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Hyunjin would rarely be serious, and it seemed like tonight was one of these times.
Her and Heejin were watching a movie, a movie that they've seen before but Hyunjin would just not get tired of it. And Heejin would not get tired of doing whatever is that her friend wanted to do.
Hyunjin, however, was completely oblivious to Heejin's love. They're like the people they often see in those movies. Heejin can recognise the character that she could play, but Hyunjin has absolutely no idea that she could play the oblivious one.
Their touches are almost always innocent when coming from Hyunjin, but they manage to make Heejin's heart jump.
Like the one that followed.
Heejin felt Hyunjin's hand slip into hers and found it lovely how, despite the fact that Hyunjin was the one who had bigger hands--they've compared them so many times before--still, she was the one who sneaked her paw under Heejin's palm, for Heejin to take and squeeze.
"Heejin" she started, not looking at the other girl, her voice barely above a whisper.
She continued after Heejin turned to eye her side profile: "Are you ready? We'll be 20 in a few months."
Truth to be told, she wasn't ready. She never was, for anything. Hyunjin was always the one to give her strength and she avoided every thought that implied that she won't be in the same world as her anymore.
"I'm not" Heejin admitted, voice full of fear.
"Yeah, me neither, Heekkie, me neither."
And the conversation died right there, but not before being sustained by a few more heavy silent seconds.
But Heejin's mind was already becoming loud.
When kids turn 20, the day of sorting comes. Where they're put in front of three doors, and let to choose the world they'll enter.
That's all they know, no adult is allowed to discuss the topic further with them, and that's what scares her the most.
Entering a world where there's no one from her family? Or maybe they will be right there, waiting for her? Somehow?
Heejin doesn't know. What she does know, is that a world without the one she's in love with, without Kim Hyunjin is pointless. She'd rather be dead.
Her heart feels like it's stepping on needles everytime she allows herself to torture her spirit with this truth.
-----
"Heejin" What seemed like a desperate Kim Hyunjin barged into her room.
Few months passed.
Heejin, who was sitting on her laptop on the bed before, now is slowly standing up, confused.
Even more confused when Hyunjin dragged her into her big arms, squeezing Heejin close to her chest.
"Heejin, tomorrow you'll be 20 and i can't do this" her voice was cracking, nose buried into Heejin's soft black hair, eyes closed forcefully in hope that they'll keep the tears in place.
She pulled Heejin back to look at her. "I need you to do something for me" Heejin raised an eyebrow. "Choose door number one no matter what. I know it's selfish because you don't know what could be at the other side of it. But i'll choose that one too in a month, i promise you."
When Heejin didn't respond, because her brain was processing Hyunjin's mental breakdown, the other felt the need to continue.
"Don't let me lose you. Choose me, Heejin, please"
Heejin nodded. She would always choose Hyunjin. Her heart would not stop chasing her, giving the finish line be at the end of the world. Heejin would run to it if it meant Hyunjin was waiting there for her.
She stepped closer and put her arms around Hyunjin's torso, letting her face fall on her chest for the second time in the past few minutes. With Hyunjin not hesitating to pull her even closer, if possible.
They stood like this for a couple of minutes, and Heejin would've stayed more if she knew it was the last time she was having a chance to do that.
-----
The next day.. It felt like the most horrible day from Heejin's life. And it was.
She hugged her parents, who were wiping her tears, suspiciously less anxious than she was, but still anxious about what their daughter will choose. Kissing Heejin's wet cheeks, and giving her words of encouragement and love.
Hyunjin wasn't there, but it was okay, they're going to see each other in a month, as Hyunjin promised to follow her. And they spent many hours of last night, together, in each other's arms.
Heejin decided that there will never be a perfect moment to leave, her heart wasn't going to ease no matter how much she delayed the process.
"I'm ready" She said even though she was not.
Next thing she knew, she was in a poorly illuminated room, made of what seemed to be a century old wood, with nithing but three doors glued on the wall, in front of her.
A man, dressed in a white long rope that made him look like he was literally shining in this darkened space, his hand holding onto a long, slender, walking stick, looking at Heejin with an emotionless expression on his face stood next to them.
"Welcome" His voice was calming, giving Heejin almost the same good feeling of a well played slow song.
Heejin gulped, not finding strength to let out actual worls and nodding instead.
He took a long look at her, before raising his arm, pointing to the doors.
"They're numbered. You have to choose one. At the other end of it, you have Earth, Heaven and Hell. Choose carefully"
Earth, Heaven and Hell??? < She didn't know anything about a Hell.
The man, magically understood Heejin's hesitation and opened his mouth to speak again.
"There is a deal you can take"
The phrase caught her attention instantly.
"I can tell you what each one contains of."
"Really?" Hopefulness was dripping off her face so obviously, looking like a child who was promised a favorite toy.
"Yes, yet i feel obliged to tell you that no one takes the deal and it's on purpose made like this. You can know but after the information is revealed the only door that would open for you would be the one we want. Which is the gate to Hell most of the time. Would you still want to know?"
"Do i have time to go visit a friend before i choose?"
"I believe you had all the time. You knew the date of this day"
"Please, i'll be back in an hour and i'll go straight to the door you have open, waiting for me"
He thought for a second then shrugged lazily.
"I'm going to ask again, is this what you want?"
"Yes."
"Very well. Door number one is Hell. Door number two is Earth, door number three is Heaven. When you come back, in exactly an hour, you will enter door number one. Have i made myself clear?"
"Yes sir, thank you so much" she can't believe she's thanking this man for opening the gate to Hell for her.
But she had to be sure, she had to know if Hyunjin was going to end up in Hell with the choice she expressed she'll make. And she was right.
Now she had an hour at her disposal to find Hyunjin, kiss her for the first and last time and send her on a good place.
She realized that there was no way of exiting this space so she looked back at the man, confused.
He sighed, raising his hand and snapping two of his fingers together and there Heejin was, sitting in front of her house.
She contemplated if she should enter her house again but remembered that her parents were already gone off to work.
She set a countdown alarm on her watch and begun to run to Hyunjin's house. She had a feeling Hyunjin would be sad and skipping school since there were no consequences for her. Perks of being the school's best athlete.
Heejin didn't own a big amount of stamina, normally she could not run a single lap without feeling like her legs would dismantle right there but this time? This time, she ran a whole 10 minutes to Hyunjin's house. The thought of getting to see her was keeping Heejin's mind occupied, distracted from the fact that she was running so much.
The desperation was eating her alive. She stood in front of the big yellow house, her heart felt like it stood on her throat, ready to jump out.
She sighed and run in the house, yelling for Hyunjin's name.
The girl appeared almost instantly, looking surprised to see Heejin there. And even more surprised to feel Heejin jump into her arms, hugging her more tightly than ever.
"Heejin what are you doing here? Not that i'm not happy to see you but what's up?" Hyunjin smiled.
That damned smile that Heejin knows she'll miss for the rest of the days. She tried to take a mental photo, hoping for it to last forever, to ease her mind for the times that will follow.
" I needed to see you one more time" She admitted, watching Hyunjin's eyes soften.
Heejin gulped, feeling like crying. She was about to lose her forever. The only person that made life worth it. The weird girl who liked cats way too much, who eats bread daily and still managing to look fit, who would laugh when she not supposed to. The same girl who would hold Heejin whenever she'd be sad, who would protect her against everything, who would put Heejin's well being before hers.
A selfless soul that deserves to be next to her family and Heejin doesn't regret being the one to play martyr. Hyunjin would do the same for her but fortunately she's one month older, she got to hear about the deal first. Maybe Hyunjin will hate her after but after this remaining hour, it will be sealed.
"Hyunjin" She started, looking into Hyunjin's eyes. "Choose door number two. Trust me, door number too."
Hyunjin looked questionably at her but as always deciding to trust her with every atom of her body. She nodded, asking: "Will you choose that one too?"
"Yes" . She hated lying to her, she just now realises this is the first time she's done it. Hyunjin will really hate her.
But the girl in front of her is still loving her, most surely just like a friend. And the way she's looking at Heejin makes the latter feel so overwhelmed.
"Hyunjin, i m scared of what s gonna be on the other side" her voice almost cracking.
"Im sure it won't be that bad. Plus, you'll be with me, it's gonna be okay Heekkie" she gave her another smile, of encouragement.
"I.. Know but can you just accept this? Please"
"Accept wha-"
Heejin took a hold with both hands of Hyunjin's face and smashed their lips together, forcefully. Starting to move them instantly, there wes no time to waste and she wanted to feel as much as possible before all of Hyunjin will be taken away from her.
Hyunjin responded immediately, but not before letting out a surprised sound. Her arms finding their way on Heejin's back, holding her.
Not in a million years, could Heejin imagine that it would feel like this . Hyunjin's warm breath connecting with her own in between the movements, lips dancing together in what Heejin knows to be their first but also last tango.
This will have to be the seal of Heejin's sanity. This very one kiss.
Her hands went up into Hyunjin's hair, feeling the soft texture in between her fingers. Air almost running out, making Heejin feel exasperated. She didn't want to stop. She wanted to be glued to Hyunjin's mouth for the rest of her days. To feel Hyunjin's body transmit her its warmth.
They parted eventually and Heejin's heart could not take it anymore.
The alarm made a loud sound, startling the both of them.
No, no. Not yet, please, not yet
Hyunjin needed to hear this, to know it.
"Hyunjin i have to go but you need to know that i love you so much. I've never loved someone in the way i love you. I've been in love with you since we were 12 and i believe i will never stop. Choose number two!" Heejin said before disappearing into thin air.
------
" Welcome back" The man said.
"Thank you for giving me the time. I will go now.." Her head was down, looking like a sick puppy.
She did feel sick, not knowing what to expect was too nerve-wracking.
She put her hand on the old handle and opened the first door, stepping in.
Heejin closed her eyes in fear but opened them shortly after, being face with... Fields?
She was expecting fire, fire everywhere, not plains.
It looked empty, the grass was short and yellow, trees were too skinny, with awful colored fruits that seemed like they tasted horribly.
A few houses could be seen, them, too, looking like they were at their lowest state.
Was this Hell? Isolation? Loneliness?
She walked to one of the houses, moving the few pieces of wood sticked together to form a gate and watched how they fell apart in her own hand. Heejin sighed and threw the piece that was left in her hand, making her way inside.
Not that she expected too much, but a wave of sadness that hit her upon seeing the dirty looking mattress on the floor and nothing else around.
She sat down on it, tried to hit it a bit to get rid of the dust, gave up and put her head in between her knees, starting to cry.
How will she be able to spent an eternity in this place? With no one but herself? How would she sleep alone at night in here? She missed her family already, she wished she was a better daughter, she wished she told them sooner how much gratitude she was holding for them.
She missed her other friends, too. Her dog.
Hyunjin . "What would i do without you, Hyunjin?" she cried. "I need you here with me.. But you need to be in a better place"
She is a better person than Heejin, she is worthy of being missed. That's why it would be a loss for the world not to have Hyunjin in it anymore.
She doesn't regret being selfless for the one who showed her how nice love felt. Even though, Hyunjin never acted like more than a simple friend, she also never hurt Heejin. Only with small jokes and a lot of teasing, but nothing serious.
Nor she gave attention to others, Heejin has seen how many people were interested in Hyunjin but it always seemed like Hyunjin doesn't care for that at all. She was always with Heejin, and Heejin was grateful. Her heart, so far, has been in safe hands.
Now her heart had a immense hole in it and Hyunjin wasn't here to put a patch on it and sew it back.
She let her body fell down, her back hitting the mattress and after a few more minutes of crying, Heejin fell asleep.
----
A month passed.
First few days were literally... Hell. Heejin couldn't stop crying and feeling lonely and feeling hungry. Surprisingly the fruits tasted better than they looked but still had an unpleasant aftertaste.
She stopped thinking in the future, even the simplest questions such as "how much more could i eat only dry fruits?" tore her apart.
She found a lake nearby and dragged the dirty matress to clean it up.
Other than that, she's been trying to kill time in every way possible but not much was there to do.
She wished she could hear other things, songs, people, birds, anything.
It was like living in a black hole.
She kept thinking about Hyunjin, her anchor in this nightmare. She counted how many times the night came and passed and today was Hyunjin l's birthday.
She wanted to cry again, hand going to her chest, put over her heart.
She looked up at the sky and whispered sofly "Happy birthday, Kim Hyunjin", a tear escaping from the corner of her eye.
"Jeon Heejin!" she heard her name being called and saw Hyunjin running from afar to her. She really was going insane, wasn't she?
"Heejin, what are you doing here?" Hyunjin yelled again, approaching with a high speed and Heejin realized that this is real.
She started running too. "Hyunjin!" she desperately yelled, feeling more happiness in that moment than she's ever felt in her whole life.
When they got close Heejin collapsed onto her, throwing Hyunjin to the ground, and sobbing uncontrollably on her chest, focusing on her every sense so she could take all of Hyunjin in.
How nice and refreshing she smelled--like autumn--how her chest felt rising up and down--with Heejin's face on top of it.
How Heejin's own and deprived body slightly jumped when Hyunjin put her hands on her back. How her heart skipped a beat after hearing the honey-like laugh of Hyunjin that she so much adored.
"Heejin i missed you but it looks like you missed me more" Hyunjin laughed again.
The reality clicked and she raised her head to look at the other girl.
A horrified Heejin asked "What are you doing here?! I told you not to choose the first door you idiot!"
"I didn't. This is the second door, Heejin. This is Earth"
"What? No, it isn't! This is Hell, can't you read numbers?? You went through the wrong door!"
"Heekkie calm down and listen to me, okay?" Hyunjin inhaled slowly and raised her eyebrows, signaling for Heejin to do the same. After a few breaths, Heejin was quiet.
So Hyunjin started explaining everything.
How on Earth things remained the same, filled with people who were flawed but not too flawed, nothing that couldn't be fixed. The sun arrives at the same hour and leaves at the same dawn as before.
How in Heaven, a place for the absolute kindest souls there were, things were absolutely magical, food tasted a thousand times better, music circulated through their ears a thousand times smoother, the touch of another person (even if they were from Earth) was a thousand time more electrifying, everything was accentuated, everything felt unreal. That's what the angels are saying when they come down. They are allowed to be on Earth for 12 hours a day. Rule set for them to still be with their families, friends, pets, things that had strings on them.
Demons, however, were the evilest souls, and none could come on Earth. No one knew how they were treated, where they were kept, because no one ever came back from that place.
It all confused Heejin until Hyunjin started saying how, no matter what door you choose, you'll end up in the place that's destined for your soul. If you were evil, you'd go to Hell no matter if you go through door number one or one of the other two. It was just a game set for people to go along.
No one would accept if they knew they'll end up in there nonetheless. That's why adults were not allowed to reveal anything. Most, most people were ending up on Earth anyway, very few in Heaven and only the most evil ones, that would do Earth a favour by disappearing, were going to Hell. Actual Hell.
"How-how do you know all of these?"
"I asked the old man. He was the one to tell me to come here, actually. He told me you were waiting for me"
"He told you i was waiting for you?! When all of these were to keep you away?!"
"Heejin, this is Earth. This is just an abandoned village, next to our city. The old man told me that you aren't able to see people even if they're passing next to you because your belief that you're in Hell is so strong and i'm the only one who can break this perception of yours"
Heejin stood there, not being able to believe what her ears were hearing. She was stuck in this Inferno because of her own self?
"Heejin?" Hyunjin's voice got her attention, giving her a questionable look.
"Let's go home, my love" Hyunjin stood up and extended a hand for Heejin to take, which she did.
"Wait" Heejin stopped. "My love?" did ahe hear this well? Was any part of her troubled body functioning anymore?
"Yes, my love. I didn't get to tell you last time that i love you, too" Hyunjin calmly told her, eyes locked with Heejin's widened onces.
This is exactly how she imagined Hyunjin to confess to someone, casually, like it's an everyday thing she says.
"C-can you kiss me, please?" Heejin asked.
And there Hyunjin was, putting that patch Heejin was talking about, on her heart, with a single kiss. Repairing every damaged part of Heejin and giving her the wish for living back. Allowing Heejin's mind and body to completely relax for the first time in the last weeks.
When they pulled apart, they stood close, foreheads pressed together and Heejin has never felt more relieved.
"Thank you for saving me, Kim Hyunjin"
"You saved me first, by telling me to avoid door number one. In my opinion, you deserve your place in Heaven because you are an angel, Heekkie"
"You would have done the same for me"
"And you still did not see how much i love you"
Maybe Heejin was the oblivious one, this whole time.