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It’s almost morning. Pepper is still asleep but she must be slowly waking up right in that moment.
Tony has his arms around her. She feels his breath behind her neck and she can smell him, the coffee, the Tom Ford and even the never going away smell of the motor oil. It’s familiar and warm and safe and that must be what gives it away.
That, or the waking up thing, the process of coming out of the sleepy haze that has Tony and it is safe and warm, because she suddenly feels the void and the unfamiliar.
For a split second right before she wakes up she holds on to the idea of Tony being already awake and maybe in the workshop. She even moves on to decide to make some good coffee and surprise him as it’s his Birthda…
And then she is awake. The reality hits her, like hail, really sharp and freezing. Tony is not in bed. He is not in the workshop. Not in Boston for the Thursday lectures, not in Malibu to deal with some design or production crisis and not in the Avengers compound to help Nat after one of her midnight freak out calls. And just like that, the hail leaves her fully awake and shivering inside, as usual, same as everyday like the clock work.
With the morning ritual of forgetfulness and remembering done, she has to start over. Deal with it all, smile to Morgan, make Morgan eat something, stay away from people and boom; one more day done. All she has to do is get through one more day.
So she opens her eyes and as usual in the past month the first thing she sees is Morgan, still asleep with her mouth slightly open. Iron daddy, the mini rose gold armour suit that Tony made for her 4th Birthday is right next to her on the other side of the bed.
Because when Morgan says she wants an iron daddy, Tony has to, had to, take it literally and build her a real alloy armour suit, and no it can’t be, couldn’t be, made out of 3D foam or fabric or something.
If someone reports that she is recently covered with new bruises and cuts and the social services get involved, I seriously hope they don’t jump to the conclusion that the Ms Pepper Potts has lost it and gone all crazy on her 5 year old.
Pepper turns again and reaches for her phone while hoping that all calendars in the world have decided to skip on today’s date and go straight to tomorrow. It’s just one fucking day after all, and who really cares about the date these days?
Everyone apparently. And the calendars have not heard her silent plea as today is, as a matter of fact, the 29th of May and Tony’s Birthday.
Great, just awesome, you remind me now?
Well, yes, right now as there is a reminder blinking on the screen, with a stupid photo of a stupid birthday cake to remind her that Tony’s birthday cake will be delivered around 4 PM, because her scary pre-planner and over organiser ass has planned it almost 2 months ago. And it will be delivered as planned.
Today.
Whatever. She will burn that bridge when it gets to it, or something equally sarcastic that Tony might have said himself.
***
Pepper is sitting at the kitchen table going through her emails when she hears Morgan’s steps running towards the workshop. Pepper can imagine her little eyes glowing with the morning hope as she looks around the workshop, and can feel her heart breaking a little as she hears Morgan slugging her feet on her way back to the kitchen.
Then she shows up on the other side of the kitchen bench top, and like every other day in the past month she is, well, disappointed.
“He is not back Mommy.”
“I know honey, I know. I am sure he would come back if he could Sweetheart. I am sure he would’ve loved to be back.”
Morgan’s not convinced though. She tilts her head to the side and narrows her eyes.
“But it’s his Birthday today. He is going to be all alone on his birthday”
Pepper’s eyes get a bit blurry as she goes out of the kitchen to pick Morgan up and squeeze her tight.
“He is alone and he misses me. I am really sad for daddy”
Perfect. Now Morgan is crying.
“I am sure he does not want you to be sad Morgan”
Pepper says softly while wiping the tears off Morgan’s face.
Morgan does not say anything but she brushes her fingers on Pepper’s face to wipe her tears off and then puts her head on Pepper’s shoulder.
***
It’s a long day. It feels like they’ve been up for ages and as Morgan has decided that she does not want to go out, like every other day in the past weeks, Pepper has gone back to the emails and she has managed to reply to some of the absolutely important ones. No Skype or phone meetings today though. No talking to people today.
Just not today.
Morgan has her colour pencils scattered on the kitchen table and she is drawing the 34th issue of Morgan and Iron Man, her special one page comics, and Pepper is listening in as Morgan is telling the story to herself.
“And then Iron Man daddy holds Morgan and starts to fly. Morgan waves to her friends in the park and holds on to daddy so she does not fall down. Daddy is holding her tight, -don’t worry Morguna I’ve got you- then ...”
Then the doorbell starts to ring.
FRIDAY would have identified and announced the person at the door by now, if …, if she was still operational in the lake house. Pepper has turned FRIDAY’s lake house integration module off which means she does not have to hear FRIDAY’s voice all around the house when he is not there to be on the other end of the conversation. It also means that Pepper has to revert back to pre-AI era for stupid tasks like shopping, ordering food or opening the door.
“Hi…mmm… Ms. Potts?”
“Hi Peter, you do remember that my name is Pepper right? I have told you like many many many times before.”
Pepper sounds, well, really angry.
This is not the way you talk to a recently blipped 16 year old, with those very sad eyes. What the hell is the matter with you?
Peter is standing a few steps away from the door on the porch and although he is looking down with those puppy eyes, he can’t stop fidgeting and that makes Pepper soften into a smile.
“I thought, I thought … I did not want us to be alone today. I guess he wanted us to be together”
Us? Together?
“I am sure he would’ve loved to have you here today Peter.”
“What about you ... Pepper? You sure you’re happy for me to stick around? “
Pepper is not sure, like at all, but she steps away from the door and nods to Peter to come in anyway.
Morgan is standing right behind her looking at Peter with half a smile. Peter kneels down and looks her in the eye and holds out his hand.
“Hi Morgan, I am Peter Parker”
Morgan shakes his hand.
“I know who you are, come, let me show you”
And she runs back into the kitchen. Peter stands up, hangs back for a second and then goes after Morgan. Pepper closes the door and leans back on it, watching them as Peter picks Morgan up and holds her close to the shelf above the sink while she reaches for the photo frame.
“Here, says Peter Parker. Daddy has told me all about you.”
And she brings her little head close to Peter’s ear:
“You are spider man!”
Peter chuckles and his eyes don’t look that sad anymore.
He puts Morgan down on the kitchen table and sits on the chair right next to her. Morgan picks up her story right from the point that her Iron Man daddy is landing just by the lake and gets Morgan home right before dinner so mommy doesn’t get mad.
Pepper is still standing with her back to the door digesting the fact that Peter is sitting in her kitchen listening to Morgan’s story about her adventures with Iron Man and Tony…
Well Tony is not here to see just that. He is just not, fucking, here.
Ah great, tears again. At least she has stopped wearing mascara now so no more waterproof black patches under her eyes.
Yay for seeing the silver lining.
***
Pepper has managed to answer a few thousands of her emails.
Morgan has already read all the issues of her comic to Peter and showed him as many drawings as she has found including the ones she has stacked neatly on Tony’s desk in the workshop so he can see them first thing when he comes back.
Pepper has only cried once since she has sat down on the couch, only when she overheard Morgan asking Peter if he knows a way to help bring her daddy back.
“Cause daddy told me you were gone forever but you came back right?”
Which does not really matter. The fact that Peter had started crying so hard so Morgan had also started crying and Pepper had to run to the kitchen for a group hug however, is of some significance.
Other than that, Morgan has been pretty busy with Peter for the past couple of hours. They’ve looked at each of the rooms, played with a lot of Morgan’s toys and then gone through the workshop with Morgan’s impressive explanation of a lot of Tony’s projects.
Morgan has also introduced Peter to Gerald and as far as she's concerned Gerald likes Peter because he hasn't spitted at Peter, like at all.
They are running around the lake for maybe the 100th time when Pepper hears the doorbell again.
“Hey Harley!”
Harley leans forward and hugs Pepper a little too tight.
“Sorry I’m late. I had to go to my early morning class before I flew in.”
Sorry? Late? To what exactly?
“Come on in.”
Harley steps in and as Pepper closes the door she can see that Harley is, well, hesitant.
He hasn’t been here since the funeral. Sure, Harley lived here for a couple of years before he moved to Boston and has stayed here many many many times since then, but Pepper gets it. It is the same house and it is not the same house. Pepper totally gets it.
“Didn’t know if I should come or not. I did not hear from you, so, here I am!” he playfully opens his arms to the sides, but his eyes are not playful, at all.
Of course he is here. His calendar is synched with FRIDAY and he gets the notes for the family occasions. Has your brain stopped functioning? What the hell is the matter with you?
“I am glad you are here”
She does not sound glad but Harley most probably won’t notice as Morgan is now inside and running to him, just about to jumps up and give him the big hug.
“Harley!!! Come here, Spider Man is here!!”
And in less than two seconds they’ve both ran out of the house.
Pepper walks to the window that overlooks the yard where she can watch the three of them as Morgan, still in Harley’s arms, introduces Peter to Harley and Harley to Peter.
“Harley, this is Peter. Peter, this is Harley. Now shake hands”
The boys play along but Pepper can see that they both chuckle as they shake hands and Morgan holds on to both of their hands. Peter says something that Pepper can’t hear but they all start to laugh and as Morgan points to her tent Harley starts to run with Peter being dragged along as Morgan is still holding his hand.
Pepper does not get a chance to tear up about the look that would’ve been on Tony’s face if he was here now, as there is someone else at the door.
“Hi Pepper.”
Of course you are here blue meanie. It’s Tony’s birthday and when did you miss it in the past 5 years? It’s not like we have something planned this year but we never formally invited you anyway.
And the thought makes Pepper feel a bit guilty so she pulls Nebula in for a hug. Nebula is now OK with being hugged but Pepper vividly remembers the day that Tony tried to hug Nebula for the first time and she almost killed him with the kitchen knife.
“I was planning to come over today since before.., so I hope you don’t mind …”
Pepper shakes her head and smiles.
“Of course not.”
***
Nebula sits with Pepper in the family room. Without Tony dragging her to the workshop the minute she arrives, to show her the new thing he had made for her arm or her head, she seems a little, well, lost. Pepper stretches her arm over Nebula’s shoulder and squeezes a bit. Nebula rests her head on Pepper’s side and Pepper can hear her very quiet sniffle. It lasts a few more minutes, because Morgan runs inside and jumps straight to Nebula, so they both wipe their tears and Nebula jumps to Morgan and they do their space hug and squeeze each other.
“Did you know that Peter is here? And Harley”
Nebula Nods.
“Because you can’t really talk to daddy because he is not back yet.”
Nebula, still holding Morgan, walks towards the back yard.
“I am here to see you and Peter and Harley”
And without turning back to Pepper she points to the space behind her.
“and Mommy.”
***
The whole Team Stark is now at the lake house and with the exception of the one time she checked on them to make sure Nebula is not using any real weapons during the super hero fight game, Pepper has had the luxury of being focused on work without any interruptions, distractions or tears.
They’ve gone through 6 large pizzas, with Morgan eating at least 3 pieces which has been a rare occasion lately and now they’re scattered on the lawn with full tummies.
Nebula is building a wooden sword and is taking Morgan over the details. Peter and Harley have moved one of the whiteboards to the lawn and they are discussing the details of the time heist. Morgan is sitting in the middle, listening to the boys as well as Nebula with an open mouth and an impressive amount of enthusiasm.
Looking out of the window, Pepper puts the StarkPad away, and absentmindedly picks up Iron Daddy from the couch to cuddle it and, ouch, it scratches her arm. Rubbing her arm Pepper suddenly realizes that Morgan is in the back yard and Iron Daddy is here on the couch. Morgan’s fascination with the wooden sword seems like the best things in the word at the moment.
***
It must be around 4 PM when the doorbell goes off again.
Shit. Shit shit shit. It’s the cake because you forgot to cancel it. Now you officially suck at being organised which is a whole new level of low for you.
It’s just that she does not want to sign for Tony’s Birthday cake.
Not today.
Not this year.
Oh, it’s not the cake. It’s definitely not someone with a cake shop van waiting to deliver the cake. It’s just Happy, although he is holding a really big box which is most probably, yes, the cake.
“I was just parking when the delivery girl got here” And he leans forward to kiss Pepper’s cheek.
“I hope you don’t mind me dropping by without calling but I figured I never call to drop by especially on the birthdays, so…”
Right, especially birthdays. And this is just a random birthday like any of the other ones. Just like that. Yeah. Really casual.
***
Happy pops in the kitchen and starts opening and closing the cupboards. Pepper leans back on the fridge and watches him as he goes through the kitchen.
Happy turns to her and pauses for a second.
“Where is the damn coffee?”
And then turns back again and keeps looking.
“I can swear to god that there always were 3 extra bags of coffee bean right in this drawer”
And closes the drawer with an annoyed sigh. Pepper suddenly feels tired and very broken.
“No one drinks coffee here anymore.”
Happy freezes in his spot and his big shoulders fall in. He turns, walks to Pepper and wraps his arms around her. Pepper leans into Happy’s chest and allows her tears to roll down while happy hugs her a little tighter and rubs small circles on her back.
I just need a second. I’m ok, I just need a damn second.
“I am so sorry Pepper. I am so sorry”
“It’s ok Happy. We just need to buy some coffee. Tony won’t be here to drink coffee but still, how ridiculous is it to have no coffee in the Stark house hold?”
Happy brings up his hand and holds the back of Pepper’s head on his chest.
“Really, really ridiculous.”
***
Sipping on the tea that Happy has managed to make, Pepper is watching a very old, 20 years old, video of Tony on Happy’s phone.
It is Tony’s birthday party at SI, before Afghanistan and the Ten Rings and the Iron Man. Before Obie and the arc reactor and the avengers and all the damn suits that finally got him … ,
No. Not today.
None of that today.
Look at him. Look at those big brown eyes and that soft smile and look at the way he talks to people. Look at this boy, who changed so so much over the years and yet did not change a bit. Just look at him.
The video is low quality and Pepper’s eyes are filled with tears but she can still see Tony walking to her with a piece of cake. He then whispers something to and she cannot remember his words but as he turns away, there is very clear smile glowing her face which was not there a moment ago.
It seems only fair for to just break down for a moment, because Morgan is not there and she definitely can’t hear her, so she lets go for one tiny moment and allows herself to cry, like for real, shoulders shaking, tears streaming down loud sobbing and all that crap. Happy, the chosen comforter of the day wraps his arm around her shoulder and squeezes gently and Pepper can feel his chest going up and down in a silent cry.
It does not last long though. Happy draws away and turns towards the front door.
“Hey man!”
And Pepper hears the voice of the only person she actually expected to see today, who does not need to knock and has been almost living here since…
Rhodey puts one hand on Pepper’s shoulder and the other comes forward and takes one of Pepper’s hands into his. He looks at her and Pepper can see the glow of wiped tears in his eyes.
“How are you holding up?”
“Just Perfectly!” her voice still shaky as she tries to dry all the tears.
“Harley is here, and Peter and Nebula. Morgan is, well, preoccupied. She has not asked me a single question since this morning”
Rhodey smiles and drops the hand on her shoulder to hold Pepper’s hand with both of his.
“It’s good Pepper. We should not be alone today.”
***
The doorbell does not surprise Pepper anymore. Seeing Clint at the door, however, is a bit surprising.
“I know I should have called but I thought I will catch you if you are home and will just get going if you are not”
He shifts a bit on his foot.
“Besides, Nat would’ve kicked my ass if I did not show up here today, after we’ve all become a team again and all that, if she was…, you know …”
Pepper cannot help but smile.
“I wouldn’t want you to get back all the way to your farm without coming in”
***
Everybody is now inside the house, sitting in some sort of a circle, which makes Pepper feel she is doing show and tell in school, except that she is not really ready to show or tell.
Clint is talking about the New York battle.
Morgan is flying around in Clint’s hands as he is explaining that he has flied with Tony right to the top of a building. He runs around the room a few times which makes Morgan laugh really hard before they finally land and sit down on the floor.
Then it’s Peter’s turn to brag about being offered the avenger role multiple times before finally accepting it.
So we are really playing show and tell Tony Stark? Really?
“And then Mr Stark, … ehm ... Tony, said congratulations kid you’re an avenger now!” and Pepper can see the sparkles in Peter’s eyes.
She remembers a different version of this story though. A version that includes no sparkles in anyone’s eyes, told in this same room so many times and usually ended with hands clenched into fists, tears rolling down faces and “ I lost the …”
Whatever. Stop this. Stop. this. now.
Harley does look a bit weird, probably thinking why he never got to be an avenger but then gets completely drawn into the details of all different improvements on Nebula’s circuits and the fact that he has helped Tony implementing millions of pieces of his different suits all over Nebula’s body.
Nebula mentions that there have been only 542 improvements, useless facts as Harley puts it which expectedly fail to make him change any bits of his story.
In Pepper’s mind so many memories are on slide show. An image of Nebula lying on her special bed in the workshop and Tony working on her head piece. The image of him with his big goggles on, scraping off pieces of Mark L. Ah, this one’s Harley still a little shy as he has just moved in, explaining his idea and Tony listening eyes wide and mouth open with enthusiasm.
***
Pepper is sitting on the couch pressed between Nebula and Happy with Rhodey sitting on the back of the couch right behind her when Bruce shows up. Happy has made her another tea, herbal this time, and Nebula has been holding her hand for the past half hour, awkward but certain.
Everybody is right here, so who opened the door? Did anyone turn FRIDAY back on?
Morgan walks to Bruce the moment she sees him and sure, she is dragging Peter with her. Bruce kneels down in front of Morgan and she holds her (and Peter’s) hand out.
“Hi Mr Hulk! Have you met Peter?”
Bruce and Peter shake hands and Bruce picks Morgan up with his left hand. His right hand is still in a sling and suddenly all Pepper can think about is a certain person’s right hand and right eye and his whole life.
His damn whole life.
Burnt.
Gone.
Nebula presses her hand even tighter for some reason which makes Pepper wonder if she has said anything out loud. Or if Nebula has some mind reading via pressing your hand ability. Not strange at all.
Bruce comes over, still holding Morgan and sits on the floor right before Pepper’s feet. He doesn’t say anything, just presses Pepper’s knee and smiles. Pepper smiles back and ignores the tears that seem to be constantly running down her face today.
****
Everyone is now watching a video that Rhodey has just played. Even Clint has gone quiet and has eyes on the holographic display.
The video is from their wedding day, and it’s one that she has never seen before. It starts with Tony who seems to be right out of the shower and in his wedding suit, working out his brown curls with some product. Rhodey shows up a little later, tying Tony’s bow so it must be Happy filming, which should’ve been obvious by how shaky the video is, and then they all burst out laughing at something Tony says. After a short pause and a black screen Tony shows up again. He is looking at his phone and the photo on screen is obviously one of the selfies from Peter’s Instagram, Tony’s favourite one, the one Pepper’s caught Tony looking at many many times over the past 5 years. Another short pause and then there’s Tony again, holding Morgan with one arm, his right arm, and pointing to the puffs of her white dress with his other hand and then kisses the red flowers in Morgan’s hair which makes Morgan’s face light up with a big smile. And that’s all, the video is finished and the display turns off.
Pepper looks around.
Peter is wiping his eyes with the back of his hand while Harley slowly rubs Peter’ back.
Really boys? You rob each other’s backs now? Oh Tony, you really really really wanted to see this.
Clint has his head on his knees and Rhodey standing right beside him is looking out of the window. Bruce is pinching his nose with one hand, his glasses dangling from the other one. Nebula has let go of Pepper’s hand and she is staring into the space where the display was a minute ago with her hands into fists pushing in her thighs.
Morgan looks around from where she is sitting on the floor and gives out a big sigh.
“OK people, let’s get something to eat. Cheese burgers?”
And who knew? Happy’s mention of the good old classic cheese burgers seems to actually change the mode of the room instantly.
***
Pepper doesn’t even blink when she sees Thor and Steve wavering at the door. Happy must have let them in while he was going to get food so hopefully he counted them in as well. It’s not like there is any food around the house to feed a god and a super soldier.
“We are…late.”
Steve opens his arms and Pepper tentatively leans into the hug. She was never “hugging” close with Steve, but again he was never over 100 years old and the occasion was never Tony’s birthday with Tony himself being, well, ...
Thor on the other hand has always been the hugger and hugs Pepper with an intense warmth and passion.
“My apologies for our late arrival. I had to take care of some things after landing this morning with Nebula and I had to pick this elderly midgardian before I could come over”
Pepper has stopped being surprised about people feeling the need to be here today. The fact has become so normal that she has been expecting these last pieces of the “Avengers” any minute for the past hour.
Well technically a couple of pieces are still missing, but they can’t really be here today and that is beside the point anyway.
“I’m glad you could make it.” And she almost means it.
Thor follows Pepper to the kitchen with the box of, well, sparkling wine bottles that he’s brought over for Tony’s birthday. The finest Asgardian ones that are apparently Tony’s favourite. 12 apparently. 12 fucking bottles of wine.
Pepper points to the cupboard with the Champaign flutes, the ones they’ve got from Paris, from that little dingy shop right next to their hotel, um, 10 years ago and then gets distracted looking at the living room. Steve is now sitting down and talking to Morgan and Peter. Clint is hovering right behind them and says things from time to time.
On a normal day, 3 months ago maybe, having Morgan in the middle of a circle of strangers would’ve freaked Pepper out. Tony might have actually killed someone. But right now…, right now Morgan is smiling really brightly and look, she is now sitting on Steve’s lap.
***
Food has arrived. Glasses of gold bubbly drinks are being passed around and Peter is explaining for the 14th time to absolutely no one, that he can’t really drink because he is technically only 16. Morgan’s got a juice box from the fridge and wow, she is sharing it with Peter.
She never shares her juice box with me, like never ever.
Happy gives Pepper a mushroom burger and Clint shoves a glass in her hand and for a short second it feels like a random cosy small birthday party.
And then Steve, my middle name is so dramatic, Rogers happens.
“Tony was … different. Unique. One and only some might say”
He has his glass raised to his chest and he is obviously doing a toast. Pepper looks at him trying to figure out how she feels, but it’s just blank.
“Our resident inventor, who paid for everything and made everybody look really cool. Our genius philanthropist who tried so hard to hide behind the billionaire and the playboy, but I think we saw through him finally. Well, some of us did at least.”
Steve pauses and looks at Pepper. As usual with Steve Rogers, it is impossible for Pepper to figure him out but she nods to him anyway. The thing is most people want her approval when they stop mid conversation and look at her or at least that was the case with Tony.
“I said he will not lay down on the wire to let the other guy crawl over him. Well, he laid on the damn wire, didn’t blink and let us, all of us, crawl right over him.” Steve trails off for a moment and bows his head while he is still holding the glass up, then looks back up at Pepper, and there officially passes the mark between looking from time to time to downright staring with no reason.
“He was a hero, you know. The strong kind, the hold-up-the-sky kind, the too-good-for-this-world kind. His heart was too big, and he carried it in his hands and I think it was as heavy as the sky, and…and no one can hold up the sky forever.”
He finally raises the glass high up and his face moves in what Pepper thinks is an effort to form some sort of smile.
“But he held it long enough for the universe to take shelter. He saved us all. We did not deserve him but he did it anyway. To Tony.”
For a few long seconds no one says anything. It seems like no one was expecting Steve’s, oh so dramatic as usual, toast to wrap with a fucking poem.
***
Food is finished and they’ve gone through a few bottles of the wine. Except for the low moments after Steve’s speech, things have gone pretty smoothly. Normal, as one might say, Pepper thinks. So normal that at some point Pepper expected Tony himself to show up at the door to this strange unorganized birthday party which is probably the biggest he’s had in so many years. She stumbles on the thought of Tony showing up at the door one last time, the idea of hugging him and kissing him and hearing his voice and smelling him, just one more time.
One more time.
And right then Morgan runs to her for the first time since this morning and surprise surprise, she is holding Peter’s hand.
“Mom, Peter and I have finished our food, so can we please have cake now?”
Ah! The cake! The huge birthday cake sitting in her fridge and sure, a normal birthday party should have a birthday cake right?
So she nods to Morgan, brushing a hand over her cheek, and Morgan’s eyes glow with happiness. Yes, cake happiness.
As she arranges the 53 candles on the 3 layered all white walnuts and banana cake, all she can think about is the fact that this is Tony’s birthday cake. The Tony who is not turning 53 today. The Tony who is never turning 53, like ever.
Someone puts a hand on her shoulder so she turns away from the bench top, and the cake, and faces Rhodey.
“I think you want to see this.”
***
Everyone is already outside. Clint, Harley, Thor and Peter, who’s still holding Morgan, are standing on the porch while Happy, Nebula and Bruce are standing in the front yard. Rhodey is standing right behind Pepper, and she can hear Steve’s sluggish steps getting closer to the front door.
At first she has no idea what’s happening. She can see that everyone is looking at something and Morgan and Peter are pointing but she can’t see anything. It’s almost dark outside and the lights around the lake are flickering to turn on, and then, then she sees it. Right outside the entrance on the other side of the road, she sees something that looks like a big group of fireflies. Except they are not fire flies. They seem to be a number of people holding all sorts of lights. Some are holding candles, some are holding up their phones and some have, right, torches.
And it’s not only across the road. There are people with all different kinds of lights all over the road. There are cars stopped on the road, on the sides of the road and so many people are everywhere.
She then looks around and as far as she can see there is someone standing with some sort of light in their hand.
Pepper feels she is struggling to breathe. She feels she is struggling to see. She then realizes that her tears are blurring her vision so she wipes them off uselessly trying to see, trying to make sense of the thing that’s happening right before her.
She cannot count the people. Or the lights. Or the cars. Thousands? She wants to say millions but that is not possible. And still everyone is so quiet. And what is this? Why are they here?
Then she feels a hand on her shoulder and turns around. Steve is standing next to her and he has already placed the birthday cake on the porch table. All the candles are also lit up which Pepper takes a second to appreciate because, you know, he is very very old.
Steve looks at her with those blue eyes and even in the dark Pepper can see the tears rolling down his face. Pepper knows that her own face is also covered with tears but Steve crying for Tony, well how ironic it is that Tony would’ve died to see that happen.
Steve’s lips start moving and Pepper hears something very familiar. Normal and yet really odd. Steve is singing something and ok, she starts singing with him. She can’t really hear her own voice but she can hear others. She turns around to see Peter and Morgan singing. Clint, Thor, Bruce, Rhodey and even Nebula are singing. She feels the singing is louder than their group though. She turns back to the road and there…
Yes. All the thousands of people on the road right outside of her house are now singing.
The Happy Birthday song.
It is a birthday party after all right? They have food, they have cake and they sure have guests. It’s a birthday party for Tony Stark, who is not there, who is not turning 53, who Pepper will never see or feel or smell.
But also there are these people (and are they now even more than the last time she looked?) who are singing happy birthday to him.
And it sounds out of this world. So ridiculously in tune like a professional orchestra and so sad but just exactly how it should be. Just right.
The rest happens organically, Pepper thinks. People start to come in to the front yard as there seems to be no more space on the road. They have brought food and a large number of cakes. Some are playing music on their phones and a few are actually AC/DC songs.
And just like that their small birthday party is extended to a very large outdoor event. Random strangers come to her and give her a hug, lots and lots shake her hand and a few give her a pat on the shoulder. She just goes with the flow, which is not all about her anyway. Something is in the air coordinating this in an unplanned sort of harmony which seems to have come together just as it was meant to be. It does not make any sense but it is there, right in front her all over her front and oh back yard.
As people start to leave, Pepper goes through another round of handshakes and pats on the shoulder and occasional hugs and this time it does not feel as surreal as before. A boy with the cutest Iron Man T-shirt tugs on her skirt and as Pepper looks down, he stuffs half of something that seems to have been an Iron Man cupcake into her hand. They boy leaves without saying anything at all so Pepper puts the remains of the cupcake in her mouth and, well, it is delicious.
***
It’s around 11 PM that Steve, Thor and Nebula leave. Happy has left earlier with Bruce and Clint. Clint has a late night flight to catch and Happy can drop Bruce at his place on his way to the airport.
Harley gives Pepper a quick hug and runs up the stairs to crash at his room, Harley’s guest room as Tony loved to call it which drove Harley insane. Rhodey should already be asleep by now in the other guest room as he apparently had been awake for the past two days flying between continents.
Pepper grabs her phone, oh there it is and her StarkPad, and steps in Morgan’s room. Morgan is asleep on her bed, properly tucked in, with her mouth slightly open.
Peter is also asleep with his mouth slightly open and one of Morgan’s favourite story books under his head. Pepper gets one of Morgan’s pillows and an extra blanket from the cupboard and kneels next to Peter to swaps the book with the small pillow and cover him with the blanket. As she heads for the door Pepper takes another look around the room. Iron daddy is on the night stand, which means he is not sleeping in Morgan’s bed and that by itself could be Pepper’s small victory for the day.
Right before closing the door, Pepper takes a photo of Morgan and Peter sleeping.
She almost touches the share icon before remembering that Tony is very unlikely to be able to check his messages. Ok, let’s pretend that just didn’t happen, and she sends the photo to May instead.
15 minutes later, she has changed and brushed her teeth and is lying back on the bed.
She closes her eyes and tries to make sense of the events of the day. The Avengers showing up at her door one by one, her living room full of people watching the video from her wedding day, the burgers, the cake, the happy birthday song and the people. The beautiful orchestra that came together outside her house and the little boy who gave her the most delicious half a cupcake she’s ever had.
And Morgan. Her hand in Peter’s hand almost all the time and the sound of her laughter which Pepper had been really missing these past weeks.
I guess I’m glad they came. All of them.
She sits back up and picks up the package that Steve gave her before he hugged her again when he was leaving.
Do people hug more deliberately when they are older? Because Steve definitely hugged me more times tonight than what, the past 12 years…
Pepper is right about to scream and maybe she does scream a little but she then manages to cover her mouth with both hands as the last thing she wants right now is to wake up Harley in the next room and have him rush over.
She closes her eyes and pushes her eyelids together, hoping to open her eyes to something else. Anything else that is not, well, that.
But obviously, that is still there when she opens her eyes. In the same glass box that it used be in for the past 15 years. Same colours, same lights, same carving that she has ordered all those years ago. Exact same font and exact same words.
“Proof that Tony Stark has a heart.”
On the glass box there is a post it with a note.
And it is his handwriting.
Tony’s handwriting.
“I’m sorry Pep.
-TS”
Her face is all wet and her breath is coming out as little sobs when she finally let’s her hands fall from her mouth to run her finger on the words.
She lies down on the bed and holds on to the glass box, almost cuddles it and closes her eyes.
Too late to call Steve now.
Tomorrow. She will call him tomorrow.
And then she drifts off.
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