Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Luffy awoke in cold sweat, feeling incredibly nauseous. As he forced himself off his bunk, stumbled to the door and out of the men’s quarters.

The all too apparent ocean air hit the rubber boy like a brick, causing his stomach to twist violently. Hurrying to the rails, he poked his head over the edge of the ship and proceeded to empty his stomach into the ocean.

When Luffy was left dry heaving, he slumped against the railing and sighed deeply. He wiped a small dribble of vomit from his chin and closed his eyes. The momentary calmness caused him to think back to what had made him feel so sick.

A nightmare.

It was of Marineford.

He saw Ace.

He held him as he died.

His hands were covered in blood.

At once the memories that he suppressed for so long came rushing back and he gagged. Hoping not to vomit again, Luffy swallowed slowly and lifted his knees to his chest.

When did he start trembling? Luffy wasn’t sure. He rubbed his eyes unceremoniously and found moisture on he cheeks. Was he crying?

He was struck with the realization that he was indeed crying, and it only caused the tears to bubble up more.

Soon he was sobbing with reckless abandon into his hands. He completely ignorant to the sound of someone climbing down from the crow’s nest. Luffy’s uncontrollable tears caused him to be completely deaf to his approaching crew member.

A hand reached out, ever-so-slowly and placed itself on his shoulder. At once Luffy tensed, but he said nothing and refused to look up.

He knew who was on watch. He knew who this was.

“Luffy,” The gruff, but tender voice broke the silence.

“I’m sorry, Zoro,” Luffy said, forcing a grin while still refusing to break eye contact with the floor, “I probably disturbed your watch. I’m just gonna go back to the men’s quarters now—“

“Not so fast,” Zoro retorted, grip tightening slightly, “What’s wrong Sencho?”

Luffy beamed wider, “Nothing at all, I just felt a little sick. I’m fine now!”

“Then look at me,” The green haired man murmured, gaze baring down on Luffy.

The younger of the two winced and shifted his eyes to meet Zoro’s. His smile fell at the expression of the other, but he was quick to fix his mistake and found himself smiling once more. Praying that in the darkness Zoro couldn’t see his tears.

Of course, Luffy had no such luck and the older man pointed it out.

“You look terrible,” Zoro’s gaze softened, “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing, I’m great! Don’t worry!”

Zoro grumbled, “I can tell when you’re lying Luffy, if you keep dodging the question I’ll wake Chopper up and let him take a look at you.”

The smaller boy’s eyes grew wide and he cried out in desperation, “No, don’t wake Chopper, please!”

Slightly surprised by this outburst, Zoro nodded, “I won’t, but you have to tell me what’s wrong.”

Considering his options, Luffy knew he didn’t have any other choice, so he weakly murmured, “A nightmare.”

Zoro was silent for a minute, “Care to talk about it?”

Not realizing that the green haired man wasn’t trying to force him to talk, he broke down, “It was at Marineford...”

Zoro’s heart dropped, Luffy was about to talk about—

“Ace,” Luffy choked out, “I- he- he died, I had to watch him die, a-again.”

The man watch as his captain’s mask shattered in front of him. His response was delayed, but once he got over the shock, he leaned forward and gathered the smaller boy in a warm embrace.

Zoro gently ran his fingers through Luffy’s raven hair, hoping to soothe him even slightly. Leaning into Zoro’s shoulder, Luffy sobbed weakly, breath hitching as he tried to draw in oxygen.

“Shh, it’s okay Luffy,” He whispered, knowing that if he didn’t placate him soon, he might hyperventilate or fall into full blown panic, “You need to breathe, slowly. Match my breathing.”

The younger inhaled and made a failed attempt at a slow exhale that turned into more of a shuddering gasp. Zoro began rubbing small circles on Luffy’s back while uttering quiet words of encouragement.

They sat like this for a little over a half an hour before Luffy’s sobs trailed off into quiet sniffles. Zoro shifted slightly, and picked his captain up bridal style and looked down at him.

Luffy was peering up curiously, eyes still red and puffy and snot dripping out of his nose.

“I’m going to take you back to the men’s quarters, is that okay?” Zoro smiled reassuringly.

When Luffy nodded affirmation, Zoro slowly walked to the men’s room, careful not to jostle the boy in his arms, and quietly opened the door. He strode to Luffy’s empty bunk, but right before he could make any move to place Luffy in it, a voice broke through the darkness.

“Oi, Marimo, the heck are you doing here?” Sanji’s hushed, but sharp tone slit through the silence like a knife.

At the unkind voice, Luffy shrunk into Zoro’s arms and whimpered. Zoro whipped his gaze towards Sanji’s and narrowed his eyes.

“What’re you holding?” The blond questioned, sitting up, and curly eyebrows furrowed.

The swordsman was all too sure that the rubber boy was scared of being seen like this, so he curtly responded with, “None of your business, Crap Cook.”

Although they were both whispering, they were surprised to hear another voice in the darkness.

“Zoro?” It was small and high pitched, “Are you hurt? What’s wrong?” Chopper.

Grimacing, Zoro felt Luffy try to force himself further into his chest and arms, “Nothing’s wrong, go back to sleep.”

“Are you holding Luffy?” The reindeer inquired, sniffing the air.

Shoot.

“Is Luffy hurt?”

He heard Luffy’s breath catch in his throat.

Dang it, Luffy’s breathing was far too shallow.

“No, he’s,” He paused, “fine.”

Zoro listened as Chopper hopped off his bunk and walked over to him, hooves clicking with each step.

Frustrated that Zoro refused to lean down so he could look at Luffy, he transformed into his heavy point.

Luffy was shaking, face buried into Zoro’s chest.

Chopper was alarmed, to say the least, he reached forward to take Luffy from Zoro, but as soon as his hands touched him a raw sob was torn from Luffy’s throat.

The reindeer took a step back and Sanji, who had fallen silent, sat up straighter.

Zoro’s heart broke at the pure and utter pain that filled that sound. He shifted Luffy and carefully moved his black hair out of his eyes. The small boy felt clammy, a few strands of hair were plastered on his forehead from sweat.

“He feels hot,” Zoro whispered, “I think he has a fever.”

“Take him to the infirmary,” Chopper ordered, taking charge immediately, “Sanji, make sure no else woke up and then take over Zoro’s watch.”

The cook made no complaints as the little doctor and swordsman disappeared on the deck.

Chopper swiftly led the way to the infirmary and patted the bed for Zoro to set down Luffy. As Zoro pulled Luffy away from his body, Luffy flinched and grabbed onto his clothes.

“Luffy you gotta let go,” Zoro said quietly.

As soon as the smaller even slightly released his grip, the swordsman slipped him into the bed and threw the sheets over him.

The captain seemed to shrink the blankets as he gathered up a fistful and brought it to his chin.

Chopper shooed Zoro away from the bed and began to look over Luffy.

The swordsman closed his eyes for what seemed like only and minute and jerked awake to a sharp poke from a hoof.

He sat up an looked at the doctor, “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just fever,” The reindeer said, “It’s not too high, but it might be working it’s way to a hundred. Though, as far as I’m concerned, a fever shouldn’t cause this much distress. Mind telling me what happened?”

“I don’t think Luffy would—“

“It wasn’t up for debate,” Chopper clarified.

Taken aback by the reindeer, Zoro cleared his throat and told Chopper what he knew, “While I was on watch, I heard someone come out of the men’s quarters, next thing I know I heard him thrownin’ up in the ocean. I went down check it out and there he was, crying against the railing.

I asked him what was wrong, but he brushed me off, but I kept insisting. Eventually he broke and told me he had a nightmare. I asked him what happened, and he started sobbing all over again.”

Chopper tilted his head, curious.

“He... he told me it was about Marineford and... Ace.”

The doctor’s eyes got wide, and he looked over at his patient.

“I managed to calm him down, and I guess I just assumed he was fine, so I carried him into the men’s quarters and well, here we are now,” Zoro finished.

“Oh, poor Luffy,” Chopper said softly, “Should we tell the others?”

“I’m almost positive that Luffy was terrified of anyone seeing him like that,” Zoro pointed out, “I wouldn’t.”

Small tears started to run down Chopper’s face and catching in his fur, “He knows—he knows he can some to us, right? He knows he doesn’t have to hide feelings to make us think he’s strong, right?”

Zoro shook his head, “Our burden is his burden. He wants us to come to him, not the other way around.”

“Luffy...” Chopper whispered shakily.

“I guess the weight of his own problems finally caught up with him,” The swordsman said.

Before the conversation could continue, a knock came from the door. Chopper opened it and squinted as the morning sun hit his eyes.

Sanji walked through the door and looked at Luffy, passed out on the bed.

“I told the others he was sick, they all wanted to know what was wrong,” The cook said, looking back at the doctor.

“Fever,” Chopper explained, “He’ll be fine soon, he just needs to rest.”

Sanji nodded, not pressing them for anymore answers, “We all know he’ll recover soon with the best doctor in the world caring for him.”

Doing a small dance, the reindeer giggled, “That doesn’t make me happy stupid!”

The cook smiled around the cigarette in his mouth and turned to the door to the deck. He lifted his hand as he departed, “Breakfast is gonna he ready soon... Tell us when he wakes up, okay Mosshead?”

“Whatever, Curlybrows,” Zoro grunted.

Chopper blinked and shuffled over to Luffy and placed his hoof on his forehead, “He’ll be okay, “You can leave and get food if you want.”

“I’ll stay if you wanna go,” The swordsman replied, leaning back.

The doctor hesitated, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, um, tell me if anything happens, okay?” Chopper said nervously.

“Don’t worry Chopper,” Zoro reassured the tiny reindeer.

“Okay...” Chopper whispered, slowly making his way to the door.

As soon as the door shut, the swordsman sighed and turned to his captain’s limp body.

“How did I get such an idiot for a captain?” The green-haired man asked himself.

For the next few minutes Zoro refused to take his eyes off Luffy and he noted each and every sound or movement.

Out of nowhere, the small boy whimpered, eyebrows were furrowed. The swordsman launched forward and crouched beside Luffy’s bed.

The captain shuddered at the feeling of a hand on his forehead, his dark eyes opened slightly and he looked a Zoro.

He groaned and weakly murmured, “Z-Zoro?

“Hey Sencho,” Zoro smiled, doing his best to appear gentle and reassuring.

Luffy shifted to look at the ceiling, “Why am I in the infirmary?”

“You have a fever and passed out,” Zoro recalled.

“Oh,” The raven-haired boy mumbled, “Does, does anyone know what happened?”

“I told Chopper, but only ‘cause he insisted,” The swordsman clarified.

Luffy turned back to Zoro, his brows furrowed in concentration and when he opened his mouth some part of Zoro expected him to say something wise or emotional. Instead, his words, which were accompanied by a rather loud stomach growl, were, “I’m hungryyyyy...”

Rolling his eyes, the swordsman stood up and looked down at his captain, “I’m not surprised. I’ll go get you something from the crappy cook.”

Luffy hesitated as Zoro turned to walk out of the door, “Wait, Zoro—“

Immediately, he stopped in his tracks and glanced over his shoulder at the smaller boy.

Clenching the sheets with his fists, Luffy looked at his hands, “I don’t want to look weaker than I already seem, can I... can I go with you?”

Zoro tilted his head, mildly confused, “I don’t think Chopper would like that.”

He decided not to bring up the fact that Luffy’s appearance didn’t really make one... see him as strong per se. Not to mention that he would have to practically cling to Zoro just to stay upright.

Luffy scrunched his nose up and then looked up at Zoro and uttered the two words the swordsman always listened to: “Captain’s orders.”

Shaking his head and mumbling in annoyance at Luffy under his breath, he offered his hand to the raven-haired boy.

With a tiny ‘shishishi!’ Luffy clasped his hand and tried to quickly pull himself up. This task proved to be more difficult than he perceived and Zoro ended up hauling him off the bed and supporting him as they walked from the infirmary to the galley.

Before opening the door, Zoro helped Luffy straighten up and let him cling to the sleeve of his kimono. Luffy smiled brightly, while Zoro tried to block out all the ways that this could go wrong, after only a moment, the swordsman held his breath and opened the door.

Chapter Text

As soon as the door opened, Luffy’s grip on Zoro’s sleeve tightened. Slowly all eyes glanced to the pair in the doorway.

Chopper’s eyes got wide, “Luffy! Zoro, what happened? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Zoro said, leading Luffy to an open chair and sitting down beside him, “I offered to get him food, but he insisted on coming with me.”

The reindeer still looked rather distressed as he hopped off his chair and walked over to Luffy. He tugged on the rubber man’s arm and once Luffy leaned down, he placed his hoof on his forehead.

“You still feel like you have a fever,” Chopper informed him with concern, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Swatting away the small hoof, Luffy beamed, “I’m great!”

While Luffy was distracted, Zoro noticed a small glance exchanged by Sanji and Usopp. Looking up, he made eye contact with the sniper and Usopp smiled nervously.

The swordsman shifted his gaze to the cook and Sanji narrowed his eyes and nodded subtly as if to say, ‘he knows’.

Glaring at Usopp once more to assure that the sniper wouldn’t bring up what he knew, Zoro looked back at Luffy, who was eagerly getting food.

As Luffy retrieved food, Zoro was serving himself. Unfortunately, everyone else had already finished their food, leaving Zoro as Luffy’s only target to steal from.

Zoro was quick to realize this and, like he predicted, Luffy snatched a handful of food, but the swordsman lightly smacked his hand away.

“Oi, oi! Get your grimy, rubber hands away!” The swordsman snapped.

The captain only laughed and began scarfing down his own food.

As the pair ate, crew members slowly dispersed and left the kitchen, eventually leaving only Luffy, Zoro, Sanji; who was washing dishes, and Chopper; who was sitting next to Luffy, concerned.

When Luffy realized everyone had left, he sagged his shoulders a bit, exhausted from keeping up an act.

Chopper’s opened his mouth to speak, but Zoro stretched his leg over Luffy’s and lightly hit the reindeer’s chair. The doctor fell back and watched as Luffy finished his meal.

As soon as he had devoured everything on his plate—and some of Zoro’s—Luffy made a move to stand, but nearly fell backwards. Both Zoro and Chopper instantly reached to catch him.

Once they had him stable, Luffy laughed awkwardly, “I guess I’ll go back to the infirmary.”

Chopper transformed to heavy point and allowed Luffy to cling to him as they walked out to the deck.

The exit of the doctor and captain left Zoro and Sanji in an uncomfortable silence accompanied by the occasional splash of water and clink of dishes.

Sanji broke the silence, “Oi, Mosshe—Zoro, is our idiot captain okay?”

The swordsman raised his head at the sound of his own name coming from the chef’s mouth, “He needs his crew to understand what he’s going through, but he doesn’t want us to.”

Exhaling, a wave of smoke left Sanji’s mouth and he dried his hands, “Is it about Marineford?”

Zoro nodded hesitantly.

The cook walked from behind the counter and left the galley without a word. Leaving Zoro with his thoughts.

When Sanji walked onto the deck, he felt several pairs of eyes land on him.

“Sanji-kun,” Nami called, “Is everything okay? We saw Chopper and Luffy head to the infirmary, does Luffy still have a fever?”

Ignoring all feelings telling him to rush over too the beautiful woman and listen to her every wish, the cook smiled reassuringly, “Chopper just wanted to give him a checkup, nothing to worry about.”

The navigator, who obviously didn’t believe his answer, crossed her arms, but asked nothing else.

Sanji continued on his path to the men’s quarters.

Blue eyes searched the dimly lit room until he managed to spot the old straw hat. Retrieving the namesake of their pirate crew, Sanji headed to the infirmary.

When he entered the room, he found Luffy sitting on the bed and Chopper hovering around him, glancing over the rubber boy.

The cook smiled and walked over to Luffy and plopped the hat on his head.

Luffy blinked and looked up curiously at the blond.

“Hey Luffy,” Sanji greeted.

“Sanji?”

The reindeer, sensing Sanji’s want to be alone with their captain, jumped off the bed and quietly left the infirmary.

“What’s up Sanji?” Luffy asked, feigning confusion.

“Luffy, I—“ He broke off, hesitant, his blue eyes shifted to make eye contact with his captain. He sighed and began again, “You know we don’t think your weak, right? We don’t pity you for what happened...”

Luffy blinked and he looked at his hands, “Yeah...”

Sanji crossed his arms, “I don’t believe you.”

The raven haired boy shifted.

“Luffy you can’t expect to deal with every problem we have and not your own.”

“And why not?” Luffy retorted, tone rising.

“Because—“

“Because I’m young, and stupid. I shouldn’t be a captain, but I am. I’m weak and I can’t even deal with losing someone I love!” He choked on the last words. His face flushed and tears were rolling down his cheeks.

Sanji’s heart skipped a beat at such a reaction. He sat himself beside Luffy and hugged him, gently patting his back every once and a while.

By the time Luffy’s crying a trailed into occasional sniffs, Chopper returned.

At the sight in front of him the little doctor squeaked.

“What happened?” He asked, scurrying over and hopping on the bed.

“Just talking,” Sanji said, backing away and pulling out an unlit cigarette.

Chopper crossed his arms and gave him a skeptical look.

“I’ve got to finish cleaning the kitchen,” The cook called over his shoulder. With a swift movement he lit the cigarette and paused, drawing in air. Smoke left his mouth and a looked back, “We care about you, okay Luffy?”

Luffy broke eye contact and fiddled with the straw in his hat.

Once Chopper and Luffy were alone, the rubber boy spoke quietly, “I’d like to be alone for a while Chopper.”

The reindeer looked surprised, “Okay, I’ll be on the deck if you need me.”

Nodding, Luffy turned his attention to his hat, which he’d pulled off his head and was now in his hands.

“Oh, and Luffy?”

Luffy looked up.

“He’s right, you know.”

The captain blinked.

Chopper continued, “We do care about you... and... we’re here for you.”

Luffy felt tears welling up in his eyes. He quickly swept them away and smiled, “Yeah, I know.”