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English
Series:
Part 3 of Working it all out
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Published:
2019-05-26
Updated:
2019-06-11
Words:
1,573
Chapters:
5/6
Comments:
15
Kudos:
180
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Physical Scars

Summary:

Four times keith gets asked about his scars + one time he gets caught

Suggestion: read 'missing' before reading this

Notes:

I think I'm going to bring up depression in my next therapy session. Also the that i want to off myself 24/7

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Lance

Chapter Text

The first person to ask, to Keith's displeasure, was Lance. It wasn't the fact it was Lance that bothered him, it was where he asked. And where did he ask? I hear you inquire. In the showers.

Yes, the only place where you're not supposed to talk to people.

Keith had brought his knife with him. He figured in the showers was the best place to cut, he did it in the shower on earth aswell. All the blood got washed away. He held the place on his stomche he wanted to cut and swiped over it a few times carefully. This wasn't a problem, it was easy, he had practice, he knew how to do it, how hard to go, how many to do, excetera.

Usually, no one was there when he had a shower. Key word, usually. This time, however, there was someone there. As he came out he saw Lance stood there in all his glory. Not naked, he still had a robe on , thank god, but still. Keith gripped his towel tighter and held his knife firmly. He wasn't expecting Lance to be there.

Lance looked at him, then the knife, then the scars and cuts scattered all over Keith's body. Lance looked awkward, an expression not usually seen on him, and not really sure what to do,
"Were you going to...?"
"No"
Lance raised an eyebrow

He then pointed at Keith's cuts,
"Is that..?"
"No"
Keith responded quickly, trying in vain to cover the fresh cuts. Lance looked at him sympathetically,
"It's okay my sister used to too"

Keith nodded and tried to walk away. Lance grabbed his arm,
"I'm not condoning this, if you need to talk I'm there"

Keith ripped his arm away and spat out a quick "I'm fine" to Lance, quickly getting dressed and leaving.

---------------

Lance thought about keith that night. He started noticing during the next few days that Keith didn't turn up for breakfast. He thought back and relised he hadn't seen Keith eat breakfast in the castle since they got there, and doubted that he had in the garrison.

He did eat dinner and occationally lunch. When he did eat with them he looked awkward and nervous. Playing with his food more than eating it. He wanted to ask Shiro about it but felt like it wasn't his place. As much as he had no sense of personal space or thoughts, he knew when he was crossing a line.

He figured he'd bring it up to hunk and see where to go from there.

Chapter 2: Hunk

Summary:

Hunk finds out and asks questions

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Coincidencidently, Hunk was the next person to talk to him about his scars.

Keith had taken off his jacket off halfway through training since he was hot. Hunk was walking around looking for Shiro, because he had some food related questions about the planet they had just landed on. He had decided to look in the gym, and when he saw keith there he decided to wait and ask Keith if he knew where Shiro was to save time.

Keith didn't notice straight away, and carried on training.

It was mesmerising, his movements quick and fluid like a dancer's. Everytime he took a hit (which wasn't often) he would get back up and dodge the next one.The more Hunk looked at Keith the more he noticed. The amount of muscle on him, which was a lot. He noticeed how thin he was, and remembered Lance telling him that keith skipped meals. He also noticed the bruise-like lines* on his arms, and went back to the conversation he had with Lance about being worried about Keith cutting.

When Keith beat the training bot he lifted up his shirt to wipe sweat from his forehead, reaveling hundreds of fresh cuts and bruises littering his torso. Most of the cuts were under his belly button and obviously self-inflicted.

Hunk let out a short gasp, alerting Keith to his presence.

He whipped around quickly making eye contact with Hunk. He dropped his shirt, covering his chest and stomach, his eyes darted to the side of the room where his jacket was and looked back at hunk before walked over quickly to put it on.
"Keith..."
Hunk whispered, not going anywhere with the sentence.

Keith went to leave but Hunk was blocking his way. He tried to go around him but couldn't,
"Do you need something?"
Keith spat, glaring, obviously not wanting to talk.

Hunk stutterd for a minute before asking where Shiro was, Keith eyed him making Hunk nervous, before saying that he was with allura in the control room, talking about the planet and its inhabitants. Hunk didn't move though,
"You know you can talk to us about anything right?"
He got nothing but silence in return,
"Even if you just feel down and- and need someone to talk to"

Keith glared again, huffing out a gruff "I'm fine" before barging past Hunk with more force than last time.

-------------

Hunk talked to Lance about his meeting with Keith, they decided to take this to Pidge who was smart and would probably know what to do.

Notes:

*i have a load of scars from this year, that look like bruises when I'm stressed/hot

If you have suggestions for other stories, please tell me.

Also if any of my scentences don't make sense, tell me and I'll change it. I'm mostly tired when i write these.

Chapter 3: Pidge

Summary:

It's Pidges time to ask questions

Notes:

Online tests, and my friends: you probably have depression, you have most of the symptoms and i should know I'm designed to tell you/ am clinically depressed/ have searched the symptoms/ know people that are depressed

1 friend: you're faking

Me @everyone: what if I'm faking?

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

It was no suprise to Pidge that Keith was smart. Afterall he had went to the garrison before he got kicked out. He didn't even get kicked out because of his test scores, it was because of his behaviour. He was the top pilot, and when he got kicked out he found the blue lion. So she hung out with him sometimes to talk science, and cryptics.

It was late and there was no immediate threat of battle, so they both were in Pidge's secret room. They were laughing and joking. Keith had taken his jacket off and was absent mindedly rubbing it on his face and lips in circles.

Thats when she really saw them, not like when he lost his jacket and she only saw a flash before he put on Lance's or his own, she really saw them this time. She didn't bring attention to it at first, not wanting to upset him and make him leave. But got more curious as time went on.

"Hey Keith?"
Pidge asked, interrupting Keith's rant on mothman.
"What's that on your arm?"

Keith froze then looked at his arm in suprise.
"Nothing"
He said quickly, and changed the subject. Pidge didn't bring it up again that night. She did however think about it and worry.

But later on Keith fell asleep. Like most people he wriggled in his sleep, his wriggling displaced his shirt. What Pidge saw worried her even more. Hundreds of scars and cuts below his belly button, clumped together and obviously self-inflicted. She felt a coldness in her chest. This was her friend. Even if they hadn't known eachother long, she felt connected to him.

--------------

In the morning Keith noticed Pidge looking at him funny, casting him sideways glances. He brushed it off as her not getting enough sleep.

When she went down to the dining room to eat breakfast Keith went to the gym to train like usual. She looked at him weirdly then aswell.

--------------

Later when Lance and Hunk came to talk to her about Keith she told them that she noticed it too. She told them that when she mentioned it he changed the subject, and when he rolled over in his sleep she saw what she thought was all his scars.

They had no idea what to do. None of them knew Keith that well, or what he had been through. So they decided to go to someone who did.

This is when they finally went to Shiro.

Notes:

Comments fuel my desire to write

If you have suggestions, suggest them please

Chapter 4: Shiro

Summary:

The trio talk to Shiro. Shiro talks to keith

Notes:

I want to death myself

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

When the trio come to Shiro and asked to talk in private, Shiro is understandably worried. They told him all about what they'd noticed. The fresh cuts, the old scars, the skipping meals. Shiro sighed deeply and said he would talk to Keith.

-----------

When he finds Keith, it's not in the training deck or his room like you would expect. It's in the room with the window to space. He walks over and sits next to Keith and sees the vacant look in his eyes.

He wraps his arms around Keith and sighs deeply.
"Look kiddo, I don't know what you're going through, but I'm always here to listen, we all are. Lance, Hunk and Pidge told me about how you're cutting again, and skipping meals"
Keith says nothing. They sit in silence for a while.

"Space is really big"
Keith whispers,
"Yeah"
Shiro says softly,
"If it's so big, why does it matter that I'm here?"

Shiro doesn't know how to respond to that, but tries anyway.
"You're a paladin"
"Anyone could be a paladin"
"I'd be sad if you weren't here, so would everyone else"
"You'd get over it"

Shiro looked at Keith worridly, but chooses not to answer and just squeezes Keith tighter. They fall asleep like that. Keith in Shiro's arms, safe with someone he considers to be a father figure.

-------------

Shiro was worried about Keith. Last time he got like this he almost killed himself. Shiro felt helpless, but remembered the people that brought this to his attention in the first place.

With this Shiro formulated a plan.

Notes:

I'm sorry if this is inaccurate, I'm not basing it on an experience, even loosly.

Suggestions?

Chapter 5: Not a chapter

Chapter Text

I'm really sorry about not updating this, I'm not feeling so good (mr stark) and have felt like everything has been too much. I don't think i can make 5 things that will be readable, but I'll try to do the +1.

Again I'm really sorry

Notes:

Keith is me in fics i write 9 times out of 10

Have any ideas for stories? Please tell me.

Series this work belongs to: