Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Chapter Text

The first couple of weeks were difficult, but to Dazai's surprise their problems were less due to his own ineptitude and more because his charge had been through a traumatic experience (probably more than one) and was understandably still trying to work through it.

It had been an adjustment in various ways as Dazai made space for another person in his dorm room. His refrigerator now held what Yosano and Kunikida would consider actual food, since canned crab and sake wasn’t a meal even Dazai would give a child.

But then there were the nightmares.

Natsuki tended to wake up most nights, pale and shaking, though Dazai didn't know if the night terrors were about the situation he'd saved her from, her parents' deaths, or what she had gone through while in foster care.

Dazai didn't know what to do at first, but eventually he had decided to gather the young girl in his arms, making sure to telegraph his movements so that he didn't catch her off guard and scare her further.

Running his hand through her hair in what he hoped was a comforting gesture, he began to sing a French lullaby he had once heard Chuuya listening to. He didn't exactly have the best singing voice, but it wasn't like he intended to try making a career out of it, and he was fluent enough in French that at least his pronunciation should be fine.

But his charge didn't seem to have any complaints about the fact that he was probably off key, eyes fluttering closed and body slowly relaxing as she listened to the soft and gentle tone he was using.

"Thank you." she said quietly just before falling asleep.

It was the first thing she had said to him since the night they met.

Until then they had gotten by without Natsuki having said a word, not because she didn't want to but because something was stopping her from being able to do so, not physically, but in a mental or emotional sense.

Dazai, having seen his fair share of how trauma could affect a person, completely understood.

When the young girl almost started crying out of frustration, he had done his best to calm her down before offering to teach her a some Japanese Sign Language, so that she would still be able to get her point across.

He had also gotten her a few sketchbooks and crayons so that she could try and draw what she was trying to say if she didn't know the signs for what she wanted to communicate, since she wasn't old enough to be able to write very well yet, and it had been working well enough.

Still, it was still a relief to actually hear her voice, not because the psychosomatic muteness wasn't something he was entirely willing to accommodate but because regaining her voice, if only for a moment, hopefully meant that she was beginning to heal.

“You’re welcome, Natsu-chan.” He whispered to the sleeping girl, not even noticing that his arms tightened around her protectively.

Was this how Odasaku had felt when he took in his kids?

Over the next few days Natsuki seemed to get more and more confident around him, saying a few words here and there as she saw that he wasn’t about to react badly to her doing so. He brought up a variety of kids movies on his laptop for the two of them to watch together, particularly Disney, and encouraged her to sing along with him to the songs she knew.

He also Googled them beforehand to make sure there was nothing in them that could potentially trigger her (which eliminated a fair few Disney movies since one or both parents dying wasn’t uncommon), but it seemed to be going well.

Small things that Dazai himself hadn’t had an opportunity to experience as a child, things that he didn’t want Natsuki to miss out on just because he was hopelessly lost when it came to what a normal childhood should be like.

When it came time for Dazai to get back to work, Natsuki was comfortable enough around him that she would probably be fine meeting his coworkers, since she would be coming with him. They would need to work on her separation anxiety eventually, but for now it wasn’t a problem.

Chapter Text

When Atsushi arrived at the Agency, he immediately noticed that the atmosphere was a bit off.

"Is there anything wrong?" he blinked at his coworkers, who didn't seem to be working on a case (aside from Kunikida) but had a strange nervous air.

"Dazai-san is coming in today, and he's going to bring the girl he's been looking after." Tanizaki explained quietly.

"Oh!" Atsushi breathed out.

His mentor had happened across an attempted kidnapping a few weeks ago, saving a little girl who had apparently become very attached to him in the aftermath of the attack. The child in question had been living in a foster home, but apparently the situation there hadn't exactly been a good one, and Dazai had been granted temporary custody.

For the police offers who had been made quietly aware that Dazai was former mafia to still agree that he was the better option, even if they'd seen him working for the Agency for years at this point, just went to show how bad the girl's foster family must have been.

Atsushi didn't know any of the details, but considering how his own childhood had gone (even if it had been because of his Ability), he understood why the girl had been so quick to latch onto Dazai.

After all, Atsushi had done it himself when Dazai brought him into this new life, and so had Akutagawa if the hints he'd picked up on from the older teen and his younger sister were correct.

Hopefully her being so young would make it easier to get past her trauma than the rest of them.

"Good morning, Dazai-san!" Atsushi greeted his mentor with a smile as the brunette walked into the office, being careful to talk in a quiet and gentle tone so as to hopefully not scare their guest.

"Morning, Atsushi-kun." Dazai said with a nod, smiling at him approvingly, because of course he noticed.

The brunette would have waved too, but one hand was holding his coffee while the other was being held hostage by the nervous little girl, who was also holding a cup of her own. "Morning, everyone who's not Atsushi-kun!"

A few of the others rolled their eyes at the obvious favoritism, but considering the weretiger's childhood none of them could bring themselves to begrudge him the displays of affection he'd been so deprived of.

"Dazai, did you really give a six-year-old coffee?" Kunikida asked disapprovingly, pushing up his glasses.

"No, of course not!" Dazai answered with a pout. "It's just hot chocolate! Right, Natsuki-chan?"

The tiny blonde girl nodded shyly before ducking to hide behind Dazai, which was as cute as it was bewildering to those who witnessed it, especially since Dazai didn't at all seem bothered by his personal space being invaded.

Considering the former mafioso usually avoided touching people (which they speculated to be partly because of his nullification Ability and partly because of his former occupation, though Ranpo hadn't been willing to confirm anything), it was a strange sight.

"Would you like to meet my friends, Natsu-chan?" Dazai tried to make the girl more comfortable. "Atsushi-kun here can transform into a tiger."

Atsushi took the hint, activating his Ability and smiling when Natsuki peeked out from her hiding spot behind Dazai, eyes widening in awe when she caught sight of the fluffy ears now on his head and squeaking slightly as she saw his tail swaying behind him.

"Hello, Natsuki-chan." he greeted the young girl with a smile, kneeling down so that he was more at eye level. "My name is Nakajima Atsushi. It's nice to meet you!"

The girl blinked at him before smiling shyly back at him with a nod.

"Would you like to feel them?" the shapeshifter continued, since she was still very focused on his feline appendages.

Natsuki bit her lip, gaze going from Atsushi to Dazai and back, unsure of whether it would be okay.

"Go ahead." Dazai encouraged, sending a quick grin of thanks Atsushi's way. "I've been told his tiger form is very soft."

Something he unfortunately couldn't experience for himself without nullifying the transformation, which some of their coworkers had brought up to tease him, since Dazai liked cats almost as much as the president.

Natsuki stepped out from behind Dazai hesitantly, pretty green eyes showing determination as well as caution as she slowly approached Atsushi, reaching up to touch one of his ears and gasping in delight and surprise when it twitched beneath her hand.

It took a while to get through the introductions without Natsuki retreating back into her shell, there having been a couple of mishaps when she met Kunikida and Fukuzawa, who the little girl had been more intimidated by than the others.

Natsuki had quickly come to realize that the president was very nice and felt bad for having been afraid of him, but she was still wary of Kunikida, whose ever-annoyed expression and the way he scolded Dazai didn't exactly do anything to endear her to him. She would eventually come to see that he was also a good person beneath his gruff demeanor, but it would take a while before she felt comfortable being alone around him.

(Later on Dazai would wonder how on Earth the girl was more scared of the idealist than she was of him, former Demon Prodigy of the Port Mafia. It was a good thing, certainly, but still utterly bemusing.)

Chapter Text

As everyone had expected, it didn’t take too long before a case required Dazai to be out in the field again, instead of helping at the office or by communicating via headset as he had been.

Which of course meant that Natsuki had to stay with someone else in the meantime.

Since the rest of their combative Ability users were also needed, the brunette decided against just leaving his charge at the Agency, as despite what he was sure would be their best attempts Dazai wasn’t really convinced the girls at the office would be able to fight anyone off if someone took the opportunity to attack.

Luckily Dazai had been prepared for such an eventuality and took Natsuki downstairs to the café.

“Lucy!” the detective greeted the young girl with a smile, withholding the honorific because he had noticed that she didn’t seem very comfortable with them.

“Mr. Dazai.” Lucy blinked, her eyes falling on Natsuki, who she had been introduced to a few times so she wouldn’t be a complete stranger to the girl if she was needed to babysit.

Her boss had already agreed that it was okay if the little girl stayed at the café when needed, especially since Dazai was the one to bring Lucy to him in the first place, which had not only given the redhead a place to try and figure out what she wanted in life but also offered the staff someone who would be able to help protect them if anyone had the bright idea to attack them again despite the café being under the Agency’s protection.

Having had a bad childhood herself, Lucy was more aware than most about the sort of things that could potentially be triggering, and her care to avoid doing so was half the reason Dazai had wanted to hire her to look after his charge.

The other half being, of course, Lucy’s Ability. There was a reason they had approached her when they needed to hide the president from the Port Mafia, because Ann of Abyssal Red would enable her to get Natsuki out of the line of fire if one of his enemies tried anything.

Despite her previous affiliation with the Guild and the wariness Kunikida had of trusting the girl, Dazai was more than willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, especially considering his own history with the Port Mafia. It also helped that Atsushi trusted her (despite the girl’s obvious tsundere attitude towards the weretiger), and she had ended up helping them out multiple times since leaving the Guild.

“Hello, Natsuki!” the American greeted the girl with a kind smile, kneeling down so that she was about eye level with the little girl, not looming over her. “Would you like to hang out with me for a while? I’m trying to learn how to draw pictures in the coffee, and I’m not very good at it yet. Maybe you can help me?”

“H-hello, Lucy-nee.” Natsuki greeted, offering a shy smile in return at the barista before looking up at her guardian. “Can I?”

“Of course.” Dazai ruffled her hair with a chuckle. “Maybe Lucy will even let you try, though you’ll have to be very careful, since it’s going to be hot.”

“We can try it on hot chocolate so you’ll be able to drink it afterwards, too!” Lucy agreed.

Natsuki’s eyes brightened happily at the idea, and Dazai winked at Lucy in thanks before handing his charge the small purple backpack he’d been carrying.

The detective had taken to bringing it with them everywhere they went, and it contained an extra set of clothing, cleaning wipes, a few coloring books and a set of crayons, and most importantly a stuffed animal that went a long way to help the little girl when she was scared. The fox plushie had been given to her by her biological parents shortly before their deaths and had somehow managed to survive the foster family she’d lived with.

“We’re not expecting to be out longer than a few hours, so I imagine I’ll be back around six to pick her up.” Dazai explained. “If not, I’ll reimburse you for dinner.”

“Will you?” Lucy smirked teasingly, recalling all the comments she’d overheard from the head waitress about how the suicidal detective needed to pay his tab.

She had been let in on the secret that Dazai never paid for his food while with his coworkers because he actually paid the café in advance so he didn’t have to go to the bank as often, preferring to use his bank cards instead of cash.

Despite not actually being in debt to the café, the former mafioso had encouraged the staff’s jokes when he realized it would help his goal to make Kunikida’s hair go prematurely gray.

(Yes, Lucy had read the Guild’s profile on Dazai Osamu, and she was wary of what he had proven himself to be capable of, but he’d never been anything but nice to her. If Natsuki, Atsushi, and seemingly even that brat Kyouka also liked him despite their own traumatic pasts, she was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.)

“I’m hurt, Lucy.” Dazai pouted.

“Mhm, I’m sure.” Lucy snorted, trying to hold back a smile as Dazai gave Natsuki a gentle side hug, clearly aware that she probably wasn’t used to physical contact that wasn’t intended to hurt. He had moved slowly, making sure that the little girl saw it coming, and Lucy didn’t doubt that if she reacted badly to the attempted contact Dazai would stop immediately.

But Natsuki practically glowed at the show of affection, and after seeing the look in Dazai’s eyes Lucy realized that the little girl wasn’t the only one who needed the positive contact.

It made her wonder, for the first time, about the circumstances that had driven the young man to the Port Mafia and then the Agency.

“We’ll be fine.” She spoke up as she realized he probably needed to get going. “Won’t we, Natsuki-chan?”

Natsuki nodded, biting her lip and managed to gather the courage to stop her guardian for a moment when he made to head upstairs.

“D-Dazai-san?” she spoke up with a slight stammer, nervousness in her gaze as she gripped the handle of her backpack tightly as Dazai looked back at her. “Promise…promise you’ll come back.”

It was clear even from Lucy’s outside perspective that the intent behind Natsuki’s words wasn’t to ask him not to go on the mission, but something far more important.

Lucy turned around and pretended to busy herself after catching a glimpse of Dazai’s eyes softening, though she couldn’t help peeking at the mirror situated behind the bar.

Dazai knelt down to Natsuki’s eye level, just as Lucy herself had done, and offered his little finger to the girl.

“In this world, I can’t promise you that.” He admitted, and Lucy found herself respecting him more for not lying to the girl who looked up to him so much.

It still hurt her heart to see Natsuki’s shoulders slump in disappointment, but she had a feeling the little girl had experienced enough of the world (far too much for her age) to know it, too.

“However…” Dazai continued, causing the girls’ attention to be drawn back to the man who was still holding out his pinky. “What I can promise is that I’ll do everything I can to return to you.”

“Good.” Natsuki relaxed with another shy smile, reaching up to wrap her own pinky around his much larger one.

Neither of them noticed the way Lucy had frozen in place behind the counter, eyes wide.

Dazai hadn’t said that like he was just trying to offer a meaningless assurance. From his lips the words sounded like they were a solemn vow, and Lucy was reminded that despite his reputed silver tongue, the Guild’s file had also noted that Dazai Osamu always kept his word whenever he deigned to give it.

Coming from the man Lucy had often overheard talking about wanting to commit the perfect suicide with a look in his eyes that made Lucy unable to brush off his words even though everyone else seemed to dismiss it as being attention-seeking, that promise meant something.

She couldn't help but wonder if Dazai realized the enormity of what had just happened.

Chapter Text

A few months had passed since Natsuki came into Dazai’s life, and Yosano mentioned that it might be a good idea to give her a checkup, just to make sure everything was okay.

Knowing that taking her to a doctor was something her former foster parents likely wouldn’t have bothered with, Dazai couldn’t help but agree.

Unfortunately, when he mentioned it to Natsuki as they went into the office the day of, she clearly didn’t like the idea.

Dazai gently directed her into a hallway that wasn’t often used, rubbing her back comfortingly and cursing his idiocy in not giving her more warning.

“You know Yosano-sensei.” He tried to assure her. “She’s not going to hurt you. We just want to make sure that you’re okay.”

“I’m scared.” Natsuki whispered, burying her face into Dazai’s chest.

Dazai’s eyes softened in sympathy. “It’s okay to be scared. Courage doesn’t mean the absence of fear, just the ability to overcome it. Did you know that I’m scared of doctors, too?”

“Really?” she peeked up at him.

“Really.” Dazai nodded sagely. He had never liked admitting his fears even to himself, and this was certainly something that he had never said out loud, though he knew a few people had realized it without him saying anything.

But for some reason he didn’t mind admitting this vulnerability, this weakness that plenty of people would be happy to use against him.

“Before I met Yosano-sensei, I actually lived with a doctor for a few years.” Dazai told her. “He was a very bad man, and for a while after I met Yosano-sensei I was kind of scared of her, too.”

That might be exaggerating a bit, since he’d definitely been more wary than scared, but he figured trying to make his situation a bit more relatable might help.

“But you’re not anymore?” Natsuki hedged.

“No, I’m more scared of Yosano-sensei dragging me out shopping with her than I am of being treated by her.” Dazai chuckled, though it may have been a completely different story if the doctor’s Ability worked on him, which would have given Yosano more opportunities to direct her sadistic tendencies towards him. He didn’t think anyone could blame him for that, though.

Natsuki giggled at his admission, at the silly idea that going to a store would inspire such fear in someone.

Maybe he should let Yosano take her shopping someday and see if she changed her mind. Either she’d understand why everyone avoided the doctor while she was in the mood to shop or Yosano would end up with someone who didn’t mind going shopping with her, but either way it would be a win-win situation.

“How about we have Yosano-sensei give me a check-up first?” he suggested as inspiration struck. “That way you can see that there’s nothing to be scared of, and after she makes sure we’re both okay we can go and get some ice cream?”

The little girl thought about it long and hard, whether the promise of ice cream was enough to tempt her, but after a long moment she looked Dazai straight in the eye, holding up her pinky, which he immediately wrapped his own around.

“Deal.” She promised.

Yosano was careful not to let her shock show when, upon re-entering the infirmary, it was Dazai that hopped onto the table instead of Natsuki.

“Come on, Yosano-sensei!” the brunette grinned at her with only the barest hint of a strain around his eyes. “Natsuki-chan and I decided I’ll go first!”

“Want me to hold your hand?” the little girl asked him cutely. “It’ll make you feel better.”

“Sure.” Dazai chuckled, accepting the offered appendage. “I’ll return the favor during your checkup too, okay?”

He tried to give off the air that he was accepting only because she had asked, not because he wanted the comfort, but Yosano wasn’t fooled.

“Okay.” Natsuki nodded with a small smile.

Yosano turned around for a few moments to grab what she needed, taking a moment to regain control over her expression, mind racing.

Dazai, willingly subjecting himself to a medical examination?

Yosano was one of the few people who understood what a big deal this was, especially considering she had her own Mori-inflicted trauma.

The former mafioso had always been careful to avoid medical treatment, and though Yosano had been extremely reluctant to let it go when she knew the brunette was hurt, she also respected his boundaries enough that she didn’t insist on treatment unless she saw the wound herself.

If Dazai hadn’t been unconscious due to the blood loss when Dostoevsky’s sniper shot him in the back, she was sure he would have tried to get out of being treated for that, too, regardless of the fact that they had needed to perform surgery to fix him up.

So Yosano was fully aware of the weight of what Dazai was allowing her to do, allowing her to witness in his interactions with his young charge, and she wasn’t about to do anything to make him regret the trust he was placing in her.

Because here he was, subjecting himself to one of the few things he feared, all for the sake of a little girl’s comfort.

The doctor hadn’t doubted Ranpo’s prediction that gaining guardianship over a kid would be good for Dazai, but she hadn’t expected to see such glaring evidence that he was right so soon.

Dazai was careful to focus his attention on Natsuki as Yosano did her thing, cracking jokes and doing impressions of Kunikida to make the young girl laugh and distract her from her own fear.

The child’s presence and his odd desire to reassure her didn’t stop the goosebumps from raising on his skin whenever Yosano touched him, but though the Agency doctor must have noticed she didn’t bring any attention to it.

The brunette was glad she didn’t let his instinctive fear of her profession prevent them from being friends, because despite everything he was glad to have met her.

“There you go, Dazai!” Yosano grinned when she was finished. She handed him a lollipop, which he took with an amused snort, wondering how she’d managed to hide her stash from Ranpo.

“Thanks.” He murmured quietly as he stuck it in his pocket.

Yosano nodded in acceptance, and Dazai was content in the knowledge that she knew exactly what he was grateful for.

It was nice to be reminded that there were people other than Chuuya and Odasaku who were capable of understanding him even when he didn’t explain himself.

In the end, Natsuki’s checkup wasn’t anywhere near as bad as the little girl had feared.

Dazai had kept her distracted by telling her funny stories about their coworkers and Chuuya (not that she had met him yet), even managing to keep her laughing when Yosano gave her a shot.

All in all, she was a healthy young girl.

“Thank you, Yosano-sensei!” the little girl said with a grin.

Yosano gave Natsuki two lollipops before Dazai helped her off the table.

Natsuki gasped in delight. “But Dazai-san only got one!”

“Well, between you and me, you’re a lot cuter than Dazai-san.” Yosano winked playfully.

“Hey!” Dazai protested, doing his best to pout instead of giving in to the urge to smile. “I resent that!”

“Too bad.” Yosano said amidst giggles from Natsuki.

After a moment of consideration, Yosano knelt to whisper something into the little girl’s ear, earning a nod and bright grin before she handed something to her.

Natsuki bounded up to him a moment later, and Dazai eyed her suspiciously, but didn’t sense any malicious intent from either of them (not that he would have expected it from Natsuki anyway), so let her approach.

With all the seriousness of a queen bestowing one of her subjects with the title of knight, she carefully reached up to his forehead and pressed something there.

Dazai blinked, and only then did he realize that Yosano had been recording the whole scene with her cell phone.

“I’m saving this as blackmail.” She said gleefully.

“This kind of blackmail isn’t very effective on someone who has no shame.” Dazai’s mouth responded before he could think about it, glancing towards the nearest reflective surface to see that Natsuki had put a smiley face sticker on his forehead. It matched the one Yosano was handing her now, which the little girl immediately placed on her own cheek.

His lips trembled slightly, but even he couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of him.

“Do you like it?” Natsuki asked hopefully.

“Yeah, I do.” He said, standing back up and ruffling her hair. “Now, I believe I promised you some ice cream?”

“Make sure to actually eat something for lunch first!” Yosano called.

Dazai raised a hand in acknowledgement.

Chapter Text

When Chuuya heard that some poor kid had been unlucky enough to end up in Dazai’s care, he wasn’t sure what to think.

For one thing, Dazai wasn’t exactly the first person Chuuya would have entrusted the life and upbringing of a child to. There were definitely worse options out there, because even in his worst moments the redhead couldn’t recall Dazai ever hurting an innocent child, but still..

Sure, there was the whole thing with Akutagawa, but the boy hadn’t exactly been innocent when Dazai found him, and Chuuya had been there when Mori ordered his former partner to make sure the rabid dog was under control lest he be put down. So he couldn’t really blame Dazai for his treatment of the kid back then, even if he thought the brunette should really fix things with the kid now that he was in the Agency.

But aside from Dazai’s highly debatable skill dealing with kids, Chuuya was also more than a little pissed about the fact that he was only just hearing about it now!

Not that he had encountered Dazai in that time, and it wasn’t like the brunette had his new number or was obligated to keep Chuuya informed on personal matters (which still hurt, but then again even before his former partner left they hadn’t shared that kind of thing with each other), but...

Couldn’t someone have at least warned him?

Maybe if they had, he wouldn’t have been totally caught off guard by the sight of Dazai holding the hand of a little girl, both of them carrying an ice cream cone, the brunette smiling more genuinely than Chuuya had ever seen him—and was that a sticker on the Mackerel’s face?

“What the fuck?” he couldn’t help but say.

Dazai glanced towards him, having apparently been too focused on his conversation with the little girl to have noticed that Chuuya was there, if the way his eyes widened were any indication.

“Hatrack, there is a child present!” the brunette scolded teasingly, though the mafioso could tell he was well and truly caught off guard.

Well, at least it wasn’t just him.

“Ah, I’d been looking for a chance to introduce you two.” The detective said with a wry smile. “Guess this is as good a time as any. Natsuki-chan, this is Chuuya, my…former partner. Chuuya, this little cutie is Natsuki. I’m her legal guardian.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Natsuki-chan.” Chuuya greeted the little girl, trying to act as if he wasn’t totally bewildered.

“You too, Chuuya-san!” the blonde grinned shyly at him. “Dazai told me about you! Ooh, your eyes really are pretty. Is it true you can fly? Are—”

“And that’s enough of that!” Dazai interrupted with a laugh that would have sounded completely natural to anyone else, though Chuuya could detect a tiny hint of nervousness as the brunette ruffled the little girl’s hair before taking a hold of her hand again. “If we don’t get back in time Kunikida-kun won’t be happy with us.”

“You mean he won’t be happy with you.” Natsuki grinned, sufficiently distracted.

“Cheeky brat.” Dazai said fondly before glancing back at Chuuya, shifting awkwardly and saying a hasty goodbye before making his escape.

Natsuki turned towards him to wave goodbye, which almost caused the ice cream to fall out of her cone.

Figures Dazai would run off again when faced with something he didn’t want to deal with.

Chuuya didn’t think that Dazai was nervous about him being around Natsuki, because Dazai knew better than to think he would ever hurt a child, and he wouldn’t have introduced the two of them if he’d been worried, so it made more sense that what Natsuki said had been what caused the other man to get cagey.

She had mentioned that Chuuya ‘really did’ have pretty eyes, as if she was agreeing with something she had heard from someone else.

Someone else being Dazai, the man who Chuuya had fallen for when they were younger, who he had been stupid enough to start falling for again when the brunette recently came back into his life, proving in his own way that despite everything, Chuuya could still trust him.

Even being left in that field wasn’t something Chuuya could stay mad at him for when he realized how stupid it would have been for Dazai to wait around for the Port Mafia reinforcements to arrive, since they would have been more than happy to kill him.

Maybe his feelings weren’t quite as unrequited as he thought?

He was still pissed about the bomb in his car, though.

Natsuki had had a thoughtful expression on her face since lunch, and once they got back to their dorm Dazai decided to ask about it.

“Is something wrong?” he asked.

“No.” Natsuki shook her head. “It’s just…I didn’t know boys could like boys, but you like Chuuya, right?”

The brunette choked on the sip of water he’d just taken, eyes tearing up slightly as he tried to catch his breath at the unexpected callout.

“Where did you get that idea?” he asked once he’d recovered.

“Hm…” the little girl swung her legs idly as she thought about it. “Well, when he was talking to me, you were looking at him like my parents used to look at each other, and you looked kind of sad as we left.”

Dazai couldn’t help but wonder how she was able to see through the poker face he’d cultivated so easily.

“And you kind of talked a lot about how pretty he was when you told me about him and that you hate his hats because they cover his hair.” She added, and yeah, that was fair.

“I do like him.” He admitted, because what was the harm in saying it when she had already guessed?

“Does he like you back?” she asked innocently.

“Ah, no, I don’t think so.” Dazai’s throat clenched uncomfortably around the words.

Once upon a time he had considered that maybe there could be something more between him and the redhead, but then Odasaku had asked him to try and become a good man and his leaving had eliminated any chance of that happening.

"Because you left?" she wondered, having been told just enough about Dazai's situation to get the picture.

“Ah, I don’t think he was mad that I left so much as the fact that I did so without telling him.” Dazai shook his head.

“Why didn’t you tell him?” Natsuki asked. “He was your friend, right?”

“…I’m not sure we counted as friends, exactly. We trust each other with our lives, but we didn’t really get along very well.” Dazai shook his head. “There were a few reasons I didn’t warn Chuuya that I was leaving. For one thing, he wasn’t in Japan at the time, and I didn’t think I could stop myself from doing something drastic if I tried to wait for him to return.”

“Something drastic?” the little girl repeated, blinking at the unfamiliar word.

“Extreme.” He explained. “Do you remember when I was showing you pictures of people you should trust or run away from, and one of them was named Mori Ōgai?”

Natsuki nodded.

Dazai had drilled those names and appearances into her for hours, making sure that she wouldn’t blindly trust them if someone unsavory tried to approach her. Not that he intended to let anyone get near her, but it didn’t hurt to be prepared.

“Well, Mori used to be my boss back when I was in the Port Mafia, like Fukuzawa-san is now.” Dazai told her.

Natsuki’s eyes widened.

Dazai hadn’t tried keeping his previous career from her, knowing it would come back to bite him if he did, but he had also explained that she was far too young for him to feel comfortable sharing any of the details with her.

“Mori was technically my mentor, kind of like how I’m Atsushi’s.” the brunette explained. “But he was a very bad man, and I didn’t want to be any more like him than I already was. I made a friend who was a good person despite being in the Port Mafia, and eventually I started viewing him as more of a mentor than I did the boss. Unfortunately, Mori must have realized that, because he arranged for the death of not only my best friend but his entire family, and he made sure to stop me from going to help just long enough that I wouldn’t be able to save him.”

Dazai had been doing his best to keep his tone even as he told the story, but he couldn’t help the way his voice wavered slightly, focusing his hands so he didn’t have to look at the little girl and see the judgement he was sure would be in her eyes when she realized that he had failed his friend so badly.

Natsuki was thinking nothing of the sort, of course, tears streaming down her face.

Having had her own parents torn away from her so suddenly, she knew what it was like to blame yourself for not having been able to save them.

“Odasaku died in my arms.” He said finally. “Mori had made it crystal clear that no matter how useful a person’s Abilities might be to him, he wouldn’t hesitate to get rid of them if he felt I was getting too attached. I was just as close to Chuuya as I was to Odasaku, if not closer, and Mori knew that, so I took the threat for what it was.”

“You were angry.” Natsuki said quietly. “That’s why you thought you would do something…drastic?”

“I wanted him dead.” Dazai admitted, and he doubted this was something he should be saying to a young child, but he had promised himself he wouldn’t lie to her, and he wanted her to understand that he was a very flawed person in the hopes that she didn’t try and put him on a pedestal like Akutagawa had.

Besides, Natsuki had struck him as being more mature than her age would indicate. Trauma tended to do that to people.

“Mori knew that I was planning to leave before I did, and the last thing he said to me was that if anything happened to him, he had standing orders for not only Chuuya but a few other people I’d come to care about in the Port Mafia to be killed.” He continued. “I thought it would be better for everyone if I just left, and…well, I don’t exactly have a very high opinion of myself. I didn’t realize until much later that the people I was leaving behind would care that I was gone.”

He was caught by surprise by the sudden weight that was thrown on him, eyes darting down to see that Natsuki had thrown herself onto his lap so that she could give him what Dazai supposed was probably an example of the ‘bear hug’ he had heard about.

“I would care.” She said quietly. “I would miss you a lot if you left, so please don’t?”

Dazai let out a slow, stuttering breath as he wrapped his arms around her to return the hug, albeit more gently than she was gripping him.

Fuck.

He had somehow managed to get attached to someone again without even realizing it, hadn’t he?

Chapter Text

“Ah, Yosano-sensei, do you have a few minutes?” Dazai poked his head into the doctor’s office after asking Atsushi to look after Natsuki for a bit.

Yosano looked over at her friend from where she was taking inventory of her equipment, setting her tools down at the almost nervous look on the brunette’s face.

“Come on in.” she waved him inside, keeping her tone light as Dazai entered the room and locked the door behind him before sitting down. “What can I help you with?”

“A while ago, you offered to help me get a prescription…for antidepressants.” Dazai said after a long moment, clearly struggling to let himself show even that hint of vulnerability to her.

Yosano’s eyes widened, and Dazai glanced up at her, managing to maintain eye contact despite his discomfort.

“I think I’d like to take you up on that.” He admitted quietly.

“Of course.” She breathed out slowly, chest tight at the realization that Dazai was actually reaching out for help despite having denied such offers at least since she’d known him.

His reaction to her initial offer had nearly destroyed the friendship they’d managed to build, so for him to bring it up again and accept it…

Dazai changing his mind had to have something to do with Natsuki, she was sure of it.

“We’ll need to determine which kind works best for you and figure out the best dosage.” She said, redirecting her attention to her friend and resolving to try and hold in her happiness lest her eagerness scare him away.

Dazai nodded, eyes blank and face expressionless as he probably tried to keep himself from going back on his request.

Yosano knew that agreeing to take antidepressants was in no way going to solve all of Dazai’s problems—for one thing, his depression had just as much if not more to do with his experiences as the chemical imbalance he also had, but it was a start.

 The fact that he was even willing to try was a huge step forward, and Yosano intended to help him every step of the way.

Over the next couple of months, the pair tested different varieties of medicine, with Yosano taking note of which ones worked best without the side effects overshadowing the benefits.

Nausea, dizziness, drowsiness—the ones that caused those were all discarded as options.

Granted, Dazai had issues getting enough sleep, but he was stubborn enough to force himself to stay awake despite the fatigue, which would only make the sleep deprivation worse for him.

Besides, Natsuki seemed to be helping a little with that, since Dazai was more likely to spend his sleepless nights at least lying down and resting his body (if not his mind) instead of going out at night. Even if he wasn’t actually sleeping, his eyes being closed still helped a little.

Eventually they settled on a brand that’s biggest side effect was causing Dazai’s appetite to increase, which even the brunette admitted was probably a good thing. He had been eating better these days as a side effect of having to take into account Natsuki’s own nutritional needs, but he still wasn’t able to force down as much as a man his age should be eating, and hopefully this would help with that.

“What’s that?” Natsuki asked curiously as Dazai took out a small bottle with a few pills.

Yosano had made sure to only give him a few at a time so that he wouldn’t be able to overdose on them, only giving him more than a day’s worth when he wouldn’t be there to get the dose from her directly.

Dazai would be lying if he tried to say he was totally okay with that, hating the idea of being dependent on anyone in such a way (aside from Chuuya, at least, but that was completely different).

Unfortunately, the fact that he’d been to the hospital multiple times to get his stomach pumped (not even counting the times before he joined the Agency) weakened any arguments he could have made against it.

“It’s just medicine.” Dazai wrinkled his nose in slight distaste as he dropped the pills into his pudding cup. He was perfectly capable of taking them dry, of course, but why do that when he didn’t have to?

"Are you sick?" Natsuki asked, a slight waver of fear in her voice.

"I…well, yes, technically." Dazai admitted. "But--"

"Are you okay?" she cut him off, starting to tear up.

"I'm okay." he assured her, before stopping to correct himself, since he had promised he would try not to lie to her, and he didn't take promises lightly. "Well, I'm working on being okay. That's why I finally decided to (bite the bullet, he wanted to say, but he quickly adjusted his wording) give in and see if they'll help."

"Help with what?" Natsuki asked.

"Well, you see…" he paused, a little lost as he tried to word this in a way a kid might be able to understand. "The human brain doesn't always make or have enough of what it needs to allow its owner to be able to function properly."

"But can't the brain just make more?" she asked, tilting her head adorably in her confusion.

"No, unfortunately sometimes it needs a little help." he explained, a slightly rueful expression on his face. "These pills help it produce more of what helps make people feel happy."

"So…kind of like my friend from my old school!" she perked up in apparent understanding as Dazai blinked at her, unsure of what to say to that. "He had to have shots every day because he doesn't have enough sugar!"

Dazai held back the urge to correct her phrasing, since that wasn't the point and she was just trying to find comparisons in what he was telling her to something she was familiar with so she could better understand.

"Yes, it's kind of like diabetes, I suppose." he agreed. "Your friend's body doesn't produce enough to keep up with what it needs, so he needs insulin shots to help him along."

"That makes sense." she said, promising herself to make sure he took them every day, because as Yosano-sensei had told her, Dazai wasn't very good at following directions when it came to his health.

Of course, simply taking medication and improving his eating and sleeping habits a bit didn’t mean that Dazai’s depression and suicidal urges just magically went away, though he wished it was that simple.

Still, he had bothered Yosano enough, and mental health wasn’t really her area anyway, so he turned to the only thing he could think of that might be able to offer advice without making him more of a burden to anyone: Google.

Over the years Dazai had put many hours of research into various suicide methods (even ones that turned out to be more suited for torture, like that damn oil can), but he had always ignored the well-meaning advice and support he inevitably came across on such pages.

After all, he hadn’t been interested in getting help.

Until now, that is.

Looking at articles gave a few helpful hints at things that might help him, like staying far away from alcohol when he was in a slump (the thought wasn’t an appealing one, but it wouldn’t be difficult to follow since he’d been drinking far less now that Natsuki lived with him).

It was almost amusing that so many people thought that healthy food, a good amount of sleep, and plenty of exercise were all that was needed to ‘fix’ a person’s mental health.

Sure, it probably helped, but Dazai’s eating and sleeping habits had been just fine when he was younger, and that hadn’t prevented him from putting a bullet in his brain when he was fourteen.

He was still more than a little bitter about that.

Not because it hadn’t worked despite the supposedly low changes of surviving such a thing (seriously, his ‘luck’ was ridiculous), because if he hadn’t survived that then Chuuya in turn wouldn’t have been able to survive Corruption when he inevitably activated it for the first time.

No, he was bitter because that was the suicide attempt that had made the adults decide he should be put in the care of a doctor who could try and prevent his attempts or at least know how to treat any wounds he got for them afterwards.

Just his luck that they’d decided on a doctor based in the slums so he could help the less fortunate, not realizing that Mori’s reasons for being there were anything but philanthropical.

He wondered what the government would think if they ever realized that Dazai hadn’t approached the Port Mafia to join, but instead practically been handed over to them on a silver platter by Yokohama’s own law enforcement, if unintentionally.

Dazai closed his eyes, focusing on keeping his heartbeat steady and his breathing even.

Don’t pity yourself, or your life will become an endless nightmare.

There was a reason he had given Atsushi that bit of advice, and it was because sometimes it was all that kept Dazai from spiraling completely.

Once his mind had calmed a bit, he focused back on his task of finding ways to try and keep him from making another attempt.

He had someone relying on him now, and even if he thought the chances of him screwing everything up were astronomically high, he couldn’t just not try.

He didn’t want to be another person to leave Natsuki behind, because of course her biological parents hadn’t had a choice in the matter—they were killed in a car crash, and the other party was at fault.

The Agency would look out for Natsuki if Dazai succeeded in an attempt, that he was sure of, but he couldn’t stomach the thought of Natsuki thinking that she wasn’t important enough, worthy enough, to stick around for.

…

Dazai added that to the mental list of things he had been keeping track of, things that he needed to make up for, because the brunette had a nasty feeling that this wouldn’t have been the first time he had inspired such feelings in someone.

Chuuya…Akutagawa…

His ideal suicide included finding a method that wouldn’t cause a burden to anyone else, but he had never really considered until now that just the fact that he would be dead would be a far worse weight those who survived him would have to carry with them.

Why couldn’t the people around him just realize he wasn’t worth it?

Chapter Text

When Natsuki's parents died and her father's sister decided she didn't want to deal with raising her, it hadn't taken long for her to end up being put in a foster 'family'.

It took even less time before she was promptly forgotten about.

She had been little when the accident happened--had only turned four a few weeks earlier, but Natsuki was wise enough to know what a family should be like, and that this wasn't it.

If she had been given to a family, she wouldn't be screamed at constantly for things that she hadn't done. She wouldn't have bruises from hard pinches, or small scars caused by the shattered glass of beer bottles she hadn't been able to avoid when they were thrown at her.

If she had been given to a family, maybe she would have tried to fight more to stop the mean men who were trying to force her to go with them, because she couldn't help the thought that maybe, even if they weren't nice either, wherever they wanted to take her would be better than what she would be leaving behind.

But then a tall man had appeared from the entrance of the alleyway, and even though the mean men pointed a gun at him and threatened to kill him if he didn't leave and forget what he had seen, the man hadn't listened. Not like the other couple of people that had heard her screams and decided that she wasn't worth the risk.

In what seemed like a few moments her attackers were unmoving and on the ground, and the man had quickly ordered a bystander to call the police before turning towards her.

Despite the scary face he had made when he was fighting the men, despite the violent way he'd knocked them out, Natsuki wasn't scared of him.

She probably should be, she knew, but when he looked at her all she could see in his eyes was concern as he asked her if she was alright.

So she didn't hesitate to jump into his arms, trembling and grabbing at his clothes, chest hurting and feeling dizzy as she realized that she wasn't going to be taken away after all, that she had been saved.

That someone had decided that she was worth  saving.

He had frozen when she wrapped her arms around him, and if she hadn't been so distracted by trying to breathe between hiccuping sobs she would have let go of him.

But instead of shoving her away like she would have expected her foster 'family' to do, the man wrapped his own arms around her, gently picking her up and carrying her out of the alleyway so that she wouldn't be so close to her attackers. settling down with her on a nearby bench as they waited for the police to arrive.

His voice was soft and steady as he rubbed her back soothingly, and paired with the steady beat she could feel against her ear from where her head rested on his chest, he managed to talk her down enough that she was able to breathe again.

He even took out a handkerchief from his coat and used it to gently wipe the tears and snot from her face, and when she shivered slightly as a cold breeze swept past them, he didn't hesitate to take off his long brown coat and drape it over her.

The policemen had been scary, and the people who tried to take her away in the big white car--truck?--to the hospital were even more so, because she had only just managed to escape being taken away in some strange vehicle, and now they wanted her to get in one willingly?

After a few moments her savior had knelt down in front of her and quietly explained that they wanted to take her to the hospital just to make sure that she wasn't hurt, and when she wasn't convinced, he had offered to come with her.

So she agreed, and ended up suffering through being poked and prodded at by the people that surrounded her over the course of the night.

Her savior had never asked her to let go of his hands, even offering them to her again after she had to go to the restroom (though he made sure she'd washed her hands), and she ended up falling asleep leaning against his side.

The next morning she woke up, however, she found herself alone.

At least until her increased heart rate (as it was explained to her, but she didn't really know what that meant) caused a machine to beep loudly, and suddenly her savior was slipping back into the room, and it was only because of his presence that Natsuki didn't start screaming when the nurse approached her.

She didn't find out until later that it hadn't really been necessary to take her to the hospital, but when the police had discovered where she had been staying and that her foster family didn't want her back, they decided to keep her there until it was determined what they should do with her.

Her protector stayed with her as much as possible since they’d arrived since they had discovered she was prone to getting panic attacks whenever he was out of her sight for too long. He had been kind, never refusing when she turned to him for comfort, even though she didn’t think he was very used to hugs.

A few days later, the man who had eventually introduced himself as Dazai Osamu asked her if it would be okay with her if she went home with him, and Natsuki’s green eyes widened in surprise and awe, the ‘yes’ slipping out before she could even think about it.

(In the end, it turned out to be the best decision she ever made.)

Chapter Text

Dazai had known the question would be coming eventually, but that didn’t mean he was any more prepared for it.

“Dazai-san, why do you wear bandages all the time?” Natsuki asked innocently.

“Ah, I’ve gotten more than a few scars over the years.” Dazai admitted. “People used to stare and ask questions I wasn’t interested in answering, so I covered them up.”

“But why do you wear them here?” Natsuki asked, because she could understand why he would want to avoid rude questions and people, but why keep the bandages on even when alone?

The detective’s first reaction would usually be to play it off by saying that it was a fashion choice, an excuse most of the Agency bought, but he paused. Work on his honesty, right.

Granted, Dazai would still rather take another swim in the river than talk about why he really wore his bandages, but it was getting more and more difficult to try and justify his attempts, knowing that he would be leaving someone who truly depended on him behind.

He might not yet want to live for his own sake, but in the meantime maybe he could try and keep living for the sake of someone else?

So, in the interest of keeping his promise…

“I don’t really like looking at them, either.” He admitted quietly.

“But…” she looked down at her arms, specifically the tiny pink scars she carried as souvenirs from the foster family she had been placed with. "Y-you told me that I should never be ashamed of my scars.”

“And you shouldn’t.” Dazai said immediately.

The last thing he wanted was for her to take after him in that way. Or any way, preferably, but considering he was the one raising her he’d just have to be very careful what she might manage to pick up from him.

“But…if I shouldn’t be, then why are you?” she looked lost and hurt, as if he had just been trying to make her feel better about her own injuries but didn't really believe what he had told her.

“It’s…a little different.” He said weakly, running a hand through his hair. “You gained your scars because a very bad man wanted to hurt you, and that was never your fault. Some of my scars were…well, actually some of them I got the same way, but from a different bad man. But I was older than you were, and I was always making the situation worse, giving him reasons to hurt me. Some of my scars came from other people when I was fighting them, and others were from—”

He cut himself off, realizing what he’d been about to say. Something he’d never actually said aloud, though a few people were aware, and others had probably guessed.

“Some of them are from me.” He finished quietly, bringing his hand down to rub at his wrist, under which a patchwork of scars lay. Some of them from cutting, others from a period where he’d been punishing himself and had come up with the razor blades hidden in bandages trick, something Mori later adapted for Q, lying and telling the much younger child that it was something Dazai had come up with just for them, just to let the hate between the two of his charges fester.

Dazai wished he had hidden that particular self-harm method better. He might not like Kyūsaku, but he had come to feel sorry for the child now that he was trying to open himself up to fully experience his emotions instead of suppressing them, therefor becoming a little more empathic towards others. Being able to taste the freedom he currently enjoyed was made a little bittersweet whenever he thought of the teen, knowing that it was something the younger would likely never experience.

That feeling, in the end, was what made him decide to spare their life down in that cellar during the debacle with the Guild, despite Chuuya having claimed he wouldn’t have stopped him. The kid had already had a horrible life; Dazai didn’t want to be the one to give them a horrible death, too.

“Dazai-san, what do you mean?” Natsuki asked, bringing him out of his musings. “Some of them are…from you? Were you clumsy?”

‘How on Earth am I supposed to explain the concept of self-harm to a six-year-old?’ Dazai wondered helplessly.

“Sometimes…” he cleared his throat, trying to figure out how to start this.

“Sometimes people feel pain here” he pointed to his head “or here.” He then pointed at his heart. “And not everyone is able to, or knows how to…well, deal with that pain in a good way.”

He paused for a moment to let that sink in. His phrasing left much to be desired, but he wanted to say it in a way that she might be able to better understand.

“And sometimes, those people—they decide to hurt themselves somewhere else, so that they can focus on that instead of their other pain. Because an actual wound is usually easier to fix.”

Dazai bit his lip, not sure whether to continue, especially because not everyone who self-harmed wanted their physical injuries to heal, or even wanted to survive them in the first place.

“Like when Yosano-sensei gave me a shot, and I pinched my leg to distract myself?” Natsuki clarified slowly as she processed what he had told her.

“Kind of like that, yes.” He smiled at her wryly, crouching down to her level. “There’s more to it, but I think we’d better leave that for when you’re older.”

He saw that she was a bit pouty at the implication that she wasn’t mature enough to handle it now.

“Though you are right in one other thing.” He said, before leaning in close and stage-whispering the rest. “I was really clumsy when I was a kid. I was always covered in bruises and scrapes, long before I started doing anything on purpose.”

“Really?” she gasped, sufficiently distracted from her goal of trying to wheedle more information out of him without having to wait until the dreaded ‘when you’re older’ arrived, whenever that would be.

“Really.” Dazai nodded with a wry smile before launching into a story from when he was only a little younger than Natsuki was now.

He stayed away from the stories that had ended in more serious injuries, considering their discussion just now and Natsuki’s own history with abuse, but the dumb ways he’d gotten bumps and bruises like every other kid were fair game.

Still, Dazai thought to himself later that night as he tucked Natsuki in, he couldn’t help the small flicker of hope that maybe she hadn’t been entirely wrong about what she had been trying to say earlier, that he shouldn’t be ashamed of his scars (or at least not all of them) any more than she should of her own.

It was a nice thought, at least, but that didn’t mean he believed it.

Chapter Text

“Oh, Natsu-chan, it’s time to go shopping!” Dazai called over to the little girl as she finished breakfast.

“I thought you were scared of shopping?” Natsuki’s head tilted cutely.

“I’m wary of going shopping with Yosano-sensei—which my coworkers can confirm is entirely justified, I assure you—but I’m not scared of shopping itself.” He snorted in amusement.

“Oh.” She nodded in understanding, though she still didn’t get why everyone made such a big deal out of going to the store with the nice doctor. “What are we getting?”

“Well, it seems you’ll be staying with me a lot longer than expected, so I figured we should get you some more clothes and things like that.” Dazai ruffled her hair, not noticing the tiny pleased smile on the little girl’s face at the idea of staying with him. ”What do you think, Natsu-chan?”

“I think we should go!” she grinned cheerfully, taking a hold of his hand and pulling him towards the door.

“Wait, wait, I have to get my shoes on first!” he protested with a laugh.

Natsuki was torn between excitement and wariness when she realized that they were going to the mall. Excitement because she only had vague memories of being in such a place before, and wariness because of the large crowds.

“Don’t worry, Natsu-chan.” Dazai murmured quietly. “If it’s too much we can go home or try somewhere else.”

“No.” the little blonde said stubbornly, holding his hand more tightly. “I want to stay.”

“If you’re sure.” Dazai agreed, resolving to keep an eye on the little girl to make sure she didn’t get overwhelmed. “Come on, then!”

The first thing they picked up was toiletries, and Dazai had a strange feeling in his chest at the surprise and joy in his charge’s eyes when he told her she could pick out whatever she wanted for herself.

Looking over the colorful array of things in front of her with a slightly lost look at all of the options she could choose from, Dazai thought of a way to hopefully make things a little easier.

“Okay…” he showed her where all of the shampoos and conditioners were (because he’d heard enough rants from Chuuya to know that he would die a more painful death than he wanted if he subjected the girl to a 2-in-1 product). “You’ll want to chose one of each of these, and then we can choose the next thing.”

The little girl seemed to relax slightly at the directions, making her decisions carefully.

Despite how nice Dazai had been to her, she couldn't stop herself from being surprised when he not only asked for her opinion on what she wanted but actually left the decision to her. 

“Good choice.” Dazai said approvingly, pulling her into a brief side hug before gesturing towards the dental care products. “Next you’ll need a toothbrush…toothpaste…some floss…”

He chose the mouthwash himself, knowing from how she handled spicier foods that she wouldn’t like one where the alcohol was too strong.

“Do you like bubble baths?” he asked afterwards, gaining a look that clearly said what she thought of such a silly question, laughing as he raised his hands in surrender and put some in their basket.

“Hm…” he paused, trying to remember what he had forgotten. “Oh!”

He guided Natsuki out of the aisle, glancing around to try and find what he was looking for.

“We’ll also need one of these.” Dazai explained, gesturing for her to pick one.

“What is it?” Natsuki asked, eyebrows furrowing.

“It’s a mat I’ll put on the floor of the bathtub so you’re less likely to slip and get hurt.” He explained, remembering how Odasaku’s kids had had one in their bathroom. He was kind of annoyed that he hadn’t thought of it sooner, but better late than never, right?

“Oh, okay.” Natsuki blinked before catching sight of something further down the aisle that caused her eyes to brighten, though they dimmed right after.

Dazai frowned when he noticed her excitement dwindle, glancing over to see what would have caused such a strange reaction.

Ah. Of course.

Getting toiletries was one thing, but it made sense that a girl who had been abused and neglected for a time would be scared to ask for something she wanted.

Well, he couldn’t have that, now could he?

“Come on, Natsu-chan, we should get some of these, too!” He took a hold of her hand gently and pulled her over to the section of bath toys. “Ooh, I kind of want to buy all of these rubber ducks.”

He grinned mischievously, remembering a video he’d watched recently about a comedian pranking his roommate using the toys. Maybe he should do that to Kunikida? Not only would it be hilarious but it would also probably be easy, considering the idealist also lived at the Agency’s dormitories.

Hm…a thought for another day. For now, he needed to focus on Natsuki.

“Is it really okay?” the little girl asked uncertainly.

“Of course it is!” Dazai assured her cheerfully, picking up one of the packages. “Ooh, I didn’t know there were crayons that could work in the bath! I think we should definitely get some. What do you think, Natsu-chan?”

She giggled. “I do, too!”

“Agreed!” he added them to the basket. “You know, I never really got to play with bath toys when I was little. Would you like to help me pick some out?”

After they were finished with that, the pair wandered into a few children’s clothing stores, where Dazai was slightly more strict in what was purchased if only to make sure the clothing was appropriate for the weather, though he still let Natsuki choose what she liked.

By the time they left the store she had a larger wardrobe than Dazai did by far, but the brunette didn’t mind. It wasn’t like he didn’t have the room for them, and he had more than enough money to afford it all, so why not?

Dazai grinned as he caught sight of a shop that sold kigurumi onesies.

“How would you like a few of these, Natsu-chan?” he asked as they entered the store, already on the lookout for a few specific designs.

“Dazai-san, I already have too much!” the little girl protested earnestly.

“No you don’t, Natsu-chan.” His eyes softened, leaning down on one knee to match her height. “You deserve to have nice things, and since you were living with people too dumb to realize that, I want to try and pick up the slack.”

He blinked and stood up, realizing he might have gotten a little too serious. “Besides, think of how red Atsushi will turn if we can find you a white tiger onesie! And we should try and find a raccoon one, too.”

He was curious about what would happen if he managed to time the reveal of such an outfit with one of Edgar Allen Poe’s visits to the Agency to ‘hang out’ with Ranpo.

“Okay.” Natsuki said softly, wondering why Dazai didn’t seem to realize that his words about deserving nice things applied to him as much as they did her.

They would have to work on that.

Chapter Text

Dazai hadn’t felt this panicked in a long time, probably not since Odasaku was still alive.

He had taken Natsuki out to grab dinner, but before they could even get to the store the little girl had suddenly disappeared without a trace.

Thoughts of his charge being kidnapped by Mori or Dostoevsky or even whatever organization had tried to grab her when they met raced through his mind, and if—when he managed to find her he was going to put a tracking device on her—

“Dazai-san, over here!” the detective’s heart stopped beating for a moment in his relief before picking back up again as he whipped around to see that Natsuki had somehow managed to find Chuuya, of all people.

“Oh thank god.” Dazai couldn’t help the sigh of relief as he realized that, this time at least, she was okay.

“C-Chuuya-san!” a young voice called, and the mafioso turned to the voice in surprise, especially when he saw Dazai’s kid running toward him.

“Uh…Natsuki-chan, wasn’t it?” he greeted her as if he didn’t know full well what her name was. “Where is Macke—er, where is Dazai? Are you okay?”

“We were going to the store and I stopped for a moment because I thought I saw a kitty and when I looked up I was alone and now I can’t find him!” the little girl said, looking like she was about to hyperventilate as she spoke without pausing for breath.

“Hey, hey, you’re fine, it’s okay.” Chuuya immediately knelt down to look her in the eye, placing a hand on her shoulder. “I’ll help you find him, alright? No harm done. Just be more careful in the future, okay?”

It would be easier if the redhead had his phone on him so he could call his former partner (if anyone asked he would claim he only had the brunette’s number in case he needed to use Corruption), but even if they couldn’t find Dazai it wasn’t like Chuuya couldn’t take her to the Agency and wait for him.

“I will.” Natsuki sniffled, bringing up a hand to wipe away a stray tear.

“Want me to carry you on my shoulders as we look?” he offered, trying to help calm her down. “I’m sure Dazai is looking for you, too, and it’ll be easier for you two to find each other if you’re higher up.”

He would prefer to just use his Ability to get them in the sky, but that would attract far more than just Dazai’s attention.

“Okay.” The little girl agreed, so Chuuya arranged the two of them so that she was sitting on his shoulders, his hands wrapping around her ankles so that she wouldn’t fall.

“Woah!” she yelped before letting out a giggle. “I feel tall!”

Chuuya snorted, knowing that if Dazai had heard her say that he would have immediately responded with a short joke.

The pair wandered in the direction Natsuki thought the store was, the little girl relaxing and just enjoying the ride as she realized that Chuuya really would be able to reunite her with Dazai.

She even took off his hat and plopped it on her own head claiming that she didn’t want to accidentally smush it, so Chuuya figured she would be fine.

Luckily, it only took a couple of minutes to catch sight of the elusive mackerel.

“Oh!” Natsuki breathed a sigh of relief before raising her voice to a near yell. “Dazai-san, over here!”

Chuuya glanced over to where the little girl was looking, seeing as a brunette head whipped towards the sound of his name before the detective's almost panicking expression went slack with relief, relaxing even more when he saw that she was with Chuuya.

As he moved to put the little girl down, the redhead couldn't help the warm feeling at the realization that Dazai apparently still trusted him enough to be comfortable with his ward being with a mafioso, particularly since the redhead still worked under the person Dazai hated most.

(He knew it was treasonous to even think it, but he was sure the brunette had plans to get rid of Mori, and if he was being honest Chuuya wouldn't get in the way as long as there wasn't too much collateral damage. Which, after what happened with Odasaku and his children, he doubted Dazai would be so careless about despite his opinion on the matter when they were younger.)

"I was only gone for a few minutes…" Natsuki said quietly, looking down shamefully as she realized how scared Dazai had been for her.

It was a strange feeling to have someone actually care for her wellbeing after her parents died, but now that she was experiencing what it felt like again she didn't want to lose it.

"Natsu-chan, considering how we met I think my reaction to you disappearing, even for a few minutes, is more than a little justified." Dazai sighed.

The mafioso couldn't help but agree, having heard from one of his sources in the local police department who happened to have been on the scene the circumstances in which Dazai had come to be the girl's guardian. The little girl had already had the bad luck to nearly be kidnapped before meeting Dazai, but now enemies of not only Dazai's but the Agency as a whole would be a danger to the girl.

Including Mori. The boss of the Port Mafia certainly wouldn't find out about Natsuki from Chuuya, but he wasn't naïve enough to think that he wouldn't learn about her existence eventually.

Chuuya was just glad that she wasn't Dazai's daughter biologically, and no, not because of any jealousy, but the possibility of Dazai's unique nullification Ability showing up in Natsuki would be too great an opportunity for Mori to pass up.

The redhead listened with half an ear as Natsuki apologized for worrying Dazai, something the brunette didn't even bother to deny despite the fact that usually he would refuse to acknowledge such a weakness.

But then Chuuya noticed something that he wouldn't have expected, blue eyes widening as he realized that the hand Dazai was now running through his hair was trembling slightly. The movement was subtle enough that he doubted anyone else would have noticed, but the pair of them could read each other's body language like a book.

It was out of their own fear that neither of them called the other out on their feelings for each other until it was verbalized, not because they didn't know the feeling was mutual.

What Chuuya didn't realize was that while Dazai had indeed been aware (or at least suspected) that his former partner had returned his feelings at one point, the brunette thought that his betrayal had extinguished those feelings and with it any chance of a relationship.

Of course, if Chuuya realized that Dazai thought he was still that mad even after the redhead had finally gotten the explanation he'd wanted for so long, he might have gotten exasperated enough with the other's idiocy to just shove the brunette against the nearest surface to kiss him.

But unfortunately, the redhead was oblivious to this little detail, so it would take a little longer for the pair of fools to sort things out between them.

"Thank you for staying with her, Chuuya." the brunette said quietly once he'd managed to assure himself that Natsuki was perfectly fine despite the scare.

Chuuya's first instinct to the uncharacteristic show of gratitude was to reply with a sarcastic comment, but at the last moment he stopped himself, realizing from the look in Dazai's eyes (expressive as always no matter how blank his facial expression was) that he was being genuine.

"Of course." the redhead said softly, his own eyes softening before he turned to the little girl to address both of them. "I'm surprised Natsuki here came to me for help in the first place. I didn't think I left a very good impression when we first met."

"Dazai-san told me I could trust you as much as I trust him, and I trust him lots and lots, so once I saw you I knew I didn't need to be scared anymore!" Natsuki grinned innocently.

Chuuya blushed but couldn’t help noticing that Dazai ears were a little pink, too.

“Chuuya, you should come home with us!” the young blonde gasped excitedly at the idea, either ignoring or not noticing the deepening blushes on the pair’s face.

“Ah, Natsu-chan—” Dazai said with a slight widening of his eyes, voice the tiniest bit higher than normal.

“I don’t think—” Chuuya started at the same time.

Natsuki didn’t let the pair interrupt her.

“Please, Dazai-san?” she asked with a pout, eyes widening slightly and a few tears gathering at the corner of her eyes.

Dazai’s jaw dropped, and if the situation was different Chuuya would have cackled, because if Dazai ending up with a kid just as manipulative as him wasn’t poetic justice then he didn’t know what was.

“You little brat.” The brunette breathed out, though the fondness in his tone was obvious even to Natsuki if the way she grinned up at him was any indication.

“Please?” she repeated, otherwise not acknowledging his words.

Dazai let out a sudden laugh that startled Chuuya, if only for the way it sounded genuine, before the taller man turned towards him with a grin.

“So how about it, Slug?” he asked, letting out a dramatic ‘oof’ as Natsuki elbowed him slightly at what she thought was an insult, not realizing that it was a nickname older than she was. “Care to grace us lesser beings with your presence and join us for dinner?”

Dazai pouted at Chuuya in the same way Natsuki just had him, and after the little girl joined him in turning her puppy eyes towards the mafioso there was really no choice.

“Sure.” Chuuya agreed, smiling wryly.

“Dazai-san?” Natsuki asked a few minutes later.

“Yes, Natsu-chan?” the brunette replied.

“How do I look?” she twirled around, giggling slightly as Chuuya’s hat slipped down a little to cover her eyes, being too big to fit her properly.

“Adorable.” Dazai snorted with a laugh.

The redhead flushed, partly out of embarrassment that the unexpected dinner invitation had caused him to totally forget to ask for his hat back, but mostly because Dazai had always claimed to hate his hat.

“It’s covering up your pretty hair, though.” The brunette said with a wrinkle of his nose before taking the hat and putting it on himself instead, just as Natsuki had done to Chuuya before. “There we go!”

Chuuya’s eyes widened as he realized that maybe, just maybe, Dazai’s distaste for the hat (that he apparently had no problem wearing himself) might have nothing to do with the fact that it was supposedly ugly. Natsuki had already let it slip that Dazai thought he had pretty eyes, so maybe the same held true for his hair and the brunette resented that the hat covered some of it up?

It would be nice if Dazai would just say what he actually meant for once.

Chapter Text

When they got to the store and Chuuya realized that Dazai had intended to buy pre-made food for the two (now three) of them he had protested, though privately he acknowledged that at least they hadn't been on their way to get fast food, which he knew Dazai would be more than content to live (or not live) on.

With a roll of his eyes and a mutter that he would do the cooking, the mafioso confidently navigated the store and grabbed the ingredients for an Italian pasta dish he had grown fond of.

"You're the guest, Chuuya." Dazai murmured. "If you're going to insist on cooking for us then at least let me be the one to pay for it."

Chuuya flushed slightly, more out of confusion at the fact that Dazai wasn't intending to mooch like he usually did than embarrassment.

He decided to distract himself by going to grab some wine for the night. The store probably didn't carry anything high-quality, but it would probably be better than anything else Dazai had stocked in his dorm.

But when he stepped towards the alcohol aisle, he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder, glancing at Dazai in confusion only to find the brunette look pointedly at Natsuki.

Raising an eyebrow, because surely Dazai knew that even with Chuuya's admittedly low alcohol tolerance he could handle a couple glasses without getting drunk, he was about to open his mouth to ask what was wrong when the brunette started tapping out a message on his shoulder using Morse Code.

From what I've gathered, at least one of Natsuki's foster parents was a violent drunk. I don't want to risk triggering her.

Oh.

Chuuya's eyes softened immediately, glancing at the little girl who was cheerfully pointing out the cartoon characters she was seeing on various packages to Dazai, who seemed to be listening attentively despite his attention having been split between her and Chuuya.

It was rare for him to have dinner without a glass of wine to accompany it, but how could he possibly protest at the lack of alcohol when there was such a reason for it?

That and he probably shouldn't be drinking around a kid in the first place, he thought to himself sheepishly as he imagined the disapproving look Ane-san would give him if she knew he had almost done so.

As Dazai unlocked the door to his dorm and waved Natsuki and Chuuya in, the redhead took the opportunity to glance around as subtly as he could, not that Dazai wouldn’t notice anyway.

It was cleaner than he would have expected, knowing that Dazai had never cared much about leaving a mess, but apparently he had gotten better about that at some point.

It did kind of sting that Chuuya didn’t know when that had changed, but he pushed the feeling aside. After all, the mafioso didn’t intend to be left behind by the brunette again now that he’d forgiven the other for doing it the first time, so he just had to make sure not to miss anything else.

Aside from that there were signs everywhere he looked that indicated that Dazai had wanted to make sure that Natsuki felt at home. A couple dozen children’s books on the bookshelf next to Dazai’s own collection of novels (Chuuya had realized a long time ago that the brunette preferred fiction over the learning material Mori forced on him), a stuffed fox resting on the couch, a few drawings stuck to the refrigerator—

It was nice, Chuuya thought almost wistfully, for Dazai’s dorm to actually feel lived in instead of cold and impersonal like every other place the brunette had ended up staying. Like he actually intended to stay and try to make a life for himself here.

He hoped that was the case, that Dazai’s time in the light had eased the other man’s burden enough that wasn’t so quick to greet death, especially now that he had Natsuki depending on him.

But the redhead didn’t want to ask, wary of what answer he would get, if not verbally than in what he would be able to see in Dazai’s eyes before the other could try and hide his thoughts from him.

When Chuuya went to the small kitchen to start cooking, the redhead wasn’t surprised (only disappointed) to find that he had to go on a scavenger hunt to find what he needed to do so. Pots, pans, cooking utensils that had probably never been used, all of them were in separate places and not even Dazai was able to direct him to where they were.

“You’re a disaster, Dazai.” Chuuya huffed as he finally finished his quest, having had to search every single cupboard in the process before finding the last thing he needed.

“You should be grateful I had them in the first place, considering I’ve never used any of them.” The brunette pouted.

Chuuya wrinkled his nose in distaste but found that he couldn’t exactly argue with that.

Dazai had always been a complete and utter disaster whenever he tried to cook or bake something and had started multiple fires in his attempts to do so back when he was still in the Port Mafia.

At first Chuuya had assumed that he was just messing around, not caring if he ended up burning to death as a result of his idiocy even though dying in such a way was more painful than the brunette wished to go, but eventually he had come to realize that Dazai really was just that hopeless.

The mafioso would feel safer being in a car with Dazai behind the wheel than he ever would in a building where the brunette was trying and inevitably failing to use any sort of kitchen appliance aside from the refrigerator.

Oh well, at least he had learned a few things from his unfortunately necessary snooping, the most important being that there wasn’t a single bottle of alcohol to be found even in the highest cabinets that Natsuki couldn’t get to.

Considering that as much as Dazai teased Chuuya about being an alcoholic (which he wasn’t, the redhead would insist) the brunette drank just as much if not even more than Chuuya did…

He really was taking this parenting thing seriously, wasn’t he?

Chuuya couldn’t help the way his lips quirked up a bit into a smile at the thought, nor the way it became a little bittersweet when he was forced to acknowledge (and not for the first time) that joining the light had probably been the best thing Dazai could possibly have done.

Because if he hadn’t, chances were Dazai would never have saved Natsuki, and Chuuya would never have been able to see the way Dazai looked so…soft, for lack of a better word, when he interacted with her.

He was brought out of his musings when the little girl called his name, glancing over with a smile to see that she was looking at him curiously.

“Yes, Natsuki-chan?” he asked with a small smile.

“I was curious about some of your favorite things!” she grinned back.

Chuuya blinked, glancing at Dazai, who looked slightly bemused himself as he looked at his charge from where he was sitting beside her, the little girl having wanted him to color with her.

“Okay…” the redhead said slowly. “Like what?”

“Like…what’s your favorite animal?” she suggested.

“Ah…” Chuuya thought about it, making sure the pasta didn’t burn. “I don’t actually think I have one. I did see a video of a baby goat recently that was pretty cute, I guess, but I don’t know if I would consider them my favorite animal.”

Dazai couldn’t help but snort at the irony at the former King of Sheep liking goats, though he avoided actually saying anything.

If he teased Chuuya too much then the redhead might leave, and then Natsuki would be sad (and so would Dazai), and they wouldn’t get to eat pasta, and really it was best to just avoid the possibility.

“I like foxes!” Natsuki answered in return. “Kaa-san and Tou-san gave me a toy one when I was little, so they’re my favorite.”

Chuuya’s heart melted a bit, which wasn’t helped at all by Dazai nudging her gently in a show of comfort before the brunette reached behind himself to pick up the toy in question. He carefully set in on the little girl’s hair, making sure it was balanced before letting go.

Natsuki giggled, trying to keep still so that it wouldn’t fall off, but when she lost that fight she just held the toy to her chest and hugged it.

Honestly, forget dying in combat or succumbing to Corruption, Chuuya was certain that it was the cuteness overload that would do him in.

Not that he was complaining, of course.

“It’ll be done in a few minutes.” He warned a while later, Natsuki having been asking him questions like what his favorite foods and deserts were, colors, and even flowers.

Chuuya suspected that she was trying to gather information in what seemed to be an attempt to get him and Dazai together (he knew better than anyone that being young didn’t mean being oblivious, and the girl’s show of manipulation to get him here and revealing that Dazai had called his eyes pretty made it pretty obvious).

However, Chuuya wasn’t exactly against the idea of getting a little help so that he and Dazai could work up the nerve to finally do something about their mutual attraction, so he had no problem answering her questions.

“It smells so good!” Natsuki’s eyes brightened as she inhaled deeply.

“It does.” Dazai agreed. “But aren’t you forgetting something, Natsu-chan?”

The little girl blinked up at him for a moment before her eyes widened in realization, jumping up to go to the bathroom to wash her hands.

Hearing the faucet running, Chuuya couldn’t help but tease his old partner. “I never thought I’d see the day you became a father, but you’re not half bad at this, Mackerel.”

He didn’t know what he was expecting to result from his statement, but it wasn’t for the detective to freeze in place, eyes widening in shock.

Wait a minute.

“Don’t tell me you didn’t even realize!” Chuuya hissed, conscious of the fact that Natsuki would hear if he spoke too loudly.

Dazai gave him a few slow blinks before his mouth opened, but nothing come out.

“How can a genius be such an idiot?!” the redhead continued, completely exasperated.

“They’re not mutually exclusive, Chuuya!” Dazai protested as he finally seemed to come out of his shock, though the redhead could see that he was still shaken.

The detective ran a hand through his hair, mind racing as he mentally reviewed the past few months since Natsuki had come into his life, comparing it to how Odasaku had interacted with the children under his care and what little else he knew about parent-child relationships, which admittedly wasn’t much.

“Oh my god.” Dazai breathed out.

Chapter Text

Kunikida couldn’t help the small frown that graced his face whenever his partner came into the office, late as usual, with Natsuki in tow yet again.

Not that he had anything against the little girl, of course.

He had certainly had his doubts about Dazai being responsible for anyone but himself (and even then Kunikida was more than a little skeptical), but the young girl had gotten attached to the brunette very quickly and, to be fair, Dazai was taking to his new role far better than the idealist could have imagined.

The kid herself wasn’t the issue either. Natsuki was well-behaved, and despite Kunikida’s initial misgivings about her being a distraction for his coworkers productivity seemed to have increased, if anything. She provided a much-needed reminder during harder times that even when things felt hopeless, they were fighting for a reason.

(It also helped that Dazai focused more of his attention on his charge than he did harassing the rest of them as he did before she came into their lives.)

But there was one thing that, as a former math teacher, bothered him.

“Dazai, have you considered the fact that Natsuki-san should be in school right now?” he asked the brunette one day when Montgomery-san was babysitting the young girl.

“Hm?” Dazai glanced up with a seemingly distracted air from where he was reading their most recent case file, though Kunikida didn’t doubt the brunette had heard him just fine. “Oh, school. I thought about it.”

“And?” Kunikida raised an eyebrow, holding back the urge to scowl at their coworkers when they apparently decided that listening to their conversation was more interesting than doing their work.

“And I decided against it, obviously.” The slightly shorter man raised an eyebrow. “Too high a risk.”

Kunikida’s pursed his lips slightly, but he couldn’t exactly argue the fact that if their enemies found out about the girl (if they didn’t already know of her existence) most of them wouldn’t hesitate to take advantage of the opportunity to get one up on them.

“Education is still important.” He said with a sigh. “And she needs the socialization with people her own age.”

“To be fair, the Tanizaki siblings are the only ones here who did the whole normal school system thing.” Ranpo mused, spinning in his seat slightly. “Even the two of us graduated early, so we didn’t get much out of the whole ‘socialization’ thing, either.”

This was also true, Kunikida had to admit.

“You finished school early, Kunikida?” Atsushi asked curiously.

“Of course.” The blonde responded, pushing up his glasses. “You do realize I’m only twenty-two, correct? I had already left that life behind—”

“Kunikida-kun had already been here for a while when I joined the Agency, and the two of us were only twenty then!” Dazai chirped, earning a scowl from his partner for the interruption, though since it supported what he was getting at Kunikida opted not to scold him this time.

 “Yes.” He gritted out nonetheless. “If I had graduated at the usual age, I wouldn’t have had time to earn my degree and teaching credentials, much less put them to any use.”

“Oh, I suppose that’s true.” Atsushi laughed sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I didn’t think about that.”

The weretiger’s shoulders slumped slightly, frustrated with himself for having missed something that should have been obvious. Was he really fit to be working in a detective agency if he didn’t even notice that much?

“Don’t worry about it, Atsushi, you’re improving every day.” Dazai spoke quietly enough that the others couldn’t hear him, knowing that the younger male would likely be embarrassed to have his insecurities on display to the others like that, though he couldn’t help but ruffle the teenager’s hair for a moment.

The brunette didn’t notice, turning back to Kunikida, but the rest of his coworkers looked at him with varying expressions of shock and surprise.

Sure, most of them hadn’t heard what Dazai had said (Ranpo was the only one who probably knew for sure, and that wasn’t because he’d overheard), but it was obvious he was trying to reassure Atsushi of something, and it was so rare for any of them to see the brunette initiate physical contact with other people outside of when his Ability was needed.

Even Atsushi was caught off guard, because even though this wasn’t the first time his mentor had done so, this time the comforting seemed to come more easily to the brunette, his touch less hesitant and unsure.

“It’s not like school is necessary for a student to learn, Kunikida-kun.” Dazai said with a pout, completely oblivious to his coworkers' surprise. “I’ve already been helping her with sign language and English, and she managed to get Chuuya to agree to teach her some French the other day.”

The others blinked, torn between their lingering surprise and not being sure what to think of the fact that the little girl was apparently learning (or soon to be learning) so many languages. It might be easier to learn a language when you were young as opposed to when you got older, but four seemed like a lot.

Heck, it was news to them that Dazai himself apparently knew English and Japanese Sign Language!

“--and her reading and writing are coming along pretty well.” They tuned back in right before Dazai paused. “Well, I don’t really have a frame of reference for what’s considered a normal learning pace so I’m not sure on that one, but I think she’s fine. I’ve been helping her with adding and subtracting when we go shopping, too, but if you’re worried about math you can help with that one!”

“I taught secondary school level math, not primary school.” The blonde sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration, though he didn’t really mind the idea, as long as it didn’t throw off his schedule or interfere with work. Then he realized what the other man had said earlier and his head snapped up. “Wait, what was that about Nakahara-san?”

“Chuuya prefers people use his given name.” Dazai advised.

“Fine, Chuuya-san.” Kunikida rolled his eyes. “He met Natsuki?”

“Of course, he met her a couple of weeks ago and then we had dinner after running into him the other day.” The brunette rolled his own eyes in return, and Kunikida had to hold back the (unfortunately familiar) urge to strangle his infuriating partner.

“And you’re not at all concerned about one of the executives of the Port Mafia knowing about her?” the blonde demanded.

“Chuuya isn’t the Port Mafia.” Dazai’s eyes suddenly went colder than Kunikida had ever seen them, and he had to hold back a shudder as he realized that he was probably seeing a glimpse of how Dazai must have acted when he was a Port Mafia executive. “He wouldn’t hurt a little kid or knowingly put one in danger, and he’s certainly not dumb enough to think that telling Mori about her would do anything but.”

“Okay, I’ll take your word for it.” Kunikida put his arms up to show his surrender, though he couldn’t help but wonder at the clearly deep level of trust.

What could have inspired such a strong bond from someone like Dazai, who Kunikida suspected actively tried to keep himself from allowing such bonds to form with other people for whatever reason?

“And I’ll look into getting a hold of some homeschooling materials or something.” Dazai sighed, going back to his normal self as if nothing had happened.

‘Or would it be more accurate to call it a persona?’ Kunikida’s mind whispered.

It wasn’t like Kunikida hadn’t realized that the man’s usual behavior was a front, because no one who was actually that cheerful and carefree would be so hellbent on killing themselves, but the blonde couldn’t help but feel like the darker side of his partner that he’d just seen wasn’t really an accurate representation of who he really was either.

He couldn't help but wonder if even Dazai knew who he was beneath the masks he had created.

Chapter Text

Fair warning, Akutagawa heard about Natsuki from one of his contacts.

Chuuya frowned as he sent the text to Dazai, debating whether or not if would have been a good idea to stop Akutagawa, though he had at least managed to send Gin with him, so hopefully she would be able to keep from doing anything he would end up regretting.

Well, damn. Dazai responded, quickly followed up by. I guess it was only a matter of time.

Gin’s coming, too. Chuuya replied.

At least there’s that. She’s always had a good head on her shoulders. Dazai sent back. Might be a good idea if you come as backup to take them back if things get out of hand.

Because even if Akutagawa tried to start something, if he had any sense he would stop when Chuuya showed up.

Yeah, yeah, on my way.

Chuuya put on his coat and opened his window so that he could get to his motorcycle before the Akutagawa siblings managed to leave the building.

“Ah, Akutagawa, Gin-chan, I was wondering when I’d be seeing you again!” Dazai grinned, hoping that his plan would work and that his former student wouldn’t try and attack Natsuki.

He didn’t think Akutagawa would, of course, but the teenager had always been unreasonable when it came to the other people in Dazai’s life. Odasaku and Atsushi had been able to take care of themselves when he lashed out at them (which Dazai could admit was partially his fault for goading the kid), but Natsuki was another story.

Not that the entire Agency and Chuuya wouldn’t leap to her protection if it came to that, but Dazai would rather just avoid the issue altogether.

“Come over here, there’s someone I want you to meet.” Dazai lied cheerfully, waving the younger male over. He didn’t necessarily want the boy around Natsuki, but he also knew that it was unavoidable, so he might as well make the best of it. Besides, Akutagawa’s attitude towards others did seem to be improving, so hopefully it would end up okay.

“Natsu-chan, this is Akutagawa Ryūnosuke and his sister, Gin. They work with Chuuya in the Port Mafia.” He began. “Ryū-kun, Gin-chan, meet Natsuki!”

The use of Akutagawa’s given name caught the boy off guard even more than Dazai being willing for them to meet the girl in the first place, and Gin saw the opportunity to try and help.

“Hello, Natsuki-chan!” she said kindly, pulling down her mask so that it rested around her neck and letting her hair down to hopefully be less intimidating to the child. It wasn’t as if the Agency hadn’t already found out her gender and what she looked like while masquerading as a civilian, anyway. “It’s nice to meet you!”

“You too.” The blonde smiled at her shyly. “You have pretty hair.”

“Why thank you, you’re pretty cute yourself.” Gin winked, ignoring the way the blonde detective with the glasses looked like his head was going to explode.

She didn’t know if it was because he was shocked that someone in the Port Mafia was capable of being kind or surprised at her gender, but he had electrocuted her brother, and though she understood it wasn’t personal and her brother had probably deserved it, that didn’t mean she had to like the man.

Natsuki grinned at her before turning to her brother, eyes widening.

“Wow!” she breathed out. “Your hair is two colors! That’s so cool!”

Gin held up a hand to her mouth as she tried not to snort at the look on her brother’s face at the girl’s eagerness and lack of fear towards him despite his attitude. She wasn’t the only one, either, Atsushi also turning away to hide his amusement, though Dazai-san didn’t bother, openly laughing.

“…Thank you.” Ryūnosuke said muttered after a long moment, shifting uncomfortably.

“I didn’t know he knew that phrase!” she could hear Atsushi whisper to Kyouka, her brother’s own former subordinate.

“I’m surprised, too.” The younger girl said back, blunt as ever. She didn’t bother to lower her voice despite the panicked expression on the weretiger’s face in worry that her brother would hear them.

Gin, feeling playful, winked at the pair, enjoying how the boy seemed to freak out even more.

The Black Lizard commander couldn’t help but wonder how someone who apparently had such a nervous disposition had been able to go toe to toe with her brother, even snarking back at him from what she’d heard from Higuchi despite having his leg torn off by Rashōmon.

So yeah, she could kind of see how her brother was so fixated on such a conundrum of a boy, though she wondered just how much of it was resentment that Dazai seemed to like the other boy better.

Honestly she thought that the difference in how the former Demon Prodigy treated the two of them was evidence of how much Dazai himself had changed since leaving the Port Mafia and (if she was being honest) Nakajima not being as hardheaded as her brother and therefore easier to teach, but Ryūnosuke had always been one to take things personally.

Still, at least he didn’t seem like he was going to try and attack Dazai’s new charge, because god knows that would turn out badly.

“That didn’t turn out anywhere near as bad as I was expecting!” Dazai grinned when the siblings left a while later, looking towards the window and sending a signal to Chuuya that his interference wouldn’t be needed.

His former student had acted as nicely towards Natsuki as Dazai could have expected of him, helped along by Natsuki’s enthusiastic questions, and any hostility he displayed was directed towards Atsushi instead, but that was fine.

Dazai couldn’t help but wonder if Akutagawa had realized yet that, much like with Chuuya and Dazai himself, he would never be as strong on his own as he would be with a partner that could keep up with him.

Hopefully he would have some sort of epiphany before the boys’ fight to the death, not that Dazai had any intention of letting it come to that if they didn’t work their problems out themselves.

Chapter Text

A few days after the Akutagawa siblings had shown up at the Agency, Chuuya ended up calling Dazai so they could coordinate a joint mission regarding a gang that had managed to get on both the Agency and Port Mafia’s bad side.

“Wait, are you in the kitchen?” Chuuya cut himself off suddenly, hearing the noises Dazai was making in the background. “Do I need to call the fire department and send them your way?”

“Very funny, hatrack.” he responded cheerfully, turning on the kettle. “It’s freezing outside, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, and we’re still cold after walking back from the office so I’m making hot chocolate.” 

Turning the phone away from his face for a moment, Dazai turned towards Natsuki, who had tuned them out since Dazai and Chuuya had been using the code names they used to use for their tactics anyway.

“Natsu-chan, do you want marshmallows with yours?” he asked.

“Yes please!” she called back with a grin.

“And you really think you’ll be able to do that without accidentally setting something on fire?” Chuuya asked.

“I figured out how to boil water without messing up.” Dazai assured his former partner, and though he couldn’t help but pout at the other’s skepticism he knew it was deserved. “I picked up some of the mix they were selling at the store, so we’ll be fine.”

It was quiet for a moment as Dazai got said box out of the fridge, opening it and taking out a couple of packets.

“Dazai.” Chuuya spoke his name sternly, and the brunette paused in confusion at the weird tone the other was using, wondering if he had somehow managed to piss the redhead off again without even trying. “Throw it out.”

“What do you mean?” the detective asked, eyebrows furrowing. “Natsuki’s looking forward to it, I can’t just—”

He cut himself off, because he didn’t want to know how Chuuya would respond. Probably something along the lines of it hardly being the first time Dazai had ended up disappointing someone.

“Throw. It. Out.” Chuuya repeated, Dazai hearing the tell-tale sound of Chuuya opening one of his kitchen cupboards and pulling out what he assumed was probably a pot or a pan, from the sound it made as it bumped against the cupboard door. “I’m coming over to show you two what real hot chocolate tastes like. I can’t believe you almost fed her the powdered crap!”

“Chuuya, you know how limited my skills in the kitchen are, what else did you expect me to do?” Dazai protested with a pout, though the idea of the redhead coming over was certainly an attractive one, and he couldn’t help but feel pleased that Chuuya was apparently comfortable enough around him again to just invite himself over.

“Whatever.” The other man grumbled, which was as good as an acknowledgement that Dazai not trying to do anything more complicated was a good idea. “I need to go to the store to pick up a few things, but I’ll be there soon.”

“Okay, see you then.” Dazai said with a bemused smile.

After ending the call, the brunette turned towards to the young blonde who had been trying to make her way through the first Harry Potter book he’d bought for her after she'd taken the book he’d been reading to her as a bedtime story right out of his hands one night, insisting that she wanted to try and read it to him instead. 

He hadn't been sure if getting them for her was a good idea, since the main character's relatives were neglectful at best and sometimes outright abusive. He was worried that they would trigger Natsuki considering her own past, but Natsuki had been stubborn and promised she could handle it, and then promised to stop reading it if she couldn't.

Dazai had eventually conceded, and it also helped that the series had reputably inspired a love of reading in children all around the world, something he wanted to encourage. 

It was slow going compared to how quickly Dazai had learned how to read as a child, considering his intelligence and the fact that her foster family certainly hadn’t bothered to try and teach her, but Natsuki was determined to learn, and Dazai couldn’t help but feel proud of her.

“Sorry, Natsu-chan, you’re going to have to wait a little longer before you can get your drink.” He told her, continuing before she had the chance to get sad. “Chuuya’s coming over to make some for us instead.”

“Really?!” she gasped excitedly, eyes lighting up.

“Yup!” he chirped with a grin.

Maybe his relationship with Chuuya would never be quite what Dazai wanted it to be, but he could at least be glad that the girl who was quickly becoming one of the most important people in his life liked the redhead.

“I still don’t see what’s wrong with the powder.” Dazai couldn’t help but say as he watched Chuuya rummaging around in his kitchen to set things up. “It’s faster and easier.”

“It’s not hot chocolate.” Chuuya scowled. “If you’re using powder, it’s hot cocoa. Hot chocolate uses actual pieces of chocolate, it’s thicker and it tastes better. I know you don’t really care about the quality of your food, but I’m not going to let you give Natsuki cocoa and tell her it’s hot chocolate!”

“I thought the two terms were interchangeable, it’s not like I did it on purpose.” Dazai pouted, though he had to admit if (only to himself) that Chuuya being so worked up about something like this was kind of adorable. “Why do you care so much, anyway? It’s just a drink, and not even one of your precious wines.”

Chuuya huffed.

“She deserves nice things, that’s all.” The redhead muttered before moving shooing Dazai out of the kitchen to give him room to work, and Dazai barely caught the words he said next under his breath. “And so do you.”

Dazai’s eyes widened, but he didn’t get the chance to say anything more—not that he could think of a response anyway—before Chuuya whirled back towards the stove and busied himself, either not realizing Dazai had heard that last bit or just intending to ignore that he had said it in the first place.

The detective wasn’t sure which one he would prefer, but he did know that the hot chocolate Chuuya brought out a short while later tasted better than any other version—hot chocolate or hot cocoa—he’d ever had.

Chapter Text

While Naomi was keeping Natsuki busy, Dazai took the opportunity to bring out his phone and install an app he’d seen being talked about online, ignoring Kunikida’s irritated demands that Dazai fill out his paperwork.

Usually the blonde would have tried to physically force him into it, but after Natsuki nearly had a panic attack when she saw the idealist wrap his hands around Dazai’s throat and squeeze…

Kunikida still hadn’t forgiven himself for that, feeling completely ashamed of his actions, especially as the event had undone any progress he had made convincing Natsuki he wasn’t scary and intimidating.

Dazai had never really cared when the blonde’s not-so-repressed violent urges were directed at him, but he had accepted his partner’s apology for the abuse nonetheless, though Dazai had made sure to tell Kunikida that it wasn’t like it wasn’t more than deserved, and violence wasn’t exactly a new thing for him anyway.

For some reason that had seemed to make his partner’s feelings of shame and regret even stronger, but Dazai couldn’t for the life of him figure out why. He provoked Kunikida’s reactions by being a lazy asshole, so the retaliation was hardly unexpected.

Anyway, Dazai was a little skeptical at the idea of a phone application being able to help someone stop themselves from acting on the urge to self-harm, but maybe he would get lucky. Heck, if it did end up helping then maybe whatever methods they used would help with the suicidal urges, too.

“Eh, why not.” He muttered, opening it up once it had finished downloading. At least he would be able to say that he tried.

The app asked for things like his general location, age, and gender, and he chose the ‘prefer not to answer’ option for the last couple of questions. Coming up with a password and security word no one (except maybe Chuuya) would be able to guess was also easy.

It even offered him the opportunity to choose little cartoon characters, some animals or others more abstract shapes, to ‘keep him company’ throughout the process if desired. For now he selected the animals, since he could always turn it off later if they got too annoying.

‘The urge to self-harm is like a wave.’ The next page read. ‘It feels the most powerful when you start wanting to do it. Once you surf the wave the urge will fade.’

Dazai was slightly skeptical but figured that was probably more or less true.

His own experiences were probably vastly different than most of the audience this program was geared to, he was sure, but occasionally when he couldn’t hurt himself right away the urge did fade somewhat by the time he was able to.

He glanced over the different options he was provided, activities meant to keep you busy in one way or another in the hopes that you’d be able to, as the app phrased it, ‘ride out the wave’.

Comfort, distract, express yourself, release, random, breathe…

Selecting the first one since he was just intending to get an idea of how this worked, he was given another option to chose a longer or shorter activity. Shorter 5-minute activities would be better when he was on the clock, but for now he’d check out what was under the longer 15-minute ones.

Knowing him, he would need the extra time if this thing had any chance of actually helping him, though the point of the app was that if one activity didn’t work you could choose another, as many as you needed until the urge faded away.

He grinned at the first suggestion that popped up amongst a list of others, suggesting something soothing like drawing, painting, cooking, or writing.

Cooking was out, because Dazai was just as much of a disaster in the kitchen as he was behind the wheel of a car, but maybe he would try the other options.

Writing might be a good way to get his thoughts out of his head, but that would also run the risk of one of his enemies finding it and using it against him. Then again, he could just write down the stories he’d been sharing with Natsuki—Dazai had always been good at bullshitting, so it came easily to him, and what harm could it do if someone read a fairytale he’d made up?

Drawing and painting were doable, too. While picking up Natsuki’s coloring books he’d noticed a section geared towards adults, something about mandalas, intricate designs that the covers claimed helped with relaxation and stress-relief. Coloring wasn’t something he’d ever really done as a child, but he could see how filling in the white space could lull a person into a trance and ease them of the burdens life thrusted on their shoulders.

He could even do it at the office when Natsuki busied herself with her own coloring books, and if Kunikida complained too much Dazai could just claim it was a bonding activity. He’d have to pick some up next time he was at the store.

Reading through the rest of the list, a few of the other suggestions caught his eye, from reading your favorite book (he imagined for that to be very effective he shouldn’t read his actual favorite book, since that would defeat the purpose), wrapping yourself in blankets and basking in the comforting warmth, and even one about creating a ‘memory box’ to fill with your favorite things.

Dazai didn’t really own all that much, not anything he really cared about aside from the matchbox from Lupin’s Bar and the pendant Chuuya had thrown at his head on his seventeenth birthday he now wore, but…well, maybe it would still work if he was putting the box together for Natsuki’s sake?

Maybe someday Dazai would have more things with sentimental value to him so that he could fill a box of his own.

Backing out of the list and going to the next type of activity, ones meant to distract a person, he found a few more options that might work for him.

One of the suggestions was just to listen to an audiobook or music, something he often already did while pretending the nap on the futon at the office—though just as often he was monitoring the bugs he’d placed on people of interest around Yokohama, like he was when Higuchi and Akutagawa targeted Atsushi.

His nose scrunched up at the multiple listings that mentioned cleaning or exercising. He hated cleaning, and exercise was something he already did regularly, having refused to let himself go even after leaving the Port Mafia. Chuuya hadn’t been wrong when he taunted Dazai for having below average martial arts skills in comparison to the rest of the Port Mafia, but that didn’t mean that Dazai’s athletic skills were nonexistent, just not necessarily geared towards combat.

After all, parkour was extremely useful when the life of someone you cared about hinged on you getting to them as quickly as possible regardless of any obstacles, and Dazai’s lack of fear regarding death and pain (even if he didn’t like it he never shied away from it either) had been a huge advantage when such things were usually what held people back from getting very good at it.

“Oi, Dazai!” a voice jolted him out of his focus, and he glanced up to see Ranpo standing in front of his desk. “You’re my escort for the day. Hurry up.”

“Oh?” he asked with a grin, locking his phone and putting it in his pocket as he stood up. “I thought the president was trying to keep us from going on jobs together lest we end up burning Yokohama to the ground.”

Ranpo grinned, unable to deny it. The amount of damage the two geniuses could do when they put their heads together would be staggering, he was sure, and Fukuzawa knew that better than anybody.

“Eh, he realized that the benefits outweigh the risks.” The detective shrugged, turning and leaving the office, not bothering to check that the taller brunette was following him.

Dazai didn’t hesitate to do so, of course, though he took a moment to wave at Natsuki.

“We’ll be back soon, Natsu-chan~!” he called over cheerfully, earning a grin from the tiny blonde.

Chapter Text

Oi, Mackerel, you do realize Christmas is coming up, right?

Dazai blinked down at the text, frowning thoughtfully.

The western holiday was celebrated by many in Japan, in most cases not for religious reasons but because they liked the idea of spreading joy and the giving aspect, whether it be giving presents to loved ones or to charity.

But Dazai himself had never really celebrated it himself aside from a few obligatory parties over the years and one memorable mission with Chuuya himself, and the redhead was aware of that.

Yes, of course. He responded. What about it?

Dumbass. The mafioso responded immediately, and Dazai couldn’t help the slight pout when he realized that Chuuya had already typed out the insult and was just waiting for confirmation before sending it. You might not care much about celebrating, but Natsuki might.

Dazai froze.

Chuuya set his phone aside so that he could continue with his paperwork, having only realized that Dazai probably wouldn’t think to do anything for Natsuki for the holidays after overhearing Elise harass Mori about what kind of Christmas cakes she wanted.

The executive didn’t expect a response from Dazai, but a few minutes later his phone vibrated and he opened the new text.

Chuuya, help!!!

He snorted, though he couldn’t help but feel pleased that Dazai was asking him instead of his new coworkers.

Oh, is the great Dazai Osamu having trouble? He snarked back.

Chuuya, me trying to figure this out alone would probably turn out like Jack Skellington’s attempt at taking over Christmas did! The brunette messaged back.

Chuuya snorted, remembering the argument they’d had as teenagers whether said movie should be watched for Halloween or Christmas.

Hopefully less screaming children. The redhead shot back.

Ideally. Dazai agreed. Uh, I can’t believe I said that. If I start planning my day to the second, just end my misery.

Sometimes Chuuya felt for Dazai’s new partner, he really did.

That’s not an exaggeration, by the way. The brunette continued. You could set your watch to him.

If you say so. Chuuya sent, wondering if the blonde detective really was that anal about schedules, and how the man hadn’t actually killed Dazai by now since the brunette lived to mess with people’s plans.

But seriously, what am I supposed to do? Dazai redirected the conversation. I barely know anything about Christmas.

Chuuya hummed thoughtfully.

Maybe ask Natsuki if she ever used to do anything with her bio parents? he suggested. If they had any traditions you could try and see if you can do them with her.

She was so young I’m not sure she’d remember, but I might try and ask. Dazai sent after a long moment. Don’t people usually get sad when they bring up happy memories of those they’ve lost?

Chuuya exhaled slowly at the question, running a hand through his hair.

Yeah, but I think after some time passes it usually becomes bittersweet? The mafioso sent hesitantly, feeling more than a little out of his depth but remembering how Kouyou spoke of her former lover sometimes.

Like, there might be bad memories—horrible ones, even. The redhead continued. But maybe the good ones help to balance it out a little, make the time they did have together all the more special.

Chuuya shifted uncomfortably, hoping he hadn’t gone too far.

After all, Dazai had lost people he deeply cared about too, and in a far more permanent way than Chuuya had lost him. Chuuya imagined Dazai would have liked to be able to forget his friendship with Ango, but the redhead doubted the same held true for his memories of Odasaku.

Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, I suppose. Dazai responded after a long moment. I never used to understand that saying. Why would you want to remember something that causes you pain? But I think I get it now.

Thank you, Chuuya.

Chuuya smiled, relieved that he hadn’t managed to fuck that up too bad.

You’re welcome, Dazai.

By the way, you realize Natsuki hasn’t stopped talking about you since the night you made us hot chocolate, right? Chuuya received the text later, just as he was about to head to bed. If you really want her to enjoy the holidays, you should probably join us.

Chuuya’s lip quirked slightly at the bit of emotional manipulation.

Dazai wasn’t even trying to be subtle about it, but the redhead couldn’t complain. It’s not like spending more time with the sweet little girl was a hardship, and Dazai was a lot less aggravating to be around these days, too.

In fact, I think your hat infected her when you let her wear it. Dazai sent right afterwards as if to try and distract Chuuya from the fact that the invitation was really from him. You really should burn that thing, you know.

But Chuuya didn’t intend to fall for it this time.

You’d better get planning, then. Chuuya responded. I’m guessing eggnog is out of the question?

Chibi, how irresponsible! Dazai sent back.

Chapter Text

“Hey, Natsu-chan?” Dazai spoke up, causing the tiny blonde to pause the movie she was watching and turn towards him curiously. “How would you like to celebrate Christmas? If you want to, of course. I’ve never really done it before, but I think it could be fun. I don’t really have any ideas what to do, though.”

Dazai phrased the question carefully, knowing that with her background she might try and say that anything was fine with her (as she had early on in their time together whenever he’d tried asking for her opinions). He hoped that pretending the question was for his own sake would get around any hesitance on her part.

He tried to hold back a grin at the way her eyes widened, excitement evident, though she seemed to try and rein it in a moment before remembering that she could express herself safely now.

Sometimes Dazai really wanted to go find her former foster parents and tear them a new one, but he refrained. He didn’t want to become the person he had been in the Port Mafia again, but for Natsuki’s sake the detective wasn’t sure he would be able to stop himself.

There was a reason he had been considered the Demon Prodigy instead of Chuuya, for all that the shorter mafioso was the more physically powerful of the two. The lessons on torture Mori had forced upon him (with Dazai on the receiving end for months on end until the older man had been confident he could resist any enemy’s attempt to interrogate him) had stuck so well that he’d surpassed even Mori himself, until even the ever strong and powerful Kouyou had folded like a house of cards when he threatened her during the three-way war with the Port Mafia and the Guild.

He tuned back in to reality when Natsuki began listing off things that they could do for Christmas at a quick pace, as if she was worried she’d forget what she wanted to say if she didn’t get the words out quickly enough.

“Whoa, slow down!” he laughed, going to the bookshelf and grabbing a pen and notebook before plopping down on the couch next to her. “We’ll write it down, and if you forget something now we can add it when you remember, okay?”

“Okay!” Natsuki beamed up at him, apparently having forgotten about the movie entirely.

“Good morning, Natsuki-chan, Mr. Dazai!” Kenji smiled down at the little girl and his older coworker when he entered the office only to see the two of them already there.

It was surprising to see Dazai on time, much less early, but it didn’t look like the older male was working, so Kenji didn’t feel the need to go check if pigs had learned to fly since the last time he’d seen one.

“Morning, Kenji-kun!” Dazai grinned up at him wryly, gesturing towards a box of doughnuts on the table in front of them. “Help yourself. There should be a couple of ginger lemon ones in there, I think.”

“Thank you!” the blonde boy said, pleasantly surprised. He sat down at the table with them, reaching into the box for one of the aforementioned treats, which were his favorite. “What are you doing?”

“Writing a letter to Santa!” Natsuki grinned, and Kenji was amused to notice that the expression looked much like her guardian’s, despite the fact that they weren’t related by blood. “I can’t write very well yet, though, so Dazai-san is helping me.”

“Ah, that makes sense!” Kenji grinned back.

“Doesn’t it?” Dazai agreed with a tiny quirk of his lips, eyes glinting mischievously. “You should write one for yourself, Kenji-kun. Natsu-chan is making me write one, too.”

“Everyone should write a letter to Santa!” the six-year-old insisted. “How else would he know what you want for Christmas?”

“Ah, but that’s only for people on the nice list.” Dazai reached out to gently tap the girl’s nose with his finger. “If Santa gives me anything it’s going to be coal.”

“You never know.” Kenji interrupted, noticing that Dazai looked slightly faraway, likely caught in memories of why he didn’t belong on the nice list and wanting to bring him out of that dark place.

He wished his friend wasn’t so convinced that his past made him incapable of being a good person. Dazai had been working to save people for years now, and maybe he hadn’t always been kind, but he had never been anything but nice to Kenji, and Natsuki-chan certainly adored him.

“Right!” Natsuki nodded in agreement, Dazai seeming to shake himself out of it before she could notice the change in atmosphere.

“If you say so.” The brunette sighed dramatically.

“I do say so!” Natsuki nodded firmly.

Kenji laughed.

“You must want something!” Natsuki argued with a tiny pout.

“Sure, but the things that I want can’t exactly be gift-wrapped, Natsu-chan.” Dazai patted her head.

Because Dazai wanted many things, but none of them could be made, or bought from a store.

What he wanted was for the people he cared about to live long and happy lives, so that Dazai would never have to see someone else he cared about die a tragic death. He wanted such tragedies to be reserved for those who deserved it (like him, not Odasaku or Chuuya or Atsushi or Kyouka or the Akutagawa siblings or—), not innocent people caught in the cruel hands of fate. He wanted to know what it was like to feel like the human everyone insisted he already was, even if only for once in his life…

He wanted to be able to keep Natsuki with him, to be strong and smart enough to protect her from the people who would be more than happy to tear her away from him. He wanted her to be happy, to feel loved like she deserved.

He wanted to know what Chuuya truly thought of him, still unable to bring himself to believe Chuuya's claim that he'd forgiven him for leaving the Port Mafia now that the redhead knew the full story. He wanted an end to the uncertainty that had been a staple of their relationship for so long. He wanted to be able to find the words to express to the redhead just how important he was to Dazai, how he had been the first person to have made Dazai feel that strange thing called hope.

Nothing Santa could help with even if the man did exist, he was sure.

“That’s okay!” Natsuki assured him, green eyes earnest. “Santa will see if he can work his magic and give it to you anyway!”

Dazai huffed a laugh. “Well, I wish him luck, then.”

Unbeknownst to Dazai, when the brunette went to the restroom for a few minutes Natsuki took the opportunity to drag Atsushi over to where she was sitting and reopening the envelope that was just waiting to be sealed and mailed out.

“There’s one more thing I want to ask Santa for, but I don’t want Dazai-san to see it.” She confessed quietly, cheeks flushing shyly as she fidgeted. “Can you help me write it?”

“Of course.” Atsushi agreed. “What would you like me to write down?”

She leaned forward, hand reaching up to try and muffle the noise as she whispered her wish in his ear.

“Oh!” Atsushi breathed out, heterochromatic eyes widening in surprise before he smiled. Grabbing a pen, he wrote out her request, putting the paper back in its place before sealing the envelope so that Dazai wouldn’t accidentally read it and helping her address it.

Atsushi hadn’t believed in Santa for a long time (the orphanage had been quick to wipe out any hope he had of being able to celebrate Christmas with the rest of them), but if the glint of determination in the young girl’s eyes meant anything, he didn’t doubt she would try and make her wish come true regardless of any sort of Christmas magic.

He dearly hoped that Natsuki’s wish would come true, not only for the girl herself, but for Dazai.

Chapter Text

“I never thought I would see the day Dazai Osamu became a parent, but that little girl certainly seems to think the world of him.” Kouyou mused once Chuuya got back from dropping Natsuki back off at the Agency. “Who would have thought?”

Oddly enough, the detective even seemed to be a good parent, if the way Natsuki had gushed about him whenever she got the chance, more than happy to share stories about the time she’d spent with the former Demon Prodigy, was any indication. There was some hero worship there, Kouyou was certain, due to the circumstances that brought Dazai into her life, but she could also see that the admiration ran far deeper.

“Right? He didn’t even realize he was acting like a parent until I teased him for it.” Chuuya rolled his eyes. “For a genius, he’s always been such a dumbass. At least that much hasn’t changed.”

Kouyou smirked at the reluctant fondness she could see a hint of on Chuuya’s face, well used to Chuuya’s tsundere attitude regarding his former partner. To see that expression again, evidence that the pair were rebuilding whatever was between them, was a pleasure to see.

Because even if Kouyou didn’t particularly approve of Dazai, she couldn’t argue that he had always been strangely good for Chuuya even when he was in the Port Mafia, and certainly moreso now that he was working with the Armed Detective Agency.

She had already seen what Chuuya was like without Dazai, after all, though if the detective ever hurt him like that again she was going to prove that she didn’t need to use Golden Demon to make him regret it.

“Language, child.” The older executive scolded, though she didn’t bother to mask the amusement in her tone.

“I am actually kind of surprised Dazai didn’t want to come with us.” The younger redhead admitted after a moment.

“The two of us have never gotten along very well.” Kouyou’s head bowed in acknowledgement, not offended by what some might consider a snub.

Indeed, Kouyou had been thoroughly disturbed by the boy when Ōgai showed up with him one day, and Dazai, ever observant, had known it.

He had still been perfectly polite towards her, of course—in fact, he had always treated her with more respect than he ever showed his own mentor, but he had remained distant, merely following orders and staying quiet, only breaking the monotony when he made yet another attempt to kill himself.

Kouyou had been partially convinced that that the boy was simply another manifestation of Mori’s Ability.

She had hoped for it, honestly. Hoped that Dazai was nothing more than a soulless puppet, merely an extension of Mori for the man to control as he pleased, the suicide attempts perhaps chosen as a personality trait simply because it amused the sadistic bastard.

Because if he wasn’t a real person, if he was like Elise, then it wasn’t so bad, then, the pain and suffering that Mori forced on him. It would be better, she thought, if it wasn’t an actual child that had gone through such horrific torture, been broken and beaten down so much by the world that he was so desperate to be able to just die, to just cease to exist and be able to leave this oxidizing world—

It wasn’t until Chuuya joined the Port Mafia, somehow managing to bring some much-needed life and fire to Dazai’s eyes, that Kouyou was forced to accept that Dazai was an actual person.

But the boy wrapped in bandages had already been completely closed off to her by that point, likely had been from the very moment she dismissed him when they met, and she had no one but herself to blame.

The executive couldn’t help the pain in her heart that she felt whenever she thought of Dazai, the boy she had left to drown. The self-hatred and disgust, the burning hot shame she felt when she realized that she had dehumanized someone in such a way, someone who was in pain and desperately needed someone to help him, someone who cared about him enough to save him—

Her lack of action was, and likely always would be, one of her greatest regrets.

Worse, Kouyou couldn’t help but feel that she wasn’t the first person who had seen and treated the boy as such, that perhaps the reason he didn’t act like a normal human was because no one had ever bothered to treat him like one.

It had been a relief when he left the Port Mafia, despite the hurt the brunette’s betrayal caused her darling Chuuya. She had felt quite torn, wanting to feel angry at Dazai on her surrogate brother’s behalf, but it was difficult to hate him when she knew what had happened, what had finally been the straw that broke the camel’s back.

She couldn’t help but feel hopeful, years later when she saw the brunette again and he threatened her with torture for the sake of someone else, that perhaps the small child covered in bandages had finally found somewhere he belonged.

“He likely didn’t want to create more tension and worry the girl.” She continued after a long moment where her darling Chuuya waited patiently, having likely sensed that she wasn’t finished.

“Maybe, but it is odd that he let me bring her here without him.” Chuuya paused, glancing at his older sister figure almost sheepishly. “No offense intended, of course.”

Kouyou raised an eyebrow. “While I would like to think that Dazai is aware that I wouldn’t hurt a six-year-old, I believe his willingness to allow this visit without his presence is an indication of how much he trusts you, child, to keep the girl safe.”

Chuuya flushed, both embarrassed and pleased.

“Ane-san, you’re only a few years older than I am.” He decided not to argue with her reasoning, knowing all too well it wouldn’t go anywhere and he was hoping she was correct anyway. “Are you ever going to stop calling me that?”

“Perhaps.” She smiled, covering her mouth with her fan. “The day you reach my chin I will stop referring to you as such.”

Chuuya’s jaw dropped, ignoring the fact that he was making such an undignified expression.

“Ane-san, not you, too!” he cried, feeling even more betrayed as the older woman laughed.

Chapter Text

Dazai was very rudely awakened by the feeling of having something heavy land right on his gut and knocking the breath out of his lungs.

It wasn’t a pleasant feeling at all, but when he opened his eyes to see Natsuki staring down at him, green eyes bright with excitement, any annoyance or anger he might have felt (not that he did, since pain had always been his oldest companion and it would take a lot more than that to bother him) would have leeched right out of him.

“Wake up, Dazai-san, Santa came!” the little girl gasped, a strange glint in her eyes that looked like awe and disbelief.

“I can’t get up if you’re on my chest, Natsu-chan.” The detective pointed out with a grin.

“Oh.” She blinked before adopting a sheepish expression and backing away. “Oops!”

Dazai laughed, glancing over at the Christmas tree and taking note of the extra presents he had asked Chuuya to help him sneak in the night before, though his eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he noticed a few unfamiliar ones in the mix. Had Chuuya come back later and left some more?

At Dazai’s prompting the little girl went to the bathroom to brush her hair and teeth, and the detective took the opportunity to send Chuuya a text.

You were right, she woke up earlier than usual.

I usually am, Mackerel. He received the reply immediately. I’m on my way.

After all, Chuuya had promised Natsuki he would spend time with them on Christmas, and even though he had to attend a Port Mafia dinner that night (and Dazai and Natsuki would be enjoying the Agency’s own party), his morning was free.

Dazai grinned, for what felt like the first time feeling actual excitement for the holiday he used to try and pretend didn’t exist. The holidays had never been a good time for him when he was a kid, because seeing everyone else so apparently happy had just brought his own loneliness to the surface, but maybe he could learn to like it?

“Come in!” Dazai called when Chuuya knocked on the door, snickering when the redhead had to pick the lock, hearing the half-hearted grumbles as he did so.

“You know, you could have just let me in the normal way.” The mafioso said dryly as he entered the dorm room, maintaining the annoyed act for only a few seconds before it crumbled, smiling at Dazai and Natsuki. “Merry Christmas, you two.”

“Merry Christmas!” the pair replied, Dazai trying not to show his surprise at the way Chuuya’s eyes had settled on him for a moment before the redhead had smiled.

“Nice pajamas.” Chuuya smirked at the two of them, causing Dazai to realize that the redhead was wearing a red version of the plaid pajamas that he and Natsuki had found next to their pillows that morning.

Dazai smiled, realizing the redhead must have left them behind when he snuck in the unfamiliar presents and trying not to get too happy at the idea of the three of them wearing matching pajamas, though the ones he and Natsuki wore were a dark blue.

“Aren’t they?” he asked lightly, twirling around as if he was wearing a dress and trying to show how the skirt flared, earning a snort and a giggle from his audience.

“Come on, let’s open our stockings!” Natsuki pled, taking a hold of each of their hands and pulling them towards the tree.

“Oh?” Chuuya raised an eyebrow, glancing at Dazai. “Sure, Natsuki. Why don’t you go first?”

“Really?” she blinked in surprise.

“Go ahead.” Dazai urged her with a gentle smile, passing her the lavender purple stocking that had her name embroidered at the top.

One by one she pulled out the contents—quite a bit of candy, chapstick in various scents (flavors?), silly putty, a yo-yo, and of course a tangerine to round out the toe of the sock.

The little girl treated each item gently, appreciative of all of them, her experience in her old foster home having taught her to value such things.

“Thank you, Santa!” she called out to the ceiling cheerfully, earning a laugh from the two young men who each thought the other was the secret gift giver.

Next was Chuuya, who was doing a very convincing job of pretending he didn’t know what was inside the stockings. Dazai wondered if he had asked someone else to put them together so he wouldn’t have to pretend to be surprised.

Probably Kouyou, he mused, since their names had been embroidered. He would be surprised if she hadn’t stuffed his full of actual coal. Heck, it was surprising he had a stocking in the first place, but then again Natsuki would likely wonder why he had been left out.

However, contrary to his expectations when his turn came, there were actual gifts in his own stocking, though he did chuckle at the bag of chocolates that had been included, the ones that were wrapped to look like lumps of coal.

“Funny.” He admitted, remembering how he had told Natsuki he was surely on the naughty list when she was trying to convince him to write a letter to Santa.

Dazai’s eyes widened in surprise at the next few things, including a yo-yo of his own, a tactile Rubik’s cube where all the sides had different textures so he could solve it without looking, and a necklace that held two small silver pendants, one with a semicolon and the other with the words ‘My story isn’t over yet.’

He stared at the necklace for a few moments, not realizing Natsuki and Chuuya were sending him curious (and then concerned) looks, before he put it on, tucking the pendants underneath his shirt.

The brunette wasn’t sure what to think, suddenly doubting that Kouyou had anything to do with the stockings, and the necklace didn’t seem to be quite Chuuya’s style, either.

In fact, the gift made him think of…

He shook his head firmly, trying not to think about his late best friend right now. Those memories might be starting to become less painful nowadays, but he didn’t want to risk ruining Christmas morning by getting lost in his own head.

“Good call about the stockings, I had completely forgotten about them.” Dazai admitted quietly as Natsuki sorted out the presents, Chuuya having brought the ones he’d received with him so he could just open them here, though he was careful to leave behind anything that looked like it contained alcohol.

Chuuya’s eyebrows furrowed, turning to stare at him. “What do you mean?”

Dazai blinked, unsure of what to think when faced with the confusion in the mafioso’s gaze.

“Didn’t you sneak back in last night to leave them behind?” the brunette asked slowly, shoulders tensing.

“No…” the redhead denied, lips pursed. “When you opened yours, I thought you were just acting surprised. Let me guess, it wasn’t you who left these at my apartment?”

He gestured down to the pajamas he was wearing.

“No.” Dazai’s fingers twitched, barely resisting the urge to grab a knife and find whoever had apparently broken into his room without his permission.

“Don’t worry!” Natsuki piped up sincerely, alerting them to the fact that they weren’t quite as subtle as they thought they were. “I told you, they’re from Santa!”

Dazai opened his mouth, trying to figure out how to explain why they were concerned without spoiling the concept of Santa for her, but paused when he noticed the amused and knowing look in her eyes.

“You know.” He realized, before quickly correcting himself in case he was wrong. “You know, for sure, who these are from, Natsuki?”

Her eyes softened at the lack of honorific, something Dazai only dropped when he was serious.

“It’s okay, I promise.” She said firmly.

Dazai let out a slow breath, barely noticing Chuuya do the same thing as the two men decided to trust that there wasn’t anything nefarious going on, if Natsuki was in on it.

He couldn’t help but wonder which one of his coworkers had decided to do this for them, especially considering they had apparently also snuck into Chuuya’s apartment. As far as Dazai was aware he was the only one to know where the redhead lived, but it wasn’t like Ranpo or Katai couldn’t find out. Maybe Tanizaki? With his Ability he would probably have the best chance of not getting caught, and he lived at the dorms, too, so it probably wouldn’t have been too difficult.

Or maybe, just maybe… he thought to himself. Natsuki isn’t trying to cover for anyone, and it really was Santa Claus.

It seemed such a ridiculous thought, of course, but in a world with Ability users and a book that could control reality, maybe it wasn’t so impossible after all.

The two adults insisted Natsuki open her presents first, and though the little girl pouted a bit she gave up protesting when she realized they weren’t going to budge.

There were only a few under the tree, since the Agency members would be exchanging presents that night in person, but she had the ones from Dazai and Chuuya, as well as Kouyou, Gin, and even a card from Akutagawa.

That last one had surprised Dazai, but he realized the boy’s sister had probably harassed him into sending something for Natsuki.

Kouyou had sent the little girl some formal clothing to wear, causing Natsuki to grin and say she wanted to try and dress like Kyouka-neechan the next day, which earned a laugh from both men and a promise from Dazai that he would take pictures so that Chuuya could show them to Kouyou.

Gin had sent along an MP3 player and a pair of headphones that had kitten ears on the top, the card explaining that she had loaded all of the Disney songs she could find to the device, since Natsuki had mentioned liking the movies she had seen when they met.

Her brother’s card was more blunt, with a simple ‘Merry Christmas’ and a gift card to get more music, but Dazai appreciated that the boy was willing to do even that much.

Dazai wondered how his former student would react to the presents he had sent the two of them, a first edition copy of a book he remembered Ryūnosuke being fond of and a few hard to come by records for Gin, an audiophile who preferred using a record player when listening to music.

Dazai had already known about what Chuuya was planning to get her, but he wasn’t prepared for Natsuki’s enthusiasm at the apron, chef hat, and recipe book Chuuya had given her with the promise of teaching her how to cook and bake so that she could decide which recipes she liked enough to add to the book.

There was also the multitude of kitchenware that Chuuya had already stashed in their dorm room’ kitchen that Dazai had been careful not to let Natsuki discover early, and Natsuki was eager to get started as soon as possible, resulting in a promise that she could help Chuuya make breakfast.

But before then they had to finish unwrapping presents, so she continued her quest.

Green eyes lighting up as she ran over to the wooden bucket with what looked like a panda drawn on it she had been eying.

Reading the tag tied to the handle, she saw that it was from her guardian, and she sent him a beaming smile before removing the unwrapped stuffed animals: a red fox, a fennec fox, and an arctic fox.

“They’re so soft!” she gasped, fingers running through the fake fur gently.

“I know the fox your birth parents gave you will always be your favorite, but I figured these little guys could use a home, too.” Dazai grinned, wondering when she would notice the framed adoption certificates to show a symbolic adoption of three real life foxes. It was cheesy, he knew, but when he happened across the World Wildlife Fund’s website and saw their adoption kits he was adding them to his cart without even consciously thinking about it.

The tiny blonde sniffled, shifting so she could also grab the toy fox her parents had given her, hugging all four to her chest before setting them on her new futon and leaping forward to give Dazai a hug, squeezing him as tightly as she could.

“Oof!” Dazai said dramatically, and though Chuuya could tell by the glint in his eyes that he was genuinely caught off guard by the show of affection they quickly softened as he wrapped his arms around her and hugged back.

Chuuya ducked his head to hide his smile at the sweet scene, though his heart hurt when he noticed how hesitant Dazai was to hug her back despite clearly wanting to do so, so unused to receiving affection that he didn’t really know how to react.

“Thank you.” Natsuki whispered to Dazai, who tugged at her braid gently in response before adjusting their position so that the girl was sitting on his knee.

“You’re very welcome, Natsu-chan, but you do have more presents to open.” The detective said, amused. “There’s more in the bucket, too.”

“Eh?” she blinked in surprise as Chuuya used his Ability to bring it closer to her, Dazai for once not spoiling the fun by nullifying the object.

Reaching in slowly, she took out the envelope she found first, opening it and slowly reading the card with a growing smile before she blinked at the receipt included inside.

“What’s this?” the little girl asked curiously.

“Oh, we’ll be going to the zoo at some point.” Dazai grinned. “I bought six tickets, so you’ll have to decide who you want to ask to come with us.”

Natsuki immediately turned towards Chuuya, eyes already watering as she widened them.

“Please come with us?” she practically whimpered, looking like it would break her heart if he said no.

“Geez, kid, stop pointing those eyes at me, they’re deadly weapons.” Chuuya grumbled in amusement, ignoring Dazai’s cackling in the background. “I guess I can come, unless I have to go on a mission.”

“Eh, we can redeem them at any time, so it’s not like we can’t reschedule if needed.” Dazai shrugged as if not realizing the oddity of his words, considering usually he would try and force his victim to come to whatever he had planned regardless of whether they were available. “We’ll have to be careful, though, or Chuuya might end up being mistaken for a…”

He paused, realizing that his usual go-to of ‘slug’ wouldn’t work very well here.

“Didn’t think that one through, did you?” Chuuya smirked at him smugly.

Dazai, ever the mature one, stuck his tongue out at the mafioso, earning a snort from Chuuya and a giggle from Natsuki before the little girl reached back into the bucket containing her gifts from Dazai, lifting out a couple of wrapped items this time.

“Oh, these ones actually go together.” The brunette hummed, resting his chin on Natsuki’s head as she opened the larger one, pulling out the next book in the Harry Potter series.

They had only recently finished the first one, and Dazai could admit that Natsuki wasn’t the only one who was curious to find out what happened next, since for all the series’ popularity Dazai had never really been exposed to it before he started reading it to her.

The little girl’s eyes lit up, especially as she realized what Dazai’s words about these two presents being related implied, quickly tearing into the second wrapped present to reveal the first movie.

“Maybe we can watch it later.” Dazai suggested, grinning at the happy expression on his hopefully soon-to-be-daughter’s face at the idea.

“Yeah!” she agreed enthusiastically. “Can we watch it when we’re done opening presents?”

“Hm…” Dazai tapped his chin in mock thoughtfulness. “Well, we still haven’t eaten anything, but maybe once breakfast is ready.”

He glanced at Chuuya, who nodded back at him subtly, the redhead having brought the ingredients to make western-style pancakes, something she had been curious about after hearing Ranpo mention them.

“Okay.” Natsuki grinned, content with the idea. She moved towards one of the other boxes under the tree with her name on it, only for Dazai to place a hand on her shoulder, making her pause.

“Ah, still one more from me, Natsu-chan.” The brunette snickered. Two, technically, but I won’t bring it up until tonight, and it’s more of a gift for me than for you.

“You’re spoiling her.” Chuuya pointed out almost fondly as the pair watched the girl take out one last square box.

Dazai smirked over at him. “As if you’re one to talk.”

Natsuki gasped softly as she opened the box and saw what was inside, a beautiful snow globe with miniature versions of some of Yokohama’s landmarks, the little girl shaking it and watching as the fake snow swirled around before gently settling.

Dazai had been passing by a store on his way home from a mission one day when he saw the small object and was immediately hit with the urge to get it for his charge.

Over the time she had lived with the detective Natsuki had shared stories from what she remembered about her birth parents with him, one of them being that her mom had a huge snow globe collection that had been lost to Natsuki when she was put in foster care, an uncaring relative deciding to sell the trinkets even though by all rights they should have been kept for her.

Dazai had wanted to shoot the man who had so heartlessly done such a thing, but had managed to refrain and instead ambushed him to gather information to try and track the heirlooms down so they could get them back for Natsuki, something Ranpo and Katai had been helping him with when he explained the problem.

Natsuki sniffled, a few tears welling up as she glanced over at the shelf Dazai had put up a few days prior with no explanation for why it was needed, realizing that it was probably meant to house her new treasure.

“Ah…” Dazai faltered, unable to tell whether she was happy or upset.

Chuuya bit his lip, nervous for his partner who looked so uncertain at Natsuki’s reaction, knowing that he was wondering if he had somehow managed to mess things up again.

The mafioso didn’t know why the snow globe had garnered such a reaction, but he didn’t doubt that Dazai had been trying to do something nice, and if it backfired the brunette might be too wary to try again in the future.

Luckily the potential crisis was averted as Natsuki turned towards Dazai more fully from where she was still sitting on his knee, wiping at her eyes before leaning up to wrap her arms over Dazai’s shoulders to pull him into another hug, her small form jerking a couple times as she hiccupped.

“Thank you.” She said fervently, gathering the courage to place a quick kiss on Dazai’s cheek.

Dazai blinked slowly, lips parting slightly in surprise at the gesture he had no recollection of experiencing before, though he imagined his mother had probably done so before she died when he was a baby.

“Y-you’re welcome.” He managed with an uncharacteristic stammer.

If he could barely handle her reaction to something so comparatively small, how would he possibly be able manage the inevitable breakdown she would have when they finished reclaiming her mother’s own collection?

Chuuya grinned proudly at the scene before him, heartened by the all too human reactions Dazai was allowing himself to not only feel but openly express.

The redhead was so glad he had thought to bring a camera to record this, because maybe having the visual reminder that he was no longer the emotionless doll his former abusers had molded him to become would help him during his worse days, at least a little.

The Agency really has been good for him, haven’t they? Chuuya thought to himself wistfully, still saddened that the brunette was no longer in the same organization (though he no longer resented him for it), but also knowing just how much better off Dazai was in the light, even if he would never manage to let go of the darkness completely.

“Anyway,” Dazai coughed as Natsuki released him from the hug after a minute or so, gently urging the girl off his lap and getting up to place the snow globe on its shelf, taking advantage of the opportunity to try and regain his control of himself even though he knew deep down neither Natsuki or Chuuya would think any less of him for acting like the human he supposedly was.

After a moment he turned back to them with a grin. “Chuuya, you’re up next!”

“Nope, it’s your turn.” The redhead declined with a smile of his own, not commenting on his partner’s lack of composure, which the brunette appreciated.

“Ah.” Dazai blinked, sitting down as Natsu started gathering his gifts to bring them to him. “Sure.”

“Ooh, open mine first!” Natsuki requested, shoving a small silver box with a dark blue ribbon towards him.

“Okay, okay!” the brunette laughed, gently undoing the ribbon and the wrapping so that he didn’t ruin the paper, knowing just by looking at it that Natsuki had wrapped it herself and not wanting to ruin her efforts.

“Oh!” he gasped in surprise at the candle, which claimed to smell like an old book.

Dazai had been an avid reader as a child, even before he ever picked up The Complete Guide to Suicide, and despite what everyone else probably thought he did still read normal things, too. He had always loved the smell of actual books but had always bought digital copies to read on his tablet due to his lifestyle and lack of room in the dorm.

(That and the fact that he had still held out hope for a successful suicide that didn’t burden anyone and packing up his books afterwards would definitely be a burden.)

Maybe now that things were getting better he could start getting physical copies of the books he loved? He still wouldn’t have much space for them, but it wasn’t like it was mandatory that he live in the Agency dorms, and now that he thought about it, Natsuki would eventually need her own room…

A thought for another time, he decided.

“Thank you!” Dazai grinned over at her, opening the candle and placing it on the table, reaching over to grab his jacket so that he could grab his matches from the plastic bag he used to keep them safe from his drowning attempts, not that he had gone for a swim in a while.

Chuuya’s eyes widened as he saw the logo for Lupin’s Bar on the little matchbox, realizing that this was probably something Dazai treasured. Was it strange that he felt honored that Dazai was allowing him to even lay his eyes on it?

The brunette struck a match, deftly lighting the candle and smelling the fragrance it let off.

“That’s definitely closer than I expected!” he said cheerfully, leaning towards Natsuki and giving her a brief but genuine hug. “Thank you, Natsuki-chan!”

“You’re welcome!” Natsuki grinned. She had used the money she had been earning from the cursing jar to buy the presents she was giving everyone (between Chuuya and Kunikida-san insulting Dazai it grew quickly), having insisted on it despite Dazai’s offer to buy them for her, and she wasn’t regretting it one bit.

She had also drawn him a card, but she figured it would probably be better to give it to him later.

Next Dazai opened the present Kouyou had sent him, mostly to get it over with in case she’d sent him something horrible, but was pleasantly surprised when a chess set was revealed, though the pieces looked a bit different than what he was used to.

Chuuya almost choked, realizing that the pieces were meant to look like the ones in the first Harry Potter film and recalling that when Kouyou met her Natsuki had mentioned Dazai was reading the series to her.

“Is there some inside joke I’m not getting?” Dazai blinked at him, raising an eyebrow.

“You’ll see!” the redhead laughed, especially when he remembered that they would be watching that very movie once breakfast was ready. Could the timing have been any more perfect?

“Okay, then.” The detective eyed him dubiously before opening his gifts from Gin, a few t-shirts with funny phrases that made him laugh, like: ‘Don’t rush me I’m waiting for the last minute’, ‘I’m an adult. Not like a REAL adult, but an adult nonetheless’, and ‘I may be wrong, but it’s highly unlikely.’

“Ah, I need to start wearing t-shirts more, I think.” Dazai snickered, appreciating the humor. He had never really worn ‘casual’ clothing, not seeing the point in wearing anything but what he wore to work, but maybe wearing t-shirts instead of button-downs would help him in his goal to eventually stop wearing his bandages, even if no one could see his scars under his clothing?

Eh, it would be worth a try, anyway.

From Akutagawa he received a bottle of his favorite whiskey, which he quickly hid from Natsuki’s view before she could see what it was. He appreciated the gift, especially since he hadn’t been aware that his former student knew his taste in alcohol, and he decided maybe he should save it in the hopes that there would be a time when the awkwardness and bad blood between them faded enough that he could share it with Ryūnosuke himself.

Next Chuuya handed him a present, explaining that Hirotsu had somehow managed to figure out he was going to see Dazai today (though the redhead assured him there was no hint that the old man knew about Natsuki, not that Dazai would have been too worried even if he did), and asked him to pass it along.

“Ooh, nice!” Dazai’s eyes lit up when he opened the box to see a book, flipping through it and realizing that it was a collection of foreign fairy tales he hadn’t heard of before.

Hirotsu had been the one to get him interested in the genre in the first place, hence the joke about him acting the part of Snow White during the last fight with Shibusawa, and it was nice to know that the old man still remembered that.

Dazai was glad that he had thought to send the man a few packs of what had been his favorite brand of cigar when he was still in the Port Mafia. He had always had a certain fondness and respect for the man, ever since Mori had paired them together to investigate the supposed return of the late boss and the old man had made sure to tell the doctor that he only held his loyalty until such a time that he was no longer what was best for the Port Mafia.

Dazai had never been one to hold his tongue, but he also had a literal death wish, so hearing someone else say something like that, to someone as dangerous as Mori, had piqued his interest.

It’s nice to see him excited about a normal book, for once. Chuuya smiled wryly, disappointed with himself for not having known that his former partner was apparently such a bookworm when Natsuki and Hirotsu-san had.

“Oi, Mackerel, catch!” he tossed the gift he’d brought towards Dazai as soon as the brunette had set the book of fairy tales down. Dazai, of course, caught it gracefully.

“Aw, did Chuuya get little old me something for Christmas?” Dazai fluttered his eyelashes teasingly.

Chuuya rolled his eyes at the detective’s attempt to mask the glint of surprise he had noticed appear when he caught the present, seeing Dazai’s reminder of when he had disguised himself as a little old lady and gotten Chuuya to help him as the distraction it was instead of falling for it.

“As if you haven’t been breaking into my apartment for years and leaving things behind on Christmas and my birthday.” The redhead rebutted, successfully making Dazai shut up for once, the brunette not knowing how to react to the callout.

Chuuya wasn’t wrong, of course, but since he hadn’t said anything about it Dazai wasn’t expecting him to bring it up.

Dazai sniffed in faux offense, opening the box curiously to see a handheld gaming device that looked quite a bit like the one he used to have while he was in the Port Mafia, eyes lighting up curiously as he noticed that most of his old favorite games were also in the box.

Most had assumed that his fixation with video games was just a method he used to irritate people and make them underestimate him, but while he certainly took advantage of that effect, Dazai also genuinely enjoyed playing them. Depression had a way of making things you used to like no longer enjoyable, but video games had been one of the few exceptions for Dazai, hence why he had so easily trounced Chuuya at that arcade the day they met.

But when he left the Port Mafia, he also left his old console and games, realizing that playing them wouldn’t be fun anymore without being able to play against his former partner, either directly or by comparing scores.

“Chuuya?” he asked, a little lost.

The redhead reached into the pocket of the coat he’d been wearing over his pajamas when he came over, bringing out a red version of the same console.

“It’s been a long time since we’ve played, and I managed to overwrite all of your high scores, so you'd better get your skills back up to par.” The mafioso said with a teasing smirk.

Dazai’s eyes widened as he stared at the peace offering, not realizing that his mouth was open.

Ever since he had shared his reasons for leaving the Port Mafia Chuuya had tried to convince Dazai that he was forgiven—tried to claim that after everything Mori had done he didn’t even need to be forgiven because after that he couldn’t possibly be considered a traitor by any reasonable person.

And Dazai accepted that reasoning, but the brunette was also fully aware that it didn’t change the fact that he had still left Chuuya behind, left him to face the darkness alone, not even being brave enough to try and ask him to join him. He couldn’t understand why the mafioso was so willing to overlook that, so ready to offer a forgiveness that he didn’t deserve.

But he had also come to realize since then that maybe it didn’t matter what Dazai thought, that it was up to the person who had been wronged whether they wanted to forgive the person who had hurt them.

After a few moments he realized he was smiling, a small, sad thing, but nonetheless genuine, and that little reminder that he was capable of smiling for real made it grow bigger.

“I can do that.” Dazai smiled, his quiet happiness reaching his eyes, something that had become more and more common over the last few months. “I wouldn’t grow complacent if I were you, Slug. Those high scores will be under my name again in no time.”

“I’m looking forward to it.” Chuuya’s smirk shifted into an actual grin, glad that the brunette clearly liked his gift, especially since the redhead hadn’t been sure what reaction he would receive.

The two men forgot Natsuki was even in the room with them, the six-year-old looked at them with exasperated amusement and wondering, not for the first time, why adults always overcomplicated things.

Still, the faster they finished with the presents the sooner they could make breakfast and watch the Philosopher’s Stone, so she tossed one of Chuuya’s presents towards him.

The redhead caught it, of course—he wouldn’t be the Port Mafia’s best martial artist if such a thing could catch him off guard, and the action caused him to break eye contact with Dazai.

He wasn’t sure if he was happy or annoyed with that, though he didn’t blame Natsuki.

If she hadn’t broken him out of it then Chuuya might have tried to kiss Dazai, and after the emotional upheaval the brunette had clearly just gone through, he figured that doing so probably wouldn’t have turned out very well.

There was a time and a place, and this wasn’t it.

The first gift he opened was Natsuki’s, the redhead letting out a laugh as he saw the collection of socks in different colors, one of each pair saying ‘If you can read this’ while the matching one said ‘Bring me some wine.’

He was pretty surprised considering Natsuki’s wariness of alcohol, wondering if she didn’t know what wine was, but he would be lying if he tried to say he didn’t find them pretty funny. Even Dazai was snorting despite the fact that he had probably helped her buy them, brown eyes glinting in amusement.

“Thank you, Natsuki-chan.” Chuuya grinned, immediately pulling off the pair of socks he was already wearing and replacing them with a red and gray pair of these ones.

“You’re welcome!” she grinned back happily before tilting her head. “And…you know, I don’t mind if you drink around me. Either of you.”

Both men’s eyes widened, neither of them having been aware that Natsuki had apparently realized they had been refraining for her sake. Maybe she had caught a glimpse of Akutagawa’s present for Dazai after all?

“Are you sure, Natsuki?” Chuuya asked hesitantly. “I don’t want to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, and it’s really not a big deal.”

Natsuki considered her answer, thinking about her goal to get Dazai and Chuuya together. That would probably involve living together at some point, right? And she wouldn’t want her favorite redhead to feel like he wasn’t allowed to do something he clearly enjoyed.

“I’m sure.” She said firmly. “Besides, Dazai-san told me you usually just complain a lot and then get really sleepy, and that’s okay. I trust you.”

“Thank you, Natsuki.” Chuuya’s eyes softened, thanking her far more for the trust than the permission to drink around her. Maybe he would allow himself to have a glass or two when he was over now, but he had no intention of getting drunk around her.

He almost wanted to get annoyed by Dazai’s description of what he was like when he drank too much, but he knew that the brunette probably hadn’t been trying to mock him for it, just assure the girl who was practically his daughter that Chuuya wouldn’t try and hurt her regardless of whether he was sober or not.

“You too, Dazai-san.” Natsuki turned towards the brunette. “Thank you for hiding the bottles when I came to live with you, but…I think I’ll be okay, now.”

And even if it turned out that she couldn’t handle it, Natsuki knew that Dazai and Chuuya would immediately stop, and the realization that she trusted them enough to do that made her even more determined to get past her trauma.

“Ah.” Dazai grimaced at the reminder, because he used to use alcohol to make himself sleep whenever his insomnia or nightmares kept him awake too long, which had happened often. He liked to think he had gotten a lot better about his sleeping habits, though, and even if he hadn’t, he wasn’t willing to do that around Natsuki.

He didn’t dare to look over at Chuuya, wondering what the redhead would think of more evidence of his self-destructive habits, even if that one wasn’t really much of a problem anymore.

“I think I’ll save the drinking for when I have something to celebrate.” The detective decided, though he smiled down at her and ruffled her hair to make sure she knew he appreciated the thought.  

Besides, alcohol had in no way been responsible for his depression, but the effects probably hadn’t helped, either, he had realized once he had stopped drinking so often. Even Yosano had agreed that it would be best if he stayed away for the most part, and she was no stranger to alcohol herself.

He still liked the taste of whiskey and sake, but maybe he could enjoy it without actually drinking so much.

“Then we’ll just need to make sure you have plenty of things to celebrate, then.” Chuuya said with a calculated flippantness, knowing Dazai probably wouldn’t want the attention to stay on his drinking habits any more than Chuuya would on his own.

Natsuki tossed him the next present, and Chuuya raised an eyebrow at the tags.

“Oh, giving them to me in person this year?” he teased the brunette. “I had been wondering if I’d get home to find them on my couch again.”

At the time Chuuya had been infuriated by the gifts, thinking he was being mocked, but in hindsight he wished he had known where Dazai was hiding so that he could return the favor.

Dazai pouted. “Do you want them or not?”

Chuuya snickered, opening the first gift to see a variety of wine-scented hand soaps, including Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, and Chardonnay.

“Mm.” his eyes lit up, bringing them up to his nose and giving them a whiff. “Not bad. Figures your taste in scented bath products is better than your taste in actual wine.”

“I leave that up to you.” Dazai teased back, earning a huff of amusement as Chuuya started opening the next one only to find a book from one of his favorite poets, which wouldn’t be odd, except Dazai knew he already owned a copy.

“Open it.” The brunette prompted him.

Chuuya did so, quickly discovering that the object in his hands wasn’t quite the book it appeared to be at first glance. Whoever made it had taken the book’s cover and various pages (which Chuuya recognized as his favorite poems, and how Dazai knew that he couldn’t fathom) and added blank journal pages throughout.

As someone who liked to dabble in poetry himself and would often write his musings down whenever he was inspired, it was perfect.

“Wow…” the redhead breathed, flipping through the book to see what poems were included before closing it and running his fingers along the title. “Where did you even get something like this?”

Dazai grinned, not deigning to answer.

This was the reason the man who had designed Kunikida’s favorite brand of notebook, master Carlisle, had been at the Agency in the first place all those months ago. During that visit he had not only arranged for Chuuya’s present to be made, but also prepared the gift he would be giving Kunikida at the party later.

“Thank you.” Chuuya said with a small smile, a pretty flush settling on his cheeks that somehow managed to not clash with his hair.

“You’re welcome.” Dazai replied softly.

Chapter Text

“Dazai-san, stop it!” Natsuki scolded, her attempt to sound stern ruined by the giggles she couldn’t hold back. “We’re not going to have enough to make the pancakes!”

“Yeah, Mackerel, stop being greedy.” Chuuya agreed, oddly seeming more amused than irritated despite the way Dazai was making a nuisance of himself.

Dazai glanced away from Chuuya, not wanting to get so caught up in seeing the redhead’s smile that the other two would notice, for all that Natsuki already knew how he felt about the shorter man.

Which provided Chuuya the opening he’d been looking for, deftly bringing his hand up above the taller man’s head and breaking an egg open one-handedly.

The brunette flinched back slightly at the sudden wetness he felt, bringing a hand up to touch it and realizing that the slimy substance was egg yolk. “Chuuya!”

“Don’t worry, egg yolk is supposed to be really good for hair.” Chuuya grinned, entirely unbothered by the way the slimy substance also covered his own hand as he turned to the sink and washed it off.

Dazai hummed, narrowing his eyes at Chuuya and debating whether or not to crack an egg open on his head before acknowledging that it would be more trouble than it was worth.

“Fine!” he huffed playfully, sticking his tongue out slightly at the redhead and reveling in the amusement practically emanating from Natsuki, who looked like she was biting her tongue to keep the giggles from escaping. “If you want to get rid of me that badly I’ll just go take a shower. I’m sure Bubble-kun will be much better company, anyway.”

Natsuki grinned at the mention of her favorite rubber duck.

“A shower would probably be a good idea.” Chuuya agreed thoughtfully, tapping a finger to his chin. “You’re starting to smell like the mackerel you are.”

“Rude!” Dazai protested as he grabbed a towel and escaped to the bathroom.

As soon as they heard the shower running Natsuki perked up.

“How long does he usually spend in the shower?” the redhead asked.

“When it’s cold he stays in there longer so the hot water makes him warm again, so probably…” Natsuki looked over at the clock, remembering where the hour and minute hands usually started and ended and counting from there. “Fifteen minutes?”

“That should be enough time.” Chuuya decided, quickly pulling out a few more things he’d picked up from the grocery store.

A short while later when a freshly clean Dazai emerged from the bathroom fully dressed (still wearing the pajamas), it was to a suspicious lack of noise.

“Natsu-chan?” he called out curiously. “Chuuya?”

If it was anyone else he’d left Natsuki with he would have been paranoid that they’d been attacked while he was gone, but he knew better than to think there was anything that would be able to get through Chuuya.

“Wait, don’t come in yet!” the little girl responded with a small squeak. “We’re almost done!”

“Oh yeah, real subtle there, Natsu-chan.” Dazai heard Chuuya say with an amused snort, and he smiled at the fact that the pair of them got along so well. He heard his charge unsuccessfully try and smuggle a few giggles, and then there was the sound of a few dishes being set down on his coffee table.

“Can I come out now?” he asked, bemused and curious.

“Yes!” Natsuki answered enthusiastically before backtracking. “No, wait! You have to close your eyes first.”

“If I close my eyes, how am I supposed to get over there?” the brunette obeyed her request but couldn’t help but tease her a little, as if he wasn’t fully capable of navigating his dorm (and possibly the whole of Yokohama if he really tried) blindfolded.

Natsuki hummed thoughtfully before standing up, skipping towards him and putting her hand on his arm before starting to guide him forward.

Trusting her not to cause him to bump into anything, not that it would be a big deal if she did, he allowed himself to be led forward towards the living area, sitting down when she told him to.

“Okay, you can open them!” Natsuki cheered.

Dazai smiled a bit at the clear excitement in her voice as he opened his eyes and looked down at the plate in front of him, only to gasp quietly in surprise at the fact that the pair had made his pancake look like a cat.

They must have used some sort of cooking mold, because the pancake batter itself had been shaped to include ears, and they had used chocolate chips, whipped cream, and even strawberries to make the cat’s features.

He felt a rush of fondness for the two in front of him, and when he looked up to thank them it was to see Natsuki and Chuuya exchanging a high-five, and although the little girl was more enthusiastic the redhead also looked rather accomplished.

“Thank you, Natsuki.” Dazai grinned happily. “Thank you, Chuuya. I think it’s quite purr-fect, if I do say so myself.”

Chuuya groaned playfully at the pun before sharing a commiserating look with Natsuki, or at least trying to, the young blonde giggling too hard to play along with his faux exasperation.

“I’m surrounded by comedians.” The mafioso said dryly before picking up the remote that Dazai hadn’t noticed was on the table beside him and clicking one of the buttons.

Dazai needed to work on his observation skills, the detective noted distantly, realizing that the Harry Potter movie had already been set up. Or perhaps, he thought, he was finally learning to relax enough that his mind didn’t automatically catalog every single thing in his environment.

That would be nice, but he wouldn’t get his hopes up.

Chuuya watched his former partner and the man’s charge fondly as the movie played, the pair having eaten their breakfasts so quickly that he was slightly concerned they would make themselves sick, though it was nice to know the two enjoyed the food so much.

He had actually seen the movie before with some of Kouyou’s girls, so he didn’t have to pay attention to know what was going on, and seeing the pair in front of him interact was much more interesting anyway.

Natsuki had buried her face into Dazai’s chest during the troll scene where the main characters almost died, despite knowing they would all make it out okay.

That in and of itself was pretty cute, helped along by the fact that Dazai had simply wrapped his arms around her and run his fingers through her hair until she calmed down a bit, but the most interesting part was that the other man had done it subconsciously.

He wondered what some of the people they’d fought in the past would think at the sight of the Demon Prodigy, someone who many over the years had assumed didn’t even have a heart or a soul, comforting a little girl so instinctively.

Chuuya’s doubts about Dazai’s humanity had long since disappeared, but it still felt a bit strange seeing the brunette being so openly expressive.

The redhead had always thought the slightly younger male was cute (even if he wouldn’t have admitted it on pain of a horrific death for most of their time together), but now, seeing the detective’s eyes light up during what Chuuya presumed to be his favorite scenes, hugging the little girl that was basically his daughter closer to him in anticipation and excitement during the Quidditch match…

Dazai’s eyes, once so empty of life that Chuuya had given him ‘Mackerel’ as a nickname because he was reminded of a dead fish, had at some point lightened so much the color reminded him of honey.

Happiness, the mafioso thought not for the first time, was a wonderful look on the brunette.

Ah, so this is where the chess set Ane-san gave me came from. Dazai realized, hugging Natsuki closer to him when she tensed at Ron sacrificing himself so that his friends could move forward.

He was a little disappointed that the part where Hermione had to figure out what bottle was needed to be able to go further on their little adventure wasn’t included, having appreciated the logic puzzle in the book, but it made sense that the filmmakers couldn’t possibly have added everything.

Once the movie ended Dazai was finally able to tear his eyes away from the screen, glancing towards Chuuya only to see the redhead hurriedly putting his phone away.

“I’ll have to go soon, I have plans with Ane-san for lunch.” Chuuya explained, though Dazai was a little suspicious about why the other man had tried to hide his phone if he’d just gotten a text from Kouyou.

“Aw!” Natsuki pouted at the reminder that the mafioso wouldn’t be hanging around all day. “Do you have to?”

“Come on, Natsu-chan, Kouyou deserves to have the opportunity to spend time with the slug here, too.” Dazai gently tapped the little girl on the nose. “Besides, we have a couple of places we need to go today, too.”

“We do?” Natsuki asked curiously with a tilt of her head. She had known that they would be going to the Agency later, but Dazai hadn’t mentioned anything else.

Chuuya, however, had been made aware of what Dazai had planned, and smiled sadly.

Dazai had asked for his opinion on his idea because the brunette was a little worried that it wouldn’t be received in the way he intended, and Chuuya was much better with these kinds of things.

“Yeah.” Dazai said softly. “There are a couple people I think would appreciate a visit from you, and there are a few others I want to introduce you to.”

An hour later, once Chuuya had left and Dazai and Natsuki had changed into warmer clothing, the pair exited the taxi Dazai had hired to get them to their destination.

“W-where are we?” Natsuki asked, slightly confused but with a dawning sense of realization as she looked at the sea of stones.

“I thought…” Dazai swallowed, uncharacteristically showing his nervousness despite his best attempt to hide it. “I thought it might be a good idea to visit your parents today.”

He showed her the two small bouquets of white chrysanthemums he’d been very careful to hide from view on the way.

Natsuki sniffled, bringing a hand up to wipe as the tears starting to stream down her face.

Dazai winced, hoping he hadn’t fucked up. “I’m sorry, Natsuki. If you’d rather not be here, we can leave.”

“No!” Natsuki said quickly, looking up at him pleadingly and grabbing one of his hands and squeezing tightly. “I want to. Please?”

Dazai didn’t know what else to say (curse his lack of emotional intelligence) but squeezed her hand in return, hoping at least something would get across, and began leading her in the direction her parents’ gravestones were located.

Once they arrived at the right lot Dazai hung back and kept watch to make sure no one interrupted them, wanting to grant Natsuki the privacy she deserved.

If his hunch was correct, this was the first time she had had the opportunity to visit where her parents had been laid to rest. It likely wouldn’t have been a priority for social services as they struggled to find a place for her, and the foster ‘family’ they’d put her with certainly wouldn’t have bothered.

Dazai didn’t bother to pay attention to the passing time, perfectly content to wait all day if that was what Natsuki wanted even if it resulted in them missing the party at the Agency and rescheduling their second visit for another time. After all, he knew full well how easily one could get lost while reminiscing at a loved one’s resting place.

In the end, Natsuki spent about forty-five minutes kneeling in front of her parents’ graves, getting up and walking over to where Dazai was patiently sitting beside a nearby tree heedless of the cold ground beneath him.

“Thank you.” She sniffled, hugging him tightly. “Can…can we come back someday?”

“Of course, Natsu.” Dazai rubbed her back, faintly recalling a memory of someone soothing him in such a way once and hoping it would help. “Any time you want.”

The little girl nodded, a tiny smile on her features as the pair started walking away, though Dazai cast one last glance at the pair of gravestones.

Don’t worry about Natsuki. He had never held any particular belief in a higher power (even having proof of the existence of one so called ‘god’ in Arahabaki) or whether there was an afterlife, but he hoped that if one did exist than Natsuki’s parents could hear the thoughts he was directing their way.

I’ll take care of her.

I promise.

“Are we going to go visit your friend too?” Natsuki asked quietly as they got into another cab.

Dazai blinked at her, slightly astonished that she’d managed to work out his intentions.

The detective knew full well that Natsuki was very mature for her age, of course, helped along by the trauma she’d faced, but even beyond that her intelligence and intuition never ceased to surprise him.

“If you’re up for it.” He agreed softly. “We can just as easily go tomorrow.”

Dazai very much wanted to visit Odasaku, of course, especially since it was Christmas. However, his first priority was Natsuki, and he knew full well his best friend would never have begrudged him that.

“Can we get more flowers on the way?” Natsuki asked, perking up at the idea that she would be able to meet the man who her guardian had clearly loved, even if it had been in a different way than he did Chuuya.

The former mafioso laughed.

“Sure, Natsu-chan.” He grinned, directing his next words to the taxi driver. “I’m sorry, it looks like there’s been a slight change of plans. Can you take us to the nearest florist, please?”

“Of course, sir.” The driver said softly.

He had dealt with Dazai in the past and been annoyed with his antics, but picking the pair up from a cemetery and seeing how much the detective clearly cared for the child accompanying him did a lot to improve his opinion of the younger man.

Besides, he’d recognized the first address Dazai had given him as belonging to another cemetery across town, and no matter how irritating the man tended to be, he wasn’t about to be a rude to someone wanting to pay their respects to their deceased loved ones.

“Hey, Odasaku.” Dazai greeted as he knelt in front of his friend’s grave, Natsuki doing the same beside him when he gestured that it was okay for her to come closer if she wanted. “Sorry I haven’t been by in a while, things have been pretty busy lately. I have someone I want to introduce you to, though! This cutie next to me is Natsuki. She had the bad luck to get stuck with me.”

“Hello, uncle Odasaku.” Natsuki said softly. “I’m happy to meet you. Don’t listen to Dazai-san, please. I don’t know where I would be if he hadn’t saved me.”

Dazai’s breathing hitched a little, not only at the clear indication that Natsuki was glad to have him in her life (a concept he was still struggling to get used to) but at the familial name she’d given Odasaku, who had in many ways been the closest thing to family he had back then.

After a moment, he forced himself to chuckle. “I guess we saved each other, then.”

After introducing Natsuki to Odasaku he did so with the man’s own kids, for whom Dazai had arranged to have honorary graves placed as close as possible. Due to how they died there wasn’t any way of giving them a true burial, but he liked to think that his friend would have appreciated having their gravestones nearby.

Natsuki looked almost reverent as she carefully placed a bouquet of flowers at each of the six graves, greeting her newfound ‘cousins’ and expressing her wish that they could have met in person.

Dazai had spent quite a lot of time at this very spot over the years since his best friend’s death, but this—having someone to share the experience with, to tell stories about the people that he had lost, was more healing than he could possibly have imagined.

After a few minutes the former Demon Prodigy opened his eyes, not having realized he had closed them until that moment, too content in the peaceful emotions he was experiencing for what seemed like the first time. He could have sworn he had just felt something brush up against him, but Natsuki was a few meters away.

No, he must be imagining things.

…Right?

A couple of hours later the pair stopped back at their dorm room to grab the matching reindeer headbands that Natsuki only barely remembered (and the Christmas-themed bunny ones they’d gotten for Kyouka-chan) and the presents they’d gotten everyone.

Natsuki giggled as Dazai put everything in a sack and hefted it onto his shoulder, taking a hold of her hand as they walked along the pavement to get to the Agency.

Just a short while ago Dazai would have walked on the side closer to the road because he was tempted to throw himself into oncoming traffic (having only refrained because it was unlikely to be a painless death), but now he was more concerned about making sure Natsuki was safer.

“Merry Christmas, everyone!” the two of them yelled in unison as Natsuki opened the door to the café, the owner having graciously allowed the Agency to use it for their annual party.

Ranpo hummed contently from his seat at one of the tables where he was sipping a strawberry milkshake, surrounded by his favorite people.

“Aw, don’t they look adorable?” Akiko cooed as she noticed Dazai and Natsuki’s clothing, matching sweaters and reindeer-themed headbands making them look very much like the father-daughter pair they were.

It may not have been official or legal yet, but Ranpo didn’t doubt that that would change very soon.

Dazai’s hesitance was admittedly understandable, given his past experiences being abandoned or otherwise hurt by people he’d allowed himself to get close to, but Ranpo knew his friend had nothing to worry about.

He had known from the very start that Natsuki coming into Dazai’s life would turn out to be the best thing for his friend, and nothing he had seen since then had proved him wrong.

Not that the greatest detective in the world was ever wrong, of course.

“I-it is rather cute.” Edgar admitted quietly, shrinking back after he said it. Ranpo hoped that someday the novelist would realize that he didn’t have to worry about whether he’d overstayed his welcome.

“I swear, those two are giving me cavities!” Ranpo whined before taking another long sip of the sugary concoction in front of them.

“Yeah, they’re exactly what’s causing your teeth to rot.” Akiko snorted, rolling her eyes.

“They are!” Ranpo protested.

Fukuzawa’s lips twitching into the briefest of smiles at the banter between the two he saw as his children, taking a moment to glance appraisingly at the Guild member whose attention was so focused on Ranpo that he didn’t notice.

They all knew that the novelist was still working with the Guild, but between Lucy’s assurances that he was a kindhearted man and the fact that he had helped them when Fukuzawa himself (and Mori) had been attacked, none of them minded his presence.

Fukuzawa didn’t know if the connection between Ranpo and Poe-san would evolve to become more than friends (he had always somewhat suspected that Ranpo wasn’t inclined towards romantic or sexual relationships), and such a thing would hardly require his approval if it did end up happening, but the pair had it nonetheless.

Natsuki gasped in delight as she looked at all of the sweets laid out on one of the tables by the door.

“Da—Dazai-san, may I have some?” she asked, turning her now infamous puppy eyes on her guardian. “Please?”

“Hm…” Dazai tapped his chin mock thoughtfully. “Well, I suppose one wouldn’t hurt for now. If you have some extra vegetables with dinner.”

It would be an early dinner, since it was only about 4 o’ clock, but they wouldn’t be the only ones already eating, the younger Agency members picking their way through the offerings. Kenji in particular was excited for the opportunity to eat as much as he wanted, since there would be no need for him to use his Ability.

The blonde pouted but looked at the other food that was actually meant to be eaten first, taking note of what vegetables were available before sighing, realizing that getting a cookie before dinner wasn’t worth having to eat more greens.

“But Ranpo-niisan is drinking a milkshake, and I bet he hasn’t eaten yet.” She put in a token protest.

“Ranpo-san is even more of a giant man-child than I am.” Dazai pointed out, causing a few amused snorts from the others around them and a whine from the man in question. “The rest of us mere mortals can’t survive on sugar alone, and besides, you don’t want to have cavities like he does, do you?”

Yosano-sensei snickered, realizing the former mafioso had heard Ranpo’s earlier remark and this was his way of getting him back for it.

Natsuki reached up to poke at her mouth at the thought before slumping forward onto the bar counter with a pout.

“You know, if you’re hungry we can have dinner now, and then you’ll be able to try the sweets sooner.” Her guardian winked at her, the bell on his headband chiming merrily as he sat down on the stool beside her.

“Hm…” Natsuki copied his actions from earlier, earning a coo from Naomi and Haruno as she tapped her chin before giving Dazai a large grin. “Okay!”

After all, it wasn’t like she wasn’t eager to try the regular food as well.

When it came time to hand out presents, it came as no surprise to anyone that Natsuki and the underage members of the Agency got more than the older detectives. Though the little girl’s pile was by far the largest, the others were more interested in seeing her reactions to their gifts than jealous that she had gotten more.

She ended up with quite a few things, including various books, puzzles, and toys to keep her occupied while she was stuck at the Agency when Dazai was working. There was an artist’s set with a variety of ‘how to draw’ books, a cake pop maker from Ranpo (since Dazai was a disaster in the kitchen he decided to use it as an excuse to invite Chuuya over), a hand-made bunny plush to match Kyouka’s, a set of Nancy Drew novels from Poe since Ranpo had mentioned she was fluent in English, a polaroid camera from the president…

But there were two presents that really stood out.

First was a lavender-colored notebook from Kunikida, and Natsuki’s eyes widened, recognizing the design as the same one that Kunikida himself used. She might have been a bit scared of him, but it was obvious that his notebook meant a lot to him, so for him to give her one…

“Thank you, Mr. Kunikida.” She said shyly.

The man hadn’t physically tried to attack her guardian since she’d freaked out last time, and he had seemed to feel really bad about it.

Considering her history being abused she knew better than to take the apology he made to Dazai at its word, not acknowledging it until he proved with his actions that he meant it, but unlike her foster family he truly seemed to be working at being a better person. Since Dazai himself had forgiven the man, she would give him another chance.

“You’re welcome, Suzuki-san.” He responded, not wanting to be too familiar with the girl that was already scared of him.

Natsuki wrinkled her nose a bit.

“My name is Natsuki-chan, Kunikida-san.” She pointed out, unaware of how the way she was speaking reminded the others of Dazai.

Kunikida’s lips quirked up into a reluctant smile. “Understood, Natsuki-chan.”

Next up was a combined gift from Atsushi and Katai (oddly enough), both of whom looked anxious as Natsuki unwrapped their present to reveal…a photo album?

The girl tilted her head curiously before opening it, only to gasp in shock as she saw a picture of her kaa-san and tou-san, probably from their wedding.

“H-how?” she looked up, dumbstruck.

“It was Atsushi-san’s idea.” Katai said uncomfortably. This was the first time he’d ever actually met the girl, and being partly responsible for such a personal gift felt weird.

“Y-yeah.” Atsushi glanced down. “I asked Katai-san for help because he’s really good with technology, so he was able to find a lot of the pictures. You mentioned you didn’t have any pictures of them, so…”

Dazai winced at the lie, since it had actually been him who had mentioned it when he started working with the others to reclaim the snow globe collection that had belonged to Natsuki’s mother, but luckily the little girl didn’t catch on.

The tiny blonde flipped through the album almost in a daze, gently touching the photos of her birth parents’ faces since her own memory of the little details had faded. It had hurt, not remembering very well what they looked like, and she felt herself tearing up at the knowledge that she wouldn’t ever forget again.

Atsushi shifted nervously at the sight of the girl’s tears before realizing they were happy ones. “We left some room in the back so that you can add your own photos and maybe, you know, put the rest of us in your book too. I, uh, didn’t think about the fact that you would need a camera, but luckily Fukuzawa-san has you covered.”

Natsuki’s lips trembled as she was overcome with joy. When she had attached herself to Dazai after he saved her she hadn’t expected to meet so many wonderful people, and the acknowledgement that they actually wanted her here went a long way towards soothing the pain inflicted by her former foster family.

“Thank you.” She whispered, a stray tear falling down her cheek.

By the time the Agency party had ended it was almost 11 o’ clock at night, and Dazai ended up carrying Natsuki home after the six-year-old crashed from the sugar rush she’d gotten.

“Come on, Natsu-chan, you’ll be much more comfortable in your pajamas.” Dazai said soothingly, helping the little girl out of her shoes and jacket and turning away so she could do the rest of it herself in private.

When he got the okay to turn back around, he gave her a fond smile, seeing her nestled comfortably on her futon with not only the fox plush her parents had given her but the three she’d gotten from him.

“Can you read me a story?” she asked, more out of habit than anything else.

“I would, but I don’t think I’d get through the first page before you fell asleep on me.” Dazai teased.

He had initially intended to talk to her about the prospect of him adopting her, but considering how tired she was he figured it would be best to save it for the next day.

“Would too.” She yawned again. “Still have a present for you.”

“Oh?” Dazai blinked in surprise.

“Mhm.” Natsuki said quietly, looking a little more awake. “I don’t remember kaa-san and tou-san much, but I know they loved me, and they would want me to be happy.”

“I’m sure that’s all they ever would have wanted for you.” Dazai agreed softly, because what kind of parent wouldn’t want that for their child?

He certainly did, and that had been true even before Chuuya pointed out how dad-like he was acting towards Natsuki and the detective had realized that that was exactly the role he wanted to play in the little girl’s life.

Natsuki moved to sit up, and Dazai noticed that she took a slow, almost stuttering breath before reaching underneath her pillow for…a piece of paper?

“I told kaa-san and tou-san I would be giving this to you, and I think they’d be okay with it.” She admitted softly, shyly handing him the card she’d drawn herself.

Dazai felt his heart clench at the drawing she’d done on the cover, which depicted Natsuki, Chuuya, and himself sitting together happily around their Christmas tree.

“There’s more…” Natsuki prompted, realizing that her guardian seemed perfectly content to stare at the picture she’d made. He seemed to like it, which she was happy about, but the words written inside were more important.

Dazai blinked, bringing himself out of the wistful thoughts that had distracted him at the idea of being an actual family with his favorite people.

The detective opened the card to see five words—words that immediately tied the first time Chuuya said he trusted him and Odasaku’s last request as the most important ones he he’d ever had directed towards him.

Will you be my daddy?

Natsuki tried not to fidget as Dazai stared at the card, panicking slightly as she saw tears start to form in his eyes. She knew that she was asking a lot, to be allowed to call him her parent outside of her own thoughts, but Santa’s words of assurance had given her the courage she needed.

But why wasn’t he saying anything?

“I—I’m sorry.” She stammered after a few moments, but when she tried to back away Dazai lunged forward, wrapping her in a warm hug.

Natsuki froze, but when Dazai brought his hand up to run his fingers through her hair she allowed herself to relax in the embrace of someone who had never hurt her, the gesture going a long way to calm her down.

“Suzuki Natsuki.” Dazai said her name clearly, pulling away slightly so that he could look her straight in the eye. “I would love nothing more than to be able to call you my daughter.”

As she later found out, Dazai had intended to present her with adoption papers that night, which he hadn’t yet filed only because he wanted to allow her the choice before metaphorically chaining her to his side until she was of age.

He had been worried that she would feel pressured into accepting when he asked, and his reaction was largely because he’d been overwhelmed at the realization that Natsuki had chosen him, too.

Natsuki ended up falling asleep in his arms, and Dazai would have been more than happy to join her in slumber, but unfortunately his bladder wouldn’t let him.

The brunette carefully extracted himself from the position they’d settled in, quietly retreating to the bathroom to do his business and brush his teeth. He also took the opportunity to hang his card on their refrigerator, taking a picture of not only the cover but also the inside with his phone and sending them to Chuuya.

The redhead had known about his intention to bring up adoption tonight, so it would probably be a good idea to let him know how it went, and he deserved to see the picture Natsuki had drawn of the three of them.

She beat me to it. He texted afterwards, still reeling from the emotional upheaval.

Somehow, I’m not surprised. Chuuya responded immediately. Congratulations, Osamu.

Dazai closed his eyes and smiled.

Chapter Text

Atsushi glanced over at Dazai in concern as he noticed the slightly strained smile on his mentor’s face as he handed Fukuzawa-san an expensive looking bottle of sake and wished him a happy birthday.

Even stranger, as the brunette turned away Atsushi thought he caught a glimpse of sadness and sympathy in the president’s eyes as he glanced at Dazai’s retreating back, though his expression cleared before Atsushi could be certain.

Ranpo would never admit it out loud, though it was hardly a secret to anyone, but he was well aware that his genius didn’t extend to social graces, and occasionally he would hold his tongue in delicate situations, though usually only when it came to those he deemed worth his time.

He had to give his friend and coworker props for trying to act natural and join in on the happy mood that had permeated the Agency on its founder’s birthday, but it was no secret to him or the president that today was a bad day for Dazai.

He watched, resolutely ignoring the tight feeling in his gut as the president agreed to let Dazai take the rest of the day off, the brunette having waited until the others had had their chance to wish him a happy birthday before asking.

Ranpo knew that the only reason the former mafioso had come in at all was because of Natsuki, not wanting the girl’s day to be ruined, though he also knew that Natsuki would have preferred to know that something was wrong.

He kept a careful eye on Dazai as the younger brunette made his excuses to leave, watching warily for any sign that his friend was intending to try another suicide method, but calmed down immediately when Dazai offered his pinky to his (almost legal) daughter and promised he’d come back to get her at the end of the work day.

The former Demon Prodigy was a silver tongue, for sure, but Ranpo knew that when he made a promise, it was with the full intent to keep it. Probably the result of being on the receiving end of too many broken promises himself, though he would have to use Super Deduction to make sure.

(He stubbornly ignored the part of himself that whispered that super deduction was only a regular ability, not an Ability, and that even if it had been an actual Ability it was debatable whether it would work on Dazai anyway.)

After Dazai managed to escape the Agency, content in the knowledge that Ranpo-san and the president would stop anyone from trying to come find him, he spent the next few hours leaning against Odasaku’s grave.

He usually didn’t speak during these visits, having never been very good about recognizing his own emotions, much less acknowledging them. Besides, even if he wasn’t severely emotionally stunted, how was one supposed to articulate just how important a person was to them?

He had spoken out loud to introduce Natsuki to Odasaku, but that had been for her sake.

Besides, even if he believed those fanciful ideas that the dead were listening, Odasaku had always been able to read him better than almost anyone else, even more than Chuuya sometimes. Dazai wouldn’t need to actually say the words, because Odasaku would know what he was thinking anyway.

Dazai was, however, considering how against the unspoken (hah!) rule that had formed to voice his doubts about his ability to provide Natsuki with everything she needed. Not physical things—Dazai had increased the mafia’s earnings by 60% during his time as an executive, he knew how to make money—but the love and affection the little girl deserved.

He would never regret taking her in and asking her to become his family, was in fact eagerly anticipating the adoption papers being finalized as they were fast-tracked through the system, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t doubt himself.

Dazai would consider himself a human disaster, but No Longer Human had ensured that he couldn’t even stake claim on that particular title. How could he possibly raise Natsuki to be a good human (not that he thought she could ever be anything else) when he couldn’t claim to be either good or human himself?

There were a few people he had voiced his doubts with, first the police officers and hospital staff on the night he met Natsuki, then Fukuzawa, and later Ranpo, his fellow coworkers, and even Chuuya, who knew how badly Dazai had messed up with Ryuunosuke, but—

But none of them agreed with the obvious truth, that he was one of the worst people who could possibly be responsible for an innocent child’s life, even Kunikida gradually becoming less and less skeptical of Dazai’s ability to take care of Natsuki as the months went by.

Odasaku, however, wouldn’t be able to try and argue against Dazai’s doubts.

He had only just worked up the nerve to start speaking when he sensed a presence nearby, watching him, and his mood instantly soured further. There went that idea.

There was only one person who would show up here on the anniversary of Odasaku’s death, and Dazai would much prefer to never see their face again.

Dazai stayed for another hour and a half, morbidly curious about whether Ango would gather his own nerve and approach Odasaku’s grave with him there, but the government agent didn’t get any closer.

He couldn’t help but wonder if Ango was really even here to visit Odasaku. He had once thought of the other man as a friend, the three of them forming a friendship that had been one of the few good things about his life back then, but it had all been a lie.

Ango having been spying on the Port Mafia for the Special Abilities Department he could deal with, and Dazai had been willing to do so, which was why he had let Ango leave Bar Lupin that night despite the fact that, by all rights, Dazai should have executed him mafia-style.

He was quite certain that the other man had been encouraged to accept Dazai’s efforts to get to know him by his superiors in order to get insider information about the infamous Demon Prodigy, making him yet another person who tolerated Dazai only because of what he could do for them. It had hurt to realize (though Dazai would never have admitted such a weakness), but he was used to it.

The fact that Ango had brought Odasaku into it, however, he would never be able to forgive or forget.

To this day, Ango insisted that he truly had considered Dazai and Odasaku friends, but while Dazai knew that it was a lie in his case he was far more bitter and angry about the other man continuing to pretend he had actually cared about Odasaku.

Ango had known that Mori had a vested interest in Mimic, had planned the entire thing in the first place to get his hands on a gifted business permit, had heard too much about the son of a bitch from Dazai not to at the very least have strongly suspected it.

Having also spied on Mimic under Mori’s orders (Dazai wondered if that made him a triple or quadruple spy), Ango had also been aware of Andrew Gide’s Ability, had known exactly how dangerous Mimic was and the lengths they would go to in order to get what they want.

He had known that the only two people in the Port Mafia who would have much of a chance against such an Ability, and due to his so-called friendship with Dazai, he had also been fully aware that Chuuya had been on a long-term mission abroad.

Ango had given Odasaku a vague warning to be careful, clearly aware that he would be targeted, but had withheld so much of the information he knew that the warning had been completely worthless.

If Ango had given his supposed friend a real warning and shared what he knew, Odasaku wouldn’t have had to watch as his children were kidnapped, held hostage, and then murdered right in front of him.

If Ango had chosen his friend over his job, if they had known to set a protection detail on the curry shop and Dazai had a chance to put together a strategy to take care of them—clearly there were ways around Flawless, such as the slower-acting contact poison Ango had used to subdue Odasaku—then they would have been able to take care of the threat without the brightest light in the Port Mafia being extinguished.

If Ango had chosen differently, Odasaku wouldn’t have given up his dreams, wouldn’t have lost his will to live, wouldn't have died in Dazai’s arms—

Where would Dazai be, if Odasaku and the kids had lived? Would Odasaku have ever requested that Dazai join the light, had he not been dying? Would Dazai have eventually faced his friends and coworkers at the Agency, on the other side of the battlefield, and done his best to kill them?

Where would Atsushi have ended up, if Dazai had still been in the mafia when they met? Would he have managed to be one of the lucky Ability users and find somewhere he belonged aside from the Agency? Would he have starved to death? Been executed by the military police, despite the fact that he had never killed or even attacked a human, as far as most knew? If Dazai had still been in the Port Mafia, he might have had Atsushi handed over to the Guild to collect on the bounty, and the boy would eventually have ended up in Fyodor’s hands, if his suspicions were correct.

Where would Kyouka be, if Ryuunosuke hadn’t been promoted as a result of Dazai’s absence and given a subordinate of his own to manage? She had approached the Port Mafia looking for someone who would be able to kill her despite Demon Snow’s protection. If she had approached Dazai instead, would he have granted her wish, understanding more than anyone her desire to die?

What would have happened to Chuuya, if Dazai hadn’t left? Would Dazai have failed to reach him in time after the redhead used Corruption, an idea that had caused plenty of nightmares for Dazai ever since he had witnessed what loosening his hold on Arahabki did to Chuuya? Would Mori have made good on his threat to have the few remaining people Dazai had cared about eliminated, a threat that was still hanging over his head, preventing him from attacking Mori directly or spilling Port Mafia secrets? Chuuya had believed his bluff about the letter he’d sent to the executives that he would have their secrets released if he was taken down only because Dazai almost never bluffed, and Chuuya didn’t have the context to know that Dazai couldn’t have given up the information even if he had been so inclined.

Where would Natsuki be right now, if the men who were trying to kidnap her had succeeded, or even if not for that, what would have happened if she had been forced to go back to the wastes of oxygen that had been meant to take of her, to love and protect her to the best of their abilities?

Dazai would leave a lot to be desired as a parent, he was sure, but it damn well wasn’t going to be because he wasn’t putting in the effort or wasn’t committed. He might end up failing, but he couldn’t just not try.

He was brought out of his musings by Ango, who had finally decided to approach instead of lingering like a creep. Worse, he approached from behind on Dazai’s right side, despite the fact that Dazai’s hospital records from before the Port Mafia—which Ango had alluded to before and therefor had access to—mentioned the fact that one of his earlier suicide attempts had resulted in him losing that eye, to be replaced with a very convincing fake one later.

There was a reason he had worn bandages over that part of his face during the entirety of his career as a mafioso. Dazai had a habit of pretending to be more injured than he was to hide all sorts of surprised underneath their wrappings or casts, but he had started in an attempt to draw attention away from his eye until he had gained enough control to move it in sync with his real eye so that no one would notice.

Dazai wondered if Odasaku had ever suspected that Dazai was disabled in such a way, wondering if he had known when he uncovered Dazai’s face as he lay dying that the brunette couldn’t even see him with that eye.

More bitterness struck as he thought that he would never have the chance to find out, and that if it had somehow escaped the aspiring writer’s notice, then Ango could claim to know something about Dazai that Odasaku hadn’t.

Knowledge that Ango was now using to take advantage of Dazai’s literal blind spot to try and sneak up on him, despite the fact that he was nowhere near good enough at doing so for Dazai not to know he was there, was infuriating.

Dazai faked a yawn, stretching his arms out and standing up, bringing a hand up as if to wipe sleep out of his functioning eye and walking passed Ango, taking advantage of his familiarity with the cemetery to navigate blind so he could put off seeing the bastard’s face just a bit longer.

“Dazai.” Ango ruined his fun (if it could be called that) by speaking, resignation warring with disapproval in his tone, knowing full well what his old friend had been doing.

It was just too bad that Dazai no longer cared about gaining his approval.

“Ah, Ango.” Dazai gave the other man the fakest smile in his repertoire, itching to continue walking away but knowing that Ango would have just waited for Dazai to leave if he hadn’t intended to speak with Dazai about something. “What a surprise to see you here.”

“Yes, I’m sure it is.” Ango agreed blandly, knowing just as much as Dazai did that it was a lie, as like with the majority of their exchanges these days.

Dazai was tempted to just leave anyway, but they usually only spoke when Yokohama was in peril, so he couldn’t afford to just ignore him, as much as he wished he could.

The two men stood in silence, staring down at the grave that symbolized the shattering of the friendship that had once been between them, no matter how one-sided Dazai considered it to have been.

“I hear you’ve acquired a new roommate.” Ango said conversationally, as if trying to hide the fact that he was merely probing for information.

“Perhaps.” Dazai hummed noncommittally, doing his best to ignore the usage of the word ‘acquire’ being used to describe a human being, as if people were objects to be possessed.

It wasn’t as if slavery was an unknown concept to him, Mori’s treatment of some of those under his command (Dazai included) coming pretty damn close, for all that most never realized it, and of course Natsuki’s would-be kidnappers may have intended such a fate to her.

He wondered if Ango knew that even his attempts at a civil conversation (for the time being at least) hit far too close for comfort, wondered if Ango truly realized that the Port Mafia was a hell that no one could truly escape from, for all that Dazai was doing his damnedest for both himself and Kyouka-chan.

He wondered if Ango realized how much misery had and would result from Mori Ougai gaining a gifted business permit for the Port Mafia, beyond the tragedy that was Odasaku and the kids’ violent deaths.

He wondered if Ango would care even if he did.

“I did wipe your records you know, Dazai.” Ango continued with another disapproving frown. “I would have been happy to help get the adoption processed more quickly. All you ever need to do is ask.”

Dazai’s eyebrow twitched, despite his best attempts to stop it. Yes, Chuuya had mentioned that Ango had taken the credit for wiping Dazai’s criminal record clean, during the discussion where Dazai had explained what had caused him to leave the Port Mafia in the first place.

Maybe it was even true that Ango had been involved, but the thing was—Dazai had had a meeting with Director Taneda shortly after he had defected, and though the older man couldn’t say it outright, he had left the discussion with the understanding that the two years before Dazai could show his face again wasn’t just so people would stop looking for him, but to get his records straightened out. Taneda-san was a fan of double-speak, for all that he seemed to be a genuinely well-intentioned man, and that was a language Dazai knew by heart.

In other words, even if Ango had technically been the one to wipe his records, he had not only had the necessary permission to do so but had also likely been ordered to do it. Ango was just trying to make Dazai think that he had gone against the rules his government position afforded him and done him a favor, but the former Demon Prodigy was wise to his strategies now that he was aware that Ango was an opponent in this game of life they were playing.

Dazai would only ever ask for Ango’s help in the direst of circumstances, such as negotiating the same deal for Kyouka that had been offered to him, or working with him to stop Yokohama from being destroyed by the massive dragon Shibusawa and Fyodor had brought upon Yokohama.

As far as Dazai was concerned, he owed Ango nothing.

“You are in no way irreplaceable, Ango.” Dazai nearly growled before reigning in his temper a bit. “Don’t forget that I had made the deal for my records to be wiped with Taneda-san, not you. Despite your questionable level of power and authority, considering you’ve been presenting yourself to the rest of us as a mid-level government worker, you are hardly my only option.”

Ango’s lips pursed slightly despite his best effort not to react. “As you say.”

“I do say.” Dazai agreed, suddenly deciding that he had had enough of this horrible day, especially since it had been further made worse by Ango’s appearance. The fact that Ango had dared to do this here, and today of all times, had angered him greatly.

But then he realized that Ango quite simply wasn’t worth it, and he felt lighter than he had in years.

Between his friends and coworkers at the Agency, his improving relationships with the Akutagawa siblings, reconciling with Chuuya, and the bright ray of sunshine that was Natsuki coming into his life, Dazai realized that he was already far better off than Ango would probably ever be, obsessed with his job as he was, and even Dazai’s mental health issues didn’t change that.

For all that Dazai’s own nature and experiences had made him into the disgustingly flawed and severely depressed person that he was, the former Demon Prodigy had finally realized what was truly important, and…he wasn’t sure that Ango himself ever would.

What was that saying, about the best revenge being to live well?

Perhaps there was something to it after all, Dazai mused to himself as he turned and walked away, not acknowledging Ango’s attempts to stop him.

Chapter Text

When Dazai eventually showed back up at the Agency to pick up Natsuki, Ranpo’s gaze immediately fell on him, lingering for a long moment before the world’s best detective nodded in satisfaction and turned back to his sweets.

Was it sad that Dazai felt a strange sense of accomplishment for that?

After leaving the graveyard, the former mafioso had felt lighter than he had in a long time, finally able to let go of at least one of the pieces of his past that had been dragging him down since that day exactly five years ago.

In his newfound sense of freedom, Dazai had made a couple of stops on his way back to the Agency, the results of one being hidden under an extra layer of gauze on his wrist. He knew that Ranpo had noticed the extra layer, never having been able to hide from the other completely and wondered if the other detective was aware that the added bandage wasn’t due to self-harm, for once.

No, that was a silly thought, of course Ranpo knew. Ranpo knew everything.

“Daddy!” Natsuki ran up to him the moment she saw him, proudly displaying her hands. “Naomi-chan and Haruno-chan are teaching me how to paint nails!”

“Very nice, Natsu-chan!” Dazai said as he hugged her to his side with a genuine grin, heart feeling even lighter as he reveled in his new title he had a claim to. The adoption hadn’t yet been finalized, requiring a home inspection that Dazai was very purposefully not thinking about right now, but she had started calling him that the night she gave him that card.

“Ah, what elegance, what beauty!” he cried out at the tiny little bunnies that had been carefully painted on her now lavender fingernails, most likely inspired by the stuffed rabbit Kyouka had gifted her for Christmas. The animals had been done by one of the older girls, he was sure, but the base coat looked to have been done by Natsuki with how messy it was, though it appeared they’d tried to clean it up a bit.

Natsuki giggled at his usual dramatics, which had been his goal, before pulling him towards her table.

“Naomi-neechan has so many colors!” she enthused, dark green eyes alight with excitement as they came into view of the box of nail polish, the little girl carefully pulling the bottles out to show him.

“Ooh, some of these are quite nice.” Dazai hummed thoughtfully, taking note of a few shades that he quite liked. Some of them he thought would suit him, and other colors reminded him of various people, such as pretty orange that was almost the same shade as Chuuya’s hair, or a dark green that nearly matched Natsuki’s eyes, albeit with the addition of glitter. “You have quite the collection, Naomi-chan.”

“Why thank you, Dazai-san!” the black-haired girl grinned up at him cheekily, never having been one to be afraid or nervous around him even after his past (well, a small part of it) was discovered. “I don’t suppose you’d be interested in getting your nails painted? Nii-san, Kenji-kun, and Atsushi-kun let us, but the others were either too busy or not interested.”

“Ah, but of course!” Dazai agreed, plopping down in one of the other chairs and placing his hands flat on the table. “Do I get to choose the color?”

Naomi nodded in agreement, not looking at all surprised that Dazai was willing.

“Hm…” Dazai selected some of his favorite shades of blue, placing them side by side before laying his chin on the table and staring at each of them carefully, imagining how each one would look against his pale skin. After a few moments of deliberation, he put away all but two.

“Okay, I like these ones best.” He said unnecessarily. “Which one do you think I should go with, Natsu-chan?”

“Daddy, you can do more than one color.” Natsuki giggled again. Dazai wondered if he’d ever get over how happy she looked when she was enjoying herself, a world away from the terrified and downtrodden child he’d met all those months ago.

“I can?” he gasped in fake surprise, having of course already been aware that many people did so. “Well, that’s just perfect then!”

With that, he placed his hands in front of Natsuki and looked at her expectantly.

“Um…I think it would be better if Naomi-neechan did it.” Natsuki glanced down at her lap, and a pang went through Dazai’s heart at the insecurity in her words. “I only just started learning, it won’t look as good.”

“Mm…nope!” he rejected the idea cheerfully, resulting in her glancing up in surprise.

“You see, I want to be able to show off how skilled my cute little daughter is afterwards, and I won’t be able to do that if Naomi-chan’s the one to paint them!” Dazai explained with a grin, sweeping the bottles closer to her as he did so. “You’re only just learning, no one expects it to be perfect. And anyways, I’ve always been more partial to imperfect things. Even if you do mess up, it’ll just add to its charm!”

He ignored Naomi and Haruno’s squeals at the ‘cuteness’ of their relationship, focusing on how Natsuki had brightened up considerably, finally reaching out to grab one of the bottles before opening it carefully.

“Okay…’ Natsuki said slowly, gently taking Dazai’s hand and bringing it closer towards her, keeping her other hand on top of his to prevent him from moving.

They spent the next half-hour like that, the little girl painting his fingernails as carefully as she could, alternating colors for each finger. There were definitely a few smears and places where the nail polish was applied a little unevenly, but since Dazai clearly didn’t mind, Natsuki didn’t either. He even talked her into attempting to paint a cat with one of Naomi-chan’s thinner brushes on each of his thumbs (she had started with those, so they were more dry when it came time to add the decoration), the larger surface of the nails being the best option for a beginner.

It didn’t end up looking much like a cat, of course, but from the shape of the ears you could tell what it was supposed to be. Natsuki pouted a bit until Haruno mentioned it turned out better than her own first attempt, and then Natsuki declared that she would just have to practice so that she could get better.

“They look perfect, Natsu-chan, you did a wonderful job.” Dazai said genuinely, reaching out to ruffle his hair before stopping himself, realizing that doing so before the paint started drying wouldn’t go too well. Instead, he contented himself with tapping her on the nose, careful to angle his finger so that his nail wasn’t touching her.

“How long does it take to dry?” Dazai asked, turning towards the older girls curiously.

“With this brand, it’ll take about 20 minutes for the paint to dry completely.” Haruno answered, looking slightly apologetic as she realized she probably should have warned him about that beforehand. “After that, we’ll also want to add a clear coat, which will help protect it and help the paint stay longer. That’ll take a bit longer, I’m afraid.”

“Sounds good to me.” Dazai nodded, unbothered at the news that he wouldn’t be able to do much with his hands for a while.

Well, mostly. With his luck, they’d probably be attacked or something in the meantime, or maybe he’d need to use the restroom while the paint was still wet. That would be a pain.

Ah, well. He’d deal with it if it happened.

“So, other than this, what else have you been doing today?” he asked as the older girls went off to finish their work for the day, having been given a generous break by the president to help keep the girl from worrying about her daddy too much. She didn’t know why today wasn’t a good one for him, but she had been able to tell that something was wrong that morning.

“Ooh!” Natsuki’s eyes lit up as she reached down to grab her backpack, removing a few of the workbooks Dazai and Chuuya had found for her. “Fukuzawa-ojiisan was helping me with my hiragana and katakana today after we had cake! Then, when we were done, he showed me something called call-i-graph-y. It was really pretty!”

“Calligraphy is very nice to look at.” Dazai agreed, understanding how the girls had gotten to painting their fingernails from there. “Maybe if you ask very nicely, Fukuzawa-san will show you some more. I think Chuuya might have had a phase where he practiced calligraphy, too.”

Idly, Dazai wondered when he stopped referring to the ADA’s president as ‘Boss’. Now that he’d noticed, he knew why, of course—using the term was an uncomfortable reminder of his time under Mori’s thumb. It bothered him a bit that the change in address hadn’t been done intentionally, but he wouldn’t deny that he liked it better this way

“Really?” she gasped quietly, eyes shining happily.

“Mhm.” He nodded. “Ane-san taught him when we were younger, so you can ask her next time there’s a chance to visit, too. I don’t know if Chuuya kept up with it at all, but I’m sure he still remembers some things, at least.”

Natsuki grinned and was about to continue when Dazai sensed something coming towards his head, ducking instinctively and head shooting towards where the matcha-flavored Kit Kat had landed on the floor.

Glancing back up and looking towards Ranpo, the obvious suspect, he raised an eyebrow.

“Alas, I can never tell if I angered Ranpo-san somehow or if he’s just being generous, what with the aiming for my head and all.” He groaned dramatically, falling back against his chair and raising a hand to rest against his forehead (still being careful not to ruin the nail polish) as if he was a damsel in distress.

The shorter detective snorted with a roll of his eyes.

“I’ve deigned to share my treats with you, but don’t count on it ever happening again!” the other returned just as dramatically. “This bag must’ve come from a bad batch. I don’t want it, but it’s a cardinal sin to throw away candy, so you’ll just have to suffer through it.”

“A cardinal sin to throw away candy, huh?” Dazai mused, remembering a couple of Halloweens prior when Ranpo had gone against that edict. “Didn’t you try and set a bag of candy corn on fire?”

“Tch, you act as if that stuff is actually candy.” Ranpo scoffed at him, shaking his head in apparent dismay for Dazai’s stupidity. The expression wasn’t unusual for Ranpo, though it wasn’t usually directed at Dazai himself, so that was new.

“Thank you, Ranpo-san. If you say so, Ranpo-san. Dazai turned back to his daughter, playfully rolling his eyes at her before reaching down to take a hold of the candy. With a quick movement, he removed the wrapper and broke the candy bar into two pieces, handing one of them to Natsuki.

“Thank you, Ranpo-niisan!” the tiny blonde chirped, taking a bite of her own piece and wrinkling her nose slightly, unsure whether she liked the flavor. Dazai brought a hand up to cover his snicker, though he clearly didn’t do a good enough job, considering she pouted cutely at him.

Natsuki eagerly showed him her progress with learning hiragana and katakana, which was taking a bit longer than was standard based on what Google claimed.

Considering she already had experience with the roman alphabet since her mother had been American, however, Dazai thought she was learning it as quickly as could reasonably be expected, not that it would bother him if she wasn’t. Between learning more of both English and Japanese as well as their lessons in Japanese Sign Language and now French with Chuuya, it was a wonder Natsuki was adjusting to the workload as well as she was.

“Dazai-san, it’s time!” Naomi chirped after a while, having waited a bit longer so that Natsuki could finish showing him something on the page they were looking at.

“Oh, right.” Dazai murmured, poking curiously at one of his nails to see what the paint felt like. “Natsu-chan, would you like to do the honors?”

“Hm…” Natsuki looked at the clock thoughtfully. “I think Naomi-neechan should do it! We’re supposed to go home soon, and she’s faster.”

“Are you sure, Natsuki-chan?” Naomi checked, wanting to make sure that it wasn’t like before, where Natsuki had declined because she was doubting herself. She winked at Dazai when she noticed his lip curl up in a small, grateful smile.

“I’m sure!” she beamed up at Naomi, who nodded in acceptance and opened the bottle of clear coat, glancing at Dazai for permission before getting to work.

“We’re home!” Dazai and Natsuki both called out as they opened the door to their dorm room, having taken up the tradition over their time living together.

“Welcome back, I guess.” A familiar voice called back unexpectedly.

“Chuuya?” Dazai blinked at the redhead in surprise as his partner rounded the kitchen corner and came into view. “Aren’t you supposed to be spending time with Ane-san right now?”

It was, after all, her birthday as well as the president’s.

“Eh, we spend so much time together she didn’t mind cutting things a bit short.” Chuuya shrugged dismissively. “She wanted me to pass on her thanks for the presents you got her, by the way. She was particularly fond of the origami flowers you made her, Natsu-chan.”

“I’m glad she liked them!” Natsuki grinned widely, proud that the older woman liked the paper crafts she’d spent hours trying to perfect, though she wasn’t as good as daddy was yet.

(He had started learning due to the Calm Harm app’s suggestion of finding various hobbies to fill your time to distract yourself from harmful thoughts, and he’d found that it worked well enough, passing his newfound skill on to Natsuki when she noticed).

Dazai hummed in acknowledgement.

He and Kouyou still didn’t get along particularly well, but it would’ve been rude to ignore her birthday, so he had sent along a bottle of expensive sake that had been recommended to him years ago by one of the Agency’s sponsors, though he’d never bothered buying a bottle for himself.

“Are you cooking something?” he asked after a moment, remembering Chuuya had been in the kitchen.

“Yeah, I figured you two probably haven’t eaten in a while.” The mafioso nodded, turning back to the kitchen as the other two followed him curiously.

It definitely smelled good, though really, everything Chuuya cooked did.

“What are we having?” Natsu asked, still a bit too small to be able to see what was in the pot.

“Spaghetti and meatballs!” Chuuya said with a flourish, using his Ability to drain the pasta without touching the pot. Dazai was struck dumb for a moment at the realization that Chuuya trusted him enough to use his Ability for a pot of boiling water when Dazai was perfectly capable of negating it.

“Oh, I haven’t had spaghetti in years!” it looked like she was about to start bouncing in place, with how excited she was.

“I’m not sure I ever have.” Dazai tilted his head as he thought back.

“Well, that won’t do.” Chuuya almost looked offended, like he wanted to demand to know how the hell Dazai could’ve gone so long without trying the dish (but also remembering that Dazai had once lived in a damn shipping container for however long before Chuuya found out and made him move in with him).

“It’s really good, daddy!” Natsuki told him. “I’ll show you how to get the noodles on your fork without them slipping off.”

“Can’t I just eat it like I would regular noodles?” he asked.

“Nope, we’re not using chopsticks for this. It’s an Italian dish, it’d feel like sacrilege.” Chuuya shook his head as he continued working, pouring some of the water that had been used to boil the pasta into the red tomato sauce he’d made.

“If you say so.” Dazai sniffed, enjoying the smell. “Why’d you add water?”

“Mixing the pasta water with the sauce helps it stick to the spaghetti noodles more easily.” The redhead explained. “There, we’re just about done. Natsuki, want to go wash your hands before we eat?”

As the blonde raced off to the bathroom, Chuuya turned to face Dazai fully, carefully looking him over. “You okay, Dazai?”

“Yes.” Dazai gave him a small but genuine smile. “Today was…a good day, all things considered. Thank you.”

Thank you for checking in on them to make sure that Dazai wasn’t drowning in his depression, for making him a priority over spending more time with Ane-san on her birthday, for making sure that Dazai and Natsuki would get back to a home-cooked meal to make sure Dazai would eat something today…

“Good.” Chuuya grunted with a nod, shoulders relaxing slightly. “Are you injured, then?”

Dazai’s right hand twitched before he resisted the urge to touch the extra layer of bandages. “It’s not what you think it is.”

“No, I didn’t think that.” The gravity manipulator shook his head. “Doesn’t seem like that kind of day, luckily.”

“It’s a tattoo.” Dazai admitted after a moment of wrestling with himself, trying to decide whether he wanted to tell him. “I went to a parlor earlier after throwing my copy of The Complete Guide to Suicide into the ocean. It was…I did it kind of impulsively.”

“Oh…” Chuuya breathed out slowly, expression going through a variety of emotions before settling on happiness and what almost looked like pride, of all things. “I’m glad you’ve gotten to the point where you were able to do that, Dazai. How are you doing with…well, that?”

“I don’t know.” Dazai sighed, running a hand down his face wearily. “I’ve had other things to focus on today. Ask me later and we’ll see, I guess.”

Chuuya hummed in acceptance, quietly moving on without asking what Dazai had gotten a tattoo of. He knew that the redhead must be curious, but he didn’t say anything, as always respecting Dazai’s privacy when it came to the secrets his bandages covered.

That, more than anything, made Dazai want to show him.

Hearing Natsuki messing around in the bathroom and realizing she’d probably take a bit longer, Dazai slowly unwrapped the bandages covering his new tattoo, as well as the layer of plastic wrap.

Tilting his hand, he showed his partner the small black semi-colon on his wrist, the skin around it still inflamed, but not showing any signs of infection (or at least not yet).

“That’s…a punctuation mark, right?” Chuuya asked carefully, doing his best not to show his surprise at Dazai revealing the tattoo to him.

“Mhm.” Dazai murmured. “A black semi-colon is used as a symbol for those who deal with…some of the same problems I do. Something about how an author uses a semi-colon when they could have ended their sentence but chose not to.”

“Fitting.” Chuuya said roughly. Dazai decided to ignore the slight wetness in the other’s eyes.

“Yeah.” Dazai’s skin prickled, a feeling of anxiousness growing the longer the skin there went uncovered. It had been uncovered for longer when he was getting it done (the tattoo artist being surprisingly tactful regarding his scars), and he definitely trusted Chuuya more than the lady who had done it, but he still wasn’t used to his skin being bare.

He felt more than a little frustrated with himself, having wanted to start trying to wear fewer bandages eventually. It would seem he still had some work to do before he could really try and make that a reality.

Not needing Dazai to say a word, Chuuya immediately took the bag Dazai was holding and removed the ointment he’d brought home, handing it to Dazai so that he could apply it as he himself went to get a fresh piece of plastic wrap so that the brunette could safely hide it again.

Once all was said and done, Natsuki came out of the bathroom (both were wise to her tricks, stalling to give them more time to talk in private, but neither mentioned it), and Dazai nodded to Chuuya in thanks.

He had no idea how he’d managed to survive so long without the other’s support, but he had no intention of having to go through that even more desolate existence again.

"Nice nails, by the way." Chuuya said as he started gathering his things to leave for the night.

"Why thank you, I rather like them myself!" Dazai returned.

Chapter Text

The next time Chuuya had a chance to visit Dazai and Natsuki a few days later (having been stuck on a mission), he didn’t bother knocking when he arrived at their dorm room, knowing that his partner was already expecting him.

“Hey, Chuuya.” Dazai glanced up at him for a moment with a small smile, eyes scanning him up and down until he’d determined that the other was uninjured.

“Mackerel.” The redhead returned the greeting after a long moment, caught of guard at the sight of Dazai surrounded by papers and magazines, laptop open beside him. “Are…are you okay?”

The chances of whatever he was working on being Agency-related were minimal, with the other man’s disdain for paperwork, and in the past similar sights would usually indicate an important mission that Dazai had to plan for more carefully.

“Mm.” Dazai hummed noncommittedly. “Natsuki is spending some time with Kyouka and Yosano, if you want to join them. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.”

Chuuya wasn’t so sure the Agency’s doctor would agree with that assessment, but that was beside the point. “Nah, I’ll hang around here with you. What are you doing?”

Dazai blinked slowly at his words, and Chuuya felt a pang of sadness at the fact that the detective still thought he came around just for Natsuki, even after Chuuya had tried to make it clear on Christmas that he had forgiven him for leaving him behind.

“Before my application to adopt Natsuki goes through, the department in charge is demanding a home inspection to make sure I don’t live in a dump.” Dazai groused, clearly a little irritated at the thing that had caused a jump in his anxiety levels since he’d first been informed of it. “Somehow I don’t think this dorm room is going to meet their expectations.”

“Why not?” Chuuya’s eyebrows furrowed, glancing around the living space. He was sure it hadn’t been in the best state before Natsuki appeared in Dazai’s life, but since then the brunette had been careful not to let it get too bad, if only for her sake. “You have competent coworkers just next door who can and will come to your aid if there’s an emergency.”

“Yeah, but there’s also the possibility that the dorms will be attacked because it’s owned by the Agency.” Dazai muttered in agitation, not at Chuuya but at the situation in general. “To be fair, it has happened before, so it’s not an unreasonable concern.”

“Hm…” Chuuya frowned a bit. “Well, they wouldn’t deny the adoption just because of something like this, surely?”

“They definitely could.” The detective exhaled loudly, raising a hand to his temple and rubbing at it as if to stave off a headache. “It doesn’t help that I already meet don’t meet a few of the requirements put in place for adoption. If not for the circumstances and my connections with Chief Taneda and Natsume-sensei, it would’ve been rejected immediately.”

With Dazai being who he was, they’d managed to skip over a lot of the usual red tape, including most of the court appearances, but they couldn’t gloss over everything.

Admittedly, Chuuya had never had any reason to look into it before now, but he took Dazai’s word for it.

“Fuck, okay.” He grimaced, plopping down to sit beside the other man. “So you’re looking for a new place, then. What have you got so far?”

“I want to stay in the area, specifically close enough to the Agency and the dorm rooms that if something happens there will be people close by who can sufficiently look after Natsuki.” Dazai began, that having been one of the first things decided. He gestured to the open almanac he’d swiped from Kunikida’s car, which had been marked with a few different points of interest.

“I’m thinking this one might be the best bet.” He continued, gesturing to one in particular, which also happened to be closer to Chuuya’s own place than any of the others, though the redhead tried to focus on the problem at hand instead of the warmth in his chest. “There are a few places in the neighborhood for sale, and one of them looked promising. It’s more room than we’d probably end up needing, but better too much than not enough.”

He sounded a bit dubious at that, having spent most of his life either on the streets or living other places most people would absolutely consider too small or otherwise wholly unacceptable.

Case in point: the shipping container he’d stayed in during his early years in the Port Mafia, at least until Chuuya had found out about it and had demanded that Dazai move in with him with the excuse that he wasn’t about to let his idiot of a partner die in such a pathetic way.

“Tell me about the place, then.” Chuuya urged, nudging the other gently with his elbow.

“Well, I actually already bought it.” Dazai’s ears tinted a light shade of pink at the admission. “I’m still not sure if it’s what we’ll go with in the end, but if not it’ll be good as a safe house for the Agency, if nothing else.”

The fact that he was telling Chuuya this despite the other still being the Port Mafia and technically under Mori’s control spoke volumes of how much Dazai trusted him, and the redhead’s eyes burned for a moment at the show of implicit trust before he swallowed it down.

Luckily, Dazai was distracted by pulling up the pictures he’d taken of the place, which had been saved on his computer.

“That’s not bad, actually.” Chuuya commented, absentmindedly reaching over to click through the different pictures himself. “Geez, you weren’t kidding, how big is this place?”

“Very.” Dazai snorted. “A bedroom each for me and Natsuki, three extras we’d use for any guests if we ever need them (the brunette carefully didn’t look at Chuuya when he said that part), space for both a home office and a library if I want…”

“Holy crap.” The mafioso breathed, surprised that other had been able to find something like that available at all in Yokohama. Not that he was surprised Dazai was able to afford it, certain that he not only still had money from his mafia days but also had probably continued playing the stock market and investing since. “This place is going to be a bitch to clean.”

“Don’t remind me!” Dazai whined dramatically, closing his eyes as if in pain, grabbing on to the topic and running with it. “I don’t suppose you can recommend any housekeeping services you trust that aren’t affiliated with the Port Mafia?”

“Uh…yeah, actually.” Chuuya blinked, taking a hold of the notepad next to Dazai and bringing out his phone to get their contact information. “You know I’m usually too busy to be able to keep up with cleaning too much, so I’ve been using these guys for years.”

The fact that he’d very carefully vetted them, not wanting to give anyone who might spy on him for Mori access to his house (and wow, he really didn’t trust the boss as much as he used to think he did, did he?) went unsaid.

“Thank you, that’s one con taken care of at least.” Dazai nodded, looking both relieved and satisfied. “It’s still a bit farther from the school I’m hoping to enroll Natsuki in than I’d like, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”

That was another thing Dazai had to take into consideration, knowing he would be asked about it during the home inspection. Unfortunately, Japan didn’t really allow for homeschooling except in rare cases, and Natsuki was almost at the age where she would be required to attend.

Dazai might be able to negotiate an exception in her case, considering the inherent dangers he’d already mentioned to Kunikida, but doing so would only hurt his chances of the adoption being approved. Beyond that…he also wanted Natsuki to be able to have the chance to make friends her own age. Being as isolated as she was at the Agency wasn’t healthy from a social standpoint, he knew, even though his own childhood had hardly been an example to follow.

That being the case, Dazai needed to neutralize the threat Mori posed towards her ASAP, the Port Mafia boss being the only enemy of the ADA (and of him specifically) that he was in any way worried about, now that they’d survived the whole debacle with Fyodor and other associated parties vying to find the legendary Book.

Dazai wasn’t sure how he wanted to go about doing so, still honestly trying to become the better man that Odasaku had wanted him to be and not wanting to turn back to his old habits more than absolutely needed.

He couldn’t bring it up with Chuuya due to the conflicting loyalties (or so Dazai thought), but maybe he could talk to Ranpo and Yosano about it? Yosano knew more about the bastard than anyone else aside from Dazai, and Ranpo would most likely be more than willing to help them find a way to get rid of the threat Mori posed, if only because of the trauma the man had caused Yosano when she was a child.

“When were you planning on moving?” Chuuya asked, bringing Dazai out of his thoughts.

“As soon as possible.” Dazai sighed. “I’ve already let Fukuzawa-san know we won’t be living in the dorms anymore, though I’m still keeping the room just in case. I was actually planning to ask you to spend some time with Natsuki on her birthday while I finish things up, and we’d have her party afterwards.”

“Of course, you didn’t have to ask.” Chuuya said bemusedly, because spending time with the adorable girl was hardly a hardship of any sort.

“I mean, technically I didn’t.” Dazai gave a tiny, barely noticeable smile.

“Smartass.” Chuuya snorted. “Does Natsuki know you two are going to be moving yet?”

“I’m telling her tonight.” Dazai shook his head. “Hopefully she won’t take it badly.”

Dazai’s first instinct when Naomi asked how he wanted to decorate the new house (the whole Agency being aware that they were moving and the reason for it) was to ask Chuuya for his advice, having no idea how to go about doing…any of that.

However, Yosano had quietly suggested that he not do so, and after hearing her reasoning (that he might end up agreeing to things he honestly didn’t want for his new home, even if he put up a token protest, to try and please the redhead), he couldn’t help but see her point.

Instead, he contracted the services of an interior designer, who was very helpful and patient with Dazai and Natsuki as they debated what color schemes and styles they wanted to go with. The woman even admitted that she was having quite a bit of fun with it herself, with Dazai’s lack of a budget meaning that she wasn’t limited in her suggestions like with many of her clients.

On January 30^th, the day of Natsuki’s seventh birthday, she woke up to the sound of quiet giggles and whispers, finally opening her eyes to not only see her daddy, but also Chuuya, Atsushi-nii, Kyouka-nee, and Kenji-nii.

“Happy Birthday, Natsu-chan!” all fine of them chimed when they noticed she was waking up, Kyouka’s well wishes quieter but no less genuine than the others.

“Dad—” she was cut off by a yawn, lifting a hand to rub at her eyes sleepily before registering what they had said. “Oh!”

Dazai and Chuuya both laughed at her cuteness, the older kids also smiling at her.

“Dazai-san and Chuuya-nii invited us over for breakfast.” Kyouka explained quietly, pleased both at the opportunity to celebrate the girl’s birthday with her earlier than the rest of the Agency and at the prospect of spending more time with her surrogate brother.

“Really?” Natsuki gasped, sitting up.

“Really!” Dazai repeated cheerfully, hiding the fact that he wasn’t sure what to make of the fact that Kyouka said the invitation came from both him and Chuuya. “Afterwards, us detectives have a quick mission we need to take care of, but Chuuya wanted to take you to the mall while we’re doing that.”

He knew that Natsuki was smart enough to guess that there may be a surprise party planned for her, but she didn’t know that they were making the final transition to their new home today, so hopefully the attempt at subterfuge would still work to some extent.

His daughter (he wondered if he would ever stop feeling a thrill at the title) pouted slightly at the idea that they wouldn’t all be going, but she was happy to be able to spend time with Chuuya alone.

“Would you prefer opening your presents from us now, or later?” he asked, not really having a preference either way himself.

“Um…” Natsuki blinked slowly, as if still bewildered at the idea of people caring about her enough to want to give her anything for her birthday, and oh Dazai wanted to find her former foster parents and have a talk with them. “Later?”

“That works!” Atsushi said cheerfully, a small glint of sadness in his eyes that said he had not only realized but could also relate to what she was thinking, and Dazai added the orphanage to his list of people he needed to have taken care of (legally, sadly) at some point.

Chuuya, recalling what he’d been told about the boy’s past, caught on immediately and clapped his hands, gaining everyone’s attention. “Okay, now that we’ve got that sorted out, we can get started on breakfast. I was planning on French toast—does anyone want to help?”

The curious and eager eyes he got from the kids—all of them, and he would’ve been tempted to include Dazai in that if it didn’t make him feel like a creep—was answer enough.

“So yummy!” Natsuki sighed happily as she took her first bite, earning a chorus of agreement from the others at the table as they took their own. Out of all of them, only Chuuya had ever had French toast before, but even Dazai was enjoying it despite how iffy he could sometimes be with new foods.

“Mhm!” Dazai hummed, eyes glittering as he poured way too much powdered sugar and syrup on his own slices before taking a huge bite. Chuuya felt a phantom pain in his teeth just looking at the diabetes on a plate his partner was enjoying, making a mental note to force the other brush his teeth the moment they were finished.

Luckily, Natsuki had more restraint than her dad did. Chuuya wouldn’t mind dealing with a possible sugar rush while they were at the mall, but he also didn’t want her to crash before she could really enjoy the day.

Once they were done (Dazai indeed being sent to the bathroom by Chuuya, the look in the redhead’s eyes causing the brunette to just accept the demand), Atsushi and Kenji quickly got to work washing the dishes, since they hadn’t been skilled enough to help very much with the actual cooking part.

Once he’d returned, Dazai gently urged them out the door, making brief eye contact with Chuuya as they had a silent conversation, the redhead rolling his eyes briefly before nodding.

“You two scare me sometimes, you know that?” Atsushi said allowed after the door closed behind the pair.

“What, the abandoned hospital we went to during the Azure Messenger case didn’t creep you out, but that does?” Dazai teased, happily recalling the fact that of the three of them who had gone it had been Kunikida who had been afraid.

“To be fair, you and Chuuya fighting together is the worst fear of a lot of organizations.” Kyouka pointed out, having been told a few stories about the pair by Ane-san after she’d fallen under the woman’s care and heard rumors about Chuuya’s former (now not-so-former) partner.

She had known before even being ordered to kidnap Dazai who he was, even that he was Akutagawa’s mentor before he left and could largely be considered at fault for how the older teen had treated her. She had expected to be terrified of the man, honestly, but something about him made her trust that he wasn’t the monster the rumors said he was (mostly because his treatment of Atsushi wasn’t anything like what she’d heard his treatment of Akutagawa had been like) and had decided to reserve judgment.

He hadn’t yet caused her to regret that decision, instead giving her even more hope about her ability to be able to move into the light. If the Port Mafia’s infamous Demon Prodigy could try and change despite the darkness in his past, why couldn’t she?

“True.” Dazai snorted, seemingly oblivious to the girl’s thoughts. “Anyway, thanks for volunteering to help out, you three.”

“Of course!” Kenji grinned. He had just eaten, so his Ability wouldn’t work right now, but he was still strong enough to help move everything without it. Working on his family’s farm had guaranteed as much.

“We wanted to bring everything but the futons and a few necessities, right?” Atsushi smiled at his mentor.

“Yeah, almost everything we need is already at the house, I just couldn’t have these moved without tipping Natsuki off.” Dazai agreed. “Mostly it’s just her things, the bathroom, and the kitchen.”

Kyouka nodded, automatically going to start packing up most of the kitchenware (leaving only a few things for if they needed to stay a night), since she had the best idea of how to pack anything breakable safely. Kenji went to help her, and Atsushi followed Dazai to the wardrobe where Natsuki’s clothing was stored, Dazai having already secretly moved his own.

“Oh, these are cute.” Atsushi cooed at the variety of onesies the little girl had, removing the hangers and folding them before placing them in one of the cardboard boxes.

“Aren’t they?” Dazai grinned at him, remembering the younger male’s reaction to seeing Natsuki wear the one made to look like a white tiger a few months prior. “I’ve tried talking her into wearing them to the office sometimes, but I think she was a bit embarrassed last time. She wears them a lot at home, though.”

The weretiger hummed absentmindedly, mind focusing on his mentor casually mentioning ‘home’, a concept that Atsushi had struggled so long with and knew that the other must have, too. He was so glad that the brunette’s life had been getting brighter recently.

The Complete Guide to Suicide had been conspicuously absent over the past couple of weeks, ever since that day that matched the death date on S. Oda’s gravestone. Atsushi had almost gone after Dazai that day even if it would mean missing out on the president’s birthday celebration (though he knew the man in question wouldn’t have minded), but Ranpo had pulled him aside and reassured him that Dazai wouldn’t try anything.

He had been doubtful, admittedly, but as always Ranpo seemed to have been correct, and Dazai even felt lighter after that day for some reason, as if a heavy weight had finally been lifted off his shoulders.

“Dazai-san, do you want us to pack up your collection of coffee mugs?” Kyouka called shortly after, sounding a bit bemused at the whacky designs and phrases on the ceramic pieces in front of her.

The man in question laughed, remembering that she wasn’t aware of the tradition the Agency had of giving him silly mugs due to how much coffee he drank back when he first joined them. Even now that he’d stopped, he still used them for regular drinks as well, and let’s not forget the occasions where Chuuya came over and made them hot cocoa.

“Yeah, I’d like to bring those with us.” Dazai grinned, looking fondly at the one in her hand. It was a truly hideous thing, really—in the vague shape of a sloth, but a horrendously ugly one. That one had been a ‘gift’ from Kunikida, a pointed jab towards Dazai’s work ethic that he of course ignored entirely, instead being delighted at the discovery that the blonde had a sense of humor at all, seldom though it was used.

His mouth twitched as he saw her shrug and put it in the box, having carefully packed it to make sure it wouldn’t break in transit, before picking up a black mug with ‘Have a nice day’ in white text that Chuuya had actually brought from home to use for himself and left here.

She looked the tiniest bit bemused at the comparative plainness of the mug compared to most of his other ones, and he decided not to mention that on the bottom of the mug was a hand making a very specific gesture, so that when Chuuya took a drink he was basically flipping the person he was with off.

The redhead had made sure to only take sips from that mug when Natsuki was distracted, but Dazai had had a good laugh about it, saying that if he ever had the misfortune to share a drink with Mori again, he wanted to borrow it.

The four of them continued packing, eventually finishing before the boys carried them to the car Yosano had let them borrow after discovering that Kyouka knew how to drive. The fact that she was way too young to do so legally didn’t bother any of them (though they were careful not to let Kunikida or Fukuzawa-san know what they were doing), trusting that Dazai would be able to talk their way out of any tickets if they got pulled over.

“Okay, we just have on more stop to make.” Dazai grinned as Kyouka pulled onto the road, gesturing so that she knew which way to go.

“Where?” Dazai saw Kenji’s head tilt curiously in the rear-view mirror.

“You’ll see!” he replied cheerfully.

For her part, Natsuki was having an absolute blast spending time with Chuuya, enjoying the one-on-one bonding they hadn’t really had the chance to have since she got lost and ran into him their second meeting, the only other time being the drive to and from when she met Kouyou.

First, Chuuya had taken her to get a hair cut (everything having been planned ahead of time and with Dazai’s approval), as she hadn’t had one since she began living with Dazai. They didn’t cut it much shorter, mostly just to remove the split ends, but the nice lady of the salon had also been nice enough to put her hair in waterfall braids, which she thought were really pretty.

Afterwards, Chuuya took her over to Claire’s, remembering how much she had enjoyed stopping there during their last trip and recalling Dazai’s observation that she had seemed to like the earring selection (Dazai only hadn’t offered at the time because her ears wouldn’t be healed enough to change them to the Christmas-y ones in time).

“Hey Natsuki, would you like to get your ears pierced?” he asked nonchalantly, making sure to project that he wouldn’t be upset no matter which answer she gave. “I asked Dazai, and he said it would be okay if you did want to, but no pressure. You can say no, or change your mind later if you want.”

Natsuki’s eyes lit up at the idea.

“You wouldn’t be able to wear most of these earrings right away, but once your ears heal up you’d be able to change them.” he continued.

“I…I think I would like that.” The tiny blonde said with a cute smile.

“Wonderful!” Chuuya winked before approaching the worker to let her know they’d like a piercing, quietly bribing her so that they wouldn’t have to deal with the consent form nonsense. Afterwards, the woman walked Natsuki through the process of choosing which earrings she wanted to start with.

It didn’t take long for Natsuki to choose the amethyst studs, even though the woman tried to convince her that garnet might be a better option since it was her birthstone (especially finding out that the girl’s birthday was that day), but the little girl was insistent on choosing her favorite color.

The woman turned to Chuuya at somewhat of a loss, only for the redhead to raise an eyebrow, a clear expression of ‘you heard the kid, get on with it’ on his face. Why she thought he cared enough about something like that to force Natsuki to choose a different pair was beyond him.

Natsuki stepped onto the chair they used for ear piercings and was fine at first…until the woman brought out the piercing gun, loading the starter earrings into it, the pointed ends being what would pierce the earlobes.

At this point, Chuuya himself was second-guessing everything, having thought that they’d be using a needle and thread like he’d heard tattoo parlors did. In a way, the piercing gun seemed far more intimidating.

Noticing that Natsuki was trembling a bit, the mafioso immediately took a gentle hold of her hand, bending slightly to look her in the eyes.

“It’s nothing to be scared of, Natsuki.” He assured her quietly. “It’ll pinch for a moment, but it’ll fade quickly. In fact, I’ve kind of wanted to get my ears pierced for a while, too. Would it help if I went first?”

He had no idea that he was basically mirroring what Dazai had done when Natsuki had needed a checkup.

“A…are you sure?” she asked uncertainly, shaking lessening slightly.

“Absolutely.” Chuuya winked at her. “Actually, I was thinking the onyx pair would suit me pretty well.”

 The worker smiled, apparently over whatever had been up earlier at the adorable scene in front of her, going off to grab the earrings in question. Once she was back, she removed the amethyst ones from the piercing gun, replacing them with the onyx ones.

“Okay, are you ready, sir?” she asked after wiping his ears with a sanitizing cloth.

“Go for it.” He confirmed, not flinching as one earring and then another pierced his skin. It did pinch a bit like he’d warned Natsuki, but he had felt far greater pain that it didn’t even register to him as such. He could feel his earlobes heat up, perhaps due to more blood than usual rushing to the area, but that was about it.

“How do I look?” he asked Natsuki with a smile, reassuring her that there was nothing to be afraid of.

“They look really good!” Natsuki’s eyes were wide, the expression reminding Chuuya a bit of Dazai’s whenever he was trying to look awed. For all that they had no blood relation, Natsuki had certainly started taking after Dazai in some ways no one had expected. “It really didn’t hurt?”

“No, like I said, it was basically just a pinch.” Chuuya glanced at himself in the mirror the woman held up to him, smiling at the new addition. He had been right in his assumption that the color would suit him, not that there had been any doubt with them being black. “Do you still want to get yours done, kiddo?”

“Well, yeah, you did, so now it’s my turn.” She said, head tilting cutely.

Chuuya snorted, reaching out to ruffle her head. “Hey, I wasn’t kidding when I said I’ve been thinking about getting my ears pierced for a while. If you decide you don’t want to do it, that’s still perfectly fine, I don’t mind.”

Somehow, that seemed to make the now seven-year-old even more determined, hopping back onto the chair once Chuuya was out of the way, only flinching slightly at the cold as the woman wiped her ears.

Chuuya reached out a hand, palm up, though didn’t move further. Natsuki, recognizing the invitation for what it was, moved to hold his hand, her tight grip proving that she was still a bit nervous despite her bravery.

As the worker lifted the piercing gun up to Natsuki’s ear, Chuuya started quietly singing a song he’d found back when he was a teenager, hoping that it would offer her some comfort.

It worked much better than he thought it would, the little girl’s eyes widening in surprise as she stared at him, a bit stunned (the worker taking advantage of the distraction and moving to do the other ear as well).

“That song…sounds familiar.” Natsuki breathed out after a moment, the fact that she was done not registering.

“It does?” Chuuya blinked, surprised. “I mean, I have spoken a bit of French around you, I guess I might have said some of the words before.”

“No, it’s not that.” Natsuki shook her head. “Daddy…daddy sings that song to me whenever I wake up after a nightmare.”

The redhead’s breath caught in his throat.

He had only ever sung that song in front of Dazai a couple of times, when they were on a joint mission and he was woken up by the brunette himself having a nightmare. Dazai had never acknowledged those times afterwards, but the idea that they had left a lasting impression on him, that those songs were apparently his go-to when trying to comfort someone…

Chuuya didn’t know if him singing that song had truly helped Dazai or if his partner had just used it because lullabies were known to be a comfort thing, but he hoped that it was the former.

“Oh.” He said after a long moment, voice sounding hoarse with the emotions he was trying to hold back. It was times like this where he really wanted to attack Dazai with blankets and hugs and try to smother him with all the nice things in the world. He’d never given in to that urge (and admittedly it wasn’t one he’d had often until recently, with how the two of them were), but it was really tempting.

“Just to you know, I know you love daddy.” Natsuki said, the worker having tactfully gone back to the counter to give them privacy when the lullaby was brought up.

Chuuya’s head ducked down, cheeks burning. “I’m not really all that subtle about it, huh?”

“I don’t think so.” Natsuki shrugged. “But neither is he, so it’s okay.”

The mafioso snorted in agreement, having been made more than aware over the last few months that his feelings were in fact returned. “I thought he’d say something about it by now.”

Natsuki’s shoulders slumped. “I thought he would, too, but…daddy has a hard time with emotions, he’s still learning. I think he wants to, but he doesn’t know how, and he’s scared to lose you. He really missed you, when he left.”

Chuuya didn’t know what to say to that, feeling the strangest mix of happiness, sadness, and hope that he’d felt since Dazai had left in the first place. Despite the feeling of abandonment, he had desperately wanted Dazai’s quality of life to improve now that he wasn’t entrenched in mafia black, and luckily it had.

“So, what you’re saying is that I need to be the one to make the first move, huh?” he smiled.

Natsuki nodded cheerfully.

“You’re really wise for a seven-year-old, you know that?” the gravity manipulator mused, reaching over to tug lightly on one of her braids.

“Mhm!”

Like father like daughter, indeed.

Chapter Text

When Dazai had initially visited one of the local animal shelters the week before, it had been with the intent to choose a kitten for Natsuki for her birthday, though the shelter would keep him or her there until their move in date to keep it a surprise.

He would have brought Natsuki with him to do so, but he was also fully aware that he soft-hearted little girl would likely have empathized far too much with the inhabitants in dire need of a loving home. Along with that, he didn’t want to risk her overhearing any mention of how the overcrowding issues the shelter had meant that those who weren’t chosen would end up being euthanized to make room for more.

As it was, apparently even Dazai himself had also gone at least somewhat soft without his realizing it (well, for things other than Natsuki and Chuuya), as much as he was baffled by the realization, and ended up selecting two kittens to bring home instead of the one he’d originally intended.

The pair in question were a male and female pair, all that remained of a litter that had been born about six months prior, and the amount of days they had left in the shelter had been rapidly depleting, based on the rate the shelter’s new arrivals were coming in.

The kitten he’d selected for Natsuki was a female calico, chosen partially because he knew that his daughter was really fond of them after meeting Natsume-sensei in his human form.

Her brother was a gray ball of fluff that had been stricken with a particularly nasty eye infection shortly after its birth, resulting in the loss of one of his eyes. To Dazai, who himself had lost his right eye during the suicide attempt that had landed him in the hospital (and therefore on Mori’s radar) at fourteen, had immediately felt a strange sort of kinship with the animal.

Dazai himself had been able to hide that weakness from the dangerous people he’d found himself surrounded by in the Port Mafia, first with bandages and then with an extremely expensive fake eye that he’d taken months to learn how to control as if it was a regular eye.

But the kitten had had no such opportunity, and the poor thing (and his sister, who had always raised hell when someone tried to separate her from her brother) had always been passed up for other animals because of it.

Did it make him selfish, Dazai wondered, to pick up a kitten more or less for himself when he’d only gone to the shelter in the first place to find one for his daughter?

More importantly, since it benefited everyone involved, did it even matter?

Dazai was brought out his musings as he noticed Kyouka slow down, pulling into the driveway of his new place. It included a garage, but for now Kyouka parked outside, accepting the offered housekeys as they got out of the car, heading to unlock the door as Dazai grabbed the kittens and the boys headed for the boxes they had brought with them.

Taking care not to jostle the cat carriers any more than absolutely needed, Dazai strode into the house, glancing towards the kitchen where Kyouka had gone before he headed down the hallway, setting one of the carriers down to unlock his door. He had wanted both him and Natsuki to have the option if they wanted it (especially since Dazai didn’t want his nosier coworkers snooping around his room later during the party), and it wasn’t like he couldn’t pick the locks if needed.

Entering the room and closing the door behind him, Dazai set the two cat carriers down and unzipped them, unsurprised when the kittens were too scared of their new environment to come out yet. Even if they weren’t holding a party here and they wouldn’t be totally overwhelmed by his coworkers, he had still been advised to keep them limited to one area for a bit and gradually introduce them to their new home, so he would keep to that.

Gliding over to the other side of the room, he double-checked to make sure that the self-cleaning litter box was easily accessible and topped off, and then opened one of the cans of cat food he’d stored in a dresser for the time being, pouring the contents out (he’d forgotten to grab a spoon) onto a paper plate. Lastly, he went to the attached bathroom and filled up their water dish, setting it down carefully so that it didn’t spill.

Once he was finished, feeling oddly accomplished now that his tasks were done for reasons he couldn’t discern, he left the room, once again locking it behind him, before heading towards the kitchen where the others had already gotten to work.

“Hey, Dazai-san.” Atsushi grinned at him, causing the brunette to be struck by how their height difference was less than it had been when they’d met just a year ago. Had it really been a year already? Kyouka and Kenji had both grown a few centimeters as well, he realized. “We put the boxes with Natsuki-chan’s things next to the door, we weren’t sure what you wanted us to do with them.”

“Thank you.” Dazai smiled, the expression not feeling as robotic as it often did. Even nowadays, he usually had to consciously decide to project an emotion besides the apathy that sometimes still plagued him, but he’d been getting better at actually allowing himself to experience those emotions, so it had started feeling a bit more natural to him. “I’ll take them to her room and put everything away.”

It went unspoken that he didn’t want them in said room, and somehow, with an emotional intelligence Dazai himself had always lacked, each of the three teenagers (if not for long in Atsushi’s case) seemed to understand that.

“If you want, you can do that while we finish up in here.” Kyouka said quietly, handing a stack of bowls to Kenji and gesturing where he should put them, the blonde cheerfully doing so.

“Works for me.” Dazai shrugged, not seeing the point in asking silly questions like ‘are you sure’ (Kyouka wasn’t the type to offer things purely out of politeness) or thank them again. If he did it too often, he considered, would that make it sound more disingenuous?

He’d always thought so, but then, he was hardly a good example of a normal person (if he was a person at all), so who knows?

Heading over to the doorway, he grabbed a couple of boxes before making his way to the hallway, this time using the other key to unlock Natsuki’s door (which he would give to her later). More trusting that the kids wouldn’t sneak a peek after their apparent understanding that he didn’t want them back here for the moment, he left the door open as he went through the process of folding and hanging clothes, even leaving the room unguarded (so to speak) for a few moments to grab the rest of the boxes.

When he was finished, it was to see the three kids still in the kitchen, Atsushi and Kenji just finishing putting the iron skillets Chuuya had brought over at some point away, and Kyouka wiping down the counters to get rid of any debris from the unpacking.

“~I’m back!” he said with a sing-song voice and a cheesy grin, skipping into the room and playing up the dramatics for no reason other than because he’d come to find it somewhat fun, at least when he wasn’t too hyper focused on the fact that he’d started acting like a clown in the first place to try and fool people into thinking he was one of them, i.e. a normal human being.

“Welcome back.” Kyouka said blandly, though Dazai was pleased to note the almost amused glint in the young girl’s eyes, though it was subtle enough that most wouldn’t notice. “Is there anything else that needs to be done?”

“Mhm, but this time it should be fun!” Dazai chirped, opening the pantry where Chuuya had come in and stored a few things the other day when he had a chance.

Kyouka’s eyes lit up more, and the boys grinned as they opened the box to see party decorations.

Once they had finished decorating the place to their (read: Kyouka’s) satisfaction, the girl dragged Atsushi back to the kitchen so that they could set out the food Dazai had had delivered from the local grocers (Chuuya having written the shopping list and having threatened him to make sure to get everything on it), heating up a few dishes that Chuuya had dropped off the day before with the other party supplies.

Regardless of whether Kyouka had shared her insider knowledge that Chuuya was the one to drop all of these things off, no one commented on the implication that Dazai, despite his trust issues and knack for secrecy and keeping everything about himself private, let Chuuya wander his home freely even when he wasn’t there.

 A short while later, the doorbell rang, and Dazai went to greet the rest of his coworkers and the few other guests he had invited, namely Lucy, Poe, and Katai.

He’d debated inviting Kouyou even though he wasn’t particularly fond of her, knowing from Chuuya that the woman seemed to dote on Natsuki (not that he was at all surprised by that) and would appreciate the chance to visit with Kyouka, but decided against it after Chuuya reminded him that Mori would definitely take notice both of his executives being unavailable at the same time.

All three of were fully aware that the chances of Mori not already knowing about Natsuki were approximately zero, but by at least trying to be subtle about it, they hoped that Mori would wait a bit longer before making his move, and in the meantime, the three of them worked in tandem to prepare for the aftermath.

Mori would never just let Dazai live happily (or as happily as something someone like him could), would undoubtedly go straight for the heart and attack Natsuki directly. He would have done so to Chuuya years ago if not for the other man’s own strength, never really liking how close his ‘diamonds in the rough’ were despite having been the one to push them together in the first place, but he would have no such problem with a child who didn’t even have an Ability.

That being said, while Dazai knew full well that it was coming and had formulated plan after plan after plan to make sure that Natsuki at the very least would get out of it safely, it did nothing to quell the worry and paranoia that built up as they waited for the inevitable.

“Ooh, nice place you got here, Dazai.” Yosano greeted as he let his coworkers in with a subconscious greeting, pulling him out of his mind a bit. The doctor toed off her heels, following the president’s example of taking his shoes off, not that Dazai had enough house slippers for all of them or cared enough about it to mind.

“Why thank you, Yosano-sensei.” Dazai grinned back at her, trying his best not to let on how his discomfort ramped up now that so many people were in the place he hoped he would someday consider a home. “Asuka-chan did a pretty good job, didn’t she?”

“Asuka-chan?” Kunikida blinked, distracted from where he’d been standing awkwardly just inside the doorway, looking around for slippers as he too followed Fukuzawa’s example even though he should have known by now that Dazai wouldn’t have any available. “Wait, don’t tell me that you managed to find a woman crazy enough to go out with you!”

Dazai couldn’t help but sigh at the idealist’s obliviousness, perfectly aware (as much as he wished he wasn’t) that he wasn’t exactly the most subtle when it came to his feelings for Chuuya. It had taken witnessing a single interaction between them for Natsuki to catch on, and after all, the older blonde had a fair few years on the little girl and worked for a detective agency of all things.

Glancing around at his other coworkers curiously, Dazai was amused to note that Ranpo had his head tilted up towards the ceiling, eyes open as he seemed to wallow in despair at Kunikida’s stupidity (to use the phrasing the world’s greatest detective would), and Yosano beside him also looked like she was about to face-palm.

Most of the others also looked amused or exasperated to some extent or another, the only exceptions being Kyouka and Fukuzawa, since they tended to be more stoic anyway. Even Lucy, Poe, and Katai of all people gave Kunikida a bit of a look, all having either witnessed a Soukoku Interaction firsthand (through Katai’s Ability with technology) or having been told about Dazai’s pining by Natsuki or Ranpo.

“No, Kunukida, Asuka-chan is the interior decorator I hired to help me with this place.” Dazai eventually responded, making sure that his amusement could be clearly heard in his tone because he knew the blond had an almost Pavlovian reaction of irritation when he heard it. “She’s not really my type, and I’m most definitely not hers, either.”

After all, during the conversations they’d had when they were putting everything together, Asuka had mentioned being happily married to her very female best friend.

(Unbeknownst to Dazai, hearing him talking about Natsuki and showing her pictures had also given her a bit of a case of baby fever, and someday soon the pair would decide to look into their options to have a child of their own).

“Yeah, Kunikida, Dazai’s type leans more towards fiery redheads who can snap his neck with their thighs.” Yosano snorted.

“Yosano-sensei!” Dazai whined immediately, ears turning slightly pink (and thank goodness Dazai didn’t blush obviously, because Yosano and Ranpo didn’t need any more ammunition) at the innuendo and trying not to think about being in a position where Chuuya even could snap his neck with his thighs.

While it was definitely an enticing thought, right before his daughter’s birthday party and surrounded by all of his closest coworkers was very decidedly not the time.

“Yosano, please do remember that there are children here.” Fukuzawa interjected calmly before the woman could tease more, appearing entirely unruffled despite the direction the conversation had gone.

Dazai generally had a very good poker face, only a few things capable of breaking through his usual masks, but sometimes even he admired how completely unfazed the president presented himself to be.

Other times, though…other times the older man’s mannerisms reminded him far too strongly of Odasaku, and despite how much he respected his new leader, sometimes it was very hard to so much as look at him lest he start seeing ghosts.

“Right, right, sorry.” Yosano acknowledged, respecting the man who had taken her in far too much to ignore the light scolding, though that didn’t stop her from sticking her tongue out at Dazai when Fukuzawa’s attention was diverted elsewhere.

But she couldn’t stop herself from making another teasing comment, since this once at least didn’t have any sexual implications. “He’s into older redheads.”

“I’m into one older redhead, thank you very much!” Dazai huffed as if offended, making his cheeks puff out a bit. “And stop making it sounds like I’m some…some reverse cougar, or something! Chuuya isn’t even two months older than I am!”

This was actually the first time he’d ever admitted his feelings for Chuuya to anyone other than Odasaku or Natsuki, but he was gratified to see that Kunikida was still the only one who looked caught off guard at the admission, only seeing slight surprise in some of his coworkers’ eyes that was more likely because they hadn’t expected that he would actually admit it at all.

“Wh—NAKAHARA?!” Kunikida nearly bellow, before wincing and lowering his voice. Even in his anger at the revelation, Natsuki’s fearful reaction to how he dealt with such emotions was pulled up to the forefront of his mind.

Over the past couple of months, he had become much more mindful of his own behavior and how unacceptable his actions sometimes were. For someone who held the Agency’s reputation in such esteem, he had been utterly horrified to realize how his own behavior had reflected on the organization in a way no better than he’d always ranted about Dazai’s constant suicide attempts did.

Especially as now that he saw the brunette’s occasional moments of genuine happiness. he noticed the vast difference to before, finally catching on that the aforementioned attempts were not the jokes the brunette had allowed him to continue believing they were. It still frustrated him that Dazai had simply let his own continued wellbeing be brushed to the side like that, but the other had always been open about wanting to die, so technically Kunikida’s borderline criminal negligence (from his perspective) was no one’s fault but his own.

“Mm, Dazai’s always had a thing for Mr. Fancy Hat.” Ranpo waved a hand dismissively as if it was old news, which to be fair, it was to most of them. “Come on, Kunikida, how can you even call yourself a detective if you didn’t even catch that? Natsu-chan has been trying to set them up for months now.”

Someday Ranpo’s rudeness and lack of tact was going to bite him, but today would not be that day.

Kunikida shoved down the further irritation that Ranpo’s words caused, looking very conflicted for a few moments as he struggled to decide whether the matter was worth arguing about further.

As Dazai had told him back when the redhead first found out about the girl, the mafioso clearly hadn’t betrayed his partner by informing Mori about the situation (he didn’t know enough about Mori to know that he definitely knew about her by now), just like Dazai had promised he wouldn’t.

He considered how Dazai apparently trusted Nakahara enough to allow the man to spend a few hours alone with his daughter, and how no one else, including Fukuzawa and Ranpo, seemed to have any issue whatsoever with Dazai being attracted to the man, regardless of whether or not they were actually in a relationship yet.

(Were they? A question for another time, Kunikida decided).

“Fine.” He groaned out, raising a hand up to his head only to drag it slowly down his face. “Do what you will, I guess.”

“Why thank you, though to be perfectly honest, it’s not really any of your business anyway.” Dazai said in a rare moment of brutal candidness, though the brunette smiled a tiny bit, probably in an attempt to show that he didn’t really mean anything by it and wasn’t offended, moving on to greet the others and invite them to hang around and sit down as they waited for Natsuki’s arrival.

“Very nice, 10 out of 10.” Yosano murmured as she stepped a little closer to Kunikida, Ranpo having headed for the kitchen to see what kind of snacks were on offer.

“Yes, thank you, Yosano-sensei.” Kunikida kept a careful hold on his tone, not wanting to let his frustration show too much when talking to the terrifying doctor. “I…wasn’t expecting that.”

“Dazai being attracted to a man, or the identity of said man?” she wondered.

“Both.” Kunikida rolled his eyes. “I’ve seen him flirt with and proposition dozens of women to a double suicide, so it caught me off guard. And it being Nakahara…”

“Just try and keep an open mind.” She hummed. “He’ll be staying for the party, apparently, so you should take the opportunity to see how he interacts with Dazai and Natsuki. If you’re still worried about Chuuya afterwards—and I mean Chuuya himself, not just him being in the Port Mafia, though, just talk to me or Ranpo about it. If you go to Dazai, you’ll just end up hurting him, even if he’ll hide it.”

Back when Kunikida first met Dazai, the idea that anything he said could ever really effect the brunette would’ve made him scoff in disbelief, but more and more he was coming to realize how he’d misjudged his partner, so he took Yosano’s word for it.

“I’ll do my best.” He said, only somewhat reluctant.

“Good, that’s all Dazai would ask, anyway.” Yosano nodded, satisfied. “And hey, look on the bright side. Now that they’ve moved, Chuuya won’t be visiting them at the Agency’s dormitory anymore!”

“Wait, he’s been what?!” Kunikida almost yelped at this new information. He didn’t live at the dorms himself, but he would have heard about such visits from one of the others, surely?

“Oh yeah, at least a couple times a week.” Yosano nodded, clearly enjoying herself. “Probably as often as he can, with his schedule.”

Kunikida started into space, absorbing the fact that one of the Port Mafia’s executives had had such access not only to Dazai and Natsuki, but everyone else who lived at the dorms.

Admittedly, in this case at least, Kunikida not having already found out about it was probably a good thing, since it meant the mafioso hadn’t caused trouble and brought it to his attention, but he still would have liked to have been told sooner!

Working with people like these, it was an honest to god miracle that he hadn't found any gray hairs, despite feeling like he'd aged a century since he joined the Agency, but he knew that it was only a matter of time.

Chapter Text

Hello all!

I’m so sorry to say it, but I’ve realized (and I’m sure you’ve all guessed by this point) that this won’t be going anywhere, I totally lost motivation to write the story. That’s what I get for trying to write a more cohesive format instead of the interconnected collection of one-shot scenes  I’d initially said that this was going to be.

However! I did write a bullet list of where I was going to go with this, and hey, if anyone wants to take up the mantle or anything, just let me know.

Tried to do it in somewhat chronological order…

ADOPTION: it was going to go through with little to no problem, the only caveat being that Natsuki will need to start attending school for the upcoming year (schools in Japan start session in early April, generally, so they’ve got a bit).

SOUKOKU: Dazai and Chuuya’s first kiss was slated to happen on Valentine’s Day, because Chuuya’s secretly a huge sap and this story’s Dazai deserves that kind of thing, okay? He was going to do the whole secret admirer thing where they both knew what was really going on, and then they’d end up together. Didn’t plan too far ahead on the EXACT details, but that was the gist of it.

MORI and the PORT MAFIA’S FUTURE:

-With Soukoku finally getting together, Mori realizes that it’s only a matter of time before Dazai decides to take him out and makes his move first.

-In early March, he manages to kidnap Natsuki while she’s out and about with Atsushi, who did a damn good job protecting her but was eventually overwhelmed by sheer numbers and abilities that subdued the tiger. He was briefly in the hospital but healed quickly and is a mess of emotions about the whole situation.

-Dazai FLIPS OUT, obviously. Ango is an idiot who tries to “talk some sense into him” and Dazai terrifies everyone by slipping back into his old Dark Era persona, telling Ango that “If Mori so much as touches a hair on my daughter’s head your life is forfeit.” Everyone fully believes him.

-In order to avoid a huge war and salvage the situation as much as possible, Kouyou doesn’t wait for the others to decide what to do, instead deciding to go to Mori’s office as soon as she hears what’s going on. She runs him through with her blade, getting injured by Elise in the process, and then rescues Natsuki, immediately bringing the little girl to the ADA because she knows time is of the essence if they want to avoid Dazai’s wrath worsening.

-When she brings Natsuki back safely, Dazai shows more vulnerability during their reunion than most of the witnesses have ever seen from him. Once he’s gathered himself, he stands up and bows deeply to Kouyou, both in gratitude and to acknowledge her as the new Boss of the Port Mafia, at least for the time being until everything is sorted out.

-Predictably, it ends up being between Kouyou (Mori’s killer) and Chuuya (the undisputed strongest member of the organization) who will take the head. Neither of them honestly want it much, but don’t want to put the burden on the other person, either. In the end, a comment from Natsuki cements that Chuuya isn’t meant for that role.

-Dazai and Chuuya both step into liaison roles between the Agency and Port Mafia, technically being a separate entity for legal reasons. After a time as trust builds, the Special Abilities Department also joins in, with the condition that they never put Ango anywhere near the pair’s vicinity again. They both live happily ever after with Natsuki, at least as happily as people with their pasts reasonably could.

-It isn’t what he’d initially planned for Yokohama, but in the end, Natsume-sensei is content with how this altered version of the Tripartite Framework turned out.

NATSUKI’S FUTURE:

-She ends up becoming a student at the Yokohama International School (which is a real place), an institution geared towards less traditional learning methods and is instead “where joy, play, wonder, curiosity, inquiry and creativity are the ways in which children learn” (copy/pasted from their website). She absolutely loves it there and makes a lot of friends.

-As an adult, she decides to become an author to honor Odasaku, the uncle she’d never had the chance to meet but who changed her dad’s life in such an extraordinary way and, in turn, her own. For her first book, she dedicates it to Dazai, her Angel (which is a reference to the last line of the IRL book No Longer Human).

-When she eventually marries, Dazai is of course the one to walk her down the aisle. He and Chuuya intimidate and threaten the hell out of her partner to make sure they're good enough for their daughter (though in the end, the pair agree that NO ONE would be good enough but at least she's happy). She gives them three grandchildren, all of whom absolutely adore them. 

DAZAI'S FUTURE (parts not already mentioned above):

-Dazai eventually takes up painting as a hobby, and his first collection (revealed under a pseudonym) is a series of very disturbing paintings meant to reflect his experiences and state of mind at different times in his life. Those who see them are fascinated by them, especially once he agrees to a private interview and reveals the meanings behind them. Years later, those and his future works are pointed to as one of the reasons that Japan started to slowly change their mindset as a country on how to appropriately address mental health issues (initially being "ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist"). There are a few people in their lives who know that Dazai and the mysterious artist are one and the same, but it's not generally talked about except with Chuuya and later Natsuki. 

-Dazai does eventually manage to bring himself to wear short-sleeves tops without covering himself in bandages. On bad days he still covers up, but as he gets older and continues healing, those bad days happen less and less.

-When he and Chuuya eventually decide to retire (or as close as they can get to it), it's to a beautiful, picturesque home overlooking the ocean. It isn't far from Yokohama, since they've both come to love the city so much, and they frequently visit both Natsuki's family and their ADA and Port Mafia families.  

Thank you all for joining me on the journey that was this story! Sorry I couldn’t find it in me to actually flesh everything out, but hopefully the overview of what I’d been planning will grant some closure.