Chapter 1: the black dress
Chapter Text
They have to drive to the next town over to buy her a black dress. El didn’t quite fit into one of Joyce’s and Joyce had asked Karen if she had an old one of Nancy’s but she didn’t.
They pass the decimated Starcourt on the way and El has to turn away from the window and looks down at her hands, fiddling with the blue hair tie on her wrist.
She feels Joyce’s hand squeezing her shoulder reassuringly and El has to fight back tears she can feel in the back of her eyes and the burning in her throat.
“Hey, this’ll be a fun day out,” Joyce says softly. “Just us girls, get away from those boys for while, yeah?”
El nods without looking up. Tears falling into her lap.
El’s shocked when the mall they walk into is almost identical to Starcourt. Joyce catches the look on her face. “They all look this,” she tells El. “They’re all the same.”
El hates that. She hates that Starcourt wasn’t even special.
They buy the first black dress they find. It’s simple, with lace at the end of the sleeves and satin around the waist. El thinks it makes her look boring - compared to the bright clothes she’d bought with Max - but she doesn’t voice that thought.
In fact she’d barely spoken since that night. She felt like her vocal chords were sore with disuse. Like they had been in the Lab.
Joyce takes her to the food court afterwards. They buy huge burgers dripping with sauce that make El think of Benny.
She snaps the blue hair tie on her wrist.
El can tell that Joyce is trying to cheer her up - as she shows El how to dip her fries into her frostie. It almost works when Joyce pretends to accidentally give herself a frostie mustache. El feels laughter in her throat and lets it out. A small bubble of happiness, and Joyce smiles at her. El attempts to smile back, but she feels suddenly guilty. How could she laugh when they were out buying a dress to wear to Hop’s funeral.
Joyce catches the dark look on El’s face. “You’re allowed to be happy, hun.” She whispers. “In fact it’s good to be happy. Hop wants you to be happy.”
El nods but doesn’t meet Joyce’s eyes. She fiddles with hair tie, snapping it against her wrist.
“I need you to talk to me, El,” Joyce says to her. “Look at me.”
El looks up at her, half resentful. She snaps the hair tie against her wrist, and Joyce reaches out, placing her hand softly on El’s wrist, stopping her from snapping the hair tie again.
Joyce looks down at the girl’s wrist. The blue hair tie. The red line beneath it.
“You need to stop doing that, hun.” She says softly, and El nods, wiping her eyes. “Hop wouldn’t want you to. He gave that to you, didn’t he?”
Another nod. Another fallen tear.
Joyce lets go of El’s wrist. “Let’s get out of here, hey. These burgers aren’t very good anyway.”
They walk back to the car in silence. The only noise between them is the crinkling of the plastic containing El’s black dress.
The doors shut loudly in El’s ears and she has to consciously stop herself from snapping the hair tie against her wrist. It’s become a habit this week.
“What… what happens at a funeral?” El asks quietly, her voice hoarse and sore. She’s never been to a funeral before. She’d only ever seen them on her soap operas and she was coming to find that soap operas weren’t a very good representation of real life.
Joyce places a hand on El’s back and smiles softly at this child who has become her daughter in the space of a week. “Well, there’s a coffin and usually people go up and say goodbye to the body, but we can’t do that this time. But there’ll be a priest, and he’ll speak and then all the people who were close to Hop will stand up and say something.”
El looks at her, eyes wide. “Will you speak?” She asks her.
Joyce nods. “Yeah, I’ll probably say something. You can too, if you want.”
El seems scared of this idea. “How many people will there be?”
This is a good question. Joyce has no idea how many people are going to turn up. “A few.”
“I don’t know what to say about Hop.” She says quietly.
“Just say what you feel.” Joyce tells her, placing her other hand on El’s heart. “From here.”
El looks away and Joyce withdraws her hands.
How is she supposed to say her feelings when she doesn’t even know what they are.
“Hop took me shopping once.” El whispers, staring out the window. “To get my dress for the Snow Ball.” She sees his smiling face when she twirled around. His shrug when she’d asked for the pink eyeshadow. His off key singing as they drove home.
And then all at once she is crying. Her whole body shaking with sobs, and she feels Joyce pull her close. El clutches at her and Joyce holds her. She kisses her the top of her head and whispers comforts into her ears. El cries and Joyce fights back her own tears, rocking her gently.
El wonders if this is what it means to be loved by a mother. To be held in such a way.
She wonders if her own mother would’ve held her like this. She remembers Hop hugging her and pressing a kiss to her head when they reunited. She remembers him hugging her when she’d closed the Gate, dead with exhaustion.
“You did good, kid. You did so good.”
She thinks of her parents and wishes they were here.
Joyce holds her as tight as she can. Praying to take the pain away.
“I got you, honey. I got you.”
Chapter 2: wonder women
Summary:
el and jonathan bond over their interests.
Notes:
set probably a month into el living with the byers. enjoy!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
wonder women
El is lying on her stomach on her bed in the room she now shares with Will, when Jonathan walks past the open door. She’s reading intently, fiddling with her hair. His camera is hanging around his neck and he takes a photo of her without even thinking.
The click startles her, and she looks up, like a wide eyed fawn caught in headlights.
“Sorry,” Jonathan says immediately, walking cautiously towards the door, “I just took a photo.”
She shakes her head. “That’s okay.”
There’s a moment of silence in which she looks at Jonathan expectantly, waiting for him to speak. He feels guilty for not spending more time with her since she’d moved in - after all she’s his little sister now - but whenever he looks at her he can hear her screams as he’d cut open her leg. He’s certain they ring in her ears too. How couldn’t they?
“What are you reading?” He asks her, approaching her bed and sitting down.
El holds up the comic book. “Wonder Woman. Max lent it to me.”
“You like Wonder Woman, huh?” Jonathan asks her, smiling.
She nods enthusiastically. “Oh yeah, she’s my favourite. She’s stronger than all the other superheroes.”
“Yeah she is.” Jonathan agrees.
El sits up and points to his camera. “You like taking photos?” She asks him curiously.
He nods. “Yeah, I dunno, I just like to capture moments, you know?”
El nods with such sincerity that Jonathan believes she really does understand.
Joyce, sitting in the living room, can hear their soft voices drift up the hallway and smiles.
The next day El finds three new Wonder Woman comics sitting on her bed with a note: Wonder Woman for a Wonder Woman.
She shuts her eyes and smiles widely, clutching the comics and note to her heart.
Notes:
comments much appreciated xx

ottermo on Chapter 1 Tue 16 Jul 2019 09:27PM UTC
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