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Alix was not a happy bunny when she went back to the Louvre that evening.
“Did you see me on TV?” Jalil said immediately, jumping up in excitement. “My theory was accepted! I’m so happy!”
“Yeah, I saw it,” Alix snapped. She threw her schoolbag down on the floor and went off to go find her skates – she really had to do something fun and distracting or she would go mad.
“What did you think? Was I okay? I did get lots of followers on my history blog, so I’m glad at least that my theories are gaining traction–”
“Aliens, Jalil? Really?!” She spun round to face him. “You do know it’s possible for humans to build pyramids, right? That’s an actual thing that humans actually can do. I can do it myself, just gimme a few Lego blocks and I’ll happily show you. ‘Alien spaceships’, honestly...”
“But I have proof! The pyramids are so ancient that primitive human technology of the time can’t possibly have built structures as mathematically magnificent as that!”
“They just piled a bunch of rocks on top of each other, how hard can it be?”
“But they’re so huge, and – and – I have other proof too...”
She sighed. “Look. I didn’t care about the necromancy thing, even if it was so cringey that you got akumatized over it. I didn’t care about the Atlantis thing. I got super into the Area 51 thing, if you remember. I get that conspiracy theories are fun. But this? This is a step too far!”
“Why?”
“Because you’re acting like our own ancestors were too dumb to build a freaking pyramid!”
Jalil crossed his arms. “You sound just like dad.”
“Pfffff, dad doesn’t talk like that, he’s way less informal.”
“You know what I mean! Anyway, come on, can’t I count on my own family to support me? I support your skating thing, even though you keep getting injured from it!” He gestured towards the bandage on her knee.
“Jalil, dude. I have supported you through so much. Like that hang-gliding fad, or your weird rivalry with that Theo guy, or that bloody necromancy ritual you never shut up about. But now I’ve had it. Next you’ll be saying the moon landing was a hoax, or the earth is flat, or that vaccines are bad, or that Rena Rouge is Marinette, or... or...”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” he scoffed. “Rena Rouge is Mylène, of course.”
At the end of her patience, Alix turned away and began walking off to find her skates again. “I’m disowning you.”
“Hey! You can’t do that!”
“I can and I will!” she called out over her shoulder. “Dad was right to give the pocket watch to me! And guess what? I’m gonna go find Juleka’s mum and get her to adopt me, and then I’ll get an actual cool older brother instead! Not a weirdo like you...”
“Fine!” She heard Jalil stomp his foot, like some immature little kid. “I’m not talking to you anymore.”
“Me neither!”
Good riddance – she’d had enough of him and his stupid conspiracies!
-
“You can’t just get my mum to adopt you,” Juleka said, rolling her eyes. Well, the one eye that was visible anyway. Who knew what the other one was doing.
“Why not?” Alix asked.
“Because you’ve already got a parent. My mum would have to marry your dad, and uh... yeah. Not happening.”
“But it’s so unfair! You get a cool big brother who’s actually supportive and nice and didn’t try to convince you that Beethoven is an alien time lord when you were only 3 years old...”
The quiet twangs of Luka’s guitar could be heard from where he was sitting out on the deck. Imagine if Jalil could play the guitar? But no, the stupid nerd had to go for drums, and it was so frustrating to have to hear that boring repetitive tapping whenever she was trying to do her homework.
Juleka’s one eye widened. “But Alix, Beethoven really IS an alien time lord.”
“Haha, very funny.” Alix turned away.
“Hey... Jalil is a grown-up, isn’t he? Surely he’ll move out soon and then you won’t have to deal with him?”
“I doubt it. He works in the museum with dad. It’ll be me who has to move out, and I’ve still got years left before I can do that. Meanwhile my brother is on TV going on about alien spaceships while yours is on TV because you guys are in a rock band.”
Couldn’t Jalil be in a rock band with her? Sure, the age difference was a lot bigger than Juleka and Luka’s was, but still! Sibling rock bands were such a cool idea. Why couldn’t Jalil ever think of something like that? “Sibling archaeology team” didn’t have quite the same ring to it, especially when said team ended up getting chased out of the park for digging up all the grass.
“It’s not like Luka isn’t annoying sometimes too,” Juleka said, seemingly trying to put on a reassuring smile. “For example he... uh... hmm... he thinks ethereal wave is better than darkwave. It’s really annoying.”
“Ah yes, arguing over music genres. Jalil thinks the Hurrian Hymns are better than the Jet Set Radio soundtrack and I want to slap him. Like no offence to the Ancient Sumerians but they could really have used more bass.”
“Well um... Luka also won’t use mascara even though I keep telling him it’ll really make his eyes pop.”
“Yeah, and Marinette and Adrien still won’t stop obsessing over him. Jalil fricking wears scarfs indoors. Like, inside when it’s warm. I don’t care about fashion and even I want to nominate him for Queer Eye.”
Juleka shrugged. “Oh, I give up. Luka is a great brother. I’m sorry.”
Alix nodded, getting up to leave. “Never mind. I guess I’ll just have to deal with him then, though I’m not gonna stop giving him the silent treatment...”
Anyway, Juleka constantly trying to make her feel better wasn’t what she needed. She needed a brick wall to vent at who would just nod along and not really care, and let her be as annoyed as she wanted in peace. She needed... ah yes... a certain emo who would certainly be in the art gallery back at the Louvre right about now...
-
She hadn’t even made it there yet before hearing the unwelcome voice of Nuisance #1 chasing after her down the street.
“HEY ALIX! Your brother was awesome on that show earlier! Wait come back! Stop!”
Screeching to a halt on her skates, she turned around. “What do you want, Kim?”
Kim did that weird half-dab thing he had been doing all day. “The show, Alternative Truth! How do you get on it? I wanna be on it too!”
She rolled her eyes. “For what? What stupid conspiracy are you going to go with?”
“Well don’t tell anyone but...” He looked around and then lowered his voice to a whisper. “I think your dad might be Hawk Moth.”
“God, and I thought Jalil was bad...”
Kim didn’t seem to have heard her. “So how do you get on the show? How did Jalil do it? What do I do? Do I need to make a history blog too? I follow Jalil’s one now and it’s really great but he hasn’t mentioned anything about the show yet so...”
Alix made a mental note to remember to block Jalil’s blog from every one of her accounts at some point in the near future. “I don’t know and I don’t care. Go ask him yourself.”
“Well I would, but I can’t go in the Louvre, the security guards banned me after I broke that statue that one time...”
“Oh yeah, that was great,” she said, allowing herself a grin despite how annoyed she was. “Fine, I’ll let you in through the side entrance. But only on the condition that you never speak to me about Jalil ever again.”
His face fell. “Why not?”
“Because he’s the worst brother ever and I hate him.”
“Wow, that’s kinda harsh...”
“I don’t care. Now hurry up and follow me, I’ve got a tomato to meet up with.”
She skated off and trusted he was following. He was always bragging about being able to run super fast, well surely he’d be able to keep up, right? If he couldn’t then too bad for him!
-
“Alright, go through there,” Alix said, pointing at the corridor that led towards her family’s quarters. “I’m going to the art gallery. And if you get kicked out or arrested by security guards then I’m absolutely throwing you under the bus and pretending I had nothing to do with this.”
“Cool. In return, I’m gonna tell Jalil what you said about him being the worst brother ever and that you hate him. See ya later!”
Kim turned and ran off before she could even process what he’d said.
Wait... he was going to actually tell Jalil that? To his face?
Alix ignored the weird pangs of guilt. Anyway, it was true! Jalil was the worst. She definitely didn’t care if someone told him so. He deserved to be insulted.
Her gut twisted painfully.
No! No guilt. She stuffed a pair of headphones on and skated off towards the art gallery.
-
The best thing about Nathaniel was that he just didn’t care. It probably worked both ways – plenty of times he’d been the one sitting here, ranting about something while doodling in that little sketchbook of his, and Alix would just skate around and listen. Now it was her turn to rant.
“Jalil is so annoying! I can’t stand it any longer! His conspiracies don’t even make any sense, he’s just doing it to be edgy and weird and I hate it!”
“Mhm.” Nath didn’t even look up from his sketchbook.
“I never even minded before, but this alien spaceship thing has gone too far. And to think he was on TV, and everyone saw it! It’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me!”
“Yeah. So embarrassing.”
“I used to wonder why dad is so harsh on him all the time, but I kinda get it now. He’s just – just so–”
She stopped just short of saying the word useless.
Was Jalil useless?
Well... he had been the one who had bought Alix her first ever pair of skates. Heck, he’d even been the one who bought the skates she was currently wearing.
Nath finally looked up. “Having second thoughts?”
Alix had been so busy venting that she hadn’t noticed the songs that were playing through her headphones, having just put the thing on shuffle and let it do what it wanted, but she suddenly noted the vaguely familiar tones of an ancient lyre.
Pulling her phone out of her pocket, she looked to see that it was... oh yeah, Hurrian Hymn No. 6. That time when she’d downloaded it just to see what Jalil’s hype about it even was. It was okay, she guessed. Not her type of music, but hey, the Ancient Sumerians only had a limited availability of instruments to work with, it wasn’t her place to judge that.
She sighed and went to sit down beside Nath.
“It’s a bit weird... me and Jalil have never really fought like this before. He just does his own thing and I do my own thing. I... I’m not used to being mad at him.”
Peering over, she noticed that Nath was drawing the pyramids themselves. It reminded her of what she was annoyed about in the first place.
“I just can’t believe he literally went on TV and called the pyramids alien spaceships! Does he even hear himself? I usually stick up for him when dad is calling him out on his dumb theories, but this one just doesn’t make any sense at all...”
“So this is the first time you haven’t taken his side?” Nath asked.
She nodded. “I guess that’s why he’s mad at me too... he’s used to me sorta passively supporting him... I mean most of the time his theories aren’t any more or less zany than the stuff Alya comes up with, so it’s not usually a big deal...”
The lyre was strangely haunting. So much reverb, echoing around like the thoughts in her brain. It was enough to calm her down a bit – probably a good thing, because getting akumatized was not exactly a priority today.
Her phone buzzed. She looked at it again to see–
Ugh, a notification that Jalil had updated his blog. She’d forgotten to block him.
But even as she unlocked the screen and went to do so, she couldn’t stop herself from reading what he’d posted, at least the first few lines.
Apologies to all my dear fans and followers who watched Alternative Truth today, but I am renouncing my theory that the pyramids are the remains of ancient spaceships. I have come to realize that I was misinformed and that there is a high possibility that the Ancient Egyptians really did build them through their own power, and...
What?
“Nath!” Alix leapt to her feet. “Jalil doesn’t believe that alien spaceship theory anymore!”
Nath barely even blinked. “Okay. Cool.”
“How did this happen? There’s no way he’d just stop believing something like that, he’s always so adamant that he’s right! Unless... unless... oh no...”
Was this her fault? Her saying that she hated Jalil, that he was the worst brother ever, and Kim deciding to tell him so, did that really hurt Jalil so much that he’d renounce his own theory? Had her words affected him that much?
“Oh my god I have to go apologize to him.”
“Uh what?”
“I’ll be back later! You keep drawing, I have to go...”
Leaving Nath there confused, she skated off at top speed.
-
“Jalil! Jalil, there you are!”
Jalil frowned. “Alix? I thought you weren’t going to talk to me anymore?”
Too much momentum to stop in time, she skated right into him and almost knocked him over. “I’m so sorry I was mean to you okay, I mean your theory was definitely stupid and I’m glad you renounced it but please ignore whatever Kim said, I don’t think you’re the worst brother and–”
“Wait, what are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the things I said about you behind your back! Kim said he was going to tell you...”
Jalil scratched his head in thought. “That’s the kid with the Tintin hair, right? I didn’t get to talk to him at all, I saw him getting kicked out by security actually.”
“So he didn’t tell you that I said I hated you?”
“No, not at all!”
Oh...
“Well then why did you renounce your theory?” she asked. “I thought it was because I made you feel bad.”
“Something really strange happened to me actually!” Jalil said, his eyes lighting up in the way that they always did whenever he was going to go off on a conspiracy tangent. Alix mentally prepared herself for the worst. “I met a superhero who claimed to come from the future! She had the powers of time travel and said that she would prove me wrong, and so she took me through a portal back in time to thousands of years ago, and briefly showed me the Ancient Egyptians actually building the pyramids themselves. And I know it sounds too good to be true but I promise I’m not lying! This really happened to me!”
Superhero from the future? She was about to say how far-fetched that sounded, when she noticed Jalil looking at her very suspiciously.
“The superhero... looked very familiar, now that I think about it...”
“Uh... who did it look like?”
He hesitated for a few seconds before answering. “...Never mind. Just a conspiracy theory.”
“Is it one with proof this time? Because as long as it’s not as stupid as the pyramid one, I’m willing to hear it.”
He shook his head. “I’ll tell you someday, but just uh... not yet.”
“Um, okay.”
“Anyway, you were right about the pyramid theory being wrong, and I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you.”
“Cool. And I’m... I’m sorry I was really harsh about it.”
“No, it’s good that you were! I shouldn’t be giving all the credit to aliens for things that humans did. And you’re usually really nice about my theories, so if it was something that made you annoyed, then it surely had to have been bad...”
Alix smiled – it was nice to be back on her brother’s good side. “All forgiven. I’ll still stick up for you when dad’s being annoying, I promise.”
“Thanks, munchkin.” He patted her on the head. “I like it better when we’re not bickering.”
“Same.”
Something popped into her head all of a sudden.
“Oh yeah, Jalil? How did you get onto Alternative Truth in the first place?”
“Why do you want to know? Are you going to go on it?”
“What? No! Not me! Kim stans that show, he was bugging me about it earlier...”
“Oh right! Well it was like this...”
He launched into an explanation. Phew – things were back to normal. Jalil could be annoying, sure, but he still helped Alix with her homework, and covered for her whenever she was doing anything she wasn’t supposed to, and cheered for her at skating competitions, and so many other things she was grateful for. In fact, he probably kept her in line as much as she had done with him today. Of course, being so much younger, it wasn’t exactly easy to boss him around without him getting overly annoyed about it. But at least he was still there for her.
Superhero from the future, though... who on earth was that?
-
It was several years later when Alix kicked open the door to Jalil’s room, pocket watch in hand.
“Hey Alix, what’s u–”
“The superhero was me, wasn’t it?” she said, deadpan.
“What superhero?”
“The one who showed you the pyramids years ago.”
Jalil’s eyes widened. “Oh – the bunny? You mean that really is you?”
“Oh hell yes, it was me alright. You were being such a twerp that day, it still annoys me when I think about how I had to sit through that stupid TV show...”
“Wait you’re a miraculous holder?!”
Alix didn’t pay him any attention. “I’m going back in time to that day right now and proving you wrong. Your alien spaceship theory doesn’t stand a chance.”
“Wait wait wait you’re telling me my little sister really is a superhero???”
Alix turned back around and walked out of the room. How had it took her so long to put two and two together? Well, whatever. Time to fix mini-Alix and mini-Jalil’s friendship, and put an end to the alien spaceships once and for all.