Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Before

"Chris, get up, little man."

His son opened his eyes slowly and frowned at him in confusion. Eddie grinned.

"Dad, it's too early," he complained, closing his eyes tightly.

Eddie laughed softly and ruffled his son's hair. He sat on Christopher's bed and leaned close. "We have a mission," he declared.

Christopher opened one eye, then the other and grinned. He struggled to sit up, and once he did, he eagerly started to bomber him with questions. Eddie chuckled and shook his head. "Get ready first, I'll explain in the car."

Christopher scrunched his nose. "But, dad-" he whined, dragging out the word.

Eddie headed out of the room to get ready himself. "Chop chop, Chris!"

⚜⚜⚜

Once they were in the car and headed to Buck's place, Christopher began to question him.

"Buck's a bit sad, Chris. You and I, we're going to cheer him up."

He met his son's eyes in the mirror and Chris grinned, excited. "How do we cheer him up, though?"

Eddie shrugged. "Well, that's up to you, kid. I'm just gonna drag him out of bed."

"Maybe we can go to the pier?!"

Eddie smiled, though he was a bit disappointed since he'd been planning on taking his son there himself. But, he was happy to let that go if it meant getting Buck out of the funk he'd been in.

"Hey, dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Buck's okay, right?"

Eddie smiled gently at his son and nodded. "Yeah, he is."

Ever since that night at Bobby's, Eddie could tell that Christopher was worried about Buck. He could still remember the mind-numbing fear he'd felt when Buck had collapsed, and imagined it was a hell of a lot worse for Christopher. Eddie would never forget the moment he had turned away from Buck to check on his son, only to find him a few feet away, shaking like a leaf and so pale Eddie had been afraid he would pass out. That had been one of the hardest conversations he'd had with Chris. He'd tried to explain what was happening without lying, but also without revealing exactly how bad things could be. It had worked, though to this day, he still didn't know how he managed to speak coherently when he'd been going out of his mind with fear.

Thankfully, it hadn't taken long for Buck to recover, at least physically, and that had eased Christopher's worry. Mentally, though, Eddie could tell that Buck was struggling. And if he was honest with himself, he'd admit he'd judged him a little too harshly. Hen's words ("what does Buck have?") had struck a cord, and they made Eddie realize just how alone Buck must've been feeling. They visited him, yes, but it was different than having someone always be with him, someone to come home to. Eddie had been thinking about that a lot lately, being that someone for Buck, and it bothered him a little, and scared him a lot. He'd buried that part of himself a long time ago, and had only realized Buck was slowly, unknowingly digging it back out when it was too late.

When they got to Buck's place, it was quiet, and Eddie sighed, knowing it meant Buck was still in bed. He knocked a couple of times. When there was no answer, he pulled out the key Buck had given him when he'd gotten home after the surgeries, and unlocked the door.

"Wait for us on the couch, alright, Chris?"

Chris nodded, and Eddie wasted no time in going up the stairs, making as much noise as possible. He allowed himself a few seconds to smile fondly when he saw that Buck had wrapped himself up like a butrrito. But then schooled his features into a scowl and pulled the cover off him.

"Get up!"

Chapter Text

"Christopher, I know you're scared but it's gonna be okay, buddy, alright?"

"O-okay." Christopher's teeth were chattering, and Buck realized with a pang that the kid must be cold and scared shirtless, but was putting on a brave face for him.

They'd been swimming for what felt like hours before Buck saw the truck floating about a few feet away from where they were. He started swimming towards it quickly, desperate to at least get Christopher to safety. He felt the little boy's arms tighten around him, and he stopped to rub his shaking back delicately.

"Chris?"

"I don't want to die," Christopher cried.

Buck's heart lurched in his chest. He squeezed the boy to him tightly before pulling back to look him in the eye. "Listen to me, I won't let anything happen to you," he promised fiercely, "we're gonna be okay, alright? Your dad and everyone at the station will have heard. They're probably on their way right now."

Christopher just nodded. His head settled on Buck's shoulder, and though it made it harder for Buck to swim, he didn't say anything and let the kid cling to him.

"Stay awake, kid. No falling asleep, alright?"

"Okay," he mumbled. Despite his words, Buck knew the kid was drifting off. He couldn't blame him, since he would love to do nothing more than to just sleep off this nightmare.

Desperate, Buck tried to think of something to keep the boy talking. "Tell to me about school, Chris. Who's you favorite teacher."

"Ms. Berry."

Buck sighed in relief. Now he just had to keep the kid talking, and try to figure out a way to get out of the water. He'd been swimming for over half an hour, though he could be wrong, and he was starting to tire. "Why's she your favorite?"

"'cause she makes math fun."

Buck grinned fondly. "Oh, yeah? You like math?"

"Aha."

"Is it your favorite subject?" As he asked the question, he spotted the fire truck and had an idea. "Chris?" His heart skipped a beat, and he tried not to panic when the boy didn't answer. He jostled him, and Christopher lifted his head, looking at Buck in confusion. "Answer my question, kiddo."

"What question?" He asked him softly.

"You favorite subject."

Christopher only took a second to think about it. "Science!"

Buck grinned, and realized with relief that they were finally close to the truck. "Alright, little man, I'm gonna push you up onto this truck, okay?"

The fear was back in the kid's eyes and it broke Buck's heart. A few tears made their way down his cheeks, and Buck wiped them away. "Hey, none of that, okay? It's gonna be okay."

Chris sniffed and nodded.

Buck grinned, kissing his forehead. "Alright, you ready?" When Chris nodded, Buck began the process of lifting him up. Under normal circumstances, it would have been nothing to Buck, but right now, he was sore, and his hands were practically numb. He managed to get him up safely, and when he tried to follow, the truck teetered to the side, and Chris almost fell off. Buck immediately let go.

"Buck?"

"I'm okay, Chris. I'm just not gonna be able to make it up there, okay?"

"Buck, I'm scared."

Buck swallowed thickly. "I know you are. I am, too. But we'll be fine, you'll see." the minute he said the words, a wave crashed into him. He tried to hold onto the truck, but his grip on the metal pole was weak at best. He tried to swim against it, he really did, but the wave was too intense for him to fight against, and he was swept away. He tried to keep the little boy in his eyesight, and his heart broke for him when he saw he was trying to drag himself to the edge of the truck. "Chris, it'll be okay!" Buck shouted, hoping the little boy was able to hear him. "Chris! Chris-"

"Buck," the kid cried out.

Buck renewed his efforts to swim. It didn't matter how hard he tried, he was simply too far away now, and too weak to go back all that way. He closed his eyes as he swam in place, helplessness clawing its way up his throat and choking him. But then Buck caught sight of someone going under, and he swam over to help. He hesitated, wanting to at attempt to get back to Chris right away. But Buck knew he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he didn't help that woman.

Deep breath, Buck. The kid is safe, and he's smart, he'll be fine.

He took a deep breath, then went under. He saw the young woman right away and swam over to her. When they surfaced, she clung to him, and he winced when her nails dug into his shoulders.

"Thank you, thank you so much," she sobbed. "I-my arm just-I couldn't move it anymore."

"No problem, ma'am, just doing my jo-" he stopped abruptly when he realized that it wasn't his job, not anymore. He forced down the bitterness and smiled at her, hoping it seemed genuine. "It's gonna be okay, alright? What's your name?"

"Bethany."

"I'm Buck."

She smiled hesitantly. "What kind of name is Buck?" She teased him, and he was surprised enough that he let out a genuine laugh.

"Nickname. My name's Evan Buckley."

"Aah, got it." Her eyes lost that amused spark, and Buck watched as her eyes scanned the area, as if she was looking for something, or someone. He had to bite his tongue to keep himself from asking what it was she was looking for.

Instead, he focused on trying to find a way to get them out of this mess. She couldn't swim, and if they stayed like this, he wouldn't be far behind. Buck looked around wildly, willing himself to just focus, and think. To his relief, seconds later, his eyes caught onto some utility poles, and he swam them over. The water still hadn't settled, so he had some trouble holding onto Bethany, but they made it. He made sure she was secure first, then latched on to it too. It was a little awkward, trying to figure out the hand arrangement, but it was life or death, so they made it work.

He startled when he heard a sniffle, and when he looked at her, he found that Bethany was crying silently. "Hey, hey, it's gonna be okay."

"I just want to know she's okay," she sobbed.

Buck tried to keep his emotions in check and moved one hand to grip hers. "Who?"

"My girlfriend. We broke up two months ago, but I asked her to come here to try and work things out." Bethany smiled through her tears. "I'm terrified of most of these games, but she loved them. I just wanted us to be happy again and now she might be dead because of me."

His first thought, surpringly, was Eddie. Would he blame himself, because he made them go out, if something were to happen to Buck? Would he lose sleep over it?

He shook his head, forcing thoughts of Eddie away. He managed to do it very quickly, mainly because it was common practice at this point. Think about Eddie, try to stop, then do it all over again. "Listen, you can't think like that. You were just separated, you'll see her-"

He was cut off by the screams of a child. He turned toward the voice, and his heart nearly stopped. A little girl was flopping around in the water, crying and screaming for her dad, who seemed to be trying desperately to swim to her but was stuck. Buck, without thinking, swam as fast as he could towards her, hoping his tired arms would allow him to get to her before she drowned. As he passed the father, he threw over his shoulder a loud, "I'll get her". The man sobbed in relief, and Buck continued on.

It took him less than thirty seconds to get to her, and it took him longer than it should've to secure her in his arms, but once she was, he started swimming towards her father. "What's your name, honey?" He asked the shaking girl, hoping that a distraction might get her to stop crying.

She didn't lift her head from where it was buried in his shoulder. "Lilly."

"Lilly; that's a pretty name," he panted, struggling. Buck knew he was lagging, and his grip on the girl was getting looser by the second. Fear crawled its way up his throat, but he managed to push it down long enough to get the girl to safety. His arms gave out when he was within arm's reach of the little girl's father, who managed to hold onto both Buck and his daughter.

"Thank you," the man told him, clutching his daughter to his chest and kissing her head. His throat tightened, and all he could think about was how desperately he wished to be able to do the same to Christopher right now. Buck refocused on the man, and smiled, trying to catch his breath. "My leg is stuck on something down there, that's why I couldn't swim over to Lilly," the older man explained. "I'm Jackson."

Buck nodded. "Buck."

After a few seconds of silence, Jackson cleared his throat. When Buck looked at him, the man spoke. "Do you have kids, Buck?"

The question took him by surprise. "Why do you ask?

“Just curious. You have that look about you."

Buck frowned. "Look?"

"Yeah, that patented, worried parent look."

He thought of Christopher , and just how much he loved the kid, how just seconds ago he wanted nothing more than to be able to hold him in his arms and know he was safe. But Christopher wasn't his, he reminded himself, so he shook his head. "No, not-" he trailed off, didn't even know what he'd planned on saying.

Jackson adjusted his grip on his daughter, and smiled. "Sounds complicated."

Buck snorted. He was halfway in love with the kid's father, who just so happened to be straight, definitely thought Buck was straight, and who, as far as Buck could tell, was not interested in any sort of relationship. Complicated didn't even begin to cover it.

"You have no idea."

The man smiled shakily, and Buck just then realized how much his arm was shaking. He gently pulled himself away from him, even though the man protested, and smiled. He tried not to wince in pain, and was successful. It was probably time he got back to where Bethany was, since the pole was thin and couldn't have three people wrapped around it. "It's okay, you look after your kid. I'll be fine. I'll try to get your leg free though, okay?"

"No!"

Buck stopped short, frowning. "Why?"

"It's keeping me, us, from drifting off, and I want to stay that way. And you look like you might go under any second now and I don't want to risk you getting hurt further, so get to saftey, Buck."

Buck hesitated, but eventually nodded. "Alright."

"Thank you so much, man."

He smiled weakly. "No problem."

Eddie was going crazy, and he tried not to let it show.

From the looks Hen and Athena were giving him, he was failing spectacularly. He couldn't really muster up the energy to care, though. He was too busy being scared shirtless by the possibility of losing his son and his best friend (best friend didn't seem enough to convey what Buck meant to him, but it would have to do for now.)

"Eddie, come here!" Hen's excited shout brought him out of his thoughts and propelled him forward. He closed the short distance in a few seconds, and when he saw his son sitting on a fire truck, safe and as far as he could see, unharmed, he was filled with such relief that he could barely keep his knees from buckling. He wanted to jump in, but it was a long distance away, and he didn't know I'd Christopher could hold onto him that long.

"I told you your boy will be okay," Athena told him with a small smile. "Won't be long now," she informed, nodding toward the small boat headed toward his son.

Athena, as always, was right. A few minutes later, Eddie had his arms full of a shivering Christopher, and he could breath a little easier.

"Thank God." Eddie pulled away, sat Christopher down and crouched in front of him. He held Christopher's head in both his hands.

"You're okay, right? Are you hurt anywhere?"

"I'm o-okay." he stuttered, leaning his head onto his chest.

Eddie rested a gentle hand on his neck and squeezed. "Chris, I know you're scared and tired, but I need you to tell me what happened, okay?"

Christopher nodded jerkily. "Buck lifted me up onto the truck, and then he just..." When Christopher trailed off, Eddie's heart sank, and he squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself to not show his how terrified he was.

"He what, kiddo?"

"He got swept away," Christopher informed him, voice thick with tears. Eddie held him more firmly and let him cry into his shirt. A few tears of his own managed to escape, and he looked up. Please. Please- don't take him away from me, from us, not now, Eddie finished silently.

"Dad?"

He pulled himself together. For Chris, he reminded himself. "Yeah?"

"Is Buck gonna be okay?" Eddie smiled gently at his son. He tried to put on a brave face, and hoped to God it worked.

"Yeah, he'll be fine. He's strong, isn't he?"

Chris nodded firmly, and Eddie marveled at the trust he put in him.

"Hey, dad?"

"Yeah?"

"I lost my crutches," the little boy informed him solemnly.

Eddie laughed, kissing him on the head. "We'll get you new ones," he promised.

 "Buck?!"

Buck's head shot up from he had rested it on the pole, looking around wildly for Bobby.

He spotted him, headed towards him in a boat that had Chim, and two women who were probably in the same state Buck was in. Buck laughed giddly. "Cap!"

Chim, waved at him as they came close. "How's it going, Buckaroo?"

"I'm hanging in there," he lied.

By the skeptical looks he recieved, they didn't believe him.

Bobby extended a hand. "Come on up, kid. Let's take a look at that," he said, nodding at Buck's head.

Buck waved him off. "It's nothing. It can wait. Bobby, there's a guy and his daughter a little further in, they need your help more."

Bobby shook his head. "Another rescue boat is on the way, don't worry, just get in here."

Buck gritted his teeth in pain. "So I'll get on that. His leg was stuck on something, and he's been in the water for so long, it must've gotten infected by now. I'm doing okay, Bobby. Please."

Bobby was frustrated, but he listened to him and pulled his hand back. "You better hang on, do you hear me?"

"Got it."

They moved away, and Buck gave himself exactly one second to regret his decision, before he reminded himself that it was the right thing to do.

The second rescue boat didn't come for what felt like an eternity, and Buck, though he didn't want to admit it, was terrified. He closed his eyes and rested his head on his numb, ice cold hands. He'd made peace with death along time ago, but dying right now, like this, without even knowing if Christopher made it out of here safe, didn't seem fair.

"Buck." He tried to lift his head off his hands but couldn't, only managed to turn his head to the side. Bobby and Chim were back. "How are you doing, kid?"

He opened his mouth to say something, anything reassuring enough to wipe that look off Bobby's face, but nothing would come out.

"Buck. Buck, come on, give me your hand."

His head felt foggy, and even though he heard the words, he couldn't seem to process them.

He heard a splash, and when he managed to open his eyes, which he wasn't aware were closed, he saw Bobby swimming towards him. Bobby wasted no time in wrapping an arm around his waist when he reached him. When he squeezes a little too tightly, Buck chocked on a scream. Thankfully, Bobby didn't notice.

"Jesus, kid, you're burning up. Are you sure you're not hurt anywhere other than your head?"

Buck ignored the question. "Chris. Bo-Bobby."

Bobby stopped swimming, and Buck didn't open his eyes to see why. "He's alright, Buck. He's with Eddie right now."

"Goo-" Suddenly, there were arms under his armpits, and he was hauled up. Pain so intense he actually stopped breathing exploded from his side, and then there was nothing at all. 

⚜⚜⚜

An annoying, insistent tapping on his cheek brought him back to consciousness. He opened his eyes and glared at whoever it was that was doing it.

Chim smiled. "Hey, hey, welcome back."

"Ch-Chris-" He coughed, then groaned again, his face twisting in pain. Hen shared a worried look with Chimney.

"We found him, Buck. Bobby told you he's with Eddie, remember?"

Buck was shaking his head sluggishly before she even got to finish. "Need to find 'em. J-just a kid. I need to find him," he pleaded with her, struggling to get up. She and Chim both stopped him gently , and he settled back down without a fight

"Listen to me, Eddie and Athena are with him, alright? He's safe. Right now, we need to take care of you."

"I left him," he told them miserably. "I just left him there."

⚜⚜⚜

Buck was shaking, and delirious, and no matter how many times she tried to assure him that Christopher was okay, he didn't listen. Hen was at a loss.

"God, I-left him," he slurred, and his voice was so weak they could barely make out what he was saying.

Hen frowned, shaking her head. "I'm sure that's not-"

Chimney suddenly cut her off. "Pressure's dropping, Hen. His pulse is weak and thready. This isn't just because of the head injury. Something else is going on."

Hen's eyes widened. "Chim, he's on blood thinners. Check for-" Buck's body suddenly became rigid under their hands. His eyes rolled back into his head, and his body began to seize. The two minutes the seizure lasted were probably the longest in her life. Once his body stopped thrashing, they immediately moved him onto a stretcher and headed to the hospital.

"Chim, check him for any signs of internal bleeding," Hen called out from the front of the ambulance.

"On it." A few seconds later, he swore loudly and called out to Hen, "Step on it, Hen."

Her heart dropped. "What's going on, Chim?!"

"His whole abdomen is one giant bruise. And his pressure dropped even lower, now it's at 70/50."

"Oh, God." She sped up, probably much more than she should've. "You better hang on, Buck, you hear me?"

Just two minutes, just hold on for two more minutes, Buck.

⚜⚜⚜

Athena got a call from Bobby about ten minutes after they found Chris. It was just her and Eddie after Chim left to- well, Eddie didn't actually know, too busy to care about, or pay attention to, anything other than making sure Christopher was actually okay, and worrying about Buck.

"Yeah, Bobby?"

Her face changed, and she subtly moved away from where he and Christopher were. Eddie rested a hand on his kid's head. "Kiddo, I'm gonna be over there. Mandy here is gonna look after you, alright?" He said with a smile toward the paramedic. She nodded with a grin.

"Okay, dad."

Eddie hurriedly went after Athena. Her face was impassive, but Eddie knew her well enough to know what to look for. He tell whatever it is she heard, it was not good. He walked closer to her and quietly demanded she put it on speaker. She hesitated, but did as he asked her.

"-not looking too good, Athena; his heart stopped on the way-" Eddie stopped listening after that. Buck's heart had stopped. He'd died. Eddie felt light-headed, and he couldn't seem to catch his breath. He bent down, hands on his knees and struggled to regulate his breathing.

No, no, no, no. Please, no.

He felt cool hands on his face, guiding him to stand straight. "Look at me," Athena demanded quietly, and he obeyed. Her face softened for some reason, and she continued, "He is alive, Eddie, do you hear me? Don't write him off just yet, alright?"

He shook his head. "Cap said-"

"Bobby is worried sick, and not thinking straight right now. What matters is that Buck's alive and he's gonna stay that way if he knows what's good for him."

Eddie laughed, but it turned into a sob. He bit his lower lip and shut his eyes tightly. He couldn't let himself break now. He pulled himself together as best as he could and looked to Athena. "Take me to him?" He'd taken her by surprise, he could tell, and he couldn't blame her; even he was surprised by the weak, pleading tone to his voice. He didn't sound like a teammate, or a friend; he sounded like a- stop thinking about that. Don't think about it. Fucking bury it. 

"Yeah. Yeah, sure. Go talk to the kid, let him know what's going on, and I'll clear things up here, okay?"

Eddie nodded and headed to where Chris was sitting. Mandy wasn't there anymore, so he was sure that meant Chris had a clean bill of health. He stopped short a few feet away and watched him for a couple of seconds. There were a few people sitting with him, mostly civilians who'd been rescued, and they were all laughing and smiling despite of what had happened to them, because of his son.

His son; who was a fucking ray of sunshine and deserved to be happy and stay that way, who had already lost a mother and didn't deserve to lose someone else he cared about in less than the span of a year.

And his son had come to care a great deal about Buck. The two of them just clicked somehow. After Buck's surgeries, Eddie and Christopher had become a fixture in his life, and he in theirs. They'd had countless movie nights, and Buck had taken care of Christopher when Eddie had to work and Carla couldn't make it. Christopher adored Buck, and Eddie would go so far as to say he'd gotten attached to him. The kid was already scared shirtless of losing Buck after the night at Bobby's, and now he was about to tell him, for the third time just in the last six months, that he was hurt. A part of him felt that maybe he should be feeling guilty right now for allowing them to get close. After all, his job was to protect Chris, and he could've saved him a lot of hurt if he hadn't let him get close to Buck. But the thing was, Eddie was too selfish to even try, the idea of not being there for Buck, of keeping those two important parts of his life separate, was too impossible to even contemplate.

He steeled himself, and walked the short distance to stand at his son's side. "Hey, little man."

Christopher looked up at him and frowned. "What's wrong, dad?"

Eddie swallowed and smiled. "Why do you think something's wrong?"

He lifter a hand and touched it to his cheek, and Eddie leaned into his son's touch. "You look sad," Christopher told him quietly.

Eddie tried to smile reassuringly. "I'm not sad, just a little worried, that's all." He breathed a sigh of relief when the words came out as casual as he'd wanted them to be. "Kiddo, they found Buck. He was a little sick, so they took him to the hospital."

He lifted his son into his arms and hugged him tightly. Eddie could feel him trembling, and he cursed himself for not thinking of how cold his son must've been, even with the blanket. "You're cold, huh?"

Christopher burrowed his head into the crook of his dad's neck. "A little," he mumbled. His son's lower lip trembled. "Is Buck gonna be okay?"

"He's with the doctors now, buddy," he didn't assure him that Buck would be okay like he wanted to-he'd lied to his son enough time and he didn't want to keep adding to the tally.

"Can we go see him?"

Eddie opened his mouth to say yes, but then he stopped himself and really looked at his son. Had he really been about to take his son to the hospital in his wet clothes just because he was worried about Buck? Did he really care about him so much that he'd forgotten, at least for a few minutes, to put Christopher first? It knocked the breath out of him.

Was this love?

He struggled to put those thoughts away for a more appropriate time, and focused on his son. "Tell you what, we'll go home now, okay? You'll take a bath, get some rest, and I'll have Bobby keep us updated. How does that sound?"

Chris was shaking his head even before he finished. "I wanna see Buck."

Eddie stared at him. "Kiddo, we might not even be able to see him, if he's with the doctors. And you'll get sick in these wet clothes."

"But I want to see him," Christopher whined.

Eddie sighed. "How about a compromise, huh? We go home first, shower and change, then we'll go to the hospital. Deal?"

Christopher nodded, though he didn't seem happy about it. That was enough for Eddie.

⚜⚜⚜

Eddie carried Chris, who'd fallen asleep in the patrol car like Eddie had guessed he would, into the house and layed him down onto his covered bed. He would've preferred if he'd had a shower, but since he didn't want to wake him up, changing his clothes would do. He made quick work of changing him into pajamas and putting him under the covers, then left the room. He called Bobby before the bedroom door even closed.

The second the line clicked open, Eddie blurted out, "how is he?"

"No news yet, he's still in surgery. How's Chris?"

"He's alright. Wanted to come see Buck, Cap, I wanted to be there, but-"

"Hey, we all understand. Chris is your priority right now."

Eddie tamped down the urge to explain further; tell Bobby that Buck was a priority, too, that he cared about him so much it scared him sometimes. But he didn't, couldn't. Instead, he cleared his throat and tried to keep his voice from conveying his turmoil. "Thanks, Bobby. Please keep me updated, alright?"

"You got it. Goodnight, Eddie."

"Goodnight, Cap."

⚜⚜⚜

When Eddie woke up, terrified out of his mind, for the second time in the span of three hours, he knew it was time to call it quits. He'd been trying to fall asleep and stay asleep for hours and it wasn't working.

He instead chose to obsessively text his teammates and Maddie to ask about how Buck was doing. He may have gone overboard with though, because it'd gotten to the point where they started sending him updates, which almost always included a dig about his excessive worry (Chim had called him a motherhen at some point), every thirty minutes or so without him asking them to. They'd all been variations of the same thing (still in surgery, no news yet, still hasn't woken up) until he'd gotten a text from Maddie at about 2 am.

Hey, Eddie

Then a bubble appeared and he waited for a message to come but none did. There was just those three dots. He refused to think about why she would be taking too long to write a simple update like she did a few time already.

He couldn't take it anymore and called her. It rang four times before she answered.

"Maddie? Hey, what's going on?"

He heard a sniffle and an aborted sound that could've been a cough it a sob. His worry skyrocketed. "Maddie?!"

She cleared her throat. "Hey, Eddie. I-"

"Is he alive?" He demanded, and his voice sounded alien to his own ears; raw and almost feral.

Oh, God, please let him be alive.

Chapter Text

"Maddie? Hey, what's going on?"

He heard a sniffle and an aborted sound that could've been a cough it a sob. His worry skyrocketed. "Maddie?!"

She cleared her throat. "Hey, Eddie. I-"

"Is he alive?" He demanded, and his voice sounded alien to his own ears; raw and almost feral.

Please.

Oh, God, please tell me he's alive.

"Maddie, is he alive?" He shouted, angry and scared and so helpless. There were a million thoughts in his head, and he just needed everything to stop, just for a minute.

His shout seemed to jolt her into speaking. "Yes! Yeah, he is, Eddie, but he-he had another seizure, so the doctor ordered an MRI. Turned out he had an aneurysm, which was causing the seizures, but then that aneurysm burst and-" she was rambling but by that point, her breath shuddered to a hault.

"Maddie, how is he?" He asked impatiently.

"He's back in surgery now, but Eddie-maybe you should come," she told him weakly.

"No. Maddie, no, don't say it like that. He's gonna be fine, alright? He's Buck."

He's Buck, and he's gonna be fine. He repeated it in his head untill it became a mantra.

When she stayed silent, he softened. "I'm coming, alright? I'll see if someone can come stay with Chris, and I'll come."

"Okay, Eddie, I'll see you."

"He's gonna be okay, Maddie."

She let out a breath. "I really hope so."

She hung up and he took the phone away from his ear, and he stared at his reflection on the black screen.

Only then did he realize he was crying.

He called his tia, and before he could even try to explain why he wanted her to come, she interrupted him with a stern, "I'm on my way."

He got ready in record time and waited on the couch, trying his best to wait patiently and not think about the very real possibility that Buck could be dying right now. He wasn't very successful.

When there was a knock on the door (she probably didn't want to wake Christopher up from the bell sound), he practically leapt at the door.

"Tia, thank you so much for this. I won't take long," he told her in a rush.

She waved him off. "I was going to come check on you two anyway.

Eddie nodded and made quick work of grabbing his keys, and headed for the door. "Call me if you need anything."

She stepped in front of him and raised an eyebrow, clearly waiting for an explanation. "Buck was hurt really badly. He was the one with-"

"Chris," she finished for him, amused. "I know all about Buck, Eddie. You and Chris mentioned him before, multiple times," she told him slyly. He chose to ignore what she was implying, and merely nodded. She frowned. "What's wrong? Christopher is okay, isn't he? You told me he was fine!"

He raised both hands in a placating manner. "He is. Buck isn't, though. I need you to stay with Chris so I can go see him."

Her face softened. She touched a hand to his cheek, and smiled comfortingly. "Go be with him, I'll look after Christopher."

He kissed her cheek. "Thank you."

"Maddie!"

Her head shot up, and she looked relieved when she saw him. "Hey, Eddie." To his surprise, she hugged him as soon as he was within an arm's reach.

"Hi. Any news?"

"Not yet. Looks like it's gonna be a long night--I mean day," she corrected herself with a hollow laugh. He hesitantly wrapped an arm around her shoulders. He and Maddie were friends, sort of, but they weren't the hugging type. That hug a few minutes ago was probably their first. Don't get him wrong, he cared about her, she was Buck's sister after all, but he didn't really know her all that well.

"Come on, let's sit."

They sat. And they waited. They waited for what felt like an eternity.

And then, suddenly, the wait was over.

"Family of Evan Buckley?"

Maddie took his hand in hers and pulled him with her towards the tired-looking doctor.

"How is he?" Maddie asked, her hand tightening on his. He squeezed her hand back.

"Right now, he's stable. He was incredibly lucky."

Maddie sobbed in relief, and Eddie smiled so widely his cheeks actually hurt. "When can we see him?" He asked the doctor, finally finding his voice.

"He's being set up in a room right now, you'll be able to see him in half an hour or so. If all is well, I expect him to wake up sometime in the next twelve hours."

Eddie stilled. "If?"

The doctor pursed his lips. "Yes. The brain is really complex, and incredibly unpredictable. So, we won't know more about his condition unless he wakes up. So, talk to him, let him know you're there and be patient."

Maddie asked the doctor a few questions that went over Eddie's head, then thanked him. She sat down on one of the chairs, hard; like a puppet that had its strings cut off. She put her head in her hands, and her shoulders sagged. Eddie wondered if part of her resented him because of all of this. Truth was, he wouldn't blame her if she did; he was the reason Buck was here.

Eddie looked down at his hands. "I'm sorry, Maddie."

"What?"

"This is all my fault, you know? I-"

"If the next words out of your mouth are another apology, I'm gonna kick your ass."

He raised an eyebrow in surprise then frowned at her. "It's no more your fault than it is his, okay? We were all dealt a pretty shitty hand. Now we deal with it." She stood up, wiped her face with both hands and smiled brightly. "I'm gonna go get some shitty coffee, do you want one? My treat." Eddie chuckled despite the pain, and nodded.

"Yeah, I want some coffee."

Maddie went in to see Buck first, and Eddie spent the time she was inside trying to come up with something to say. When she came out, her eyes red and puffy, he merely squeezed her arm in comfort before going inside.

Seeing Buck, and hearing his quiet breaths, felt like coming home. He sat down heavily, and just stared at the other man, taking him all in. His eyes were sunken and surrounded by black circles and bruises. His birthmark, the one he'd thought was a bruise for the first few days of knowing him, was covered up by butterfly stitches and gashes. His head was wrapped in gauze, and he was relieved that they hadn't shaved all his hair, just a small portion. It meant that at least the scar won't be there all the time to remind him, them, of what could've happened if they'd done one thing, just one thing wrong.

Eddie gently picked up Buck's hand in both of his. He hesisted for only a second before he pulled Buck's cold hand to his lips and pressed a quick kiss to his knuckles. He closed his eyes, and breathed in deeply, savoring the warm contact. "Hey, Buck," Eddie started, trying to keep it together. "You have to wake up, man, okay? Christopher really wants to see you, kept asking about you yesterday. He really loves you, you know that?" I love you, he thinks, but doesn't say. He may have tentatively started to accept his feelings towards Buck after almost losing him, not once or twice, but three times, but he wasn't ready to admit it fully by saying it out loud. His attraction to men wasn't exactly new to him, but it was something he'd actively hidden from everyone else, except a select few. He'd grown up in Texas, and when he left, it was for the army, so he'd learned early on to bury that part of himself. And he'd gotten good at it, he'd buried his feeling so deep inside that he sometimes had trouble believing they even existed. But, that was until Buck came into his life.

Eddie had notice how attractive he was right away, but Buck's petty jealousy had turned him off right away. However, working together with him, getting to know him, seeing first hand how good of a person he was, and seeing the way he was with Christopher, changed his opinion straight away. It became harder and harder to keep his feelings from showing, and he had to admit he was slipping up more and more. Buck either didn't notice or didn't care, because he seemed to take it all in stride. It frustrated Eddie, because it was so unclear. And it wasn't fair.

The hand in his twitched and Eddie almost fell out of his chair. "Buck?"

Another twitch, this time a bit more strong. Eddie laughed in delight. "Hey, hey, Buck? Come on, open those eyes for me," he encouraged him.

Buck blinked open one eye, then, with difficulty, opened the other. "Eddie?" His voice was lower than a whisper, it was scratchy and weak, but it was the most beautiful sound Eddie had heard.

He put a hand on Buck's head and stroked his hair tenderly, mindful of the bandages. "Hi. Welcome back."

Buck swallowed with difficulty. "Chris?"

His heart skepped a beat. This man was unbelievable. He was in a hospital bed, after having two surgeries, was probably in a lot of pain, and instead of asking about his own condition, he was asking about Chris. "He's alright, he's at home, sleeping. Thanks to you."

Buck shook his head once before a look of pain crossed his face. Eddie pressed the call button, and waited for Buck to say what he wanted to. "Left him," he whispered brokenly.

Eddie took hold of his hand again. "You didn't. He told me, Buck, you did the best you could."

Buck clearly wanted to disagree, but a nurse interupted. "Hello, Mr. Buckley! How are you feeling?"

She proceeded to check his vital signs while asking him questions, probably to make sure his memory was okay. Eddie could see the exhaustion written plainly on his face, and he resisted the urge to ask her to stop.

When she left, Buck let out a breath. "Is Christopher really okay?" His voice was better after the nurse had given ice cubes, but Eddie still had to lean close to be able to hear him clearly.

"He's fine. Not a scratch on him."

A lone tear made its way down his face, and Buck made no move to wipe it away. He squeezed his eyes shut, and a couple more escaped. Eddie wiped them away with the pad of his thumb. Buck leaned into his touch, and seemed to be trying to pull himself together. When he opened his eyes seconds later, they were red and a bit puffy. Eddie smiled and wished he could hug him. Instead, he settled for holding his hand. Buck's eyes kept drifting to their linked hands. His eyes were drooping, probably the effect of whatever drug the nurse had administrated, and before long, they fell shut and didn't open again. Eddie smiled fondly and stood up. He ran his hand into Buck's messy hair, then leaned down and pressed a light kiss to his forehead. He lingered a bit too long, but he Couldn't muster up the energy to care.

Within the next few hours, the whole team, plus a couple of other people Eddie didn't recognize, came to visit Buck. 

Bobby was the first one to move, clapping Eddie on the shoulder, then hurriedly entering the room. The others came over to him and they greeted him with hugs and cheek kisses and Eddie was suddenly overwhelmed by his love for these people. He was so grateful to all of them that he couldn't put it into words.

The strangers introduced themselves as Jackson and his daughter Lilly, Bethany and Annie, who was Bethany's girlfriend. Apparently, Buck had saved Lilly and Bethany and the four were there to thank him for it. He smiled at them, and listened as they sang his praises. He really wished he could stay just to see the flustered look that would undoubtedly be on Buck's face for the whole visit.

"I'm headed out now, I need to get home to Christopher. He's gonna be mad I came here without him." 

Maddie gave him an amused smile. "That won't be necessary. He's here."

He was stunned. "What? How?!"

"Your aunt dropped him off before she had to go to work. He's with Chimney now. Christopher apparently insisted she take him to see 'his Buck' and she couldn't say no."

Eddie laughed softly. His kid was really something else.

When he and Chris entered his room, Buck was still asleep. They tried to be quiet, but the scrap of the chair's metal legs on the floor had his eyes fluttering open. They landed on Eddie first, and the smile he gave him was as bright as the sun, but then he noticed Chris, and the smile became even brighter, though Eddie didn't think that was possible. 

"Christopher," Buck choked out, his eyes filling with tears. "Hey, kiddo. How are you doing?"

Chris smiled widely. "I'm okay! I was worried about you."

"I'm fine," Buck promised. He did not sound fine. Christopher settled himself on the chair with Eddie's help and began to talk about school of all things. Buck was listening attentively, and Eddie was content to just watch them. The way Buck was looking at Christopher took his breath away; there was so much adortion, so much love, and it made Eddie fall for him even more. Which was a problem, seeing as he was already in too deep. A big part of him wanted to just say screw it and tell him, but Eddie knew it was a risky move.  They were best friends, and if Buck didn't feel the same way, it was bound to cause some awkwardness between them, which was something he definitely didn't want. What they had right now was good, even if it wasn't enough, and Eddie wasn't in the habit of ruining a good thing. 

"-Eddie. Eddie!" He startled at the sound of his name and looked at the other man questioningly.  Buck raised an eyebrow, and Eddie just shrugged sheepishly.

"You okay?"

Eddie grinned. "Now that I know you are," he answered honestly, taking Buck by surprise. Buck loked away, and for a second there, Eddie thought he'd been wrong to voice his thoughts so freely, but then Buck looked back at him, a small, pleased smile on his face. 

"I drew something for you!"

They both looked away at the same time, focusing on Chris, who took out a folded paper from his pocket and handed it over to Buck. 

"Thank you, Christopher." Eddie fell in love a little more at the fond look on Buck's face. It still took him by surprise how much Buck loved Christopher. "Kid..." Buck trailed off, not taking his eyes off the drawing.Eddie was a little alarmed when he saw a few tears running down his cheeks. Eddie caught a glimpse of a cape, and a 'Super-Bucky' written in crayon.

Chris looked to his dad and lifted his hands a little bit and Eddie understood right away that he wanted to get up on the bed. Christopher wasted no time. As soon as he was in sitting in front of Buck, he leaned closer and wrapped his arms around him. Buck sat up with a wince and hauled Christopher into his arms. His son looked so content, with his head on Buck's shoulder and a smile on his face. 

"I love you so much, kiddo," Buck whispered fiercely, pressing a kiss to the kid's hair and closing his eyes. Eddie pressed both hands into his eyes in an effort to prevent the tears from escaping. He'd accepted that all he could do was be his best friend and love him from afar, but almost losing him had been a brutal wake up call. Seeing him with Christopher, knowing what he was willing to do to keep him safe, and knowing just how much he loved his son, made it nearly impossible to be content with what they had right now. Eddie was terrified of losing his friendship, yes, and Buck could've died without ever knowing how much he meant to Eddie. 

Christopher pulled away from Buck's arms, and gently lifted a hand to wipe his tears. Buck let out a wet laugh and leaned into his hand. 

"Guess your dad feels a little left out, huh?" He and Chris both turned to look at him, and he faked a disgruntled expression, crossing his arms over his chest dramatically.  Christopher laughed and Buck smirked at him and opened his arms. Eddie wasted no time in sitting on his other side and leaning into him slightly, mindful of his injuries. Eddie put his arms around them both and let out a breath. He pulled Buck in more firmly and his head came to rest in the crook of Eddie's neck. His warm breaths on his collarbone sent shivers down his spine and he tightened his arms around two of the most important people in his life.

Buck's breaths were becoming slower and deeper, by the second and he was leaning more and more into Eddie. Eddie knew he should let him go and lay him down on the bed, but he couldn't get himself to. He buried his nose in his hair and breathed him in, closing his eyes.   

"Aww," Maddie cooed from the doorway. Eddie startled, and almost pushed Buck off him before he remembered why that was a bad idea. He noticed too late that she was holding her phone up. 

"You took a photo, didn't you?"

Maddie grinned. "Yep. You looked adorable."

Eddie smiled ruefully, shaking his head. "At least send it to me?"

Her smile widened.  "Sure thing."

He slowly, and reluctantly, lay Buck down on his bed, the other man only stirring briefly. Chris situated himself on Buck's chest and, to Eddie's amusement, fell asleep in the span of seconds. He stood staring at them for longer than was probably necessary, and only looked away when Maddie shoved the phone in his face. "How cute are these two?" 

Eddie just smiled.

He felt her hand squeezed his shoulder. "Hey, you okay?"

"Fine; just thinking."

"About?"

Eddie turned to her. "Nothing important. How are you doing with all of this?"

She smiled softly, her eyes straying to where her brother and his son were sleeping. "I'm just happy that he's okay. That they both are."

He nodded. "Yeah."

She gave him a look. It was one that told him she knew something he didn't. "You know, when I went back home yesterday, the first thing I did was tell Chimney that I loved him. 

His eyebrows furrowed. "Okay," he said slowly, confused at the sudden change in subject. "I'm glad that you two are happy, but-why are you telling me this?"

"Nothing." She shrugged casually, then looked him in the eye and smiled knowingly. "Life's just too short, you know? We have to tell the people we love that we love them."

Every part of him froze at her words. Was he really that obvious? First his tia and now Maddie? Who else had noticed his feelings for Buck? "Maddie-"

"It's none of my business, Eddie. And it's safe with me," she assured him, her words kind. "But my brother deserves to be happy, and so do you. So just tell him. What have you got to lose?"

Eddie's heart did a somersault in his chest. Was she implying that Buck actually returned his feelings? "Does he-"

She held up a hand. "I'm not going to talk about that with you."

He nodded, his eyes gravitating to the two sleeping on the bed. He smiled automatically. But the smile quickly fell off when he remembered what they were talking about. "What if he doesn't feel the same way?" He asked her quietly.

She pursed her lips, as if she was actively stopping herself from saying something. She cleared her throat. "Then you'll know. It won't be this big what if that's constantly in the back of your mind."

"I don't want to lose him."

She snorted. "Oh, please, there is literally nothing you can do that will make that happen. Absolutely nothing."

He rolled his eyes at her, but was secretly pleased. They stood in easy, comfortable silence for a few minutes before something occurred to him.

"Maddie, can I ask you something?"

"Sure," she replied easily. 

He fiddled with his fingers nervously, not sure how she'd react to his question. "Where are your parents? Buck doesn't talk about them, and-I mean, after all that's happened, they never showed up once. It made me wonder." 

A pained look crossed her face, only to disappear in seconds. He cursed himself for bringing it up, and scrambled to come up with something to make it better. He didn't need to, though. She silenced him with a look and cleared her throat.

"Mom left when I was sixteen and Buck was seven. She came back a few times, but it was always for money. Dad- well, dad is a lot more complicated, especially for Buck, but that's not something I want to, or should, talk about. He died five years ago, and he left us with nothing but a shitload of baggage and a shitloadof money."

He didn't know how to process any of it, or where to even  begin. "What- I-"

She smiled sardonically. "Yeah."

"Jesus, that's- it's a lot. I'm sorry that happened to you two." 

She shrugged. "He got the worst of it. I left the house two years after mom did, and I went to college. I didn't see him as much I should have and I wasn't there for him, at least not as much as I should've been."

Eddie shook his head. "Don't say that. He loves you. You should hear him talk about you."

She smiled in her brother's direction and moved closer to the bed. She ran her hand in his hair and he unconsciously leaned into her touch. "I know. But I messed up a lot with him."

"You were just a kid. Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault."

She nodded. "I hope you're right."

She leaned down and kissed Buck's forehead. She wiped a tear off her cheek and sat down in the chair next to the bed. Eddie joined her in the other one. He scooted it closer to hers and pulled her into a hug. She rested her head on his shoulder, and cleared her throat. "Whatever happens, please be gentle with him."

He nodded. "I promise."

It was another two days before Buck was allowed to leave the hospital and by that time, he'd driven everyone crazy. Literally everyone; the team, Maddie, Athena, even the doctors and nurses. That didn't mean he wasn't their favorite patient, though. Buck was a charmer, and a flirt, and though Eddie tried not to let it get to him, he couldn't always control it. This thing was getting out of hand, and Eddie planned on talking to him about it. Soon. As soon as possible.

As soon as possible came about a month later, and in the heat of the moment, which was not on his 10 ways to tell Buck how I feel list.

"Eddie! Eddie, wait up!" Buck caught up to him and turned him around. Eddie clenched his jaw. "What the hell was that back there?"

He gritted his teeth. "Nothing. I just wanted to leave."

Buck raised an eyebrow. "You sure you want to go with that answer, Eddie?'cause you pretty much went ballistic and stormed out of there."

"Just wasn't feeling it anymore," Eddie told him callously. Buck reared back, hurt. He regretted what he said almost immediately.

"You wanted to go out, Eddie. You dragged me here, and now you're not feeling it anymore?"

"I dragged you here to spend some more time with you, not to watch you flirt with your ex-girlfriend!"

"I wasn't flirting, with her, Eddie, she's my friend! What the hell is the matter with you?" Buck shouted. "And why do you even fucking care?"

Eddie couldn't take it anymore and it poured out of him. "Because I love you!"

Buck's eyes widened, and he spluttere. "Wha-"

Eddie closed his eyes. "God damnit." He put his hands on his head and turned away from him, not wanting to see whatever expression was on his face.

"Eddie- Eddie, would you look at me?" Buck sounded exasperated, but Eddie couldn't get himself to do as he asked. So he kept his back turned to him. He felt gentle fingers nudge his shoulder and turned reluctantly. Buck was looking at him like he- like he always did, the same soft eyes, the same dopey smile, and it all slowly fell into place. "You're an idiot," Buck informed him.

Eddie rolled his eyes, though he couldn't stop the smile his words provoked. "I tell you I love you, and you call me an idiot, is that how it is?"

Buck shook his head with a soft smile. "I love you, too."

Eddie laughed and took a step forward. Buck did the same, until there was barely any space between them. Eddie's shaking hands framed Buck's face, and he pulled him down. The first press of their lips was a tentative, barely there pressure, as if they were testing the waters. The second one was much bolder, and it carried with it all the pent up feelings they'd been trying to hide. Buck pushed himself even closer to Eddie, and they stumbled. They probably would've fallen if it weren't for Buck's quick reflexes. Buck pulled Eddie up and into his arms, laughing giddily. Eddie was no better, and when their laughter tapered off, Buck settled his forehead on Eddie's and closed his eyes. Eddie smiled and moved even closer, touching Buck's nose with his. He opened his eyes, and turned his head a little to the side, moving in for another kiss. This one was different.  It was tender and warm and agonizingly slow. And even though it was only their second kiss, it felt familiar in a way; the press of his lips to Buck's felt like coming home. 

"God, I've been wanting to do that for so long," Buck whispered against his lips. Eddie pulled back a little, arms still wrapped around Buck's neck. He raised an eyebrow. 

"Oh yeah?" Buck just nodded, leaning down quickly to peck his lips. It seemed that once they started, they couldn't stop. 

Eddie smiled -god, he couldn't seem to stop smiling. "Me too. Remind me again, why didn't we do this sooner?"

Buck rolled his eyes. "'cause you're an idiot."

Eddie shoved him away, but was very gentle about it. It was more of tap, really, but it didn't matter; Buck was glaring at him and rubbing his chest like he' d hot him with a baseball bat. "This is no way to treat your-"

When he trailers off, Eddie smiled. "My what?"

Buck seemed to calm up, nervously fiddling with the hem of his shirt. He shrugged and looked away. "I don't know."

Eddie made a show of thinking it over. "Boyfriend works. Partner, too. Lover does work, but it seems a little tacky to me," he informed him casually. Buck's smile slowly came back, this time so much brighter. Eddie was helpless against it, so he kissed him again, just because he could. 

"Alright," he grinned, boyish and carefree, "boyfriend."

Eddie rolled his eyes with a laugh and pulled Buck into a hug. He buried his face into his neck and smiled when Buck rested his head against his. They stayed wrapped in each other for a few seconds, and when Buck made to pull away, Eddie tightened his arms around him. He moved his head up, and aligned his lips with Buck's ear. He was pleased when he felt Buck shiver.

He smiled.

"Come home with me."