Work Text:
“Get out of my boat!”
“Are you blind? Do you not see my name written on the side of my boat?”
“I may be blind, but this is my boat now!” Roger yelled, whacking John on the head with a cardboard sword he fashioned all by himself.
John, who was still on the floor of his cardboard box boat, from when Roger pushed him over, kicked his socked feet into Roger’s shins, whining. “Get out of my booaaaattt, Roger! You have your boat over there,” John said, pointing to Roger’s box boat.
“Yeah, but yours is so much bigger than mine. And I’m a pirate. So, this is a mutiny. I fought fair and square for this boat. Walk the plank!” Roger slapped his sword against John’s still kicking feet.
“That is not what mutiny means. And I thought we were supposed to be yacht owners, not bloody pirates,” John said, grabbing Roger’s sword and throwing it ‘overboard’.
Roger gasped. “That was my best sword.”
“And this is my best boat!”
Roger was ready to pounce on John when the doorbell rang. The two of them exited the box without another word, hurrying to the door. Roger opened the door to see a delivery man with a truck waiting in the driveway.
The guy gave them a weird look before glancing down at his clipboard. “I, uh, have a delivery of a cherry wood wardrobe. My boys are getting it out of the truck right now. I need someone to sign.”
Roger snatched up the clipboard and signed it, smiling wide at the prospect of yet another box to add to their fleet of boats. He handed the man his clipboard back.
“Thanks. They’ll be in shortly. And that’s a very nice eyepatch you have,” The man said with a snort, walking back to his truck.
John looked at Roger and burst into laughter. They had forgotten all about the eyepatch Roger had drawn on himself to complete his pirate getup. Roger turned red and scowled.
Without Roger, who went back inside to sulk, John waited for the men to haul their new wardrobe inside, still in the box. He gave them a tip before closing the door, still failing to stop giggling at what had just happened.
“Oh Roger!” John called out.
“Don’t even say anything or I’ll squash your boat,” Roger said from somewhere in the living room.
John chuckled. “That’s fine. I found myself an even better boat,” John sung, hugging the boxed wardrobe.
“WAIT NO, I WAS GOING TO CALL DIBS ON THAT.”
“TOO LATE!”
♚
It was 2am. The cats were trying to sleep. The neighborhood was quiet. All except for two idiots who were in love but at war.
John panted, holding out a carboard gun, which was more like an L than a gun. “Pirates code. I go down with my ship,” he said, eyeing Roger who stood in his box, a new sword held out before him.
“Aye. Let us parlay then,” Roger said, his eyepatch joined now by a mustache and beard.
“Bang bang!” John yelled as he shot his gun at Roger. Roger shielded himself with his sword before he threw invisible bombs into John’s ship. John was just about to take cover when the phone rang. Roger groaned, stepping out of his boat to answer it.
“Hullo?” he asked in a nice tone, just in case it was his mum.
“Rog! I just had this incredible idea for the album!” Brian said, more cheery and animated than anyone should be at 2am.
Roger rolled his eyes. “I’m kinda busy plundering John’s ship right now,” he said as if that made any sense whatsoever.
Brian sputtered and coughed. “I-Is that some sort of innuendo I’ve never heard of before? If you were busy you didn’t have to…”
“Oh god no, Brian. I am literally taking his ship right now. I almost killed him before you called,” Roger said accusingly
Brian went quiet before saying in a pained voice, “Uh, okay, Roger. H-Have fun.” The line went dead.
Roger looked back at John with a grin. “Where were we?”
“Arrr!”
♚
John and Roger walked into the studio, John red in the face from giggling, Roger with his head hanging low, his hair covering his face.
Freddie and Brian, who were there waiting, looked up, their eyebrows furrowed, confused at the two’s very different demeanors.
“What’s this all about? Have you got Roger whipped this afternoon, Deacy?” Freddie asked, twirling a pencil in his hands.
John snorted. “Unfortunately, not. There’s been a development of sorts,” John said, patting the small of Roger’s back, encouraging him to look up. Roger whimpered before he did so.
“OH MY GOD, YOU REALLY WERE PLUDINGER JOHN’S SHIP!” Brian cried, looking at Roger’s face with barely faded sharpie on it. Despite his desperate scrubbing, his eyepatch and facial hair would not budge.
Freddie looked at Brian and then at the two standing in front of him, in serious need of an explanation for the inside joke he wasn’t a part of. Nobody filled him in, John and Brian too busy trying to not pee themselves from how hard they were laughing and Roger sulking in the middle of it.
What could Freddie expect though? Roger and John were the weirdest couple he’d ever met. The explanation would probably be extraordinarily dumb. So, Freddie settled on laughing his ass off too, patient enough to wait for questions later. Roger’s frown deepened when Freddie joined in with the others.
“I wanted to be a pirate,” Roger said pouting.
“And you were a pirate, dear. Just not the brightest pirate,” John said as he hugged an uncooperative Roger to his side.
Roger faked a cry before he suddenly got serious. “Oh! Brian, we need your help assembling a wardrobe. And a sofa. And a table.”
Brian stopped laughing. “What?”
“We got a lot of deliveries yesterday. And we were a little bit busy…you know,” Roger said with a nod.
“I was a pirate too,” John added, his eyes crinkling at the corners.
Brian leaned back in his chair. “Did you guys order the furniture just for the boxes?” He asked.
Roger and John shared a mischievous look.
“Oh my god,” Brian groaned.
“Were they shagging in the boxes?” Freddie asked quietly, still a tad confused on what was happening.
“No, but they will be once they go into debt for buying lavish things just to play with the boxes,” Brian said, not sure if his annoyance was playful or not.
“Oh, just like my cats!” Freddie said in his usual airheaded way, smiling wide.
“We were pirates, Brian. Every man needs to be a pirate once or twice in his life,” Roger said. John nodded, giving his man a supportive squeeze.
Brian just rolled his eyes.