Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Alex Danvers didn’t know how to explain what she was feeling right now. She couldn’t begin to vocalise the thoughts and emotions that had been pounding through her head since she had picked up that phone call less than 20 minutes ago. Nothing was making sense to her even herself. All she could focus on was Maggie She had to get to Maggie.

The longer that single completely unhelpful thought bounced around her head, the harder It became to think at all. Panic gripper her tight, her heartbeat had begun to rise to what she was sure were dangerous levels as she stood frozen, unsure what to do.

The pounding in her ears got louder and louder, as she felt herself shift into a state of almost complete hysteria.

“Alex!” Kara’s voice cut throughout her panic for a moment, bringing her back to attention. Her younger sister was frantically moving throughout the apartment, her phone tucked between her cheek and her shoulder, speaking frantically with the person on the other end.

“I.. I don’t..” with the amount of thoughts and feelings flying through her head it was incredibly difficult to form a complete sentence, or to communicate at all what she was thinking. Her words mixed or left behind in her manic mind.

“Alex!” Kara interrupted again. She spun around to face her sister, her hand flying out knocking into the alien’s side as she turned. Kara didn’t flinch, instead focussing entirely on Alex; firmly grasping her hands as she physically forced her into focus.

"Alex! Take a breath, you need to calm down. Look at me!" Slowly, as if attempting to calm a wild animal, or an infant on the brink of a meltdown. Kara moved her hands to both sides of Alex's face, looking straight in her eyes trying with everything she could to remain calm herself.

"You need to breath, then we can figure out what to do. Breath with me" Kara thought back to what Alex herself had taught her, to calm her own panic attack.

She turned to Kara with a newfound sense of urgency "I have to call J'ohn, I need to go to her now. I need to Borrow a plane"

"I've already made the call Alex. The plane will be ready as soon as we are"

Alex had never been more thankful for her sister’s complete lack of privacy when it came to her super hearing. While it has annoyed her to no ends in the past, Alex was beyond glad that she didn’t have to repeat the words spoken through the phone only 15 minutes ago.

After several moments of deep breathing Alex slowly came back to herself, the Paralysing fear and panic simmering down but not completely disappearing.

Nothing would get rid of it until she held Maggie in her arms; spoke to her herself. Until then a burning feeling settled deep in her stomach. This feeling she knew; she could work with. Determination.
She was going to get to Maggie as fast as possible, even if it meant she had to walk across country to get to her.

Realistically she knew there were several other options available to her that didn’t involve days and days’ worth of cardio, but she sure it’s the thought that counts.

Kara spoke again. "I'm going to go to my place and pack a bag; I will be no more than 10 minutes. Be ready when I get back and I'll fly us both straight to the DEO. Don’t worry Alex, it’s going to be ok." Without another moment to waste Supergirl was up and out Alex's window before she could even begin to utter a thank you.

It took her a good 60 seconds of staring at the spot Kara was previously standing at to start moving, everything was going so quickly it was like she didn’t have any time to process. She raced to the hall cupboard pulling the first overnight bag she saw down from the top shelf.

Ignoring the jacket and hat she knocked to the ground, placing the bag on the bed she froze again. What did she pack? Obviously, she needed clothes and toiletries, but she had no idea how bad this was. How long was she going to be there? Did she need to bring Maggie clothes? Or was it already too la-

NO! she wasn’t going to think about that. She threw together enough clothes to last her 3-4 day, figuring that they shared their clothes often enough that it would last her and Maggie together at least 1-2 day, that was more than enough time to go and buy more supplies if needed.

She sat on the edge of their bed while she waited and couldn't help but let her thought run wild. The Phone call was so short, so formal; she really had no idea what was going on and wouldn’t until she got there herself. She thought back to that phone call, to how happy she was before it, to the sudden and complete dread that stopped her still.

----- 20 Minutes Earlier------

It was movie night, just like it was every Wednesday Night. The girls would all come together at one of their apartments, make themselves as comfortable as they possibly could with every single pillow and blanket in the entire loft.

There would be at least 15 minutes of intense argument on the movie genre choice of the evening because “You can’t just switch genres between movies Alex! It will throw of the whole mood!”, this argument was usually settled with a healthy game of scissors, paper, rock.

Except this night is different from most Wednesday movie nights, tonight it was just Alex and Kara. The Danvers sisters are normally joined by their respective girlfriends, with the odd extra person from their team who earned the right to join the crew.

Maggie was away all week at a police seminar somewhere in Seattle, meaning Alex was grumpier than usual and more likely to win the movie argument by guilt trip.

Lena was still in National City, but had to bail on movie night for an important business deal. Kara had tried to follow along when she explained what it was about, but she understood the importance so let her girlfriend go with only mild argue.

Everyone else who made semi frequent appearances to movie night were busy today, and yes that includes Winn; he was included in all 'girls night plans'

Not that the sisters minded. To was back to how it used to be when they were growing up, the two of them curled in Alex’s bed, watching some awful chick flick romance that neither of the girls actually enjoyed but where’s the joy in making fun of a movie if you actually enjoyed it.

They had just finished their first movie, the credits rolling when Alex's phone rang. She motioned for Kara to mute the Tv. Not bothering to get up and leave the room for the call, Kara couldn’t help herself listening in anyway.

"Alex Danvers Speaking."

"Hello, this is Miranda Bailey, I'm calling from Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital"

As soon as the word Hospital was spoken Alex sat up straight "Is everything ok?"

"You are the Emergency contact person for Margarita Sawyer is that correct?”

"Yes, Yes. I am. Is she ok?" Alex didn’t know what to do with herself, she stood from the bed, then sat back down. She ran her hand through her hair only to scratch her head and mess it up again. It was like her body was trying to think and process without using her brain.

"Miss Sawyer was in an accident, she is being rushed into surgery now, I'm sorry but that’s all we know at the moment."

"An Accident? Wait, what kind of accident?! Is she ok?!" The vagueness of the word 'accident' was grating on Alex, what kind of accident, a car accident? A shooting? Something worse?! Who knew with Maggies Line of Work, especially with her side Job in Alien Business.

"Are you able to come down to the hospital? It’s really best if it’s explained in person."

"Yes! I can come, but please tell me! What kind of accident!?" She needed an answer.

"Ma'am I'm sorry but I'm not allowed to discuss it over the phone. I can say that miss Sawyer is ok at the moment, she's in Surgery but everything looks to be going as planned. I can discuss it more when you arrive"

"Um ok, I’ll be there as soon as I can" Alex scrambled to find a scrap piece of paper; jotting down the information provided from the doctor.

----- Present Time -------

Alex's focus was shaken from her memory gazing as one big and very important detail stood out to her. She didn’t know how she hadn't realised it earlier. How had she had an entire conversation on the phone, even written down the address and it still not clicked.

She dove for the paper, sitting innocently on the side table where she had left it; hoping with all she had that she was mistaken, and her rapid thoughts were playing tricks on her. The blood drained from her face, a cold chill washing over her as her theory proved correct. It had been so long ago that she had almost forgotten. 'Ugh how could you be so stupid Alex!'.

She felt the wind blow through the window; announcing her sister re-arrival, but Alex's focus remained solely on the single white paper she held in her hand. "Alex? Are you ready?" Kara placed a hand on her shoulder, in any other situation she would be mad at the gentle, almost patronising tone to her younger sister’s voice.

In this moment all she could do was turn slightly, presenting the paper to her sister, she knew she would understand; she would remember. They day after Kara had found out about Alex working for the DEO, they two had had an impromptu girls’ night, discussing all the missions and cases Alex had been dying to tell anyone since she started.

Kara accepted the note, a look of understanding passing over her face.
Written in Alex own handwriting, a messaged passed to her from someone Alex should have recognised, were the words:
‘Miranda Bailey - Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital’

Chapter Text

Alex hadn’t said a word since Kara had flown back through her living room window several minutes ago. It was clear to anyone who knew her well, especially Kara; that she had slipped into Agent Danvers mode.

Her brain working overtime to come up with any plan of action she could possibly imagine, what’s the worst-case scenario? How does she handle it? What does she say when they ask her what happened? All these questions racing around, overlapping each other in their urgency to be answered.

Once again, her saving grace came in the form of one Kara Danvers. Kara picked up Alex's forgotten bag, throwing it over her shoulder to join her own and walked confidently across the room. "We will figure it out when we get to the DEO, they know this kind of stuff Alex, they can help"

Alex started frantically shaking her head "No, they’ll stop me from go-"

"J'ohn knows better than to try and keep you from Maggie, especially if she's hurt. He probably already knows and is working on a plan as we speak" Kara interrupted.

Alex went to argue again. she didn't know why she was making this so difficult for herself, maybe a small part of her was scared to return. It had been 6 years since she saw anyone from her time in Seattle, and she knows she hurt them when she left. Especially considering the circumstances surrounding her departure, but this was for Maggie. She held back any more arguments waiting to explode and nodded firmly at her sister. "let’s go then."

---- ----

On the journey to the DEO Alex thought about what this experience might mean to her. What feelings and emotions that she had buried deep down in the pit of her mind were about to be unveiled and shown to the world. She remembered everything about that case, about the people, her people.

She remembered when J'ohn had first presented the mission to her. Her First big solo undercover mission! She knew what this could mean for her career, to receive such a big opportunity only a year and a half into her employment with the agency. The nerves that come with the assignment were almost enough to overwhelm the excitement. What if she messed it up? What would J'ohn and the agency do to her? How was she going to cope leaving her life behind, her family, Kara for so long a time? But she knew she had to do it.

She also remembered the pain. The pain of having so many friends and not being able to tell them anything about herself, having to live life reading off a script that had been written for her. All the relationships she had made for herself, the family. She remembered suddenly it all being gone, pulled from the mission in a single second; never to return.

She knew all of this was going to be dug up and she didn’t think she was ready for it.

---- ----

The DEO was surprisingly quiet when they arrived. Alex wasn’t sure what she expected but this wasn’t it. The main floor looked almost abandoned, less than half a dozen agent slunk around the room or sat at a desk, the rest of the office completely silent. Briefly considering the time of night, she guessed it did make sense for most agents to have gone home by then, but it was strangely eerie seeing the normally crowded operation room so still.

Their attention was drawn by a hand waving her over from the corner of the room; J’ohn.

“J’ohn! Thank god!” Her voice echoed against the stone walls.

"Alex, your helicopter is ready when you are, to take you straight to Grey Sloan Memorial. I have been in touch with the hospital regarding your arrival and have gained permission for you to land on one of the helipads on the roof, they have been made aware that Miss Sawyer is under the protection of the Federal Government and is to be treated as a VIP patient."

Dear god, Alex loved this man. He always knew exactly what to do and when we needed him most. Although she knew this wasn’t the end of the conversation, and just as that thought appeared J'ohn continued "though I believe you'll agree there is much to discuss before your departure"

Alex nodded her head in half agreement, her mind was reeling so much with the information it had received that she felt quite lost. J’ohn led both girls down the hall to one of the many interrogation rooms in the facility. Once inside, he motioned for them to take a seat. He sat across from the at the cold steel table, flipping open a thick manila folder that was overflowing with loose papers.

"Kara, I'm going to assume that Alex has broken procedure and already told you all about operation Grey?" His voice had a slight humorous hint to it, erasing any worry of him actually being upset at her inability to keep things from her sister.

"of course,” if Kara wasn’t Supergirl Alex would worry more about how confident and cocky her little sister had become when speaking to the director of a secret federal government initiative.

J'ohn simply raised an eyebrow before responding. "But, did she tell you why she was pulled?"

"um..." Kara wracked her brain for everything Alex had told her but couldn’t come up with a simple thing about why the mission had gotten cut, she risked a glance over to her, hoping that her facial expression would give away the answer.

“J’ohn, not now please” Alex practically begged him with her eyes. J’ohn held his own look of exasperation for a moment longer before glancing back at the folder.

"Well Miss Danvers as far as I can see there doesn’t seem to be any reason you can't just tell the truth. The case was finished by another agent and there haven't been any loose ends left that we could see. While it is completely up to you what you decide to say to them, I can find no legal reason to lie, ethical maybe but not legal." This is not what she expected him to say. He had prepared herself to fight to be allowed to even go back to that hospital, let alone be allowed to tell the truth.

"wait, what do you mean?" she heard him perfectly well the first time but personally needed him to say it again for it to sink in properly.

"What I mean is as long as you keep the DEO a secret and try your very best not to mention aliens around any of them, you are free to tell them whatever you would like."

"So, you're saying I can tell all of them that I was an undercover FBI agent and nothing I told them was real at all? Ha, yea I'm sure that will go down real smooth" Alex released a nervous laugh, standing up to pace the short distance of the room, hoping it would help, even a little bit at alleviating her skyrocketing anxiety.

"I'm sure you can make it sound a little better than that agent, but that is the general idea." J'ohn had a smile on his face like he had just heard something extremely funny, whether that was Alex silently freaking out or the whole situation itself she didn’t know. "And if all else fails, have Supergirl fly in to distract them!'

Even Alex herself could see the slight humour in the ridiculousness of the situation but it was doing nothing to calm her nerves.

Impatient to get on the move towards Maggie, Alex quickly wrapped up the conversation. She picked up her bag from where Kara had set them down and moved towards the helipad on the roof, Kara and J'ohn moving with her. She secured hers and Kara's Bags before turning to J'ohn one last time before they leave.

"Thank you J'ohn, I'll call you as soon as we know anything about Maggie." she wrapped him in a hug before she could over think it, whispering another thank you into his jacket. Quickly composing herself she strapped herself in and prepared for take-off.

She had a lot to think about in the next few hours before they landed.

Chapter Text

Three and a half hours in a helicopter would normally be more than enough time for someone like Alex Danvers to come up with and complete a strategy for an upcoming mission, but something about this whole situation is throwing her off loop.

She had never been this much of a mess going into a situation. No matter the magnitude of the mission she always had time to double check every little detail and still have time to complain about the length of the flight. And yet with every passing moment Alex could not make herself think about what she was going to do, what she was going to say to anyone who recognises her.

She knew that she was worried about Maggie, there was nothing in the world that could make her forget that the love of her life is somewhere in that hospital fighting for her life, or worse, she still didn’t know. But never before had her brain been so fried that she could barely come up with an opening line.

Alex let out a groan, dragging her hands down her face and letting her head drop back to rest against the chair. “Why is this so hard! I wasn’t even this nervous when I started the first mission!”

Kara’s shoulder twitched against her own, the two were pressed so close together in the small aircraft that they were practically on top of each other. Alex knew that if she were to look over now she was sire her sister was laughing at her.
“Kara! This is serious!” Alex pushed her sister to the side, coming dangerously close to pushing her out of the helicopter. A tempting though now that she brought it up, Kara could fly after all, no one would get hurt.

“Alex listen.” Kara twisted her body around as much as she could in the small amount of space the two had. She held out her hand to her sister, gripping her fingers tightly when Alex’s hand slid into hers. “I know this whole situation sucks and it really scary. I know you’re worried about Maggie and what has happened to her, let alone the stress of seeing all of these people again for the first time, but whatever you decide to do, you know I’m on your side”

Alex dropped her head to her sister shoulder “Kara, these people were like my family for so many years. I couldn’t come home to you, or mom and these people took me in, they treated me like one of their own and I just left them.” She squeezed her eyes shut from the memories flashing back to her. “I hurt them in the worst way and went back to my life like nothing happened, I don’t know if I can watch them go through that again.”

“I know it’s scary, but as you said these people meant so much to you; still mean so much to you” Kara corrected herself “maybe this will be a second chance with some of them. You could get some of your old friends back”

She paused, reaching across the armrest to lay a gentle hand on Alex’s “I’m here with you, I know it’s scary, but it’s not about us right now. It’s about Maggie, and she needs you by her side right now.”

Alex could see the hospital coming up in the distance from the open window of the helicopter. The familiar sights bringing back intense feelings of both you and pain. She had so many happy memories here, but those memories had turned sore with the knowledge of what she had done to the people there.

As the helicopter slowly began its descend towards the building Alex closed her eyes. She could feel the panic rising up again, the overwhelming feeling of dread that weight deep down in her chest, the next 24 hours were not going to be fun.

But it was worth it.

She imagined Maggie, scared and alone in a hospital bed, or open in the operating table. Kara was right, she wasn’t doing this for herself, this was for Maggie.

As the Helicopter eventually began its landing, Alex spent one final moment collecting her thoughts before she was ready to get out and face the music.

Standing off to the side of the rooftop, staring at her as she exited the helicopter was a face that she never though she was going to have to face in person again. This face had aged slightly since they had last spoken but the power and poise that radiated from them was the same, as if not a single day had passed. In that moment Alex knew that any chance of her sneaking past or denying her identity was useless, the only option was the truth, or a least a much of the truth as she could legally provide.

The person staring back at her now was always the person she found lying to the hardest. So many times, Alex was sure she had blown her cover but managed to narrowly brush it off to clumsily and nervous ramblings. If was almost like they could smell a lie, always having that motherly look in their eye that screamed “I know you’re lying but I’m giving you the chance to confess.”

Miranda Bailey

Everyone knows that feeling, when you’re a teenager, when you’ve done something wrong and you know you’re going to get in trouble, but you hope with everything you have in you that somehow your parents don’t find out. But then you get home and you parents walk towards you with that ‘look’ in their eye. Your heart drops to your feet, time slows, the only thing you can do is mentally prepare yourself for the verbal beating your pride was about to take.

This was exactly how Alex felt. Like a scorn child.

Bailey’s face is unreadable, a poker face that has been perfected over years and years of practise. She could react a hundred different ways and none of them would be the wiser until she opened her mouth. Her eyes on the other hand spoke volumes.

Startlingly Alex realised she had been so focused she hadn’t noticed that Kara had already retrieved both their bags, her hand on Alex’s back a firm reminder to keep moving.

Alex knew she had to make the first move. Now or Never.

As soon as she was in hearing distance, Miranda Bailey’s voice could be heard.

“I swear to God you better be a long-lost twin of the late Lexie Grey because if you are who I think you are- “she cut herself, exaggerated hand gestures flying.

Alex tried to speak “Mirand-“

“Dr Bailey” She was corrected. The anger and formality in that statement alone was frightening. Alex could feel her heart dropping.

“I apologise, Dr Bailey.” She did her best to keep her voice steady, to hide the waver that laid Underneath. “I Promise I will explain everything as soon as I can. But first, please, tell me what’s happening with Maggie?”

A look flashed across Dr Bailey’s face as if to say ‘oh, you’re telling me what to do now?’ along with a single perfectly raised eyebrow.

“Fine then. Follow me Miss Danvers”

Chapter Text

Doctor Bailey was all business as she led them down the back halls from the hospital to Maggies room in the ICU. It may have been many years since Alex had been throughout here but she still remembers her way around. She used to walk these halls half asleep as an overworked intern, the hallways and staircases are something burned into her subconscious. The way Dr Bailey was leading them was definitely not the quickest route through the hospital but it did keep them away from the more populated areas, and she couldn’t help but be grateful that they hadn’t run into anyone else just yet. She still needed to get her story in line.

They paused in one of the many hallways just before the entrance to the ward.

“Miss Sawyer is in one of the observational rooms near the nurse’s station, this is so we can keep an eye on her as these next 48 hours are critical. I can close the blinds while I explain her condition and to give you a moment alone with her, but afterwards I will need the blinds to stay open again. I apologise but this is protocol, it is for her safety.”

Bailey spoke as is she were a stranger, someone who has never been in a hospital before. Not like someone who had had this very conversation with so many different families herself, someone who had watched Dr Bailey deliver this speech even.

Alex merely nodded; she didn’t want to make this harder for anyone.

Bailey led them down one last corridor before entering observation room one.

The observation room are like any other room in a ward, the only difference being a giant window on one wall that leads straight to the nurses’ desk. This allows them to keep a closer eye on patients who are more likely going to need nurse or doctor assistance.

Unfortunately for Alex it also meant that any doctor, nurse or otherwise that so much as walked past Maggie’s room would be able to see her instantly. She really needed to come up with a story, quick!

The sight that met her when she walked into the room was one, she had always hoped she would never have to face. A sight she was sure she would be reliving in her nightmares for years to come.

Maggie lay still on the hospital bed, dark bruises stood out on her paler than normal complexion. The hospital blankets were tucked around her securely, surely covering up more damage than she could guess. Alex couldn’t tell if she was asleep or unconscious but the, somewhat, peaceful look adorned her face was comforting, as was the steady sound of the heart monitor that bounced off the wall. She was still alive; she clings to that fact.

She felt her eyes bounce back and forth, over every inch of Maggie's body. She was taking in as much as she could.

Alex found her gaze being pulled away by a gentle hand on her chin, she let out a sniffle as she was forced into a bone crushing hug, wrapping her arms around her sister for a only moments before pulling on a brave face and turning back to the doctor.

“How bad is it?”

Bailey was shooting looks from Maggie, to Alex, to Kara and back again. She looked like she was trying to solve a puzzle but only had half the pieces to work with.

Alex realised suddenly that she hadn’t introduces Kara, nor had she explained her relationship to Maggie. Before she could begin, Bailey started talking again.

“Miss Sawyer was in a car accident sometime very early this morning. She was brought in by ambulance at about 1:30am and was taken straight into surgery. When I spoke to you on the phone I was unable to give you all of the information as I had not heard more than that at the time.” She truly look apologetic at this. “I don’t like to make assumptions.”

Alex nodded in appreciation, the last thing she needed at that time was false hope. “and her injuries?”

Dr Bailey continued from where she left off. She has severe crush injuries to her lower body; he legs were shattered by the front of the car during the collision. Her right leg has 3 breaks along her tibia and fibula bones as well as several small breaks in her foot and ankle.”

She pauses here to look into Alex’s eyes. From Alex’s experience she knows she’s checking to see if she can handle the rest of the information.

“Her left leg is harder to tell, a shard from the windscreen cut deep into her thigh, severing several important arteries and nerves, we unfortunately won’t know the extent of the damage until she wakes up.”

Already Alex could feel herself becoming lightheaded. She griped Kara’s hand tighter, dragging her with her as she moved to sit down in the chair next to Maggie’s bed. Nodding for Dr Bailey to continue when she paused once again.

“There doesn’t seem to be any internal injuries besides deep bruising and some very light bleeding, which has all already been fix in surgery and is healing nicely. Thankfully the injuries to her hands are minor, compared to everything else, Miss Sawyer was in the driver’s seat when they crashed with her hands on the steering wheel. She did receive some minor lacerations to arms and hands but considering the damage to the rest of her body, she is very lucky“. She trailed off as she finished taking a step back to allow Alex time to digest.

Alex sat processing this, grateful that both other occupants of the room seemed to realise her need for silence. She knew sooner rather than later she would have to explain.
“Thank you. Is there anything else that needs to be addressed?”
Alex saw the look of contemplation that took over Dr Bailey’s face and corrected her previous question.

“Not including my identity. I promise I will explain, but please” Dr Bailey’s eye turned dark once again at the interruption but continued on. Alex could feel the hole she’s dig getting deeper and deeper.

“There are some consent forms to be signed regarding the surgery performed last night. As well as a treatment plan to go over for future surgery’s and rehabs. Does Miss Sawyer have any family?”

Kara’s grip on Alex’s hand tightened at the question, she know how sore of a subject Maggie’s family can be for the both of them.

Alex answered tensibly “Um no, just me”

Miranda looks as if she’s just found another pieces of the puzzle.

“And you are her…?” obviously leaving the question open.

“Girlfriend” Alex completed “I’m her girlfriend”

The look on Bailey’s face was almost worth it. It was very difficult to shock Miranda Bailey, but somehow this seemed to be the tipping point.

“Oh, um right, of course. Well, this way then.”

Miranda led them to one of the nearby conference rooms to go over the paperwork. She was glad Kara was with her, even though she probably didn’t understand half the words that were being said, she was still probably taking in a lot more than Alex was herself.

She tried to focus and listen to everything, but her mind was once again in another place. She knew the story, the true story, but is that really what she wanted to tell everyone. She guessed she could sugar coat it a little but still she came out as the bad guy in the end. But maybe that’s just what she had to do, blame herself, it was easy enough to do, she had done it for years.

Without thinking much of it, she signed where she was told to; she trusted Kara would have stopped her before she did anything she didn’t want to. When it was all finished the papers were pushed aside and silence fell once more.

Dr Bailey was watching her with another calculating look in her eye and she knew this was it. She couldn’t put it off anymore.

“Kara, can you go and sit with Maggie please.”

“No, Alex- “

“Please” her voice left no room for arguing. Kara looked hesitant as she left. Shooting Alex several looks as she walked past; not that Alex saw any of them, she was too busy studying the grain of the table.

Miranda Bailey was someone who had become family to her, she had seen her as a mentor and a motherly figure. But the person sitting across from her now felt like a stranger, she could feel the cold anger directed at her, as well as an almost painful hope as well. She tried to imagine the pain and confusion going through her mind.
Having someone that you care about, that you love, die so suddenly. To go through the grieving and morning, missing that person. Only to find them alive and well, hiding from you.

There was only one way to do this. Quickly and efficient, like a Band-Aid.

Chapter Text

The silence that has taken control of the room in just the few minutes since Kara has left were beginning to become almost deafening. Alex could hear her heartbeat rise in her ears as the shocks of the last few hours finally begin to set in, the pounding sound growing as she though through what she could possibly say to the woman in front of her to explain away all the pain and hurting she had caused.

She approaches it slowly: it was the only way to handle such a flammable situation, one wrong move and the whole thing goes up in flames taking not only her eyebrows but any chance of an even half normal relationship with the people she use to care so much about.

“Miranda, I need you to let me explain this to you without any interruptions.” Why was it so hard for her to get her words out? “I promise I will answer as many questions as I can when I’m finished”

At this point she paused to take a breath, flicking her eyes up to look at the other in the room. She regretted it almost as soon as she had done it, the fire that burnt in the woman’s eyes glowed, as is she were about to start shooting laser beams.

Alex was determined to push on anyways. “You’re confused and angry, trust me I know. You have every right to hate me for what I put you and everyone else through back then. But I don’t think I will have the strength to get through this story if I have to keep stopping.”

Miranda fired back before Alex had even finished “Don’t thing You’ll have the strength?”

“No! I know. I’m sorry! But please, this story is really hard for me to tell. I had to leave you all too, please don’t think I never cared for you guys” Alex went on immediate damage control.

The warning look she was shot told her that his probably wasn’t the best thing to say at that moment, but she had already started. It was way too late to back out now.

“I don’t even know where to start” This was said to herself as she left out a laugh of disbelief. Her hands running across her face and up through her hair, smoothing out any fluffy pieces that were sure to be sticking up from the amount she had been running her hands through it.
“I guess the best place to start would be the beginning, the real beginning.” She sat up straight and did her best to pretend she was merely delivering one of the thousands of missions reports she had done in her life. She made eye contact with the woman she once considered to be her family and began.

-----Line Break-----

Kara felt very lost as she sat beside Maggies hospital bed. She wished in that moment that there was more she could do for her sister, but this was unfortunately something that she would have to do one her won. There wasn’t anything she or anyone else could do for Alex now but be there for her throughout this whole big and crazy ordeal. She couldn’t imagine how painful this was for her.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the door to the hospital room opening up knocking her from her back to the real world. A tall, brunette woman in doctor scrubs made her way into the room carrying what Kara could only assume was Maggies medical chart, she had never actually spent much time inside a hospital and there was only so much she could pull from her many hours spent watching medical drama tv shows. The doctor took a moment to converse with the nurse that had accompanied her, before turning to introduce herself to Kara.
“Good morning, I’m Doctor Torres.” Kara stood to great the doctor “I’m the orthopaedic Surgeon here, I’m the doctor that’s working on Miss Sawyers leg injuries from her crash”

Doctor Torres reached out to shake Kara’s hand with a surprisingly strong grip.

“I’m Kara, it’s nice to meet you” Kara had, of course, heard about Dr Torres before, but she couldn’t let on anything now, she had to let Alex explain everything. Speaking of Alex, Kara knew that she wouldn’t want to miss anything news or updates from the doctor.

“Um, Dr Torres?” The doctor seemed nice enough “My Sister, Alex, is actually Maggies next of Kin, she’s just with Dr Bailey discussing some things, would you be able to wait to give us an update?” She absolutely hates making other people’s job harder, but this was for Alex “I just know I’ll forget to pass something on to her”

Kara could feel herself begin to ramble and was happy that Dr Torres seemed to be able to predict it as well and interrupted before they were both stuck in a conversation, they didn’t want to be in.

“That’s completely fine Kara, I’m sure you and your sister have had a crazy last couple of hours” Kara felt herself nod in agreement on that one, it was only a few hours ago that she was sitting in her sisters living room eating ice cream straight from the tub. Dr Torres spoke again “I’m just going to check her wounds and see if the sutures are holding up, ok?”

Kara sat back down in her previous spot as the doctor went to work. She couldn’t help but continue to sneak looks at the person she knew was once a fixture in her sisters’ fake life. Alex has spoke about Dr Callie Torres with respect and love, as someone she cared about deeply during her time as Lexie grey.

They both mean so much to the same person, and yet are complete strangers to each other.

“Everything seems to be looking good” Kara’s eyes bounced back to the taller woman. “I’ll come back in about an hour? Do you think your sister will be back by them?”

Kara sure hoped so, “Yes I think so”

She stood to walk the Dr to the door, she not sure why but it felt like the right thing to do “Thank you Dr Torres”

“Of course,” She looked as if she was going to turn a leave, her nurse had already moved back to the nurse’s station to, no doubt, fill in her paperwork, but at the last second Dr Torres turned back to look at Kara, a stranger sort of look on her face.

“I’m sorry Miss Danvers,” She apologised “Have we ever met before? Your face just seems so familiar to me”

Kara hoped that all those nights of playing poker with Winn had paid off as she tried to keep her face neutral, she knew that Alex had kept photos of her around as Lexi Grey, explaining her away as an old friend from high school. “No, I’m sorry. I don’t think we have”

Dr Torres nodded before offering her a small smile and finally walking away.

Kara just prayed that Alex would be back soon.

--------- Line Break -----------

“….Well Miss Danvers?” Bailey pulled her from her own mind “I don’t have all damn day”

“I know! I’m sorry” Every time Alex though she knew how to approach this, she lost her nerve at the very last minute. She’s been going round and round in her own mind, trying to come up with the best to word these next few minutes so that they make sense, but she keeps coming back to the only end result that makes sense to her mind. They’re all going to hate her.

“Ok, I’m going to start at the beginning.” This was the plan she had come up with, word vomit everything she can think of onto the table and let bailey pick up whatever she wants from it.

“I know when you knew me, I went by the name Lexie Grey” With a quick glance up to confirm Miranda was listening she continued. “My real name is Alexandra Danvers, but I go by Alex.”

She stared at the grain of the wooden table as she spoke. “I work as an agent for the Federal Bureau of Investigations, I have since before you ever knew me. Because of my age and my previous medical training, I was the perfect candidate when the need for an under-cover agent came up at your hospital.”

She knew better than to look up before she was finished “I can’t talk about what my assignment was, but I was placed here as an intern to gather intel and relay it back to my superiors. Its one of the longest running missions my team has ever encountered and at first, I was honoured to even be considered for such a big task. They were trusting me with so much responsibility as a basically new recruit, how could I possibly say no?!” What she wouldn’t give to go back now and say no.

“So, it was all a lie!?” Miranda interrupted, despite Alex’s pleading for her not to.

“NO! no, no of course not!” Alex rushed to continue before more questions could be thrown at her. “I was a good agent. I got all of the intel I was supposed to. I did all of my agent work, as well as my doctor work but there was one thing that my superiors couldn’t have foreseen.”

“I got in too deep Miranda” Alex ran her hand down her face, she was so overwhelmed she could barely keep speaking. “I started to care too much. You guys were all so nice and accommodating. I felt like one of you within a few weeks, you can only imagine what I felt after a few years. I got too emotional”

Alex risked a glace towards Miranda, but quickly looked away when she made eye contact. “There was an incident, one of my bosses wanted me to dig into the personal life of one of you guys. It ended up being a false alarm, but I had already refused to do it. I couldn’t betray my trust in you, it felt like stabbing my own family in the back. I was pulled from assignment less than a week later”

Admitting it all to Miranda felt kind of therapeutic. “The mission was finished by another agent from behind a desk, but I had been compromised. I was forbidden from contacting any of you again and I was placed on probation and told I was never going under cover again. Which is probably a good thing, I can imagine doing something like that again.”

As Alex trailed off, she kept her head down, it was Miranda time to talk now, and she would wait for her to fire back with one her hundreds of questions.

“I.. don’t..” Alex thinks this may be one of the first times she’ seen Miranda Bailey completely Speech less.

“OK, my first questions is…” Mirandas first question was never asked, as soon as she began her sentence she was interrupted by the door flinging open and a tall man barging in.

“Dr Bailey, I need you to sign off on a procedure for me”

Dr Bailey snapped back into Dr Bailey mode extraordinarily quickly “Doctor Avery! I am in the middle of something thank you very much!”

He turned his head just enough for Alex to recognise his profile. She felt her heart drop to her toes. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to interu…”

The man stood speechless for a minute before he seemed to find his voice “Lexie!?”