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Despite his mind being consumed by the four concurrent dishes being cooked on the stove top and his hands busy carving some fruit into, frankly, a work of art, Taako was nervous. He had no reason to be; really, he was being incredibly stupid. He had cooked dinner for Magnus and Merle dozens of times by now. He had cooked dinner for Kravitz a good handful of times and each one had been perfect. He had not, a voice inside Taako reminded him for the hundredth time that hour, cooked the same dinner for both parties at once, however.
And so what if Kravitz was coming over for dinner? Who cares what Magnus and Merle thought of him? Or what Kravitz thought of Taako’s choice of friends? Who cares? Not Taako, impenetrable fortress of indifference and composure.
Okay, maybe he cared a little.
A lot.
Taako was nervous.
And maybe no one knew that this was a mixed group dinner. Taako had sent separate messages to all involved parties telling them dinner was at six and if they were late, he was feeding their portion to one of Merle’s carnivorous plants. Magnus and Merle would, of course, each expect the other to be invited too, but they had no reason to expect a fourth guest. And Kravitz thought this was a date night. Which it was. Technically. Just with some added surprises.
Why was Taako doing this again?
He and Kravitz had been seeing each other for nearly two months now. It was, to Taako’s recollection, the best relationship he had ever been in and he was frankly finding it hard not to just casually mention his outings with the grim reaper to his companions from time to time. That was the reason he was sticking with for why he was doing this, anyway.
The real reason was that Magnus and Merle were the two most important people in his life right now and it felt wrong to add a third person to his extremely short list of People Taako Likes without the approval of the only other people on that list. And he liked Kravitz. He wanted Merle and Magnus to like him, too.
“Something smells amazing!” Magnus’s voice boomed from the front door as the man entered their shared living room.
“Of course it does,” Taako shouted back. “I’m making it.”
Magnus poked his head into the kitchen and Taako wrinkled his nose as he took in how sweaty the human was. He must have just come from training. “Need any help in here?”
“It’s cute you think you could help, bubelah, but this recipe doesn’t call for stinky man sweat.”
Magnus frowned and surreptitiously smelled himself. “Alright, fair. Do I have time to shower before dinner?”
“Well, I’m not serving you as is, so I’d say yes.” Taako turned his back on Magnus and stirred two of the dishes on the stove, one with each hand. “And Merle’s not here yet, anyway.” He didn’t mention that Kravitz was also not supposed to be here for another thirty minutes.
“Cool, I’ll be back soon!”
“I’ll be counting the minutes.” Taako called sarcastically after Magnus’s retreating form.
This was fine. It would be fine.
Taako had a few quiet minutes to finish off his fruit plate and take the pasta off the heat. He tried not to think too hard about how the evening would go, or how this could be his last few moments of peace.
Technically speaking, this was not the first time Magnus and Merle were meeting Kravitz. That should make this easier, except for the fact that the last time they had met they had all tried to kill each other and Kravitz sort of caused Merle to lose his arm…
This was a bad idea.
Taako was pulled from his spiraling thoughts by the sound of the door opening and closing. The sound of clunky footfalls meant Merle must be home. Only one person left, a very unhelpful part of Taako’s mind supplied.
“Hey, Taako, I know you were just joking earlier about feeding dinner to Carol-”
“I was not joking.”
“-but if we have extra, could we set a plate aside for her?”
Taako froze before turning slowly to face the cleric. “You want me… to give a whole serving of the food I have been preparing for the past three hours… a Taako from TV specialty… to your plant?”
“You’re the one who suggested it!” Merle defended, holding up his hands in a placating gesture.
“Yeah, but I was joking!”
“You just said you weren’t joking!”
Taako turned back to his skillet of shrimp on the stove, stirring them around with a little more force than strictly necessary. “I think you’re finally going senile, old man, making up stories and hearing things.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Merle mumbled, waving off the wizard’s words while he retreated to the living room. “I’ll feed you to Carol.”
“What was that, Merle?” Taako called over with a smirk.
“Oh – nothing!” He said quickly, then quieter, “Goddamn elvish hearing.”
“I can still hear you,” Taako said in a sing-songy voice, though softly enough that it was only to himself. He didn’t want to upset the old man too much, not this early on in the evening. Not when there would be plenty of that later…
Taking his shrimp – perfectly cooked – off the heat, Taako moved on to setting the table. Usually he would make one of the other two do it if he was the one slaving over the stove for hours, but he found he just couldn’t be still. If he didn’t have something occupying his hands, he would start to think too hard about what he was doing. So, covering his vegetables still simmering on the stovetop, Taako balanced plates, bowls, glasses, and silverware in his arms with a practiced ease and headed out for the table.
Just as Taako was setting out the plates, Magnus entered in thankfully less sweaty clothes with a towel wrapped around his head. He noticed the number of plates and frowned.
“Hey, that’s four plates.”
“Very good, Magnus, you can count!” Taako said with a bit more bite than he meant, but he could feel with jittery anxiety that the jig was just about up.
Magnus didn’t even spare the comment a thought as he plowed on with his questioning. “Is someone joining us? Oh! Is it Carey?”
“No, it’s not –”
“Right, no, because then Killian would be here too.” Magnus thought hard for a second before his face brightened. “Is it Angus?”
“I have clearly just put out wine, so no, a child has not been invited to dinner.” Taako danced around having to give the real answer.
“Is it the Director?”
“No.”
“Avi?”
Taako sighed. “No.”
“Johann?”
“No!”
Magnus was silent for a moment.
“…Leon?”
Taako rounded on him in exasperation. “Why would it be Leon?!”
“I don’t know! An apology dinner or something for breaking him!”
“Well, it’s got to be someone from the Bureau,” Merle cut in from the couch where he had been watching the chaos.
Taako was quiet.
“Taako? It has to be someone from the Moonbase, right?” Magnus asked, sounding genuinely confused now.
“…not necessarily.”
“What do you mean ‘not necessarily’?” Merle exclaimed, standing up and joining them around the table. “This is a secret Moonbase, Taako!”
“I am very aware of that Merle, yes!”
“Okay, okay,” Magnus said, holding up his hands in a calming motion. He turned to face the wizard directly. “Taako, who is coming to dinner?”
Taako sighed and put down the bowls in his hands, electing instead to play with his necklace nervously while looking anywhere but at his friends. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I’ve been… ah… seeing someone.”
Magnus’s reaction was immediate and very Magnus. “Taako! That’s great!” He strode forward and gave the elf a crushing hug, which Taako in no way reciprocated. The fighter pulled back but left his hands on Taako’s shoulders. “What’s their name? How long have you been together? Do we know them? Wait, of course we don’t know them, or we wouldn’t be having a dinner to meet them. How did you two meet? Are you sneaking them onto the Moonbase? That’s so romantic!”
“How about you let the poor guy answer a question or two there, Maggie.” Merle cut in, putting a hand on Magnus’s arm.
“Right, yeah, sorry.” Magnus said sheepishly, taking a few steps back. “I just get excited.”
Taako cast Merle a thankful glance before looking back up at a very enthusiastic Magnus. This was definitely a bad idea. An incredibly horrendous idea. He looked away, focusing his gaze intently on his shoes.
“As a matter of fact, you do know him. Sort of.”
“Oh?”
“But he’s not in the Bureau?” Magnus asked.
“No, he’s not in the Bureau.”
“Well, come on! Out with it!” Merle prompted. “It’s not like you’re dating death or something.”
Taako almost laughed at the irony. He also almost cried. “Funny you should put it that way…” Taako finally forced himself to meet his friends’ confused expressions and took a deep breath. “Do you guys remember Kravitz?”
“Kravitz?” Magnus said, looking off into the distance as he searched his memory for the name.
“Hey, wait a minute,” Merle cut in, realization dawning on his face. “That’s that grim reaper guy! You are dating death!”
Magnus’s eyes widened and he looked back down at Taako. He and Merle were silent for half a second before they both started talking at once.
“He tried to kill us!”
“He tricked me into losing my arm! I lost my arm because of him!”
“Guys –”
“How could you date someone who tried to kill us!” Magnus shouted. “And you tried to kill him!”
“And he also called me ugly!”
“Merle, that doesn’t seem quite as important as the whole ‘killing us’ thing,”
“Yeah, but it still hurt!”
“Guys, if you would –”
“Hey, he said next time he saw us he was dragging us off to the Eternal Stockade!”
“And he went all spooky skeleton on us with the scythe and billowing cloak – not exactly a friendly guy!”
“Yeah, Merle’s right, this guy doesn’t seem like a safe choice of –”
Taako couldn’t take any more. He slammed his hand down on the table, sending out a bright flash of light and a thundering boom. Merle and Magnus both froze.
“Guys! If you would just shut up and listen for one minute!” Taako was breathing hard.
Magnus and Merle looked at one another, having a silent conversation, before they looked back to the wizard and Magnus nodded.
“Okay, good,” Taako said, almost more to himself than the others as he tried to get his thoughts in line. He let out a long breath. “He’s – Kravitz – we, ah…” God, he didn’t even know where to begin. “We had a talk. After we got back to the Moonbase from Refuge. He said he didn’t have a contract out on us anymore, but he just needed to know why our kill count was so high; he wanted to make a case to the Raven Queen for why we shouldn’t be dragged into the astral plane! He was on our side!”
“So… you convinced him that we shouldn’t die?” Magnus ventured softly.
“Yeah, I mean we just… talked.” A soft smile appeared on Taako’s face as he got a far away look in his eye, thinking back to that evening. “It was nice.” Taako locked eyes with his friends again. “He is nice. Kravitz is kind, and sweet, and a huge dork, and he absolutely does not want to kill us.”
“But Taako,” the tone of Magnus’s voice was serious as he spoke in a low voice. Taako looked away. “Are you sure he’s not dangerous? I mean, he’s the grim reaper! He tried to kill us. It’s sort of a… vulnerable position you’re putting yourself in here.”
“Yeah, Taako, you could really get hurt if you’re not careful.” Merle added. “He’s a dangerous man.”
Taako’s hands tightened into fists as he felt his anger boil over. “You don’t think I know that? Look, I – I’ve done the whole bad relationship thing. I know what a dangerous man looks like.” He swallowed hard, trying to force the images of Sazed out of his mind. “Kravitz isn’t him,” he said this softly, almost to himself, before he looked back up at his friends. “I’m never doing that again. I’m stronger now. You’re going to have to trust me on that one.”
Magnus and Merle were silent as they stared at their friend. The look on Merle’s face was a puzzling mixture of pain, anger, and clarity, like something had finally clicked. Magnus opened and closed his mouth a few times before he finally found words. “Taako, I… I didn’t know that.”
Taako let out a bark of laughter that didn’t hold any humor. “Well, it’s not exactly light dinner conversation, is it?”
Magnus looked like he wanted to say more, but he restrained himself. It was Merle who spoke up.
“So, why this dinner? Now? With us?” Taako silently thanked Merle for letting the Sazed matter drop. “It seems you’ve been getting on fine without letting us in on your relationship secrets, so why tell us now?”
“I don’t know…” Taako reached up to twirl his braid absentmindedly, suddenly feeling embarrassed. “I’m starting to really care about Kravitz, like a lot, and you two are… um…” Oh, this was such a bad idea. Taako Taaco, you know, from TV? did not do feelings. This was so many feelings. “I mean, you both… uh… you’re… ah, fuck it.” Taako huffed out an exasperated breath. “You’re both the only family I have, and I care about what you think of Kravitz. There. Happy now?”
Merle immediately broke out into a shit eating grin as Magnus’s eyes welled with tears. Taako looked up to the ceiling. “Oh, Istus help me.”
“Aw, Taako, you’re my family too!” Magnus said, coming forward with his arms out.
“Oh, no, Maggie, that’s not nec –” It was too late, he was already being crushed in a signature Burnsides embrace. “Okay. This is what’s happening now.”
Magnus held out the arm that wasn’t being used to crush an elf. “Merle, you too!”
“Come on, Merle, if I have to endure this, so do you.” Came Taako’s muffled voice from somewhere in the vicinity of Magnus’s shoulder. Merle rolled his eyes and hemmed and hawed a bit mostly for show before he joined the hug too.
“Fine, you old softies.”
“Hey, I am not a softie!” Taako squirmed fruitlessly against the power of the Burnsides hug. “I am solid as a rock, the personification of the word ‘aloof.’ It’s this big lug who’s like an egg with a hard outer shell and all goop in the middle.”
“I am a softie.” Magnus admitted freely.
It was then that there was a knock at the door and Taako practically leapt out of his skin in alarm. “He’s here!”
“Wait, how did he get on the Moonbase?” Merle asked as he and Taako were freed from the hug. Taako immediately rushed over to the table to finish setting it.
“He’s the grim reaper! He has his scythe and he can just sort of –” Taako mimed a slicing motion with a butter knife. “- rip his way through dimensions.”
“So, why doesn’t he just appear at the table? Why knock on the door?” Magnus asked as he carried a fourth chair over from the living space.
“Because he’s a gentleman!” the elf hissed as he made his way quickly towards the door. He paused just before reaching it and turned to his friends. “I know you guys have your reservations, but please… just give him a chance.”
Magnus and Merle looked at one another for a second before Merle responded, “Taako, if you trust this guy, then we trust you.”
Taako definitely did not have any sort of mushy warm feeling in his chest from this. Definitely not. To prove this, he added “Okay, well just don’t be too weird then. Merle, I am specifically addressing you.”
As Merle sputtered in protest, Magnus suddenly stood up straighter. “Wait, hold on, I need… I’ll be right back!” And he took off for his room. Taako did not have time to figure out what it was the fighter was doing, so he turned back towards the entryway, took a second to straighten out any wrinkles in his clothes, and opened the door, leaning casually against the doorframe.
“Well, hey there, handsome.”
Kravitz looked up from where he had been rearranging a bouquet in his hands. He smiled sheepishly. “I promise these were alive when I got them, but it seems from me holding them for this long…” Taako looked down at the flowers and let out a bark of laughter. They were most certainly dead.
“Aw, well it’s the thought that counts, my man. Maybe Merle can fix them.” He reached out and took the bouquet to save them from being held by death any longer. Taako gestured for Kravitz to enter, pointing to the coat rack for Kravitz’s cape before continuing. “And speaking of, I probably should have mentioned it before, but – goddammit, Magnus, what the hell?”
Taako had turned towards the living space only to find out what Magnus had been so eager to get from his room.
“Oh, hello, Kravitz! I didn’t see you there!” Magnus called from the couch, where he was diligently polishing Railsplitter. “Just keeping the ol’ axe in tip top shape! A typical Friday night here for Magnus.” His voice dropped a bit and he looked pointedly at the reaper. “Never know when I’ll have to use it.”
Taako smacked his forehead with his hand as Kravitz raised an eyebrow. “Are you… threatening me?”
“What? No! Of course not!” he said with a chuckle. “Why would I threaten you when I’ve already beaten you once in a fight and could clearly do it again at any time?”
“Magnus!”
The human leaned forward and whispered, “At any time.”
It was then that Merle chose to enter the living space from his room, and Taako nearly Blinked himself to another plane out of sheer exasperation at the sight of the dwarf carrying his war hammer.
“Just thought I’d sneak in a quick polish before din- aw, Magnus! I was going to do that!”
“Well, I beat you to it, so put it away!” Magnus yell-whispered to the cleric before turning back to smile at Kravitz like Merle wasn’t even there.
“Okay, how about we both put away all weapons and stop threatening bodily harm to my handsome dinner guest please.”
Merle sighed with a dejected “Fine,” as he turned back towards his room, and Magnus stood up, tossing Railsplitter over one shoulder and, yep, Taako noted, definitely flexing way more than necessary.
“It’s fine,” Magnus said as he headed off towards his room. He added quickly, under his breath, “it’s not like I would need it to win, anyway…”
“Magnus, I swear to Istus I’ll turn you into a duck. I’ve done it to Merle before and I can do it to you!” The human’s last few steps into his room were at a run. Taako turned to Kravitz, whose face was a mixture of confusion and amusement.
“I’m sorry. They’re idiots.”
Kravitz chuckled. “No, it’s fine. It’s actually kind of sweet in a weird, violent way.” He took Taako’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “They care about you.”
“Yeah, well…” Taako grabbed Kravitz’s other hand and looked at him apologetically. “I’m sorry. I should have told you before, but I was thinking we could all have dinner together tonight? I know Magnus and Merle are, like, the worst, but I don’t want them to think I’m hiding you from them or anything.”
“My, my, meeting the family,” Kravitz began in a teasing tone. “This is getting serious.”
Taako sputtered. “No, no, they’re not – it’s not – I mean, not that I wouldn’t want – hey, you know, technically speaking you have already met them.”
Kravitz dropped his taunting smirk and grimaced. “Yes, I suppose I have, and it wasn’t under the best of circumstances, was it?” Now it was Taako’s turn to smirk.
“Well, you still managed to land me, so maybe not all hope is lost. Now come help me with dinner; it’s nearly done.”
“Oh, so he gets to help?” Magnus accused as he reemerged, thankfully weaponless, from his room.
“Yes, well he doesn’t smell like a fantasy wrestling mat, so Kravitz does get to come near my food.”
“Hey, I showered!”
“And thank Istus for small miracles. Here,” Taako tossed the sad looking bouquet to Magnus as he passed. “you can find some water for these.”
“But they’re… already dead,” the human looked at the flowers in confusion.
“Then you can find Merle and get him to fix them!” Taako called over his shoulder as he dragged Kravitz into the kitchen.
~~~~~
Dinner went better than Taako thought it would. For the most part, Merle and Magnus behaved themselves, as best as the two could, at least. And they couldn’t deny that Kravitz was charming. He talked to Merle about plants that grew in the ethereal plane and listened intently to Magnus’s story about a drow he met who made the best cider he had ever had from, what she claimed, were undead apples. It could have been awkward and painful and thick with tension, but it wasn’t. Taako realized, as the meal was winding to a close and everyone was finishing off the second bottle of wine, that his cheeks were sore from smiling, which was not a familiar feeling.
He could get used to it though.
“Welp, I better go put away the leftovers.” The wizard said as he pushed himself up from the table.
“I’ll help,” Kravitz offered, but Magnus stood up and held up a hand.
“No, you’re the guest, I’ll do it.”
Taako cringed. “Oh god, last time you put away food you put the spaghetti in a fantasy lemonade pitcher.”
“It was the perfect size!”
The sounds of Magnus and Taako’s bickering faded as the two made their way into the kitchen, and Kravitz and Merle were left sipping at the last of the wine and piling dirty dishes in the center of the table.
“So,” Merle began casually. “You and Taako, ay?”
Kravitz blushed a bit but smiled. “Yes, it would seem so.”
“Look, I’m not going to lie, when Taako said he was dating the grim reaper, the same one who tried to kill us and well, you know,” Merle lifted his tree arm and Kravitz cringed. “let’s just say I had my reservations.”
“Merle, about your arm, I am so, so very sorry. It was just part of the job, but even then –”
“Now, let me stop you right there,” Merle cut in, raising a hand. “I’m not mad about the arm. The past is in the past. Life’s too short to be holding a grudge! Er, well, maybe life isn’t the best word…” He chuckled and Kravitz did too. “All I want to say is this. You seem like a nice guy. I like to think I’m a pretty good judge of character by this point in my life, and you’ve passed my test. But know this. Those two idiots in there?” Merle nodded towards the kitchen where Magnus could be seen carefully scooping leftovers into a container that was most definitely too small while Taako watched with a critical eye. “They’re like sons to me. If either one of them got hurt… well, I think Magnus already threatened you enough earlier, so you get the picture. But Taako’s been through a lot. He doesn’t really do the whole relationship thing with just anyone, so you had better count yourself lucky. If he really is so taken with you, then I guess you must be something special, which is good enough for me.”
“Wow, Merle, that means a lot to –”
“But know this,” Merle cut Kravitz off, suddenly leaning forward and narrowing his eyes, his tone dropping to be almost menacing. “If you hurt Taako, or if you even so much as think of hurting him, I will know, and I will feed you to Carol.”
Kravitz sat back, brows scrunched in alarm. “Who… who is Carol?”
“Let’s hope for your sake you never find out.”
Taako and Magnus chose that moment to return to the table, a steady stream of squabbling still flowing between them. Taako stopped, however, when he saw the way Kravitz was looking at Merle.
“Oh god, Merle, I told you not to be weird!” he turned to Kravitz. “What did he say to you? Was it about his mole? I’ve told him that he cannot keep bringing that up in polite company.”
“I keep telling you, it’s not gross! It’s a natural bodily –”
Taako and Magnus both plastered their hands to their ears. “I cannot hear this again, old man! I will literally gouge out my ears if it means never hearing you talk about your bodily functions ever again, oh my god.” Taako grabbed one of Kravitz’s hands and pulled him up. “Come on, I’m aiding in your escape.”
“It was… nice to meet you both properly this time.” Kravitz said, reaching out to shake hands with Magnus and Merle. “I look forward to seeing you both again soon.”
“Haha, but not in a death kind of way, right?” Magnus joked as he shook the reaper’s hand with gusto.
“Certainly not,” he grinned as he moved to shake Merle’s plant hand. “Thank you for what you said earlier. I am lucky.” Magnus and Taako looked at the two with confused expressios, but Merle just nodded.
“Okay, homies, don’t burn down the moon, I’ll be right back,” and with that, Taako ushered Kravitz through their living space and out the front door. Magnus and Merle were silent for a second before the fighter boomed,
“Well, I like him!”
“He seems a but up tight for Taako, but I suppose opposites attract and all that.” Merle shrugged. He made his way back to the couch to tend to the poor dead bouquet he had begun working on earlier. Magnus scooped up the remaining dishes to take them into the kitchen.
After a few minutes, Taako quietly made his way back into the unit, a dreamy smile splitting his face. It had been a good evening.
“Did you kiss him goodnight?” Magnus cooed as he poked his head out of the kitchen. The smile fell from Taako’s face as he turned towards the human.
“Hey, Magnus?”
“…yeah?”
Taako raised his Umbra Staff. “Duck.”