Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Shen Wei arrived out of the air, two minutes after his university duties were scheduled to finish. Zhao Yunlan had been messing around on his phone waiting for him, sitting with his feet up on a section of low wall. He took the lollipop out of his mouth. "Hey."

"I got your message," Shen Wei said. "You found more?"

Straight to business — he was already frowning unhappily. Zhao Yunlan didn't blame him. "Yeah, it's a proper farm for moth fungus in there, and some of it's already been refined into River," he said. "The guy guarding the place was Dixingren."

"Was?" Shen Wei asked.

"He jumped out with a knife and nearly gutted Xiao-Guo," Zhao Yunlan said. "I had to shoot quickly." He hadn't liked to. It had been such a stupid thing for the drug runner to do.

Looking even more unhappy, Shen Wei nodded understanding. "Guo Changcheng's all right?"

"Oh, he's fine," Zhao Yunlan said. "He was a bit shaken, but he's pretty resilient. So, you want to see inside?" He gestured at the front door of the run-down house. "I've got a mask here for you."

"Please," Shen Wei said, to both, and hooked the straps of the fabric mask over his ears, covering his nose and mouth. It was probably a bit over-precautionary, as the evidence seemed to be that the drug had to actually be eaten to produce any effect, but Zhao Yunlan wasn't willing to take any chances.

Shen Wei followed him into the house. Guo Changcheng and Lin Jing were busy scraping feathery grey fungal blooms out of the trays they'd been grown in into a large plastic container. "What are you going to do with them?" Shen Wei asked.

"Bleach," Lin Jing said, his voice slightly muffled. He was wearing a proper filter mask over his face and thick gloves on his hands, despite being Haixingren and therefore immune to the effect of moth fungus, either in its natural form or after refining with dark energy into the potent drug known as River. He'd made Xiao-Guo put on the protective gear too. "Bleach completely breaks down all the active components, whatever form it's in. Then we'll send it to hazardous chemical disposal."

Shen Wei nodded, staying well back. "There's a lot of it," he said.

"Biggest grow operation we've found so far," Zhao Yunlan said. "I don't imagine it's the only one, though. It's too easy to propagate this stuff."

"It grows barely at all in Dixing," Shen Wei said. "The drug's always been too hard to make to cause more than very occasional issues."

"I'd love to strangle whoever thought to bring some up to Haixing," Zhao Yunlan said, grimly.

"We might still be able to halt the operation," Shen Wei said. "There can't be so many people involved yet."

"It's a good job River doesn't work on Haixingren or it would have spread everywhere by now," Zhao Yunlan said. "And we'd shortly be seeing a lot of deaths." It took a while for the addictive properties of River to kick in, but after they did the drug-user wasn't interested in eating anything except more of the drug, and each hit made the effect worse. A slow death, apparently inevitable. "Is Dixing getting anywhere with a solution for that?"

Shen Wei shook his head. "Are you?"

"Not yet," Lin Jing said. "I've been working on it, but I haven't made any progress yet. Also then Chief Zhao made me come out into the field."

"No whining," Zhao Yunlan told him. "I need this stuff safely disposed of."

"I'm not whining," Lin Jing muttered.

"Yes you are. Whiners don't get bonuses."

"Zhao Yunlan," Shen Wei said, abruptly. "Can we go outside?"

Something in his tone snapped Zhao Yunlan's focus to him. "Shen Wei?" Already moving, taking Shen Wei's elbow.

Shen Wei didn't appear to need any assistance, but once outside he pulled down his mask and took several long, deep breaths.

"Are you okay?" Zhao Yunlan asked, anxiously. "It's not — we thought it wasn't airborne?"

Shen Wei shook his head. "I'm fine now," he said. "It was just — The smell was overpowering."

"Really?" Zhao Yunlan said, surprised. "I could hardly smell the fungus at all."

Shen Wei sat down on the wall, suggesting he might be slightly less than completely fine. He was taking more deep breaths. "It was the volume of it, I think. Maybe the spores. It was very…." He shuddered. "Alluring."

"Well, if we find another grow house you're to stay out of it," Zhao Yunlan said. He held Shen Wei's eyes. "Promise me."

"Yes," Shen Wei said. With an alacrity that was almost worrying in itself.

"Thank you," Zhao Yunlan said, and gave Shen Wei's shoulder a squeeze.

He looked up as someone turned into the street. A young man in jeans and a t-shirt, maybe in his early twenties, who slowed to a stop as he clocked the two of them in front of the house. He backed up a couple of steps, and then turned.

"Hey!" Zhao Yunlan called, and set off chasing as the man started running.

The man was fast. Zhao Yunlan barrelled after him, around a corner and into an alley — and then Shen Wei appeared at the end of the alley. Shocked, the man spun around — and Zhao Yunlan wrestled him to the ground. "What are you running for?" he demanded.

"I don't know anything!" the man babbled.

Shen Wei put a hand on his shoulder, frowning for a moment. "Haixingren," he said.

"Oh, good, I was hoping to talk to someone on the Dragon City end of the River operation," Zhao Yunlan said.

"I don't know anything," the man repeated, much less convincingly.

"Are you absolutely sure?" Zhao Yunlan asked, and rolled his eyes at the man's frantic nod. "Okay then. Maybe you'll change your mind after a night in the interrogation room."

"Would you like me to take him there?" Shen Wei asked.

"Please," Zhao Yunlan said. "Tell Chu Shuzhi to have at him. I'll be there once we've finished clearing out the grow house." Da Qing and Zhu Hong were both back at the SID too. They were pretty sure that Yashou were also immune to the effects of moth fungus or River, but no one wanted to take the chance.

Shen Wei nodded, and disappeared with their suspect into the dark bloom of a portal.

Zhao Yunlan walked back to the grow house alone. Lin Jing and Xiao-Guo were still engaged in fungal destruction, and Zhao Yunlan carried in several industrial-sized bottles of bleach from the SID car for them.

Refining the moth fungus into River had taken place upstairs, and those rooms would be next on the list to clean up. Zhao Yunlan took many careful photos with his phone, because they were still collecting information about the process, and there was no way he was letting Shen Wei into this room. Shallow trays of grey powder lay on tables — raw drug, before it was mixed with essentially glue and chopped into small blocks. He opened the cupboards too, taking photos of their contents.

He didn't notice anything unusual as he opened the largest cupboard — and went stumbling backwards as a man flung himself out, bowling him over. Zhao Yunlan hit one of the tables and it collapsed under him as he yelled for backup, trays clattering to the floor. He grabbed for the man and for a moment he was face-down in one of the trays before he shoved hard and they went rolling across the floor together.

Then… things were going… wrong.

Zhao Yunlan was aware that he had let go of the man. Footsteps hammered and faded. His hands had gone nerveless, numb. There was an odd taste in his mouth and he swallowed automatically. He rolled onto his back and lay there, trying to make sense of the way the light from the window was fracturing in the dust-filled air.

Dust…

Fuck. Fuck.

He tried to get his arms underneath him but it was impossibly hard to coordinate his muscles. He was sliding, tilting, or maybe that was the floor. Not connected to his body properly. It was all hard to understand, and colour was leaking from the dingy walls, rolling slowly down in the corners of his eyes.

"Boss — Chief Zhao?"

There was a mask talking to him with Lin Jing's voice. Odd. He stared at it, and it stared back.

"Chief Zhao. Zhao Yunlan, talk to me!" A stinging slap to his face, which hurt like another colour all by itself but aside from that didn't seem like much to do with him. Then some shouting for Xiao-Guo.

Zhao Yunlan lay still, or possibly at the centre of a slow, lazy swirl that everything was doing around him.

"Can Professor Shen —"

"Not right now, look, it's all over him."

"So we need to get it off?"

"Oh, yes, what about —"

It was confusing being moved when he wasn't the one doing the moving. Or, he was pretty sure he wasn't, but it was hard to tell. Did it matter? The walls compressed oddly and the perspective was all wrong. He licked his lips to get more of the taste into his mouth.

He was folded into a small space, and the sudden shock of cold water was enough to almost clear his head for a second. He was propped up in a grubby shower, while Xiao-Guo directed the stream of water over him, clothes and all, and Lin Jing spoke urgently into a phone. Then the pattering of the shower merged with the buzzing in his ears and the droplets of water were hypnotising, sparkling in the air and the cold was just something not very interesting or important.

Abruptly he was outside, having missed the transition, still soaking wet and being supported between the other two. And Shen Wei appeared from a portal and Zhao Yunlan tried to stumble towards him because he was so glad to see him.

"Zhao Yunlan!" Shen Wei said, but he didn't sound happy at all. He sounded afraid, or angry. Zhao Yunlan tried to walk towards him again to comfort him but his legs were wrong, they were folding, and Shen Wei's arms were around him, holding him tightly. Then the next moment they were in the SID, in the lab, and Zhao Yunlan was sitting on the floor while Shen Wei stripped him out of his wet clothes.

"Are you okay?" Zhao Yunlan asked, because Shen Wei still looked terribly upset. He tried to put a hand on Shen Wei's arm but overshot.

Shen Wei captured his flailing hand and held it tightly. "I don't understand what happened," he said. "Zhao Yunlan — you shouldn't be affected like this —"

"I feel odd," Zhao Yunlan said. He wondered how long that had been the case for.

"I know," Shen Wei said. "It'll wear off — I'll be with you until it does. I promise."

"Okay," Zhao Yunlan said. That sounded good. He leaned into Shen Wei, but Shen Wei pushed him back upright.

"You need to get into dry clothes or you'll catch cold," he said, and finished getting him out of the wet things and into one of the spare clothing sets Zhao Yunlan kept in his office. When that was done Zhao Yunlan assumed he'd be allowed to slump onto Shen Wei again, but Shen Wei lifted him almost effortlessly onto the test bed and laid him out there. Then he turned away from Zhao Yunlan and changed his own clothes, finishing by carefully washing down his hands and arms and face at the sink.

Zhao Yunlan didn't try too hard to puzzle this out — it was hard enough holding the focus he had. "Shen Wei," he said, plaintively, and Shen Wei finally came over and pulled up a chair beside him. And took his hand, but that wasn't enough, not while things started sliding and fracturing again — Zhao Yunlan rolled onto his side and tugged Shen Wei's arm against his chest.

Shen Wei made a small noise and pulled them both closer together. He put a hand on Zhao Yunlan's head. "How do you feel?" he asked.

"Nice," Zhao Yunlan mumbled, because now Shen Wei was holding him and that was good, even though everything was treacly and confusing that was good.

Shen Wei made another small noise. He sounded… sad.

"Wha's wrong?" Zhao Yunlan asked. His face was beginning to feel numb. Shaping words was difficult.

Shen Wei stroked his hair. It felt almost like his hand was shaking. "Don't worry," he said. "Zhao Yunlan, it's going to be okay."

Zhao Yunlan looked peaceful. He lapsed into stillness, his eyes half open. Shen Wei kept on stroking his hair for a while after he thought Zhao Yunlan had stopped being aware of his presence, for lack of any other way to help.

This shouldn't be happening. Haixingren were immune; they knew that for a fact. Or had thought they knew that.

There was a tap against the lab door frame. "Can we come in?" Da Qing asked. Wang Zheng and Sang Zan were hovering just behind him. Chu Shuzhi was standing a pace back, trying and failing to look like he was definitely not also hovering.

"Yes," Shen Wei said, and stepped back. He had put both his and Zhao Yunlan's potentially contaminated clothing into one of Lin Jing's empty plastic containers. He was grateful to Lin Jing's quick thinking — getting Zhao Yunlan into the shower had been a good idea.

He had to focus on thinking about things like that. The alternative was fear. And he couldn't afford to give in to it.

Da Qing rushed straight over to the bed. "Lao-Zhao," he said, and tapped his face. "Zhao Yunlan, can you hear me?" He looked at Shen Wei almost accusingly when Zhao Yunlan didn't react at all. "Is he going to wake up?"

"I don't think the effects usually last long," Shen Wei said. "A few hours, maybe." He wanted to cling to the facts, but they weren't enough to reassure him. "This shouldn't be happening at all. He shouldn't be affected."

"Maybe it was the amount?" Chu Shuzhi suggested. "Lin Jing said he got lots of it all over him and in his mouth. More than a usual dose."

Shen Wei shook his head. "That shouldn't make a difference. It just doesn't affect Haixingren or Yashou — we thought it was to do with energy. The moth fungus reacts to dark energy —" He stopped suddenly, appalled.

"What?" Chu Shuzhi asked.

"Dark energy," Shen Wei said. "Zhao Yunlan has residual traces still, left behind from the Hallows. If that's what reacts with the moth fungus…"

He tightened his fingers into fists so they couldn't tremble.

Wang Zheng approached the test bed and began carefully attaching monitors to Zhao Yunlan. The zigzag line of his heartbeat appeared on a screen, and other readings.

It was worse that he had his eyes part-open. If he had looked like he was simply asleep, that might have been easier.

Da Qing flowed into cat form and leapt up onto the test bed. He mewed, butting at Zhao Yunlan with his head and then walked along the length of his body — usually extremely effective at getting someone to wake from even the deepest sleep, as Shen Wei knew from experience. But Zhao Yunlan may as well have been an inert statue for all the notice he took.

"Where's Zhu Hong?" Shen Wei finally thought to ask.

"Talking to the suspect," Chu Shuzhi said, succinctly.

Shen Wei blinked and straightened up. "I should —"

Chu Shuzhi looked at him. "I think you should stay here with Lao-Zhao," he said.

Shen Wei frowned at him a bit, recognising the implicit order, but he wasn't wrong. He had no wish to let Zhao Yunlan wake without him. So he pulled up a chair, and Chu Shuzhi went to help with the interrogation, and Da Qing stayed curled up next to Zhao Yunlan's side on the bed.

Zhao Yunlan didn't stir for hours. Eventually his eyes closed properly and he lapsed into sleep, or at least unconsciousness. Lin Jing arrived back and fussed around with the monitor leads, readjusting most of them in a way which didn't seem to make any difference at all to Shen Wei's eyes, but then he wasn't an expert.

Shen Wei shared his dark energy theory, and Lin Jing groaned. "The Hallows!" he exclaimed. "But you told him not to touch them. We all heard you. Many times."

"I know," Shen Wei said, miserably, wondering how he'd never managed to quite impress the seriousness of their effects onto Zhao Yunlan. "We don't have a counteragent to the drug, do we?" Shen Wei asked, knowing perfectly well that they didn't.

"Sorry," Lin Jing said. "I brought samples back from the grow house, though. I'll get to work on them."

"Thank you," Shen Wei said, and Lin Jing nodded sympathetic understanding and checked over Zhao Yunlan one more time.

Later, Zhu Hong brought a roll-up mat and some blankets into the lab. "If you're going to stay all night you should at least try to sleep," she said, in a mildly combative way.

"Did you get anything from the man we apprehended?" Shen Wei asked.

She shook her head, mouth twisting. "He's an idiot for hire. Just helps with the fungus processing and doesn't know anything about the rest of the supply chain."

Shen Wei nodded, trying to keep his expression neutral. "Thank you," he said.

She patted his shoulder awkwardly and left. Eventually Lin Jing left too, somewhat guiltily even through Shen Wei assured him that he needed his sleep.

It was a while later that Zhao Yunlan stirred. (Shen Wei did not try to sleep, but did doze on and off in his chair, rolling up one of the blankets to cushion his head against the edge of the test bed.) Da Qing noticed first, and leapt up onto his paws, nosing at Zhao Yunlan's chin. "Lao-Zhao?" he said.

Shen Wei sat up quickly. "Zhao Yunlan?"

Zhao Yunlan blinked, sluggishly. "Oh," he said, and immediately tried to get up. Shen Wei didn't realise quite what he was doing until he had already rolled and slid his legs off the bed, but his knees didn't manage to take his own weight and buckled instantly. Shen Wei was in time to get his arms around Zhao Yunlan and guide him to the floor slightly more slowly than would otherwise have happened. Monitor leads pinged off him.

"Oh," Zhao Yunlan said, again, and began shivering violently.

"Zhao Yunlan," Shen Wei said, urgently, and reached to unfold the nearest blanket, tucking it around Zhao Yunlan's shoulders as he leaned heavily against Shen Wei. "Are you — How are you feeling?"

"Uh," Zhao Yunlan said. His skin had gone cold, and Shen Wei tried to hold him tighter. Da Qing pressed against his other side. "What. Uh, what happened?"

"You had a dose of River," Shen Wei said. "It… affected you."

"Oh," Zhao Yunlan said, and dropped his head against Shen Wei's shoulder. He didn't really seem to be tracking much.

Da Qing shifted back to human form and exchanged a worried look with Shen Wei. "How are you feeling, Lao-Zhao?" he asked, since Zhao Yunlan hadn't really answered Shen Wei's question.

"I don't know," Zhao Yunlan said. Tiredly. "Cold. I want to sleep."

"I can take you home," Shen Wei said, and Zhao Yunlan hummed in agreement. "Both of you."

"Shouldn't he stay here?" Da Qing asked.

"No one else is here," Shen Wei said. It was nearly 3am. "He'll be more comfortable. And we can come back if we need."

"I'll let Wang Zheng know," Da Qing said. He darted off to do so.

Shen Wei gathered Zhao Yunlan to standing, holding him supported within his arms. When Da Qing returned he pulled them both through a portal to the main bedroom, where he could let Zhao Yunlan lie straight down. A trickle of dark energy convinced the blankets to heat up and then hold that heat as he folded them around Zhao Yunlan.

"He's going to be okay?" Da Qing asked, blatantly seeking reassurance.

"I'm sure he is," Shen Wei said, trying his best to give it. He frowned. "Would you mind fetching some water? And something to eat — it might help if he has something in his stomach."

Getting anything into Zhao Yunlan while he was only semi-conscious was easier said than done, however — he tolerated some sips of water but shoved away the plain crackers Da Qing had brought, trying to retreat to the pile of blankets. Shen Wei reluctantly gave up and let him. He changed into pyjamas and climbed into bed as well, putting his arm over Zhao Yunlan as he wriggled closer. Da Qing settled over the foot of the bed, a familiar warm weight.

Shen Wei dozed again but kept waking up, listening each time for the sound of Zhao Yunlan's soft breathing, needing to be sure that it was still there.

Chapter Text

Zhao Yunlan rose up through layers of sleep, slowly and reluctantly. It would probably be better if he could just stay there, because lurking on the edge of his awareness was the knowledge that he felt awful.

"Zhao Yunlan?"

Shen Wei's voice. And he sounded… worried. Enough that Zhao Yunlan had to wake up, even though it probably wasn't going to be great.

He opened his eyes, and it was not at all great. The bedroom was dim, with the curtains still drawn, but his head pounded and when he pushed himself to sit up the walls started doing a slow, lazy spin which was echoed in his stomach. He groaned, and squeezed his knuckles against his forehead, swallowing thickly. He hadn't had a hangover this bad since… since…

An arm came around his shoulders and he knew it was Shen Wei without having to look. Shen Wei's palm displaced his own hands from his temple, and a sudden wave of coolness flowed out from it.

It felt good. It felt really good, and Zhao Yunlan found himself leaning fully into that contact, a low moan escaping from his throat. When Shen Wei sat back, the headache healed, it was a disappointment that he had stopped.

"How are you feeling now?" Shen Wei asked, anxiously, and Zhao Yunlan tried to pull himself together. He was hampered by not being quite sure what had happened. They had been on a case, hadn't they? With the, the —

Oh, no.

"But I'm Haixingren," he said, plaintively.

"I know," Shen Wei said, looking just as unhappy. "We suspect the dark energy traces left from the Hallows made you susceptible."

"Lucky me," Zhao Yunlan said. "So, uh. I got stoned on River?"

"Yes," Shen Wei said, his mouth pulling tight.

Zhao Yunlan winced. "I don't remember it," he said. "So if I, um, said or did anything that —"

"No," Shen Wei said, quickly. "You were mostly unconscious."

Oh. Which would explain why Shen Wei was now watching him so carefully, as if expecting him to keel over. Zhao Yunlan was fairly sure that he wouldn't, and stood up gingerly to test it. To his relief, whatever Shen Wei had done to fix his River hangover kept working and all the walls and floors stayed where they were supposed to be.

Shen Wei was still watching him carefully, his hands lifted just a fraction, ready to swoop in and catch Zhao Yunlan if he toppled. He looked tense and pale, like he'd barely slept.

To prove that he really did feel better Zhao Yunlan cautiously pulled the curtains open, which didn't lead to the corresponding headache he'd been half expecting. "I could have used your healing powers when I was still drinking regularly," he said, partly to mask the disorientation of having skipped nearly a day ahead in time from where he thought he should be.

"Come and eat something," Shen Wei said, and drew him downstairs, still very much hovering. He got Zhao Yunlan seated at the kitchen table and bustled to heat something up.

"You don't need to still worry this much," Zhao Yunlan said as Shen Wei put a cup of tea down in front of him. He felt… okay. Shaky, and freaked out, but okay. He lifted the cup half-way to his mouth, but then hesitated as he caught the aroma, feeling a twist of nausea.

"Zhao Yunlan?" Shen Wei asked.

"Sorry. It's quite a strong blend, I think it's setting my stomach off."

Shen Wei swapped the cup quickly for a glass of water, which was also unappetising but probably necessary. Zhao Yunlan made himself take small sips. He'd only managed about half the glass when Shen Wei sat down next to him with a bowl of congee.

"I made it very bland," he said, which had probably hurt him deep in his soul. And faced with that, and Shen Wei's almost smothering concern, Zhao Yunlan felt that he couldn't admit that he really, really didn't want to eat it, however bland it was.

"Thanks," he said, instead, and fished up an extremely small amount with his spoon, reluctantly transferring it into his mouth. But it was wrong, the taste somehow revolted him, and he clapped his hand over his mouth and dived towards the sink where he retched, spitting out the unswallowed rice and bringing up the small amount of liquid he'd drunk. He turned on the tap and washed his mouth out with handfuls of water.

Shen Wei rubbed his back, slowly and soothingly, crowding close against him. Zhao Yunlan rested his elbows on the edge of the sink and put his head in his hands. "I'm okay," he said. "I'm sorry. I guess my stomach's still not happy. Give it a couple of hours and I'll try again."

"You need to be keeping your strength up," Shen Wei said, anxiously. "You're shivering."

"It's a hangover, it'll wear off," Zhao Yunlan said, and leaned back against Shen Wei's support.

"Mmm," Shen Wei said, still anxious.

Zhao Yunlan closed his eyes and waited until the nausea had settled back down. He kind of wanted Shen Wei to do more healing on him, but pride kept him from asking. "Was Da Qing here?" he asked instead.

"Yes," Shen Wei said. "He went back to the SID this morning before you woke up. I think he was finding it difficult to be not doing anything."

As far as Zhao Yunlan was concerned, Da Qing spent most of his time not doing anything, so to return to work voluntarily suggested that he was extremely unhappy. Zhao Yunlan straightened up and ran a hand through his hair. "I need a shower," he said. He wasn't used to sleeping in his clothes anymore. "Then we can head off to the SID too."

Shen Wei frowned at him. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"What else am I going to do, sit around here with you fussing over me?" Zhao Yunlan asked. Which usually he would be up for, but right now he was feeling unsettled and restless. He wanted to go to the SID. That was normal. He wanted to feel normal.

Shen Wei tightened his lips, but gave in. He also didn't make Zhao Yunlan leave the bathroom door open in case he fell over in the shower, after a brief argument about it.

When they arrived at the SID, Zhao Yunlan wasn't in the mood to find that the attitude of everyone there was similar to Shen Wei's. "Are you really sure you should be here?" Zhu Hong asked, bluntly.

"Relax," Zhao Yunlan said, irritably. "You've seen me more hungover than this."

"That's not the point," she said, and rolled her eyes. "I guess Lin Jing'll be happy you're both here, though. He wants to talk to Professor Shen about dark energy."

Da Qing was expressing his disapproval by sulking at a distance. Zhao Yunlan scowled at everyone and followed Shen Wei to the lab.

"Oh good, you're here," Lin Jing said. "Can I have a blood sample?"

"At least someone's pleased to see me," Zhao Yunlan said, and rolled up his sleeve obligingly.

"I want to test a theory," Lin Jing said. "Can I take some from you too, Professor Shen?"

Once he had been bled and released, Zhao Yunlan drifted around the lab as Lin Jing started peppering Shen Wei with questions about Dixingren and dark energy. He found himself in one corner, staring down at a sample case. Little grey cubes, and his mouth began to fill with saliva because unlike the congee or the tea they smelled good —

"Zhao Yunlan!" Shen Wei snapped.

Zhao Yunlan started, and dropped the cube. It hit the floor, bouncing and sliding a couple of times, and he was acutely aware of it, even as he frowned to try and work out why. There was a trace of grey dust left behind on his fingertips and he absently raised them to his mouth —

Shen Wei grabbed his wrist, forcing his hand down. "Zhao Yunlan!" he said, harsh, his eyes wide.

"I just —" Zhao Yunlan tried to explain. He moistened his lips, suddenly breathless.

Shen Wei pulled him by his wrist across to the nearest sink and turned on the tap, holding his hand under it and then pumping soap onto his skin. Zhao Yunlan responded to the implicit instruction, lathering the soap and then rinsing it off. Shen Wei finally let him pull his hands out of the water.

"What just happened?" Lin Jing asked, uncertainly.

Zhao Yunlan sneaked a look over his shoulder. He could see the little grey cube still on the floor. Abandoned.

Shen Wei followed his gaze and transferred his grip to Zhao Yunlan's shoulder. "Clean it up," he said to Lin Jing. "And lock the rest of it away. Quickly." He steered Zhao Yunlan out of the lab and pushed him down onto the sofa in the main room.

That brought Da Qing closer, curious. "What's Lao-Zhao done now?" he asked.

"Can you find a lollipop?" Shen Wei asked him.

"A lollipop?"

"He has plenty in his office, I'm sure."

Da Qing shrugged and scampered off. He returned quickly with three different choices.

"Eat one," Shen Wei said.

Zhao Yunlan stared at him. "What?"

"Eat a lollipop," Shen Wei repeated.

"I don't really want one?" Zhao Yunlan said. He was getting unnerved by how intently Shen Wei was staring at him.

Shen Wei took one off Da Qing and unwrapped it. Clumsily. He thrust it at Zhao Yunlan. "Eat it. Please." His other hand was clenched against his leg, so tightly that his knuckles were going white.

Still staring at him, Zhao Yunlan reluctantly accepted it. He wrinkled his nose at the sickly-sweet smell of sugar and artificial flavour. It made his stomach roil, but Shen Wei was staring at him with near-desperation and if it would take that look off his face — He licked it, cautiously, and immediately gagged.

"Lao-Zhao?" Da Qing said, anxiously.

Zhao Yunlan pushed the lollipop at him. "Take it, or I'm going to throw up on the table." Still a risk. He wiped his mouth, swallowing thickly.

Shen Wei hadn't moved, but he'd gone white.

"What?" Zhao Yunlan asked him. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

It was how people died from the moth fungus or, much more quickly, from River. A self-inflicted wasting away. The point where the person stopped being able to eat was the sign that addiction had set in, was the point of no return. After that, death was inevitable.

Shen Wei knew it, he had seen it, and the knowledge curdled on his tongue. He couldn't say the words. He just kept staring at Zhao Yunlan, who had his feet drawn up on the sofa and Da Qing now pressed close against him, and an arm cradled over his stomach.

But Zhao Yunlan had access to the same facts, even if he was a few seconds behind in his analysis. He had also been to Dixing and met addicts who were dying and talked to An Bai about the stages. Shen Wei saw it, the moment when the knowledge arrived in his face and his skin paled further. "Oh," he said. "Oh fuck."

"You —" Shen Wei said, and couldn't go on.

"It was only once," Zhao Yunlan said, as if he could deny what was happening with his words. "I only had a single dose, it never takes hold that quickly…"

"It doesn't," Shen Wei said. "It's not supposed to. But it — You —"

"It can't be that, then," Zhao Yunlan said, and did his best to laugh. Insincerely. "Must be just the River hangover."

Shen Wei shook his head. "No." He wanted it to be, needed it to be, but — he knew better. "It's not."

Fear was settling into Zhao Yunlan's eyes, leaking across from Shen Wei. "So what do you want from me?" he demanded, in a sudden burst of anger. "You want me to just accept that I'm going to die? Okay. Okay. I guess you're right."

"No!" Shen Wei dropped to his knees on the floor next to him. He took one of Zhao Yunlan's hands, holding it tightly. Trying not to hold so tight it would hurt. "We'll find a solution," he said. "Zhao Yunlan, you are not going to die."

"Really?" Zhao Yunlan said, and gave a shaky laugh. High, false. "Do you actually believe that?"

"Yes!" Shen Wei all but hissed, and everyone jerked back slightly.

Zhao Yunlan looked at him, and this time he was trying to smile and almost pulling it off. "Sure," he said. "Just like all the other River addicts who've pulled through."

The stubbornness inside Shen Wei blazed into sudden fury, that Zhao Yunlan could just sit there and act like he was accepting his fate. "Don't talk like that," he said.

Zhao Yunlan held his gaze, almost defiantly. "Like what?" he asked.

"You can't just — give up. Don't say that."

Zhao Yunlan shot to his feet. He stalked angrily towards his office, giving Shen Wei a little pull on the fabric of his jacket as he passed him, but not looking back.

Shen Wei remained on the floor, not knowing what to do. Da Qing gave his shoulder a push. "Go after him."

"Should I?" Shen Wei asked, uncertainly.

"Yes," Da Qing said, like it was a ridiculous question to ask. Shen Wei looked over at Zhu Hong, who was hanging well back but had been present for the whole conversation. She nodded.

So he got up, and walked across the room, a distance which had never felt so far before. He knocked on the office door. "Yeah," Zhao Yunlan called, voice flat.

Shen Wei entered at that not-quite-invitation, and closed the door behind him. "Zhao Yunlan —" he began.

Zhao Yunlan was standing behind his desk, hands shoved down into his pockets. "Don't," he said. "Don't lecture me."

"I…" Shen Wei didn't know what to say. He took a hesitant step forward.

Zhao Yunlan gave another terribly brittle laugh. "You think I'm doing this wrong?" he asked.

"You said —"

"Shen Wei, I am freaking the fuck out. Give me time to just… I don't know. Process this. That I — that I'm dying." He brought his hands up behind his head for a second; threw them down.

Shen Wei clenched his hands again, choking back his reflexive denial. He took a breath. Another. "What do you need?" he asked. Quietly.

Zhao Yunlan came around the desk, hesitantly. He kept walking, right into Shen Wei, only stopping when there was physically no more space. Shen Wei put his arms around him, tentatively at first in case he was misunderstanding, but Zhao Yunlan gave a slight sigh and leaned into him so Shen Wei held him, more and more tightly.

"This," Zhao Yunlan said, softly. "I need this. You."

"I'm here," Shen Wei said. "I'll always be here."

"Until the end, right?" Zhao Yunlan asked. And even though he was shaking, he laughed again. Shen Wei wished Zhao Yunlan would stop doing that, because it was awful to hear and Shen Wei couldn't — but he had to, he had to pull himself together for Zhao Yunlan's sake.

He didn't move until Zhao Yunlan finally pulled away, and then he let go only reluctantly.

"I'm okay," Zhao Yunlan said. He released a long breath. "Really. I'm okay. Sorry for… that."

"You don't need to apologise," Shen Wei said.

"I'd prefer to," Zhao Yunlan said, and pushed his hair back. He glanced towards the door. "Okay. Okay. Do I look calm?"

"Yes," Shen Wei said. Honesty compelled him to add, "Although your team will probably be able to tell that you aren't."

"Well, that can't be helped," Zhao Yunlan said. "Just so long as they don't comment on it." He made sure that he was the one to lead the way back into the main room, where most of the SID were assembled, trying to look casual and not as if they'd all been talking frantically.

Zhao Yunlan gave them a little wave. "Hi, all. I assume everyone knows the score now, so we can skip over that conversation completely." He hopped up onto the edge of the table and perched there, pointing a finger. "Lin Jing. Talk."

"I want to run some more experiments on how the moth fungus is interacting with dark energy," Lin Jing said. "It might take a while, but it's obviously top priority."

"Glad to hear that," Zhao Yunlan said. "Zhu Hong."

"Following up on supplier leads," she said. "Lao-Chu and Xiao-Guo are with me."

"Great. Da Qing?"

"You can't make me go anywhere," Da Qing said.

Zhao Yunlan's mouth cracked into a smile. "All right, I won't try." He turned the same expression on Shen Wei, including him in the sentiment.

Which was just as well, because Shen Wei had no intention of going anywhere, either.

Zhao Yunlan wanted it to be easier once there were things to focus on. It was supposed to be, wasn't it? But really, he didn't have very much to focus on. Apart from how he was feeling seriously shaky, jittery with hot-and-cold prickles running through him.

He… wanted.

He hoped he was going to be able to keep on hiding it. Because he had been fine, he had, and then since the lab… he had had the phantom taste of River in his mouth, something which almost wasn't a taste at all, but his body wanted it.

And he couldn't even have a lollipop to take the edge off.

He tried putting a pen in his mouth while Shen Wei was in the lab taking about science again with Lin Jing, but that didn't do anything. Da Qing raised his eyebrows at him in mild judgement.

"Don't look at me like that," Zhao Yunlan said.

Da Qing climbed onto the sofa and leaned up against him. "You aren't okay, are you?" he said. "You smell wrong."

"Thanks, cat," Zhao Yunlan said.

Da Qing shrugged at him. "You're not."

Zhao Yunlan kneaded his eyes. "You want to help?" he asked.

"Yes," Da Qing said, and then eyed him suspiciously. "What are you thinking?"

"I want…" Zhao Yunlan clenched his hands, then released them. "Cigarettes," he said.

"What, you want me to go buy you some?" Da Qing asked. "For real?"

Zhao Yunlan looked around, telling himself he definitely wasn't checking that no one else was in earshot. "I can't eat," he said. "I need… something. They might help."

"Help with what?" Da Qing asked, dubious.

"Just, help." Zhao Yunlan said. He squeezed his eyes shut. "Don't make me beg. Are you going to get some for me, or not?"

"Okay," Da Qing said. "And I take it you don't want Shen Wei to know?"

Zhao Yunlan shook his head.

"You know he'll smell them on you."

Well, that would be afterwards. Zhao Yunlan shrugged. He could take Shen Wei's disappointment.

It didn't take long — there was a shop just down the street, and Da Qing returned in a couple of minutes. He handed over both a cigarette carton and a lighter. "If you go on the roof I'll cover for you," he said.

"Thanks," Zhao Yunlan said, and ruffled his hair.

He took the stairs to the roof two at a time, driven by the urgency of being back before he was missed. Outside it was cloudy but mild, and he leaned against the railing as he flicked the lighter a couple of times to test it and pulled out one of the cigarettes. His hands shook as he lit it.

He'd been afraid that he wouldn't even be able to smoke, but the hit from his first drag cleared his fears. It was good. Calming the jittery feeling even as it made him cough, his lungs having almost forgotten how to take such abuse.

He'd intended to savour it, but he found himself pulling heavily on the cigarette the way he'd done at the height of his smoking years. Charring it down to embers in mere minutes. He lit another almost without thinking. It was helping. It was helping.

The door to the roof opened. Shen Wei, framed within it, hesitated. Just looking at him.

Zhao Yunlan took the half-charred cigarette from his mouth and stubbed it into the back of his hand. Pressing it there, while his breath caught with the pain.

Shen Wei strode towards him and pulled his hands apart. Stared at the reddening, darkening burn as the cigarette end fell to the ground. "Why did you do that?" he demanded.

Zhao Yunlan stared at it too. "I don't know," he said.

Shen Wei put a hand on his shoulder, holding almost tight enough to bruise. "Zhao Yunlan," he said, a little desperately. With his other hand he took Zhao Yunlan's burned hand, folding his fingers over it carefully. And healed the burn.

Which felt — so good. Zhao Yunlan tipped against Shen Wei, partly undone by the delicious sensation of the dark energy pouring into him. He put his other hand on top of Shen Wei's, holding him there as if he could pressure him to keep going, to not stop —

"Zhao Yunlan!" Shen Wei said, sounding shocked.

"Mmm," Zhao Yunlan murmured, and tried to kiss Shen Wei, but Shen Wei pulled back. "Wait, no, can't you… do more…"

"No," Shen Wei said, sharply. He pulled his hand out from between Zhao Yunlan's, and took a quick step backwards. "That — I don't think that would be a good idea."

Zhao Yunlan rocked on his feet, and caught the railing to steady himself. He stared down at his hand, the skin smooth now, without a mark. "I —" he began, and swallowed. "I'm not sure what just happened."

"I don't know," Shen Wei said. He looked unsettled. "We should. Uh. Go back inside."

"Yeah," Zhao Yunlan said. He shoved the cigarette carton into his pocket, pretending he didn't notice how Shen Wei watched him do so.

I'm okay, he told himself. I'm okay. But really he felt like he was coming apart at the seams.

Chapter Text

When Zhao Yunlan stumbled on the stairs Shen Wei almost reached to support him, and then held himself back. He didn't quite dare to touch him. Not after… what had just happened. He didn't understand it but it had been wrong, that look on Zhao Yunlan's face.

He'd never seen that before as a result of healing, or heard of it. But it had been the same expression he'd caught on Zhao Yunlan's face in the lab, when he and Lin Jing had turned to see him holding a cube of River.

It was unsettling. It frightened him. He couldn't allow it to happen again.

Just before they arrived at the foot of the stairs, Zhao Yunlan turned to face him. "Shen Wei…" he began, and reached for him.

Shen Wei instinctively flinched away.

Something shuttered down in Zhao Yunlan's face. "Never mind," he said, harshly, and spun on his heel. He kept going off the stairs and across the SID into his office, where he shut the door in a not-quite-slam.

This time Shen Wei didn't dare go after him. He drifted to a stop instead on the main floor. Da Qing gave him a questioning look, and Shen Wei ducked his head miserably.

"What happened?" Da Qing asked. "Is Lao-Zhao alright?"

"I think he should tell you, if he wants to," Shen Wei said. Knowing that if Zhao Yunlan didn't want to tell anyone then Shen Wei would probably have to share it eventually. Because he was afraid of what else might happen. What other side-effects they might uncover.

"Did you have a fight?"

"I don't know." Shen Wei swallowed. "I don't think he wants to see me right now."

Zhu Hong came into the main room in time to catch that last. "Do you want an assignment?" she said.

"An assignment?" Shen Wei asked.

"You know the kid Lao-Zhao collared yesterday? Han Shi. He's developed some sense after sitting in the interrogation room overnight, and now he's willing to work with us to break into the River supply chain. In exchange for leniency." She gave a grin that was pure snake. "He's going to bring Xiao-Guo along to his contact and try to get him a job. Lao-Chu's lurking, of course, but they could always use more backup."

Shen Wei gave an anguished look towards Zhao Yunlan's closed door. He didn't want to leave. But he wasn't sure his presence in the SID was currently helpful — maybe it was even the reverse. "I'll go," he said, finally.

"I'll look after Lao-Zhao," Da Qing told him.

"Thank you," Shen Wei said, formally.

Zhu Hong gave him the address where he could meet the others. Shen Wei opened a portal and was able to catch up with Chu Shuzhi, who was indeed lurking near a hedge, watching Guo Changcheng and Han Shi loitering across the road next to a boarded-up shop.

"What are you doing here?" Chu Shuzhi asked. He looked past Shen Wei as if surprised to see him alone.

"Zhu Hong sent me to assist if needed," Shen Wei said. He settled a bafflement over them, hiding them from any prying eyes or ears.

"Right," Chu Shuzhi said, managing to convey a certain degree of understanding in that one syllable.

He didn't enquire further, though. They waited together in silence, watching the other two get visibly more bored. Guo Changcheng looked very strange in ripped jeans and a rumpled band t-shirt, not at all like the earnest student he could usually be mistaken for.

Finally another man approached. Much older and wearing a new leather jacket and designer sneakers. He spoke to them, and Han Shi leapt to answer. Too far away for Shen Wei to know what was said, but none of the participants in the conversation were looking happy. Finally the older man snapped at the other two in a dismissive way and turned on his heel.

"I'll follow him," Shen Wei muttered, and started doing so before Chu Shuzhi could object.

The man didn't look as if he was worried about being followed. He strode along confidently and Shen Wei walked behind him, still hidden. Around the corner, and then he got onto a flashy motorbike and zoomed off. Shen Wei might have made it crash, but he didn't think he had good enough grounds to do so on, and he didn't know whether that would interfere with Chu Shuzhi and Zhu Hong's plans.

He returned to meet up with the others, who were all looking disgruntled. "What did he say?" Shen Wei asked.

"Lao-Tang told me to piss off," Han Shi said. "He already heard what happened to the farm. He's really angry that your boss shot the owner. I was, uh. I was supposed to be there at the time."

"We'll find another lead," Guo Changcheng told him. Shen Wei remembered suddenly that Zhao Yunlan had shot that man to save Guo Changcheng's life.

"We're running out of time," Chu Shuzhi growled.

Han Shi gulped. "I'm. Um. Sorry about your friend," he said, meekly.

"Surely you knew what you were doing," Shen Wei said. He was not in a mood to be forgiving.

"No, I just… I mean, okay, we were making drugs, but nothing like that was supposed to happen," Han Shi said, words tripping out of him. "I mean, like, people just choose to do drugs? That's up to them, isn't it?"

Shen Wei turned away sharply. "I'm going back to the SID," he said. "I'll deliver the report."

He was aware that he wasn't behaving very well. But he couldn't focus properly. He was already worried that he had been away too long.

"Go," Chu Shuzhi said, too understandingly.

Zhao Yunlan was still in his office, but the door was open now. Shen Wei caught a glimpse of Da Qing lying on his desk. He reported to Zhu Hong, including the motorbike licence plate and as many other details as he could remember, and she sat down to do something with them on a computer.

"Professor Shen?" Lin Jing called from the lab doorway, and Shen Wei went over immediately.

"Do you have something?"

"I hope to," Lin Jing said. "Uh, Da Qing told me what happened with the healing thing. After Chief Zhao told him."

He looked awkward, so Shen Wei nodded to show that he didn't mind.

"The moth fungus — the drug — there's clearly a lot of interaction going on with dark energy. Could you help me with a couple of experiments?"

"Of course," Shen Wei said. And he was calmed by being able to slip with Lin Jing into the role of a scientist. He directed dark energy towards samples of Zhao Yunlan's blood (and tried not to feel upset about Zhao Yunlan having had all that blood taken from him — it was to help him, after all) while Lin Jing tracked it with various sensors and conducted other tests.

"There's definitely a reaction going on," Lin Jing said. "The drug's not just inert components in his bloodstream — it's still doing something. It really likes being given dark energy." He looked at Shen Wei carefully. "It's like… the moth fungus is alive inside him."

"Can we do anything about it?" Shen Wei asked. Trying to think and speak with a clinician's detachment.

"I don't know yet," Lin Jing said. "I don't even know if this is a usual reaction. What would help —" He paused.

"What?" Shen Wei asked.

Lin Jing grimaced. "We don't know how much of this is abnormal, since it's so abnormal that the Chief's affected at all. I've the blood samples from Dixing addicts which I've been working on, but I've had them too many days now to show any cellular activity. And they're from people who were already in later stages of the addiction and close to death. What I'd want to compare with would be the blood sample of a non-addicted Dixingren who'd taken River."

"You want me to do this," Shen Wei said. Still calmly.

"Well —" Lin Jing hesitated again, and grimaced. "Well. Yes. But I know it's dangerous. Even if you're certain Dixingren don't develop the addiction after just one hit, it's still not something to mess around with."

"But it could help Zhao Yunlan," Shen Wei said.

Lin Jing nodded. "I think it would."

"Fine," Shen Wei said. "I'll do it."

Lin Jing looked uncomfortable, even though it had been his idea. "Do you think you should talk to Chief Zhao about it first?"

It was Shen Wei's turn to grimace. "I…"

"Talk to me about what?" Zhao Yunlan asked. Shen Wei turned quickly and saw him standing in the lab doorway, arms folded.

Lin Jing looked at Shen Wei, but Shen Wei, in a fit of cowardice, nodded for Lin Jing to explain instead. Which he did so.

Zhao Yunlan's mouth drew into a thin line. He glared at Shen Wei. "Absolutely not," he said.

"Zhao Yunlan —"

"No. You can't do that for me."

"I can," Shen Wei said. He took a step closer. "I need to. Zhao Yunlan, please understand. If it leads to a cure —" Not just for Zhao Yunlan, even, but for everyone affected. He held Zhao Yunlan's eyes, willing him to understand. Still pained by how Zhao Yunlan was staying well back from him, even though Shen Wei didn't dare make an attempt to close that gap himself.

Reluctantly, Zhao Yunlan finally nodded. "I guess I can't stop you," he said.

"No," Shen Wei said, softly, and prayed that Zhao Yunlan wouldn't take it as a betrayal.

Shen Wei was still keeping a distance between them, and Zhao Yunlan desperately wanted to reach across it but he didn't know how. Not while Shen Wei was making little flinches away from him which he didn't even seem to be conscious of.

And he had… with the healing… he kind of hated himself for that. For that loss of control, and for the way he had drunk from Shen Wei's dark energy, used him. It made him feel sick to think about.

"Where do you want to sit?" Lin Jing asked Shen Wei.

"It'd be more comfortable on the sofa," Zhao Yunlan suggested.

Shen Wei looked less than happy about the idea, and a moment later Zhao Yunlan's brain caught up and he remembered the comparative lack of privacy in the main room. But then Shen Wei looked around the lab, including at Lin Jing's locked sample cupboard, and said, "All right."

Zhao Yunlan's face heated up at how obviously Shen Wei wanted him out of the lab. But he couldn't deny that it was probably a good idea. He would have suggested pulling the sofa into his office, except for how his office was now full of cigarette smoke which the open window wasn't doing much to mitigate.

At least there weren't many people around. Wang Zheng, after a quick explanation of what was going on, took herself discreetly off to the library along with Sang Zan. Zhu Hong went with her, but Zhao Yunlan suspected she'd stay within earshot. Da Qing, of course, felt no need to give anyone any privacy and continued lurking nearby.

Shen Wei sat down at one end of the sofa, his back straight, looking uncomfortable. "I'm ready," he said.

"Right." Lin Jing put the apparatus he wanted down on the table. Last of all he held out a small plastic sample bag, with a little grey cube of River inside.

Shen Wei reached in and took the cube gingerly. Zhao Yunlan swallowed at the sight of it, clenching his hands together behind his back. He forced himself to follow it with his eyes as Shen Wei put it in his mouth with an expression of distaste, chewed it, swallowed it. All gone, Zhao Yunlan told himself, fiercely. See? All gone.

Shen Wei kept the back of his hand over his lips for a moment after swallowing. Then he cautiously replaced it in his lap. "Interesting," he said. "I feel — Oh." He sagged all of a sudden against the support of the sofa arm. Closed his eyes briefly, and opened them again. "I. Oh. This is…"

"Shen Wei?" Zhao Yunlan abruptly couldn't take the physical separation a moment longer. He stepped quickly closer to the sofa.

Shen Wei looked up, and immediately reached for him. "Zhao Yunlan," he said. Pleadingly.

"Yes," Zhao Yunlan said. "I'm here," and he sat down, capturing Shen Wei's hand. "How are you doing?"

"I… don't know," Shen Wei said. He blinked several times, obviously fighting to focus. "This is. Good, yes." He smiled a bit, and turned his head to follow some point of interest that Zhao Yunlan couldn't see.

"Should it be affecting him this fast?" Zhao Yunlan asked, anxiously.

"It did with you," Lin Jing said.

"I was like this?" Zhao Yunlan asked. It might have been amusing, under other circumstances, to see Shen Wei vaguely stoned and happy. But these weren't those circumstances.

"You had a bigger dose," Lin Jing said. "I don't know if that was the reason, but you were more just… blank."

Shen Wei was turning his head slowly, tracking through his surroundings. Zhao Yunlan put a hand on his shoulder. "Hey," he said. "You're still with me?"

"Yes," Shen Wei said, turning back to him immediately, smiling. "Yes, I'm with you, Zhao Yunlan. Always."

Zhao Yunlan smiled back, and squeezed his shoulder. "I know," he said. Because it was something he didn't doubt. Even when Shen Wei was mad at him.

Shen Wei settled against him with a contented sigh. "This is," he said, and paused. "Mmm. Good."

"I know," Zhao Yunlan half-whispered. The drug was all gone, he reminded himself. Shen Wei had eaten all of it. The rest of it was locked away. He gave himself a mental shake, and looked to Lin Jing. "Aren't you going to take blood?"

"In a few minutes," Lin Jing said. "I want to get as high a concentration in his system as possible."

Shen Wei spent those minutes leaning heavily into Zhao Yunlan. Tracking unknown things back and forth with his eyes. Lin Jing tried to get him to talk about how he was feeling but received only the vaguest of answers. Good, mostly. Finally Lin Jing set up his sample kit and filled several vacuum tubes from the vein inside Shen Wei's elbow. "I'll get straight to work," he said. "Yell if you need me."

"I think we're okay," Zhao Yunlan said. He wanted Lin Jing to take his kit away; to remove the possibility that maybe there was more River in there, even though he knew perfectly well that there wasn't.

Shen Wei nestled closer against him.

"I'm glad you're feeling good," Zhao Yunlan said, softly. "I'm sorry — I wish you weren't doing this for me. But thank you."

"Of course," Shen Wei said. "I love you." He turned a sunny smile to Zhao Yunlan. And — Zhao Yunlan kissed him; he couldn't not, not after that. Because he knew that Shen Wei loved him, but he was usually reticent about saying it out loud, and hearing it just then was badly-needed sweetness to Zhao Yunlan's soul.

He kissed Shen Wei. Gently at first, but then he tasted him. The faint taste of the River, dry and slightly sour. And — Zhao Yunlan pressed against him, pushing Shen Wei's head down against the sofa arm. He pulled at Shen Wei's lips with his own, licked inside his mouth with his tongue, breathless and needing and —

Shen Wei was kissing him back only clumsily but that didn't matter. Zhao Yunlan was hot all over, burning up with need, groaning with it. He bit down hard on Shen Wei's lower lip, tearing, drawing blood. Spilling it hot into his mouth and Zhao Yunlan was licking it, swallowing it. He had his hand around the back of Shen Wei's neck, caressing, pressing hard, holding him tightly in place, tasting Shen Wei's mouth and his blood, tasting —

"Lao-Zhao! Lao-Zhao, stop!"

Da Qing's voice gradually broke in. Zhao Yunlan ignored him at first, ignored the hands on his shoulder trying to pull him back. But his focus had been broken and he was becoming irrevocably more aware. Of Da Qing pulling at him, and his mouth thick with Shen Wei's blood, and Shen Wei lying under him, his hands pushing at Zhao Yunlan's chest weakly. And finally of Shen Wei's quiet moans, which he'd thought echoed his own, but instead resolved into soft, "No… no…"

Zhao Yunlan froze. He was lying on top of a semi-aware Shen Wei, pinning him in place, and Shen Wei was begging him to stop.

He rolled sideways and hit the floor hard. He tried to get up, but the room was spinning and his knees folded under him. Shen Wei lay limp on the sofa, his face flushed and turned towards him, eyes glassy, lips swollen and bruised. A trickle of bloody saliva ran from the corner of his mouth. One of his hands was still making an abortive pushing gesture.

"Lao-Zhao!" Da Qing said, but it was Shen Wei he hovered protectively near.

Zhao Yunlan tried to get up again. With the help of the table he levered himself to his feet, and had to hold onto it tightly to keep his balance as the floor kept tilting under him. "I…" he said. "I, I didn't mean…"

Shen Wei struggled for coherence. Zhao Yunlan was… over there, and trying to stand, and Shen Wei was still feeling the phantom pressure of Zhao Yunlan on top of him except all wrong, Zhao Yunlan didn't act like that, he'd been feeling like he was floating and disintegrating and that had been good but this wasn't.

"I… I didn't mean…" Zhao Yunlan said, and Shen Wei stared at him, no, no, this was all going so wrong and the colours were leaking out of the walls and fragmenting, he couldn't see straight through them.

"Lao-Zhao, you're high," Da Qing said, accusingly.

"I'm not," Zhao Yunlan said instantly, and then his eyes widened. "Oh, shit." He swayed slightly against the table and his hand went to his mouth.

Shen Wei's mouth tasted of blood. He probed his tongue against the torn skin.

Zhao Yunlan made a quick motion forwards and Shen Wei flinched back, horror spilling into him as he understood. He couldn't be here. It wasn't safe for Zhao Yunlan for him to be here. He curled his fingers.

"Don't —" Zhao Yunlan shouted, and maybe Da Qing too, but Shen Wei had already opened a portal, the action coming easily to him even as everything else slipped and slurred and it expanded to swallow him and then he was still lying down but on a hard surface. His head dropped against his kitchen tiles.

The movement through space or the effect of the portal rippled through him in an unpleasant shockwave and he turned his head and retched, vomiting blood and bile. He spat and wiped his mouth with his hand and curled into himself, shivering, damp with cold sweat. His bones knew that the floor was solid but still it seemed to depress under him, tilting him this way and that. He closed his eyes, because the swirl and specks of leaking colour were becoming worse now, dizzying. There was a shrill ringing in his ears which went on in stops and starts. By the time he had identified it as the landline it had stopped completely.

He pressed his face into the tiles, where they were the most solid. He was cold already but still sought more of their coolness against his skin.

Some time later he heard the front door open and multiple sets of footsteps moving through the house without understanding what that implied until Zhao Yunlan was shouting his name and someone was rolling him over and taking his pulse.

"I'm," he said, "I'm okay," and he tried to sit up but didn't manage it, and Zhao Yunlan was sitting against the cupboard across the kitchen looking horrified.

"You really aren't," Zhu Hong said, and finally helped Shen Wei to sit up since he wouldn't stop trying. Da Qing was cleaning up the floor.

"I," Shen Wei said, and couldn't stop shivering.

Zhu Hong poured him a glass of water. Shen Wei tried to pass it in Zhao Yunlan's direction. "Zhao Yunlan — he hasn't been drinking enough, he needs —"

"For heavens' sake," Zhu Hong snapped, and poured out a second glass, which she forced into Zhao Yunlan's hands. "Both of you. Drink something. I didn't sign up to be a babysitter."

Shen Wei drank, and felt it settle his stomach slightly. Zhao Yunlan was staring at him intensely and he drank too, barely seeming to notice what he was doing.

Da Qing nudged Zhu Hong and pointed. Zhu Hong's eyes widened, and she whispered something. Da Qing opened the fridge and found the bowl of plain congee which Zhao Yunlan had been unable to manage that morning. He pushed it and a spoon into Zhao Yunlan's hands and guided him to take a spoonful.

Zhao Yunlan swallowed it. And repeated — Shen Wei found it hard to keep track, but it was about five spoonfuls before Zhao Yunlan abruptly gagged. Da Qing pulled the bowl away quickly and crouched with a hand on Zhao Yunlan's back, but Zhao Yunlan after a brief struggle kept the small amount of food down.

Relief broke the focus that Shen Wei had been holding and he slumped sideways, his empty glass spinning away across the floor. He didn't mind. He felt warm again, although he was possibly still shivering.

"Shen Wei?" Zhao Yunlan asked, soft and fragile.

"Zhao Yunlan," Shen Wei mumbled, watching patterns bleed from the tea towels.

"We should get him to bed," Da Qing said.

Shen Wei found himself propelled up the stairs by Da Qing and Zhu Hong, one on either side. He wasn't sure what his feet were doing. He had his eyes closed while someone took off his shoes and coaxed his arms out of his jacket. Then he was pushed gently into bed and he reached out his arm to the space beside him, but found it empty and cold. "Zhao Yunlan," he whispered.

"He's okay," Da Qing told him.

But he wasn't there. "Zhao Yunlan," Shen Wei said, more urgently.

"Here," Zhao Yunlan said, "I'm here," and then the familiar weight of him was clambering on top of the covers.

"Is that a good idea?" Zhu Hong asked, sharply.

"I'm not —" Zhao Yunlan said, thickly. "I'm just here. I'm not going to —"

"Zhao Yunlan," Shen Wei said, and finally extracted his arm from under the duvet so that he could use it to cling to Zhao Yunlan.

"Shen Wei, it's okay," Zhao Yunlan soothed him. "But I'm not — you shouldn't want me here."

"I do," Shen Wei said, immediately. "I do," and he held Zhao Yunlan tightly, the duvet caught between them so that they were together but also not and he didn't know how to get through that barrier. Zhao Yunlan was stroking his hair and he slowly relaxed, sliding down and down out of his body. Lulled, comforted.

"Is he asleep?" someone whispered.

"Mmm," Zhao Yunlan replied, drowsily. "Maybe."

"I think… you shouldn't sleep here." It was Zhu Hong speaking. Her voice was softened, blurred, as if Shen Wei heard her through water.

"I'm not —" Zhao Yunlan said. "I want to stay with him."

"We'll make you a bed on the sofa," Zhu Hong said.

"No, I want to —"

"Lao-Zhao," Da Qing said. "Do you really want to risk hurting Shen Wei again?"

Shen Wei wanted to protest. Zhao Yunlan wouldn't hurt him, not on purpose. He wanted Zhao Yunlan there, with him. But he couldn't stir himself enough to speak.

"Come on," Zhu Hong said, after a period of silence, and then Zhao Yunlan was gone and Shen Wei tried to reach his fingers after him miserably, wanting more than anything to keep him close, keep him safe.

Chapter Text

Overall, Zhao Yunlan felt better physically the next morning than he thought he had a right to. His head ached, but he could cope with that. Da Qing stayed close to him, unhappily. Zhao Yunlan had sent him upstairs to check on Shen Wei, and he had reported back that Shen Wei was still sleeping.

The memory of his actions the previous evening sat heavy and hot in Zhao Yunlan's gut. He couldn't bear to confront them directly, but he couldn't think about anything else. Shen Wei staring at him in the SID with true fear in his eyes, and then finding Shen Wei collapsed on the floor in the kitchen… Zhao Yunlan moved around restlessly, unable to settle.

Shen Wei finally made it down the stairs in the late morning, taking each step heavily and leaning against the walls for support. His face was grey above his crumpled shirt, hair dishevelled.

"You need to drink something," Da Qing said, who had plenty of past experience in guiding Zhao Yunlan through terrible hangovers. He steered Shen Wei to the dining table where he dropped into a chair and immediately rested his head on his arms. Da Qing fetched him a large glass of water, which he grimly drank his way through.

Zhao Yunlan watched miserably from a distance, on the brink of retreating back to his nest of blankets on the sofa. Surely now that he was sober Shen Wei wouldn't want him near.

But Shen Wei turned his head to seek him out, and said, "Zhao Yunlan," in a pleading voice.

Dragged over by that, Zhao Yunlan cautiously sat down at the table next to him. "Hi," he said. Quietly.

Da Qing gave him a warning look. Zhao Yunlan scowled at him. He knew. And the drug was out of Shen Wei's system now, as evidenced by his hangover, and Zhao Yunlan was… okay just then, which he knew was because of the accidental hit he'd had last night. He tried not to think about it.

"Are you all right?" Shen Wei asked.

"Pretty much," Zhao Yunlan said, cautiously. He struggled with himself to stop there, but then added, "My head hurts," in a voice which had entirely too much of a plea in it.

"Mmm," Shen Wei said, and for the first time ever didn't try and do anything to fix Zhao Yunlan's pain. Which was a good thing. Definitely.

But probably Shen Wei didn't need to be suffering like this. "Do you want to try and… make yourself feel better?" Zhao Yunlan asked.

Shen Wei shot him an anxious look. "I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"We need to know whether that — effect — is a general thing or just a me thing, don't we?" Zhao Yunlan said. He reached out a cautious hand to stroke along the line of Shen Wei's brow, relieved when Shen Wei didn't try to pull back, which he had been half-braced for. "And honestly, you look like death warmed up. I'm worried about you."

It may have been cheating to lean on that angle, but Zhao Yunlan didn't care — especially since it was that which persuaded Shen Wei. He closed his eyes and the furrow between his eyes deepened as he concentrated.

Whatever he was doing didn't look effortless. Shen Wei breathed heavily and a faint sheen of sweat started out on his skin, but his colour measurably improved as Zhao Yunlan watched, and after several seconds he sat up properly and was no longer slightly squinting against the light.

"Was that like usual?" Da Qing asked, while Zhao Yunlan was still trying to tactfully formulate the query. "Not —"

"No, I'm fine," Shen Wei said. Bringing up a brief smile. "It was more strenuous than I expected, though. My dark energy levels seem low." He frowned.

"Might the River have suppressed your dark energy?" Zhao Yunlan suggested.

Shen Wei pursed his lips in distaste. But he reluctantly nodded. "That does sound like the probable explanation." He scrubbed his hands over his face, looking down at his slept-in clothes in dismay as he plainly registered them for the first time.

"We should both get dressed," Zhao Yunlan suggested. He was still in the pyjamas which had been dug out for him last night from the clean laundry pile. (They actually belonged to Shen Wei, but he hadn't said anything when Zhu Hong had handed them to him.) He started heading for the stairs, giving Shen Wei the option to follow him or not.

Shen Wei got up. So did Da Qing. Zhao Yunlan glared in a very pointed fashion, and Da Qing sat down again sulkily. But Zhao Yunlan badly wanted a chance to talk to Shen Wei alone, if he was willing — they hadn't actually been alone together since that disastrous encounter on the roof of the SID. And the more time that passed the harder it got to know what to say.

Upstairs, he sat on the bed and waited for Shen Wei to follow him into the room. Which Shen Wei did, shutting the door behind him. But then he hovered next to it, unwilling to come closer.

Zhao Yunlan swallowed. This was already hard enough. "I'm sorry," he said. "Shen Wei, I'm so sorry."

Shen Wei took a quick step towards him. Still leaving space. "You don't need to —" he began.

Zhao Yunlan laughed bitterly. Wanting desperately to look away, but forcing himself not to. "I hurt you," he said. "I —" He swallowed. "Don't pretend I haven't. You've been flinching when I come near you!"

"That's not —" Shen Wei began.

Zhao Yunlan shook his head quickly, holding up a hand. He needed to get this all out. "I know neither of us can properly trust me right now," he said. "But I'm feeling pretty clear-headed at the moment, and I want…" He paused, searching for the words. "I want, I guess, just to apologise. While I can."

"Zhao Yunlan!" Shen Wei crossed the carpet in a step and sat down on the bed next to Zhao Yunlan, twisting to face him, taking his hands in both of his. "You haven't hurt me."

"I have," Zhao Yunlan said, firmly, because Shen Wei lying to both of them was not how he wanted the conversation to go.

"Not more than I can handle," Shen Wei edited. "Zhao Yunlan, I haven't blamed you. I'm afraid of being the cause of more harm. My dark energy, my blood —"

"That was me," Zhao Yunlan pointed out. "I did those things."

Shen Wei put an arm around his shoulders, and held him close, without speaking. Probably there was nothing he could say which would help. Anything comforting would by necessity be untrue. Zhao Yunlan leaned into that contact, feeling undeserving of it but desperately wanting to prolong it nonetheless.

"I'll go to the SID," Shen Wei said, finally. "We'll all continue working on the case."

Zhao Yunlan nodded against his chest. "I'll come too."

Shen Wei shook his head and pulled back a little, leaving Zhao Yunlan to sit upright again. "You should stay here," he said. "Rest."

"I'd rather carry on working," Zhao Yunlan said.

"Zhao Yunlan…" Shen Wei hesitated. "I think you should stay."

It wasn't a rejection. Really, it made sense. But Zhao Yunlan still felt his face heat up with the sting of it. "Fine," he said, reluctantly.

"Thank you," Shen Wei said, and kissed the side of his head, but not his lips.

"I," Lin Jing said, dramatically, "Am a genius."

"You have a cure?" Shen Wei couldn't help asking, immediately.

"Not yet," Lin Jing admitted, and Shen Wei did his best not to feel crushed — it would have been a big leap, unreasonable to expect. He shouldn't have allowed his hopes to rise like that. "But I've learned a lot more about River. Do you want to go through my data and read it for yourself?"

"You can summarise," Shen Wei said, because for all Lin Jing's bluster he trusted his scientific acumen.

"Okay," Lin Jing said. He adjusted his glasses. "So you know how I said it was like the active component in the drug was alive? Turns out, in the addiction stage, it is — what I've been detecting is the moth fungus actually living and growing within the bloodstream. And it feeds on the dark energy of the person it's infected. Too much, though, and it can't survive — it doesn't gain a foothold until dark energy levels are low."

Shen Wei swallowed. "So Zhao Yunlan —"

"— Had just enough dark energy to cultivate the moth fungus, yes, and not enough to fight it off even on the first hit."

"Dark energy feeds it," Shen Wei repeated, and shuddered at the memory of the two times he'd healed Zhao Yunlan. Making things worse, even if he'd had no way to know that. "My dark energy was much lower this morning, too."

"That's interesting," Lin Jing said. He paused. "I mean, uh —"

"I know what you mean," Shen Wei reassured him. "How does it stop him eating?" And Lin Jing was missing some information, he remembered. "Last night, when he was affected, Zhao Yunlan did manage to eat a small amount of food. Not much, but some."

"It's the fungus which is rejecting the nutrients humans need," Lin Jing said. "I guess it doesn't like the bloodstream being cluttered up with things it can't use." He tapped a pen against his chin. "Introducing another dose might mean that the existing colony is preoccupied with either fighting off or integrating the additions, and that takes priority."

Shen Wei nodded. It fit. "Did you learn anything from my blood?" he asked. He knew he needed to process the implications of what Lin Jing had already told him, but he thought it might be easier to have everything all at once.

"A question first," Lin Jing said. "Was Chief Zhao less ill this morning than he was after the first dose?"

"Yes," Shen Wei said. "Nothing like he was before."

"What about you?"

"I was… quite unwell."

"Right," Lin Jing said, plainly having expected those answers. "I'm pretty sure that's because Chief Zhao got his hit from you. The processing that turns the raw fungus into River seems to be basically repeated by your own dark energy, so what was in your blood was much more refined. I imagine if you had developed the addiction that wouldn't have happened, but in the meantime it resulted in a much cleaner hit for him." He paused. "I have to say, I think we should try to keep this information from spreading."

"I agree," Shen Wei said. He could picture some extremely unsavoury results. "Thank you, Lin Jing. You've done good work."

"Thank me when we've got a cure," Lin Jing said.

"But you're closer now, aren't you, with these new discoveries?"

"Probably," Lin Jing said, looking cheered by Shen Wei's faith. "I'll keep working. I have a couple of ideas. And do you mind if I share this data with the lab at Haixing Inspectorate? Under confidence, of course."

"Of course," Shen Wei agreed. He trusted Li Qian to complement Lin Jing's skills, and handle the situation properly.

He was drawn back into the main room by the sound of an argument, which stopped sharply as soon as he entered. He cleared his throat as he stepped up to the group. "What is it?"

Chu Shuzhi leaned on the sofa arm. "That stupid boy Han Shi contacted Changcheng," he said. "Seems like he's got an idea to get them both into the River supply ring after all."

"What idea?" Shen Wei asked.

It was Zhu Hong who answered. She was sitting on the table in Zhao Yunlan's usual place, cross-legged. "His flashy boss with the motorbike, Lao-Tang, is furious that they lost contact with lots of their River customers when Zhao Yunlan shot the Dixingren in the grow house," she said. "Han Shi thinks he can get into Lao-Tang's good graces if he brings one of the customers back in. Even better if he happened to have found someone who was a link to more."

Shen Wei could see immediately where this was going, and didn't like it. At all. He could feel himself tensing.

"It's a terrible idea," Chu Shuzhi growled.

"I think we ought to ask Lao-Zhao," Zhu Hong said. "He can decide for himself."

"Obviously he's going to say yes," Chu Shuzhi said. "Because he's an idiot."

Guo Changcheng was sitting on the sofa, not weighing in, but he was clearly willing to do his part in this or the argument wouldn't have already progressed so far.

"What do you think?" Zhu Hong asked Shen Wei.

Shen Wei knew that Zhao Yunlan would definitely say yes, and thus sympathised with Chu Shuzhi's reluctance to ask him. "Are there any other leads on the supply chain for us to follow up on, if we don't use this one?"

"No," Zhu Hong said. Chu Shuzhi shook his head in reluctant agreement.

Zhao Yunlan, called by Zhu Hong, agreed to the plan immediately. Eager to at last be doing something other than malingering. He came in with Da Qing — in a taxi, not driving — and tried to walk through the doors of the SID with his usual confidence. He knew that if anyone looked closely (and they would all be looking closely) they'd see that he was too pale with bruise-shadows under his eyes, and was shivering beneath the unseasonably thick jacket he'd wrapped around himself, and stank of cigarettes. But his team pretended hard not to notice.

Except Shen Wei, of course. "Are you all right?" Shen Wei asked, seemingly unable to prevent himself.

Zhao Yunlan gave him a wide smile. "Don't worry," he said. With a warning in his eyes. Don't — because he was working hard on this facade, and it would be so easy for Shen Wei to unravel him.

Da Qing, trailing, sniffed in an unimpressed manner.

The meeting had been arranged inside a probably-illegal car workshop. Shen Wei and Chu Shuzhi were supposedly hiding nearby, so the fact that Zhao Yunlan couldn't see any trace of them was to be expected. Han Shi had picked him and Xiao-Guo up in an incredibly battered brown van and Zhao Yunlan left his jacket inside it. He was there to look like an addict, after all, not hide the evidence.

Xiao-Guo gave him a worried look as they got out, but relaxed slightly when Zhao Yunlan winked at him. Han Shi just looked generally nervous.

They walked into the workshop together and were spotted immediately by the man Zhao Yunlan pegged from Shen Wei's description as Lao-Tang. Dressed in motorcycle leathers which had never had a real battering. He gave Han Shi a not especially friendly grunt of greeting, ignored Xiao-Guo, and focused on Zhao Yunlan. "You, is it?"

"I'm told you're the guy to get River from now," Zhao Yunlan said.

"Yeah, you look like you've run out," Lao-Tang said, giving him a slow up-and-down look.

"Not quite," Zhao Yunlan said, rankling under that too-knowing stare. "But I've got friends relying on me who have."

Lao-Tang sharpened. "How many friends, exactly?"

"A few," Zhao Yunlan said. "And I know more back home who might be persuaded." He made a vague gesture at the ground below them.

At that, Lao-Tang's eyes narrowed. "I'd stay out of that. Word of friendly advice."

"No worries," Zhao Yunlan said, smiling. "Of course you have your own supply chain to Dixing."

"That's right," Lao-Tang said. "For you and your friends up here, though… how much River are you after?"

"How much are you selling?" Zhao Yunlan asked, immediately.

"Wait here." Lao-Tang strode off into the depths of the workshop and returned carrying an insulated lunch bag by its handle. He opened it and tipped it to display the contents. "This is what you can have for now."

Zhao Yunlan… tilted forwards as the smell came wafting out. He couldn't help himself. It was… that was the River, it bypassed his intentions entirely and went straight to some deeper part of his instinct, and he hated that he wanted it. Sweat was soaking his skin. It took all of his self-control not to, to… He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment.

"Yeah, you're gone," Lao-Tang said. He did up the bag's zip and Zhao Yunlan dared to look again. "When you come back you should bring another of your friends with you."

So that he wouldn't lose access to these customers again when Zhao Yunlan died, presumably. Zhao Yunlan shrugged as if he didn't catch the implications. "How much?" he asked, with an effort.

They haggled, and Lao-Tang got very much the best of the deal. He'd shown the River strategically — Zhao Yunlan was having difficulty concentrating on anything else.

"Lao-Tang, you said I'd be in with you if I found you more buyers," Han Shi said, when the money had been handed over.

"Did I? Yeah, I did," Lao-Tang said. "And your scared pal wants a job too, I assume?"

Xiao-Guo nodded vigorously.

"I've definitely got enough work for both you boys," Lao-Tang said. "Come with me."

Zhao Yunlan picked up the bag of River. It felt very heavy in his hand, for all that it barely weighed anything. "Be seeing you," he said.

"You know where to find me," Lao-Tang said.

Zhao Yunlan turned and left, ignoring the prickling between his shoulderblades at having to turn his back on the active threat. He walked out of the shop and straight down the road quickly, trying to keep up his projection of confidence. If he was Lao-Tang he'd be having him quietly followed, in the hope of being led to the next lot of buyers. Middlemen were inconvenient. Shen Wei couldn't intercept him too quickly or it would look suspicious.

He took turns at random. Mostly he was conscious of the handle of the bag, gripped so tightly in his hands that his muscles hurt from being held so tense. He wanted to stop and open it, open it, open it open it —

He couldn't keep this up and he was terrified about what would happen after that. Had lost track of where he was.

"Shen Wei," he said, aloud, clenching his eyes shut. Still walking. Where he put his feet hardly mattered. "Shen Wei, please —"

And then Shen Wei was there, hands catching his shoulders and urgently enfolding him, but Zhao Yunlan jerked out of his grip because what he needed wasn't that, it was, it was — "Take it," he gasped, clenching his jaw between words, tasting blood as he caught his tongue between his teeth. "Take it, please, get it away —"

Shen Wei pulled them away together instead. Without opening his eyes Zhao Yunlan felt the not-pressure of the portal and then he knew they were at home — a quick glance confirmed it — and he was holding out the bag to Shen Wei with his elbow rigidly locked but still Shen Wei had to individually peel his fingers from their death-grip on the handle. And he was shivering, so cold, but flushed by waves of heat at the same time and then he couldn't breathe, there wasn't enough air, with his empty hands he clutched at his head, pressing into his skull hard enough to make it hurt.

"Zhao Yunlan," Shen Wei said, urgently, "Zhao Yunlan, Yunlan," but that didn't help, nothing helped, he couldn't breathe. Not even Shen Wei's hands on him helped, holding him tightly as he crumpled to the floor. He curled over, fighting for breaths, his chest aching. He knew that he was doing this wrong, he wasn't helping himself, but it was too late for more coherence and everything was just —

He came back slowly. Calmed himself little by little, enough first to clutch onto Shen Wei for support and then to lean into him for comfort. Shen Wei got his arms around him properly, held him, made soothing noises which had an edge of distress. He didn't try to make Zhao Yunlan talk until he was recovered enough to hold up his head, to sit up straight.

"The River," Zhao Yunlan said, finally. Gasped, really. "Where is it?"

"Sealed," Shen Wei said. "With my dark energy. I'll take it to the SID when you're recovered."

Zhao Yunlan nodded gratefully. He couldn't stop shivering. Shen Wei pulled a throw down from the sofa and tucked it around him. It helped a bit, but not enough to quell his shaking. "I'm sorry," he said.

"No, you shouldn't be," Shen Wei said. "You did well."

"Did I?" He hated how he was all but begging for the reassurance.

"You got Guo Changcheng in undercover. And confirmed that there's an active smuggling line between Dragon City and Dixing for the drug."

Zhao Yunlan nodded. Clinging to that. "Yeah. I suppose so." He made a move to stand up, and Shen Wei took his arm to help.

Even with Shen Wei's support, the floor tipped away under him as he rose. Zhao Yunlan stumbled, vision fragmenting and legs threatening to give way, and Shen Wei half-dragged him to the sofa and pressed him down onto it. "Zhao Yunlan?"

"I'm okay," Zhao Yunlan mumbled. He rubbed his eyes, forcing away the black specks swirling there. "I'm okay. Just got — lightheaded."

"You can't go on like this without eating," Shen Wei said. "You at least need to drink some water —" and he was gone, and then back with a glass.

Zhao Yunlan did his best to drink, to please Shen Wei. But even water was curdling in his stomach just then, sour and stale. He managed a few sips, no more, and finally pushed the glass back at Shen Wei. "I can't," he said.

"You need to drink," Shen Wei said, unhappy.

"I can't," Zhao Yunlan repeated, flatly. And when Shen Wei still wouldn't take the glass he opened his fingers and let it fall. The glass bounced a little on the rug and the water spread out into a small pool, quickly absorbed into a dark stain.

"Zhao Yunlan," Shen Wei said, pleadingly.

Zhao Yunlan flinched. "I'm sorry," he said. "I…" He didn't know what to say.

"I should go to the SID," Shen Wei said. To take the River out of the house as quickly as possible, they both understood. "I'll be back very soon. A few minutes."

"Fine," Zhao Yunlan said. "That's fine. I'll be here." The aftermath of the panic attack had him exhausted. He dropped back against the cushions.

Shen Wei tucked the throw over him again, rested a hand on his shoulder for a moment, and then was gone.

Chapter Text

Shen Wei cheated. He portalled directly into Zhao Yunlan's office, which was dark. The lights were on in the rest of the SID, which meant that he was all but invisible behind the glass walls as he sank down unsteadily onto one of the chairs and braced his elbows on the edge of the desk.

He breathed. Slowly. Stealing these minutes for himself, even though he had promised Zhao Yunlan that he would waste no time before returning.

But he couldn't make himself get up. He couldn't face talking the operation over, or having to relay Zhao Yunlan's state, or facing Zhao Yunlan. It was all a yawning pit in front of him and he couldn't —

Except, he had to. He had no choice.

When he opened the door of the office he walked straight to the lab. Quickly, not looking around. As if he'd only just arrived. Lin Jing was hunched over his computer looking tired, but he straightened up immediately. "Any news?"

"Zhao Yunlan was able to buy some more River," Shen Wei said, and handed the bag over.

Lin Jing looked at it with dislike. "I'll add it to my stash to be disintegrated later," he said. "How's he doing?"

Shen Wei looked at the wall. "Not well. He wouldn't drink water."

"You could try an IV," Lin Jing said. "Zhu Hong already came and asked me about that, actually. She was wondering about putting a nutrient line in him, but I think the moth fungus would react badly to that." He grimaced at Shen Wei's questioning look. "Anaphylaxis, basically. I recommend saline only."

Shen Wei compressed his lips for a moment. Finally, the words dragged out of him, he said, "You said he's more likely to be able to eat after receiving a dose of River."

Lin Jing stilled. "I did say that," he admitted, and from his reaction Shen Wei guessed this wasn't the first time since then he'd thought about it. "Look, I just don't know enough about River's long-term effects. Whether what people actually die from in the end is from too much of the drug, or from the withdrawal, or from not taking on food or water. You don't know either, do you?"

Reluctantly, Shen Wei shook his head.

"Yeah. So I don't know what to recommend. Maybe giving him small doses of the drug would be better for him than the alternative." He spread his hands, unhappily. "This is… human experimentation level. Maybe it's down to him and his next of kin to decide."

Which, according to the forms Zhao Yunlan had delighted in updating, had beamed while signing with a flourish on the kitchen table, was Shen Wei.

Shen Wei took a deep breath. "Give me some," he said. "I'll… talk to him. We'll decide."

Lin Jing nodded. A minute's rummaging in a cupboard found him a small metal tin into which he put several cubes of River. Shen Wei took it from him, and sent a flick of dark energy to seal it shut. He put it in his pocket. "Thank you."

Lin Jing hunted out medical supplies for him, and packed them up too. There was an uptick in noise from outside the lab now.

Shen Wei went out to meet the returning SID team. Which actually turned out to be only Zhu Hong. Da Qing came hastily out of wherever he'd been lurking.

"Did it go okay?" Wang Zheng asked, anxiously.

"Xiao-Guo got his undercover role," Zhu Hong said. "Lao-Chu's his current backup, I'll swap with him in a few hours. Da Qing, you're on duty in the morning." She looked to Shen Wei. "The Chief is…"

"At home," Shen Wei said. "I'm going back there now."

Zhu Hong nodded. "Take Da Qing," she said.

Da Qing bristled with a cat's instinctive rejection of orders. "I'm being assigned?"

"Yes," Zhu Hong said, shortly.

"Come on, then," Shen Wei said, and took hold of Da Qing's shoulder. Pulled them out into the living room, where he'd left Zhao Yunlan, and his heart stuttered as he looked around frantically because Zhao Yunlan wasn't there — but a moment later he heard the tap running in the bathroom and leaned heavily against the back of the sofa, dizzy in his relief.

Da Qing frowned at him. "Are you —"

"I'm fine," Shen Wei said. He rubbed his hand across his mouth, and turned away quickly.

Da Qing pounced on him and grabbed his wrist. "That's blood," he said, accusingly.

Shen Wei pulled his hand back and wiped it on his dark trousers. "It's nothing," he said.

"But you're —" Then Zhao Yunlan came back into the room, looking ill and exhausted, and Da Qing instantly forgot the subject. "Lao-Zhao?" he said, in a small voice.

Zhao Yunlan scraped up a smile. "Hi," he said, and dropped heavily onto the sofa. "That was a while."

"I'm sorry," Shen Wei said, guiltily. "I had to talk to Lin Jing."

"It's okay," Zhao Yunlan said. "I didn't mean it like that." His eyes fell on the medical bag near Shen Wei's feet. "What's that?"

"An IV," Shen Wei said.

Zhao Yunlan sighed. "Probably a good idea," he said. "Pass it here."

"You're not going to set it up yourself?" Da Qing asked, very dubiously.

Zhao Yunlan rolled his eyes. "So you think I'm going to let you do it? Didn't you refuse to take the medical training on the grounds of Ewww?"

Da Qing wrinkled his nose and hissed at him irritably.

"I don't know how to set one either," Shen Wei admitted.

"Yeah, I know," Zhao Yunlan said. "And so, I'm going to do it."

It was a logical argument, although Shen Wei wasn't sure he liked it. Zhao Yunlan's hands were trembling badly while he put the stand together and hung the saline bag from it, but he persisted. Then he went to insert the needle into his arm, but it shook against his skin as he tried to hold it steady.

Shen Wei knelt down beside him. "Zhao Yunlan," he said.

"I can't," Zhao Yunlan said, voice cracking with frustration. He squeezed his free hand into a fist and drove it hard against his thigh. "I can't make it work."

"Let me," Shen Wei said. "I can help you." He took Zhao Yunlan's other hand, the one holding the needle, in his. Holding it tightly, hard enough to quell the worst of the tremors. This close the cigarette stink was harsh in the back of Shen Wei's throat.

Zhao Yunlan nodded and took a deep breath. He pulled, guiding, and Shen Wei did his best to keep on counteracting the shaking. Zhao Yunlan screwed his eyes tight in concentration and didn't breathe out until the needle slid gently into his vein. Then he connected the tubing, thumbed open the switch, and finally exhaled, long and slow, and flopped back against the sofa arm.

"Does it help?" Da Qing asked, as the saline from the bag began to drip through.

"It's only been a few seconds, learn some patience," Zhao Yunlan said, with his eyes shut.

Shen Wei looked at him. Around his still-perfectly-maintained beard Zhao Yunlan's face already seemed more hollow, his cheekbones starker. He moved his arm over his stomach, pressing in slightly. Three days without eating were taking their toll on his body. "Da Qing," Shen Wei said, without looking away from Zhao Yunlan. "Could you give us a moment?"

"Why?" Da Qing asked.

Zhao Yunlan groaned. "Just do it," he ordered. "Go out and buy me more cigarettes or something."

"What, you finished them already?" Da Qing asked. Zhao Yunlan didn't answer. "Okay. Fine."

He left, and Zhao Yunlan rolled slightly to get a better view of Shen Wei, still kneeling on the rug. "What is it?" he asked.

It wasn't that there hadn't been time to talk Zhao Yunlan through Lin Jing's findings while they were preparing for the operation earlier. Shen Wei had just… not done so. Now he summarised them as quickly as possible.

"You want me to take more River," Zhao Yunlan said, flatly. Or tried to — his mouth set in a thin line.

"I want you to eat," Shen Wei said. There was desperation in his voice and he tried to hide it. He couldn't — this shouldn't be about emotion.

"I," Zhao Yunlan began, and then stopped himself. Swallowed. "I —" He stopped again, and shook his head. "I can't make this decision. I'm not — Shen Wei, I can't be rational about this." He met Shen Wei's eyes. "You have to do it for me."

"I can't," Shen Wei said.

"I can't," Zhao Yunlan said. "Please."

Shen Wei stood up in one abrupt motion and headed for the kitchen. He boiled the kettle, then set a portion of noodles cooking. Chopped vegetables, although not as many as usual because he was trying to keep the taste as plain as possible. A quick meal. It wasn't long before he had a bowl ready to serve.

He looked to make sure that Zhao Yunlan was still lying curled on the sofa before he unsealed the metal tin and cut a piece from one of the cubes of River. He crumbled it against a plate using the back of a spoon and then used the spoon to sprinkle it over the bowl of noodles, mixing it in. Like perfectly normal seasoning. Like this was normal, a day like any other, and he was making a usual dinner for Zhao Yunlan. He tried not to inhale, because the smell… pulled at him, turned him faintly lightheaded. He resealed the tin and doused everything which had touched the River in bleach. None of it had got on his skin but he washed his hands anyway.

The front door opened, signalling Da Qing's return. He called a greeting, but his voice sharpened halfway through and he stuck his head into the kitchen, sniffing the air in distaste. "What are you doing?" he demanded.

"Help me up to bed and I'll tell you on the way," Zhao Yunlan said, tiredly, from behind him.

Shen Wei should have thought of getting him settled upstairs. He watched tensely from the kitchen doorway as Zhao Yunlan threw his arm over Da Qing's shoulders, unashamed of taking support from him. Da Qing took the IV pole and they moved up the stairs together.

After a few minutes, Shen Wei followed. Leaving him enough time to get settled first. Zhao Yunlan had stripped off his jeans and climbed into the bed. The wrong side, because of the IV.

His whole focus, the moment Shen Wei entered, went to the bowl in Shen Wei's hands.

"I don't like this idea," Da Qing said.

Zhao Yunlan shrugged unhappily. Not looking away. "Shen Wei…"

Shen Wei sat on the bed beside him and handed him the bowl and a pair of chopsticks. Zhao Yunlan took them, carefully not snatching though the line of his shoulders was rigid. He looked at the food, and then he breathed in the smell from it, deeply, and something in his face extinguished as he began to eat. Determinedly. He chewed and swallowed and Shen Wei watched every bite, feeling like he could barely breathe.

Zhao Yunlan got very nearly to the bottom of the bowl before he slowed, and stopped. "Mmm," he said, and tipped against Shen Wei, who quickly rescued the bowl from his nerveless fingers.

"Lao-Zhao," Da Qing said, unhappily, and burrowed himself onto the bed between them.

Shen Wei let himself be displaced. He stared at Zhao Yunlan's slack face for long moments, torn between relief that he'd got the food down, and horror at the price of it. Zhao Yunlan didn't look like… anything. He looked blank, uninhabited, as he had the first time.

Shen Wei abruptly couldn't bear it. He took the bowl and chopsticks down to the kitchen, where he bleached them too. And then he sat at the dining table and… just sat.

Da Qing was with Zhao Yunlan, keeping watch over him. So Shen Wei wasn't abandoning him by not immediately going back upstairs. But he should go. He should. Zhao Yunlan, if he wasn't in this condition, would expect him to.

He couldn't.

Zhao Yunlan tried to wake up but there was too much… Too much.

He was so cold. His bones ached with it. There was a low moan forcing its way out his throat and he curled up into a ball — something in his hand was getting in his way and he pulled it out. There was something wrong all the way through his body but he couldn't remember what.

A hand against his cheek was so hot it almost burned him. "Zhao Yunlan?" Shen Wei said. "Are you awake?"

Zhao Yunlan struggled to become more so. He cracked his eyes open and the light hurt. He closed his eyes again.

"Zhao Yunlan," Shen Wei said, more insistently. The mattress dipped as he pressed closer. "Are you… please." His voice cracked.

That forced up Zhao Yunlan's head, barely. His vision was out of focus, doubling, and he couldn't make out Shen Wei's expression. "I'm —" But the movement brought on too much vertigo and he fell back against the pillow.

"I'm sorry," Shen Wei whispered, which made no sense.

A little later Zhao Yunlan tried to get up again, and this time managed to use his arms to push himself to sitting. There was no one in the room and he tried to get out of bed. Somehow he ended up on the floor instead, shockingly cold and unable to think how to get back to the warmth of the covers. He wrapped his arms around himself and pressed his pounding forehead into his knee.

Shen Wei found him, of course. "Zhao Yunlan," he said, voice soft, and put an arm around him.

"S-Shen Wei," Zhao Yunlan said, his teeth chattering. He wanted to cling to him, but couldn't make himself uncurl.

"What do you need?" Shen Wei asked, and he sounded close to despairing. "I want to help…"

"C-cold," Zhao Yunlan managed.

"A bath?" Shen Wei suggested. Zhao Yunlan nodded against his chest.

Shen Wei left him, and then was back, and then was supporting Zhao Yunlan to the bathroom, the water already running. He tried to help Zhao Yunlan strip but Zhao Yunlan pushed his hands away, being still capable of that much himself even if he needed to hang onto Shen Wei's shoulder to keep himself upright through the process. He sank into the hot water with a gasp of relief.

Warmth gradually stole into him. He woke up more, rubbed his eyes into focus. Turned his head to find Shen Wei, sitting on the mat alongside, watching him closely in turn. A deep anxious frown was written onto his forehead. "Are you okay?" Zhao Yunlan asked.

"Of course," Shen Wei said. He made an unconvincing effort to smooth out his expression. "I'll wash your hair."

"I can do it," Zhao Yunlan said.

"Let me," Shen Wei said, and was already pouring shampoo into his hand so Zhao Yunlan nodded in inevitability. And it felt good, Shen Wei's hands kneading into his scalp, taking some of the pain in his head away. He sighed in contentment.

"Are you feeling better?" Shen Wei asked, anxiously.

"Yeah," Zhao Yunlan said. It was true, enough. "Wow. That really… knocked me out."

"It was a mistake," Shen Wei said. Zhao Yunlan tried to meet his eyes, but Shen Wei was determinedly looking down at his own hands instead. "I'm sorry. It wasn't worth it."

"I ate something, didn't I?" Zhao Yunlan asked. Half-testing to check whether it was a real memory.

Shen Wei nodded briefly. "It was still a mistake," he said. "The effect of the dose on you was much worse than I expected. You're still… "

"Mmm." Zhao Yunlan swallowed. "Can we — stop talking about it now?"

"Oh," Shen Wei said, miserably. "I'm sorry."

"Don't —" Zhao Yunlan pleaded, because he couldn't bear the weight of Shen Wei's guilt on top of everything else. Shen Wei looked full into his face then, and a shutter came down. Which also wasn't what Zhao Yunlan wanted, but he felt powerless to do anything about it.

He tried to enjoy the feeling of Shen Wei rinsing the soap out of his hair.

When he got out of the bath Shen Wei was of course still there to support him, and wrap him in a towel, and guide him back to the bedroom to get dressed. And continue hovering. "I'm fine," Zhao Yunlan said. He really was. Comparatively. "I can do this myself."

"I'm glad," Shen Wei said, and didn't look at all less anxious.

"I'll meet you downstairs," Zhao Yunlan said.

"But what if you need help?" Shen Wei asked.

"Then I'll call," Zhao Yunlan said. "Or you'll hear the thump when I fall over. Either."

It wasn't a very good joke, and it landed flatter than he'd intended. More shutters came down in Shen Wei's expression. "I'll be downstairs," he said, quietly, and left.

Zhao Yunlan… couldn't deal with this. He felt exhausted and weak and his head still ached horribly and he was irritated, which he hated and knew was unfair when Shen Wei was only trying to help and was so desperately worried, but knowing that only made it worse. He got dressed slowly and with an appalling outlay of effort and went downstairs, which he could also do perfectly fine on his own, although by the time he got to the bottom of the stairs he was shaking and had to head straight for the sofa and drop down there.

Shen Wei came out of the kitchen and wordlessly set a glass of water onto the coffee table.

"I had an IV," Zhao Yunlan said. Which he'd pulled out, right, but he was probably not in danger of dehydration just then.

Shen Wei frowned at him very slightly. "You should still keep trying to drink."

"Later," Zhao Yunlan said, irritably. "Have you seen my phone? How's the operation going?"

"I believe Guo Changcheng is making progress undercover," Shen Wei said. "That was the report when Da Qing left for his shift, anyway." He went on a hunt for Zhao Yunlan's phone, finally bringing it over.

The battery was dead. Useless. Zhao Yunlan smacked it against a cushion in disgust.

"Zhao Yunlan —" Shen Wei said.

"What?" Zhao Yunlan snapped.

"Never mind," Shen Wei said, and retreated into the kitchen.

Zhao Yunlan tried turning on the television, but the flickering light made his headache instantly surge back and he switched it quickly off. Reading was out on the same grounds. And he didn't think he could concentrate for long enough anyway. The charger for his phone was upstairs but he didn't think he could make it up there alone yet. And he didn't want to ask for help.

He was sick of needing help. Sick of — this. Everything.

"Zhao Yunlan!" Shen Wei snapped.

Zhao Yunlan hadn't heard him approach. He blinked. Unclenched his hand from where he had been digging his nails into his left arm. Five dark purple crescents remained.

Shen Wei's hand came to rest on his shoulder. Gentle. Supportive.

Unbearable.

"Don't," Zhao Yunlan said, and shook him off. "Don't."

"Zhao Yunlan —"

"No."

Shen Wei closed his mouth, but his jaw clenched visibly for a moment. Biting back whatever he wanted to say.

"Stop staring at me," Zhao Yunlan demanded. "Stop — everything. Leave me alone."

"Are you feeling —"

"No!" Zhao Yunlan snapped. "No, I am not feeling all right! Just — I can't —" He bent over, fisting his hands in his hair. "I need — Just stop! Leave me alone."

He half-glanced at Shen Wei and abruptly dropped his head again so that he couldn't see any more of Shen Wei's expression. Because he knew he was hurting him — he knew and he couldn't stop, couldn't take it back. He couldn't cope —

"I'll ask someone else from the SID to come," Shen Wei said, quietly.

"I don't want anyone!" Zhao Yunlan shouted. "I don't need a fucking babysitter to watch me and feel sorry!" He picked up his phone, hurled it at the wall, flinched at the crash.

He was breathing harshly and he wasn't crying, he was not —

He saw the portal flicker in the corner of his eye and looked just in time to catch Shen Wei's face, wide-eyed and shattering.

And then Shen Wei was gone and he wanted to take it all back after all, but it was too late.

He buried his face in a cushion and screamed. While no one could hear.

Chapter Text

Shen Wei arrived outside the SID, at the top of the steps. He leaned against the brick wall for a moment to get his balance, which turned into more moments than he'd intended. When he finally felt steady he headed inside.

"What are you doing here?" Chu Shuzhi asked in some surprise, his chair scraping the floor as he stood quickly.

If it had been Da Qing or Zhu Hong asking then Shen Wei could have dissembled, but it was harder to do so in the face of Chu Shuzhi's bluntness. "Zhao Yunlan asked me to leave," he said, tightly. And maybe it was better to just say it at once. Maybe.

"He did what?" Zhu Hong demanded. Shen Wei hadn't spotted her conferring with Lin Jing near the entrance to the lab. They both headed towards him. "Is he all right?" she asked.

Shen Wei shook his head. Torn, between the desire to be give Zhao Yunlan what he wanted and the need to be truthful. He avoided all of their eyes, as a middle ground. "He says he's sick of being looked after."

Zhu Hong's expression was uncertain. Unhappy. "Should one of us go over there instead? If you're having… a break?"

Shen Wei wanted to say yes immediately. Because Zhao Yunlan was currently alone, and ill, and hurting, and he couldn't stand the thought of that. But he wasn't sure what would help Zhao Yunlan the most at that moment.

"What happened with the River?" Lin Jing asked, while Shen Wei was still trying to give an answer. "Da Qing said he ate a bit of food last night after taking some — so it worked?"

An easier question. "We're not doing it like that again," Shen Wei said, grimly. "He's not long woken up from it, and the dose made him extremely unwell. It wasn't worth the gain."

Lin Jing winced. "I'm sorry," he said. "It was my idea."

"But my decision," Shen Wei said.

Lin Jing rubbed the back of his head uncomfortably. "I'm sure the Chief wouldn't want you blaming yourself," he said.

Shen Wei remained silent. He didn't want to venture an opinion on how Zhao Yunlan might feel about it.

"I'll go over there," Chu Shuzhi offered. The corner of his mouth turned up slightly. "He can yell at me if he likes, I won't care."

"Thank you," Shen Wei said, quietly.

Chu Shuzhi clapped him on the shoulder. "Hey. Whatever he said to you, I'm sure he didn't mean it."

Shen Wei shook his head wordlessly. He had no such expectation.

"I'll call you if Da Qing reports in," Zhu Hong told Chu Shuzhi.

Chu Shuzhi nodded briskly, grabbed the keys to one of the SID cars, and strode out.

Shen Wei turned back from watching him leave and found Zhu Hong staring at him, biting down on her lower lip. "Are you okay?" she asked, a little hesitantly. "You look. Uh. Tired."

"I'll be fine," Shen Wei said. He didn't want to pursue the subject. "Is there anything I can do right now to help?"

"Can I take some more blood samples from you?" Lin Jing asked. He shrugged as Zhu Hong glared at him. "I'm going over to the Inspectorate shortly to pool our research. They'd be useful."

"Of course," Shen Wei said, and followed Lin Jing to the lab, where he sat obediently. Lin Jing filled multiple sample tubes, and Shen Wei felt slightly lightheaded once he'd finished. Lin Jing looked at him a bit askance. Maybe he wasn't hiding it as well as he thought.

"How have you been?" Lin Jing asked. "Did you have any more effects from taking the River?"

"My dark energy has still been slow to recover," Shen Wei admitted. He didn't like saying it, but Lin Jing needed that information.

Lin Jing nodded with a frown. "Do you think that's usual?"

"I'm not sure," Shen Wei said. He'd continued using energy, particularly to travel. Possibly he should get a taxi when he returned home, to conserve himself.

"Well, maybe Dr Qian and I will have some answers soon," Lin Jing said, trying to sound hopeful.

Shen Wei nodded and stood up, and held onto the edge of the bench for a moment while a wash of dizziness passed through him, blinking rapidly until he steadied himself.

"Go sit down for a bit and drink plenty of fluids," Lin Jing ordered, and then felt the need to follow Shen Wei out into the main room and repeat the instruction in front of an audience. Which resulted in Zhu Hong leading Shen Wei firmly to the sofa and Wang Zheng bringing a large glass of orange juice and watching while he drank it, before following up with tea and a steamed bun, which Shen Wei ate three quarters of and slipped the rest back onto its plate.

Then Zhu Hong brought a blanket over, and Shen Wei tried to protest.

"How much did you sleep last night?" she asked, sternly. "Do you think Lao-Zhao will be happy with any of us if you run yourself into the ground?" Which gave him enough of a guilty twinge to make him accept it.

Still, he expected to be too anxious to actually nap. Until he was woken by a sudden loud bustle of activity around him. Disorientated and sleep-leaden. The clock on the wall said he'd been asleep for several hours — shockingly, it was nearly 9pm.

Zhu Hong was speaking into her phone, fast and agitated. Shen Wei stood up and cast around, finding that Sang Zan was nearest. "Has something happened?" he asked.

"Guo Ch-Changcheng is missing," Sang Zan said.

"Missing?" Shen Wei asked, alarmed.

Zhu Hong heard him as she ended the call. "The whole group's vanished," she said. "Da Qing thinks Lao-Tang might have realised they were being trailed." She gave him a considering look. "Lao-Chu wants to join the field operation and help. But he says Lao-Zhao's not doing well. Do you think you —"

"I'll go to Zhao Yunlan," Shen Wei said, immediately. Then worried for a moment — had Zhu Hong been instead about to ask him to help in the field as well, with his powers?

But she nodded. "Good," she said. "I'll call if there's anything to report. And make sure both of you take care of yourselves, okay?"

Shen Wei nodded. Then despite his previous intentions he summoned a portal and stepped through, relieved to find that the short sleep had refreshed him, although he'd already made sure he would arrive outside the front door of the house just in case. He took a deep breath and went inside.

"Shen Wei?" Zhao Yunlan called out instantly, weakly. From the living room, as Chu Shuzhi emerged into the hall to meet Shen Wei.

"Any news on Changcheng?" Chu Shuzhi asked, although of course there hadn't been any time for that. But Shen Wei knew too well that desperate plea to be told good news.

"Not yet, I'm sorry," he said, and Chu Shuzhi nodded with perfect understanding. "How's Zhao Yunlan?" he asked, quietly.

"Unhappy," Chu Shuzhi said, briefly. "With everything, especially himself. Go and talk to him." And then he headed out, and Shen Wei had no excuse not to enter further into his own house.

Zhao Yunlan was huddled on the sofa, under a blanket. Shen Wei almost didn't want to look at him, but Zhao Yunlan said, "Shen Wei!" in a tone that dragged his attention to his face.

"How —" are you feeling, Shen Wei almost asked, automatically, but he remembered to cut himself off not quite in time. He stared helplessly at Zhao Yunlan instead.

"Shen Wei, I'm sorry," Zhao Yunlan said. There was none of the anger Shen Wei had been braced for in his expression. Only… an almost naked desperation on his horribly pale face. "I didn't mean to —" He reached out a hand, which was shaking.

Shen Wei took a hesitant step forward and then Zhao Yunlan grabbed him and pulled him towards the sofa. He nestled against Shen Wei as soon as he sat down. His whole body was racked with constant small shivers. "Zhao Yunlan," Shen Wei murmured, and wrapped an arm around him, holding him close. Feeling a small measure of relief, despite everything else.

"I can't do this," Zhao Yunlan whispered. "I can't take this. I feel…" He swallowed. "This feels awful."

Shen Wei stroked his sweat-sticky hair back from his forehead. He was disturbed by how cold Zhao Yunlan's skin was. "Lin Jing will find a solution," he said, trying to make himself believe it at the same time. "He and Li Qian are working on it." His arm ached faintly where Lin Jing had taken the blood samples.

Zhao Yunlan nodded, and hunched over with a groan.

"What is it?" Shen Wei asked, sharply.

Zhao Yunlan shook his head. "Just. Aches. They come and go."

Shen Wei looked with trepidation at Zhao Yunlan's sunken features. His stomach must be cramping with hunger, even though the moth fungus wasn't letting the signals go through. "Did you drink anything?" he asked.

Zhao Yunlan shook his head tiredly. "Lao-Chu was going to hook me up to the IV again soon." He shrugged. "Zhu Hong will call if there's any news about Xiao-Guo, won't she?"

"She promised she would," Shen Wei said.

"I wish I was out there," Zhao Yunlan said. "Doing something to help. Not being… useless." He curled around another groan.

"What can I do to help you?" Shen Wei asked. His voice came out strained.

Zhao Yunlan's eyes softened as he looked up. "I don't know," he said. "Just — be here with me?"

"Of course," Shen Wei said. He shifted his grip, pulling Zhao Yunlan further against him so that he could hold him with both arms around him. Zhao Yunlan gave a little contented moan, shot through with pain.

The shivering was getting worse. Shen Wei sat with him, and felt helpless as Zhao Yunlan kept making little noises which indicated suffering. And his breathing began to hitch as well, though Shen Wei stroked his back slowly to try and bring him into a calmer rhythm. He wished he could use his dark energy to at least try and work out which was the most pressing need of Zhao Yunlan's body, but he didn't dare make even that small attempt, too afraid of the harm it could cause.

"Shen Wei," Zhao Yunlan moaned. Twisting slightly against him.

"I'm here," Shen Wei said. "Zhao Yunlan —"

"Help me," Zhao Yunlan groaned. "I can't — I can't do this. Please. Help me."

"How?" Shen Wei asked, desperate.

Zhao Yunlan swallowed. "I need —" he began, and stopped. "I need —" He brought his fists up to his face, hiding his expression behind them.

Shen Wei could hear his pulse pounding in his ears. He remembered Lin Jing saying that they didn't know how dangerous the withdrawal effects could be. And though last night had gone badly, Zhao Yunlan had been in much better shape after the other time. The second time. When he'd got the hit from the River in Shen Wei's blood.

They just needed to keep buying days. Hours. For Lin Jing and Li Qian to find a cure…

"Stay here," he said, decision abruptly made, and left Zhao Yunlan shivering on the sofa while he went to the kitchen. He had portions of pre-made congee in the freezer and he pulled one out, already flavoured and mixed with shredded beef, and set it to defrost in a saucepan with water. He had some soup stock too and he heated that in a separate pan.

He… tried not to think too much about what he was doing as he set out everything he would need. It was practical, it was, and it would help, and he couldn't think of another way. Especially when he checked on Zhao Yunlan and found him curled up and still shivering, eyes closed, face glossy with sweat and his cold skin pulled tight over his cheekbones. He'd seen someone in the late stages of River addiction, near death. They had looked… not so far off from Zhao Yunlan's current state.

Zhao Yunlan opened his eyes, as if he could feel the weight of Shen Wei's concern. "Hey," he said, and tried very hard to summon up a smile.

"Can you come to the table?" Shen Wei asked. He thought this might be easier if there were some trappings of normality.

Zhao Yunlan looked a bit confused, but nodded. Shen Wei slipped under his arm to support him, and led him into the kitchen. Where the table was set, and Zhao Yunlan frowned at it. "Uh," he said, as he slumped into a chair. "What's going on?"

"Do you remember Lin Jing's findings?" Shen Wei asked. "After it's ingested, the moth fungus gets refined further by the time it gets into the bloodstream, makes it more —"

"No!" Zhao Yunlan barked out. He tried to push himself back from the table but failed. Clung to the edge instead. "You can't be going to — Shen Wei, that's insane."

"It's not," Shen Wei said, and set his mouth stubbornly. "You can't — I can't watch you like this. You need nutrition. Food. You —"

Zhao Yunlan was shaking his head, although only briefly before he screwed his eyes shut and thrust his palms flat onto the table for balance. "You can't do that for me."

"I can," Shen Wei said, and waited.

Zhao Yunlan opened his eyes cautiously and looked at all the careful preparations. He breathed slowly, in and out. "You've thought about this," he said.

Shen Wei nodded.

Another long pause, and then his face twisted and Zhao Yunlan nodded too, and then bent over as he was wracked with another cramp of pain. "Thank you," he whispered.

Shen Wei took the tin from his pocket. He unsealed it, and put a cube of River into his mouth in a quick motion before sealing the tin again quickly, not missing how Zhao Yunlan's eyes unwillingly followed it. He chewed, and the River tasted — not good, not at all, but still he wanted it. He swallowed, and washed the residue on his tongue down with a glass of water. He washed and dried his hands at the sink.

"Shen Wei?" Zhao Yunlan asked, hesitantly. "Are — Are you okay?"

Shen Wei nodded, which set the room bobbing slightly. He remembered to turn the hobs off, since both pans were ready. He was concentrating fiercely. Surely he would be able to deal with the River's effects if he just didn't let himself get distracted.

He… he would…

"Shen Wei?" Zhao Yunlan asked, again, and then there were Zhao Yunlan's arms around his waist, so that Shen Wei could lean back against him for support for a moment, before he remembered that Zhao Yunlan wasn't in any state to sustain that support for long. He leaned forward onto the counter-top instead, and closed his eyes. Breathing through the first of the effects of the drug, because he had to give it time to get into his bloodstream. Zhao Yunlan's arms were still around him, and he still shook with fine tremors.

Finally, Shen Wei pulled himself free. "Sit down," he said. "Please. I need to focus —" He waited for Zhao Yunlan to retreat, and then turned to the glass jug he'd set out because collecting his blood first seemed neater, more controlled, and the knife. He picked the knife up, and laid it against a vein on his left forearm, opening it with a careful nick.

— Or, that was the intention, but the knife went deeper than he'd intended, and further. He stared in consternation for a second at the instant dark well of blood, then shook the worry off. He'd deal with it later. It wasn't much of a difference. He held his arm over the jug and watched the blood trickle down his skin and drip into the glass. He missed what Zhao Yunlan was saying, absorbed by watching that intense redness.

He remembered. What he was doing. He lifted the jug and divided his blood between the pans — into the broth, and the congee. Stirred them both, the colour vivid and swirling, and served them up — clumsily, frowning as he slopped some outside the bowls. He carried the bowls to the table and set them down with a clatter.

"Shen Wei," Zhao Yunlan was saying, and reaching for his shirtfront. "You need to stop the bleeding — You should have done that first —" His voice trailed away as Shen Wei pushed the bowl of congee towards him. He drew in his lips, and inhaled sharply.

"Eat it," Shen Wei said. "Please." He dropped himself into a seat and caught himself against the table-top with his elbows. Still fighting not to notice the way his vision was fragmenting, spinning. Zhao Yunlan lift his first spoonful of congee slowly to his mouth. He shut his eyes for a moment as he tasted it. Then he took another spoonful, faster.

Shen Wei finally dragged his attention away. He raised his hand to his arm and concentrated on bringing up his dark energy to heal the wound.

It didn't work. His dark energy was there, some of it, but it was like trying to scoop up water from a bucket with only his fingers. It slid from his grasp before he ever had enough to shape his intent. And he was also watching Zhao Yunlan eat, one full spoonful after another, until he'd finished the bowl. Shen Wei took it from him to refill.

"You're —" Zhao Yunlan swallowed thickly. "You're still bleeding."

Yes, he was. He refilled the bowl first, and handed it back to Zhao Yunlan, and then he reached up to the top of the cupboard to find the first-aid kit. Brought it back to the table and frowned at the red brush-strokes multiplying across the surfaces and table-top. Fingerstrokes. Swirling in his vision.

He pulled the first-aid kit towards him and fumbled out a bandage. He unrolled it with stiff, numb fingers, more focused on Zhao Yunlan's progress through the meal than on the difficult task of wrapping the bandage around his arm, but he thought that eventually he had it done well enough. Zhao Yunlan lifted the bowl of broth and drank it all, swallowing again and again, and set it down with an unfocused sigh.

"Do you want more?" Shen Wei asked, and was getting up without giving Zhao Yunlan time to answer. The floor tilted under him but he caught the ladle and measured out more of the broth. As he turned back he caught the jug with his arm and sent it spinning to the floor. It crashed at his feet, red shards splintering, splattering. "Oh," Shen Wei said, softly.

"Shen Wei?" Zhao Yunlan slurred, and got up from the table, but he tipped off-balance immediately, sliding to the floor.

Shen Wei sat more slowly, to be on the same level. Among the glass, he realised too late. Never mind. He had kept hold of the newly-filled bowl of broth and he pushed it towards Zhao Yunlan. "Drink," he said. "You need… You need to."

Zhao Yunlan took it, and drank, and then dropped the bowl the last little way. It rang against the tiles but didn't break. Shen Wei was glad — he liked it, with its blue glaze. Almost luminous under the kitchen lights. He watched it roll, and roll, and finally settle, and he was tipping over too, lying with his head near it on the tiles. Peaceful. His thoughts rolled like the bowl, gently away.

"Shen Wei?" Zhao Yunlan's blurry face hovered near his own, and Shen Wei smiled at him.

"Zhao Yunlan," he said. "How are you feeling?" And then he caught himself. "No — I'm sorry —"

"Why are you sorry?" Zhao Yunlan asked, and his fingers smoothed down Shen Wei's hair.

"You didn't want that," Shen Wei reminded him. He had been so upset by it, but it was all abstract now. "You didn't want me then."

"I always want you," Zhao Yunlan half-whispered, and Shen Wei smiled more widely.

"I want you too," he said. "I want — to help —"

Zhao Yunlan bent towards him, his face sad. "You — This is too much. For me. You shouldn't have —"

"Yes," Shen Wei said. He was aware of a distant swirl of thoughts, of emotions, but too vague and unfocused to pin down with words. "For you. Yes. Always."

Zhao Yunlan's hand found his. "We should — not be on the floor," Zhao Yunlan said.

"Mmm." Shen Wei thought he should agree, but when he tried to push himself up his arm folded under him with a dull ache. It. Probably didn't matter.

Zhao Yunlan put his hand under Shen Wei's shoulder, tried to pull him up. Shen Wei wanted to help. Wasn't sure whether he was.

Drifting. He was drifting.

Cold.

Zhao Yunlan stopped tugging at him and curled up against him instead, and that was good.

He drifted away.

Chapter Text

Zhao Yunlan woke to… a smell. Thick at the back of his throat. One he recognised from too many crime scenes.

Blood.

And the mothy tang of River, faintly, underlying the blood. Not calling to him, just then. But there, inescapable.

He opened gummy eyes, kneading them into clarity; pushed himself up from the uncomfortably hard surface underneath him. Tile. Kitchen?

Yes, he'd been in the kitchen. He'd been… with Shen Wei…

"Shen Wei?" he said, voice coming out unsteady. He sat up, and rubbed his eyes again. Blinking against the dawn light. His head throbbed, but he could think around it. Which was a change. But that was what Shen Wei had said, wasn't it, why he'd… done…

"Shen Wei?" he asked again, a rough croak, and this time he turned himself in the right direction and there was Shen Wei. Lying. On the floor.

In a pool of blood.

The world gave a lurch which had nothing to do with any remaining River in his veins. Zhao Yunlan scooted himself forward on his knees, tilting Shen Wei's head up to better see his face. Blood was drying, tacky, on his colourless skin. "Shen Wei," he gasped, breathless, his vision twisting so that he couldn't instantly tell whether Shen Wei was even breathing. "No — you can't — Shen Wei!"

Shen Wei didn't stir and Zhao Yunlan pulled his shoulder, rolled him over onto his back, no resistance in his limbs. His head jostled slightly with the movement. Zhao Yunlan pressed his palm over Shen Wei's chest and couldn't breathe himself until he felt that slight rise and fall, enough times that he could finally be confident it wasn't just his desperate imagination.

"Shen Wei," he said. "Shen Wei, wake up, please —" His attention was caught by the crepe bandage on Shen Wei's forearm, completely soaked through with blood. And not really tied tight enough in the first place to be of any use, even if he'd — Yeah, no, of course there was no absorbent dressing underneath, because Shen Wei clearly had been in no state to be thinking about proper first-aid techniques, and why the hell hadn't Zhao Yunlan noticed and done something about that, about any of this —

"Shen Wei!" he demanded, again, and tried to calm himself down, breathe out slowly, because he could at least recognise that one thing this situation absolutely did not need was for him to have another panic attack. "Shen Wei," he said. "Baby, please, wake up. Look at me. Just for a minute, okay? You've lost so much blood, please, baby…"

If sheer force of will could have sufficed… But Shen Wei didn't so much as stir. And, fuck, there was broken glass all over the floor, how had he only just noticed that? He clumsily tried to sweep the worst of it to the side with the edge of his hand.

Broken glass and drying blood and his memory was mercilessly clear on the important points of last night. He had asked Shen Wei, and of course Shen Wei hadn't refused him.

How far would he have had to go, before Shen Wei would refuse him? The thought was an abrupt stab of terror, opening up a chasm, and he didn't want to know what the answer would be.

But now. Now he needed to act. He was the most clear-headed he'd been in days, and Shen Wei needed help. They both needed help. He pulled himself to his feet with the assistance of the nearest cupboard, holding tight as the floor lurched briefly, and panic surged back again as he looked around from this improved vantage point. There was so much blood. Dripped on the counter-top and smeared on the table and printed everywhere Shen Wei must have caught himself for balance. And the pan with the remains of dark red congee that now turned his stomach to look at, and the spoon by the place Shen Wei had set for him…

Zhao Yunlan fought past the nausea and stumbled into the living room where the landline was, lightheaded and dizzy. He picked up the handset and dialled, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment as the line rang.

"Good morning, this is the SID," Wang Zheng's calm voice answered.

"Wang Zheng, it's me," Zhao Yunlan said.

"Chief Zhao?" She sounded immediately concerned. "Are you okay?"

"No," Zhao Yunlan said, clutching the phone tightly and refusing to sink down to the floor because that would get Shen Wei's blood onto the carpet. It was soaked into the knees of his jeans, cold and damp against his skin. "I — We —" He tried again. "Shen Wei needs medical attention, right now. He's lost so much blood, and —" His voice cracked and he couldn't speak further.

"Were you attacked?" Wang Zheng demanded. "Where are you — are you still at your house?"

Zhao Yunlan closed his eyes again. "Yes, we're at home," he said. "He did it to help me — But too much — He won't wake up —"

"There's no one here, just me and Sang Zan," Wang Zheng said, her composure thoroughly broken. "I'll try to find someone…"

"Thank you," Zhao Yunlan said, and hung up, needing a couple of tries with his shaking hands to slot the handset into the receiver. Even more furious with himself now, because if no one was at the SID it was because they were all still trying to find Xiao-Guo, and now he would be dragging someone away from that. Because he had begged Shen Wei for a River fix.

He made it back to the kitchen without remembering the intermediate steps, and wondered whether he should take the first-aid kit and see if he could do a better job than Shen Wei at wrapping his wound, but with the way he was still working hard to keep his breathing level and not succumb to the clawing panic he thought that he wouldn't do a much better job. He didn't think he had enough strength to pull Shen Wei out of the mess of blood and glass on the floor. He thought, What would Shen Wei want me to do? and then he filled a glass of water from the tap and sat down where he could alternately rest his hand in Shen Wei's hair, or on his shoulder, and he drank the water determinedly, all the way down.

He missed the front door opening. He only looked up when he heard Lin Jing swear sharply, and saw him frozen on the kitchen lintel with his hand over his mouth.

"Help," Zhao Yunlan said. Half-whispered. "Help him."

Lin Jing stared. "He's…"

"He's alive," Zhao Yunlan said, because that was important. Shen Wei was alive.

"Do we need an ambulance?" Lin Jing asked.

Zhao Yunlan shook his head. Shen Wei wouldn't want that, he knew. "It's from his arm —"

"Yes. Yes, I can see." Lin Jing stared for another moment, then shook himself. "Make the area safe. That's step one. Do you have a broom?"

"Yes," Zhao Yunlan said. He struggled to recall such an ordinary fact. "In, in the hall cupboard."

"Okay." Lin Jing put the plastic case he was carrying down. "Don't move. Please." And he was gone, and back quickly with the broom, and sweeping broken glass off the floor and into a pile in one corner of the kitchen much more efficiently than Zhao Yunlan had done. He made Zhao Yunlan get up so that he could sweep the area where he'd been sitting, and went up to and around Shen Wei's body with the broom. Finally he nodded and Zhao Yunlan dropped back down again, on his knees next to Shen Wei.

Lin Jing put the broom down and knelt on Shen Wei's left side. "I bet there's more glass under him, but we can deal with that in a minute," he said. He checked Shen Wei's pulse and breathing and then prodded at the bandage. "Get me a bowl of water and a cloth," he said. "This is all stuck to him. I don't want to rip it off."

Zhao Yunlan obeyed, and watched Lin Jing carefully soak the bandage with a damp tea-towel, dissolving the dried blood sticking it to his arm. Then he unwound it very gently, and gulped at the dark, deep slice in his forearm.

"This should — If it was anyone else I'd say it needed stitches," Lin Jing said. "Which I've never done on an actual person, you know. I think I'm just going to tape it up for now?" He looked at Zhao Yunlan, who finally realised that Lin Jing was waiting for permission, and nodded. Shen Wei could heal it himself, when he woke up.

"He hasn't woken up yet," Zhao Yunlan said, in a low voice.

"Mmm." Lin Jing cleaned the blood off Shen Wei's forearm with the tea-towel, and then patted the skin dry with a part of it he'd kept out of the water. He opened a pack of butterfly stitch strips, holding the skin together and sticking them down one at a time, starting in the centre of the wound and working outwards. "He's lost a lot of blood. It's not surprising that he's unconscious." He frowned a bit, looking quickly at Zhao Yunlan and then away. Guiltily. "I took quite a few blood samples from him in the lab, earlier yesterday evening. That can't have helped."

"He didn't say," Zhao Yunlan said, staring at Shen Wei's slack face. No. Of course he hadn't said. He picked up the damp tea-towel and started to carefully clean the blood from Shen Wei's cheek and jaw, on the side where he had been lying against the floor.

Lin Jing taped down a large dressing pad and then re-wrapped Shen Wei's arm with a clean bandage to hold it securely. A good deal more competently than Shen Wei's attempt. "We should bring him to the SID," he said. "For supervision. Both of you."

Zhao Yunlan nodded. Supervision. Yes. "I should pack a bag," he said.

Lin Jing looked at him. "Maybe I should do that?" he suggested. "You stay here with Shen Wei. Tell me what I need to get."

Zhao Yunlan almost wanted, then, to tell Lin Jing to take Shen Wei to the SID and leave him behind. So that he wouldn't have to face up to this whole disaster, and everyone knowing about it. But that was pure cowardice, and he couldn't possibly leave Shen Wei in any case. So he gave Lin Jing brief instructions about where to find things, and when Lin Jing came downstairs with new jeans and a henley he changed into them. And they finally moved Shen Wei, between them, and got him into a clean t-shirt and a pair of flannel pyjama trousers because that was easier to do while they were here, at home, and Zhao Yunlan didn't want Shen Wei to wake up in clothes stiff with dried blood.

Then between them they carried Shen Wei to Lin Jing's car and laid him in the backseat — Zhao Yunlan climbed in too, and got Shen Wei's head pillowed in his lap. Lin Jing went back for the medical kit and the rest of the stuff he'd packed for them, and locked the front door. He drove them to the SID, slow and careful on the road.

-

Shen Wei looked very frail to Zhao Yunlan's eyes, laid out on the lab bed. There was a foam mat under him and a blanket over him, which said more clearly than words that Lin Jing didn't expect him to be getting up any time soon. Wang Zheng had finished cleaning every speck of blood from his skin, taking the damp cloth from Zhao Yunlan when he started getting dizzy and making him sit down instead, in a chair pulled out of his office.

There was an IV going into Shen Wei's arm, trying to replace some of the fluid volume he'd lost, even though what he really needed was a transfusion. But they had no supplies of Dixing blood types.

When Lin Jing approached hesitantly and said that he wanted to take another blood sample, it took everything in Zhao Yunlan not to react with instinctive fury, underlain by panic. Shen Wei had lost far too much already, how could Lin Jing be trying to make it worse — But no. He forced himself to breathe in and out, as calmly as he could. Lin Jing needed this to help Shen Wei. That was all. He nodded tightly.

Still, Lin Jing paused, maybe reading the fleeting expressions which Zhao Yunlan was trying to repress. "I should probably tell you," he said. "I was waiting for him to wake up, but…"

"What?" Zhao Yunlan asked. The anger was already draining away. Leaving him… drained. Almost out of emotions.

"The blood I took from him yesterday," Lin Jing said. "Li Qian and I were at the Inspectorate lab last night analysing it — she's coming here soon. We found moth fungus already growing in Shen Wei's blood."

Zhao Yunlan stared. "You mean, he already had the addiction? Yesterday? That can't be right." He tried to replay in his head. No. Shen Wei had been reluctant to take the River. "And you said that high levels of dark energy form a protection —"

"I think we were considering it as binary states, and we shouldn't have," Lin Jing said, grimly. "Li Qian and I suspect now that the moth fungus starts colonising right away from the first dose. The addiction stage presumably comes when the size of the colony reaches a critical mass. But it gets straight into the blood and grows there from the start, feeding on the dark energy. Bringing it lower."

"And Shen Wei —" Zhao Yunlan began. Swallowed. He felt nauseous. "Last night. He didn't heal himself."

Lin Jing nodded. "I don't know how much his energy levels were suppressed. He mentioned they were low, and I should have paid more attention, got more details, but…"

"No," Zhao Yunlan said. "It's not your fault." Because Lin Jing had been concentrating on him. And Shen Wei had been as well, even though Zhao Yunlan hadn't been acting in any sort of way to deserve it. He put a hand on Shen Wei's arm, as if he could anchor him to safety somehow. "So you need another blood sample to… to see how much worse it is now."

"Yeah," Lin Jing admitted.

Zhao Yunlan bent his head over the metal edge of the bed, leaning on his arm. "Do it," he said, not looking up.

"And a sample from you, if that's okay."

"Sure." Whatever. He squeezed his eyes shut. Could barely breathe around the solid knot of guilt inside him.

"Chief?" Lin Jing put a cautious hand on his shoulder. "Maybe then you should go lie down, and finish sleeping it off?"

Zhao Yunlan raised his head, uncomprehending for a few seconds. "Oh. Am I still…"

Lin Jing gave a sympathetic nod.

"I'll stay here," Zhao Yunlan said. "Please."

"No, that's okay," Lin Jing said.

"And —" He should have asked long before. "What's happening with the others? Xiao-Guo?"

"I don't know, I'm sorry," Lin Jing said, well-hidden worry surfacing. "Zhu Hong said she'd call if they had news, but she hasn't called."

All night. His team, without him. He barely suppressed a growl of frustration.

Lin Jing took blood from him, and from Shen Wei. Then left him alone, working on the other side of the lab. Zhao Yunlan tipped back in his comfortable desk chair and watched Shen Wei, dozing and waking and dozing.

He came awake properly when Shen Wei began to stir — the slow rhythm of his breathing changed first, and then his eyelids fluttered without opening. Zhao Yunlan leaned forward immediately, taking his hand. "Shen Wei?" he demanded.

Shen Wei turned his head slightly towards his voice, his eyes moving beneath closed lids. "Come on," Zhao Yunlan coaxed him. "Open your eyes for me, okay? I've been worried."

Maybe it was that which did it. Shen Wei's eyes finally opened, although they were glassy and unfocused. He blinked slowly a few times, and his fingers twitched within Zhao Yunlan's grip.

"Shen Wei?" Zhao Yunlan said, again.

"Oh," Shen Wei said, very quietly. His voice had no strength in it at all. Zhao Yunlan couldn't tell whether Shen Wei was looking at him, or merely looking in his direction. "You…"

"I'm fine," Zhao Yunlan said, because he knew only too well which question Shen Wei would be asking first. "You're… not very well. Don't try and move," he added, as Shen Wei did so.

Not that he got very far. Shen Wei tried to get his arms under him but folded down again almost immediately with a groan. He had gone even paler. "I…" he whispered. "I can't…"

Zhao Yunlan stroked his cheek. "It's okay, baby," he said, gently. Trying not to allow into his voice any of the fear hammering in his heart. "Don't worry, just rest, you'll feel better soon." He hoped that was true. He would give anything for it to be true.

Shen Wei's eyes closed again, though he looked like he was fighting them to the last. His breathing settled back into sleep.

There was a sudden burst of noise from beyond the lab door. Several people had entered the SID, multiple voices raised at once. Zhao Yunlan stood up, and immediately half-toppled over, catching himself against his chair. He forced himself up again, blinking the black specks out of his eyes. "Chief —" Lin Jing said, warningly, from behind him.

"Help me," Zhao Yunlan snapped.

Lin Jing came around and took his arm in support. Leaning on him, Zhao Yunlan was still shaking by the time they made it to the main room. He felt like he had the flu, weak and exhausted.

He saw Xiao-Guo immediately, and his legs threatened to fold then and there in relief. Dirty but grinning, in the centre of the loud, celebrating team. Zhao Yunlan stopped at the edge of the room, taking in their smiles for a moment. Just a moment, in which he could forget everything else.

Then someone noticed him, and quickly everyone fell silent, and hurried over. "Lao-Zhao," Da Qing said, sounding and looking appalled. "Why are you here? You look —"

A staticky rush was building behind Zhao Yunlan's eyes. Overwhelming him, a white-out, and he toppled dizzily. Hands caught him, and guided him down to the floor, and gave him something solid to lean against. Da Qing landed on his lap, heavy and mewing.

"Xiao-Guo?" Zhao Yunlan managed. "You're okay?"

"He did good," Lao-Chu said. "We've got the smuggling ring broken open. The Haixing ones are in cells at the Inspectorate, and An Bai's got the others."

"Good," Zhao Yunlan said. "Good." He ground his hands into his eyes, blinking hard. He was finally getting some vision back, but it was blurry. "Everyone's fine?"

"Everyone except you, clearly," Zhu Hong said, somewhat caustically. "And — where's Professor Shen?"

Zhao Yunlan — tried to answer. Some sort of sound eventually came out of his mouth. He tried again, in the widening silence.

"Lao-Zhao?" Da Qing asked. "Are you — crying?"

"Shh," Zhu Hong hissed.

He wasn't — He didn't — He bent over, a hand pressed against his face as if he could physically hold back the ugly hiccoughing sobs which forced their way out. As if he could hide from all the eyes fixed on him, and not let them see this. He clawed in each breath painfully around the sobs, and his eyes and nose streamed and stung. Hands rubbed his shoulder and he didn't look to see whose they were. Didn't want to know.

"Lao-Zhao…"

He shook his head desperately. Give me a minute. A minute.

Someone held him tightly, and he sobbed against their shoulder.

It wasn't Shen Wei. That was what mattered.

Chapter Text

"Professor Shen?"

Shen Wei dragged his eyes open, squinting against the light which made everything into a painful blur. Someone familiar was talking — a soft voice and a fall of dark hair — but he couldn't place them. He couldn't remember where he was or what he had been trying to do, only that it was important, it must be, and so he tried to sit up. But his body wasn't doing what he wanted, nothing was joining up properly and everything was a mess of signals of confused discomfort.

"Stay still. Why are you both such idiots?" No difficulty identifying the speaker this time; that was Zhu Hong.

"Where —" Shen Wei managed.

"You're at the SID. In the lab. Chief Zhao's sleeping."

Shen Wei tried to summon up his dark energy. To heal this… whatever this was. But it was at such a low ebb he could barely find it. He ground a fist into his aching head, and rubbed his eyes again. Opened them properly, and this time recognised the person in front of him. "Li Qian?" he asked, surprised.

"Hi, Professor Shen," she said. She gave him a small smile.

"Why… You're at the SID?" He felt slow and stupid.

"I'm here trying to help," she said. "I've been working on counteracting the moth fungus, along with Lin Jing." Her expression wavered as she looked at him.

Shen Wei tried to concentrate properly on what she was saying, but he kept slipping back onto the more important point. "Where's Zhao Yunlan?" he asked.

"Sleeping," she said, and he remembered now that Zhu Hong had already told him that. Zhu Hong was still alongside the bed, with Lin Jing standing a little way behind.

"Where?"

"On the sofa," Zhu Hong said. She did her best to smile reassuringly, but she was less good at it than Li Qian. "There are people with him, he's fine."

That… was probably not true. Not based on what Shen Wei remembered. Which was, really, mostly confused impressions, but…

"How are you feeling?" Li Qian asked.

Shen Wei tried to push himself up to sitting, but Zhu Hong easily held him down. "Stop doing that!" she snapped. Sounding tired, stressed, worried.

"I want to sit up," Shen Wei said, stubbornly, hating that he was lying down while everyone stared at him.

He tried again, and this time Zhu Hong sighed and got a hand under his shoulder to support him up to sitting. Shen Wei gripped the edge of the bed with a hand and used that to pivot himself around so that his legs hung off the side and he could hold onto the metal edge with his other hand too. Zhu Hong kept her hand in place until Shen Wei was feeling strong enough to lean away from her support.

Li Qian bit her lip. Lin Jing shook his head at her.

His vision was a lot less fuzzy now, although it wavered when he looked around too fast, and his head hadn't stopped pounding nauseously. He had intended sitting up to be the first stage of getting to his feet, but he knew now with certainty that there was no way that was happening. Not just yet. His arm ached and he frowned down at the neat bandage there with only the vaguest recollection. He touched his fingers to it, felt pain when he pressed down lightly, and then he remembered. The knife. Bleeding. Giving his blood to Zhao Yunlan.

"Professor Shen," Lin Jing said, breaking him out of the wavering, scarlet-tinted memories. "Are you sure you don't want to, uh, rest more?"

He started to shake his head, and then stopped quickly. "Have you make progress?" He tried to make his voice sound brisk, unaffected.

"Um," Lin Jing said. "Maybe. But first… I'm sorry, I need to tell you." He looked as if he would rather be anywhere else, glancing anxiously at Zhu Hong before back to Shen Wei. "The moth fungus. It's growing in your blood — it was there yesterday at a lower level, but there's a lot of it now. We don't know what the threshold for the addiction stage is, but —"

"Shouldn't his dark energy be keeping it suppressed?" Zhu Hong cut in, frowning.

Shen Wei closed his eyes. He could see the connections, all laid out. Like a mycelial network. "My dark energy hasn't been regenerating properly," he said. Since… since he'd taken the first dose of River. "It's been getting lower each time I used it." And he hadn't stopped using it, despite knowing that something was wrong. He'd tried to push through, ignoring his body's warning signs.

Zhu Hong muttered something under her breath.

Shen Wei opened his eyes abruptly. "Don't tell Zhao Yunlan," he said. "Please."

Lin Jing looked at him askance. "Don't you think he's got a right to know?"

So they hadn't told him already. Good. "I don't want him worrying about me," Shen Wei said. "Not now. Not when he's —" And he hated not having Zhao Yunlan right there, even though he surely needed to be resting. "Promise me."

"I really don't think it's a good idea to keep it from him," Lin Jing said. "And I'm not going to lie to him if he asks. He's my boss, after all."

Shen Wei nodded. "Just… don't tell him if he doesn't ask."

"You realise that he'd kill me afterwards," Lin Jing said. "If —" He stopped very suddenly, closing his mouth.

If. Yes. Shen Wei's own mouth was dry.

Zhu Hong put a hand on Shen Wei's arm. Cautiously. She didn't usually touch him. "You can't keep this from the Chief," she said. "It's far too late for him not to be worrying. He deserves to know." She held his eyes. "You would want to know."

Shen Wei didn't want her to be right, but she was. He knew she was. He struggled with himself, and finally gave a brief nod.

"Thank you," Zhu Hong said. She squeezed his arm approvingly and withdrew her hand.

Shen Wei looked up at the others. "You said you'd maybe made progress," he said, fighting against the lassitude which was still draining his focus.

"It was Li Qian who had the breakthrough," Lin Jing said. "Using some of Professor Ouyang's research."

Li Qian nodded. "We know that River doesn't have any effect on Haixingren," she said. "Apart from on Zhao Yunlan, because of the latent dark energy in his system. So I think the key might be a version of the serum we were working on for Professor Ouyang — except using Haixing energy as the base. If we get it right it might be able to burn the moth fungus out of the blood."

"Will that work on Dixingren?" Zhu Hong asked. She tilted her head towards Shen Wei. "Having Haixing energy in his system nearly killed him once."

Lin Jing and Li Qian both looked slightly uncomfortable. "We don't know," Lin Jing said. "We don't even know if it will work on the Chief. It's theoretical."

"It should," Li Qian said. "The theory's sound."

Guo Changcheng put his head anxiously round the door at that moment. "Chief Zhao's awake," he said. "He wants to know how Professor Shen is."

Zhu Hong rolled her eyes. Then, "What are you doing?" she demanded.

Shen Wei had started moving without really having made a conscious choice — sliding forwards, ready to tip his weight onto his legs and hope they held him. "Zhao Yunlan," he said. "I have to —"

"I don't think you should —" Li Qian began.

One of Zhao Yunlan's desk chairs, confusingly, was shoved abruptly in front of him. "Sit in it," Zhu Hong said, with a sigh. "At least you'll be easier to watch when you're both in the same place."

Shen Wei was disconcerted to discover that even moving the small distance into the chair required the help of both Zhu Hong and Lin Jing. There was no strength in his limbs. He slumped heavily once he was seated, and then Zhu Hong pushed it fast enough that his eyes lost their tentative focus on his surroundings, with Guo Changcheng was holding the IV pole Shen Wei hadn't really registered before then that he was attached to.

"Shen Wei!" Zhao Yunlan called, the moment he was in sight, and something inside Shen Wei relaxed, despite everything. He smiled, coming to a stop by the table, and Zhao Yunlan's face was lit up, but it creased again into sharp worry. "You look — Zhu Hong, can you help him lie down?"

Zhu Hong helped Shen Wei onto the sofa, and then Zhao Yunlan pulled at his shoulder so that he was lying with his head resting in Zhao Yunlan's lap, curled up on his side. Zhao Yunlan took the blanket which had been around his shoulders and spread it over Shen Wei instead. "I'm sorry," he said, quietly. "Baby, I'm so sorry."

"Why?" Shen Wei mumbled. It felt nice lying horizontal like this. Less dizzy. And Zhao Yunlan was warm against him, and his affection was even warmer.

Zhao Yunlan leaned over to place a gentle kiss on Shen Wei's forehead. "Just rest," he said. "It's okay."

Shen Wei hadn't even told him about — He already didn't think he could.

When he woke up.

Shen Wei fell asleep too fast, too completely. Zhao Yunlan stroked the side of his cheek with his thumb, not really wanting to disturb him, but needing to prod at that wrongness which was Shen Wei curled up on him in the midst of the SID. Flat out. Face so pale as to be almost translucent.

His team were sort of pretending for him that nothing was wrong, which was kind but very unconvincing of them. Except for Da Qing, who was lying on the table and just staring at him unhappily, his tail twitching.

It was Li Qian who finally came over, sitting down on a chair. She gave Zhao Yunlan a worried smile, which wavered as her gaze dropped to Shen Wei.

"Is he going to be okay?" Zhao Yunlan asked.

"I hope so," Li Qian said.

She wasn't very good at lying. "What you found in his blood… it's not good news, is it?" Zhao Yunlan asked, very quietly.

She shook her head. "He asked us not to tell you, at first."

"Of course he did," Zhao Yunlan said, in exasperation. He looked down at Shen Wei again. Unconscious, looking half-dead, but heaven forbid Zhao Yunlan should be allowed to worry about him. "And how are you getting on with —"

"Attention, everyone!" Lin Jing announced. He stood at the entrance to the lab. "We need some volunteers."

"To do what?" Chu Shuzhi asked, suspiciously.

"To donate blood towards a cure for River. You're out, sorry — no Dixingren or people made of energy."

"Do Yashou count?" Zhu Hong asked.

"Yes, you do," Lin Jing said. "You've got the same resistance to the moth fungus that we want to distill."

Da Qing jumped down to the ground, landing on two feet. "I want to help," he said.

"And me," Xiao-Guo said.

"Me as well, obviously," Zhu Hong said.

"Do you need any other means of help?" Wang Zheng asked.

"I'm sure we can use an extra pair of hands," Lin Jing said. He glanced at Zhao Yunlan. "Lao-Chu, maybe you could stay out here?"

Zhao Yunlan rolled his eyes at the unsubtlety. But he couldn't deny that he was glad someone would be nearby. Just in case.

He stroked Shen Wei's hair as the others trooped into the lab, wriggling himself into a slightly more comfortable position against the cushions. If he closed his eyes he could imagine that they were at home. On their own sofa. Just them, and it was late after a long day, which was why Shen Wei had unusually fallen asleep on him, and the solid pressure of his still body was comforting instead of frightening. He let his arm drift down to lie across Shen Wei's chest, and forced himself to relax. Breathing along with Shen Wei.

He woke from his light sleep when Shen Wei mumbled groggily and stirred. Zhao Yunlan rubbed his eyes, coming awake instantly. "Baby?" he asked.

Shen Wei sat up, looking ill and unhappy but just being vertical was a huge improvement by itself. He looked around in some confusion, then at Zhao Yunlan. Then down at the bandage on his arm. Zhao Yunlan could see the awareness start to trickle into his expression. "Hey," he said. "Shen Wei. You're okay?"

Shen Wei tried to smile. "Yunlan," he said, and reached up to touch Zhao Yunlan's face with a hand that was shaking slightly.

Zhao Yunlan caught Shen Wei's hand, gave his fingers a quick kiss. "You look much better than you did," he said.

Shen Wei nodded slightly. "I feel… Yes."

"Professor Shen!" Not one to let a private moment go past without inserting himself into it, Da Qing threw himself onto the sofa. "You're awake!"

Shen Wei dug his fingers into Da Qing's fur automatically. "Yes," he said, with a real smile this time.

"Li Qian says they might be finished soon," Da Qing said.

"With what?" Shen Wei asked.

"The cure for River addiction," Da Qing said, and Shen Wei froze. He looked up at Zhao Yunlan with such naked hope in his eyes that it all but flayed him raw.

"We don't know…" Zhao Yunlan began, but stopped. He couldn't talk himself out of that hope. He needed it too much himself.

Shen Wei looked down at himself. Then frowned as he realised he was wearing pyjamas — Zhao Yunlan could practically see the shocked words in public form themselves in his head.

"We brought a bag of clothes from the house," Zhao Yunlan offered. "You want to get dressed?"

"Yes, please," Shen Wei said, with relief. He looked at the empty bag of saline hanging from the IV pole and carefully disconnected himself. Then he cautiously stood up, very white but steady for the moment.

Zhao Yunlan went with him to the locker room, only partly because he was worried that Shen Wei would pass out on the way. He didn't want to let Shen Wei out of his sight. Da Qing came too, because of course the two of them were under supervision, and plonked himself down near the door, ostentatiously facing in the opposite direction with all the discretion he couldn't be bothered with at home.

Zhao Yunlan ignored the theatrics. It was occurring to him that he had probably been wearing his current set of clothes for long enough himself. "Shower?" he suggested. Lin Jing had also packed a bag of toiletries, bless him.

Shen Wei nodded. From the deep crease between his eyes he was still suffering from a bad headache. He stripped off, leaving his clothing piled on the bench. He was shivering already, even though the room wasn't cold.

Zhao Yunlan followed suit and made to follow Shen Wei into the shower cubicle he had chosen. Shen Wei looked mildly confused. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"Showering," Zhao Yunlan said. "With you."

Shen Wei put a hand to his temple. "I'm not really —"

"I didn't mean like that," Zhao Yunlan said. He smiled self-deprecatingly. "Believe me, I'm not up for anything energetic either right now. I just thought. Together?"

"Oh," Shen Wei said. His lips flickered upwards, tentatively. "Yes."

Zhao Yunlan turned the water as warm as was comfortable. They stood under the spray and he wrapped his arms around Shen Wei from behind, holding on tightly while Shen Wei leant against him. Shivering, still shivering. Zhao Yunlan was too.

"Zhao Yunlan," Shen Wei said, suddenly, "I need to sit down —" and he dropped, only just controlled, folding his knees up in front of him. Zhao Yunlan joined him on the shower floor, replacing his arms around him. Hating this, hating how wrecked they both were. Hating how he knew his own current relative functioning would wear off soon, and he would be back to craving another hit of River. (A wave of heat rushed over him at the thought, and he tried his best to un-think it.)

He picked up the shampoo and poured some into his hand. "Let me," he said, as Shen Wei also reached for the bottle. And Shen Wei stilled and let Zhao Yunlan rub the shampoo gently into his hair and then rinse it out. Zhao Yunlan followed up by washing his own hair, and then reluctantly turned the shower off, missing its warmth immediately. But he thought the heat had been good for Shen Wei — he leaned against the wall as he stood, but then he walked out unaided and some of the colour stayed in his cheeks as he dried off and dressed.

Zhao Yunlan got dressed himself, but he was beginning to feel a good deal worse. The hot-cold shivers kept returning, and his stomach was beginning to cramp. "Zhao Yunlan?" Shen Wei asked, anxiously.

"Give me — a sec," Zhao Yunlan said, and put his head in his hands briefly. Then he straightened up slowly. Breathing steadily to try and persuade the dizziness to retreat. "Okay. I'm good."

He found Da Qing slipping under his arm, and wasn't too proud to lean on him. Back to the main room, with Shen Wei walking carefully beside him, hand hovering like he was unhappy not to be the one supporting Zhao Yunlan — and Lin Jing was hovering beside the sofa. "We're ready," he said.

"What, right away?" Zhao Yunlan asked, even as his heart leapt. It seemed… unreal somehow.

Lin Jing nodded. "We want to try it on you first," he said. "We're more… confident about the effect on Haixing physiology."

You have to fix Shen Wei too! Zhao Yunlan almost demanded, but quashed himself. They knew. They knew.

In the lab he laid himself on the bed obediently once the explanations had finished. Shen Wei hovered next to him, on the opposite side from where Lin Jing and Li Qian were preparing. "Hey," Zhao Yunlan said to him, and grinned. Trying to look reassuring. "I love you."

Shen Wei squeezed his hand tightly.

"Are you ready?" Li Qian asked. She was holding a syringe. "I'm afraid this probably won't be pleasant."

"Somehow I'm not surprised," Zhao Yunlan said. He closed his eyes. "Go for it."

He continued holding Shen Wei's hand through the prick of the syringe and the sudden rush of cold as Li Qian injected the contents. He tried to remember the feel of Shen Wei in the shower, of them holding each other close and making their own small piece of safety.

Then pain, sending him down into darkness.

It was hurting him. Shen Wei gripped the metal edge of the bed tensely, watching Zhao Yunlan twitch in pain. Eyes closed, unconscious. He understood why, understood what was happening inside Zhao Yunlan's body as the serum began to burn out the moth fungus, but that didn't make it any easier to accept.

"It will probably be a while before we know whether it's working," Li Qian said, sympathetically. She put a hand on Shen Wei's forearm. Their usual positions reversed — she was the expert here. "Do you want to go and rest?"

Shen Wei shook his head. "I'll stay with him." It was all he could do, so he would do it.

She didn't look surprised by his answer. Pulled up a chair for him to sit. "Do you need anything?"

"No. Thank you." It was objectively interesting, the aversion to the idea of food or drink. Shen Wei noted it abstractly. It helped him pretend some measure of control, to categorise symptoms. He pressed his hands together. They were trembling, but only very slightly.

Li Qian retreated, giving him space. Zhao Yunlan was hooked up to a multitude of machines, after all, carefully monitoring him, and there didn't seem to be anything for her or Lin Jing to do right now other than wait. Shen Wei studied each screen carefully, because now was no time to indulge either his distaste for technology or the tight ache at the back of his eyes. "His temperature is rising," he said.

Lin Jing came over, and looked at the electronic graph. "Yes," he said.

They had expected that reaction from Zhao Yunlan's stressed body. Shen Wei didn't like it though, any more than he liked anything else about this situation. He touched the back of his hand to Zhao Yunlan's brow, verifying the rising fever for himself. Zhao Yunlan remained unaware of his presence, and that was almost the hardest thing to accept. He felt like Zhao Yunlan had been taken from him, by pieces. And this should be fixing him, this should be part of the rebuilding, but it was so hard to remember that when Zhao Yunlan lay unconscious in front of him, the unhealthy flush of fever in his hollowed cheeks.

"You should go grab something to eat," Lin Jing said, in a low voice, to Li Qian.

"You've been here longer than I have," she said.

They were both clearly trying not to disturb Shen Wei. Maybe he wasn't the only one who felt guilt at the idea of respite from this vigil. But there was no need. "You both need to take care of yourselves," he said. Registering the flash of anxiety in Lin Jing's face, he added, "Maybe you could take turns to have a break."

"Maybe," Lin Jing said, looking relieved that he didn't have to broach the subject of, You're not allowed to be here alone with him.

"You go first," Li Qian said. "I'm fine."

"So'm I —" Lin Jing began, but his stomach rumbled loudly. He grinned. "Do you mind?" He rubbed his neck. "I really could stand to get out of the lab for a bit." He looked at Shen Wei, too.

"You should," Shen Wei said, meaning it. There was no point in either of them wearing themselves down. They didn't know how long there would be to wait. "I'm very grateful for your efforts. We both are. Will be. I mean —" He stumbled uncharacteristically over his words.

"It's okay," Li Qian said. "We're doing everything we can, I promise."

She remained while Lin Jing left. She sat alongside Shen Wei for a few minutes, watching Zhao Yunlan. His fever still rising. Shen Wei didn't know what to say to her. He wished… that she hadn't seen him in the state he'd been in earlier. Or that he was in now.

After a while Li Qian got up, gave Shen Wei's shoulder a sympathetic pat, and went to the lab bench to carry on with whatever research she was doing. Shen Wei thought he should be taking a more professional interest, but he just didn't have the capacity. He sat with Zhao Yunlan, occasionally taking his hand or stroking his hair back from his hot face. Trying to ignore how his own head pounded, and how sick and shaky he felt. Zhao Yunlan twitched restlessly, small movements.

Lin Jing came back, looking less tired but with damp hair. "I'd call food delivery instead of going out," he said to Li Qian. "It's pouring with rain."

"Thanks for the warning," she said. She stood up and stretched. "See you both in a bit."

Shen Wei smiled at her, as much as he was able.

"How are you doing?" Lin Jing asked him, once Li Qian had left. He checked the readings on Zhao Yunlan's monitors carefully, mouth pursing.

"I'm… as well as could be expected," Shen Wei said. Not eager to answer further questions. There didn't seem much point.

"Right," Lin Jing said, with a sigh. He stared down at Zhao Yunlan. "I hoped his temperature would have started to level out by now."

"Can we do anything?" Shen Wei asked, anxiously.

"I don't want to give him any medications — I really don't know how they might react with the mess already in his system."

"What about —" Shen Wei swallowed. "Is the withdrawal making it worse?"

Lin Jing looked at him sharply. "If you're suggesting giving him more River, that would be an awful idea. His body wouldn't cope with that at all right now."

"I —" Shen Wei looked away, his face heating up. He hadn't meant — But yes, he had. The idea, the desire, had slid in so easily that it frightened him.

Lin Jing was still watching him carefully. "Do you have a clean cloth?" Shen Wei asked, trying to pretend that he hadn't noticed his own slip.

"Oh. Yes." Lin Jing unearthed one, and Shen Wei held it under the cold tap. He gently dampened Zhao Yunlan's skin, on his face and neck and the insides of his wrists.

He hadn't expected a reaction. Wasn't looking for one. But suddenly Zhao Yunlan's eyes were open, fever-glassy.

Shen Wei leaned over, startled into sudden hope. "Zhao Yunlan?" he said.

Zhao Yunlan's eyes flickered in his direction, but they were unfocused. He moaned, a low sound in the back of his throat.

"Zhao Yunlan?" Shen Wei said, again. Lin Jing's footsteps approached, but he didn't turn his head. "It's me." He put his hand over Zhao Yunlan's, squeezing gently.

Zhao Yunlan flinched, and yanked his hand away. Sucked in deep gasps of breath. He pushed his elbow under him, trying to sit up.

"You're all right, it's all right," Shen Wei said, trying to sound calm. Zhao Yunlan's hair was spilling over his flushed face, damp with sweat. He wasn't seeing Shen Wei — maybe wasn't seeing anything at all, or was seeing something quite different. He got himself sitting up on his next attempt and began clumsily stripping the monitor leads.

"No, don't do that!" Lin Jing protested. He took Zhao Yunlan's shoulder — and Zhao Yunlan hit him. Caught the side of Lin Jing's face with a weighty blow, so that Lin Jing went down hard, his head smacking against the floor.

"Zhao Yunlan!" Shen Wei implored. Lin Jing lay where he had fallen. "You're safe, you're at the SID." He raised his hands, taking a careful step forwards.

Zhao Yunlan let him, though there was wary confusion on his face. He blinked a couple of times, and started to list but pushed himself back upright. He drew up his knees, twisting toward Shen Wei.

"Yunlan?" Shen Wei asked, quietly. Stepping closer again.

Too late he realised how Zhao Yunlan's muscles were tensed. Zhao Yunlan kicked out with both his feet, taking Shen Wei hard in the centre of his chest. Shen Wei stumbled backwards, air driven out of him, unable to catch himself. He fell against the lab bench and threw his arm out, only managing to knock everything in reach to the floor along with him.

He lay still for a moment, head spinning. And — There was —

"Shen Wei?" Zhao Yunlan said, in a small, hoarse voice.

Shen Wei didn't look up. Next to him, unlocked catch burst open, was the sample box containing the River cubes. Scattered everywhere now. Small pieces.

He — They were right there. His hand moved, jerkily, and he'd swept some up.

"Shen Wei? What's —"

What's — He swallowed, thickness in his mouth and gone. Grey dust smeared on his empty fingers. Wrong, wrong, all wrong and too late.

"Shen Wei!" Zhao Yunlan was crouched next to him, holding his shoulder, feverish eyes wide. "No — I didn't mean —" And then his eyes dropped to the floor, to the rest of the River. Lost their focus again. No. Found a new focus.

Fear spiked through Shen Wei, a moment of clarity. Zhao Yunlan hand was reaching out to the River but he shouldn't — Shen Wei couldn't let him —

He did the only thing he could think of in that split-second, as his vision blurred and fractured. He grabbed Zhao Yunlan's wrist, and with the dregs of his energy reserves he moved them.

Chapter Text

Rain. Shockingly cold.

Zhao Yunlan slapped a hand out to catch himself from falling on his face, and his palm skidded on wet cement. Shen Wei had his other wrist held tight.

"Shen Wei!" Zhao Yunlan groaned. He wasn't altogether certain what was happening. His head was swimming but the rain helped to bring coherence, cold and clarifying. He found his balance and tried to pull out of Shen Wei's grip but the fingers around his forearm gripped harder instead. "Shen Wei, that hurts —"

Shen Wei wasn't listening to him. He was breathing raggedly, staring up into the sheets of rain pouring from the darkening sky. Blood spilled from the corner of his mouth, but the water running down his face diluted and washed it away almost immediately. His absent look was frightening.

They'd been in the lab — Shen Wei had swallowed River — Zhao Yunlan didn't know how much he'd taken, but way over a single dose.

Zhao Yunlan leaned forward, not quite tipping dizzily. He put his free hand against Shen Wei's face. "Shen Wei? Xiao-Wei, baby, can you hear me?"

Shen Wei dragged his gaze down, very slowly. Zhao Yunlan pulled against his locked-tight fingers and Shen Wei finally responded, releasing Zhao Yunlan's already-bruising wrist. His mouth moved silently.

Zhao Yunlan flexed his fingers against the ache, closing his eyes for a moment. The pain was useful. It helped to ground him, and so did the chill of the rain. But they needed to get out of the rain, Shen Wei was shivering — Zhao Yunlan cast around wildly. They were — A rooftop? Vaguely familiar. And there must be a door somewhere, but nearby he could see a shelter formed by a stack of vents and when he tried to get to his feet his legs felt as if they were made of paper that was dissolving in the water all around. He couldn't imagine making it further.

"Shen Wei," he said, "Come on," and he tried again to stand and Shen Wei moved to support him, apparently instinctively, because he had no idea what to do beyond that and Zhao Yunlan had to tug him in the right direction. They stumbled together, Zhao Yunlan fighting against black dizziness, and just before they reached the shelter of the vents he crumpled over and threw up, vision fragmenting. He fought the urge to just lie down then and there, but Shen Wei had fallen when he did and lay curled next to him and he couldn't be left like that so Zhao Yunlan pulled on his shirt, getting him moving, covering the last of the distance on his hands and knees, dragging them both through the slick of water until suddenly he was in the abrupt dryness beneath the curved-over vent.

He had to tug at Shen Wei again to get Shen Wei to join him in the only small space that was completely out of the rain. He wasn't sure that Shen Wei even noticed the difference. He hunched over, breathing ragged, pressing his hands against the sides of his head.

The world kept tilting sickeningly, but Zhao Yunlan tried to ignore it. Tried to ignore the strange feeling that he was in danger of floating out of his own head. "Shen Wei," he pleaded. "Baby, you're all right. I'm here." He touched Shen Wei's face again and Shen Wei was freezing so Zhao Yunlan shuffled closer because he himself felt so overheated he was surprised not to see his damp skin begin to steam and he wanted to share that warmth. But Shen Wei made a noise — a whimper which froze Zhao Yunlan, because it was such a lost, afraid sort of sound that it had no place coming from Shen Wei.

"It's me," Zhao Yunlan said, cautiously, though what he really wanted to do was grab Shen Wei and hold him tightly until all this was better. "It's only me, we're — I don't know, we'll figure that out later. But you're okay, it's going to be okay."

Shen Wei made another heart-piercing noise, and then he whispered, "Yunlan?"

"Yes! Yes, it's me." Zhao Yunlan stopped resisting the urge and wrapped his arms around Shen Wei, who didn't back off this time. He leaned into Zhao Yunlan's shoulder.

"Yunlan," he moaned, almost a sob. "I — I can't —"

"Shh, it's okay," Zhao Yunlan soothed. He rubbed Shen Wei's back, trying to quell the deep shivers racking him. He could let his eyes close while they were pressed together like this, which helped with the dizziness, although the blackness behind his eyelids threatened to drag him down. He found with his fingers the ring of bruises on his right wrist and pressed down hard on them, concentrating on the pain to keep himself attached to his body. "It's okay, we'll be okay..."

Despite everything, he was already fading. Coming back to himself only when Shen Wei suddenly flinched violently and nearly threw him off. "Baby?" Zhao Yunlan said, sitting up, scrabbling for balance. Things were swimming again. Only fitting, with the rain, and the puddles on the concrete, and he would be seasick again if he wasn't careful. He took deep breaths, and Shen Wei still hadn't answered. Shen Wei hunched into himself, looking between the rain and the edges of the shelter and even Zhao Yunlan with an equal lack of recognition.

It hurt. And it meant that Zhao Yunlan had to keep holding on, because Shen Wei needed him. "You're safe, you're okay," he said. He took one of Shen Wei's hands in both of his, squeezing it tightly. "I know this is… you're confused right now, but we'll get through it, it'll be better soon." He swayed and nearly tipped again, and clung to Shen Wei's shoulder to keep himself upright.

Shen Wei's arms came up to support him. Zhao Yunlan looked into Shen Wei's face for recognition, but Shen Wei's eyes were pressed tightly shut. He was whispering something, but it was lost in the drumming of the rain.

"What is it?" Zhao Yunlan asked. "Shen Wei, what are you saying?"

He still didn't know, but then Shen Wei made another low noise that had Zhao Yunlan pull them closer together, desperate to give comfort. With Shen Wei in his arms he wriggled back so that he could put one of the vent sides behind him as a support. Shen Wei leaned full against him, wet clothes plastered together. And he was shaking, and Zhao Yunlan tried to give him as much warmth as he could.

— Then he was lying on his side, on the floor, while Shen Wei patted clumsily at his face. "What's," Zhao Yunlan began, and tried to sit up, but didn't have enough strength.

"Yunlan," Shen Wei half-groaned, his eyes wide in the dimness. "Yunlan, are you — What's happening —"

Zhao Yunlan couldn't manage to explain. He just pulled at Shen Wei, so that Shen Wei lay down next to him, burrowing close. "Baby, are you with me?" he asked.

"Yes," Shen Wei said, though he sounded unsure. "But I — I don't think I — I don't feel —"

"It's okay," Zhao Yunlan reassured him. "Don't worry, just stay with me. I love you, okay? Stay with me."

"Mmm," Shen Wei mumbled, and shivered, and Zhao Yunlan had doubts about just how much he was really processing. But he couldn't throw stones. He felt hot, ill, only just on the right side of lucid. Wished they weren't lying in reach of the rain. Somewhere, lost.

Mostly he just knew, with his entire being, that he needed to keep Shen Wei safe. That as long as he did that, they would be okay. He held on, and held on.

It was so unexpected as to be almost unwelcome, to have someone else intrude into that space which had been just the two of them. To have a hand shaking his shoulder, and an anxious voice calling, "Chief Zhao? Chief Zhao?"

Zhao Yunlan turned his head groggily, blinking up at the indistinct face with Xiao-Guo's voice. But Xiao-Guo had vanished by the time he had opened his mouth to answer.

Shen Wei's eyes were closed. Breathing slowly. Unconscious — Zhao Yunlan knew it even before he tried getting him to respond. He kept trying anyway.

Was it still raining?

His head was tilted up by Zhu Hong. "Lao-Zhao!" she snapped at him. "What are you doing — Why didn't you tell us you were here?"

He struggled to find an answer. "Here…"

"We looked everywhere for you," Da Qing said, wriggling in front of Zhu Hong. "We went home, and to Professor Shen's office, and to your old apartment, and everywhere else we could think of and we couldn't find you anywhere."

"Can you stand up?" Zhu Hong asked. She began ruthlessly prying him and Shen Wei apart without waiting for an answer. And yes, it was still raining, but not as heavily, and Zhao Yunlan could barely stand even with support on both sides, and Lao-Chu was lifting Shen Wei, good. And then he was being half-led, half-dragged across the roof, which was —

Which was, from a more familiar angle, the roof of the SID building. Oh.

His knees didn't work properly on the stairs. Zhu Hong and Da Qing were mostly carrying him now. He wasn't getting proper sensations from his body and he wished he was allowed to stop moving.

He wasn't sure when he came to the end, or even if he did. Everything faded dark, and he was gone.

Shen Wei was… confused. He could recognise that. It was one of the only certainties he could cling onto.

He had been in the lab. Then things splintered apart and the taste of River lingered on his tongue and he was in the rain, water falling, mesmerising. Kneeling — No, no. Falling. Zhao Yunlan's hands and voice and water falling, not him, but him as well.

Fragments. All fragments.

Zhao Yunlan. "…you're safe, you're okay…"

Shen Wei held to his words as if they were a rope. Safe. Safe. Zhao Yunlan had to stay safe, couldn't take the River. Couldn't be swept away like this. He tried to push towards Zhao Yunlan but it was like swimming upstream through a torrent. But he had to get there — he had to, to protect him…

Zhao Yunlan was burning with fever, a brand pressed against him. They were —

Where were they?

Lost.

Lost, and cold, and he was supposed to be protecting Zhao Yunlan. Couldn't remember from what.

"Yunlan," he groaned. "Yunlan, are you — What's happening —"

Zhao Yunlan was there, the only thing that was solid, or real. Warm, arms enfolding. Breath on his cheek. "Baby, are you with me?"

"Yes," Shen Wei said, because that was the single point he was sure on. Zhao Yunlan was there, and Shen Wei was with him, even though everything else was a cold and howling darkness. "But I — I don't think I — I don't feel —"

He couldn't help, like this. Couldn't prevent anything. There was some danger, something focused on Zhao Yunlan, and he was helpless.

"It's okay," Zhao Yunlan said, so sure and steady that Shen Wei wanted desperately to believe him even though his words splintered apart. "Don't — just stay — I love you, okay? Stay with —"

And — the darkness was still there, and the confusion, but that I love you was a shield, beating them back. And Zhao Yunlan was holding onto him, and Shen Wei did his best to hold on in return. That was all he could do.

All…

Then he was waking up, but on the hard bed in the lab, which made no sense — Zhao Yunlan should be the one lying down but he wasn't, it was the wrong way round and Zhao Yunlan was leaning over the bed with a blanket around his shoulders and beaming, his cheekbones standing out in sharp relief. "Hey," he said, and cupped Shen Wei's head with his hand. "Are you awake?"

"Yes," Shen Wei managed to whisper. He didn't think he could move. And as long as he didn't, his body couldn't send him signals. Suspended. "You — Are you —"

"I'm okay," Zhao Yunlan said, and he grinned. "It worked. Well, I feel like crap, and Lin Jing is never going to stop going on about this, but the cure worked."

Shen Wei stared at him. He wanted to take it in, but it… He couldn't, quite.

"Look! Look." Zhao Yunlan pulled a lollipop out of his pocket, tore off the wrapper, and stuck it into his mouth. He beamed in triumph. "See, I told you — No, baby, don't cry!" He caught the tears from the corners of Shen Wei's eyes with his thumb, wiping them away. "It's going to be okay now. Li Qian and Lin Jing are preparing a dose for you."

Shen Wei… wanted very much to reach out to him, to say something, but it was too much. Too much emotion. Overwhelming, overloading, pushing him back under.

"I'm staying here," Zhao Yunlan promised, as his eyes closed. He caressed Shen Wei's cheek. "I'll be with you, I promise."

"You'll make yourself sick if you keep eating lollipops," Da Qing said. Perched on the edge of the lab bench.

Zhao Yunlan stubbornly sucked harder on the artificial sweetness, leaning over Shen Wei. "I don't care," he said, without looking around. He'd carefully eaten half a bowl of plain boiled rice, which hadn't been especially satisfying or really helped make him feel like himself again. The lollipops did that, even if the sugar was a bit rough on his still-fragile stomach.

He didn't think, now, that Shen Wei could have been eating properly even before the moth fungus had kicked in. His face was too drawn, in a way which Zhao Yunlan recognised from earlier when he'd demanded a shaving mirror. Actually, he had tried not to look too much at his own face after the first once-over. It had… scared him.

His legs were already getting shaky. He dropped back into the chair behind him as Li Qian and Lin Jing came over. "It's ready?" he asked, quickly, even though he could clearly see the syringe in Li Qian's hand.

"Yes," Lin Jing said. He had very nicely kept turning away Zhao Yunlan's apologies at having knocked him out. Knowing Lin Jing, though, he'd probably start bringing this up as a gotcha in every single argument as soon as everyone was safely out of the woods. For the rest of Zhao Yunlan's life, probably.

Zhao Yunlan kind of felt he'd earned it.

Li Qian administered the injection. And then stepped back to wait and observe. Zhao Yunlan gathered that there were quite a lot of contingency plans in place for if Shen Wei's fever spiked into delirium as his had. Zhao Yunlan wasn't party to them, though. He was here strictly as an invalid. Everyone had decided it would be easier to keep him under supervision if he was already in the place he absolutely needed to be.

He sucked on the lollipop again, although the sickly-sweet taste was in fact beginning to make him slightly nauseous. He wasn't going to admit it, though.

He was no good at sitting and waiting. Especially without anything to do. Even though he didn't feel well enough to actually do anything, achy and exhausted as if at the end of a long illness — if he'd been at home he would have wrapped himself in blankets on the sofa and watched TV mindlessly. As it was he watched Shen Wei, absently stroking Da Qing who had climbed onto his lap and curled there purring, warm and heavy.

Over the next hour, Shen Wei's temperature climbed steeply. That was expected. He'd been warned about it. But after a while he noticed the tension that Lin Jing and Li Qian were trying to hide as they whispered urgently together. "What is it?" Zhao Yunlan asked, sharply.

They didn't try to lie to him. "His readings aren't right," Lin Jing said. "They're being thrown off a lot more than they should be from the treatment. I think — his system's going into distress."

A solid knot of fear coalesced in the pit of Zhao Yunlan's stomach. "You said the treatment might work differently on Dixingren."

"Yes," Li Qian said. Lin Jing stepped over to take blood from Shen Wei. "We knew there was always a risk —"

Zhao Yunlan put his hand over the purple bruise ringing his wrist. Pressed his fingers down. "What can you do?" he asked, surprised at how calm his voice came out. Maybe it was dread. He should have known they wouldn't be able to have this after all.

Neither of them wasted time answering him. Zhao Yunlan pushed Da Qing off and stood again, wanting to be as close to Shen Wei as possible, holding onto the edge of the metal bed for support. There was a fevered flush in Shen Wei's face now, and a film of sweat on his brow. "Shen Wei," Zhao Yunlan said, quietly. "You can do this. Don't give up." He took Shen Wei's hand in his, looking up in sudden hope as Shen Wei's fingers twitched, but it was just his body shifting unconsciously. Zhao Yunlan desperately hoped he wasn't feeling pain.

"Here," Li Qian said, and Zhao Yunlan looked around sharply, but she wasn't speaking to him, only to Lin Jing. "The immune reaction —"

"I see it," Lin Jing said.

Zhao Yunlan knew he shouldn't interrupt, but he wasn't capable of restraining himself. "What is it?" he asked.

Lin Jing looked up. "In your body the serum kick-started an immune response which cleared out the moth fungus," he said. "Like it was supposed to. But Shen Wei's body isn't doing that."

"Why not?" Zhao Yunlan demanded.

"I don't know!" Lin Jing said. "Perhaps because the serum wasn't so foreign to you. It's based on a distillation of Haixing energies. Maybe it could latch on to the underlying structures in your body."

"But…" Zhao Yunlan started to protest, and trailed off. But Shen Wei. They knew.

"I want to try something," Li Qian said. She picked up a sample kit. "Arm, please."

Zhao Yunlan felt it was a bad sign that he was so used by now to having blood siphoned off. He had a permanent deep-tissue bruise within the crook of his left elbow. "What are you going to do?" he asked.

"Give me a few minutes," she said.

They would absolutely not appreciate him standing and staring over their shoulders. He turned back to Shen Wei, who was burning still hotter, his skin damp and unhealthily flushed over the underlying pallor. Every few seconds a shudder ran through him. "Shen Wei," Zhao Yunlan said, and stroked Shen Wei's hair back. "I'm right here. Just like I promised."

His legs were getting shaky again but he didn't want to retreat even the small distance that would be sitting down. Even though Shen Wei was oblivious of him.

"Chief Zhao?" Li Qian said.

"Yeah?" he asked. Not turning.

"I think we've got a solution."

Now he turned, so fast that Da Qing grabbed his arm to keep him upright as he staggered. "What?" he demanded.

"I tried isolating some of the immune response from your blood," Li Qian said. "It's not exactly antibodies, but — Anyway. Adding that to the sample from Professor Shen seemed to almost teach his cells what to do to help the serum fight back."

"So — what?" Zhao Yunlan felt he was almost too scrambled to follow. "So you can use my blood to make the cure work in Dixingren?"

"I'm sure that given time we can artificially replicate —" Li Qian began, and then paused. "But we don't have time with Professor Shen. So, basically, yes."

"Fine!" Zhao Yunlan would have rolled up his sleeves to demonstrate his eagerness, except that he was already wearing a t-shirt. He held out his forearms instead. Willing right then to just take a knife and open a vein in front of them. Like Shen Wei had done for him.

"Sit down first, you're already close to falling over," Da Qing ordered.

Zhao Yunlan did so, and scooted the chair into place. Li Qian got out a needle and tubing and took his arm. "Make sure he doesn't move around after this," she said to Da Qing, who nodded seriously.

Zhao Yunlan looked back at Shen Wei. Unconscious, unaware, and even after all of this it might still be too late. Icy dread clawed at him, but the greater part of Zhao Yunlan's brain felt paralysed. Unable to accept that he could be saved while Shen Wei —

With his free hand Zhao Yunlan fished in his pocket and found the last of the bunch of lollipops he'd grabbed earlier. He twisted the wrapper off between his fingers with the ease of long practice.

"You'll make yourself sick," Li Qian warned him, glancing up as he put it in his mouth.

"I don't care," Zhao Yunlan said.

Chapter Text

"No," Zhao Yunlan said. Again. Striving very hard for patience. "No, we will be fine, we do not need anyone to take us home. We're both fine now."

"You had to sit down earlier after climbing the stairs," Da Qing said.

Zhao Yunlan felt like grinding his teeth. He didn't, though, because he was trying to demonstrate that after a day and a half of recovery during which they had been under increasingly grating constant supervision, he and Shen Wei were in a fit state to leave the SID. Alone. With no babysitters.

Losing his temper wouldn't exactly help his case. "I've got my new phone," he said, to Da Qing's very unconvinced expression. "I can call you. Or anyone. If I need to." He couldn't believe he was having to argue this hard with his own cat. "Lin Jing said we're fine!"

Lin Jing had indeed confirmed, multiple times, that there was no trace of moth fungus left in either of their bloodstreams. Shortly before going home to bed, where he probably still was. He and Li Qian had worked without stopping until they'd managed to begin artificially synthesising the antigens to add to the Dixingren version of the River cure. Lao-Chu had taken that first batch straight to Dixing for An Bai to begin distributing, while Li Qian returned to the Inspectorate lab to get further production underway. And hopefully had also managed to go home to sleep before too long.

Under Zhao Yunlan's irritated gaze Guo Changcheng hunkered down behind his desk, trying very hard to act as if he wasn't there. Zhu Hong and Lao-Chu were also at their desks, but not even bothering to pretend that they weren't watching the argument with amusement.

It was Wang Zheng who took a step forward and laid her hand soothingly on Da Qing's arm. "They will be all right," she said.

Da Qing looked at Shen Wei. So did Zhao Yunlan. Shen Wei had got his things together with alacrity when Zhao Yunlan had announced that they were going home now, but then he'd stayed out of the resulting argument when Da Qing got ready to come too. Now he gave a little sigh. "If you're really worried, we could always remain here for another night?" he said.

"No," Zhu Hong leapt in, hastily. "Da Qing, shut up and stay put. Shen Wei, please take Lao-Zhao and go. I'm going to go mad if I have to hear him complaining and moping around any longer."

Zhao Yunlan could have had another argument over that description — he was still her boss, after all — but he wasn't going to let an opening like that go to waste. "Come on, our taxi's here," he said, and grabbed Shen Wei's hand. Pulling him out the door of the SID as quickly as possible.

Even more fortunately, their taxi was indeed just pulling up, which meant that they didn't have to hang around awkwardly outside the building after that sharp exit. Zhao Yunlan slid in after Shen Wei, and looked hard at him once they'd started moving. "Tell me the truth. Would you really have been happy to stay under everyone's anxious supervision for another night?" He'd been pretty sure that Shen Wei had been every bit as close to cracking under the desire for some actual privacy as he was himself.

The corner of Shen Wei's mouth curved up slightly. "Sometimes presenting the alternative scenario can be… more diplomatic," he said.

"Hah." Zhao Yunlan snorted. "You knew they were all getting just as sick of us. Well, sick of me at any rate. Everyone except Da Qing."

"He's been very worried about you," Shen Wei said. With a glance that said he'd just been reminded of his own worry on that score.

"Yeah, I know. I know." Zhao Yunlan reached for Shen Wei's hand. "It's not like I'm kicking him out. I just — I need some time when it's only us. To have you to myself."

Shen Wei smiled at him fondly, an expression saying more than words could.

They pulled up outside their house. For all his bravado about them both being fine, Zhao Yunlan watched Shen Wei closely as they walked from the taxi to the front door. Cataloguing every way in which he moved slowly, tiredly.

Zhao Yunlan followed Shen Wei in, pulling the door closed behind them. "First, we're going to sit and —" He halted as abruptly as if he had smacked into a wall.

Blood.

Shen Wei's blood still painted the kitchen. Dark and dried, now, but he could still smell the sour iron tang.

The hallway lurched and wavered and Zhao Yunlan's stomach flipped over, nausea slamming through him in an instant. He thrust a clenched fist against his mouth and half-fell into the bathroom. He barely made it, dropping to his knees and heaving violently into the toilet bowl.

Shen Wei crouched beside him, a hand resting on his lower back, waiting until Zhao Yunlan felt it was safe to lift his head. "Yunlan," he murmured, low and pained, and handed him a glass of water from the tap. His face was pale.

Zhao Yunlan rinsed his mouth and drank some of the water to settle acid burn in his throat before putting the glass down on the floor. He flushed away the mess and sat up properly, hot-cold shivers running through him, clammy with sweat. Shen Wei put an arm around him and pulled him gently so that Zhao Yunlan's head came to rest on his shoulder.

Zhao Yunlan accepted the support gratefully. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, after a while. "This can't be — Are you okay?" He felt utterly wrung out.

Shen Wei held him tighter. "You should lie down," he said.

"This wasn't how I'd pictured us spending our time together after coming home," Zhao Yunlan said. He swayed as Shen Wei half-lifted him to his feet. "I thought we'd have a lazy afternoon. Cuddle on the sofa. Something like that."

"It doesn't matter," Shen Wei said. "Rest, and you'll feel better when you wake up."

"You're going to rest with me, right?" Zhao Yunlan asked. He avoided looking anywhere near the kitchen as Shen Wei steered him to the stairs. Still, he could see dark droplets clinging to the carpet. He must have tracked those across. He hadn't even noticed. His stomach roiled uneasily and he swallowed.

"Yes," Shen Wei said. "Yes, I'm staying with you."

"And we'll, we'll get someone in," Zhao Yunlan said. "In the morning. To clean up." He felt suddenly so tired that it was almost akin to being drunk. "We can hire people. You don't need to, to see —"

Shen Wei pressed a kiss against his forehead. Zhao Yunlan dropped onto the bed and stripped off his jeans and socks before rolling sideways under the duvet. What was more surprising to him was that Shen Wei did the same, coming straight to bed in his undershirt and boxers rather than putting on pyjamas as he usually did. Maybe he was exhausted as well.

Zhao Yunlan took advantage of the unusual amount of skin accessible to him, wrapping his legs around Shen Wei's to twine them together. He pushed up the hem of Shen Wei's shirt so that his arms could lie against Shen Wei's back. Shen Wei sighed, and melted into the contact. Perhaps he needed it just as much.

Zhao Yunlan wanted to talk more. While confined at the SID he'd done nothing but make plans in his head for all the things they'd do once he got Shen Wei home. It seemed such a waste to fall asleep immediately. "Shen Wei?" he mumbled.

"Yes?" Shen Wei asked, his voice somewhat muffled by how Zhao Yunlan's head was pressed up against his face.

Zhao Yunlan had been going to say… something. He'd wanted…

"Zhao Yunlan?" Shen Wei asked, quietly.

"Mmm," Zhao Yunlan managed, and then no more.

Shen Wei fell asleep very shortly after Zhao Yunlan, lulled by the warmth where their bodies fit together, as if Zhao Yunlan's exhaustion seeped through that contact and into him. When he woke it was dark outside. It disorientated him for a moment. He almost never napped in the middle of the day.

He rolled away from Zhao Yunlan and cautiously sat up. Through the open curtains Zhao Yunlan's pale face caught the reflected glow from a street lamp across the road. He was breathing slowly, deeply.

For a while Shen Wei just sat there, watching Zhao Yunlan sleep. His expression was calm and free of pain. It was so good to be with him, unafraid, in this quiet solitude. He'd understood, of course, the close watch which everyone at the SID had kept on them, but it had begun to chafe nonetheless.

Even in the dim light, however, Zhao Yunlan's face was too hollow. He'd been thin enough already, and now it made Shen Wei ache to look at him. He'd assumed he would able to immediately start on getting Zhao Yunlan eating properly once they were back home, and it dismayed him that it had been put off.

Because. Of the kitchen.

Moving quietly, Shen Wei got dressed. He was already wearing a cotton t-shirt, one chosen for comfort rather than because he particularly liked it, and he found the pair of sweatpants in his drawer that he usually wore for deep-cleaning. Then he went downstairs, the way familiar and easy even in the dark, and pressed the kitchen light switch.

The room sprang into vivid relief under the unforgiving brightness of the overhead lights, and Shen Wei went stock-still. There was dark red dried blood pooled on the floor and smeared on the surfaces. The congealed remains of the congee in a pan. Scattered packaging from first-aid supplies next to the smudges on the floor where he must have been lying.

Shen Wei forced his breaths to come slowly, steadily. He hadn't looked hard at the scene before with his attention had been on Zhao Yunlan, but he had still seen it. He should have been more acclimatised than this.

Underlying everything, so faint he almost didn't notice at first, was the dry mothy scent of River. It turned his stomach with revulsion.

But it was all the more reason to clean up now, before Zhao Yunlan was forced to face any of it again. With that grim determination Shen Wei walked across the floor, fastidiously avoiding any of the mess, and reached the sink. He opened the window first, for ventilation, and then took out the bleach.

The floor was the most immediate problem. Once he'd got the tiles clean he would be able to walk around freely to deal with the counter tops. He crouched down. It was easier at that level. To compartmentalise. To look at one section at a time and see it purely as the current stage of the problem to be dealt with. Just mess on the tiles.

He poured out bleach and rubbed meticulous arcs with a floor cloth. Holding his mind blank, except for his focus on the act. Mostly. Bits of images kept slipping in, despite his best efforts. He worked the cloth carefully between the tiles, and when he got up to rinse it out at the sink the water ran rust-red. At least he could no longer smell anything but the bleach's fake-citrus tang. He picked up tiny slivers of broken glass he came across as he went, dropping them into an empty box taken out of the recycling. Then he rinsed the cloth out again and wiped the tiles once more, working until they were clean and dry.

Like nothing had happened there at all.

He sat for a moment with his back against a cupboard, gathering his strength to get up. A longer moment. The floor had been the worst bit and it was dealt with, so now all he needed to do —

When he looked up, what he saw so exactly slotted into his memory that it came with a spike of pure terror. Zhao Yunlan, over there, dropping down to the floor. Except that this was now, not then — Zhao Yunlan was wearing the t-shirt and boxers he'd slept in, and his hair was tousled, and he was crouching down deliberately. "Xiao-Wei," he said, and waited.

Shen Wei braced for anger. Or, not anger, but for Zhao Yunlan to let his emotions explode out in an overwhelming torrent. It was almost disconcerting when the seconds dragged out and it didn't happen.

Eventually, Zhao Yunlan sighed. "What bit should I do?" he asked.

Shen Wei blinked at him. "What —"

"Give me part of the job," Zhao Yunlan said. "In here? Or shall I do the living room carpet?"

"I… The carpet, please," Shen Wei said, still uncertain at his reaction but responding almost without thinking to the question. He turned to the cupboard but Zhao Yunlan reached in past him to take out the bottle of carpet cleaner and another cloth. He deliberately brushed against Shen Wei's shoulder with his arm, and gave him a slight smile.

Shen Wei stood up. He poured out more bleach and wiped away his own dark fingerprints from the counter tops. Starting at one end and working along, disinfecting the entire work-surface so that he wouldn't risk missing even a single small speck of blood. He didn't use bleach on the wooden table, swapping it out for warm water and a gentler surface cleaner. He repacked the first-aid kit carefully and put it away in its space on top of a high cupboard. Scraped out the mess in the pans into the bin and got out the bleach again to scrub them and the utensils with. Still holding onto that careful blankness inside his head.

Through the door he could see Zhao Yunlan scrubbing diligently at patches of the carpet.

As he'd expected, the surfaces were much quicker to do than the floor. Shen Wei looked around the now-spotless kitchen with quiet satisfaction and opened the fridge. Some of the vegetables would need throwing out now, and possibly some of the other fresh items as well, which was a shame. He hadn't been paying enough attention to them. He took out a selection of ingredients and sorted them on the counter before finding a chopping board. Finally he chose a sharp knife from the draining board, and turned, and was almost startled into dropping it by the choked-off cry from Zhao Yunlan, on his way back into the kitchen.

Shen Wei froze. Remained like that, because he didn't know what the danger was, didn't know how to fix it.

Zhao Yunlan took a step forwards, then looked at the vegetables on the chopping board and his shoulders sagged. "It's nothing," he said, exhaling raggedly. "Sorry. Sorry. I didn't mean —"

Shen Wei followed his eyes to the knife in his hand. He put it down, carefully. A high-pitched whine was building in his head.

"Sorry," Zhao Yunlan said, again, and laughed. Shakily. "I just. Um." He staggered slightly and reached for the doorframe and Shen Wei was only just in time in surge forward and catch him. Except that he was not in the least prepared for how his own knees buckled under Zhao Yunlan's weight and they both went down together in a slide to the floor.

"Shen Wei?" Zhao Yunlan demanded, alarmed, as if he wasn't the one who had almost passed out. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," Shen Wei said, in some surprise, "Of, of course —" and then was more surprised to find himself lying on his back on the floor. His chest felt alarmingly tight and there was static swelling in the edges of his vision.

"Really," Zhao Yunlan said. He put a hand under Shen Wei's shoulder and Shen Wei needed that help to sit up, breathing heavily, almost gasping. Zhao Yunlan kept hold of him. "Can you make it to the sofa?"

"Yes," Shen Wei said, and tried very hard not to need support from Zhao Yunlan. Because Zhao Yunlan was the one who should be getting this support, he still hadn't even eaten, and his face was very white. Shen Wei wanted to say that, but it was hard to manage the words, especially when he dropped heavily down onto the sofa and Zhao Yunlan curled alongside him.

Zhao Yunlan reached a hand up to stroke Shen Wei's face, and Shen Wei abruptly caught his fingers. Held his arm there, staring at the dark encircling bruise, purple and smudging to a greenish-yellow at the edges.

"It's okay," Zhao Yunlan said. He tried to pull his arm away. "Don't worry about it."

"I could heal it," Shen Wei offered. He hadn't dared try, so far, just in case. But that meant that Zhao Yunlan had had to carry it, a visible injury which Shen Wei had done to him, and suddenly he very much wished he'd already made the attempt.

"No," Zhao Yunlan said, sounding almost angry. "I don't want you to."

Shen Wei let go and let his own arm fall back. "You need to eat," he said.

"You need to," Zhao Yunlan retorted. "And you should be resting right now. Not using up all your energy cleaning the kitchen in the middle of the night — I told you we would get someone in to do it!"

Shen Wei didn't know how to argue back in a way Zhao Yunlan would accept. It was his kitchen. His responsibility. His decisions which had led to… that. He had needed to be the one to clean it up.

"I'm going to order us something," Zhao Yunlan said, after he'd given Shen Wei plenty of time in which he could have replied. "Where's my phone — Oh, upstairs, I'll be back in a minute."

Shen Wei meant to get himself sitting up while Zhao Yunlan was gone, but when Zhao Yunlan returned, in a new t-shirt and jeans, he was still lying lethargically against the cushions. Zhao Yunlan lounged against him, presumably sorting out food delivery on his phone. He didn't ask Shen Wei for his input. When he was done he put the phone away in his pocket.

"I woke up and you were gone," he said, abruptly. "I didn't know where you were. Then I realised what you must be doing."

Shen Wei finally sat up. Moved so that he could keep on leaning against the sofa back for support. "I thought you'd carry on sleeping," he said.

There was a pause. Shen Wei replayed his words. He could see that Zhao Yunlan found them inadequate, but he had nothing better to offer.

"You nearly died because of me," Zhao Yunlan said, eventually. A non-sequitur. On the surface.

"You nearly died," Shen Wei said. Leaning forward a little, helplessly. "I couldn't protect you. I couldn't —" do anything, other than watch. The words choked in his throat and burned hot in his eyes and then were spilling down his face.

Zhao Yunlan made a desperate sound. "Oh, no, baby —" he said, and tried to blot Shen Wei's eyes with a fistful of material from his t-shirt. "It's okay now, we're both okay —" Except that there were tears gathering in his eyes too, and then sobs began forcing their way out of his throat. He half-fell against Shen Wei's shoulder and clung to him, crying in a way that Shen Wei had never seen. Raw and wounded.

Shen Wei clutched him tightly in return, curling his fingers into Zhao Yunlan's hair. His chest hurting with the effort of suppressing his body's desire to give in and sob just as freely. But he managed to hold himself back, even though he couldn't stop tears from leaking from his eyes.

"I love you," Zhao Yunlan whispered, shaking against him."I love you, I couldn't bear that happening to you, I couldn't —"

"You should have been safe," Shen Wei said, anguished. "I didn't know — I wouldn't have let that happen to you if I'd known. I wouldn't have let you go in —"

"Baby, you can't keep me safe from everything," Zhao Yunlan said. "None of this was your fault."

Shen Wei shook his head. If he'd handled it better…

"If I'd done things better," Zhao Yunlan said, and Shen Wei was startled to hear his own thought from Zhao Yunlan's lips. "I pushed you away, I'm sorry —"

"No," Shen Wei insisted. "No, no —"

The doorbell rang.

"You're fucking joking," Zhao Yunlan groaned. He wiped his eyes and nose roughly on his arm and stumbled off to answer it.

Shen Wei got up and set the table with plates and chopsticks. He used some kitchen roll to clean his face up and had mostly got his breathing under control by the time Zhao Yunlan came in behind him with a plastic bag.

"You didn't need to do that," Zhao Yunlan said. His eyes were still very red, but he also had managed to wipe most of the other evidence away. "I didn't get that sort of food."

"What did you get?" Shen Wei asked, mildly suspicious.

Zhao Yunlan proffered the bag. "Food. Meat. On sticks."

Shen Wei opened his mouth to ask whether that was really sensible when Zhao Yunlan's stomach was still fragile, but stopped himself.

Zhao Yunlan, of course, noticed the hesitation. "You don't have to eat it," he said. "As long as you have something else." He sat down at the table and arranged some of his deep-fried food on his plate. "Honestly, this isn't what I'd have gone for, but it was about the only local place still open."

Shen Wei sat down too. "It's fine," he said. "I could have cooked, though."

"You can cook tomorrow if you want to," Zhao Yunlan said. "We should still both be asleep right now, anyway."

Shen Wei ate a couple of the skewers, getting up in the middle to make some tea for both of them so that he had something to wash the fried food down with. Zhao Yunlan grinned at him. It was so… normal that Shen Wei's heart gave a clench.

"You're not washing up," Zhao Yunlan said, firmly, once they had finished. "We're going back to bed."

"It will only take a minute," Shen Wei protested.

"No," Zhao Yunlan said. "No more. Not tonight. Come upstairs." He caught Shen Wei's hand, meeting his eyes. "Please."

That… wasn't something Shen Wei could resist. Especially when Zhao Yunlan didn't let go of his hand but kept tight hold of it, pulling him along and giving him barely enough time to switch off the downstairs lights.

Upstairs, though, Shen Wei broke away from Zhao Yunlan's determination to drag him straight into bed to first go and brush his teeth and next find a fresh pair of pyjamas. Cotton, firmly ironed. Zhao Yunlan visited the bathroom himself and then glanced at Shen Wei and found clean pyjamas too instead of rolling into bed in what he was currently wearing. Shen Wei would have liked to change the sheets while he was at it, but Zhao Yunlan had already sat down on the mattress and looked too tired for Shen Wei to want to make him get up again. He closed the curtains and turned off the lights.

Zhao Yunlan burrowed against him in the bed, arm flung over him, as if determined not to let him disappear a second time.

When Zhao Yunlan woke again, with noontime sun leaking in through the curtains, the first thing he did was roll over to check that Shen Wei was still there. It was a heartfelt relief to find that he was. Lying and watching him, and smiling tentatively as Zhao Yunlan's eyes met his.

"Hi," Zhao Yunlan said. Smiling back. "How're you feeling?"

"Fine," Shen Wei said, because of course he did. But he did actually look a lot better than he had in the middle of the night. Which wasn't really a high bar, but still.

Zhao Yunlan shifted towards Shen Wei, holding him tightly and a moment later was being held by him every bit as possessively. He didn't want to let go, at all, ever. After some minutes, however, his body started making demands and he reluctantly sat up. "I'm going to take a shower," he said. "Don't go anywhere."

He was much quicker over it than usual because as soon as he closed the bathroom door he started worrying about Shen Wei again, even though he knew it was probably unwarranted. Probably. But when he came out with a towel around his waist Shen Wei was still in the bedroom, although he'd changed the sheets and duvet and was just finishing putting the fresh pillowcases on. "I would have helped," Zhao Yunlan told him.

"You didn't need to," Shen Wei said. He was still in his pyjamas, which meant that he was waiting for his own turn in the shower before dressing, and so Zhao Yunlan felt no compunctions about transferring some of his own dampness onto him. "Zhao Yunlan," Shen Wei chided, but there was a smile in his voice.

Shen Wei went for his shower soon enough, and Zhao Yunlan threw some clothes on and headed down. From the foot of the stairs his attention snagged on a dark spot on the living room rug that he'd missed last night. He could hear the shower still running so he hastily grabbed the carpet cleaner from under the sink and scrubbed it out. That left a visibly damp patch. He hoped it would dry quickly before Shen Wei could notice.

The kitchen, of course, was pristine.

Zhao Yunlan boiled the kettle and made tea. When Shen Wei came downstairs, neatly dressed in a buttoned shirt and slacks, Zhao Yunlan had a cup already poured out to offer him. "Thank you," Shen Wei said. His smile was muted, but genuine. "I'll cook breakfast."

He made savoury pancakes, while Zhao Yunlan remained in the kitchen, watching him. Talking a little, but not much. They were both being careful with the other, and Zhao Yunlan wondered if Shen Wei noticed that as much as he did, and was as similarly unable to stop himself.

Zhao Yunlan was already tired by the time they'd finished the late breakfast. Which was ridiculous, since he'd only just got up. "What do you want to do today?" he asked Shen Wei.

Shen Wei gestured at the fridge. "There are ingredients I need to use up," he said. "How about you?" He had watched every bite Zhao Yunlan took, although he probably thought he had been discreet about it. He was definitely also clocking Zhao Yunlan feeling tired, and restraining himself from commenting with a visible effort.

Zhao Yunlan gave a vague wave in the direction of the sofa."Guess I'll catch up on the internet," he said.

Shen Wei smiled, reassured. "I'll bring you some more tea shortly," he said.

Zhao Yunlan ensconced himself along the sofa's length. He had his phone, but he spent just as much time with it in his lap while he watched Shen Wei. Who began by pulling out the entire contents of the fridge and scrubbing the inside of it, after which he put a minority of the things back in and began to cook using the others. And didn't stop cooking. It seemed like he was planning on making enough to feed the entire SID for a week.

Zhao Yunlan didn't feel the need to comment. Shen Wei often went mildly overboard in his food preparation when he needed to soothe himself, making extra portions to freeze if necessary. Right now… it didn't seem unreasonable that he would want to bury himself in an activity he enjoyed.

The creak and slap of the cat-flap was an unmistakable sound. A few moments later Da Qing slunk into view along the wall, trying to look inconspicuous against the skirting board. Zhao Yunlan rolled his eyes and patted the cushion beside him. Da Qing leapt up immediately, stretching out into all the space available.

"Take your shoes off," Zhao Yunlan reminded him.

Da Qing toed his sneakers off and let them drop over the sofa arm to the floor. "Are you better?" he asked.

"Getting there," Zhao Yunlan said, shoving back against an accidental elbow to his stomach.

Da Qing wriggled against him, getting comfortable. "Lin Jing called in a panic yesterday to tell us not to let you go home," he said. "But it was too late."

Zhao Yunlan sighed. "He's had other things to think about," he said. It wasn't Lin Jing's fault he'd forgotten to remind anyone of what was waiting inside the house.

Da Qing tried to look into the kitchen without being too obvious about it. Zhao Yunlan poked him. "There's nothing to see now," he said.

"Was it bad?" Da Qing asked.

Zhao Yunlan breathed out, slowly. "Yeah," he said. "It's… pretty much all been bad, hasn't it?"

"But you're better now," Da Qing said, in a tone which was almost a plea.

Zhao Yunlan dug his hand into Da Qing's hair, fondly. "Yeah," he said. "You worry too much, cat."

Da Qing mewled a little against him.

Zhao Yunlan closed his eyes, soothed by the familiar clattering of Shen Wei in the kitchen. All as it should be. All so comfortingly normal that it almost frightened him, now that he was aware how fragile it all was. How easily broken.

But right now…

He dozed, and when he opened his eyes it was to feel a pressure on his hand, dangling off the edge of the sofa. Shen Wei was sitting on the carpet, leaning up against the sofa and with his head tipped sideways onto the cushion Zhao Yunlan lay on. His eyes were closed, and he had Zhao Yunlan's hand caught firmly in his.

Zhao Yunlan turned his head carefully to get a better view, not wanting to disturb him. Shen Wei's face was calm and content in sleep. A medley of food smells wafted from pans gently simmering in the kitchen.

As if recognising the weight of Zhao Yunlan's gaze, Shen Wei shifted and then blinked slowly. He lifted his head and sought around, immediately relaxing as he met Zhao Yunlan's smile.

Zhao Yunlan gave his hand a little tug. "Come up here," he said, his voice gravelly. He shoved Da Qing with his feet to make space. Da Qing grumbled and shifted form, twitching his whiskers irritably as he flopped onto Zhao Yunlan's shins instead.

Shen Wei put his other hand on the edge of the sofa and pushed himself up, perching where he could look down at Zhao Yunlan with a fond expression.

"No, come here," Zhao Yunlan ordered, pulling Shen Wei to lie down with him, and Shen Wei obeyed.

"You should come and eat soon," Shen Wei said.

"Yes, in a minute," Zhao Yunlan said. He put his arms around Shen Wei, fitting their bodies together with no space in between, apart from that occupied by a cat with no sense of boundaries.

They were both here. They were safe, and together, and soon they would eat an extremely late lunch together while Zhao Yunlan tried to heroically refrain from commenting on the sheer quantity of food Shen Wei had prepared, and really they needed to arrange flowers or chocolates or gifts of new exciting technology for everyone in the SID to say thank you. At the very least there would be no shortage of home-cooked food to bring in.

Plans to make. Not the abyss which had opened up in front of them and had briefly become all it was possible to see. There would be recovery. A future. For those who had been suffering in Dixing, too, which was a salve to Zhao Yunlan's heart — not least because he knew how deeply Shen Wei cared about his people.

And if there would also be… well, Zhao Yunlan could already see the shape of the nightmares which lurked in his future. But they were together. They had survived. And eventually they would be okay.