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Happiness isn’t granted to everyone, in fact an unfortunate number of people die without ever experiencing a shred of it.
Reborn knows that a man like him, stained with the blood of countless people, isn’t deserving of happiness or peace; and that the times he experiences with everyone is fleeting. Everyday he’s there with them is a blessing from above. He feels like it’d be a sin to ask for more than this, and yet there’s a part of him that wants to crawl from the murkiness that he’s plunged within and take a hold of all the light he’s being showered with. “Why can’t I have more?” The small voice cries, but the weight of his sins continues trying to drown that little voice out. Even if Tsuna has said, on more than one occasion, that he was allowed to be happy, the hitman continued to wonder if the younger man was right. Tsuna wasn’t exactly known for considering all angles of an issue. Although it seems that, as he grows into being the Vongola boss, he learns a little more each day…Still, it’s hard to believe Tsuna when it comes to his own issues given Tsuna cares for him. If you care for someone, it’s only natural you’d want what’s best for them.
Reborn sighed, fingers curling tighter around the handle of his cup.
“That’s three.”
Reborn’s gaze shifted to [Name] who was watching him curiously from her seat across from him. Her hands against her face as she stared at the person she considered her mentor for more than a decade now.
“Three…” Reborn trailed off, asking her to explain what she meant. Truthfully he was caught off guard by her appearance and was hoping the raise of his brows was brushed off with his questioning. It’s been a thing he’s been noticing recently but, for some reason, [Name] had been able to sneak up on him. He feels a mix of pride and concern. He knows he should just be happy that his student could be so stealthy but Reborn didn’t want her seeing his slip-ups.
“Threeee siiiighs,” she replied, raising three fingers into the air. She readjusted herself, sitting upright, back against her chair. “Did you know that with every sigh, a little of your happiness escapes~?”
It was a jest, something he could usually brush off but considering what he had been thinking about, it got to him a bit.
“Maybe it’s the happiness’ choice to leave me,” he responded, taking another sip of his espresso.
[Name] tilted her head a bit, her curious gaze analyzing him. She hummed, raising her legs to her chest. “I guess even they have will, huh? But don’t worry, even if they leave, I’ll stay with you, Reborn~.” She gave him a grin, cat-like lips widening.
Reborn felt a flutter in his chest. He put his cup down with more force than he intended.
[Name] noted this, wondering what was going on with her mentor. She knew—despite what her teacher thought—that he was a somber individual. He was a quiet, meticulous and hardened man with a heavy weight in his chest. She and Tsunayoshi would often have talks about this, and how they wished he’d rely on them more. Honestly it was a miracle that he allowed them to help him when it came to the business with Bermuda, and while he’s softened since then, he’d still put up walls when they tried to get too close.
“[Name], please stay with Reborn.”
[Name] remembered when Tsunayoshi had asked that of her, she figured it partly had to do with the fact he was a boss and had a lot of work to do, but–frankly—she felt like Tsunayoshi knew she’d do better dealing with delicate matters than he would. Even now he could be a bit clumsy when it came to social interactions. She sighed, remembered a recently slip-up regarding a famiglia they were trying to make a connection with.
“Sighs are your happiness escaping, remember?”
[Name] opened her eyes, letting out a giggle at Reborn’s words. “Giggles are them returning, so it’s fine.”
Reborn felt himself smiling, “quick response. Good. My students aren’t allowed to embarrass me by being slow to react.”
“What about Tsunayoshi?”
Reborn chuckled, “oh? Is he being slow again? Guess I need to tighten the reigns once more.”
“Hehe!”
The sudden laugh led to Reborn raising a brow. “What?” He knew [Name] wasn’t laughing at what he said.
“I got your happiness back for you, that’s what.” [Name] wore a triumphant grin as she rolled her feet around.
Reborn’s face suddenly fell flat, he was…dumbstruck. It took some time for what she said to sink in, and when it did, he found himself turning away and tugging lightly at his sideburns.
“Well, I suppose I’ll hold off on sighing then.”
“You better, I worked hard to bring it back to you.”
Reborn turned back to her, his chin resting on his hand. “I thought you said you’d stay with me, even if the happiness left?”
“That doesn’t mean I want them to leave!” [Name] replied, making a disgusted face. “Duh, Reborn. I want you to be happy!”
His gaze lowered to his half finished drink. He didn’t doubt her words for a second but this assault of happiness was hard to deal with. He swallowed. Feeling the little voice in his heart once again cry out that he was allowed to be happy, and it was okay for him to feel this way.
Reborn had to fight the urge to frown, knowing that [Name] would tuck that away in that head of hers and probably find some other way of ensuring his happiness. It was something he’s dealt with for years, but interacting with [Name] always felt a bit like you were playing chess. If you were able to catch on, anyway.
“So I’m allowed to be happy…?” He muttered, started to feel his weariness weigh on him again.
[Name] paused for a moment but responded, confidently. “Of course.”
There was another pause. “How about you?”
“What about me…?”
“Are you allowed to be happy?”
[Name]’s gaze moved to the ceiling as she thought about his answer. It was a good question, especially since she was involved in the mafia. Was she allowed to be happy? Honestly Reborn not thinking he was made sense to her given his profession…Still, she wanted to answer this carefully. Reborn was…rather fragile, in some ways.
“I don’t know. But if I’m given happiness…then…I guess so?” Seeing Reborn’s expression, she continued. “Well, I mean…I’m happy with you, so if I’m feeling it…I guess…I’m allowed?” She paused, deep in thought. Oh, but when depressed, you’d feel numb to emotions so…. “It’s complicated, huh?”
Reborn chuckled, “it is.”
“Happiness x 2.”
Reborn hummed, “I’ve got a surplus of happiness now, eh.” He downed the rest of his espresso. “Sounds about right.” He added, feeling a resolve take hold of him.
The small voice inside had decided to grab the happiness it longed for.
[Name] watched as Reborn stood from his seat and approached her. “Yee?”
Reborn looked down at her, “want to go out?”
[Name] burst out laughing. “Oh my god, did the coffee give you courage?”
Reborn’s expression remained unchanged, “no, you did.”
[Name] softened a bit. “Well, just so you know, I was just waiting for you to ask.”
“And? Is your answer ‘yes’ then.”
[Name]’s legs dropped to the floor, standing up as she readjusted her clothing. “Yup.”
Reborn smiled, “good to hear.”
As the two walked off, [Name] confessed, “just so you know, we had a bet going on about when you’d ask.”
“You’re going to be in trouble if you didn’t win, you know.” Reborn replied.
Reborn had allowed himself to grab a hold of the extra bit of happiness he received, and while he will probably have times where he feels himself drowning in his own darkness again, with [Name] by his side, he knew it’d eventually be okay.