional considering Raven is going to be her partner for the semester, and that contacting each other by cell will be the most efficient method of communication.

Raven texts her a flirty comment back that she doesn’t respond to, and Lexa is already regretting her decision.

Chapter Text

They decide on a topic for their group project.

Since they’re both so obsessed with NASA and outer space, Lexa and Raven decide to do their research project on star visibility and light pollution. Their plan is to drive to different locations outside of the city, gathering data by using a sky quality meter to measure sky glow. The purpose being to find the effect of light pollution on star visibility. It’s fairly simple, and is likely to have obvious results, but the purpose of their project is to create a valid research study, not make a new discovery, so they both agree to it.

They start up a texting relationship which mostly consists of Raven texting Lexa cheesy pick up lines and asking her to save her a seat in class, for which she is repeatedly late. Lexa begrudgingly agrees to do so, since they’re often required to work together in class. Raven tries to make up for it by bringing Lexa coffee and compliments, and for the most part it works. But Lexa makes it quite clear that she’s not interested in Raven’s advances, ignoring her inappropriate texts and comments, but it only seems to make Raven want her more.

It’s almost like Raven becomes low-key obsessed with her. She’s always trying to flirt with Lexa and tell her how hot she is. Lexa would be lying if she said she didn’t find it to be somewhat of an ego boost, though she would never admit that to Raven out loud. She’s never had someone be so blatant and bold with their interest in her, and most of the time when Raven lavishes her with attention, Lexa is shy and gets easily flustered and embarrassed.

Raven seems to love it.

Although Raven is persistent in her pursuit, she’s pretty much harmless. Always knowing when to back off or when she’s pushed Lexa too far. After awhile Lexa starts to get used to their interactions, throwing back some of her own blunt and sarcastic remarks. She’ll never admit it, but despite how distant and annoyed she acts, she secretly starts to like the way Raven flirts with her and looks at her.

Raven must sense the change, because she becomes more serious and persistent. Talking about how she plans on “wooing” Lexa, and Lexa just rolls her eyes and pretends not to care, but secretly can’t wait.

****

They see each other around campus a few times at the cafeteria, library, and coffee shops. Lexa tries to keep her distance. Sometimes even going so far as to pretend she doesn’t even notice Raven is there. For the most part, Raven respects that distance outside of class and leaves Lexa alone.

That all changes one night when Lexa finally allows one of her dorm mates to convince her to go to a frat party. From the moment she walks in, Lexa knows it’s a mistake. The girl from her dorm immediately disappears, leaving Lexa alone to fend for herself.

Lexa makes her way over to what looks like a makeshift bar, opening a new package of red solo cups and mixing herself a drink. Making sure to only use a fresh can of soda and a sealed bottle of liquor. She’s seen enough d-list horror movies to know better than to trust the mixture of jungle juice no doubt whipped up earlier that night. Who knows what’s been slipped in there by now. She’s leaning against the counter by the bar, minding her own business when she feels someone tap her on the shoulder.

She turns around, getting ready to tell off whoever it is and—

It’s Raven. And she looks...good, if Lexa’s being honest. She’s wearing a pair of converse with black, ripped jeans, and a white v-neck tee under a button up denim shirt that she’s left open. Her hair is still wild and tousled, thrown mostly over one shoulder. She gives Lexa a once a over, before meeting her eyes with a sly grin, and Lexa tries not to blush under the intensity of her gaze.

“Not that you don’t normally, but you look really hot tonight.” Raven says before offering to make Lexa a drink.

Lexa refuses, holding up the one she already has. “Nah, I’m good.”

“Pity,” Raven says. “Well, next one’s on me.” She moves around Lexa to mix her own drink. Careful to inspect the cups and drinks, much like Lexa did, and Lexa slides Raven the bottle of Jameson she used earlier, knowing it’s safe.

“Whisky?” Raven asks, giving Lexa a questioning look, and Lexa just shrugs as Raven pours some into her cup. Once her drink is mixed, she sidles up next to Lexa, leaning against the counter so they’re standing face-to-face.

“I’m surprised to see you here. You don’t really strike me as the party going type. At least not the frat house variety.”

“I’m not, usually. One of my dorm mates dragged me here and mysteriously disappeared. I think she only used me to get in because I’m twenty-one. I should have stayed home.”

“Oh, come on now, Lexa. Don’t be such a buzz kill. The night is still young. Who knows what kind of fun you could have.” She says, wiggling her eyebrows and giving Lexa a cocky grin. And really, it’s not fair how uncreepy Raven looks when she does that. It’s actually borderline charming.

“Well, I’m sure it’s not the kind of fun you’re thinking.” Lexa says, taking a large swig of her drink, and oh god, she really just said that out loud.

“Really?” Raven says, giving her a knowing look. “And what kind of fun is that?” The words are suggestive and Lexa hates the way her heart starts to race when Raven’s eyes flicker down to her lips.

“I don’t know. Something obscene and wildly inappropriate.” Lexa sputters out, before finishing off her drink.

Raven just smirks. “Need a refill?” She asks, nodding her head toward Lexa’s now empty cup.

Lexa shakes her head, moving to mix herself another drink, before shifting back to meet Raven’s gaze.

“Are you just trying to get me drunk so you can get into my pants?” Lexa asks. She knows it’s blunt, but she’s tired of Raven playing games with her and she’d rather just be direct.

Raven snorts, coughing from inhaling some of her drink. “What? Of course not!” She scoffs, when she finally catches her breath. “I may be cocky and shameless when it comes to flirting and going after someone I like, but I’m not a total creep.”

“Could have fooled me.” Lexa shoots back and Raven scoffs again. “Also, I’m perfectly capable of making my own damn drink, thank you very much.” Lexa adds, taking a sip of her drink for effect.

“I’m sure you’re capable of a lot of things.” Raven replies, her voice low and her eyes never leaving Lexa’s.

Lexa can’t help but blush at the heat behind Raven’s words and the barely contained desire she sees swirling in her warm brown eyes. And yeah, Lexa is definitely not drunk enough for this conversation.

“So,” Lexa says, clearing her throat a little awkwardly after taking a few more sips of her drink. “Whatever happened with that barista?”

Raven looks confused at first before a look of recognition crosses her face. “What? You mean Melissa? From the coffee stand?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Lexa just shrugs, trying to look disinterested. Hating how much she’s dying to know the answer. Not really sure why.

“Oh, that was nothing. Just having a little fun. She’s not really my type if you know what I mean.” Raven says giving Lexa a brazen look.

Lexa doesn’t know why but suddenly her cheeks flush, her palms are sweaty and her heart skips a beat. She gulps down the rest of her drink, and really Lexa needs to pull herself together, because there’s absolutely no way she should be feeling this way about someone like Raven Reyes.

“Really?” Lexa swallows nervously. “And what is your type?” Her words come out strained and almost husky and Lexa wants to take them back and smack herself in the face for being so easily affected.

Raven takes a step closer into Lexa’s personal space and she’s so close that Lexa can smell the whisky on her breath and feel it’s warmth as it brushes over her lips. “I think you know by now.”

Lexa gulps and tries to ignore the way her pulse starts racing and the tingling feeling between her thighs, and god, the two drinks she had must have been stronger than she realized because it’s the only logical explanation for what she does next.

“Do I?” She asks coyly before licking her dry lips. Regretting it as Raven’s eyes dart down to her mouth before flitting back up to meet her gaze, a dark and hungry look in her eyes.

“Yeah, you do.” Raven breathes out, a challenging edge to her voice.

They’re somehow standing even closer now and Lexa honestly thinks Raven is about to kiss her, when she’s jolted from the moment by a large, muscular arm wrapping around her shoulder and pulling her away.

Her whole body tenses as she tries to pull away and realizes with mild relief that it’s Brett. One of the star quarterbacks from their football team. He’s in her philosophy class, and they’re on polite speaking terms. She’s not close enough with Brett for him to be casually touching her like this, but at least he’s not a complete stranger.

Lexa tries to be polite and move away, but Brett just tightens his hold.

“Hey babe, don’t I know you from somewhere?” He slurs loudly in her ear. He’s clearly drunk and Lexa tries to pull away but Brett’s hold is too strong.

“Yeah, Lexa Woods. From your philosophy class?” She’s finally able to escape and holds out her hand as a more formal greeting. Brett looks at her hand momentarily confused.

“Oh right, yeah.” He says, reaching out to shake her hand. “You’re the hottie from the front row who asks all those questions.” He grins, tightening his grip on her hand.

Brett continues to hold her hand longer than is appropriate before pulling her closer into him. Lexa is caught off guard and winces as she stumbles forward, thrown off balance by the sudden shift. The whole thing makes Lexa feel uncomfortable.

“Okay well it was nice to officially meet you Brett, but I have to get back to my friend.”

“What? Who? I didn’t see you come in with anyone. It seemed like you were here alone.”

This only makes Lexa feel more uncomfortable to know that Brett has apparently been watching her.

“Um, well, I was just...” Lexa trails off, trying but failing to come up with a good excuse to get out of this situation as quickly as possible. She feels a slim hand loop through her free arm and breathes out a sigh of relief.

Raven.

“She’s here with me. I invited her.” Raven says firmly. Lexa glances over at her giving her a grateful look and Raven gives her a small nod in return.

“Raven? Lexa’s here with you?” Brett asks skeptically. And something about the look in his eyes, and the way that his grip on Lexa’s hand tightens, only increases her discomfort.

“Yeah, Brett. Do you have a problem with that?” Raven retorts, swinging her arm around Lexa’s shoulders and leveling him with a harsh glare. Brett scowls and opens his mouth to respond, but before he can do so Raven cuts him off. “Oh, and while I’ve got your attention, why don’t you get your hands off of her. You’re clearly making Lexa uncomfortable, incase her multiple attempts to pull away from you haven’t made it obvious.”

Brett gives Lexa’s hand one last hard squeeze before abruptly letting go. It throws her off balance again, but thankfully Raven is right there to steady her with an arm around her waist. Brett just glares at them with a look of disgust.

“Whatever, I have better things to do with my time anyway.” He spits out at Raven angrily, before shifting his gaze to Lexa. “Nice to see you Lexa,” he says giving her a sickeningly sweet grin. “Maybe we can hang out together sometime. I’ll see you in class.”

Lexa doesn’t really know how to respond, just gives him a stiff nod. “Bye, Brett. See you.”

“Oh, you definitely will.” He replies, a slightly predatory look in his eyes and Lexa feels Raven’s body tense beside her.

“Beat it pal!” Raven practically growls out, tightening her arm around Lexa possessively, and Lexa feels a spike of anger in her chest.

Brett just grumbles before turning and walking away, and Lexa spins around angrily to face her.

“Was that really necessary?” Lexa seethes, and Raven looks confused.

“Are you serious right now? Shouldn’t you be thanking me for helping you get out of that situation?” She gives Lexa an incredulous look, completely thrown off by the sudden turn of events.

Lexa lets out an angry huff. “You didn’t have to step in like that. I was handling it just fine.”

“Oh yeah,” Raven scoffs, “It really looked like you had things handled there, what with the way Brett was grabbing you and disrespecting your boundaries. I was just trying to help you out, no need to be rude. Next time I see you in a situation like that I’ll just let you fend for yourself!”

She gives Lexa an angry look before turning to leave and Lexa panics, realizing how much of a jerk she’s been.

“Wait, Raven. I’m sorry!” Lexa says pleadingly, and Raven stops and turns back to her. “I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you like that. I know you were just trying to help. I’m just not used to people standing up for me. Normally I take care of myself.”

Raven’s expression softens and she nods, seeming to accept Lexa’s answer. “Hey, I get it. It’s fine. Tough, bad ass chick who can take care of herself and doesn’t need anyone’s help. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.” Raven tries to joke and lighten the mood.

“It’s not just that, it’s...” Lexa pauses, taking a deep breath, and Raven gives her a questioning look. “I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at Brett. And myself for coming across as the type of person guys like him feel comfortable being that way with.”

Raven’s eyes go wide in shock.

“Lexa,” she says earnestly, moving a hand to grip her arm. “What Brett did was on him. He’s the one at fault here not you.”

Lexa sighs. “I know, you’re right. It’s just, there must be some type of vibe I’m giving off that gives someone like him the idea that he could just do something like that to me and have it be okay.”

“That sounds a lot like victim blaming, Miss hot shot lawyer.” She says, giving Lexa a pointed look. “Total bullshit if you ask me.”

“That’s not what I mean!” Lexa huffs, having difficulty explaining herself. “I know it’s not my fault. But what is it about me that made Brett feel like it was okay to do that? I mean it’s not like he came up to you and did that, but for some reason he felt like it was okay to do it to me. Why?”

“Besides the fact that Brett’s a drunk douche and you’re insanely hot?” Raven says that last part while giving Lexa a once over, and it makes Lexa blush.

“Raven, I’m serious!” She says, swatting at Raven’s arm.

“So am I. I would never joke about your hotness, Lexa.” Raven says with the most serious look on her face, and Lexa rolls her eyes, grateful they’re back to this easy banter between them.

“Look, Lex,” Raven says, and Lexa tries to ignore the way her heart flutters at the nick name. “In all seriousness, I don’t know what makes assholes like Brett think they have the right to touch women’s bodies without permission. Especially when they’re clearly uncomfortable and trying to pull away. But if you’re wondering why Brett went for you and not me, it could have to do with the fact that he knows I’m gay. He’s tried things on me in the past, and found out the hard way that he’s definitely not my type.”

Lexa wants to ask more, but the look in Raven’s eyes tells her she won’t be getting any more information on that matter.

“Now,” Raven smiles, sidling back up to Lexa’s side, “Why don’t you let me make you that drink?”

“Not a chance.” Lexa smiles, bantering back, and Raven just lets out an exasperated sigh.

****

After they’ve both had more to drink, Lexa pokes fun at Raven for getting so protective.

“You know, I never really took you as the jealous type, Raven.” Which is a lie, because Raven is the epitome of a protective jealous person.

“Oh, please! Don’t flatter yourself, Lexa. I’d do the same for any of my friends.” Raven retorts.

“Oh, so we’re friends now?” Lexa teases back.

“Well, considering you’re refusing to be wooed, I guess that’s what I’ll have to settle for,” Raven sighs before lifting up her drink and looking Lexa in the eyes. “Friends?” She asks, somewhat hopefully.

The look in Raven’s eyes is genuine, and honestly after Raven stood up for her tonight Lexa can’t reject her. “Friends,” Lexa agrees, lifting up her cup and clinking it, before they both take a drink. “Don’t make me regret it.” She says, before thinking better of it.

“Oh, I definitely will.” Raven smirks.

Lexa just rolls her eyes and laughs.

“You know, this is actually kind of fun.” Raven smiles, taking another sip of her drink.

“Yeah, it is.” Lexa replies, giving Raven a small smile back.

Lexa has to admit she’s having a good time, and she really likes this funny, more nerdy side of Raven. Prefers it to her normally cocky self. So maybe that’s why Lexa agrees to it when Raven asks her to dance.

Raven is silly and chivalrous about it. Holding out her hand and giving a slight bow as she says, “May I have this dance, my lady?”

Lexa rolls her eyes and makes a comment about them not being at a gala but at a frat party, but she still takes Raven’s hand and lets her lead them through the crowd of people to the dance floor.

The dancing is pretty innocent at first.

They dance face to face, barely even touching. As the music plays on, they become more comfortable with each other, and start to get more touchy. It’s still pretty innocent, nothing beyond holding hands or brushing each other’s arms or holding onto each other’s shoulders, all while keeping a respectable distance between them. It’s all very middle school dance friendly. Eventually a slower song comes on and Lexa is about to leave the dance floor, but Raven insists they stay and dance.

They’re slow dancing.

They’re actually slow dancing. Raven pulls Lexa close, looping her arms around Lexa’s neck and closing the space between them until their hips and chests are practically flush. Raven’s body is warm and solid pressed against her own, and Lexa settles her hands around Raven’s waist, trying not to think too much about the fact that she can feel Raven’s toned muscles rippling beneath her fingertips as she moves.

Lexa’s mouth goes dry when Raven starts to grind against her.

She’s powerless to do anything other than give into the dance. It’s a slow, steady grind of thighs and hips, and they both lose themselves in the sway of the steady beat. Lexa can feel Raven’s hot humid breath against her neck, and the hypnotic way her hips move back and forth, swaying and stuttering when the beat shifts. The whole thing makes Lexa feel so incredibly hot and bothered, and she hopes Raven doesn’t notice the thin sheen of sweat covering her skin, or the way her breath hitches and her hips arch when Raven presses against her just right. And god, it’s been way too long since Lexa last had sex. It’s the only explanation for why her body is responding like this.

When the music switches back to something more upbeat, they go back to normal dancing with minimal touching and Lexa actually misses having Raven pressed so close to her. Despite Raven’s shameless flirting all night, she seems completely unaware of the effect she’s having on Lexa, and she’s back to being her normal, goofy self. Lexa tries to ignore the disappointment she feels, chalking it up to the effects of alcohol and the serious lack of sex she’s had over the past few years.

They’re still dancing and having fun when all of a sudden someone comes up behind Lexa, grabs her by the hips, and pulls her back so they can grind up against her, gripping her painfully tight. Lexa is so shocked and caught off guard that her whole body freezes, and she starts to panic when she sees Raven’s face shift to anger.

“Hey! Get your fucking hands off her!” Raven snarls, moving to Lexa and pulling her free.

Lexa’s heart is racing.

When she turns around, she sees that once again it’s Brett who’s grabbing her without permission and she shudders, feeling violated and disgusted. The only thing keeping her steady are Raven’s strong arms and shoulders as she shifts Lexa behind her, placing herself between Lexa and Brett. Lexa just leans against her for support, gripping the back of her shirt.

“Hey relax sweetheart, I’m just trying to have some fun with that sweet piece of ass. No need to get so worked up. What’s it to you?” Brett says mockingly.

Lexa can feel the anger and barely controlled rage as Raven’s body tenses and starts to shake.

“Don’t talk about her like that, you fucking asshole! And in case you didn’t get the message earlier, she’s not interested in your sorry ass! She has better things to do than deal with you trying to stick your micro dick where it doesn’t belong. So walk the fuck away!”

This seems to anger Brett and Lexa is honestly afraid a fight is going to break out when he clenches his jaw and fists, and steps forward into their space. Lexa never really realized until now how large and imposing Brett is. He towers over them menacingly and he’s close enough that Lexa can smell the nauseating scent of his expensive cologne mixed with the alcohol and tobacco on his breath. She’s terrified, but Raven doesn’t seem the least bit scared. In fact, she seems even more confident than before, puffing out her chest and squaring up to him.

“No one asked you, you fucking dyke!” He spits out so loudly that others around them start to stare.

Lexa finally snaps out of her shock at that and feels rage building in her chest. It’s one thing to be dealing with a handsy, entitled frat boy, but someone who is all of those things, plus an ignorant bigot is a different story altogether. If Lexa wasn’t so intimidated by his pure size, she’d want to punch him in the face. She has no idea how Raven remains so cool and collected when Brett is throwing insults at her.

“You need to walk away. Now.” Raven says in a calm but threatening voice.

But Brett doesn’t listen. He continues to spit out rude and demeaning comments to Raven. The anger and ignorance coming through his words and causing tension to build in the room. Lexa feels herself start to panic when Brett gets even closer into their space.

“Raven, come on. Let’s just go. He’s not worth it. You don’t need to prove anything.” Lexa pleads, trying to cut through the noise and tension in the room.

When that doesn’t work, she tries to pull Raven’s shirt and urge her to leave, but it’s like Raven doesn’t even hear her or notice her, and maybe she doesn’t. Lexa’s voice is shaky and the base heavy music is still blaring through the speakers and filling the room, making everything so much more chaotic and intense.

Eventually some of Brett’s friends take notice and try to get him to walk away, but Brett is drunk and almost a foot taller than them and won’t listen to reason.

“No, this disgusting bitch over here thinks she can tell me what to do!”

Raven remains calm under the onslaught of bigotry and disrespect, but when Brett turns his attention back to Lexa, it’s like something inside of Raven snaps.

“You think a carpet muncher like you can satisfy a sweet pussy like hers. No fucking way. Just you wait until I get my hands on her and she’ll know what it feels like to be fucked for real when I put my big cock inside of her. Isn’t that right, Lexa? You want to be fucked by me, don’t you baby?” He leers before making a disgusting motion with his tongue and grabbing his crotch.

And it’s like something inside of Raven snaps. Lexa swears she literally hears her growl as she steps into Brett’s space until they’re standing chest to chest. “I told you not to talk to her like that you disgusting piece of shit! Last chance to walk away.” She threatens, and that last part worries Lexa.

“Oh yeah, and what are you gonna do about it if I don’t you stupid bitch? Hmm? Hit me?” He taunts, snickering in her face.

“Yup.” Raven says with a jerky nod before shoving his chest and catching him in the face with a solid right hook that has his head snapping to the side as he stumbles back in shock.

When Brett pulls back his hand from his mouth and sees blood, the shock and surprise that cover his face quickly shift to anger and rage. He lunges forward into their space and oh god, Lexa is about to watch Raven get beat up by a guy twice her size!

Chapter Text

By some miracle, Brett’s friends manage to catch him in time and pull him back, but not before an elbow catches Raven in the eye and her head snaps back as she cries out in pain. Lexa feels herself start to panic at the action, and she quickly grabs Raven’s hand, and pulls hard until she’s turned around facing her so she can assess the damage. She takes in her swollen and bleeding eye, her furrowed brow and clenched jaw and the anger swirling in her darkening eyes, and for a moment it’s like Raven isn’t even there. It’s like she’s somewhere else completely, consumed by her anger and rage.

Lexa doesn’t know how to snap her out of it so she places a hand on Raven’s cheek, trying to get her to meet her gaze. “Raven?” She breathes out shakily and thankfully it seems to work.

“Lexa?” Raven says, panic in her voice and a lost look in her eyes. Lexa’s heart clenches in her chest. She wants to know how Raven got like this; the reason behind all of her protectiveness and rage. The reason behind that lost look in her eyes, but now is not the time or place.

“Raven please. You’re hurt. We have to go!” She pleads, and Raven’s eyes seem to soften even more at Lexa’s request and she nods.

“Okay, let’s get out of here.” She says, and Lexa takes that as her cue, pulling Raven by the hand and weaving them through the crowd. Raven just holds on tight.

“You’ll pay for this you fucking dyke! You hear me? You messed with the wrong person!”

Lexa can hear Brett screaming out threats behind them, but she doesn’t even turn around, she just keeps pulling Raven forward as they make their way through the crowd. She feels like it takes them forever, but they eventually make it through the large group of people and away from the dance floor. Lexa doesn’t even stop. She grabs a towel off the makeshift bar, and just keeps pulling Raven along until they make it outside and they’re both gasping in the cool night air.

Lexa is just trying to calm down and catch her breath and doesn’t even realize they’re still holding hands until she feels a slight tug and she comes face to face with concerned brown eyes.

“Hey, are you okay?” Raven asks, her brow furrowed in concern, her eyes serious and imploring. There’s a slight tremble in her voice, and Lexa just stares at her in disbelief. Watches as the gash above her right eye continues to bleed, handing her the towel so she can put pressure on the wound.

“Am I okay?” Lexa repeats and Raven nods, pressing the towel to her head and gently rubbing the back of Lexa’s hand with her thumb. The motion is both soothing and unsettling and Lexa can’t even begin to think about what that means.

“Are you serious right now? You’re hurt and bleeding, and almost got beat up by a football player more than twice your size and you’re asking me if I’m okay?” The words come out more harsh and accusing than Lexa means them to, but she can’t help it. She’s completely thrown off by tonight’s events and Raven’s line of questioning seems even more absurd.

“Yeah, Lexa. I want to know if you’re okay.” Raven says, her jaw clenched, her eyes compassionate and soft. And all Lexa can do is stare as Raven takes a step closer and reaches up a hand to tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear, before shifting to cup her cheek.

“What Brett did to you was so fucking wrong! He had no right to touch you like that or treat you like that. God he seriously is a fucking sick piece of shit! He was vulgar and demeaning and completely out of line, and it’s not okay. You have every right to be upset. No woman should ever be grabbed like that without her consent.”

Lexa feels her chest tighten with emotion. She doesn’t know how to respond, so she reaches up to pull Raven’s hand from her cheek, giving it a gentle squeeze before twining it with her own.

“Do you think we should call the police?” Lexa asks.

Raven balks at the idea, her whole body stiffening as she pulls back. “No, Lexa. That will only make things worse.”

“What? How?” Lexa asks surprised, completely confused by Raven’s response.

“In case you didn’t notice, I was the one who punched Brett. You really think the cops aren’t going to side with the rich, white football player?”

“Raven, please.” Lexa says, feeling panic start to build in her chest. “You’re hurt and bleeding and Brett threatened you as we were leaving. How can you be sure he doesn’t mean it? I understand your concerns but I really don’t think the police will be able to charge you with anything considering the fact that there are dozens of witness who saw Brett harassing us and getting in our space. Not to mention the very specific threats he was yelling at you. God, what if he really means them Raven? What if he tries to hurt you? Or worse! Shouldn’t we call the police just to be safe?” Lexa can’t help the way the words come tumbling out. She’s shaken from the night’s events and unable to contain the feelings of fear and desperation that have been building in her chest. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves.

“Lexa, hey. It’s okay.” Raven tries to soothe, stepping into Lexa’s space and tracing the back of her hand with her thumb. “Hey, will you look at me?” Raven asks softly, and when Lexa opens her eyes her heart flutters at the genuine look of concern and care Raven is giving her. “I know that tonight felt scary and intense but everyone here is so drunk that by tomorrow the whole thing will be forgotten. There’s no need to make a bigger deal out of this than it is. Brett acted like a douche, I punched him, and before he could beat me up his friends stopped him and I was accidentally injured in the process. It could have turned out a lot worse.”

The words do nothing to soothe Lexa’s fears, but it’s hard to argue with Raven when she’s bleeding and looking at her with so much softness and concern.

“What about the hospital? Shouldn’t we at least get you checked out? You might have a concussion or need stitches.”

“No!” Raven practically shouts, her whole body tensing at the suggestion, and Lexa is once again confused by Raven’s response. That lost look from earlier is back on her face, and Lexa feels her heart sink and a newfound sense of urgency to understand the reason behind it.

“What’s wrong?” Lexa asks quietly, reaching up to take the towel from Raven so she can help take over. Their fingers brush in the exchange, and it seems to break Raven out of whatever trance she was in.

“What? Oh, it’s nothing. I’m fine.” She says, her words stilted and unconvincing.

“You’re not fine, Raven. You’re bleeding. Head wounds can be serious. Don’t you want to get checked out and make sure you’re okay?” Lexa tries not to sound too panicky but it’s hard.

There’s a soft flicker of appreciation in Raven’s eyes, but then she blinks once, twice and it’s quickly replaced by the confident veneer she so easily puts on. “It’s nothing a few bandaids won’t fix. Trust me Lexa, I’ve been through a lot worse.”

And something about the way Raven just so casually shrugs and says that last statement makes Lexa’s stomach feel sick. She wants to know more, but Raven’s guard is up, and she knows they don’t know each other well enough for someone like Raven to open up to her like that. So she lets out a small sigh and nods before shifting directions completely.

“Thanks for standing up for me in there. It was incredibly stupid, but brave and not a lot of people would have done what you did.”

Again there’s that flicker of appreciation and warmth in Raven’s eyes, and this time it stays there.

“It’s not a big deal.” Raven shrugs, her voice soft and her eyes filled with an emotion that Lexa can’t quite decipher. “You don’t deserve to be treated like that, Lexa. Nobody does. And I couldn’t just stand there and let Brett get away with it. What he did was wrong.” She says, clenching her jaw and squeezing Lexa’s hand.

Lexa just nods and squeezes back. Momentarily speechless from Raven’s fierce protectiveness over her. She has no idea what she’s done to deserve it, but she can’t let herself think about that right now. Not with everything that’s happened tonight. That nagging feeling of fear is back and Lexa can’t help but bring it up again.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t call the police? It’s just, with everything that happened tonight I...” Lexa trails off, tears gathering in her eyes as her emotions get the best of her.

“I’m such an idiot.” Raven sighs, taking the towel back so Lexa can wipe away her tears.

“What?” Lexa asks, confused by Raven’s response.

“I was so focused on not wanting to call the police because of what happened to me, that I didn’t even think about calling the police because of what happened to you. If you want to call them so you can report Brett, we will.” Raven says firmly, a concerned and resolute look on her face.

“What? Raven, I wasn’t even thinking about that.”

“Well, maybe you should. Seriously Lexa, I know I made a big deal out of it, but don’t even worry about that. Do you want to call the police and report Brett?”

Lexa stops to think about it. She hadn’t even considered calling the police for herself, since Raven is the one who was so blatantly hurt. But she is studying law and technically what Brett did to her tonight could be categorized as sexual harassment and assault. Was it really that bad that she needs to get the police involved? And if she does, will they even take her claims seriously since she was at a frat party drinking?

“Lexa?” Raven asks gently, pulling her from her thoughts.

Her brown eyes are so caring and warm and something about the way she looks at Lexa and steadily holds her gaze has Lexa suddenly becoming aware of how exhausted she is. She can tell Raven feels the same way too, her eyes starting to droop and her body starting to sway, and the last thing Lexa wants to do is make this horrible night drag on any longer than it already has.

“No. I don’t want to call the police.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to make this decision because of what I said earlier. Your physical well-being and safety are more important than that. You have every right to report him.”

“I know, Raven. But after everything that’s happened, I just want this night to be over.”

“Okay, as long as you’re sure?” Raven asks, searching Lexa’s eyes for the truth.

“I’m sure if you’re sure.” Lexa says softly, trying to lighten the mood.

“I’m sure.” Raven says, offering up a small smile in return, and Lexa tries to ignore the fluttering in her chest.

“Well, now that that’s settled,” Lexa says, shifting directions again. “Will you at least come back to my dorm room so I can help you take care of your head wound?”

“What you’re a doctor now?” Raven smirks, giving her a teasing look, before taking Lexa’s arm and steering them back toward the dorms. Lexa allows it since Raven is partially drunk with a head injury and has been swaying unsteadily on her feet.

“No, but I did spend three summers as a lifeguard at a pool and am first aid and CPR certified.”

“You were a lifeguard?” Raven asks, surprise in her voice and a mischievous glint in her eyes.

“Yes, Raven. I was a lifeguard. Is that really so hard for you to imagine?”

“Oh, no. I can picture it just fine.” Raven smiles, staring off into the distance like she’s literally conjuring up images of her.

Lexa tries not to blush.

“You know, maybe we should take you to the hospital. That knock to the head seems to have caused some serious damage to your brain.”

Raven just laughs, tightening her grip on Lexa’s arm as they continue to walk. They settle into a comfortable silence and Lexa thinks that it’s actually quite nice.

“You know, as much as tonight sucked, at least one good thing came out of it.” Raven says.

“What’s that?”

“Friends, remember?”

“Oh, right. Friends.” Lexa says, not sure why the statement makes her heart skip a beat. She’s never really been someone who’s had a lot of friends in her life, and certainly not any who would put themselves in harms way for her.

“I mean, unless you’re inviting me back to your dorm under the guise of fixing me up, just so you can make out with me and have me call you Dr. Woods? Very tropey of you, but I’d still be into it.”

Lexa turns beet red.

“Oh my god! Seriously, Raven? Why are you like this?”

“It’s part of my charm.” Raven grins and Lexa just lets out an exasperated sigh and shakes her head.

“I think I’m going to ask to be transferred to a different philosophy class.” Lexa says, shifting the conversation to something more appropriate.

“That’s probably a good idea,” Raven agrees, squeezing her arm. “The last thing you need is to be seeing that dickwad around campus.”

“Do you think we made the right decision about tonight?” Lexa asks, still feeling uncertain as the bruises around Raven’s eye continue to form.

“I don’t know.” Raven says honestly. “I think so. I mean, I didn’t get this from Brett,” she says motioning to her head. “I think it was from one of his friends who was trying to pull him away. I’m not going to report someone who saved me from getting beat up. Plus, everyone was so wasted they probably won’t even remember what happened. I really don’t think those guys will be a problem. I’ve never met any of them—besides Brett—before tonight. We don’t run in the same social circles, I doubt I’ll ever see them again.”

****

Raven is wrong, so very wrong because she does see them again.

Unbeknownst to Lexa, Raven starts getting harassed by Brett and some of the guys from his fraternity. They leave her threatening messages in front of her dorm room, and follow her around campus, and sometimes even drive by her while she’s walking, yelling out threats. Raven doesn’t tell Lexa it’s going on. She’s dealt with these types of people before, and knows the best thing to do is just ignore them. Plus, she doesn’t want to worry her friend.

That’s another development—they’re friends now.

Since the night of the party Lexa and Raven have become friends. The trauma of the night together along with the way Raven stood up for Lexa and Lexa took care of Raven’s injuries bonded them together in a unique way. They meet each other for meals, do homework in the library, and even start hanging out together on Friday nights. They hang out almost every day in some capacity, and despite all their apparent differences, they actually get along quite well. But there’s no need to worry Lexa by telling her what’s going on. So Raven keeps it from her.

In fact, Lexa doesn’t find out about it at all until weeks later when they come out of the Library late one evening after studying. They find Raven’s windshield has been smashed and the word “dyke” has been spray painted on the side of her car.

“Oh my god, what the hell happened to your car?” Lexa freaks out, but Raven remains nonchalant, just letting out a long sigh and giving Lexa a shrug.

“Who knows, probably some assholes trying to pull a stupid prank.” She sighs. “I’ll have to take it into the shop sometime tomorrow to get it fixed. Shouldn’t be too expensive.” She says, as she makes her way over to the car, pulling the sleeve of her light denim jacket over her hand as she tries to brush away some of the shattered glass.

There’s something about her exhausted sigh and resigned and defeated tone that infuriates Lexa. There’s no way in hell Lexa is going to let this go. It’s not right. She pulls Raven by the shoulders until they’re standing face to face.

“Raven, this is not just some stupid prank! At the very least it’s vandalism, if not a hate crime!” Lexa knows she’s practically yelling now, but she can’t help it. She can’t remember the last time she felt this angry about something. Not angry at Raven, but angry for her.

Raven just rolls her eyes. “Lexa please, I know you’re studying to become a lawyer, but there’s no need to be so dramatic. It’s just a stupid prank.” She says weakly.

“Even you don’t believe that, Raven. Look, I’m sorry for yelling, but this is serious.” Lexa says more calmly this time, rubbing her hands up and down Raven’s arms, not sure if she’s doing it to sooth Raven or herself. Raven’s expression seems to soften at this.

“Lexa, I appreciate that you care about me. I really do. But I’m not going to make this more serious than it is. A new paint job and windshield are an easy fix. I can do the work myself and it’ll barely cost a thing. It’s not worth making a big deal out of.”

To somebody else, the words might be soothing and convincing, but Lexa is not so easily swayed.

“Raven, I know you don’t want to make a big deal out of this. But this is serious! We don’t know who the people are that did this or if they’ll do this to someone else. I’ve studied cases like this before. If not dealt with properly they can escalate into something more dangerous. We need to call the police.”

“No. Absolutely not! We are not getting the police involved in this. You and I both know the campus police are worthless anyway. Plus, after a little incident I had with them last year when a science experiment went wrong and part of the lab burned down, I’m trying to stay off their radar.”

Lexa is temporarily distracted by Raven’s confession, and makes a mental note to ask her about it later, but the situation at hand is far too serious to let it distract her. “I’m not talking about the campus police Raven. I’m talking about the real police. Hate crimes like this are a felony. This is serious!” She knows her voice sounds desperate and pleading, but she just wants Raven to understand.

“No, Lexa. I said no police! I know you’re trying to help, but you’re honestly just going to make things worse!” Raven scowls and crosses her arms over her chest, her reaction confusing Lexa even more.

“How am I going to make things worse?” Lexa yells back, feeling frustrated by Raven’s resistance.

“You just are!” Raven huffs, giving Lexa a challenging look.

“That’s not a real reason!” Lexa bites back, feeling her irritation build.

“Is too!”

“Is not!”

They both get locked into a heated gaze, silently daring the other to speak.

“God, you’re infuriating!” Raven practically shouts.

“Look who’s talking!” Lexa snaps.

When she sees the brief look of hurt flash across Raven’s eyes, she immediately feels guilty. “God, look at us fighting with each other like idiots. We shouldn’t be mad at each other, but mad at the person who did this to you.” Lexa sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“I know. You’re right.” Raven lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. “I’m sorry for yelling at you. I know you’re just trying to help.” She concedes and they both let out a sigh of relief as the tension between them starts to diffuse.

“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have yelled either. It just makes me so angry that someone would do something like this to you, and they’re just out there walking around with no consequences at all. What if they do this again or do this to someone else?”

“They won’t.” Raven says, crossing her arms over her chest.

“How can you be so sure?”

“I just am. Lexa, please.” Raven says, stepping into Lexa’s space and reaching for her hands.

There’s a desperate look in her eyes and a plea in her tone, and Lexa hates it. Hates that anyone is making Raven feel this way. She wants to make it all go away, but she can’t, so she just squeezes Raven’s hands and rubs soothing circles on the back of them with her thumbs.

Raven’s voice is quieter this time. “I know it doesn’t make any sense to you, but I need you to trust me on this, okay? Going to the police with this will only make things worse. I know you’ve studied cases for school, but I’ve actually dealt with people like this before in real life. Getting the police involved will only escalate this type of thing. The best thing we can do is just ignore whoever’s doing this, and once they realize they’re not getting the reaction they want, they’ll stop.”

Something about the way Raven pleads and reasons with her, has Lexa caving in. She doesn’t know what has Raven so scared, but as a friend she knows that forcing her to call the police when she’s so adamantly against it, is not the right thing to do.

“Okay.”

“Okay? Just like that?” Raven asks, surprised.

“Yes. I’m not saying I agree with your decision or that I’m happy about it. But I’m not going to force you to do something you don’t want to do, Raven.”

“Thank you for understanding.” Raven says softly, looking relieved.

“I don’t.” Lexa says honestly. “I don’t understand why you won’t call the police, but I trust you Raven. I trust you to make the right decision for yourself. I’ve never dealt with people like this before, and if you have and you say this is the best way to deal with them, then that’s what we’ll do.”

Raven looks close to tears.

“Thank you, Lexa. Seriously, thank you for trusting me on this.”

Lexa nods. “I only have two request.”

“Which are?” Raven draws out, giving Lexa a skeptical look.

“First, if something like this happens again, you promise to let me know. No more secrets okay?”

“That’s a little dramatic that I was keeping secrets from you, but fine. If something else happens, I’ll let you know. What else?”

“Second, at least let me take pictures of the damage done to your car. Just incase something even worse were to happen to you or someone else. At least then we’d have some tangible evidence to build a case if we need it. Also, make sure to document and keep the receipts for your repairs.”

“Okay, fine miss hot shot lawyer. I’ll save my receipts and you can take pictures of my car. As long as you promise not to go to the police without me.”

“Of course I promise. I would never do that to you, Raven. I only want to have them incase you ever need them.”

“Okay.” Raven nods, and Lexa lets go of Raven’s hands and gets to work. She makes her way around the car, snapping pictures and looking around the parking lot to make sure she hasn’t missed any important clues. When she’s satisfied she has everything she needs, she walks back over to Raven and pulls her into a hug.

“I’m sorry this happened to you.” She whispers into Raven’s hair, feeling tears welling up with the emotion in her chest. “I know you act like you can take it. Like shit like this doesn’t bother you, but I know deep down it does. If you ever need to talk about it, I’m here.”

Raven doesn’t say anything, just exhales loudly and sags in Lexa’s arms, gripping the back of her shirt. She feels so small and vulnerable that Lexa just hugs her even tighter and Raven just sinks into it. After several minutes pass, Raven finally speaks. “I know you are. Thank you, Lex.” They stand there for a few more minutes before breaking apart.

“You ready to head back?” Raven asks.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

So they drive back to their dorms, and Lexa tries to ignore the uneasy feeling she has.

Chapter Text

A week passes by and nothing else happens.

Raven goes into the shop and fixes her car the next morning, making sure to save her receipts, and by the time she comes to pick Lexa up for dinner that night, the broken windshield is gone and the car is sporting a new coat of paint. Raven is back to her cocky self, and it’s like nothing ever happened. Lexa just hopes it stays that way.

She doesn’t get her wish.

It’s Friday night and she’s getting ready in her dorm. Raven is supposed to pick her up in five minutes, and after spending too much time on tumblr earlier reblogging pictures of cute cats and cups of tea, she’s rushing around while finishing getting dressed and doing her makeup and hair. She’s putting on the finishing touches when she stops to check the time—it’s 7:10pm. That’s odd. Raven was supposed to pick her up ten minutes ago and she’s rarely late. Usually by now she’d be blowing up Lexa’s phone, calling or texting her and giving her a hard time for running late. While Raven may be late to classes, she’s rarely late for social gatherings, always extremely punctual and even early sometimes. Lexa is the opposite. Early for classes, always running late for social events.

She checks her phone to make sure there aren’t any missed calls or texts, and when she doesn’t find any she’s a little confused. She’s only been friends with Raven for a little over a month so she doesn’t know for sure but it seems out of character for her. She knows it’s normal for people to run late—she’s a living breathing example of that right now—but the few times Raven has been late, she’s always made sure to text Lexa and let her know.

Lexa tries not to overreact.

Maybe Raven’s phone died and she had to run back to her dorm to get her charger and can’t call or text because it’s still charging? Maybe she got a flat tire, and is too busy dealing with it to get in touch with her. Or maybe she overslept. There are plenty of logical explanations for why Raven is late and hasn’t called her. And honestly, Lexa just needs to chill and not get herself so worked up and stop being so controlling.

She thinks about going outside to wait, but the weather is getting cooler and after a long day of walking all over campus, she doesn’t want to be standing any longer than she has to in the heels she’s wearing out tonight. She goes back to her desk, shooting Raven a quick text before opening up tumblr, figuring she’ll distract herself by scrolling through more pictures of kittens and tea. She makes sure to keep her phone face up on her desk so she can easily see any incoming calls or texts.

She gets distracted for awhile, but now it’s 7:35pm and she still hasn’t heard from Raven. She checks her phone again, and still nothing. Maybe Raven really did oversleep. Lexa knows she had a late night last night trying to finish a paper that was due today, so it’s possible. She thinks about just letting Raven sleep, but she knows Raven will be mad at her for letting her miss out on a night of fun, so she decides to give her a call.

The phone goes straight to voicemail.

“Hey! It’s Raven. Obviously I can’t answer my phone right now. I’m either busy or screening your calls. Either way leave a message and if you’re lucky I might actually listen to it. Later!”

Lexa hangs up. She knows Raven sometimes turns her phone off when she’s sleeping and voicemails aren’t really their thing. She knows if Raven sees a missed text from her, she’ll call or text back. So she goes back to tumblr trying to kill some time.

8pm rolls around and she gets a text from Octavia asking where they are. Lexa texts her back, letting her know what’s going on, and Octavia says she’ll text Raven’s roommate to go wake her up, thinking that she probably overslept. Lexa gets a text back from her a few minutes later telling her that Raven’s roommate says she left their dorm over an hour ago to head over to Lexa’s, and Lexa starts to panic. She texts back frantically to Octavia telling her Raven is still not there before looking out her window to survey the parking lot below. She sees Raven’s car pulled up to the curb, and it looks like it’s turned off.

Lexa has no idea why Raven is so late, but she’s relieved to see she’s finally made it, she’s probably walking up to meet her right now. She texts Octavia back, telling her never mind. That Raven is at her dorm right now to pick her up. She inspects herself in the mirror one more time, smoothing down her hair and applying a little more lipstick before grabbing her phone and purse and heading out the door.

She makes her way to the staircase. Internally grumbling about the outdated dorm’s lack of elevators, especially when she’s in heels. She makes her way down, expecting to meet Raven along the way, but when she gets to the bottom and there’s still no sign of her, Lexa is more confused than ever.

Where the hell is she?

Lexa goes to check outside, thinking maybe Raven is waiting out there for her. She looks down the sidewalk but sees no sign of her, and grumbles as she makes her way back up the stairs to her room, wondering if she’s somehow missed her. When she gets back to her floor, she checks the hallway and there’s still no sign of her and Lexa really starts to worry. There are only so many places Raven could be. Where the hell is she? She texts her and after receiving no response, she calls, but the phone goes straight to voicemail again.

Lexa starts to panic.

Why is Raven’s car outside when she’s nowhere to be found? Why is her phone still not working? Where the hell could she be? Lexa decides to go downstairs and look around one more time before she calls Octavia and maybe the police. She gets to the bottom entryway, too worried to even think about the way her heels are pinching her feet. She steps outside again into the cool night air, and looks around. She sees nothing at first and decides to walk to Raven’s car and see if she’s in it. Maybe Raven has been waiting in her car the whole time and there’s just been a problem with their phones connecting.

But when she gets to the car and finds it empty—and doesn’t see Raven in the parking lot—she immediately pulls out her phone to call Octavia. But before she gets a chance, she hears a noise coming from a dark alcove by the side of the building. At first she thinks it’s some type of animal since the campus is practically overrun by squirrels, but when she hears the sound again she realizes it’s a person’s voice and that voice sounds achingly familiar. She turns on the flashlight on her phone, and rushes over to the noise, and what she sees is horrifying.

It’s Raven.

She’s crumpled up on the ground, covered in blood and Lexa’s not even sure if she’s still breathing. She drops to her knees in panic and reaches to grip Raven’s arm, unable to stop herself from touching her, needing to know if she’s alive. When Raven groans at the contact, Lexa lets out a cry of relief and immediately springs into action. She quickly dials 911 and gives the operator their address and a brief description of what’s going on. That she found her friend beat up and unconscious and thinks she’s been attacked. She relays as much information as she can before hanging up.

She reaches for Raven’s hand and it’s cold. How long has Raven been laying out here bleeding? The question makes her feel sick to her stomach, and she’s quick to take off her coat and drape it over Raven’s limp body, smoothing a lock of hair behind her ear and using her scarf to wipe away some of the blood on her face.

The movement seems to stir Raven awake. “Lexa?” She croaks out, and Lexa has never felt more relieved.

“Raven! Oh my god, Raven! It’s going to be okay. I called an ambulance, they’re on the way.”

“Lexa,” Raven rasps and coughs, groaning in pain as she tries to sit up. She barely makes it a few inches before Lexa is balling up her scarf and placing it under Raven’s head, carefully ushering her back down.

“Raven stop! You can’t move. The paramedics said it’s better if you don’t. We don’t know what damage has been done to your body, and moving could make things worse.” Raven just coughs and groans, and tightens her grip on Lexa’s hand.

Lexa tries to be strong and stay calm, but seeing Raven like this is too much.

“God, Raven, I was so stupid! I thought you were just running late because you had overslept or your phone had died. All this time I’ve just been sitting in my dorm room, scrolling through tumblr and you’ve been out here bleeding and hurt.” She feels tears streaming down her face, and she knows she should be strong for Raven, but at this point, she can’t stop. “I don’t understand how this happened.” She says, taking a shaky breath. “How did this happen Raven? Who would do something like this to you?” She wonders out loud, barely able to speak through her tears.

Raven is wheezing now, trying to speak.

“No, don’t try to speak. Save your strength.” She says, but Raven doesn’t listen.

“Brett.” She manages to rasp out before going into another coughing fit.

It takes Lexa a minute to figure out what Raven is saying, but when she does it finally clicks. Brett. The party. His threats. And suddenly everything that’s been happening to Raven over the past several weeks finally makes sense.

Brett has been the one harassing Raven.

He’s the one who vandalized her car and did this to her. Lexa knew the guy was sick after their exchange at the party, but she never imagined he would do something like this. Surely even he wouldn’t be stupid enough to actually beat a woman and leave her for dead on campus. But then she thinks back to the party, thinks about the hate in his eyes and the way his friends had to hold him back, and how he threatened them on their way out. “You messed with the wrong guy! ... You’ll pay for this!” How did she not put this together sooner? Why wouldn’t Raven have told her? Maybe if she had known she could have done something to prevent this.

She’s brought back to the present moment when Raven grips her hand tightly as she gasps and coughs. Lexa looks on in horror, as blood starts trickling out of the side of Raven’s mouth before her eyes flutter closed and she falls unconscious.

****

When the ambulance finally arrives and they load Raven onto a stretcher, Lexa refuses to leave her side. She demands to ride in the ambulance with her, and the paramedics reluctantly agree. She’s sitting on the cold metal bench inside the moving vehicle, holding Raven’s hand as the paramedics try to work around her, careful to move when they tell her to.

They hook Raven up to machines, and start her on an IV and Lexa has to hold back the bile in the back of her throat when they cut open Raven’s shirt and she sees all the bruises and scrapes littered across her skin. The whole thing is so sickening and surreal that she feels like they’re in an episode of Grey’s Anatomy or something. But this is real life, and when Lexa woke up that morning, she had no idea it would be leading to something like this.

Raven starts to come to, and panics.

She’s thrashing around and groaning and screaming out in pain. She grips Lexa’s hand painfully tight, and Lexa tries to tell her to calm down, but the paramedics are talking loudly, the machines won’t stop beeping and the piercing sound of the siren drowns out her voice. Thankfully they give Raven something that seems to calm her down, not quite putting her to sleep. Lexa squeezes her hand and Raven finally looks at her. Lexa has to swallow the emotion in the back of her throat at the fear she sees in her eyes and the bruises she sees on her face and she tells Raven as steadily as she can, “Everything’s going to be okay.”

When they finally pull into the hospital, they’re met by a team of doctors and nurses, and it feels like chaos. They’re all talking over each other, loudly exchanging information, and that damn siren is so loud that Lexa wonders how any of them can hear a thing. One of the nurses helps Lexa get down from the ambulance before they start lowering Raven’s stretcher down onto a metal gurney and wheeling her away.

Lexa panics.

“Hey! Where the hell are you taking her?” She tries to follow, but one of the nurses pulls her back.

“Ma’am, you can’t go with her. They’re taking her into surgery. Please, if you’ll just follow me inside we need to get some information from you so we can help your friend.” That last part calms Lexa down, because Raven is her friend and if there’s anything she can do to help her, she will.

She follows the nurse inside, and the nurse starts to question her.

They already have Raven’s ID from her wallet so they’re able to get some basic information from that. They ask Lexa if she knows a way to contact Raven’s next of kin, and Lexa feels sick to her stomach. She doesn’t know anything about Raven’s family or who to call if there’s an emergency and she vows to herself that if Raven makes it out of this alive, she’ll force her to give her the information whether she wants to or not.

She offers to call Octavia since she’s one of Raven’s longtime friends, hoping she’ll have a better idea of who to call. When Octavia picks up and Lexa quickly explains the situation to her before telling her what hospital they’re at—Octavia remains surprisingly levelheaded and calm.

“Raven doesn’t have any close family,” Octavia says. “Her father’s never been in the picture and her mother, well let’s just say she’s not someone Raven can call up when she needs help. The best person to contact is her mentor slash faux father Sinclair who basically raised her. I’ll text you his information and number now.” She says before hanging up. Lexa doesn’t even have time to process all the information she just learned about Raven’s family history and background, knowing she’ll want to revisit the topic later.

Her phone vibrates. The contact information reads “Jack Sinclair”, followed by another text informing her if she can’t get anyone at that number then to call a different number. Quickly followed by the contact information for “Becca Sinclair”.

The nurse gets the information they need and relays it to one of her coworkers, and continues questioning Lexa for more information. She asks her about the events of that night. If she knows how long Raven was unconscious? How long she was laying out there alone? If she knows what types of injuries she sustained? Lexa tries to answer the questions as best as she can. Struggling painfully through the answers and trying not to imagine how pained, afraid, and alone Raven must have felt while Lexa was sitting comfortably in her room.

At a certain point the police show up, wanting to question her about the attack. It’s something Lexa feels prepared to do, knowing the relevant facts and information they’ll need.

Lexa relays the events and times as carefully as she can.

She shows them her phone log and the calls that she made. Next are the texts that she and Raven exchanged, as well as the ones she exchanged with Octavia where she mentioned getting in touch with Raven’s roommate. She knows all of these details will help the police start piecing together a timeline for the night’s events. She gives them Brett’s name, explaining how Raven identified him before passing out. She recounts the events of the party from three weeks ago, giving them the name and address of the fraternity, the names of some of Brett’s friends and anyone else that she can remember being there that night. She tells them about Raven’s car being vandalized, making sure to give them the date and location and showing them the pictures of the damage. She emails the photos to the police department and then the officers give her their card and number, telling her to call them if there’s anything else she remembers. Lexa agrees before thanking them, and when the whole thing is finally over, she’s exhausted.

The nurses asks her if she’s okay and she tells them she’s fine, not even able to think about her own needs when Raven is in such a terrible state. They give her a run down of Raven’s injuries: broken ribs, a punctured lung (hence the need for surgery and coughing up blood), bruises, cuts and abrasions, and possible head trauma. They won’t know anything more until she wakes up once she’s out of surgery.

They give Lexa some juice and crackers to help with her shock before ushering her into the waiting room and telling her they’ll keep her updated on Raven’s status. It’s all so overwhelming and Lexa is grateful when Octavia, Anya, and Clarke all come to the ER to keep her company while they wait for Raven to get out of surgery.

When Raven is finally stable and in her own room, Clarke convinces one of the nurses she knows from her internship to allow all of them to wait in Raven’s room with her, and thankfully the nurse agrees.

Lexa sits by Raven’s bed, holding her hand and staring at her face, willing her to wake up. Despite how battered and bruised her face is, Lexa can’t help but think about how beautiful she is. Now that Raven is laying so still and unconscious it gives Lexa the chance to really take her in—her long dark lashes and perfectly arched eyebrows, the flawless bone structure of her cheeks and nose, her full lips, and the sharp curve of her jaw. They all come together to create such a stunning picture that leaves Lexa feeling a little breathless and emotional. She hates the way Raven’s beauty is marred by the bruises and ugly cuts that cover her face, and she takes a deep breath, trying to get rid of the sick feeling in her stomach.

She focuses on the way that their hands are joined together, gently stroking the palm of Raven’s hand with her thumb. She traces over the jagged white scar that’s large and runs across the middle of her palm, wondering where it came from. The scar is raised and the skin is lightly calloused, signaling to Lexa that it’s fairly old. She wonders when Raven got it and how she got it. If someone gave it to her or if it resulted from an accident.

She knows Raven has hinted at being in fights or altercations in the past that led to what Lexa guesses were fairly serious injuries, considering how much she downplayed her injury the night of the party. But Raven never opened up to her about what those past experiences were, and honestly, Lexa is kind of afraid to ask. She knows from what little Octavia shared with her on the phone and what little Raven has shared with her in passing conversation that Raven’s childhood was rough and possibly abusive. She doesn’t know if Raven got the scar from fixing cars or fighting off fists, but she figures if Raven wanted her to know she would have told her. And honestly, Lexa doesn’t feel like it’s really her place to ask, especially if the answer is the latter.

She’s brought back to the present moment when she feels Raven’s hand twitch right before she lets out a strangle groan. Lexa looks down at their joined hands then back up to Raven’s face and when brown eyes meet green Lexa finally feels like everything really is going to be okay.

Chapter Text

Brett and his friends are arrested the night of Raven’s attack.

They get expelled from Stanford due to the criminal charges that are pending against them, and Lexa is relieved that she and Raven won’t have to worry about running into any of them on campus. Brett’s friends are out on bail, all having returned to their homes with their parents as they await trial. They’re being charged with felony vandalism and harassment for the part they played in harassing and threatening Raven on campus and damaging her car. It turns out Lexa was right about the offenses being categorized as hate crimes leading to felony charges. Thankfully California has strong hate crime laws, but she’s still not very hopeful about the outcome. She knows that because the friends are white and rich that they’ll most likely get little more than a fine and a slap on the wrist. Of course she thinks it’s unfair and it bothers her, but it doesn’t worry her as much as what will happen with Brett. Yes, Brett’s friends are complete trash and committed crimes, but for the most part they were nonviolent and Lexa suspects they weren’t motivated by hate and bigotry as much as they were by peer pressure.

Brett is different.

His crimes were violent and motivated by hatred and bigotry and Lexa worries what Brett will do if he receives a light sentence and is let back into society. For now though, Lexa at least feels somewhat safe, knowing that the judged issued a protective order for Raven and that Brett is on house arrest nearly four hundred miles away. The police determine that Brett acted alone in his attack on Raven, and is being charged with multiple felony hate crimes including battery and aggravated assault, harassment, and vandalism. Although Lexa was hesitant to do so, the prosecutor convinced her to also press charges for sexual harassment and assault due to the large number of witnesses at the frat party. Since her Aunt Indra is a lawyer, Lexa consulted her on the matter and Indra agreed that she should do so, especially since Brett’s friends were witness as well and would likely testify on her behalf in order to receive lighter sentencing.

Due to the severity of the attack and the overwhelming evidence Lexa was able to offer to the police to aid in their investigation, Brett’s bail was set at one million dollars with the requirement that Brett remain on house arrest if released until the time of his trial. The bail was easily paid off by Brett’s rich father, and Lexa is disgusted to think of Brett sitting comfortably in his mansion in Malibu as he awaits trial. It makes Lexa feel sick to think about how easily Brett is getting off. Knowing that because of his race and privilege, the restrictions imposed on him are far less severe than for someone with darker skin and less money. She knows that his trial and sentencing will most likely have similar results as his friends, though she does suspect he’ll face some jail time due to the aggravated assault. Yet once again, because of Brett’s privilege and skin color she’s sure that the sentence will be light, and Lexa vows that when she becomes a lawyer she’ll do whatever it takes to make changes to such an unjust, justice system.

****

The doctors keep Raven in the hospital longer than they would for a patient who has a home and caretaker to help them recover. Since Raven is a college student, and doesn’t have any family in the area, and transporting her the whole way back to LA is too complicated and risky for them to do, they decide the best course of action is to keep her there. Raven doesn’t like the idea one bit, claiming that she’ll be fine going back to her dorm. That she can manage on her own, with the help of her roommate. Neither the doctor nor Lexa feel comfortable with this, and Lexa is grateful when the doctor tells her she has to stay.

Raven is bummed, but agrees, not having any other choice. Lexa wishes she could do something to help. She promises to visit Raven everyday. She’ll even stay over night if she wants her to. Raven of course refuses, saying she’ll be fine on her own, and that Lexa shouldn’t worry. Lexa tells her that’s stupid and that of course she’ll worry and visit her and there’s nothing Raven can do about it. Raven acts annoyed, like Lexa is being dramatic, but she knows Raven is secretly happy about it.

Raven has been in the hospital for a little over a week and a half now.

Lexa is dozing off as she sits by Raven’s bed, keeping her company while some crappy reality show plays on the tv. Lexa has no clue what the show is about, but Raven seems to be enjoying it, so she’s happy to sit there catching up on some reading for class. She’s rereading a passage in a textbook for her Political Theory class. It’s incredibly dry and boring material but it’s required reading so Lexa tries to get through it.

She’s interrupted when her phone vibrates.

It’s a text from her Aunt Indra checking in, and she’s suddenly more awake, wondering why she hadn’t thought of the idea sooner. She texts back and forth with Indra, until she has a solid plan in place before presenting the idea to Raven.

She looks over, and her heart melts at the way Raven is smiling sleepily and looking at the tv. It’s dark outside and the room is dimly lit, but Lexa can see that the cuts and bruises on her face are already starting to heal. The oxygen tube is connected securely to her nose, and the way she’s struggling to try and feed herself hospital issued jello despite the fact that she can barely complete the motion of curling her arms due to the strain it puts on her ribs, all combine to create a warm feeling in Lexa’s chest. Lexa of course has offered to help before, but Raven always refuses.

“I can feed myself my own damn jello!”

Lexa watches as Raven gets a particularly large blob on her spoon, her brow furrowed in concentration as she carefully attempts to lift the spoon to her mouth. Her body is shaking with the effort, and as she starts to curl her arm the blob tumbles off the spoon and bounces off her stomach before tumbling and plopping on the floor.

Raven groans and Lexa can’t help but giggle.

“What?” Raven asks, exasperated, meeting Lexa’s gaze with an irritated look.

“Need some help over there?”

“No.” Raven says like she’s offended. “I am—”

“Yeah, yeah yeah, you are perfectly capable of feeding yourself your own damn jello. I get it!” Lexa retorts, letting out a sigh.

“Damn right.” Raven grumbles, but Lexa doesn’t miss the way the she huffs and looks at the jello longingly.

“God, you are so stubborn.” Lexa says, rolling her eyes as she stands up and makes her way over to the bed, sitting down on the edge. She picks up the jello and spoon and doesn’t even give Raven time to argue before she’s lifting the spoon to Raven’s lips. Raven of course scowls and narrows her eyes, but sighs in defeat, opening her mouth to eat.

“I could have done it myself you know.”

“Yeah, I know. You are so independent and capable and don’t need anyone’s help.” Lexa lets out an exasperated sigh. “But as your friend, it’s nice for me to be able to help you sometimes. You know, makes me feel good about myself.” She jokes, trying to lighten the mood, knowing that relying on other people for Raven isn’t something that comes easily to her.

“Well,” Raven says after taking another bite. “If it really means that much to you, what kind of friend would I be to turn you down.” Lexa tries not to grin too much at Raven’s response, lifting another spoonful of jello to her mouth. Ignoring the fluttering in her chest as Raven lets out a contented little noise after each bite.

“Speaking of,” Lexa says, pausing to scoop out more jello, “How would you like to get out of this hospital sooner rather than later?” Raven perks up at this.

“Um, what? Go on, I’m listening.” She says eagerly.

“Don’t say no until you hear me out, okay?” Raven nods and Lexa takes a breath before continuing. “My Aunt Indra has a condo apartment in Palo Alto that’s only a few miles away from campus. She uses it when she needs to stay in the area for business. It’s a wealthy area, with a lot of rich clients so it’s easier if she can just schedule to see them all in one week. She only goes to see them once every three months for a week at a time.”

“Okay,” Raven draws out questioningly. “So what does that have to do with me getting out of here?” And Lexa still can’t believe Raven hasn’t picked up on where she’s going with this.

“Well, my Aunt Indra is in New York, and won’t be visiting any of her clients in that area for the next few months. Which means, the apartment is just sitting there empty and unused.”

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Raven asks, perking up at the information and looking at Lexa with wide eyes, like she’s on the edge of her seat.

“What would you say to staying there for a few weeks while you recover? It’s only a few miles from campus, so I could stay there with you and attend all of my classes. My Aunt was more than happy to offer the place when I explained what happened, and I’m sure we can convince the doctors to let you stay there since you won’t be walking up three flights of stairs or relying on your frequently drunk college roommate to look out for you. Also, I was texting with Clarke and she said she could come check on you and somehow incorporate it as part of her practicum hours for school. So, what do you say? You up for it?”

“What do I say?” Raven pauses, giving Lexa an incredulous look. “I say this hospital can kiss my ass!”

Lexa is surprised it was so easy.

“Wow, really? I honestly thought you were going to fight me on this and I was going to have to manipulate you into it by using the doctors.” Raven starts to laugh, but ends up groaning, her ribs still too sore.

“You severely underestimated my hatred for hospitals and doctors.” She says, and there’s a hint of that lost look again, but Lexa knows better than to pry.

“Well for once I’m glad to have been proven wrong.” Lexa teases, before shifting her tone to something a little more serious. “You know, I actually think it will be kind of fun. A nice little break from campus life and annoying roommates. I’m excited. I’ll go talk to the doctors and hopefully by tomorrow morning we’ll be on our way out of here.”

“Oh, thank god!” Raven exclaims, looking excited and relieved. “If I had to spend another week in here eating hospital issued jello and listening to the nurses gossip about the Bachelor, I think I would have gone insane. At least this way I’ll only have you to deal with.” She snarks.

Lexa rolls her eyes. “I’m sure that will be such a great hardship for you. If you think it will be too much for you I can always let my Aunt Indra know you said thanks, but that you prefer to stay in this amazingly green hospital room eating their amazingly green jello, instead of in her luxury apartment eating real food.”

Raven’s eyes bug out. “Nope. No way in hell! Dammit, Lexa I’m just kidding! I need to be out of here like yesterday. Tell your aunt I said thank you.”

“Alright, as long as you’re sure you won’t miss this place too much.”

“I’m sure. I’m sure! This place sucks ass! Please get me out of here, Lex.” She says reaching for Lexa’s hand and squeezing it.

Lexa chuckles, giving Raven a small smile and squeezing her hand back. “Okay, well since you asked so nicely.” She jokes, and Raven just smiles that big toothy grin of hers. Lexa hesitates with her next words. “There’s something I want to ask you, but I don’t want you to feel pressured and it’s okay if you say no, I can figure something else out.”

“What is it? You can tell me.” Raven replies, giving Lexa’s hand a reassuring squeeze.

“Would it be okay if I drove your car to come get you tomorrow? I’ve been taking the bus to get here which has been fine, but I don’t think it will be good for transporting you while you’re injured, and I know it definitely won’t help convince the doctors to let you leave if they find out our transportation tomorrow is going to be a bus.”

“Are you crazy? Of course you can! I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were taking the bus everyday or I would have offered to let you drive it sooner. You’re welcome to use it to drive back and forth to campus too. It’s the least I can do with everything you and your Aunt are doing for me.”

“Okay, great. I’ll talk to the doctors and text my Aunt Indra, and before you know it we’ll be out of here.” She gives Raven’s hand one more squeeze, before standing up and turning to leave the room.

“Hey, Lexa?” Raven calls out, pulling her attention back into the room. “Thanks for doing all of this. I know you didn’t have to work all of this out for me, so I really appreciate it.” She says sincerely, and Lexa can almost detect a hint of embarrassment in her voice.

“You’re welcome. It’s the least I can do after you stood up for me at that party. I can’t help but feel somewhat responsible since the reason Brett came after you was because of what you did for me.”

Raven’s look turns serious. “You know I don’t blame you for that, Lex. Brett is an entitled, ignorant, bigoted asshole and it was only a matter of time before he snapped like that. He’s the one to blame here, not you.”

Lexa just gives Raven a sad but grateful smile, hoping one day she’ll actually believe those words are true.

Raven may not be used to letting people help her and be uncomfortable with receiving practical help and emotional support. But Lexa is used to having to stand up for herself after so many years of being bullied in her many foster homes and schools. She isn’t used to the type of loyalty and protectiveness Raven has shown her. After her parents gave her up to the foster system at such a young age, Lexa has always expected people to abandon her when things get tough. Despite having been put into a loving and supportive home with Gustus and Aden when she was eleven, when it comes to others, Lexa has a hard time trusting them and believing they’ll stick with her when things get tough. Most of the time people prove her right.

But Raven is different.

Raven is brave and loyal and has not only stuck with her through tough times, but has tried to make them better. She hasn’t always gone about it in the most conventional ways, but after seeing how protective and dedicated Raven was to defending Lexa’s honor, despite the threat of physical violence and harm to herself, Lexa can’t deny the loyalty is there.

“I’d do it again you know?” Raven says seriously, making sure to meet Lexa’s eyes. “Stand up to him, punch him in the face. Even with everything that’s happened, I wouldn’t change a thing about anything I said or did that night.”

“You wouldn’t?” Lexa asks, trying to hold Raven’s gaze as her emotions flutter in her chest.

“No, I wouldn’t.”

Raven’s eyes are so earnest and sincere, and Lexa has no idea what she’s ever done to deserve such unwavering loyalty from Raven, but she knows she’ll never spend another day taking it for granted. She feels tears pricking at the corners of her eyes and can only manage to nod and give Raven a watery smile.

“Actually, I take that back. There is something I would change.” Raven says, that infuriatingly smug smile returning to her lips.

“Oh yeah, what’s that?” Lexa plays along, unable to help herself.

“I would have gotten you that goddamn drink!”

Lexa laughs.

“I might have let you.” She says teasingly before turning to leave the room.

She tries not to laugh at the “Damnit!” Raven lets out after she leaves.

Chapter Text

They spend the next several weeks in Indra’s condo.

Raven’s professors have modified her assignments so she can do her schoolwork from home. Clarke comes to check on Raven and change her bandages twice a day at first, then only once a day when she shows Lexa how to do it. Lexa spends as little time on campus as she can, only attending her classes and spending the rest of her time at the apartment. It’s a nice break from dorm life, and honestly, Lexa could get used to this.

For the first week and a half, Raven is a cooperative patient, and Lexa is surprised. She lets Lexa take care of her and feed her a disgustingly healthy diet that she would never normally eat on her own. Lexa feeds her more fruits and vegetables in a week than Raven has probably ever eaten in her entire life. Raven accepts it all without complaint, a polite and grateful smile on her face.

That all changes one evening when Lexa makes them a dinner of zucchini pasta and tofurkey meatballs. Raven just frowns, and pushes the plate away.

“Is there something wrong? Do you feel sick?” Lexa asks, unable to hide the concern in her voice. She knows Raven hates it when she hovers too much.

“No, I don’t feel sick. Not yet anyway.” She grumbles, scowling at her plate.

“Aren’t you hungry?” Lexa asks, confused.

“Starving.” Raven draws out dramatically.

“Then why don’t you eat?” Lexa huffs, feeling a little irritated at the conversation. “I made a perfectly healthy dinner for you, Raven. Zucchini has anti-inflammatory phytonutrients and contains a lot of vitamins that are beneficial to the healing process. If you want to get better then you need to eat. I don’t understand what the problem is.”

“The problem is, that I fucking hate zucchini!” Raven growls.

Lexa just sits there in silence, surprised by the sudden outburst.

“Look, Lexa,” Raven says, trying to soften her tone at Lexa’s expression. “I really appreciate you taking care of me. I do. And I’ve been trying to play nice and go along with all of your rules and dietary restrictions, but I can’t take it anymore. I fucking hate zucchini and tofu and carrots and if I have to eat one more piece of kale I will probably vomit! I mean for fucks sake you tried to put kale in my oatmeal the other day! Who the hell eats kale in their oatmeal? It’s fucking disgusting. And don’t even get me started on the apple cider vinegar you’ve been slipping into everything I eat and drink! I mean you might as well just pee in my food! I’m sure it would taste better!” She finishes before taking a deep breath then groaning and clutching the side of her ribs.

Lexa is shocked.

“I didn’t know. You never said anything.” Her voice comes out more sad and defeated than she wants it to. She knows Raven is under a lot of stress with her injuries, and that she has every right to voice her opinion, but that doesn’t make it any easier to hear.

“That’s because I felt bad.” Raven grumbles. “I mean here you are, bending over backwards to make sure I have somewhere nice to stay and healthy meals to eat, and I feel like I can’t tell you how I really feel, because then I’m an asshole. But I can only handle so much Lexa. I’m used to taking care of myself and being on my own and god, you have got to stop hovering so much. I’m not going to fucking break!”

And really, that’s the last straw for Lexa.

“How do I know that, Raven?” She barks angrily, pushing back from the table and grabbing both of their plates. She stalks over to the sink and places the dishes inside before turning back to face her. “How do I know you’re not going to fucking break? Have you seen yourself?” She says, motioning with her arms. “Do you have any idea how it felt to find you unconscious and bleeding outside my dorm? I mean, jesus, Raven! I thought you were dead!”

“Lexa—” Raven say, her eyes immediately filling with regret.

But Lexa doesn’t want to hear it. She moves to the sink and turns on the faucet, angrily scraping the food into the disposal and rinsing off the plates. She carefully washes her hands and turns off the water, taking a deep breath before leaning against the counter and gripping the edge of the sink.

Lexa tries not to cry. She really does. But she’s been so worried about Raven and has been trying really hard to make sure she’s been eating healthy meals to help her recover. Raven had been so willing to eat everything Lexa put in front of her, always saying thank you and never complaining. Lexa never really stopped to consider that Raven might not actually like the food she’s been making.

She feels guilty.

Not just for not picking up on the fact that Raven was hating her food or was uncomfortable with her hovering. But guilty that Raven is even in this situation to begin with. She knows Raven doesn’t blame her, but Lexa blames herself. If she had just handled things better with Brett that night at the party, then maybe none of this would have happened. She’s so caught up in her feelings of anger and guilt, that she doesn’t even realize Raven has crossed the room to join her until she feels a gentle hand on her wrist.

“Hey, hey,” Raven says soothingly before carefully pulling Lexa into her arms. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that, I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for Raven. This is all my fault. If I had just left that party or handled things differently with Brett, then none of this would have happened. You wouldn’t have been harassed or attacked or having to deal with my smothering care-taking skills and disgusting food. This is all my fault!”

Lexa chokes out those last words through tears, and leans into Raven’s arms and Raven hisses and groans, pulling back to hold her ribs. And god, Lexa is such a mess and she just caused Raven even more pain with her carelessness and she can’t stop the onslaught of new tears as they stream down her face.

“God, Raven. I’m so sorry! I keep hurting you.” She says brokenly between sobs.

“Lexa, no. Hey, it’s okay. I’m fine,” Raven tries to sooth, but Lexa just keeps sobbing and shaking her head. “Lexa, stop! It’s okay. I’m okay. Will you please just look at me?” She pleads, reaching for Lexa’s hands and holding onto them tight. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine, Raven! None of this is fine. You could have died!” She gasps out that last part between sobs.

And there it is, the fear that’s been haunting Lexa since the moment she found Raven in that alleyway. She thinks back to Costia and the summer she lost her. Killed in a car accident by a drunk driver. Paying the price for someone else’s mistakes with her life. Just like Raven almost did. It’s a sickening parallel in Lexa’s life, and part of her wonders if she’s almost doomed to repeat it. “I can’t lose anyone else.” She says brokenly.

A look of understanding flickers in Raven’s eyes, and she squeezes Lexa’s hand before tracing it with her thumb. Her touch is gentle and caring, and there are unshed tears in her eyes. And Lexa watches entranced, as Raven lifts Lexa’s hand up to her chest before placing it over her heart.

Raven presses Lexa’s palm against her chest, and Lexa has to remind herself to breathe. She zeros in on their hands, watching and feeling the steady rise and fall of Raven’s chest. Her skin is warm and smooth and Lexa swears she feels Raven’s heart skip a beat when she gently traces it with her thumb.

“Do you feel that?” Raven asks, soft and serious and Lexa just nods, the emotions still heavy in her own chest. “I’m alive, Lexa. I’m alive because of you. You found me and saved me. That’s all that matters.”

And Lexa wants to accept what Raven is saying, but it feels wrong. So she frowns and pulls away, unwilling to let herself off the hook so easily.

“You wouldn’t even have been in this situation if it wasn’t for me.”

“Lexa,” Raven breathes out, exasperated now. “You know I don’t blame you for any of this. This is not your fault. I don’t know how many more times I can say it. This is Brett’s fault! He’s the one that beat me up. He’s the one that vandalized my car. He’s the one who harassed you and touched you without permission. It’s his fault, Lexa. All of this is his fault. You have got to stop blaming yourself for something that was out of your control!”

Raven’s eyes are earnest and pleading and Lexa wants to believe her, she really does, but—“I wish it wasn’t,” Lexa says brokenly, her tears finally slowing down. “I wish it wasn’t out of my control, Raven. I wish I could have done something to stop him, to help you. God, when I think about how you were laying outside my dorm, hurt and bleeding and all alone, it makes me feel sick. I wish I realized something was wrong sooner. I wish I would have gone outside to look for you earlier. I wish I could have been there for you when you needed me the most.”

Lexa barely manages to get that last part out without breaking down again. But Raven is standing closer now, having moved further into her space, and it has a comforting effect.

“But you didn’t Lexa, and that’s okay.” Raven says softly, reaching for Lexa’s hands again and tracing gentle patterns on her wrists. “We could sit here all day and get stuck wishing for things that never happened, and obsessing over things we could have or should have done differently. But doing that never changes anything or leads to anything good. None of the could haves or should haves matter, Lexa. What matters is what we do to help each other now. You helped me as much as you could then and you’re helping me as much as you can now. That’s all that matters.”

“That still doesn’t change the way I feel.”

“Maybe not. But Lexa, you had no reason to believe anything like this was going to happen. You responded normally to the situation with the information you had. Honestly, if anyone’s to blame here for not handling things differently it’s probably me.”

Lexa goes to argue, but Raven cuts her off.

“I’m not saying I’m responsible for Brett’s actions or that my mishandling of things justifies or excuses what he did. But if I had been honest with you about what was going on and who was doing it—and let the police get involved like you suggested—things might have turned out differently. Maybe we could have avoided all of this.” Raven says that last part quietly, her eyes downcast and a somber look on her face, and Lexa hates it.

“Hey,” Lexa says, cupping Raven’s cheeks and tilting her face up so they can meet each other’s eyes. “I don’t blame you for any of this either, Raven. You had your reasons for not telling me and for not wanting to go to the cops.”

“And you had your reasons for doing what you did too, Lex. Just because something could have turned out differently doesn’t mean it’s your fault that it didn’t.”

And somehow those simple words make Lexa’s entire perspective shift. It’s like a light bulb has been turned on and a weight has been lifted from her chest, and she can finally breathe and see things clearly for the first time in months.

“You’re right.” Lexa says, feeling relieved at the truth and sincerity in her own words.

“What?” Raven asks, surprised by the sudden shift.

“I said, you’re right, Raven. This wasn’t my fault and I shouldn’t feel guilty.”

It takes Raven a few more seconds to catch up with Lexa’s words, but when she finally does, there’s a look of pride in her eyes and a smile on her lips, and Lexa’s heart skips a beat.

“Damn right!” Raven says, her smile shifting to something infuriatingly more smug.

“Way to ruin the moment,” Lexa says flatly, dropping her hands from Raven’s cheeks down to her sides and giving Raven a pointed look.

“What? You mean the moment where you admitted I was right? Twice!”

“Oh my god! That’s your take away? Seriously?” Lexa says, trying to control her irritation.

“What’s wrong with that? I think it’s great that you’re finally recognizing me for the genius that I am.” Raven smirks.

“And here I was thinking we were actually having a moment.” Lexa huffs and turns back to the sink, trying to hide her disappointment.

“Hey, no wait! I’m sorry. I’m sorry! We were!” Raven says, pulling at Lexa’s wrist until they’re facing each other again. “We were.” She says gently, her eyes more serious this time.

“Yeah?” Lexa asks barely above a whisper, trying to hide the slight tremble in her voice.

“Yeah.” Raven says just as soft, smoothing her thumb along the inside of Lexa’s wrist. “Look I’m sorry for being an ass. But I really am happy that you’re realizing none of this was your fault, Lexa. Because it wasn’t. And I hate the idea of you blaming yourself and carrying all that guilt. Especially when you’ve been such a great friend to me. I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you were willing to work all of this out. Seriously.”

The words are so kind and sincere and Lexa’s heart feels so full, that she’s honestly worried it’s going to burst. She takes a deep breath before responding. Knowing that she has to get her emotions under control. Talking with Raven is a tricky balance of sincerity and sarcasm, and she knows that now that Raven has revealed something so heartfelt, she has to shift gears.

“Even though you think my food is so disgusting that it would actually taste better if I peed in it?”

And Raven just bursts out laughing, groaning and gripping her ribs in pain. Having the decency to at least look somewhat embarrassed.

“Oh, my god! I am such an asshole!” Raven says, her cheeks flushed and a sheepish smile on her face.

“You really are.” Lexa says, giggling and smiling back.

They both just stand there, looking at each other with wide grins, before Raven breaks the silence.

“I’m sorry I acted like such a jerk when you were just trying to take care of me.” She says more serious. “I’m not used to having people take care of me like this. I always had to fend for myself for most of my life. So sometimes it just feels weird to me and I lash out. I’ve never had a friend like you before, Lex. It’s just going to take some getting used to.” Her voice is quiet and vulnerable, and that lost look in her eyes is back. It makes Lexa think back to all the other times she remembers seeing it, and she hates it just as much now as she did then.

“Hey, I get it.” Lexa prods. “Tough, bad ass chick who can take care of herself and doesn’t need anyone’s help. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.” She says, repeating Raven’s words back to her from all those weeks ago.

Raven just squeezes her hand and smiles, “Thank you.” She says quietly.

“Of course, Raven. That’s what friends are for.”

“Yeah, I think I’m finally starting to get that.”

“Now about my cooking,” Lexa says, and before she can get anything else out, Raven is wide eyed and rushing to apologize.

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry, Lex! I can’t believe I was such a jerk! I don’t even—”

Lexa reaches up a hand to place over Raven’s lips, effectively silencing her apology before quirking an eyebrow at her. Raven just nods in agreement, and Lexa pulls her hand away before speaking.

“Let’s order pizza.”

“Really?” Raven asks, barely controlled excitement and surprise evident in her voice.

“Yes, really.”

“Are you sure?” Raven asks, clearly excited but confused by the sudden shift.

“I’m sure if you’re sure.” Lexa says, with a slightly teasing tone.

“I’m sure.” Raven says.

“How sure are you about pineapple on pizza?”

“Not that sure.” Raven glowers, and Lexa just laughs.

Chapter Text

They’ve been back in the dorms for several weeks now, and Lexa low-key hates it.

She misses the peace and quiet of the Palo Alto apartment, not to mention the luxury bathroom and kitchen. The small bathroom she shares with her roommate and the sorry excuse for a kitchen in the common room can’t even compete.

Thankfully, Lexa has been too busy with schoolwork and projects to be spending much time in her dorm room anyway. Deadlines are looming as the end of the semester nears, and most students are scrambling to get things done. Lexa isn’t usually one of those students. She carefully plans out her coursework and studying time at the beginning of every semester, and after so many years of academic success, she’s practically perfected it.

But after everything that’s happened over the past two months she’s woefully behind. At least by her standards she is. She’s not behind on any assignments, but she’s behind on all of the recommended class reading and with Raven needing so much time to recover, they’re behind on their project too.

They’ve only been to six out of the eight locations they decided on, and the deadline for completion is a little over a month away. Which is why they’ve agreed to meet up tonight.

Lexa is stepping out of her dorm just as Raven pulls up in her rover. She’s surprised when Raven gets out and meets her on the sidewalk. She looks more somber than normal, missing that cocky grin and mischievous look in her eyes that Lexa has become so accustom to seeing.

Lexa is concerned.

She asks Raven if she’s okay and Raven says she’s fine. Lexa knows her well enough by now to know that she’s not, but she also knows better than to push. If Raven wants to tell her what’s wrong, she will do it in her own time.

Raven asks her to drive, giving Lexa the location to put in her gps, and that’s when Lexa knows something is really wrong. Raven rarely asks Lexa to drive. The last time Lexa drove Raven’s car is when she was injured after the attack, so the fact that she’s asking her to do so now has Lexa scanning Raven’s body searching for any injuries. When she sees none, she knows that something else more personal must be wrong. She wants so badly to force Raven to give her answers, but again she knows from past experience that Raven doesn’t open up easily and that pushing her for answers will only make her more closed off.

So Lexa gets into the rover, puts the location into the gps on her phone and turns the radio on low before pulling out on the road. She tries to make small talk, hoping it will somehow lead to Raven opening up to her, but it’s unsuccessful. Raven’s answers are short and clipped and she’s distracted and texting on her phone.

When they finally arrive at their location, Raven doesn’t even skip a beat. She gets out of the vehicle quickly, opening the back of the rover to pull out the telescope and sky quality meter and starts carrying them out into the nearby field, all before Lexa barely even has a chance to step foot outside. She makes sure the vehicle is locked before trying to catch up with her. Despite all of the equipment she’s carrying, Raven is moving quite fast and Lexa finds herself a little winded, by the time she finally catches up.

She watches quietly as Raven places the tools in the grass for Lexa to set up, then moves to a nearby rock to sit down and continue texting. She does all of this without even looking at Lexa, and Lexa has tried being patient, but the way that Raven is pretty much completely ignoring her and refusing to even speak to her or look at her is unnerving and Lexa can’t take it anymore.

“Raven.” No response. “Raven, what’s going on?” Still no response. “Raven, hey, did I do something wrong?” This finally gets Raven’s attention, and she gives Lexa the most heartbreaking look.

“Of course not, Lex. You’re the one thing in my life right now that actually feels right.” Lexa’s heart flutters in her chest at the sincerity in Raven’s words, and she swallows and tries not to think about the deeper implications behind them. Not when Raven is upset and so clearly in need of a friend.

“Then what’s going on? I can tell something is bothering you.” Raven just gives her a sad look, closing her eyes and shaking her head as she looks away.

“It’s nothing you need to worry about, Lexa. I’m sorry for being so moody. Let’s just get back to the project.” She says, standing up and motioning to their equipment.

“Are we really going to do this again?” Lexa sighs.

“Do what?” Raven asks, looking legitimately confused.

“You know, the whole thing where something is clearly bothering you and you pretend like it’s not and I have to spend an hour trying to pry it out of you? Wouldn’t it just be easier for you to tell me what’s going on? You always feel better after you do.” She says, moving over to adjust the telescope and sky quality meter, knowing that giving Raven her full, undivided attention while she’s trying to open up will only work against her.

“Lexa, please.” Raven says, her voice shaky and thin.

“You can tell me Raven. I’m here for you.” And when Lexa turns to look at her and reaches for her hands, Raven loses it.

As soon as she looks from their joined hands to Lexa’s eyes, Raven starts to cry and despite Lexa’s initial shock at Raven’s strong display of emotion, she just pulls her into her arms to comfort her. Surprisingly Raven doesn’t resist, which is when Lexa knows something must really be wrong. She tries to calm Raven down, rubbing her back and whispering comforting words into her hair.

“You’re okay. I’ve got you.” Lexa says, and Raven just sinks into her embrace.

When Raven finally calms down, Lexa tries to talk to her. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but if you want to talk, I’m here.”

“I know.” Raven nods tearily, her voice thick with emotion. “Thank you.”

“Of course. That’s what friends are for, right?”

“Oh, so we’re friends now?” Raven tries to joke through her sniffling and tears, but it falls flat. They both know they’re well beyond that point in their relationship after everything they’ve been through over the past several months. But Lexa can tell that Raven somehow needs this. Needs the banter they so often fall into when they’re together, so she pulls back from the hug, reaches for Raven’s hands and playfully rolls her eyes.

“Of course we are. I mean I’ll be the first to admit that 90% of the time you annoy me, and your manners and social etiquette need some serious work, but I’m also very fond of your company and your jokes aren’t half bad either. And contrary to what your brain might be telling you right now, I really do care about you Raven, and I know you care about me too.” Raven gives Lexa a small smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes, and rubs the back of Lexa’s hand with her thumb.

“I do.”

“I know you do. I knew from the moment you almost beat up a guy twice your size for me. You’ve been there for me so many times before, why won’t you let me be here for you now?”

“I don’t know, because I’m screwed up. Because I have trust issues? Who knows.” Raven huffs.

“I don’t get it. After everything we’ve been through, I thought you knew you could trust me by now. Didn’t I prove that to you after the attack?” Lexa pauses, still hating the way those words sound and the memory it brings of Raven’s cold and lifeless body crumpled on the ground. “I know it wasn’t easy for you, but you let me help you then. Why won’t you let me help you now?”

“Because Lexa, this is different. It’s personal, family stuff that’s painful for me to talk about, and the last thing I want to do is burden you with this shit when there’s nothing you can do to fix it.” Lexa goes to argue but Raven cuts her off. “I know how you are Lexa. Any time someone has a problem you’re always trying to fix things. You have a huge savior complex.”

Lexa just lets out a sigh, knowing Raven is right.

“Okay, so while I will be the first to admit that you’re right about me having a savior complex, I can also just listen too, without trying to fix things.” Raven gives her a disbelieving look. “I can! It’s just so happens that the situations that have happened with you before have been one’s where practical help was needed. But I can listen too. Maybe I won’t be able to do anything to fix whatever’s going on with you, but I can be here for you and listen to you. Talking about something that’s upsetting you usually helps.”

“Trust me, the last thing you want is to hear about my fucked up family drama.” Raven grumbles.

“That’s not true. I can see it weighing you down. As a friend, it’s even worse to watch someone you care about struggle with the weight of something they won’t let you help them carry.”

“Lexa, this isn’t your problem to deal with. It’s mine, and I’ll find a way to deal with it like I normally do.”

“If it’s your problem then it’s my problem, Raven. That’s how friendship works. Can you honestly say if the situation was reversed, you wouldn’t be doing the same thing?”

Raven lets out a resigned sigh.

“No. You’re right. I’d be doing exactly what you’re doing right now. I’ve done what you’re doing. It’s just hard for me. You know? Talking about my family. Sharing my problems with other people. I have a hard time trusting people and an even harder time letting them in. I usually just try to deal with this type of shit on my own.”

“How’s that been working for you?”

“Meh, the results are still inconclusive, but based on my most recent observations, not very well.” Raven tries to joke, but there’s a seriousness beneath her words and Lexa can see new tears forming in her eyes.

“Well, why not try an experiment to see if you get different results? It might turn out better than you think.”

“Or it could be worse.” Raven says, her voice shaky and soft.

“That is a possibility, but based on my past observations of the subject in question, it’s pretty unlikely. While there is still a small percentage that it could make things worse, there is a greater likelihood that it will make them better. But I guess you’ll never know unless you try.”

“Interesting hypothesis.” Raven says quietly, her voice strained and thick with emotion.

“Either way, I’m here if you want to test it out.” Lexa says, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.

And something inside of Raven breaks again, tears start falling steadily down her cheeks but she’s not sobbing. Just a slow steady cry and a look of defeat. Lexa isn’t sure if this means Raven is going to share, but a few minutes later she starts to speak.

“Have you ever loved someone so much, that no matter what they do to you, or to themselves, you’d take it?” Lexa feels her heart start to constrict at Raven’s words, and has to hold back her own tears. She knows that look, has felt those same feelings. Before Gustus, before New York. She swallows thickly before responding.

“Mom or dad?” Lexa asks, and when Raven looks at her, she can tell she’s guessed right.

“Mom. Drinking herself to death, and there’s nothing I can do to fix it.” Lexa just squeezes and strokes Raven’s hand, her emotions too strong for her to speak, but wanting to offer her some comfort.

“I’m sorry, Raven. I can’t imagine how difficult that must be.” Except she kind of can, but now is not the time or place to share that.

“She almost died tonight.” Raven says brokenly, and Lexa’s heart twists painfully in her chest. “I got a call from the hospital when I was on my way to your dorm. Apparently she mixed some pills with the fifth of vodka she drinks every night and had a bad reaction. Her heart almost stopped. If a friend of mine hadn’t gone by to do a weekly checkup on her like I asked him to while I’m away, she’d probably be dead.”

“Raven,” Lexa gets out through barely controlled tears. “That’s horrible. I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling right now.”

Raven just shrugs, her expression hardening a little and Lexa doesn’t know what she said that was wrong, but she immediately wants to take the words back.

“It’s whatever.” Raven says, her voice cold and indifferent as she stares down at their hands. “I’m used to this type of bullshit with her. It’s been happening my whole life. I knew when I left to come here that something like this could happen, but someone important to me told me that I can’t save her from herself and that I can’t put my life on hold for her either.”

“That’s very true.” Lexa says softly, still holding Raven’s hand, gently tracing the scar on her palm. “Doesn’t make it any easier when shit like this happens.”

“No, it really doesn’t.” Raven says quietly, and Lexa just pulls her into a hug and is glad when she doesn’t resist.

“Thank you for sharing that with me. I know it wasn’t easy for you.”

“It wasn’t. But I think your hypothesis was right.”

“Yeah?” Lexa asks softly, rubbing her hands in soothing circles on Raven’s back.

“I do feel a little better now. Still shitty, but better.”

“Well, I didn’t just get into Stanford for my good looks.” Lexa teases, and Raven just pulls back from the hug and laughs.

“Was that a joke?”

“Maybe.” Lexa says coyly.

“Oh, she’s got jokes now? Who are you and what have you done to my best friend Lexa?” She teases.

Lexa pretends to be offended. “I’ll have you know, that I am very skilled at the art of sarcasm, I just choose not to use it as a lifestyle like someone else I know.” She says, giving Raven a pointed look.

“We’ll see about that. Keep the jokes coming, and I might just keep you around.”

****

They finish their data collection quickly.

Raven insisting they might as well since they’re all the way out there anyway. Once they’re done, they make their way back to the rover. They store the telescope and light meter in the front seat, while folding down the back seats and rolling out their mattress pads, sleeping bags, and pillows. It’s a snug fit, but they make it work. Thankfully Raven has somehow rigged a small heater using charged solar panels for an energy source, and Lexa is grateful that her friend is a mechanical genius since the air outside is chilly at night now that it’s November.

Raven pulls out her laptop and Lexa pulls out the snacks and drinks they packed, and they spend the next few hours eating way too much junk food and laughing at old episodes of Friends. Lexa has the entire dvd box set, and when she found out Raven had never seen the show she made it her mission to change that. Raven only checks her phone once every thirty minutes, which Lexa views as a small victory.

When they both get so tired that they can barely keep their eyes open, they decide to turn in for the night. They’re tucked into their sleeping bags, and at first Raven refuses to fall asleep, worried she’ll get an important call about her mom and sleep through it since she’s such a heavy sleeper. But Lexa reminds Raven that she’s a light sleeper and tells her that she’ll wake her up if she hears her phone ring.

And something in the atmosphere shifts.

Raven looks at Lexa with tears and affection shining in her eyes and Lexa’s heart melts when Raven reaches for her hand and holds it in the space between them before leaning in to kiss Lexa on the cheek. Raven pulls back from Lexa slowly, her breath warm and sweet as it brushes across Lexa’s face. She can smell the hints of chocolate and fruit from the candy they were eating earlier, and when Raven meets Lexa’s eyes with a heavy-lidded gaze, Lexa has to remind herself to breathe.

She’s pretty sure she stops breathing altogether, when Raven leans in to press their foreheads together before whispering, “Thanks, Lex. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Lexa takes in a deep breath through her nose before releasing it.

“Lucky for you, you’ll never have to find out.” She says, and Lexa means those words whole heartedly. In a friendship way, but also something more. If Raven knew how much Lexa was into her, the words would be romantic, but since she doesn’t the words are just friendly.

At least that’s what Lexa thinks, until Raven pulls back and gives her the most intense look before whispering, “I know.”

She doesn’t have time to respond, because Raven is rolling over, pulling Lexa’s arm around her waist and Lexa suddenly realizes that they’re spooning.

Raven Reyes opened up to her about her painful family relationship, kissed her on the cheek and now they’re spooning. If Lexa wasn’t falling for her before, she is now. She’s too buzzed on the energy she feels from the realization to fall asleep. So she pulls Raven close, settling her arm more comfortably around her waist as Raven shifts to accommodate her so they’re sharing the same pillow. Lexa tries not to focus on the heady smell of Raven’s skin and shampoo, as she nuzzles her face in the back of her hair, but it’s pointless. She lays there holding her, and doesn’t fall asleep until well after Raven’s breathing has evened out.

Chapter Text

They spend Thanksgiving break apart and miss each other terribly.

Lexa flies back to New York to spend the holiday with Gustus and Aden, and Raven drives down to LA to see Becca and Sinclair and check in on her Mom.

Raven hates being home. She hates the guilt and anger that it brings. Hates coming back to find her mom still high and drunk and mean as ever. The near death experience seemingly having no impact on her habits. Raven isn’t even surprised. This isn’t the first time her Mom has been at deaths door, and she’s sure it won’t be the last. She’s pretty much resigned herself to the fact that she’ll probably find her mom dead one day in a pool of her own vomit. A result of alcohol poising or an overdose. Maybe both.

Raven hates that she still cares about her mom and feels responsible for her, but she does. She tries to put up good boundaries, she does. Being away at college has helped with that. But no matter how hard she tries, the codependency and dysfunction always come creeping back in, and Raven barely makes it at home for a few hours before she’s driving away in a fit of rage and showing up at Sinclair’s door.

He still has her old room set up for her in the shop.

He used to let Raven stay there when things got too bad at home. Raven would sneak out of her bedroom window and spend the night at the shop, her mother always too drunk or high to notice. Sinclair walks her through the house, making small talk until they reach the door at the end of the hallway that leads into the shop. He pulls out a key to unlock the door before dropping it in Raven’s palm.

“Becca’s making breakfast for the kids tomorrow morning at 8am sharp. Don’t be late.” He says gently with that kind and understanding look in his eyes, and Raven just nods, blinking back her tears.

She makes her way to her room. It’s a small office in the back of the shop that never gets used. It’s cramped and a little dusty and only has one window, but it’s the closest thing Raven has ever had to a place she can call her own. The wall is still decorated with old band posters. Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, Fleetwood Mac and Queen, and okay, maybe Raven went through a classic rock phase during high school because she thought it was cool.

A small desk sits in the corner covered in notebooks, engine manuals, an industrial lamp, and an old stereo that’s connected to a speaker system that Raven rigged up during her sophomore year in high school. She walks over to the desk and turns on the lamp, carefully trailing her fingers over the dust covered notebooks and books. She can’t believe Sinclair kept all of these. She smiles when she looks up to find her framed diploma hanging on the wall, along with a picture of herself, Becca, Sinclair, and their two boys at her high school graduation.

Raven remembers that day. It was a good day.

She was filled with a sense of pride and belonging, an excited anticipation for everything that was yet to come. She had felt so accomplished, like she was really going places in life. She remembers walking across the stage and feeling the soft parchment of her diploma and trying to hide her smile when she heard the Sinclair family cheering for her from the bleachers. They took her out to celebrate at a nice restaurant, and it was one of the best nights of her life. The memory only tainted by her mother berating her for being out too late and giving her a black eye as retribution.

Raven sighs and makes her way over to the small metal bed on the left side of the room. She’s surprised to find the sheets are fresh, and feels a twinge in her chest, realizing that Sinclair was probably expecting her to come here after visiting her mom. She takes off her bomber jacket, hanging it inside the metal locker near the foot of her bed before taking off her bra and jeans and placing them on the top shelf. She stands on the worn area rug in the middle of the room, wearing nothing but her t-shirt and a pair of short boxer briefs. The room is cool, and Raven makes her way over to the bag she dropped beside the door, pulling out a hoodie, sweatpants, and a fresh pair of socks before slipping them on and snuggling into her bed.

She lays there trying not to think about her mom, and instead thinks back to the first time she met Sinclair.

**Flashback**

The first time she meets Sinclair is when she’s fourteen and runs away from home after having a particularly volatile fight with her mom. Raven had been saving up money for months so she could go on a school field trip to the NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory with her ninth grade science class. It was something the class did every year, and she’d been looking forward to it since she learned about it four years ago when she was in the fifth grade. Most of her classmates were rich and able to afford it, but Raven knew her mom would never give her the money to go, so she had to earn it herself. She picked up odd jobs like mowing lawns, cleaning pools, and had even done a paper delivery job for a few months in the summer. She was so close to reaching her goal and proud of herself for working so hard, and is devastated when she comes home from school one day to find all of her money gone. Her mom having found her secret hiding place and taking the money to buy booze.

Raven is so devastated and enraged that she can’t help but tell her mom off, screaming and yelling at her and even throwing and breaking a few things. Her mother is so shocked by Raven actually fighting back, that before she even gets a chance to put Raven in her place, Raven is storming into her room, shoving the important items that she needs into a duffle bag and grabbing her backpack, before sneaking out her bedroom window and running away. She has no idea where she’s going, only that she has to get away. She only has ten bucks in her wallet but makes her way on foot to the bus station, hoping she can find something cheap enough to get her out of town.

It’s a long walk to the station, and by the time she gets there it’s late and the station is closed and the momentum she felt from her earlier rage quickly settles into resignation and defeat. She decides she’ll wait outside on a park bench until it opens the next morning at 6am, and tries to settle in comfortably, knowing it’s going to be a long night. Her plan feels pretty solid until it starts to rain, and Raven knows she has to find a place to spend the night. With being so young and not having enough money for a hotel, Raven knows she’ll either have to find a public location that’s open or sneak in some place and hide. Most stores are closed this late at night, and Raven knows better than to break into one of them since most of them have good security systems. She’s starting to lose hope, feeling her options dwindling, when she sees it...

A car repair shop called Sinclair’s.

The building looks old and Raven doubts it has the type of high-tech security system most stores do, so she makes her way over to the shop, finding an open window in the back and sneaking inside. The shop is dark and smells like metal and grease but Raven is surprised to find that she actually likes the smell. She snoops around quietly, taking in the machinery and tools. It’s a combination of old and new equipment giving Raven the impression that the place has been owned by a hardworking family for years. It’s a reminder of the satisfaction Raven remembers feeling after working her part time jobs to save up money, and she swallows down the emotion in her throat as she tries to focus on the task at hand. She searches around for somewhere to hide and sleep, realizing how exhausted she is now that she’s somewhere quiet and warm and out of the rain. She figures she’ll catch a few hours of sleep, set an early alarm on her watch, and sneak out before anyone even realizes she was there.

She finds an old office in the back that looks fairly unused. It’s filled with dusty old manuals, spare parts and a small couch in the corner that looks comfortable enough. The room has it’s own window that she can easily sneak out of in the early morning and Raven decides it will be the perfect place for her to sleep. She takes a deep breath, finally feeling herself relax, before putting her bags down and sitting on the couch. The couch feels a little lumpy but it will have to do, and Raven curls up on her side, trying to ignore the hunger in her stomach and the sadness in her heart, and it takes a little while but she eventually falls asleep.

She wakes up the next morning to a beeping watch and something warm and slimy moving against her hand. Initially she’s confused, thinking she’s still in her bed at home, but then she’s hit with the sharp scent of metal and grease and she sits up with a start, remembering where she is. She takes in her surroundings quickly, the old couch and table covered in manuals and greasy parts. She realizes the slimy feeling is a dog licking her hand and she stands up in shock and stumbles back in fear when she sees a middle aged man standing in the doorway and staring at her with curious eyes. The man just stands there staring at her, while the dog continues to lick her hand, and Raven doesn’t know what to do or say, fearful that the man will call the police and that she’ll be in a world of trouble. She turns off the alarm on her watch, the high pitched beeping only serving to increase her anxiety and fear. They all just stand there in an awkward and uncomfortable silence and Raven seriously considers just bolting out the window, but then the man speaks.

“You hungry?” He asks, his tone soft and kind, and the genuine look in his eyes puts Raven at ease. Raven’s stomach growls, and the man gives her a small smile. “Follow me.” He says.

Part of Raven is so shocked by his response that she starts to fear the whole thing is a trap. But she knows she doesn’t have a lot of options, so she pushes her fear aside and follows the man into the main area of the shop. He leads her over to the opposite side of the room, unlocking an office that’s much nicer and more spacious than the one she had been in. He points to a chair across from a desk which Raven obediently sits in. The dog curls up at her feet, laying his head on top of her shoes, and Raven just watches as the man walks over to a cabinet in the back of the room, pulls out a box of powdered donuts and switches on a coffee maker. He sets the box down in front of her, telling her to help herself, and Raven wants to resist but she can’t. The donuts are mildly stale and dry, but Raven is so hungry after not eating dinner last night that she scarfs them down greedily. The man just watches her in mild amusement as he waits for the coffee to brew, and when it’s finished he pours himself a cup.

“Coffee?” He asks, giving Raven a questioning look, and Raven just nods, desperate to have something to help wash down the dry donuts. He pours her a cup of coffee in a “best dad in the universe” mug, stirring in cream and sugar and placing it in front of her. Raven drinks down some of the steaming liquid, breathing out a contented sigh as her belly finally starts to feel full.

“I’m Sinclair.” The man says before sitting down in front of her, shuffling some papers to the side and sipping his coffee. “That’s Axel.” He says, nodding to the dog at her feet. “What’s your name?” He asks, and Raven knows the man is practically a stranger but for some reason she trusts him.

“Raven Reyes.” She says quietly.

“Nice to meet you Raven Reyes.” He says, giving her a small smile, and he seems so kind and sincere that Raven immediately feels guilty for having broken in.

“Look, I’m sorry about breaking in. I promise I didn’t take anything. You can search my stuff if you want. I just needed somewhere to stay for the night since it was raining outside. I thought I would just sleep for a few hours and be gone before anyone even noticed I’d been here. Clearly I overslept.”

“Clearly.” Sinclair says, giving her a small smile, and Raven is relieved to find that he’s not upset and hopes that means he’s not interested in reporting her.

“Are you going to call the cops?” Raven asks, unable to help herself with the anxiety she still feels.

“Well, since you didn’t steal anything, I don’t see why I would. Unless you think I should?”

“No!” Raven yelps out. “I mean no,” she says more evenly this time.

“Well then it’s settled,” Sinclair says, “No cops.”

Raven lets out a sigh of relief. “Thanks, I definitely owe you. I promise I won’t bother you again. I’ll just be on my way now.” She says, guzzling down the rest of her coffee and getting ready to stand.

“Where are you heading?” He asks, stilling Raven’s movements.

“Oh, I’m not sure yet. Out of town.”

Sinclair gives her a questioning look.

“I’m taking the bus.” She offers, not knowing why she feels the need to give him an explanation.

“Okay, but before you leave I have a few questions I’m hoping you’ll answer since I didn’t call the cops.”

“Is that a threat?” Raven asks defensively, crossing her arms and feeling herself bristle at the possibility.

“Hey, no.” Sinclair says quietly, raising up his hands in a placating manner. “Just call it friendly curiosity.” He finishes, and again he has that kind and genuine look in his eyes, free of any judgment or dislike, and Raven feels herself start to relax. She doesn’t see the harm in answering a few of Sinclair’s questions. Especially since she’ll probably never see him again.

But when he gives her that kind look and asks her why she’s there and what she’s running from, it’s like something inside of Raven breaks. The whole thing is weighing on Raven so heavily that she just tells him everything. Let’s out all of the anger and pain that she’s never talked about before and has been building up for years. She cries and cries and Sinclair just watches her with a furrowed brow and soft and compassionate eyes. He doesn’t give her any false platitudes or advice, doesn’t look at her with pity like she’s some damaged or broken thing. In fact he looks at her with genuine understanding and possibly even respect. He gets up from his seat, goes over to the same cabinet in the back and pulls out a box of tissues. He places them in front of her before sitting down, and waits patiently as she blows her nose, wipes away her tears, and calms down.

“Would you like a job Raven Reyes?” He asks quietly, and Raven is so shocked by his kindness and generosity that all she can do is nod.

*

The job initially starts as a cleaning job. Raven comes to Sinclair’s after school to help organize his tools and equipment and clean up as much dirt and grease as she can. She comes twice a week, and Sinclair pays her thirty dollars in cash and lets her store it in a lockbox in the old office with the couch so she doesn’t have to worry about her mom stealing it at home.

Sinclair introduces her to his family, his two young boys and his wife Becca. Becca is caring and smart with kind eyes like her husband, but she’s definitely more chatty and has a lot more spunk. She’s a middle school science teacher which Raven thinks is pretty cool since she loves science and outer space. Raven really enjoys talking to her and learning from her, and she’s excited when Becca starts inviting her to dinners on the days she comes to clean.

It’s an interesting experience for Raven since she’s not used to participating in family-like activities or events. Becca is always fussing over how dirty and smelly Raven and Sinclair get from working in the shop, forcing them both to take showers before joining her and the boys at the dinner table. Becca insists that Raven keeps some spare clothes there, since there’s no point in her showering if she’s just going to put her dirty clothes back on. Raven agrees, keeping the clothes in a duffle bag in the back office, surprised when each week she comes back to find clean clothes, realizing that Becca is washing her dirty clothes in between dinners.

Having a safe place to sleep, family dinners twice a week, and someone doing her laundry is the closest thing Raven has ever had to a normal childhood. Sometimes she’s so overwhelmed by the feeling that her heart aches and she cries. When she comes into the shop one day to find the back office completely cleaned out—the old couch and spare parts replaced by a narrow bed, a desk, and a metal locker—it leaves her speechless. She sits down on the bed and cries for twenty minutes and is grateful when Becca invites her into the house for milk and cookies and pretends not to notice.

Eventually Raven saves up enough money to buy a bicycle so she can get around. It’s a vintage Schwinn bike that definitely needs some work, but by the time Raven is done with it, it’s got a fresh coat of paint and is working better than new. She uses it to go back and forth between her house, the shop, and school. Making sure to hide it behind the bushes at her house so her mom doesn’t find out.

Two days a week turns to three days a week, then four and eventually Raven is spending almost every day after school at Sinclair’s. She convinces Sinclair to teach her about fixing cars since there are only so many things to organize and clean. He agrees and after only a few weeks they come to find out that Raven is a natural. Within a few months of working under Sinclair her skill set reaches a level that apparently takes most people years to reach, and Raven tries not to blush when Becca tells her she’s a mechanical genius. Raven has never felt like she was good at anything, and to find something she’s not only good at but likes, gives her a sense of security and confidence that she’s never had before.

When Raven turns sixteen, Sinclair takes her to get her license and lets her fix up an old Land Rover that somebody brings to him for parts. The insides of the vehicle are a mess, but the outside is in pretty good shape and Raven spends hours of free time after work and on the weekends rebuilding the engine and replacing old parts. Within two months she has the vehicle up and running and has never felt more accomplished, the feeling only overshadowed by the realization that she can never let her mom know about it, not trusting her to not take it and sell it so she can continue to feed her habit. And once again she’s grateful for Sinclair when he lets her keep the Rover behind the shop.

When she turns seventeen Becca helps her open up a bank account and apply for colleges. She helps Raven fill out scholarship forms and decide on a major, and halfway through her final year of high school Raven get’s an acceptance letter to Stanford, and the whole Sinclair family celebrates with her.

When her mom finds out, she’s angry. Tearing Raven down, telling her she’ll never amount to anything and becoming more violent. She beats Raven so badly that she has to stay home from school on two different occasions until the cuts heal and the bruises start to fade. Raven locks herself in her room and hides, not wanting to burden the Sinclair’s and spends the rest of the year with bruised ribs, and a broken heart.

When the school year finally ends, she moves into the shop permanently until the end of the summer. She works for Sinclair fixing cars, bringing in business and saving up as much money as she can. The summer passes by quickly and before she knows it she’s packing up the Rover with the few possessions she has, saying goodbye to the Sinclair’s, and heading off to Stanford.

Excited for what lies ahead and never looking back.

**End Flashback**

And that’s how Raven met Sinclair. By breaking into his shop when she was trying to run away, and sleeping through her alarm. He completely changed her life, offering her safety and opportunities she never would have had otherwise. He treated her with kindness and respect, introduced her to his family, and took a chance on her when no one else would.

Raven tosses and turns at the memories, unable to fall asleep. She shudders to think about where she would be without the Sinclair’s. Her anger for her mom only increasing. Her heart is still swirling with emotion from thinking about her past and her mom. She knows she’s still coming down from the adrenaline rush after their fight, and knows from past experience that it will take time for her body to relax. What she needs is a distraction, something to pull her away from her angry thoughts and limbs. She picks up her phone and sees a missed text from Lexa that she received almost three hours ago.

Did you make it home okay?

The words aren’t profound. Just a simple checking in that Raven has gotten used to over the past few months. But it’s a world away from the dysfunction and hurt Raven experiences with her mom, and the simple kindness of the gesture brings Raven to tears.

She knows it’s probably too late to be calling, since Lexa is on the east coast and is three hours ahead. But honestly, after the shit day she’s had, she needs to talk to her best friend. She dials Lexa’s number and waits in anticipation until she picks up on the third ring.

“Hello?” Lexa mumbles out, her voice gravelly from sleep, and Raven can tell she’s woken her up.

“Hey, did I wake you up?” Raven asks softly into the phone, trying to hide the tremble in her voice and ignore her feelings of guilt and doubt.

“Raven? What’s wrong?” Lexa asks, her voice laced with concern and it’s almost more then Raven can handle.

“Nothing. I’m fine.” She lies, her voice strained and weak, and Raven knows that she’s failed to convince Lexa when she hears her let out a deep sigh.

“So you just called me at 2AM my time, because you’re fine?” Her voice is surprisingly gentle and patient, and Raven hates the way it makes her emotions well up in her chest. She can’t believe how soft and emotional she’s being. She’s never really been the type of person to cry or open up to people about her feelings, even though she desperately wants to do so now. But it’s scary and she’s not sure she’s up for it, so she takes a deep breath, swallowing the emotion in her throat before responding.

“Well, I saw your text...” She trails off. Not really sure where she’s going with it. Hating herself for being so afraid.

“And you couldn’t just text me back?” Lexa asks, her voice still gentle and calm, but clearly suspicious of Raven’s motives.

Raven wants to open up.

She does. She knows it usually helps her feel better, but she’s terrified. Terrified of the deep well of emotions that she rarely lets out. Terrified of her anger and sorrow and rage. Terrified that if she starts spilling out her feelings she won’t be able to stop. She’s terrified she’ll scare Lexa away with the mess that is her life. Lexa deserves so much more than having a friend who’s emotionally stunted and damaged.

Lexa deserves better.

“Yeah, you’re right. Sorry I called.” She barely manages to get out, her voice gruff and thick.

“Raven,” Lexa breathes out. “Please don’t shut me out. Tell me what’s going on.” Her voice is still gentle, but pleading and Raven feels herself starting to choke up.

“I want to. But I’m scared.” She whispers out, feeling anxious that she’s already revealed too much.

“What are you scared of?” Lexa asks softly.

“Ugh, I don’t even know.” Raven huffs, feeling frustrated at herself for being so confused.

“I know you’re scared Raven. And I won’t push you to tell me anything you’re not ready to. But you’re the one who called me, so obviously a part of you wants to talk about it.”

Raven knows that Lexa is right. She knows she needs to get this weight off her chest. So she takes a deep breath before she speaks.

“I fucking hate being home. I went to see my mom and it was awful. We got into this huge fight and I stormed out.”

“Where are you now?” Lexa asks, and Raven can hear the thinly veiled concern in her voice.

“At Sinclair’s. He still has my old room set up. I think he was expecting something like this to happen. His wife put fresh sheets on the bed. Honestly, I don’t know what I was expecting. It always turns out the same with her.”

“I’m glad you’re not alone. That you’re somewhere safe.” Lexa says, and the raw emotion and concern in her voice has tears pricking at the corners of Raven’s eyes. “Did she...hurt you?” Lexa asks hesitantly, and Raven feels so shocked and caught off guard by the statement, that she can barely hold herself back.

“What? No! What the hell, Lexa?! Of course not! I would never let her do that to me!” Raven bursts out in anger, grateful that she’s able to stop herself from blurting out the word “again” at the end.

“Raven, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Lexa rushes out, trying to back track. Her voice sounds so small and afraid, and god Raven is a fucking asshole.

“I’m sorry, Lex. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.” Raven breathes out quickly, feeling guilty for responding so harshly.

“It’s okay Raven, I shouldn’t have pushed. I had no right to make that type of assumption. I’m sorry.”

And Raven can’t handle Lexa apologizing or feeling guilty for one more thing that isn’t her fault.

“You’re assumption was right.” Raven barely manages to get out. Her voice is strained, her heart is racing and she feels like she’s going to be sick. She’s never admitted this out loud to anyone besides Sinclair, and she doesn’t even want to think about what it means that she’s revealing this information to Lexa. All she knows is that she trusts Lexa, and that for some reason she wants her to know. “She used to hit me and beat me almost every day when I lived with her. She’s only done it a few times since I moved away to college—during the one summer I came home—but she hasn’t done it since then. I won’t let her.”

That last part is said quietly but resolutely, and Raven waits in nervous anticipation for Lexa to speak as the silence hangs heavy between them.

“I’m so sorry, Raven.” She breathes out, and Raven can hear the strain in her voice as she tries to hold back her emotions. “I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been for you. So thank you for trusting me. I hate what your mother did to you. It makes me feel sick. It’s one of the worst things a parent can do to their child, and I’m sorry you had to deal with something so horrible.”

“It’s not your fault.” Raven barely manages to get out through her tears, knowing it’s not really an adequate response, but unable to say more with the way Lexa’s words seem to be slowly chipping away at the walls she’s so carefully constructed over the years.

“I know, I’m just sorry you had to go through that. You deserve better, Raven.”

And god help her, Raven actually starts to believe her.

Chapter Text

Something shifts between them when they return from fall break. It’s like the time apart has only strengthened and solidified their bond. Their hugs last longer, they sit closer together, eat more meals together, study and spend more time together in general. Both of them use the excuse that finals are coming up and they have to finish their research project, but their friends start to tease them about being a couple. Raven just rolls her eyes, and Lexa scoffs, pretending to be upset and trying not to think about the fact that she’s starting to wish it was true.

They finish their final project and turn it in. Both of them feeling sad at what this means. They won’t have any classes together next semester.

Now that Thanksgiving is over, the campus erupts in a flurry of Christmas decorations and events. Lexa knows that it’s kind of cheesy, but something about this time of year feels magical to her. The cooler weather, the sparkling lights and warm drinks and the way she gets to pull out all of her favorite sweaters and scarves. The weather at Stanford doesn’t get cold like it does in New York, but it’s just cool enough that Lexa can get away with wearing most of her light winter clothes.

She convinces Raven to go to a Christmas themed bar crawl with her. Raven begrudgingly agrees and Lexa is honestly surprised because Raven absolutely loves stuff like that, and normally she’s the one trying to convince Lexa to go along with her. Lexa knows there’s more to the story and wants to ask Raven about it, but as usual she’s worried about pushing her too far, knowing she needs to wait for the right moment.

They’re at Indra’s apartment when Lexa decides to ask her about it.

It’s Sunday afternoon and Lexa invites Raven over to make cookies and watch a movie, but when Raven shows up and sees that Lexa has picked out the movie Elf and the kitchen has been set up to decorate Christmas cookies, she immediately becomes withdrawn and uncomfortable. Lexa is at a bit of a loss with Raven’s reaction, but when Raven gives her a tight smile and agrees to help her with the cookies, Lexa tries to take that as a good sign. But as it turns out, Lexa ends up doing most of the work while Raven leans against the counter, scrolling through her phone with a slight scowl on her face. The silence and tension between them is thick and a far cry from the holiday cheer Lexa was hoping for. She planned out today because she wanted to make Raven happy, and so far she seems to be failing miserably.

“Hey, Raven?” Lexa asks, feeling her own emotions and discomfort grow.

“Yeah?” Raven replies distracted, still scrolling through her phone.

“Did I do something wrong?” Lexa asks quietly, unable to help the way her voice constricts at the end.

“What?” Raven asks, looking up from her phone with genuine concern, and Lexa can’t help the emotion she feels at the way they’re finally able to connect. The whole thing reminding her of the night Raven told her about her mom.

Lexa takes a deep breath to steady her emotions before responding. “Did I do something wrong?” She asks again, her voice still shaky and uncertain.

Raven gives her a sad look. “Of course not,” she says quietly, holding Lexa’s gaze and trying to reassure her.

“Then what’s going on?” Lexa asks softly, and Raven just sighs, taking a deep breath before running her fingers through her hair.

“I’m sorry for acting like such a jerk. It’s really nice that you did all this. It’s just...” she trails off, looking down at her feet and crossing her arms over her chest so she can grip her arms. It’s like she’s trying to hold herself together. She looks so small and defeated that all Lexa wants to do is go to her and wrap her up in a warm embrace, but she knows that will be too much, so she waits quietly and patiently for Raven to continue, knowing it’s difficult for her.

“I don’t have a lot of experience with Christmas.” Raven says softly, her voice gravelly and thick with emotion. “I mean I’ve seen a few movies on tv and know what it’s supposed to be like, but lets just say that Christmas at the Reyes household was either nonexistent or a complete disaster.”

“Oh,” Lexa says just as soft, feeling stupid for not picking up on it sooner.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be such a grinch about everything.” Raven tries to joke, but it falls flat.

“It’s okay, Raven I get it. Before I moved in with Gustus and Aden I only had bad Christmases too.”

“Really?” Raven asks, looking somewhat relieved to not be alone in her feelings.

“Yeah,” Lexa says softly, stepping into Raven’s space and reaching for her hands. Searching for the familiar scar on Raven’s palm and tracing it with her thumb. “Most of the foster homes I lived in were overrun with too many kids to get more than just a single, standard gift. Some foster parents didn’t even offer gifts or celebrate. One Mormon house I lived in for a year didn’t celebrate any holidays at all. Besides what I had read in books or watched on tv, I never really knew what a real Christmas was like until the year Gustus adopted me.”

Raven gives her a sad and understanding look. “I’m sorry you had to go through that Lexa. You deserved better.” She says softly, tracing soothing circles on the back of Lexa’s hands. Lexa feels emotion welling up in her chest at Raven’s compassion and care, especially considering she seemed to fare much worse.

“You deserved better too.” Lexa says earnestly, hoping that Raven will believe her.

Raven just gives her a sad smile and a shrug. “It’s whatever. There’s no use in crying over something you never had and can’t change, right?”

Raven tries to give her a smile, but her eyes are still sad, and it makes Lexa feel so heartbroken that someone as beautiful and amazing as Raven thinks she deserves so little and seems to have given up hope. Lexa vows right then and there that she’ll do whatever it takes to change that.

“What would you say to coming to New York with me for Christmas?” Lexa asks, the idea suddenly springing into her head. She squeezes Raven’s hand in quiet anticipation, hoping she’ll agree.

“You want me to come to New York with you for Christmas? Won’t that be weird for your family?” She asks, her eyes filled with confusion and surprise.

“It won’t be weird at all. It’s just Gustus and Aden and honestly, with the strange hours Gustus has to work because of his job, it gets kind of boring hanging out with a twelve year old boy who’s only interest is playing video games all day.”

“Are you sure?” Raven asks, and Lexa can see the uncertainty and excitement in her eyes.

“I’m sure if you’re sure.” Lexa replies softly, and her heart skips a beat when she sees Raven smiling at the familiar words.

“I’m sure.” Raven replies just as quietly, and when Raven tugs her hand and pulls her into a hug, all Lexa can do is smile and hug her back.

When they pull back from the hug, Raven is giving her a blinding white smile and pulling Lexa by the hand to sit with her on the couch. Raven picks up the remote and starts the movie and Lexa feels giddy with the way Raven leans into her and continues to hold her hand. They get so caught up in laughing at the movie that they forget about the cookies in the oven, and when Lexa pulls out the charred candy canes and Christmas trees Raven just laughs.

****

They fly to New York for winter break. Lexa wanting to show Raven what a true Christmas in New York is like. Remembering her first Christmas with Aden and Gustus feeling magical and wanting that so badly for her friend.

Raven has never been flying before due to having such an isolated and abusive childhood, and Lexa is excited to be the one who gets to share the first time experience with her. Raven will never admit it, but Lexa can tell she’s nervous. She’s babbling and quoting stats about airplanes and bouncing her knee while the plane loads up and they get ready for take off. Lexa insisted on Raven having the window seat so she can get the full flying experience and she can’t help but smile at the way Raven points to the wing of the plane and talks about wind speed and aerodynamics. And yeah, Raven definitely did her research or just knows a lot about airplanes. Either way, Lexa’s not surprised. She loves nerdy Raven almost as much as soft and protective Raven, and definitely more than flirty and smug Raven.

Lexa tries not to laugh at how closely Raven pays attention to the flight attendant when she goes through the standard flight safety information and the emergency evacuation plan. Lexa has heard it so many times by now, that like most people she rarely pays attention. She can’t help but think about how cute Raven looks as she furrows her brow and bites her bottom lip. Watching intently as the flight attendant demonstrates how to put on an oxygen mask and locate the flotation device under her seat. When the preflight demonstration is over, the attendants find their seats and they get ready for take off.

She feels Raven’s body tense beside her as the plane starts to move and taxi down the runway. Lexa turns to look at her and feels her heart clench as Raven double checks her seat belt before gripping the arm rest tightly and looking out the window. She’s never seen Raven look so nervous before, and all Lexa wants to do is reach out and comfort her. So that’s what she does. She reaches for Raven’s hand, settling her own on top of it and trying to pry her fingers away from the arm rest. Raven turns to look down at their hands before gazing up to meet Lexa’s eyes and Lexa’s heart flutters at the grateful smile Raven gives her and the way she turns her palm up so they can lace their fingers together. Lexa gives Raven’s hand a reassuring squeeze and a small smile back and she feels Raven’s body start to relax as she traces the familiar scar on Raven’s palm with her thumb. It’s almost become a habit at this point anytime they’re holding hands.

Despite her initial fear, once they reach cruising altitude and are flying smoothly through the air, Raven ends up really enjoying the flight and Lexa loves it. She loves the way Raven looks out the window in awe as the sun and clouds pass by, and the way she continues to hold Lexa’s hand while she talks excitedly about weather patterns and atmospheric pressure. Lexa tries to hide her disappointment when the flight attendant comes around with the drink cart and Raven has to let go of her hand to take her drink and eat what she eventually deems as subpar peanuts.

Lexa laughs when Raven tells her she’s going to convince the flight attendant to give them free mixed drinks by flirting with her. Initially, Lexa thinks she’s joking, but when the flight attendant passes by and Raven waves her down, Lexa realizes she’s serious. Lexa is surprised by the anger she feels bubbling up in her chest as Raven flirts and acts smug and successfully scores them some drinks. Lexa tries not to drink hers too quickly with the jealousy she feels after watching Raven flirt with another woman. Logically she knows the flirting is meaningless on Raven’s part, but she still can’t help the jealousy she feels. It’s only quelled by the way Raven smiles at her affectionately and grips her hand nervously as the plane descends and lands. As they exit the plane, Lexa makes sure to loop her arm with Raven’s and give the flight attendant a scowl as they leave, and she tries not to think about what it all means.

They take a cab from the airport to Gustus’s apartment in Greenwich Village. Raven is quite almost the whole way there, and Lexa can’t tell if it’s because she’s just taking in the city or if something else is going on. She knows taking a trip like this is new to Raven and she’s experiencing a lot of first. First time flying, first time on the east coast, first time in New York, first time seeing snow and being in such cold weather. Lexa can’t imagine how overwhelming it all must be, especially for someone like Raven who’s always so knowledgeable about everything and likes to know and feel confident about what’s going on. Despite how good she is at improvising and going with the flow, Lexa knows Raven doesn’t like walking into any situation she’s doesn’t feel prepared for. The experience of being such a fish out of water undoubtedly making her feel uneasy.

Lexa tries to distract her by pointing out different sights and landmarks as they drive past them, and for the most part it seems to work. Raven starts to ask some of her own questions, looking excitedly as Lexa points things out, adding in some of her own knowledge based on things she’s read about or seen on movies and tv.

When they arrive at the apartment building, Lexa starts to feel excited about finally being home. Raven unloads their luggage as Lexa pays the cab driver and they both stand on the sidewalk staring up at the tall glass and brick apartment building towering in front of them. Raven stands beside her in awe, and Lexa can’t help but smile at the way her eyes go wide and her mouth hangs slightly open as she takes it all in.

“You ready?” Lexa asks, unable to hide the excited anticipation she feels.

“Yeah,” Raven replies, giving Lexa a small smile before reaching for her hand.

Lexa’s heart skips a beat at the contact, and she tries to ignore the fluttering in her chest as she leads Raven into the building and up the elevator.

The apartment is a rustic two-story loft with hard wood floors, brick walls, and exposed beams. There’s a floor to ceiling wall of windows that looks out over the city, and a large patio and garden space outside that they have access to as well. It’s a nice apartment that Lexa knows they’re lucky to have considering how expensive real estate is in New York. She knows part of the reason they’re able to afford it is because Gustus’s security firm has been very successful over the years and that he got a good deal on the apartment because he runs security for the entire building.

Lexa introduces Raven to Gustus and Aden and is surprised when she acts quiet and shy. It’s a far cry from her normally snarky and confident self and Lexa knows her well enough by now to know there’s more going on. She decides that once she and Raven are alone she’ll try to get her to talk about it.

The sleeping arrangements are limited and Lexa and Raven end up having to share Lexa’s bed in her childhood bedroom. There really are no other options. The loft is large and spacious, but as is common with most New York apartments, has very few bedrooms. Only enough for Gustus, Lexa, and Aden to each have their own. Technically Raven could sleep on the couch in the living room, but Gustus is an early riser and Lexa knows Raven hates waking up early. Plus, Raven’s back and ribs are still sensitive at times, even though for the most part she’s healed since the attack occurred three months ago and she’s been functioning normally for about a month now. Lexa has a full bed but offers to sleep on the couch or an air mattress on her bedroom floor, not wanting to make Raven feel uncomfortable. Raven of course tells her she’s being stupid and that they can just share the bed. Lexa supposes it’s not all that different than sleeping in tight quarters in the rover, but something about the idea of sleeping with Raven in her childhood bed just does something to her.

She distracts herself from the thought by giving Raven a small tour of her bedroom and the attached bathroom, showing her where everything is and telling her to make herself at home. Raven just gazes around the room with a slightly sad and serious look on her face and gives Lexa a nod, before going over to her suitcase to start unpacking. Lexa does the same, knowing that Raven will need the distraction between them if she’s going to open up to her. A heavy silence settles between them and Lexa is trying to think of the right words to say, not wanting to scare Raven away.

“Raven, hey, is everything okay?” She asks, continuing to unpack her suitcase, making sure not to focus too much of her attention on her.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” Raven asks dully, as she continues going through her suitcase.

“I don’t know, you’ve just been acting kind of different. Is something wrong?”

“What? Oh, it’s nothing.” Raven says as she opens one of the empty drawers Lexa told her she could use and places some clothes inside.

Lexa just lets out a long sigh, wondering if they’ll ever be past this. Of Raven hiding her struggles and emotions away from her and Lexa having to pry them out of her. Lexa knows it’s nothing she’s doing that’s causing Raven to distrust her. That Raven is damaged and wounded from having such an abusive childhood and has few people she’s been able to trust and rely on for support in her life. Raven spent years stuffing down her own feelings and walking on egg shells around her mom. Living with a constant feeling of fear and mistrust as a way to survive. And even though Raven no longer needs to be in survival mode with Lexa, it’s a gut instinct for her to go into survival mode anytime feelings of fear or uncertainty arise. Lexa knows Raven must be feeling fearful and out of place, remembering how she felt when she first moved in with Gustus and Aden. She wasn’t used to being around a kind and functional family, and it made her feel uncomfortable and afraid.

“I can tell something’s bothering you Raven. You don’t have to hide it from me.”

“I’m not, it’s just...” She trails off having difficulty explaining herself. “I don’t know, it’s stupid.” Raven finishes walking back over to the bed.

“Raven, if something’s bothering you, it’s not stupid. You can tell me. You know I’m not going to judge you.” Lexa says softly, stepping into Raven’s space and reaching for her hands.

“I don’t know, it’s just I feel weird. Being here with you and your family for Christmas. I mean don’t get me wrong, you’re all so nice and caring and this is one of the nicest things anyone’s ever done for me, but it just feels weird. I’m not used to this and it all feels so strange. Being in a nice home, having people who care about me and are trying to make me feel comfortable. It’s strange. I don’t know if that makes any sense?” Raven finishes, biting her bottom lip and giving Lexa an uncertain look.

“It makes perfect sense.” Lexa says reassuringly, wanting Raven to know that she understands. “I felt the same way the first Christmas I spent here. It was weird being around something so normal and functional that I had only read about in books or seen on TV. I felt so out of place, like I didn’t belong. It made me feel sad and lonely.”

And Lexa knows she’s said the right thing when Raven gives her a watery smile and leans into her for a hug. “Thank you.” Raven whispers into her hair, tightening her arms around Lexa’s waist.

“Of course,” Lexa says quietly, rubbing soothing circles on her back.

“I just...” Raven trails off, her voice filling with emotion, “I just don’t want to let you down.”

Lexa pulls back quickly from the hug, taking in Raven’s tears and the sad look on her face. She reaches out her hands to rub Raven’s shoulders, trying to offer her some comfort. “Raven,” she says earnestly. “You could never let me down. Why would you even think that?”

Raven just shrugs and gives her a sad smile. “I don’t know, because I’m a grinch.” She tries to joke, but the sadness in her voice is too strong. “Because I’m emotionally stunted and don’t know how to do Christmas. You deserve to have a good Christmas Lex, and the last thing I want to do is ruin it for you by being moody and sad.” And Lexa’s heart clenches painfully in her chest as she tries to hold back the tears that are quickly forming in her eyes.

“You could never ruin Christmas for me, Raven. You’ve already made it better just by being here.”

“Even if I’m moody and weird?” Raven asks quietly, blinking back her tears, a mixture of uncertainty and hope in her eyes.

“Even if you’re moody and weird.” Lexa confirms. “I don’t need you to be perfect or happy all the time Raven. I just need you to be yourself, no matter what that is. I know it might feel weird or sad sometimes, but I promise you I’m going to show you what it’s like to have a real Christmas. A happy Christmas. A Christmas you deserve.”

Raven starts to tear up again and leans into Lexa’s arms, and Lexa just holds her close and comforts her.

“Thank you, Lex. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

“More than you’ll ever know.” Lexa replies, meaning the words wholeheartedly.

****

They eat dinner with Gustus and Aden in the living room in front of the TV.

Normally Gustus has them eat at the kitchen table, but instead he orders some pizzas and even puts out beer for Lexa and Raven to drink. It really surprises Lexa, because she just turned twenty-one this year and she’s never really had alcohol in front of him, but she knows that Gustus has a way of making people feel comfortable and at ease so she just goes with it. Lexa had warned Gustus about Raven’s past and possible discomfort, not wanting to break Raven’s trust or go into a lot of detail, but knowing she needed to make Gustus aware. Lexa trusts Gustus not to say anything, and is grateful for the effort he’s putting into making Raven feel more comfortable. The dinner is casual and relaxed and Raven seems to relax as well.

They eat dinner and watch tv and once the dishes are all cleared away, Gustus offers to take all of them into the city the next day to explore. Lexa and Raven both agree and Lexa feels happy over Raven’s genuine interest and excitement. They continue to watch tv, but when it starts to get late Gustus and Aden decide to head to bed, leaving Lexa and Raven alone.

They decide to stay up late, both of them more used to later bed times from being at college. Honestly, Lexa is kind of glad because the idea of having Raven sleeping in her bed is starting to make her feel nervous. It’s no secret that Lexa’s feelings have been slowly developing into something more for Raven. But Raven is her best friend who’s been there for her through so much and the last thing she wants to do is jeopardize that by falling for her when she doesn’t know if Raven feels the same way back. And even if she does, the idea of risking their friendship for a relationship that could end in heartbreak is too scary for Lexa to even think about.

Raven is sitting closer to her now. Having moved into Lexa’s space so they can share a blanket. Despite how nice the apartment is it can still get drafty in the winter, and Lexa revels in the warmth of their bodies gently pressed together and snuggled under the blanket. Their arms and legs are touching, and their feet seem to have tangled together. Lexa shivers when their hands brush against each other under the blanket, and her pulse starts to race when she feels Raven’s warm hand smooth across her own before she laces their fingers together.

Lexa tries to pay attention to what they’re watching. She does. But the way Raven is leaning into her and gently stroking the back of her hand with her thumb is distracting. She can’t help but wonder what it all means. She knows they’ve held hands before to offer each other comfort and support. But for some reason this feels different. It’s like they’re holding hands simply for the sake of holding hands and she doesn’t know what that means. Lexa doesn’t have much time to think about it though, because soon Raven is pressing even further into her side and leaning her head down to rest on Lexa’s shoulder. Raven’s warm body presses and sinks into her and Lexa suddenly realizes what’s happening.

They’re cuddling.

They’re actually cuddling.

Lexa tries to relax, knowing Raven will be able to sense her tension and not wanting to ruin the moment between them with an awkward conversation. Raven squeezes her hand and giggles against her shoulder at something on the tv and Lexa’s breath hitches when she feels the vibration go through her. It makes her feel all warm and tingly inside, and there’s something about feeling Raven so relaxed and unguarded and snuggled up against her that just does something to Lexa. She knows Raven isn’t really the type of person who just cuddles with people and she tries not to think about what it means that Raven is doing it with her. Plenty of close friends cuddle platonically with each other, and Lexa just needs to calm down, and god she really is a useless lesbian.

“You ready for bed?” Raven asks, shaking Lexa from her thoughts. She lifts up her head and meets Lexa with sleepy eyes and a sleepy smile, and their faces are so close that Lexa has to remind herself to breathe.

“Yeah.” Lexa breathes out, relieved that her voice comes out fairly normal.

Raven stands up and stretches, revealing part of her toned stomach before reaching out a hand to help Lexa up. “Come on,” She says through a yawn, continuing to hold out her hand.

All Lexa can do is stare and wordlessly grab Raven’s hand, trying to use the leverage to help herself stand up. Their timing must be off, because Lexa is suddenly on her feet but off balance and she almost falls until Raven steadies her with both hands on her hips. Lexa’s breath hitches when Raven’s warm hands accidentally slip up under the hem of her shirt and press against the bare skin of her stomach and hips. Their bodies are practically flush, and their faces are so close that Lexa can feel Raven’s warm breath as it ghosts across her skin. She swears she sees Raven’s eyes dart down to her lips before meeting her with a heavy lidded gaze, and there’s a beat where Lexa thinks they actually might kiss.

But then Raven is pulling back, dropping her hands from Lexa’s waist and offering her a small smile instead. “Lets go to bed.” She says softly, and Lexa just nods and leads the way, too afraid of what her voice will sound like if she tries speak.

Chapter Text

Once they’re in Lexa’s room, Lexa is quick to grab her pajamas and make her way into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind her. She takes a deep breath when she’s finally alone, quickly shedding and folding her clothes before changing into her pajamas. When she looks at what she’s wearing, she wishes she would have grabbed something different. Her cut off tank top and too short gym shorts leaving her feeling extremely exposed.

She doesn’t know why she’s so worked up. Raven has seen her in this exact outfit, and it never bothered Lexa before. But she knows something has shifted between them now, and after their moment by the couch, she’s not sure if it’s entirely one sided like she thought. She goes over to the sink, looks at her flushed cheeks in the mirror and quickly turns on the cold water, wetting a washcloth and pressing the cool liquid to her face. She finally feels herself calming down so she dries off her face, and gives herself a stern look in the mirror. She can do this, it’s just Raven, her best friend. She decides to brush her teeth before leaving, hoping it will help to further calm her down.

When she’s finished she makes her way to the bathroom door, opening it slowly before stepping into the room. She looks over to find Raven has changed into her pajamas and all of her confidence from before quickly flies out the window when she takes her in. Raven is wearing a pair of short, red boxer briefs that show off her toned legs and ass, as well as a tight Queen t-shirt that’s worn and practically see through. She looks so hot and amazing and Lexa feels a jolt of arousal between her thighs when she realizes Raven isn’t wearing a bra.

Raven gives her a smile, completely unaware of Lexa’s reaction, and Lexa tries to smile back, but all she can manage to do is dart her eyes away and squeeze her thighs together, trying to relieve some of the tension. She makes her way over to her side of the bed and turns on the bedside lamp before walking over to turn off the overhead light. When she turns back to the bed, she’s relieved to find that Raven is now in the bathroom, no doubt going through her nightly routine.

Lexa quickly makes her way under the covers, wanting to avoid any added awkwardness that could occur from having to get into the bed with Raven in the room. She rolls over thinking she’ll just pretend to be asleep, but quickly realizes the flaw in her plan. The lamp is on her side of the bed, and if she turns it off now, Raven will be forced to find her way to the bed in the dark. Lexa seriously considers it for a few seconds before realizing how rude and inconsiderate it is and how ridiculous she’s being. She’s slept in close quarters with Raven before in the rover. But something about them sleeping in her bed after everything that’s happened tonight and with how aroused she’s feeling makes this all feel so different.

Raven comes out of the bathroom fresh faced and chestnut hair flowing wild and tossed mainly over one shoulder. She looks so beautiful and Lexa watches breathlessly as Raven makes her way over to the bed and slips under the covers. And god, Lexa really remembers this bed being a lot bigger. She can feel Raven’s warmth as she settles next to her, and tries to ignore the way her pulse starts to race when she feels Raven’s bare leg brush against her own.

“You ready?” Lexa manages to get out, reaching for the lamp and congratulating herself for sounding fairly normal.

“Yeah,” Raven says through a yawn, before giving Lexa a sleepy smile, and Lexa quickly turns off the lamp and slips even further under the covers. She rolls onto her side giving Raven her back, unable to deal with the way Raven is looking at her.

They’re laying in Lexa’s bed trying to fall asleep. And honestly, Lexa doesn’t know how she’s supposed to sleep when she’s feeling so turned on and the girl she’s been heavily crushing on is laying in her bed a few inches away wearing a see through t-shirt and a pair of red boxer briefs. She can’t stop thinking about the fact that Raven is actually the first girl she’s ever had in her bed. Despite having been in a relationship with Costia, the two of them had only had sex a handful of times and all of those times were either in Costia’s bedroom or the backseat of cars. Lexa having been too much of a rule follower at the time to actually risk having sex with Costia in her own bed.

When Costia died at the end of Lexa’s junior year in high school, she had mourned her over the summer and when her senior year started, she threw herself into academics trying to forget about her grief, and remaining celibate until she got to college. During her first year of college she still hadn’t felt healed enough to be open to a new relationship, but by the second year, she’d finally felt ready to attempt dating again. After a few failed attempts, Lexa started to get the hang of things, and actually found she was able to enjoy herself. She decided to just have fun, not looking for anything too serious, knowing she wasn’t ready for it yet. She hooked up with quite a few girls during that time, most of them only one night stands, but she felt liberated to be exploring her sexuality. After almost a year of dating and sleeping around Lexa decided to stop. Anya teasing her that despite a year of exploring her sexuality, she was still too obsessed with academics and only managed to sleep with three girls.

Regardless of Anya’s opinions about her sexual prowess and academics, Lexa had resolved that the next time she had sex with someone would be when she was in a committed relationship with them. Lexa wasn’t actively looking for someone. In fact, she’d spent the summer after that year studying and taking extra classes. But when the school year started and she met Raven, everything changed.

“Hey, are you okay? You seem tense.” Raven says softly, smoothing a hand across Lexa’s back. Raven’s touch is soothing and gentle, pulling Lexa back to the present moment, causing her pulse to race and her heart to flutter.

Raven is turned on her side facing Lexa, and Lexa can’t help but turn so they’re laying face to face. She can still make out Raven’s features, the moonlight streaming through the window bathing them in a blue glow. Her brown eyes are filled with concern, and Lexa has no idea what comes over her but she reaches for Raven’s hand and holds it in the space between them, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Lexa says just as softly, not wanting to break the quiet moment between them. “I’m just not used to having someone sleeping in my bed with me.” Which is true, because she isn’t. But it’s not all of the truth, and Lexa wishes she could be brave and take the chance to tell Raven how she really feels, but she can’t. Raven deserves to experience a real Christmas, and the last thing she needs is for Lexa to ruin it by confessing her feelings. Especially when they’re on the other side of the country and Raven has nowhere to escape to if Lexa’s admission sends her running.

“Yeah, I’m not really used to sharing a bed with anyone either.” Raven says quietly, giving her an understanding look before gently stroking the back of her hand. It’s comforting and calming and Lexa releases a breath she didn’t even realize she was holding, feeling herself start to relax as her nerves begin to fade away.

They’re both just laying there, holding each other’s gaze. Lexa feels surprisingly comfortable and relaxed, a far cry from earlier. She’s stroking the jagged scar on Raven’s palm, and she’s hit with the sudden urge to know the story behind it.

“How did you get this?” Lexa asks, surprising herself with her boldness as she turns Raven’s hand palm up and continues tracing the scar.

Raven tenses up at first, and Lexa worries she’s pushed her too far. Raven has already been so far out of her comfort zone today, and asking her to share something so personal might be too much.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Lexa says quickly, offering her an out.

“No, I want to.” Raven says softly; the sad and lost look in her eyes telling Lexa that she needs to brace herself.

Lexa just grips her hand and nods, trying to prepare herself for what she’s about to hear.

“You know how I told you my mom had problems with drinking and doing drugs?” Raven asks, giving Lexa a questioning look.

Lexa nods and rubs Raven’s hand, encouraging her to continue.

“Well, the part I didn’t tell you about is that sometimes she would trade sex for money so she could use it to buy drugs or booze.”

Lexa tightens her grip, already feeling a sense of dread over where this story is heading. She’s surprised by how unaffected Raven seems to be, but she guesses she should expect it. Raven had to normalize so many horrible parts of her childhood in order to survive, and it makes sense that she’s able to disconnect from it.

“During my first year of high school, my mom started bringing around this cop. I thought it was weird since she was into a lot of illegal stuff, but it’s not like my mom always made smart decisions when it came to that kind of shit. I’d seen all kinds of men come around from doctors and lawyers, to pastors and construction workers all just looking for the same thing. At first I thought the cop was just coming around so my mom could sleep with him for money. But then he started hanging around after to drink with her. I thought it was kinda weird, but plenty of guys get lonely and will pay for the company, so I didn’t think anything of it. It wasn’t until I came home late from school one day, and saw him giving her drugs, that I realized they were getting high together. Apparently the guy was a dirty cop who was stealing drugs from the dealers he arrested and selling them on the side instead of turning them in like he was supposed to.”

“That’s awful.” Lexa says, still trying to process everything Raven has shared.

“Yeah, I mean until then I thought cops were good guys, but this guy really changed my mind about that.” She says that last part through gritted teeth, a far off look in her eyes, and Lexa knows there’s more to the story.

“What happened?” Lexa asks softly, rubbing the back of Raven’s hand in an attempt to offer her some comfort.

“At first, nothing. Most of the time I just tried to stay out of sight and out of mind. Anytime he came over, I would lock myself in my room and try to avoid them both. My mom always got slap happy when she was high, especially when she was on the coke he was giving her. I wasn’t sure what he was like, but I wasn’t about to hang around and find out. So I hid in my room while they got drunk and high, and for the most part it worked. Both of them were more interested in the drugs and booze than me anyway, and I was fine with that. But one night, that all changed.” Raven says quietly. That lost look is back and Lexa almost wants to tell her to stop, afraid of the horrible story she knows she’s about to hear, but she doesn’t, knowing it’s important for Raven to get this out.

“What happened?” Lexa asks softly again, hoping she isn’t pushing Raven too far. Raven just sighs and takes a deep breath before continuing.

“What happened is that I was stupid.” Her voice is so harsh and her body is so tense, and the dark and angry look in her eyes causes Lexa’s heart to clench painfully in her chest. Lexa doesn’t know what to say to break her out of her angry trance so she offers her physical comfort instead. She traces the scar on Raven’s palm before slipping her fingers down to rub a soothing pattern on the inside of her wrist. She alternates between both movements and after several minutes it seems to have the desired effect, Raven’s whole body relaxes and her eyes soften and become more clear.

“Raven, if this is hurting you, we don’t have to keep doing this. I know I asked, and I’m okay with whatever you want to share. But if it’s too much for you, then I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this for me.”

“No, Lexa. I’m not. I’m telling you this because I want to. You’re my friend and you asked me about it and I want to be able to share things like this with you. I’m not going to let what this asshole did stop me from being honest. As long as you’re still okay with it?” She asks, an apprehensive look in her eyes.

“Of course. I’m here for you no matter what.” Lexa says earnestly, wanting Raven to know she can trust her. Raven takes a deep breath and lets out a shaky sigh before continuing.

“I left my science book out on the coffee table one night after studying in the living room. I forgot to grab it when the cop came over, but I really needed it to study for a test I had the next day. So I decided to just suck it up and go out there and get it. When I got out there my mom and the cop were sitting on the couch and the coffee table was covered in open bottles of booze and lines of coke. They were both drunk and high, and started complaining and making shitty comments to me when I was looking around. I tried to ignore them, all I wanted was to find my book and get the hell out of there. I finally found it on the floor, partially hidden under the table and I was relieved to finally be able to get it and leave. But when I bent over to reach for the book I lost my balance and fell, bumping into the coffee table on the way. It ended up knocking over their booze which then spilled all over their drugs and ruined them. Let’s just say they didn’t take it so well.” Raven says, her eyes darkening and her grip on Lexa’s hand tightening.

“What did they do?” Lexa asks shakily, afraid of what she’s about to hear.

“They got mad.” Raven says roughly, before taking a deep breath. “Like really fucking mad. I didn’t even have time to take in what was going on and before I knew it, the cop was standing over me, drunk and high and out of his mind with rage, holding a broken beer bottle and coming for my face. I put my hand up to block him out of reflex, and then suddenly there was blood everywhere and I was screaming out in pain and I realized that he’d stabbed me in the hand. I’d never seen so much blood before and I honestly thought I was gong to die. I don’t know if my mom and the cop didn’t notice or if they did and just didn’t care, but I barely managed to grab my book and get out of there before the cop came at me again.”

Lexa’s heart is racing, feeling sickened by the vivid picture Raven is painting for her. Unable to help her own anxiety and fear for a young Raven who was forced to deal with something so terrifying, and needing to know what happened to her next. “What did you do?”

“I ran to my room as fast as I could. I knew I was getting blood everywhere, but at that point I didn’t fucking care. I just wanted to get away. When I finally made it to my room I ran in and locked the door as quickly as I could. The cop was right behind me and I barely made it inside before he was screaming and banging on the door. Thankfully I’d installed a deadbolt on the door a few years earlier when my mom started bringing more guys around. Eventually he went away when he realized he wasn’t getting in, but it wasn’t for a lack of trying. I’m pretty sure if it wasn’t for that deadbolt he would have gotten in and who knows what the hell would have happened then.” Raven finishes, letting out a long sigh and struggling to meet Lexa’s eyes.

“I’m glad he didn’t get in.” Lexa says softly, feeling at a loss for words. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that Raven, it sounds terrifying.”

“It was scary at the time and sucked, but I got through it. Just like I always do.” Raven replies, her eyes shining with unshed tears as she gives Lexa a sad smile.

And god, Lexa hates how sad and broken Raven looks. Hates the people in Raven’s life who didn’t protect her the way they were supposed to. Hates the dirty cop who sold her mom drugs and almost took her life. But Raven doesn’t need her hatred and anger right now, no matter how righteous they may be. So Lexa swallows down her own emotions, and focuses on offering Raven comfort and support instead. “What happened to your hand?” She asks softly, carefully tracing the scar and doing her best not to cry.

“I was able to stop the bleeding by using a first aid kit I had hidden under my bed and a few tricks I learned from health class. You know, cleaning out the wound, applying pressure, elevating it above the heart. I had lost so much blood though that I ended up passing out on my bedroom floor, and didn’t wake up until the next morning. By then the cop was gone and my mom was passed out and I was just glad the whole thing was over.”

“Raven, I’m so sorry. That’s horrible.” Lexa replies, trying to hold back her tears. Knowing the words are an understatement, but unable to say more through the emotions and heartbreak she feels.

“It was rough.” Raven acknowledges with a sigh. “I probably should have gone to the hospital to get stitches. Looking back now I guess I could have and maybe I would have gotten out of that house sooner. But back then I was too afraid of what my mom would do to me if she found out. Especially because I knew she had slept with some doctors and I thought that if I saw one of them there then they would tell on me and there would be hell to pay at home. Obviously knowing what I know now, it was stupid to think that, but that’s what I thought at the time. I didn’t know any different. I was too afraid of my mom.”

“That must have been scary.” Again, it’s an understatement, but Lexa doesn’t want to push Raven too far, and she’s too shocked and horrified to have much else to say.

“Yeah, I mean the cop never came back after that. I don’t know if he had a wake up call after realizing how far he’d gone or if he decided seeing my mom wasn’t worth the trouble. Part of me wanted to believe that my mom actually stood up for me and sent him packing, but when she slapped me the next day and sent me to my room, after telling me she wished I was never born, I knew that wasn’t the case. It shouldn’t have been a surprise, her drugs and booze were always more important. Guess she doesn’t win any mother of the year awards.” Raven tries to joke, letting out a disappointed sigh, and Lexa doesn’t miss the few stray tears that escape her eyes. She’s unable to stop herself from reaching out and wiping them away, letting her hand linger so she can gently cup and stroke Raven’s cheek.

“Raven I...” Lexa trails off, not knowing what to say. The story is so heartbreaking and horrifying that it leaves her feeling speechless and sick to her stomach, and Lexa tries not to think about how many terrifying nights like that Raven had to live through.

“Sorry, if that was too much. I didn’t mean to upset you.” Raven says softly, reaching up for Lexa’s hand on her cheek and moving it to hold it in the space between them. “I know my past is kind of intense and can be a lot to deal with, and I didn’t mean to upset you or burden you with it.”

Raven sounds so guilty and ashamed, and her eyes look so anguished and lost, and all Lexa wants to do is make it go away.

“It’s not too much,” Lexa manages to get out without crying. Knowing that Raven needs her to be strong right now—needs Lexa to be able to handle what she’s sharing. And while Lexa may be breaking into a million pieces inside, heartbroken over all her friend has had to suffer through, she knows it’s nothing in comparison to what Raven actually felt when she was going through it. That last thought giving her the strength she needs to get through this. “Never apologize for being honest with me about the painful things that have happened to you, Raven. I care about you and I want you to be able to share those things with me, no matter how heartbreaking it might be. I’m so sorry that happened to you. You deserved better. I don’t know how you made it through all of that, I don’t think I could have survived what you did.”

“Of course you could have, Lexa. You’re one of the strongest people I know. It’s not like you had an easy childhood either.”

Lexa tries to ignore that last part. Knowing that while her childhood was difficult and she went through her fair share of foster parents who gave her a few knocks and didn’t always provide for her needs, it all seems like nothing compared to the nightmare that Raven had to live through. Especially considering Lexa got out of her circumstance and was put in a loving and supportive home with Gustus. Whereas Raven never got out until she left for college and is still not completely out since her mom is still in her life.

“We’re both strong to have survived what we did.” Raven says pulling Lexa from her thoughts, and Lexa just nods, not wanting to continue down the road of comparing traumas. Knowing that trauma affects each person differently.

“Is that why you didn’t want to call the cops when everything happened with Brett?” Lexa asks quietly, finally feeling like she’s putting the pieces together to make sense of Raven’s past behavior.

“Yeah,” Raven rasps out, looking down at their joined hands, and Lexa can see the shame and embarrassment on her face. “I know it was stupid and illogical, especially since I only had a bad experience with one cop. But ever since then I just don’t trust them.”

“Hey, stop. It’s not stupid it makes sense.” Lexa says softly, gently tracing the scar on Raven’s palm. “If I went through what you went through I wouldn’t trust the police either.”

Raven just sighs and looks at their hands, tracing the ridges of Lexa’s knuckles with her thumb.

“You know it’s not your fault right? What happened to you was on him not you.” Lexa says softly, knowing she might be over stepping, but unable to bear the thought of Raven blaming herself.

“I know it wasn’t my fault, but if I had just been more careful and not left my book out there, or not bumped into the table, then maybe I wouldn’t have gotten this.” Raven says, motioning to the scar on her hand. “It’s ugly.” She says brokenly and it makes Lexa feel sick.

“It’s not ugly Raven, it’s just a reminder of who you are.” Raven frowns, trying to pull away, but Lexa grips her hand tighter, realizing Raven has misinterpreted her words. “I don’t mean it in a bad way, Raven. When I looked at your hand before all I saw was a scar, but now when I look at it I think of your story. I think about how strong and brave you were back then and how strong and brave you are now. You survived so many difficult and scary things, and kept going when most people would have just given up. But you didn’t give up. You’re strong and you’re here and I’ll never stop being grateful for that.”

“Lexa—” Raven breathes out shakily, clearly emotional and on the brink of tears, unable to say anything else.

“You can blame yourself for surviving, but not for this.” Lexa says, tracing over the scar. “It wasn’t your fault Raven, it was his. What happened to not focusing on the could haves or should haves?” Lexa says sternly, forcing Raven to meet her eyes. “You’re not responsible for someone else’s bad behavior, Raven. No matter how much you wish you could have stopped it. You can’t blame yourself for something that was out of your control. Just because something could have turned out differently doesn’t mean it’s your fault that it didn’t.”

Lexa can tell the familiar words are like a healing balm, and Raven gives Lexa a grateful look with tears in her eyes. “You’re right.” She says softly. “It wasn’t my fault.”

“Damn right.” Lexa says just as softly, giving Raven a small smile. Her heart flutters when Raven gives her a small smile back before leaning in to press a gentle kiss to Lexa’s forehead.

“Thank you.” Raven whispers into the space between them, the emotion thick in her voice.

“Of course.” Lexa whispers back, unable to stop herself from lifting Raven’s hand up to her lips and pressing a gentle kiss to her scar.

Raven just gives Lexa this watery smile, before scooting closer so they can more comfortably hold hands.

They lay close together, sharing the same pillow as their foreheads gently press together. Lexa watches breathlessly as Raven struggles to keep her eyes open. She feels herself falling asleep too, the exhaustion from the day finally catching up with her. She closes her eyes and breathes in the faint scent of Raven’s minty breath and coconut shampoo and tries not to think about what it all means. They both whisper out quiet goodnights, and then there’s no more talking. Just soft sighs, and steady breaths as they hold each other’s hands and fall asleep.

****

They wake up the next morning in a tangle of limbs.

At first Lexa is confused, but when she realizes what’s going on she can’t help the way she shivers at the warmth of Raven’s skin. They’re tangled together so intimately, and it’s awkward and amazing and Lexa can’t help but feel incredibly aroused. Their bodies are pressed together tightly as Raven spoons her from behind. Lexa revels in the soft press of Raven’s breasts against her back, and the way her hips fit so perfectly against her ass, and the way her strong arms wrap around Lexa’s waist and keep their bodies close.

It’s perfect.

Lexa shivers when she realizes that Raven’s hand is splayed against the bare skin of her stomach and that one of her thighs is slotted snugly between her own. The way Raven’s warm breath ghosts across the back of her neck, and the way her thigh is so close to putting pressure exactly where Lexa wants it is almost more than she can take. Lexa feels herself getting wet, desperately needing some friction, and all she would have to do is scoot down a few inches, and oh god. If Lexa doesn’t get out of this situation quickly she’s not sure she’s going to be able to control herself.

Thankfully Raven still seems to be fast asleep, completely unaware of what’s going on. But when Lexa starts to move, Raven only tightens her hold, bringing their bodies even closer together and burying her face in the back of Lexa’s neck until her warm lips press against sensitive skin. Lexa’s whole body breaks out in goosebumps and her breath hitches when she feels Raven’s hips arch forward, pressing into her ass, as her hand smooths up Lexa’s stomach until she’s practically cupping her breast. Lexa’s heart starts to race and her nipples stiffen, and she’s so hot and so turned on that she tries to bite down the strangled moan at how amazing it all feels.

Apparently she does a bad job, because the noise stirs Raven awake and she breathes out a husky “Lexa?” against the back of her neck. The warmth of her breath and lips and the vibrations of her words send a jolt of arousal straight to Lexa’s clit.

And oh, god. Lexa knows at this point her underwear are ruined.

“Yeah?” Lexa asks breathily, not sure of what else she should do. Not wanting to bring more attention to the awkward situation they’re in. Thankfully Raven seems to realize their compromising position and quickly untangles herself before rolling over to lay on her back and put some much needed distance between them.

“Sorry,” Raven says, her voice still low and gravelly from sleep and her breathing coming out more ragged than before. Lexa swears she hears a slight edge to her voice, and maybe Lexa’s feelings aren’t so one sided after all.

“It’s okay.” Lexa replies, voice equally as strained.

“Do you think we should head downstairs?” Raven asks, clearly trying to draw attention away from the situation at hand and Lexa breathes out a sigh of relief.

“Yeah, I’m gonna use the bathroom first though.”

“Okay,” Raven replies. “I’m gonna put something a little more decent on. I doubt Gustus or Aden will want to see me in this.” She says looking down at her clothes and drawing Lexa’s attention with it. And Lexa is once again reminded of the fact that Raven is braless, the reality only more obvious in the bright morning light, and she tries not to drool over the sight of Raven’s abs and the deep v on her hips where her shirt has ridden up.

Lexa must be staring longer than she thinks, because Raven is clearing her throat and pulling her shirt down and when Lexa looks up to see her face, her eyes are slightly hooded and her cheeks are lightly flushed.

“I’m going to the bathroom.” Lexa says awkwardly, quickly getting up and ruffling through her drawers to find a pair of leggings and an oversized t-shirt, making sure to grab a bra and secretly slip a new pair of underwear into the bundle of clothes. She quickly makes her way into the bathroom, mortified by the way she was caught staring and immediately going to the sink so she can splash cold water on her face. It does little to relieve the flush on her cheeks and the ache between her legs and Lexa seriously considers getting herself off to release some of the tension. But when she actually thinks about going through with it, the utter embarrassment and shame she feels about getting herself off in her bathroom while Raven is right outside her door, is enough to tamper down her arousal.

Lexa takes a deep breath and changes, hoping her feelings aren’t as obvious as they seem.

****

They eat breakfast together and it’s nice. The awkward tension between her and Raven is gone.

Gustus makes them a big breakfast of eggs and bacon along with coffee, toast, and fresh fruit. Everyone is still sleepy and their guards are still down, and Lexa likes the way Raven looks at her when she’s feeling that way. Aden and Gustus poke fun at Lexa and make Raven laugh with their terrible jokes and stories. Raven chimes in with some of her own jokes and stories, each one more cringeworthy and embarrassing than the last. The whole thing is so ridiculous and has all of them struggling to eat through fits of laughter and tears, and Lexa can’t remember the last time her heart felt so full.

Once they’re done with breakfast, they get dressed and bundle up to face the cold New York weather. They take the elevator down to the ground floor, and when they step out of the building and onto the snowy sidewalk, Gustus hails them a cab and they set out to explore the city.

They drink hot cocoa and ice skate in Central Park.

Raven has never been ice skating before, but seems up for the challenge, and of course she’s a natural at it. Lexa remembers the first few times she tried to ice skate and remembers Gustus telling her she was like Bambi on ice. But of course Raven is good at it, and Lexa tries not to roll her eyes as Raven obnoxiously brags about how good she is and Gustus and Aden egg her on. Lexa tries to act mad about it, she really does. But the way Raven’s eyes are filled with such unrestrained glee and the way that she exchanges laughs and jokes with Aden and Gustus, fills Lexa’s heart with so much joy that she can’t help but match Raven’s blinding white smile with her own. She reaches out a hand for Raven to grab and they skate around the rink laughing and holding hands.

After a quick lunch at one of Lexa’s favorite bistros, they visit a few stores before making their way back to Greenwich Village to watch Elf The Musical in an off Broadway theater. There’s an early evening play that Gustus somehow managed to get tickets to last minute, which Lexa suspects is from being so well connected through his security firm. He always knows a guy who knows a guy, and Lexa is secretly grateful for it. They settle into their seats in the theater and when the lights go down and the curtain goes up, Raven squeezes her hand in excitement and Lexa squeezes back. Lexa tries to watch the play instead of staring at Raven, she really does but it’s hard. Raven is so happy and enjoying the musical so much and she’s constantly squeezing Lexa’s hand or knee and whispering funny comments in her ear.

When the play is over, Gustus takes them to a hole in the wall Italian restaurant to eat dinner. He of course knows the owner, a large Italian man with a mustache dressed in a white chefs outfit. He honestly looks like a character out of a movie, and Lexa giggles when Raven leans into her and quietly impersonates him in one of the most horrible Italian accents Lexa has ever heard. The restaurant is small but filled with a lot of first generation Italians who are loud and boisterous, and Raven seems to love it. They drink red wine and eat from way too large plates of spaghetti, finishing off the meal with small cups of espresso and tiramisu. Lexa tries not to burst from the elation she feels when Raven reaches for her hand under the table and squeezes. She finds the familiar scar on the palm of Raven’s hand and traces it gently with her thumb. She has to remind herself to breathe when Raven turns to look at her with teary eyes and a smile on her face before leaning in to whisper in Lexa’s ear, “Thank you for today,” then kisses her on the cheek.

Lexa tries and fails to hide the way she shivers at the feeling of Raven’s warm lips and breath, brushing across her skin and warming up her heart. When Raven pulls back and gives her a slightly questioning look, all Lexa can do is give her a reassuring smile back and a nod before leaning in to whisper, “You’re welcome.”

Chapter Text

They spend Christmas Eve at a Woods family Christmas party. It’s ugly Christmas sweater themed, and Lexa can tell Raven is surprised by how some of her family members really go all out. Raven is wearing a Santa hat and an ugly sweater that actually looks really cute on her and Lexa is a little breathless as she watches Raven’s cheeks flush when her grandmother asks how long they’ve been dating.

“Oh, um we’re not dating, Grandma. We’re just friends.” Lexa stammers out, embarrassed by the implication. Her feelings for Raven have been steadily growing over the past few months and she thought she was doing a good job of hiding them, but apparently not.

“Oh sure, I get it,” her Grandma says, giving them both a knowing smile and a wink. “I had a gal pal too when I was your age.”

Raven just giggles and Lexa squirms, trying not to feel mortified by the revelation. She tries to explain they’re not like that but it’s to no avail. Grandma is still convinced they’re dating, and apparently she’s not the only one.

For some reason all of Lexa’s relatives think that she and Raven are dating, and after a few unsuccessful attempts of convincing them otherwise, Raven convinces Lexa to just play along.

“Come on, Lex. It’ll be fun!”

If Lexa hadn’t already had three glasses of eggnog she’s not sure she’d agree to it, especially with the way her feelings for Raven have been growing into something more. But she’s just tipsy enough to agree, and Lexa thinks it’s one of the worst decisions she’s ever made.

****

This is one of the best decisions she’s ever made.

Pretending to be Raven’s girlfriend is one of the best decisions Lexa has ever made. Raven holds her hand almost all night, never leaving her side. She really plays it up, calling Lexa sickeningly sweet pet names that make Lexa blush and cringe. Raven regales the tale of how the two of them met and started dating. Which is essentially just their actual story with some romantic interpretations and actions added in. It’s so convincing and Raven looks at her with so much affection and unbridled joy in her brown eyes when she tells it, that Lexa almost starts to believe that it’s real.

It makes Lexa think about what it would really be like to be with Raven. To date her and kiss her and to call Raven hers. She’s surprised to find that she really likes the idea, and even more surprised to realize that it’s something she wants, and after everything that’s happened these past few days, she’s starting to think it might be something Raven wants too. After all, Raven did shamelessly pursue her and try to date her when they first met, maybe she still feels the same.

They end up finding themselves under some mistletoe, because of course they do. And with the prodding of some inebriated family members and friends—and to keep up the fake girlfriend act—Raven just giggles and plants one on Lexa’s lips. It’s just a peck at first. But when they both pull back, Raven has this hooded look in her eyes and Lexa doesn’t even have time to question it before Raven is leaning back in to reconnect their lips.

The kiss starts out chaste and sloppy because they’re both a little drunk, but it soon gets heated. And it’s everything. Lexa threads her fingers through Raven’s hair, pulling her closer to deepen the kiss, and Raven moans, digging her fingers into Lexa’s hips, gripping and pulling until their bodies are flush. The room around them fades away and there’s nothing more than Raven’s warm wet tongue and soft smooth lips and the little hums and groans she makes against Lexa’s mouth. And god, Lexa never wants this moment to end.

They’re pulled from the kiss by the sound of breaking glass as one of Lexa’s drunk uncles knocks over a vase.

They both pull back flushed and gasping for air. Raven has this dazed and hungry look in her eyes and Lexa has to remind herself to breathe. Raven’s breaths are still coming out in warm pants against Lexa’s lips and she can practically taste the peppermint schnapps and chocolate from the hot cocoa Raven was drinking earlier. The whole thing is so heady and intense that Lexa’s whole body starts to sway and she can’t help but close her eyes and lean in, loving the gentle way their foreheads press together and their noses touch.

Raven leans into Lexa’s touch and traces gentle circles on her hips with her thumbs, slipping them beneath the fabric of her sweater to press against the bare skin of her hips and dip beneath the waistband of her jeans. It’s exhilarating and arousing, and Lexa doesn’t know how long they stand there like that, swaying and breathing each other in, but eventually Raven pulls back to gaze into her eyes. And oh god, Lexa feels like she’s going to combust just from looking at her. Raven’s eyes are heavy lidded and hazy, the Santa hat sits crookedly on her head and her chestnut hair is mussed from where Lexa ran her fingers through it. Her cheeks are slightly flushed and she’s biting her bottom lip, and the whole thing is so insanely hot and intense that it all becomes too much for Lexa to handle.

Lexa flees the room.

She literally flees the room. She excuses herself from the room, ignoring Raven’s confused look, and quickly making her way upstairs to her bedroom. She closes the door behind her before slipping into the bathroom and locking the door. She breathes a sigh of relief and immediately goes to the sink, turning on the faucet and splashing some cold water on her face. The sensations flowing through her body are so hot and overwhelming, and she uses the cool water to calm herself down as she tries to catch her breath.

The kiss with Raven was amazing.

It was everything, and all Lexa can think about is doing it again. But this whole thing was just an act they were putting on for her family, and Lexa can’t afford to be thinking like that when she knows that Raven probably doesn’t feel the same way back. She looks into the mirror, taking in her own appearance. Her cheeks are flushed, her lips are swollen and pink, and she can’t stop thinking about the way Raven kissed her and left her looking like this. She tries not to think about the sticky feeling between her thighs as she splashes more cold water on her face, and takes some deep calming breaths, trying to get herself back together so she can return to the party downstairs. She finally calms herself down, and is drying off her face when she hears a quiet knock on the door.

“Lexa?” Raven’s muffled voice comes through the door. “Are you okay?” She asks, and Lexa feels her heart flutter and her palms start to sweat at the concern she hears.

She hates how easily she’s affected by just the sound of Raven’s voice, but she knows she can’t hide in the bathroom forever, so she takes a deep breath, steeling herself against her emotions before opening the door. She immediately wishes she hadn’t when she sees Raven’s disheveled look—her messy hair, flushed cheeks, and kiss bruised lips. Her eyes are hooded and filled with a mixture of desire and concern, and Lexa has to clear her throat awkwardly before responding.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She says, stepping out into the room. Proud that her words only come out a little shaky and thin. Raven looks into her eyes, furrows her brow and squints. Like she’s trying to figure out if Lexa is actually telling the truth.

“Are you sure? You ran out of there pretty fast.” She says skeptically and Lexa’s pulse starts to race.

“Yeah, I just...” Lexa trails off, not really sure what to say, “I just needed a minute.”

“Oh, okay.” Raven says soft and low, stepping in closer and reaching for Lexa’s hand. The tension from earlier is back, and Lexa knows before it even happens that they’re going to kiss again.

It’s inevitable.

Lexa steps forward, so they’re in each other’s space. She’s mesmerized by the look in Raven’s eyes and can’t stop staring at the way she’s biting her bottom lip. Lexa is desperate to replace Raven’s teeth with her own. But before she gets a chance to do anything, Raven squeezes her hand and breathes out, “I really liked kissing you.”

Lexa’s breathing becomes ragged as Raven continues to hold her gaze and she barely manages to mumble out a, “me too,” before Raven is closing the distance between them.

The kiss is more urgent this time. The tension is still thick in the air, and both of them are driven by an overwhelming need to take what the other has to offer.

There’s a desperate mix of teeth and lips and soft moans, and before either of them can even stop to think about it, they’re both making out on Lexa’s bed. The Santa hat and ugly Christmas sweaters are nowhere to be found, leaving them both clad in only thin tank tops and jeans. Raven moves to straddle Lexa’s hips before pushing her onto her back so she can settle on top of her and deepen the kiss. Lexa hums in contentment, sinking her fingers in Raven’s hair and pulling her close. Raven groans and slips her tongue into Lexa’s mouth so she can swirl it with her own, and Lexa moans at the soft, silky feel and shudders at the warmth of Raven’s body pressing and arching into her. And it’s everything. Their movements become more desperate and needy as they get lost in each other’s lips and warmth. It’s so hot and amazing and Lexa is so wet and turned on that she knows her underwear are ruined. They continue making out, never breaking contact, but when Raven smooths a hand up Lexa’s abs and squeezes her breast, Lexa quickly sobers up and puts things to a stop.

“Raven, wait.” She says, tearing herself away from the kiss, and trying to catch her breath. “What does this mean?”

“What?” Raven asks breathless and confused.

“What are we doing, Raven?”

“Um, making out?” Raven says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, and okay, maybe it is. Lexa lets out a sigh and tries to keep her cool, ignoring the ache between her thighs.

“You know what I mean. What is this?” Lexa asks again motioning between them, and Raven lets out a little huff and pouts, and she looks so adorable Lexa has to remind herself to stay focused.

“I don’t know, Lex.” She says softly. “All I know is that I want to kiss you, and I don’t want to stop.” Raven is so sincere and sweet and Lexa is captivated by the way she softly strokes her cheek and looks at her with desire in her eyes.

“Me too.” Lexa admits quietly, and Raven smiles in response seeking out Lexa’s lips again for a kiss. Lexa allows it because how can she not? This is Raven, her best friend, the girl she’s slowly been falling for, and it’s that last thought that brings her back to her senses.

“Wait,” she breathes out and pulls back to look in Raven’s eyes. “I thought we were friends?”

“We are.” Raven says slowly looking at her confused.

“So what? Now we’re friends, who kiss?”

Raven nods, “Yeah, what’s wrong with that? You’re my friend and I really like kissing you and you really like kissing me. So, what’s the problem?”

Lexa sighs.

“The problem is, that you know I don’t do casual hook ups, Raven. If I sleep with someone, I want it to mean something. I want it to be with someone I want more with. Someone I’m dating.” Lexa confesses, hating how vulnerable she sounds.

Raven gives her a soft look, tracing her thumb along Lexa’s cheek. “Who says I wouldn’t want more with you, Lex?”

Lexa tries to push down the hopeful feeling in her chest. “What are you saying?” She asks, her voice uncertain and shaky.

“I’m saying that maybe I’m not interested in just staying friends. Maybe I want more than that with you.” Raven says, her eyes and voice only getting more confident with each word. “Maybe I’ve wanted it for awhile now.”

Lexa is having a hard time believing what she’s hearing. “How do I know you’re not just saying that because you’re drunk and want to get into my pants?” Lexa says, unwilling to accept the seriousness of Raven’s words.

Raven rolls her eyes, tucking a loose strand of hair behind Lexa’s ear.

“Give me a little more credit than that, Lex. Are you forgetting about yesterday morning or last night or the whole first month of our relationship when I was crazy about you and trying to woo you?”

“How could I forget?” Lexa says fondly and softly, “But things are different between us now, Raven. We’re friends. Best friends. Who actually care about each other and are involved in each other’s lives. Why don’t we go to sleep? See how we feel in the morning when we’re both more sober?”

“Fine,” Raven replies begrudgingly, “But nothing’s going to change, Lex. I’ve wanted to be with you from the moment we first met, and becoming friends with you and getting to know you, has only made that more real for me.”

“Okay, Shakespeare,” Lexa teases, still unwilling to accept everything Raven is saying. “Lets get ready for bed and we’ll see what you have to say in the morning.”

Raven wiggles her eyebrows and grins. “Oh please, Willy Shakes hath nothing on me.”

Lexa giggles and can’t stop herself from pecking Raven’s cheek. “You’re a total nerd. You know that, right?”

“You love it.” Raven responds giving Lexa a goofy grin.

Lexa just shakes her head. “Come on, lets go brush our teeth.”

They brush their teeth, change into their pajamas, and spoon.

****

When they wake up, it’s Christmas morning.

Lexa can smell the hints of coffee and cinnamon in the air and her stomach growls at the idea of Gustus making his famous Christmas morning French toast. Raven stirs in her arms and rolls over to face her. Her sleepy eyes and smile making Lexa’s heart race.

“Hey,” Raven says softly. Her warm, brown eyes tracing Lexa’s face.

“Hey,” Lexa says back, forgetting to breathe as Raven scoots closer and nuzzles their foreheads together so their noses are touching. Raven reaches up a hand to thread her fingers through Lexa’s hair and starts to lean in, but Lexa abruptly pulls back and Raven looks at her in surprise.

“What’s wrong?” Raven asks. “Have you changed your mind since last night?” A look of hurt and insecurity flashes in her eyes and Lexa feels her heart clench.

“It’s not that,” Lexa replies quickly, trying to assuage Raven’s feelings.

“Then what is it?” She asks, her eyes softening.

“I have horrible morning breath!” Lexa blurts out, and Raven just gives her this look before she starts to laugh.

“Oh my god, you are such a dork! You really think I care about that shit?” She asks, and Lexa doesn’t even have time to respond before Raven is pulling her back in and connecting their lips.

The kiss starts out slow, but quickly becomes heated and desperate. The tension from last night still lingering in the air, and they’re helpless to resist their desire and need for one another.

“God, I’ve wanted this for so long.” Raven manages to breathe out between kisses, rolling Lexa onto her back and slinging a leg over her hips so she can move her body on top of her.

Lexa just lets out a little ‘oomph’ noise and grips Raven’s hips, spurring on her movements. They continue to kiss desperately. Their hips and chests pressing together perfectly as Raven leans over her, and before Lexa has time to even realize what’s happening Raven is slotting a knee between her thighs and giving her the contact she so desperately needs. Lexa moans and arches her hips forward, reaching down to grab the back of Raven’s thigh and pull her into her.

“Fuck,” Raven moans against Lexa’s lips before trailing desperate kisses down her jaw and neck, biting down on a particularly sensitive spot that has Lexa exhaling a shaky breath and bending her own knee to return the favor.

“God, Lexa,” Raven pants out against the column of her throat, grinding down on Lexa’s thigh as they both start to find a rhythm. “You have no idea what you do to me.”

Lexa thinks she might have somewhat of an idea, when she feels the slick of Raven’s arousal soaking through her boyshorts and coating the top of her own thigh. The whole thing is so hot and has Lexa so turned on that she’s close to coming embarrassingly fast. If it were anyone else beside Raven, she’d be completely embarrassed by how desperate she is, but Raven seems to be just as desperate and needy.

“Fuck, I can feel how wet you are,” Raven manages to get out between kisses, moaning and rocking into Lexa with her thigh and hips. “So fucking hot,” she mumbles against Lexa’s lips, gasping and increasing her pace, pushing into Lexa and grinding herself on her leg.

Raven pulls back to meet Lexa’s eyes and the intensity and desperation Lexa finds there drives her crazy in the best possible way. “Raven, I’m so close.” She pants out, and Raven shifts to squeeze both of Lexa’s breasts over her shirt, tracing her nipples with her thumbs and connecting their lips in a sloppy kiss. It’s just what Lexa needs to push her over the edge. Her body jolting and arching in pleasure as Raven swallows her moans with a kiss.

Lexa is still riding out her orgasm, when Raven grabs one of Lexa’s hands and places it over her breast as she continues to grind on Lexa’s thigh. Lexa barely manages to squeeze her breast but somehow it seems to be enough and Raven’s whole body tenses up then convulses, her orgasm hitting her just as Lexa’s is ending. She bites down on Raven’s lower lip and continues squeezing her breast and hip, helping her come down from her high. When it’s over, Raven is shaking and Lexa shifts her hands to bury them in Raven’s hair and give her a long, lazy kiss until they’re both forced to pull back for some air.

Raven groans and buries her face in Lexa’s neck, letting her full body weight settle on top of her. The feeling is so amazing that Lexa lets out a contented little sigh and gently rakes her nails up and down Raven’s back. Loving the way her muscles ripple under her tank top as her body shudders and she tries to catch her breath.

“Holy fuck, that was amazing.” Raven pants out breathlessly against her neck. “You’re amazing.” She adds pulling back to look in Lexa’s eyes before connecting their lips.

Lexa just pulls Raven close and hums into the kiss.

When they pull back, Raven is looking into her eyes with concern. “Are you okay?” She asks softly, tucking a loose strand of hair behind Lexa’s ear. “With this? With us?”

Lexa isn’t even sure what the “this” is between them yet, but she knows she wants whatever it is. Whatever it could be. “Yeah,” She says just as softly. “Raven, I—”

“This isn’t just casual for me,” Raven rushes to say, cutting Lexa off. “Me and you. This. Us. It isn’t just casual for me. I want more with you, Lex.” Lexa can feel the emotion welling in her chest at the sincerity in Raven’s voice and the affection in her warm, brown eyes.

“Are you sure?” Lexa asks, hating how shaky her voice sounds, but she can’t help it. Not when Raven is so freely offering her what she’s been wanting these past months.

“I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life.” Raven says softly, pressing their foreheads together, and they both just breathe each other in.

And even though the statement might seem extreme or cheesy coming from anyone else, Lexa knows Raven means it. Raven has never had much to feel certain about in her life, and Lexa is in awe of the fact that she’s allowing herself to feel this way with her. It’s a level of trust and vulnerability she’s not sure Raven has with anyone else.

“I know we still have a lot to figure out, but if you’re sure, I’m sure.” Lexa says softly.

Raven just smiles and nods her head. “I’m sure.”

“Me too.” Lexa whispers back.

Lexa swears she hears Raven’s breath hitch at her response, and god she can’t handle Raven being so soft and raw like this. She could get lost in it. She threads her fingers in Raven’s hair and pulls her into another kiss. It’s soft and passionate and sweet, and when Raven pulls back to smile and look in Lexa’s eyes before blurting out, “Lets go brush our teeth,” Lexa just laughs.

****

They have an amazing Christmas morning, and give each other presents. The day is so picturesque and perfect, that it literally brings Raven to tears. Lexa knows that Raven never imagined she could have something as normal and beautiful as this.

Lexa gives Raven her gift, and when she opens it, she just looks at Lexa and bursts into tears. Lexa momentarily panics at the strong display of emotion, but she can see the affection in Raven’s eyes and feel the weight of her hand as it settles on top of hers. She moves to bring Raven close and pull her into her arms, and Raven just falls into her chest and clings to the back of her shirt. Lexa whispers comforting words into her hair and traces soothing circles on her back. She’s briefly aware of Gustus and Aden’s hushed conversation as they exit the room, and Lexa is grateful for the privacy.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m crying.” Raven manages to choke out between tears.

Lexa shakes her head, pulling Raven even closer as she struggles to control her own emotions. “You have nothing to be sorry about, Raven. It’s okay, I get it.”

Raven pulls back to look in Lexa’s eyes and Lexa barely manages to hold back her own tears.

“You do?” Raven asks quietly, her voice thin and fragile, her teary eyes searching and uncertain.

“I do.” Lexa says softly, tucking a loose strand of hair behind Raven’s ear, before bringing her hands up to cup Raven’s cheeks. She uses her thumbs to wipe away Raven’s tears before leaning in to leave gentle kisses in their wake.

Raven just looks at her with tenderness and awe, and she’s so soft and pure that Lexa just pulls her in. Holding her close and kissing her hair, as she gently rocks her back and forth.

She remembers the first Christmas she had with Gusts and Aden, and how the normalcy and beauty of it healed something inside of her that had been broken for a long time. She hopes this Christmas will do the same for Raven.

When Raven looks into her eyes with affection and hope and says, “This is the first real Christmas I’ve ever had. The best Christmas I’ve ever had.”

Lexa thinks she’s well on her way

****

Later that night, when Gustus and Aden have gone to sleep and Lexa and Raven are cuddled up in front of the fireplace, drinking hot cocoa on the couch, there’s a moment where Raven turns to Lexa and just gives her this look. And god, Lexa could get lost in that look. Raven’s eyes are so beautiful and warm and the way the light from the fire dances across her irises, highlighting the bursts of gold around her pupils and the small specs of black mixed in with the brown is breathtaking. Lexa can’t help but lean in to capture her lips. It’s deep and intimate and soft and when they pull back, Raven cups Lexa’s cheek and holds her gaze.

“Will you be my girlfriend?” Raven asks, quiet and insecure, and Lexa thinks she’s never seen Raven look so vulnerable.

“Yes,” Lexa replies breathlessly. “A million times yes.” She says before leaning in to give Raven a passionate kiss. Things start to get heated again when Raven pulls back.

“Wait, Lexa,” she stutters out. “Are you sure?” She looks so uncertain and insecure and god, Lexa can hardly take it. She vows right then and there that she’ll do whatever it takes to keep that look off Raven’s face.

“I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life.” She says, echoing Raven’s words from that morning, hoping they’ll cut through her uncertainty and fear. Raven gives her this small smile, a look of relief flashing through her eyes and Lexa feels her heart soar.

“I’m sure, if you’re sure.” Raven breathes out quietly, a hopeful look in her eyes.

“I’m sure.” Lexa replies breathlessly, her heart threatening to burst from her chest.

“Me too.” Raven says softly, before leaning in to connect their lips.

They make out on the couch until the fire burns down, then move to Lexa’s bed to cuddle and sleep.

Chapter Text

It’s New Year’s Eve.

They’re back at Stanford with their friends, having a party in Indra’s apartment and it’s New Year’s Eve. Indra made Lexa promise to clean up the mess and keep the noise under control, but gave Lexa the okay since all of their friends are over the age of twenty-one. Clarke is there with Anya, Octavia is there with Lincoln, along with Monty and Harper, Jasper and Maya, and god they really are a disgustingly cute and coupled up group of friends.

They decide to part ways with the typical college-age themed party and make it somewhat of a casual black-tie event. They dress up and drink champagne and eat fancy hors d’oeuvres, and when the clock counts down to midnight they all scream, “Happy New Year!” and kiss the person they love.

Their friends don’t stay long after that. Most of them eager to get home and ring in the new year with their significant other. Lexa and Raven are eager to do the same. They have yet to take things all the way. Neither of them counting the heavy petting and grinding over clothes, even if they did both get off. Both of them want their first time together to be special, and they decide that New Year’s Eve is the perfect chance to do that.

As their friends trickle out of the apartment, Lexa starts to feel a sense of nervous anticipation and she can tell Raven feels the same way too. It’s not that Lexa is unsure. She wants this. They both want this. It’s just that Lexa has never been this in love before, and having sex with Raven tonight will only increase that feeling. She’s nervous and excited, all at the same time.

Lexa watches as Raven closes and locks the apartment door after their last friend leaves. She eyes Raven carefully as Raven walks back into the living room and turns on a quiet playlist before joining Lexa in the middle of the room.

“Are you nervous?” Lexa asks, unable to stop the words from tumbling out. Her own anticipation of the night ahead coming to the surface.

Raven gives her a small smile and reaches for her hands. “A little. You?”

“Yeah, a little.” Lexa nods, feeling herself relax at Raven’s touch and words. Finding comfort in the fact that she’s not the only one feeling this way.

Raven gently kisses her cheek and tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear before looping her arms around Lexa’s neck and pulling her close. Raven starts to sway them back and forth and Lexa’s hands settle naturally along Raven’s waist, squeezing and rubbing gentle circles on her hips with her thumbs. An Ed Sheeran song plays softly in the background and Lexa feels her heart flutter when she realizes they’re slow dancing. She thinks back to the first time they danced together, and how far they’ve come since then.

“What’s making you nervous?” Raven asks softly, pulling Lexa from her thoughts. Lexa is comforted to find only genuine interest and concern in her warm brown eyes, free of any judgment or disappointment.

“I don’t know. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. Not the way I do with you.” Lexa admits, and she’s certain Raven can hear the way her heart beats wildly in her chest.

“Me either.” Raven says soft and sincere, and again there’s that understanding and relief that the two of them are on the same page. Feeling the same way.

“For what it’s worth, there’s no one I trust myself with more than you.” Lexa says quietly, leaning in to press their foreheads together.

“I trust you too.” Raven says softly, her voice thick with an emotion Lexa can’t quite decipher. “Let’s just take things slow and see what happens. No pressure.” Raven breathes against her lips, and Lexa can practically taste the champagne.

“No pressure.” Lexa breathes back, feeling relieved at the contact as Raven pulls her close.

They kiss, and it’s everything.

It’s a soft press of soft lips and warm breaths exhaled as they melt into one another. Raven’s tongue is warm and smooth as it slips into her mouth, and when Lexa starts to suck and swirl it with her own, she relishes in the way Raven lets out a soft moan and gently rakes her short nails across the back of Lexa’s neck.

Lexa is so sensitive and on edge that she feels goosebumps break out across her skin. Her senses are heightened, her nerve endings are on fire, and all she can think about is how much she wants this. How much she wants Raven.

Raven pulls back from the kiss meeting Lexa’s eyes with a hooded gaze. “Bedroom?” She asks breathlessly, her voice more gravelly than before, and Lexa just nods and holds onto Raven’s hand.

Raven leads them into the bedroom, to the edge of the queen-sized bed. They both just stand there holding hands and taking each other in. The room is dark except for the moonlight filtering in through the window, and it gives Raven’s tan skin an almost other worldly glow. She’s so beautiful, and Lexa is suddenly hit with the desire to see all of Raven, bare before her in the bright light of day, but for now—for tonight—this is perfect. This will be enough.

Their lips meet again as their bodies press together, and it’s a soft, tender dance of kissing and touching and removing clothes. Raven’s body is solid and warm—hard and soft in all the right places—and with each new inch she uncovers, Lexa is in awe of her perfection.

They end up naked on the bed. Their bodies trembling and pressed together in a tangle of lips and limbs. Somehow Raven ends up on top, cradled between Lexa’s thighs, and Lexa is in awe of the way they seem to fit so perfectly together.

Raven kisses down Lexa’s neck and chest, stopping to give some attention to her breasts. She flattens her tongue, using it to lick warm, wide strokes over one of Lexa’s nipples before humming and sucking it into her mouth. The sensation is so exquisite and intense it shoots a jolt of heat straight to Lexa’s clit, and she’s powerless to do more than grip the back of Raven’s neck and arch into her with her hips.

“Raven, please.” Lexa gasps, as Raven kisses her way over to her other breast, lavishing it with the same careful attention. Raven just hums and looks up at her with those hooded brown eyes, her mouth still sucking and licking Lexa’s nipple, and god, she could get lost in that look. “I need you.” Lexa rasps out.

Raven takes that as her cue, humming and releasing Lexa’s nipple with a soft little pop before surging up to connect their lips. The kiss is sloppy and urgent. Both of them already so close to the edge after anticipating this moment all night. Lexa loops her arms around Raven’s neck as they continue to deepen the kiss, letting out a groan when she feels Raven’s whole body arching and pressing into her, bringing them impossibly close. Lexa relishes in the feel of their bare skin pressed together. Raven’s breasts are soft and fit perfectly against her own and Lexa swears she can actually feel Raven’s heart beating against her chest.

She’s so caught up in the feeling that she barely manages to hang on as Raven starts moaning and rocking into her, and all she can do is wrap her legs around Raven’s waist to encourage her movements. She can feel Raven’s slick heat grinding into her own and they both moan as they make contact with their clits. Lexa gasps and arches her hips, and Raven whimpers, biting down on Lexa’s lower lip before releasing it and pulling back to look in her eyes.

“God, Lexa. You’re so beautiful.” Raven says soft and desperate, pressing their foreheads together as she continues to rock her hips. “You have no idea how much I’ve wanted this. How much I’ve wanted you.”

And the desperation and emotion in Raven’s voice just does something to Lexa. Pushes her even closer to the edge. She threads her fingers through Raven’s hair and pulls her into a kiss. It’s messy and urgent, much like the movement of Raven’s hips.

“You have me.” Lexa breathes into their kiss, tightening her hold along Raven’s hips with her thighs, and trailing her hands down Raven’s sides before squeezing her ass. Raven’s whole body jerks and stutters at the move.

“Fuck, Lexa. I’m close.” She says between ragged breaths, pulling back to look in Lexa’s eyes. Raven’s brow is furrowed in concentration as she continues to pump her hips, arching her back and supporting her weight with her arms. “Fuck, just like that.” Raven pants out and moans as they continue to grind into one another and Lexa can feel herself quickly approaching the edge.

“I’m not going to last much longer.” Lexa says, gasping as Raven hits a particularly sensitive spot.

“I’m almost there. Tell me when you’re close.”

“I’m, oh god! Raven, I’m gonna come.” She says her hips moving frantically now.

Raven thrusts her hips forward once, twice and when she leans down to capture one of Lexa’s nipples in her mouth, gently biting down as her hips thrust forward for a third time in a long press, Lexa’s whole body tenses up and she’s crashing over the edge. White, hot pleasure shoots through her as she grips Raven’s ass, holding her in place so she can ride out her orgasm. She’s so caught up in her own bliss that she barely registers Raven approaching her own.

“Fuck, Lexa—I’m coming!” Raven cries out jerking her hips forward a few more times before crashing over the edge with her. Raven’s hips press forward as her whole body arches back, and Lexa is in awe. Raven is stunning, and somehow she already knows that she’ll never get tired of seeing her like this. She helps Raven ride out her orgasm with gentle thrusts, squeezing her ass and helping her movements. It’s so hot and amazing and Lexa already feels close to coming again.

When Raven finally starts to come down from her high, Lexa already feels a sense of loss, wanting this moment to stretch on forever. She slips her fingers down to press against Raven’s clit in an attempt to prolong the moment, but Raven is so sensitive that she literally yelps and her arms give out, and her whole body collapses on top of Lexa. She reaches down to grip Lexa’s wrist, stilling her movements.

“Oh my god! Are you trying to kill me?” Raven manages to get out between gasping breaths.

Lexa just chuckles and kisses the top of Raven’s head, moving her hand from between Raven’s thighs to trace gentle circles on her lower back.

Raven scoots up to kiss Lexa’s lips before burying her face in Lexa’s hair and biting down on her neck. Lexa grunts at the slight feeling of pain, then moans with the feeling of pleasure as Raven soothes the same spot with her tongue and lips. Lexa knows it will probably leave a bruise, but right now she doesn’t care. Something about the idea of Raven leaving a visible mark on her, a reminder of their night together makes her feel a whole new wave of desire.

“Are you seriously giving me a hickey right now?” Lexa asks, knowing very well that Raven is, but wanting to tease her about it all the same.

“Mmhm,” Raven hums against her neck, before kissing her way down to the top of Lexa’s breast and giving it a gentle nip.

“Ow,” Lexa says before letting out a shivery gasp when Raven starts to suck on the same spot. “Another one?” Lexa asks, trying not to giggle at the fact that Raven is trying to give her another hickey.

“Mmhm,” Raven murmurs against her breast, as she continues to bite and soothe.

“Is that honestly all you have to say for yourself?” Lexa asks playfully, squeezing Raven’s ass.

“Mmhm,” she hums again against Lexa’s chest and Lexa just giggles as Raven trails her lips up her neck before moving up to connect their lips. The kiss is slow and lazy and Lexa just sighs into it before pulling back, but not before Raven gets in a gentle nip to her bottom lip.

“Why do you keep biting me?” She asks, knowing there’s a goofy grin on her face, but not caring in the least.

“You’re very bitable.” Raven says with a teasing lilt to her voice, trailing her lips up to Lexa’s ear and gently sucking and biting down.

“Oh my god, at this rate there will be nothing left of me by the time you’re done.” Lexa teases. “Stop trying to eat me!” She scolds, gently raking her nails along Raven’s ass. Raven pulls back abruptly, giggling and giving Lexa an incredulous look.

“Oh my god Lexa! You did not just say that.” Raven gets out between laughs. “Do you even realize what you just said?” She asks, wiggling her eyebrows and giving Lexa a questioning look.

Lexa just looks at her, legitimately confused at first, until she realizes her mistake. “Oh, my god, Raven. I didn’t mean it like that!” She says, rolling her eyes and giggling back. Wishing she could hide the blush on her cheeks.

“Too bad for you, you’re definitely missing out,” Raven says, before leaning back in, to nuzzle Lexa’s neck. “As your girlfriend, I feel like it’s my duty to inform you that I’m quite skilled at it.”

“What?” Lexa asks, too distracted by the way Raven is swirling her tongue around her ear to remember what they’re talking about.

“Eating,” Raven murmurs into her ear, her warm breath giving Lexa goosebumps. “A lot of things, but specifically your pussy.” She says, before trailing her lips down and biting Lexa’s neck.

Lexa’s whole body stiffens at Raven’s words. Her eyes go wide, and her cheeks flush in embarrassment. “Oh, um, yeah. That!” She sputters out, feeling a mixture of arousal and fear. Raven pulls back, giving her a confused look, before rolling them both to their sides so they can lay more comfortably, face to face.

“What’s wrong?” Raven asks gently, reaching for Lexa’s hand to hold it in the space between them and tangling their legs.

“Um, I’m not sure if I’m ready for that yet.” Lexa says quietly, feeling embarrassed about her lack of experience, unable to meet Raven’s eyes, and hating herself for bringing down the mood.

“Hey, Lexa. Will you look at me?” Raven asks softly, cupping and stroking Lexa’s cheek with her freehand. Lexa chances a look, and is relieved to see nothing but warmth and understanding in Raven’s eyes. “We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with, okay?”

Lexa nods, feeling tears start to gather in her eyes at how considerate Raven is being.

“I only said that because I really love being with you like this and want to make you feel good, and I know that’s one way to do it. But I know it can be really intimate and intense, and isn’t something everyone likes, so if you’re not into it, we won’t do it.” Raven says, giving her a reassuring kiss on the lips.

“It’s not that,” Lexa says, hating how vulnerable she feels, and the way her voice shakes, giving her away. “It’s just, I’ve never done that with anyone before.” She says, forcing herself to hold Raven’s gaze.

To her credit, Raven only looks mildly surprised, but there’s no judgment in her eyes.

“Hey, that’s okay.” Raven says softly, giving Lexa a reassuring smile as she trails her fingers down to trace along her ribs. Lexa feels herself start to relax at Raven’s touch and words. “It doesn’t matter to me what you have or haven’t done before. All that matters to me is what we do together. And we’ll only do something if it’s comfortable for the both of us, okay?”

“Okay,” Lexa replies, her heart fluttering at the sincerity and affection in Raven’s voice and eyes. “Thank you for being so patient and understanding with me. I don’t know how I got so lucky.” The words come pouring out. She can’t help it. She honestly can’t remember the last time someone made her feel this comfortable to be so honest. To be herself.

“Hey, none of that.” Raven says, her voice is light but there’s a stern look in her eyes. “Lexa, you have nothing to apologize for, and you never have to thank me for respecting your boundaries. It’s not something special, it’s what you deserve. If you ever feel like I’m not respecting your boundaries then tell me, but don’t thank me for doing something that I should be doing anyway. Okay?”

Lexa nods, at a complete loss for words. Her heart is a jumble of emotions. Raven leans in then, brushing the tears from her face, before kissing each cheek and leaning in to kiss her on the lips. And god, how did Lexa get so lucky? The kiss is passionate and sweet, and Lexa feels some of the lightness returning to her chest.

Raven pulls back from the kiss, giving Lexa a sparkling smile, and before she has time to question herself, Lexa rolls them over so Raven is now laying beneath her and Lexa is now nestled between her thighs. Raven lets out a little huff of surprise at the movement, and Lexa just smiles and starts kissing Raven’s neck. Raven hums in approval, threading her fingers through Lexa’s hair, and when Lexa starts to bite down and suck, she lets out a little grunt.

“Hey, you’re going to leave a mark.” Raven pouts, not even putting up a fight as Lexa continues to bite down before soothing the darkening skin with her lips.

“Mmhm,” Lexa hums, and Raven just giggles and moans and pulls her body close.

They make out and give each other hickeys and before long they’re cuddling up to each other and drifting off to sleep.

Chapter Text

Lexa stirs awake and sighs as she feels Raven moving on top of her.

She’s nuzzling into the crook of Lexa’s neck, pressing warm kisses along the column of her throat. Lexa’s skin feels so sensitive and Raven’s lips are so warm and she can’t help but moan when Raven hits a particularly sensitive spot. Raven’s breath hitches at the sound and Lexa can tell she’s surprised that she’s awake. The surprise doesn’t last long because Raven sighs and continues trailing kisses down Lexa’s neck and collarbone before dipping down to press a kiss directly over her heart, and Lexa is certain Raven can feel the way it starts to race.

“Morning,” Raven rasps out against her chest, and despite the thin sheet covering them, Lexa shivers as goosebumps cover her skin and a jolt of arousal shoots between her thighs.

Raven lifts up her head to meet Lexa with a soft gaze, and Lexa’s heart flutters at the openness and affection she sees in her warm, brown eyes. She threads her fingers in Raven’s silky hair and pulls her up for a kiss. The kiss is slow and sweet, filled with intention and feeling, and the way Raven just melts into her and lets out little hums against her lips is intoxicating. And god, if this is the way Raven plans on waking her up every morning, she wants to fall asleep with her every night.

The kiss quickly becomes heated. Raven shifting her body on top of Lexa’s so she can straddle her hips. Lexa can feel Raven’s arousal, slick against her abs, and it’s so hot and Lexa is so turned on that she can’t control the moan she lets out or the way she squeezes Raven’s ass. Raven arches into her and groans, tearing away from the kiss and pressing their foreheads together as they try to catch their breaths.

“Fuck, Lexa. I want you.”

“I want you too.”

Raven pulls back to look at her, and Lexa can see the swirl of lust and desire in her eyes, but also the hint of concern as she furrows her brow. She smooths her hand over one of Lexa’s breasts, massaging her nipple with her thumb. Lexa moans and arches into Raven’s touch, pulling her down by the back of her neck and reconnecting their lips. Raven hums in surprise, but is quick to adapt, angling her head perfectly so she can deepen the kiss, licking into Lexa’s mouth with her warm, silky tongue. It’s hungry and desperate and intense, and Lexa can’t help but moan and try to return it with just as much fervor.

They continue to kiss and press their bodies together. Both of them feeling incredibly needy and aroused, trembling and aching for each other’s touch. Their movements are frantic and rushed as they grip each other’s hips and thighs, and squeeze each other’s breasts. Lexa is a squirming mess, overwhelmed by the intensity of her desire and the way Raven’s touches make her feel like she’s on fire.

Raven pulls back from the kiss for some much needed air and looks in Lexa’s eyes. “Fuck, Lexa. I want to touch you. Can I touch you?”

And god, the fact that Raven even has the self control and care to stop and be so respectful is just too much.

Lexa just nods, “Yes, god yes. Please!” Lexa breathes out, before sitting up to connect their lips and shifting so Raven is practically sitting in her lap.

Raven lets out a little ‘oomph’ as Lexa passionately kisses her. She loops an arm around Lexa’s neck, using the other to squeeze her breast. Lexa lets out a hum of approval, gripping Raven’s hips and pulling her forward. She starts to trail her fingers up Raven’s back but Raven stiffens and reaches for Lexa’s hands, placing them back on her hips. Lexa pulls back from the kiss confused.

“Ticklish,” Raven breathes out against her lips and Lexa just smiles before deepening the kiss and pulling Raven close as she once against loops an arm around Lexa’s neck and reaches for her breast, circling her nipple with her thumb. Lexa arches into her touch and moans, before smoothing her hands up Raven’s abs to her breasts. Raven moans and arches her chest forward in response, and Lexa gives them a firm squeeze.

“Fuck, Lexa!” Raven pants into their kiss, before shifting her hand from Lexa’s breast to smooth down her abs and slip between her thighs.

Lexa takes in a sharp, shaky breath as Raven makes contact with her clit. Her touch is light—just a soft, slow exploration that still somehow manages to be earth shattering and euphoric.

“Fuck, Lexa. You’re so wet.” Raven groans into her ear.

Lexa barely manages to breathe out a shaky, “Raven” against Raven’s neck, as Raven continues to increase her movements, her fingers sliding smoothly on either side of Lexa’s clit. Lexa can’t help but arch her hips forward as Raven repeats the up and down movements, steadily increasing her pace. Lexa bites down on Raven’s shoulder and moves her hands down to grip Raven’s sides, trying to hold on as a wave of pleasure begins to build.

“Fuck, Lexa. Can I go inside?” Raven asks breathlessly into her ear, and Lexa just shudders and exhales a trembling “Yes”.

Raven slides her two fingers down once then twice, teasing her entrance before easily slipping them inside, filling Lexa up in a way she’s never felt before. They both let out a groan and Lexa sags forward, at the way Raven’s fingers seem to fit so perfectly inside of her. Raven keeps her fingers still at first, pressing soft kisses along Lexa’s neck and shoulder, giving her time to adjust to the feel. Lexa can feel the emotion welling up in her chest at Raven’s tenderness.

“Good?” Raven asks soft and humid against Lexa’s ear, and god the feeling is so exquisite Lexa just lets out a hum of approval before pulling back and connecting their lips.

They melt into one another.

It’s the only way Lexa can think to describe it. Their bodies are warm, covered in a thin sheen of sweat as they press into each other and sink into the kiss. They lean into each other until their foreheads are touching and when their lips briefly part so they can catch their breath, they stay pressed together, breathing each other in as Raven’s fingers start to move.

“God, Lexa. You’re so hot!” Raven breathes against her lips before shifting to give Lexa a long and steamy kiss. It’s so warm and deep and Lexa is so turned on that all she can do is moan and arch her hips forward so Raven’s fingers can slip even further inside.

Raven’s movements are careful at first. Her fingers stroking and curling, moving in and out of Lexa in gentle thrusts. Lexa lets out a breathy moan as the aching need to be filled is satisfied, yet still leaves her wanting more. Lexa’s hips buck forward reflexive and needy, and despite the limited movement their position creates, Raven’s fingers slip even deeper inside of her, bringing her palm to press firmly against Lexa’s clit. And fuck, it’s feels so good. Lexa can already feel her walls starting to flutter and grip around Raven’s curling fingers. She gasps when Raven hits a particularly sensitive spot, unable to stop herself from biting down on Raven’s shoulder, and Raven just moans before increasing her pace. And oh god. The feeling is so incredible and intense, and Lexa is so ready and on edge, that she barely manages to stop herself from coming embarrassingly fast. She wants this moment to last, or to at least have Raven coming with her. So she slips her own fingers down between Raven’s thighs to circle around her clit. Raven is so wet and responsive that Lexa groans and feels her own walls start to flutter at the silky feel.

“Fuck, Lexa!” Raven stutters out, panting against her neck. Her whole body shaking and her movements temporarily stilled. She pulls back to meet Lexa’s gaze, a wild and desperate look in her eyes as she reaches down her free hand to still Lexa’s wrist. “I need you to go slow, or I’m going to come too fast.” Her breathing is ragged, her eyes heavy lidded and pupils blown wide with desire, and it’s almost more than Lexa can take.

“Okay,” Lexa breathes out shakily, holding Raven’s gaze. “I’m close too. Tell me when you’re gonna come?”

Raven leans in to press their sweaty foreheads together. “Yeah,” she breathes against Lexa’s lips, giving her a sloppy kiss which Lexa returns just as messy as they both pick up their movements again.

Lexa is more careful this time, her movements still desperate but slow. She relishes in the warmth and slick of Raven’s arousal and the velvety feel it creates. Her own arousal increasing as Raven takes in these sharp, shuddery breaths, and starts up her steady thrusts. They quickly find a rhythm, moaning and panting and arching into one another as their bodies move in tandem, and it’s exhilarating.

Their lips find each other in a hot and desperate kiss. Raven sucking and biting on Lexa’s lower lip before slipping her tongue inside and swirling it with her own. Lexa loves the soft smooth feel and gently sucks on Raven’s tongue. Raven moans in response, gently scratching her nails against the back of Lexa’s neck and increasing the intensity of her thrusts. She alternates between deep and shallow thrusts, making sure to curl her fingers just right. Lexa’s hips buck forward when she hits a particularly orgasmic spot, and she moans as she feels herself getting close. But she wants Raven to come with her, so she increases the movements of her fingers, circling them around Raven’s clit, and she can tell by the way Raven moans and trembles that she’s getting close too.

“Fuck, Lexa! I’m close.” Raven pants out against her lips.

“Me too!” Lexa manages to get out between gasps.

They’re speeding toward the edge now.

Raven moves her freehand to squeeze Lexa’s breast and trace her nipple with her thumb. Lexa whimpers as a jolt of pleasure shoots to her clit and moans as Raven continues to thrust and curl her fingers inside of her, hitting the perfect spot. And Lexa can feel it. That quick build of pressure and pleasure and she barely manages to gasp out a shaky, “Raven” and increase the movement of her fingers before she’s crashing over the edge, her body trembling and jerking forward as she blisses out.

Raven lets out a little yelp as Lexa reflexively bites down on her neck, and when Lexa slips two fingers inside of her and slides her thumb along Raven’s clit, her whole body tenses up and jerks and then she’s coming too. Her hips buck forward into Lexa’s hand as she buries her face in Lexa’s neck, groaning and shaking as her orgasm pulses through her.

“Fuck, Lexa...” Raven murmurs against her neck, as the last waves of pleasure flow through her. Their bodies sweaty and trembling together.

When it’s finally over, they’re both trying to catch their breath and Lexa loves the way Raven’s body sags on top of her when she finally comes down from her high. They’re both so boneless and blissed out that all Lexa can manage to do is lean back and collapse on the bed, closing her eyes as Raven drags the sheet up to cover them both. She pulls Raven close, as her body lays heavy and limp on top of her, and all Lexa can think in that moment is that she never wants her to move.

****

They drift back to sleep and wake up an hour later, greeting each other with lazy kisses and sleepy grins. They’re laying on their sides facing each other. Their bodies so close that their breasts are pressed together and their legs are tangled. They gaze into each other’s eyes and breathe each other in. The moment between them is soft and intimate as they nuzzle together, and gently kiss each other’s cheeks and lips.

Lexa starts to gently trace her fingers along Raven’s ribs, brushing her thumb over the scar that’s fully healed after Raven’s surgery to repair her collapsed lung. The scar used to make Lexa feel sick with the horrible memories associated with it, but now it just makes her heart flutter because it’s a reminder of the moment she now realizes she started falling for her. She leans in to press a kiss to Raven’s lips. The kiss is a soft, slow exploration, lacking the urgency of their previous kisses, and Lexa loves it. She continues to trace Raven’s side then lower back, but when she starts to trail her fingers up her back, Raven’s breath hitches and she’s quickly grabbing Lexa’s hand and pulling it to settle in the space between them.

“What’s wrong?” Lexa asks, pulling back from the kiss, confused by the sudden move.

“Nothing,” Raven breathes out against Lexa’s lips before giving her a soft kiss and rolling onto her back. Lexa gives her a skeptical look feeling like once again Raven is hiding something from her that she doesn’t feel comfortable sharing. But Raven just squeezes her hand and gives her a reassuring smile. “Ticklish, remember?” Raven responds, and Lexa can’t help but smile back, feeling silly for overthinking things.

“Oh really?” Lexa asks coyly, unable to help herself. “Are there any other ticklish spots I should know about?” She quirks her eyebrow, gently raking her fingers over Raven’s toned abs, loving the way her breath hitches and her gaze becomes hooded.

“If you’re lucky, maybe I’ll show you sometime.” She says smugly, pulling Lexa close and connecting their lips. And god, how is Lexa already turned on again?

She’s not sure how long they make out, but they’re rudely interrupted by the growling of Raven’s stomach. Lexa pulls back from the kiss, unable to stop the giggle that escapes her lips. Raven just gives her this goofy and slightly embarrassed grin.

“Hungry?” Lexa asks knowingly, and Raven just bites her bottom lip before settling her with a loaded gaze.

“Yeah, you could say that.” Raven’s tone is suggestive, and Lexa sighs in contentment when Raven leans up to trail kisses along her neck and jaw before connecting them with her lips.

They get lost in the moment again, but before they’re too far gone, Lexa’s stomach growls and they both can’t help but laugh into the kiss.

“Hungry?” Raven teases and god, Raven is so cocky, but Lexa can’t deny the hunger she feels.

“Starving.” Lexa replies, realizing it’s true.

“Guess I did a good job of working up your appetite, huh?” Raven smirks, and Lexa can’t stop herself from rolling her eyes, despite the fact that she now finds Raven’s cockiness kind of sexy and hot.

“Look who’s talking.” Lexa replies, giving Raven one of her own smirks when Raven’s stomach growls again.

“God, who knew you could be so cocky?” Raven smirks. “Not that I’m complaining. It’s hot. I’m definitely into it.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” Raven says, before pecking Lexa’s lips.

“You know what I’m into?” Lexa asks suggestively.

“What?” Raven asks breathily, clearly getting turned on by Lexa’s seductive tone.

She leans down to give Raven a steamy kiss before trailing her lips along Raven’s jaw and neck and leaning in to whisper in her ear. “Breakfast.” Raven pulls back and gives her this incredulous look before letting out a burst of laughter.

“Oh my god, you’re such a dork! Lucky for you, I’m into that too.” Raven grins before leaning back in to press kisses all over Lexa’s cheeks and Lexa can’t help but giggle back. “Now Come on,” Raven says pulling back to meet Lexa’s eyes. “Let’s go eat breakfast.”

And Lexa just smiles back and nods.

****

They get dressed, but barely.

Raven claiming she won’t be able to control herself if Lexa doesn’t put on some clothes and Lexa agrees. Raven puts on that pair of red boxer briefs that make her ass look amazing and an old Freddie Mercury t-shirt that’s worn and practically see through. Lexa slips on a pair of lacy boy shorts and a cut off tank top that shows off the side of her breasts, not wanting to let Raven get away with being so hot. Raven’s chestnut hair is wild and unkept, her cheeks flushed and lips a deep pink, raw from so much kissing. Lexa is sure she doesn’t look much different. Her hair is a wild mane, threatening to take over her face, her lips feel kiss-bruised and almost chapped, and her body is sore in all the right places.

Raven just looks at her and gives her this dopey smile, grabbing her hand and walking them out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. Her eyes are a hazy brown, her gaze heavy lidded, filled with happiness and affection. And god, is this what being with Raven will be like? Feeling sated and satisfied and in love. If so, she never wants it to end.

They make a big breakfast together.

Well, Lexa makes a big breakfast while Raven offers minimal help, distracting Lexa with kisses and bites, squeezing her hips and breasts. Lexa has no idea how anything edible gets made. They eat their breakfast quickly, not even bothering to clean up the mess before Raven drags Lexa back to bed and they both end up naked and trembling beneath cool sheets.

Chapter Text

Lexa gets her wish to see Raven in the bright light of day, and she’s even more beautiful than she could have imagined. Her skin is tan and smooth, her breasts are soft and supple, but the rest of her body is toned and made of muscle. Lexa is obsessed with Raven’s breasts and ass. She has the most perfect tan nipples, and Lexa lavishes them with attention as Raven moans and tangles her fingers in the back of her hair.

They’re laying on their sides, kissing and making out, and Lexa reaches a hand behind Raven’s back to pull her close. When her hand makes contact with the bare skin of Raven’s shoulder blade, Lexa quickly pulls back from the kiss, feeling confused and alarmed by the bumpy texture of her skin. They’re both panting and trying to catch their breath, and when Lexa meets Raven’s gaze, her heart clenches painfully in her chest at the distressed and wild look in her eyes that quickly shifts to panic and fear.

“Raven what’s—”

But before she has time to finish, Raven is scrambling away from her, grabbing the sheet from the bed and wrapping it around herself tightly before fleeing the room. Lexa is so worried and confused that she quickly scrambles out of the bed as well, slipping on her boy shorts and an oversized tee before making her way into the living room. Her heart sinks and she feels sick to her stomach at what she sees. Raven is curled up in the middle of the couch wrapped up in the white sheet. Her knees are hugged to her chest as tears shimmer in her eyes and the way she‘s staring off looking so broken and lost makes Lexa’s heart feel like it’s going to break. She doesn’t know what has Raven so upset like this or what she should do or say. She has a sickening idea of what could be wrong, but she tries not to jump to conclusions or dwell on her feelings, knowing she needs to be strong for Raven right now.

She slowly makes her way over to the couch, careful to drag her feet so Raven can hear her approaching and she doesn’t startle her. She’s not sure how effective it is when she makes it to the couch and sits down on the edge, and Raven is still staring off looking lost and broken. Lexa has seen that look before. At the frat party when Lexa suggested calling the cops, under the stars when Raven told her about her mom, and during Christmas break when Raven told her about the dirty cop and the scar on her hand. Only this time the look is more severe and intense and it makes Lexa feel sick to think about what could be making Raven feel this way.

“Raven?” Lexa says softly, trying to swallow the emotion in her throat.

When Raven doesn’t respond, Lexa reaches out a gentle hand to squeeze Raven’s knee, needing to touch her and know she’s okay. Raven’s whole body stiffens and Lexa tries to pull back, berating herself for making such a stupid move. But before she can fully pull away, Raven reaches out to grasp her hand and turns to look at her.

“Lexa?” Raven’s voice is so fragile and weak that it takes all of Lexa’s willpower to hold back her own tears.

“I’m here.” Lexa replies gently, giving Raven’s hand a reassuring squeeze. She immediately regrets it when Raven blinks her eyes closed and tears start streaming down her cheeks. “Hey, hey, I’m sorry.” Lexa tries to soothe, not even sure what she’s apologizing for, but feeling compelled to do so all the same.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Raven manages to get out between tears. Lexa wants to argue but Raven cuts her off. “This is my fault.” She says guiltily, quickly looking away, unable to meet Lexa’s eyes as she continues to cry. Raven’s reaction only confirms Lexa’s suspicions and god, she can’t take it.

“This isn’t your fault, Raven.” Lexa says firmly, blinking back her tears and squeezing Raven’s hand, willing her to meet her eyes. “This is her fault.” Lexa says softly, tracing the scar on Raven’s palm.

Raven looks at her with panic that quickly shifts to fear, then guilt, then shame before settling into a sort of defeated resignation. Lexa hates it. She hates that she was right and doesn’t know what else to say, already feeling like she’s crossed some type of line by making such a bold statement, even if she had been right. The whole thing makes her feel sick to her stomach and fiercely protective and all she can do is pull Raven into her arms and offer her some comfort. She’s relieved when Raven sinks into her arms willingly and Lexa holds her close as she continues to cry.

“Hey, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” Lexa breathes out softly into Raven’s hair.

“No,” Raven manages to get out between tears. “You’re right. This is her fault. I just hate that you’re right.”

“I’m sorry, I should have realized earlier when you pulled my hands away that you didn’t want to be touched there. I should have respected that.” Lexa swallows the emotion in the back of her throat as her heart twists painfully in her chest. She can’t help but feel a sense of guilt, feeling like she’s almost violated Raven in some way.

“Lexa, no.” Raven says firmly, pulling back and shaking her head. “You have nothing to be sorry about. If anything I should be the one apologizing to you for lying and not telling you about it sooner.”

“You don’t need to apologize either, Raven. I understand why you didn’t. I’m sorry I didn’t make you feel comfortable enough that you felt like you could share that with me. But just know that you have nothing to be ashamed of. I don’t care what you look like. I care about you and think you’re beautiful and accept all of you. Just the way you are.”

Raven’s eyes fill with fresh tears and she leans in to press their foreheads together. “God, how are you so perfect?” Raven asks, her voice soft and shaky. Lexa just leans into her, reaching up a hand to tuck a stray lock behind her ear before slipping her fingers to the back of Raven’s neck so she can gently massage the muscles there.

“Hey, none of that.” Lexa’s voice is soft but stern as she pulls back to meet Raven’s eyes. “You never have to thank me for accepting and caring about you, Raven. It’s not something special, it’s what you deserve.”

“Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe that.” Raven rasps out, her voice thick with emotion and her eyes filled with sadness and fear. She looks so vulnerable and broken.

“I know.” Lexa says softly, trying to hold her emotion back. “And that’s okay. I can believe it enough for the both of us until you get there, okay?”

Raven doesn’t respond at first. She furrows her brow and holds Lexa’s gaze and Lexa holds her breath in anticipation as a series of emotions flash through Raven’s eyes. Lexa tries to decipher them all, wanting desperately to know what Raven is thinking and feeling. There’s guilt and shame, doubt and fear, all swirling together painfully and heartbreakingly. It makes Lexa’s heart ache, and she tries to communicate as much love and understanding as she can through her own gaze. Raven finally seems to find what she’s looking for, and Lexa’s heart flutters as Raven’s eyes shift to something more hopeful, trusting, and soft.

“Okay.” Raven practically whispers, giving Lexa a watery smile, and Lexa just gives Raven a soft smile back before leaning in to press a gentle kiss to her lips. They pull back slowly, meeting each other’s eyes before tilting their foreheads together in a soft press. They close their eyes and breathe each other in, needing the comfort and solace the closeness brings. They lean into each other and lose track of time and everything is so tenderly heartbreaking and perfect. The moment is soft and fragile, affectionate and healing, and despite all of the other moments they’ve had that were similar to this, Lexa knows that something about this one is different. She doesn’t know what it will mean for their relationship going forward, but she knows that after this there’s no going back.

“Can I ask you something?” Lexa breathes out softly, breaking the silence between them. Raven pulls back slightly so she can meet Lexa’s eyes before giving her a small nod. “I don’t want you to feel like I’m pressuring you and if you want to say no you can...” Lexa trails off, trying to gather the courage for what she wants to ask. Raven gives her hand a reassuring squeeze and it gives her the encouragement she needs. “Can I see you?” Lexa asks softly, hating how shaky her voice sounds.

Raven lets out a deep sigh, releasing Lexa’s hand and pulling her knees back up to her chest. She wraps her arms around them tightly before leaning forward so she can rest her chin on top. She looks so small, and Lexa feels a spike of panic in her chest at the way Raven pulls away from her and curls in on herself. Maybe asking her that was pushing her too far.

“I know I have to show you at some point since you’re my girlfriend and I can’t hide it forever. But I don’t want you to have to see it. It’s ugly.” She says that last part quietly and brokenly, and it makes Lexa feel sick to think of Raven hating any part of herself. She reaches for Raven’s hand, lacing it with her own before squeezing it so Raven will meet her gaze.

“Nothing about you is ugly to me Raven.” Lexa rushes out, holding Raven’s gaze, desperate for her to hear the truth. “You’re beautiful and a few scars won’t change that.”

“It’s not just a few.” Raven says quietly, her voice breaking, as she looks down at their joined hands in concentration. Lexa sits silently waiting for her to continue, bracing herself for what she’s about to hear. “My mom used to have this weird obsession with fire when she got really drunk and mad.” Raven says, finally breaking the silence between them and Lexa feels her stomach churn at the implication of her words. “So sometimes to punish me she would stick a fork over the gas burner until it was practically glowing red and burn me on my back. At first it hurt like hell but after about a dozen times, it stopped feeling so bad. She did it on my back because she knew she had to do it somewhere that wasn’t easily seen by others. She didn’t want teachers at school seeing anything and asking questions. Guess it worked, because they never did.” Raven finishes, letting out a shaky sigh and tightening her grip on Lexa’s hand.

And its so shocking and leaves such a vivid picture in Lexa’s mind that she feels a near blinding rage at Raven’s mother, and sick at the thought of Raven suffering through something so horrible. She tries to take a deep breath to calm herself, knowing that Raven doesn’t need her rage or heartache right now, but her comfort and acceptance instead.

“Raven, I’m so sorry she did that to you and that you had to go through that. I hate her for what she did to you. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. You deserve better. I know you’re nervous, but I honestly think if you show me, you’ll feel better later. I’m not going to judge you for something horrible that your mother did. But if you’re not ready and it makes you feel uncomfortable then you don’t need to, and I will respect your boundaries.”

They hold each other’s gaze for a long time.

“No, I want to. I need to.” Raven breathes out softly, her voice fragile and thin, her eyes filled with resignation and fear.

Lexa just nods, squeezing Raven’s shaky hand and leading them back into the bedroom.

****

They walk into the bedroom and Lexa immediately takes off her clothes. Not wanting Raven to feel like she’s the only one baring all. Raven stands in front of her nervously, pulling the sheet away and letting it drop to the floor. Lexa doesn’t see anything yet since they’re standing face to face. She stands there quietly, reaching for Raven’s hand and tenderly tracing the jagged scar on her palm.

The moment between them is heavy and serious, the air around them is thick. Lexa can’t even imagine how difficult this must be for Raven, and all she wants to do is take her worry and fear away. But she knows she can’t do that. That this painful moment is part of the process of Raven finding healing and bringing them closer together. So she reaches for Raven’s wrists, pulling her close until their foreheads are pressed together, trying to offer her some comfort. Raven lets out a shaky sigh and Lexa moves her hands to Raven’s hips, gently tracing the skin there. It’s more soothing than sexual, as Lexa tries to ease Raven’s nerves.

“Can I touch you?” Lexa ask softly, trying not to scare Raven away.

Raven takes a shaky breath, before reaching for Lexa’s hand. She squeezes her wrist and awkwardly shifts Lexa’s arm until her hand is pressed against the heavily scarred skin on her back. Raven’s breath hitches and Lexa tries not to move. Giving Raven time to adjust to the feel. She can’t imagine how vulnerable and exposed Raven must feel like this. She makes sure to keep her hand loose, not wanting Raven to detect any type of tension or discomfort on her part. Lexa will deal with her own feelings about Raven’s abuse later. For now she pushes them aside in order to be there for Raven in the way that she needs.

“Is this okay?” Lexa asks softly against Raven’s lips, their foreheads still pressed together.

“I think so,” Raven says just as quietly, her voice thick with emotion.

“Just tell me if you want me to stop. And we’ll stop, okay? No judgment or questions.”

“Okay,” Raven breathes out, and Lexa takes that as her cue.

She pulls Raven even closer so their bodies are flush, wanting to offer Raven the comfort and closeness she so desperately needs. She nuzzles her face into Raven’s hair, pressing a few gentle kisses to her jaw and neck before trailing her lips down to her shoulder. She feels Raven let out a sigh as her body starts to relax, and Lexa takes that moment to chance a look over her shoulder so she can take in Raven’s scars.

There are so many of them, Lexa has no idea how she didn’t see them before.

She thinks back to their time together. Christmas Eve and morning when they both had their clothes on. Their first time having sex last night in the dark. This morning first with the sheet over them then sitting face to face. The second time this morning with Raven on her back and Lexa nestled between her thighs. And Lexa realizes now how actively Raven was trying to hide this from her. Always keeping her back out of sight and moving Lexa’s hands when they got too close. She wonders if anyone has ever seen Raven’s scars before. If she’s ever let anyone close enough to touch her like this and see her like this. She wonders how heavily it weighed on her until now. Wonders if Raven really thought Lexa would actually reject her or be disgusted by her. That last thought is heartbreaking, and Lexa can’t help but feel upset with herself for not doing enough to make Raven feel comfortable enough to share. But Lexa pushes the feeling aside, knowing now is not the time for her unwarranted guilt.

She pulls back and gives Raven a gentle kiss before looking into her eyes. “Bed?” She asks quietly, her heart breaking at the raw pain and sorrow swirling in Raven’s eyes and threatening to spill down her cheeks. It’s so intense that Lexa just wants to put things to a stop and break down and cry, but that’s not what Raven needs right now. So she takes a deep breath to steady her own emotions and leads them toward the bed when Raven nods.

They crawl onto the bed, and hold each other close as the lay on their sides facing each other. Lexa takes the lead, pressing soft and tender kisses to Raven’s forehead and cheeks before trailing them down her jaw and nuzzling into the crook of her shoulder and neck. She peers over Raven’s shoulder again, taking in the scars more fully now that they’re laying down and she can get a better view. The scars are raised and neat, standing out in white rows across Raven’s tan skin. There must be dozens of them, covering most of the surface of her left shoulder blade and stretching across the space between both blades.

Lexa has to swallow down the anger and bile in the back of her throat at the image of Raven’s mother doing this to her. The heartbreaking picture of a small Raven crying and suffering and filled with so much fear is almost more than Lexa can take. And the fact that Raven has been forced to live with such a permanent reminder of her mother’s abuse makes her feel sick. No one should have to live like this, and it’s no wonder that Raven’s abusive past constantly comes back to haunt her and weigh her down when she’s stuck with the agonizing proof of it on her back. Lexa wishes more than anything that she could take the scars away and take the painful memories away with them, but she knows that she can’t. She wishes she would have known Raven back then, wishes she could have done something to stop it from ever happening, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t care for Raven then, but she can care for her now.

So Lexa turns Raven’s body so she can carefully trace the scars before pressing gentle kisses to them. Raven starts to cry and shake and Lexa pulls back worriedly. “Raven, I’m sorry. Do you want me to stop?”

“No, please don’t. Just keep going.”

“Are you sure?” Lexa asks worriedly. “I don’t want to do this if it’s hurting you.”

“It’s not, Lexa please.” Raven pleads, and Lexa doesn’t know what to do. It seems like Raven needs this, so she leans back down, pressing gentle kisses to her scars, and breathing out comforting words in between.

“It’s okay.” Kiss. “I’m here.” Kiss. “You’re beautiful.” Kiss.

She trails gentle kisses and comforting words all over Raven’s back, trying to offer her the comfort and acceptance she needs. They don’t have sex, it’s not the right time. This is a different kind of intimacy that Lexa knows they both need. They press their bodies together and hold each other close. Pressing kisses and tracing gentle fingers across each other’s skin. It’s beautiful and intimate and both of them feel seen in a way they never have before. Lexa feels so much tenderness and love for Raven in her heart and all she wants to do is tell her.

“Raven I—” she starts to say, but the fear in Raven’s eyes makes her switch directions. “I really care about you.”

“I care about you too.” Raven replies shakily.

They sink into each other’s arms and hold each other’s gazes, knowing that something has irrevocable shifted between them.

Chapter Text

Raven’s POV

It’s Valentine’s Day.

As a general rule, Raven hates Valentine’s day. She’s always seen it as a pointless day that’s a perfect example of what happens when modern society gets bored and commercialism meets corporate greed. She knows there’s an actual history behind the day, and she can respect that. But the way a day to celebrate love has turned into something so commercial and shallow rubs Raven the wrong way. Especially because she thinks it’s stupid to only celebrate the love you have for someone on one day. As cheesy as it sounds, Raven thinks every day should be a celebration and appreciation of that love. As much as Raven hates the day on principle, she has a girlfriend now, and she knows that Valentine’s Day is important to her, so Raven will be damned if she doesn’t make this the best damn Valentine’s Day her girlfriend has ever had.

Tonight is the night Raven is going to tell Lexa that she loves her. It’s such a cliche, but she knows if she can pull it off the way she has planned, Lexa will love it.

In truth, Raven is disappointed in herself for not telling Lexa sooner. She knows Lexa was about to say it the day she showed Lexa her scars and she knows that the only reason Lexa held back was because she could tell Raven wasn’t ready for it. The thing is that Raven is in love with Lexa now and was in love with her then. She’s been in love with her for awhile now. But Raven is afraid. She’s never been in love like this before and she’s never actually admitted to being in love with someone, and okay maybe Raven has never actually even been in love before, now that she knows what it’s really like.

Raven has dated around and had her fair share of fun since coming to college, but she doesn’t have a lot of experience with serious relationships. The last serious relationship she had was Finn, the boy next door. She dated Finn from middle school to high school, until he moved away when Raven turned fourteen. But compared to what she has with Lexa, she realizes that relationship was more of a puppy love built on Finn being there for Raven at a time when she needed him the most. Finn is the reason she survived all those years with her mom until she met Sinclair. Raven loves him for it and will always be grateful to him. But in retrospect, she realizes that since she was so young, that she was never really in love with him. Not for real. Not the way she is with Lexa.

Raven is in love with Lexa.

She hates that her fear and insecurity are the only things holding her back, so tonight she’s going to change that. It’s Valentine’s Day and tonight she’ll be celebrating with the woman she loves. She’s taking her to a fancy French restaurant Clarke had suggested, since Raven’s main experience with food is limited to diners and takeout. Lexa deserves to be treated to something nice, so she takes Clarke’s advice and hopes for the best. Thankfully she already knows where the restaurant is, having passed by it many times while walking downtown to go to her favorite bar.

She’s getting ready for the night in her dorm room, her roommate is thankfully out of town, leaving Raven with the place to herself. She takes her time showering, enjoying the relaxing feel of the warm water gliding across her skin. She shampoos and conditions her hair, making sure to carefully shave her armpits and legs, using her extra moisturizing body wash with vitamin E. Lexa had suggested it to her to help with her scars, and every time Raven smells the cedarwood and citrus scent, it gives her this warm feeling inside. She knows Lexa hadn’t suggested it because she hates her scars or thinks they’re ugly, but because she genuinely cares. Lexa has seen all of her scars by now and knows the stories behind most and she never flinches or hesitates to touch them. She treats Raven normally and not like she’s going to break, and it has a healing and freeing effect that Raven is grateful for beyond words.

She finishes rinsing off her body, before turning off the shower and stepping outside so she can dry herself off. She puts on lotion and deodorant before using a blow dryer to dry her hair. She brushes her teeth wanting to have fresh, minty breath for the kisses she knows they’ll be sharing tonight, then walks out into her room to search for her clothes. She puts on her best underwear and bra set, knowing that she should at least be matching tonight, even if she isn’t really into fancy lingerie. She slips on her clothes and goes back into the bathroom to put on some light makeup and style her hair before returning to her room.

She searches for the gift she got Lexa and feels relief when she locates it in the bottom of her dresser drawer. She pulls out the square velvet box, checking the contents inside before snapping it shut and slipping it into the inside pocket of her blazer. She hopes the gift isn’t too much, realizing they’ve only been dating for a month and a half, even though it feels like it’s been so much longer than that. But the gift is part of her plan, and she smiles happily at the thought as she grabs the keys off her desk, making sure her wallet and phone are in her pocket before heading out the door. As she makes her way down the stairs she reminds herself to stop by the florist on the way to pick Lexa up.

Lexa’s POV

It’s Valentine’s Day, and Lexa is at Indra’s apartment, getting ready for their date.

She can’t help but feel excited and giddy as she waits for Raven to come pick her up. She’s never really had a real Valentine’s Day date before and the idea that she gets to dress up, go to a nice restaurant, and have sex with the woman she loves is almost beyond her.

Raven knocks on her door at 6pm sharp and Lexa’s heart is racing so fast in excitement that she almost gets the lipstick she’s putting on her lips all over her teeth. She puts the lipstick down, taking a deep breath and smoothing down her hair before making her way to the door. She takes another deep breath before opening the door, and when she sees Raven looking so perfect holding a large bouquet of her favorite flowers, she feels her breath hitch and her knees start to wobble. Raven has left her speechless.

“Hey.” Raven breathes out softly, looking Lexa over with awe and appreciation.

“Hey,” Lexa replies just as breathless.

“You look beautiful,” Raven says, meeting Lexa’s gaze and Lexa can see the affection and hunger in her eyes, and feels the familiar tingling between her legs. She squeezes her thighs together to relieve some of the pressure.

“You look beautiful too.” Lexa says, and god she really needs to get a grip because the only thing she’s done so far is repeat Raven’s words back to her. “Come in?” Lexa asks, proud of herself for finally coming up with something new.

Raven nods and walks into the apartment and Lexa closes the door behind her. She hands Lexa the bouquet of flowers, kissing her on the cheek before walking into the kitchen to find a vase. She’s rifling through Lexa’s cabinets and Lexa knows she should probably try to help, but Raven looks so good, so Lexa just stands there, watching in appreciation and taking her in. She’s wearing a royal blue, velvet blazer over a silky white tank top and matte black, cropped leather pants paired with a pair of black, pointed-toe loafers. Her ass looks amazing in the leather pants, not to mention the way her tan skin looks so beautiful contrasted against the silky white of her shirt. The shirt shows off the perfect amount of cleavage that Lexa tries not to drool over, trailing her eyes up Raven’s chest to take in the way her silky, chestnut locks hang wavy and loose around her shoulders.

Lexa must be staring for longer than she realizes because the next thing she knows, Raven is stepping up to her, taking the bouquet from her hands and placing it in the vase.

“See something you like?” She asks with a glint in her eye and an amused smirk on her face. And god, how is Lexa so in love with such a cocky asshole?

Lexa just nods, finding herself unable to speak. She makes her way over to Raven, unable to stop herself, her desire too strong. She grips the back of Raven’s neck, and presses a hand to her lower back, pulling her in for a kiss that’s hot and frantic from the moment it starts. The kiss is deep and long, and both of them are shaking and moaning as the moment becomes more intense.

“Fuck, Lexa,” Raven breathes against her lips as she pulls back to get some much needed air. “If you keep kissing me like that, we’re never going to leave this apartment.”

“I’m having trouble thinking about why that’s such a bad idea.” Lexa pants out, equally as desperate.

“Fuck, me too.” Raven breathes out, before leaning in to reconnect their lips in a hungry kiss.

The kiss quickly gets heated. Raven squeezes Lexa’s ass and arches her hips, and Lexa threads her fingers through Raven’s hair so she can pull her close and deepen the kiss. Raven backs her up against the island in the kitchen and Lexa reaches back a hand to steady herself, gripping the cold marble countertop as Raven continues to kiss her with fervor. It’s so hot and amazing and Lexa can’t ignore the ache between her thighs any longer, so she reaches to grab one of Raven’s hands and slip it beneath the hem of her dress. She moves Raven’s hand up her thigh, moaning in anticipation, and when Raven’s fingers come in contact with the edge of her silk panties, Lexa is confused when Raven’s whole body stiffens and she removes her hand before pulling back from the kiss.

“No, wait! Stop! It’s Valentine’s Day.” Raven pants out, trying to catch her breath as she meets Lexa’s eyes. “I know this is important to you, Lex. You deserve to be wined and dined and treated right.”

Raven is so earnest, her gaze hooded and her eyes a hazy brown that Lexa knows means she’s just as turned on as she is. Lexa sighs in frustration, knowing Raven is right. Valentine’s Day is important to her, and despite how much she loves having sex with her girlfriend, she knows she’ll be disappointed later if they miss out on their date.

“You’re right,” Lexa breathes out, and Raven gives her an affectionate smile. Lexa feels herself starting to calm down and when she finally takes Raven in, she can’t help but laugh at the sight of the lipstick she was wearing smeared all over Raven’s face.

“What?” Raven asks, her gaze questioning and light.

“Um, you should probably go look in the mirror before we leave.” Lexa teases, trying not to think about how hot Raven looks covered in her lipstick. The appearance having a similar effect as seeing the marks and bruises she leaves on Raven’s skin. Lexa follows her into the bathroom, knowing her face is probably a mess too.

When Raven turns on the light and sees Lexa’s lipstick smeared all over her face, she lets out a laugh. “Oh my god, Lexa! You totally mauled my face.”

“I’m sorry!” Lexa replies, not the least bit sorry. “You brought me my favorite flowers and showed up here looking hot like that. What did you expect?”

“Oh, you think I look hot huh?” Raven smirks.

“You know I do.” Lexa replies, rolling her eyes at Raven’s cockiness, and god will she ever get tired of bantering with her like this? Probably not, but she’ll never tell Raven that.

They clean off their faces, both of them reapplying some make up before they leave. Raven drives them to a nice French restaurant that Lexa has never been to before. It’s fancy and expensive and they can’t even read the menu because most of it is in French. Raven tells her that Clarke had suggested it. But after spending a semester abroad in Europe, Clarke has developed really bougie taste that neither of them really vibe with. They quickly decide to ditch the restaurant, in favor of pizza and beer. Lexa can tell Raven is a little disappointed at first, but everything else is booked and neither of them can stomach the idea of going back to the French restaurant, so they grab their food and head back to the apartment instead.

Lexa is so hungry that despite her sentiments about Valentine’s Day, she’d be fine with sitting on the couch and eating pizza and drinking beer in their sweats. But Raven still has it in her mind to make the dinner nice like Lexa deserves, so she makes Lexa wait in her room while she sets some things up.

“Raven, you know I don’t care about all that stuff.” Lexa huffs, feeling a little irritated at how hungry she feels.

“Oh come on, Lex. Just let me do this for you. I know you’re feeling hangry right now, but it will only take a few minutes. So go!” She says playfully, giggling and pushing Lexa into her room before closing the door. And, was that really necessary?

Lexa just sighs, trying to ignore her growling stomach and sitting down on her bed so she can remove her heels. She knows Raven wants them to stay dressed up, but there’s no way in hell she’s wearing heels in the comfort of her own home. She goes over to the mirror to adjust some of the curls in her hair that are being difficult, and a few minutes later she hears a quiet knock on the door.

“Come in,” Lexa says, as she finishes adjusting her hair.

Raven walks into the room and sidles up behind her, wrapping her strong arms around Lexa’s waist and pressing a few kisses to her mostly bare shoulder and neck. Lexa sighs and leans back into her touch, gently gripping Raven’s arms and making sure to hold her gaze in the mirror. The way Raven is looking at her is almost hypnotic, and Lexa feels herself starting to get warm.

“You look beautiful.” Raven whispers into her ear, maintaining eye contact as she kisses the sensitive skin behind it. “Are you ready?” Raven asks, the look in her eyes is a mixture of soft reverence and excitement and Lexa just nods, unable to speak through the emotions swirling in her chest.

Raven reaches down to lace their fingers together in a loose hold, before tugging at Lexa’s arm to follow. Lexa complies and waits with bated breath as Raven opens the bedroom door and pulls her into the open area of the living room and kitchen. Lexa is speechless. The room is dimly lit, the only source of light coming from a lamp in the far corner of the room and nearly a dozen candles along the kitchen island that are carefully displayed around the flowers Raven had gotten her. The table is nicely set with plates and silverware, their beer has been poured into glass tumblers, and music plays softly in the background. It’s beautiful and romantic and Lexa tries not to stare at the small velvet box in the middle of the table that’s clearly some type of gift.

“Do you like it?” Raven asks, pulling Lexa from her thoughts, and Lexa’s heart clenches at the hopeful and nervous look in her eyes.

“I love it.” Lexa says softly before leaning in to press a gentle kiss to Raven’s lips.

Raven leads them over to the table and pulls out Lexa’s chair so she can help her scoot in, and Lexa tries not to blush at being treated with so much chivalry. She watches nearly mesmerized by the way Raven smiles at her and takes both of their plates into the kitchen to get them pizza. She holds the plates carefully as she walks back to the table and Lexa can’t help but giggle at the way she slightly bows and places the plate in front of her, like she’s an actual waitress serving her food. She tries not to smirk at the fact that there’s pineapple on their pizza, remembering how Raven used to be so against it.

“I thought you hated pineapple.” Lexa teases, unable to help herself.

“I’m growing as a person.” Raven teases back, wiggling her eyebrows and giving Lexa a sly grin. “Plus, I know it’s your favorite and since it’s Valentine’s Day and all, sacrifices must be made.” Raven sighs dramatically, but Lexa doesn’t miss the sincerity and affection shining in her brown eyes and it’s almost more than she can take.

They eat pizza and drink beer and laugh.

They hold each other’s hands and make fun of Clarke’s bougie taste and the snooty servers at the French restaurant. Raven tries to impersonate their waitress in one of the worst French accents Lexa has ever heard, and they both smile and laugh at how ridiculous she sounds. Lexa thinks back to New York and how Raven had tried to impersonate the Italian chef there too and god, Raven really is horrible at accents, but somehow it only makes Lexa love her more.

Raven makes terrible jokes and plays footsies with her under the table, having removed her shoes as well, and it’s all so cheesy and romantic and perfect that Lexa honestly worries her heart is going to burst from the sheer happiness she feels.

When their glasses are empty and their bellies are full, Raven gets up to clear the table. Lexa briefly thinks of getting up to help, but she knows that for some reason it’s important for Raven to be able to do this for her, so she lets her do it with a simple smile and a “thanks”.

When Raven returns to the table, she sits down and reaches for Lexa’s hand, and Lexa waits in nervous anticipation as Raven reaches for the velvet box and slides it across the table.

“Open it,” Raven says softly, giving Lexa a nervous look while biting her bottom lip.

Lexa opens the box carefully and her heart races at what she’s sees.

It’s a bracelet.

“It’s beautiful.” Lexa breathes out, carefully picking it up and running her fingers along the delicate, brushed gold cuff and the carefully engraved numbers and letters across the top. They look like coordinates for a map and Lexa is momentarily confused. “What do they mean?” She asks softly, slipping the bracelet on and looking up to meet Raven’s gaze. Raven’s eyes are filled with so much feeling and adoration that Lexa’s heart starts fluttering wildly in her chest.

“They’re coordinates.” Raven says quietly, biting her bottom lip and looking nervous again. Lexa just reaches for Raven’s hand and squeezes it, gently tracing the scar on her palm in an attempt to offer her some comfort. It seems to have the desired effect as Raven lets out a sigh and starts to relax.

“What are they for?” Lexa asks quietly, knowing the answer is bound to be meaningful and significant.

Raven takes a deep breath and clears her throat, clearly trying to work up the courage for what she wants to say. Lexa is holding her breath, waiting on the edge of her seat, hoping that Raven is going to say what she thinks she’s going to say. She meets Lexa’s eyes with a steady and resolute gaze before she speaks.

“They’re coordinates for the place we were when I realized I was falling in love with you.” She says.

And no matter how many times Lexa imagined this moment between them—of Raven confessing her love to her and Lexa being able to say it back—she’s still not prepared for the way it makes her feel. Her heart is filled and bursting with so much love and emotion that she can barely speak.

“Where?” Lexa manages to breathe out, her heart racing as she waits for an answer she desperately wants to know.

“The field, where we went to look at the stars and I told you about my mom and you held me until I fell asleep.”

Lexa is so moved by the confession that she gets up from the table and pulls Raven up to her feet and into her arms before crashing their lips together in a searing kiss. Raven melts into her, moaning into her mouth and sinking her fingers in Lexa’s hair, pulling and tilting the angle of her head so she can deepen it. Lexa groans at the feeling, reaching down to grip Ravens ass and arch into her, pressing their bodies impossibly close. The whole thing is so hot and Lexa is so in love, and she realizes that before they get too carried away she needs to say the words back.

“I love you.” Lexa pants out after pulling back from the kiss. Making sure to meet Raven’s eyes and gently cup her face with both hands. “I’m in love with you.”

“When did you know?” Raven asks softly, smoothing her hands down to Lexa’s waist and tracing gentle circles on her hips.

“The same night.” Lexa replies. “But I started falling for you sooner.”

“When?” Raven asks breathlessly, her eyes filled with wonder and affection.

“The day you tried to feed yourself green jello.” Lexa says and when Raven giggles, Lexa’s heart soars.

“Which one?” Raven asks, a love-drunk smile on her face.

“All of them.” Lexa breathes back, and Raven just laughs and pulls her into a kiss.

Raven’s POV

They’re kissing.

They’re actually kissing. They’re making out in Lexa’s kitchen and feeling each other up over their clothes and the whole thing is so amazing that Raven has to remind herself it’s real. Lexa is in love with her and she’s in love with Lexa and it’s everything Raven could have ever dreamed of and more.

“Bedroom?” Lexa asks breathily meeting Raven with a hooded green gaze.

Raven nods enthusiastically, feeling so turned on that she can hardly wait. “Fuck yes,” She exhales against Lexa’s lips before pulling her close and deepening the kiss. The kiss is so hot and intense and their desire is so strong, that Raven has to wrap an arm around Lexa’s waist when she feels the way she melts into the kiss and her knees almost buckle. Lexa whimpers and grips the back of Raven’s neck to steady herself and Raven loves the way her short nails dig into her skin. And god, Raven needs them to be naked and in bed like yesterday.

They’re so hot for each other that they start shedding clothes along the way to the bedroom as they try not to run into things. Lexa pushes Raven’s blazer off and reaches for the zipper of her pants, and Raven can’t help the stream of curse words and moans she lets out when Lexa pushes her up against a wall and shoves her hand down her pants. Her fingers make contact with Raven’s clit and Raven is so turned on and wet that Lexa’s fingers almost slip right inside of her. Raven shudders at the feel and grips the back of Lexa’s hair so she can pull her into a messy kiss. The kiss is deep and needy and Raven melts into it, unable to stop herself from whimpering when Lexa starts moving her fingers on either side of her clit, skimming along the sides. The feeling is amazing and euphoric. Lexa knows exactly what Raven likes, and Raven shudders and moans as Lexa increases her pace and continues her movements.

“Fuck, Raven. I love how wet you are.” She pants out against Raven’s neck and all Raven can manage to do is groan and roll her hips forward before reconnecting their lips. She loves when Lexa talks dirty to her.

“Fuck, Lexa. That’s what you do to me. I’ve been wet for you all night.” She pants into her mouth, and Lexa lets out a hum of approval against her lips, trailing kisses down her jaw and neck before gently biting and sucking on Raven’s pulse point.

“Fuck, Lexa! That feels so good.” She breaths out, tightening her fingers in Lexa’s hair. “I love when you mark me.”

Raven swears she hears Lexa growl, as she increases the pace of her fingers and sucks on Raven’s neck even harder. Raven is a whimpering mess, so close to coming in such a short time. And she knows she should be embarrassed about how easily Lexa can make her come undone, but at this point she doesn’t even care. She’s past the point of no return and all she can manage to do is grip the back of Lexa’s neck and try to hold on as she continues moving her fingers and giving Raven exactly what she needs. Raven feels her orgasm start to build—that warm coil of pleasure starting between her thighs and moving up into her stomach. Lexa is moving her fingers up and down at a rapid pace, bringing Raven closer to the edge with each brush against her clit. It feels so good and Raven is so close that she can’t stop the way her hips buck forward or the steady stream of moans and gasps she breathes against Lexa’s lips.

“Lexa, please! I need your fingers inside.” She pants out breathlessly, and Lexa barely manages to slip the tip of two fingers inside of her once, then twice and on the third time when she slips them fully inside and curls them just right, Raven is shooting off like a rocket and coming all over her fingers. White hot pleasure ripples through her as her body jolts forward and her orgasm crashes through her. She can’t stop the moans and cries she lets out or the way she claws at Lexa’s shoulders and neck as her hips jerk forward with each clench around Lexa’s perfect fingers. She rides out her orgasm on Lexa’s fingers and whimpers when Lexa pulls them out to tease her entrance, before slipping them back inside and rubbing her palm against her clit. The feeling is so mind blowing and intense that Raven is speechless, moaning and grunting and mumbling unintelligible words against Lexa’s neck.

Lexa’s movements slow as Raven starts coming down from her high. She’s grateful for the strong arm Lexa has wrapped around her waist since she’s lost all feeling in her legs. Lexa presses gentle kisses to her forehead and temple before trailing them down to kiss Raven’s lips. Raven hums into the kiss, letting out a contented sigh as Lexa pulls back slowly, leaning their foreheads together so their noses are touching as they try to catch their breath. Raven doesn’t know how long they stay there like that, leaning into each other and breathing each other in. All she knows is that she never wants this moment to end. Lexa’s fingers feel like they belong inside of her, and she tries not to whimper at the feeling of loss when Lexa removes her fingers from between her thighs. Lexa wipes her sticky fingers on Raven’s bare stomach beneath her shirt before moving her hand to trace gentle circles on her hip. Lexa is so careful with her, treating Raven like she’s some precious thing and it’s almost more than she can take.

“So much for making it to the bedroom.” Raven breathes out softly, teasingly and Lexa pulls back and meets her gaze with a lazy smile. Her eyes are so beautiful and green, and Raven’s heart skips a beat at the look of love and fondness Lexa gives her. She’s unable to stop herself from reaching up a hand to tuck some loose curls behind Lexa’s ear and gently cup her cheek.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.” Lexa says, looking soft and smug and insanely hot.

“Are you seriously apologizing for giving me an orgasm right now?” Raven asks teasingly, loving the simple banter they so easily fall into. It feels more familiar and less raw, and despite how much Raven loves Lexa and wants to be with her, there’s still a part of her that needs to ease into all of this.

“Should I be?” Lexa replies, giving Raven a teasing and challenging look.

“Hell, no! That was really fucking hot.”

“Yeah?” Lexa asks, moving so close that their lips are practically touching.

“Yeah,” Raven breathes out against Lexa’s lips, feeling herself getting turned on again by the warmth of Lexa’s body and the hungry look in her eyes.

“How hot?” Lexa asks coyly, giving Raven a sultry look.

And holy shit, who is this sexy vixen and what has she done with Lexa. “There are no words.” Raven manages to mumble out, completely distracted by Lexa’s hotness and the way she keeps biting her bottom lip.

Raven’s eyes roll into the back of her head and she gasps as Lexa presses into her with her chest and her hips, pinning Raven in place before leaning in to bury her face in her hair and whisper in her ear. “Will you show me?” Lexa breathes out hotly into Raven’s ear before gently sucking and biting down on the lobe and Raven has to bite back a moan, as she feels herself quickly becoming aroused again. A surge of energy courses through her at the implication of Lexa’s words, and there’s nothing she wants to do more than make Lexa come and show her just how much she wants her.

She sinks her fingers into Lexa’s hair, and gives her a gentle tug so she can see her face. Her green eyes are swirling with emotion and lust and all Raven can manage to do is breath out a breathy, “Yeah,” against her lips before giving her a steamy kiss. It’s hot and intense from the moment it starts, their tongues and lips working frantically, their bodies moving and pressing together as they continue to kiss. Lexa reaches down to grip Raven’s ass and Raven moans before pulling on Lexa’s hair so she can get some much need air, burying her face in the crook of Lexa’s neck and slipping her hands down to cup her breasts.

“Fuck, Lexa you look so hot in this dress.” Raven breathes out against Lexa’s neck, and she loves the way Lexa shivers and arches into her touch.

“Bedroom?” Raven asks pulling back to look in Lexa’s eyes, and her heart stutters in her chest when she sees the desire and affection swirling in her eyes.

“Yeah,” Lexa breaths out softly before reconnecting their lips, and they kiss and stumble their way across the room.

Chapter Text

Raven’s POV

They make their way into the bedroom, and Raven is so turned on and desperate to make Lexa feel good that they don’t even make it to the bed. Raven just slams Lexa up against the closed bedroom door, slotting a leg between her thighs and gripping her ass. Lexa moans and arches into her and Raven can’t stop herself from burying her face in Lexa’s neck and trailing kisses all over her collarbone and neck. She starts moving her thigh in an upward thrusting motion while gripping Lexa’s ass and Lexa arches her hips forward and tangles her fingers in Raven’s hair as Raven continues to lavish her neck. She finds Lexa’s pulse point and sucks, groaning as Lexa starts taking in these sharp shuddery breaths with each press of Raven’s thigh against her clit. It’s so insanely hot that Raven wonders if she could come just from doing this.

Something shifts between them as Lexa becomes more frantic, reaching for Raven’s hand and slipping it under the hem of her dress. Raven catches on quickly, removing her thigh and replacing it with her hand. Lexa’s panties are completely soaked, and it’s such a turn on and, “Holy, fuck you’re so wet!” Raven breaths out hotly against Lexa’s neck and Lexa just makes this needy sound in the back of her throat and arches into her hand.

Raven slips her fingers beneath the satiny fabric and sighs as she makes contact with Lexa’s clit. Loving the warm, silky feeling and the way Lexa’s breath hitches and her back bows off the door and her fingers tighten almost painfully in Raven’s hair. Raven buries her face in the crook of Lexa’s neck, gently sucking on the smooth skin and breathing in her intoxicating scent. And god, everything about this moment is so fucking perfect that Raven feels like she could stay like this forever. But Lexa’s whimpers and ragged breaths bring her back to the reality of Lexa’s need, so she starts moving her fingers gentle and slow, knowing Lexa is already so close to the edge and wanting to draw this moment out. But then Lexa whimpers and bucks her hips, squeezing her thighs together and trapping Raven’s hand in place so she can get the pressure she needs. Raven pulls back quickly to take Lexa in, and fuck. Lexa is so hot and needy and Raven has this desperate urge to see all of her naked and bare.

Raven searches for Lexa’s eyes and they lock gazes as she reaches behind Lexa to unzip her dress. Raven steps back completely so she can take Lexa in as she slips the thin straps from her shoulders, watching in awe as the dress slides down Lexa’s body and pools at her feet. And holy shit, Lexa isn’t wearing a bra and she looks so wanton and needy leaning against the door, that Raven is helpless to resist. She takes her own shirt off before unhooking her bra and slipping out of her pants, wanting the skin to skin contact. Lexa eyes her longingly and Raven surges forward, connecting their lips in a desperate kiss and pressing their bodies together tightly before slipping her hand down to play with Lexa’s clit. Lexa whimpers into the kiss and arches into her hand, and Raven relishes in the feel of their warm stomachs and breasts pressed together so perfectly. She begins to move her fingers at a rapid pace, knowing Lexa is already so close. Lexa grips and pulls the back of Raven’s hair, breaking them from the kiss for some much needed air.

“Fuck, I’m almost there.” Lexa pants against her lips, as Raven continues to move her fingers.

The desperate look in her eyes is so beautiful that Raven never wants to look away. She holds Lexa’s gaze as she continues to move her fingers and when Lexa starts to rapidly take in these sharp shuddery breaths, Raven slips two fingers inside of her as she uses her thumb to circle her clit and within seconds, Lexa is crying out as her orgasm hits.

Lexa’s whole body stiffens and arches back, her eyes slam shut and her mouth hangs open as she lets out a breathy moan. Her hips jerk forward as she crashes over the edge and Raven can’t help but lean into her and groan at the warm and velvety feel of Lexa’s walls fluttering around her fingers. Lexa continues to let out contented sighs and moans as Raven helps her ride out her orgasm with gentle thrusts and leans down to press open mouth kiss all over her chest. Her breasts are so soft and amazing and Raven can’t resist sucking one of her perfect pink nipples into her mouth and gently biting down before releasing it with a soft pop and meeting Lexa’s eyes.

Lexa is finally starting to come down from her high, and she’s beautiful. Her hair is a wild mane of curls, her eyes a hazy green, her bottom lip is swollen and pink from the way she kept biting it to stifle her moans. She’s giving Raven this lazy and sated smile and Raven can’t stop herself from kissing her. The kiss is soft and sweet, and she loves the way Lexa takes in a sharp breath and whimpers when she removes her fingers.

Lexa is so beautiful and hot and when they pull back from the kiss, Raven can’t help but lift her fingers to her lips and suck them into her mouth so she can taste Lexa’s come. And oh god, it’s even better than she thought it would be. Salty and sweet and incredibly addicting. Lexa gives her this look, a mixture of shock and lust, her eyes becoming hooded as she focuses on Raven’s fingers and lips.

“You taste so fucking good.” Raven can’t help but breathe out before reconnecting their lips. And she practically melts at the way Lexa just moans and deepens the kiss, sucking gently on Raven’s tongue. The way the taste of Lexa’s mouth mixes with the taste of her come is so intoxicating, and all Raven can think about is going down on her.

She pulls Lexa to the bed, removing their underwear along the way, before they lay down. They pull each other close and sink into each other as they kiss. “Do you trust me?” Raven asks as she pulls back to meet Lexa’s eyes, unable to hide the shakiness in her voice from the overwhelming desire she feels.

“Yes,” Lexa says just as soft and shaky, her eyes open and trusting and filled with desire. She’s so beautiful it makes Raven’s heart ache.

“I want to go down on you. But only if you’re okay with it.” Raven rushes out, and waits in nervous anticipation as Lexa’s eyes go wide and she bites her bottom lip.

Lexa’s POV

And oh god, this is everything Lexa has been dreading and desperately wanting since the first time Raven brought it up. She expected herself to be more nervous, but she trusts Raven and she’s so turned on and all she can think about is Raven’s tongue and lips pressed against her clit.

“I want you to.” Lexa breathes out, and her heart flutters at the desire and affection she sees in Raven’s eyes.

“Fuck, Lexa are you sure? You don’t have to say yes, just because I want it.” Raven says, searching Lexa’s eyes intently, wanting to make sure she’s certain.

“I’m not. I want this too, Raven. I’m sure if you’re sure.” Lexa says, the familiar words a comfort to them both.

“I’m sure.” Raven breathes out softly as her eyes fill with wonder and she gives Lexa a reverent look.

Lexa swallows the emotion in her throat. In all the times that Lexa had pictured them together, she never imagined Raven being so tender and gentle with her like this. She imagined the passion and desperation, the possessiveness and lust, and even the fun and laughter. But the feather light touches, and soft shaky hands, and the way Raven is so careful and gentle with her is beyond anything Lexa could have ever dreamed of or imagined. No matter how many times it happens, it still takes her breath away.

She’s pulled from her thoughts when Raven gives her a searing kiss that leaves them both shaking and gasping for air when they pull back. Lexa is so desperate and she thinks Raven is going to go fast, but instead she takes her time. She trails steamy kisses down Lexa’s neck and breasts making sure to stop and pay extra attention to her nipples. She presses her thumbs firmly into the v of Lexa’s hips and grips the sides while licking broad strokes across her nipples. She switches between both breasts, licking and swirling her tongue around the sensitive tips before firmly sucking one into her mouth and teasing the tip with her tongue. Lexa’s breath hitches at the way her breasts tingle and arousal shoots straight to her clit, and she can’t help but think about how much she wants Raven’s mouth there instead.

Lexa threads her fingers in the back of Raven’s hair, pushing her head down as she starts to feel desperate. Raven seems to get the hint, humming and trailing bites and kisses along Lexa’s ribs, before moving down to her stomach then her hips. Lexa feels liquid arousal pooling between her thighs, and if she didn’t feel so desperate and needy she would probably feel embarrassed by how wet she is, but at this point she doesn’t care. She just needs Raven’s mouth.

“Raven, please!” She practically begs between shuddery breaths and she can’t help the cry of relief that escapes her lips when Raven groans and puts her mouth exactly where she wants it.

Raven’s tongue is warm and smooth as it gently licks up her folds and over her clit. And holy fuck, Lexa has never felt anything this amazing before.

“Fuck, you taste so good.” Raven murmurs against her thigh before leaning back in.

And god, the idea that Raven likes how she tastes and seems to be enjoying herself just does something to Lexa. She tries to hold on as Raven flattens her tongue against her clit, keeping it soft as she moves her head from side to side. It feels so good, and Lexa can’t help but gasp as Raven shifts to draw gentle circles around her clit with the tip of her tongue. She alternates between both movements and Lexa is pretty sure this is what heaven feels like.

The whole thing feels so amazing and euphoric that all Lexa can think about is that she wants more. She tightens her grip in Raven’s hair, arching her hips forward and rocking them back and forth in a steady rhythm. Raven holds out her flattened tongue and stiffens it, following Lexa’s movements and making sure to keep a steady pressure. She pulls back to tuck some errant strands of hair behind her ear and Lexa can’t help but whimper.

“Fuck, Lexa you’re so hot! Keep riding my tongue.” Raven breathes out before leaning back in.

Lexa is too far gone to respond so she just tightens her grip in Raven’s hair and pulls her in so she can continue their movements from before. She grips Raven’s hair and rides her tongue and the feeling is so amazing that she completely loses track of time. And god, Lexa can’t believe she’s never done this before, but a part of her is grateful for the fact that the first time she’s experiencing this is with Raven. She’s not sure how long Raven pleasures her like that, only aware of the slow, steady building of tension and pleasure, and the way Raven responds with the perfect amount of pressure when Lexa rolls her hips. Raven lets Lexa control the tempo and it’s amazing. She feels herself getting close to something, but is not quite there, when suddenly Raven pulls back and Lexa tries not to whimper at the loss of contact.

“Lexa,” Raven pants out against her thigh, and the look in her eyes is so heavy and filled with lust that Lexa almost gasps. “Are you doing okay?”

“Yes, god yes, Raven! Your tongue feels so good.” Raven gives her a lazy smile, Lexa’s arousal glistening on her lips and chin, and she looks so beautiful that Lexa’s heart clenches in her chest.

“Is it okay if I try something else? It will feel really good, I promise.”

Lexa’s pulse starts to race at the implication of Raven’s words. What Raven has been doing so far has been so amazing, she can’t imagine something else feeling better. But she trusts Raven, so she nods. And Raven gives her this look of gratitude and excitement before placing a kiss on her hip and trailing her lips down Lexa’s thigh until she hovers them over where she wants them the most. Lexa shudders as Raven lets out a warm breath and moans.

“So wet.” Raven breathes out before leaning in and pressing a long, open mouth kiss to Lexa’s clit.

Lexa is once again overwhelmed by the pleasure she feels. The way Raven’s lips envelope her clit, creating a warm seal that gives her just the right amount of pressure and suction. It’s somehow too much and not enough all at once, and it feels so good that Lexa feels like she’s floating and can hardly breathe. She reaches down a hand to thread her fingers through Raven’s hair and hold her in place, needing to tether herself to the moment. She barely registers as Raven reaches up to grasp her free hand, lacing their fingers together and and settling them on her hip.

Raven pulls back, to meet Lexa’s gaze before saying, “I’m going to suck you.” Then dips her head back down and sucks on Lexa’s clit.

“Fuck!” Lexa cries out, bucking her hips. Unable to stop herself when a jolt of overwhelming pleasure shoots through her whole body. She grips her fingers in Raven’s hair almost painfully tight, and Raven just moans and hums against her and, “Holy fuck!” Lexa cries out as her whole body arches off the bed at the feeling of the vibrations on her clit.

Raven pulls away abruptly, meeting Lexa’s eyes with a worried look. “Too much?” She pants out breathlessly against Lexa’s thigh.

Lexa shakes her head furiously, unable to contain the desperation she feels. “No, keep going!”

Lexa has no idea how she manages to string words together in a coherent sentence. But she’s grateful that she has when Raven gives her a hungry look and moves back in to suck Lexa’s clit between her lips. Lexa whimpers at the feeling, caught up in a haze of lust. Raven’s sucks start out slow and gentle and Lexa tries to maintain eye contact with her. But when she starts to suck harder and tease the tip of Lexa’s clit with her tongue, Lexa closes her eyes and arches back on the bed as the feeling becomes all consuming.

God, this feels so good. Lexa has never felt something so exquisite in her life. She’s helpless to control her moans and gasps as Raven continues to suck and tease her clit. She’s so close and when Raven slips two fingers inside of her and curls them just right, Lexa is coming so hard her whole body convulses and her hips thrust erratically as she rides out the most intense orgasm of her life.

The aftershocks seem to last a long time, as Raven moans and expertly licks and curls her fingers to extend the orgasm as long as possible. Lexa isn’t sure how much more her body can take so she pulls at Raven’s hair and squeezes her hand, and when Raven gives a final curl of her fingers inside of her, Lexa’s whole body tenses up one last time before collapsing bonelessly on the bed.

Her body is so overwhelmed with pleasure that she barely registers Raven kissing up her body and settling comfortably against her side. Her arm and leg thrown over Lexa’s torso and hips. She nuzzles into Lexa’s shoulder, humming and pressing kisses to her neck and all Lexa can do is let out contented sighs and try to wrap her arm around Raven’s back so she can pull her close.

Raven presses into her and gives her a deep, sloppy kiss and Lexa can’t help but moan at the taste of herself on Raven’s lips. She never thought she would be the type of person to like something like this, but the taste of her own arousal mixed with the taste of Raven’s tongue and lips is intoxicating.

She pulls back from the kiss and meets Raven’s gaze, and can’t help the deep affection she feels at the pride and satisfaction she finds in her brown eyes.

“How was it?” Raven asks, holding her gaze and gently trailing her fingers up and down Lexa’s side.

“Do you even have to ask?”

“That good, huh?” Raven says smugly, giving her a lazy grin.

And normally Lexa would roll her eyes at Raven’s cockiness, but in this case it’s well deserved. “That was the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt in my life. I just want to do it all the time.” Lexa confess, feeling her cheeks flush at how bold and honest she’s being. Raven gives her this hungry look before slipping her hand up from Lexa’s side to gently squeeze her breast.

“That could be arranged.” Raven says lowly, before leaning in to suck on Lexa’s neck and slip a hand between her thighs.

Lexa is so sensitive, that she gasps and reaches to grip Raven’s wrist, effectively stilling her movements. “Too soon.” She breathes out against the top of Raven’s head and Raven just chuckles and sighs before scooting back up to give Lexa a gentle kiss and rest her head on the pillow they’re both now sharing.

Raven’s POV

They lay there quietly as Lexa recovers.

Raven knows that an orgasm from oral sex can be really intense and that Lexa needs more time. She can’t help but feel a sense of pride at the way she was able to make Lexa come so hard. The knowledge that she’s the first person to ever go down on Lexa only boosting her pride to a whole new level. Lexa was so wet and ready for her and the way she tasted and pulled Raven’s hair was so exquisite and intense that Raven knows she’ll never get tired of making her come like that. She feels herself getting turned on again by just the memory, and she’s only pulled from her thoughts when Lexa reaches for her ribs and gently traces the scar on her side.

She meets Lexa’s gaze and there’s a look of concern and insecurity in her eyes. “What’s wrong?” Raven asks, feeling worried at Lexa’s sudden shift in mood. Did Raven push things too far? Was Lexa not as ready as she thought she was.

“Nothing’s wrong. I just feel bad.” Lexa says quietly, looking down at the hand she’s tracing on Raven’s side. Raven feels her heart clench in her chest. Maybe Lexa wasn’t ready and Raven pushed her too far.

“Is it something I did? I’m sorry if I pushed you too far, Lex.”

“No, you didn’t!” Lexa rushes out, her eyes going wide as she reaches to grip Raven’s hand, holding it in the space between them and gently tracing the scar on her palm with her thumb. The familiar motion has a soothing effect and Raven feels herself relax at the admission of Lexa’s words.

“Then what is it?” She asks softly, wanting Lexa to feel comfortable enough to share.

“It’s just, I don’t think I’m ready to return the favor like that yet. I’m sorry.” Lexa says quietly, her cheeks blushing in embarrassment as she struggles to hold Raven’s gaze. And Lexa is so adorable and sweet and Raven is so in love, and god Lexa really needs to stop apologizing for things she has no business being sorry for.

“Lexa,” Raven says sternly, forcing Lexa to meet her gaze. “You have got to stop apologizing for shit like that. In no way was I expecting you to be ready for that tonight. If you’re not ready then you’re not ready, and if you never want to do it then you never have to do it. I didn’t go down on you so you would go down on me. I did it because I like doing it and wanted to make you feel good. If I didn’t like it, then I wouldn’t have done it.”

“Thank you for being so patient with me.” Lexa says softly as tears gather in her eyes, and Raven hates the insecurity she sees.

“Lexa, we’ve been through this before. You never have to thank me for respecting your boundaries. It’s not something special, it’s what you deserve.”

“I can still be thankful for it.” Lexa replies, her voice earnest and sincere.

“Yeah, I mean I guess you can. But I never want you to feel bad for telling me what you like or don’t like. What you want or don’t want. You could never disappoint me by sharing that stuff with me. I want to know those things, and I hope you know you can be honest with me.”

“I do.” Lexa says more firmly this time and Raven feels relieved at the confidence and certainty she sees in her eyes.

“Good,” Raven says, leaning in to peck her lips.

“That doesn’t mean I can’t return the favor in other ways.” Lexa says lowly, settling Raven with a suggestive look. And god, Raven will never get over how fucking sexy Lexa can be sometimes.

“Oh yeah, what did you have in mind?” Raven banters back, unable to help herself and eager to see what Lexa has in store.

“Hmm, I think I’d rather show you than tell you.” Lexa says coyly, and yeah Raven is definitely into this confident, sexy version of Lexa.

“Talking is definitely overrated.” Raven breathes out, as Lexa hovers over her and leans in to give her a deep and languid kiss.

“Fine, then I’ll show you.” Lexa breathes out in the hot, humid space between them.

Then there is no more talking, only shaking and moaning and bliss.

****

Raven is laying on her back, staring up at the ceiling and trying to catch her breath. Lexa just gave her another earth shattering orgasm, and she’s so happy and blissed out that she never wants this night to end.

“God, how did we get to be like this?” Raven wonders out loud. “Telling each other ‘I love you’ on Valentine’s Day? We’re such a fucking cliche.” She adds, unable to stop herself from seeing the humor in it.

“I don’t know,” Lexa shrugs. “I think there’s something kind of romantic about it.” She says, before smiling and kissing Raven’s neck. And god, Lexa is so beautiful.

“Romantic, huh?” Raven asks, trying not to get distracted by Lexa’s lips.

“Mmhmm,” Lexa hums again her neck and Raven can’t help but shiver.

“Raven Reyes does not do romantic.” She says huskily, trying not to moan. She’s trying to make a point, but somehow she’s already so turned on again with the way Lexa is kissing and biting her neck, that she’s having trouble focusing.

“Um, hate to break it to you, but when it comes to the romance department, you’re a total sap.” Lexa says, giggling at the offended look on Raven’s face.

“Well, it’s your fault!” Raven teases, unable to help herself.

“Sorry not sorry.” Lexa grins.

“Someone’s feeling sassy tonight.”

“Mmhmm.” Lexa murmurs as she connects their lips in a steamy kiss. “Your fault.” She says, pulling back.

“You’re ruining my reputation as a badass.” Raven pouts as Lexa tries to stifle a laugh.

“Pretty sure that was ruined when you served me a romantic dinner of pizza and beer and gave me that bracelet.”

“Ugh, you’re right. Why does love do this to people? Make them so sappy and gross?”

“Hey, for what it’s worth, I still think you’re a badass.” Lexa says, pecking Raven’s lips.

“Yeah?” Raven asks, unable to hide the giddiness she feels at the idea that her girlfriend still thinks she’s a badass.

“A badass with a good ass.” Lexa quips while reaching to squeeze Raven’s ass, and it’s so unexpected and adorable that Raven just bursts out laughing. Lexa starts laughing too, burying her face in Raven’s neck and raking her fingers along her side.

Raven doesn’t know how long they lay there laughing like that, but when Lexa pulls back and looks at her with her sparkling green eyes and a goofy grin, Raven can’t help but breathe out, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Lexa says, just as breathlessly and she smiles before leaning in for a soft kiss.

“Will you be mine?” Lexa asks, pulling back to search Raven’s eyes.

“Always.” Raven responds.

And god, Raven knows its cheesy as fuck and a total cliche but she doesn’t even care at this point. Lexa has turned her into a complete sap. And okay, maybe Valentine’s Day isn’t the worst day after all.

Chapter Text

Lexa is in love with her.

Lexa Woods is in love with her and she’s in love with Lexa and god, how did Raven get so fucking lucky?

Raven has never been this in love before. Has never felt so many good and happy feelings before, and sometimes it’s almost more than she can take. There are times when her past comes back to haunt her and she hates it. She still has trouble trusting Lexa and opening up to her, despite the fact that she’s in love with her and that Lexa has more than proven herself trustworthy. Lexa is always so understanding and patient with her, and every time Raven opens up to her, it gets a little bit easier.

The sex between them is amazing and frequent. Though both of them having roommates does complicate things. They hook up in the dorms when they know their roommates will be in class, but more often than not, they find themselves staying at the Palo Alto apartment when it’s empty.

They spend their evenings eating together and studying. Most of the time it’s takeout since neither of them are very good cooks, but every once in awhile Lexa finds a recipe she wants to try out and it usually turns out fine. On the occasions that it doesn’t, Lexa gets so sad and disappointed that Raven does her best to cheer her up with pineapple pizza or sex—sometimes both.

When their schoolwork is done, they cuddle up on the couch and watch tv. Sometimes they argue about what to watch, Lexa hating Raven’s obsession with reality competition shows, claiming they are too repetitive and scripted. Lexa’s taste in shows is more highbrow and Raven thinks most of the shows she likes are slow and boring. But they compromise, deciding to watch one episode of each person’s show in the evening. It’s kind of annoying at first, but eventually they adjust and after some time they end up secretly liking each other’s shows. They spend almost every night together. Making love or cuddling and falling asleep in each other’s arms. Their lives twine together so seamlessly and Raven loves the domestic bliss of it all almost as much as she loves the sex.

And, oh god, the sex.

Raven has always been the type of person who’s enjoyed sex. When she wasn’t getting it from other people she was happy to get herself off with her fingers or vibrator. She’s always had a healthy sexual appetite, but something about being with Lexa makes her feel excessively horny. Like she honestly can’t ever remember feeling so consistently aroused like this in her life. She starts losing count of the amount of underwear she ruins every day just thinking about her.

Lexa might just be the death of her.

Honestly, Raven can’t help it. It’s just that Lexa is so hot and beautiful, and when they come together it’s so incredible and mind blowing, and the way Lexa’s green eyes look right before she comes is the most breathtaking thing she’s ever seen. So yeah, Raven is a complete sap who’s always horny when it comes to Lexa.

It’s ridiculous really.

She day dreams about her, has sex dreams about her when they're apart, and sometimes she even has sex dreams about her when they're sleeping in the same bed together after they've already had sex. The latter occurrence usually always leads to morning sex. The dreams are hot and realistic and when Raven wakes up from them, she’s desperate to bury her face between Lexa’s thighs and wake her up with the swirl of her tongue and the press of her lips. It’s always so hot and intense, and Lexa tastes so good and comes so hard that Raven just wants to stay between her legs all day.

Raven actually starts to worry that she’s becoming a sex addict. She brings it up to Lexa one night when they’re laying naked on top of cool sheets after giving each other multiple orgasms. And it’s barely been ten minutes but Raven already feels ready to go again. She groans and rolls onto her side, facing Lexa and taking her in.

And god, she just has to sigh because Lexa is so fucking stunning.

Lexa is stretched out on her back looking relaxed and thoroughly fucked, and all Raven can think is that she’s breathtaking. Her body is lithe and toned, covered in a thin layer of sweat that makes her lightly tanned skin glow. Raven trails her eyes from the thin landing strip of hair between Lexa’s thighs, up past the dip in her hips and slightly toned abs, before slipping up over the supple curve of her breasts to focus on her perfect, pink nipples. She can’t help but reach out to cup one of Lexa’s breast. Marveling at the way it fits so perfectly in her hand and the way the nipple hardens when she strokes it with her thumb. Lexa’s breath hitches, and Raven looks up to meet dazzling green eyes and kiss swollen lips and god, everything about this moment is so fucking perfect.

Raven scoots closer so she can kiss Lexa’s soft and pouty lips, driven by her overwhelming desire and helpless to resist. They let out shaky moans as their lips finally meet, and it feels so fucking right that all Raven can think is that Lexa is everything. That this moment between them—this kiss—is everything. It’s hot and heavy and deep, and they’re both unable to stop themselves from moaning into each other’s mouths and deepening it. It’s a slow, languid unfurling of passionate desire and burning need as they sink into the kiss and revel in the familiar glide of hot tongues and warm lips, moving together so seamlessly. Their lips meld together so perfectly as their tongues stroke thorough and deep, the heated, silky feeling causing them both to shudder and shake.

They pour themselves into the kiss, giving and taking what the other has to offer, and getting lost in the passionate rhythm. It’s raw and all consuming, filled with so much passion and feeling that Raven can’t help but arch her body forward and grip Lexa’s hair, even as her hands start to uncontrollably shake. She can’t believe how emotional and needy she feels. Her need for Lexa an insatiable desire that she can never fully satiate. The more she gets of Lexa, the more she wants her. And it’s a heady and all consuming level of desperation and need that Raven has never felt before. It’s so intense that it scares her. Wanting so much and needing so much. Feeling so out of control. It’s as terrifying as it is addicting and Raven wants to run from it, almost as much as she wants to get helplessly lost in it and let it consume her.

“God, Lexa. You have no idea what you do to me.” She exhales against Lexa’s lips, loving the hot, humid way their breaths mingle together as they breathe each other in.

Lexa pulls back and meets Raven’s eyes with a hooded green gaze, and the desire she finds swirling in her eyes is so intense that Raven is unable to stop the low, needy groan from escaping her lips. Lexa’s pupils blow wide with desire, and Raven watches with bated breath as Lexa slips a hand up to cup the side of her face. She smooths her thumb across Raven’s cheek and gently strokes, tucking an errant strand of hair behind her ear with her free hand and holding her gaze.

“Tell me.” Lexa says breathlessly, and god Raven can’t handle it.

“I think you may have turned me into a sex addict.” She says, leveling Lexa with a serious gaze. She knows she probably sounds ridiculous but she can’t help it.

“A sex addict?” Lexa asks, giving her an amused look and biting down on her lower lip, trying and failing to hold back a giggle. Raven feels her cheeks flush.

“Don’t laugh at me Lex, I’m serious!” She responds, burying her face in the crook of Lexa’s neck, trying to hide her embarrassment. She feels awkward and Raven Reyes does not do awkward. But Raven feels awkward after her admission and she doesn’t know why. Maybe it’s because she basically just admitted to how weak and needy Lexa makes her feel, and Raven Reyes does not do weak and needy, and god Raven really needs to stop talking about herself in the third person and making blanket statements about herself like that because they’re obviously not true. “This is your fault anyway.” She mumbles against Lexa’s neck.

“My fault?” Lexa asks letting out a little amused noise.

“Yeah, I never felt this way until I met you.”

“Raven...” Lexa trails off in a somewhat disbelieving tone.

“No, I’m serious Lex. This is extreme.” She says, pulling back to meet green eyes. “Like I literally want to be having sex with you all of the time and I can’t stop thinking about it. You have no idea how many pairs of underwear I ruin throughout the day just thinking about you.”

“Really?” Lexa asks, surprise in her eyes but lacking any judgment.

“Yes, really.” Raven pouts, hiding her face in the crook of Lexa’s neck again. “I don’t get it. I’ve had sex with other girls before, and it’s never been like this with them. I would have sex with them and scratch that itch and be perfectly content. But with you it’s different. When I have sex with you, it’s the most satisfying experience of my life, but it always leaves me wanting more. It’s like one time with you will never be enough, like I want it all the time. What’s wrong with me?” That last part is practically whispered out against Lexa’s neck after Raven realizes how open and vulnerable she’s been.

“Nothing’s wrong with you Raven.” Lexa says softly, rolling them to their sides but keeping Raven close. Raven keeps her face pressed into the hollow of Lexa’s throat and feels her heart tremble as Lexa presses a kiss to her temple and runs her fingers through her hair. She tries to accept Lexa’s words but for some reason she can’t.

“How can you say that after everything I just shared?”

“Have you ever been in love with any of these other girls before?”

Raven pulls back, looking confused. “You think all of this is because I’m in love with you?”

Lexa just shrugs. “What else could it be?”

And really? What else could it be. Raven supposes love is as good of an explanation as any. She’s even more certain now that she’s never been in love before until she met Lexa, because the desire and need she feels is so strong that sometimes it scares her.

“It scares me.” Raven says quietly, finally feeling relief at admitting her fear out loud.

“What does?” Lexa asks softly, her eyes compassionate and curious.

“How much I want you. How much I love you. It scares me sometimes. I’ve never felt this way with anyone else.”

“I know what you mean.” Lexa breathes out, and Raven searches her eyes for the truth. “Sometimes it scares me too.” And Raven is honestly surprised, she had no idea Lexa was feeling the same way. “I’ve never felt this way with anyone else before either,” Lexa continues. “It’s like this all consuming force drawing us together, and sometimes I wonder if I was in love with you from the moment I met you. If I was always meant to love you.” Raven is breathless as Lexa swallows and strokes her cheek. “I’ve spent my whole life convincing myself that things like soulmates and fate aren’t real, no matter how much I wished they were. But then I met you and everything changed. For so long I’ve been so afraid to love anyone or let anyone in, but something about you made me want to be brave.”

The words are so beautiful and sincere that Raven feels like her heart is going to burst. The love between them feels epic and meaningful, and has Raven believing in all kinds of things she’s never believed in before—romance and destiny, star-crossed lovers and fate, and all of the other things about lovers and love that Shakespeare and the poets have written about. She wants to believe in all of those things, wants to believe in the love she and Lexa have for each other. That it’s powerful enough to overcome any obstacles or odds. She wants to believe, but it’s hard. She’s seen enough heartbreak and tragedy in her twenty-one years to last a lifetime, and Raven just hopes that their story doesn’t turn out to be something tragic.

She’s so consumed by her love and need for Lexa that she knows if she ever lost her it would break her, and that’s the part that scares her the most. Raven has already been broken so much by life, and she’s not sure how much more heartbreak she can take. But as much as it scares her, the love and desire she has for Lexa drives her and gives her a confidence and courage that she’s never felt before. And laying here with Lexa like this, wrapped up in each other’s arms and pressing against warm skin, it’s hard for Raven to hold onto her fear when being with Lexa makes her feel so safe.

Raven is a woman of logic and science, but as hard as she tries this thing between them—this love—can’t be easily quantified or explained, analyzed or broken down into parts. Falling in love with Lexa is like taking a leap of faith into the unknown, and it goes against everything Raven has ever lived by or believed in, but in the end she’s helpless to resist the pull between them.

She knows it scares Lexa too. That Lexa has experienced hurt and loss in her life that no one should have to. She shudders to think about a small Lexa, bouncing around from house to house, being ignored and unwanted and unloved. The idea is as heartbreaking as it is unfathomable to her. How could anyone not want or love Lexa? She’s so smart and beautiful and has a level of depth and compassion that are unparalleled and that Raven is in awe of, especially considering what she’s been through. And the way that she’s able to open herself up to love again, after experiencing the loss of her parents and the loss of Costia, is so brave and courageous that Raven can’t help but admire her.

Raven wonders if she would have turned out differently if her own circumstances had been different. If her mom hadn’t been an addict, if she’d gotten out of her home sooner and put into foster care. If she’d stood up for herself and reported her mom. If she’d told the Sinclair’s more so they could have helped her get out. She’s happy she found the Sinclair’s when she did. She was so close to giving up on life and love and believing in anything good, and she doesn’t even want to think about how she would have turned out if she hadn’t met them at all. Maybe she would have given up on herself and maybe she would have given up on life. Maybe she would have given up on the idea of having a happy and normal life and would still be stuck in LA with her mom, following in her footsteps. Maybe she wouldn’t have gotten into Stanford and wouldn’t have met Lexa. She hates that last part more than anything.

She leans in to kiss Lexa’s lips, unable to stop herself from the desperation she feels for her. The kiss is so intense and the passion is so real, and Raven can already feel the words she wants to say bubbling up in her chest and forcing their way out of her mouth.

“You make me want to be brave too.” Raven says breathlessly, pulling back from the kiss and meeting Lexa’s gaze. “Your love makes me brave. I’ve spent so much of my life building up walls and keeping people out, always so afraid of getting close and getting hurt. But you made me feel safe enough to let those walls down, and I’ve never been more afraid or certain about anything in my life. I love you so much it scares me, but I’ve never felt more safe. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so safe or loved before. I was always so afraid. Living like a coward until I met you.”

Something in Lexa’s eyes shifts, her brow furrows and her eyes become serious and intense as she gently shakes her head. “You were never a coward, Raven. You’re the bravest person I know. I think loving me just gave you the chance to prove it. Gave us both the chance to prove it.”

And god, how did Raven get so lucky to find someone so beautiful in so many ways.

Raven’s heart is fluttering uncontrollably at this point; emotion thick in her throat and tears gathering in her eyes. She’s too overwhelmed to speak, and all she can do is nod and slip a hand over Lexa’s heart, gently stroking it with her thumb and sucking in a sharp breath when she feels it stutter and start to race. The way Lexa looks at her has Raven feeling so raw and desperate and all she wants to do is sink into Lexa and get lost in her warmth and touch. Lexa seems to have the same idea because before Raven even gets a chance to do anything, Lexa rolls them over so she’s on top and gives Raven a searing kiss. It’s so intense and amazing that Raven gets lost in it. This kiss is more than just a kiss. It’s a declaration, a promise, a defining moment connecting them together in an inexplicable way. Every sigh, and touch and moan, filled with its own intention and meaning, knitting them together so tightly that’s it’s hard to tell where one of them ends and the other begins.

In this moment, they begin and end together.

Raven doesn’t know how long they kiss like that. Slow and deep, filled with the promise of something more. She’s so lost in the feeling of Lexa’s warm tongue and lips that she whimpers at the feeling of loss when Lexa pulls back from the kiss. The feeling doesn’t last long though as Lexa begins trailing steamy kisses down Raven’s jaw and neck, before moving to her collarbone and breasts. She licks her way down Raven’s breast and latches onto her nipple, sucking and swirling it with her tongue. Raven moans and closes her eyes, sinking her fingers into Lexa’s hair and holding her in place. Her nipples are so sensitive and the feeling is so mind numbing and arousing that Raven can already feel the slick of her arousal forming between her thighs.

Lexa trails her lips from one nipple over to the other, and it feels so good that Raven whimpers and tightens her grip when Lexa sucks and lets out a little hum. The vibration sends a jolt of arousal straight to her clit, and Raven can’t help but let out a breathy moan and pull Lexa up for a kiss, desperate for her tongue and lips.

They kiss and it’s everything. Lexa’s whole body arches and presses into her, and Raven relishes in the feeling of Lexa’s warmth and weight as she settles on top of her. The feeling is so amazing and feels so right that Raven gets lost in it. She wants them to stay like this forever, and she can’t help but wonder if their bodies were always made to come together like this. If the universe or whatever deity is out there crafted them for each other. And god, Raven can’t believe she’s even thinking like this, but something about being with Lexa makes it all feel so true.

Lexa is perfect for her and Raven can’t imagine being with anyone else.

Raven reaches up her hands, tangling them in the back of Lexa’s hair so she can pull her even closer and deepen the kiss. Lexa angles her head just right, humming into Raven’s mouth and smoothing a hand up Raven’s stomach to squeeze her breast and circle her nipple with her thumb. It feels so good and Raven sucks in a sharp breath as Lexa applies just the right amount of pressure, her thumb gliding smoothly and easily over the sensitive tip from the combination of Lexa’s saliva mixed with Raven’s sweat. Raven’s nipples start to tingle and a seemingly endless stream of little electric like shocks travel between her nipples and clit. And fuck, the whole thing is so erotic and overwhelming that Raven can’t help the short, breathy gasps and moans she hums against Lexa’s lips every time a shock of pleasure flows through her. She arches into Lexa’s touch, needing to feel more, her hips bucking forward of their own accord and pressing her center against Lexa’s thigh. Raven is so wet that she easily glides over the smooth surface of Lexa’s skin, and when Lexa starts steadily pressing into her Raven wonders if she could come just from doing this.

Lexa continues her movements, pressing into Raven with her thigh and circling her nipple with her thumb, only briefly stopping to get more spit. Lexa pulls back from the kiss and leans down over Raven’s breast, and Raven watches breathlessly as Lexa licks her nipple and meets her with a hooded green gaze before releasing a small string of spit. It covers the sensitive tip and Lexa rubs it with her thumb, and it’s so fucking hot that Raven feels powerless against her own urges. She can’t stop the feelings of lust and desperation that take over and can’t help the way she practically growls and pulls Lexa up almost forcefully into a kiss.

Lexa returns the kiss with just as much fervor as they continue their movements from before, only this time more desperate and intense. The moment between them stretches on as Raven gives herself over to Lexa’s touch, rolling her hips into Lexa’s thigh. The whole thing makes her feel so impossibly wet and aroused and Raven feels herself starting to ache for Lexa’s fingers between her thighs. The need to be touched and filled leaving her a desperate and squirming mess.

“Lexa, please!” Raven breathes out desperately, tearing herself away from the kiss as she tries to catch her breath. Loving the way Lexa groans and buries her face in her neck.

“Fuck, what do you want?” Lexa pants against her neck, causing goosebumps to break out across her sweaty skin.

“Your fingers.” Raven says just as breathless, moaning when Lexa starts sucking on her neck.

And fuck.

Raven feels so out of control with her desperation and need that she’s grateful when Lexa lets out a soft sigh and slows things down. She trails her fingers down Raven’s side, skimming across her ribs and stopping at her scar so she can gently stroke it with her thumb. Raven feels her heart flutter and ache at the reminder the scar brings—after the attack, when Lexa started falling for her and Raven was forced to let her in. It was the first step towards something more for them, and no matter how Raven got it, she’ll never stop being grateful for what it symbolizes to them.

Lexa pulls back to look in Raven’s eyes and god, Lexa’s eyes are so beautiful and green, filled with adoration and love and it makes Raven feel so full inside that she feels like her heart is going to burst out of her chest. The feeling is so overwhelming that Raven can’t help but stare at Lexa in awe, holding her breath in anticipation as Lexa moves to squeeze her hip and trail her fingers across her stomach before slipping them between her thighs.

Raven exhales before sucking in a sharp breath as her whole body arches off the bed and her hips buck forward as Lexa makes contact with her clit. She can’t stop the strangled moan that escapes her lips as her arousal makes it easy for Lexa’s fingers to slide through her. Lexa gently presses two fingers on top of her clit before moving them in small, gentle circles. The feeling is so amazing and with each circle Lexa makes, she brushes against the sensitive tip of Raven’s clit and it feels like a never ending stream of small electric shocks that spark from her clit and travel up her stomach and chest and settle at the base of her skull. It makes her nipples tingle, her pulse race, and her breath catch in the back of her throat every time she tries to breath in.

Raven bends her legs and spreads them further apart to give Lexa better access. In the process the top of her thigh presses into Lexa’s center and holy fuck, Lexa is so wet. Lexa topples forward, her body falling heavy and limp, and her face pressing into Raven’s throat as she lets out a strangled moan. Raven can’t help but feel even more aroused at the idea that Lexa is getting off on this just as much as she is, but she’s too lost in her own bliss to even try to return the favor and all she can manage to do is close her eyes and keep her leg bent so that Lexa can grind on it.

“Raven,” she hears the strained and husky sound of Lexa’s voice as she pulls back from her neck and moves into a more upright position.

Raven drags her eyes open slowly, lost in a sea of sensations, and when her eyes finally focus and she meets Lexa’s gaze a feeling of warmth and awe settle in her chest. Lexa is so beautiful. Poised above her in all of her naked glory. Her golden brown locks are wild and tousled, thrown mostly over one shoulder. Her green eyes are hooded and filled with desire, and the way her chest heaves and sweat trickles down her sternum as she continues to grind on Raven’s thigh and play with Raven’s clit, causes a rush of liquid arousal to gather between her thighs.

They hold each other’s gazes as they find a steady rhythm and it’s one of the most intimate experiences Raven thinks they’ve ever had. They’re both chasing their release, so close to the edge when suddenly Lexa decides to pull back and slow things down again. Raven wants to cry out in frustration but the look Lexa gives her tells her she’s about to give her everything she wants and then some. So she takes a deep breath and holds Lexa’s gaze, trying to catch her breath before Lexa does something else that makes it impossible to breath.

“You’re so beautiful,” Lexa breathes out, soft and needy, and the way she slowly and appreciatively drags her gaze over Raven’s naked form feels like a soft caress and it makes Raven feel so much that she can hardly breathe.

Her need to touch Lexa and feel the soft warmth of her skin is so overwhelming that Raven can see the way her own hands shake as she reaches out to squeeze Lexa’s hips, smoothing her hands up Lexa’s stomach and ribs before settling them over her breasts. Lexa’s breasts are so soft and pliant, and Raven gives them a gentle squeeze, loving the way they fit so perfectly in her hands, like they were made for her. Raven watches breathlessly as Lexa tilts her head back and lets out a contented sigh as Raven begins circling her nipples with her thumbs, loving the way they harden in response. And god, Raven doesn’t even know how it’s possible that she feels like she actually might come just from watching Lexa like this.

Lexa is wanton and stunning, and when Raven shifts and tenses the muscles of her thigh, Lexa lets out this breathy moan and bucks her hips, causing her to slide easily over the smooth surface of her skin. Raven continues to caress Lexa’s breasts and roll and tense her thigh, and Lexa starts grinding down all desperate and frantic. Her breathes are coming out in harsh pants and Raven can tell by the way she furrows her brow and bites her bottom lip that she’s close.

“Raven, please,” she whines in a desperate exhale, and god all Raven wants is to see and feel and hear Lexa come. She smooths a hand down Lexa’s breast and stomach, flattening her palm on her lower abdomen and swiping a thumb down to tease her clit. Lexa whimpers at the touch and continues grinding down on her thigh. Raven tenses and rolls the muscles of her leg, speeding up the movements on Lexa’s clit with her thumb, and within seconds, Lexa is crying out and coming all over the top of Raven’s thigh. Lexa’s hips jerk forward as her orgasm ripples through her and Raven helps her ride it out, greedily taking in the taut line of her body as her muscles contract and her back arches and sweat rolls down between the valley between her breasts to her abs.

It’s the most breathtaking thing Raven has ever seen.

“Fuck, that was hot.” Raven breathes out when Lexa finally starts to come down from her high, her voice raspy and thick with her own desire.

Lexa lets out a satisfied groan before leaning down to give Raven a deep and languid kiss that’s all hot tongues and panting breaths. When she pulls back to meet Raven’s gaze, she looks at her with so much lust and desire in her eyes that Raven barely has time to process what’s happening before Lexa shifts her body to press into Raven’s side, and dip her head down to start kissing and sucking on Raven’s collarbone and neck. She moves a hand to squeeze Raven’s breast before raking her fingers down Raven’s stomach and pelvis and slipping them between her thighs. Raven gasps as Lexa makes contact with her clit, it’s so sensitive after all of the earlier build up and Raven knows that Lexa can tell because she slips her fingers down to tease Raven’s entrance instead.

“Fuck,” Raven groans when Lexa slips one finger inside of her then two, filling her up in the best possible way. Lexa holds her fingers still at first, letting Raven adjust to the feel.

“Is this okay?” Lexa asks softly, pulling back to look in Raven’s eyes.

And god, Raven can’t handle how much concern and care she sees in that beautiful green gaze. Raven’s voice is thick with emotion as tears prick at the corners of her eyes and she breathes out a shaky, “Yes”, before leaning up to give Lexa a kiss. Lexa kisses her back gently and carefully as her fingers start to move inside of her and the feeling is incredible. Raven slips her hands up to tangle in the back of Lexa’s hair, pulling her close as she moans into her mouth and deepens the kiss.

Lexa starts to move her fingers in slow, gentle thrusts, curling them and hitting that spot inside of Raven that has her walls fluttering in response.

“God, I love how you feel inside of me.” Raven pants out against Lexa’s lips, unable to stop herself from squirming and rolling her hips in time with Lexa’s fingers.

“I love how it feels to be inside of you. So wet and hot.” Lexa murmurs, trailing her lips down to suck steamy kisses along Raven’s sensitive neck before draping a thigh over Raven’s leg so she can help ground her movements. The weight is perfect and Raven can’t help but shudder at the building feeling of euphoria as Lexa’s fingers continue to pump in and out of her.

“Fuck, baby I’m going to come so hard!” Raven practically whines out between heaving breaths.

“Mmm,” Lexa hums against her neck as she slowly starts to circle Raven’s clit with her thumb. And god, Raven is so close.

“Faster!” Raven manages to get out between moans and gasps, curling an arm around Lexa’s neck and gripping the sheets with her free hand, trying to hang on as Lexa increases the speed of her thrusts.

“Fuck, I’m almost there!”

Lexa continues her thrusts, sucking a bruise on Raven’s neck before pulling back to look in her eyes. Raven swears she hears Lexa’s breath hitch when she takes her in. The way she’s biting down on her bottom lip and the way her green eyes lock onto her is so intense that she almost has to look away.

“Come for me, Raven.” She breathes out, her voice low and raspy.

And when she thrusts her fingers inside one last time, curling them and pressing them right where Raven needs them the most while rubbing her clit with her thumb, Raven is crying out. Crashing over the edge as white hot pleasure shoots through her and she comes. Her whole body shaking and jolting as her orgasm rushes through her and she can’t stop the way her hips buck forward wildly as she rides it out.

The feeling of all consuming pleasure and bliss pulses through Raven’s body in a steady rhythm, before reaching its final peak and settling over her like a warm blanket. Raven has lost all ability to think, her mind blissfully dazed and blank. She shivers when Lexa nuzzles into her neck, trailing gentle kisses up the column of her throat, then jaw and cheek, before pressing softly to her lips. Lexa pulls back to look in Raven’s eyes and she frowns, reaching up a hand to stroke along her cheek.

“What’s wrong?” Lexa asks softly, and her eyes are so beautiful and her voice is so sweet that Raven can’t quite wrap her mind around Lexa’s question because absolutely nothing is wrong.

“What?” Raven asks, her voice coming out raspy.

“You’re crying.” Lexa says, and Raven realizes Lexa has been wiping away her tears.

Raven is crying.

She’s actually crying after sex. This has never happened to her before. Normally she would feel embarrassed and pull away, but laying here with Lexa pressed against her, looking at her with so much concern and love in her eyes makes Raven feel safe. And she thinks she’s never felt this safe and comfortable before.

“Yeah,” Raven says. “I guess I am.”

“What’s wrong?” Lexa asks again.

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Everything’s just right.” Raven says.

Lexa tears up as well and they both just pull each other close and sink into each other’s arms. Lexa traces the scar on her side before trailing her fingers up to trace the scars on her back and Raven sighs and relaxes into her touch. There’s something so beautiful and transcendent about it. Like the broken parts of her are being mended with each gentle touch.

She’s not sure how long they lay there like that, wrapped in each other’s warmth and touch. But when Lexa pulls back to meet her with a trembling smile and a soft kiss, Raven hopes for once she’s right.

Chapter Text

The first time they have sex on campus is—surprisingly to Lexa but unsurprisingly to Raven—not in one of their dorm rooms.

Lexa is sitting at a table in the back of the Library, finishing up a paper for her Political Theory course. She’s been working on it for several days now, and she lets out a sigh of relief as she types out the last sentence of her conclusion. She hits save and scrolls back up to the top so she can start proof reading when she hears her phone buzz with a text.

Raven: Come to the stacks.

Lexa looks around, surprised. Wondering if Raven is nearby, but even after standing up and looking around there’s still no sign of her. So Lexa texts her back.

Lexa: Are you stalking me?

Raven: Come to the stacks and find out...

And god, Lexa can’t even hide how giddy she feels. She knows she should probably keep working to get her paper done, but it isn’t even due until next week and she’s been here for hours and she could really use a break. So she makes a quick decision, closing her laptop and sliding it into her messenger bag along with her papers and books. She makes her way over to the staircase that leads up to the stacks so she can try to locate her girlfriend. When she gets to the top of the stairs and looks around, she doesn’t immediately find her. Raven didn’t give her a specific location, but the entire floor is empty and it doesn’t take Lexa long to find her all the way in the back at the end of a long row of shelves.

Raven doesn’t spot her at first, so Lexa takes a moment to take her in.

Raven is leaning against the back wall, with her arms and legs crossed, staring up at the tall shelves in front of her as if lost in though. Her posture and demeanor are casual and relaxed yet there’s still this tension in the way she holds her body that makes her look confident and strong. Lexa isn’t sure if it’s because of what she’s wearing or because of all of the muscles she knows are hiding beneath the fabric of her clothes. It’s probably a combination of both. She’s dressed mostly in black, except for a white v-neck tee. Her black combat boots and dark jeans go perfectly with the black leather jacket she’s wearing that Lexa loves so much. Her chestnut hair is slightly tousled and mussed from the way she’s always running her fingers through it, her tan skin practically glowing under the dim yellow lights on the upper floor. She’s so sexy and beautiful, and when she catches sight of Lexa her eyes light up and her expression turns all satisfied and smug, and it only adds to Lexa’s desire for her.

Raven tilts her head and raises an eyebrow at her, and she looks so cocky and pleased with herself that if Lexa didn’t find it so hot, she’d probably find it irritating. Raven has always exuded a natural level of confidence and swagger that makes Lexa feel weak in the knees. Combined with the fact that underneath all that Lexa knows there’s a depth of softness, vulnerability, protectiveness, and loyalty that are unmatched, just makes Lexa’s heart melt for her even more.

Lexa briefly considers playing hard to get, putting up some type of performative resistance just to keep up the normal push and pull dynamic they usually fall into, but she can’t bring herself to do it. The sight of Raven standing there like that, looking so infuriatingly beautiful and smug and excited to see her just stirs something inside of Lexa. Makes her feel exceedingly needy and aroused. The connection between them is so strong and she can feel it drawing her forward, pulling her to Raven like a moth to a flame—caught up in the blinding light of her beauty and helpless to resist.

They hold each other’s gazes as Lexa makes her way down the aisle, and each step forward feels like an increasingly charged current of electricity building and flowing between them. When they’re finally standing face to face, the tension practically sparks, putting Lexa on edge and making it hard to breathe.

“I knew you would come.” Raven says suggestively, wiggling her eyebrows before giving Lexa a once over and a cocky smirk. But there’s a genuine look of wonder and excitement in her eyes that undercuts the overt display of cockiness. And it makes Lexa’s heart ache a little that even after everything they’ve been through, Raven still seems so surprised by the fact that Lexa is actually here.

That Lexa actually wants her back.

Lexa knows it’s nothing she’s done, it’s the years of rejection and abuse Raven suffered at the hands of her mother. Even the brief thought of it causes Lexa’s stomach to churn and her heart to twist painfully in her chest. The specific details Raven shared with her, causing her imagination to conjure up disturbing, unbidden images all on its own. She tries not to dwell on them, pushing the images from her mind and focusing on the soft brown eyes and warm smiling face in front of her instead. She doesn’t know how long it’s going to take until Raven finally trusts her and believes she deserves more. She wishes more than anything she could make Raven see it and believe it right now, but she knows that’s not how it works. It took Raven years to get like this, and Lexa is willing to be patient with her until she gets to that point for herself. Willing to love her and show her the tender patience and kindness she needs and deserves. If Raven’s mother was the one who taught her she was worthless and undesirable, then Lexa will be the one who teaches her she’s wanted and worth so much more. She only hopes that with time and consistency, Raven will one day see it and believe it for herself.

Until then, Lexa will believe it for them both.

She leans forward to give Raven a deep kiss, needing to connect with her. Needing Raven to know how much she feels for her. How much she loves her and wants her. How much she’s worth. When she pulls back Raven is breathless and a little bit dazed and there’s a happy and affectionate look in her eyes that makes Lexa’s heart melt and feel like maybe she’s gotten close.

The soft moment between them stretches on for a few minutes, until Raven’s smile quickly shifts back to something infuriatingly more smug.

“Damn, Lex. I mean I know I look good today, and it’s been like eight whole hours since we last had sex this morning, but you must be feeling pretty desperate to just jump me like that. Here. In the library of all places.”

Raven wiggles her eyebrows and Lexa tries to hide her smirk.

“That’s a little rich coming from someone who knows the exact number of hours it’s been since we last had sex.”

“Oh, please. Don’t act like you haven’t been keeping track too.”

And, okay, fair point. But Lexa is definitely not about to let Raven get one up on her.

“Have you been stalking me?” Lexa asks coyly, shifting the focus of the conversation, unable to stop herself from bantering back.

“You wish.” Raven rolls her eyes. “I was actually looking for a book I needed for an engineering class then spotted you on my way up the stairs. And let’s just say that you were very distracting.” She says suggestively, her eyes dragging down Lexa’s body before moving back up to her lips then her eyes. “I thought I could get by just watching you for a little bit, but in the end it wasn’t enough. Had to get you up here with me.”

Raven says that last statement in a low voice, biting her bottom lip and reaching out to hook her fingers in Lexa’s belt loops so she can tug her forward until their hips are flush. Lexa goes willingly, leaning into Raven’s body and bracing her hands on the wall on either side of her head to steady herself. The possessive and lustful look in Raven’s eyes has her immediately becoming wet, and she can barely stifle a moan when Raven arches her hips forward and slips her hands around to squeeze Lexa’s ass and grind into her.

“You know,” Lexa says breathily, “I know I’m not a lawyer yet—something you repeatedly like to point out—but that definitely sounds like stalking to me.” Her voice comes out more shaky than she’d like, feeling a little overwhelmed by how quickly the moment has shifted into something so sexual between them.

The connection between them so strong.

“Yeah?” Raven asks, giving Lexa a hooded look before leaning in to suck steamy kisses on her neck. “Would you like that?” She murmurs, her warm breath tickling Lexa’s skin and causing her to shudder and break out in goosebumps.

“Maybe.” Lexa replies breathily, closing her eyes as Raven continues trailing kisses up and down her throat.

“Hmm, sounds a little self-absorbed if you ask me. You must really think highly of yourself if you think I’d get myself in legal trouble for you.” Raven says, her kisses and grip becoming more firm. “I mean, you are my girlfriend after all. You really think I’m so desperate and horny for you that I would need to resort to stalking? Very presumptuous, don’t you think?”

And it’s mildly infuriating that Raven is being so cocky and smug when Lexa knows for a fact that she actually is that desperate and horny. But she knows arguing with Raven when she’s like this is pointless, so she decides to take action instead. She pulls back and grabs Raven by the lapels of her leather jacket before settling her with a sultry gaze.

“Raven?” Lexa pants out, trying not to smirk at the look of genuine shock and desire on her face.

“Yeah?” Raven asks, her voice raspy and her breath hitching when Lexa rolls her hips into her.

“Stop talking.” She says lowly, before pulling her in for a kiss.

Raven stumbles and lets out a little ‘oomph’ of surprise before steadying herself with Lexa’s hips. Lexa presses her into the wall and leans into her, loving the way their breasts and stomachs press together and the way their hips fit so snug. The kiss starts out slow and deep, as they sigh and open up to each other with soft hums and warm licks. It quickly builds up into something more frantic and intense as they grind into each other with their hips and grip each other’s clothes. Raven’s hands sliding up to caress and squeeze Lexa’s breasts over her shirt. The passion between them is so palpable and strong, and before long they’re both shaking and gasping for air.

They pull back and meet each others’ gazes and Lexa’s heart catches in the back of her throat. Raven’s eyes are wild and hazy, her lips swollen and her cheeks lightly flushed. Her gaze is heavy-lidded, her eyelashes dark and long, and the way she’s biting down on her lip is so sexy and god, she looks so good like this. All Lexa can think about is how much she wants her, and she doesn’t even give herself time to think about it. Just slips a hand down to undo the front of Raven’s pants before shoving her hand inside. Lexa’s fingers slide easily beneath the waistband of Raven’s boyshorts, her own clit throbbing when she feels how wet Raven is and sees the look of pure lust and desire flash through her warm brown eyes.

Lexa barely moves her fingers, but Raven arches her hips forward and sucks in a sharp breath, her eyes fluttering closed as she lets out a soft groan and bites down on her lower lip. She looks so good, and Lexa can’t help but glide her fingers between Raven’s soft folds, her movements slow and careful as she purposely avoids her clit. Raven’s hips buck forward again, seeking out Lexa’s touch where she wants it the most, and when Lexa finally shifts her fingers to brush them over her clit, Raven’s whole body stiffens and she lets out a strangled moan. The sound is hot but loud as it echoes off the walls around them. It’s so startling amidst the silence, that Lexa is certain they’re going to get caught. And she knows she should probably feel more guilty or concerned, but she’s not. The idea of getting caught only turning her on more and driving her to increase the pressure of her fingers. Raven’s hips jolt and her eyes practically bug out.

“Fuck, Lexa what are you—”

But Lexa cuts her off with a steamy kiss that Raven quietly whimpers into, using the silencing of her lips to start moving her fingers.

Lexa quickens the pace of her fingers, making sure to keep up a steady pressure and rhythm as her fingers glide along the sides of Raven’s clit. Raven grips the back of Lexa’s neck and groans, licking into her mouth hot and deep before biting down on her lower lip and sucking hard. Lexa feels her own arousal increasing at how hot the whole thing is. She continues building Raven up, with her up and down movements, creating a steady rhythm and gently squeezing her fingers together to put more pressure on her clit. Raven lets out these harsh, shuddery breaths against Lexa’s lips as she tries to hold back her moans. Her whole body is tense and shaking with the effort to stay quiet, and the idea that Raven has to show so much restraint because of how good Lexa is making her feel is such a turn on for Lexa that she almost forgets where they are.

There’s a foreign cough in the background that brings them both back to their senses, reminding them they’re in a semi public location and not alone. Lexa stills the movement of her fingers and drags her lips away from their kiss.

“Can you be quiet?” Lexa asks, her voice so low and throaty it doesn’t even sound like her.

Raven is still struggling to catch her breath, her hips slightly swaying and rocking into Lexa’s hand.

“Yeah,” She breathes out all gravelly and low, and she sounds so sexy and looks so desperate that Lexa leans in to give her a thorough kiss that’s sloppy and mostly just tongue.

Raven quietly whimpers into the kiss and threads her fingers through the back of Lexa’s hair, tightening her grip and deepening the kiss until they both pull back shaking. Lexa moves to trail kisses down her jaw and neck, sucking on her pulse point and moving her fingers along her clit again. She can hear Raven taking in sharp breaths, releasing them in harsh broken pants and barely restrained sighs, and despite Raven’s attempt to stay quiet, she’s still too loud.

“Raven,” Lexa murmurs softly against her neck, stilling her fingers. “You have to stay quiet or we have to stop.”

“No. Don’t stop. I can be quiet. I promise.” The words are whispered out needy and strained against Lexa’s shoulder as Raven reaches down a shaky hand to grab Lexa’s wrist and urge her on. Lexa starts to move her fingers again, but this time Raven is even worse, and Lexa is about to put things to a stop when Raven grabs Lexa’s freehand and presses it firmly over her mouth.

It’s so surprising to Lexa that she immediately pulls back to meet Raven’s eyes. They’ve never done anything restrictive like this before and Lexa isn’t really sure how she feels about it. Especially considering Raven’s past.

“Are you sure this is okay?” Lexa asks, feeling uncertain.

Raven gives her a reassuring look and a small nod, and if Raven feels okay about this, then who is Lexa to deny her? She removes her hand briefly to give Raven a soft kiss, before slipping it back up to cover her mouth. Raven exhales a shaky breath against her hand and when Lexa starts moving her fingers again, Raven’s whole body arches forward as she reaches up a steadying hand to grip the back of Lexa’s neck and pull her close.

Their foreheads press together as things start to heat up again, and all Lexa can think is that she wants to kiss her. But Raven’s moans are too loud and Lexa’s hand is doing its job to muffle the noises they can’t afford to make. So she settles for closing her eyes, and focusing on the feeling of her fingers sliding through Raven’s wet heat instead. She feels warm, and silky smooth, and Lexa relishes in the velvety feel of her clit as her fingers glide along the sides, before dipping down to tease her entrance. Raven’s hips jerk forward in response, slipping the tips of Lexa’s fingers inside, but there’s no way Lexa is going to finger her to orgasm here, knowing that Raven is far too loud when she comes like that. Lexa is quick to pull her fingers out, slipping them back up to work on Raven’s clit. They find a steady rhythm, as Lexa once again slips her fingers along either side and squeezes them together to increase the pressure on the sensitive tip. Raven’s hips rock forward in time with Lexa’s movements, and she’s so wet that Lexa’s fingers almost slip inside of her a few times. She can tell Raven is getting close and she needs something a little different to make her come, so Lexa starts moving her fingers in a circular motion, loving the way Raven’s hips stutter and she lets out a muffled groan.

Lexa keeps up the circular movement, and she can feel the way the tension in Raven’s body builds and builds, her breaths getting harsher and her muffled moans louder. And when she speeds up her fingers and increases the pressure, Raven’s whole body stiffens, her legs tensing and her hips jerking forward as she grips the back of Lexa’s neck and comes. She lets out muffled cries with each wave that pulses through her. Her body convulsing and her boots scraping against the floor as she tries to stay standing. And if Raven would just stop making so much noise, Lexa could actually use the hand on her mouth to help her out. But Raven just keeps shuddering and moaning and Lexa is forced to keep her hand where it is. When the last wave of her orgasm pulses through her, Raven opens her eyes and pulls Lexa’s hand from her mouth and Lexa immediately leans in to kiss her and swallow her soft sighs and moans. The kiss is lingering and deep, even as Raven is still trying to catch her breath. They kiss and breathe each other in, both letting out soft, contented sighs.

When the kiss eventually ends, and Raven stops shaking, she gives Lexa a heavy lidded gaze before reaching down to pull Lexa’s hand from between her thighs so she can suck her fingers into her mouth. She sucks Lexa’s fingers clean, even going so far as to lick off some of the come that had gotten on her palm. It’s hot, and a huge turn on, but Lexa knows that the things she wants Raven to do to her require them to both be naked and in bed. Raven kisses Lexa’s palm, before releasing it and reaching up to link her fingers behind Lexa’s neck instead. She pulls her in for another kiss and Lexa hums at the faint taste of Raven’s arousal.

“Fuck, Lexa you made me come so good. That was so fucking hot.” Raven breathes out hotly against her lips, and Lexa just sighs and presses their foreheads together.

“What are you doing after this?” Lexa asks softly, enjoying the way they stay pressed close together.

“Hopefully you.” Raven teases, and Lexa has to hold back a giggle as she pulls back to meet her eyes.

“You know, I think you were onto something with that whole sex addict thing.”

Raven just scoffs and squeezes Lexa’s ass, and it makes Lexa feel the ache between her own thighs that has been steadily building up and is now at a throb. She’s tempted to just have Raven take care of her there, but then her stomach growls and she’s reminded of how long it’s been since she’s last eaten.

“Can we at least get some dinner first?”

“Fine,” Raven relents, slightly rolling her eyes. “You’re definitely going to need some sustenance for the night I have planned for you.”

Lexa smiles and blushes at the implication of Raven’s words, reaching down to zip and button Raven’s pants before tugging her shirt back down where it had ridden up during their exchange. She tries and fails to ignore both the sight and feeling of Raven’s abs, her fingers lingering and smoothing over the warm, muscular planes. Raven clears her throat, breaking Lexa out of her quiet reverie and when she meets Raven’s hooded gaze and knowing smirk, her cheeks flush even more when she realizes how badly she’s failed. Lexa is once again hit with the urgent desire for Raven to just take her here, but she’s hungry and her back feels stiff after being hunched over her computer for so long, and she’s pretty sure having sex against bookshelves will not help with the matter. So she takes a deep breath to steady herself before pulling back so she can straighten her own disheveled clothes. Raven watches her with a longing look and an affectionate smile, tucking a loose curl behind Lexa’s ear and leaning in to give her a sweet kiss when she’s done.

“You ready?” Raven asks softly.

Lexa just smiles and nods.

She feels her heart flutter a little when Raven leans down to pick up her messenger bag without a second thought, slinging it over her shoulder and reaching for Lexa’s hand. Lexa laces their fingers together and Raven gives a slight squeeze and a tug, and soon they’re making their way down the long row of shelves. Lexa takes in the different labels on the shelves as they pass them by and is suddenly reminded of why they’re up here in the first place.

“Wait,” she says, pulling on Raven’s hand and bringing them to a stop. “Don’t you have a book you need to get?”

“What book?” Raven asks, genuinely confused.

And Lexa narrows her eyes. “The book you said you were up here looking for. For your class?”

“Oh right, that book. Um, yeah, I couldn’t find it.” Raven says, biting her bottom lip and darting her eyes away. “Either someone already checked it out or this Library’s collection of books for engineering majors seriously sucks. Maybe I’ll file a complaint with the dean.”

Lexa just sighs and shakes her head.

“There was no book was there?”

Raven gives her a slightly guilty and mischievous grin.

“Okay, you caught me. I just missed you and wanted to see you, and knew you would be here. But then I saw you looking all nerdy and sexy, typing and using that big brain of yours, and it was such a turn on that I couldn’t wait. I just had to have you.”

And god, will Lexa ever get used to being so wanted by Raven like this?

Probably not.

“Not really helping your case with the whole stalking thing.” Lexa teases, unable to help herself.

“I don’t care. You’re worth the legal trouble. Plus, I could just hire you as my lawyer. Get to see you in action. Putting that brain and mouth to good use. Using your fingers for something else besides just typing,” she says suggestively, giving Lexa a sly grin.

“Oh my god! Do you ever stop thinking about having sex with me?”

“Why the hell would I do that?” Raven asks, looking like she’s legitimately offended.

“Oh god, you really are a sex addict aren’t you?”

“I can’t help it. You’re good at it, and hot and I’m kinda in love with you. What do you expect?”

The way Raven just says the words so casual and wistful, has a deep feeling of affection unfurling in Lexa’s chest. She wants to say something back, but Raven always makes her feel things that she can’t put into words, so she just leans in to give her an intimate kiss instead.

“What was that for?” Raven asks, a little breathless when Lexa pulls back.

“I’m kind of in love with you too.” Lexa smiles and Raven looks almost shy at the admission, and Lexa is reminded once again of how surprising and unexpected this must feel to her. A wide smile stretches across Raven’s face as a look of soft, genuine excitement fills up her warm brown eyes.

“I still can’t get over hearing you say that sometimes.” Raven breathes out vulnerable and quiet and a little bit in awe.

“Good. I don’t ever want you to get over it.”

“I don’t think I ever will.”

The tender moment stretches between them as they hold each other’s gazes.

Raven is the first one to break eye contact, looking down at their joined hands and squeezing before lifting her gaze back up and giving Lexa a mischievous grin.

“Lets go eat some dinner so I can have you for dessert.” She smirks and Lexa just laughs and pulls her along.

They eat dinner before driving back to the apartment, and when Raven shoves her down on the bed and strips her naked before burying her face between Lexa’s thighs, they both get exactly what they want.

Chapter Text

The second time they have sex on campus, it’s actually in the dorms. It all starts with sleeping through an alarm and being late for class.

Lexa is stressed.

From the moment she woke up this morning, everything had been a mess. Raven had slept over the night before like she always does. They had sex and cuddled, making sure to go to bed at a fairly reasonable hour since Lexa’s long day of classes was the next day. Only for some reason, Lexa had forgotten to set her alarm and woke up late, scrambling to get to class. She barely had time to brush her teeth and wash her face, before throwing her hair up in a messy bun and finding a clean outfit to wear. She throws on a clean t-shirt with her favorite pair jeans and shoes before grabbing her cell phone, laptop, and messenger bag and rushing out the door to class. She practically runs the whole way to the main academic building, ignoring the weird looks she gets from other students. She internally grumbles at the fact that she definitely didn’t have time to eat breakfast, or take a shower, or have morning sex with Raven like she normally does. It makes her feel grumpy and far less awake, and the fact that she has to skip getting her morning coffee because the line is too long is just another irritating factor at the start of what Lexa can already tell is going to be a very long day.

When she gets to her first class, she’s twenty minutes late and practically trips over the leg of her desk before catching herself and earning a few snickers from her peers. She sits down and tries to catch her breath, pulling out her laptop and trying to get caught up with the class. Toward the end of the period, the professor hands out a pop quiz that Lexa is wholly unprepared for. She answers the questions as best as she can, hoping that she can at least pull off a C.

The professor dismisses them annoyingly late, and Lexa rushes off to her second class of the day, barely getting there on time since the hallways are crowded and the main building is so big. She sits through another boring lecture trying to keep herself awake, but it’s hard. She missed out on her shower, morning sex, and coffee, the three things that help her start her day off right, so it’s hard. When the class is finally over and she gathers all of her things, one of her peers stops her before she can leave.

“Hey, Lexa.”

“Hey Gaia what’s up?” She tries to be polite but she really has to pee and her next class is on the top floor of the building which is always a pain to get to.

“Sorry if this is awkward,” Gaia says, looking a little embarrassed, and leaning in to say her next words quietly. “I’m only telling you this because I know I’d want someone to tell me...” She says hesitantly before pausing and taking a breath, and Lexa can’t help but start tapping her foot impatiently as the conversation seems to be dragging on. “But I think your shirt’s on inside out. Unless the tag is supposed to be on the outside like that?”

To say that Lexa is caught off guard and embarrassed would be an understatement. Her foot tapping freezes and her eyes bug out as she looks down at her shirt and quickly reaches behind herself to feel for the tag. When her hand meets the scratchy fabric below her neck and her eyes focus on the front of her shirt where she can see the ridges of hemlines and seams, she realizes Gaia is right. Lexa is wearing her shirt inside out, and she’s mortified to realize that she’s been walking around like that all morning, completely unaware. The realization is only worsened by the fact that her hair is piled on top of her head in a messy bun. There’s no way that other people didn’t notice, and Lexa can’t believe the normally put-together image she tries to project has been tarnished. But she’s Lexa Woods, so she does what she can to save face.

“Uh, thanks Gaia. I’ll definitely go fix that right now.” She tries to laugh and go for confident and self-deprecating, but the horror is too real and it just comes out sounding awkward and kinda fake. “Long night of studying, you know?” Lexa adds at the end, hoping it will help.

Gaia gives her a pitying and disbelieving look that only increases Lexa’s discomfort.

“Also, not to add to your stress, but you kind of have a...” Gaia points to a spot on her neck and Lexa flushes when she realizes it’s the same spot Raven was sucking on last night when Lexa had warned her not to leave a hickey. Apparently she hadn’t listened.

Lexa practically slaps her hand over the offending spot, her face and ears flushing red. They stand there for several awkward seconds before Lexa awkwardly blurts out, “I’m gonna go.” and Gaia just nods, and continues looking at her with pity.

Lexa keeps her hand over her neck and rushes to the bathroom.

She locks herself in the closest stall, hanging her bag on the hook on the back of the door so she can pee first since her bladder feels like it’s about to burst. Once she finishes she flushes the toilet with her foot and whips her shirt over her head, turning it right side out and trying not to mess up her hair even more than it already is when she puts it back on. She lets out a sigh of relief as two out of her three problems have been solved, before digging around in her messenger bag until she finds her compact, opening it and using the small mirror to examine her neck. The hickey is dark but it isn’t as big as she was fearing, and she quickly pulls out her concealer to cover it up as best as she can, feeling satisfied with it when she’s done. She slings her bag over her shoulder and steps out of the stall to wash her hands, redoing the messy bun on top of her head before speed walking to her next class.

Again, she barely makes it, but she feels a little more put together this time. It’s still a struggle to stay awake, the lack of caffeine and food becoming a problem. When the class is finally over it’s noon and her caffeine headache has fully set in and her stomach is growling loudly from the lack of food. She doesn’t have enough time before her next class to get anything substantial, so she begrudgingly buys a sandwich and a Red Bull from a vending machine, having no other options for food or caffeine.

She slips into her next class, just as the lecture starts, receiving a warning look from her professor and scowls from her peers when she’s forced to crawl over them to a middle seat in the back, due to the lecture hall being so full. This is why she likes to get to class early she thinks, letting out a deep breath and trying to let go of the frustration she feels at herself. She reaches for her sandwich and drink, hoping that getting some caffeine and food in her will help. When she tries to open the sandwich, the cellophane it’s wrapped in makes an exceedingly loud noise and it doesn’t help that the Red Bull is in a can that she tries and fails to open quietly.

The lecture hall is specifically designed to help carry sound, and the rustling of the cellophane, and the snap and hiss from the pressurized can echo throughout the room. Her professor literally stops lecturing and looks at her along with what feels like all three hundred of her peers, and Lexa is so mortified that she feels like she’s about to have a panic attack.

The whole thing only lasts for about five seconds but it feels like forever and by the time everyone goes back to normal, Lexa is so stressed out and tense that she’s completely lost her appetite. But Lexa hates being wasteful and she knows her body needs the sustenance, so she takes a deep sigh before taking a sip of her Red Bull and lifting her sandwich to her mouth. The sandwich is soggy yet still somehow manages to be dry, but Lexa forces it down anyway using the Red Bull to help wash it down. The flavors of the Red Bull and sandwich are horrible together, but Lexa is too hungry and desperate for caffeine, and she gave up the idea of enjoying this experience as soon as the items fell from the machine. Lexa hates the taste of Red Bull, only getting it as a quick solution for her caffeine headache.

When she finally manages to get both items down, she reaches for her bag and mercifully finds a piece of gum inside. It’s the kind of gum in plastic and foil that you have to carefully pop out, but she’s able to keep it quiet enough to only garner a slight glare from the girl sitting next to her. She gives her an apologetic look before popping the gum into her mouth and pulling out her laptop so she can open up a word document to take notes. When she looks up at the computer screens around her, she realizes the notes are posted online and lets out a sigh. She knows most people are probably happy about it, but the fact that Lexa doesn’t even have to take notes to engage her brain in class does not help with her lack of attention today. She looks at the bottom of her screen and her stomach sinks when she realizes class has only been in session for twenty minutes and there’s still a little over an hour left. She takes a deep breath, trying to muster all of her strength and willpower to focus and pull from the energy reserves she usually has in store, but after the day she’s had she feels like she’s already used them up.

Her whole body deflates at the realization and she resigns herself to just getting through this class without drawing any more attention to herself.

It doesn’t help that the material is boring and extremely dry. It’s stuff she’s already learned in a different class, and she finds herself becoming a little irritated at the overlap and tries not to let herself indulge in the idea that being here is a waste of time. She knows it will only make the class go by slower, and she’s not usually one of those people, but she finds herself itching to find something else to do to entertain herself and make the time go by faster. Normally she tries to follow along and pay attention as a matter of respect to the professors, even if she is bored, but she just doesn’t have it in her today. So she pulls her laptop close, thankful she’s sitting in the back row so nobody can look over her shoulder and see what she’s doing.

She clicks on the WhatsApp icon pulling up the home screen and clicking over to her recent conversations. She mainly uses the app so she can communicate with her friends and fellow peers more discretely during class, knowing that having a cell phone out for texting usually makes professors mad. The building is basically a black hole for cellphone service anyway, so there aren’t a lot of options for keeping in touch. Lexa doesn’t usually use the app all that much during class anyway, most of the time it’s her friends messaging her when they’re in class, but today she’s so stressed and on edge that she’s willing to make an exception.

She scrolls through the group chat she, Raven, Octavia, Harper, Maya, Anya and Clarke are all on. She sees a few memes from Raven and Anya from earlier that are decidedly funny but crude. A picture Octavia sent of her and Lincoln looking buff and sweaty at the gym, which Lexa can’t help but roll her eyes at. There’s a complaint from Harper about how boring her class is, followed by a picture of a sleeping male peer who’s drooled all over his book. Maya has sent her daily, inspirational quote to the group, followed by a picture of a pug dressed up like a wizard with the words “Harry Pugger” beneath it. Anya responds with a “lame” and rolling eye emoji, and Harper responds with a “you’re lame!” to Anya and a “don’t listen to her, I thought it was funny!” to Maya who then responds with the smiling blushing emoji and the sparkling pink heart. Lexa tries not to gag when she scrolls further down and sees a picture from Clarke of something gross that she doesn’t even want to try to identify, realizing that Clark must be working at her internship at the hospital today. The picture is quickly followed by everyone else’s protests of disgust and demands for Clarke to delete it, only for Clarke to staunchly refuse and shame everyone for being such “pansies”.

All of it is time stamped from earlier in the day, Lexa not having time to check it until now. She doesn’t respond, knowing that the time for initial reactions has passed and not really wanting to send a response that will just have her friends asking about her day. She exits out of the group message and goes to the next. It’s a message from a longtime peer on the same academic track as her, asking about getting together for a study session. Lexa shoots off a quick response of potential times before exiting out, and she can’t help but smile when she sees the little notification bubble beside Raven’s name. She quickly clicks on the conversation seeing a stream of messages.

Raven often does this to Lexa while she’s in class on the off chance that she’ll read them. She knows that Lexa doesn’t regularly check the app during the day so she usually texts her anything of real importance. Lexa doesn’t normally check the app unless she’s feeling like being social that day or on the off chance that she’s not studying between classes and needs a good laugh. Her friends and girlfriend can be pretty ridiculous and entertaining sometimes and sometimes even thoughtful and sweet. Even though Lexa is more of an introvert, she’s grateful to have a group of friends that she feels like she’s a part of and who are willing to include her in everything, while being understanding of the fact that she takes her academics very seriously and needs her studying and alone time. If it wasn’t for them, Lexa knows she would probably be a hermit who lived in the library, obsessively studying and stressing herself out over getting perfect grades and getting into law school. Her friends, and Raven especially help her stay grounded and connected to the real world, making sure she’s taking care of herself, staying balanced and not going to extremes with her over achiever tendencies.

As much as Lexa had rolled her eyes at the idea, she’s glad now that Raven convinced her to download the WhatsApp and included her in the group message, before starting up a message thread of their own. Normally Lexa doesn’t check it until the end of the day, when she and Raven are laying in bed together and she’s clearing out all of her notifications that have piled up. Lexa will read through the group chat quickly before moving onto Raven’s long string of messages, rolling her eyes or telling Raven an answer to one of her questions. Or trying to stop herself from laughing at the ridiculous memes or pick up lines Raven sends to her. A lot of them are dirty and make Lexa blush, but she secretly loves that Raven is so shameless and extra with her.

Lexa scrolls up to the top of the messages for today, greedily taking them in as a much needed distraction and escape. The first few are time stamped from this morning:

[Raven] - Hey babe, hope you made it to class okay. Sry for keeping you up so late and making you cum so hard you forgot to set your alarm ;) The sex was good but I know how much you hate being late.

[Raven] - Don’t worry I promise that imma make it up to you later...

Lexa sighs, trying not think about how much she’s looking forward to that before going on to the next one.

[Raven] - Fuck, babe I missed getting to have morning sex with you! I feel like I cant start my day right without it :(

[Raven] - HOT TAKE—orgasms are definitely better than coffee.

Lexa pauses at that, not sure if she agrees based on her terrible caffeine headache today. But to be fair she also missed out on a shower and her morning orgasm, so maybe her girlfriend is right. The results still feel too inconclusive though for her to fully agree.

[Raven] - Ugh, I’m horny Lex...seriously considering trying to find my vibrator right now and see if it still even works after all this time of not being used...

[Raven] - Update, found the vibrator, but the batteries are dead :( . Probs for the best anyway. Honestly just want your fingers inside of me instead, they fill me up so good...

And okay, those last two messages definitely have Lexa squeezing her thighs together as she continues to scroll.

[Raven] - I tried to text your phone, but since you’re in the main building all day I know you probably won’t get it. Lame! Hope you read this in time, but since you never check this app, you probably won’t...also lame!

[Raven] - I hafta swing by there to drop off some extra research I had to do per the university’s request for the professor who’s lab I almost burnt down last year. Let me know if you want me to bring you something for lunch!

And Lexa is reminded of the fact that she never got the full story on the lab incident. She makes a mental note to ask Raven about it later, and sighs at the too late prospect of Raven bringing her food.

[Raven] - you know, I was thinking...since I didn’t get to eat you for breakfast this morning...why don’t you come to my dorm room after class so I can eat you out for a late lunch ;) The roommate is gonna be out for a while.

[Raven] - Let me know if you’re up for it because you know my lady boner always is ;)

The sexual innuendo is a bit much, but the prospect of having sex with Raven in the very near future, after missing out on it this morning and having such a stressful day, suddenly makes Lexa feel so much more alert and awake. She honestly can’t think of anything she wants to do more, and she already feels herself starting to get aroused by the idea. They’ve never had sex in the dorms before, and something about the idea has Lexa feeling excited.

She continues to scroll down, forced to hold back her laughter when what proceeds is a seemingly unending list of horrible pick up lines and dirty talk.

[Raven] - meet me for a quickie and I’ll give you more than just a hickey

[Raven] - meet me after class so I can tap dat ass

[Raven] - if you come to my room for a fuck, you might just be in luck

[Raven] - meet me for an orgasm and I’ll make you feel better than you can imagine

[Raven] - meet me in a bit and I’ll suck and swirl my tongue around your clit

[Raven] - meet me for sex and I’ll make you come so hard, Lex

And dear god! How does Raven even come up with this stuff? Her knack for rhyming and rhythm is actually kind of impressive though, and the words surprisingly do the trick of turning Lexa on. And god, when did Lexa become this person? She decides to reward Raven’s prose by typing out a response.

[Lexa] - I’ll be at your dorm soon, your way with words makes me swoon.

And okay, its definitely not dirty talk, but Lexa has never been very good at it anyway and she knows for a fact that Raven secretly likes when she says sappy stuff like that. She’s about to hit send, when class suddenly ends and Lexa is quickly shutting her laptop and shoving it into her bag before making her way out of the classroom and heading to Raven’s dorm room. Lexa has a feeling Raven will appreciate her delivering the message better in person anyway.

****

When she knocks on Raven’s door and it’s quickly opened, Lexa doesn’t get a chance to say anything all.

Raven grabs her by the front of her shirt and yanks her into the room, slamming the door shut behind them and pressing their lips together in a hard kiss that quickly becomes heated. Raven pulls Lexa close, not wasting any time as she starts groping Lexa over her clothes. Lexa is a little miffed at the lack of verbal greeting, but considering the circumstances, she’s willing to let this one slide. They are after all on a limited time schedule and like Raven so eloquently put it in her earlier message, trying to get a ‘quickie’ in before her roommate returns from class.

“How long do we have?” Lexa gasps against her lips between kisses, loving the firm way Raven holds onto her and takes control.

“Forty-five minutes. An hour tops.” Raven pants out before smoothing a hand up to the back of Lexa’s neck so she can deepen the kiss and slip her tongue into her mouth.

“Clothes on?” Lexa asks between kisses.

“Fuck no! I need to see you naked.” Raven pants out harshly, reaching down to pull Lexa’s shirt over her head, and undoing the front of her pants before yanking them down to her ankles.

Despite how hurried and desperate Raven’s movements are she’s careful to slow down, kneeling and helping Lexa step out of her jeans so she doesn’t trip. She kisses Lexa’s thigh then hip, trailing her lips up to her stomach and breasts, removing her bra along the way and gently biting down on her neck before tilting her head up to connect their lips.

Lexa sighs and parts her lips as Raven deepens the kiss, wrapping her strong arms around Lexa’s waist and making their bodies flush. There’s a firmness and steadiness to Raven’s body and movements that has Lexa relaxing into her, knowing that she can lose herself in the sensations and let go of her tightly-wound control, and trust that Raven will somehow hold her together. The idea of letting go of her control after feeling like she’s barely been holding onto it all day is suddenly all Lexa can think about. Her desperation and need rise to the surface as she grips Raven’s hair and licks into her mouth, groaning when Raven starts sucking on her tongue. Things heat up quickly from there. Their hands are roaming and gripping wherever they can reach as their lips stay fused together in a hot and steamy kiss. Lexa is vaguely aware of the fact that she’s trying to grind shamelessly on Raven’s thigh that’s now snugly fit between her own, but it’s not enough. As if Raven can read her mind, she pulls back from the kiss, cupping Lexa over her underwear and moaning when she feels her arousal.

“Fuck, Lex! I love how wet you get for me.”

“That’s what you do to me.” Lexa manages to get out between kisses, moaning and arching her hips when Raven increases the pressure on her clit. “That dirty talk really worked,” she says breathily before biting down on Raven’s lower lip and swallowing her groan.

“God, you’re so hot. How are you so hot?” Raven pants against her lips before rapidly rubbing Lexa’s clit through her underwear. Lexa can’t help but whimper as her hips jerk forward into Raven’s hand at the added stimulation, gripping onto Raven’s shoulders so she can steady herself.

“Fuck Lexa, get on my bed!”

Lexa is quick to comply, practically launching herself onto Raven’s bed, taking off her underwear and not even bothering to pull the covers down. When she turns around to face Raven and prop herself up on the pillows at the head of the bed, she watches transfixed as Raven quickly undresses, throwing her clothes haphazardly across the room and removing her bra and boy shorts. Lexa tries not to drool, she really does. But the way the afternoon sunlight streams through the partially open mini blinds and dances over Raven’s tan skin and chestnut hair is truly breathtaking. The golden lines of light only highlight the curve of her supple breasts, the rippling muscles of her abs, and the flex of her toned arms and thighs. When Raven runs her fingers through her disheveled hair and tosses it over her shoulder, Lexa just gapes and stares. Wondering how one person can manage to be so hot. The perfect curve of Raven’s ass, combined with her muscled back and wild chestnut hair only add to Lexa’s arousal. Raven catches her eyes and smirks before clumsily making her way onto the bed, crawling up Lexa’s body and connecting their lips in a steamy and slightly sloppy kiss.

Raven’s body is so warm and her lips are so smooth and insistent that Lexa can’t help but moan into her mouth and open up to her. Raven is quick to slip her tongue inside at the opening, and the way she licks into her mouth and swirls her tongue before biting and sucking on Lexa’s lower lip is so intoxicating, that all Lexa can think about is how she needs more. She grips the back of Raven’s neck, her nails digging into the sensitive skin there as she deepens the kiss and starts sucking hard on Raven’s tongue.

Raven moans and Lexa reaches down between Raven’s thighs, wanting to move things along. But Raven grips her wrist and stops her movements.

Lexa pulls back from their kiss panting and confused.

Raven gives her a gentle and affectionate look, trying to catch her breath and biting down on her lower lip before saying, “I know you’ve been stressed lately and had a really stressful day today. Just... let me do you right now, okay?”

“But Raven, I—”

“Let me take care of you, Lex.” Her words are soft but insistent, her brown eyes protective and warm, and all Lexa can manage to do is nod in return.

Raven takes her time.

Kissing and sucking and nibbling her way down Lexa’s neck and collarbone and breasts. She makes sure to pay extra attention to all of Lexa’s hot spots—the sensitive spot behind her ear, the smooth patch of skin over her pulse point, the place where her shoulder meets her neck, the hollow of her throat, her nipples and the valley between her breasts—and by the time Raven reaches her stomach, Lexa is a trembling mess.

“Raven, please!” Lexa breathes out, desperate and threading her fingers in Raven’s hair before giving a slight tug. Lexa is shaking with the intensity of her desire and want, and it leaves her feeling emotional and overwhelmed. Raven has been so careful and intentional with her, somehow knowing exactly what Lexa needs without having to ask, and it only increases her desire and need.

Normally Raven would tease her and build up the tension even more, but when she tilts her head up to meet Lexa’s eyes, it’s like she can sense that’s not what she needs.

“Just relax, Lex. Let me give you what you need.” She breathes against Lexa’s hip, before gently biting down and soothing it with her lips.

Lexa’s hips jerk forward in response as desire spikes through her. She feels so on edge from the extra stress she’s been under lately, and feels herself becoming desperate for some type of release. Despite the intensity of her desire, she’s grateful when Raven slows things down. Shifting her body between Lexa’s thighs and placing steadying hands on her hips before squeezing and rubbing soothing circles with her thumbs. Lexa lets out a breath she didn’t even realize she was holding as Raven places a soft kiss right below her bellybutton.

“That’s it, baby, relax. Let me make you feel good.”

Lexa’s heart trembles and she takes in a deep steadying breath before exhaling it in a long sigh. She repeats the same motion multiple times as she tries to calm her racing heart and release some of the tension from her muscles. Raven continues her soothing strokes on her hips, pressing gentle kisses to Lexa’s stomach and ribs, making sure to keep the pressure firm enough that it doesn’t tickle. Lexa finally feels herself starting to relax, the tension melting away as Raven continues her soothing movements.

She lets out a contented sigh when Raven starts trailing slow, steamy kisses up to her breasts, licking firm, lazy strokes on her nipples before teasing them with the tip of her tongue and sucking them into her mouth. It creates a rush of arousal straight to Lexa’s clit and it feels so good that she lets her whole body relax into it, giving herself over to the sensations Raven creates. She loses track of time as Raven continues her soft treatment, caressing Lexa’s stomach and hips and kissing and licking her breasts.

When she feels Raven slowly trailing her lips back down her stomach and hips, Lexa takes in a sharp breath before releasing it and trying to stay relaxed. When Raven finally reaches her destination, she uses her firm grip to hold down Lexa’s hips as she leans in to press a kiss to Lexa’s clit. Lexa’s hips jerk and she can feel the tension building up in her again, but she knows that a quick and fast orgasm won’t give her the release she needs right now. She needs thorough and slow and deep, so she takes some calming breaths before reaching down to lace her fingers with Raven’s and settle them on her hip.

Raven gives her a reassuring squeeze before dipping her head back down to cover her clit and make gentle movements with her mouth. Her lips are soft as they suck gently on her clit before moving to lick softly with her tongue. It feels so good, and Lexa just whimpers and sinks into the mattress, letting the slowly building feeling of euphoria wash up over her. She loses herself in the electrifying feelings and sensations, surrendering to Raven’s touch and rhythm, allowing them to consume her body and mind. Raven’s pace feels slow and almost exploratory, but the intentional way she moves her tongue and lips, with carefully placed sucks and licks, has Lexa giving herself over to her completely.

Lexa feels so sensitive, and she can’t help but moan when Raven starts licking warm, broad strokes up her folds, laving her tongue and repeating the same motion over and over again. She builds Lexa up thorough and slow, her warm breaths and soft groans causing Lexa’s hips to squirm. It’s a heady feeling to know that Raven is getting so much pleasure out of giving her pleasure, and it only serves to turn Lexa on even more. Lexa is so wet, and her clit is throbbing and if Raven doesn’t put her mouth on it soon, she feels like she’s going to explode. She looks down to find Raven’s gaze but she finds her with her eyes closed and brow furrowed in concentration instead. It makes Lexa’s heart flutter at the way she’s so focused and caught up in the moment, licking and sucking and trying to make Lexa come.

Raven licks and sucks, and when she hears the needy whimper Lexa lets out, her eyes snap open and she meets Lexa with a heated gaze, before humming and licking up to Lexa’s clit so she can suck it into her mouth. And fuck! It’s exactly what Lexa needs.

The suction is more firm this time, and Lexa moans and grips Raven’s hair, unable to stop the way her thighs try to squeeze together. Raven groans and grips her thighs so she can try to keep them apart, and the added resistance and pressure feels so good. Lexa starts rocking her hips forward as Raven creates a warm seal with her mouth, giving her clit a gentle suck as she teases the sensitive tip with her tongue. A rush of warmth spreads up Lexa’s stomach and chest causing her to take in a sharp breath as her whole body shudders and tenses up. Raven increases the pressure and suction, and Lexa can feel that tight coil of pleasure build and build as her orgasm approaches, and she just needs something to push her over the edge. She’s so close to coming, and there’s this desperate, aching need to be filled as her walls clench around nothing but air.

She barely manages to gasp out, “Raven! Fingers!”

Before Raven is slipping two fingers inside of her, filling her up and curling them just right. And fuck! It’s just what Lexa needs, and she can feel her walls contracting as they finally have something to grip onto. Raven wiggles and works her fingers as she continues to suck on Lexa’s clit and tease the tip with her tongue. She times her curls with her sucks perfectly, and the feeling of pressure and pleasure builds and builds and when Raven hums and the vibration goes through her clit, it’s exactly what Lexa needs to push her over the edge.

The tight coil of pleasure unravels, bursting up her stomach and chest, before settling in her skull and releasing a wave of euphoria that washes over her. Her body trembles and jerks with each contraction around Raven’s fingers and the resounding pulsing of her clit. It’s so intense that it has Lexa letting out a constant stream of gasps and moans, as Raven helps her ride out the orgasm, drawing out her pleasure and bringing her down slowly and carefully.

When it’s finally over Lexa’s whole body collapses, feeling sated and relaxed.

Raven pulls back and groans as she tries to catch her breath, dropping her forehead to rest on the top of Lexa’s hip as she gently rakes her blunt nails across the back of Lexa’s thigh. Lexa shivers at the feeling and the way Raven’s warm breath and arousal-slicked lips brush across the sensitive skin of her inner thigh.

Lexa is just trying to catch her breath, her whole body feeling light and tingly from the aftereffects of her orgasm and the tender way Raven is touching her now. When Raven’s breathing finally evens out, she leans back in to gently lick Lexa clean, careful not to put too much pressure on her clit. Lexa can’t help the way her hips tilt forward against Raven’s tongue. Enjoying her soft, lazy licks that create an intimate and pleasurable feeling that never really builds toward anything more. Raven lets out several hums and sighs as she finishes cleaning her up, creating a warm and fluttery feeling in Lexa’s chest.

When Raven is done, she lets out a final sigh, blowing softly on Lexa’s clit before kissing it one more time. Lexa can’t help but let out a breathy giggle and Raven chuckles in response, raking her fingers along Lexa’s hips and ribs, before trailing a few kisses up her body and settling against Lexa’s side so she can kiss her cheek then lips. Lexa’s arousal makes the kiss soft and slippery, but Raven still manages to kiss her thorough and deep. When she pulls back, their eyes both flutter open and they hold each other’s gazes.

“God, I love how your come tastes.” Raven breathes out. Their hot humid breathes mixing together and creating a heady feel.

****

When Lexa finally recovers, Raven pretty much forces her to talk about the stress of her day, knowing it’s not good for her to bottle things up. Raven is really sweet about it, but as Lexa’s embarrassing stories continue to unfold, it’s clear that she’s having difficulty holding back her laughter.

“Oh babe, I’m sorry. That sounds awful!” Raven says.

“It was awful! I’ve never been so embarrassed or felt like such a mess before.”

“You’re cute when you’re a mess.” Raven says nuzzling Lexa’s nose and pecking her lips.

“Yeah, well tell that to my International Relations class, or Gaia, or my professors!”

“Do you want me to do it in person or by email?” Raven teases, arching her eyebrow and biting her bottom lip. “I can’t have people messing with my girl now, can I?”

Lexa rolls her eyes, playfully swatting Raven’s ass instead of giving a response. Raven lets out a dramatic little yelp, like Lexa has somehow injured her.

“Hey! Now is that any way to treat your girlfriend after she just gave you a mind blowing orgasm? Or were you just inspired by my earlier message telling you that I wanted to tap your ass? Cause I’d definitely be on board with that last one.”

Raven’s eyebrows wiggle and her lips curl up into a smirk, and she looks so smug it makes Lexa feel mildly infuriated as she remembers the events of the day and what led to them happening in the first place.

“You know, part of this is your fault!” Lexa says accusingly, giving Raven her best faux upset look.

“What why?”

“Because,” Lexa says in full pout mode now. “You came over last night and distracted me from my studying with ice cream and your stupid, magical fingers giving me a massage and then way too many orgasms, and a hickey that I told you not to leave. And it was so distracting that I forgot to set my alarm and woke up so late that I couldn’t get my morning coffee, shower, or orgasm, or even dress appropriately. Hence my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.”

“Anything else?”

“Yes. I also got a paper cut and it hurt.”

“Where? Let me see.”

Lexa holds up her index finger, pouting out her lower lip for effect. Raven reaches for her hand, letting out a little hum of exaggerated concern and pulling it to her lips so she can press a succession of soft but slightly messy kisses to it.

“Feel better?” Raven asks, tangling their fingers together and looking up at Lexa with a sweet smile.

“Yeah, it does. Thank you.” She says softly, her heart melting at Raven’s sweetness and willingness to care about her feelings, even when they seem silly or dramatic.

“Of course babe, that’s what I’m here for. Anything else you want me to kiss and make better?” Raven asks suggestively, wiggling her eyebrows and making Lexa’s insides feel giddy and light.

“Hmm, I’m sure I can think of a few things. It might be a lot of work for you though since it was such a horrible day. Lots of kissing to make up for it.”

“We’ll, you’re just in luck because I had a pretty light day and a surplus of kisses that I didn’t get to give out this morning.”

“Hmm, well I’d hate for them to go to waste.”

Raven giggles and gives Lexa a series of sloppy and silly kisses on the lips, that end up becoming so ridiculous and dramatic that Lexa ends up pushing her off.

“Does this kind of kissing usually work to woo all the ladies, because I have to say it’s some pretty over the top, horny, teenage boy stuff, kinda like your dirty talk.”

“Hey! Don’t make fun of my dirty talk. That was some quality content. Some of my best work! It obviously did the job since, you know, you’re here and all. Not to mention that you definitely got off.” Raven says smugly, biting her bottom lip and arching an eyebrow. And god, she’s so cocky.

“That’s not—” Lexa goes to argue, but is cut off by the buzzing of Raven’s phone, which is probably for the best considering the ridiculous conversation that was no doubt about to ensue.
Raven grabs her phone, quickly scanning the screen before smiling and dropping it on the nearby desk.

“The roommate just texted. She’s going out with some friends and staying at her boyfriend’s tonight. So, looks like we have the place to ourselves. You ready to go again?” Raven asks, arching her eyebrow and biting her bottom lip.

“Yeah, but only if you let me return the favor this time.” Lexa insists, feeling a little giddy at the prospect of staying in Raven’s dorm room and getting the full college experience.

Raven rolls her eyes, like Lexa is being difficult. “Fine, if you insist.”

“I do.”

“You know, you’re very demanding for someone who just had an orgasm.” Raven murmurs against her neck, sucking on the sensitive skin and causing Lexa to groan. Raven pulls back, meeting Lexa’s eyes with a mischievous Look. “I would think you’d be a little more compliant and relaxed after that.”

“Oh you do, huh?” Lexa breathes out, tilting her head up until their lips are practically touching.

“Mmhm,” Raven hums against her lips and it only takes a few kisses before they’re heatedly making out.

Lexa reaches up a hand to squeeze Raven’s breast, loving the way her breath hitches and her lips part, giving Lexa the opportunity to slip her tongue inside. Raven groans and gently starts to suck, and Lexa is just starting to smooth her hand down Raven’s stomach, when they’re interrupted by Lexa’s stomach growling loudly.

Raven pulls back, looking down at Lexa’s stomach confused, before something clicks in her eyes and she shifts her gaze back up to give Lexa a scrutinizing look.

“Lexa Woods, how much have you eaten today?”

Lexa looks at her guilty. “A Red Bull and a sandwich from the vending machine.”

Raven blinks as the words take a moment to register.

“Oh my god, babe! You hate both of those things! You should have told me and I would have taken you to get a real meal instead of asking you to come here for sex! No wonder you were so stressed all day, we both know how extreme you can get when you’re feeling hangry.”

Lexa rolls her eyes. “Raven, how many times do I have to tell you that was one time! And there were other factors involved besides hunger. I was on my period and I tried to warn you that drinking rum makes me emotional and unpredictable. But you insisted on buying me all those mojitos and getting me drunk.”

“Damn, I forgot about those mojitos, they were really good. And they were having a special. I didn’t realize you were going to go that crazy on me! Even if you did look really hot when you did that strip tease for me and everyone else in the bar. The whole crying and obsessing over whether or not doing said striptease made you a prostitute or not was definitely a mood killer if I’m being honest.” Raven chuckles and gives her a teasing smile.

Lexa blushes and narrows her eyes. “I thought we agreed to never speak of that night again.”

“I know,” Raven says, widening her eyes comically. “After we left the bar you made me pinky promise you on it ten times!” She giggles and presses a kiss to Lexa’s shoulder before meeting her eyes again. “You’re the one who brought it up though, so I figured it was fair game.”

“Fine. Fair point.” Lexa sighs and rolls her eyes. “But never again okay? I’m the only one allowed to talk about it and you can keep your smartass comments to yourself.” She fake pouts before her stomach growls again.

“Okay, well regardless of what happened on the night that shall not be mentioned, I still think we need to get you some food. Do you wanna order something or go out?”

Lexa looks down at their naked bodies twined together and can’t imagine moving. Plus, she’s already been humiliated enough trying to eat one meal in public today. “Let’s order in.”

Raven gives her a smile that tells her that’s what she was hoping for.

“Where do you want to order from? Are you in the mood for Mexican? Thai? Chinese?”

“What about pizza?”

Raven sighs.

“Lexa, we ordered pizza the last three times. There’s only so much cheese and marinara sauce a person can take.”

Lexa gives her a pouty look and Raven just rolls her eyes.

“Fine, if you’re really in the mood we’ll get some.” Raven starts googling for the pizza place they usually order from.

“Lets get Thai food.” Lexa says.

“What?” Raven asks confused at the sudden switch, and Lexa tries to hide her smirk.

“I just wanted to test how devoted you are to me. But I’m tired of pizza too and could really go for some Thai.”

Raven narrows her eyes. “I’ll let that one slide since you had a long day and being so hangry has clearly affected your mental and verbal capacities, but once you’ve eaten your food, no more excuses.”

Raven googles their Thai restaurant and Lexa just smirks, she never knew how much fun flirting and talking and having sex with someone could be until she met Raven.

“You want your usual?” Raven asks.

And yeah, Lexa is definitely in love.

“Yep, just add in a few more spring rolls. I’m very hungry. Especially with the way you worked up my appetite.”

“Well I’m definitely ordering double that since I plan on doing it some more.”

She hits order and closes out the app.

“Food will be here in 45 minutes. Hmm, what to do until then.” Raven taps her chin thoughtfully before trailing her fingers down Lexa’s stomach.

“I don’t know,” Lexa plays along.

“Think you can go another round without some sustenance first?”

“Hmm, I think I can manage, can you?”

“I don’t know, I’m pretty famished...guess I’ll hafta find something to snack on until our food gets here.” Raven says before kissing and nibbling her way down Lexa’s breasts and stomach until her mouth is hovering between her thighs. “Guess your pussy will have to do,” she says, before dipping her head down to lick up Lexa’s folds and suck her clit into her mouth.

Lexa moans and grips Raven’s hair as her hips rock forward into her silky mouth.

“That has to be one of your worst lines yet!” Lexa manages to pant out, still unable to shake the ridiculousness of the words her girlfriend just said.

“Are you seriously complaining right now when I have your clit in my mouth?”

And Lexa just snaps her mouth shut, and shakes her head, slipping a hand to the back of Raven’s head and pushing her back down. Raven quickly works Lexa back up again, sucking and humming and swirling her tongue. She brings Lexa to a first orgasm before working her up to a second then a third.

By the time the food arrives, Lexa is starving and the room smells overwhelmingly like sex.

Raven doesn’t even bother putting her clothes on, just yanks the sheet up over Lexa and wraps herself up in her comforter before making her way to the door. The delivery guy is young and caught off guard by the scene that greets him, quickly taking Raven in before he shifts his gaze over to Lexa. He looks back to Raven, his eyes filled with panic and his face immediately growing red. It’s clear what’s been going on here, and normally Lexa would be embarrassed but she’s feeling way too good after all those orgasms Raven gave her, so she just watches in amusement as Raven shoves the money in his hands.

He stands there in shock, gaping a little.

“Are you planning on staying here to watch or can I get back to having sex with my girlfriend?” Raven snaps, and Lexa actually snorts as the guy tries to sputter out some type of response, but he doesn’t get very far because Raven just slams the door in his face.

Lexa lets out a full blown laugh when she sees the grumpy and irritated scowl on Raven’s face.

“Oh my god, you are terrible! I think you scarred that poor guy for life.”

“Yeah, well that poor guy was definitely checking me and my insanely hot girlfriend out. He basically got a free show. So don’t expect me to feel bad for him.”

“You answered the door while we’re both half naked, and the room smells like a sex den! What did you expect?” Lexa asks, a little exasperated but mostly amused.

“Whatever,” Raven grumbles, clearly not in the mood for a reasonable conversation. “That dude was just a horn dog who will probably be nutting over us later. So really, I did him a favor and he should be thanking me. I doubt he’ll ever be this close to two half-naked girls again.”

Lexa just laughs at Raven’s ridiculousness, and watches her with renewed interest as she lets the comforter drop to the floor and walks across the room fully nude. She makes her way over to the desk, clearing off a place so she can start unpacking the food. Her abs flex as her body bends slightly forward causing her ass to stick out, and yeah, Lexa is definitely going to return the favor. But first she needs some food.

Raven shuffles through the bag of food, handing Lexa a spring roll so she can start eating while she continues opening the other containers.

Lexa sighs and bites into it, her stomach growling even more at the prospect of have having real food inside of it.

“Damnit, we forgot to get drinks.” Raven huffs out, still a little irritated and Lexa is pretty sure Raven would feel a lot better if she let Lexa give her an orgasm. The lack of sex this morning clearly taking more of a toll on her than she’d let on.

“I think I saw a case of water bottles under your bed.” Lexa offers helpfully, leaning over the edge and reaching to pull two water bottles out. “Yep, here.” Lexa places them on the desk and Raven lets out a little sigh. Lexa doesn’t mind the room temperature water, but she knows Raven hates it and will probably complain. But Lexa is feeling too good after the four orgasms Raven gave her, and the way this spring roll tastes in her mouth, to let something like that bring down her mood.

“You know, there’s always a second option if we don’t want to drink water.” Raven says with a glint in her eye.

“Really, what’s that?”

“I think I might have some rum.” She smirks.

And Lexa just scoffs and throws a pillow at her.

They eat Thai food together and laugh, and despite Raven’s earlier protests Lexa finally convinces her to let her return the favor.

After three orgasms and an angry thump on the wall, followed by a phone call from the RA to inform them about a noise complaint, Raven’s grumpiness is gone.

Chapter Text

Spring comes and with it a new flurry of activity on campus. Lexa loves this time of year. Something about the springtime feels more hopeful and vibrant, and it breathes a new life into her. The sun stays out longer, the air smells sweeter with freshly blooming flowers and trees, and people walk around campus in sandals and shorts.

The thing Lexa loves the most about this part of California—all year round, but specifically in the summer and spring—is its easy access to beaches. Lexa enjoys going to the beach whenever she gets the chance; with Raven especially, but also their group of friends. She loves the feeling of the warm sand against her feet, the smell of the fresh salt water as it wafts through the air, the soothing sound of the waves crashing on the shore and ebbing back out to sea. She even likes the sound of the occasional seagull when it’s not flying too close to them or trying to eat their food or knocking over their wine coolers and beer they often bring along to snack on and drink.

They spend at least one day almost every weekend with their friends at the beach—evenings around a campfire and days out on the water or getting a tan—and somehow Raven must get the impression that Lexa really enjoys the outdoors, because it’s the only explanation for what happens next.

Raven convinces Lexa to go camping with her one weekend.

Even though Lexa isn’t really an outdoorsy person, she agrees to go. They’ve spent the night in the rover together before, but that was for a group project and going on a camping trip is different. Raven wants to set up a campfire and tent, go hiking and canoeing, and as someone who grew up in New York City, it’s just not Lexa’s thing.

But Raven is her thing. Raven makes her feel happy and brave, open to adventures and trying new things, so Lexa agrees to go because the idea makes Raven ridiculously happy and Lexa is so in love with her that she can’t refuse.

That’s how they end up having their first real fight as a couple.

***

Lexa has tried to have a good attitude all day. She may not like all the activities they’ve been doing, but she loves Raven and somehow that seems to outweigh all the other annoyances that come with camping.

Lexa thinks they should set up the tent first, but Raven disagrees. Claiming they don’t want to waste daylight and that her genius engineering skills will allow her to quickly set up the tent. Lexa agrees, because Raven is a genius when it comes to engineering and she’s certain she’ll have no trouble setting up something as simple as a tent when she’s literally built robots from scratch. Lexa would still feel better if they set it up first, but she decides to just let it go. The way the sun shines on Raven’s face causes her brown eyes to glow and her smile to shine and it makes Lexa forget.

They go hiking and canoeing.

The hike isn’t so bad. It’s just a light hike around the lake that’s more of a scenic walk than anything challenging. They hold hands and walk around the lake on the marked path, pointing things out to each other, and nerding out about the random science facts they know and can share with one another. It’s nice and relaxing and fun, and Lexa finds herself really enjoying the outdoors, though in more of an aesthetic way than in a wanting to be one with it kind of way.

The canoeing doesn’t go quite as smoothly.

Raven takes them to a nearby river instead of the lake. There’s a sign that says “Warning: Rapids Ahead” that Lexa has the sense to be concerned about, having never been canoeing before and worried about the rocks and fallen logs and swift rapids. Raven has only been canoeing a handful of times before with Octavia and Lincoln, but she claims to be an expert at it so Lexa cautiously agrees.

“Raven, that doesn’t look very safe.”

“Oh, come on Lexa! Where’s your sense of adventure? Don’t tell me you’re afraid of getting a little wet.” She says suggestively, wiggling her eyebrows and giving Lexa a challenging smirk.

And, damnit! Raven knows Lexa can’t turn down a challenge like that.

“Fine, we’ll go,” she says, grabbing the oar from Raven. “But if anyone’s going to be getting wet here, it’s definitely going to be you.”

“Oh, I’m counting on it.” Raven snarks back and laughs, making her way to the riverbank.

Lexa just rolls her eyes and follows behind, hoping this isn’t a bad idea.

***

It’s a bad idea.

Raven seriously overestimates their combined abilities and they get into some trouble when the currents become stronger and they’re forced to paddle around large rocks. Neither of them have been in this type of situation before, and they paddle frantically and try to keep their heads above water but ultimately they fail. Their boat tips over and they get dragged so far downstream, that by the time they even get close to their campsite the sun has gone down and the air is cool.

They’ve been trekking around the woods for hours, trying to find their way back to camp.

They decided to follow the river back upstream but the terrain around the river is rough and overgrown, and Lexa has lost count of the number of times she’s nearly tripped or gotten her clothes and hair stuck in thorn bushes and trees. It only gets worse when the sky darkens and the sun sets. They’re shivering in their partially wet clothes and stumbling around in the dark, neither of them having brought a flashlight along since they didn’t expect to be out this late. They’re hungry and exhausted and when Lexa bumps into another briar bush and nearly trips, she’s hit her maximum level of frustration for the day and spins around angrily to face Raven. She practically falls again with the move, her shirt still caught in the briar bush, but Raven reaches out to steady her waist and hold her up, bringing their bodies close.

“Are you okay?” Raven asks soft and exhausted, but still concerned.

Lexa can hear the genuine concern in her voice even if it’s too dark to see it on her face, but she’s tired and hungry and she’s just so not cut out for this type of thing that she just can’t hold her anger in any longer and explodes.

“No, Raven! I’m not okay. Nothing about this is okay! How could you even ask such a thing?!?” She takes in a shaky breath and feels Raven’s body stiffen. “We’re lost and we almost drowned and who knows if we’re going to be eaten by cougars or bears. And jesus, you really just had to take us canoeing down that damn river, didn’t you?” Lexa huffs out angrily, unable to help herself.

Raven releases Lexa’s hips and pulls back from her, clearly stunned. Lexa knows she should probably feel bad, but she doesn’t. Of all of the crazy ideas Raven has ever had, this is probably the worst!

“Are you done?” Raven asks tersely, and Lexa can just make out the way she folds her arms across her chest. Something she knows Raven does when she’s angry.

Lexa just huffs and crosses her arms angrily, unwilling to dignify Raven’s irritated words with a response.

A moment of tense silence passes between them.

“Well if you’re done being a fucking drama queen, I’d like to point out to you that we are literally ten feet away from our campsite. So you can stop throwing a temper tantrum now.” Raven says before brushing past Lexa and making her way to the clearing.

Lexa’s heart sinks and she can’t help the guilt she feels for blowing up at Raven. But then she remembers the torturous hours they just spent trying to find their way here, all because Raven had the terrible idea of taking them whitewater rafting in a damn canoe. Lexa follows behind her stomping angrily and fuming inside. She’s relieved when they finally reach the clearing, but then she remembers that the tent still needs to be set up and feels the frustration building in her chest again. Raven had dismissed her earlier concerns when she’d suggested setting up the tent before they left for the day, and now it’s dark and they can barely see and Lexa feels a sort of twisted sense of satisfaction and dignified anger at having been right.

The more she dwells on the thought, the angrier she gets, and it becomes so strong that her hands actually start to shake and her breathing starts coming out in harsh pants.

Raven must be able to sense it, because the next thing Lexa knows Raven is slamming down a canvass and metal fold up chair with a loud huff. “Why don’t you just take a seat and get yourself together while I set up the tent.”

Her voice is irritated and gruff, and Lexa just takes a deep breath, trying to calm her fury at Raven’s words. She bites her tongue, not trusting herself to not say something cruel. This day has already been horrible enough. There’s no need for Lexa to add to it.

“Here,” Raven murmurs under her breath, shoving a flashlight into Lexa’s hands before grabbing a lantern for herself and moving over to the soft grass so she can get to work on the tent.

Lexa knows she should probably help, but she’s too angry, so she turns her attention to starting a fire instead, feeling cold now that the sun has gone down and her clothes are still partially wet. Luckily, Lexa was a girl scout—Gustus having insisted on her participation—so it takes her less than ten minutes to get a fire going. She stays by the fire and warms her hands, continuing to ignore Raven as she sets up the tent.

After she’s sure the fire is steady and won’t go out, Lexa goes over to the back of the rover, pulling out the cooler and a bag of dry food and setting them on the bench of the picnic table. It’s too late and Lexa is too tired to try and cook anything so she settles for grabbing a water bottle and some granola bars instead. She knows she should offer Raven something, but she’s still too heated and Raven already saw Lexa pulling things out so she knows the drinks and food are there if she wants them.

Lexa sits in front of the fire, watching the flames burn while she eats and tries to warm herself up. She hears Raven stomp over to the cooler and grumble before noisily moving things around, and Lexa rolls her eyes when she hears the popping of a can, knowing that she’s opened a beer.

By the time Lexa finishes eating her granola bars and drinking her water, the tent is finally set up and Lexa feels more calm as she watches Raven get the pillows and sleeping bags out of the rover and throw them into the tent. Her back is turned to Lexa as she clenches her fists at her sides before taking in a deep breath and releasing it, her shoulders sagging and her hands uncurling limply at her sides. Her posture is one of exhaustion and defeat, and when she turns to look at Lexa cautiously before taking another deep breath, Lexa feels her heart softening to her for the first time all night. Raven carefully makes her way over to the fire, pulling up a chair beside Lexa and sitting down before moving her hands over the fire to warm them.

Lexa can see the way they slightly shake over the flames and she’s not sure if it’s because Raven is angry or cold, but either way the sight makes Lexa feel uncomfortable and a little sad.

“Thanks for making the fire.” Raven says, her voice still rough, but genuine and soft. Lexa tries to stay mad at her, but some of the anger and irritation slip away at Raven’s softness and vulnerability. She knows it’s not easy for Raven to put herself in such a vulnerable position like this, especially when it comes to a fight. She knows she should just give into her and apologize so they can make up, but Lexa is still too exhausted and angry from the events of the day, that she just can’t let her off the hook yet. But she can at least try to offer some common courtesy and appreciation back.

“Thanks for setting up the tent,” she manages to get out, finding it hard to be irritated at Raven when she seems so exhausted and cold.

“It’s the least I can do...” Raven trails off, clearing her throat. “After everything I put you through.”

Lexa doesn’t really know what to say, finding herself agreeing with Raven’s words. It’s not quite an apology but it’s an admission of fault, and maybe that’s as close as they’ll get tonight. But as always, Raven surprises her.

Raven lets out a deep sigh and reaches for Lexa’s hand. Raven’s skin is cold and her hand is slightly trembling and Lexa has the sudden urge to still it, even as Raven laces their fingers together and gives a gentle squeeze.

Lexa’s heart clenches along with it.

“Look, I’m sorry for pushing you to go canoeing and for taking us down those rapids. That was a bad idea and really stupid of me, and that’s not how I wanted things to go. I wanted us to have fun, but all I did was make you uncomfortable and put you in danger and that was wrong. Can—” Raven hesitates, taking in a quick breath before releasing it. “Can you forgive me?”

Lexa sighs, not wanting to fight with Raven anymore but not quite ready to forgive her. She’s so physically exhausted and uncomfortable and even though Raven admitted that it was her fault and that she’s sorry for making her feel this way, it’s still too fresh for Lexa to feel like she can just let it all go. No matter how much she loves Raven and can see how sorry she is, telling Raven she forgives her right now would just be dishonest and fake.

“I think we’re both too exhausted to have a productive conversation about this tonight. Let’s just go to bed and we can talk about it in the morning when we both have clear heads.”

Lexa can see the way Raven’s face falls, and her heart sinks a little when Raven drops her hand. Lexa feels sad, but can’t quite bring herself to say anything, so she reaches out a comforting hand instead. She squeezes Raven’s thigh and strokes it softly with her thumb before reaching for her hand and lacing their fingers together again. She traces the jagged scar on Raven’s palm, and some of the tension between them fades.

Raven looks up at Lexa with soft, sleepy eyes and a small smile. “Let’s go to bed.” She says softly, gently tugging Lexa’s hand.

Lexa just nods and lets Raven pull her to her feet and lead her over to the tent.

They’re both too tired to change, but thankfully after sitting by the fire their clothes have finally dried. They each slip into their sleeping bags and lay their head on their pillows, but things are still somewhat tense between them. Lexa isn’t sure if they’re going to cuddle or not after everything that’s happened, despite the fact that they normally do. She’s laying on her side facing away from Raven deciding that after today, Raven will have to be the one to make the first move.

It seems like so much time passes that Lexa resigns herself to sleeping alone. She closes her eyes as she tries to fall asleep, her heart fluttering in her chest when she hears a shuffling noise and feels Raven’s body press up against her own. Raven’s body is solid and warm as she presses into Lexa’s back, curling around her perfectly. The soft press of her breasts, the solid feel of her stomach, and the snug fit of her hips all feel comfortingly familiar and warm. Raven’s strong arm wraps around her waist, pulling Lexa close and pressing her nose to the back of her bare neck. Raven takes in a deep breath, inhaling Lexa’s scent before letting out a ragged sigh. The warmth of her breath and faint press of her lips causing Lexa to shudder.

“Is this okay?” Raven whispers into her ear, and Lexa wants to hold onto her pride, she does. But it feels too good to have Raven wrapped around her like this, and she wants Raven’s comfort and warmth more than she wants to hold onto her own anger and pride.

“Yeah,” Lexa breathes out, letting her whole body relax and she can feel the way Raven relaxes against her too. Raven’s body becomes more soft and heavy as she presses a kiss to the back of Lexa’s neck and then her pulse point, letting out another warm sigh of relief that ghosts over her sensitive skin and causes goose bumps to erupt and a shiver to run down her spine. Lexa’s breath hitches as Raven squeezes her tight one final time before settling back down on the pillow and tilting her forehead to rest against the back of Lexa’s head. It’s so soothing and familiar that Lexa instantly feels relief wash over her at the contact. Raven always seems to know what she needs without her having to ask.

They’re finally dozing off to sleep, and that’s when it happens.

The whole tent collapses on them, and they both groan in frustration before scrambling outside. Raven is irritated and Lexa is almost at her wit’s end. She watches with frustrated tears in her eyes as Raven grumbles and bends down to start fixing the tent. Lexa feels immobilized by her exhaustion and despair and doesn’t know how they apparently bought the most complicated tent that exists, but every time Raven looks close to fixing things, the tent collapses and she has to start all over again. Raven tries again to no avail, and after the third time Lexa actually tries to help.

“God, Raven! Why isn’t this working?”

“I don’t know, Lexa!” She snaps back harshly, and Lexa feels a pang in her chest at her response. She knows Raven is frustrated and exhausted, but going camping was her idea and one of them needs to keep it together and Lexa is just not up for it.

“Have you tried looking at the directions?” Lexa huffs out angrily as she hands Raven a pole.

When Raven doesn’t respond she takes that as a no and something inside of her just snaps.

“You know what? I know you think you’re a fucking genius at everything Raven, but would it kill you to actually look at the directions for once! Why do you have to be so goddamn stubborn!”

The words come out harsh and aggressive and loud, filling up the small space between them and reverberating. And Lexa can see it. The moment Raven loses it. Lexa’s comments having finally pushed her over the edge. Raven’s shoulders tense up and she drops the poles of the tent, her fingers curling into fists at her sides as she whips around angrily to face Lexa.

“Oh, I’m the stubborn one?” She practically seethes out, and Lexa immediately regrets her earlier words, realizing she’s pushed Raven too far, but unable to stop herself with the crippling frustration and exhaustion she feels.

“Yeah, you are!”

Lexa can see the furious outrage on Raven’s face and she looks like she’s gearing up to yell something back, but at the last minute she lets out a sharp huff and storms off.

“Where are you going?” Lexa calls out desperately, unable to stop the intense feeling of panic building in her chest at the sight of Raven leaving her.

“Away from here,” Raven huffs, continuing to walk away.

“Raven, please!” Lexa cries out, hating how shaky and pleading her voice sounds.

Raven stops in her tracks, her back still to Lexa as she takes a deep breath and her shoulders sag. “I’m going to the bathrooms. I’ll be back, but I need some space. Maybe you should just sleep in the back of the rover, it will probably be warmer in there.” She turns back to look at Lexa, giving her a sad and defeated smile before heading off down the marked path.

***

Lexa feels her heart ache at the exchange.

She’s so tired and she’s so sad and she hates that she felt so angry and lashed out at the person she loves. She knows that they both had a long and exhausting day, but they’ve never really fought like this before, and it leaves Lexa feeling insecure and empty. She grabs her pillow and sleeping bag, opening up the back of the rover so she can climb inside. She moves a few things around to clear a space for her pillow and sleeping bag, pulling the door closed behind her before laying down.

Raven was right.

It is warm inside the rover and she wonders now why they didn’t just decided to sleep here all along. She thinks back to the last time they slept here. The night Raven told her about her mom and they started to fall in love. She remembers how close she felt to her back then, how much love and tenderness she had in her heart for her, and she still feels that love and tenderness but right now it’s mixed with an aching pain. And all she can think is that she misses Raven. She hates the distance that the anger and frustration between them creates, hates how out of sorts and out of sync she feels. Hates the thought of how her words must have hurt Raven. Is this what being in love is like? Feeling the other person’s pain as well as your own?

Lexa doesn’t know how long it’s been since Raven left, but it feels like a long time, and try as she might, she can’t fall asleep. She’s pretty sure Raven came back a little while ago because she heard some shuffling around, but she’s been too ashamed of the way she acted and caught up in her own feelings of guilt to check. She just wants to fall asleep so this night can be over and they can start fresh in the morning when their minds are more clear and their tempers have calmed down.

It’s a good idea in theory, but in the end it doesn’t work.

Lexa just can’t fall asleep without Raven. The two of them have spent almost every night sleeping together in Indra’s apartment since Valentine’s Day, and trying to sleep without her feels impossible. She balls up an extra blanket she finds and tries to wrap her arms around it to make herself feel more comfortable, but the lumpy shape and thin fabric can’t compare to the solid warmth of Raven’s body. The ache in her chest becomes unbearable from the desire to have Raven in her arms, and Lexa can’t help but start to silently cry.

Lexa is sad and frustrated, but mostly just upset and angry at herself. She’s angry at herself for lashing out at Raven, angry at herself for not having the guts to go out and apologize to her now, angry at herself for not being honest with Raven about not wanting to go camping in the first place. Maybe if she had just been honest with her then none of this would have even happened. She continues to cry as her feelings of guilt and sadness swirl, and it’s so quiet that she almost misses it...

There’s a soft knock on the rover door.

“Lexa?” She hears Raven’s muffled voice.

“Yeah?” Lexa responds, trying to wipe away her tears.

“Can I come in?”

“Okay.”

Raven opens the door and when she sees Lexa, her face falls and she scrambles inside, pulling the door shut behind her. She clumsily crawls up to Lexa’s side, pulling her into her arms and holding her close. She presses soft kisses to her forehead and runs steady fingers through her hair. It’s the comfort and support Lexa has needed all night and when Raven offers it to her so earnestly, all Lexa can do is sink into it, relieved that she finally feels like she can breathe again.

“God, Lexa. I’m sorry I was such a jerk.” Raven says, pulling back to meet Lexa’s eyes and cupping and stroking her cheek. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. It was stupid and mean, and I don’t really even care about canoeing or that stupid tent. You were totally right about the canoeing being a mistake and setting the tent up earlier. I—I’m sorry I got so worked up and didn’t listen to you to begin with. I wanted today to be special and now I feel like I ruined it. I’m so sorry, Lex.”

And Lexa hates how sad and guilty Raven looks.

“This isn’t your fault.” Lexa manages to choke out despite her free flowing tears and the emotions welling up in her chest. She feels so stupid for getting upset and even more stupid for not being more honest with Raven to begin with. “It’s my fault.”

Raven’s eyes go wide in surprise and she furrows her brow and starts shaking her head.

“Lexa, no.” She says, slipping her hand down to lace their fingers together. “I’m the one who yelled at you. I’m the one who forced you to go canoeing down that river even when it was clear you weren’t comfortable with it and it wasn’t exactly safe. It’s my fault that we almost drowned and got so lost. This one is on me, not you. I never should have put you in that situation to begin with! And it was wrong of me to yell at you when you were reasonably upset. I’m so sorry.”

It’s such a genuine and sincere apology, and if that was the reason Lexa was so upset right now then she’d accept it whole heartedly.

But it isn’t.

“I appreciate you saying all that Raven, but that’s not why I’m so upset...” Lexa trails off, unable to help the way her lips start to tremble and tears start gathering in the corners of her eyes again. Raven furrows her brow in confusion, giving Lexa a concerned and questioning look, before leaning in to kiss her on the lips then cheeks. She presses her lips to Lexa’s temple, leaving them there as she carefully wipes away Lexa’s tears with her thumbs. When Lexa’s tears finally subside, Raven presses a soft kiss to her forehead before pulling back to meet green eyes, a look of compassion on her face.

“What’s this really about?” Raven asks softly, imploringly and the look in her eyes is so genuine and concerned that Lexa can’t hold it in any longer.

“I lied to you.” Lexa breathes out, hating the look of confusion and slight hurt on Raven’s face. “I hate camping.” Lexa breathes out, feeling relieved at finally being able to be honest.

Raven blinks and everything is silent for a beat and then, “What?! Lexa! Why didn’t you tell me? If I’d known then I never would have brought you out here!” Raven replies, giving Lexa an incredulous look.

“Because, you seemed to love the idea so much and I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

Raven just fixes her with a pointed look and lets out an exasperated sigh. Her hand slipping up to cup Lexa’s cheek and pull her close, pressing their foreheads together and softly shaking her head.

“Lexa,” Raven sighs, pulling back to meet her eyes and caress her cheek. “We’ve talked about this before. You have to be honest with me about what you like and don’t like. It’s not going to disappoint me. Yeah, I like camping, but it doesn’t hold a candle to how much I love and care about you. I would never want to force you to do something you don’t like just because I like it. I’m sorry for not making you feel comfortable enough to share, but I hope you know that you can be honest with me.”

And it’s so sweet and sincere and Raven’s eyes are so soft and insistent that Lexa bursts into tears. The emotion and frustration from that day finally leaving her. Raven pulls her even closer this time, wrapping her up in her arms to try and comfort her. Lexa leans into her touch, loving the way Raven whispers into her ear and kisses her neck and hair, and rubs warm hands up and down her back soothingly.

“I’m sorry I blew up at you about getting lost and lied to you.” Lexa manages to rasp out between tears. “And I’m sorry I’m so emotional. I think I’m getting my period soon.”

Raven chuckles lightly, kissing Lexa’s temple before pulling back to meet her eyes. “Lexa, you don’t have to apologize. You were rightly frustrated at the situation I put us in. As for you not telling me you didn’t like camping—I can understand why you didn’t, but I just want you to feel like you can be honest with me. I always want you to be honest with me, Lex. And period or not, it’s okay to be emotional and upset. Trust me, I’m the last person who will be judging you for that.”

“I know,” Lexa sighs. “I just hate being such a mess in front of you.” She confesses, hating how silly and vulnerable she feels. Raven just gives her this look, a mixture of affection and exasperation.

“Come on Lex, you know I love you no matter what. Even if you are a mess!” Raven teases, grinning and leaning in to rub their noses together before pecking her on the lips.

She pulls back and gives Lexa a goofy smile, and Lexa can finally feel the heavy emotions lifting from her chest, relieved at Raven’s smile and the fact that she isn’t upset or judging her for lying about something so stupid. She’s grateful for the way Raven leads them toward the teasing and banter they so easily fall into, and Lexa can’t help but join in and give Raven her best pout.

“Oh, so you admit it. You think I’m a mess?” Lexa pretends to sulk, and her heart flutters when Raven rolls her eyes and giggles before pecking her on the lips again.

“Yes, a little. But I don’t mind. I love you any way I can get you! Mess and all.”

Lexa just huffs, her heart melting at Raven’s words, even as she tries to pretend to be irritated. Raven kisses all over her cheeks and lips, causing them both to giggle and Lexa to gasp. Raven presses a final peck to Lexa’s lips before nuzzling their noses together and pulling back. Her smile and bright eyes shift to something more serious and soft, and it makes Lexa feel a little breathless.

“No, but seriously Lexa, you think tears and emotions are going to scare me away after everything I’ve been through?” Her voice is soothing, yet holds a slight edge of vulnerability. “Relationship are messy sometimes, and that’s okay. You don’t have to be perfect all the time. I just want you to be honest with me, okay?”

“Okay,” Lexa breathes back, slightly mesmerized by the soft caring look in her eyes.

Raven smiles and pecks her cheek before pulling back and shifting to something a little more teasing and playful. “You know? It’s actually kind of annoying how perfect you are sometimes, even when you are a mess.”

“Oh please, I’m far from perfect.”

“I don’t know, you have a big heart, a sharp mind, and your body is banging. Heart, brains, and beauty! Not sure you can get more perfect than that.” Raven says with a lightly teasing tone, but there’s a sincerity in her eyes that makes Lexa’s heart tremble.

She slips a hand behind Raven’s neck and pulls her in for a kiss. The kiss is slow and soft, but quickly shifts into something more desperate and hard, both of them needing to connect in this way after feeling so disconnected from their fight. Raven lets out a soft sigh and deepens the kiss, dragging her tongue along the seam of Lexa’s lips before slipping it inside and swirling it with her own. It’s so hot and amazing and Raven—tastes like pineapple and beer?

Lexa pulls back from the kiss, confused.

“Have you been drinking? And eating pineapple?” The latter confuses her the most.

Raven gives her a guilty look, biting her bottom lip. “A little,” She says sheepishly. “Just like two beers, the one while I was setting up the tent and one when I got back from the bathroom. I needed something to take off the edge after you got me so worked up.” Raven teases, before leaning back in to trail kisses on Lexa’s neck. “Also, those pineapple shandys were a terrible idea. It honestly tasted like I was drinking some type of lotion or sunscreen. You and your obsession with pineapple. God, the things we do for love.” Raven says that last part dramatically and Lexa can’t help but giggle in response.

“Well, I for one enjoy the taste of pineapple and beer. Though I’m not quite sure how I feel about the taste of them together. I think I might need another sample.”

Raven grins and squeezes Lexa’s hips before surging back up to connect their lips, licking into Lexa’s mouth hot and deep and reaching down a hand to squeeze her ass. Lexa moans and arches into her, licking and sucking on Raven’s tongue, loving the way Raven groans and grinds into her. It’s so fucking hot, and Lexa barley manages to bite back a needy whimper when Raven pulls away.

“So,” Raven breathes out hot and humid against her lips. “What’s the verdict?”

And Lexa is mildly confused until Raven gives her a prompt.

“The pineapple and beer?”

Oh, right. That.

“I think I like it.” Lexa says breathlessly, because what else is she supposed to say after a kiss like that?

Raven huffs, dipping down to trail steamy kisses down Lexa’s throat. “Well that makes one of us. I will definitely not be partaking in anymore pineapple shandys, so they’re all yours.”

“How generous of you.” Lexa rushes out in a breathy exhale, as she feels herself becoming increasingly aroused with the way Raven yanks down the front of her shirt and starts sucking and licking down her chest and the top of her breasts. Raven lets out a little hum of approval when she sees Lexa isn’t wearing a bra, her warm breath and lips causing Lexa’s nipples to stiffen as Raven’s lips trail closer to them.

“You know what pineapple actually is good for though?” Raven asks, tilting her head up and meeting Lexa’s eyes, and Lexa has to stop herself from letting out a frustrated groan as Raven’s movements still.

“You mean besides having anti-inflammatory properties and tasting refreshing and delicious?”

“God, you are such a nerd.” Raven rolls her eyes, pretending to be annoyed, dipping her head down to gently bite then suck on Lexa’s breast. “Definitely not the direction I was going with that, considering I practically have your boob in my mouth.”

Lexa blushes and Raven smirks.

“Okay, Shakespeare, serenade me with your words. Do pray tell me what thou art thinking.”

“Well,” Raven draws out, leaning down to suck and press more kisses on Lexa’s breasts, finally reaching her nipple and giving it a soft kiss. “Pineapple can make other things taste good.” Raven says suggestively, laving and swirling her tongue around the sensitive tip, and Lexa is both confused and aroused.

“What? You mean like pizza, and beer?” Lexa asks impatiently, not really sure where Raven is going with this. It’s kind of hard to concentrate when Raven is so expertly playing with her tit.

“No,” Raven breathes out hotly against her chest as she continues to passionately lick and kiss, her thumbs dipping beneath the waistband of Lexa’s shorts and pressing down, causing her to suck in a sharp breath and arch her hips. “Like, other stuff.” Raven emphasizes again, sucking Lexa’s nipple into her mouth and Lexa is even more turned on and just as lost.

“What kind of other stuff?” Lexa asks, letting out a soft groan as Raven sucks harder. Lexa is aroused, and slightly frustrated and confused with how vague Raven is being, and she wishes Raven would just get to the point already so she can focus on Lexa’s breasts more.

Raven pulls back completely, and Lexa whimpers.

“You know what? For someone who’s so smart, your inability to understand dirty talk and sexual innuendo seriously makes me doubt my game sometimes.” Raven huffs, and Lexa knows she should probably be annoyed, but the slight pout on Raven’s lips and the way she’s still absentmindedly caressing Lexa’s breast has her caving in. She cups Raven’s cheek, stroking the soft skin and pulling her head back down to her breasts, sighing when she goes back to sucking on her nipple. It feels so good, but Lexa can’t help but want to tease her back.

“Well maybe if you learned to be more direct and not so cryptic and vague I would understand what you’re talking about.”

Raven pauses her treatment on Lexa’s breasts, tilting her head up and giving her a loaded look, and Lexa immediately knows she’s made a mistake.

“You want direct, huh?” Raven challenges, and the look in her eyes causes a tingle between Lexa’s thighs.

Lexa knows she’ll probably regret it, but she nods anyway.

“Pineapple,” Raven says, trailing her lips up Lexa’s chest and neck before finally reaching her ear. “Really makes your come taste good.” She breathes out hotly into Lexa’s ear, her thigh pressing into Lexa’s clit, and Lexa can’t stop the way she shivers and arches her hips as a gush of liquid arousal pools between her thighs.

And, oh god. Did Lexa just have a mini orgasm from one press of Raven’s thigh and words alone?

“I had no idea.” Lexa breaths out, barely able to get the words out with the way Raven starts grinding down on her and sucking on her ear.

“Yeah, that first night I went down on you,” Raven pants against her ear. “God, you tasted so fucking amazing, Lex. So warm, so sweet.” She licks a strip up Lexa’s neck before gently biting down and Lexa can’t help but groan and arch her hips up into Raven’s thigh as she continues to grind down.

They find a steady rhythm as they grind and make out and it feels so perfect and hot that Lexa gets completely caught up in the moment until Raven’s words finally dawn on her.

“Wait!” She grips Raven’s hips, stilling her movements and causing her to pull back in confusion. “Is that why you’ve been ordering pineapple pizza more? Is that why you ordered it on Valentine’s Day? Because you wanted me to taste good? Do I normally not taste good?” Lexa knows she’s kind of freaking out but she can’t help how self-conscious the idea makes her.

“Oh, babe. No! You taste good no matter what! I’m sorry if what I said made you feel that way.”

“Really?”

“Yes really.”

“How do I know you’re not just saying that because you’re my girlfriend?” Lexa narrows her eyes and pouts, wanting to believe Raven’s words but having a hard time letting go of her insecurity.

“You honestly think I would go down on you so much if I didn’t like how you tasted?”

Lexa blushes. She has no idea what possesses her to ask, but her earlier insecurities mixed with Raven’s words leave her feeling curious and bold. “How do I taste?”

Raven eyes become hooded in lust and she groans, before burying her face in Lexa’s neck. “So fucking good!” She pants out moaning and sucking a bruise on Lexa’s neck.

Lexa’s eyes roll into the back of her head at the feeling of Raven’s lips combined with her reaction. The fact that merely talking about Lexa’s essence has Raven moaning and so turned on, makes Lexa feel desperate and almost painfully aroused.

“How?” Lexa gasps out, feeling practically drunk on Raven’s addictive words and needing to hear more.

Raven moans and grinds her hips before pulling back to look in Lexa’s eyes and the pure, unadulterated lust and desire she sees swirling in them is almost more than she can take.

“Sometimes salty, sometimes sweet, sometimes both. It’s kind of hard to describe but you taste like you. Everyone has a natural scent, and taste. It’s like the way your skin tastes or the way your mouth tastes when I kiss you, or the way you taste when you sweat, only stronger. It’s like the purest form of you. The most intimate part of you. Your essence.”

“And you like that?” Lexa asks breathlessly, feeling herself getting even more turned on.

“I mean yeah. Otherwise I wouldn’t always be coming back for more, would I?” Raven says, wiggling her eyebrows, and Lexa just blushes again. “I know this is kind of weird to talk about and might be hard to understand since you’ve never gone down on anyone before, but that’s the best way I know how to describe it.”

“I think I get it. I mean I love your natural scent and the way your mouth and skin taste. The way we taste together. I’ve tasted myself on your lips before and it’s always a little salty, but I’m sure it tastes different when you’re,” Lexa clears her throat, trying to sound as confident as she can, “getting it directly from the source.”

Raven groans and grinds into her again, burying her face in Lexa’s neck and sucking on her pulse point. “Fuck, Lexa! You know how horny I get when you talk dirty to me.”

And yeah, she does, but Raven’s dirty talk really turns her on too, the effects of her earlier words still slick between her thighs. She know Raven gets just as turned on from talking dirty to her too, and Lexa can’t help but want to hear more. “Pretty sure you’re the dirty talk expert in this relationship.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, tell me more about how I taste.”

Raven groans and grinds into her again, trailing her lips up to Lexa’s ear and breathing out hot words.

“Fuck, so good! So many different things. Sometimes you taste really sweet and then other times you’re salty, and I love both. Sometimes you’re sweet and salty and I really fucking love that too. Sometimes you taste musky and a little bitter...” and Lexa is mortified until, “and I think I might love that one the most. The taste is so sharp, so you. Every flavor of you just tastes so fucking good, I feel like I could eat your pussy all day.”

And god, the fact that Raven wants her so much and is so intimately familiar with the different ways her come tastes makes Lexa feel insanely desperate and aroused. She pulls Raven up into a deep and needy kiss, their tongues sliding together and their hips grinding.

Raven pulls back to gasp for air.

“You always get so wet for me,” she husks against Lexa’s lips, “So wet and hot. And fuck, I just love all forms of you. Like when we’re at the beach and you taste like coconut and salt from swimming in the ocean and drinking pina coladas. Or when we go swimming at the pool you always taste sweet but a little like chlorine. Or that first night on Valentine’s Day, you tasted so sweet from the pineapple but a little bitter because of the beer, and god, I’ll never forget how fucking exquisite you tasted that first time.” Raven lets out a shuddery breath and a soft groan, rolling her hips and pressing sloppy kisses to Lexa’s neck. It feels so hot and arousing, and when Raven presses a firm thigh against her clit and rocks into her, Lexa’s whole body shudders and she’s pretty sure she has another mini orgasm.

“Fuck, Lexa. I love how you taste in the morning, so strong and musky and so you. I fucking love when you taste strong like that. Or the way you taste after you get home from class or take a shower at night. It’s all so fucking good. I just love all if it. You taste so fucking good to me.”

Lexa’s pulse is racing and her underwear are soaked, and she almost stops breathing with what Raven does next.

“Right now...” Raven says, shifting to Lexa’s side and slipping her hand down to the waistband of Lexa’s shorts. She holds Lexa’s gaze as she slowly undoes the button and zipper and slips her fingers beneath her panties. Raven’s breath hitches when she finds Lexa wet, and Lexa lets out a soft gasp when Raven’s fingers brush against her clit. She swirls them gently before pulling them out and bringing them up to her lips so she can suck them into her mouth. The way that she closes her eyes and lets out a soft hum makes Lexa’s stomach clench and her clit throb, more liquid arousal pooling between her thighs.

“Right now,” Raven breathes out, “you taste sharp and a little sweet, so fucking hot.”

“Yeah?” Lexa asks breathlessly her eyes zeroing in on Raven’s lips.

“Yeah.” Raven breathes out, slipping her hand back into Lexa’s shorts and gathering her arousal on her fingers before lifting them to her mouth and covering her lips with it. And fuck, it’s one of the hottest things Lexa has ever seen. “Come and taste it for yourself.” Raven says before dipping her head down to hover over Lexa’s mouth, giving Lexa the space to decide if she wants to close the distance between them.

Lexa swipes her tongue slow and thorough along Raven’s bottom lip, licking up her own essence and reveling in the way Raven’s breath hitches and her hips buck forward. The taste is sharp and unique, mixed in with the already bitter fruity taste of Raven’s mouth and Lexa thinks that she might like it. She goes back in for more, licking along Raven’s upper lip and trying to get every last drop. Raven’s breath hitches again, and before Lexa knows what’s happening Raven is crashing their lips together and licking into her mouth with her tongue. The taste of herself is even stronger now, and it’s strange for Lexa to think about so intentionally tasting her own come, but the way the flavors mix in their kiss is addicting, and Lexa just wants more. They deepen the kiss, and Lexa gasps when Raven slips her fingers back inside of Lexa’s shorts, letting out a low groan at the arousal she finds there.

“God, you’re even more wet now,” Raven breathes hotly into her mouth.

Lexa just moans and grips the back of Raven’s neck, reconnecting their lips and rolling her hips into Raven’s hand. Raven glides her fingers along the sides of Lexa’s clit before easily slipping them inside of her, filling Lexa up in the way that she needs. She feels so full and Raven’s fingers feel so good, and she sighs when they finally start to move. Lexa’s shorts restrict her movements, but Raven can’t seem to be bothered to take them off, and Lexa is already too far gone after all the dirty talk and earlier build up to worry about something like taking off clothes.

Raven groans and curls her fingers, using as much movement and leverage as the restricted confines of Lexa’s shorts will allow. Lexa can feel the pressure and pleasure building, as Raven’s palm presses steadily against her clit and her fingers thrust deeper and deeper inside of her, building her up with a steady rhythm and reaching for that place inside of her that makes her come completely undone. Raven is panting and grunting against Lexa’s neck, her whole body rocking forward with the movement of her hand. Lexa is aching and desperate and she rolls her hips into Raven’s hand, trying to help her movements and feeling herself getting close.

Her stomach and thighs start to tense, the pleasure pulsing and throbbing between her hips where the tips of Raven’s fingers press hard and deep inside of her. The feeling builds and builds with Raven’s movements, unfurling down quivering thighs and pointed feet before catching and bursting up her stomach and chest in a euphoric and breathtaking feeling that has her whole body arching up as she chases her orgasm. A feeling of white hot bliss rushes through her as her walls flutter and clench around curling fingers, her hips repeatedly bucking and her body jolting and shaking with each contraction that pulses through her.

Raven groans and presses her hips into the back of her hand, sucking steamy kisses along Lexa’s throat and using gentle thrusts to bring her down. Lexa feels herself coming down soft and easy and light, as the burning, aching need inside of her has finally been sated, and the feeling of pleasure settles deep and tingling in her chest and limbs and mind.

***

Lexa lays there, basking in the afterglow. Her limbs heavy, her head on Raven’s chest, an arm and leg thrown across Raven’s torso and hips as they’re both still trying to catch their breath. Raven runs her fingers through Lexa’s hair, occasionally kissing her forehead and making her feel relaxed. Lexa’s thoughts start coming back to her, the memory of what started this heated moment still fresh in her mind.

Raven kissing her with come covered lips.

Lexa’s thoughts start swirling at their conversation leading up to it, all this talk about the taste of her own arousal making her feel curious. If her taste is such a turn on for Raven, will Raven’s taste be a turn on for her?

They haven’t talked about it since Valentine’s Day, the first time Raven went down on her. Lexa has yet to return the favor despite how many times Raven has gone down on her. And even though Lexa knows Raven doesn’t look at sex like a tit for tat exchange, she can’t help but feel bad that Raven is missing out on the mind blowing experience just because Lexa is inexperienced and nervous about it. If Lexa is honest, it’s more than just a physical thing for her though. To her it signifies a deeper level of intimacy and closeness. It’s something she wants to experience with Raven.

Raven is a giver and she never pressures or asks Lexa to go down on her, only wanting Lexa to do it if she feels comfortable and has the desire to. It’s part of what makes Lexa love her so much. The care and understanding, the honesty and vulnerability, and the desire for mutual enjoyment and fulfillment has made their sex life one of the most connective and rewarding experiences of their relationship.

Raven’s vulnerability and desire are always so strong during sex, and it makes Lexa feel desirable and confident in a way she never has before. When she’s with Raven all of her inhibitions and filters seem to fly out the window. She feels more confident and comfortable to express herself more freely during sex, to do things in the heat of the moment that she may have felt awkward or strange doing with someone else. But because it’s with Raven Lexa feels comfortable and knows she can trust her not to judge her or make fun of her.

And god help her, Lexa thinks she’s finally ready to broach the topic.

“Hey, Raven?” Lexa asks, scooting up to share the pillow with her.

“Yeah?” Raven asks, turning her head to the side to meet Lexa’s eyes.

“I was thinking...” Lexa trails off, trying to figure out what she wants to say.

“Oh really?” Raven teases, pecking Lexa’s lips. “Tell me. What do you having going on in that beautiful brain of yours?”

“I was thinking about what you said earlier. About not making me do something I don’t like or want to do.”

“Yeah? I meant that Lex, I never want you to feel pressured to do something you don’t want to do.” Raven says, caressing Lexa’s hip.

“I know, and I love you for that, but I’ve been thinking about something I would like to do that I think I’m finally ready for. Something new.” Lexa trails a finger down Raven’s stomach, tracing teasing circles around her bellybutton.

“Okay,” Raven draws out, slightly confused. “What is it? Is this about you taking cooking classes? Because I already told you I’m fine with it, whenever you’re ready.”

And god, for someone who’s a self proclaimed genius and good at dirty talk, Raven really is clueless sometimes.

“No, Raven, this isn’t about cooking classes. It’s about sex.” Raven gives her a questioning look, still confused and okay Lexa really is going to have to spell it out for her. “I think I want to try going down on you.” Lexa replies, feeling herself blush at how bold she’s being.

Raven’s whole body stiffens and her breath hitches at Lexa’s words, and she lays there unmoving as the silence stretches on between them.

“Did I break you?” Lexa tries to ask teasingly, feeling slightly insecure at Raven’s lack of response.

“Yup. I’m pretty sure I just came in my pants.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Lexa laughs, squeezing Raven’s side.

“I’m serious Lexa! I’m soaked. If you don’t believe me, you can always see for yourself.” Raven husks, giving her a suggestive look.

And damn, Raven really is too cocky and sexy for her own good sometimes.

They hold each other’s gazes and Lexa feels her heart start to race at the lust in Raven’s eyes and the way she slowly licks her lips. The air around them becomes thick and charged, and she shudders when Raven unbuttons her own shorts and slides the zipper down before reaching for Lexa’s hand and slipping it beneath the waistband of her briefs.

And oh god. “You’re so wet,” Lexa breathes out hotly against Raven’s lips, still trying to hold her gaze.

“That’s what you do to me, Lex. I’m always wet for you. Ready for you. Wanting you.” Raven says softly, achingly, and Lexa feels her own desire surge at the raw and desperate look in her eyes and the way she bites her bottom lip. Lexa has never had someone want and desire her so openly and ardently before, and it makes her feel like her heart is going to explode every time Raven expresses it.

Lexa can’t hold herself back from kissing Raven hard and deep, as if she can somehow pull the words of love and desire from her lips and drink them in until they fill her up and become a part of her. It’s a consuming feeling of desire that’s only heightened by the memory of the distance and anger between them today, and Lexa feels a powerful sense of relief when Raven moans into her mouth and arches her hips as Lexa starts to slide her fingers up and down the sides of her clit. Raven bites down on Lexa’s bottom lip before pulling back so she can briefly sit up and remove her shirt then lay back down. Lexa sighs at the sight of Raven’s bare stomach and chest, as the moonlight filters in through the window and gives Lexa a perfect view of the way her abs ripple and clench with each glide of Lexa’s fingers. The sight is as mesmerizing as it is arousing and Lexa watches transfixed with each movement the muscles make in response to her increasing rhythm and touch. She’s finally forced to pull her eyes away when Raven threads her fingers through her hair and tugs her into a kiss. It’s a deep and desperate melding of warm lips and soft tongues, and the way Raven slides her tongue inside of her so thorough and deep leaves Lexa shaking with need and eventually pulling back to suck in some much needed air.

She looks down at Raven, writhing and gasping beneath her, feeling drunk off of Raven’s desperate and wanton reaction. It makes Lexa feel so powerful and weak, and she wants to give everything to her. She wants Raven more than she ever has before, and she knows what she wants to do.

Lexa starts to kiss down Raven’s neck and chest, stopping to kiss and lick her nipples. Raven squirms and moans beneath her, threading her fingers through Lexa’s hair and holding her in place. When Lexa starts trailing kisses down Raven’s stomach, Raven moans and tugs on her hair, pulling Lexa up so she can look in her eyes.

“What are you doing?” Raven asks desperate and a little insecure and the look in her eyes is so vulnerable and beautiful that it makes Lexa’s heart ache.

“I want to go down on you,” Lexa rushes out, trying to sound as confident as she can. She wants to do this. Wants to do this for Raven, but there’s a nervous anticipation fluttering in her chest. There’s no doubt in her mind that she wants this, but her nerves tell her she just might not be ready yet.

“Not yet,” Raven says softly, cupping and stroking Lexa’s cheek. “Not here. Not like this. Not until you’re ready.”

Lexa is slightly disappointed but feels relieved that even in the midst of her own desire and need, Raven still has the ability to read her, and somehow know exactly what she’s feeling. Lexa nods and kisses Raven’s stomach and the underside of her breasts, before moving back up to press kisses to Raven’s neck and lips. They melt into each other’s touch and kiss and Raven comes soft and trembling, letting out quiet gasps against Lexa’s lips as Lexa fingers her beneath denim shorts.

When it’s over Lexa presses their foreheads together, their warm breaths mingling as Raven tries to catch her breath. Lexa doesn’t know what possesses her to do it, but before she even has time to question herself, she pulls her fingers from between Raven’s thighs and sucks them into her mouth.

Raven’s eyes go wide and her breath hitches, as she carefully watches Lexa’s reaction. The taste is...good. A mix between salty and sweet. It tastes similar to her own come that she tasted earlier on Raven’s lips, but there’s something about it that’s so intimately and uniquely Raven that she can’t help but close her eyes and revel in the taste.

“Holy fuck, that was so hot!” Raven breathes out sharply in the space between them, her voice gravelly and thick with surprise and Lexa can’t help but smirk when she opens her eyes and finds Raven looking at her longingly with parted lips and pupils blown wide in a combination of shock and desire.

“You taste good,” Lexa says shyly, giving Raven a soft smile. The way Raven’s face lights up has Lexa wishing she would have done this sooner.

“Yeah?” Raven asks, and Lexa can hear the slight insecurity in her voice.

“Yeah.” Lexa says firmly, drinking in the look on Raven’s face one more time before leaning in to give her a steamy kiss.

They both let out satisfied sighs when they pull back and settle against each other. Lexa nuzzles into Raven’s neck, draping a thigh across her hips and curling a hand around her side, her fingers smoothing along her rib cage until she finds and traces her scar. She loves the way Raven shivers and kisses her forehead before pulling the nearby blanket over them, enveloping them in each other’s warmth. Lexa feels so safe and warm and her eyes start to feel heavy as the exhaustion from the day finally catches up to her, now that the tension between them is gone.

She can feel Raven’s body relaxing and her breathing starting to even out and she knows Raven is feeling the same way as well. There are no more words needed between them. Just tender kisses and whispered “I love yous” and “good nights” before they both drift off to sleep.

When they wake up the next morning, they give each other soft kisses and complain about being sore from sleeping on the hard floor of the rover. Their hearts feel so full though, that in the end it doesn’t matter.

They get up and pack up the rover, driving to the nearest diner to eat breakfast and hold each other’s hands.

Chapter Text

Lexa’s POV:

A few weeks pass back at Stanford after their slightly disastrous camping trip, and before either of them know it Spring Break arrives.

They decide to take a road trip down to La Jolla in Southern California, where Lexa’s Aunt Indra owns a beach house that Lexa, Aden, and Gustus would often visit in the summers when she was growing up. The place holds fond memories for Lexa, and she’s excited to bring the woman she loves there, and make some new memories of their own.

They drive down in Raven’s rover. The atmosphere is breezy and fun. The windows are down, the sunroof is open, and music blasts loudly through the speakers. They drive down the winding pacific coast highway, listening to the road trip playlist Raven made and playing car games that they both get a little too competitive with. There’s hand holding, and ridiculous singing, and sketchy rest stops that Lexa is convinced they’re going to get murdered at. A fear that does not deter Raven from pulling Lexa behind some shelves overloaded with chips and candy, so she can make out with her. Lexa resists at first on principle, but as usual with Raven she doesn’t last long. And before she knows it, all thoughts of murderers and inappropriate displays of public affection fly out of her head and she’s gripping Raven’s hips and kissing her hard. It’s a hot and heated kiss that leaves both of them shaking and wanting more, their bodies moving and pressing together. When the rest stop owner ends up catching them, they grab each other’s hands and scurry out of the building, giggling and hopping into the rover before they zoom away. It’s all so ridiculous and cheesy, and it feels like the most fun Lexa has ever had.

They continue their drive and Lexa reflects.

She’s always felt safe at the beach house in La Jolla. Enjoying the quiet and privacy of the location as well as the relaxing and beautiful atmosphere of the beach. The idea of bringing Raven there to experience it with her, makes her feel happy and elated inside in a way that she can’t quite put into words. She can’t think of anything better than bringing the person who makes her feel safest in the world, to the place that makes her feels safest too. Something about the whole thing just feels right, and she knows that being in a place like this with the woman she loves will be the perfect opportunity for them to take things to the next level.

Ever since Lexa almost went down on Raven on their camping trip, she hasn’t been able to stop thinking about it. She was so close to being ready then, but the timing didn’t feel quite right with them having just made up from a fight and being in the back of the rover. But something about doing it this weekend does feels right. Lexa wants to experience this deeper level of intimacy with Raven, to give her what she’s always given to her. When Raven goes down on her, it feels so intimate and amazing, and she wants to be able to give that level of pleasure and intimacy back, even though in the past it had been scary to her.

Lexa definitely did her research, reading up on tips and trying to get the best information she could. She was tempted to watch porn, but she knew that a lot of it was unrealistic and mostly made for the male gaze. Plus, she doesn’t really want to watch some other girl get off on some other girl’s tongue. She wants to watch Raven get off on her tongue and lips. To put her mouth on the most intimate part of her, and taste her essence from the source like Raven has done so many times for her. It’s not about returning the favor, it’s about so much more. It’s about intimacy and connection and trust and Lexa finally feels ready to break down this last barrier between them. She wants to go down on Raven, maybe even needs to. It’s not just for Raven’s sake or her own, but for them. She wants to taste Raven and experience this deeper level of intimacy with her, and La Jolla will be the perfect place to do that.

After a few more hours have passed, they finally arrive at the beach house. The drive was fairly long at seven hours, but since they stretched the trip out over two days to allow time for scenic stops along the way, they arrive by noon on the second day. They unpack their luggage and Lexa gives Raven a quick tour, knowing there will be more time for that later. They make some sandwiches from the fridge that Indra had generously stocked for them, before changing into their bikinis and heading out to the beach. They hold each other’s hands the whole way, Raven smiling brightly and excitedly as she drags Lexas into the water until they’re up to their waists and being tossed by gentle waves. Raven pulls her close and their kiss tastes like salt water and sun, and they get lost in the heady rhythm of it until Lexa feels something scaly brush past her knee and runs yelping from the water, convinced it’s a shark. Raven trails after her laughing and smiling wide, squeezing her hips and kissing her bare shoulder before moving to the place where they discarded their towels earlier so she can lay them out.

Raven’s POV:

Later that evening, they go out to an authentic Mexican restaurant that’s right along the beach. They can see the sand and hear the waves crashing along the shore as they sit out on the wooden deck. The place is a little disorganized, but the food has amazing reviews online, so they decide to take a chance. No one in the restaurant speaks English, and despite Lexa’s insistence that she’s still pretty good at Spanish and can order for them, Raven still isn’t entirely convinced that either of them are going to get the right food.

But Raven honestly can’t bring herself to care.

Lexa is smiling and radiant under the fairy lights and tiki torches spread out across the deck. Her skin is practically glowing from the tan she’d gotten earlier after being at the beach all day. They reach for each other’s hands across the table and lace their fingers together, flirting and making small talk about their day. The whole thing feels so heady and familiar and perfect, and Raven doesn’t even know how it’s possible, but she’s pretty sure she’s fallen even more in love with Lexa after today.

The waiter eventually brings them their drinks, two margaritas in large glasses that are comically big. The drinks are strong and mostly just tequila and since Raven has to drive, and neither of them are planning on getting wasted, they push one glass to the side and decide to just share. When the waiter brings out their steaming plates of food, Raven is actually impressed that they get the right meals. She probably shouldn’t be since her girlfriend is brilliant after all; the thought causing an affectionate smile to spread across her face. They laugh and eat their food, giving each other soft smiles and goofy grins as they continue to drink their margarita. They’re both a little tipsy after their too strong drink, so they guzzle their glasses of water before paying and using the restroom, then deciding to finish off the evening by taking a walk barefoot along the beach.

It’s beautiful and relaxing.

The moon is out, and the stars shine bright, and they hold each other’s hands as the wind blows gently through their hair and their feet sink softly into sand. They talk and laugh, walking far enough away from the restaurants and shops until they find some privacy behind an outcropping of bluffs. They lay down on a blanket that Raven grabbed from the rover before they left, gazing up at the sky and pointing out stars. Raven loves the way Lexa’s eyes sparkle and her face lights up when she asks her questions she already knows the answers to. Enjoying the chance to hear Lexa’s version of the facts instead. Lexa rambles on and points up at the sky, getting excited and proud when she comes up with obscure facts that even Raven has never heard before. They mostly involve Latin though, so Raven doesn’t feel too bad about it. Raven makes sure to reward her for her intelligence with kisses, but Lexa is undeterred from her mission, continuing to spout off facts and pointing up at the sky. Raven doesn’t know why Lexa even bothers; she isn’t looking up at the stars anyway.

God, Raven really loves tipsy, nerdy Lexa.

She loves seeing her so earnest, unguarded, and carefree. And Raven can’t stop herself from pulling Lexa into her arms and covering her cheeks and neck with kisses, even as Lexa continues to ramble on about the stars. The need to be close to her and the desire to show love and affection are too strong.

Eventually they start to make out as Lexa gives into Raven’s incessant kisses. The moment between them feels intimate and unhurried, lazy and carefree. Their lips press together soft and sweet, as gentle hands smooth over exposed skin and clothing, tangling in silky hair and causing goosebumps to erupt. Raven isn’t sure if it’s from the tequila, cool breeze, or something else but Lexa is trembling a little. She pulls her even closer than before, deepening their kiss and trying to offer her some warmth by positioning her body on top of her. Things continue to heat up between them, but Lexa only seems to tremble more.

“Are you cold?” Raven breathes out softly in the space between them, pulling back to meet hazy green eyes and rub her hands up and down goosebump covered arms.

“A little.” Lexa says quietly, looking deeply into Raven’s eyes with a soft intensity that’s both mesmerizing and beautiful. There’s a hint of hesitation there that Raven wants to ask about, but the moment feels so soft and subdued that she doesn’t want to push. Whatever Lexa is thinking and feeling, she’s not ready to share yet, and that’s okay. Raven knows she’ll tell her when she’s ready. Instead, Raven gives her a soft and reassuring smile before dipping her head down slightly so she can nuzzle their noses together and kiss her lightly chapped lips.

“Okay, let’s go home,” Raven whispers against her mouth, and Lexa gives her a small nod.

Raven stands up and reaches out a hand, pulling Lexa to her feet, so they can both help each other brush off any sand that’s made its way onto their bodies. They pick up the blanket together, gently shaking then folding it, before making their way back down the beach to the restaurant and the rover.

Thankfully the effects of the tequila have mostly worn off by the time they reach the parking lot, and Raven feels fine to drive. It’s only a few miles away anyway, and the roads at this time of night are pretty much abandoned in the small, coastal town. Raven drives them down the sand-dusted roads, already familiar with the simple lay out of the area. She holds Lexa’s hand and hums along to a familiar tune on the radio, her heart feeling both curious and full. She keeps her eyes on the road, but out of the corner of her eye she can see Lexa sneaking self-conscious glances at her. She’s hit with that feeling of curiosity again, but instead of questioning Lexa about it, she just strokes the back of her hand with her thumb. It seems to have the desired effect as Lexa relaxes in the seat beside her and starts to hum along too.

When Raven pulls into the driveway and turns off the engine, Lexa just turns to her and gives her this look. Her eyes are so green and her lashes so full, her gaze so heavy lidded and smoldering that Raven has to remind herself to breathe. The air around them suddenly becomes charged and thick, and Raven knows it’s going to be one of those nights where Lexa makes it impossible for her to think or breathe.

Lexa bites her bottom lip and squeezes Raven’s hand, and the simple movement suddenly jolts Raven into action. She sucks in a sharp breath and quickly scrambles out of the rover, making her way to the passenger side door and yanking it open so she can pull Lexa out. Raven can feel her own hands shaking in excitement and need, as she ushers them both up the small driveway and sidewalk in what feels like record time. As soon as they’re inside the house Lexa basically jumps her and backs her against the front door. Their bodies press together firmly, and their lips seek each other out, both of them desperate to give and take what the other has to offer. It’s a hard and passionate melding of lips. A frantic and desperate gripping of clothes with shaking hands. And it leaves them both panting and gasping for air; both of them wanting and needing more.

The whole thing is so hot and feels so fucking perfect, and Raven barely has time to register the fact that Lexa is grinding against her thigh, before she feels her unzipping her shorts and slipping a hand inside. They’re still making out as Lexa cups her over her boyshorts and presses into her with her fingers, and Raven is so sensitive and turned on that her reaction is immediate. Her hips jerk forward at the pleasurable feeling and she groans and grips Lexa’s ass needing to feel more.

“God, how are you so wet already?” Lexa groans against her lips, before trailing her mouth down to suck steamy kisses on her neck.

“Fuck, Lex. You know why,” Raven pants out, moaning and arching her hips forward, tilting her head back to give Lexa better access to her neck. Her head thumps almost painfully against the door, but she’s too turned on for it to even register. Lexa is sucking on her pulse point and stroking her clit with her fingers, and it feels so fucking good that Raven never wants her to stop. She feels so wanton and needy like this, writhing and moaning against the door. And she knows she should probably care about the fact that she’s completely lost her cool, but as usual with Lexa she just can’t bring herself to care.

Lexa increases the pressure of her fingers, pressing her hips into the back of her hand and starting up a grinding rhythm. It creates a spike of pleasure that shoots straight from between Raven’s thighs and ripples throughout her whole body, causing her to moan and gasp. Her skin feels so hot and sensitive to the touch, the feeling only increasing with the way Lexa continues to trail steamy kisses along her neck, causing her to break out in goosebumps. When she finds Raven’s pulse point and starts to suck, Raven’s hips buck forward involuntarily as she shivers and moans, and she can feel herself hitting the point of no return. She threads her fingers through Lexa’s hair and holds her in place, needing to somehow ground herself in the moment. She uses her freehand to cup and squeeze Lexa’s breast, loving the way Lexa moans and arches into her and the way it seems to fit so perfectly in her hand. Their lips seek each other out again in a heated kiss. Their bodies moving together frantically, as Lexa’s hips press more firmly into the back of her hand, increasing the pressure on Raven’s clit and causing her to groan. And fuck! Raven feels like a desperate, squirming mess, and all she can think about is how she needs more.

Needs more of Lexa.

Lexa hums as Raven caresses and squeezes her breast, pulling back from where her mouth is attached to Raven’s neck so she can settle her with a heavy-lidded gaze, “Bedroom,” Lexa breathes out, and Raven just nods enthusiastically and sucks in a gasping breath, helpless to do anything other than follow her into the room.

There’s a confidence to Lexa’s movements tonight that’s a little bit surprising. It’s in the way she undresses Raven first and tells her to get on the bed, before taking off her own clothes and joining her. It’s in the way her grip feels so firm and her movements are filled with such obvious intent, that it has Raven briefly wondering where all of this is coming from and where it might be heading. She’s briefly tempted to put things to a stop and get some answers, but then Lexa positions herself between her thighs, and all thoughts fly out of her head. Her body only aware of the electrifying sensations coursing through her as Lexa shifts to move on top of her and their skin presses together.

And fuck, Raven loves it.

She loves the heavy feeling of Lexa’s weight as she settles on top of her. Loves the feeling of her soft breasts and sweaty skin, and the way their warm stomachs and pelvises fit so perfectly together. She loves the way Lexa kisses her hot and deep, her tongue laving and swirling into Raven’s mouth and causing her to groan. And Raven can’t stop herself from raking her fingers down Lexa’s back to her waist, then slipping them down further to palm and squeeze her ass. Lexa moans and rocks into her and fuck she’s so hot! Raven feels desperate as she rolls her hips forward and grinds against Lexa’s stomach, trying to get some much-needed friction to relieve the tension and arousal that have been building up in her body all night.

And god, Raven loves the way Lexa feels so heavy and warm on top of her, squirming and cradled between her thighs. She feels like she could stay like this all night, but it seems like Lexa has other plans. Lexa pulls back from their kiss to meet Raven’s gaze, her green eyes filled with so much affection and raw desire that Raven’s chest practically aches. The moment quickly shifts as Lexa dips her head down, pressing kisses to Raven’s jaw and neck, then mouthing over her collarbone and finally coming to settle on her breasts.

Lexa slowly and passionately kisses and licks all over Raven’s breasts, swirling her tongue around her sensitive nipple before sucking it into her mouth. Raven moans and arches into her, threading her fingers through Lexa’s hair and letting herself get lost in the stimulating feeling as Lexa moves between both breasts. Lexa is so thorough and methodical as she lavishes her chest, and Raven can feel herself becoming increasingly aroused and wet from how good it all feels. Lexa’s firm abs press into her clit again, and Raven whimpers and bucks her hips, relishing in the feeling and the way her arousal lets her glide across smooth skin.

Lexa groans at the movement, dragging her mouth away from Raven’s breasts and surging up to give her a steamy kiss. They both melt into it, letting themselves get lost in the delicious pressure of their warm lips pressed together, and the soft, silky feeling of their tongues. The kiss is deep and intense and before long they’re both forced to pull back for some much needed air.

They hold each other’s gazes as they suck in gasping breaths, and there’s a look in Lexa’s dazzling green eyes that causes a surge of emotion to well up in Raven’s chest. Lexa looks so vulnerable and beautiful and certain, and Raven is pretty sure she whimpers when Lexa lets out a shaky sigh as her eyes flutter closed and she leans down to press steamy kisses down Raven’s neck and the valley between her breasts. Raven’s heart starts to race as she realizes that Lexa isn’t stopping there, her lips trailing lower to kiss her stomach and the underside of her breasts. It feels so amazing and good and Raven arches into Lexa desperately, reaching up a hand to grip her own hair as the overwhelming feeling of where this all might be going finally hits. When Lexa’s kisses start trailing even lower to her pelvis and hips, Raven moans as little jolts of pleasure shoot between her thighs and settle in her clit. And holy shit, this is all moving so fast and Raven just needs a minute!

She reaches down a free hand to gently tug on Lexa’s hair, effectively stilling her movements. Lexa sighs and lifts her head, until she’s resting her chin on Raven’s abs. And god, Lexa is so beautiful. Her hair is a wild and tousled mess, clinging to her cheeks and kiss-bruised lips, and Raven’s heart stutters when Lexa meets her with a hooded green gaze. She reaches down to brush the hair from Lexa’s face, cupping and stroking her cheek. They hold each other’s gazes for a long, suspended moment, and Raven studies Lexa’s eyes, searching for some type of sign that she’s actually ready for this.

“Are you sure?” Raven asks softly, unable to hide the concern and insecurity in her voice.

“I’m sure.” Lexa replies just as soft, giving Raven a reassuring smile and turning her head so she can kiss the inside of her wrist.

Raven just caresses Lexa’s cheek, unable to help the worry that she feels, not wanting Lexa to do something she might regret.

“I’m ready, Raven. Please. I want to do this for you,” she breathes out.

“Okay,” Raven sighs, knowing she has to trust Lexa to know when she’s ready. “But promise me that you’ll stop if you don’t like it. I won’t be upset. I just want you to enjoy yourself and be comfortable.”

Lexa gives her a soft and affectionate smile before kissing her stomach and moving back up to kiss her on the lips. She pulls back to meet Raven’s eyes, “I promise,” she says quiet and sincere, pressing their foreheads together and releasing a shaky breath.

“Okay,” Raven exhales just as soft, reveling in the intimate moment of connection between them, and unable to stop the emotion and desire fluttering in her chest. Lexa tilts her head forward slowly until their lips meet in a gentle press, and it’s like a match to a fucking flame.

Lexa kisses her hot and deep, dipping into Raven’s mouth with her soft and silky tongue, and Raven can’t stop the needy whimper from escaping her lips or the way she greedily sucks on Lexa’s tongue and causes her to moan. There’s a frenetic pace to their movements as Raven grips Lexa’s hair tightly and slips a hand down to squeeze her ass, the movement bringing their bodies even closer together and causing Lexa’s abs to press into her aching clit again. Raven moans from the delicious feeling of the pressure as Lexa bites her bottom lip, tugging gently before releasing it and pulling back to meet her eyes. The look Lexa gives her is so hungry and heated, bordering on sultry and seductive. And fuck, Lexa is so hot when she takes charge like this.

All Raven can do is stare at her in awe. The hand she has on Lexa’s ass reflexively squeezing, and her hips bucking forward into firm abs as the desire for release reaches almost a fever pitch. It seems to jolt Lexa into action, and she’s quick to settle her weight on top of her again, pressing a firm and passionate kiss to Raven’s lips before kissing down her jaw then neck and chest. She reaches Raven’s stomach and resumes her steamy kisses and swirls of her tongue—only stopping briefly to gently suck the underside of Raven’s breasts before kissing down her abs. And fuck! There’s that overwhelming feeling again that has Raven gripping her own hair and reaching to squeeze her own breast. Lexa looks up at her with such raw desire in her eyes, and Raven tries not to whimper as Lexa trails her lips back up to her breast, removing Raven’s hand so she can tease the sensitive nipple with her tongue before sucking it between her lips. And shit, Raven closes her eyes and grips the back of Lexa’s neck, tightening her fingers in her own hair as the sensation sends a jolt of pleasure straight to her clit. And oh god, all Raven can think about is how much she wants Lexa’s mouth there instead.

“Fuck, baby, if you suck my clit like that I’m going to come so hard!” Raven pants out all breathy and needy and she barely recognizes her own voice.

Raven swears she hears Lexa growl against her in response, and she gasps as the vibration travels through her sensitive nerve endings, causing liquid arousal to pool between her thighs. She’s so wet and ready, and the desperate ache to have Lexa’s mouth on her clit is almost unbearable. Raven knows they should be taking things slow. That this is Lexa’s first time going down on someone, and that she’s nervous about doing a good job. But Raven is so turned on and close to the edge that she knows it will take absolutely zero skill or finesse to make her come right now.

“Lexa, please!” Raven gasps out desperately, not even caring how needy she sounds.

She grips Lexa’s hair and pushes her head down as gently as she can, despite the barely controlled need coursing through her. Lexa hums and pulls back, sucking in a gasping breath and tucking errant strands of hair behind her ear that were clinging to her lips. She leans back down, quickly trailing kisses down Raven’s stomach until she reaches her hips, and Raven can’t help the embarrassing whimper she lets out when Lexa bites down on her hip bone before soothing it with her tongue.

Lexa sucks on the sensitive spot and hums in response, and holy fuck! Raven’s walls contract around nothing as she feels the vibration go straight to her clit. Her hips twitch forward of their own accord and Lexa pulls back at the movement and holds Raven’s gaze. The air between them is heady and thick, and Raven’s heart starts pounding in her chest as Lexa slips her fingers between Raven’s folds, gathering some of her arousal on her fingers before sucking them into her mouth.

And shit.

It’s the hottest thing Raven has ever seen, and she’s pretty sure her brain short circuits and stops working altogether when Lexa closes her eyes and lets out a little moan. All Raven can do is let out an embarrassingly needy groan in response, but she doesn’t even care. Lexa’s eyes are closed as she hums and sucks her fingers into her mouth, and Raven doesn’t think it can get any hotter until Lexa releases her fingers with a soft little pop and gives Raven this dazed look.

“I love how you taste.” Lexa says breathily before sucking her fingers back into her mouth, and Raven feels like she’s going to explode.

Raven lets out a needy whimper and arches her hips forward and watches as green eyes fill with desire and lust. Lexa quickly shifts to lay down on her stomach between Raven’s legs, looping her arms around her thighs and pulling Raven close, before spreading them further apart. Raven is quick to splay them open, giving Lexa more room to work. Lexa looks up at her with a heavy lidded gaze and a longing look, and the whole thing is so hot that Raven’s clit throbs and pulses and she’s pretty sure she just had a mini orgasm from the look in Lexa’s eyes alone. It’s all so overwhelming, and Raven reaches up a hand to grip her own hair and uses the other to squeeze her own breast, needing the contact to ground her. Lexa looks so good between her thighs and Raven wants to burn the breathtaking image into her memory forever.

She watches with bated breath as Lexa lets out a shaky sigh and slowly leans her head down, moving closer to where Raven wants her the most. She breathes Raven in through her nose before exhaling through her mouth. And holy shit. Lexa is so close that Raven can feel her warm breath as it ghosts over the slick between her thighs and brushes over her sensitive clit. She feels herself start to tremble as Lexa’s mouth moves closer to her center, and oh god, this is it!

Raven feels like she’s having an out of body experience, and she quickly tries to ground herself in the moment by tightening her grip in her own hair and squeezing her breast in anticipation. Everything around them seems to slow and fade away as Lexa’s warm breath and lips hover over her clit before dipping down and completely covering it. Raven lets out a loud cry as her hips arch forward into Lexa’s smooth and silky mouth, the feeling is so exquisite and intense and Raven gasps as a sharp, hot feeling of pleasure ripples through her. It slips up over her body like a warm caress, releasing a wave of euphoria that fills up her stomach and crests over her chest, before traveling up her neck and filling up her head until it settles at the base of her skull, and she feels like she’s seeing stars.

The feeling of pleasure is all consuming and Raven’s hips jerk forward involuntarily, pushing her even further into Lexa’s warm and perfect mouth. Lexa sighs and gently starts to suck and the feeling is so earth shattering and euphoric that Raven feels like Lexa is literally pulling the orgasm out of her with her mouth. Raven tries to hold off from coming, she does, but the coil of pleasure and pressure build up so quickly and sharply that within seconds it reaches its peak and catches. Raven cries out as her orgasm crashes through her, and she’s coming all hot and desperate, grinding frantically against Lexa’s silky and steamy mouth.

Wave after wave of pleasure pulses through her and Raven is helpless to stop the loud moans and cries that escape her lips, or the way her thighs squeeze together around Lexa’s head as her whole body tenses up. She feels Lexa moan and tighten her grip on her hips, flattening her tongue so she can help Raven ride it out. Raven’s hips buck wildly in response as she chases her release, and when the last wave of pleasure finally hits she lets out a long groan and collapses on the bed.

Her whole body is so sensitive, completely maxed out from such intense levels of pleasure, that she literally has to push Lexa’s head away from her. Lexa tilts her face up to meet Raven’s eyes, and god is she a beautiful mess.

Her hair is wild and stuck to her face from a mixture of Raven’s come and her own sweat. She’s gasping for air much like Raven is, and her cheeks are flushed and her lips are a deep shade of pink, glistening and slightly swollen. She’s staring up at Raven in surprise and it takes Raven a minute to focus her thoughts, but when she realizes what just happened—that Lexa barely put her mouth on her before she came embarrassingly fast—Raven can’t help but blush and feel embarrassed about her complete lack of staying power.

“Did you just...?” Lexa trails off at a loss for words.

“Yeah,” Raven breathes out. Her embarrassment quickly fading as Lexa gets a hungry and confident look on her face, and it looks so good on her that Raven can’t hold herself back. “That’s what you do to me, Lex. You’re so hot and you make come so hard and fast and fuck it. I don’t even care how pathetic that makes me sound.”

“I do?” Lexa asks lowly, her eyes hooded and filled with lust.

“Yeah, you do.” Raven says, her voice sounding low and gravelly.

“Good.” The word is breathed out softly against Raven’s sensitive skin as Lexa presses a gentle kiss to her hip.

Raven shivers at the feeling and watches in awe as Lexa moves up her body, dropping kisses to her stomach and breasts, before trailing them across her collarbone and up her neck until she finally reaches her mouth. The taste of her own arousal mixed with the taste of Lexa’s lips is intoxicating. It’s salty and a little bit sweet, and Raven can’t tell if it’s from the fruit in their margaritas or something else. It’s not like she regularly tastes her own come. But either way, she enjoys the mixture of flavors, salty and sweet with a hint of tequila and the naturally addictive taste of Lexa’s mouth. The kiss is passionate, but soft and exploring, and it makes something feel deeply settled inside of Raven instead of frantic and wanting more. They eventually break off the kiss, Lexa shifting her body so she’s snuggled into Raven’s side, laying partially on top of her, and sharing the same pillow. Raven feels completely sated and spent, humming and sighing contentedly as Lexa kisses her shoulder and traces idle patterns over her stomach and ribs.

“That was so good, baby,” Raven says softly, pressing an appreciative kiss to Lexa’s forehead. “I’ll do you soon. I just need a little time to rest. You made me come so hard.”

She can feel the way Lexa shudders a little at her words and knows she must be aroused, but Raven’s limbs feel heavy and her mind is blissfully sleepy and blank, and despite how much she prides herself on her stamina and sexual capabilities, she really needs some time to recover.

“Don’t worry about me, baby, just sleep,” Lexa breathes softly into her ear before pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead.

Raven’s eyes droop closed and she fades off into nothingness.

****

When Raven wakes up, she’s alone in bed but can hear Lexa moving around in the kitchen. She stretches out her body and sighs as a few of her joints pop, smiling sleepily at the slight ache she feels and the memory of what made her fall asleep. The images and feeling of Lexa going down on her are still fresh in her mind—and after getting some much-needed sleep to recover—Raven can already feel a new wave of desire thrumming deeply through her veins and settling warmly in her chest and between her thighs. She sits up and rubs the sleep from her eyes, finding a pair of boy shorts and a t-shirt to throw on before making her way to the kitchen.

When she gets there and catches sight of Lexa eating ice cream straight from the carton, her heart flutters and she can’t help but giggle at how cute she looks. Lexa looks up, only mildly startled, and she meets Raven’s gaze with a small smile that carries only the slightest hint of embarrassment at having been caught.

“Hey, you.” Lexa says softly before taking a bite of ice cream.

She’s wearing Raven’s Queen t-shirt that barely covers her ass, and she looks so beautiful and sounds so sweet, that all Raven can do is go to her and wrap her up in her arms before giving her a steamy kiss. Raven hums at the taste of mint and chocolate on Lexa’s lips, and she can’t stop herself from sighing and deepening the kiss, loving the taste and the way Lexa’s cold tongue feels as it slips into her warm mouth. They both get lost in it for a little while until Lexa pulls back to meet Raven’s eyes.

“Come on,” Lexa says, pecking Raven’s lips one more time before pulling back. “Let’s go eat some ice cream.”

Raven just smiles and follows Lexa, as she leads them over to the couch so they can snuggle and eat.

Raven switches on a playlist along the way and they entwine themselves together on the couch as they alternate between feeding each other ice cream and exchanging cold, minty kisses. It’s so sappy and romantic that it’s borderline disgusting, and if Raven wasn’t enjoying herself so much she’d probably put a stop to it. They eventually stop with the kisses because neither of them want to make a mess on Indra’s expensive leather couch. They sit there quietly and take each other in. The silence between them is comfortable but it stretches on for so long that Raven starts to worry.

“How do you feel?” Raven asks, unable to hide the slight concern she still has. Lexa has been more quiet than she usually is after sex, and Raven can’t help but worry that she’s pushed Lexa too far and that she might not have been ready for this. Maybe Lexa wasn’t ready, or the experience wasn’t what she thought it would be and she didn’t like it?

Lexa leans her head against the back of the couch, looking up at Raven with an affectionate smile and soft amusement in her dazzling green eyes, and Raven’s heart flutters and fills with warmth as her anxiety starts to ease.

“How do I feel?” Lexa asks, her eyebrows slightly raising. “I think the real question is how do you feel?” Her lips quirk into a small smirk before she takes another bite of ice cream in a teasing and seductive way. It’s incredibly nerdy and hot and leaves a smudge of mint green on the corner of her lips. And god, all Raven can think about is how Lexa is actually going to be the death of her some day. She looks so cute and pleased with herself, and Raven can’t stop herself from giggling and leaning in, gently licking the minty ice cream away and letting her lips linger in a soft and passionate kiss.

“I think it’s pretty obvious how I felt. Don’t you?” Raven murmurs against her lips, her voice raspy and suggestive, as she pulls back to give Lexa a knowing look.

“Oh yeah?” Lexa teases, her cheeks flushing as she tries to give Raven a confident smile but Raven can see the hint of insecurity in her eyes.

“I mean, yeah.” Raven replies, smirking. “Did the fact that I came two seconds after you put your mouth on me not give me away? Pretty sure that was the fastest orgasm I’ve ever had in my life, even the ones I’ve given myself.” She hopes a little self-deprecation will make Lexa feel more comfortable to open up.

“I guess it was kind of obvious.” Lexa teases back, and Raven feels relieved by the small smile she gives and the way she holds out a spoonful of ice cream for Raven to eat.

“You really like feeding me, huh?” Raven asks, raising an eyebrow and taking a bite.

There’s a beat, and then...

“Actually, I think I prefer eating.” Lexa says in a low voice, quirking her eyebrow. And it’s so unexpectedly funny and hot that Raven lets out a surprised laugh and is forced to squeeze her thighs together with all the tingling she feels.

“Lexa Woods!”

“What?” Lexa replies faux innocently and god, Lexa really will be the death of her.

“You know what,” Raven admonishes. “You know what it does to me when you talk dirty to me like that.”

“Yeah, I do,” Lexa says smugly, meeting Raven with a challenging look that Raven can’t help but return.

They keep their eyes locked together in a heated gaze, until they both erupt in a fit of laughter. It ebbs in and out as they try to calm themselves down only to start up again. When they finally get themselves together, Raven reaches for Lexa’s hand and gently entwines it with her own, using her freehand to skate soothing fingertips up and down her arm.

They hold each other’s gazes, and the moment shifts into something a little more serious.

“Seriously, Lexa. I know this was all new for you. So, be honest with me. How do you feel?”

Lexa looks at Raven thoughtfully, as if she’s trying to figure out what she wants to say, and Raven can’t help the nagging feeling in her chest.

“Truthfully?” Lexa asks, and Raven just nods and gulps as she waits for her response. There’s a pause and then, “I didn’t expect to like doing it so much.”

“Really?” Raven exhales, her anxiety relieved and her pulse quickening at the idea.

“Yeah, I mean I love when you go down on me, it’s always so intimate and intense. But I didn’t realize how much of a turn on it would be to do it to someone else. I’m not sure which one I like doing more.”

Raven’s brain is temporarily short circuited by the reveal of this new information, and it takes Lexa clearing her throat for Raven to realize her mouth is hanging open and she has yet to respond. She tries to recover by gathering up as much confidence as she can to blurt out, “Well, lucky for you, we can do both.” The words are meant to be teasing, but the breathy and over-eager tone of Raven’s voice and the way she grips Lexa’s hand give her away. And Raven should probably care that being with Lexa has turned her into a complete sap who has zero staying power and is severely lacking in what she previously referred to as her seductive powers and “game”, but she doesn’t.

Lexa smiles at her fondly and kisses her lips, gently caressing her cheek before pulling back.

“I know I made you come, but I’m still not sure if I’m very good at it.” Lexa’s voice is soft and a little insecure, her cheeks slightly flushed as her eyes drift to stare at their joined hands.

“Babe, you’re good. Trust me!” Raven says earnestly, squeezing Lexa’s hand, unable to bear the thought of Lexa not feeling good about herself after how good she made her feel. How could Lexa think she wasn’t good after making Raven come so hard?

“How do you know?” Lexa huffs, finally seeming to pull herself from her thoughts. “You came so fast I didn’t even get a chance to try anything.”

Raven can’t help but laugh and grin at the grumpy look on Lexa’s face, leaning in to press kisses to her temple and cheek. Lexa relaxes into her and Raven feels some of the lightness returning to her chest. She lifts a hand up to run her fingers through Lexa’s hair, before slipping them down to caress her shoulder and neck.

“You know, if you’re that worried about it, we can always try again.” Raven whispers suggestively into her ear, unable to help herself.

“Yeah?” Lexa asks, pulling back to meet Raven with a heavy-lidded gaze while biting her bottom lip, and Raven can’t look away.

“Yeah.” Raven says breathlessly, mesmerized by the look in her green eyes.

“Okay,” Lexa says leaning in, but Raven pulls back, surprised by the sudden shift of events.

“Now?” She asks, unable to hide the surprise in her voice.

“Yeah, why not?” Lexa asks, looking confused.

“Oh, well I mean I still haven’t returned the favor. Don’t you want to come?” Raven asks, feeling her heart start to race at the desire and affection in Lexa’s eyes.

“Yeah, eventually. But I want to do this first.”

Raven gulps, “Okay,” she says, already feeling turned on again, and too caught up in the idea of having Lexa’s mouth on her to worry about being selfish.

“As long as you’re feeling up for it?” Lexa teases, giving Raven a small smirk.

“I see someone is feeling cocky tonight.” Raven teases back, unable to stop the goofy and elated grin from spreading across her face. She loves when Lexa gets cocky like this.

“Can you blame me?” Lexa asks smugly, and god...

“Not really,” Raven tries to smirk, but again she’s pretty sure it just comes out looking silly and love drunk. “That was the best orgasm of my life. So, you definitely get to be cocky about it.”

“Good.” Lexa says before pecking Raven’s lips, keeping their faces close, and settling her with a seductive gaze. Raven immediately becomes wet, desire unfurling and swooping low in her belly.

“So, are we doing this or not?” Raven exhales, feeling too aroused to care about the breathy sound of her voice.

“Oh, we’re doing this.” Lexa replies huskily before standing up and whipping off her shirt.

Raven just gapes as Lexa stretches and arches her body, showing off her naked form. She tries not to drool at the perfect curve of Lexa’s breasts and ass, or the way her sinewy muscles move and contract under her lightly tanned skin. Lexa gives her a hooded look before slinking toward the bedroom, and Raven just sits there transfixed, unable to move or respond. Lexa turns her head over her shoulder, tossing Raven a sultry look and making a come-hither motion with her finger.

“You coming?” Lexa asks, and Raven suddenly springs into action, her whole body buzzing and tingling with desire.

“Fuck! I sure hope so,” she says as she makes her way across the room, squeezing Lexa’s hips from behind and pressing her hips against her ass.

Lexa’s breath hitches. “Guess we’ll see how good your staying power is,” she says all raspy and low, making Raven’s clit throb. “Think you can hold off longer this time?”

“No fucking clue.” Raven blurts out, following a giggling Lexa into their room.

****

Raven grips Lexa’s hair almost painfully tight, her hips arching off the bed in time with each broad stroke of Lexa’s tongue over her clit, followed by a suck between her lips. Lexa repeats the same, smooth motion over and over again and it feels so perfect and mind blowing that all Raven can do is moan and hold on as she tries to keep up. They start to find a rhythm as Lexa continues the same movements with her mouth, building Raven up as she gradually increases the pace. Raven takes in these sharp, shuddery breaths, as her hips twitch forward with each pass Lexa makes over her clit. Her whole body hot and straining for release. The feeling of pleasure continues to grow and unfurl and Raven relishes in the slight, burning, aching sensation in the muscles of her abs and thighs, as she uses them to rock her hips forward into Lexa’s soft and perfect mouth.

Raven has never felt something so exquisite and euphoric in her life. Her body is filled with such intense levels of pleasure that she almost has to push Lexa away. She knows she has to hold out longer this time. That Lexa is feeling insecure about her abilities, and that she should give her time to figure things out. And she tries to hold off. She really does. She knows it’s only been a few minutes, which to be fair is longer than last time. But Lexa’s steady sucks and licks, and the way she keeps letting out these soft sighs and satisfied little hums against her clit has Raven so close to the edge that it’s taking all of her quickly fading will power to stop herself from coming embarrassingly fast again.

“Lexa, I’m not going to last much longer.” She pants, feeling desperate and letting out a strangled moan as Lexa sucks her clit into her hot, silky mouth again. “Ohmyfuckinggod! Your mouth feels so good! I’m so close!” Raven whimpers out that last part as white hot pleasure courses through her. She clenches her jaw and tightens her grip in Lexa’s hair, sucking in a sharp breath as her whole body tenses up at the slight increase of pressure. She grits her teeth and presses her feet into the mattress hard, barely stopping herself from coming.

Lexa hums and sucks, and shit! Raven isn’t going to last. She darts her gaze down, searching desperately for Lexa’s eyes, needing to feel that connection. Needing Lexa to know that she did a good job.

When brown eyes finally meet green, Lexa gives one more hard suck and a long hum and Raven is coming so hard her whole body arches off the bed and her thighs squeeze together so tightly that if she had any semblance of thought or control, she’d probably be worried that she’d crushed Lexa’s head. Lexa grips her thighs and moans, continuing to hum and suck, and Raven cries out as her whole body convulses while a seemingly endless stream of orgasms pulse through her. Her hips jerk as she rocks them forward frantically, chasing every last wave of pleasure and release.

Raven doesn’t know how long it lasts.

Only that when it’s finally over her throat is raw and her limbs feel heavy and she’s panting so hard that she can barely breathe. She pushes Lexa’s head away, feeling overwhelmingly sensitive and shaky. She closes her eyes and squeezes her thighs together, rolling onto her side and curling herself up as she tries to recover. Her body feels so sensitive and blissed out, and she shivers when Lexa kisses up her spine and over her shoulder blade and scars before settling her chin in the crook of Raven’s neck and gently wrapping an arm around her waist.

Raven’s nerve endings are so sensitive that she trembles and almost jerks when Lexa’s thumb strokes carefully against the scar on her ribs. It’s a soft and familiar motion that Lexa has done hundreds of times by now, and is more reflexive and subconscious than anything else. The touch feels different and more intimate now, the soft familiarity of it like an anchor in a swirling sea of new emotions and sensations that Lexa has pulled from her body tonight. It all feels so vulnerable and new and right. And just like every other significant step towards greater intimacy and closeness in their relationship, there’s an aching sort of tenderness, love, and confidence that pushes away any doubts or fears.

Raven feels like the softest, bravest version of herself right now and she loves herself like this and loves Lexa in equal if not greater measure because of it.

Something about the way Lexa is so careful and protective with her as she presses her body flush against Raven’s back and wraps her up in her arms, makes Raven feel a level of contentment, satisfaction, and love that she never has before. It’s moments like these that make Raven feel like they were made for each other. Like they were always destined to love each other and find each other. Like they are two halves that make each other whole. She knows it’s romantic, wistful thinking that goes against everything she’s ever believed in, but she just can’t bring herself to care anymore.

Lexa’s love has changed her.

It’s made her hopeful, brave, and free. When Lexa kisses up her neck and caresses her stomach before gently slipping a hand up over her breast to rest against her heart, all of Raven’s cynicism and logic melt away and she’s powerless to do anything other than hope and trust and believe.

Chapter Text

See next chapter for writers notes!

Chapter Text

CHAPTER PREVIEW BELOW this Author’s Note!!!

Hey everyone, just wanted to give an update that I do plan to continue this story even though it’s been on hiatus for a bit. I know I had posted in the previous chapter about feeling under appreciated with comments and stuff, but I realize that for the most part a lot of that was due to frustration I had with my ongoing health issues that made it hard and painful for me to write, type, and think. I expected people to be sensitive of that and give back since it was so costly for me to write, despite me loving it. It wasn’t really fair to expect that and get upset to the level that I did, although I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask or expect people to comment more. However, I do apologize to anyone I may have upset or irked with the way that I came across, but i was really going through it then and a lot has happened with my health since.

An update on my health:

I found out this past summer that I had a tear in my right shoulder ligaments and needed surgery which I got done in October. But that explains a lot of pain I’ve been having for years but never got checked out because I also had fibromyalgia so everyone just assumed that’s where the pain was coming from until I basically forced my doctors to do some scans and x-rays. So i got the surgery done in October and it was successful...however it’s been wreaking havoc on the rest of my body due to the fibromyalgia and the overall recovery time with physical therapy could be up to 6 months. I hope it’s shorter, but I’m in physical therapy right now and it’s painful and kind of kicking my ass. I’m trying to stay strong and push through, and have definitely been trying to channel my inner Raven Reyes.

I know a chapter update might seem a ways away still, but hopefully you’ll still be interested in reading this story when I’m finally able to type better and stuff???? Sound off below if you’d still be interested! Anyway, I just wanted to update you guys and say that I’m thankful for all of you! I go back over and read your comments on my stories all the time and they bring me so much joy as I’ve been going through these trying times. Again, with difficulty typing it’s hard to respond to all of them but they mean more to me than you’ll ever realize. ♥️ I hope all of you have been staying safe and healthy during this pandemic and are taking care of your mental health too. Happy holidays to you and yours! Fingers crossed that next year at least some of our troubles will be out of sight.

Love you guys! Thanks for being the best and so supportive!

Oh also, i may try to post a one shot from time to time and am just curious if people would be interested in those despite me not updating this story? Again, sound off below!

Also, because i feel bad leaving you guys with nothing to look forward to you here’s a little excerpt of the NEXT chapter!!!!

*

CHAPTER PREVIEW:

They return from spring break with a new level of closeness and intimacy that binds them together in a whole new way.

Things between them are still intense, but they feel less frantic and more certain. Their kisses are less hurried and more meaningful and drawn out. They have just as much sex as before, but there’s a steadiness to it and a certainty that allows them to relish in each other’s touches and bodies even more.

Despite the busy pace of the end of the semester leaving them both exhausted and stressed, they still manage to find ways to carve out time for each other. They create their own little bubble of refuge and support at the Palo Alto apartment, and Lexa can’t ever remember a time in her life where she felt so comfortable and secure. They are each other’s stress relievers. It’s not just the sex. Even though the sex is amazing and each time is better than the last. It’s the emotional connection and support too. Lexa has never felt so in tune with someone before. Like she knows what they need and they know what she needs without even having to verbalize or ask. She’s pretty sure Raven feels it too. She doesn’t say it, but it’s in the way she kisses her more tender and deep. It’s in the way she holds Lexa close and insists on them cuddling because she knows that Lexa now needs that to fall asleep; that they both need each other to fall asleep. It’s in the way Raven will draw her a warm bath and join her after a long day. The way they exchange massages after they’ve been hunched over their books or computers doing work all day, and the way Raven makes her coffee every morning. It’s in the way Raven texts her random messages throughout the day—encouraging words before a test or cheesy jokes during class that make Lexa laugh and have her professors shooting her disapproving looks. Approval she used to care about more than she should, but has since freed herself from.

Raven makes her feel loved, and seen and taken care of, and Lexa didn’t even know it was possible to feel this way. She didn’t know it was possible to love someone so much and want to love and take care of them back so effortlessly. It feels like everything in her world is going as it should right now, and Lexa couldn’t be more grateful.

However, as finals draw near, so does the prospect of summer break....

Despite how connected and in love they are, neither of them have broached the topic of summer and what that means for them. Finals end soon, and they will have about a month of summer break before they have to return for Brett’s trial. During the trial they will stay at the Palo Alto apartment, and depending on how long the trial lasts, they may just have to remain there until the fall semester begins. Lexa is planning on permanently moving into the apartment and living there off campus for their senior year. She hasn’t brought up the topic with Raven of her moving in with her for the school year yet, knowing that Raven struggles with trust and commitment issues, but also with accepting generous offers from people. Lexa hopes she can convince her to just stay with her since she’ll be over every night anyway, but she decides to wait until after finals for such an important conversation and may even wait until after the trial.

[Lexa goes back to the apartment to ask Raven if she wants to come stay with her in NY for their summer break and then...]

She gets back to the apartment filled with excitement and ready to ask, but when she unlocks the door and walks inside she finds Raven sitting at the kitchen table fast asleep, her head resting on top of an open book. A feeling of warmth rushes into Lexa’s chest as she slowly takes her in. The way she looks so soft and vulnerable and unguarded takes Lexa’s breath away. Raven is perfect like this—her hair piled messily on top of her head in a bun that’s falling out, her breathing deep and labored, and her mouth partially hanging open as she softly snores and Lexa is pretty sure she can see some drool on her book. She looks so beautiful and sweet, and Lexa just wants to keep staring at her like this, but she knows if she doesn't wake her up soon Raven will have a stiff neck from the uncomfortable position and it’ll make her grumpy. So Lexa takes off her shoes and pads across the room until she’s by Raven’s side. She takes her in one final time before reaching out to carefully caress her back and neck. She doesn’t say any words, wanting to wake Raven up gentle and slow with just her touch, and she can tell the moment she starts to wake. Her breath hitches and her soft snores stop, she makes this cute little sound in the back of her throat before inhaling lazy and deep and exhaling a contented hum. Her long lashes flutter against her cheeks as her eyes slowly open and it takes her a few seconds but eventually her eyes focus and she catches sight of Lexa. There’s a look of soft awe and affection in her sleepy brown eyes and Lexa has to remind herself to breathe.

The moment stays soft and quiet between them, neither of them feeling the need to say anything and break the quiet moment. Raven sits up slowly, giving Lexa a gentle smile before rolling her neck and stretching her arms above her head. Lexa watches a little mesmerized, and when Raven is finally done stretching, Lexa reaches out to cup the side of her face and stroke it with her thumb. Her skin is warm and smooth but there’s an indent on her cheek from the creases of her book and Lexa can’t help but think how cute she looks as she traces over it. Raven yawns before giving Lexa a sleepy smile and something about the way she looks at her causes Lexa’s heart to flutter. Raven reaches for Lexa’s hand on her cheek, pulling it away and holding Lexa’s gazes as she presses a gentle kiss to the inside of her wrist, causing Lexa to shudder. She gives Lexa’s hand a soft tug, somehow wordlessly communicating for Lexa to sit on her lap. Lexa sits down sideways on Raven’s lap, feeling steady on top of her strong thighs and loving the way she wraps her strong arms around her waist. Lexa’s arms loop naturally around Raven’s neck and before she knows it their lips are finding each other in a kiss. It’s tender and slow, and they both let out soft sighs when they pull back and press their foreheads together.

They sit there quietly and breathe each other in. Raven gently caressing Lexa’s side and back while Lexa uses her fingers to massage away the tension in Raven’s neck. She keeps one hand on her neck while slipping the other up into her hair so she can carefully massage her scalp. Raven lets out a soft groan before leaning her head back into Lexa’s touch and closing her eyes. Lexa continues to massage Raven’s head and neck, loving the way her hands have the power to make Raven so soft and relaxed. She slips her hands down to massage her shoulders and the base of her neck, and Raven finally opens her eyes and gives Lexa a hazy look before tilting her head forward and giving her another soft kiss. When Raven pulls back to nuzzle their noses together, Lexa’s heart skips a beat. They breathe each other in for a few more minutes, then Raven tilts her head down to Lexa’s shoulder and presses a kiss to it before sighing and leaning back. She meets her with an affectionate brown gaze and a small smile.

“Hey,” she says softly, her voice low and gravelly from sleep.

“Hey,” Lexa replies just as softly, not wanting to disturb such a quiet and perfect moment between them. She’s unable to stop the smile that stretches across her face at the realization that despite these being the first words they’ve actually spoken to one another, so much has already been said.

*

Okay that’s all for now, hopefully the lexaven cuddles and domesticity are at least something to get you through! And heck if i get enough encouragement I may feel inspired to write and post more idk.