Work Text:
“You keep your money in the sock drawer huh, blondie,” said Levi as his hands roamed through the Commander’s clothing. He wasn’t doing it with a perverse intention in mind. He was in charge of Erwin’s laundry after all. The blonde was too busy with his Commander duties and after seeing him work late into the night Levi felt something that could be described as pity and decided to help him out with tasks he had no problem doing. And he could safely say that picking up the dirty clothing didn’t fill him with any emotion other than disgust.
Nothing perverse about it, he just wanted to get to know the man better. But he was also aware of Erwin’s intelligence and his blue persuasive eyes too big and bright for their own good. He felt his entire world shaking when he looked into those fucking eyes and when the blonde put on a soft pouty expression he was willing to agree to anything, to promise impossible. No, he definitely didn’t trust himself around Erwin so besides talking to him daily Levi felt like he needed more information about him, that kind that wasn’t affected by whatever damned emotion he felt near blondie.
And so, during the past few weeks Levi made sure to remember all the Commander’s habits, slip-ups and generally as much as he possibly could.
What kind of food was his favourite, how many spoons of sugar, if any, he liked in his tea. At what time he usually left his seat behind the big desk full of reports to take a dump.
However, it all seemed to no avail as deep inside the Commander was still the enigma he struggled to understand when he left the underground weeks ago.
Sure, they became closer between then and now. Levi didn’t feel any negative emotion towards him anymore and Erwin felt comfortable with Levi cleaning his room and office, even buying some expensive black tea especially for them to drink together after dinner every day.
But it still pissed Levi off to no end he couldn’t see into the blonde’s handsome head.
Levi prided himself on being able to see through people's bullshit. Used to lying from young age he had no problem recognizing the lies of other people. His intuition and the ability to read expressions along with people’s characters have proven crucial in the underground and surely were some of the main reasons he was now standing here, instead of having his bones washed down into some rat's nest.
However, Erwin was an exception to this. Or more like a special case.
A contradiction.
On one hand he was aware of Erwin’s cunning mind, his intelligence he oh so underestimated at first, and made peace with the fact Erwin would always be one step ahead of everyone else, including Levi. When he saw him presenting his ideas to the rest of the military he was in awe and wanted to beat up every fucker who snickered or rolled eyes at the blonde’s enthusiasm.
He often watched Erwin working at his desk, noticed all the tiny slip-ups in his façade most likely invisible to people who didn’t know him as well as Levi did. His eyes darkening, the edges of his mouth rising for less than a second, an intense sad stare that changed into a smile as soon as he noticed Levi. He could only wonder what was going on inside Erwin’s mind.
But on the other hand, it was as if Erwin changed once he left his desk and became an open book to Levi. After spending some time together just talking shit and drinking tea Levi learned all his normal moods and expressions along with their meaning. He could easily tell if the man was angry, frustrated or tired.
Well, maybe the book wasn’t opened completely.
Despite learning so much about him he still had no explanation for the rare intense gaze Erwin sometimes looked at him with. It sent chills down his spine and he often remembered it, thought about it before going to sleep. It made him feel hot all over. So hot.
He had even gotten into an argument with Erwin because of it, two weeks after he had decided to follow him, dedicating his heart to the Commander’s goal. Had accused the man of using magic on him, or some sort of hypnosis. Commanding the Survey Corps meant he was a natural leader, but Levi was sure the things he made Levi feel were way above something any amount of leading skills could do. Something about him made Levi feel like he would be able to do everything on Erwin’s mind, fulfil any wish, go to his sure death if he was told so. All it took was for Erwin to look at him and Levi was practically flying.
He had expected Erwin to deny it, or to admit it and ask Levi what was he, the thug who had been spared of punishment by the Military police only because of Erwin, planning to do about it. What he hadn’t been expecting was the soft laugh that had escaped the Commander's lips. Not a mean or condescending one.
He had then raised his hand, as if to touch Levi's cheek, but stopped with a sad expression forming on his handsome face.
"Is this what you really think about me, Levi? Using magic to control you, to send you and other soldiers to your deaths?"
Erwin's expression had been almost pained then, and even now Levi didn’t want to admit how much it had affected him. Suddenly he had an urge to comfort him, to make things right.
"Look sorry I-... I didn't mean it like that. I just... there's things I don't understand. I can't stop thinking about you Erwin and it-... it never happened to me before. Your words affect me so much fuck I... this isn't like me. Spilling like this in front of someone I barely know," he had turned into a blabbering mess, the point he has been trying to make long forgotten. Red has started painting his cheeks and he has started praying to the gods of the walls some higher power would help him before he embarrasses himself any further.
"Would you like to get to know me then? I know how much you dislike the barracks. Would living with me and getting to know me make things easier for you?"
Now this was unexpected.
Living with Erwin? As in living in his room? If he had been unsure about the Commander’s true feelings before it had been clear to him then that Erwin trusted him as much as he trusted Erwin, given that he had wanted the blonde dead not too long ago.
He had taken too long to answer, so Erwin must’ve taken the lack of response for disinterest and rather than pushing the Capitan further, making him feel obligated, or ‘hypnotised’, he had decided to leave. However, before he had managed to leave Levi’s field of vision completely, he put his hand on the Captain’s shoulder and muttered the words "Well, if you change your mind, my room is open to you any time."
Now it’s been a while since they started sharing the room. Levi slowly but surely made the chair by the window his as Erwin stopped putting clothes on it and started decorating it with blankets and pillows. He didn’t want to admit it at first, but getting used to Erwin’s smell, humming and snoring calmed Levi and helped him falling asleep.
Standing in his room waiting for the Commander to return so he could light off the candle and drift off Levi finally realized how much effect Erwin's presence had on him.
Mental control or not, being around the tall man made Levi feel safer. It was as if he returned to the time Farlan and Isabel were still alive.
It took months, if not years to build this sort of trust around Farlan and Isabel, and when they died his state got so much worse. When they were with him, he was able to get only few hours a night, surely not enough for a normal person to operate on. But with them gone he had problems even falling asleep. And when he finally did, he woke from nightmares soon after.
Now, knowing the man for few weeks only, Erwin's presence made him feel safe enough to sleep like before.
However, the man was not here now.
Getting angry at him for endangering both his and Levi's health, he left the room in sleeping clothes, going to the place he was sure the Commander was at now.
His office
***
"The fuck you still working for?"
Ah, seems like despite the late hour his Captain was still resisting sleep
Although trying to look fully awake, Erwin couldn't deny his eyelids felt heavy before Levi appeared. Knowing that every little indication of his current state would make the Captain angrier it was time to show his acting skills, which he was incredibly proud of.
Normally it was almost impossible to fool Levi, but judging by the messy hair and raspy voice the late hour had effects on him too. Hopefully he won’t notice the paleness of Erwin’s skin and the bags under his eyes giving him an almost corpse-like look. As a Commander of the military fraction with the highest mortality rate the irony of it made him smile. The smile however soon disappeared when he remembered he wasn’t alone in his office, but with his tiny Captain.
What was Levi doing here anyway?
"I'm sorry Levi, but I can’t postpone the writing of this document any longer as it has to be finished by tomorrow," said Erwin matter-of-factly, his heart hurting a bit from having to be professional and impersonal with his Captain. He would be very happy to throw that piece of paper away and return to his room with the smaller man by his side, but he had to put his work above his desires yet again.
“Yea like fuck you can’t. I thought you were working all day, the fuck are you only now doing shit that has to be ready tomorrow.”
Levi had a point and Erwin wished he had a good explanation. He didn’t have one as the truth was simple, he just didn’t want to do it. Dreading it, he finished every other document and report, even some that were due next week, just to avoid this one.
If only he had known how much it would backfire on him.
“Today was really busy and I must admit I forgot about it until after dinner. Although I have to work, you don’t have to wait for me and just go to sleep now. I promise I won’t wake you up.”
“That’s not the issue fucker.”
Not the issue? Where was the problem then?
His mind working hard he tried to think of a reason Levi couldn’t go to sleep alone and suddenly it hit him.
Deep into the night Levi once told him that the three of them, Levi, Isabel and Farlan, always used to sleep together and with the two of them gone he has had trouble dealing with all the empty space.
Does it mean Erwin’s presence helps him fall asleep?
Was that the reason he was now standing in front of him?
Suddenly he saw the Captain, his puffy cheeks and ruffled hair in a completely different light. And he couldn’t even begin to describe how much he hated himself for saying the following.
“If you have trouble falling asleep alone you could always ask Hange, it shouldn’t be too much of a problem getting your chair into their room.
"Tch as if I would willingly enter their room. And this isn't about me. Do you know how unhealthy this is, working all night? You're pushing yourself into an early grave.”
Oh, was this the true reason? Nevertheless, even if Levi didn’t need him like he thought, the fact that the Captain was still standing here because of him pleased him immensely. To have someone like Levi care about his health was something the Commander knew he was unworthy of.
Changing his focus from his depressing thoughts back on Levi’s answer he couldn’t help but chuckle, "Levi, I believe by commanding the Survey Corps I'm already pushing myself into an early grave, be it with or without working until sunrise."
"Yeah whatever, well I'm going to stay here until you go to bed too, if you can't care for yourself maybe your devilish mind will feel pity for me."
Oh, Levi, if only you knew.
He wanted to desperately let Levi knew how much he cared about him. How, if he could, he would throw everything away. But given how he himself didn’t want to finish writing the document any more persuading from Levi and he was afraid he would give in to the temptation.
Still wanting to keep the conversation going, as spending all day locked here made him feel lonely, without letting Levi know his heart’s true desires Erwin decided to tease him a bit before returning to his work.
“Trying ty play on my emotional side? This is very uncharacteristic of you Captain, I was sure you would hit my head and drag my unconscious body to bed yourself."
"Shut up and work so you can finish soon."
Noticing how fouler Levi’s mood has gotten he decided not to provoke the small man any further and finally returned his attention to the document. He tried his best to focus fully on his work, not wanting to spend any more time in his office than necessary, but his mind couldn’t help but return back to Levi. He had avoided the first question while answering and Erwin only now fully realized that although Levi was surely becoming one of the greatest soldiers he has ever seen, causing violence has never seemed to bring him pleasure.
The former thug was used to violence. Erwin never asked directly as he didn't want to awake painful memories within the man. But sometimes, deep in the night when it was just the two of them in their room enwrapped by comfortable silence, darkness protecting them from the rest of the world, or trying to get sleep behind the walls in a world that felt too vast, like if every little confession would dissolve amongst the stars, Levi opened to him. With the tiny bits of his childhood he still remembers, with surviving in the world deep underground.
Erwin saw the casualty with which the former thug talked about violence, about robbing and killing people. Just the fact that he was here, alive, in his room must've meant there's a whole other side of his Captain he has yet to see.
Or maybe he never will.
When Levi talked about those days, his voice wasn't shaking and his eyes weren't filling with tears, but there was visible disgust in his voice. Although they haven't known each other for a long time, when they were together like this, just sitting in comfortable silence, doing mundane tasks or drinking tea, he couldn't envision the man doing violent acts. Somehow, running around his office cleaning or drinking tea suited Levi way better.
Levi tries to scare other people away with his harsh attitude and way of speaking, but when he let’s go of his walls it’s almost impossible not to see the kindness inside him.
He was all bark, but no bite.
"You remind me of my mom, you know.
She was a strong and beautiful woman. When my dad spent too much time working, she went into his room with a big spoon in her hand. And although I never saw what she did with it, my dad would always come downstairs without complaining. It was only thanks to her that we always ate dinner together, like a family.
For her, health and family were the most important things in the world.
Still, she had no way of knowing all her hard work would be ruined by a son with a mouth too open for his own good-"
He was suddenly pulled out of his monologue by a soft sound, almost like a cat's purr. When he looked at his couch, he noticed the Captain lost his battle against sleep and was now dreaming soundly. And apparently Erwin’s presence was truly the only thing he needed, as his small body was now slightly shaking, his clothes too thin to protect him from the chilly temperature in the office. Erwin has been trying to keep his office relatively cold to stay awake, but he couldn’t live with himself if Levi got sick only because of his inability to finish all work while sun was still above the horizon, so now he headed straight towards the sleeping man, draping his jacket over the small body.
It was too late when he realized he may have made a mistake, no more worrying about working late being unhealthy, as the former thug must’ve been used to protecting himself from thieves and killers trying to take advantage of his body’s need to sleep. He half expected to end up on the floor, his spine broken, but Levi didn’t go after his throat. Only stirred a bit and mumbled something softly.
His earlier assumptions were proven to be right, as Erwin was one hundred percent sure be it anyone else other than him touching Levi in his sleep they would lose their head.
So this was how far Levi’s trust went, huh.
Being so close to the Captain, seeing his small vulnerable sleeping form feeling safe around him has awaken something in Erwin. The document didn’t matter to him anymore and he would surely hate himself for it in the morning.
But right now wasn’t morning, it was dark and cold and the only thing on his mind was getting Levi into his room.
The body quite heavy for its small appearance, Erwin picked him up from the couch and carried him all the way to his room, passing the chair and laying the small man on his bed.
Hoping his body worm will undo any potential damage done to Levi’s health he took off his clothes and draped his arm over Levi, pulling him closer to him. He didn't even want to think about for how long he has wanted to do this.
Little did he know Levi will never return to the chair as long as Erwin is with him.