Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The two gems, Lapis Lazuli and Peridot, were sitting comfortably in the shallow tub. Peridot was on her tablet, looking threw her photos which were blurry due to lack of knowledge on how to operate the camera when she initially got the tablet. The case on the mobile tablet had alien and space-themed stickers on the case. The taller of the two looked down at the smaller gem, looking at the ridicules and nerdy case that screamed peridot if anyone were to see it. She looked at her noiseless foot tapping against the tub, causing a faint tapping noise. They were temporarily staying in Steven’s bathroom while they found out where they were going to stay, due to the ramshackle barn being destroyed a few months back. Lapis sighed and looked to the side, looking at the bottle of shampoo and conditioner Steven uses for hygiene purposes. Lapis thought to use it once, just to try and see what would happen to her hair, but it seemed to never happen because of laziness. The ocean gem wasn't feeling the best, emotionally, right now. She wanted to vent, but Peridot seemed to be in such a pleasant mood… she didn't want to disturb her and be a burden, but she remembered what Peridot said to her before she escaped to the moon. 

“Your feelings matter to me, Lazuli. Please don’t constantly think you’ll bother me by expressing your negative feelings to me.” 

Lapis always remembered what Peridot said that day. Even if it didn't seem like an immense deal to some people, she was appreciative that someone would be there to listen to her no matter what. Lapis decided to open up, bottling her feelings didn't seem like the best idea right now. She just doesn't know how to strike up the conversation...

“I hate myself,” Lapis said. ‘Well, I guess that works.’ Peridot lowered her tablet, looking up at Lapis and putting on an innocent face “Why?” 

“What…” Peridot never responded with a question before.

“I mean, you have no reason to despise yourself.” Peridot looked elsewhere, her tone softened, thinking she upset the taller gem.

“Are you kidding me?! There are loads of reasons for me to hate myself! I ran away from all of my problems! I ran away from you!” Lapis was surprised peridot was denying the way she felt, she usually let her vent then comforted her after, not say “But you shouldn't feel like that.” Uh, no shit Sherlock.

“That doesn't mean you should hate yourself. Sure, it wasn't pleasant of you to run- I mean, to flee all of a sudden, but we all perform regrettable things” Peridot attempted to refrain from saying ‘run away’ as much as possible, not wanting to upset Lapis.

“You don’t understand… You don’t know what it’s like to hate yourself. Plus, you’ve never hurt someone as much as I have. I’m just bad, in general, Peridot.” Lapis hugged her knees. She started regretting what she said. 

“I do know what it’s like to despise myself! And I have injured someone before, I’ve injured multiple people before!” Peridot started getting defensive. She loathed it when people say she never understands because no one ever expects a Peridot to understand. All Peridots’ are made for is to lifelessly tinker and engineer. That’s just the stereotype about Peridots.’ 

“I’ve hurt Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and Steven’s feelings before by insulting Rose Quartz and their planet. I’ve wounded Garnet's feelings by rudely asking her to unfuse just for my selfish needs. I’ve wounded Amethyst’s feelings by calling her defective back at the Prime Kindergarten. I’ve hurt Pearl's feelings by calling her a ‘lower rank’ gem. I’ve hurt Steven’s feelings by insulting his, uh, ‘mother’ or whatever he calls her. I’ve hurt so many people's feelings, I can't even count it!” Peridot was counting on her fingers as she lists off all the “harmful” things she has performed in the past.

“Anyways, my point is. I’ve done bad stuff too, but that doesn't make me a bad person. Therefore I still don't perceive why you despise yourself.” 

Lapis zoned out halfway through Peridot’s speech. She tucked her head further into her knees and groaned. She was irritated and annoyed at Peridot. “I scarred someone, Peridot! I permanently damaged, Jasper! I tricked her. I hurt her. I loved taking my anger out at her! I enjoyed seeing her in pain! There's no way in hell I'm a good person Peridot!” 

“You're still upset about that?” Peridot asked

Lapis was silent for a few moments before saying “Yes I'm still upset about that! Peridot, you’re not helping.” 

"Sorry I just thought since it's been almost a year, you’d be over it already… I think you should let it go. It's not good to just hold onto your feelings like that.” Peridot looked over at the tablet she put down. Peridot can get sidetracked easily, it’s something Peridot has dealt with.

“It’s not that easy, Peridot!” Lapis was started tearing up. She felt horrible because she thought that she should be over it already, but she's not.

Peridot already picked the tablet up and started doing; god knows what, on it. Lapis stared at her for a good 5 minutes before snatching the tablet and placing it back down. 

“Hey!” Peridot tried to snatch it back, but Lapis grasped her head back, making it impossible for peridot to grab the tablet. Lapis glared at her while Peridot squirmed, kicked and hit, none hitting Lapis, of course. Peridot looked at her after she pitched her little fit. 

“What’d I do wrong…” Peridot looked at her, tears in her eyes. It required her a second to realize she abruptly interrupted Lapis. “Oh- Sorry I, uh... got distracted.” 

Lapis was all kinds of mad at her. She felt like her feelings didn’t matter, and Peridot didn't care about her feelings whatsoever. “Do you not care?” Lapis asked coldly, but most of that sentence was derived from sadness. 

“I do care! I-I just… Got distracted. I didn't mean to…” Peridot didn't appreciate the way Lapis was grasping her. Lapis had a grip on her wrist, squeezing tightly, her other hand on her chest, holding her in place. The way she was holding her prompted her of when the Jaspers would force her back in place when she stepped out of line.

“You’d never get distracted when we were at the barn!” Lapis snapped back. Peridot was silent. What Lapis said was true, but back when they used to live in the barn, there wasn't much stuff to distract Peridot, other than the occasional bird chirps, the crickets chirping at night, or Pumpkin. Peridot had a problem of getting distracted easily, It's one of the fundamental reasons she was mocked by the other Peridots’ back on Homeworld. 

“I’m sorry... I do care, Lazuli.” Peridot felt bad and regretted what she performed. She started getting anxiety when the two of them weren’t doing anything for what felt like forever. No moving. No talking. No nothing. That was presumably the worst few minutes of Peridot’s life. Peridot finally broke the silence. 

“I am sorry, Lazuli.” 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. How do I know you’re not lying again?” Lapis was referring to the time she lied about her feelings when she took the barn. Peridot got even more anxiety when she thought about Lapis leaving again. It hurt, it still hurt her even though she’s been back for a few months now. That’s when Peridot realized what she said was wrong and that she was being rude.

“I didn't mean to be rude! I-I just realized that”

“Oh, you just realized?! Just now?” Lapis disturbed her. The ocean gem tends to get sensitive if things do go the way she requires them to. For example, right now. Lapis didn't get the answer she wanted and now she’s getting all over Peridot about it. Maybe it’s because of her past trauma of being left alone in the ship with no one to talk to or being trapped in the mirror for thousands of years, or maybe it’s because She had no one to talk to when she was fused with Jasper. It could be all of those reasons, or maybe just one reason, or maybe a combination of numerous experiences. Lapis doesn’t completely know herself, but she knows those seem to be the main reasons she's like this. Lapis Lazulis’, according to Peridot, tend to be rude and stubborn if told what to do, they can also get sensitive if they’re addressed rudely or harshly. That’s why only “certified kindergarteners” were able to handle them. Although this information came from Peridot, and Peridot doesn't always tell the truth when it comes to how “great” she is. 

Peridot was sobbing now. This is when Lapis realized she was being extremely harsh on her. She let her go and looked away “I was being sensitive again, I’m sorry.” 

Peridot calmed down and wiped the remaining tears away. “It’s ok, I shouldn’t have been so vulgar.” 

“I know it wasn’t intentional,” Lapis pulled her into a hug. She held her close, something she attempted to do as much as possible to show how much she loved Peridot. To inform her that she’d be with her from now on. A way to say “I love you.”

“You won’t abandon me again… Right, Lazuli?” 

“Right.”

Silence.

“You’re mine Peridot, no one else’s. I’ll always be there for you,” Lapis said calmly. This made Peridot fill up with joy, knowing that Lapis won’t leave her.

Or so she thought.

Chapter Text

There was a knock on the bathroom door. 

“Peridot! Please come out, it’s been two days and I need to take a shower!” Steven yelled so Peridot could hear. Peridot could hear him, but it was just another thing clouding her thoughts. The green gem was currently in the tub, crying with her head in her knees. She hasn’t wanted to come out; she didn't have the mental or physical strength to get up. She was too tired from crying all day. She didn't want to move. After hearing Steven politely ask her to get out a couple of times, he finally stopped, which was a relief to her. Until there was a massive bang that would’ve burst the door in two if hit slightly harder. The noise made peridot jump and yelp. 

“Peridot! Open the door now!” It was Garnet. Peridot had locked herself in the bathroom for the past two days after Lapis left. Again. They had another quarrel, It was about Peridots opinion on marble cake, which escalated to Jasper again. Somehow. Peridot doesn’t even know herself on how the subject had to do with a marble cake. Maybe the abnormal pattern the cake makes when the vanilla is mixed with chocolate batter, just like the stripes that covered Jasper’s arm, face, and possibly any other spot that Peridot would like to forget. Maybe the marble cake had nothing to do with Jasper. Peridot didn't know, which made her more upset when thinking about Lapis. She was mainly hurt because she thought Lapis was going to stay with her and never abandon her again. Peridot’s been lied to before by other Peridots’ and quartz soldiers back on Homeworld. She was used to not trusting someone right away, it was instincts by now. Although she trusted Lapis because she was her friend. That’s most likely why it hurt even more when Lapis left. Peridot zoned out and forgot about Garnet.

There was another massive bang, startling Peridot.

“Unlock the door, Peridot! I’ll give you to the count of three.”

Peridot scarcely hid under the blankets. Feeling how cold the bottom of the tub was made her shiver. 

“Three.”

“Two.”

“One.” 

The door was forced open and the lock was likely broken. Peridot flinched at the harsh noise exposing her, already obvious, hiding spot. 

“Peridot get out.” Garnet was standing above her, looking down into the tub. Peridot slowly crawled out of the blanket, looking up at Garnet. 

“C’mon.” Garnet’s tone changed, making Peridot feel safer. She picked the smaller up, holding her close. Peridot held onto her, arms around her neck and legs around her waist. She tucked her head in broad shoulders, sniffling and shaking slightly. 

“Garnet, I think you broke the lock…” Steven said, looking at the lock.

“Whoops.” Is the only thing Garnet said. So there was a piece of paper on the door that said “Occupied” in Steven’s handwriting.

It was 5:27 PM, 3 hours after the “Bathroom Incident.” Steven was getting ready for bed. Pearl was preparing dinner for Steven and Amethyst was doing whatever she was doing in her room. Peridot and Garnet were still on the couch snuggling. Now and then Garnet would mumble something tender into her ear or kiss her gem softly. By now, Peridot was tired and relaxed. She stopped shaking hours ago. She didn't mind the affection Garnet was giving her; she appreciated it actually, but she got tired of being held, she wanted to go to sleep and hopefully wake up with Lapis next to her. Even though she knew she wouldn't be there. She didn't know when or if she’d come back. She didn't want to seem rude, so she stayed in Garnet’s grip, hoping she’d fall asleep. The thought of Lapis not coming back frightened her and didn't allow her to sleep. It was disturbing her. She squirmed in Garnet’s arms, trying to get comfy. Garnet thought she wanted her to let go, so she did. Peridot looked up at her.

“Do you know if Lapis will come back?” She asked, trying not to break down into a tsunami of tears again. 

“I’m sure she will,” Garnet said nonchalantly, placing her hands on Peridot’s small waist.

“You’re sure or you know?" 

“I don’t know for sure, but I’d like to think she will.” Garnet rubbed her thumb over her tummy, trying to soothe her. Peridot looked to the side and whined.

“I know you’re worried, but she'll come back. She came back last time.”

“Just because she came back last time doesn’t mean anything! We’re talking about Lazuli! She’s unpredictable and sensitive, and many other things that I can't recite off the top of my head!” Peridot teared up.

“I see multiple possibilities of her coming back shortly, others longer. But she’ll come back no matter what Peridot. Trust me.” Garnet rubbed her back. Peridot leaned into her, what she said reassured her enough to let her sleep peacefully. 

“Ok… I trust you.” Peridot got comfortable and fell asleep on Garnet. Which Garnet didn't object to. 

“Oh shut up! You never cared!” 

“That’s untrue, lazuli! I do care, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings! I promise!” Peridot cried.

“JUST SHUT UP!” Lapis shoved her away, accidentally knocking her over. Peridot made a faint sound of distress and looked up at her, sobbing. Lapis was sobbing as well, overwhelmed and uncomfortable. Lapis ran out of the bathroom, running towards the door. Peridot got scared and ran after her.

“Lapis! W-Where are you going?!” she clutched her arm, holding it tightly in fear of her leaving.

“Let go of me!” she jerked her arm out of her grasp. She opened the door, slamming it shut. Peridot opened the door and when she looked over, Lapis’s wings were extended. The image of her leaving came back. Out of fear, she held onto her, arms around her waist. 

“P-Please don’t go, L-Lapis. P-Please…” She shook, anxiety replacing every feeling she had in her body. 

“I-I’m so so sorry, I’ll do better I promise!” Lapis shoved her off again, making her fall. As soon as Peridot looked up, Lapis wasn’t there anymore. 

She was gone.

Peridot woke up. Her hands were on Garnet’s chest. She looked up at her. Garnet was holding onto her waist to make sure she didn't fall.

“You ok, Peridot?” Garnet asked, even though she knew the answer.

She merely nodded and snuggled into her again. She was shaking and sniffling again. Maybe she shouldn’t sleep tonight, it was late anyway.

“Garnet?”

“Yes, Peridot?”

“Can we cuddle?”

“We are cuddling.”

“I meant the… the thing we performed that one night. When it was raining. And no one was home.” 

“Steven’s home.”

“We can be silent.” 

“Tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Peridot was whispering now, embarrassed for asking. Garnet ran a hand through her hair, attempting to soothe her. It was working. After a few minutes of comforting Peridot, she eventually fell asleep again. She stopped shaking and sniffling, instead, she was breathing softly. Relaxed. 

Garnet sighed, she was worried about Peridot. Hopefully there “cuddle” session tomorrow will help her relax a bit more.