Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Saturday.

Best day of the week, in your opinion. You’re lazily sprawled out across your boyfriend’s lap, pretending to text. They key word here is pretending, because you aren’t texting obviously. You’re watching Dave out of the corner of your eye. He isn’t doing anything particularly interesting, just watching television, but you stare at him nonetheless. This shouldn’t be a big deal, right? You shouldn’t have to hide your staring!

Dave is not your boyfriend.

Dirk is your boyfriend.

Dave is Dirk’s twin brother. They look similar, as twins often do, but they had their noticeable differences. Dirk lacked a certain… cool kid charm that Dave carried with him in whatever he did. Dave had a fairly large amount of freckles painted across his face; Dirk, on the other hand, had just a few dusting his cheeks. Dirk often styled his hair, a darker blonde than Dave’s. Dave left his down and untamed, and oh how you admired when it curled at the ends because he hadn’t had it trimmed it in a while. You’ve never seen Dave’s eyes. You’d like to. Dirk mentioned once that Dave’s eyes were a different colour than his own, but didn’t tell you what colour. If they were even half as beautiful as Dirk’s though, it’d be worth it. Those differences aside, the Strider twins were pretty much identical.

Now, you didn’t start coming over to the Strider household on Saturdays just to stare at Dirk’s brother. No, you were a faithful boyfriend, at first. You didn’t look at other people, you didn’t flirt with other people, and you didn’t even think compromising thoughts about other people. Nope. You were grade-A boyfriend material. That is, until you realized you were looking at another person, you did want to flirt with another person, and you most certainly could not stop thinking compromising thoughts about this other person. This person being Dave, obviously.

Dirk was a good boyfriend, too, not to be mistaken. He was a bit of a bad influence; convinced you to get your tongue pierced, persuaded you to cut class more than a couple times, and wooed you into going with him to more than a few illegal parties over the last year. He did some questionable things, sure, but in the end he always looked out for you. You can recall (just barely) a party the two of you went to over the summer, you got wasted, Dirk was quick to scoop you up and take you home with him to keep you from getting into things you couldn’t handle.

Speaking of being wasted, that’s actually how you met Dirk. It started as a drunken one night stand. You and Dirk met at a homecoming after party (really it should’ve just been classified as a regular party considering the vast amount of non-high schoolers that were attending but whatever), you were both pretty hammered. Next thing you know you’re sucking dick in the backseat of his Camaro. The night ended, you both went home. Game over.

Not.

Turns out Dirk was a senior at your school. You passed each other in the hallway several times after that night before he finally said something to you. Something about how you’re not in any of his classes? You had to tell him you were a junior. He laughed complimented your dick-sucking skills, like there was some sort of age requirement for being good at sucking somebody off.

The two of you started talking, off and on to begin with, then pretty regularly. You were both into some of the same things, other things you didn’t see eye to eye on at all. He was fun to talk to. A week before Christmas he invited you to his house and kissed you under the mistletoe. Oh how your heart did swoon when his pink lips met your own. You were head over heels, well you thought you were. Young love. Not long after that, you declared yourselves official boyfriends and started spending every moment you could together, which brings us to Saturdays.

At first you loved Saturday because it was the only day of the week you could see Dirk for more than an hour or so at a time. Your junior year ended, you spent almost every day of the summer with Dirk. Some of those days were spent with his brother, too. That’s when you started to notice Dave. First he was just your boyfriend’s brother, then he was your friend (you hoped), and now he’s the boy you want to bang on every surface in sight (to put it bluntly).

School started again, Dirk and Dave no longer seniors; you couldn’t see Dirk at lunch or in the halls anymore. Saturdays suddenly became more important, not only were they the only days you could actually spend time with Dirk, they were also the only days you could see his dumb brother. You saw Dirk on weekdays; he picked you up from school after choir rehearsals, usually took you for food, and then took you home. But Dave, you didn’t see him on weekdays anymore. Suddenly Saturday became the only day you saw him, and some Saturdays you didn’t see him at all. You lived for the ones where he made an appearance.

To make matters worse, Dave was planning on going to college out of state. He took a year off to relax after graduating, but he was going to study music in Portland next fall. Dirk was going to community college in your town; he said it was so he didn’t have to leave you behind. That makes you glad, not because Dirk didn’t leave, but because if he would have left you’d have no excuse to see Dave on Saturdays.

And that’s it right there, the thought that made you realize you’re fucked. You have a huge crush on your boyfriend’s brother and you are royally fucked.

Sometimes, you think Dave knows you’re staring, it’s not often but occasionally you see a smirk pulling at the corners of his mouth, or his head turn ever so slightly towards you before snapping his attention back to whatever he’d been looking at before. Now, you could just be crazy because you can’t actually see most of his face. He wears these huge stupid aviator sunglasses like 24/7.

Dirk leans forward and kisses the back of your neck before mumbling into it, “Get off me fat- ass, I’ve gotta piss.” He playfully shoves you to the side and you drop your phone on the couch.

“Rude.” You laugh and reach a leg up to kick him in the butt as he’s walking away. He stops you by grabbing your leg and pulling you forward with a smirk. He’s towering over you, looking pleased with himself.

“Gotcha.” He grins; you stick out your tongue in retort. Your tongue-ring clicks awkwardly against your teeth as you pull it back into your mouth. He leans closer, almost fully on top of you (in a hovering sense) by this point. You reach a hand up to playfully push him away but he stops you again by grabbing your wrist. “Ah ah ah, I thought you’d learned your lesson.” He runs the hand that had a hold of your ankle up your leg and grabs your calf just under your knee, jerking you towards him slightly.

“I guess you’ll have to teach me again.” You reply as coolly as you can manage. His smirk broadens and he leans all the way in, locking his lips with yours. Your glasses clank together awkwardly and it makes him smile into the kiss. He still has one of your hands in his grasp, but the other you are free to move, so you do. You trace your fingers up his chest and around his neck to the base of his hair as lightly as you can, and you can practically feel him shudder when you do.

“Get a room.” Your kiss is interrupted by the very disgruntled sounding voice of the other boy in the room. “Can’t even watch TV without my brother and his beau macking on each other less than 5 feet away.” He shakes his head and tsks his tongue.

Dirk rolls his eyes, or so it looks like it, a bit hard to tell with the dark tinted glasses in front of them. He gives you one more quick kiss before standing up and patting the side of your thigh. “We’ll finish this later.” He winks and strides away, coolly as he pleases.

You can feel your face redden and your eyes lock on Dave. You awkwardly clear your throat, reach for your phone, sit up, and straighten the wrinkles out of your shirt. “Sorry.”

Dave glances at you and quirks an eyebrow above his glasses. “For?”

You shrug a little and fidget with the end of your shirt, avoiding eye to eye contact, or in this case eye-to-sunglasses contact. “Kissing Dirk in the li-”

“He is your boyfriend, right?” He cuts you off. You give a small nod. “Then kiss him where you want.”

“But you just sai-”

“It was a joke, Egbert, lighten up.” He turns his head back to the television. You stare, not on purpose (this time), but you do stare. After a few beats of silence he speaks again, “You’re not very subtle, are you?” Fuck.

“Uh, what?” You shuffle uncomfortably on the couch. God, this was awkward. You prided yourself on the ability to take any situation and turn it comedic when you were out of your comfort zone, but for some reason it was really hard to do that around Dave.

“You’re gaping at me pretty hardcore, bro. I mean, I know I’m hot but God damn, keep it in your pants.” He turns to you again, the same sickening smirk Dirk wears all too often has somehow managed to find itself on Dave’s face.

“I’m not staring – I mean I was staring but not because, just.. you.. ugh.” You groan; you’re pretty sure you’re blushing and your heart is beating slightly faster than normal.

“It’s cool, Johnny boy, I can keep a secret.” He brings his index finger and thumb to his lips and makes a zipping motion. “Dirk won’t know about your mancrush on me, scouts honor.”

Your eyes widen and you open your mouth to protest but you’re stopped before you can start. Dirk plops down beside you and throws an arm over your shoulder. “So what’re you two hens chatting about?”

Dave looks at you expectantly, you shake your head in reply. “Nothing.” Real smooth. Real inconspicuous. You’re a terrible liar.

Dirk shrugs and pulls out his phone with the hand that isn’t over your shoulder. “What do you wanna do tonight, John?” He’s absentmindedly scrolling through Facebook with his thumb. You shrug. “What no plans? No ideas?” You shrug again. “Dave?” He looks up at his brother.

“Huh?”

“Plans, tonight, you.”

“Oh, nah. Just gonna stay home and waste my youth away playing mind-numbing videogames.”

“Sounds fun.” Dirk deadpans. Dave shrugs.

Silence falls after that, Dirk idly scrolling through his phone, Dave watching TV, and you watching Dave. You know for sure he looked at you this time, a smirk on his lips. God was it really that obvious that you liked him? Was Dave just kidding? Fuck. Well, Dirk didn’t seem to notice… You hoped. Then again, why would he ask Dave about his plans? Dirk rarely invites Dave to tag along with the two of you. Fuck, what if Dirk did know? Fuuuuck. You have got to stop staring at Dave.

As much as you don’t want to, you pull your eyes off of Dave and onto the TV. You nervously fidget with the hem of your shirt for the entirety of the TV show that’s on, wanting more than anything to look back at Dave, but you resist the urges.

After what literally feels like forever, Dirk stands up. “I’m bored, wanna go somewhere?” He looks to you. You shrug and stand up to. “Great, be back later Dave.”

“Wear a condom.” Dave doesn’t even look over.

“Eat a dick,” Dirk rolls his eyes.

“I would if there were one readily available.” Dave retorts.

“Nasty.”

“Says the one with cum stains in the backseat of his car.” Dave looks over at the two of you with a knowing smirk. You didn’t mean to, but you could feel your cheeks heating up with a blush. Dave notices. “Ah, so those are yours?” He raises an eyebrow at you.

You immediately shake your head, out of embarrassment. Dirk tosses the television remote at him, he ducks and laughs. “They’re not his, duckweed.” Dave doesn’t say anything else; he just turns his attention back to the TV with a big ol’ smirk glued to his face.

Dirk grabs his jacket of the back of the couch and offers you yours, you take it. He holds the door for you like a proper gentleman, and then grabs your ass when you walk past. You look at him over your shoulder and raise an eyebrow. He looks around innocently and whistles while shutting the door behind him.

“Wasn’t me.” He throws up his hands defensively.

“I’m sure.” You let your eyes roll and he grins. He walks up beside you and matches your pace as the two of you approach the car, of course you don’t make it, because as you reach to open the door he puts a hand on your shoulder and spins you around, pinning you to the door. There’s the smirk again. He easily slides is hands up behind your thighs and pulls you forward, lifting your feet off the ground.

“Told you we’d finish this later.” His words roll off his tongue seductively before he connects your lips, there isn’t much resistance on your part considering you can’t touch the ground in your current position.

Not like you’d want to resist, anyway. You let yourself melt into the kiss and glide on leg around Dirk’s waist, then the other. His hands were still on your butt, holding you in place, but you didn’t need them there now. Your arms are draped lazily over his shoulders and you’re idly dancing the fingers of your right hand through his hair. He grins into the kiss and pulls back just a little bit, “Ooh la la, Egbert.”

You smile and use your left hand to smack him in the chest, “Shut up.”

“Make me.”

You roll your eyes. Quite possibly the most cliché line ever and yet for some reason it made you want to make him. So you did. You closed the space between your lips again, this time slowly running your tongue along his bottom lip. He got the message and parted his lips, allowing the real spit swapping to begin. You tug at the hair on the back of Dirk’s head, causing him to make a noise. You’d already decided ages ago that you like it when he makes noise while you’re kissing. You repeat the gesture a little harder. He repeats the noise a little louder.

Dirk’s glasses still awkwardly clank yours every time he moves his head. The sound started to become familiar, endearing even. The only way to avoid it was if Dirk took off his shades, which he did not do as often as you would like. With that thought you let your mind drift back to Dave and what his eyes look like. You really wanted to know. Were they a strange colour like Dirk’s, is that why he hid-

You’re snapped out of your thoughts by a small pain in your lower lip, you slacked on your end of the kiss and Dirk picked it up. A low pleasurable moan escapes from your throat when he bites your lip, you can feel your cheeks heat up with blush. You like kissing Dirk, you do, but you do not like not being in control. He repeats the bite, harder this time, tugging your lip between his teeth as he ends the kiss, and starts kissing down your chin and along your jaw. The kisses make it to your neck and you crane it at an awkward angle to allow him to keep going. He does.

At some point between starting and now Dirk moved you onto the hood of the car, making the kissing significantly easier; your legs were still lazily wrapped around him, your hands no longer interested in his hair. You slowly danced your fingers up his chest as he kissed down your neck. This entire relationship was basically how far can you go to get the other one horny before stopping yourself.

You usually won. A pretty obvious domination kink and a slightly less obvious exhibitionism kink made for the best gay chicken player ever. Dirk would start kissing you and you’d end it with him too hard to be in front of anyone. It was satisfying, having so much power, you couldn’t lie.

Both your and Dirk’s head snapped to the side when a car drove by, causing water from last night’s rain to slosh into the air, fuck. You were out in the open. There are children around. You can’t start banging each other on the hood of his car.

He gives you one more quick kiss before slowly disconnecting himself from you. “To be continued.”

You shoot him a flirty smile and hop off the hood. You slide into the passenger seat of his gaudy orange and black Camaro and wait for him to go around to the driver’s door. He gets in as you’re pulling your seatbelt across your chest and leans over the console to kiss you again; you briefly return the kiss and then push him back, pointing to the steering wheel. He gets the hint, smirks, and puts the car in reverse. He casually places one arm over the back of your seat while his head is turned, a smooth gesture on his part.

You relax into your seat and reach an arm up to turn on the radio, begging every God you’ve ever heard of not to let it be some stupid love song about being in love with the wrong person. Every God wasn’t listening.

Chapter Text

Dirk liked to impress you, when he could. Honestly, you’d be happy with some McDonalds and a Redbox DVD, but Dirk wasn’t a cheapskate. Your current outing, for example, started with a trip to Applebees, where the two of you split a rack of ribs and a bowl of spinach & artichoke dip. Next Dirk suggested you wander around the mall for a few hours, out to cure his own boredom probably. He bought you a pair of shoes, two shirts, and a fancy bottle of cologne as you hopped from store to store. He didn’t just spend on you, either; he bought himself a new hat and a high dollar pair of Nikes. You couldn’t help but wonder where he got all this money. As far as you know he doesn’t have a job?

Whatever, not your business. And now we’ve come to the current time, 7:04 PM. You and your incredibly handsome boyfriend have both just crammed your purchases into the trunk of his car. You’re walking back to the mall, hand in hand. Dirk’s hands are a little sweaty, but then again whose aren’t? His hand is also fairly bigger than your own, your fingers fit nicely between his but his fingers didn’t fit so well between yours.

“You sure you don’t wanna head out now?” He tilts his head in your direction when he speaks. “It was just a suggestion, we don’t actually have to see a movie, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.” You shrug. “I don’t have anything better to do than hang out with your lame ass though.” You grin.

“Aw man, really?” He feigns offence. “That’s how it’s gonna be?”

You nod and shrug one of your shoulders. “That’s how it’s gonna be.”

He shakes his head and clutches the fabric of his shirt above his heart. “That’s cold, dude, cuts deep.” He brings his fist up to his eye and pretends to wipe tears while sniffling.

“Oh hush, you big baby!” You bump your shoulder against his and laugh. He mimics your action and laughs as well.

After your laughter secedes, the two of you are left in a comfortable silence the rest of the way to the doors of the mall. You swing his and your own hand back and forth as you walk. He shakes his head and smiles when you do.

The two of you hadn’t exactly agreed on any movie in particular yet, but while you were deciding on snacks you also decided the new Spiderman that was out would be fun to see. Well, you decided, Dirk kind of just hummed a little in agreement when you suggested it. You got two packs of Twizzlers, a medium popcorn to share, and a large Pepsi. Dirk would’ve liked to get a box of Reese’s Pieces but he’s all too aware of your severe peanut allergy, so he opts out of candy and just agrees to share popcorn with you. He also gets and Orange Crush soda, which you think is pretty disgusting.

As entertaining as it would be to describe the two of you sitting in a dark room watching a man in red and blue spandex swing around New York for two and a half hours, we aren’t going to do that. Just assume the movie passed nicely, you reacted accordingly as it progressed and came out of it feeling a sense of excitement for the next one. What possible shenanigans can Peter Parker get into next?

It’s dark outside by the time the movie ends, Dirk asks if you want to crash at his place tonight, you say you’d love to but you can’t because you have to help your dad with yard work tomorrow, he understands and takes you home. You kiss him goodnight on the porch before slipping inside and saying hello to your dad. You dad asks how your day was, you hold up the bags with the things Dirk bought you inside, he nods understandingly. You tell him you’re going to shower and go to bed, he says alright and that he loves you. You tell him you love him too.

Just like you said you would, you take a quick shower, cuddle up between your mattress and your blankets, and let yourself fall asleep. Sleep is usually peaceful for you, save for the occasional weird nightmare. Tonight is no different; you have a really nice dream.

A really really nice dream.

You manage to pull yourself from your unconscious state and blink a few times to get rid of the white tired haze. Your mouth tastes like shit and you yawn to let some less disgusting air flow in. You reach your arms above your head lazily and stretch a little bit – that’s when you notice it.

Your little friend is awake too. Fucking teenage hormones man, they suck.

You are like 80% sure you didn’t even have a wet dream last night. In fact it was the complete opposite of a wet dream, not one sexual thing happened (well you kissed but that doesn’t count).

Not to say your dream wasn’t incredibly gay, because it was.

It was really gay.

You were at Dirk’s house, where the two of you usually hung out, but Dirk wasn’t around. Why were you here? Actually his whole house seemed pretty empty. You walked around, trailing your fingers along the wall in some places. At the end of the hallway was a door, one you’ve never been in. Dave’s room. Your hand hovered above the handle for a good two minutes before the door slowly opened on it’s own. You retracted your hand immediately and stared at the door.

“Well are you gonna come in your what?” A voice from the other side.

You clenched your jaw and waited for a second before lightly pushing on the door. The room was really special; it wasn’t how you imagined Dave’s bedroom though. Maybe you just didn’t know how to imagine it, since you’d never seen it? You slowly poke your head inside the door and look around. It’s basically empty, white walls, white carpet, white ceiling, and a red armchair in the middle.

Dave sat sprawled across the armchair, one of his legs over the arm, his elbow propped on the arm opposite. His other hand was laid across his chest and his other leg was in front of the chair, foot firmly on the floor. He quirked an eyebrow when you entered. You could feel yourself swallow hard.

“Are you just going to stand there all day?”

You blinked yourself out of your confused daze and shake your head, “No, no sorry , have you seen Dirk?”

“Ain’t here.”

“Uh, do you…” You made a vague circular hand gesture, “Know where he is?” You finish quietly.

He shrugs.

You nod. Silence came after that. You don’t look at Dave, instead you look down and nervously fidget with the hem or your shirt. If felt like all of your confidence was drained out of you. Your throat felt tight and your tongue was dry.

Movement outside of your vision got your attention and you looked up. Dave was standing. Both his eyebrows were raised above his glasses. Your eyes darted everywhere but him. He took a step towards you. Your heart fluttered. Another step. Your breath hitched.  Another. Your eyes finally fell on him. He was unbearably close and you could almost feel his skin. He put a hand on your shoulder and whispered in your ear, “Come on, Egbert.” You stood still. He walked past.

After several beats of silence, you turned to face him, as you did the walls of the room melted away. They were replaced with a grassy field surrounded by trees and filled with yellow wild flowers. When your eyes fell on him again he was dressed in an all-white suit with a red vest, red tie, and red rose accent. He held his hand out to you and you hesitantly took it. He pulled you forward and placed one hand on your back. You were short enough that at this distance your eyes were equal with his lips; your eyes trailed up his face and were met with the same familiar aviators.

Inwardly you sighed; this close and you still couldn’t see his eyes. He must’ve sensed your disappointment because he used his free hand to push his glasses to the top of his head (causing his hair to poke up where it it was disturb). Your jaw fell open slightly; his eyes were a brilliant shade of red. That’s when you realized you must’ve been dreaming. In fact, you were sure you were dreaming. No way anybody’s eyes could be so… mystic? Entrancing? Unnatural?

You stared for a long time, taking in every detail. Every freckle. Every slightly out of place blonde eyelash. Absentmindedly, you brought the back of your hand up to his face and slowly brushed your knuckles against his cheek. He flinched slightly but didn’t stop you. Your dropped your hand down to rest on his shoulder and without thinking about it lifted yourself up onto your tiptoes and kissed him.

It wasn’t a long kiss. It wasn’t very passionate. It was a simple kiss, lasted maybe four seconds. His lips were soft. You let your eyes flutter shut and breathed him in. It was almost intoxicating, the simplicity of the kiss.

The kiss was broken and you slowly lowered yourself. A smirk made its way onto Dave’s lips and he looked down at you with eye’s half-lidded.

“Don’t worry, Egbert, your mancrush is safe with me.” He winked. You opened your mouth to speak but words didn’t come. Dave leaned forward and kissed you again. You let yourself melt into the kiss and into Dave. The world started fading black and the kiss felt never-ending.

That’s enough reliving your gay ass dream. You take care of your little (figuratively speaking of course) issue and take another shower for good measure. You exit the shower without a shirt and still-damp hair. Your dad’s already started breakfast so you quietly slide into a chair at the kitchen table and wait. After a few minutes, he slides a plate full of bacon and eggs in front of you. You thank him and he joins you at the table. You eat in silence for a while, but sure enough Dad strikes up conversation.

“So,” He clears his throat and pokes at his eggs. “What’d you do yesterday?”

You shrug and bite off a piece of bacon. “Hung out with Dirk, went to the mall, saw a movie.”

He nods and picks at his food a bit more. Something is obviously on his mind. He eats a few more bites and finally speaks again, “John you know I’m proud of you right?” You inwardly roll your eyes, you know, he tells you every day almost. “You’re growing up so fast and I just want to make sure you’re safe.” You raise an eyebrow and he thinks for a second before continuing. “Are you…” He makes vague circular motions with his fork. “Still a…” He’s obviously having a hard time getting it out; if you could blame your awkward tendencies on anyone, it was your dad.

“A virgin?” You laugh.

“Yeah.” He says sheepishly.

Time to put on your best bullshit face. “Yeah dad, jeez, why wouldn’t I be? Have you seen me? I am like the biggest nerd in the tri-state area.”

He nods thoughtfully. “I just want you to know… if you are,” More vague motions. “Doing things… just be safe okay? Don’t be afraid to ask me if you need anything.”

You nod. “Yeah, dad! I will.” It was actually really sweet how much he cared and how awkward he was about showing the more... personal… sides of it.

“Alright.” He nods. “Alright." He repeats. "Good talk.” He stands up with his plate in hand and silently offers to take yours. You hand it to him and stand up as well. “So you’re still up for mowing the lawn?” You nod. He smiles gratefully and puts the plates in the sink.

Mowing isn’t exactly the most fun way to spend your weekend, but you told Dad you would so there’s no backing down now. Instead of going into great detail about how you totally slayed the lawn and ridded it of all the scraggly grass and unruly weeds, we’ll just skip that. It’s safe to say you are pretty good at getting the job done. If you're lucky this will be the last time you have to mow this year, it was early October so the weather was starting to cool down and HOPEFULLY the grass would stop fucking growing.

You go inside after you finish and grab a glass of water; since it’s cool you didn’t really work up a sweat. You’re grateful for that; you’ve already taken like three showers in the last 24 hours. You plop your butt down in your computer desk chair and open up all your usual tabs and windows. Dirk isn’t on Pesterchum right now, so you assume he’s sleeping (even though it’s 1 PM, time is irrelevant once you get out of high school apparently.) You browse the web for a couple hours before boredom overcomes you. You’re just about to put your computer to sleep when a string of red text interrupts you.

[turntechGodhead began pestering ectoBiologist at 3:17 PM]
TG: hey egbabe
EB: dave?

You'd added Dave on Pesterchum ages ago but you’ve never actually had a conversation with him, save for either of you asking the other if they’d seen or heard from Dirk. This was a bit of a surprise, to say the least.

TG: the one and only hot stuff
TG: whatchu up to?
TG: saw you come online ages ago but dirk aint been around
TG: thought i could satisfy your sweet strider craving
EB: uh, i was about to leave, actually.
TG: oh shit well dont i have great timing
TG: swooped in and saved your poor breaking heart right at the last second
TG: i must be some sort of knight of good timing
EB: i don’t wanna be rude but why are you messaging me?
TG: oh come on we both know youve been giving me googoo eyes for months now
TG: figure id give you a taste of the real deal
TG: adventure de la dave
TG: dont worry though thisll be our secret
TG: my lips are sealed princess
EB: i have NOT been giving you googoo eyes!
TG: yeah and im bing brosby
EB: you mean crosby?
TG: brosby
EB: okay then, weirdo. i’m leaving now!
TG: alright see you soon
TG: ;)
[ectoBiologist ceased pestering turntechGodhead at 3:32 PM]

You slumped in your chair and put your hands over your face. Whyyyyy did God hate you? Why couldn’t you just have a nice normal crush on your boyfriend’s brother without him egging you on? Okay, so crushing on your boyfriend’s brother isn’t exactly normal but at least you weren’t like acting on it. Dave is though, for some reason. He’s probably just fucking with you!

Your stomach twists sourly as you stand up. Time to go downstairs and never get on the computer ever again in your entire life. You miserably make your way downstairs and settle onto the couch next to your dad. He looks over at you and grins, you nod in return.

“Up for a movie night?” He questions.

“Sure.”

“Great.” He pats your shoulder and stands up. “Anything in mind?”

“Anything mind-numbing.”

He looks over his shoulder at you and quirks an eyebrow. You shake your head in reply. He frowns and turns his attention back to the entertainment center, idly trailing his fingers over the backs of DVDS. “Nasional Treasure?” He looks back at you again.

“Eh, not really in the mood for Nic Cage.” You shrug.

He fully turns around this time and puts one hand on his hip (in the manliest way of course, your dad is quite fit; he can make any pose work to his advantage.) “Who are you and what have you done with my son?”

You give him a weak smile and roll your eyes. “Just pick a movie, dad!”

He laughs and turns back around. After a few more suggestions that you shoot down, you finally agree on a mini movie marathon. Iron Man centric. You loved superheroes; your dad wasn’t so familiar with them. Whenever you watch superhero movies with him he always asks 100 questions. You don’t really think he’s that interested, but he pretends because you’re interested in it.

It’s after ten when the two of your are finally done, he says he’s going to turn in, you tell him goodnight, and once again he tells you he’s proud and he loves you. He also rubs your hair (which somehow makes it MORE unruly) and tells you you’re becoming a fine young man. He finally goes to his room and you fall sideways onto the couch, effectively taking up the entire thing. You groan into the sofa pillow and flail your limbs.

Apparently even a nice Iron Man marathon couldn’t take your mind off the problem at hand. As much as you don’t want to, you pull out your phone and open Pesterchum Mobile. The minute you’re online Dirk pesters you.

[timaeusTestified began pestering ectoBiologist at 10:42 PM]
TT: Hey, where have you been all day?
EB: i watched movies with my dad, sorry!
TT: Nah, it’s cool. What’s up?
EB: not much, actually. thinking about going to bed, got a lot on my mind.
TT: Oh? What’s troubling you mi amor?
EB: oh my god, dirk!

You laugh and catch yourself grinning like an idiot. Maybe if you didn’t like Dirk as much as you did liking Dave wouldn’t be such a fucking issue. Ugh. You know what they say, John, if you really loved the first person would you have fallen for the second?

EB: you dork.
TT: What, can’t I speak the language of love to my boyfriend?
EB: i’m pretty sure french is the language of love, dude.
TT: It’s not the language when we make love.

You stare at your screen for a few seconds, your face hot with blush, before you bring the sofa pillow back to your face and internally groan. You could practically feel Dirk smirking from here, what an ASSHOLE.

TT: Oh no, did I embarrass you? What a shame.
EB: shut up!
TT: There he is.
EB: you are such a turd sometimes!
TT: You love it.
EB: unfortunately.
TT: Do you need me to pick you up for school in the morning?
EB: if you want.
TT: Of course I want, maybe I can convince you to cut class and spend the day with me.
EB: i spent the day with you yesterday!
TT: Yes, but tomorrow is a new day. Plus, Dave and I are planning on going to the lake, we figured you’d want to tag along.

Oh great, Dave. Play it cool, Egbert.

EB: on a monday?
TT: Hell yeah.
EB: in october?
TT: The high tomorrow is supposed to be almost 80.
EB: i dunno, dirk.
TT: Come on, you big chicken.
EB: fine fine! alright, pick me up at 7 like normal.
TT: Sweet.
EB: and if i’m going to be taking part in your nefarious activities, i expect breakfast!
TT: Nefarious activities? We’re going swimming, not out to steal the crown jewels.
EB: so you think, hehehe.
TT: Go to bed you massive dork.
EB: i was trying!
TT: Goodnight.
[ectoBiologist ceased pestering timaeusTestified at 11:05 PM]

You sigh and pocket your phone before rolling off the couch and basically dragging yourself up the stairs. You collapse onto your bed without even bothering to change your clothes. Why do you willing put yourself in these situations?

Chapter Text

Dirk picks you up at seven, just like he always does, only this time he isn’t alone. Another very identical-to-Dirk looking Strider occupies the back seat. He gives you a knowing grin when you approach the car; you ignore him and head for the driver’s side window.

“Did you snag your dad’s phone?” Dirk raises an eyebrow.

You shove the small flip-phone through the window at Dirk. “Yeah, hurry up before he notices we’re still out here.”

Dirk nods and takes the phone. “I can’t believe your dad still uses this dinosaur.” He laughs and shakes his head.

“Just hurry up, asshole.” You hiss.

He opens it and dials the number for your school – he has it memorized because he used to call in fake sick all the time. He puts the phone to his ear and clears his throat while it rings. You see him wink at you from behind his shades and you roll your eyes. Dave is watching from the back seat with an amused expression.

“Hello?” Dirk says, making his voice slightly deeper than normal. “Yes, hello Bonnie, this is John Egbert’s father.” A pause. “Yes ma’am. John isn’t feeling so hot today; so I’m going to keep him home and see if it blows over. If he doesn’t need to see a doctor you can expect him back tomorrow.” He was really good at pretending to be formal. You would never have guessed you were talking to a tatted-up teenager with an eyebrow piercing and a couple of lip rings if you were on the other end of that call. “Alright, thank you. Yes, you too. Have a nice day.” He clicks the red hang-up button and hands you the phone, looking a little too pleased with myself.

You shake your head and smile before darting back up to your front door. You poke your head in and call out “Dad! I forgot my science book!” A lie to sneakily get your dad’s phone back into the house.

A hum of approval comes from the kitchen; you take it as an OK to enter. You toss your dad’s phone onto the sofa – he’ll think he just misplaced it. You’re about to dash out the door again when you hear your father clear his throat behind you. Fuck.

You slowly turn to meet his expression, his eyebrow raised high. “Yeah…?” You ask weakly. He gestures to the science text book on the coffee table. You pull a face and step up to grab it. “Oops, I must’ve grabbed the wrong one... Again.” You point your thumb, over your shoulder, towards your backpack. “My bad.”

“Yeah.” He looks at you with a half serious expression. “Get to school.” You think he’s mad for a second but then he cracks a smile that says otherwise.

You nod and wave over your shoulder, “See you this afternoon, dad!” You call out before shutting the door behind you. That was a close one.

Dirk and Dave are still waiting at the end of your driveway. You walk up much less fidgety than you were before. “What took ya?” Dirk hums; putting the car into reverse after you shut the door and pull your seatbelt over your chest.

“Close call with dad.” You shrug. “Nothing I couldn’t handle.”

Dave leans forward in the back and puts a hand on either side of your seat, “Have experience with close calls, do ya, John?”

You roll your eyes and ignore him. Dirk laughs.

After a few moments of silence, you speak up. “So where are we going?”

“Well, as I recall, you wanted breakfast.” Dirk reminds you.

Oh yeah, that explains why your stomach is growling. You settle into your seat and watch the buildings pass as Dirk drives. He glances over at you a few times and you smile weakly, he smiles back and that’s about the most exciting thing that happened on your drive.

Around 7:30 he pulls into the drive-in of the farthest out Sonic in town. You figure he chose this one since it was closer to where you were headed than most of the other fast food places. He presses the red call button and looks over his shoulder at Dave.

“Order quick, boys.”

Dave sits up and leans towards the window to get a better view of the menu, you do the same - only you’re leaning across Dirk’s lap. Dirk obviously doesn’t seem to mind.

“Two breakfast burritos and some OJ.” Dave decides, and resumes his position in the back seat.

“Gotcha. John?”

“A sausage egg sandwich, a hash brown, and a coke.” You lean back into your own seat.

Dirk places the order, he gets breakfast burritos too. The carhop brings the food out a few minutes later. The three of you decide to eat there before heading out again. There isn’t much conversation while you’re eating, which you’re grateful for. Dirk just asks if you brought swim shorts with you, you nod and gesture to your backpack (which is thrown on the floorboard of the backseat).

You leave Sonic and stop at a gas station to get one of those Styrofoam coolers, a few bottles of water, some soda, and a couple candy bars. Dirk pays for it all; you’re still not sure how he can afford all this shit.

The rest of the ride to the lake is pretty quiet too, Dave makes a few jokes about the stains in the backseat being shaped like animals; Dirk shuts him up by cranking the radio. At some point during the ride your hand found itself intertwined with Dirk’s across the middle console. You try to ignore Dave as best as you can.

Dirk said the lake would be pretty empty and he was right, there wasn’t a soul in sight. It looks like your little trio gets the whole beach to itself today. Dirk sets up a make-shift rest area next to a picnic table with a blanket and some towels he pulled out of the trunk; he puts the cooler on top of them to weigh them down.

“So who’s getting in first?” Dave asks with a very large smirk on his face.

“Why don’t you?” Dirk returns the smirk.

“I’m not crazy! It’s only like sixty degrees out here, that water is probably freezing!”

“Good, it’ll go perfect with your heart.” Dirk looks at you and winks when he says that, a signal that he’s just fucking with Dave. You think. You hope?

“Wow that’s cold.” Dave feigns offense.

You laugh and speak up. “Like your heart?” Dirk high fives you.

“Ouch, double teamed.” Dave shakes his head. “I thought you were nice, Egbert.”

“Don’t assume things.” You enunciate the word ‘assume’ with hopes that Dave understand that you’re implying he needs to drop the crush stuff. Instead he just shoots you a wink when Dirk isn’t looking (you’re pretty sure he winked, anyway, you’ve been getting pretty great at reading a Strider’s facial expressions from only the parts not covered by their shades). You roll your eyes.

Dirk lies down on the blanket once it’s set up; he looks to you and pats the spot next to him before interlocking his fingers behind his head. You take the hint that he wants you to lie next to him, but instead of lying next to him you put your legs over his stomach and rest your feet comfortably on the other side. He makes an “oofing” noise at the initial impact from the sudden weight. He turns his head in your direction and arches an eyebrow. Your reply with a grin and awkward lying-down shrug. He shakes his head and laughs before resuming his previous position.

“Aw, great.” Dave groans before plopping down beside the two of you. “I’m the third wheel.”

“We can make this a tricycle, bro.” Dirk hums, not even bothering to open his eyes.

“Oh, gross dude, I’m your brother.” Dave laughs. Dirk only shrugs in reply. Sometimes Dirk worries you, he really truly does.

The three of you enjoy a peaceful silence and a calm breeze for more than a few hours, around noon Dirk wiggles out from under your legs, you’re thankful he did because you were starting to doze off. He reaches across the blanket and grabs the plastic gas station bag next to the cooler. You peek an eye open to watch him. He’s shuffling through the bag deciding what candy bar to eat.

He mumbles under his breath and tosses the bag at you. “Your peanut allergy is killing me.” He groans.

“Yeah?” You sit up. “If I ate peanuts it would literally kill me.”

He replies with a mocking tone, repeating what you just said, and then stands. “I’m going to head back into town and get real food, wanna tag along?” You shrug in reply; he takes it as a no. “Dave?” Dave is silent. Dirk assumes he’s asleep. “Alright, I’ll be back, behave you two.” And with that, he’s off. You wave as he’s backing away and watch him go down the road out of sight.

Your stomach twists awkwardly after he’s gone, why didn’t you say yes? Ugh! You turn to look at Dave, who is still in the same spot on the blanket just as silent as before. You shake your head and decide to keep your distance, relocating to the picnic table. You sit on the top with your feet on the bench and absentmindedly stare at the water.

If your feelings weren’t so conflicted right now, this might be peaceful. You sigh and rub your fists in your eyes. Life is frustrating. Being a teenager is frustrating. Emotions are frustrating.

“I was beginning to think he’d never leave.” Your attention snaps to Dave, who is standing from his spot on the blanket. He stretches before directing his gaze to you. “Well, Egbert, looks like we’re alone.”

You roll your eyes and turn your head away from him; you’re not going to give him the satisfaction of fucking with you. You feel him sit beside you on the tabletop. Your throat clenches a little bit but you don’t look at him. You won’t look at him. Fuck you want to look at him.

“Egbert, what’s your deal with me? You spend months ogling at me and when I throw a pass at you, you flat out ignore me.” You don’t face him. “Like shit, I know you’re dating my brother but if you knew half the shit he does behind your back you wouldn’t look twice at him.” That spikes your interest but you still refuse to give him your attention.

He groans, accidentally bumps your thigh and mutters an apology afterwards. You were uncomfortably close to him, you noticed. You put your hands in your lap and look everywhere but his direction.

"John." He says sternly (his tone takes you by surprise).

You inhale deeply through your nose; you have to look at him. You turn your head and just as you do you're met with a pair of lips on your own. Your eyes go wide for a second from shock. Dave scoots himself closer and encourages you to deepen the kiss. You hesitate but an extremely lack of self-control gets the better of you and you continue lip-locking with your boyfriend's brother.

He runs a hand up your thigh and brings it a little too close to your crotch, causing a chill to run up your spine. You feel him smirk into the kiss after that and he does it again. It takes you a few more seconds to fully acknowledge what is going on and work up the nerve to actually stop kissing him.

“What are you doing?” You hiss.

He shrugs.

“I’m dating your brother!”

“And your point?” His smug attitude was really starting to get under your skin.

“My point is you can’t kiss me!”

“Can’t I?” He leans closer.

You attempt to shuffle back, pretty awkwardly. “You cannot!”

Too bad.

He does.

He grabs the fabric of the front of your shirt and tugs you close. You flail your arms and shove him back. He wipes his lips with his forearm after you do, lips still showing that same sickeningly smug smirk.

“What’s the matter John, what Dirk doesn’t know won’t hurt him. You get what you want and you still get to keep your sugar daddy.”

You drop your jaw in offense. “He is not my sugar daddy!”

“He sure acts like it.” Dave shrugs.

“So what, he likes to buy me things? Big deal!” You knit your eyebrows together angrily.

“He’s making sure you don’t leave him, stupid. Has he ever actually told you he loves you?” Dave raises an eyebrow. You open your mouth to protest but… he’s right. Dirk has never actually said he loves you. Hell, neither have you. You snap your mouth shut and Dave smirks triumphantly. “Exactly.”

“So what’s your point?” You grumble.

“My point is you don’t love him and he don’t love you, so kissing me really isn’t hurting anyone.”

You think of it for a second and sigh.

You really should learn to be less… easily persuaded.

Dave grins again and leans in again, “So Egbert, wanna make out?” You open your mouth to reply, he doesn’t give you a chance. He locks his lips with yours and kisses you. This time the kiss is… different. He’s more passionate? You don’t push him off this time. You draw him in. You let him slip his tongue inside your mouth and explore. It’s only now that you realize you aren’t the only one with your tongue pierced.

You rearrange yourself so that you’re awkwardly straddling Dave’s lap, he doesn’t protest. You don’t wrap your arms around his neck, despite how much you want to; you keep your hands on his chest, curling your fingers slightly when the kiss gets more intense. Dave responds to your finger-curling with curling of his own, only his hands are on your lower back. He pulls back slightly and he’s out of breath.

“Damn Egbert, no wonder Dirk wants to keep you.”

You roll your eyes. “Shut up and kiss me.”

He smirks and returns his lips to your own. This time you take control, your tongue begging for permission to enter his mouth. He allows. This guy really needs to brush his teeth. You laugh mentally at your – oh nope. You accidentally laughed out loud. While kissing Dave. Great.

He stops kissing you again and lifts an eyebrow. “What?”

You shake your head and hide a smile. “Nothing, nothing.”

It’s obvious you’re lying. “What?” He repeats. You shake your head again. He stares for a second before deciding to forget it and reinitiating the- OOOOOH FUCK.

You shove him backwards; the newly started kiss is ended abruptly. “What? What’s wrong?” He asks, surprise weighing on his voice from the sudden action.

“Fuck,” You get off his lap and stumble backwards. “Dirk.”

He looks over his shoulder just in time to see Dirk’s orange Camaro pulling into the small beach parking lot. He looks back to you and cracks a huge grin; you shoot him a look that screams shut up. Dave laughs and let himself fall backwards onto the table, holding his stomach from laughter.

“Shut up, dickwad.” You growl. He just laughs harder. Your attention is pulled from Dave to Dirk when you hear the car door. Dirk holds up a bag of fast food as he approaches.

“Food!” He calls over. You give a thumbs up before looking at Dave and rolling your eyes. Dirk steps up with eyebrows raised. “What’s up with him?” You’ve formulated a pretty weak excuse, but you open your mouth to tell Dirk nonetheless.

You’re cut off.

“He,” Dave begins between gasps of laughter. “He tells the stupidest jokes, and not even ironically bro, holy fuck, you’ve got one nerdy ass boyfriend.”

Dirk looks between the two of you before settling his eyes on Dave, “What did he say?”

“Go on, tell him.” Dave says, still recovering from his laughing fit. Dirk looks at you expectantly.

“Uh….” You hesitate. Fuck, now you need a stupid joke. You clench your teeth and think for a split second more before BINGO. You got one. “Okay so, a man walks into his house. He is absolutely delighted to find that all of his lamps have been stolen.”

Dirk gives you an incredibly blank stare. Dave bursts into another laughing fit. Dirk shakes his head. Dave continues laughing. Dirk sits down on the blanket. Dave is still holding his stomach and practically gasping for air. Dirk takes food out of the bag. Dave takes air out of his own lungs (because he’s laughing like a hyena).

“Jesus, Dave, it’s not that funny.” You roll your eyes. You know he’s laying it on thick on purpose and he isn’t entirely laughing at the joke.

“It’s comedy gold, Egbert.” He sits up and wipes invisible tears from his face. “True comedic genius. Quite literally the most subtle yet worst pun of all time. The audience erupts into laughter, the flowers hit the stage, you’ve done it. You’ve delighted them all.”

You choke out a laugh when he says that. Admittedly it was kind of unexpected. And kind of funny. So Dave had a better sense of humour than Dirk, so what? That didn’t mean anything. You certainly are not now and never will be thinking thoughts about Dave in more than just a “he’s cute and cool, I want to fuck him” kind of way.

Your brain is cool calm and collected. Dave is the farthest thing from it in fact, look at Dirk there sitting on the blanket eating his burger. Now that’s cute. Not Dave’s stupid breathy laughter or the way he sometimes accidentally snorts and then covers his mouth out of embarrassment. Nope. You aren’t thinking about that. You’re thinking about Dirk and his burger.

“John?” Dirk snaps a finger in your direction. You blink yourself aware and let out a tiny hum in response. “Do you want your burger?”

“Oh fuck, yeah.” You sit down beside him. Dirk. Your boyfriend. “Lay one on me.” You hold out your hand, he does as he’s told and places a burger in your palm. You smile and thank him with a nod before unwrapping the burger and taking a bite.

Your current predicament is not too far from your mind, but you try to ignore it. Whatever it really is?

You glance at Dave, still sitting on the picnic table, and immediately snap your attention back to your food. You aren't thinking about Dirk. You can't think about Dirk when his stupid brother is right there staring holes through you with his stupid sunglasses and...

Oh brother.

Chapter Text

Your dad didn’t find out you skipped, then again he rarely ever does. Actually, when you think about it, you can only recall one time he found out you skipped school and that’s only because he saw you in Dirk’s car at a stoplight during his lunch break. You tried to pass it off as just going for lunch with Dirk but he didn’t buy it, he has been kind of wary since. Anyway, point is, you didn’t get caught. Dirk took you home at the normal time and dad was none the wiser.

School the next day dragged, it was like a Monday on a Tuesday. You guess you must’ve been acting a little dull because when lunch rolled around your trusty best friends were there to pry. Well, in this case on of your best friends. Jade liked to hold off and go in for the second round when Rose couldn’t break you.

You sit down at the lunch table and absentmindedly pick at your food. It wasn’t particularly gross food (today at least), chili over corn Fritos with cheese on top and fruit on the side; actually you fucking love chili, but you were not feeling it to today. At least the chocolate milk was a little bit refreshing.

Rose slides her tray (you still don't really know why she gets a tray when she brings in bagged lunch) in place next to yours and plops down next to you. “Alright, John, what's wrong?” She takes you by surprise but you brush it off.

You raise an eyebrow questioningly. “What?”

“What has you so mopey?” Her tone is suddenly considerably more compassionate than before.

“Uh, nothing? Just not in the mood for chili today!” You lie.

“Okay, we’re going to pretend you weren’t completely out of it in science class today then?” She says while unbagging her lunch. She never, not once in the all years that you’ve known her, had school lunch. She thinks they’re disgusting. “John, you love science. You aren’t very good at it-”

“Hey!”

She shrugs before continuing. “But you love it. So you being zoned out during science class sets off a few alarms, John. Even Jade caught it, she asked me during English if I’d noticed how put off you’ve been today. I’ve noticed, so out with it.”

You sigh through your nose and shrug dejectedly. “I hung out with Dirk yesterday.”

She nods, “So that’s why you weren’t here.”

“Yeah, but…” Eugh, your stomach suddenly felt twisty and sick. “Okay you have to swear not to tell anybody, even Jade.”

She raises her right hand and looks you straight in the eye. “I swear, or so help me, the horrorterrors will come and take my swear-breaking soul to the depths of hell with them.”

You shake your head and smile. “You’re so weird.”

She smirks a little, “Don’t be a hater, John.”

“Alright, anyway, Dirk and me… and Dirk’s brother, Dave… we all went to the beach.” You nervously fold and unfold the hem of your shirt as you talk.

Rose interrupts, “I am correct in assuming this is the brother you have a crush on?”

You nod. “Yeah, it’s him. Well… Dirk went to get food right, so it was me and Dave…” You let the sentence hang for a moment, hoping she catches on.

“Oh dear.” Rose fills the silence. “John, what happened?” She places a (very well-manicured) hand on your shoulder.

“I don’t know, nothing bad, I mean… we kissed… and... stuff.”

“Did Dirk find out?”

“No!” You say almost entirely too loudly. “No, Dirk has no idea. I want to keep it that way so keep this to yourself!”

“I swore,” She raises the hand that’s on your shoulder defensively.

You puff up your cheeks and sigh again before picking at your chili some more. “I don’t know what to do, Rose.”

“Well, does he like you back? Dave, I mean.” You nod pathetically and she makes a sort of tongue clicking noise. “You do have quite a problem then.”

“Yeah no shit.” You roll your eyes. “I’m dating one and I’ve got the hots for the other AND he had to go and frickin’ like me back, this sucks.”

“Hm.” She thinks for a second. “Perhaps Dirk doesn’t have to find out?”

You turn up to face her with your shoulders slumped and give her a look like “what the fuck are you implying.”

She grins slyly and takes a bite of her yogurt.

“What do you mean?” You finally decide to humor her after a minute of silence, because she obviously isn’t going to tell you on her own.

“All I’m saying is, what Dirk doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

“Are you serious?”

“When am I not?” She smirks.

You shake your head, “Dave said the same thing, sometimes I swear you could be related to the Striders.”

Her smirk broadens and her eyes give off a sort of mischievous gleam. This girl was literally the biggest mystery you’d ever been met with.

The rest of lunch went by in the same doldrum-esque state that the beginning of the day had. The rest of the day, unsurprisingly, also went by rather uneventfully. Dirk picked you up and took you for a burger, you kissed a little, and he took you home with a promise of “see you tomorrow.”

Your dad isn’t home when you get in; you’re a little bit relieved about that. You kick off your shoes by the front door and miserably flop onto the sofa. You actually start to doze off a little before you feel your phone buzz in your pocket. As much as you’d like to ignore it and sleep, you fish it out anyway and unfortunately a stream of obnoxious red text enters your line of sight.

[turntechGodhead began pestering ectoBiologist at 4:16 PM]
TG: hey sweetheart
TG: dirk just got home so im assuming youre available
TG: i mean i guess you could be busy with other things
TG: but lets be honest here
TG: youre obviously in love with me
TG: which is adorable btw
TG: and you wouldnt miss an opportunity to chat it up
TG: because we are in love
TG: i mean youre in love
TG: with me
TG: im not in love
TG: love is twisted as fuck
TG: i aint gonna be fallin no head over heels for some geek boy my bro is dating
TG: thats gay as hell

As much as you pretend to hate loving this guy, you really do think you love loving him. You’ve barely got to talk to him but… he has a… a charm you find endearing. His personality is cute. He tries to act cool and brush things off but Dave Strider is actually a huge dork. You like it. You like that you’re getting to know him.

EB: you kissed me dave, that's already pretty gay.
TG: yeah i guess that could be considered gay as hell too
TG: but what we did can that really be considered a kiss i mean
TG: yeah we kissed but like the weakest level of kiss possible
TG: and you shoved me off of you twice
TG: you corrupted the scientific data
TG: were going to have to perform the survey all over again
EB: i can't kiss you again, dave!
EB: i shouldnt have in the first place!
TG: oh come on you liked it
EB: not the point.
TG: come on one more kiss
TG: just to make sure youre making the right choice here
TG: you dont wanna go and ruin your only chance at being with the obviously better looking brother in this situation
EB: uh, yes i do!
EB: bye dave!

You hover your thumb over the cease pestering button but Dave stops you.

TG: john wait

You let out a silent groan and do as he says; it takes him a minute to start typing again.

TG: are you here
TG: you didnt cease pestering me
TG: im gonna say its safe to assume youre still here
TG: aw you stayed for me
EB: what do you want, dave?
TG: youre one cold motherfucker egbert
TG: evenso i dont want to see your little egbertian heart broken
TG: so it is with a heavy heart and the reputation of an asshole that i tell you this
EB: spit it out, dave!
TG: dirk is cheating on you

You stare at your phone in disbelief for several seconds. Dirk is cheating on you? But… how? You see him every day and every Saturday? It doesn’t make sense.

TG: john?
TG: fuck dude i shouldnt have told you
TG: i just didnt want you to find out on your own
TG: jesus christ im a dick
TG: are you okay?
TG: john
TG: egbert say something

But what could you say? You weren't... sad. You were angry. Angry that Dirk pretended to care about you so much but... he was cheating on you. You wanted revenge. You stare at the stream of messages coming in from Dave and cut him off.

EB: my dad isn't home right now, you should come over.
[ectoBiologist ceased pestering turntechGodhead at 4:31 PM]

After you hit send and disconnect you almost immediately regret it. You heavily contemplate telling him never mind but you don’t. You’re going to let him come. And why should you stop him? Dirk is cheating on you! Apparently it’s fair game to kiss Dave because Dirk is obviously kissing other people! Unless Dave is lying… But why would Dave lie about something so serious? He doesn’t like you that much, does he? Fuck.

You sit and stew in your confused thoughts and emotions for nearly thirty minutes before you hear a knock. Your heart nearly jumps out of your chest and you slowly stand up off the couch and go to open the door.

Dave is standing there, looking kind of defeated. The minute you open the door he starts talking. “Listen, Dude, I’m sorry I told you. I know that was fucked up, but fuck I don’t want to see him break your hea-”

You don’t let him finish.

You grab the front of his shirt and very forcefully tug him forward into a kiss. He throws his hands up out of shock and his eyes are wide, you notice before you close yours. He doesn’t touch you out of confusion for a good several seconds, but when he doe, it’s gentle. He places a hand on both of your shoulders and carefully breaks the kiss.

“John I don’t want you to kiss me because you’re mad at Dirk…”

You quickly shake your head. “No, fuck Dirk, you were right. I’ve had a massive crush on you for months and I guess I have nothing stopping me from pursuing it now.”

Dave stares at you for a second and swallows. “You’re still dating Dirk.”

“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right?” You don’t give him time to reply. You drag him into another kiss and step backwards as you do, so you can shut the door behind him. He doesn’t protest. You manage to walk him all the way back to the couch, where the two of you land with an “oof”.

You make out for several very pleasurable minutes before a question creeps into your mind. You part your lips from his and sit back a little. “How long?”

“Huh?” He sits back too.

“How long has Dirk been cheating on me?”

“Uh.” He hesitates. “Since he started at the college.”

You clench your teeth a little and give Dave a bitter sort of frown. “And you knew this entire time?”

"You aren't exactly an innocent party here, sweetheart." Dave walks his fingers up your thigh and smirks, you shove them off.

“Come on, I’m serious. I’ve kissed you like three times; he’s been cheating on me for months!”

“Yeah but how long have you been infatuated with me?” He raises an eyebrow and grins playfully.

You shove his shoulder and roll your eyes. “Doesn’t count, I was looking but I didn’t buy the product.”

“The product?” He laughs.

“It’s a metaphor.”

“Yeah I got that.”

You sigh and sit back all the way, folding your arms in the process. “I can’t believe he’s been cheating on me since August.”

“He hides it well. The other boy has no idea either.” You give him a piercing look and he just smiles and leans forward to kiss you again. He stops short and speaks, close enough that you can feel his breath on your lips. “And if you play this right, Dirk won’t have any idea either.”

You smile weakly and shake your head, Dave closes the distance and you resume your previous make out session. It continues for the better part of an hour before you hear your dad pull up. Much to Dave’s displeasure, you push him off (again, much gentler than at the lake if it counts for anything). He’s a little surprised at first but understands when he hears the very faint sound of the car door shutting.

“Fuck, what do we do?” He asks, slightly panicked. You’re already on it, unzipping your book bag. You toss him a notebook and mechanical pencil and pull out a text book for yourself. You make a writing gesture at Dave before scooting up to the coffee table and opening the book to a random page.

Just in time.

Your dad opens the door only seconds later. “And the mitochondria are the powerhouse of the cell…” You say, Dave snorts a little but pretends to write it down anyway. You notice he is using a red sharpie, the mechanical pencil you handed him is discarded to the table. Your dad raises his eyebrows and you look up at him. “Oh hey Dad.”

“What’s up?” He says as he’s hanging his jacket on the coat rack.

“Not much, just working on science with… my... lab partner.”

He stares at Dave for a second and shrugs. “Will your lab partner be staying for dinner?”

Dave jumps up and sets the notebook down. “Uh, no. I should actually be getting home, but thanks… Mr… Egbert?”

He shrugs again. “Suit yourself.”

Dave nods and looks at your over his shoulder with wide eyes. You smile in return and make a kissy face at him. He rolls his eyes and grabs his hoodie off the arm of the couch. “See you later, John.” You wave and he walks out.

“You know he looks almost exactly like Dirk.” Your dad notes before walking past you towards the kitchen. “I guess everyone really does have a doppelganger.”

You laugh silently to yourself and shake your head.  “Need any help with dinner, dad?” You ask, closing your text book.

“I’ve got it covered, son, but thank you.”

You put your text book back in your bag and go to grab the notebook Dave had. You notice a note scrawled at the top of the page when you grab it.

see you tomorrow egbabe

You groan inwardly, fall backwards onto the couch, and frustratedly run both hands through your hair. Why did it have to be twins?

Chapter Text

It isn’t bad to cheat on your boyfriend if he’s cheating on you, right? There’s like some unspoken moral rule that as long as neither of you say nothing it’s fine… right? For the sake of your own mental state you are going to say yes – this is totally an okay thing to be doing.

Okay this totally is not an okay thing to be doing. Stop kidding yourself.

You know it’s wrong. You know you should just break up with Dirk, but fuck you get such a rush when you and Dave almost get caught. You haven’t gone farther than some pretty heavy making out yet, but it’s only been two weeks.

So here you are, cramped up in Dave and Dirk’s small bathroom, pressed up against the sink with Dave Strider’s tongue down your throat. Your hand is behind you, you’re trying to keep yourself balanced, but you slip and accidentally turn the water on. Dave laughs a little and reaches behind you to shut it off.

“Be careful would you,” He whispers. “Do you want to get caught?”

“I’m not opposed to the idea,” You smirk. He rolls his eyes and reconnects the kiss. You’ve unintentionally started anticipating these kisses. You liked Saturday before? Now you really liked it. Sure, Dave came to your house after Dirk dropped you off sometimes, but it was so much more fun when you had to hide it.

You’ve got some serious kinks there, buddy.

Dave is running his hand up under your shirt and kissing your neck, not biting unfortunately, no hickies. You are breathing loudly and you can feel him smile onto your skin because if it.

Somebody knocks. The two of you go quiet and still, Dave trying not to laugh when you jump.

“John, are you okay in there?” It’s Dirk. “It’s been like twenty minutes.”

Dave covers his mouth to stifle a laugh and you shoot him a glare that could kill before stuttering out, “Yeah, I’m fine. I’ll be out in a second.”

“Alright…” Dirk says, somewhat uncertainly.

You lean in and give Dave one more quick kiss, he takes it and turns it into several more quick kisses before you finally get away. “To be continued.” You hop off the sink and intentionally run a hand across his chest as you do.

You open the bathroom door just barely enough to slip out, just in case Dirk is still out there. He isn’t, thankfully. That gives you time to slip into the kitchen and down a glass of water. Dirk comes in as you’re finishing the glass.

“So,” He leans on the counter and raises an eyebrow. “Why have you been spending so much fucking time in the bathroom, lately?”

You shake your head and swallow you last gulp. “Tummy issues.”

“Tummy issues?” You nod and he laughs. “Only you, Egbert.”

“Uh, I’m pretty sure everyone has tummy issues, sometimes.”

“Yeah, but who fuckin’ says “tummy issues.” Nobody but you.” He pushes himself off the counter and steps towards you. “It’s adorable.” Your chest tightens up when he kisses you. Kissing Dirk felt really… unnatural… since you found out he was cheating on you. It was unnatural but… pleasant? You enjoyed it, you think.

You enjoyed that you were still dating your boyfriend, who you know is cheating on you, while you secretly making out with his brother regularly.

You’re something else, Egbert.

You automatically put your arms around his neck and his hands, as usual, find their way to your butt. Dirk didn’t have his tongue pierced, like Dave. It was unfamiliar after you just spent twenty minutes making out with the other Strider. Dirk was more playful though, then again, Dave couldn’t be too adventurous because he couldn’t leave any evidence.

Dirk pulls out of the kiss and makes a face. “You need to brush your teeth.”

“Gee, thanks.” You roll your eyes.

“Hey, I’m just looking out for you. I care about your dental hygiene.” He frowns. “Plus you usually kind of taste like mints and right now you don’t.”

“Oh boo hoo.” You roll your eyes and kiss him once more quickly because lowering your arms from his neck. “I don’t have a toothbrush here; I guess we’re done kissing.”

“You play hardball, Egbert.” He smirks. You blow him a kiss in return and slip past him. You slowly trail your fingers across the kitchen table as you walk past it.

“We could do… something else.” Your voice comes out sounding just as seductive as you want it to.

Dirk comes up behind you and wraps his arms around your waist and leans down to whisper in your ear. “We’re not having sex on the table.”

You laugh, shrug him off, and turn around. “I didn’t mean on the table stupid.”

“Well, damn Egbert, I’d love to but I’ve got somewhere to be in,” He pulls out his phone to check the time. “Twenty minutes.”

“Aw, man you suck.” You pout.

“Sorry babe, you can’t always be the center of my world.” He shrugs. “So do you want a ride home?”

You shake your head. “I’ll get Dave to take me.”

He raises an eyebrow and shrugs agreeingly. “Whatever you say.” He leans down and plants one final kiss on your lips, “You know, you and my brother are hanging out a lot lately.”

You grin playfully, “Oh, are you jealous?”

He shakes his head. “Nah, it’s cool. Can’t have my boyfriend and my brother hatin’ each other, now can I?” You roll your eyes and nod. “I’ll see you Monday morning?”

“Yep.”

And then he leaves.

And you know where he’s going.

But for some reason you can’t bring yourself to care because now it’s just you and Dave. Well, it will be you and Dave when you find him. First you watch Dirk pull out of the driveway so you know for sure he’s gone.

Now, time to find Dave.

He obviously isn’t in the living room or the kitchen and the bathroom door is wide open now so you’re going to go ahead and assume he isn’t there either. That just leaves the door at the end of the hall.

You’d dreamed about Dave’s room before, it was never full of stuff. Usually all white with one single red chair in the middle.

But now you were going to get to see it for real. It actually kind of made your heart flutter to think about.

You’re standing in front of it; your hand hovered just above the wood, about to knock when the door opens. You have a mini heart attack and jump out of your skin. Dave does the same.

“Holy fuck, Egbert, I thought you left.” He says sharply. “What are you doing here? Dirk left.”

“He was in a hurry so I said I’d ask you for a ride.” You shrug.

“Oh, Jesus dude, well a little warning next time. Nearly gave me a heart attack.” You give him a flirty smile and he raises an eyebrow. “You’re not really going to ask me for a ride, are you?”

“Of course not.”

And with that he smirks and drags you into the room, shutting the door behind you and then pushing you against it. You don’t have time to react before he kisses you, and God damn, you love it when he takes control.

Well, you liked to be the one in control, but it was oddly hot when Dave went in for the kill.

Of course, all good things come to an end, and soon you’re the one in control. You haven’t really paid any attention to Dave’s room since entering, but you did note that when the two of you ended up on the bed, he has heart-spade-fucking deck of card sheets. You actually broke the kissing to laugh about it; he told you to shut up and resumed the kissing.

Now you’re sitting on his stomach, hunched over him, locked into a pretty great kiss. His hands are all kinds of tangled up in your hair and your hands are getting a little too friendly with his chest… and some... lower parts. You stop every few minutes to actually breathe and catch your breath, but for the most part you are inseparable.

That is until you hear a car pull into the driveway. You and Dave share surprised looks before going to peek out the window. It’s Dirk’s car. He has somebody else in the passenger seat.

“Fuck.” Dave says. “Fuuuck.”

You don’t say anything, instead you watch Dirk open the door for the person in the passenger seat. Your jaw falls open.

“John? Hey, dude,” Dave puts a hand on your shoulder. You shake your head and take a step back from the window when Dirk kisses the boy. “What?”

You keep backing away from the window until you bump into the bed and let yourself collapse onto it. You put your hands on your head and run them through your hair.

“John, what’s wrong?” Dave asks; he’s taken position next to you on the bed. He sounds worried.

You swallow hard and look over at him with what can easily be described as the most disbelieving look in the world, “Dave, that’s my fucking cousin.”

Dave’s jaw falls open, too. “What? Are you serious?”

“As a fucking heart attack. Dirk is cheating on me with my cousin.” Your voice sounds somewhat strained.

“Well, I hate to point this out.” Dave laughs. “But you’re kind of cheating on him with his brother.”

“Yeah but you know, Dirk is going to break his heart fuck, Dave, I have to tell him.” You stand from the bed and make for the door. Dave grabs your wrist to stop you.

“Dude,” You turn to face him. “How are you going to explain why you’re still here?”

“Fuck.” You sigh. “Fuck, God dammit, Dave. I have to tell him. Jake is so naïve he’s never going to see this coming. Dirk is going to keep fucking him over. Just like he almost did with me!”

“Don’t let him break his heart then, dumbass. Break Dirk’s heart.” You knit your eyebrows together in confusion.

“What, you want me to break up with him? If he’s cheating on me do you REALLY think he cares?”

“Fuck, okay, then…” Dave sighs. “Give him a taste of his own medicine.”

You point to yourself and then to Dave with a confused expression. Dave nods.

You shake your head.

“I can’t do that, Dave.”

He groans and throws his hands up. “So you’re just going to let Dirk get away with it scott free?”

“No! I’m going to go out there right now!”

“And how is your cousin going to react to finding out you are also dating his boyfriend? Don’t you think that’s kind of heart breaking by itself? And again, how will you explain why you’re here.”

“God dammit, Dave, ugh.” You plop down on the bed beside him again and throw your hands up. “What do I do?”

He opens his mouth to speak but he’s interrupted with a knock on the bedroom door. The handle starts to turn before you have time react, he reacts instantly. Pulling you into a kiss.

The person at the door makes a shocked sort of noise, you and Dave separate on cue. Thank the fucking Gods it isn’t Dirk. “Oh jeez, I’m sorry mate, Dirk told me to-” He squints his eyes and furrows his eyebrows. “John?”

You hop up out of (fake) surprise. “Jake!” Your eyes are wide. “Don’t tell Di- Dave’s brother I’m here.”

Jake gives you a questioning look and his eyes go between you and Dave. “Uh, okay?”

Dave stands up coolly, a small smirk on his face. He is enjoying this way too much. “What did you need, English?”

“Dirk wanted to know if you wanted anything to eat…” Jake says slowly, still obviously confused.

“Oh hell yeah,” Dave claps his hands together. “What’s he got?”

“KFC.” Jake answers, his eyes are still fixed on you, like he’s surprised to see you here. You mimic him, even though you saw Dirk and him get out of the car. “Want me to bring you some…?”

Dave shakes his head. “Nah, I can get it myself.”

“Dave!” You exclaim, quietly because, y’know, Dirk might hear.

“What? Chill, babe, I’ll be right back.” He grins and kisses you before walking over to Jake and clapping a hand over his shoulder. “Let’s go, big guy.”

Jake walks out with Dave, but looks over his shoulder at you as he’s going, still very confused. You shrug and he shakes his head and turns his eyes back to the front.

“You know he’s my cousin… right?” He asks Dave.

“Sure do.” Dave replies, shutting the door behind them.

So now you’re alone in Dave’s room, really confused and kind of pissed off. It’s not like Dirk knew Jake was your cousin, or Jake knew you were dating Dirk and shit, you’re sneaking around with Dave… But you’ve got a sort of bitter anger feeling in your stomach.

You plop your butt down on Dave’s bed and sigh. This is a good a time as any to actually get a good look at his room. He had lots of photographs hanging on the walls, and a dark blanket hanging over what you assume is supposed to be a closet. He’s got wires running everywhere; it’s a wonder how he doesn’t trip himself up every time he tries to walk in here. Above his computer desk is several shelves lined with what looks like jars full of dead things and oddities. Ew. His floor is decorated with clothes strewn about it too, half of which are probably dirty.

His bed is unmade; you didn’t pay attention to if it was made before, though, so that could be your fault. He has a set of turntables in the corner, they look like Dirk’s… but shittier. And there are empty bottles of apple juice everywhere. You’re almost tempted to pee in one and maybe he’d think it was just one he hadn’t drunk yet. Haha, oh man, that would be a sweet prank. Unfortunately, now is not the time for pranking.

You inhale through your nose and fall backwards onto Dave’s bed with your arms spread. You have really dug yourself into a hole here, Egbert. The ceiling is painted all bumpy and you stare at it absentmindedly picking out shapes in the print. You eventually let your eyes drift closed and doze off.

“Yo, Egbabe, up and at ‘em.” Dave plops his butt down on the bed beside you, causing you to jolt in the air slightly.

You blink your eyes open out of shock and sit up. Dave is holding a paper plate out to you with chicken and mashed potatoes on it. “Food?”

You smile and take the plate. The sky outside the window is dark now; it was still lit when you fell asleep. What time is it?

“Sorry it took so long, had to look inconspicuous and make sure English didn’t blab.” He says while casually peeling a piece of the crispy part off of your chicken.

“What time is it?” You swat at his hand.

“After eight. Dirk and Jake went to see a movie. It’s just you and me, sweetheart.”

“I can’t believe he’s cheating on me with my cousin.” You shake your head and scoop up some mashed potatoes on your finger. “There is like an unspoken code not to fuck your boyfriend’s family I think.”

“Yeah, you’ve got a lot of room to talk, Egbert.” Dave rolls his eyes.

“Hey,” You begin defensively. “We haven’t fucked.”

“Yet.” You raise your eyebrows at him and he shrugs. “What can I say? I’m hopeful.”

You laugh, shake your head, and bump your shoulder against his. “Keep hoping.”

He laughs too and picks another piece off of your chicken, you set your plate in his lap after that, he doesn’t protest. You watch him pick little bits off of it for a few more seconds before sighing and laying your head on his shoulder.

“Hey now, don’t be getting cuddly on me, Egbert.”

“Shut up, asshole.”

Chapter Text

[turntechGodhead began pestering ectoBiologist at 9:53 AM]
TG: are you ready yet?
TG: i hope you know it isnt every day i break some nerd ass kid out of school
TG: you better appreciate this egbert
TG: i could go to prison
TG: okay maybe not prison
TG: but your father could give me a very stern talking to
TG: ive been talked to sternly before
TG: its terrifying
TG: i cant wait until i am an adult man with the power to strike fear into childrens hearts
TG: ill act super pissed off and right at the peak of the stern talking to ill lose it
TG: just fucking bust up laughin right then and there
TG: the poor kid will be so confused
TG: and amidst my breathy laughs i will say
TG: im dave strider and youve just been punked
TG: ashton kutcher and a fuckton of cameras that were somehow hidden this entire time will show up out of nowhere
TG: the kid will probably cry
TG: this is what regular adult males do right
TG: intentionally intimidate children?
TG: jesus egbert where are you
TG: are you going to stand me up
TG: i drive all the way here to break your nerd ass out of prison and you go and ditch
TG: this is why i have trust issues
EB: will you cut it out! my phone is vibrating like crazy.
TG: right your phone
TG: i got you bro
TG: wink wink
EB: just cool it, dave. i'll be out in a minute i have to make this look convincing, stupid.
TG: jeez dude i had no idea you were such a high class actress
[ectoBiologist ceased pestering turntechGodhead at 10:05 AM]

You roll your eyes and stuff your phone into the pocket of your hoodie, honestly, how does Dave expect you to get out of here inconspicuously while he’s blowing up your phone! You let your eyes drift shut again and feign misery. The school nurse makes another round and asks how you’re feeling. You throw out your best fake cough and tell her you feel pretty crumby. She nods and goes into the main office to ask the receptionists if they’ve called your dad.

They think they called your dad; really it was Dave, lying in wait outside. Since you were still dating Dirk he couldn’t just help you skip school before school started, so you devised a plan. Spend a couple hours in school – just long enough that the automated voice message your dad would receive if you didn’t show up to a morning class wouldn’t be sent. Then fake sick. It was easy. The nurse at your school is extremely gullible, all you had to do was cough a little and say your stomach felt queasy and she was putty in your hands.

[turntechGodhead began pestering ectoBiologist at 10:12 AM]
TG: im gonna call the secretary ladies and tell em im here now
TG: i hope youre prepared for this marvelous acting
TG: well you wont hear me but just assume i kill it
TG: see you in a few

Your phone buzzes again, but you don’t risk checking it yet because you can hear the tip-tap of the nurse’s shoes nearby. She pokes her head behind the curtain surrounding the bed you’re lying on. A soft smile finds its way onto her lips and she speaks quietly, “John, your ride is here. Feel better, sweetie.”

You slowly stand up and grab your stomach for ill effect; she solemnly smiles as you pass her. You don’t say anything, to add onto the act of not feeling well. Once you’re out of sight though, you stand up straight and pull your phone out of your hoodie.

You scan over the messages and roll your eyes. Dave is such a dork.

EB: i’m on my way.
TG: about damn time
[ectoBiologist ceased pestering turntechGodhead at 10:18 AM]

You pocket your phone again and push open the front doors of the school. The sun is bright, for November standards, but at least it isn’t hot. You bring your hand up to your forehead and use it as a visor while you scan for Dave’s car. You miss it the first time you see it because you’re so used to looking for Dirk’s Camaro.

Dave’s car isn’t as nice as Dirk’s, not by a longshot. Dave bought it from a shady Craigslist ad when he was seventeen, apparently. He worked in a fast food restaurant for three months to raise the $800 it cost for the car. He said he would’ve raised it sooner, but he kept using his check-credit to order lunch at the restaurant.

You wave at him as you’re walking towards the car and lean inside the driver’s side window to give him a quick kiss before going around to the passenger side. Dave leans over the center console and opens the door for you because the outside latch is broken.

“And I thought chivalry was dead.” You laugh as you’re getting in.

“Just call me your knight in ripped jeans and a dirty hoodie.” He laughs and turns the key once you’re inside with your seatbelt on. “So, we obviously can’t go to your house and Dirk is at my house, what’s the plan?”

“You broke me out of school without a plan?”

“Uh, well, yeah.” He shrugs. “I wanted to hang out with you. Don’t get me wrong, sneaking around in the evenings and shit is fun but have we ever actually gone on a real date?”

“Oh, getting romantic on me?” You smirk.

He throws up one hand defensively and shakes his head. “Hell no, the last thing I need is to be feelin’ all kinds of romantic feelings for you. I just think you need to treat your mistress with a little respect, is all.”

“My mistress?”

“Am I not your side chick?” He playfully raises an eyebrow.

“Well… no… but…” Fuck.

“Exactly. You got a boyfriend. I know you got a boyfriend. We’re sneaking around. I’m your mistress.” He taps his fingers on the steering wheel in beat with what he’s saying.

“When you put it like that it sounds awful.” You frown.

“It is awful. Honestly, you handled this entire Dirk-is-cheating-on-me situation very poorly.”

“Hey! I took your advice.”

“That was your first mistake, Egbert. Haven’t you learned yet not to trust a Strider, yet?” He turns his head slightly and looks at you over the tops of his glasses.

And hey, they are red.

Your subconscious fantasy about Dave’s eyes is true.

You bite back a comment about them, though.

“I guess I like the risk.” You say, turning your head to face to the road. Dave’s words are kind of sinking in. Why do you trust him? Why are you still with Dirk? Why do you keep dancing on this fine line with two of the worst influences you’ve ever met? Why are they so… magnetic?

After a few minutes of silence you turn back to Dave. You don’t recognize where you’re at, so naturally you have to ask where you’re going. You open your mouth to ask but he stops you.

“It’s a surprise.”

You immediately snap your mouth shut and sit back in your seat. That was weird. You awkwardly sit with your hands in your lap and nervously fidget with a loose piece of string on your jeans before Dave reaches up and clicks on the radio.

“Fuck, I hate driving without music.” He says in the process. “It’s just wrong. Cars have radios for a reason.”

You shrug. “Some people don’t like the extra noise because it’s distracting.”

“Those people are pansies.” He rolls the volume dial a little bit to turn it up. Silence falls between you (save for the radio) for another few minutes before Dave speaks again. “Hey, what kind of music do you like?”

“Uh, anything really, but I really like hip-hop and R&B.” You nervously swallow. “Is that weird? You don’t exactly seem like the kind of guy who’s into that stuff. You come off as a… uh…”

“A hipster?” He glances at you and laughs. You awkwardly rub your forearm when he does. “Don’t worry, Egbabe, I get that a lot.”

“I didn’t mean it in a rude way or anything, just… I don’t know many people who turn their closets into a darkroom and collect obscure dead things, is all.”

“It’s cool.” He shrugs. “I guess you’d be kind of right, in music terms, but I also love rap. Well, I love to rap. I’m shit at it, but its fun as hell. Like some kind of badass rhythmic poetry. Sometimes I try to rap over the beats I mix – you know with my turntables,” You nod. “Yeah, it always sounds awful but it’s hilarious. You’d think somebody as cool as me could sing like at least halfway decent. Not the case. If I ever went on American Idol or something I’d be one of those acts they put through just so the audience could get a laugh before they crush my fucking dreams. Can you sing?”

You shrug. “Some people say I can, but I don’t really think so.”

“You’re in chorus, aren’t you?” He glances over.

“Yeah, I play the piano accompaniments and stuff for them.”

“But you sing, too?”

“Uh, sometimes, I guess. What’s with the sudden twenty questions?”

He shrugs, “Just making conversation.”

“You’re like drilling me with questions about my ability to sing!”

“I’m a curious guy.” He shrugs, again. “But you play the piano? That’s cool. We should collaborate sometimes.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, you play something on the piano and we record it, then I mix it up.”

“Oh, sounds fun!”

“Yeah, it’d probably be badass as fuck, too. If you’re half as good as I assume you are.” He hums.

You blush a little bit. “You assume I’m good at the piano?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“Look at your fingers, dude. They’re real long and skinny, piano hands, in other words. You don’t learn to use your fingers the way you do when you aren’t good at the piano, either.”

You drop your gaze from Dave and examine your own hands. Your fingers are kind of thin, but you never associated that with the piano. You flex them open and shut a few times before Dave pipes up again.

“Now, don’t go and have an existential crisis on me, Egbert. We’re here.” He puts the car in park and you look up and glance around.

“Where… is here?”

He grins and gives you a knowing wink before getting out of the car. You hesitantly follow suit. You aren’t exactly sure where you are. This was like a small forest or… something? There were trees and rocks and what looks like a path.

“Well come on,” Dave says, starting down the path.

You jog to catch up and slow down when you’re next to him. “So is this where you’re going to murder me?”

“Yes.” He says bluntly.

“Oh, fun.” You nod.

“I’m gonna murder your ass at paintball.” He looks at you and smirks.

Your heart rate slows, not that it was fast or anything, you weren’t nervous. That’s ridiculous. “Ohhhh…” You say again.

Just a little further up the path you come across a little white metal building with “Big Papa’s Paintball Arena” written in red paint on a wooden sign (very very poorly). There’s a ragged wooden fence coming off each edge of the building that extends pretty far through the tiny forest.

“Well this isn’t shady at all.” You deadpan.

“Trust me, it’s the best. You know that one indoor arena in town with the fake plastic trees and shit?”

“Yeah?”

“Well this is basically exactly like that but with real trees.” He laughs.

“Dave it’s the middle of November, is this place even open?”

“Hell yeah, this place is open year round no matter what the weather is doing, it’s the greatest. My cousin Rose and I used to come here all the time when we were younger. Mostly because Rose’s big sis always said everyone should have some experience firing a gun – even if that gun is full of paint.”

“Wait, Rose?” You raise an eyebrow.

“Yeah. You might know her, she goes to school with you, I think?” He shrugs. “She’s a year below Dirk and I too.”

You close your eyes and exhale through your nose in annoyance. “Is her last name Lalonde?”

“Yeah, you know her?” He laughs.

“Yeah. I know her.”

The two of you enter the little building and Dave tells the person working the counter what you need and pays for it. In the meantime you’re on your phone.

[ectoBiologist began pestering tentacleTherapist at 11:30 AM]
EB: you are a terrible person.
TT: Well, hello to you too, John.
EB: you're their cousin!
TT: Why, whatever are you talking about?
EB: oh, don't play stupid rose.
EB: you're dave's cousin!
TT: Oh, yes.
TT: Is that a problem?
EB: yes!!! i've told you everything!
TT: Doctor/patient confidentiality, John.
TT: By the way, where are you? I saw you this morning but haven’t since.
EB: i'm with dave.
TT: Oh, scandalous.
EB: ugh! we'll talk later!
[ectoBiologist ceased pestering tentacleTherapist at 11:35 AM

You shove your phone back into your pocket and blow a puff of air out of your cheeks. This shit just keeps getting more confusing. Dave hands you a little plastic card with a number on it and tells you to follow him. You do.

The number is to mark a locker, so you know where your stuff is. There is literally nobody else in this place though, so you don’t really need it. You put your hoodie, phone, and wallet in the locker and Dave gives you some nifty paintball armor and a gun. He paid extra to get you blue paint balls and himself red, how thoughtful. You don’t even like blue that much actually but Jade has dibs on green. Who even does that? Dibs on a colour? So stupid.

“Alright so, first person with… five?” You nod and he continues, “Alright, first person with five hits from the other loses. Obviously there isn’t any way to know who gets five in first unless we’re honest so I expect honesty, Egbert.”

“Oh? Me? Dishonest?” You innocently bat your eyelashes and he rolls his eyes.

“Let’s go.” He opens the door and you split up from there.

It doesn’t feel as cold out as you thought it’d feel, probably because of the thick armor stuff you’re wearing. You find a quick hiding place to start off and scan the area; years of tree climbing when you were a kid was going to come in handy here. Luckily, the gun came with a strap so you could sling it over your back while you climbed a tree.

You watched Dave get into a spot of his own but lost sight of him after he was hidden in the bushes, so if you moved you were risking getting hit. You don’t get hit when you move though, so you use it to your advantage and quickly move again between bushes and tall grass until you’re far enough from the starting point to climb. Hopefully Dave doesn’t see you.

You find a tree with a branch low enough down to get a grip but a branch high enough up to not be seen and you climb it. Your foot slips a little and makes a scraping noise – you’re wearing Converse, not the best for gripping – but you make it up the tree anyway.

Now it’s a waiting game.

You make yourself comfortable and prepare your gun to shoot at the first sign of Dave. For the first five minutes you don’t see anything. Then ten minutes go by, still nada. But finally after roughly twelve minutes of waiting you see him. He’s crouching along in some bushes across from the tree you’re in.

His head is turning all around with every step he takes, he’s looking for you. Guess you better let him know you’re around.

You shoot.

The paintball splats against his shoulder and you hear him shout “fuck!” and zip around in a circle to see where the shot came from. You snicker and fire again in the middle of his spin. You land a shot on his upper back. He cusses again and squats lower, but since you’re above him he is still in plain sight.

He moves forward a little bit and you shoot again. This time hitting just below the first shot on his shoulder. He’s taken by surprise because he thought he was hidden. You shoot again, hitting his arm. He’s had enough.

“God dammit, John! Where are you?” He jumps up and spins in a circle again and you take the final shot, hitting him in the chest.

If you were a less-oblivious person you might register your paintball to Dave’s chest – or rather, Dave’s heart – as some kind of twisted foreshadowing, but you’re pretty stupid so you don’t do that.

He throws his hands up and his gun falls loose at his side, held on by the strap around his shoulders. “Alright, you win.”

You laugh loud enough for him to hear, “I thought you were going to murder me, hmmm?”

His head shoots up and he gives you, what you’re assuming is, a glare that could kill, the safety goggles + his glasses make it hard to tell. “Unfair advantage, Egbert!”

“This is part of the area.” You grin and blow him a kiss. “Don’t be a sore loser.”

“How did you even get up there?” He asks as he approaches the base of the tree.

“I climbed?” You lower yourself to the lowest branch and dangle your feet above his head. “Catch me.”

“Woah, Egbert n-” He doesn’t have time to finish because you leap from the tree and his instant reaction is to open his arms and catch you. Your weight knocks him off his feet and with an “oof” it sends both of you tumbling and giggling.

You’re laughing your ass off, and despite trying to look pissed, Dave is also laughing. You’re lying on top of him and you can feel every intake of breath when he laughs, regardless of the armor in the way. You aren’t going to lie, it’s a nice feeling.

“You’re fucking crazy, Egbert.” He pants.

You both slowly ease up on laughing and you begin to push yourself up off of him but he stops you by grabbing the top of your chest-plate and pulling you back down into a kiss. It isn’t… like how he usually kisses you, either. It’s soft and gentle. There’s a different kind of passion in it than the hungry don’t-get-caught-desire you both usually share.

He pulls back, still breathing a little heavy from the falling and laughing. “I love you, John.”

Fuck.

Chapter Text

You are Dirk Strider and you are a horrible person. Well, you don’t think you are. Okay, maybe you think you’re a little bit horrible. Or a lot. You’ve been cheating on your boyfriend, John, for almost four months. You didn’t mean to start cheating on him, he’s a great guy and you don’t want to see him heart broken, but you sort of fell for somebody else. It all happened so fast.

You started at the community college in your town – despite earning scholarships for other places – because you wanted to be closer to John. Only problem is, the community college was also host to one Mr. Jacob English. And God, Jake was something else. He wasn’t like anyone else you’d ever met, he wasn’t a product of vanity, he didn’t care what people thought of him, and he was one of the nicest most oblivious guys you’d ever met. You immediately made the mistake of using his oblivious state of mind to weave yourself a web that you soon couldn’t escape from.

It started about a week into your schooling at the college; you took five classes on campus a week and two online. Three of your classes were with Jake. You flirted with him, now this was your first big mistake. You had – have – a boyfriend, you shouldn’t have flirted with him, but you did. Soon the two of you started hanging out during the days when John was at school. You started learning more about him. He was interesting.

You kissed him two weeks after meeting.

Now, you didn’t mean to, he was going on and on about some adventure he’d gone on with his grandparents in Columbia and it just sort of happened. And stupid you, you did it in the living room of your house. The very public living room in which your brother, Dave, made a very poorly timed entrance.

He didn’t say anything when he saw. Just turned around and walked back out.

You immediately broke the kiss with Jake (who looked pretty confused) and went after Dave.

“Dave!” He didn’t turn to face you. “Dave, fucking wait!” You grabbed his arm and spun him around. “Jesus, Dave, it isn’t what it looks like.”

“Yeah? It looks like you’re kissing,” He gestured over your shoulder and aggressively whispered, “Somebody who isn’t John.”

“Fuck, yes, I was okay. But on accident!” You pleaded. “Please don’t fucking tell John, it was an accident.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t fucking talk to your boyfriend but holy shit, Dirk, you’ve got issues.” He shook his head and turned around, getting to his room before you could stop him again.

“Fuck.” You cussed under your breath and turned to go back to the living room.

Jake was waiting for you, extremely confused. You wanted to tell him the kiss was a mistake and it didn’t mean anything but he looked almost sad. You sat down and took a deep breath.

Then you kissed him again.

And again.

And before you knew it, he was talking about being your boyfriend.

And fuck, you felt guilty.

But at the same time…

You wanted Jake.

You wanted John too, though.

You wanted them both.

So you formulated a plan. It was a shitty plan and almost guaranteed to fail, but it hadn’t so far. You’d just date them both, John in the afternoon and on Saturday and Jake during the day and on Sunday. Lucky for you, Jake and John don’t know each other.

Right now, you’re out to lunch with Jake. You both had an early class today so you took him for fast food after. He’s sitting across from you at the small Taco Bell table digging into a burrito.

“So, you’ve been to that tiny paintball zone outside of town?” He swallows.

“Hell yeah I have. Use to go all the time when I was a kid, haven’t much recently, though.” You shrug and take a bite of your own food.

“Well I’ll be damned, Dirk, we were closer than we thought this whole time!” He taps the table lightly with his palm. “Before I started traveling with my Nana I lived with my cousin Jade over on Alvarado Street, me and her spent so much time there firing off guns!”

You laugh a little and shrug. “Small world.”

“It certainly is.” He agrees and takes another bite. “So you’ve got some skill with a pistol, then?”

“I prefer swords, but I’m no sham when it comes to real firepower.”

“Really? I like to think of myself as a real bona fide marksman.” He playfully puffs up his chest.

“Well then remind me not to challenge you to a gun fight.” You raise your hands up in surrender. “I know when to pick my battles and when to let them go.”

He winks at you, “Smart fellow.”

You crinkle up your taco wrapper and toss it onto the tray. “Hurry up, slow poke.” You lean back and cross your arms behind your head casually while waiting for Jake to finish.

He listens and finishes his burrito quickly; you dump the tray and refill your sodas before leaving. He gives a quick kiss before you separate to get into opposite sides of the car.

“So where to?” You ask once seated. “My place?”

“Sure, I don’t have anywhere to be.”

“Great.” You start the car and head out.

The ride is quiet, they usually are with Jake. He talks a lot sometimes, but not nearly as much as John does. It’s peaceful, but you do admit, you miss the over-talkative Egbert when you’re with Jake. John is endearing.

Your relationship with him has always been complicated though, probably because it started off as what was supposed to be a one night stand, the two of you had some drunken sex in your backseat and went your separate ways. Well, nearly. You saw – noticed – him at school after that. He never tried to talk to you. He always walked past you in the hallway with only a glance thrown in your direction. You finally caved and said something to him.

You asked him why he wasn’t in any of your classes; he told you he was a junior. You laugh and compliment how good he is at blowjobs, and then you immediately regret it. After that, the ice really had already been broken, what with the drunken car sex and all. The two of you hit it off. You exchanged chumhandles and talked almost constantly. Before you knew what was happening you’d developed a crush on him. Suddenly his lips weren’t just his lips – they were the lips you wanted to be kissing, his hair wasn’t his hair – it was the hair you wanted tangle your fingers in, and his laugh wasn’t his laugh – it was the laugh that you wanted to hear every day. And every day you wanted to be able to say that that laugh, that cute fucking laugh, belonged to the person that belonged to you. So, you invited him over for Christmas and kissed him under the mistletoe. After that you won him over with a heartfelt feelings jam and several more kisses.

He was yours. Everything was perfect.

Well, everything was perfect until you found out you’d been accepted into several very good colleges. John didn’t seem mad when you told him, but you felt guilty anyway. So you turned them all down. You enrolled in community college to hold yourself over until John was out of school.

That was your biggest mistake.

How were you supposed to know that you’d meet the second most amazing boy you’d ever laid eyes on at the community college? How were you supposed to know you’d fall in love with another person while you were still…

Fuck, are you in love with John?

The two of you have never actually said it and you’ve been dating for almost a year.

You’re pretty sure you love Jake, you love everything about him… but when you think about John… it doesn’t feel the same. You don’t get the same flutter in your chest or numbness in your legs. Your throat doesn’t get tight and you don’t beat around the bush with John like you sometimes catch yourself doing with Jake.

You don’t love him.

But you do?

You love something about him, but it isn’t the same thing you love about Jake. You just love to be with Jake, he fills a void. He completes you? Is that cheesy? You can live without John. But if Jake told you he was packing his bags and going to Alaska you’d be devastated… you might even follow him. You probably would follow him.

“Dirk?” Jake gently nudges your shoulder. “Are you okay; you look a tad zoned out?”

“Oh yeah, fine. I’m fine.” You nod hastily. It was easy to get lost in your thoughts while you were driving.

Jake nods too and turns forward in his seat again. You turn on the radio and find something mind-numbing to listen to for the rest of your drive. It isn’t actually a very long ride, but still, you need to take your mind off of the situation. It feels like you can never enjoy being with either Jake OR John just because the guilt eats you up inside. You brought this on yourself.

You park the car in your driveway and walk around the car to open the door for Jake, you started doing that as a joke and it kind of just stuck. He laughs every time you do and gives you a kiss.

Which reminds you of another big difference between Jake and John – height. Jake is maybe an inch or two taller than you, John is several inches short than you. You always felt weird kissing them while standing up because of it. Then again you felt weird kissing them at all, you know considering you’re cheating on them both.

You lead Jake inside and he makes himself cozy on the couch, you set both of your sodas on the coffee table and fall backwards on top of him. He makes an oofing noise and laughs, you laugh to. He kisses you. You like it when he kisses you first. You like it but it tugs at your heart in an uncomfortable sort of way enjoyable for several reasons.

He pulls back and shoves you off. “You’re heavy.”

“Rude.” You joke and sit up. “Not everyone can be lean and muscly like you, Jake.”

“Yeah, keep sitting on me and I’ll be even more muscly.” He laughs and you roll your eyes.

After that the two of you settle into a comfortable position on the couch, cuddled up next to each other, watching nothing in particular on television, and occasionally talking, but mostly just enjoying relaxing silence.

Then it hits you.

It’s too quiet.

Where is Dave?

He never has anywhere to be this time of day?

You sit up a little and look over at Jake. “Hey have you seen my brother at all since we got here?”

“Not that I can remember,” He says quietly without opening his eyes.

“Was his car even here?”

Jake shrugs.

“Fuck, I wonder where he is.” You pull out your phone and open pesterchum.

[timaeusTestified began pestering turntechGodhead at 12:49 PM]
TT: Hey where are you?

You wait a few minutes after sending it but get no reply.

TT: Yo, Dave?
TT: Don't make me come looking for you, bro, because you know I will.
TG: what
TT: Where are you?
TG: none of your business
TT: Woah, no need for hostility.
TG: theres plenty of need you asshole
TT: Did I do something to piss you off?
TG: oh gee you figured it out
TT: What did I do? Why are you pissed at me?
TG: three guesses
TT: I don't know Dave, stop being a baby and fucking tell me.
TG: well youre cheating on your boyfreinds
TG: and that right there should be a lone fucking reason
TG: boyfriends
TG: as in plural
TG: two
TG: more than one
TG: but why stop there?
TG: youre also lying to them about it
TG: and its got them all kinds of confused
TT: What are you talking about? Where did this come from?
TG: fuck you dirk
[turntechGodhead ceased pestering timaeusTestified at 12:57 PM]

You stare at your phone in disbelief for a second. What got into him? He didn’t give a shit who you dated, before, or even how you dated them. You shake your head and exhale a small frustrated sigh.

Jake picks up on it and gently nudges you, “What’s wrong?”

You look at him and shrug. “Dave’s pissed, don’t know why.”

He frowns, “Well… at least he’s alive?”

You smile and lean your head on his shoulder, “Well don’t you just have a way with words.”

A momentary (quite comfortable) silence falls for a few minutes before Jake speaks up again. “By the way, I can’t come over on Sunday.”

You sit up and raise an eyebrow at him. “Why?”

“I’ve got plans with my cousin.”

“Oh.” You pull a sour expression. “Ew.”

“Hush, he’s a decent guy.” Jake scolds, “Besides, I think you already know him… or your brother does anyway! You and Dave could tag along, actually?”

“Eh, I’d rather not get involved with anyone's family if I don't have to.” You shake your head.

“Suit yourself, John is a fun person to spend time with! I can't believe you don't know him?”

“John?”

“Yeah, my cousin. He's about 5'6", blue eyes, brown hair?”

Oh, mother fucker, please let it be a different John. Please do not be-

"John Egbert?”

Chapter Text

You blink rapidly a few times and push yourself up off of Dave. He props himself up on his elbows and looks at you with worry weighing heavily on his face.

“You… love me?” You ask slowly.

He opens his mouth to reply, shuts it, swallows hard, and then opens it again.

“Pffft, no... No. I’d never fall in love… or uh, love somebody… a big nerd like you.” He says nervously and sits up all the way. “No.”

“Dave…” You trail off quietly. You’re kind of… in shock… To put it simply.

Dave loves you?

But you’ve only been speaking regularly for a little over a month and you’ve only been sneaking around for… well the same amount of time, actually. You barely know him!

He loves you?

You’ve known Dirk for over a year and you’re not even sure if you love him. How can Dave love you?

You shake your head a few times and back away from him.

“We can’t do this anymore, Dave.” You clench your jaw slightly and try to think of what to say next, but you can’t think of anything. “Take me home… please.”

He looks crushed. Absolutely defeated. He lugubriously nods and stands. He doesn’t say anything but you know you’ve hurt his feelings. You… really do like him. He just… it’s..

You’re dating his brother!

Yeah, but that didn’t stop you before!

You know Dirk is cheating on you so why do you keep fucking playing this game?

You’re dancing on a fine line between somebody who really cares about you and somebody who is using you and you’re leaning the wrong way.

Dave walks ahead of you; it takes a minute for your feet to start moving behind him. You feel bad. Worse than bad, even. You feel absolutely terrible. But you can’t keep fucking with Dave because of Dirk.

Even if that means breaking his heart.

Which you don’t want to do.

In fact… you don’t want to see him sad at all.  You’d give the world to make Dave Strider happy.

Well, if that’s the case why are you being so stupid?

You don’t know!

Feelings are hard and you’re a teenager, you can’t really expect yourself to make the right choice the first time every time can you?

The ride into town with Dave is slow and quiet. He drops you off at your house even though you shouldn’t be out of school yet. You don’t care if your dad gets mad, you’ll make up a lie and hopefully he’ll believe it. Though you do hope he isn’t home.

He isn’t.

Thank God.

You don’t want him nosing around because you’re sad. You’d like to be sad in peace.

You solemnly wave Dave off as he drives away and go inside to collapse onto the couch. You haphazardly kick your shoes off and burry your face into the throw pillow before letting out a very frustrated groan.

After what feels like forever lying on the couch with your face buried in the pillow you feel the faint vibrations of your phone in your rear pocket. You let out a much smaller groan than before and pull it out.

Jake is pestering you.

[golgothasTerror began pestering ectoBiologist at 1:37 PM
GT: Ive just found out some interesting news john.
GT: Youre familiar with dirk strider, correct?
GT: Hes just succomed to the overwhelming urge to confess something to me.
GT: Can you guess?
EB: fuck, jake, i swear i didn't know it was you when i found out.
GT: When you found out what?
EB: that dirk was cheating.
GT: What the devil are you talking about john?
EB: uh... is that not what this is about?
GT: Dirk is cheating?
GT: On me?
GT: With who?
EB: fuuuck, please please don't get mad, jake.
GT: Buggers john youre making nervous, just tell me!
EB: me.
GT: You what?
EB: dirk is cheating on you with me, or rather on me with you.
GT: Are you pulling my leg?
EB: i swear to god i'm not, jake.
GT: How do you know?
EB: dave.
GT: Bloody hell john you kissed dave!
GT: I thought he was your boyfriend!
EB: no... it's... it's really complicated.
GT: Well uncomplicate it! Your story isnt adding up.
EB: if you insist.
EB: i've been dating dirk for a year.
EB: i've had a crush on dave since may… ish.
EB: dave told me last month that dirk has been cheating on me since august.
EB: but he didn't tell me with who, because he didn't know we were related.
EB: so out of spite and lust i hooked up with dave and we started sneaking around behind dirk's back.
EB: that's what you walked in on.
EB: dirk told dave to take me home that day but he didn't.
EB: i saw you get out of the car with dirk.
EB: and it kind of just clicked in my head that dirk was dating us both and has no idea that we're related.
GT: I may have just ruined that.
EB: ?
GT: I told dirk you were my cousin.
EB: holy shit.
GT: He acted like he didnt know you.
EB: as expected.
EB: why don't you seem mad?
EB: i had this sinking feeling you'd be really angry.
GT: At you?
EB: yes.
GT: Golly no, john!
GT: According to your story ive been woven into a web youve been spinning with dirk for a year now.
GT: Im not mad at you for something you didnt do.
GT: It is a bit of a shame you didn't tell me when you first found out. i couldve broken it off with him right then!
EB: that's the thing though, jake. i didn't want you to. from the way dave spins it dirk likes you a whole lot more than he likes me. and i can't really blame him! i didn't want you to know because i didn't want your feelings to be hurt. plus... i kind of want to break up with him. a lot. more than when i found out he was cheating on me. and not for myself anymore.
GT: For who then?
EB: dave told me he loves me.
EB: dirk has never done that.
GT: Oh gosh it seems youre in quite the pickle john.
EB: yeah i know.
EB: listen jake, you can break up with dirk if you want. i know what he did was shitty, but i think he did it with the best intentions. he obviously likes you more than me, and he wouldn't have worked so hard to keep either of us from finding out if he didn't care at least a little bit.
GT: What makes you think he fancies me more?
EB: if you really love the first person you wouldn't fall for the second, right?
GT: Why can't you love two people?
EB: maybe you can, i don’t know. all i know is dirk doesn't love me. i don't love dirk. actually maybe we do love each other in a way, but we've never said it so it isn't the kind of love he has for you or...
GT: Or?
EB: or the kind of love i have for dave.
EB: i have to go, i fucked up.
GT: ??????
[ectoBiologist ceased pestering golgothasTerror at 2:00 PM]

Dave doesn’t answer his phone when you call. You leave a frantic voicemail.

“Dave, fuck, I’m sorry. I love you, too. I was confused. I thought I loved your brother, but I don’t. I don’t think I ever have. He’s… You’re different than he is. You care. You’re,” You let out a small sigh, “Please answer your phone.”

You regret it as soon as you hang up.

You call again.

You leave a less frantic voicemail.

“Dave, please answer. I have to tell you something important. I love you, please. I’m sorry.” You hang up again and inhale through your nose. You don’t have the patience to wait for him to call you back. Fuck, you wish you could drive.

[ectoBiologist began pestering turntechGodhead at 2:11 PM
EB: dave please answer me.
EB: i'm sorry.
EB: i don't want to stop.
EB: i don't want to stop seeing you, i don't want to keep doing this damn triangle tango with you and dirk.
EB: i want to feel the rush of kissing you and i want people to know i'm kissing you. i want people to know i love you.
EB: i want YOU to know i love you.
EB: i know you probably don't want to answer.
EB: i don't blame you.
EB: but just know i'm sorry.
[ectoBiologist ceased pestering turntechGodhead at 2:17 PM]

You  collapse backwards onto the couch and stare at your phone above your face, he doesn’t reply. You wait. And wait. Eventually you doze off.

For the best, you think, if you wouldn’t have fallen asleep you’d have been anxiously waiting for almost three hours.

[turntechGodhead began pestering ectoBiologist at 4:58 PM
TG: john?
TG: sorry i didnt reply i was in my thinking place
TG: the place where i think
TG: i thought about some stuff and i was about to apologize to you
TG: but i obviously took too long
TG: whats with the sudden change of heart bro
TG: fuck that sounded rude
TG: i swear i didnt mean for that to come off so rude

You almost don’t answer, but the soft vibrations on your chest from your phone eventually drag you out of your sleep. You groggily rub your eyes and lift up the phone to scan the messages. A wave of relief sweeps over you and you immediately begin to type.

EB: dave!
TG: eyyy there he is
EB: i'm so glad you don't hate me, jesus.
TG: hate you? did we not just have a huge dramatic sitiuation because i told you i love you
EB: no, i mean yes. i know. but i reacted... badly.
TG: you reacted accordingly
EB: i love you too, dave.
TG: i knew it
EB: what?
TG: you dont act how you act around me when youre not in love egbert
TG: i knew you loved me and i knew i was falling in love with you
TG: why the hell do you think i kept making a point to make sure you knew i WASNT falling in love with you
TG: denial bro
TG: i was in denial
TG: sort of like you were earlier
TG: only yours lasted a significantly shorter amount of time
TG: so again ill ask
TG: why the change of heart?
EB: i told jake dirk was cheating on us.
TG: oh shit
EB: i gave him advice about it and realized i was giving myself advice, too.
TG: what advice?
EB: it isn't important, i just needed you to know
EB: that i love you.
TG: gay
EB: shut up.
TG: so hey not to be awkward and change the subject or anything but
TG: are you going to break up with my brother???
EB: yeah.

The front door opens and you nearly jump out of your skin, it’s your dad with arms full of groceries. “There are more in the car if you would help me out, John.” He says, walking past you and into the kitchen.

EB: i have to go my dad just walked in.
EB: i'll see you tomorrow?
TG: count on it
[ectoBiologist ceased pestering turntechGodhead at 5:23 PM]

You stand and pocket your phone. Your head is still spinning from the day’s confusion but you feel relieved. Dave knows you love him. Nothing can possibly go wrong now; all you have to do is break up with Dirk.

 There is absolutely nothing bad that you can possibly imagine happening when you feel this good.

Because damn, you feel good.

Chapter Text

You are Dave Strider and you’re pretty sure you just ruined your brother’s relationship. But you’re getting ahead of yourself here. Let’s rewind. We’re going way back, buckle up.

Sophomore year.

You’d successfully completed your first year of high school and now you’re one of the big dogs. (Medium dogs? Slightly less small dogs?) Point is it’s your first day as a sophomore. You and Dirk wear matching outfits on the first day of every school year because of a nutty family tradition, irrelevant information but whatever.

As a sophomore, you got stuck with the job of helping the freshmen with their orientation and stuff. “The Freshmen Buddy Program” is what the school called it. Dirk, as lucky as he fucking was, got paired with your cousin Rose. You weren’t so lucky.

This kid had to have been 5’3” at most. He had what could easily be described as the worst overbite ever. He had light blue braces and big dorky glasses. Acne dotted his face and you could tell he was just coming into puberty; it made you mentally laugh at the fact that there is a vast difference between being 14 and 15. His eyes were bright blue and they heavily contrasted against his light brown skin. His hair was dark brown and messy as fuck; did he even own a brush? Was it even possible for hair that short to be so curly?

You crossed your arms and stared him up and down with an eyebrow raised. He shot you a dorky-ass grin. You inhaled through your nose and shook your head out of bewilderment. How did you, the ever-cool David Anthony Strider, get paired with a dork like this?

He jutted out his hand in an attempt to handshake. You looked at it with a raised eyebrow and trailed your gaze up to his face. You could see the embarrassment well up behind his bright blues. He awkwardly pulled his hand back.

“I’m John Egbert.” He said like he was unsure of himself.

You nod at the name tag sticker on his shirt. “I know.”

He clears his throat and laughs a little. “Right, sorry.”

“Let’s just get this over with.”

He looked disappointed, like he thought he was going to find a friend in you. You regret being so cold. If you could go back in time and slap that cool-kid bullshit out of young you, you would. You wish every day that you would’ve been nicer to him, then you would’ve known him before Dirk and things might be different.

You found a spot on the bleachers and sat down, he sat beside you. The orientation assembly wasn’t set to start for another fifteen minutes so you coolly pulled your DS out of your hoodie pocket and turned it on. Fuck what anybody says, Pokémon is cool.

John curiously leaned closer when you started playing. You mostly ignored him. After a few minutes he piped up, “Where did you get a shiny Alakazam?”

You looked at him out of the corner of your eye and jut and eyebrow above the rim of your shades. He grinned at you when you did. “My brother.”

“Oh cool, you have a brother?”

He was really trying way too hard.

Or maybe you just weren’t accustomed to people being friendly.

“Yeah, a twin.”

He made an ‘oh’ face and nodded. “That’s so cool! Do you guys get along well? I have a cousin who’s the same age as me and me and her fight sometimes.”

“We get along well enough.” You looked back at your game to hopefully signal to him that you were done talking.

He must’ve got the hint because he didn’t say anything after that.

The assembly started, you shut off your DS, and John talked your ear off when it was over. You had to show him all his classrooms and give him some details about them.

“And this is Mrs. Hernandez’s Spanish class.” You deadpan and half-heartedly gestured across the room. “I took this class last year.” Mrs. Hernandez stood up from behind her desk in the corner of the room and smiled warmly at John.

“And who is this?” She shook his hand.

“John Egbert.” He said.

She nodded and threw a sly grin in your direction. “I hope you’re a little better at Spanish that Mr. Strider.” Did you just get sly-digged by a teacher? What the fuck?

“Me gusta mis posibilidades.”John grinned.

Wait, what the fuck?

You gave him a look of genuine confusion; luckily it was masked by your glasses.

Mrs. Hernandez also gave him a confused look. “Hablas espanol?”

“Si.” He laughed.

“Clever boy.” Mrs. Hernandez also laughed. “Taking a class you’re sure you can pass.”

John laughed again and she sent the two of you on your way. Once you were out of earshot of Mrs. Hernandez’s room you spoke up.

“You know Spanish?”

“Yeah, why?”

You shook your head and shrugged. “Cool.”

That was the extent of niceness you showed him though.

Aside from that one small compliment of “cool” you treated him like a task and not a person.

Did you mention how much you regret that?

Cuz you do.

A lot.

The level of surprise you experienced when Dirk brought John home for the first time in senior year was…

Well you nearly fell out of your seat from the weight of your jaw hitting the floor.

Not only was this the same dork you had to show around during freshmen orientation.

This dork was hot.

He still had braces but the rest of him… God damn.

His skin was smooth, significantly less acne. His hair was still unruly but at least now it looked like he’d attempted to style it. He was taller, at least 3 or 4 inches taller. He dressed better. The first time you met him he was wearing khaki shorts and a white long-sleeve t-shirt with some weird fucking ghost on it. He still wore glasses but his face filled out and they didn’t look so ridiculous now.

He didn’t recognize you.

Or at least he acted like he didn’t.

You can still remember how sick you felt the first time you saw Dirk kiss him. It wasn’t jealousy, yet. It was just… disgust. You knew this kid when he was small and dorky looking and you didn’t want your asshole of a brother to be kissing him. This kid was way too innocent.

You thought.

You’d find out later from Dirk he was so far from the innocent Pokémon loving dork you thought he was. Let’s not get into that right now, though.

Point is Dirk brought home this kid you met years ago. You thought nothing of it at first. But then you started getting a crush on him.

The disgust turned into jealousy.

You started hating seeing them together.

You knew John first this wasn’t fair. Dirk isn’t right for him.

Then you noticed John staring at you…

He’d get shy and look away when you looked at him.

It was cute.

Then shit really went south.

Dirk brought home another boy.

You caught them kissing.

The first thing on your mind was John. John would be heartbroken. You didn’t want that.

By this point you’d developed some pretty heavy feelings for the Egnerd. You tried to push them away. It was hard. It was especially hard when Dirk kept bringing Jake back. He’d have days where he sent John home and Jake showed up half an hour later. It made you sick.

You needed to do something about it.

You couldn’t keep letting him fuck with John like that.

So finally, after many mental arguments with yourself you said something to John. You brought up how he totally had a crush on you – making sure to leave out your own crush. He denied all allegations with very flustered mannerisms. It was cute. You wanted to keep egging it on but Dirk came back.

Next you talked to him on Pesterchum. It took you nearly two hours to work up the guts to actually send him a message. It wasn’t a long conversation. You accidentally said “bing brosby” instead of “Crosby” and fuck it was embarrassing. You played it off like you meant to. He called you weird and left.

The next day though…

You kissed him.

He kissed you back (after some convincing.)

The day after that your cousin Rose texted you and told you how conflicted you made John feel. She may or may not have been the mole you’d been using to find out more about Egbert since you found out he was dating Dirk.

So you did the only appropriate thing.

You told John the truth.

He immediately told you to come over.

It gave off a sort of… bitter jealousy vibe… but you didn’t care. John asked you to come to his house. He was asking (telling) you, Dave Strider, brother of his boyfriend, to come over. Alone.

When you got to his house you tried to apologize for telling him the truth. He interrupted you by kissing you. You gently push him back when he does.

“John I don’t want you to kiss me because you’re mad at Dirk…” Your head is spinning and you are obviously regretting stopping him, but you can’t let him do it for the wrong reasons.

He quickly shook his head. “No, fuck Dirk, you were right. I’ve had a massive crush on you for months and I guess I have nothing stopping me from pursuing it now.”

You stared at him for a second before swallowing. “You’re still dating Dirk.”

“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right?” He didn’t give you time to reply. He dragged you into another kiss and stepped backwards as he did, so he could shut the door behind you.

And that was it.

The start of you and John running around in secret.

You are Dave Strider and you were are dating your brother’s boyfriend.

It was going GREAT until you took him on a date and accidentally told him you loved him. He reacted worse than you’d imagined he would. You were sure it was done. Over with. You were sure he was going to keep letting Dirk fuck around with him.

He messaged you later.

He told you he loved you too.

And now here we are.

John still hasn’t broken it off with Dirk, he can’t figure out how. You aren’t mad. He’s drastically cut down on how much he sees Dirk. Sometimes you wonder if Dirk knows you’re fooling around with John. Sometimes Dirk gives you looks that just scream “I know.” Or maybe he’s mentally suspecting you of knowing John and Jake were related. Ever since he found out he’s been on guard.

But enough about Dirk, you’re with John right now.

You love being with John. You love it. You love him. He’s as close to you as he can possibly get. You can feel the warmth of his skin against yours and his face is so close you can see every detail in his eyes – even in the low lighting. You aren’t kissing, not right now. You’re talking. You’ve been doing that a lot, getting to know him. The more you know the more you love.

You asked him about his mom. The subject is obviously tugging at his heart but he tells you anyway. You regret asking him, you hate seeing him sad.

“I used to go to Mexico with her every summer to visit family. I’ve got lots of cousins there. It’s kind of a family tradition to name your kid with a name starting with J so it gets really confusing.” He’s talking quietly, avoiding the subject of what actually happened to her. You don’t mind. He doesn’t have to tell you.

“So is that why you speak Spanish?”

“Yeah she made me learn when I was really little…” He stops and knits his eyebrows together and looks at you kind of confused. “How did you know I speak Spanish?”

“Uh... Dirk.” You hesitate. He narrows his eyes suspiciously and you smile innocently.

“Alright… I’m watching you Strider.”

“Or maybe I’m watching you.” You grin. He laughs. You love it.

The two of you fall silent after that. It’s peaceful. You can feel the rising and falling of his chest against your own. His breathing steadily gets heavier. He’s falling asleep.

“John?” You gently shake his shoulder.

“Hm?” He sleepily mumbles.

“Do you want to go home?” He shakes his head and burrows closer to you, tickling your chin with his hair. You bend your neck down and kiss his forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He barely makes a sound when he speaks. God, you’re in deep.

You lay like that for a while, with your chin gently on his head. It’s nice. You eventually doze off too. It’s comfortable, holding John while you both sleep. It feels right – like he belongs in your arms.

It doesn’t last long enough.

The next thing you know, there is light leaking in through your blinds and a banging at your bedroom door.

“Dave, where the fuck is my hair gel?” It’s Dirk.

You blink yourself out of sleep and realize two things:

You are still holding John and DIRK IS AT YOUR BEDROOM DOOR.

“Fuck.” You harshly whisper and shake John awake. He looks surprised and upset when you do. “Dirk is at the door.” You hiss. His eyes go wide and he immediately stands up, you follow suit. “Hide!”

He does.

The door’s handle starts to turn just as John slips inside the closet. Your heart is racing.

“DIRK!” You shout when the door opens.

He raises an eyebrow at you. “Dave?”

“Uh, fuck, hi, hey, sup?” Your eyes darting between Dirk and the closet. You hope he doesn’t notice.

“Have you seen my hair gel?” He eyes you and then your bedroom very suspiciously.

“Nope. Haven’t seen it. Have not touched it. It’s not in here.” You can feel yourself swallow hard from nerves.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah fine, I’m great, why?” You’re talking faster than normal.

“You seem kind of… jumpy.” He notes.

“Jumpy? Me, pft, no bro, I’m fine.”

“Alright, whatever you say.” He shakes his head and turns to leave.

The door clicks behind him and your heart literally almost jumps out of your chest. John emerges from the closet shortly after Dirk leaves.

“That was close.”

“You need to break up with him already.” You roll your eyes and he sits next to you on the bed.

“Why so you can IMMEDIATELY start dating me?”

“Well he’ll immediately date Jake.” You grumble.

“Yeah but brothers are differ-”

The door swings open again.

“Are you sure you’re-” Dirk freezes when he sees John. Your eyes are wide. John’s eyes are wide. Dirk's eyes are probably wide behind his glasses.

Chapter Text

Dirk’s eyes dart between you and Dave, you can’t tell if he’s putting it together in his head or not. You’re begging every God you’ve ever heard of that he isn’t. There are SEVERAL beats of uncomfortable silence between the three of you before Dirk finally speaks again.

“John…?” He asks slowly, almost like he isn’t sure he’s actually seeing you there.

You give him a sheepish wave in reply, trying to downplay the awkwardness of this situation. “Uh, hey Dirk.”

“What are you doing here?” His eyes trail from you to Dave again. “… With Dave?” He expectantly raises both eyebrows. You literally cannot answer, your heart is in your throat and all of the poor choices you’ve made over the last few weeks have finally reared their ugly head to be dealt with once and for all.

“We were making out.” Dave finally breaks his silence. “Had my tongue all up in that sweet Egbert mouth. Now I see why you like to hog him.” He wears an expression that could easily be taken for I’m-totally-fucking-with-you even though he isn’t fucking with anyone at all. He’s serious. Sort of. You were making out at one point… last night? Apparently it’s morning now.

Dirk looks between the two of you again.

“Okay, so the truth, John?”

He didn’t believe Dave.

A sigh of relief overcomes you. Dirk didn’t believe him. You were safe.

“He’s telling the truth.” Your lips move and you spew the truth before you can even think about it.

Dirk raises an eyebrow because he still doesn’t believe you. Dave’s mouth is wide open and he is staring at you in utter disbelief.

“You’re kidding.” Dirk insists, as if there is absolutely no way that that is what happened.

You shake your head. “Nope.” You stand and though the nerves in your stomach and basically every cell in your body is telling you to stop you take a step towards him, put your arms out in a ‘here I am’ sort of gesture, and speak. “I’m breaking up with you, Dirk.”

“Breaking up with me?” Dirk’s expression is different now. Way different. A mix of anger and confusion and probably disbelief and more confusion for good measure. “You’re breaking up with me?”

“Yep, right now.” You nod coolly (probably not as coolly as you imagine).

“Are you  serious?” You can tell he’s nervous too. “For what?”

“For what, Dirk? What can you think of that you’ve done that would merit this?” You say very bitterly. You feel a slight pang of guilt for the amount of bitterness you allow yourself to exhibit, but fuck, you are bitter.

“Fuck.” He sighs.

“Yeah. Say hi to Jake for me. Do me a favor and don’t break his heart, he really likes you.” You can feel your nostrils flare and you realize you’re talking with more venom than intended. Whoops.

Dirk clenches his jaw and turns to Dave, “Did you tell him?” Dave innocently raises his hands. “Did you fucking tell him, Dave?”

“I didn’t say shit to him, Dirk.”

“Then how the FUCK did he find out?”

“Don’t play the blame game bro, you started this snowball.”

He turns back to you and exhales loudly. “I swear John I didn’t mean for it to happen I just…” He throws his head back and presses his palms into his eyes and lets out a frustrated groan. “I didn’t want to break your heart and I really like Jake.”

“It’s fine.” Alright maybe it isn’t totally fine, there is definitely some bitter feelings right now, but shut up. You did it too, you kept dating Dirk and dated somebody else behind his back, so even though you’re bitter you have to stop.

Dirk looks back to you and raises an eyebrow questioningly. “Fine?”

“Fine. Dirk. It’s fine. I should’ve done this weeks ago, it was hard. I fucked up. We both fucked up. You cheated on me and instead of reacting like a rational person and breaking up with you… I… also cheated… on you.”

His expression contorts and you can also hear the gears click in his head. He looks to Dave. “You’ve been sleeping with my boyfriend?”

Dave again raises his hands in protest. “We didn’t sleep together.”

“You’ve been sleeping with my cousin!” You add. (A bit too loudly than you meant.)

“I didn’t know he was your cousin!” Dirk argues.

You narrow your eyes and press your lips together in an are-you-serious manner. “Does that justify it?”

He opens his mouth to protest but instead closes it and exhales through his nose. “No.”

“So then that’s it. We’re done. We don’t love each other Dirk. We don’t. I can’t keep beating around this stupid bush and playing this stupid game and pretend I don’t know and kissing Dave in secret. I can’t. I can’t keep dating you while you date my cousin because he LOVES you and I don’t.” You clear your throat. “He knows you were cheating. You should probably talk to him about this, clear the waters. Fess up and start new, because he really fucking likes you.”

Dirk stares at you for a solid minute before speaking up. “I’m sorry.” He says quietly. “I know it was wrong, trust me I know, I fought with myself so much but I didn’t want to hurt anybody, I guess I just ended up hurting everybody.” He rubs a hand through his hair (which is still loose and unstyled because he still hasn’t be able to put gel in it). His eyes fall on Dave, who has been rather silent this entire time. “And I’m sorry to you, too.” He frowns. Dave only nods. “I didn’t know that… I… should’ve realized when you were pissed…” He’s having trouble finding his words and Dave must realize he’s struggling because he finally speaks up.

“It’s fine. We’re all guilty here; we’re all stupid, we all created this monster. I encouraged John to cheat on you instead of facing the issue. I knew if he confronted you and you broke up with Jake I stood no chance.”

The room falls silent for several minutes after that before you finally clear your throat and speak up. “So we’re all on good terms?”

Dave and Dirk exchange a glance and say “Yes” in unison. You nod and Dirk claps his hands together awkwardly. “It was a good run, Egbert, enjoy my brother.”

“Enjoy my cousin.” You echo. And with that, Dirk leaves the room.

 As soon as you’re sure he’s out of earshot you turn to Dave and grin. Dave shakes his head and looks up to the sky disapprovingly. You laugh and make your way over to him; a well-placed kiss finds its way to his lips shortly thereafter. Dave accepts the kiss but breaks it after a very short amount of time. “You really are nuts, John.”

You chin-hands and bat your eyelashes innocently in reply. “I know.” He rolls his eyes and reconnects the kiss. And it’s nice; kissing him with no secrets. It’s freeing. You don’t let the kiss last too long though, you want to go on a date. A real date. In public, Dave does too.

He stands from his bed and digs through his dresser in attempt to find anything wearable; you suffer in your clothes from the day before because all of Dave’s clothes are too long on you. He finds something halfway decent and receives your nod of approval. The two of you leave the house with fingers interlocked. (Awkwardly walking past Dirk, of course, because the waters – though clear – had not quite settled yet.)

You slide into the passenger seat of Dave’s car and wait for him to get into the driver’s seat. “Where to?” He asks while the two of you buckle your seatbelts.

“Literally anywhere,” You say quickly.

“Strip club it is.” He nods. That earns him a punch in the shoulder. “Owww.” He whines rubs his arm.

“Anywhere, we can hold hands in public and be seen by lots of people, let’s go rub our stupid relationship in their faces.” You correct your previous statement.

Dave smiles and nods. “Sounds good to me, Egbert.” And before he pulls out of the drive way he leans over the center console and kisses you on the cheek. “I cannot wait to do that in front of people.”