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When Mark made his way downstairs that morning, he was greeted with the usual sight of his messy, small living room. Except that this time, the dirty clothes were all over the staircase. His drunken dad might have toppled over the laundry basket last night. His assumption was proven when he saw the half-empty blue basket laying sideways on the floor beside the dining table. He grunted as he took cautious steps over the clothes to go to the kitchen, seeing a glimpse of his high mother on the couch with the corner of his eye. Humming to Drake, he pulled out a piece of white bread that he kept hidden in the lowest drawer along with the plumbing tools that they never used and spread some margarine on the dry bread, stuffing it into his mouth.
He finished up his breakfast and made his way through the small piles of clothes again, making a mental note to drink some water from the water dispenser at the school canteen before class later. He picked up his school bag from the floor and stopped to check the front pocket. Rolling his eyes, he turned around to look at his mother who was looking like a corpse on the couch with a needle stuck in her arm.
“Mom, did you take my money again?”
Her mother opened her eyes slowly, moaned, and lolled her head to the other side before dozing off. Mark uttered a ‘fuck it’ under his breath and stomped into her mother’s bedroom that she shared with his useless of a father. He carelessly pulled open the top drawer and threw out its contents until he managed to grab an amount of money before stuffing the crumpled bills into his bag. He exited the house and closed the door behind him with a loud thud.
“Hey, Mark.”
“Hiya, Marky.”
“Ay, Mark Lee. How’s it going?”
“Hey, Mark. I’m having a party at my house tomorrow night. It’ll be great if you’d come.”
Johnny stared in disbelief as Mark gave his number to the pretty girl who invited him to the party. When the girl smiled and walked away, Mark turned around only to see Johnny with his gaping mouth.
“What the hell’s wrong with you? Got an ulcer or something?”
Mark continued walking along the hallway as Johnny rushed to catch up to him.
“Kim Seohee just invited you to her house! And you asked me what’s wrong with me?”
“Oh, her name’s Seohee?”
Johnny rolled his eyes, as Mark chuckled at the older before proceeding to raise his hand to someone they just walked past.
“You’re so lucky, man. You’re hella popular. I wish I am you.”
Mark lifted his left eyebrow at Johnny, a smirk tugging at his lips. He felt his heartstrings were stretched a little.
“Be careful with your wish, Mr. Seo.”
The taller furrowed his eyebrows at that but decided to let it pass since Mark was already walking ahead of him, obviously showing that he did not want to prolong the topic. Johnny continued to talk about his unfinished Biology homework and rant about the perks of being an old geezer which managed to draw a series of choked up laughter from the younger. They were turning into a corner in the hallway when a shorter guy bumped into Mark, spilling his hot coffee all over the black-haired boy’s shirt.
Mark yelped in surprise due to the scalding liquid dripping on his torso while Johnny let out a loud and clear curse word which could land them both in detention if the teachers were around. The stranger bowed and bowed frantically at Mark before rushing past them, leaving them both dumbfounded.
“Hey, you fuck-”
“Let him be.” Johnny looked at Mark as if he was a mad man, as he held Johnny’s shoulders while watching the stranger who was slowly vanishing from his view. It was a boy shorter than the both of them, with a black face mask covering his face and beige beanie which allowed a few strands of pink, purplish hair peeking at the area just above his neck; which compelled Mark even more.
“Who is that?” Mark’s question came out barely louder than a whisper, but like the professional gossiper Johnny was, the older managed to catch it.
“That must be that weird guy, a junior.”
“Weird guy?”
“Yeah, don’t you know? The whole school knows him. He’s always wearing that mask and that beanie, like some kind of Tokyo Ghoul anime boy type of shit. And it’s hella weird how people often see him walking around the school but never in classrooms.”
Mark kept his eyes boring on the spot where the boy had been at with a half-smile carving his face.
“Interesting.”
Johnny uttered a ‘creep’ under his breath as they made their way to the toilet for Mark to change his drenched shirt into a fresh one he got from the counselor in the sickbay. They headed to Mark’s class first, located right beside the stairs on the second floor while Johnny’s was at the further end of the hallway. Mark’s head was still full of a beige beanie and pink hair when Johnny spoke.
“Anyway, are you going to the party or not?”
Johnny asked as he held the classroom’s door open to wait for the younger’s answer, effectively ducking a flying paper plane over his head. Mark raked his fingers through his dry black hair as he thought it through.
“I don’t know. Party’s not my scene.”
“Come on, Marky. Tomorrow is the first day of summer!”
Seeing the exasperated look on Johnny’s face, Mark sighed and rolled his eyes.
“Just say you’re the one who wants to go and only using me to pass through.”
The taller chuckled at that, receiving a shove on his chest from the younger.
“Well, yeah, that’s true. But I also want you to enjoy yourself. You’re always spending your time working in that shitty diner even during summer. You need to be easy on yourself, young one.”
Mark’s gaze softened as he gnawed on his lower lip. The gears in his head spinning calmly - flashes of his wrecked mother and father appeared for a good second before quickly replaced with red soda cups and neon lights and his favorite song booming from the speakers. He looked up with a grin on his face.
“Yep. I’m going. Definitely.”
Mark tapped his foot on the ground to Chase Atlantic playing from his iPod, waiting for his lanky friend to get out of his classroom. When the door swung open, his seniors swarmed out - some who probably knew him from Johnny greeted him and patted his shoulders while the others did not even notice him. Johnny came out shortly after them, beaming at Mark who jokingly smacked the back of his head as they both walked together.
During the whole journey back home, Mark barely listened to Johnny’s usual after school rant which he usually found interesting, his mind occupied by the thoughts of going to the party and his parents and his job at the diner. When they arrived in front of Mark’s small house, Johnny had a concerned look on his face and asked the younger if anything was wrong but Mark just shrugged and convinced the older that he was just a bit drained out today.
Johnny did not look amused but let it pass, waving his hand at the latter before heading to his house. Honestly, Mark was still considering to not go to the party. He felt guilty to leave his parents alone at home while he was out and about, having fun. The selfish part of him insisted that he deserved to relax a little, since his parents had been neglecting him for years now, but he just could not do such a thing. Sighing, Mark stepped into his unlocked house and was met with a dark, cold living room. The curtains were still tied like the last time he left them this morning. He flipped the switch, waiting as the lamp flickered for a few minutes before illuminating the tiny space with yellow light. His heart felt a bit warmer when he noticed that the dirty clothes were picked up and put back into the basket - still not washed but at least his mother had the audacity to collect them.
He looked around to find any sign of life but there was none. He took off his shoes and set them aside before heading further into the house, only to find his mother laying at the corner of the room. Clenching his fists, he walked over to her and crouched to remove the needle from her arm and carry her to her bed but his hand froze midway.
There was no needle.
Instead, her hand was clutching a small bag of white powder he knew so well. It took him some time to register what was happening before he shook her shoulders, a mix of anger and fear filling up his body. A few more shove and her eyes fluttered open, red and watery.
“What is it?” Her voice came out hoarse.
“Is this cocaine? Where did you get this, mom?”
His mother’s gaze trailed his wide eyes to the half-empty bag in his hand before a chuckle left her lips.
“I bought it, of course.”
Mark’s hand trembled against her arm as he held himself back from punching her back to her senses.
“Where did you get the money from?” He whispered, watching as the smile vanished from her face, her gaze fleeting somewhere else.
Silence. The corner of his lips twitched.
“Did you take my money again, mom?”
She closed her eyes.
“Answer me, damn it!” He yelled, tears threatening to spill out of his eyes as he shook her shoulders frantically, but it was no use. She had dozed off again.
He got up and ran to his room upstairs, his heart dropping to his stomach when he saw the door was open. He rushed inside and he felt something pulling at his heartstrings when he saw his locked drawer was left open, the key lying on the floor. He held the drawer with shaky hands, scrambling through it to find for the round shaped metal box. Feeling the cold familiar surface against his fingertips, he took it out and threw the empty container to the floor. With hands in his hair, he fell to the floor, knees pulsating in pain due to the impact.
Clutching to his stomach, he broke down into tears. His money was all gone. His years of hard work in the diner and starving himself were all taken by his own mother. As the whimpers and sobs that sounded pathetic even to his own ears flooding out of his mouth, he felt like a ten years old Mark Lee again - kneeling at the corner of his room with little palms over his ears and eyes shut close, waiting for his father to stop beating his mother. Useless and vulnerable.
As his mind and vision slowly started to clear, he knew it. He was surely going to the party and enjoying his upcoming summer to the fullest.
“Damn, I really want brownies.”
Johnny (creepily) rubbed his hands against the fridge as Mark who was busily checking the expiry date of a carton of milk chuckled at him.
“Then what’s the matter? Just buy it.”
Johnny sighed and proceeded to lean against the cold fridge, hanging his head low.
“I can’t, Markipoo. I need to lose weight before I go to college next year. Years of being single are really depressing.”
Mark raised an eyebrow at that, putting the milk into his basket.
“I thought you’re the one who said that the secret to your height is to eat everything and not leaving anything behind?”
“That depends on the current situation.”
Mark laughed, gesturing for the older to follow him to the counter. After paying for a carton of milk, bread, eggs and some sugar, they got out of the store.
“Oh my god, it’s fucking hot. I need ice cream now.” Johnny fanned himself, the thin shirt he was wearing sticking to his sweaty back.
Mark was about to answer when a guy stumbled in front of them. He oddly felt like he knew the unsettling looking guy - long, greasy hair, jacket hastily thrown over his upper half with his torso left bare, and baggy jeans.
The guy looked up at them, revealing half-lidded eyes and a wide smile. Johnny cursed.
“Hey, it’s Mark Lee, the golden boy.” The weirdo slurred, nearly slipping on his own feet.
Johnny signaled for Mark to get the fuck out of there but the guy stumbled closer to them, both hands on Mark’s shoulders to keep his balance.
“It must suck, huh? Having to act all good at school for the sake of gaining some love that your parents couldn’t give you? Is your mother high again this morning? How about your father? Did he come home last night?”
Mark’s eyes widened, his jaw clenching. He did not even notice his nails digging into the flesh of his palm until he felt a sharp pain on the skin. Johnny immediately pulled the guy’s arms from Mark, shoving him to the ground. The guy giggled before dozing off right in the middle of the road. Johnny huffed and turned to look at Mark who was still staring at the empty space before him, shoulders tense.
“Don’t mind him. It’s Hongki. Everyone knows he’s high all the time. That’s why he’s talking shit. But honestly, snorting some shit in the middle of the day? He’s too much sometimes.”
Johnny shook his head before putting his arm around Mark’s shoulders, leading them to his motorcycle. They rode to Mark’s home.
“I’ll pick you up at ten, okay?” Johnny sported his signature gentle smile that never failed to ease Mark, as the younger replied with a nod.
He climbed up the stairs as soon as he hid the groceries into different spots in his house without even bothering to check on his mother. Stripping out of his shirt and jumping onto his cheap bed that creaked too loud even with the slightest move, only in his boxers. The weather was killing him and he felt like a dried fish. Plugging in his earphones, he put on Lykke Li on full blast, groaning into the pillow. His headache was getting worse.
How the hell did Hongki know about his family? Certainly, that guy’s head was in the clouds back then but still, how did the idea of Mark having fucked up parents even pop in his mind in the first place if they had never even met before?
As his playlist shuffled to Chase Atlantic and his consciousness started to plummet into the dark abyss, the thoughts of a certain masked guy with doe eyes and pink hair appeared in his mind.
Blood in my eyes made it hard to see,
I went out searching for an angel then you came to me, my darling.
Mark made his way down the stairs with hands in the pockets of his denim jacket, eyes roaming around. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw a silhouette of a man he knew so well staggering through the living room. The man froze in front of Mark, causing the younger to gulp.
“Mark? Where are you going, son?”
He felt his heart rattling madly in his ribcage. He walked closer.
“Out. With a friend.”
Before his father made a reply, Mark rushed to the front door, ignoring the older’s slurred shouts and exited the house. He locked the door behind him, taking in the cold fresh air and sighing in relief when he saw Johnny waiting for him on his motorcycle.
“Looking good, Mark.”
“You too.”
Mark hopped onto the bike and held the latter’s waist, ready for the long night ahead of him.
“What’s good, Mark Lee?”
The guy that Mark presumed to be his classmate greeted him at the front door as Johnny and he made their way into the house. The girl’s house was big, with a pool and all. There were a lot of people all over the place, laughing and dancing and just having fun. Mark loved the sight of it. Johnny grabbed drinks for them - Mark insisting on having Coke even though people his age were all drinking alcohol illegally. He just did not want the same thing that ruined his dad flowed in his veins.
An hour passed and Mark was starting to get bored. He leaned against the table topped with various kinds of drinks that he had been holding himself from trying.
“Hey, Mark. I’m going to the toilet. Then we’re going home, okay?”
Johnny said to Mark’s ear over the loud music as the younger nodded, watching the tall guy disappeared into the hallway. He looked around, taking a few more sips from his cup. Then, he saw a flash of long hair and a black jacket.
Hongki.
Mark knew he was taking too much risk with the action he was about to do, but he pushed all of the possibilities in his head and made his way to the guy. Hongki walked into the hallway and vanished behind the grey walls. The black-haired boy gulped as he trailed behind, stopping in alarm when Hongki turned around. Their gaze met, as the corners of Hongki’s lips pulled upwards. Strangely, he looked much better tonight than this morning - eyes alert and neat, stylish clothes. He seemed to not have drugs in his system at the moment.
“Following me, Mark Lee?” His voice was much clearer this time.
Mark looked around in fear, stepping closer when he was sure that there was nobody around the area.
“How did you know about my parents?”
Hongki seemed to look surprised at the question before the smile found its way back on his face. Mark found it weirdly fascinating how he felt comfortable around Hongki this time, not annoyed and pissed like on their first encounter.
“Easy. Because mine is just like yours. Except that my dad died last year.”
Seeing the confused look on Mark’s face, Hongki continued.
“There are more students in the school that live just like you, like us. We seem to huddle together in a small circle of, what we call it, depression. We understand each other and pretty much, wreck ourselves together.”
Mark noticed how Hongki’s eyes drifted somewhere towards the empty space before him - in a daze. There was an apparent sadness in his eyes.
“We refuse to remove ourselves from the dark void that we created. That’s why we’re amazed at you, Mark.”
Hongki looked up to stare at Mark’s eyes.
“How you’re just like us, yet you did not fall into it, you managed to avoid falling into the same hole that sucked in our parents. Even though it was pretty much useless - there’s no future for kids like us.”
Mark drank Hongki’s words fragment by fragment, feeling them sunk into his insides like heavy rocks thrown into the lake. He nodded in understanding. As Hongki turned around to leave, Mark found himself stopping the guy. Hongki looked back at the latter, confusion written all over his face.
“Do you guys, do you guys take drugs? To relieve the pain?”
Hongki seemed to be calculating Mark’s words, before taking out a small bottle from his jacket’s pocket, throwing it to the latter who caught it swiftly.
“Don’t take too much at a time. You don’t want to die, you just want to escape for a moment. Hold on my words, Mark.”
As Hongki walked away, Mark stared at the bottle in his hand. It was not labeled obviously but was filled with white pills he often saw in television documentaries and some music videos. He knew that Johnny might be looking for him, the guilt tugging at his gut, but he rushed to the toilet, locking the door with a sigh of relief.
He looked at the bottle again, gulping and gulping. Images of Johnny and his parents and his vision to be an artist played in his head like a broken film.
There’s no future for kids like us.
He unscrewed the lid and threw all of the pills into his palm, some of them slipping and scattering on the wet floor. He took a deep breath before shoving them into his mouth, swallowing them with tap water. He kept a firm grip on the sink beside him, gasping and panting. His vision started to get blurry, his thoughts entangled in a messy ball of wool. Flashes of his father beating his thirteen-year-old self at the kitchen floor and the feeling of humiliation after getting scolded by his boss in front of other workers in the diner became apparent behind his eyes. He swayed to the side, wet fingers failing to keep his balance as he let go of the sink and fell to the floor.
Hot tears streamed down his cheeks as the thoughts of him actually succeeding in his life if he tried hard enough came into sight.
I wanna die, I wanna die, I wanna die.
No, I don’t wanna die. Please, I-
Everything turned black.
Mark woke up to an excruciating pain on the left side of his temple. He flinched and a groan rolled off of his tongue as he placed his palms flat on the hard surface below him, eyes fluttering open. The dim light pierced through his orbs as he opened his eyes fully, drinking in the sight of the ceiling. He turned his head to the side, seeing the expensive mahogany door before him. The gears in his head started to spin, working out his current situation.
Bathroom. House. Party. Johnny .
Shit, he was supposed to meet Johnny at the table full of illegal drinks and go home with the older. Mark got up on his elbows and managed to stand on his two feet after minutes of trying to hold the sink with his sweaty fingers. He staggered out of the bathroom, squinting as he made his way along the hallway. He stopped when he came face to face with Hongki. He was expecting to give some poor excuses to the guy about his disheveled state but Hongki barely spared him a glance before walking past him.
Damn, what a jerk. Mark thought they were friends now.
He continued walking and turned into a corner, stumbling on his unstable feet as he accidentally bumped into a small table with a floral patterned vase on top, successfully sending the expensive-looking ornament onto the floor. Mark watched in horror as the roses shattered into pieces of unrecognizable jumble of leaves and petals. His eyes widened when a girl who he remembered as the host of the party suddenly appeared in front of him.
He was ready to pull up some of the oldest tricks in the book when the girl, like Hongki, did not even look at him or the mess he had made but proceeding to walk past him instead. Mark stood there, dumbfounded, as the bare backside of the girl vanished at the end of the hallway. She must be high or Mark had an extremely good luck today.
He continued to walk to the living room, pushing his way through the ebb of bodies in an effort to search for Johnny. After looking through every room he could possibly reach and also the kitchen, he had come to the conclusion that Johnny Seo, had left him.
Cool.
He had no watch and he was not able to find any clock hanging around in the house so he did not know how late it was. Walking out of the house, he was determined to head home on foot. It was his fault after all for going to the bathroom earlier. He did not even remember what took him so long in there.
Stepping on the pavement, he looked around, the unfamiliarity of the street engulfing him, leaving back an uneasy aftertaste in him. He felt anxious, but he continued to walk, trying to recall his ride with Johnny to get to the house earlier. The memory was blurry but he did not stop, walking and walking along the path. The night was eerily dark but beautiful, Mark noticed. The moonlight was bright tonight, not hidden behind the clouds. His reckless self turned into a dark alley which was only lit up with a single flickering lamp post at the side, as he stopped dead in his tracks.
He was met with a locked metal fence at the end of the alley, with a boy sitting on top of it. Mark gaped at the boy who appeared to be around his age, who was looking back at him. The boy was clad in black - hoodie, and jeans, and his face was showered by the moonlight. His eyes bored onto Mark’s face for another solid second before he hopped off of the fence, white sneakers hitting the wet tar.
“Are you lost?” His voice was sweet and almost childlike, reminding Mark of the honey that he used to put in his warm lemon tea back in the days. It sparked up an odd, full feeling at the pit of his stomach.
“Sort of.” Mark’s voice came out hoarse, as he cleared his throat.
The boy stepped closer, pulling the hoodie from the top of his head, allowing the light to hit his face. His eyes were doe-like, peering up at Mark with a sense of calmness which was a total contrast to what Mark was feeling right now. He had a cute button nose and plush lips, and his skin was the color of his voice - honey. Mark realized that his hair was dyed into hues of purple and pink - unnatural yet seemed so familiar to Mark.
“What’s your name?” Mark’s fingers found their way to the hem of his jacket, his feet fidgeting under the intensity of the boy’s gaze.
“Mark.”
“Hye, Mark. I’m Donghyuck.” A smile formed on Donghyuck’s lips, his eyes appeared like beautiful crescents. Mark felt like the weight was pulled off of his shoulders as he smiled back.
“Let’s walk together, shall we? The moon is beautiful tonight.” Donghyuck wrapped his small fingers around Mark’s denim-covered arm, pulling the taller to the main road.
Thousands of questions were swarming Mark’s head. Who are you? What are you doing here? Why do I feel so comfortable around you? Why do you remind me of my home that was long gone? But all of them withered away when a certain honey-coated voice broke the silence.
“So, what do you want to do now?”
They were still walking side by side, Donghyuck occasionally skipping on his feet, lips humming a happy tune. Mark turned to look at the shorter who was still looking at the road ahead of them.
“Uh, I wanna go home?”
Donghyuck stopped to look at Mark like he just said something crazy, before dissolving into a fit of laughter. Mark knew that he was supposed to be offended, but he found himself marveling at how Donghyuck looked so bright like this, resembling the sun.
“No, silly. I mean, what’s your wish? Anything that you wanna do now, go crazy.”
Mark raised his eyebrows in confusion, but he proceeded to think about it anyway. He put a finger on his chin, frowning at the bitter aftertaste of the Coke at the back of his tongue as an idea popped in his head.
“I wanna eat.”
Donghyuck hummed.
“And what, specifically?”
“I wanna eat cotton candy. Lots of them.”
Donghyuck halted to a stop, a dramatic gasp coming out of his mouth as he turned around to face Mark with a hand on his mouth. The taller could see an imaginary light bulb flickering on top of the pink hair.
“What do you think about going to Disneyland?”
Mark’s face scrunched up, his head trying to process what the latter just said.
“Disneyland? Like, right now?”
“Yes! Right fucking now!”
Mark tilted his head, hand rubbing the back of his neck as he examined the eager looking boy in front of him.
“But how?”
A mischievous expression carved Donghyuck’s beautiful face as he held out both of his hands towards Mark, lower lip under his teeth.
“Hold my hand, Mark.”
Hesitating, the black-haired boy complied, engulfing the smaller hands laid out in front of him in his bigger ones. Donghyuck squeezed Mark’s hands the moment their fingers intertwined, sending warmth rushing into Mark’s cold skin. He stepped closer, facing Mark’s chest. If he got any closer he would definitely hear the ridiculous thumping of Mark’s heartbeat. Mark felt the strands of Donghyuck’s soft hair tickling his chin as the shorter looked up, beaming brighter than the moonlight showering over them.
“Do you trust me, Mark?” Donghyuck’s voice was barely louder than a whisper but it was more than evident in the silent night.
Mark nodded with wide, intrigued eyes, drawing a small giggle from the latter.
“Close your eyes.”
Mark watched as Donghyuck’s eyes fluttered shut, giving Mark full opportunity to trace the latter’s face with his eyes. The light embellishing his face was casting shadows on his cheeks due to his long eyelashes - easily the most beautiful sight Mark had ever seen.
Mark followed suit, closing his eyes. The momentary silence was almost deafening to him, and in a flash, it was replaced with loud noises of kids laughing and jolly music combined with the amazing smell of burning sugar filling up Mark’s senses. He opened his eyes and gaped in awe, drinking in their surroundings. Donghyuck smiled softly before taking a step back, effectively popping the private bubble around them.
“Welcome to Disneyland.”
They were in fact, in Disneyland. An endless crowd of people walked past them, bringing either food or stuffed toys in their hands with broad smiles on their faces, each of them telling their own story. There were numerous rides around them, reflecting hues of bright neon lights. Mark wanted to ask how in the world did Donghyuck do that but he was already taking Mark’s hand in his, leading him through the ebb of bodies.
“Are you having fun?”
Donghyuck asked, licking the ice cream in his hand. They were sitting on a bench at the side of the pavement, watching people passing by. Donghyuck had bought a bright turquoise cotton candy that was currently being eaten by a very happy looking Mark Lee beside him. They had also ridden a couple of rides, one of them being the spinning cup. The rush of adrenaline was still pumping through Mark’s veins, beads of cold sweat sliding down his temples to his neck.
“Of course! This is crazy.”
Donghyuck hummed contently, letting the comfortable silence engulfing them again. Mark was looking at a little girl in a cute white dress and bumblebee thighs and beret on top of her braided hair when Donghyuck placed his hand on Mark’s thigh, drawing his attention to the shorter.
“Let’s ride the Ferris Wheel!”
Oh, how could Mark say no?
Getting in line, Mark found himself looking up at the famous gigantic wheel. Multicolored lights twinkled from its every edge, piercing his eyes. He remembered going to an amusement park back when he was younger, back when he still got his parents. His mother would hold his cold hand, rubbing her thumb over the chilled skin of the back of his hand with a soft smile on her face that resembled Mark’s. The amusement park was much smaller than Disneyland, of course, but it was enough to make four-year-old Mark Lee the happiest boy in the world. They would avoid the Ferris Wheel if they went there with Mark’s father, as he was too impatient for the long, slow turning of the wheel. But every time Mark went there with his mother, they would definitely run to get in line for the wheel.
“Why do you love the Ferris Wheel so much, mom?”
“I don’t know, it’s like, something romantic you know? Especially when you are in there with someone you love, it’s as if no matter the circumstances, you will be on top and at the bottom of the world with your loved one. Does it make sense?”
“No, I think I get it, mom.”
Mark snapped out of his daze when he felt an arm snaking around his, looking down to meet Donghyuck’s soft gaze. He watched as Donghyuck gently pulled out his hand from the pocket of his jacket before intertwining their hands together, small thumb rubbing soothing circles on the back of Mark’s hand. Mark’s gaze went to search for Donghyuck’s, but the latter was already facing front.
It felt like Donghyuck knew what was in Mark’s head, knew that Mark kept his hands in his pockets because he was cold and he was longing for someone to hold them like his mother used to.
They finally got in their gondola, facing each other. The worker latched their door, before walking away to start the ride. Mark leaned back, smiling lazily at Donghyuck who was looking at him with his doe eyes. With a faint creak of the metal, the wheel started to spin slowly, as Mark felt them getting higher and higher into the colder part of the air. The small but comfortable space caused their knees to be against each other, Donghyuck giggling occasionally when their knees would clash everytime they happened to move at the same time.
“So, Mark, tell me your story.”
Mark removed his gaze from the window beside them to look at the latter. The pink-haired boy was staring at him, face on his palms with his elbows propped on his knees.
“My story?”
He received a low hum from Donghyuck as a reply as he tapped his finger against his knee.
“Well, uh, so I’m now in my second last year at school-”
“No, your real story.”
Mark stared at Donghyuck, dumbfounded. The latter had a soft, encouraging smile on his plush lips. He felt his shoulders tensing up.
“Hey, it’s okay if you feel uncomfortable. It’s just, I’ve learned that keeping something that had been bugging you to yourself is not good. And I want to know more about you.”
Donghyuck reached out to take Mark’s hand in both of his palms, successfully calming the black-haired boy.
“No, it’s-”
“Then tell me about you . Not your family, not your friends, just you.”
Mark swiped his tongue over his lower lip, before opening his mouth to speak.
“Well, uh, I really like music. I’ve tried to compose some but I was never able to finish them. Currently, I’m into alternative, but my all-time favorite was trap, of course. Especially Khalid.”
Mark continued to ramble on about his interests, funny stuff that had happened to him which were mostly starring Johnny in them, some unnecessary little things that he never told anyone like how much he felt that it was heartbreaking that van Gogh’s most valuable pieces were the ones he created when he was at the critical point of his mental illness, while his works during his healing time were far more underrated. During his rant, he failed to notice how Donghyuck was listening to every word Mark uttered with a twinkle in his eyes and the look of adoration towards the latter.
“He did what ? Oh my god, this Johnny guy is fucking hilarious!”
They both laughed, Mark doubling over while Donghyuck was wiping the tears from his eyes. When Mark calmed down, he noticed how everything about Donghyuck was magical; even his laughter was able to brighten up Mark. Without words, Donghyuck suddenly got up to sit beside Mark, hands holding Mark’s arm. Mark leaned back, allowing the smaller to lean his head on Mark’s shoulder. Mark looked outside, realizing that they were now on top of the wheel. Suddenly, sparks of red and yellow erupted into the sky, accompanied by loud noises and crackles.
“Fireworks!” Donghyuck exclaimed as Mark straightened up, wide eyes glued on the thousands of lights bursting in the sky. Some shot straight up before exploding, others whirled in a spiral, some shattered into thousands of sparks, others tumbled like a scarlet waterfall or floated in a glittering silver shower. When the magic stopped and faded into the dark sky, Mark realized that Donghyuck was strangely quiet.
He looked beside him, only to see Donghyuck’s face inches before him. Mark gulped, limbs refusing to move.
“You should smile like that more. You look enchanting.”
Donghyuck uttered, causing Mark to feel heat spreading on his face. He felt something shifted between them, along with the new stirring feeling at the pit of his stomach and the ache blooming in the deepest part of his chest as he allowed his eyes to explore into Donghyuck’s orbs rimmed with the slightest hint of dark brown, down to the slope of his small nose and to his inviting lips. The spell was immediately broken when Donghyuck leaned back to sit properly beside Mark, head still resting on Mark’s shoulder. Mark scrunched up his eyes, gulping profusely.
What the fuck was that?
"How about you?” Mark asked, causing Donghyuck to look up at him, confusion written all over his face.
“Me?”
“Yeah, you. I’ve told you my story, now tell me yours.”
Mark noticed a slight change in Donghyuck’s expression, his eyes darkening, but it was gone faster than the wind.
“No need to. This night is not about me, it’s all about you, Mark.”
The black-haired boy was about to question Donghyuck’s weird statement when the latter looked at him.
“What do you want to do now?”
Mark’s nose scrunched up as he tried to think, but he sighed instead.
“No idea, Hyuck.”
“Do you have anyone that you totally hate at the moment?”
Mark scoffed.
“Easy. My boss.”
“Oh? You didn’t mention that earlier.”
“Well yeah, it’s the owner of the diner that I work at. He’s fat, dumb, and basically a piece of shit. He always questions whatever the fuck that I do and humiliates me in front of everyone. I pray for him to go to hell on a daily basis.”
Donghyuck doubled over as he reduced in a fit of laughter, drawing a soft chuckle from Mark. Then, the shorter placed his hands on Mark’s shoulders, catching the latter off-guard, a glint in his eyes.
“How do you feel about letting him fucking know that he’s a piece of shit?”
“Are you sure that we’re not getting our asses whooped for doing this?”
Mark whispered at Donghyuck, as they both stood in front of the closed diner. It was dark and a little bit eerie due to the flickering lamp post at the side of the street that kept buzzing as if it was about to explode anytime soon. His boss also lived on the second floor of the diner, his Range Rover parked outside.
“You doubt me, Marky?”
“Are you out of your head? Of course! We will get ourselves arrested!”
Donghyuck tried so hard to not laugh at Mark’s panicked expression but failed miserably, spraying a shower of saliva onto the latter’s face. He managed to irritate Mark even more with his loud laughter after seeing Mark’s fuming face.
“No, for real, watch this.”
Mark watched in horror as Donghyuck picked up a stone from the ground, before throwing it with an exaggerated swing of his arm towards the windows of the diner. Mark closed his ears in reflex, embracing himself for the upcoming deafening alarm, but all he heard was the sound of the glass shattering into a thousand pieces. He gaped at Donghyuck, who was smiling smugly at him before heading to the diner, gesturing for Mark to follow him.
“But how?”
Donghyuck rolled his eyes as he climbed into the diner through the broken window, helping Mark behind him.
“I freaking brought you to Disneyland, Tokyo without even buying a plane ticket and you still question my abilities? You’re something else, Mark.”
Mark huffed and trailed behind Donghyuck who was flipping the light switch. He threw a baseball that came out of nowhere to a surprised Mark and held a hammer in his other hand.
“Go on, after you, my man.”
Mark looked at the bat in his hand for a solid minute before staring back at Donghyuck with a frown.
“What the fuck am I supposed to do?”
Donghyuck groaned loudly and snatched the bat out of Mark’s hand.
“I swear to God, Marky! Now, watch and learn, big boy.”
Without waiting for Mark’s answer, Donghyuck swung the bat with all of his might to the cash box, wrecking the hell out of it. He gave back the bat to dumbfounded Mark with a grin on his cute face.
“What are you waiting for?”
“You won’t get us caught?”
Donghyuck grinned and bit his lower lip in a mischievous way that had started to grow on Mark.
“Not a chance.”
Just like that, all hell broke loose. Mark swung his bat to every framed photo on the wall, to the windows, to the plates at the kitchen (accompanied by Donghyuck who was too busy munching on left-over fries), watching in glee as every breakable stuff of the diner shattered under his sneakers. Donghyuck had his fun too, hammering the chairs and tables, sending them to the floor in a tangle of ceramic and steel mess. They both shouted insults at Mark’s boss while wrecking the diner, before Donghyuck started to serenade Mark with female-empowering songs on the counter, pulling Mark up to join him on the sauce-slathered counter as they slow danced to Donghyuck’s drunk-like rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody.
They both stumbled out of the completely wrecked diner, holding each other’s shoulders, giggling and laughing like madmen. Donghyuck laughed so hard he fell onto the ground, pulling a shrieking Mark with him. They burst out laughing again while looking at each other’s faces, euphoria fueling Mark’s insides as he saw the crinkles at the corners of Donghyuck’s eyes. The shorter’s hair was a total contrast to the black tar, fanning above his head like a glimmering halo.
“That was the most amazing time I’ve ever had in my whole damn life.” Mark breathed out, noticing the way Donghyuck’s gaze flickered from his lips to his eyes.
“You talk like old people sometimes.”
Mark acted like he was offended, as they both got up from the ground. Donghyuck looked up at the sky while Mark was busy brushing off the dirt from his jacket.
“We have a few more hours before the sun comes up. Anything else you ever want to do?”
Mark’s smile slowly faded, causing Donghyuck to tilt his head in wonder as he stepped closer to Mark.
“Can you grant any wish I have? Even if it’s impossible?”
Donghyuck smiled softly.
“Nothing’s impossible tonight.”
Mark weighed his lower lip between his teeth, fingers fiddling with the hem of his jacket.
“Can I have my parents back? Like how they were, back when I was young? You said it’ll just be for tonight right?”
Donghyuck frowned, an evident hesitation on his face.
“I could do that, but will you be okay after that? Is one night enough for you?”
Mark breathed in and out slowly before nodding his head.
“Then you know what to do.”
He closed his eyes, sensing the latter getting closer to him, the familiar scent of bush berry coming from Donghyuck engulfing him once again.
“Open your eyes, Mark.”
Mark complied, a soft gasp rolling off his tongue when he was met with the sight of his house. Except that this time, it was lit up. The bright light in the living room was bursting through the windows.
“Is this, is this-”
“Go inside, Mark.”
Mark gulped, allowing Donghyuck to take his hand and pull him towards the house. Donghyuck swung the door open, leading them both inside. Mark felt his breath hitched when he saw his father sitting at the dining table, reading his newspapers. The burn at the back of his eyes came to life when he saw his mother came out of the kitchen with a bowl of kimchi stew that he loved so much. He stiffened when she looked up, meeting his haze. Her hair was tied up in a bun, her eyes were bright and her cheeks were full. She was so full of life.
“Mark! Welcome home, baby. Come, let’s eat together. I made your favorite.”
Mark did not know how to respond at that as his mouth opened and closed. Donghyuck nudged Mark to the front, leading the boy to sit on one of the chairs. Donghyuck took a seat beside Mark, completely invisible to Mark’s parents’ eyes.
“Ay, kiddo, how’s school?” His father closed the newspapers and leaned in to ruffle his hair with a hearty chuckle.
“When did you grow so big, Mark?” Mark bit his trembling lip, focusing on the feeling of Donghyuck’s warm hand on his arm.
“Let’s eat, loves.” His mother scooped some rice and stew into Mark’s bowl, gesturing for him to eat.
As soon as Mark took his first bite, the tears fell. His vision went blurry as the hot liquid dribbled down his cheeks, as he felt Donghyuck’s soothing hand on his back. When his parents rushed up to him in worry, he sobbed even more.
“Do you wanna go now?” Donghyuck whispered, earning a nod from Mark.
“Got it. Go hug them for the last time then let’s go.”
Mark stood up to face his confused parents before proceeding to engulf them both in a hug. When he looked at his mother’s worried face, he gave a wobbly smile. A broken laugh left his mouth when her warm thumb wiped a single tear falling from his eye.
“I love you, mom.”
“I love you too, Mark. Always.”
Donghyuck put his arm around Mark and led him outside. As soon as the door closed behind them, Mark squatted down and buried his face in his hands as he cried his heart out. He felt his lungs being crushed up, waves of emotions washed over him. After calming down in Donghyuck’s embrace, Mark stood up, taking a deep breath.
“That was…” Mark began, losing his words.
“Something.” Donghyuck finished, earning a chuckle from Mark. When they both turned to look at the house, it was already dark.
“So, where are we going now?” Mark asked, looking up at the sky. The moon was gone, shying away from behind the clouds.
“Let’s go to the club.”
“The club?”
“Yeah. The last illegal shit we’re doing, Mark Lee.”
The roguish expression on Donghyuck’s attractive face managed to form a grin on Mark’s face.
“Come on, Mark, let’s make you a certified delinquent!”
They both got in the club after Donghyuck snapping his finger in front of the bouncer’s eyes before proceeding to drag a gaping Mark Lee with him. Mark squeezed himself through the mass of dancing bodies and mixed perfume before finally reaching the bar. He nodded his head to the music, enjoying the feeling of the bass booming from the speakers into his ears. He gulped down the drink the bartender handed to him without a second thought, grimacing at the burning sensation of the liquid flowing in his throat. He felt like he just swallowed a shit ton of acetone.
When he placed back the glass on the glass surface of the bar, the realization that Donghyuck had gone finally hit him. He looked around frantically, expecting the pink-haired boy to suddenly appear with a witty remark regarding the panicked look on Mark’s face but there was no sign of Donghyuck. He cautiously made his way through the crowd on the dance floor, eyes roaming around.
Then, as if the universe had planned everything for him, a couple walked away from somewhere in front of him, revealing Donghyuck a little bit further from his current spot. Mark felt the music around him reducing into muffled background noise as his gaze was completely glued on Donghyuck.
Donghyuck was slowly swaying left to right to the music, his lithe body covered in a thin patterned shirt tucked in black jeans. He might be wearing that all along under the black hoodie. Donghyuck’s eyes were shut, both of his arms above his head. He looked breathtaking, bewitching. Donghyuck looked up, gaze meeting Mark’s. As if in a trance, the taller boy steadily walked towards the latter who was still keeping their eye contact.
When Mark was right in front of him, only a few mere inches separating them, Donghyuck looked up at Mark, eyes sharp and alert.
“Hey.” Mark whispered.
“Hey.” Donghyuck replied, arms wrapping around Mark’s neck, as the taller placed his hands on either side of Donghyuck’s waist, the shorter shivering at the burning feeling of Mark’s skin against his, only separated by a thin layer of the shirt he was wearing.
Mark placed his nose against the juncture between Donghyuck’s neck and shoulder, sending adrenaline down the latter’s spine as they slowly swayed together, side to side. Mark felt like his head was dipped in the clouds. The sweet scent of Donghyuck taking over him along with the feeling of how Donghyuck’s body fit so well in his arms.
“Am I dreaming?” Mark murmured into Donghyuck’s skin, as the shorter wrapped his arms tighter around Mark’s neck.
“No.”
Mark removed his head from Donghyuck’s neck to look down at the latter properly, boring his eyes on the pretty face below him. Suddenly, dim memories of pills and crying on the toilet’s floor and a certain long-haired guy named Hongki flashed behind his eyes. The sudden epiphany hit him like a tidal wave as he gulped.
“Am I still alive?”
Donghyuck seemed to become stiff for a moment, before replying to Mark in a calm voice.
“Do you want to be?”
Mark let his eyes trace Donghyuck’s every feature, marveling over the enthralling beauty of the boy. From his unnatural hair of pink and purple hues that seemed to look the same under the purple neon lights of the club, down to his moles that made his face compelling even more, and finally to his parted lips, resembling the falling flower petals in the autumn wind. He was absolutely beautiful, a sight Mark would never get bored of drinking in, like a drug. His mind started to wander to the images of everything they had done for the rest of the night, calculating the possibilities.
When he stared into Donghyuck’s eyes again, the round orbs suddenly gleamed purple, like mauve.
“Are you real?”
Donghyuck hummed when Mark grazed his fingertips against Donghyuck’s cheeks, down to his jaw and his neck.
“Do you want me to be?”
Mark weighed his thumb lightly on Donghyuck’s lower lip, as the shorter’s eyes fluttered open. Mark licked his lips, holding the latter’s chin under his thumb as he leaned in. Donghyuck’s eyes slowly closed, his plush lips parted.
Mark woke up with a loud gasp. He panted heavily as a strong arm hauled him up into someone’s warm embrace, which turned out to be Johnny’s.
“Thanks goodness! We thought you overdosed.”
Hesitating, Mark wrapped his arms around Johnny’s lean body, eyes glued on a full bottle of white pills lying on the toilet’s floor.
The summer passed by quickly, with Mark hanging around with Johnny to various places. He did not go back to the diner for the rest of the summer, only to find out that the diner had mysteriously gone bankrupt during summer. It was the best summer for Mark, yet he never seemed to know what exactly had happened to him on that particular night.
School started shortly after, with him and Johnny walking along the hallway. Johnny was ranting to him about his unfinished ‘ridiculous’ homework when Mark’s eyes landed on a certain masked guy in hoodie and beanie.
And pink and purple strands peeking out from under the beanie.
Without thinking much, Mark shouted.
“Hey! You right there!”
The guy stopped, turning around to look at Mark with furrowed eyebrows. Mark started to feel like it was a mistake to call the guy, embarrassment washing over him as the possibility of it all being just a dream or some hilarious drug after-effects but then he noticed how the guy’s expression changed, a look of recognition in his eyes. Johnny looked at Mark with confusion adorning his face, but the black-haired boy could not find the right words to explain himself so he just started to move closer to the masked guy.
Mark took his every step cautiously, keeping his attention on the boy’s reaction as he got closer but the latter remained still, eyes on Mark. He felt like the universe was closing on them, engulfing them in another dimension where only two of them existed. As Mark finally stood right in front of the guy, he felt a sudden rush of deja vu all over him. The pair of round eyes looking up at Mark looked too familiar for him so he took the risk.
“Hyuck?”
The boy did not react, only staring at Mark with his eyes, as if challenging Mark to take the next step. So Mark did; reaching out his hands to slowly pull off the mask off of the guy’s face, revealing the very same face of the person that took Mark’s heart that night.
“Donghyuck?” Mark’s voice broke at the end, mixed with the apparent fear that it might be not the Donghyuck that he knew, that it was all ill-fated.
When the guy’s eyes gleamed purple just for a mere few seconds, Mark did not waste his time to hold the small face in his hands and place his lips on the boy’s softer ones. Mark’s entire body felt euphoric when Donghyuck kissed back, wrapping his arms around Mark’s neck to close the distance between them, the sweet scent that Mark knew so well wafted over him. Their lips moved in sync, full of sincerity and love that Mark knew only Donghyuck would be able to give him. He felt the smaller boy shuddered a bit when his hands slid down, stopping at the bottom of Donghyuck’s spine.
Mark pulled away a bit, Donghyuck leaning in to catch the taller’s lips but stopped when Mark touched their foreheads together, breathing heavily. They looked into each other’s eyes in silence, Donghyuck breaking down into a fit of giggles when Mark licked his nose. When their laughter died down, Mark traced his thumb over Donghyuck’s cheekbone, eyes twinkling in wonder.
“You’re real.”
A soft smile spread over Donghyuck’s swollen lips, red from the kiss. Mark swore he had never been in love with someone this hard before.
“You want me to be.”
Mark sighed contently before pulling Donghyuck into his embrace, burying his nose at the juncture between Donghyuck’s neck and shoulders, breathing in. The latter wrapped his arms around Mark’s waist, humming lightly against Mark’s shoulder. There were thousands of questions in Mark’s head, endless wonders waiting to be expressed, but he let himself forget them for now.
His only focus at the moment was the miracle in his arms, Lee Donghyuck.