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"What happened to you?" Patrick asked, his tone somewhere on the edge between banter and concern.
"Nothing really," David responded, with a Valley Girl head-tilt and voice-lilt, "I just didn't like it."
Patrick just said "oh" as though this answered everything and basically tipped a party shot down David's throat in response. David definitely seemed to appreciate it, which was a lot of fun and kind of hot and ALMOST made Patrick forget the conversation that had just happened.
Five minutes later though, David was lounging on the bed on his phone and Patrick was pouring potato chips into bowls, and he was back at it. Why was David so... blase about his childhood? He just "didn't like it," yeah right. Patrick hadn't heard a lot about it- and most of that hadn't been from David- but your parents don't pay absurd amounts of money for therapy to get over a high school experience you just "didn't like." Though those same parents had also apparently paid $45,000 to rent three elephants for Alexis's circus-themed third birthday party, and another $15,000 to redo the lawn afterward, so maybe that wasn't the right part of this situation to be focusing on.
Now that he thought about it, a lot of what Patrick had heard had come from family conversations, Moira sniping about David having been bullied in high school, Alexis making snide and yet at least somewhat sympathetic references to David's many terrible failed relationships, Johnny telling both of them to stop it, David doesn't need to hear this from them. Jesus, that family... and David always told his mother and sister that it hadn't been that bad, with a look in his eyes that screamed out that yes, it had been.
Sure, he was constantly telling Patrick that he was "damaged goods," but rarely what that actually meant. He would tell the stories of his past relationships as though the stories were passe and dull, making off-hand references to a girlfriend who once left him tied up and half-naked in a nightclub's unisex bathroom, or to the birthday clown boyfriend who had abandoned him with a face full of greasepaint. The stories would have some sort of point, but David seemed to be careful that the point should never be "poor me, I'm scarred, pity me."
The only conversation they'd specifically had on the subject, Patrick suddenly remembered as he opened a bag of popcorn and began shaking its contents into a big plastic bowl, was after the Rachel debacle, when David had sat him down and said that if this was going to work, they needed to be honest with each other about their pasts. He hadn't gone into detail, just said that he'd been a bit of a slut back in the day (Patrick had tried to interrupt him and tell him not to use that word but David had just shrugged almost but not quite nonchalantly and said why not use it, it was accurate) and slept with a lot of people, that it had meant nothing (and Patrick had been sure that David was about to say "it meant nothing to them" and had just stopped himself in time), that they hadn't been very good people, and that if Patrick wanted to ask about it then he could. Patrick just looked at David's sad eyes and that wry half-smile and the way his arms were crossed protectively over himself as he'd talked and- well, it had all broken Patrick's heart, and he hadn't asked a thing. He'd said that none of that mattered to him and David would tell him when he wanted to.
Then there were all those conversations in bed, when David would say things like "nobody's ever done THAT to me before" when "THAT" was just Patrick kissing him on the forehead or wiping him off with a washcloth. When they'd be snuggled against each other and David would say something like "I never thought that someone like you existed, before." And when Patrick would ask what exactly that meant, David would say simply, "someone who could love me like you do," and Patrick would wrap his arms around David's waist and chest as tight as he could possibly go.
Over his shoulder, as Patrick walked over the freezer to get more vodka for the next round of jello shots, he saw David get up off the bed and bend down to pick something off the floor. The wave of chill from the freezer door was soon smothered by the heat of David's frame as he launched himself over Patrick's shoulders, hugging him from the back and peering into the open freezer at the vodka bottle. "I see you got the cheap stuff," he sniped.
"David, I'm about to pour gelatin and sort-of-fruit-flavored crap into it, there's no point in anything but the cheap stuff." Patrick could feel David's huff of displeasure warm on his cheek, and on an impulse he turned and pecked David on the lips. David's cheeks turned pink, and in the moment Patrick managed to sneak the vodka bottle out of the freezer and put it on the counter.
"Mmm, well," David said, releasing Patrick from the hug and picking up a shopping bag from the floor, "as someone whose impeccable taste does not allow him to skimp, wait til I show you what we will be wearing to this wonderful high school slumber party tonight. Don't worry, yours is blue."
Patrick groaned when he saw the matchy-matchy pajamas that David had picked out laid on the bed (and yes, his were blue), but David was going to enjoy himself at this party and if the start of that was Patrick wearing stupid PJs then that was a sacrifice that he would have to ma- "damn, these are soft," he whispered in awe, almost involuntarily. Seeing David's smug expression as Patrick ran his fingers over that incredibly luxurious fabric made Patrick think to himself, I'm definitely keeping him.
Somehow, it wasn't until after Patrick's aborted date with Ken that David brought up Sebastien Raine.
Sure, David had mentioned him before in an offhand anecdote, a fashionable asshole of a photographer who had hung "artistic" photos of David sleeping in the nude in his gallery, where David had only found out about them after Sebastien had won an award for the photographs' "unrelenting honesty." It had been one of those stories that had made Patrick first ball his fists hard enough that he had four little nail lines engraved in each palm for hours later, and then spoon David from behind and murmur to him in his ear how funny he is, how kind, how smart, how talented, but not how beautiful, even though he is the most beautiful person Patrick has ever seen. It just hadn't felt right.
But it wasn't until David and Patrick were sitting cross-legged on David's bed in the motel room, eating directly out of the carton of Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Therapy ice cream with two mismatched spoons, Alexis long gone to spend the night at Ted's, that Sebastien Raine came up again.
"I mean, you really have only been with me," David for some reason kept repeating as he unsubtly dug for pieces of cookie in the carton. "You have no idea what you're missing. Obviously, it's all nothing compared to this," and with a flourish he exaggeratedly gestured up and down his body with a smug smirk that made Patrick snort with laughter, "but at least you'd be making an... informed choice otherwise. I'm all you really know."
"And all I want to know." Patrick put his spoon to rest in the carton and looked David in the eye now; behind that smirk and elaborate gesture before, there had been vulnerability in David's eyes. "I chose you and I love you, and I'll keep telling you that until you start to really believe me."
David ducked his eyes and flushed and said, "I do believe you," and Patrick knew that that was as close to the l-word as David was likely to get right now.
As Patrick licked the last bit of ice cream off his spoon, David began again- "I mean, maybe you just, um, needed someone quickly, huh? And I was just there." Patrick's head quickly turned to face David and he was about to exasperatedly complain at this being brought up again when he saw the teasing in David's eyes. "I mean, you were newly out of a broken engagement... questioning your sexuality... hadn't gotten any in a while... and you met a guy who looks like this," and David repeated his exaggerated moue again with maybe a bit of an extra flourish, and then fluffed his hair for emphasis, "and you just couldn't resist it."
And... yes, Patrick couldn't deny that David had something of a point. He'd never tried to hide from David that from the moment Patrick had first seen David, more than a year and a half ago now, he'd been struck by how fucking beautiful David was, and how much he'd wanted him, and how much that first kiss had made him feel like he was starving for something he'd never know had existed before. He could feel his face flush- because he knew what this was, it was foreplay- even as he teased back, "well, which one of us was the one who wanted to take things slow? Because I seem to recall having been the one who turned down a SLEEPOVER the very first day of our relationship. You hadn't been with anyone since Jake, and that was months earlier- maybe you saw all this," and Patrick did his best to elaborately replicate David's moves, "and YOU were just desperate."
Patrick had thought that he'd make David laugh with the gesture, or at least tease him a bit, and probably hopefully kiss him, but he didn't expect David to immediately turn bright red, grab a pillow from behind him, and bury his face in it, and, if Patrick was hearing right, just say "fuck" over and over into the cushioning. It was confusing, to say the least.
"David..." Patrick tried to reach out to David, who quickly retreated deeper into the pillow. Patrick patted him awkwardly on the back, trying to figure out what on earth was happening. "David, what did I say? I know that I looked REALLY hot doing that gesture thing, but I didn't think you'd be this affected..." Patrick heard a little muffled snort from inside the pillow, which could have been a sob but also could have been a chuckle, so he considered it a win. "But seriously, David, did I say something wrong? I hope I didn't- offend you, or hurt you, or- or make you sound desperate, or-"
And David sat up and said, "Jake isn't the last person I slept with before you." The pillow was in his lap now, and he was kneading at it with both hands, poking all of his fingers in.
Patrick just stared. David had definitely not told this to him before. So far as Patrick knew, the only people who David had slept with since he'd come to Schitt's Creek were Stevie and Jake. He definitely hadn't known that David had slept with someone after both of them, especially given that, if he had his timeline right, David had only stopped sleeping with Jake a month or so before he himself had met David... Patrick didn't know what to think, but then again, this might not mean anything. David was looking so wrecked and anxious, and it's not like David was admitting to cheating on him...
"You didn't-" but no, Patrick couldn't go down that path, that wouldn't help the situation at all, it would just make David shut down and freak out even more. And of course David hadn't done that, he wouldn't. Just the thought made Patrick feel ashamed and faintly ill. "You didn't have to freak out about that, you know that, right?" he tried again. "I don't know what was going on then, it was before us, you could hook up with whoever you wanted-"
But that was apparently the wrong thing to say, because David only closed his eyes tight and muttered, "it was after I met you. Sebastien Raine."
Sebastien Raine? Patrick had heard the name before, sure, but it had sounded like someone from David's distant past, in New York or Ibiza or Cabo, one of those people about whom David had told some flippant anecdote that had broken Patrick's heart. Not someone who David would have seen after he'd met Patrick.
"Sebastien Raine," Patrick started carefully, "he's the... photographer, right?"
David nodded silently, still staring down at the pillow.
"How did he end up here? Because I don't think you've been back to- New York or LA or Paris or wherever in the time since I've known you..."
David looked like he was about to cry, and Patrick wanted nothing more than to hug him and show him that he was there, so he did, because he could, because he was David's person and that was the best thing in the world. He could feel David's hair tickling the back of his neck as he left a kiss on David's shoulder, and could feel David give a shuddering gasp, and then words. David began to tell a whole story, about how when Patrick was still on his two weeks' notice at Ray's, Sebastien had come into town to take humiliating photos of David's mother, and had tried to seduce Stevie right in front of David, and had tried to seduce David as well, and David had fucked him to get the memory card back. Patrick's mind was whirring as the story spilled out. It seemed as though David was feeling more comfortable telling it without having to look at Patrick.
Trying to get a hold of the story, Patrick started, "so you slept with Sebastien-"
"I fucked Sebastien," came the voice over Patrick's shoulder sharply. "Or he fucked me, or whatever. It was disgusting and I felt like I needed twenty showers after but it was also amazing and I'm not sorry for it. I was leaning in."
Leaning in. Now what on earth did Sheryl Sandberg have to do with any of this. But more importantly, "nobody's saying you have to be sorry for it, David. You're an adult. We weren't together, you don't owe me any explanations and you were totally able to do whatever you wanted."
"You mean, whoever I wanted," David snarked into Patrick's back, and Patrick barked out a surprised laugh at the joke that was also relief- if David could make a crack like that now, then he might not be totally okay yet but the worst was over. "I just felt so embarrassed to tell you, like you were going to judge me for being the kind of person who goes crawling back to a guy who said we were having a threesome with a girl and it ended up being them having sex on top of me. Like, I had my reasons, but I didn't think you'd understand them." Patrick had his mouth open in the usual kind of horror that he always felt when David talked about these people who had misused him in the past, the sadness that David hadn't had anyone to love him and care for him as he should have had, but then David picked himself up from Patrick's arms and perched himself on his knees, almost nose to nose with Patrick. "But mostly, I didn't tell you because I know it wasn't cheating, but it felt like cheating. I knew I liked you so much and I wanted you so badly and you were so good, nothing like Sebastien, and being with him was like going back to a darker part of myself, but mostly- I just felt already like I wanted to be yours. It's weird, I know, but-"
"If it's weird, it's the best kind of weird I've ever heard in my life," Patrick breathed as he tilted his head and leaned in close to David to kiss him, and he spent the next few minutes very pleasurably doing his best to remind David that he was very definitely Patrick's now, whatever had been at the time.
A couple of minutes later, David wrenched them apart, and Patrick let out an embarrassingly needy whine. Why had he stopped? It had just been getting good...? David's pupils were dilated and his face was flushed, but he seemed determined to say something, so Patrick reluctantly sat back to listen. "The whole thing with Ken- you know I was just doing it for you? I just wanted to help you. I don't want you to settle, I want you to know all about yourself, and I may have gone about it a bit wrong but that's all this was. It was all for you. You know that, right?"
And David was looking in his eyes, as though pleading for something from Patrick, for understanding, and Patrick smiled. He could do that. "Of course I know that, David, I know. The execution may have been a bit... interesting, and I know that you have a bit of a- skewed perspective, occasionally, on this kind of thing, given your past... but I know you meant well, and you want me and I want you, so let's get back to what we were doing, hey?" Patrick tackled David and pinned him to the bed in a move that worked about 107% of the time, and he could see David melt into the mattress, but before David closed his eyes under Patrick's insistent kisses, he could see a flash of something that looked like... disappointment. That was weird, but very easily forgotten.
Sometimes, when Patrick thought about David, his mind went back to that very brief conversation after the housewarming, when Patrick had asked David what it would have been like if they'd met in high school and David said something about how unless Patrick had been into candy ravers with pacifier necklaces back then, they met at the right time. It was obviously something of a joke (though Patrick had no doubt that the description was very accurate)- the whole exchange had mostly been a way for them to defuse the Ted argument- but Patrick still tended to think about it anyway. What if David had been in high school with Patrick, at Maplewood Secondary School- what would that have been like? Okay, so maybe a candy raver, or a goth. Patrick could definitely see David as the kind of goth who wore sequins and jet-black feathers. But that meant that he would have been one of "those kids," the ones who sat in their own table in the corner and did their own thing. The goths, the loners, that girl who only wore oversized charity fun run tee shirts. Patrick didn't think that he'd ever spoken to any of those kids his whole four years in high school.
That would have felt bad enough on its own, but Patrick knew David and knew that it had probably been worse than that. The goth kids may have been at the fringe, but they knew what they wanted, they had their own thing going on. Patrick thought about what David had said at the housewarming, about how actually as a popular kid at a house party, it turned out that they were fun, and he realized that he knew exactly what David would have been like in high school. He would have been the hanger-on at the popular kids' table. The one who stood there hoping that one of the main clique would be absent so he could sit in their seat, and if nobody was would just stand. Who constantly tried to insert himself into the conversation and kept getting interrupted by people who pretended he wasn't there. Who would have a popular girl "accidentally" spill her salad all over his sweater and apologize in a way that's so transparently fake that everyone except him can see it and is laughing about it. Who would be the one to offer his house, his car, his booze, his drugs for the next house party and flush with happiness when all of a sudden all of the eyes turned to him.
Who could have been the center of attention, beloved and happy, full of sparkle and fascination and creativity, if he'd only just moved to a new table and stopped caring what those bastards thought.
Fuck. Patrick had seen so many kids like that, back in high school. One, he remembered, had transferred. Another had left and returned seeming different, sadder, with longer sleeves and whispers of "inpatient therapy" swirling around her.
Patrick wasn't sure how this had all come into his head now, as he and David sat on the sofa, his own legs propped on the coffee table, David's sprawled crosswise on top of them. He was drinking chamomile tea from a Rose Apothecary mug; David was drinking red wine from an actual wine glass that Patrick hadn't been aware that he owned. They were both wearing their matching housewarming pajamas, because it was a long night in and damn those things were really soft.
They'd just been eating dinner- a joint effort, as Patrick had made the meatballs and David had boiled the water for the pasta- and David had been ragging on him a bit for how uptight and impatient he had been with Ronnie earlier. It's not like he didn't know that he'd been out of line and over the top, but that was how things were supposed to go with contractors! You had to be on top of them! He'd just gone- a bit too far, was all. It's not like David was perfect or anything, but there he'd been, a strand of pasta dangling from his mouth as he laughed at Patrick as though he was a pet dog that had knocked over a vase, but in an entertaining way that got a lot of views on YouTube. The nerve.
But enough about that. It kind of concerned him that, after more than a year and a half together, David had never really told him what his past was like. Not really and fully, at least. He'd heard all of those random stories, piecemeal, but they'd never had that talk, so that he would know all of those things about David, understand the way David thinks and feels, be able to help.
Patrick looked at his watch- it was only 8:45. They had a few good hours before they needed to get to sleep, and they hadn't picked a movie yet. Maybe now would be the right time. He glanced over at David, whose eyes were closed as he took a sip of his wine. When they flashed open, they met Patrick's and David smiled, his cheeks flushing slightly. God, he was stunning. It was a shame to ruin a moment like this, bringing up depressing topics, but- maybe it wouldn't be a ruined moment at all. Maybe it would be important, and be an intimate moment of connection between them as a couple. Not like that- well, maybe like that, too (and now Patrick flushed a bit too)- but they'd be sharing something valuable, be vulnerable with each other. It would be good for them.
Well, here goes. "Um, David," Patrick started, and David smiled at him again, blinking slightly. "Can I ask you something?"
David squinted at him quizzically. "I mean, you know you just did, right..." he answered with a teasing lilt in his voice, and as Patrick rolled his eyes David quickly said, "yes, of course, ask me whatever you want."
"Well," Patrick said, and David nodded along amusedly at Patrick's fumbling, "I was wondering about your past. Your childhood, high school, college, after that, you know. You bring it up sometimes but you've never really told me about it, and I was thinking- maybe you could do that now?"
David didn't look amused anymore. As Patrick glanced at him for his reaction, he looked kind of... pissed actually. That was weird. Patrick was expecting him to maybe be emotional, or reluctant, or upset, or grateful, but not irritated. That just didn't make sense. "Patrick, why are you asking me this now?" He tilted his head, expectantly, as though he was waiting for something really good to come out of Patrick's mouth right now.
Now on the defensive, Patrick was fumbling for a response again. He hadn't expected this part of the discussion- he'd figured David would be doing the talking here, and he would just be nodding, and absorbing, and compassionate and supportive. Not explaining himself. "I was just- I just wanted to help you," he said, and the moment the words came out of his mouth he knew they'd been the wrong ones; David's expression was downright stormy now. "I want to be there for you, because we're in this together, and I figured we're at a place where we can be vulnerable-"
"You mean where I can be vulnerable, right?" David said sharply, and Patrick startled. David seemed furious. "Do you- do you know why I haven't told you?"
Patrick is about to ask "why" when David's mouth drops open and he suddenly starts to laugh. It's a humorless laugh, of a kind that Patrick has never seen come from David's mouth before but still seems familiar, and it takes a minute for Patrick to realize why- it's a staple of Moira's.
"Oh my god, I know why you're doing this now." David at least looks amused, if bitterly so. "It all makes sense. You're pissed that I got one up on you before, with the Ronnie thing, and now you're trying to flip the script to show all of my issues so that you can feel superior again."
What the hell... Patrick could feel his mouth open, and the words weren't coming. This was insane. "What are you talking about," he said angrily, "you know I wouldn't do that-"
"You're upset that we found something where you're vulnerable, where you made the mistake and you were the one with the problem and I was the one who had to talk you off the ledge, so now you're trying to be the savior again. You want to be the person who's helpful and supportive and normal, but instead you're the one with the issue and I'm the reasonable one, and that's throwing you off. So now you want to go digging through my past, to find all the stuff that made me insecure or clingy or problematic, so that you can support me, not the other way around. And I bet you don't think that's what you're doing, but I guarantee that's what it is. Think about it."
And Patrick did think about it, and then his brain stopped because Jesus, David was actually right. He was replaying the last few minutes in his head, and that was absolutely what happened. He'd been all resentful of David for what he'd said about the Ronnie thing and about five seconds later he was getting ready to ask David about his traumatizing, Freudian-excuse-generating past. Patrick let his head fall into his hands. "Oh god," he moaned. "You're right, you're so right. I'm such a dick."
A few seconds more of silence went by, as Patrick thought about what a complete jackass he was, and then he heard a laugh from above, and thank God this one seemed to actually have a bit of humor in it. Then he heard David's voice. "Yes, yes you are a dick, Patrick," he said, without most of that cold fury from earlier. Patrick slowly picked his head up and looked blearily at David, who still looked ticked off, but there was laughter in his eyes. "You're a massive dick, but it's okay, I know you mean well, mostly."
"I am so sorry, David, so sorry..." Patrick scrambled for something to say- anything. "David, you know I love you. You know that, right?" He didn't mean to manipulate David with that kind of emotion or sentiment, to make him change his mind just through deployment of the l word, but it felt really important that David knew that Patrick loved him. That none of this was fake or a- a savior complex or whatever. That David was the best person he knew and he loved him so much and wanted to be with him for the rest of his goddamn life. Patrick looked back into David's eyes, and could see tears budding in the corners now. "You know that, right?" His voice is quiet now, resigned yet with the slightest bit of pleading.
"Yes, I know, I know, Patrick," and now David had his arms around Patrick, rubbing his back soothingly as Patrick collapsed down into him. "I really do." A few seconds went by before David began to speak again, and it sounded like he was considering every word. "I know that you love me- I know that even now, when you're being kind of a dick. It's just that there's always been a- a power dynamic in this relationship, and it's always been about my problems and my issues and my weaknesses, and yes, often it's because I do have plenty of problems and issues and weaknesses and yes, some of them do come from my past- but it means that it's always me who needs to rely on you and who needs your help and your patience. But you also have plenty of issues, and yet somehow it always comes back to me. You can be petty and jealous and uptight and bossy and you have a little bit of a problem with telling the truth sometimes- and at the barbecue, when the issue was you not telling me the truth, it again all came down to me and my insecurities! And of course those were part of it, but it still all feels a bit- unbalanced, like I'm always the one who needs you, who relies on you, and you don't necessarily need those same things from me. And that's really hard, because I don't just want to be your burden, I want to support you, I want to be your- your partner."
Patrick could hear David's voice crack as he finished, and he could feel his own heart breaking. How could David not feel like he was a partner? "You are, you are my partner," Patrick responded thickly, into David's shoulder. He gently disentangled himself from David's arms and eased himself upright so that he could look in David's eyes as he said it. "You're my partner, and I need you every day, and I'm so sorry if I've made you feel like you rely on me and I don't rely on you every moment. I'm sorry because you're right, it hasn't been conscious but I have been making it about you, far too much. I want to support you and be there for you, always, but I haven't done it right if I've made you feel this way. I'm so so sorry."
"I mean, I do love that you always support me, though. You're always there for me and never judge me even when I'm being ridiculous and that's one of the things I love most about you." David's eyes were dry but shining, and Patrick felt a pang in his heart- it took a lot of David to say the l word. "Do you want me to tell you why I've never sat down and told you everything about my past life?"
David had been about to say this earlier, back during his fury, hadn't he- but now his eyes were soft. Patrick replied, "yes, but only tell me if you want to."
"I do want to. It's because- you know you're the first and only person I've ever had a relationship with who didn't know anything about me. Of course, everyone from my old life knew me as a pathetic hipster playboy who was ready to buy them with money and sex. Shhh-" he placed an index finger over Patrick's open mouth- "it's true, it's how I was, just let it rest. Stevie, well, she was there at my absolute rock bottom. She saw me at my lowest point, and she was so important because she saw past it, but still, she knew about my past and she knew my worst. Jake was a fling- there was nothing there. But then came you. And you were working in an office, and I was just another random person there to see you at your office, and you had no idea who I was except that I was leasing the general store. You saw me as though I was- as though I was normal. Nobody had ever really done that for me before. And I never ever wanted to give that up, ever, and so I couldn't risk it."
Patrick could see into David's eyes now, and he himself was reflected back in them, a Patrick who cared but who did it wrong sometimes, and it occurred to him that David was starting to know Patrick in ways that Patrick didn't even know himself. It was discomfiting on the one hand, but deeply comforting on the other. "And now I totally understand why you couldn't risk it. I did exactly what you didn't want. I'm so sorry, David- you know I need you."
"Yes, trust me, I do. Everyone else thinks you're some kind of perfect angel of perfectness, and you need someone to keep your ego in check. In fact, I think that finding out today that someone doesn't like you will be very beneficial for you moving forward."
David was obviously teasing, now, and Patrick chuckled shakily, because honestly, yes, that was probably a little too accurate. "Yes, it really was heartbreaking, but hopefully with a little support I'll get over it," he replied, elbowing David in the ribs. David just grinned at him, and Patrick grinned back, sure that the wild relief was obvious in his eyes.
David picked up Patrick's hand and interlaced their fingers. "This conversation isn't exactly over," he said, and now Patrick could feel David's thumb rubbing comforting circles on the back of his hand. "I just think- I love what we have, and I think, I think this can last for a long time. That's what I want. But the only way that will happen is if we're a team, an equal team. And- as a member of that team, I don't want to have a shadow of a depressing past weighing over me. I'm happy now, with you, in my present, and that's all I want. Does that- does that make sense?"
"Yes, of course that makes sense. And I want all of those things, so much. All of them." He could hear that echoing in his mind, I think this can last for a long time- that's what I want, and that was meshing with certain other things he'd been thinking to himself just now about wanting to be with David for the rest of his, what was it, goddamned life, and that was something to consider further. But not right now, when David was so warm and close next to him and he just wanted to luxuriate in this moment.
But instead it was David who sat up and took his hand out of Patrick's, and Patrick could feel his hand grabbing out to follow the warmth disappointedly. He took Patrick's now-lukewarm cup of tea, brought it back to the kitchen, and came back with a second wineglass and the bottle of pinot. Patrick was still very confused at where these wineglasses were coming from, but didn't really have the mental energy to ask, more interested in watching David walking back, a small crooked smile on his face. He put the glass in Patrick's hand and poured a sizable amount of wine inside.
"I was thinking," said David as he topped up his own glass, "in the spirit of you wanting to be vulnerable with each other," and now Patrick groaned and put his head in his hand, accidentally sloshing the wine, "watch the couch cushions! Anyway, in the spirit of vulnerability, what do you think of a nice drinking game? Two truths and a lie, for example. And, somehow, I think it might be your turn to go first."
David's mouth was twitching with humor, and Patrick could see a potential olive branch when it was being tossed at him, and he grasped it gratefully. "Sounds good, but I was thinking something more like- strip two truths and a lie," he replied, wiggling his eyebrows mock-sexily, and he could see David simultaneously trying not to laugh or blush, which was one of Patrick's favorite settings on him.
"Aha, that old classic. Perhaps we'll, um, work our way up to that, but in the meantime, I think it is very definitely your turn right now." And David sat back on the couch, out of Patrick's reach, looking at him expectantly.
"Ah, um," and Patrick thought for a minute, how could he really make this count, David had done so much just now and was everything to him and needed to know that, and okay, this wouldn't be enough but it was something. "Okay, I've got it," he announced, and David perked up and leaned forward, waiting. "Here goes. Two truths and a lie.
"First one: when I was in high school, I went through a phase when I made everyone call me Rick, because I thought that it would make me seem cool." David snorted, but seemed to be biding his time.
"Second one: I used to make surprise birthday parties for all of my friends, and I always secretly wanted one myself, but nobody ever made one for me, I think because I wasn't there to do it."
David startled. "Okay," he said indignantly, "this is too easy, this one has to be the lie. Nobody with good taste likes surprise parties. They're tacky and impossible to keep secret and the timing on the 'Happy Birthday' is always off." He folded his arms, and Patrick laughed.
"I'm glad you're so sure that's the lie, because it's going to mean that you know the last one is true." And he could feel his voice growing softer, and David seemed to be catching on too, as he leaned in a bit farther, as if in anticipation. "Third one: I knew who you were when I walked into Ray's. I knew your name, because it was on the lease paperwork on Ray's desk, but I also- I also had driven by the general store, a couple days before, and you and Stevie were walking around, pointing at the sign, I guess talking about all of the plans for what to change- and you were just so beautiful. I'd been in Schitt's Creek for two months, and the whole time I'd been going crazy thinking about all of my mistakes and everything I'd left behind, and I saw you and you were the first person I saw who made me- forget all that, just for a minute. I didn't really know why, and I definitely didn't think I'd ever see you again, but you were just so beautiful and so alive that you- you blew my mind, I guess. And it was something that I really needed. You helped me before you ever knew I existed."
Patrick's eyes had gone shut as he'd been talking, and part of it was because he was nervous to see David's face but part was because he was picturing the scene now again, a tall man in an odd gray tunic thing that was flapping in the wind, his gorgeous sharp expressive face alight with excitement and wonder at the newness and potential of what was in front of him. It had made him stop thinking about his past for a minute, to focus on where he was, an odd place but an oddly beautiful one that if nothing else symbolized a new start. It was an image that he kept with him, in his secret album of things that made him love this man who he was so lucky to have on his team.
This man- Patrick opened his eyes to look at David, see what he thought of all of this, and David's face was shining again, and this time there were small tears in the corners of his eyes that Patrick just wanted to kiss away. "That's- that's- why did you never tell me this before, Patrick?"
"I guess I wasn't all that good at being vulnerable," Patrick responded, quippily but also, he knew, all too truthfully, and he and David just laughed together, and it felt a bit like catharsis. This time it was Patrick who reached his hand out for David's and David eagerly acceded. Their hands were intertwined, their wine glasses forgotten on the table. The wine glasses made Patrick remember- "actually," he said, looking at David, "you were wrong about which of the other ones was true. I never made anyone call me Rick. I was a bit of a douche in high school, but not that much of a douche."
David laughed again, the straightforwardly amused kind this time. "I bet you were a bit of a douche, weren't you," he teased. "And- wait, fuck, that means you really do like surprise parties. I love you, but I will never make you a surprise party."
"I know you won't," said Patrick, and his heart felt full.