Chapter Text
It had started small. A secret kept in the corners of his heart; ignored. Something that wasn’t necessarily taboo, but he still denied because it just wasn’t the plan.
But secrets have a way of letting themselves be heard. The dark-haired Spaniard had never intended for something so clandestine to come out. His keen eye hadn’t even noticed it and some days he wondered if he just hadn’t wanted to see it.
At first, he had excused his jealousy towards women hanging all over Miguel as a mere indication of his desire to have women prefer him for once. He had assumed he was so overprotective because Miguel was his best friend. And at first he had explained the warmth in his chest to be pride over his partner.
But some things just cannot be ignored forever.
It was an average day when the street-wise man finally figured it out. A normal day for a ground-breaking revelation. Tulio had been lounging on the bed of their rented inn room plotting out their next course of action when he had made an arbitrary joke and Miguel had cracked up. Just a moment of side-splitting laughter that made Tulio break into a chuckle himself, only less with Miguel and more at him.
Miguel looked more happy and himself in that moment than he had in days. It made Tulio angry with himself that he didn’t make Miguel laugh more often. But it hadn’t just been the blonde’s joy that made Tulio’s chest suddenly flutter, it was the realization that he and Miguel fit like a sword in a scabbard. It dawned on him that whenever he thought of his future it was the two of them together, not just him. It had hit him all at once like an arrow to the heart.
He was in love with his best friend.
He had handled it carefully after that by being nicer, but not so pleasant Miguel grew suspicious. He started yelling less and consenting more. He gave Miguel whatever he wanted and kept only what he needed. And good God did he stare.
Tulio’s favorite thing about Miguel was how he was exactly the opposite of himself. Not only by physical appearance, but by sheer heart and soul. Miguel’s kindness and optimism shone as bright as his golden hair, while Tulio’s distrust and stubbornness reflected his character. He knew Miguel had seen hard times just like everyone, but somehow he just let the dark atmosphere bounce right off him. Tulio envied him.
Tulio was a man of reason and logic, and Miguel was a man of passion and faith. Together they were an unstoppable force to be reckoned with. Combined they equaled one halfwit, and everybody knows that morons outlive everyone else.
He treaded these newfound waters carefully, terrified that Miguel would somehow use his sixth sense to pick up on Tulio’s feelings. If there was one thing that would kill Tulio it would be utter rejection. Then the awkwardness that would strain their friendship would eventually lead to Miguel leaving him. Tulio had spent far too long invested in his relationship with Miguel to lose it after all this time.
Now, Tulio realized he was staring again. He just couldn’t help it. He’d never considered himself especially romantic, but he did have feelings, just like everyone. And right now his mind was screaming at him to stop ogling, but his eyes kept on refusing to listen.
“Why are you looking at me? Is there something on my face?” Miguel touched his cheek as if to wipe it away, but there was nothing there. The duo was hanging out in an alleyway in their homeland of Spain, tossing insults at each other. It was how they bonded.
“Yeah, it’s called ugly.” Tulio deadpanned, his stomach twisting into knots after being caught. It hadn’t been the first time his partner had noticed, and he had a feeling it wouldn’t be the last. But strangely enough, he thought it was worth being caught every single time.
“I got it from you.” Miguel retorted, humor glistening in his eyes. His eyes had a habit of gleaming when he was in a good mood and when Miguel was happy then Tulio could only be described as ecstatic. The tall Spanish swindler grinned and waved his hand in the air in dismissal.
“C’mon. You know I’m handsome.” Miguel laughed out loud and shook his head. Tulio opened his mouth to contradict him, but Miguel interrupted.
“Yeah, I know.” Tulio glanced over at Miguel, shock evident in his clear blue eyes. You do? Miguel was staring at him intently, as if gauging his reaction and suddenly Tulio was looking everywhere except at him. What was something clever he could respond with? Tulio cleared his throat.
“Well obviously. Who wouldn’t know?” He flashed a charming smile that he was sure would make Miguel snicker like he’d done a million times before. He remembered the inn room a couple weeks earlier, and tried desperately to think of the joke he had used, but nothing was coming to mind.
Miguel chuckled as expected, but it was his comrade’s reply that made him pause with uncertainty.
“No one. It’s one of the things I like about you.” Tulio raised an eyebrow and deftly wiped his suddenly clammy palms against his shirt.
“Oh, so you only like me for my looks now? And I thought we had something special.” Tulio’s bravado was starting to crack, and he bit his lip subconsciously. He didn’t want Miguel to ask him what was wrong, because the damn blonde always knew when something was off with him.
“Your looks are just a bonus. Your personality is what I like most.” Miguel was still staring at him and it was beginning to make him feel rather uncomfortable. The raven-haired man made a mental note to not to gawk at his friend anymore because Miguel probably felt like this all the time.
“Cierto, go on. Next you have to talk about my delightful mood and my kind heart.” Tulio didn’t know what Miguel was getting at, but the air was tinged with humor and he was enjoying himself.
“I don’t know if I’d go that far,” Miguel smirked and added, “but you do have a protective character and a caring soul.” Tulio pursed his lips and sighed. Okay, Miguel would never under any circumstances say he had a caring soul.
“What are you doing, Miguel?” Tulio was on the verge of shaking and he could no longer tell whether or not Miguel was teasing him. He was starting to get sick of playing around.
“I’m warming you up to the idea of me saying things like this more often,” he stated calmly. Tulio blinked and a million thoughts flooded his mind. He had a very strong notion about what Miguel was trying to say and the way he proceeded from this point on could determine his entire relationship with the man. Or was he only overanalyzing his cohort’s true meaning? Either way, Tulio could only think of one logical thing to say.
“Uh…what?”
“Tulio, what if hypothetically someone admitted their feelings for you, but it could affect your friendship with that person for better or for worse?” It was a good question, and one Tulio found himself asking quite a lot recently. He answered differently each time and he didn’t think he’d ever be able to think of a single helpful solution for himself, let alone the person he was asking it for.
“I don’t really know. I guess I would just tell them how I feel.” Tulio murmured. He wasn’t ready for this. He’d never be ready for this. If he was given a thousand years he’d never be equipped to handle this. It was too much for his poor nerves.
“What if hypothetically my last statement wasn’t quite hypothetical?” Oh God. Miguel was giving him a puppy dog look. It wasn’t the one he did on purpose either, it was the one he got unintentionally where he lifted his face slightly and opened his striking green orbs wide, looking up at him like a kitten. Like he was begging for scraps.
Maldito.
“Miguel...” He could think of a thousand ways to finish that sentence, none of which would be appropriate at the moment. How was he going to make Miguel understand when even he couldn’t begin to describe how he felt? It was one thing to push down his own emotions for the greater good, but if Miguel was truly implying what he imagined he was then Tulio was in trouble.
“What would you do?” Miguel inquired quietly. Tulio hesitated, trying to make an impossible decision. Battling between what is logical and what is right was always a difficult choice for him to make. His mind was somehow structured to both attract and repel anxiety and he cursed his rotten luck every time he had to make what was in reality a simple choice.
“I-I don’t think I could take a chance it could be for the worst.” He was playing it safe. That’s how you survived. The risks you take are only taken when no other option is available. Never before had it physically pained Tulio to talk before. The words coming out of his mouth seemed almost surreal, as if a stranger were talking instead of himself. In all his fantasies of him finally professing his love, never once had he imagined it would end like this.
“…I see.” Tulio saw the exact moment Miguel’s heart broke. It was as if Miguel’s world was robbed of all its hope leaving behind an empty carcass. Because he ran off of hope, and it was Tulio who had just taken that from him.
He couldn’t bring himself to meet Miguel’s gaze, but when he saw Miguel’s feet begin to lead him in a different direction he was horrified.
“Where are you going?” Tulio felt bad enough as it was, but if Miguel was leaving him then nothing in the world would ever feel right again.
“I’m getting some air.” Miguel muttered bitterly. His face was contorted in an expression Tulio never wanted to see again, but he had a feeling he’d be seeing it every time he closed his eyes for the foreseeable future.
“We’re outside,” Tulio pointed out, mentally cursing himself for stating the obvious. Together they made the lovable halfwit everyone adored, but Tulio knew that by himself he was the jackass everyone rooted against.
“Away from here.” Miguel called over his shoulder. When Miguel disappeared into the shadows it was suddenly much colder and much darker, as if he had taken the light with him. Tulio wrapped his arms around himself and bit his lip. His throat was staring to close and it was getting more difficult to breath, but he’d be damned if he started crying. He was the strong, logical one who was going to get them through this.
“I’m sorry, Miguel.”