Chapter Text
Kim Seokjin was tired. He had single handedly built his father's empire twice the size it was when he got it. After studying abroad, he had entered the business at the ripe age of 20. And after eight years, he was the CEO of the Kim Enterprise and had a reputation he had tried hard to built. Basically, he had every right to be tired.
Seokjin still remembers the day he had landed in Seoul, his father had just grabbed him by the shoulders, hugs weren't common in their household, and told him that,''Seokjin, your dad has upheld the name of the Kim family for years and now its your turn. Power and ability to command people are the reason we are where we are." His stern eyes had emphasized every word of his. Seokjin had nodded and tried not to let his discomfort show."Don't turn soft, my son. The market is cruel and merciless, it does not need your gentleness. The moment you step into your office, leave out whatever life you have lived till then. You are not Jin there, the Jin your mother smothered and your friends laughed with, but you are Kim Seokjin, son of Kim Changmin and heir of the empire your great grandfather built."
If you asked Jin, he would have told you that it was all very dramatic, to give such a speech to the young chaebol who had returned to the home soil after years of living abroad . But he also couldn't deny the way the chill had traveled down his spine when he had first entered his office and looked at the skyline of the Seoul from the glass window of his office, reserved only for those that could reach the height Seokjin was standing on. He had merely sighed, accepting his new life with a heavy heart, knowing he was incapable of escaping it and could feel all the responsibility landing on his shoulders like a thick blanket. He was a sensible young man, he saw no point in posturing against the odds when he knew he couldn't fight them.
The conditions turned worse when his father stopped coming to the building as soon as Jin started. It was his father's way of letting Jin grow up early, and handing him the reigns completely. Jin, embarrassed to say, in his early years had struggled a lot. Don't get him wrong, he was amazing at signing deals and wooing sellers, his ample charm, eloquent speech, commendable manners and, last but not the least, his gorgeous face helped him a lot. It was the monotony and the indifference of handling the business that shook him. How he had to fire whoever was lagging, no matter how severe their circumstances were and how much they needed the job. It was like his father had said, power and command, that's what killed him. His incapability to do exactly that and ignore everything in that made his knees shake, and his body, unconsciously, want to bow in apology. The harshness of money hungry people that he had to deal with, the number of gold diggers and suck ups that were ready to bend at Jin's beck but were as untrustworthy as thieves. Jin knew what was coming ahead of him, he knew it his whole life. The moment he was born, and his mother had refused to conceive another child to conserve her figure, he knew it all. But the exact reality still caught him by surprise and left him staggering. It took him months of mental breakdowns, his father's angry hands and words, and bulks of monetary and emotional failures, for him to realize that the world he was living in was mean and worked precisely for one purpose only; to squander anyone and everyone to reach the top of the power ladder. That money controlled everything, Jin was truly surprised but yes everything, in the world.
So Jin hardened. He took his father's advice and scolded his past self for not listening to his father earlier. Left his hobbies, a few friends, scattered lovers, and his old self. He became the perfect heir of the kingdom, just like his dad had demanded.
But eight years, being something he knew he was not, hardening himself because of a life he no longer wanted to live and has only taken a toll on him, had left him feeling empty. He did not recognize the man he saw in the mirror everyday, he did not know whose voice it was that he spoke in. He was so tired of living in this mindless limbo that he just wanted an escape. A relief of fresh air, anything, anything that would remind him of who he was. Or what made Seokjin smile and feel so confident in his own skin. The mask was waning and Jin's ability to keep it in place was slowly diminishing as well. He needed a place to be who he was, now that he had the luxury to and knew his way around this world, no matter how many bruises he had to wear like a pride to get there, now was the time he could find a place to rest his aching heart and body.
And he had found such a place, more or less. Jin was currently, lounging in his office. It was late around midnight and his eyes had started blurring the papers in front of him. Rubbing his eyes, and leaning back in his chair, Jin groaned when he heard his spine crack. Shit, he was tired.
Jin breathed in and out, looking at the bright lights lining the ceiling of his office. His office was a lavish place, full of plush black leather sofas, sleek steel lamps and coat hanger, the polished white floor complimenting the furniture made up of dark wood. Jin had been pleased with the interior designing when he had first entered and the expensive carpet that was spread under the coffee table in front of the sofas had made his aesthetics rejoice. The glass window and the way it allowed the sunlight to play in every corner of his room had made him love this place. But it had not taken him much time to start hating everything in his office. He hated the book case, where now when Jin had allowed himself to think he would prefer to put his comics and books instead of his business files, fruitful researches conducted on marketing and books teaching him all about success and mind games, that currently decorated it. The plants in the corners, angered Jin, their artificial liveliness and never ending green only urged him to throw the pot straight through his window. The glass window, the magnanimous, glass window, reflected the reality of his life back at him. The thick protective glass made him feel isolated and away from the rest of the world, locked in a place where he could see everyone, the twinkling lights of the life, but never live or touch it.
The outspread of heap of papers on his table, the opened pen and its drying ink roused a brand new anxiety in his stomach. He had to get so much work done, but he could no longer concentrate. The ceiling light reflecting on his table made him squint. He grabbed his phone, once he realized he really could get no work done, so why not waste his time like he did everything else, lavishly and royally?
Checking up on the app he had downloaded a week ago, was becoming a habit. A habit which you knew what the results were going to be but couldn't help but try. Maybe he was hopeful, or maybe he was just desperate.
With his eyebrows scrunched, he went through the new people, the app had found for him. He tried a few but it was always the same exhausting chore that he seemed to have added in his life since he found out about this app. It worked on simple algorithm. At first, it asked you a couple, okay a lot of, personal questions about your interests, asked you to make a profile and matched you with people of similar personalities. Except, instead of simply chatting with people, it did something similar to 20 questions, it only allowed you to talk to each other through questions. Based on some research about how asking and answering questions helped form more stable and stronger bonds. After a particular number of questions, it allowed the people to talk only through chats, then it allowed options for pictures and then voice notes and finally allowed you to video call and what not. It was all about the slow progress of getting to know people and their different aspects, and avoiding superficial relations.
It had caught Jin's attention once he had read about this app in an article, talking about its rising success among youngsters and professional adults likewise. Jin, to be honest, was not on this app to find his true love or someone to date, he was just lured in by the idea of having something real. The only relations he had right now, were with his parents, distant aunt and uncles he had to please, his subordinates, a couple of business friends he talked to during functions he had to attend and his secretary, Min Yoongi. He knew he and Yoongi could be closer but he had kept it professional for the past five years. And now, he found himself regretting the lost time because Yoongi was shifting to the states and was resigning as soon as he had found him a proper substitute.
Jin's attention was dragged to the phone in his hand, as it vibrated, indicating the app had found him a match. The person was named, Ally. She instantly texted him.
''You look hot from your shoulders. So, wanna meet for a fuck?''
''Urm.. no.''
Chat disconnected.
Jin was regretting posting a picture of his naked shoulders and his back in his attempts to keep his real identity hidden. Obviously, it could not be known that Kim Seokjin of Kim Enterprise was hunting for profound relations on an app. Pathetic, right? He could imagine the disgrace. Face palming at his own luck, he looked at another message from yet another match.
"Are you rich enough to be my sugar daddy?"
"...."
Chat disconnected.
Jin didn't want to answer that because, yes technically he was rich enough, but no, he was not interested in being anyone's sugar daddy. Trust people, to take an app meant for intimacy and make it cheap. Humans disgusted Jin.
Another match. Jin was ready to give up for the day. But he thought he would give it a try. The person and their compatibility were only based on one question they had given an exact same answer to. Among 150, one question. RM, that was the guy's name.
'What do you want to do the most in life?'
'Live freely.'
Two words, two answers, and two people. Jin's phone blinked, coincidentally, the guy had also decided to give it a chance and asked Jin something other than sex, money, and what kind of romantic dates Jin could take them on. Jin was really, really, done with this app.
Jin clicked on the guy's question, it read. ''Do you think reality exists irrespective of humans?''
Hmm.. the question made Jin stop, and think.
He would've usually passed such a question, he just wanted to have fun not question life and its purposes. He could not bother with it when he already had to deal with the real world enough as it was. But the late hours, the dimmed lights and the loneliness that seemed to reign his office alongside him, made Jin depressed enough that he decided to entertain the question.
Having seen money buy whatever truth or reality people believed in, Jin knew how easy it is to make something real that was not. He has seen humans mould their own realities.
''No, reality is whatever you make it be. If it ever existed out there, it did before humans decided to take it in their hands.''
Now the guy could not reply anything, it was Jin's turn to ask a question. Jin pondered for a few minutes but decided to repeat the guy's question, curious to know how he would answer it. Jin heard the low rattling of the air conditioner in the room until he received a reply.
"Your reply is really interesting, to be honest. Better than many I have received on this app not gonna lie." Jin smiled, pleased to know someone else was as annoyed by people on this app as he was. "And obviously, I think the same. We, humans, are unable to experience the true reality, unfiltered. No matter how much we debate the objectivity of our knowledge and ideas, it is undeniably a materialistic world and we can only know as much as we can see and comprehend it, which again is an incredibly subjective thing. So I believe that the only reality that exists, does in our minds and how we interpret the outside world and everything in it. And whatever people say 'reality' is, it is only the consensus of our subjective realities. There is no way out of the cave, Plato was wrong. But again, ask me the same thing another day and I might call whatever I just said a bull.''
If Jin was being honest, it took him two reads to understand the text fully. But once he did, even he could admit that the words had a certain wisdom to them. So the guy believed in a subjective reality that existed in everyone's mind, a different reality for everyone, and whatever version of reality everyone seemed to think existed outside, was only what everyone's subjective realities agreed that it did. Quite brilliant, Jin found himself actually interested. It was such a basic thing but the way the guy, RM, answered it, sparked an interest in Jin. The only problem was that he absolutely did not understand the last sentence except the name of the guy, Plato, that he knew to be a philosopher.
Feeling out of place Jin simply stared at the screen. The raven head boy bit into the scabs around his nails and waited for the guy's next question. Jin feared that maybe RM was just a giant nerd. Nothing against it, just Jin wanted something with someone carefree and light. He clicked on the guy's profile and found the cutest, and the tallest, guy he had ever seen. RM was wearing a blue shirt and was smiling down at his white cute dog in a park. Jin was so stunned by the guy's smile and his dimple that Jin did not even click on the chat for a minute, even though RM had already texted him.
And when he did, the question shocked and eased him at the same time.
''So what is your dream job?''
Such an easy question, but a question that was closer to Jin that he wanted to discover through this app. The idiosyncratic Jin, the real Jin, the one who laughed and blushed and God, it was so hard to remember the Jin he was so long ago.
Jin found himself gripping the phone and leaning on the table. He planted his elbows firmly as he eagerly typed his reply. In the most humble tone, possible through the text, Jin told RM how he had always wanted to be a chef. When Jin was living in Australia, he had a chef there, courtesy of his father, but the chef, Jason, had been such a sweet old man and treated Jin like his own son. Jin had learned to cook from him and when he had retired, as Jason's son had started earning enough to support him, Jin had missed him a lot. But instead of demanding for another cook, Jin had taken up cooking the way Jason had taught him. And whenever he stumbled, he called Jason, who specialized in Asian dishes. Soon, it became one his favourite things in the world. He had always wanted to have a restaurant of his own. He could have chains of restaurant, but never one where he could work as a chef and watch people eat his food.
He shared about Jason and his dream job to RM. He was cautious of how much he could tell RM without giving away his real identity. Jin's mood, now lighter, lost in the memories and daydreams of doing what he loved to do, found it easier to ask RM another question.
''What is the name of your dog?''
''Monniee," came RM's reply in a heartbeat, ''He is the most adorable dog ever. He is so fluffy and warm, and loves me so much. He is an American Eskimo Breed. He is intelligent, protective and makes the cutest faces when he wants his dinner. Whenever I am home...'' The reply went on, and Jin found his smile getting bigger with each word.
RM had ended the text with lots of love emojis, making Jin laugh at the sentiment and how excited he was to talk about his dog. Jin found himself, opening RM's profile picture again. Cute. The dog but also his owner.
''Do you have any pets?''
''Yup, two sugar gliders.'' Jin paused and out of nowhere, almost on an instinct, asked the actual question. The real question. The question that would decide whether RM could be the one Jin was searching for. He had liked him till now, better than anyone he had chatted with on this app for the past week, hell past years, leaving a few people out. He sounded humble and smart. Jin rethought of their common answer, and something in him told him he could trust the guy with his real self.
So he took a deep breath and typed,'' How does Moses make his coffee?'' and waited.
RM's bubble kept popping and vanishing. Jin's heart was already in his mouth. His knuckles turned white where he gripped his phone. If this guy was not what Jin believed him to be, Jin would throw his phone away and lose all hope of ever finding someone who could accept the real him. Maybe he was being dramatic, but Jin was tired of resisting the alluring pull of hopelessness.
His mobile screen lighted with a reply and Jin drew his face closer to read, ''Sugar gliders are cute and unique. I would love to see them once we unlock the picture mode." Oh, he was already planning on talking after tonight. Jin felt warm but read on, "And as for the question, I kept thinking of an answer but something tells its still not going to be what I say,so."
Then he asked his turn in question, "So Jin, tell me exactly how does Moses make his coffee?"
Jin scooted his chair closer to his table, already laughing at his answer as he typed,"Hebrews it." Jin added a long series of laughing emojis and banged his hands on the table with the ferocity he was laughing with. His banging left the papers askew, he casted them a look and sent RM his question.
Wanting to know his response Jin asked,''So did you laugh?" And quickly, started to clean his mess. Feeling lighter after the laugh and a good chat now. Putting all of his paper's in a file and his pen in its holder, Jin picked up his phone to see RM's reply. Like Jin it was also full of laughing emojis and said, "More than I had meant to, and now my pajamas have coffee stain on them. And I blame you."
And Jin couldn't believe he had gotten lucky enough to find a guy who liked his humor. Jin had a terrible habit of making dad/ajusshi jokes and they have been building up inside of him for so long, almost wanting to burst out. His mind kept providing him with these jokes on every inappropriate situation. He couldn't wait to be the funny dorky guy that lived inside of him and who he loved dearly. With RM, hopefully.
Jin smiled and looked around in his office. The yellow lights that were stinging his eyes before, now seemed to be casting a soft glow all over the room. He looked back at the still-pending-but-almost-done work on his table and decided he could complete it early in the morning. He just wanted to go home right now, have a nice bath, get in his bed and maybe talk to RM. After RM's question about his favourite fruit and Jin's reply "Strawberry".
Jin thought back to RM's previous answer and asked,"Why are you drinking coffee so late?"
Namjoon's reply was instant,"I am starting a job tomorrow, so was just preparing myself for that."
Jin looked at the clock and wanted to ask how drinking coffee at midnight was him preparing for the job? But couldn't until he got his turn. The system of the app was freaking annoying if you asked Jin. Bad marketing. The customer was unhappy and wanted to talk to the cute guy without any hurdles.
Jin got up, waiting for RM to ask his question, and moved towards the coat stand. Unrolling the sleeves of his light grey shirt, he took his blazer off the hanger and draped it over his shoulders.
What company or place RM was joining? What was his job? Did he like it? Was it something he loved? The questions kept brimming up in his mind. Shaking his head at how eager he suddenly was, Jin grabbed a few files to read in the car and his phone, and padded out of his office. Sliding out of the door, he walked the lonely corridors of his floor. Everyone had already left and were safe in their homes right now. The burden surely does lie on the head that wears the crown, because what wouldn't Jin give to leave his office with everyone else around 6-7 p.m.
He opened his phone with a thumb print to see RM's question, walking towards the elevator. "Thinking about the job really made me nervous, could you ask me one of your jokes again?"
Aww, Jin almost melted and excitedly bounced into the elevator and then giggled at his behaviour. It's not like anyone was here to see him act stupid. Jin tapped the button to ground floor and scratched his head, trying to think of a joke to RM's taste.
Biting his lips, he typed the one he remembered reading a few months back. He had tried it at Yoongi with a straight face only to get an even straighter face in return.
"What do you call a super articulate dinosaur?"
The elevator landed with a flop, and Jin stepped out. His brisk walk with the case in his hand, bumping his leg with every step, made him look every bit of a prince articles always talked about. The expanse of his building's entrance, always made him feel empowered. The high ceiling, cascading escalators, the colorful abstract paintings and marble statues of famous artists from all over the world, the tiles his mother specifically chose, and their company's name written grandly right in the middle, making a statement. Jin knew it was done with the intention so that anyone who entered the company could not help but gaze upon it. To know that who exactly owned this huge building.
Jin waited for the automatic door to open and then stepped outside. The cold wind stole his breath for a moment and made him Jin rub his nose. Jin looked around, shooting the guards and the valet a glance. The valet, hurriedly, asked for his car, which should have been here if Jin had not forgotten to ask for it. Too busy talking to RM.
Who by the way had replied with, "Thesausrus...yay I knew this one."
Jin smiled softly, but quickly hid it. Jin heard his car approach, with a hard look in his eyes, Jin crossed the distance between the door and his black Mercedes. His driver saluted him and opened the door to his car. Jin did not even bother to nod and got in. He unbuttoned his coat as soon as he settled down, putting his case by his foot. And turned back to his chat with RM.
"Jin, what would you steal if you could steal one thing without getting caught?"
The question puzzled Jin. Being born rich and having his needs catered to whenever he wanted, Jin didn't ever feel a need in him to steal. People stole things, they wanted but couldn't have. Things they were envious of other people having. But if it came to envy, Jin was familiar with that deadly sin. Jin remembered feeling envious of children walking happily with their parents after school, whenever he would drive past them in his car, his driver taking him home. He would feel envious whenever he was reminded of how Jason was happy and in love with his job. He felt envious when he would see kids dance in the middle of the street, laughing, as the circle of people around them clapped them on. He felt envious of the fact that his cousin, Taehyung, got to travel so much and wear whatever he wanted as Jin's wardrobe was limited to, various but boring suits, which Jin mostly wanted to set fire to. He felt jealous of Yoongi being excited to go home. He never told Jin why but Jin knew it was surely because of his lover.
Jin could go on and on about the things he wanted to steal from the people, he saw all around him. But he knew he was not selfish enough to, but he still couldn't stop himself from craving all of these things bitterly. "I wouldn't...I don't think so, I would be able to steal anything from anyone. Thinking how they would be deprived of it because of me, would kill me." Jin laughed at his own depravities, this was getting serious again. RM surely had a way of turning the conversation around with every question. It was as if his need for something real kept making him come back to such questions. And Jin, he simply obliged. Revealing everything that made him, whoever he was. "Maybe because sometimes all that I want steal is either love, freedom, art or... simply life. I want to steal their lives sometimes."
Jin put his phone away after writing that and looked out of his window. The passing city lights, raced over his face, as some lucky ones reflected the water in his eyes. Maybe he said too much, maybe he would be judged as someone ugly and ungrateful. Maybe Jin would lose whatever joy he had found with RM the same night.
Jin feared to see how RM would respond to Jin's text. Jin feared it as if the moment he asked his next question, RM would reply to his previous one and it would crush all of Jin's staggering hope with it.
So Jin decided to turn the light inside his car on and read through some his papers for tomorrow. The streets kept slipping away as Jin turned page after page. His guilt for skipping work, gnawed at him to work more efficiently now.
Jin lost track of time, until the driver parked his car and turned the engine off. Jin feeling the car stop, finally looked up from his paper, and gazed out, startled to find that they were already in the parking lot of his apartment building. Jin glanced at the papers in his lap and decided to finish the last two lines before getting out.
His penthouse was in one the most luxurious buildings in South Korea. His penthouse had white, grey and lime green walls. The scattered sofas and white coffee table added a touch to the living room which opened to the kitchen on his left and stairs on his right. The stair led to the whole floor, which was Jin's bedroom, closet and bathroom. The apartment also had a balcony in the front with its own small swimming pool and wicker chairs in the corner.
Jin loosened his tie as he took his shoes off at the door. Dragging his lazy feet inside, Jin groaned loudly. He couldn't stop from a yawn sneaking a way out of him and stretched his whole body.
Fuck, he was tired. He was always tired. Jin rushed in, eager to change his clothes and get rid of his stiff suit.
It hurt him sometimes, the darkness of his apartment. And how familiar Jin was to its pull. He had days when he didn't want to turn the lights on. Those days he wanted to become one with the darkness, and stop existing. He often thought if he died in this dark, in this high department, how long would it take for someone to find his body. He knew technically someone would end up checking up on him if he skipped office, but without that, would anyone bother crossing the doors of this apartment. It felt like he was locked in this island that he had made for himself. A king's lovely palace, where if he were to die, only his bones would be found by the curious visitors who happened to stumble upon.
He turned the lights on, and like a swish of a wand, willed those thoughts away. He knew how hard it was to survive his mind when it got scary like that.
He quickly changed into some comfy clothes after a quick shower, forgoing all his plans of having a nice bath in his Jacuzzi. He applied a moisturizer and a face mask following his daily skin care routine. And finally got into the bed and dared to open the chat and asked RM.
"What countries have you visited?"
"Thank god, you replied." RM said."You were gone for so long that I felt I had upset you. And holy shit that answer ripped me apart, RJ. But fuck, if I don't relate to it as well." Jin's heart raced, feeling weird knowing that RM had probably felt what he had in his life. But could he really have felt how Jin did? Subjective realities and all that? "And to answer your question, I have been to USA for my degree and Japan on a visit visa, that's all I have traveled. And a few cities here in Korea and Jeju Island on a family trip. But I have always wanted to travel across Europe. It seems to have a charm that lures artists or romantics in."
Jin wondered why did he feel this strange need in him, to find this tall guy as soon as possible, track his IP or whatever, and take him to Paris first thing tomorrow. Fuck his meetings, fuck his duties. If RM wanted to visit Europe, Jin would take him there now. Jin also wondered about RM being either a romantic or an artist, or both. Both of these ideas, made his mind swirl and he could see the elements of the rumored daydreams that ruined sleep of the teenagers.
Jin decided to ignore whatever idiocies his sleep-deprived mind was conjuring and instead asked, "Favourite season?"
His stomach growled as he took his mask off and got comfy under his blanket. Shit, he forgot to have some midnight snack he had promised himself. But his body now in bed, after the whole day, manipulated his brain and stomach into forgetting that he hadn't eaten other than a few bites during the tea time.
But soon he received RM's reply and he didn't need anything else as a distraction. Jin spent the whole night talking to RM, compelled by his need to know more about him. And RM never disappointed, he kept being more and more interesting to Jin and Jin's questions never stopped. He did somehow make time to ask RM to sleep, he had job tomorrow, but RM seemed as reluctant as Jin. The boys had formed this bubble for themselves in their lives, where only they existed and this feeling of euphoria of finally having someone who understood and shared their loneliness. The joy he felt talking to RM, Jin knew was mutual. RM's every question resonated the same feeling with which Jin asked his.
Jin felt his heart smile after ages when he finally put his phone down to charge, watching the morning peak through the night's fingers. The boys had talked so much over the night that they had ended up unlocking the chat option within a day and had laughed over the texts. Both groaning how glad they were to finally talk without any resistances.
Needless to say,sleep came easy to Jin, as he drew two letters on his bedspread beside his pillow right before closing his eyes.
RM.
****