Work Text:
"You're a good person," Mat said as he wrapped an arm around you, pulling you closer to him under the covers. A toothless smile appeared on his face, the one that always made your heart skip a beat.
Unfortunately, this time, instead of returning your toothy smile, an uncomfortable, borderline painful feeling grew in your stomach that left you feeling restless. Your eyes darted away from your lover, a disappointed look showing on your face. You weren't disappointed at him, but rather yourself.
Mat could tell that something was wrong, especially with your visible discomfort with his compliment. You so desperately wanted to say "No, I'm not a good person", but you knew that would only hurt his feelings. After a couple of seconds of wrestling to conjure up a reply, you finally sighed a response in an uneasy tone, "Thank you." You buried your face into Mat's chest, trying to run away from your emotions, but Mat wouldn't let that happen.
Mat propped himself up with an elbow, asking in a concerned tone, "Y/N, what's wrong? Did I say something wrong?"
You shook your head, the feeling tried harder to become something worse the longer the situation dragged on. "No, you didn't say anything wrong... Well, technically... Just..." A mix of angry butterflies and the ugly feeling in your stomach began to tango in a poorly choreographed dance to a slow jazz song. That alone made it harder to generate a proper sentence to Mat. After battling for dominance over the feelings welling up in your body, you sat up, taking one of Mat's hands into both of your hands. "I... I know that this may be hard for you to believe... but I struggle to feel like I'm a good person at all."
With a raised eyebrow and sympathy showing in his eyes, Mat sat up as well, having his free hand lightly rest upon your shoulder. "Honey... how long have you felt like this?"
You use a hand to awkwardly rub the back of your neck, your voice getting ever so quieter as you answer, "Well, I guess it has to do with my past relationships. My romances usually don't have the happiest endings, especially after what happened to Amanda's other parent..." You could feel tears start to well up in your eyes, and when you looked up, Mat's hand was off of your shoulder and instead was open, a silent offer to give you a hug. You nodded, so you let go of his other hand and the both of you embrace. You could tell by the way that he hugged you that he could understand, even just a little bit. Mat lost his wife as well as you with your previous spouse.
You blinked tears out of your eyes as you began to speak again, "I either ended up with trashy people, or lose people in different ways that just leave me feeling... lost. I feel like I did something wrong every time, and I don't know what it is that I did because either they never tell me, or I never get the chance to do so. I want to improve, but I don't know how, so I just end up feeling like I can't change because no one will or can tell me anything. Hell, I feel like some or most of my relationships ended because I don't realize that I'm a huge jackass." By now, tears were just flowing from your eyes. You finally choked out a sob, Mat gently rubbing your back to comfort you. You knew that he was listening to every word that you were saying, which felt so healing. You needed for someone to hear it for so long - all of the insecurities that were bottled up inside of you for so long. More sobs soon followed until you couldn't even think of any more words to even force out of your mouth.
No matter how long it took for the sobs to cease, Mat made sure to plant gentle, comforting kisses on top of your head while slowly rubbing your back. You were safe in his arms, and that's all that mattered to you.
Once your crying came to a stop, you loosened your grip, which signaled to Mat that you didn't need the hug anymore, so he let go. Your eyes met his, and you saw him wiping tears off of his face. Before you could respond, Mat started to speak, "Honey, I never knew that you struggled so much with feeling like you're not a good person. I know that my words can't make those feelings go away all at once, but please, listen," he held onto both of your hands and his expression became serious, "You are worthy of love. You are worthy of respect. You are worthy of the compliments that I give you. You are a good person, no matter what your mind or your past tells you. Sure, we all mess up every now and again, but what separates the bad people from the good people is that bad people never worry about if they're bad people. Good people try to be good because they try to do what's right and want to leave a good impression on people. From what I can see, you never try to purposefully harm people, and you always apologize if you know that you messed up, even if it's something small."
You could feel tears welling up in your eyes again. You said without realizing it, "What did I do to deserve a man as good as you?"
Mat smiled and kissed your cheek. "You were your usual dorky self, and ever since I met you, I keep noticing that you are even more amazing than I thought you were the day before. Plus, you're really nice." He rested his head on your shoulder, and said softly, "So, can I tell you something?"
You nodded, kissing his forehead. "Go for it honeydew."
"You're a good person."
A familiar tug in your stomach started to form, but you felt a blush appear on your face and your heart begin to race out of joy. Things seemed just a bit brighter in this moment. You said genuinely and happily, "Thanks sweetie, you're a good person too."
Mat raised his head up, smiling. Luckily, his smile was contagious, so your goofy smile showed on your face.
Sure, the insecurity might not be gone, but at least someone near and dear to your heart is there to support you.
And Mat is willing to be there the whole time.