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Chapter Text

Prologue:

The One Where Violet Tries to Make Sense of It All

Lemony Snicket held the letter from his true love tightly in his hands as he reread the simple but still cryptic instructions she had given him. ‘ Please meet me at the last safe place, on the day of the week that M. Caliban’s husband is named after…’ She had written being as cryptic as she could in case her letter got into the hands of one of their enemies. It was Thursday morning and he was standing at the edge of the pond that stood in front of Hotel Denouement to meet up with her and her new husband, Bertrand. She never specified a time so he got here as early as possible. Lemony was awkwardly pacing around the pond wondering if he should even venture into the busy hotel. He was both nervous and anxious, he was nervous for several reasons. One he hadn’t seen Beatrice or Bertrand in quite awhile. Another reason was he was going to be meeting his infant daughter, Violet. He was also quite anxious because he had been on the run since he had last seen Beatrice and he was afraid he’d get recognized by someone even under his disguise. ‘ Just do me the kind favor of not masking your eyes...I’ll know it is you, my dear, I see your eyes every day when I look down at our a darling Violet.’ He did his best to disguise all of his face leaving his eyes as visible as possible. 

Eventually, Lemony took a deep breath as he lowered his fedora to barely hide his eyes. No one will be looking for a dead man. He told himself as he entered the hustle and bustle of the Hotel Denouement lobby. He looked around for anyone who resembled his Beatrice or his Bertrand. ‘ I will be wearing the same red shawl that I wore the night everything took a turn for the worst. You know, the one with the feathers.’ he scoured the lobby looking for anyone in wearing a red shawl. No luck. He looked around looking for anyone who was holding an infant. Again, no luck. I must have gotten here too early. He told himself when a hand appeared on his shoulder. He quickly turned around and was face to face with what one of the managers. Which one? He couldn’t tell.  The Denouement Brothers were notorious for purposefully looking alike to confuse both sides of the schism. The face seemed to be kind but it could have been Ernest.

“You seem lost,” the manager said. “Maybe I can be of some assistance.”

Lemony nodded his head slowly trying to figure out which Denouement brother he was talking to. 

“You see, the Hotel Denouement is arranged like a library…” the man began.

“Ah, so I would need to know the Dewey Decimal System in order to find what I am looking for?” he said putting a bit more emphasis on the word ‘Dewey’. Not too much in case, this was Ernest but just enough for the noble Denouement brother to understand.

The manager looked at Lemony for a second before nodding. “Maybe what you’re searching for is part of a mystery, ” the manager said giving a slight emphasis on the word ‘mystery’. He gave Lemony a pat on the shoulder which Lemony considered to be friendly. Lemony walked over to the concierge desk and scanned the bells. The dewey decimal number for mysteries is 135...but there’s no room 135…then how…? He thought to himself. He was sure that the noble Denouement brother was explaining to him that what he was looking for would be in room 135 but there was no such room in this hotel. He closed his eyes and thought about who he was meeting up with. “Bertrand...you cryptic bastard,” he said to himself as he rushed to one of the elevators. 

Lemony quickly hit the buttons marked 1, 3, 5 as he remembered a fun prank that Bertrand had taught him and his siblings when they had first visited this hotel. Bertrand Markson was a rather silly man who liked to show his friends random pranks, tell them random jokes and even show them a few weird but simple magic tricks. Sometimes he did it for the purposes of VFD and sometimes he just did it to lighten the mood before a mission. This particular time, Lemony now understood why Bertrand had told him and his siblings that. He smiled as the elevator descended farther than the basement floor.

“I’m telling you, Jacques, it’s fun,” Bertrand had said laughing as he hit all of the buttons in the elevator.

Jacques rubbed his temples. “I don’t see how,”

“You never know where you’ll end up,” Bertrand had replied laughing as Kit and Lemony started laughing at their friend annoying their brother.

Lemony jumped when the doors behind him had opened. He turned around and his heart felt like it had shattered into a million pieces.

“Baticeer?” He asked as his breathing stopped.

“My Silence Knot!” the woman wearing the red shawl replied getting up from her seat at the desk of a mutual friend. She ran up to Lemony excitedly as he caught her in his arms and spun her around. “You are alive! You got my letter!” 

Lemony didn’t know what to say, he was absolutely speechless. Beatrice gently took off his ridiculous disguise which freaked Lemony out for only a second. “We’re safe here, D says he is the only one with access to this sub-basement,” she explained to him feeling him tense up.

“I got here easily though,” 

“He’s keeping watch,” Beatrice said as Lemony kissed her. Beatrice did not pull away, she had missed Lemony so much and she honestly couldn’t believe that he was standing in front of her after all this time.

“Hey, sir!” a voice called out in a joking tone. “You are kissing my wife,” 

Lemony broke the kiss from Beatrice and turned to see a man wearing glasses holding an infant in his arms. Lemony smiled. “Bertrand!” he yelled as Beatrice took the infant from her husband and watched as Lemony and Bertrand hugged each other fiercely. Without any hesitation, Lemony kissed Bertrand right on the lips. Like his wife, Bertrand did not pull away from Lemony’s embrace. 

After taking a deep breath, Lemony pulled away. He was so happy to see both Bertrand and Beatrice again. “Did you really think I’d only kiss Beatrice?” Lemony asked as Bertrand rolled his eyes.

“You kiss better than your brother,” Bertrand remarked.

“Ew, seriously?” Lemony said as Bertrand chuckled.

“Eh, Kit’s still the better kisser,” Beatrice joked.

“Oh hell no. You did not just say that” Lemony said laughing.

“Wait, when did you kiss Kit?” Bertrand asked confused.

“During one of our VFD missions. She was telling me that...a certain Count...was a good kisser and then I had to ruin that for him,” Beatrice replied with a smile. “When did you kiss Jacques?”

“It just sort of happened one day. He and Frank just broke up. He needed a friend and he kissed me and I kissed him back,” Bertrand explained.

“Wait. So you both kissed one of my siblings before you had ever kissed me? What the fuck,” Lemony said annoyed.

“Yes, but we chose you,” Bertrand said smiling.

“Or did I choose you? ” Lemony asked laughing.

“Honestly...I chose both of you,” Beatrice smirked as both men nodded their heads in agreement.

“I’ve missed you...both,” Lemony said.

“We’ve missed you, too,” Beatrice replied smiling as the small bundle of joy in her arms giggled.

Lemony’s eyes shone with delight when he remembered why he was there. He was to meet his...daughter. The word was such an easy word to say. But such an odd one to say in context to himself. He has a daughter. “Is that…?” he asked unsure if he was dreaming.

Bertrand nodded. “Lemony...you and Beatrice made one beautiful baby girl…” he said as Beatrice smiled. “If Beatrice and I ever have more children...we’ll see who makes the prettier babies,” 

Beatrice rolled her eyes. “It’s not a competition,”

“Well...it kinda is,” Lemony said laughing. “Although, I doubt any of Beatrice’s children would turn out ugly…”

“Would you like to hold your daughter, Lemony?” Beatrice asked as she blushed.

Lemony couldn’t form words so he simply nodded at Beatrice, who slowly put her infant daughter in his arms. Bertrand laughed at how awkwardly he was holding the infant. He quickly helped Beatrice set the baby in his arms. “Here, you have to have her head like this,” he said as he helped Lemony. “Don’t worry, it wasn’t easy for either one of us at first,” 

Lemony stood frozen in place unable to speak, unable to think. He just stared down at the precious baby that laid in his arms. She looked just like her mother. She had Beatrice’s dark brown hair, her round cheeks, her chin. She was as beautiful as her mother, Lemony would dare say she was more beautiful than her mother. As the infant looked around, slightly confused as to who was holding her. Lemony worried that she would start crying. Please like me. Please like me. Please don’t cry. Please don’t hate me. His mind kept repeating as the infant’s eyes finally focused on his. He could see that this child was, in fact, his no doubt about it. Although she had more of her aunt’s eye shape, Lemony deduced that she must’ve gotten that from one of her paternal grandparents but he was unsure of which one since he had been orphaned when he was an infant. Lemony also noticed that instead of having Beatrice’s dark chocolate eyes, she had Lemony’s ocean blue eyes.  When his daughter’s identical eyes gazed into his, Lemony felt his heart shatter. But it was a different shattering. He had felt his heart shatter before when he killed a man back at Stain’d by the Sea. When he stole a piece of porcelain from an old friend. When he assisted in a double homicide that changed so many lives and when he had ultimately decided to leave Beatrice at the Opera House. He had felt his heart shatter in the worst ways for such a long time in different ways but this time...was different. It was a good shattering. This child had stolen his heart without saying a word. This was his daughter. He would do everything he could to protect her. If she wanted the world, he was going to find a way to give it to her. He stared at her for several long moments. Finally, looking up at Beatrice and Bertrand who were smiling and staring at him. Both noticed that Lemony’s eyes were watering.

“Lemony,” Beatrice said softly, “Meet our little girl, Violet Malina Baudelaire,” 

“Snicket,” Bertrand added. “She can have both last names,”

“The name ‘Snicket’ puts a target on her back,” Lemony muttered sadly.

“And the name ‘Baudelaire’ doesn’t?” Beatrice replied.

Lemony gave a small but saddened chuckle at that. “She’s screwed isn’t she?” he asked.

Bertrand shook his head fiercely. “No. We’ll protect her, all three of us. The organization and our enemies will never have any contact with her,” 

“Bertrand will guard her from the back, you can take the front, I’ll take the sides. I’m quicker than both of you anyway,” Beatrice joked. 

Lemony gave them a small smile and looked down at his daughter again. She was now slowly reaching up to touch his nose. “Hi, Violet Malina,” Lemony cooed softly watching his daughter tilt her head as if she recognized her name. “I’m your daddy. I’m Lemony...Lemony Snicket. You’ve probably heard that name from the papers...but don’t believe the lies they’re writing...I’m…” he began, still in a soft voice. He looked up at Beatrice and Bertrand again, who smiled at him. “I’m...a good man. Underneath it all. Little rough around the edges...but that’s nothing you can’t fix,” 

Violet giggled as she touched his nose. She made a small noise that could have sounded like a ‘boo’ or a ‘boop’. It was too soft and precious that no adult in the room could tell. Lemony felt his heart break again. 

“Now...I’m new to this whole ‘being a father’ thing,” he explained as he cautiously walked slowly across the room to reach the single desk that sat in the middle of the room. “So you’ve got to go easy on me. Let’s set some ground rules. First off, no dating at all until you’re like thirty or when I’m dead...whatever comes sooner,” he began. 

“Typical father,” Beatrice replied laughing.

“What?” Lemony asked. “She looks like you, she’s definitely going to get people after her,”

“Lemony,” 

“Bertrand...you’re her father, too. I value your opinion unless you disagree with me,” Lemony joked. “How do you feel about her dating?”

“Oh, I’m with you,” Bertrand replied. “I mean I would’ve said no dating until twenty-five...thirty seems too drastic,” 

“Hmmm,” Lemony said. “We’ll meet in the middle. How’s twenty-seven sound?” 

“Perfect!” Bertrand replied.

“How’s fourteen sound,” Beatrice said rolling her eyes. 

“Looks like your mother is the softy, Violet Malina,” Lemony said as Violet giggled happily.

“You really like her name, don’t you?” 

“Yeah...it’s wonderful,” Lemony said. “Out of curiosity, what would you have named her if she were a boy,”

“Lemony,” both Beatrice and Bertrand replied. Lemony’s face went from one of pure happiness to one of disgust as he turned to face his ex-fiance and his ex-boyfriend. 

“What?” he said in a tone that confused the two other adults in the room.

“What what?” Bertrand asked.

“You would’ve named my son ‘Lemony Baudelaire’?” 

Beatrice nodded. “We thought you…”

“Why would you torture a child like that?” he asked in a half-joking, half unbelieving tone.

“Le!” Violet shrieked giggling.

“No, that is not your name,” Lemony said. “Good thing, too,”

“Lemony...I like your name,” 

“I hate my name,” Lemony replied. “Honestly, I don’t know if the organization named me or my parents did. It was probably my parents, I mean they named their twins Jacques and Kit,”

“Well, technically, they named them Jacques and Katherine,” Bertrand explained.

Lemony rolled his eyes. “Twin names are supposed to rhyme,”

“If I had twins, I’d name one Nick,” Beatrice explained.

“Hmmm...well if one of the twins were a girl, I’d name her April,” 

“April and Nick?” Lemony asked.

“Oh no,” Bertrand explained. “See, if Beatrice and I have twins and they’re fraternal and different genders, they’d be Colin and April,” 

Beatrice laughed. “What happened to naming our next daughter after Theodora,”

Lemony glared at Bertrand. “You wouldn’t,” 

“I would and before you ask, no, I can’t tell you what the S stands for, she made me promise. You’ll just have to wait and see,” he replied to Lemony, turning back to Beatrice. “If we had twins I’d name one April...the daughter I name after Theodora won’t be in a set of kids.”

Lemony was still glaring at Bertrand. “After all we’ve been through you won’t tell me what the S. stands for,”

“I can’t. I promised,” Bertrand explained.

“I’m more confused about the fact that you don’t like the idea of naming our son after you,” Beatrice said trying to change the subject because she is tired of hearing these two argue about their old chaperone.

“Yes, I would be crying right now feeling bad for my son if you named him after me,” he replied. “You just said you would’ve named a son ‘Nick’ what’s wrong with that name? That’s way better than Lemony. I’d rather be Nicholas Snicket,” 

“No, not Nicholas. Nick.” Beatrice explained. “And...that’s if I had twin boys, I don’t have a name for the second son, but it won’t rhyme either,” 

Lemony rolled his eyes. “What about Klaus? Both derive from the same name,” 

Beatrice smiled happily as Bertrand looked at her. “I love that name!” she yelled happily.

“That’s a really good boy name,” Bertrand commented.

“Well, honestly when you’re only other choice is Lemony I bet any name I said would’ve gotten that reaction,”  Lemony replied. “Fuck. I could’ve suggested ‘Wine’ and that’s still a better name than Lemony.” 

“Stop being bitter,” Beatrice replied. “Although Wine is a cool name,” Lemony facepalmed at this response, hoping that she wasn’t serious.

“We would’ve named her after you to involve you not spite,”

“I hate my name, you both know that,”

“But we love your name,” Bertrand said as Beatrice smiled.

Lemony rolled his eyes and looked down at Violet, who smiled back at him the second that she realized that he was looking at her again. “Aren’t you glad your silly mommy and daddy didn’t name you Lemony?”

Bertrand smiled when Lemony referred to him as Violet’s father. It made him feel more validated and made him feel less guilty about ‘stealing’ Lemony’s role. It was a complicated situation that he had found himself in. Honestly, it was complicated for everyone involved especially little Violet, he was just glad to be here to help Beatrice as much as he could in Lemony’s absence. 

Violet giggled in response. “Le?” she said again.

“She’s trying to say my name,” Lemony said. “This child has stolen my damn heart, Bea,”

“Yeah, she does that,” 

“Like her mother,” Bertrand said.

“Like both of her fathers,” Beatrice replied.

Lemony held the infant closer to him. How was he supposed to take care of her if he was on the run? He didn’t understand what Beatrice and Bertrand were thinking. He didn’t understand why they were still working with VFD but he knew that they could handle themselves. Beatrice was the one who usually got them out of sticky situations.

“So you really want me in her life?” Lemony asked meekly. “Even after you come back,” 

“Of course, Lem,” Bertrand responded. 

“Even though everything that went wrong is my fault,”

“ None of it is your fault,” Beatrice replied quickly. “And yes, Bertrand and I would love for you to be in Violet’s life. She’ll have three parents.”

“And if we ever gift her siblings, you can be their third parent, too,” Bertrand said.

Lemony smiled. “You mean that? You’d let me parent your biological children?” he asked Bertrand.

“Why wouldn’t I? You’re letting me,” Bertrand said pointing at Violet.

Lemony felt tears springing in his eyes again. Beatrice sighed. “I hate to cut our reunion short...but Bertrand and I should be going,” she said sadly.

“When will I see you again?” Lemony asked desperately. “I mean...to give you back our daughter,” 

“I’ll send another letter via crow,” 

“Why can’t you tell me now?” 

“Because things change...in a blink of an eye...with a throw of a dart,” Beatrice replied, a small frown forming on her face. Lemony handed Violet to Bertrand so that he can say goodbye to his daughter.

“You be a good girl for Lemony,” Bertrand said in a normal volume and then he whispered to Violet. “You know I’m kidding, kiddo. You give him Hell and all the dirty diapers you can make,” 

Violet reached up for his glasses laughing at her silly, goofy, fun-loving father. “I love you, Violet. I will see you soon,” he said kissing his infant daughter on her forehead and holding her close. He sniffled and wiped a tear from his eye as he passed her to Beatrice.

Beatrice looked down at the girl who was nearly a carbon copy of her. She stared back at the Lemony blue eyes and she felt tears in her eyes. She had never been away from Violet for a long period of time. She didn’t like leaving her even if it was with Lemony but when VFD calls, you have to answer. As Bertrand handed over a small suitcase and diaper bag to Lemony and helped him put on his disguise, Beatrice sang to Violet. Lemony looked up when he realized that Beatrice was singing. He had missed her singing. Beatrice held Violet tight in her arms, nearly to the point where both men thought Beatrice was squeezing Violet too much. Beatrice looked up at them and glared. Her silent way of telling them that mother’s know best and that she’d never hurt her child. 

Violet looked up at her mother and was beginning to realize that her mother was unhappy because she was scrunching up her face in response. “Violet…” Beatrice began looking down at her infant daughter. “I love you...more than anything in this world. You’re going to be staying with her bio-father for a little bit. But Mommy promises she’ll be back,” she sniffled and shook her head. “I have to do something...I promise this won’t be permanent. I will find a way to get away from this organization. You will have a normal childhood. No matter what...you matter more to me than VFD,” 

Lemony and Bertrand nodded in agreement. Beatrice paused to wipe her eyes. “Mommy loves you so much, my precious baby girl. I always have and always will. Even if you’re in my arms or I’m halfway across the world. You are loved by all three of your parents, Violet.”

Beatrice began sobbing. “I hate VFD so much,” she whispered to the two men. “I don’t want to leave her,”

“It will only be few days,” Bertrand replied trying to be strong for the both of them. Even though, Lemony could tell he was on the verge of breaking. 

Beatrice kissed Violet on her cheek as she slowly walked over to Lemony. “Take her, Lemony. I won’t be able to hand her off...not even to you,” 

Lemony nodded. “Only if you promise to take her back from me that way I don’t have to hand her off either,” he replied. Beatrice looked at him through his disguise and nodded. 

“Lemony…” Beatrice began.

“Yeah?” 

“If...if...anything goes wrong…”

“None of that. I don’t want to hear it, Bea. Nothing is going to go wrong,” 

She chuckled and gave him a small smile. “After everything that has happened how are you still able to say that with a straight face?”

Lemony shrugged. “I don’t know honestly. I’m usually not optimistic. I’m pessimistic if I’m being quite honest,” he said looking at the infant that was now in his arms again. “Maybe...Violet’s giving me hope,” 

“Lemony, if anything does go wrong...just promise me, you’ll make sure she knows how much we loved her...how much this pained me,” Beatrice cried. “She needs to know that she’s loved...tell her all about me and Bertrand. Promise me. You will tell her that her mother loved her more than anything on this planet. ” The woman of Lemony’s dreams sobbed loudly, startling Violet. Bertrand walked over and held Beatrice tight as she sobbed on his shoulder. She glanced at the infant in Lemony’s arms. “ Promise me, Lemony. Even if you don’t think anything bad will happen... promise me, ”

“I promise,” Lemony replied. “She will know everything about you...and me...and Bertrand. Minus all the VFD stuff of course,” 

Beatrice nodded. “You’ll make sure she knows I loved her?”

“Yes. Always.” 

Beatrice nodded, wiping her eyes. “Thank you,”

“If anything is to happen, just know she’s in good hands,” 

“We know. That’s why we prayed that you were still alive,” Bertrand said.

“It would take a lot to kill me,” Lemony replied securing his disguise. When he looked down at Violet, she looked confused and startled. “Hey, Vi...it’s me. Lemony...your dad. You’ll get used to me changing how I look,” 

Beatrice went up to Lemony and hugged him and Violet tightly. She gave Violet another kiss, on her other cheek this time. Smiling down at her daughter. She kissed Lemony on his lips. “I love you both. Be safe,” 

“Same to you,” Lemony replied as Bertrand came over to hug him and Violet goodbye. Bertrand gave Violet another kiss on her forehead and kissed Lemony on his lips. 

“See you soon, kiddo. Love you,” he said to Violet. He then turned to Lemony. “Please stay safe…love you,”

“Love you both,” Lemony replied. “I’ll be watching the skies for your letter,”

“You know one day, Bertrand and I are going to clear your name,” Beatrice said as she turned to go through the secret tunnels that led out of the sub-basement. 

“Even if you clear my name with the authorities...our enemies,”

“Our enemies...can burn,” Beatrice replied coldly.

“If we fight fire with fire…” Lemony began.

“The whole world goes up in smoke,” Bertrand finished.

Beatrice rolled her eyes. “See you soon,” she said. “Love you,” 

And with that Lemony and Violet were left in the sub-basement of Hotel Denouement as Lemony could hear the cries of both Bertrand and Beatrice as they echoed through the tunnels. Violet began to cry when she realized that the two people she was used to being around all the time were now gone and she was left with a relative stranger.

Lemony looked down at Violet. “How...how could VFD take a child so small and precious?” he asked aloud thinking of himself. He couldn’t have been too much older than Violet when VFD recruited him and his siblings. 

He sighed and looked down at the crying baby. “I will never let them get you. Neither side. Not the damn organization and not those fucking enemies that I have. I will spend the rest of my life protecting you and everything you care about,” he told the crying infant as he grabbed all of the stuff that Beatrice and Bertrand left for him. “You are my daughter, Violet. I will die for you if it ever comes down to it,” he told her in a cold, soft whisper. 

He made his way to the elevator, to the busy lobby of the hotel wondering if he should inform the Denouement brother that the three adults had left his sub-basement. But he didn’t know which brother had shown him the room or which brother owned it. He decided that they would eventually figure it out. He decided to walk home. He didn’t have a car seat in his taxi and he wasn’t going to risk Violet’s life. He made a mental note to buy her a car seat later on that day. As he walked home, he spoke to Violet about happy moments in his life, about how happy he was to have her even if it was a few days…

But it wasn’t for only a few days. I hate to inform you but that was the last time that Lemony Snicket had ever seen Beatrice and Bertrand Baudelaire and in turn, that was the last time that Beatrice and Bertrand saw their eldest daughter. Lemony never received a letter via crows because two days later he had to relocate. He even relocated to a place that he was sure Beatrice would try searching for him at, but no such luck. He had stayed for a year at Stain’d by the Sea still having unofficial custody of his daughter. He pondered whether or not to go back to the city. Eventually, he had and eventually, he had stumbled upon news of a terrible fire and if you’ve been following this story as closely as others have then you would know that after that fire, he had tried desperately to help two orphaned children and in time, he met a rather fiery and untimely death. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but...that’s just how the story goes.

In all honesty, you shouldn’t be here. No one should be here. I shouldn’t be here with my associate doing tiresome interviews with witnesses into the Snicket and Baudelaire cases. We shouldn’t be losing sleep tracking down how to enter the sub-basement of Hotel Denouement in hopes of maybe finding the three orphans that this tragic tale revolves around. We shouldn’t be spending our days hanging out at Briny Beach desperately trudging up and down the sand looking for them and I shouldn’t be learning of my associate’s time at VFD because none of this should have happened. But sadly, until Violet Snicket finds a way to build a time machine this is how the story went and these are the things that I have done in order to figure out exactly what happened to these three in hopes of finding them again. But I have my reasons and my associate has her reasons to research this story.

____________________________________________________________

Violet Snicket shifted uncomfortably in the small seat that sat in the middle of Mr. Poe’s poorly decorated office. She held her backpack on her lap and sighed loudly. 

“Jacquelyn, explain to me,” Mr. Poe began as he coughed into a handkerchief. “How you found this orphan?”

Jacquelyn sighed. “You know that apartment building that burned down last night,” she explained obviously irritated. “I found her laying down in the park across the street crying. She told me…”

“No,” Violet muttered annoyed. “That’s not how the story went at all. Look,” she said standing up angrily setting her backpack on the chair. “My name is Violet Malina Snicket. My father Lemony Snicket was murdered last night and…”

“I’m sorry...Miss Snicket is it?” Mr. Poe said as he coughed again. Violet wondered if the man was deathly sick. “But there are several things that point to your tale of events being false. For one, the official fire department determined that fire to be an accident…”

“ How!?” Violet shrieked loudly. “I saw him! Well...I saw his ankle and heard a voice!”

“Secondly,” Mr. Poe continued as if she hadn’t even spoken. “Lemony Snicket has been dead for nearly fifteen years. It says so in this old edition of the Daily Punctilio.”

Violet growled in annoyance and glanced over at Jacquelyn, who looked very annoyed herself. “Really? This is who can help me?” Violet asked as Jacquelyn sighed and slowly nodded.

“I’m sorry Jacquelyn but I have no available guardians for her,” Mr. Poe said turning his attention to his secretary. “I can ship her off to Prufrock. They’ve been taking our orphan population recently. The...Quagmire twins and the Baudelaires are currently enrolled there.”

“Look, I am not an orphan. My birth mother is out there somewhere,” Violet corrected as Jacquelyn’s eyes went wide in worry.

“Ah! Lovely!” Mr. Poe said as he coughed. “Then I will spend whatever time I have on searching for her. But until I can send you to her, well... that is if she even wants you…” he began.

“Mr. Poe!” Jacquelyn gasped in disbelief.

“What? It’s true, Jacquelyn. If she gave her up in the first place than she obviously didn’t want her to begin with,” Mr. Poe explains as if Violet wasn’t in the same room as him and Jacquelyn.

Violet just glared at Mr. Poe with a few tears in her eyes. Jacquelyn sighed. “Mr. Poe, may I speak to you in private,” she asks. 

He coughs but eventually agrees. “Excuse us, Violet,” Jacquelyn says as she leads Poe out of the office. “Look, just trust me when I tell you that she is who she says she is and she is an orphan,”

“How would you know?” Mr. Poe asked. “She seems to believe that her birth mother is alive and out there. If that’s the case, I will search for her.”

“You don’t get it. Her birth mother is dead.” 

“How would you know?”

“You can’t say anything but her birth mother is Beatrice Baudelaire,” 

“Nonsense,” Mr. Poe replied as he coughs again. “Beatrice Baudelaire had two children. Both of which cannot be that girl in my office. Klaus is a boy, for starters. Sunny is vastly younger than this child,” 

“No. Violet is Beatrice’s first child,” 

“No, that’s Klaus. Besides this girl says she is a Snicket,”

“Yes, she is the child of Lemony Snicket and Beatrice Baudelaire,” 

“Now, Jacquelyn. You should know that it is very inappropriate to talk badly about the dead. To say that Beatrice cheated on her husband with this dead man is abhorrent and very disrespectful,” 

“They...they were in…oh never mind,” Jacquelyn says. “Just send her to Prufrock,” 

“That’s the plan until I find her birth mother,”

“You’re...never going to find her birth mother but go ahead waste your time,” Jacquelyn said visibly annoyed.

The two adults went back into the room where Violet was still clutching her backpack. She looked up at the two adults. “So what’s the verdict?” she asked curiously.

“You will be sent to a prestigious boarding school until arrangements have been made,” Mr. Poe explains. “We’ll leave in ten,”

“So soon?”

“Yes. I have just been promoted to Vice President of Orphan Affairs and I am a very busy man. I wish I would’ve known about you yesterday. I had just taken two other orphans there. Maybe you’ll bump into them and become fast friends,” 

“I’m not in the mood to make friends,”

“That might change,” Jacquelyn said smiling. 

“Are you coming with?” Violet asked hopefully.

“Unfortunately, no. I have to stay here and make a few important phone calls,” Jacquelyn explained as she knelt down to Violet’s level. “Listen to me,” she whispered. “I know that the fire wasn’t an accident. Your father was a good friend of mine and I will help bring that arsonist to justice,”

Violet nodded her head slowly and gave Jacquelyn a small smile. She stood up and hugged the woman. Jacquelyn hugged her back. “Try to make friends...you never know when you might find a strong connection…” she advised.

Violet gave a slow nod not fully understanding what Jacquelyn meant by that but she didn’t have any time to ask the secretary what she meant because before long Mr. Poe was motioning her to follow him to his car where he would drive her to Prufrock Preparatory School.

The second they left, Jacquelyn rushed to the phone and quickly dialed a number. 

“The world…” the man on the other end began.

“Is quiet here,” Jacquelyn finished.

“Jacquelyn?” the man asked. “What are you calling here for?”

“I have some...good and bad news for you, Jacques,” Jacquelyn said.

“Can you hold on just a second,” Jacques replied. Jacquelyn could barely hear him but it seemed like he was having a conversation with someone on the other line. “Hey, here. Commonplace notebooks are very useful in our line of work. What color would you like?” 

Jacques stopped talking for a split second, Jacquelyn couldn’t hear the other person. “Purple? Good choice. Lovely color,” Jacques said laughing. “Yes, very lovely indeed.” 

“Jacques?” Jacquelyn said impatiently.

“Sorry, Jackie. Give me one more second,” he said to her and then he placed the phone against his shirt which made it harder for her to hear. “Hey, do you think you can figure out this map for me?” he asked the other person.

“Jacques is this a bad time…?” Jacquelyn asked seemingly annoyed.

“No, no,” Jacques replied. “I am good now. Just doing VFD business. Are you calling about updates to the Quagmire fire because…”

“No,” Jacquelyn interrupted. “I’m not interested in the Quagmire case right now...this is more important matters,”

“Is Kit okay?” he asked worriedly.

She sighs. “As far as I know...yes,” 

“I don’t understand…” Jacques began.

“You...you may want to sit down for this,” 

“Wait..is my sister okay?” he asks again, more desperate this time.

“As I said, yes...as far as I know. I haven’t been able to get ahold of her, she’s out looking for a certain piece of porcelain,” Jacquelyn replies sighing. “It’s...it’s about Lemony…”

“Lemony?” Jacques repeatedly ultimately confused. “What about Lemony...he’s been dead for nearly fifteen years,”

“...fifteen hours, maybe,” Jacquelyn corrected.

There was a brief silence, and then Jacques took a deep breath. “Wait...what? You’re not making any sense,” 

“Lemony faked his death so many years ago, after the mission at the Opera House…”

“No...he would’ve told me. I drove him to a hideout...he…” Jacques said holding back tears. “Jackie, this isn’t funny,”

“He faked his death and didn’t tell anyone for the longest time. I learned a little bit after the Baudelaire that he was alive,” Jacquelyn explained.

“And you didn’t tell me or Kit?” Jacques asked incredibly pissed.

“He wouldn’t let me. He didn’t want to put you two in any danger,” Jacquelyn replied.

“No,” Jacques replied. “No, I simply don’t believe it,” 

Jacquelyn sighed. “What part do you not believe?” 

Jacques was quiet for a minute. Jacquelyn could hear small muffled cries. He could hear him telling the person he was with that he was just fine and needed to get some air.

“Jacques?” 

“No,” he repeated. “If he faked his death once, who says he isn’t doing the same?”

“Now...Jacques,” 

“No, it’s plausible. What was he doing that he came out of hiding? What was so important that he would risk his fucking life,” Jacques asked.

“Beatrice’s children,” 

“That lovestruck dumb ass,” Jacques muttered. “What happened? What is happening to Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire,”

“Well...his name rhymes with rice pilaf,” 

Jacquelyn could hear an angry growl from Jacques. “That motherfucker,” he muttered.

“He...set your brother’s apartment building on fire,” Jacquelyn explained.

“Did you see a body?”

“What?”

“No body, no proof that he’s dead,” 

“Jacques…”

“ No!” he yelled. “Jacquelyn, he couldn’t have been alive for nearly fifteen fucking years and I didn’t know!”

“...Jacques…” 

“He faked his death once, who says he...he can’t do it again!” 

“I saw the building collapse...there was only one survivor of the Snicket fire,” Jacquelyn explained.

“If there is a survivor then it has to be Lemony!” Jacques yelled. “This isn’t funny, Jackie!”

“Like I said...I doubt your brother survived that fire,” 

“Jacquelyn...what do you mean?”

“Lemony has a fourteen-year-old daughter...with Beatrice,” 

Jacques gasped. “Wait...that’s...there’s…”

“Her name is Violet Malina,” 

“...I have a niece?”

“Yes. Lemony has been on the run, presumed dead, and being a single father for the last nearly fifteen years,” 

“But…” Jacques said. “For him to even get...Beatrice would have known?”

“There’s no way to ask Beatrice or Bertrand if they knew of him being alive...seeing that they have suffered the same fate as your brother,”

“If there’s no body, then there’s no way of knowing,” Jacques repeated in disbelief.

“Jacques...denial isn’t healthy,” 

“Produce a body and I’ll believe it,” he said sternly.

“Very well,” she replied.

“Where’s my niece now?” he asked.

“Violet is on her way to Prufrock Prep...which conveniently is where her half-siblings are,” 

“Then I am also headed to Prufrock,”

“Wait? What?” 

“I’m going to help my niece,”

“Lemony and Beatrice specifically…” Jacquelyn began.

“I’m sorry, Jackie. I have to go,” Jacques replied. “Thank you for the information. If Lemony contacts you, I don’t give a fuck what he says I need you to inform me immediately,”

“Jacques…” she started as she heard the dial tone.

Chapter Text

Chapter One:

The One with The Baudelaires' First Day at Prufrock Prep

Klaus Baudelaire shifted uncomfortably on the bench that he and his baby sister have been sitting on for what seemed like forever. Klaus turned to Sunny and gave a small chuckle. “I feel like we’ve been sitting on this bench for months,” he said to Sunny, who shook her head in agreement. “We’ve been waiting so long, Sunny, you’re starting to look less like a baby and more like a toddler,” he said giving his sister a small smile. 

“Tall,” Sunny said laughing pointing at her brother, this was her way of saying, “And it looks like you went through a growth spurt, too,” 

Klaus stood up to see if Sunny was correct with her assumption. “Hmmm,” he hummed, “I don’t feel taller,” 

Sunny rolled her eyes. “Tall,” she reassured him. 

“Well, of course, you would consider me tall,” Klaus said laughing.

Both siblings shared a small laugh but as they both looked around the hallway that the bench had sit in. Both children felt nervous and shy.

“Tempus,” Sunny said after a long, awkward silence. This was her way of saying, “We’ve been tormented by treachery and villainy. By child labor and leeches...and now, a new school,” 

Klaus gave a small chuckle at that. “Well to be fair, the new school hasn’t tormented us yet,” 

“ Yet,” Sunny reiterated. Klaus gave a small frown to his sister’s newly pessimistic ways.

Klaus stiffened up when a young girl with red hair in tight curls, resembling Shirley Temple, wearing a pink outfit along with a frilly tutu walked up to him and Sunny.

“Hello, cake sniffers!” the young girl said loudly stopping in front of the two orphaned children. “Are you the new cake sniffing orphans?”

“I...ugh…” Klaus responded confused as to how he should answer that question. He and Sunny were new to the school and they were orphans, unfortunately. But Klaus wasn’t entirely sure what the word ‘cake sniffing’ meant. 

“Ugh...um,” the girl mocked. “Do you not know how to talk, four eyes?” 

Klaus frowned. Great. I’m already being picked on...fucking lovely. He thought to himself. 

“Back!” Sunny yelled which was her way of saying, “Back off, bitch!” Klaus didn’t think it was appropriate to translate for his sister. So he just stood there awkwardly as Sunny glared at the young girl.

The young girl looked down at Sunny and grimaced. “Ew...you have a cake sniffing baby, too? She better not drool on me,” 

“Bite!” Sunny yelled which meant, “No need to worry about me drooling because I will bite your hand off if you don’t stop acting like a bitch!” Again, Klaus didn’t find it completely appropriate to translate for his little sister. Sunny rolled her eyes in her brother’s direction when she realized that he was not going to translate for her.

“We’re the Baudelaires,” Klaus said finally as slow as possible, making sure to hit every syllable so the young girl wouldn’t make fun of him again.

The girl just stared at him. “Aren’t you going to properly introduce yourselves?”

“Oh, ummm,” Klaus began. “I’m Klaus and this is my baby sister, Sunny. It’s…” he began. He was going to say ‘It’s very nice to meet you’ but that would be lying. “It is...nice to make your acquaintance...ummm,”

“Ummm, uh,” the girl mocked him again causing Klaus to frown again. “Are you a blithering idiot? Everyone knows I’m Carmelita Kitana Spats. I’m the most adorable girl in the whole wide school. Vice Princie told me so, that’s why I don’t have to wear a cake sniffing uniform like you dorks,” 

“At her!” Sunny yelled as Klaus quickly grabbed her before she could jump on Carmelita. This was Sunny’s way of saying, “That’s it, let me at her!”

“Chill. Sunshine, please,” Klaus whispered to his sister, who rolled her eyes. “Umm, what does ‘cake sniffing’ mean,”

“It means you’re a stupid cakesniffer,” Carmelita replied. “And good news for you, I am here to give you a tour of the school. Follow me, Poindexter and baby,” Carmelita instructed as she began to tap dance through the halls. Klaus and Sunny looked at one another but followed the bratty child. “That...over there,” she explains as she continues walking in a different direction, simply pointing her finger at a door marked ‘Administration Office’, “Is Vice Principal Nero’s office. He’s a genius. He likes me best. I don’t have to wear a uniform, cause I’m too adorable,” 

Klaus and Sunny looked at one another again. Klaus had more of a worried look at that sentence and Sunny simply looked confused. Klaus was too busy looking in the direction of the Vice Principal’s office that when he was turning a corner trying to keep up with Carmelita, he bumped into a rather sad looking girl with long brown hair, who had her long brown hair tied up in a red ribbon. Causing her to fall to the ground. To Klaus’ relief, the girl’s large purple backpack seemed to soften her fall. Klaus was completely in shock that it took him a few moments to realize that he caused her to fall down. She was already standing back up and staring sadly back at the ground before he could offer her a hand.

“Oh my God. I am so sorry,” Klaus replied hurriedly as Carmelita turned back to see if he was still following her. 

“Let’s go, cake sniffers!” 

The young girl continued to look at the ground with a frown upon her face. She just shrugged in response to Klaus’ apology. “Do you know where the Vice Principal’s office is? I’m new here...and I’m lost,” she said still not looking up.

“Oh. We’re new here, too,” Klaus explained. “But it’s down that hall and there’s a bench with an empty seat,” 

“Thanks,” she muttered in a sad voice as she began walking down the hall away from Klaus and Sunny.

“Friend?” Sunny asked as she watched the girl walk miserably down the hall.

“I don’t know, Sunny. She seems...standoffish,” 

“Sad,” Sunny corrected which meant, “Maybe she’s just having a bad day and just needs a couple of friends to make her feel better.”

Klaus gave his sister a small smile. “You have a heart of gold, Sunshine. But the sad truth is not everyone is going to be our friend,” 

Sunny rolled her eyes.

“I’m serious, Sunny,” Klaus said. “Besides, I don’t think we should get too comfortable here. He’s bound to find us again and then we’ll have to leave all our new friends behind,” 

“Never,” Sunny replied. “Fuck Olaf,” 

“ Move your asses, cake sniffers!” Carmelita yelled impatiently as she tapped her foot irritated as Klaus ran to catch up.

“Sorry. We bumped into that girl...and…” he began.

“I don’t care,” Carmelita said irritated. “Watch where you’re going. You have four eyes how are you still unable to see?”

Klaus frowned but didn’t answer the girl as she continued to walk down the hall. Klaus held Sunny tighter when he realized that everyone was staring at him and Sunny.

“People are looking at us,” Klaus muttered to Sunny.

“New?” she asked, which meant, “Maybe they’re staring cause we’re new?”

“Either that or because you’re a baby. Remember the Quagmires reaction to you,” 

“Toddler,” she corrected.

“You’re both wrong,” Carmelita said turning around to smirk at the Baudelaires. “It’s cause your house was destroyed in a fire,” 

Klaus and Sunny looked at one another both sharing the same miserable thought.

“This is the athletic field,” Carmelita said as she and the Baudelaires made it outside to see a group of kids doing jumping jacks. “Our gym teacher’s coaching an away game, so I get to make people do jumping jacks whenever I want,” 

“Mori?” Sunny asked pointing at the banner that hung over the goal post.

You see, a school should be a safe place. A brand new...season...to explore the mysteries around you. It should be a place to make new friends. It should be a place of comfort and adventure that feels almost like home, particularly if your actual home has been destroyed in a fire. But as you and I know, school is hardly ever like that. Like a schoolyard, the lives of the Baudelaire orphans and Violet Snicket may appear to be more or less harmless. But if you insist on reading, you should know the motto of Prufrock Preparatory School. Like many mottoes, it can be found on a variety of surfaces, from a banner in the school auditorium to the scoreboard of the athletic field, like the one that Sunny Baudelaire had pointed at and inquired about. The motto to Prufrock was ‘Memento Mori’ and when you learn what it means, hopefully, you will understand why this story can have no happy ending, the way no story has a happy ending.

Klaus looked up at what Sunny was pointing at and he gave a huge frown along with a look of utter confusion. He looked to his sister, “Memento Mori means ‘Remember, you will die,”

Sunny looked to her brother and then the banner again. “Dark,” she muttered.

“Very dark, indeed,” Klaus agreed.

Carmelita continued the tour of the school showing the Baudelaires a few classrooms, the music room, the auditorium, the cafeteria and finally, they reached a similar hall to the one they had started in.

“I don’t know what that building is. I never go in there.” Carmelita says.

“Shock!” Sunny commented which meant, “Shocker!” 

Carmelita glared at the young toddler in Klaus’ arms as he kept staring at the sign smiling. “It says ‘Library’,” he said happily.

“Only a cakesniffer would notice something like that,” Carmelita commented.

“But...it’s...very clearly designated…” he muttered as Sunny put a kind hand on his shoulder.

A woman wearing a yellow blouse and black skirt, with her brown hair in a bun with a pair of glasses walked out smiling. “Oh hello, you must be the new students I’ve heard so much about. The...Baudelaires, right?”

Klaus and Sunny nodded as Carmelita stepped in front of the woman. “You shouldn’t talk to the library lady, because she smells... funny. ” 

“Carmelita...always a pleasure,” the woman said rolling her eyes.

“A...library is an island in a vast sea of ignorance…” Klaus began quoting something his father had told him.

“Particularly if that library is tall and the surrounding area has been flooded,” the kind librarian finished.

Klaus smiled as Sunny began to wave to the woman. “Let’s go!” Carmelita called.

“Well...come visit?” the librarian commented before returning to her library.

___________________________________________________________

Violet Snicket sat uncomfortably in the backseat of Mr. Poe’s car listening to the man ramble on and on about how if she is who she says she is, she has one-third of a fortune that she will inherit once she becomes eighteen. She rolled her eyes. She didn’t care about any money. She knew that her father had decent money, she didn’t know that she had a fortune but at this point, she did not care. She wanted her father. She’d spend every last penny of this fortune to have him back. She wondered how she would ever be able to avenge her father if she was stuck at some boarding school. Did she believe Jacquelyn when she said that she would try to find her father’s killer? Yes, she believed her wholeheartedly. What she understood from VFD is that they stopped fires...at least the side her father was on. Jacquelyn had saved her, so Violet was plenty sure that that meant that Jacquelyn was on the same side as her father. But even if Jacquelyn was able to find the vile man who had murdered her father, Violet wanted to either cause his suffering or watch it. She wondered if this coughing man could even find her birth mother. Maybe when he did, she could explain everything that she knows. She put a hand on her locket. This locket was the only thing she had that had some proof that her birth mother is out there...somewhere. She pondered whether or not she should give this coughing man the picture inside. She decided against it. She didn’t want to risk him losing it. She patted her pockets making sure that the picture that she had taken from her father’s investigation board was still in there. She didn’t understand why or how he had this picture but she did know it was her only lead to finding out why her father had been killed. Did it have something to do with these kids? 

She pondered several questions while she sat quietly in the back listening to the coughing banker drone on and on. Once they had arrived, he ushered her out of his vehicle.

“Wait...you’re not going in with me?” she asked nervously.

“Unfortunately, no. I mean I could but that is going to take away from me finding your mother, Lilac,” 

“ Violet ,” she said annoyed.

“Of course, Magenta,”  he said coughing. “Well, you are to report to the Vice Principal’s office where he will assign you a dorm and classes and provide you with a school uniform.”

She sighed but nodded her as she clutched her locket in the palm of her right hand. She began walking down the dead, mossy grass of Prufrock Preparatory School. Looking around at the very dark and morbid design of the school. The dormitories were shaped and colored to appear like tombstones which just caused Violet’s nervousness to hype up. As she walked she ultimately decided to keep to herself, she didn’t expect to stay here very long. She had hoped the coughing banker would find her mother quickly. She kept her eyes on the ground once she reached the building that she assumed was the school itself. She walked aimlessly glancing up once in a while to glance at signs to find the Vice Principal’s Office, but no luck. 

Before she knew what had happened, she had fallen to the ground landing on her purple backpack which had softened her fall a bit. She gave a small glance up to see a nervous-looking boy who was apologizing frantically holding what looked to be like a toddler. Violet stood up giving a low, annoyed sigh as she continued to stare at the ground. She could hear someone yelling at them to follow. Violet didn’t know what a cake sniffers was but she had no time for chit chat, she had to find the Vice Principal’s Office. She decided to ask the boy, who actually had the answer she was looking for. She gave him a quick but quiet thank you as she began to walk in the direction that he had given. 

When she reached the bench, she noticed two slightly familiar faces. Two familiar faces that she had seen when she had been spying on her father and his involvement into VFD. She gave a small frown as she remembered what had happened when she decided that her research was done and her pile of evidence was high. The girl on the bench looked up and seemed to immediately recognize Violet because she began to smile. Violet blushed a bit when she realized that the girl was smiling at her. She turned to the boy, a bit confused. She had remembered that there were three of them, not two. He was smiling at her, too, but it was more of a friendly smile than his sister’s. The kids from the fountain! Violet thought to herself. She began to walk towards the bench quicker. Wait. Weren’t there three of them? She closed her eyes to concentrate. Yes. There were three of them. Duncan. Isadora and...Quigley? Was that a real name? 

Isadora and Duncan looked at one another and then Violet both silently wondering what in the world could have brought her here to Prufrock Preparatory School. Could it be the same unfortunate circumstances that had brought them here? 

“Is that…?” Duncan began as Isadora nodded excitedly. 

Isadora could feel her cheeks heating up as she continued to smile at the approaching girl. “It’s the girl from the fountain,” she muttered to Duncan. “Play cool,” she said aloud. Duncan couldn’t tell if she was telling him or herself that but he just waved towards Violet.

Violet paused a few feet before the bench. Remembering what she had told herself about making friends. This was a temporary living situation for her until Mr. Poe could find her birth mother. Making friends creates hard attachments she would later have to let go. Isadora noticed that she had stopped and walked up towards her and awkwardly hugged her. Too late. Violet thought to herself as she slowly moved her arms around Isadora to hug her back.

“Hey, Isadora,” she said and then turning to the boy, “...and...Quigley?” Violet could only see Duncan’s face turn sad at the mention of their brother’s name. “Where’s Duncan?” she asked.

Isadora released Violet from the friendly hug and looked to Duncan who shared a frown with his triplet sister. “I’m Duncan…” Duncan muttered after a long second of awkward silence. 

“Oh, I’m sorry...it’s just you guys are...identical,” Violet replied a bit embarrassed at her common mistake.

“It’s okay. It happens more than you think,” Duncan replied giving Violet a small smile.

Violet looked around the empty hall. “So...where is Quigley?” 

Isadora and Duncan looked at one another. Both giving each other a saddened look and sigh as they looked towards Violet. Isadora took a deep breath and put her hand in Violet’s. “He...he…” she began, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. 

Duncan gave a heavy sigh. “...he’s...dead…” Duncan whispered, refusing to look Violet in the eye. “He died...along with our...parents...in a fire,” 

Violet gave a mournful look as she bid her head in silence thinking about how nice the Quagmire parents and Quigley were to her when she had needed assistance getting to the bank. How he had smiled at her in an intensified way, similar to Isadora when she had helped them out of the fountain. But then one word in Duncan’s explanation made her face go from mournful to cold. Fire . 

“Wait...did you say fire?” she asked just as the Vice Principal’s Office door opened. 

“Quagmire twins?” the tall, gross-looking man said. He was dressed in a rumpled brown suit, accompanied by a tie with pictures of snails. He was almost completely bald except for four tufts of hair, which he had tied into little pigtails using some old rubber bands.

“We’re...triplets,” Isadora corrected angrily.

“ We’re triplets ,” the man mimicked causing Isadora to growl towards him. “Don’t be stupid. Triplets are when four babies are born at once and there is only two of you,” 

“Three,” Violet corrected. “Triplets happen when three babies are born at once and the...very unfortunate death of their brother...doesn’t change their birth identity,” 

The man just looked at her and pointed his violin at her. “I don’t know who you are but sit down until you are called upon,” he said pointing towards the bench.

“But…” she began.

“ But… ” the man mimicked. “No buts! Come with me Quagmire twins,” 

“Triplets,” Duncan muttered giving Violet a small smile as he and Isadora went into the office.

Violet sat there quietly pondering what Duncan had said about a fire. Minutes flew by, she watched as the Quagmires exited, they waved to her but headed down the hall. Both looking disappointed at whatever the Vice Principal had said to them. After a few more minutes, Violet could hear people approaching. Violet noticed that it was the girl in pink from earlier. The girl gave one look Violet’s way and rolled her eyes. “What the fuck! They couldn’t give me all the new cake sniffers in one go,” she says aloud. “Give me a second cakesniffer. I’m almost finished with their tour,” she said gesturing back to the Baudelaires.

“And here’s Vice Principal Nero’s office, where you were supposed to be ten minutes ago. So now you’re late,” Carmelita said smirking at Klaus and Sunny. “Ahem,”

“Ahem?” Sunny asked confused.

“Ahem,” Carmelita said again, this time more impatiently than before.

“Thank you?” Klaus replied confused.

“Thank you’s not enough. It is traditional to give a special tour guide a tip at the end,” 

“A tip?” 

“Yes, a tip! Are you deaf and blind, cake-sniffer?” Carmelita said as she kicked the door to Nero’s office. 

“Who dares interrupt a genius when he’s rehearsing!?” the man asked as he opened the door. Klaus held on to Sunny tightly, avoiding eye contact with who he assumed to be the Vice-Principal.

“It’s the Baudelaires. They’re late for their appointment,” Carmelita mentioned.

“How dare you be late!” the man yelled at Klaus and Sunny. Klaus backed up a few inches becoming rather skittish by the yelling man while Sunny glared at the man, showing off her teeth. “Thank you, Carmelita, for telling me. Oh, that’s a nice broach, by the way,” the man stated staring at Carmelita for longer than a school vice principal should. 

“The original owner really liked it,” Carmelita commented as she twirled away back to Violet. “Let’s go lonely cakesniffer!” she said as she clapped her hands at Violet as if she were a dog. Violet glared at the young girl but followed her as Carmelita began her tour.

“Whoo, what a lovely girl,” the man commented as he watched Carmelita walk away with Violet. “Sweet as a butterscotch buttercup. She has two living parents,” The man rolled his eyes when Klaus and Sunny stood outside of his office. “Well come in, I don’t have all day,” he said as he practically shoved Klaus into the office. 

Klaus held Sunny close to him as the man began playing the violin, off-key causing Sunny to cover her ears. Sunny watched as Klaus was only able to cover one of his ears, so she moved her head to the side of his to do her best to shield his ear from the horrible noises that the man was making. During this time, Klaus and Sunny took a good look around the man’s messy, unorganized, cluttered office.  He had a small metal desk with a small metal chair behind it and a small metal lamp to one side. The office had only one window, decorated with curtains that oddly matched his tie. In one of the corners of the room, there sat a shiny computer that had a grey screen and several red buttons that sat on a wheeled cart. After what seemed like forever, the man stopped and stared awkwardly at the two orphans.

“How do you do?” Klaus asked after a minute.

“When you hear an incredible performance, it’s tradition to clap and cheer and yell ‘Bravo!’,” the man explained.

Klaus and Sunny looked at one another as Sunny unenthusiastically clapped. “Bravo?” Klaus commented unenthusiastically.

“Thank you. Thank you very much,” the man said as he set his violin down on his cluttered desk. “And welcome, new students. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. My name is Vice Principal Nero and my second-highest concern is that you uphold the strict standards here at Prufrock,” 

“What’s your first-highest concern?” Klaus asked confused.

“My career as a violinist,” 

“Day job,” Sunny replied, which was her way of saying, “Don’t quit your day job,” 

Klaus had to muffle his laugh. Nero simply glared at the younger Baudelaire orphan. “I know all about you. You’ve been to guardian after guardian, and adversity has always followed. Adversity means ‘trouble’, by the way.” 

“We know what ‘adversity’ means,” Klaus said annoyed. “And besides in our case, adversity means Count Olaf. He was the cause of all our trouble,”

“Here at Prufrock Preparatory School, there will be no blaming your own flaws and weaknesses on this Count Omar person,” Nero explained.

“Olaf,” Sunny corrected.

“ Olaf, ” Nero mimicked. He walked over to the strange computer and waved his hand in front of what seemed to be a camera. “See this? This is an advanced computer system. Cost an arm and a leg. But I had the AV club program it to recognize all the hallmarks of Count Olaf,” he pointed at the picture that had appeared on the screen. It was the picture of the man that both Baudelaires wished would either die or simply leave them the fuck alone. “One eyebrow, tattoo on ankle,” Nero mentioned as he had the computer scan his face. 

Almost immediately the computer responded with a robotic, monotone, “This is not Count Olaf,” 

Nero smiled at this. “We’ll park it outside the school all semester, and you’ll be safe as peas,”

“I’m...I’m not sure an advanced computer will do us much good,” Klaus explained nervously. “Olaf is usually in disguise…”

“Oh, I shouldn’t have bothered. No way ordinary orphans can understand a genius like me. Prufrock Prep will take care of that,” Nero muttered.

“But…” Klaus began.  

“Now, Prufrock Preparatory has a magnificent dormitory thanks to a generous grant from our founder, Sir Barrymore Feint. Inside, there is a huge living room and an ornate cage full of tropical birds who can land on your finger and learn your name,” Nero said as he handed Klaus a pamphlet. He smiled deviously when he saw the two children’s faces light up. “Doesn’t it look nice?” he asked in a slightly mocking tone.

“It looks more than nice,” Klaus muttered as Sunny nodded her head. “It looks better than any place we’ve lived in a long time,” 

“Oh, I’m so glad to hear you say that, although you won’t get to see it much,” Nero said as his smile grew bigger as he watched both Klaus and Sunny’s faces drop entirely. “In order to live in the dormitory, you must have a permission slip signed by a parent or a guardian, and your parents are dead. Mr. Poe tells me your guardians have either been killed or fired you.”

“Well, surely Mr. Poe can sign…” 

“ Well, surely Mr. Poe can sign... He surely can not! He is neither your parent nor your guardian. He’s just a banker,” Nero said as he reached out to grab the pamphlet in Klaus’ hands and flipping it over. “But don’t worry, we have a place for you two. I’m afraid you will have to live in a small tin shack,” 

“What?” Sunny asked angrily.

“Oh, it’s a dismal place. You two will stay there until we get a new set of orphans. And then you’ll be upgraded to a broom closet,” Nero said happily.

“Why can’t you change the rule so everyone can live in a dorm?” Klaus asked miserably. 

“ Why can’t you change the rule so everyone can live in a dorm?” Nero mocked. “I simply don’t want to. Speaking of rules, if either of you are late, your hands will be tied behind your back during meals and you’ll have to lean down and eat your food like a dog.” 

“But…” Klaus began.

“Oh, also, this building is the administrative building. It is completely off-limits to students. I’m going to be a nice guy seeing that it is your first day, so I’ll forgive you just this once. But if I see you here again, you will not be allowed to use any silverware at any of your meals for that day,” Nero explained.

“You can’t do that!” Klaus practically yelled.

Nero gave a small, cruel chuckle towards Klaus’ statement. “I’m the vice principal. I can do whatever I want,” Nero remarked. “Now Klaus, you will be studying with Ms. Bass in room 2,” 

“What classroom is Sunny’s?” Klaus asked nervously hoping that Sunny’s classroom would be really close to his.

“I told Mr. Poe would have room for a baby here but...not in a classroom. This is a serious academy, not a nursery school. You see,” Nero said smiling down at Sunny. “I’ve always wanted an administrative assistant but there was never a budget, now I have Sunny.” 

“Wait? What?” Klaus asked confused.

“Sunny will work here in the administrative building meaning she will be losing her utensil privileges,” Nero explained happily.

“That’s not fucking fair!” Klaus yelled defensively, his face becoming red with anger. “First off, she’s a baby, she shouldn’t have a job and if you insist on her having a job, she shouldn’t be punished for going to her job!” 

Nero rolled his eyes at Klaus. “Would you like to also lose your utensil privileges?” 

“Enif,” Sunny chimed in which meant, “It’s okay, Klaus. I’m a baby, I barely use utensils anyway,” 

“Can’t Sunny simply stay with me in my class? She’s very well behaved for someone her age and...we prefer to not be separated,” Klaus pleaded.

Nero simply shook his head. “No, I don’t need a baby clogging up a classroom,”

“But universities allow young mothers to bring their babies and toddlers to class,” Klaus explained.

“Are you a young mother at one of those universities?” Nero asked.

“Well...no. I’m not her mother, I’m her brother and...I mean can’t you make an exception?” Klaus practically begged.

“ Can’t you make an exception? ” Nero mimicked. “No. I can’t. Now if there’s nothing more you want to say, off to your shack,”

Klaus had so much he wanted to say. Honestly, so did Sunny. How could you make two orphans sleep in a shack? Why would you agree to take in a baby if you didn’t have a proper place for her? How is an administrative job suitable for a baby? But the biggest questions on the Baudelaires’ minds were: How long will it take for Olaf to return? What crazy, convoluted scheme did he have up his sleeve this time?

Klaus held Sunny closer as he turned to leave Nero’s office. A small part of him wanted to cry. Another part of him wanted to tell Nero off. But he didn’t do either of these things. He put on the biggest smile he could fake and simply walked himself and his sister out of the horrible Vice Principal’s office. He was determined to fake it for Sunny. If she thought he was happy and adjusting well, maybe she could. He didn’t know what the future held for them here at Prufrock but maybe, just maybe, they could finally make this their new home without their parents. 

____________________________________________

Violet continued to walk slowly behind Carmelita barely paying attention to anything she was saying. She had more pressing matters on her mind. Her birth mother. Her father’s suspicious death and now the suspicious fire that had taken the lives of three Quagmires leaving two of them orphaned and stuck at the same school that she had been sent to. This had to be connected but how? The only thing she could think of was VFD but she had no evidence suggesting that the Quagmires were involved with VFD. She knew her father was. She knew Jacquelyn was. Did that mean Mr. Poe was too? Violet thought about that for a good minute. She ultimately decided that there was no way that Poe was involved. VFD seemed too complicated for a simple man like him. Of course, she could never be so sure. Once they got back to the bench, Violet knew it was her turn to talk to the Vice Principal. She had already had one small meeting with him. 

“Ahem,” Carmelita replied.

Violet looked at her confused. “Yes?”

“Aren’t you going to give me a tip?”

“A tip? A tip for what?”

“The tour. Duh, you dumb cakesniffer,”

Violet sighed. “Here’s a tip for you,” Violet said motioning for Carmelita to get closer. Carmelita confused, simply shrugged her shoulders and got closer to Violet, so Violet was now able to whisper in her ear. “You’d have a lot more friends if you kept your mouth closed,” Violet said smirking as Carmelita glared at her. 

“I don’t need friends! I’m not a dumb cakesniffer like you,” Carmelita said as she twirled away. Violet merely rolled her eyes as she nervously knocked on the Vice Principal’s office door.

The same man from early peaked his head out and stared at Violet. “Oh, it’s you again,” 

“Yes, I’m Violet Snicket. I am new here,”

“Ah, yes. Come in. Come in.” Nero motioned for Violet to enter the messy office. Nero seemed to be more in a hurry with Violet’s meeting with him than the other two meetings he had. “Now you will be in Mr. Remora’s class, which is in room 1. I also have a nightly six-hour violin recital and attendance is mandatory. ‘Mandatory’ means anyone who doesn’t show up, owes me a bag of candy and must watch me eat it.”

Violet merely nodded at that random rule. Not sure how to respond. “Also if you are late to any of your meals, we take away your cups and glasses and your beverages are served to you in large puddles,” 

“That...that seems very odd and stupid,” Violet muttered.

Nero, who was still holding his violin in one hand, quickly handed Violet a pamphlet going over the same description of the dorms. Happily watching as her face lit up and then happily watching as her face fell when he described the shack that she was to sleep in. 

“Wait...I have to live in a shack?” she asked miserably not fully believing this.

“Yes. But don’t worry, you will have it all to yourself so it will seem bigger than it actually is,” 

“But...why can’t I live in a dorm, too?” she asked. “I mean, surely Mr. Poe can sign the permission slip until he finds my birth mother and depending on whether or not…” she began before he interrupted her with his horrible violin playing.

“Look, I hate explaining to orphans why they have to sleep in a shack. Can you just deal with your life and go. I want to continue practicing the violin,” 

“But…” she began. “I’m...I’m not an orphan…”

“Your birth mother not wanting you is the same as your father being dead. You are an orphan,” Nero explained cruelly.

“Those...those aren’t the same thing...at all,” Violet pleaded. “You’re seriously making me live in a shack?”

“I mean, I can just give you a broom closet instead…” Nero began.

Violet angrily sighed. “The shack it is,” 

“Good. You’re already learning,” Nero commented as he ushered a confused and saddened Violet out of his office. 

“Where would I find it?”

“It’s the only shack on campus,” Nero commented. “Figure it out,” 

And with that, he slammed his office door behind her. Violet stared for a few seconds at the door before she noticed tears forming in her eyes. This...this can’t be happening...first I lose my father and now this. She began to walk aimlessly around the administrative building hoping to soon wake up from this horrible nightmare. There was no way this was her life now. As she wiped her tears from her face, she swore to herself she would find the person who ruined her life and make him regret it.

Chapter Text

Chapter Two:

The One Where Violet Nearly Starts a Fight

Jacquelyn paced around Mr. Poe’s vacant and poorly decorated office after her phone call with Jacques Snicket. She held her face in her hands. She was mourning her friend, Lemony. She was pondering if she had done what was best for young Violet. Sending her to Prufrock would ensure for her to meet her siblings but it could also put her in the sights of Count Olaf. That was something Jacquelyn was not very keen on. She wiped her tears and tried to remember the night prior. Had she done everything right? Had she acted quicker, would she have saved Lemony and Violet? She wondered what would have happened had she not went for Violet. What if she was dumb enough to listen to Lemony? 

She slammed her hand angrily on Mr. Poe’s desk. Snicket, how could you be so stupid! How could you think you had to do this shit alone! I could’ve helped relocate you and your daughter! She thought angrily as she pushed one of Mr. Poe’s pencil holders to the ground. Why were you so fucking stubborn! 

She sat down in the wheeled chair that sat behind Mr. Poe’s desk and continued to cry into her hands. She stopped when the phone rang.

“Mulctuary Money Management…” she began.

“Jacquelyn?” the man on the other line said.

“Larry?” 

“Did you hear?” Larry asked. Jacquelyn could tell that he, too, had been crying.

“Yeah. I not only heard...but I was there,” 

“You were there!? Are you okay?”

“Yes and so is Lemony’s daughter,” she mentioned.

“Lemony’s what? ” Larry asked utterly confused.

“He had a fourteen-year-old daughter named Violet,” she explained.

“Ahhh, that makes sense now,” Larry stated.

“What are you talking about?” 

“After our stint at Lake Lachrymose he was sleeping in the taxi and he was screaming about them taking a ‘Violet’. At the time, I questioned him but he derailed the conversation entirely,” Larry explained.

“Well, I only knew about her because she was learning about VFD behind Lemony’s back. When I called him last night and he told me that his disguise had been compromised, he told me that he was going to relocate himself. I offered assistance but he refused it saying he didn’t want me to be in danger because of him. I eventually decided to ignore his stubborn ass and I am glad I did...because when I found Violet, she was laying in a burning building as if she was awaiting the end…” Jacquelyn explained in a saddened tone.

“Where is she now?” Larry asked concerned.

“That’s...why I’m glad you called,” 

“Oh God,” 

“I have a mission for you, Larry,” 

“I was afraid of that,” 

“Violet and her siblings are at Prufrock Preparatory School,” Jacquelyn said.

“Siblings?” Larry asked. “How many kids was Snicket hiding?”

“Just one,” 

“Then how does she have siblings?”

“Who else would have made a child with Lemony Snicket?”

“Ahhh, Beatrice had three children?” Larry asked.

“Yep. Violet is the eldest of Beatrice’s children,” 

“Which means…”

“She can inherit both the Baudelaire fortune and Lemony’s portion of the Snicket fortune by the time that she’s eighteen,”

“Does... he know?”

“Of her existence? No. Not yet, at least. But he does know that Snicket is dead and he will be after the Baudelaires,” Jacquelyn said.

“So you need me to go to Prufrock and pull a Lemony?”

“No, I need you to go to Prufrock and make sure that Violet meets her siblings and gets a copy of The Incomplete History of Secret Organizations. I have a specific edition that’s been annotated with answers to all Violet’s and her siblings’ questions. They’ll finally learn everything about our secret organization and maybe then they’ll want to join us,” 

“And if they don’t?” Larry asked.

“We’ll discuss that when we get to it. Please meet me at the soda shop and I can give you the annotated copy of the book,” Jacquelyn explained.

“Copy that,” Larry said.

___________________________________________

Violet Snicket walked around aimlessly completely lost and annoyed that Carmelita showed her pointless things like the auditorium and the gymnasium but didn’t have the courtesy to show her where she would be living. She sighed angrily as she wandered down the brown lawn. If I were a piece of shit Vice-Principal forcing a fourteen-year-old to live in a shack where would that shack be located? She asked herself. She wondered around the school for what felt like forever before stumbling across two triplets that she was hoping she’d find again.

Duncan seemed to be laughing so hard and Isadora’s face was red with pure anger. Duncan was holding a black notebook and he was scanning one of the pages. “ Her bow… ” Duncan began batting his eyelashes as girly as he could to imitate a love-struck girl. Isadora ripped her journal from his hands angrily. 

“It’s a ribbon! ” Isadora hissed, “You uncultured swine! Now shut it or I’ll tell Klaus how much you go goo-goo eyes for him!” Isadora said blankly staring into space, doing her best to imitate her brother when he was in front of Klaus. 

“I do not!” Duncan protested. 

Violet appeared out from behind the two bickering siblings and she poked Duncan in his stomach. “Oooooooh...who’s Klaus?” she asked. “Is that the name of your boyfriend?” 

“Yes,” Isadora answered for him.

“I don’t have a boyfriend!” Duncan said, his face beginning to turn a bright shade of pink.  “He’s...he’s just a friend...that I just met!” 

“Hmmm...I don’t know you were pretty defensive,” Violet commented.

“Yeah, a friend you wanna kiss,” Isadora commented laughing. 

Duncan’s face was so pink that he felt the heat coming from his cheeks. He glared daggers at his sister. “Well, you wanna kiss Violet!” he said in response. Isadora froze in place, her face quickly matching that of her brother’s. 

“Duncan Dylan Quagmire! I will fucking slaughter you in the cruelest ways imaginable…” she began as Violet blushed seeing that Isadora’s reaction must mean that Duncan’s statement was true. 

“Ummm,” Violet said awkwardly, not looking at either triplet, doing her best to mask her happiness at the prospect of Isadora wanting to kiss her. “If you like this Klaus kid, you should tell him,” she said to Duncan while doing her best to slightly hint towards Isadora, “I mean who knows...he could like you, too.” 

“He’s just a friend!” Duncan reiterated annoyed.

Isadora was too busy focusing on whether or not Duncan’s statement had weirded out Violet or not. So she left him alone after that.

“Hey, I need a favor from you guys,” Violet said after a minute of near awkward silence between the three orphans. 

“What you need, Vi?” Isadora asked in a soft, meek voice. Still unsure if Violet was weirded out by Duncan’s comment. 

“Could you help me find the Orphan Shack? I guess that’s where I will be living until Mr. Poe finds my birth mother,” 

“Why would you stay there then? You’re not an orphan,” Duncan said.

“And yeah, we can take you there. We were living in there until this afternoon,” Isadora explained.

“Oh…” Violet cried in response remembering what Nero had said about a broom closet. “I’m the reason you guys are in a broom closet. I’m sorry,”

“It’s not your fault,” Isadora explained. “We’d be happy to show you where it is. Although, we can promise you that it isn’t...a very nice place…” 

“I figured that,” Violet said.

“Honestly, the broom closet is a slight upgrade,” Duncan said laughing. “But I think we should head to lunch, we don’t want to lose our drinking glasses.” 

Duncan leads the two girls towards the cafeteria. Violet walked as close as she could to Isadora, slowly slipping her hand into the female triplets. Isadora was startled by the touch but when she looked down to notice that a hand had been placed into hers and she gazed up at the smiling face that looked back at her. Isadora gripped Violet’s hand tighter as they walked quietly behind Duncan. 

__________________________________________

As I am sure you know, the expression “Making a mountain out of a molehill” simply means making a big deal out of something that is actually a small deal, and it is easy to see how this expression came about. Molehills are simply mounds of earth serving as condominiums for moles, and they have never caused anyone any harm except for maybe a stubbed toe if you’re being pushed by a bully. Mountains, however, are very large mounds of earth and are constantly causing problems. From frostbite to border disputes. Hang-gliding mishaps. This is why when we call something a mountain, we mean that it is a large amount of trouble. When Nero described the shack where the Baudelaires were living, he was not making a mountain out of molehill...if anything...he was making a molehill out of a mountain.

As Klaus pushed open the door to his and Sunny’s new home, both Baudelaires looked around and wished that they could simply wake up from the nightmare that they have been living ever since Mr. Poe told them about their parents’ unfortunate deaths.

“It’s small,” Klaus commented dismally. “Even for a shack,” 

“Us,” Sunny commented which meant, “Well at least it’s just us,” 

Klaus let out a near ear-piercing scream as he struggled to climb onto one of the hay bales. “Crabs!” he said after he was standing tall, holding Sunny tighter. “Our shack has crabs!” 

Sunny was too busy laughing at her brother’s reaction to even care.

“It’s not funny, Sunny,”

“Girly,” she commented which meant, “You scream like a little girl,”

Klaus rolled his eyes. “For a second, I thought they were big spiders,” he admitted.

Sunny continued to laugh at her brother until she felt something plop! On to her little head. She looked up, poking her brother in his shoulder. “Fungus?” he whined. “Our new home has...fungus…” he quickly wiped the fungus from Sunny’s hair as he stepped on to another hay bale trying his best to avoid all of the fungi from the ceiling.

“This is ridiculous!” he said after a moment.

“Fix?” Sunny asked, which meant, “do you think we can fix it up a little?”

“I don’t mean the shack...well, not entirely,” Klaus said as tears began to fall from his face. Sunny put her tiny arms around his neck to give him a tight hug.

“No cry,” 

“This school fucking sucks,” he said after a minute. “Orphans shouldn’t be punished for not having parents...dealing with Olaf is punishment enough. And who ties people’s hands behind their backs to eat?”

Sunny shrugged her shoulders in response. “Down,” she commented.

“But the crabs,”

“I bite,” 

Klaus sighed but set Sunny on the ground as he took another look around the dismal shack. The shack was tiny, made of tin, and it had none of the amazing features that the dormitories that Nero described had. As Klaus looked around he noticed a complete lack of beds for him and Sunny to sleep on, but he did see three bales of hay that have been placed in the shack. Are we really expected to sleep on hay bales? He asked himself as he watched Sunny growl at the crabs trying to get them to leave him alone so he can step back onto the ground. Klaus inspected the fungus that was falling from the ceiling. It was light tan and quite damp. Every few seconds, small drops of moisture would fall from the fungus with a plop! And he and Sunny had to duck to avoid getting fungus juice on them. Klaus had read a few books on fungus, but he was no mycologist. He assumed that the fungus can’t be harmful if Nero is forcing him and Sunny to live here but he honestly couldn’t be absolutely sure about that because of how horrible Nero had treated the children. 

Overall, as Klaus and Sunny looked around the shack, they both realized that the shack was too miserable to serve as a storage place for old banana peels, let alone as a home for a twelve-year-old boy and his toddler sister. And I confess that If I had been told that this shitty shack was going to serve as my home, I would’ve lain on the bales of hay and thrown a temper tantrum. But the Baudelaires had learned long ago that temper tantrums, however, fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem that is plaguing them. So after a long, miserable silence, Klaus looked down at his younger sister. “I believe it’s just about lunchtime. We better get going, I don’t want to not have any drinking glasses,” he said as he picked up his younger sister.

Both Baudelaires reached the cafeteria. When they entered, they found a lasagna waiting for them that was the size of a dance floor. It was sitting on top of an enormous trivet to keep it from burning the floor, and the people serving it was wearing a thick metal mask as protection so that the children could only see their eyes peeking out from the tiny eyeholes. The stunned Baudelaires got into a long line of children and waited their turn for the metal-masked people to scoop lasagna onto ugly plastic trays and hand it wordlessly to the children. After receiving their lasagna, the orphans walked further down the line towards the salad bar, which had green salad waiting for them in a bowl the size of a pickup truck. Next to the salad was a mountain of garlic bread, and at the end of the line was a lunch lady, handing out silverware to the students who hadn’t been inside the administrative building.

The Baudelaires said a quick ‘thank you’ to the person, who gave them a slow metallic nod behind the mask. They took a long look around the crowded cafeteria. Hundreds of children had already received their food and were sitting at long rectangular tables. Klaus felt a pit in his stomach as he tried his best to scan for an entirely empty table.  

“I guess they were late to class,” Klaus commented under his breath when he and Sunny passed by some students who had their hands tied behind their back. 

“Dun?” Sunny asked. “Isa?” 

“Sunny...we don’t know them like that. They could have a big group of friends…” he began.

“So?” 

“Sunny, you don’t get it. Kids like me don’t make friends easily…” he explained still scanning the lunchroom for an empty table. 

“Baudelaires!” a familiar voice called but it was a voice that made Klaus’ heart sink in his chest even more. Carmelita walked closer towards Klaus and his baby sister with a devious smile on her face. “There are seats at my table,” she said waving the two orphans over. 

Klaus and Sunny gave each other a confused, unsure look. Sunny shrugged her shoulders slightly and Klaus gave a small sigh. Better than nothing. He thought as he walked closer to Carmelita’s table. 

“Oh, hold it right there, poindexter,” Carmelita said putting her hand out causing Klaus to stop in his tracks. “Did you really think you could sit here, cakesniffer?” Before Klaus was able to answer. “Nobody wants to have lunch with people who live in the Orphans Shack,”

Klaus was at a loss of words. “But...but...you said there were seats at your table...so I just assumed…” he began. As some of Carmelita’s friends began to laugh at him and Sunny. Sunny began to bare her teeth at them and Carmelita.

Carmelita was unphased by Sunny baring her teeth. She simply ignored the toddler and gave Klaus a devious smirk. “Oh, there are seats at my table,” she began. “But...I’m afraid it’s a cake-sniffer-free zone, ” she said in a vicious tone.

Klaus felt utterly humiliated as Carmelita’s entire table erupted in laughter. Carmelita seemed to enjoy this because she climbed on top of the table and started chanting. “Cake-sniffing orphans in the Orphan Shack!” over and over and to the Baudelaire’s dismay, many other children joined right in.

________________________________________

When Duncan reached the cafeteria doors, he held them open for Violet and his sister like a gentleman not noticing that Isadora quickly let go of Violet’s hand. Violet was confused as to why Isadora let go of her hand so abruptly. She gave a small frown. Was she ashamed of who she was? Violet thought. Is it because I’m the new girl? Is it because Duncan would tease her as a normal brother would? Or was it something more? Either way, Violet respected Isadora enough to not question it. When Violet entered the cafeteria, she was amazed by how large the lasagna and salad was. If this school wasn’t run by someone so shitty, she could actually enjoy herself. Maybe she could invent something to help the cafeteria workers with their gigantic food supplies.

Violet noticed Carmelita stand up on a table. “What is she doing?” Violet asked aloud.

Isadora and Duncan looked to what Violet was commenting about. 

“Oh that’s Carmelita Spats,” Isadora said rolling her eyes.

“Avoid her at all costs,” Duncan added. “She’s a bitch,”

Violet nodded her head at the triplets but continued to watch Carmelita. She noticed exactly what Carmelita was doing. “Oh hell no,” she said as she noticed the boy with glasses and baby that she had bumped into earlier. “Not on my watch,” she muttered. As she began to walk away from the Quagmires.

“Violet?” Duncan called out, being the first to notice.

“Vi?” Isadora said as she grabbed a second tray. But Violet didn’t answer either of them.

________________________________________

“Cake-sniffing orphans in the Orphan Shack!” Carmelita continued to chant as Klaus just stood there trying to hold back tears.

“No cry,” Sunny whispered to her brother knowing that Klaus was not someone who liked negative attention at all. She began to growl at Carmelita hoping to scare the girl into stopping.

“Please...stop,” Klaus whimpered to Carmelita, who just continued to chant louder and louder with more enthusiasm. 

“ Leave them alone, Carmelita! ” an angry voice yelled, somehow being able to be heard over the chanting. Klaus and Sunny looked up and turned to where the voice was coming from. They saw the tall girl, with the red ribbon in her hair and purple backpack on her back. The same girl that Klaus had bumped into earlier. Both Baudelaires noticed the angry look on her face rather than the sad look that she had earlier.

Carmelita looked up and smirked at Violet as Violet stepped in between Klaus and Carm.

“Isn’t this cute,” Carmelita snarled. “A cake-sniffer is defending these cake-sniffers,” 

Violet glared at the bully. “Does it make you feel big and bad to pick on a baby ?” Violet asked angrily. “How about you pick on someone your own size?” 

Klaus and Sunny were confused as to why this stranger was defending them but they allowed her. Both Baudelaires didn’t fully understand but they felt...safer...with this girl around. 

Carmelita just stared at Violet for a second. But she didn’t say anything. She just glared at Violet.

“What’s the matter? Never had anyone not take your shit?” Violet asked.

Carmelita was still speechless but only for a second. Another one of her signature devious smirks appeared on her face. “Oh...what’s that smell?”

Violet looked at her confused, as did Klaus and Sunny. “What smell?”

“Oh, I know ,” she said smirking directly at Violet. “I smell people who lost their parents...in fires, ” 

Violet’s eyes instantly matched the intensity of fire as she glared at Carmelita. “You wanna go?” she asked. “Cause I have no problem breaking your little legs so  you can’t tap dance,” 

Carmelita ignored her seeing the hurt behind Violet’s eyes. She looked behind Violet and could see the hurt in Klaus and Sunny’s eyes. She began chanting “Cake-sniffing orphans in the orphan shack!” as Violet started to shake with anger.

“Oh for fuck's sake!” a friendly voice called out. “Leave them the fuck alone, Carmelita!” 

“You’re the cake-sniffer and no one in their right mind would want to eat with you! ” another friendly voice called out.

Violet, Klaus, and Sunny all turned their heads to see the Quagmires walking over. Isadora held two trays of lasagna and Duncan was glaring towards Carmelita. As they reached their friends, Isadora handed Violet a tray. “Thanks,” Violet muttered still glaring at Carmelita, who hopped off the table crossing her arms across her chest. 

“Come sit with us,” Duncan said. “All three of you. There’s room at our table,” 

Klaus gave a small smile as he began walking to get away from Carmelita. But what he didn’t realize is that Carmelita stuck out her foot in his path. But thankfully, Isadora, Duncan, and Violet all acted quickly. 

Isadora put her tray of lasagna on the table that Carmelita was just standing on as she gripped Sunny tightly. “I got her,” she called out as she held Sunny close. Sunny dropped her lasagna on the floor as a result.

Duncan dropped his lasagna to the floor as Violet slammed hers on the table, as they both quickly grabbed Klaus by an arm each before he could fall to the ground. 

“Good reflexes,” Klaus commented to the three. Violet was the first to let go of Klaus as she stepped closer to Carmelita.

“You wanna fight?” she asked the bratty girl again. “Cause I know how to handle a bully,” 

“Violet,” Duncan called out worriedly. “Just let it go,”

“No, I’ll help you kick her ass,” Isadora commented as Sunny clapped her hands.

“You guys,” Klaus said noticing the entire lunchroom was now watching them. “Can we please just...go eat?” 

Violet glared at Carmelita. “You’re lucky that neither one of them got hurt,” she commented. “Or you’d be in worse shape than them,”

Carmelita tried her best to not look scared as she watched Duncan and Klaus drag Violet, Isadora, and Sunny away after grabbing Violet and Isadora’s trays off the table. Once the five children reached a secluded table. They looked at the three trays they had left. Isadora sat Sunny between herself and Duncan as Violet took a seat next to Klaus on the other side of the table.

Sunny waved across the table at her brother as she leaned her head on Duncan’s arm. “Friend!” she said pointing first at Duncan, then Isadora, and then she gave a big toothy grin to Violet as she pointed at her too.

“Besties for life,” Duncan said smiling down at Sunny, as Isadora gave her a high-five.

Klaus pushed his tray towards Sunny. “Here, Sunny, you can have mine,” 

“Half,” she commented pushing it back towards him.

“She’s right, Klaus,” Duncan said as Violet shot Duncan a small smile at that name. Duncan glared back at her with a soft glare, praying that Violet wouldn’t help Isadora make everything so awkward. “You shouldn’t go hungry,”

“Duncan, you and I can share mine,” Isadora said as she used her silverware to cut Klaus’ piece of lasagna in half for him and Sunny. “Klaus and Sunny can share...and Violet...well, you’re lucky. You don’t have to share cause you don’t have siblings,”

Violet gave a small frown to that but nodded. Then she noticed that the Quagmires didn’t have any cups and that Isadora’s tray had a puddle where her beverage should be. “Where are your cups?”

“Oh,” Isadora said. “I and Duncan decided to ditch Nero’s last recital...because that’s cruel and unusual punishment. So we got our glasses taken away for the day,”

Violet frowned but pushed her glass towards Isadora. “We can share,” she said smiling at Isadora.

Klaus took this opportunity to push his glass towards Duncan and Sunny. “W-we can share...too,” he stuttered. “Un-unless you don’t want to share with me...I can just share with Sunny and you can share with the girls,” 

Sunny facepalmed as Violet and Isadora both giggled. “No, that’s fine. T-thanks,” Duncan said taking Klaus’ cup and taking a sip from it and passing it to Sunny.

Klaus turned to Violet. “Thank you by the way,” he said. “For sticking up for me and Sunny,” 

“No problem, Klaus...was it?” Violet said extending her hand. “I’m Violet by the way,” 

“Yes. I’m Klaus and that’s my baby sister, Sunny,”

“Toddler,” Sunny corrected.

Violet smiled towards Sunny as Sunny waved at her. She couldn’t put her finger on it...but they looked familiar to her. As if she knew them...but she didn’t know many people. She had only met the Quagmires once but she somehow recognized them and knew where they were from. But these two? She just couldn’t pinpoint why they looked familiar. So she decided that she might just be crazy and decided to ignore it.

“You’ll have to forgive Carmelita,” Duncan commented. “She’s so awful, Mrs. Bass is considering a life of crime,” 

“I don’t have to forgive her. I may need to fight her,” Violet muttered annoyed. “Picking on another kid her age is one thing, but picking on a bay-” she began but Sunny gave her a soft glare. “-I mean toddler...that’s just low,” 

“Either way, thank you...and sorry again for bumping into you earlier,” Klaus said. 

That’s where I know them from! Violet thought. They bumped into me earlier. “Water under the bridge,” Violet commented. 

“Th-thanks for coming in as back-up,” Klaus commented looking up at Duncan. Both boys began to blush as Violet and Isadora giggled.

“You know my sister wrote a poem about her,” Duncan commented trying to change the subject so that Isadora and Violet would stop giggling at him and Klaus. 

“You write poetry?” Violet asked interested. 

Isadora blushed and nodded. Quickly pulling out her black commonplace book. The same one that Violet had seen her snatch from Duncan earlier that day. “I would rather eat a bowl of vampire bats than spend an hour with Carmelita Spats,” Isadora recited.

Sunny clapped as Violet gave Isadora a big smile. “That’s a couplet,” Klaus commented. “Ogden Nash uses them,”

“I know. I’ve read all of his work,” Isadora commented as she smiled back at Violet. “Hey, Klaus, did you know that Duncan loves journalism? His favorite is Moxie Mallahan,” Isadora stated after a brief but awkward pause at the table. Duncan’s cheeks turned bright red when he realized that she had somehow found a way to put the conversation back to him.

“Moxie Mallahan?” Klaus repeated as his face lit up. “She’s, like, the best journalist alive.”

“Well, honestly, she’s the best. Period.” Duncan said as his face lit up.

Violet just stared at the two boys as Klaus began to info dump about a book he’s read about journalism. She could see the amazement in Duncan’s eyes. She turned back to Isadora. “Do you have any more poems you’d like to share,” Violet asked. Hoping her eyes were as bright as Duncan’s. She wanted to give as many hints to Isadora as she could. Isadora nodded and began to recite more of her couplets. 

Sunny began to doze off after half an hour. Duncan noticed that Sunny was sliding off the bench. He caught her before she could fall back. Klaus stood up and walked over to where his sister sat. Duncan carefully handed Klaus his younger sister as Sunny nestled her head on her brother’s shoulder. “I don’t blame her for being tired,” Klaus muttered. “What we dealt with before getting here,” 

“What do you mean?” Violet asked curiously.

“Ummm...it’s nothing,” Klaus said not even looking towards her. “I’m going to take her to our…” he stopped, feeling ashamed. He didn’t want to admit that he lived in a shack while Duncan, Isadora, and Violet lived in the dorms. What would they think? Would they stop being his friend? “...dorm,” he said finally. “Maybe I’ll see you guys later?” 

The three nodded as Klaus walked alone holding his sleeping sister. As he walked back to the Orphan Shack, he looked every which way. He wasn’t watching out for Carmelita or Nero...who honestly were making his and Sunny’s stay here at Prufrock horrible. He was looking at every direction waiting to see Olaf in some new disguise. Klaus wanted nothing more than to be happy here. He found three possible friends...one of which could eventually become more. He found people who were willing to stick up for him against a bully. But Klaus knew by now that safety, comfort, and the sense of belonging is only temporary. The last time he had felt happiness after the death of his parents was way back at Monty’s house and Olaf ruined that entirely. Klaus knew deep down that Olaf would soon show his ugly, vile face and fuck everything up causing Klaus and Sunny to abandon their friends and deal with more danger and insanity. As he carried his sister, he wished that this wasn’t the case. As he entered the dismal Orphan Shack, carefully placing his baby sister on one of the bales of hay, he silently wished for a miracle.

Chapter Text

Chapter Three:

The One Where Violet Learns The Truth About the Baudelaires

The rest of lunch went by quickly. Once Klaus left the table with a sleeping Sunny in his arms. Both Violet and Isadora were hounding Duncan about how he should ask Klaus out or at least make his feelings apparent. Duncan tried to explain to him about the cons to that advice but the girls weren’t having any of it. Isadora just kept repeating herself about how if Duncan won’t do it, then she’s going to have to play matchmaker. Violet agreeing with her each and every time. 

In a desperate attempt to change the subject from him, Duncan turned to Violet. “So, Isadora’s a poet...wouldn’t you know it and I’m a journalist. What do you do?”

“Huh?” Violet asked.

“Oooh,” Isadora said, her eyes lighting up. “What’s your special interest?”

Violet blushed. “I...I invent things?” she said nervously. “I know..it’s not a typical girl thing…” she began.

“Are you kidding me?” Isadora interrupted. “It sounds cool as fuck! ”

“Yeah, who cares if it isn’t girly,” Duncan agreed. “Can you show us how it works?”

“Oh my God, yes!” Isadora agreed.

Violet blushed again. “Ummm...well...you see I have this routine where when I need to concentrate I tied my hair up in one of my many ribbons,” she said as she put her backpack in her lap. “And then I just use discarded material and conjure up things. Like when we first entered the cafeteria, for example, I was thinking about what I could invent to help the lunch ladies and cafeteria workers with handling such big proportions of food.” 

Duncan and Isadora listened attentively as Violet spoke. “Unfortunately, I haven’t figured anything out yet. But... I do have an invention that I made when…” she stopped. She took a deep breath. “Well...I don’t like talking about why I made this specific invention…” she said as she looked around for teachers or to see if anyone else was paying attention to the three friends. She unzipped her backpack and lifted her make-shift grappling hook that she made from curtains and a broken umbrella. “This is my latest work...it’s a…”

“Grappling hook!” Isadora squealed.

“Shhhh,” Violet said. “The administration could consider this a weapon and I can’t afford to get kicked out of this place,”

“Sorry. But that shit is so cool!” Isadora said as Duncan nodded. 

“Does it work?” he asked.

Violet frowned. “It worked...the results are a mixed bag though,” she said as something in her backpack caught her eye. A photograph. The photograph she had taken from her home as it was burning down. The photograph was one of many photographs that her father had pinned to his investigation board. What he was investigating? She wasn’t sure. But as she stared coldly at the picture she was beginning to think that soon she would find out. 

“You okay?” Isadora asked, noticing Violet’s newly found quiet demeanor as she continued to stare into her backpack. 

Violet glanced up quickly. “Yes,” she said. “I...I think I need to lay down. Can you show me to the Orphan Shack?” she asked. 

The two triplets quickly finished their lunch as Violet sat there thinking about how she was going to go about this. If she was correct in one of her many theories, VFD was going to have her father kidnap the two children in the photograph. But she didn’t want to think of her father in such a negative light, seeing that she was unable to see him again. But she was sure about one thing, Klaus and Sunny would have been two of the last people to see her father if her assumptions were correct. She didn’t know when she’d see them again but she knew the next time she did see them, she was going to ask questions.

 Duncan and Isadora took Violet to the Orphan Shack. They would’ve stayed and helped her settle in but they had to get to their classes. The two triplets bid her goodbye and good luck. She studied the small shack, frowning. It was tinier than she expected, although she didn’t expect much. Well, at least it’s only mine. She thought as she heard a noise coming from inside the shack.

“Sunny, no!” a voice yelled. “Goddammit,” 

Violet could hear a high-pitched giggle as a higher voice yelled. “Bite!” 

What the fuck? She asked herself as she pushed open the door to the shack. Klaus, who was standing on top of a hay bale looked to her confused as Sunny was chasing crabs all around the shack laughing and giggling. Both turned to her. “You!” Violet practically yelled. 

Klaus and Sunny looked at one another utterly confused as Violet stomped into the shack. “Who are you?” she asked as she looked around the dismal place.

“...Klaus and Sunny?” Klaus said confused. 

“Met!” Sunny chimed in which meant, “We met at lunch, remember?”

Violet looked down at Sunny and then back at Klaus. “The world is quiet here,” she stated angrily crossing her arms across her chest.

“Okay?” 

Violet glared at both of them. “The world...is quiet here!” 

“Well it was without all your yelling,” Klaus commented as Sunny laughed.

“Do you think this is a joke?”

“I honestly don’t know what to think…” Klaus replied confused. He jumped down from the hay bale and scooped up Sunny rather quickly. He backed away from the girl who he thought was his friend. 

“Who are you?” Violet asked again glaring at them both.

“I told you. Our names are Klaus and Sunny,” 

She stared at them for a few seconds. “How did you know my father?” she asked in a meek voice.

“I’m sorry...I don’t follow,” 

“How did you know Lemony Snicket!?” she screamed.

Klaus and Sunny gave each other a look. “Snicket lad?” Sunny asked.

“ Don’t ever call him that!” Violet screamed causing Klaus to hold Sunny tighter.

“Look...we don’t know him,” Klaus began taking a step back from Violet. 

“Then explain this !” she yelled showing them the photograph.

“Stalk?” Sunny asked, which meant, “Don’t you think you should be explaining that... kinda stalker-ish, don’t you think?” Klaus quickly translated for Sunny as he nodded his head. He tried to snatch the photograph from Violet but she moved it from him.

She looked at the two younger children and shook her head. “How did you know my father?” she asked again, her voice was a chilling, unnerving level of calm and collected which sort of scared Klaus as he backed up again. 

“I’ve already told you! We didn't know him! We met him...once or maybe a couple of times. Honestly, we’re still confused about that whole thing, too,” Klaus explained.

“When did you meet him? Did he try to kidnap you?” she asked, her voice desperate for answers.

“No...actually, the opposite,” Klaus explained.

“Hero,” Sunny chimed in, this meant, “He actually saved us during our last adventure,”

Klaus looked at Sunny rolling his eyes. “I mean...I personally, wouldn’t call what we have been through ‘adventures’ but I guess to each their own,”

“Books?” she asked shrugging her shoulders.

“Books make even less sense than adventures. Who would write our lives into books? Let alone read them? Our story must be truly depressing I can’t see anyone finding enjoyment writing or reading it. I mean wouldn’t people look away from a story so sad?” he commented.

Sunny shrugged her shoulders in response. Violet stared at them both confused for a second. She wondered how Klaus was able to completely understand Sunny even though she had only spoken one word. Must be a sibling thing. She thought. 

“What do you mean by ‘hero’?” She asked.

“Inor,” Sunny replied, which meant, “Well, you’d really have to have been there but you see, Klaus was hypnotized and I, a toddler, am unable to say the word ‘inordinate’ because it’s such a big word. But your father, the Snicket lad as I know him, somehow knew what word I was trying to say and he said it. Freeing Klaus from the trance. But then Olaf recognized him, which is how we even know his name and he ran out of the lumbermill seemingly fearing for his life,” Klaus translated for Sunny as Violet nodded her head very slowly. 

“Hypnotism isn’t real,” she said after a minute. “So I’m going to ask you guys again. How do you know my father?”

“Look, Sunny’s telling the truth. Hypnotism is real and it is not fun, like, at all. Never again. Thankfully the hypnotist is dead,” Klaus explained but the look on Violet’s face made him realize that she was still not having it. “Look, we don’t know your father. Just his name,” 

“I don’t believe you,” she said simply. “I want answers,”

“Yeah, well join the club,” Klaus commented. “We do, too. Like why was your father apparently following us around and taking pictures of us?”

“I don’t know that hence why I am asking you!” 

“Well then...I guess we are in the same boat,” Klaus said. “Now if you would kindly get out of our shack,”

“Your shack?” Violet asked. “I was told this was my shack,” 

“You’re an orphan?” Klaus asked.

“No!” she yelled. “My birth mother is out there somewhere...and Mr. Poe is going to find her and…”

“Ha,” Sunny commented rolling her eyes.

“That’s not funny,” Violet stated matter of factly. 

“Sunny’s not laughing at your situation…” Klaus explained. “She’s laughing at the fact that you believe Mr. Poe is going to be able to do anything. The man is incompetent as fuck,” 

“ He has to find her! ” Violet shrieked. “That way I can...I can…”

“What?” Klaus asked still holding Sunny tightly to him. 

“I can meet her...and ask her questions...and maybe find the man who…” she stopped, wiping her eyes.

“Look,” Klaus said noticing that Violet had begun to cry. “The whole shack thing must be a mix-up then...seeing as this is the Orphan Shack and you are not an orphan…” he said awkwardly.

Violet sat down on one of the hay bales, putting her face into her hands and sobbing. Klaus and Sunny looked at one another awkwardly. They had no idea how to respond to the crying girl in their new home. On one hand, Klaus and Sunny had thought they and this girl were friends seeing that she had defended them from Carmelita and she didn’t even know them but now here she was, barging into their new home, yelling at them about her father, and even possessing a photograph of them. They didn’t know what to think about her anymore. 

Violet sat there for several minutes, crying. Not caring that the crabs were trying to pinch her legs. Klaus put Sunny back on the ground, allowing her to keep the crabs away from Violet as the girl sobbed. Violet looked up and both Baudelaires could tell she was deeply hurt. She didn’t look strong and tough as she did in the cafeteria or when she had barged into the Orphan Shack. She looked defeated and tired. Both Baudelaires knew and understood that feeling all too well. 

“Are...you okay?” Klaus asked in a meek, awkward voice. While Sunny gave him a ‘really?’ look.

Violet shook her head. “No,” she sighed, “I don’t know what I was thinking. I saw your photograph after you left and thought ‘maybe...maybe the next time I see them I can uncover every secret surrounding my father’ but here I am...in a shack, full of crabs and…” she glances up. “Mold?”

“Fungus, but you’re close,” Klaus corrected.

“And fungus...and nothing. You guys know nothing about him or VFD...you’re just two children…” Violet muttered. “And I have no idea why he had an investigation board for you,” 

Klaus gave a worried glance but didn’t say anything pertaining to Violet’s father. At this point in time, all he could say would be slight insults. He did want to know why her father had an investigation board and pictures of him and his baby sister, but every single way that Klaus can think of wording any question pertaining to this...it didn’t seem appropriate seeing that Violet was crying. 

“You said Mr. Poe was looking for your mother,” Klaus began trying to change the subject away from her father to something he believed would be a brighter, happier topic. 

“Yeah...so?” she asked confused.

“Well, did you guys get separated?” he asked.

“You can say that,” Violet muttered. “Honestly, I don’t know how it went down...I was probably younger than Sunny,” 

“Oh,” Klaus said. He couldn’t imagine never knowing his mother. He could barely deal with the fact that she was gone forever, dead, alongside his father. 

Violet sighed. “Yeah...it was just me and my dad...for a while. Then he started acting strange a couple of months ago…he told me he was looking for her...but it seems to me he was following you guys around. Are you sure you don’t know anything about him?” she asked again, Klaus and Sunny could tell she was desperate with how her eyes stared back at them. Like a lost little puppy who had been stuck in the rain. “Like...I hate to sound rude...but I just want to know why you two were so goddamn important to him that he came out of hiding and risked his life...I want to know why he was murdered,” 

Klaus and Sunny looked at one another. “Olaf?” Sunny stated, which meant, “Well, I don’t know why but Olaf was not happy to see him,”

Klaus translated for his sister. “Who’s Olaf?” Violet asked. 

“Bastard,” Sunny commented baring her teeth.

“He...he’s a bad man,” Klaus oversimplified. “He’s been following us around as well, but doing the opposite of what your father was doing. He has been trying to kidnap and or kill us ever since our parents died in a fire,” 

The word ‘fire’ made Violet’s head shoot up. “Wait...fire?” she said. “Your parents died in a fire?”

“Yeah,” Sunny said sadly.

“Why?” 

“The Quagmires...they said their parents died in a fire…” Violet muttered more to herself. “And your parents died in a fire,” 

“Again, I’m not quite following,” Klaus explained.

“My father died...in a fire, too,” she said.

“Oh,” Sunny commented. 

“We’re very sorry for your loss,” Klaus said. “Even if he seemed to be stalking us...he seemed like a good man helping us escape Olaf…” 

Violet nodded. “Well, at least he wasn’t trying to kidnap you,” 

“Why would you think your father was going to kidnap us?”

Violet opened her mouth to explain but closed it. Would telling them about VFD put them in danger? Or were they already in danger from VFD seeing that her father had been following them and Jacquelyn said he had recently rejoined? She sighed as she told Klaus what her father had told her during their big argument. “It’s...better if you didn’t know,” she whispered, feeling like a hypocrite. 

“I’d argue that it’s better if we did know,” Klaus replied as Sunny nodded.

“Sorry, I don’t even understand it,” 

Violet fumbled with her locket, opening it. Smiling down at the picture that was inside. 

“What’s that?” Klaus asked.

“Oh,” she gave a small chuckle. “It’s a locket my father had given to me when I was a little girl. It has a picture of my birth mother,” 

“Your father seems like a good man,” Klaus commented. Violet nodded.

“He was,” she said. 

“See?” Sunny asked pointing at the locket.

“She wants to know if she can see the picture of your mother,” Klaus explained when Violet just stared at Sunny.

“I mean...you can,” Violet said confused. She slowly took off her locket but before handing it to Sunny, she stared at it and gave a small smile. “You know my father said I look more like her...the only thing I got from my father are my eyes,” 

Violet handed the locket to Sunny, who stared at it with an alarmed but confused face. “Isn’t she beautiful?” Violet said not really paying attention to Sunny’s facial expression.

“Klaus…” Sunny said confused. Klaus turned to his sister noticing the expression that appeared on her face. She motioned for him to come take a look at the picture that was in Violet’s locket. When Klaus saw the picture, his eyes widened and he looked at Violet confused.

“What?” Violet asked finally noticing their expressions.

“Mama,” Sunny says sadly as she hugged the locket tightly. 

Violet looked confused as to why Sunny is hugging her locket. “Yes...that’s my birth mother,” she said confused glancing at Klaus’ expression which Violet would describe as the expression she’d believe that he would make if he had seen a ghost.

“No…,” Klaus said gently taking the locket from Sunny and staring at it wishing that the woman in the photo could step out of the picture and scoop him and Sunny into her arms and tell them that this all was a big misunderstanding. Tears were forming in his eyes. He looked down to Sunny, who looked up at him, her eyes had tears forming in them. He looked back at the locket and then at Violet. “What Sunny means is…” he began still not understanding. He stared from the picture inside the locket and then at Violet. She was right, she looked just like the woman in the photo but that’s what had Klaus confused. How? He asked himself as he closed the locket, holding it tightly in the palm of his hands. “What Sunny means is...that’s a photo of our mother,” he says finally.

Violet looked at the two of them, who were now silently crying. Klaus handed her back the locket and picked up his little sister holding her close. “You guys aren’t funny,” she said staring at them waiting for them to start laughing but they simply wiped tears from their eyes. “You guys...aren’t joking are you?” she asked as Klaus shook his head.

“Wait…” she says smiling. “If...if that’s your mother that means, she’ll find me…and...oh,” her smile began to fade. “You two are orphans…” Sunny nodded. “Which...means...she’s...dead,” Klaus nodded. Violet took a deep breath and began to break down again. 

“She’s...dead,” she repeated. “I never got to meet her or...anything,” Violet began to cry harder. “And my father knew...he had to have...that’s why...he must have been trying to...he…” 

Klaus stood there awkwardly holding Sunny, who nudged him to talk to Violet, to try and calm her down. 

“Sunny, I am not really good at interacting with people,” 

“Obvi,” she whispered back, which meant, “Obviously,” 

“What do you want me to do?” he whispered back as they both watched as Violet continued to sob.

“Down,” she commented. Klaus nodded his head and set his baby sister on the ground. Sunny immediately began to roar and scare the crabs away from Violet’s feet as she reached Violet’s legs. She set a comforting hand on her knee. Violet, who had set her face into her arms to cry, looked up and gave Sunny a small smile.

Klaus, on the other hand, just stood there in complete and utter shock and silence. He was trying to figure out how this was possible. Was she telling the truth? She does have a picture of Sunny and me, who says she couldn’t be pretending? He thought but when he looked at Violet again he realized that this was crazy for him to think because no one could fake these tears. He sat down next to her, she looked up at him. But they both didn’t say anything at all. Violet wiped tears from her eyes looking down at both Klaus and Sunny. 

“What does this mean?” she asked.

“Well...if the woman in your locket is your birth mother…” Klaus began but he was unable to finish the sentence. He stared at Violet confused.

Sunny looked at Violet giving her a big smile. “Sis,” she said pointing at Violet.

Violet looked at Sunny confused but then smiled. “You’re right,” she whispered in disbelief. “We’re...sisters…” she said to Sunny, who only smiled at her even wider. This made Violet’s heart flutter and her mind wind back up. “Wait…” she said peering closer to Sunny’s mouth. “You have piranha teeth!” she exclaimed.

In a monotone, Klaus replied, “She’s harmless,” He didn’t even turn towards his sisters. He just stood there, in the middle of the shack, his brain working at 1000 miles per hour trying to make sense of this.

Violet knelt down in front of Sunny, she turned to Klaus. “Harmless? She has piranha teeth! That’s so fucking cool! I would hate to be bitten by you!” she said to Sunny. She turned to Sunny. “Can I see them a bit better?” Sunny nodded at her, opening her mouth wider, allowing Violet to see her greatest weapon.

“That’s soooooooo cool!” She shrieked. Violet was honestly amazed by Sunny’s four very sharp teeth. 

“Pan,” Sunny said smiling when Violet was done examining them. Violet looked to Klaus for a translation but he just stood there, barely focused on the two girls. “Pan!” she repeated. Klaus turned to Sunny confused. “Pan!” she said again, which meant, “I sword fought a woman with my teeth and won !” 

Klaus, who was still not entirely there mentally, just stared at Sunny confused. Klaus couldn’t quite follow what his little sister was saying seeing as he was dazed and hypnotized. Sunny sighed and then said “Hook?” Klaus immediately understood her references. Klaus looked to Violet, using the same monotone as before he explained, “I believe she’s explaining the time she sword fought a woman with her teeth and apparently won? I believe she’s referring to Peter Pan and Captain Hook.” Klaus said with a small shrug of his shoulders. Sunny stared at her brother with a worried expression. It was odd. He wasn’t smiling. He usually smiled when she referenced his favorite Disney movie. 

“Okay?” she asked her brother but he didn’t answer, he went back to being quiet and trying to figure out what this meant. 

“Wait. Wait. Wait...she used her teeth to sword fight a grown woman?” Violet asked not noticing Klaus’ posture or tone of voice. “My baby sister is soooooo cool! Can you breathe fire, too?” she asked.

Sunny looked at her and laughed. “Spyro?” She questioned which meant, “like a dragon?” Violet nodded not needing any explanation to that reference which was good because Klaus was no longer in a state of mind to translate for Sunny.

Sunny pondered it for a moment and then answered Violet’s question with a simple shake of her head. Violet was still smiling. “You’re still super cool!” she squealed.

Sunny took a bow as Violet clapped her hands. Violet turned to Klaus, who stood there motionless. “Hey, are you okay?” she asked worriedly.

 Klaus barely shook his head in response. “How old are you?” he asked with no emotion in his voice.

“Fourteen. Why?” she replied.

“That makes you...older than me,” he said. His voice was robotic without any emotion.

“I have a baby brother and sister,” Violet said in happy shock. She didn’t know how to feel entirely. But she couldn’t help but feel a little bit happy. Sure, she was never going to meet her birth mother and knowing that did kill her on the inside but...part of her believes that this was...better...in a way.

“You’re…” He began. The look on his face worried both Violet and Sunny, who carefully watched him as he began to pace around the tiny shack. Trying to figure this out. Violet looked down at Sunny and the two half-sisters shared a look of confusion and a simple shrug of the shoulders. “If you’re fourteen and I’m twelve...that makes you my older half-sister,” he muttered to himself. “You’re…I…I don’t…But that means Mom…” 

Violet stood up. Klaus ran his hands through his hair. “That means…” he repeated. “But...Mom...never…”

“Is he okay?” Violet asked Sunny.

Sunny watched as Klaus was wrapping his arms around himself. She didn’t understand what he was doing or what was about to happen.

“This...this...you are…” Klaus whispered looking at Violet. “You’re...my big sister?” he said finally, after staring at Violet for about ten seconds. 

Violet slowly nodded her head not knowing if he was happy or saddened by this fact. 

Klaus slowly nodded his head in response before erupting in sobs. He fell forward grabbing onto the side of Violet’s left leg as he began to cry, wrapping his arms around her legs tightly. Violet tensed up at the sudden touch but eventually eased up. She looked down at her younger brother, who was sobbing uncontrollably. She looked at Sunny, who was watching Klaus closely, unsure of whether or not to run to him and hug him.

“Klaus…” Violet said in a calm, soft voice.

Klaus still holding her tightly, looked up at her. Violet’s heart nearly shattered seeing her brother’s tear-stained face. His wet, lifeless eyes staring back at her. He didn’t say anything just continued to hug her legs. 

“Who…” Violet began as Klaus’ sobs startled her. She placed a comforting hand on top of his head. She didn’t know exactly what to do or to say. She didn’t know what was making him cry. Was he sad that she was his sister? Was he crying because he missed his parents and gaining a family member reminded him of the ones he lost? “Why…” 

“Klaus…” Sunny said quietly. 

“Sunny!” Klaus sobbed, startling both his sisters. “We...have an...older sister…like can you...believe. Mom...and the...Snicket lad...had a...baby,” he sobbed. “We’re...saved….she’s...she’s going to....save us,” 

“ Save you?” Violet asked. “Did I hear you correctly? What do you mean save you?”

“He’s...a bad...bad man,” Klaus sobbed. “He’s going...to kill...Sunny and I…” 

“Who?” Violet asked looking down at Klaus. “Sunny, what’s he talking about?”

“Olaf,” Sunny answered.

“The fucker you said was not happy when he saw my father?” Violet asked as she felt Klaus nod into her legs. “What has he done to you?” she asked worriedly.

Klaus gripped her legs tighter. “He’s...h-hurt us and h-hunted us,” Klaus cried as he began to shake.

Sunny nodded her head as Violet’s face began to turn dark with anger. “Vulneratis,” Sunny stated to Violet, which meant, “Klaus is very traumatized. I have a feeling Olaf did something,”

Klaus stopped sobbing to glare at Sunny. “I’m not...t-traumatized,” Klaus hiccupped.

“Traumatized?” Violet asked worriedly. “What did he do to you?” 

Klaus shook his head. “N-nothing,” he lied not looking up at Violet. He was slowly removing his arms from around Violet’s legs. 

“You’re lying,” Violet said. “What did he do to you?”

Klaus just shook his head. 

“How can I save you if I don’t know what to do…” Violet replied helping him stand up. Once he was standing, she pulled him into a hug. Klaus tensed up from the shock of the embrace, but slowly, he stopped shaking and his breathing and sobs calmed entirely. He began to hiccup, but he held onto his older half-sister, feeling a weird but inviting sense of safety and security. Sunny, after a few seconds began to feel a little left out, ran towards her sibling’s legs, putting her arms around them. Violet and Klaus both looked down as Violet knelt down to pick Sunny up. She held Sunny and Klaus as close to her as she could. Klaus and Sunny both relaxed within Violet’s embrace. Violet set her chin atop of Sunny’s head. “I’m here…” she whispered. “Big sister’s here…no need to be afraid anymore,” Violet felt tears appearing in her arms. 

She didn’t know these two at all. The only thing she knew about them other than their names was the fact that they share a mother. She didn’t know what they were like. She didn’t know a thing about how they reacted when they were mad or what could calm them down when they are scared or sad. She didn’t know what Klaus’ interests were or how to even fully communicate with Sunny. But as she held them close, she felt something...a connection. She couldn’t fully explain it but it feels like something has been missing her entire life. She couldn’t say for sure but she was starting to believe that maybe the empty feeling she had been feeling since she was a little girl wasn’t the fact that she didn’t know her birth mother...or maybe it was but only partially. She felt now that maybe it was them...was this what she was born to do? Be an older sister? As she held her two younger siblings close, she knew one thing for sure...they were hers. They were her own and Snickets take care of their own. She didn’t know who this Olaf fucker was and what vendetta he had against her siblings but she didn’t care. Her siblings could have wronged him in the worst ways and she’d still be on their side defending them. As she held them close to her, she looked up at the sky shamefully. “I understand now…” she whispered looking up at the ceiling. “I’m sorry for everything that I said, Mr. Lemons,” she could feel her eyes producing tears but she didn’t care. She felt like utter shit in this moment. She thought of her father and realized exactly what he had done. He had sacrificed his life for her younger siblings and she repaid him by screaming at him, accusing him of heinous crimes, and telling him that she hated him. Now she has lost him. He was forever gone and her birth mother...is forever lost and gone as well. Violet will never know what it felt like to be held by Beatrice as she read her a bedtime story as Klaus and Sunny knew. She would never know the poem that Bertrand, her second father, would have recited to her as he did with Klaus but more so recently Sunny. She will never know how it felt to have two parents caring for you at once. 

She rubbed Klaus’ back comfortingly as he continued to hiccup from his recent breakdown as she watched Sunny fighting to stay awake. Both Klaus and Sunny felt safe and warm in her arms. Neither understood it entirely, but at this moment in time, neither Baudelaire cared. “Shhhh,” Violet whispered to Klaus as she listened for his breathing to normalize. “Everything is going to be okay…Snickets take care of their own,” 

Klaus slowly nodded, breaking the hug. He wiped his eyes behind his glasses. “I don’t...understand,” 

Violet nodded her head in agreement. “I think I understand my father now,” she whispered. Klaus looked at her. “It...makes sense now,” she slowly sat down on a hay bale, still holding Sunny. “He came out of hiding...for you. He must have seen that you were in trouble...he was saving you...because of your connection to me,” 

Klaus frowned. “Oh…that means...we got him killed,” 

“No...no...whoever this Olaf fucker is... he’s at fault,” Violet said standing up, placing Sunny on the ground. Sunny was the first to notice the crabs coming out since Klaus had stopped crying and nothing was startling them. Violet grabbed her ribbon and began to tie her hair up, closing her eyes concentrating. “I think I have an idea of how to make this place a little better,” she said after a minute or so. “Sunny, can you do me a favor and use teeth to bite into this bucket?” 

Sunny nodded as Violet walked over to grab the bucket. “While Sunny’s doing that...how about you start telling me about this Olaf person,” she said to Klaus.

Klaus took a deep breath as Sunny glared. Klaus began to describe Olaf to Violet, starting from his unibrow all the way down to his tattooed ankle. Violet listened attentively as Klaus spoke about Olaf. Her demeanor changed as Klaus described the vile man who had been plaguing their lives since the death of their shared mother and Klaus and Sunny’s father.

“Wait…” She interrupted as she closed her eyes trying her best to concentrate on a dark memory that’s been haunting her mind. “Does he have a wheezy voice?” she asked.

“Yep,” Sunny chimed in as she bit into the metal bucket that Violet had handed to her.

“...and you said he has a tattoo on his ankle?” She asked as Klaus nodded his head.

“Yeah. He has a tattoo of an eye on his left ankle,” Klaus explained.

“It’s not an eye...per se,” Violet whispered. 

Klaus’ eyes went wide. “Wait! Have you seen him…? I-Is he here?” Klaus asked in a meek voice, slightly shaking.

Violet looked at her younger brother with concern. “No...he’s...he’s not here,” she informed him, watching as Klaus began to relax. “I’m just...making sure I have a good description of him…”

“Why?” Sunny asked as she handed the bucket back to Violet, who smiled down at her. 

“Thanks, Sunshine,” she said as she examined the bucket. “Oh, because if he shows his face, I am going to break his face,” 

Klaus’ eyes went wide with fear. “No. No, you will not. If you see him, you, Duncan, and Isadora are to pretend that you don’t know us,” 

“Ummm, that’s not happening, my plucky baby brother,” Violet said smiling. She was loving the fact that she had a younger brother and sister.

“First off, I’m not a baby...nor am I plucky,” 

“Baby,” Sunny said pointing at Klaus giggling.

Klaus rolled his eyes. “Lovely...she’s already siding with you,” he says to Violet as both Violet and Sunny smirk.

“That’s because, dear brother, I am always right and Sunny knows it,”  She says smiling down at Sunny. Sunny responded by placing her hands together to form a heart and blowing a kiss Violet’s way. “Yep...I’m definitely kicking this Olaf’s ass for hurting you,” 

“ No...no you’re not! ” Klaus informed her standing up and grabbing Violet by the shoulders. “Promise me... promise me... If Olaf shows up...you’ll forget all about Sunny and me,”

Violet shook her head furiously. “No way. Look, I get that it’s weird for you to have someone to protect you but you can stand down little soldier. Big sister is here. I will protect you. ” 

“Violet...please...you don’t understand!” Klaus warned. Violet frowned when she noticed his fearful expression. It made her blood boil that someone was able to cause her brother this much fear and panic.

She shook her head again and put a comforting hand on Klaus’ shoulder. “Snickets take care of their own,” she said simply. “Besides...this is personal,” 

Klaus and Sunny looked at one another. “Wha?” Sunny asked looking up at Violet.

“How is this personal?” Klaus asked.

Violet bit her lip, realizing she had said too much. But instantly she responded, “no one messed with my family and gets away with it,” 

Klaus frowned as Sunny clapped. He didn’t understand how he had an older sister, although it would be an understatement to say he was relieved. He had someone else who had to share the responsibility for Sunny. Someone who would have his back. He was somehow the middle child. After all this time thinking that he was an only child and then the eldest child once Sunny was born, completely and utterly confuses him. How could his mother have another child that he didn’t know about? His mother and father never mentioned an older sister before. Although now when Klaus thought about it, Beatrice and Bertrand never truly referred to him as their eldest or when Sunny wasn’t born, they never referred to him as their ‘only’. He remembered being referred to as their son or even only son. But rarely was he ever referred to as their only child. The only times he could remember being referred to as the eldest was when he was asked to make that promise about keeping Sunny safe. But other than that...he couldn’t remember them ever calling him their eldest. Did they regret losing her? Why didn’t they tell him? Did Violet’s dad take her from his parents? Did their mother abandon her? So many questions fluttered through his mind as he watched Violet shake her head at him. As Violet continued to insist on protecting him and Sunny, the only important question on Klaus’ mind was What would Olaf do to Violet once he found out about a third Baudelaire? 

Violet looked from the defeated eyes of her brother to the hopeful eyes of her sister. Violet meant every word she spoke. Olaf would pay for what he’s done to her family. He will pay for every family member that he’s harmed. Ready or not, Olaf, here I come. The newest player of this game you’ve been playing and unlike these two...I show no mercy. 

Chapter Text

Chapter Four:

The One Where Violet Takes Up the Torch

Infiltrating Prufrock Preparatory School was easier than Larry had thought. He had entered the Administrations office with ease. It wasn’t hard, he knew the school by memory. He had been a student long ago. All the painful memories were finding their way back into the forefront of his mind. He just had to get this book to Lemony’s daughter and he could leave this terrible place. As he reached a nearly empty hallway, he watched as a woman dressed in a yellow blouse, with her brown hair in a bun. She looked rather irritated.

“Vice Principal Nero? I don’t mean to interrupt...a genius...when he’s rehearsing…” she began.

“I was already interrupted. I just spent twenty minutes explaining to a bratty little orphan that she has to live in a shack,” 

“That’s awful,” the woman said.

“We always put new orphans in the shack,” Nero explained.

“Yes and that’s incredibly awful. They’re children,”

“They’re orphans. Who cares?” Nero said. “Now why are you here?”

“Why are any of us here?” the woman asked. “‘Life is thickly sown with thorns, and I know  no other remedy than to pass quickly through them’ Voltaire said that.”

“I thought we expelled that French kid for smoking,” 

“I’m following up on keeping the library open for more than ten minutes,”

“No! Out of the question! I spent the budget on a  violin case with a ruby handle.”

The woman looked both confused and irritated. “But it does not cost any more money to leave the fucking library door unlocked…”

“There are other reasons, but I don’t have time to explain,” Nero said trying to slam the door in her face. She stuck out her foot, stopping the door. 

She glared at him. “I’ll wait,”

“Okay,” Nero said shrugging. “It’s because I don’t like you very much,” he put all of his weight on the door effectively closing it in her face. “My hands are tied on this!” he called out.

She punched the door angrily as she dropped the book that was in her hand. Larry walked up behind her. “You dropped this,” he said handing her the book. 

“I wish I had dropped it right on his head,” she growled towards the door before sighing. “Too bad we can’t fix stupidity at the vice-principal level.”

“‘In a world too often governed by corruption and arrogance, it can be difficult to stay true to one’s literary and philosophical principles,” Larry stated.

The woman nodded her head and smiled. “I’ve often thought that exact thing.”

“Most librarians have,”

“How did you know I was a librarian?” 

“There’s a certain gleam in the eye indicating a sharp, erudite acumen...also you have a cart of books,” Larry said gesturing to the woman's cart of books. “Do you know where I might find a student who recently enrolled?”

“I do…” she said skeptically. “But I don’t  think I should share that information with someone who’s not faculty.”

“I am a member of the faculty,” Larry said pulling out a hairnet from his pocket.

“I’ve never seen you around,” she said still skeptical.

“I work in the cafeteria,” 

“Ah. That checks out,” she said. “I make it a point to never eat there...no offense,”

“Understandable,” 

Carmelita appeared in the hall as she skipped to the two adults. “Ah, hello, little girl,” Larry said waving at the young bully.

“Who said you could speak to me?” Carmelita asked kicking Larry in the shin. Larry yelped in pain as he began to fall to the ground, taking the cart of books down with him. The large book that he was carrying fell out of his backpack and into the pile of books. 

“Oh, my!” the woman said kneeling down to help Larry. “Here. Let me help you,” 

“Oh,” Larry said annoyed. 

“Children can be cruel,”

“The whole world is cruel! School is just a microcosm!” 

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Why do you ask?” Larry asked as he slowly began to limp away from the kind librarian.

“The cafeteria’s the other way,” the librarian informed him.

“But the nurse is this way,” he called back to her, wishing that he hadn’t agreed to do this for Jacquelyn.

___________________________________________________________________

The first night in the Orphan Shack was not fun for any of the three orphans who inhabited it. The hay bales were not only small but they were itchy and did not make comforting beds. The shack also did not provide the children with much warmth. Add to the fact that Nero did not provide the shack with blankets or pillows and all three children had a difficult time falling asleep. 

Violet laid awake on her hay bale, looking towards the ugly tin wall of the shack. Contemplating what all this meant. She knew that she was the eldest of three children but she didn’t know how to be an older sibling. She hoped it would be something that would come naturally for her. She also hoped she had already started doing a good job seeing that she had defended them against a schoolyard bully, held them close when they were afraid and needed comforting and promised them that their safety would be her number one concern. She pondered about this Olaf character, whom she suspected was responsible for her father’s death. The description that Klaus had given her matches the one that she had of the man who was leaving the scene of the crime although all she had to go on that was a tattooed ankle, which she was learning was more common than she had hoped and a wheezy voice. She also had the fact that Sunny had informed her that this Olaf fucker was displeased when he realized who her father was. She tossed and turned on her hay bale still waiting to wake up from this nightmare. Every so often whispering to herself that she was sorry and didn’t mean a damn word that she said when she had yelled at her father. She laid on her back looking up at the fungus that slowly dripped from the ceiling. “I’m sorry…” she whispered. “I understand now...I don’t hate you...but why didn’t you tell me I could’ve helped you,” she slowly turned her head towards where Klaus and Sunny laid. She wasn’t sure just what she was getting herself into if Olaf was the one who murdered her father, but she didn’t care. The simple fact that Klaus is traumatized, Sunny is targeted, and her father was now dead just enraged her more and more every time she thought about it. 

Sunny, who was sharing a hay bale with Klaus, in order to keep warm couldn’t sleep more so because of how excited she was to have Violet as a sister. Sunny didn’t fully understand how Violet was their sibling and how she could be older than Klaus but if Violet and Klaus were sure they were siblings, she wasn’t going to question it. All she could think about was the benefits of having Violet on their side. She had already helped them out with Carmelita, she could only imagine how Violet would handle Olaf. Sunny knew that Olaf was a dangerous man who had harmed Klaus in a way that still remained a mystery to Sunny, but she felt as though with Violet around, Olaf would never have a chance to do that to her or Klaus again and that made her feel ecstatic. Klaus was no longer the eldest, he could forget all about that stupid promise that he had made to their parents because Violet was the eldest. Now, don’t get it twisted, Sunny didn’t want Violet to become as neurotic as Klaus when it came to this promise, but she was glad that someone more level headed was taking on the job. It was obvious to Sunny that Klaus needed a break. His breakdown today showed it. As Sunny laid there on the hay bale, chewing on hay to pass the time, she felt her brother slightly shaking and she held his hand in hopes of helping him find some sleep.

Klaus had the toughest time that night. He didn’t quite know how to feel about everything. On one hand, he was relieved to have an older sibling, a protector. But on the other hand, he was very fearful. He knew Count Olaf would come back into his and Sunny’s life and he didn’t want to involve Violet in Olaf’s dangerous game. He didn’t want to involve Duncan or Isadora either. All three were so helpful with Carmelita today that he feared that they will do the same when it comes to dealing with Olaf and that wasn’t something that Klaus looked forward to. Aside from the Olaf thing, he didn’t truly understand how his mother could have had a child before him but not mention her ever. He wracked his brain trying to remember any instances where either one of his parents had mentioned having a child before him, but for as long as he could remember it had only been him. He could remember all the times where he was confused as to why his parents looked sad when he had accomplished things. He remembered when he first rode a bike and when he first learned how to use the big boy potty. His parents both shared a look of sadness...but it was always for a split second. They probably thought he had never noticed but he did. He never understood it until now. Were they remembering the child they lost and wondering how all of her firsts went? Why hadn’t his mother looked for Violet? She didn’t seem like the type to simply abandon or even forget about her child. Did she wrongfully think Violet was dead? Klaus shuddered at that thought. He shifted on the hay bale that he shared with Sunny and looked over at Violet, who seemed to be asleep. He couldn’t tell. It was dark and he couldn’t see without his glasses and proper lighting. He wondered how she felt about all this. He frowned when he thought that Violet might have some resentment towards him and Sunny or even towards their mother for seemingly moving on without a care for her. Klaus knew his mother though, even if she hid it well, he knew that her heart must have hurt each day knowing that she was missing one of her children. My mother is a good mother and a good woman. He told himself as he shifted again. The whole night his mind went from Violet being his sister to his mother’s strange behavior that he can now see in hindsight, and his fears about Olaf. It didn’t help that the shack’s door was unable to lock, so Klaus constantly feared that Olaf would walk into the shack and kidnap him and Sunny in the middle of the night and the crabs making noises near the door did not help his paranoia.

________________________________________________________________

“Good morning, class, including our latest orphan,” Violet’s teacher announced. To Violet’s horror, the entire classroom turned to look at her. Violet noticed that they all looked at her as if she wasn’t even a person, like being an orphan made her less of a person. She noticed that Isadora, who sat next to her, turned to her and gave her a comforting smile. “My name is Mr. Remora, and today, for language arts, I will continue telling anecdotes from my own life that I find amusing. You’ll take notes and there will be a test,” Mr. Remora said in his monotone voice.

Mr. Remora was Violet and Isadora’s teacher, and he was so terrible that Violet thought that she’d almost rather stay in the Orphans Shack all morning and eat her meals with her hands tied behind her back rather than hurry to Room One and learn from such a boring and wretched man. Mr. Remora was constantly eating bananas. Now, bananas are fairly delicious fruit and contain a healthy amount of potassium, but after watching Remora shove banana after banana into his mouth, dropping banana peels on the floor, both girls thought they never wanted to see a banana again. But what made this class worse was that in between bites of banana, Mr. Remora would tell stories, and the children would write the stories down in their notebooks, and every so often there would be a test. Although his stories were short, he usually had a whole lot of them on every conceivable subject. And what made his stories even worse was how he presented them. With his monotone voice, both girls groaned as they listened to this bored man talk about his boring life. “Okay, one day, I think it was a Tuesday, I was in the mood for macaroni and cheese, so I said to myself, “Today, Tuesday, I think I’ll have some macaroni and cheese.” Now, it is important to remember it wasn’t elbow macaroni or the decorative butterfly kind or even the tube-shaped macaroni…” Remora droned on. Violet searched through her backpack nervously as she realized that she didn’t have a pen or pencil. She felt a nudge on her right shoulder, she turned her head to see Isadora poking her with a pencil, blushing. 

“I have an extra one,” Isadora noted handing Violet the pencil. 

“Thank you,” Violet whispered back smiling at the triplet as she hurriedly wrote down the monotonous details of Mr. Remora’s stories.

Mr. Remora would tell story after story and eat banana after banana, and it would get more and more difficult for Violet to pay attention. To make things better though, she was glad Isadora sat next to her, as they began to pass notes to one another when they knew Remora wasn’t paying any attention. Both girls were thankful for each other’s company.

Across the hall in Room Two was Klaus’ teacher, Mrs. Bass, who herself was also a poor teacher. She was too obsessed with the metric system to offer Klaus or Duncan any real insight as a teacher. Klaus wasn’t particularly fond of math, although it was just measuring, math was not one of Klaus’ favorite school subjects. Either it was boring to him or it was too difficult for him to understand which made him feel stupid and he hated that feeling more than he hated Count Olaf and that’s saying something. Klaus could remember a time, years before Sunny was born, he was around eight years old and he had measured the width of all of the doorways in the Baudelaire mansion when he was bored one rainy afternoon and both of his parents were too busy to entertain him. But Klaus soon realized that to Mrs. Bass it didn’t matter, rain or shine, all she wanted to do was measure things.

“Good morning, children. May I have your undivided attention?” Mrs. Bass barked to the class. “I understand we have a brand new orphan today.” To Klaus’ horror, everyone in the classroom turned to look at him. They looked at him as though he was below them just because his parents were dead. He turned his head to see a friendly face sitting right next to him. Duncan Quagmire smiled back at him and it wasn’t much but it helped Klaus not feel so alone. “It must be difficult for you to measure how unhappy you are without your parents, but we’re gonna try. My name is Mrs. Bass, and we’ll continue our lessons on the metric system by measuring various objects. Later we’ll have a quiz.” Mrs. Bass explained grabbing from her pile of random objects that she would carry into her classroom. Klaus looked at all the objects and rolled his eyes in annoyance and boredom. Mrs. Bass began to walk around the classroom and place a random object on each student’s desk. “The first thing you’ll measure is this jar of mayonnaise I found in my garage,” she said to Klaus as she placed the jar on his desk. Once she had given each student an object, she walked to the front of the classroom. “Measure!” she shouted and everybody took out their rulers and measured whatever she had placed on their desk.

Klaus looked around for a spare ruler. He felt a nudge in his back. He turned around to see Carmelita smirking at him as she poked him in the back again. He noticed she was holding a stick she must have found on the lawn. “Orphan,” she whispered to Klaus, who frowned. 

“Leave him alone, Carmelita,” Duncan whispered annoyed as Carmelita proceeded to poke him in the back with the stick.

“Orphan twin,” Carmelita whispered.

Duncan gave a low growl as he rolled his eyes handing Klaus his green ruler. “Here...we can share mine...I don’t have a spare but if we take turns and maybe share notes later we’ll be just fine for the tests,” he said nervously as Klaus blushed.

“Uhm...uhhh, thanks,” Klaus replied taking the ruler from Duncan. 

Every time Mrs. Bass yelled “Measure!” Duncan and Klaus would quickly take turns using Duncan’s ruler to measure their items. Mrs. Bass would then ask random students to call out their measurements and she would write them on the board and have the students switch objects. The routine was so mundane and boring that Klaus could feel his eyes glaze over every so often only to be brought back to reality by either Carmelita poking him in the back with the stick or Duncan’s hand accidentally brushing against his every time they passed the ruler to each other. Occasionally when the boys weren’t too busy blushing and avoiding all eye contact with each other, the two boys would look at each other and stick their tongues out as if to say, Mrs. Bass is terribly boring, isn’t she? 

Sunny, on the other hand, was not spending her morning in a boring classroom, she had work in the administrative building. And if you were to ask me, her situation was perhaps the worst. As Vice Principal Nero’s secretary, Sunny had numerous duties assigned to her that were simply impossible for a toddler to perform. For instance, she was in charge of answering the telephone, but people who called Nero did not always know that “Seltepia!” was Sunny’s way of saying, “Good morning, this is Vice Principal Nero’s office, how may I help you?” By the second hour, Nero was furious at her for confusing so many of his business associates. In addition, Sunny was in charge of typing, stapling, and mailing all of Vice Principal Nero’s letters, which meant she had to work a typewriter, a stapler, and stamps, all of which were designed for adult use. The worst part of her job was that Sunny was forced to spend her morning in Nero’s office listening to his atrocious violin playing. It only took Sunny ten minutes to want to cut her ears off from listening to him.

Nero stopped playing his violin for a split second. “Next letter!” he yelled. Sunny rolled her eyes as he began to dictate what she was to type. “Dear Juilliard School of Music, I was confused by your restraining order of October 13th…” he frowned at Sunny. “ Faster! You type like a one-year-old! Now...where was I…?” 

Sunny growled in response as she continued to type on the typewriter that Nero had given her to perform her secretarial duties.  Unlike many toddlers, Sunny had some experience in hard work, after all, she and Klaus had worked for a short time at Lucky Smells Lumbermill, but this equipment was still inappropriate for such tiny fingers. Sunny could scarcely move the typewriter’s keys, and even when she could she did not know how to spell most of the words that Nero dictated. Although Sunny was sure that Nero, himself, probably couldn’t spell many of the words that he used. She had never used a stapler before, so she sometimes stapled her little fingers by mistake, which hurt quite a bit. And occasionally one of the stamps would stick to her tongue and wouldn’t come off. 

Now in most schools, no matter how miserable, and Prufrock Prepatory was probably one of the most miserable schools out there, the students have a chance to recuperate during the weekend, when they can rest and play instead of attending wretched classes or in Sunny’s case, wretched secretarial work. So they were quite distressed when the Quagmires informed them that Prufrock Prepatory School did not have weekends and that Saturday and Sunday were regular schooldays.

“Please tell me you’re kidding?” Violet asked as the five kids sat down for lunch. Isadora frowned as she helped Sunny sit on the bench next to Violet. 

“I’m afraid I’m not joking,” Isadora replied. “Apparently, it’s to keep up with the school’s motto,”

“But that doesn’t make any sense. I can remember that one day I will die as I am relaxing with a book,” Klaus commented sitting down next to Duncan.  He picked up an apple but stopped before he took a bite, noticing Isadora’s face.

“We should warn you, the apples taste like horseradish,” 

Klaus set his apple down frowning. “Everything seems distasteful in this place,” 

“I-I hope you’re surviving the Orphan Shack,” Duncan said. “It’s...pretty awful. We were living there until you showed up,” 

“Oh...sorry,” Klaus muttered. “Wait...Violet was telling me that. You guys are orphans, too?” 

Duncan and Isadora slowly nodded their heads. Sunny put a comforting hand on Isadora’s hand. “Sorry,” she muttered.

“I agree with Sunny,” Klaus said. “I will say, it’s rather unfortunate how the five us became friends. But I am glad to have met you twins,” 

Violet’s head shot up the second Klaus mentioned twins. Violet slowly shook her head to indicate to Klaus that he had misspoken. 

“What?” He asked Violet.

Duncan and Isadora just looked down at their trays sadly. Sunny looked at her two friends confused. “Offensi?” Sunny asked, which meant, “Did we say something wrong?”

“Twins,” Duncan said, so softly that Klaus and Sunny could barely hear him.

“But you are twins, aren’t you?” Klaus asked as Violet facepalmed. “You look so alike,”

“We’re…” Isadora began frowning.

“They’re triplets, you guys,” Violet explained.

“I’m confused,” Klaus said as Sunny nodded her head in agreement. “Aren’t triplets when three people were born at the same time?”

“We were three people born at the same time,” Isadora said.

“But our brother, Quigley, died in the fire that killed our parents,” Duncan explained.

Klaus’ face fell. “Oh...oh my, I’m...I’m so sorry,” he stuttered. “I am so sorry for your loss and please, I didn’t mean any offense when I said twins…”

Duncan nodded his head, putting a hand on Klaus’ shoulder. “It’s fine…there’s no way you could’ve known without us telling you,”

“Well, Violet knew,” Klaus commented.

“We met her prior to meeting at the school,” Isadora explained. “It was brief, but she got to see all three of us...enjoying life,” 

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” Klaus repeated unsure of what to say. He looked at Sunny, who sat comfortably between Violet and Isadora, he frowned. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if I lost Sunny in the fire, too,” 

Klaus noticed the saddened look on Violet’s face. “And...I’m glad to have found you, Violet,” 

Duncan and Isadora looked at each other confused and then at their three friends. “Wait...how are you guys sharing the Orphan Shack?” Isadora asked. “Cause Klaus said he and Sunny were living there…”

“But we took Violet there yesterday,” Duncan explained.

“Oh!” Violet said laughing. “Isa. Duncan. I forgot to tell you guys!” Violet stood up, picking up Sunny, who giggled as Violet ran to Klaus pulling him into the sibling hug. “ I have siblings!” she shrieked. 

Klaus and Sunny both smiled as Violet hugged them. “This is my plucky baby brother, Klaus...I don’t know much about him just yet except he hates being called ‘plucky’ or ‘baby’, which means as his older sister I must call him both those names until the day he dies,” 

“Lovely,” Klaus said rolling his eyes.

“And this is my precious baby sister, Sunny. She has four sharp teeth and a knack for cooking, which is good because that’s the only thing I can’t do. I started a house fire once,”

“I have too,” Duncan and Klaus said simultaneously.

“Same here,” Isadora replied laughing. “Duncan, remember when you couldn’t boil water,”

“Remember when you tried to microwave tinfoil,” he replied smiling.

“Or when Quigley tried to make a smoothie...with ketchup and french fries,” Isadora said sticking her tongue out in disgust.

“Hey, give him a break, he was nine,” 

“I would give him a break if he didn’t drink it,” Isadora said.

“You dared him to!” Duncan said laughing.

Violet just stared attentively at the Quagmires as she wrapped an arm around Klaus’ shoulders still holding Sunny. “Now we can do stuff like this!” she said happily.

Klaus looked up at Violet. “You’re really happy aren’t you?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” she asked confused. “I mean...I still miss my father and knowing that I will never meet my mother does hurt but...I got the next best thing... you guys!” 

Klaus frowned while Sunny clapped. “Same!” she said hugging Violet tightly.

Violet noticed Klaus’ face and she sat down next to him. “What’s wrong?” she asked. “Do you...not want me to be your sister?”

“No...it’s not that… I don’t want to lose you,” he said choosing his words carefully. “I don’t want you to get your hopes up…”

“What do you mean?” Violet asked confused. All four kids all looked at Klaus confused. 

“Sunny and I will eventually have to leave…”

“Says who?” Duncan asks.

“Olaf,” Sunny answered finally understanding what Klaus meant. Her arms that were wrapped around Violet became limp as she let go of her big sister. 

“That fucker isn’t taking you from me!” Violet practically yelled.

“I don’t understand…” Isadora commented.

“Olaf is going to show up...eventually...and he’s going to be in disguise and Sunny and I are going to have to escape his clutches or…” Klaus stopped.

“Mori,” Sunny chimed in. Which everyone at their table knew exactly what she meant. 

“No,” Violet said after a minute. “Not on my watch,” 

“Violet...we already discussed this,” 

“No, we didn’t. You tried to make me promise that I’d forget all about you…and I refused to entertain that notion,”

“I’m with Vi on this one,” Isadora said.

“Same here,” Duncan chimed in. 

“No!” Klaus said turning to Duncan. “I can’t put you guys in danger...I...I care about you too much,” Duncan began to blush when Klaus said that. “I mean...I care about all three of you too much,” 

Violet and Isadora both facepalmed when Klaus had fixed his initial statement but both girls decided to let it go. Violet looked down at Klaus, who frowned at her. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “But...it’s just how this story goes. Please do yourself a favor...don’t get attached. You’ll only hurt yourselves,” 

Violet shook her head. “Stop talking nonsense, bro,” 

“He’s going to find us,” Klaus argued.

“And I’ll be waiting,” Violet said. 

“You don’t know what he’s capable of!”

“He doesn’t know what I’m capable of!” Violet argued.

“Mirum,” Sunny commented, which meant, “Honestly, Violet’s right. We have the element of surprise this time,” she pointed at Violet. 

“I’m still trying to figure out what you mean...but I hope you agreed with me,” Violet commented.

“She did,” Klaus muttered annoyed, standing up. “You guys don’t get it,” he said annoyed as he began to walk away. 

“Go?” Sunny asked.

“To get more salad…” he called back.

Violet frowned and looked at Duncan and Isadora. “Could...could you guys stay here with Sunny...I’m going to make sure he’s okay,” Violet said but then turned to Duncan. “Unless you want to?” Duncan blushed but shook his head. 

“This might be a sibling thing,” Duncan commented as Sunny rolled her eyes.

“Cute,” she commented pointing at Klaus and then Duncan.

Isadora started laughing, “See even a baby can see it,”

Sunny gave a soft glare Isadora’s way. “Toddler,” she corrected but then she pointed at Isadora and then Violet. “Cute...too,” she said.

Isadora blushed as Duncan laughed high-fiving Sunny. Violet blushed as she walked away. Are we really that obvious that Sunny can see it? She asked herself as she followed Klaus.
Klaus had made it to the hallway before Violet caught up to him.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” she asked.

“It’s not fair!” Klaus screamed. “It’s not fair...one minute you’re safe and happy and...you’re home...everything in your life makes sense and then the next…”

“You’re in a shack full of crabs and fungus?” Violet guessed.

Klaus nodded his head as he sighed. “Look...I hate to make you feel unwanted…” he starts, sighing again. “Cause...if I am being honest I’ve always wanted an older sibling, it’s just… this isn’t the right time,”

“You don’t get to choose…”

“I know...but Sunny and I are in grave danger,” 

“Then so am I,” 

“NO!” Klaus practically yelled. “He’ll hurt you...and I’m not strong enough to take care of you and Sunny. I can barely keep Sunny safe,” 

“Who said anything about you protecting me?” Violet asked raising an eyebrow. “ I’m protecting you, ” 

“He’ll kill you if given the chance,”

“Snickets are hard to kill,” Violet noted.

Klaus opened his mouth to argue that fact but he ultimately decided against it. “Violet...Sunny and I aren’t worth the risk. This is a matter of life or death and even if we survive Olaf we’re going to be sent to our next guardian and you...you might have to stay here and…”

“If you think I’m letting you guys exit my life, you’re crazy,” Violet stated. “We’re in this together. No matter what, I’m with you and Sunny,” 

Klaus shook his head. 

“I promise,” Violet said.

“Don’t...don’t make a promise that you may not be able to keep,” Klaus warned. “The guilt that comes with breaking it is...too much to bear,” he said sitting down against the wall. 

“What do you mean?” Violet asked sitting down next to him. 

“When Sunny was born...my parents made me promise to always protect her and keep her out of trouble. I was eleven and at the time it seemed like an easy feat but ever since the fire, it feels like it’s the one thing I regret doing the most. I should’ve never made that promise...she’s always in danger and I can’t protect her,” Klaus said tears in his eyes. “And I feel like I’ve failed them,”

“Klaus…” Violet said, “I’m sure when they made you promise they had no idea that this would be your life...you’re doing the best you can,”

“My best isn’t good enough,” 

“Says who?”

“Me,” Klaus said wiping his eyes. “Since the fire, she’s been stuffed into a birdcage and dangled outside a 30-foot tower, because of me. She was stuffed into a suitcase, she gave herself an allergic reaction, she’s had to save me countless times,” 

“Let me guess...Olaf?” Violet asked as she felt her blood boil hearing brief details of what Klaus and Sunny had gone through in her absence. 

Klaus nodded. “So trust me...don’t make a promise that you can’t keep,”

Violet rolled her eyes. “What did they have you promise exactly?” 

“Some stupid shit like ‘as the eldest Baudelaire…’,” Klaus began. “Which if you think about it is inaccurate seeing that you are the eldest Baudelaire…”

Violet smiled. “I am,” she said in a tone that worried Klaus.

“What are you thinking?”

“I, Violet Snicket, promise to keep you and Sunny out of trouble. As the eldest Baudelaire sibling I relieve you of your duties,” she said.

“That’s...not how it works,” Klaus said. “You can’t promise a couple of dead parents,”

“But I can promise a couple of alive siblings,” 

“Violet…”

“Klaus, I am serious. No matter what happens from this point on, I promise you and Sunny that I will keep you guys safe. Snickets take care of their own. You both are now my own,” 

“Vi…”

“There’s nothing you can say to change my mind. I’m very stubborn. My father said I got that from my mother,” Violet said. “Sorry, I mean, our mother,”

Klaus laughed. “She was pretty stubborn sometimes,” 

“One of these days...you think you can tell me about her?” Violet asked. 

Klaus nodded. “Of course,” 

Violet smiled and helped her brother to his feet. Once he was standing she put an arm around him, in a sort of half-hug. “I mean it, Klaus, you’re relieved of your duties. I promise you no harm will come to you or Sunny on my watch,” she said again. Klaus smiled even though he doubted it. He loved her blinded optimism. He didn’t feel relieved of his promise, but it did make him feel better that someone was there to help him. Violet, on the other hand, was disappointed in her birth mother and her second father, what kind of people make an eleven-year-old promise something like that. Even if they had no idea what would become of them or their children, that was a lot of responsibility to throw onto someone’s shoulders, especially someone so young. In the back of her mind though, Violet believed that they did know what would have eventually happened. They were involved in a cult...bad things always happen when you involve yourself in a cult. But Violet pushed those unpleasant thoughts to the back of her mind. What mattered now was keeping her promise to Klaus and Sunny. As she and Klaus walked back into the cafeteria, Violet glanced up at the ceiling again, she knew Klaus was right when he said that she couldn’t promise a couple of dead parents. But she didn’t care, she knew that if her mother had been able to keep her, she would have been the one to take on that promise so she believed that it was her duty to do what her birth mother would have asked of her. Plus, her father died trying to protect her siblings, she refused to allow his death to be for nothing. To Violet, it was like the passing of a torch...or a spyglass...her father’s death signified that it was her turn to protect Klaus and Sunny, which is exactly what she planned to do. As she looked up at the ceiling again, she closed her eyes and under her breath mumbled, “ I’m here to finish the job, Mr. Lemons,” she turned to her brother, who did not hear her. 

She meant every word. Her father’s death would not be for nothing and he will be avenged. She didn’t know how...she didn’t know when...she only knew why. That’s because Snickets take care of their own.

Chapter Text

Chapter Five:

The One Where the Kids Connect the Dots

Violet and Klaus reached their table to find Duncan and Isadora playing patty-cake with Sunny. 

“You okay?” Isadora asked when she looked up to see her friends joining them. 

“Yeah,” Klaus commented as he sat down. 

“You look like you’ve been crying,” Duncan commented.

“I promise I’m fine,” 

Duncan frowned but he dropped the subject. “So you guys are related?” he asked.

“Yep,” Violet said opening her locket. “The woman in this photo is my birth mother and when I showed Sunny this photo she said ‘mama’,” 

Duncan and Isadora looked at the photo and then at Violet. “You look like her,” Isadora remarked.

Violet smiled. “Thank you. My father told me that a lot,”

Klaus turned to Duncan and Isadora, “When you guys lived in the shack how did you guys deal with the crabs?” 

“Oh!” Duncan said laughing. “Isadora had this brilliant idea to tape metal to our shoes to be extra noisy,”

Violet smiled at Isadora. “That’s a really good idea. Do you invent?” 

Isadora blushed. “N-no,” she replied. 

Violet began to tie her hair up with one of her ribbons, “Well, you’re very resourceful,” 

“Thank you,” 

“The noisy shoes scared the crabs, but it was exhausting to tap dance all the time,” Duncan commented as Isadora nodded.

“Nobody likes tap dancing,” Klaus said laughing.

“Spats,” Sunny chimed in, which meant, “except for Carmelita,” 

“Maybe...I can invent something less exhausting than tap shoes,” Violet began. “But I’m going to need materials. Can everybody empty their pockets,” 

Klaus sighed as he began to take all the two photographs and other random papers that he had collected during his and Sunny’s adventures on to the table. Isadora who sat across from him began to empty her pockets and just like clockwork, both the middle Baudelaire and the middle Quagmire triplet took out half of a spyglass. Klaus and Isadora looked at one another in confusion as they held their halves of a spyglass in their hands. Violet noticed this and her eyes got wide. Klaus and Isadora pushed their halves together and the five children heard a faint click! As the two halves of the broken spyglass fit together perfectly. Violet’s mouth gaped open as she reached into her backpack and took out the whole spyglass that her father had stuffed into her backpack just before he died. 

“Where…” Violet began.

“Did you get that?” Duncan asked looking from Klaus’ half and Violet’s full spyglass.

“From the ruins of our parents’ home,” Klaus mentioned. “You?”

“Same…” Isadora said.

Sunny looked at Violet. “You?”

“My...father put it in my backpack before he died…” 

“I think we need to talk,” Klaus said looking at Violet, who nodded. 

Violet led the four other orphans to the Orphan Shack. Isadora and Duncan sat down on one of the hay bales as Sunny began to chase away the crabs. Klaus held the spyglass that he and Isadora created, closely examining it. 

“We found it in the ashes,” Duncan explained. “We’d never seen it before,”

“This isn’t a coincidence,” Violet said matter of factly. “Three fires, two halves of a spyglass,”

“Your intact spyglass,” Isadora mentioned.

“I think it’s more than a spyglass,” Klaus said as he continued to examine his and Isadora’s spyglass. “There are dials, similar to ones I read about for cracking codes,”

Violet nodded. “You’re right. There are over two million combinations,” she muttered.

“How do you know that?”

“A...friend told me,” she said. 

“But why would our parents have a device for cracking codes?” Duncan asked. 

“Why would mine have the same device,” Klaus asked.

“Friends?” Sunny asked, which meant, “They must’ve known each other,”

“Why don’t we know each other then?” Isadora asked after Klaus translated for his sister. 

Violet stood there quietly. Unsure whether or not she should tell them what she knew. It wasn’t much but...it was more than they knew. 

“It’s like they were hiding all this stuff,” Klaus said sadly.

Violet sighed. “It’s because they were,” she said finally. “Our families are connected by an...organization,” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I don’t know much because the little information I do know, I had to snoop to figure out. But from what I know is the organization is called VFD. I’m not sure what those initials stand for...but it has something to do with ‘volunteering’ although...it’s not volunteer work,”

“But why didn’t our parents ever tell us?” Duncan asked.

“Maybe they were going to tell us, but...never got the chance,” Isadora said.

“Maybe they were hiding it for a reason,” 

“Periculo?” Sunny asked, which meant, “Maybe it’s cause it’s dangerous?” Klaus quickly translated for his sister.

“Maybe?” Violet repeated. “It is dangerous,” 

“You’re sure you three have never heard of Count Olaf?” Klaus asked looking from Violet to the Quagmires.

“Only when you and Sunny mention him,” Violet replied as Isadora and Duncan nodded their heads. Violet finished with her mobile, turning it on. 

“Since we lost our parents, we’ve seen things we can’t explain,” Isadora mentioned.

“Us, too,” Klaus admitted. 

“It’s all connected,” Violet replied. “That’s a little better. It’s scaring the crabs and it gives the place a little style. You can relax now Sunny,” 

“It’s a lot better,” Isadora muttered as Violet blushed.

“Thanks,” 

“At our Aunt Josephine’s, Sunny and I found a book that might contain our answers. But...we lost it in a hurricane before we could read it,” Klaus said.

Violet’s eyes went wide. “Do you remember the title?”

Klaus closed his eyes and tried to remember, after a few moments, he shook his head. “No...sorry,” 

Duncan opened his green commonplace book handing it to Klaus. “Did it look like this?” he asked. Klaus and Violet looked at Duncan’s doodle of the book. Klaus nodded his head. 

“My father had a copy...but I didn’t have time to read it,” Violet admitted.

“Our last guardian locked it in a safe after she lost her wife,” Duncan commented.

“Same,” Klaus replied. “If we all saw the same book, there must be more copies,” 

“How can we find one?” Violet asked.

“Is the library open?” Klaus asked desperately.

“Not for long,” Duncan said looking down at his watch.

“Let’s go,” Violet said. “Together...we can figure out the bigger picture,”

“Our parents were all a part of something,” Duncan commented as he picked up sunny and headed for the door of the Orphan Shack.

“Our guardians, too,” Klaus added. “It might be why these terrible things keep happening,” 

“We’ll never find out if we’re stuck here, though,” Isadora replied.

“Says who?” Violet asked. “This is a school...let’s see what we can learn,”

The four younger orphans all looked at Violet and nodded their heads. The five children raced to the library. Following Duncan, who lead the way, carrying Sunny who kept waving at the other three children. They had reached the library and to Klaus’ horror, Carmelita was there. He stepped behind Duncan and Sunny in hopes that Carmelita couldn’t see him behind the shorter boy.

“Get out of here!” the librarian who had greeted Klaus and Sunny during their tour with Carmelita shouted at her. “Give this a decent burial,”

The librarian handed Carmelita a shoebox. Carmelita simply smirked. “You told me you like To Kill a Mockingbird, so I did it for you,” 

The angry librarian turned Carmelita towards her and sternly stated, “This is your last chance, Spats. Next time, I call your mother and steal your tap shoes,”

Carmelita ignored the librarian and turned to the five orphans. “I smell people who lost their parents in fires, ” she said mockingly. The librarian merely frowned as Carmelita skipped away. Klaus grabbed onto Violet’s arm at the exact time Duncan grabbed Isadora’s stopping their sisters from chasing after Carmelita.

“Let it go,” Duncan whispered to the girls who both rolled their eyes.

“Quagmires! Baudelaires! Miss Snicket! Lovely to see you, and together, I might add,” The librarian stated smiling at the five children.

“Are you still open?” Klaus asked desperately.

“I’m afraid I was just locking up. Ten minutes goes by fast,” she said rolling her eyes but giving the children a kind smile. “But you can come back tomorrow,”

“We can’t wait,” Violet said.

“Please,” Sunny pleaded giving the librarian the cutest puppy dog face.

“We’re trying to find a book,” Duncan explained.

“An important book,” Isadora added.

“It might have the answers...to all of our questions,” Violet said.

The librarian smiled and motioned for the children to follow her into the library. The five children smiled at each other as they followed her. “What’s the title?” she asked.

“The Incomplete History of Secret Organizations,” Violet replied.

“Let me see what I can do,” she said smiling at Violet. “We only have a few minutes before Nero comes on his rounds. If he catches you, he’ll make you trim his toenails,”

“He wouldn’t,” Violet and Klaus said simultaneously.

“He would,” Duncan and Isadora said simultaneously.

“He would,” the librarian reiterated. “You don’t happen to know it’s Dewey Decimal number?”

“We don’t even know who wrote it,” Klaus explained.

“That’s okay. That’s what I’m here for,” she replied walking over to her drawer. She impressively scanned through the notecard as she repeated the title of the book that the five orphans were searching for. Finally, she turned back to the children, a frown plastered on her face causing each child to frown back at her. “I’m sorry,”

“You don’t have it?” Klaus asked still a bit hopeful.

“Due to budget cuts, crumbling infrastructure, and the priorities of a certain vice principal, I’m afraid this place has become something of a faltering institution,” she replied. She gave the children a quick smile, “Although, I do have a few other books that I think you might like. The Incomplete History of Treachery? The Incomplete History of What’s Been In and Out? The Incomplete History of Rules and Laws? The Incomplete History of Knives and Other Surgical Tools? The Incomplete History of Circuses and Carnivals? Or, the Incomplete History of History? ” she read off each title, flawlessly throwing them behind her and to the children's amazement, each book landed in its correct spot on the shelf. 

“Those do sound fascinating...but…” Klaus began.

“I know, in every library, there is a single book to answer the question that burns like a fire in the mind,” the librarian stated.

Sunny and Klaus’ eyes went wide. “Where did you hear that?” Klaus asked as he shuffled through his documents that were in his pocket.

“Dada,” Sunny chimed in sadly.

“I don’t know...I must have read it somewhere. Why?”

“Our father said that once,” Klaus explained showing the librarian the scrolled quote.

“It’s awful to have people missing from your life. It’s like a question that haunts you, and you never know if that question will ever be answered,”        

“That’s exactly what it’s like,” Duncan muttered.

“We think it might be answered,” Isadora explained.

“With the right book,” Violet finished as Sunny nodded.

“I see,” the kind librarian sighed. “Well, a friend of mine is sending me some new titles now that she’s abandoned her dissertation to become a welterweight boxer. I’ll ask her about it. Check back with me in a day or so,” 

“Mind if we look around?” Klaus asked as her timer rang. 

“Drat,” she said panicked.

“Drat?” Sunny asked.

“Vice Principal Nero will be here in…” she began trying to rush the children out of the library.

“ Vice Principal Nero will be here,” Nero mimicked in his high pitched squeal. “Vice Principal Nero is already here, and this library is supposed to be closed!” 

“It is closed,” she explained stepping between him and the five students. “And it’s empty. You must be having a bad dream,” she said waving her hands in front of his face.

He grumbled in response. “That only worked on me once,” 

“Darn it,” 

“Miss Caliban explained to me why these children are in the library,” Nero asked angrily.

“They only had a question about a book. They were just leaving,” Miss Caliban said smiling at the children.

“She’s right,” Duncan said finally. “We were just leaving,” 

Violet grumbled as she led the four younger orphans out of the library.

“Oh! Before I forget! There will be a mandatory pep rally at the athletic field tomorrow after class,” Nero explained turning to the children. “Attendance is absolutely mandatory. ‘Mandatory’ means ‘anyone who doesn’t come has to buy me a bag of candy and watch me eat it,’”

“That’s not what mandatory means,” Violet said.

“Besides we know what it means,” Klaus stated.

Nero rolled his eyes at the children. He stormed out of the library as if he was allergic to common sense, knowledge, and books. The kids turned back to Miss Caliban, who stood alone in the doorway of her library. “Sorry,” she called out to them. 

They each gave her a small smile as they went about their day. The children decided to spend the rest of the day in each other’s company as they awaited dinnertime. Klaus and Duncan spoke for two hours about Moxie Mallahan and how amazing she was in the world of journalism. Isadora sampled poems, reading them aloud to Violet and Sunny who both listened attentively during those two hours. It wasn’t until Violet had suggested that the children find an easy way to get to know each other. They sat in a circle outside of the Orphan Shack, asking each other questions pertaining to their likes and dislikes. Duncan learned that Klaus was really into Disney and that Peter Pan was indeed his favorite, which Duncan blushed when Isadora told Klaus that the same could be said about Duncan. Violet learned that when Isadora was ten, she had various crushes on female characters like Ariel from The Little Mermaid. Klaus and Sunny learned that Violet had a real knack for inventing and that her father had described her as a mechanical genius. Isadora learned that Violet was super into horror movies, which was something the two girls had in common. Duncan, Isadora, and Violet also took the time to listen to Klaus translate for Sunny, doing their best to understand her. Duncan even taking notes in his commonplace book about how Sunny spoke. 

The five children smiled and laughed, all having a great time. For a moment, all five children forgot about their pain. Duncan and Isadora Quagmire briefly did not feel the intense pain of losing both their loving parents and their younger triplet brother. Klaus and Sunny momentarily forgot all about their troubles with Count Olaf and his lackeys. Even Violet temporarily forgot about her father’s death and the news that she would never meet her birth mother. For this moment in time, the two Quagmires, two Baudelaires, and Snicket girl were happy and it is at this time that I feel I should warn you. Turn away. Look away from whatever device you are using to read this God awful tale. You can end it all here. You can pretend that Olaf never shows his face at Prufrock and that these five children find a happily ever after as if they lived in some fairytale.

But if you choose to look on, please note that the story gets worse. It is all downhill from here. Once you continue, you will have rare opportunities to turn back. You can save yourself from the terror, grief, and heartache that these children are soon to endure or you can allow your curiosity to kill you like a cat named Rocket. If I was given the same warnings that I am giving you, I could not say if I would have turned away because my researching of this story comes with a purpose of finding these three children or maybe all five of these children and maybe then they can get their happily ever after.

As the five children sat on the dead lawn in front of the Orphan Shack, Violet and her siblings were smiling and the two Quagmire triplets were also smiling. I’ll admit although I have not researched the Quagmires nearly as much as I have the Baudelaires, I can say with reasonable accuracy that they were smiling for the same reason. It is a relief, in hectic and even frightening times, to find true friends, and it was this relief that all five children were feeling as The Quagmires, Baudelaires, and Miss Snicket learned random facts about each other.

Friends, as I’m sure you know, can make you feel that the world is smaller and less sneaky than it really is because you know people who have similar experiences, a phrase which here means, “having lost family members in terrible fires and lived in the Orphan Shack,”. It could also be because you know people who have similar interests, and the great things about friends nowadays is that they don’t always have to be physically with you. They can be halfway across the country or even the world and you would still feel that same sense of security and pleasure whenever you get to talk to them or share personal details about your life with them. It’s a feeling that I and my associate have felt countless times in our lives, and I am happy to report that it’s that relief and feeling that the five children felt as Isadora would slide over and whisper something into Klaus’ ear about Duncan which caused Duncan to do the same thing in return but to Violet. It was that relief and feeling that Sunny got when she would watch as either one of her siblings or a Quagmire triplet would blush and start stammering their words, causing her to say “Get a room,” which caused all four older orphans to burst out laughing.  It was that relief and feeling that Klaus received when he spoke about his favorite books he had read in the Baudelaire library and it was that relief and feeling that Violet endured when she held Sunny close to her or asked Klaus a question about her birth mother and he’d answer it smiling and even describing his and Sunny’s father. And it was because of that relief and feeling that caused Klaus and Sunny to think that perhaps their troubles were coming to an end at last.

I had to be the bearer of bad news but they were wrong about this, of course, but for this moment, that didn’t matter. These five children had found friends, they had found each other, and as they sat in a circle in front of the dismal Orphan Shack, the world felt smaller and safer than it had for a long, long time.

When the sun began to set, Isadora suggested that they go to dinner before Nero’s boring and ear-piercing concert. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny were not excited at all to end their fun to be tormented by awful violin playing, but Duncan explained that there was a secret way out of the concert hall. All the five children would have to do is make an appearance, wait until everyone else was praying for death, and they could sneak out.

Once in the lunchroom, the five children decided to split up.

“Duncan and I will go get a table,” Isadora explained.

“Can you get us our dinner?” Duncan asked.

“O-of course,” Klaus stuttered. He then quickly turned to Sunny, who was smirking. His baby sister opened her mouth, he glared at her. “Don’t say it,” he warned jokingly.

“Get a room,” Sunny stated sticking her tongue out at her brother. He quickly scooped her up in his arms and began to tickle her.

“You little monster,” he said laughing.

“Stop it,” Sunny squealed. 

“We’ll meet you at the table,” Violet said to the Quagmires, who hurried to find a table.

Klaus continued to hold Sunny tickling her, the young toddler was squealing and laughing. Violet watched as both of her younger siblings seemed to be happy and having a good time, which was the exact opposite emotion that they gave last night. She smiled to herself. How could someone hurt these two? She thought to herself. They’re so pure! 

Sunny glared at Klaus, “I bite,” she warned through her laughter. Klaus rolled his eyes but stopped tickling Sunny. 

“You’re such a cheater,” he said laughing as he and his sisters got into line. “Oh, I forgot to ask how was class with Isadora?” he asked Violet.

“We heard nothing but pointless stories,” she whined.

“That's language arts,” Klaus pointed out.

“You?” Sunny asked Klaus.

“Duncan and I spent the morning writing down meaningless measurements,”

“That’s math,” Violet pointed out. “How was work Sunny?”

“Longum,” Sunny said, which meant, “Tedious,” Klaus quickly translated for Sunny so that Violet could understand her.

As the children got to the salad bar, a familiar face shocked the two Baudelaires. “Hello, I’m Larry, your lunch lady?” 

Klaus’ eyes got wide. “We know you!” 

“Of course you do,” Larry said nervously. “I work in the cafeteria. See my hairnet?”

“No, we’ve met before,” Klaus explained.

Violet looked at her brother confused. Seeing his eyes widen, she glared at Larry. “Is this Olaf?” she asked in a dark tone. Larry shivered when Violet’s cold eyes stared back at his.

“No,” Sunny said before Violet could harm Larry.

“He’s the waiter at Lake Lachrymose,” Klaus explained. “He was dressed as a clown,”

“Pep mints!” Sunny explained, which meant, “I ordered peppermints and you gave it to us to help us escape from Olaf!” 

Klaus quickly translated for Violet and Larry. Violet began to calm down still staring at Larry. 

“Wait, if you helped them escape Olaf…” she said. “You knew my father!” 

“Uh, peppermints are not a recognized part of the lunch program,” Larry said to Klaus and Sunny. He then looked to Violet, who’s saddened face made his heart hurt. He could see both her parents in her face. She had the eyes of Lemony but the face and demeanor of Beatrice. He frowned at her and nodded his head in response to her question.

“What happened to him?” she asked in a whisper, tears forming in her eyes. 

“I have something to give to you,” he said to Violet.

“Does it have something to do with my father?” Violet asked. “Or their parents?” 

“Or our guardians?” Klaus asked reaching his hand in his pocket, his fingers gracing the two photographs he took from Aunt Josephine’s. 

“Olaf?” Sunny asked, which meant, “Will you explain to us what Olaf’s fucking problem is?” Klaus translated for Sunny as Larry frowned at the orphaned toddler.

“All your questions will be answered as soon as I give you…” Larry began as he took off his empty backpack. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny’s eyes were wide with anticipation. They desperately wanted all their questions answered.  “Wait…” he looked up at the kids as he fell to the ground to search his empty backpack. “I’m sure it’s in here somewhere,” 

“Out of my way!” Carmelita shouted pushing Sunny and Klaus back. “I deserve a heaping portion because unlike you, I’m heapingly adorable,”

Violet glared at her. “You can wait in line like everyone else, Carmelita,”

“I don’t have to,” she replied sticking her tongue out at Violet. “I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to. Vice Princie Nero likes me best,” Carmelita glanced at Larry’s lunch. “And there’s a beef and bean burrito with a ribbon on it just for me.”

“Where is it?” Larry asked himself desperately, then turning to Carmelita. “That is my lunch that I brought from home,”

“What did you have for us?” Violet asked desperately, still glaring at Carmelita. 

“Give it to me!” Carmelita demanded.

“Sorry, I have to go look for something,” Larry explained.

“What were you going to give us?” Klaus asked desperately.

“Uh...macaroni and cheese with boiled weiners,” he said handing Klaus a plate full.

“No, thank you,” he replied as Larry ran away.

The three children looked at one another and then at Carmelita who was skipping away. Violet watched as Larry disappeared from the cafeteria, her heart shattered. He could’ve told her everything she wanted to know about her father. Klaus looked down at the plate of food Larry had given him wondering what in the world Larry was actually going to give them. Sunny glanced all around the cafeteria looking for her two friends, whom she considered to be honorary older siblings. She didn’t know what Larry was going to give her and her siblings but she didn’t care. She wanted the nice feeling that she felt earlier outside the Orphan Shack to stay with her for as long as it could. She didn’t want anything to ruin that. As Violet sat down next to Isadora, handing her a tray of food. Klaus sat down next to Duncan, handing him a tray of food. Sunny noticed her siblings weren’t speaking. Both obviously had their minds on Larry and what in the world he was doing here. 

Sunny watched as her siblings quietly ate, she turned to the Quagmires who were confused but allowed Violet and Klaus to have this peaceful dinner. Sunny snuck glances at Duncan and Isadora as they turned to her trying to ask her what happened with just facial expressions. Sunny simply shrugged her shoulder indicating she didn’t know how to explain it. Both Quagmires gave Sunny a small smile as they continued to eat. Sunny wished that everything from their past would just leave them alone. No more random, semi helpful adults, no more danger, no more misery, and especially no more Olaf. She just wanted every minute of her life to be like it was earlier. Happy. Safe. Comforting. Fun.

Chapter Text

Chapter Six:

The One When Olaf Shows His Vile Face

“Ah, Prufrock Preparatory School,” Olaf hissed parking his car. He turned to his henchmen. “This is going to be a breeze,”

“I don’t know boss,” the Hook-Handed Man replied, “it seems like a big school...won’t we get lost,”

“The school hasn’t changed a bit,” Olaf replied smirking.

“Oh, you attended Prufrock?” the bald man asked. 

“I’m impressed,” the hook-handed man commented.

“You should be,” Olaf bragged. “My IQ has been measured in the upper double digits. No, this trip is more than just a chance to seize two bratty children and also their enormous fortune...it’s a homecoming .” he smiled a wicked smile. “If only Snicket were here to feel the pride that I am feeling but...he won’t be messing up any more of my plans.”

“Yeah, you sure showed him, boss,”

“Of course I did,” Olaf replied laughing. “I mean it makes sense that it was Snicket saving those Baudebrats. Like the bookworm and the biting brat could ever survive me on their own. We’ll just swoop in, grab them, and leave,” he said as he started walking towards the front entrance.

“Uh, boss,” the hook-handed man said pointing a hook at the advanced computer. 

Olaf stopped dead in his tracks, growling. He watched as students stopped in front of the machine and waited until it said, “this is not Count Olaf,” in its robotic tone. “ Curses!” Olaf yells. “This...is going to be harder than I thought. But whatever. I will just conjure up a new disguise and then I will swoop in, grab them, and leave,” 

“What do we do now, though?” the bald man asked.

“The same thing that got me through high school,” Olaf said walking towards the athletic field. “We find a safe place to hide,”

His two henchmen looked at one another and then towards him, following him quickly as the henchperson of indeterminate gender went to park the car in order to hide it.

___________________________________________________

Larry ran from the lunchroom to the library. “I have to get that fucking book back,” he told himself. “The secrets of VFD are in there,”

He reached the door of the library and gave a low growl when he realized that it was locked. Why is the library closed during school hours? He asked himself but shrugged it off. It didn’t matter right now, what mattered was the assignment that Jacquelyn had given him. “Just remember what you learned in lock-picking school,” he told himself. “You simply have to break into this library, get the book, give it to Lemony’s daughter, quit your job as a lunch lady, then you never ever have to come back to this wretched school again,” he told himself as he frantically tried to lock pick the library door. “Unless it’s a reunion, of course.”

“You’re breaking into that building,” a voice behind him called out. He turned to see the rather rude little girl that had demanded.

“Uh, no. I’m not,” He stuttered. “I mean it’s okay. I’m a grown-up,”

“I’m telling Nero,” Carmelita said walking towards Larry.

“You don’t have to do that,”

“All I have to do is scream and he’ll fire you on the spot,”

“I don’t care about this job…” Larry said annoyed. “I just need to get a book from the library,”

Carmelita screamed in response. Larry just looked at the young girl annoyed. He turned to the library door, which was still locked. Carmelita continued to scream.

“Dammit,” he said as he began to run away from Carmelita hoping that no one had seen him. He’ll have to find a way back there later.

_________________________________________________________

After dinner, the five children had walked to Nero’s concert and as Duncan and Isadora had promised Violet and her siblings, there was a secret way to exit his concert without being detected. The other students and faculty were none the wiser that the five orphans had left the auditorium and were now sitting in the Orphan Shack. Although they were more talkative than they had been at dinner, Violet and Klaus still seemed a million miles away.

“So...is it weird finding out you two are related?” Isadora asked trying to break the awkward silence that filled the Orphan Shack.

Violet and Klaus both looked at her. Klaus shrugged his shoulders. “It’s...weird,” he said trying to choose his words carefully as to not insult Violet. “But...I do believe it’s a good thing,”

“It’s...different,” Violet answered sitting down next to Isadora on a hay bale. “But...I mean...I love it,” 

“It must be great...to gain something after losing so much,” Duncan commented frowning. 

“My brother and I are happy for you guys,” Isadora explained quickly. “We truly are,”

“And we’re sorry for your loss…” Violet said. “I don’t mean to be braggy about the whole sibling thing...I just…”

“No…” Duncan said realizing what he said was being interpreted incorrectly. “I just meant...I am happy for you. You’re allowed to be happy, Violet. You have a brother and sister… you’re not being braggy at all.”

Violet nodded her head as she made a mental note to chill out when the Quagmires were around. She hadn’t realized that her parading around about having siblings might remind them that they had lost Quigley.

Randomly Isadora started laughing. 

“What?” Sunny asked.

“I was just thinking about what Violet’s name would be had she never been separated from y’all,” 

Violet started laughing. “Violet...Baudelaire?” she started laughing too. “I mean...it does have a nice ring to it...but it just doesn’t sound right. Violet Malina Baudelaire…” she stuck out her tongue. “I’m not feeling it. I’m a Snicket through and through.”

Klaus and Sunny laughed. “Klaus Snicket…?” she said aloud. “Sunny Snicket?”

Klaus and Sunny looked at her confused. 

“Oh...I was just seeing what your names would sound like if...my father had married our mother…”

Klaus slowly nodded his head.

“No offense...to your father, I’m sure he was a good man…” Violet said.

“He was a good man. He would’ve raised you as his own...if given the opportunity,” Klaus explained. “I know I might sound crazy but I think my parents were like deeply hurt by your...disappearance, I guess we can call it…”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe it’s hindsight or I’m overthinking everything but...they just acted differently sometimes and I never understood it until now,” Klaus replied.

“I don’t follow,”

“Well...for starters, Mother only called me her eldest...once...and that was when I made the promise to protect Sunny,” Klaus replied as Violet smiled. “They...didn’t forget about you...they didn’t mention you to me...but...you weren’t forgotten,”

“Thank you,” Violet said smiling. She didn’t know how to feel entirely. On one hand, she was happy to hear that her mother had never forgotten about her but on the other hand, she wondered why she hadn’t tried to look for her.

Isadora noticed the expression on Violet’s face, “These noisy shoes are amazing, Violet,” she mentioned. 

“Thank you. It was nothing,” Violet replied blushing.

“Get a room,” Sunny said laughing.

“Honestly, Isa is right,” Duncan said. “With these, we just need to stand up. No more tap dancing,” 

Violet smiled as she untied her hair. When she said it was nothing, she wasn’t lying. Violet’s inventive skills came to her easily and when she had found pieces of metal behind the cafeteria she immediately had the idea to use them to fashion five pairs of noisy shoes. Three for her and her siblings and two for the Quagmires whenever they visited the Orphan Shack.  

The problem of the tan fungus, however, was yet to be solved. With Duncan’s help, Klaus had found a book on fungus in the library and had read that salt might make this particular fungus shrivel up. The Quagmires had distracted some of the masked cafeteria workers by dropping their trays on the ground, and while Nero yelled at them for making a mess, Violet and Klaus slipped three salt shakers into their pockets while Sunny kept watch. Now, during Nero’s concert, the five children were sitting on the bales of hay, trying to toss salt onto the fungus. Going back to talking about their day as they had before dinner time.

Isadora stood up. “Okay, so I’ve been working on a poem about Count Olaf,”

“Ew,” Sunny commented. 

“Ew, indeed, Sunshine,” Isadora agreed. “But I’m having trouble coming up with words to describe him,”

“Well he sounds vile,” Duncan suggested.

“Bastard,” Sunny added.

Klaus shuddered. “Pure evil,” 

“Dead meat,” Violet muttered. No one seemed to hear her, which she was perfectly fine with. “I imagine it’s difficult to find words that rhyme with ‘Olaf’,” she commented.

“Honestly, it is,” Isadora admitted. “All I can think of is rice pilaf. But that’s more of half rhyme,” 

“Maybe you’ll be able to someday publish your poem about Count Olaf,” Violet said, “Then the whole world can know how horrible he truly is,” 

“And you can write a newspaper article all about him and his vile comrades,” Klaus suggested to Duncan. 

Duncan blushed. “Speaking of them...can you describe them one more time,” 

“There are two women with white faces,” Klaus said holding up two fingers. “A henchperson of indeterminable gender, who honestly isn’t much of a threat,” 

“Hook!” Sunny added. “Bald!” 

Klaus shuddered as he counted them out on his hand. “Yep, that’s all. Just five,” 

Duncan quickly wrote down the brief descriptions. “How does someone so vile have people working for him,”

“Maybe they’re in it for the money,” Isadora suggested.

“Or they’re just as sick as he is,” Violet commented.

“Or both,” Klaus said frowning. 

“If you guys ever do publish these things maybe I can build a printing press,” Violet said smiling. “Maybe when I come of age, I can use some of the Snicket fortune to buy the materials I would need,”

Klaus looked at Violet. “Snicket fortune?”

“Yeah, apparently, my dad had money. More money than I ever imagined,” Violet said. “Why?”

“I’m supposed to inherit the Baudelaire fortune when I’m eighteen,” he explained.

“Wait...Mother was loaded, too?” Violet asked.

Duncan and Isadora stared silently at Klaus and Violet. “What?”

“Our parents owned the famous Quagmire sapphires, which somehow were unharmed in the fire,” Duncan explained.

“When Duncan and I come of age those precious jewels will belong to us,” Isadora added. “So we could start a printing business together,”

“That’s a wonderful idea!” Violet cried. No one noticing how Klaus had fallen silent. “We could call it Quagmire-Snicket-Baudelaire Incorporated!”

Isadora laughed. “We’ll work on the name,”

“Agreed,” Violet said as Sunny nodded her head.

Klaus sat down on a hay bale, still not saying anything. He just shook his head slowly. 

“Klaus...you okay?” Duncan asked.

The girls all turned to Klaus, who was now crying. “He’s definitely going to come for us...he’s going to come for all of us,” 

“Are you talking about Olaf?” Violet asked. The mere second that the vile man’s name was spoken, Klaus began to tremble. 

“He’s going to target you guys too,” Klaus whispered.

“Huh?” Duncan asked confused.

“You both have jewels,” he whispered pointing at the Quagmires. “You are related to Sunny and I...and have money,” he said to Violet. “He’s going to hurt you guys and we brought him here.”

“Klaus...he isn’t going to hurt anyone on my watch,” Violet explained putting a comforting hand on Klaus’ shoulder. Klaus jumped at the sudden touch. 

“I’m sorry,” he replied. 

“You don’t have to be sorry because there will be nothing to be sorry about,” Isadora explained.

“You guys are wrong...you guys are dead wrong,” Klaus whimpered.

“Maybe...it’s time to call it a night,” Violet said. Klaus nodded his head, laying down on his bale of hay still shaking. 

“Is he...going to be okay?” Duncan asked as he and Isadora turned towards the door.

Violet looked from a trembling Klaus to her two concerned friends. “I..I don’t know,” she said softly. “I know as much as you guys do...all I know is this Olaf fucker obviously hurt Klaus,” 

Duncan frowned as he looked back at Klaus. “Goodnight, Klaus!” he called out to Klaus, who turned to look at him and gave him a small, weak smile. Duncan turned to Sunny and Violet. “Goodnight, you guys,” 

“Goodnight,” Violet said smiling at Isadora. 

The Quagmires bid a final goodnight to their three friends and headed back to their broom closet. Violet sat down on a hay bale and glanced at Sunny. “Do you know…” she began but Sunny shook her head immediately indicating to Violet that she had no idea what Olaf had done to their brother to make him react like this. “I promise Sunny, he’ll never hurt you guys again,” Violet said as she picked up Sunny and laid down on the hay bale. Both girls stayed awake until they were sure Klaus had fallen asleep.

___________________________________________

“Hiding under the bleacher again , just like so many youthful days spent hatching plans and looking for cigarette butts,” Olaf said as he paced around in a small circle.

“Were you unpopular, boss? I know how that feels,” the Hook-Handed Man asked.

“Me? Unpopular, never . I was a rebel,” he declared. “Girls were falling all over me in school, and not just because I extended my leg when they walked by. I was a lone wolf, a mysterious stranger, a member of the drama club…” He gave a small smile. “There was this one girl...I was sure I was going to marry her. I even proposed and everything…asked both her annoying brothers for their blessing…”

“What happened?” the bald man asked.

Olaf’s smile turned into an angry glare. “The Force of Destiny…” he muttered angrily.

“I don’t get it,” The Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender stated.

“I think that means she declined his offer,” the Hook-Handed man whispered, but Olaf heard him. He turned around so quickly that the henchman backed up in fear.

“ She didn’t say NO!” Olaf barked. “She said yes and I changed my fucking mind,” 

All three henchpeople stared at each other in fearful silence as Olaf ran his hands through his hair angrily. “This school is obviously desperate for my return, but that advanced computer prevents us from waltzing in the front door. We need someone on the inside, a student, who will help us infiltrate if infiltrate is what I mean,” 

“Do you mean ‘to penetrate an institution surreptitiously’?” the Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender asked.

Olaf looked at them confused, slowly nodding his head.

“Boss, what kid is gonna help us?” the bald man asked.

Olaf peered out through the bleachers, eyeing Carmelita Spats, who was running the P.E. class and insulting the students. 

“Hey, little girl…?” he called out. Carmelita froze but looked behind her.

“Little girl? I’m like 4 foot 7,” 

“That’s a pretty broach you have,” Olaf said smiling a rather creepy smile.

“Make me an offer,” Carmelita declared.

“I like you…” Olaf said in a tone that caused the Hook-Handed man to shudder. “You’re not an orphan, are you?”

Carmelita responded with an insulted look. “Do I look like I live in a shack?” she asked incredulously.

Olaf smiled at the fact that Klaus and Sunny were living in a shack. “Mmm… you think you can do me a favor?”

Carmelita nodded her head slowly.

_____________________________________________

Olaf waited impatiently behind the backdoor of the cafeteria. “Where is this brat?” he asked his henchpeople who all shrugged in response. “The sooner we get in there, the sooner we can hunt the Baudelaires,” 

The Hook-Handed Man just stared silently at the ground. He had a bad feeling about this. Not Olaf’s plan per se more so allowing Olaf near schoolchildren. After his really disturbing and alarming tone with Carmelita, the Hook-Handed Man was getting a truly creeper vibe from his boss. He stayed around Olaf and Carmelita because he felt like he had to. He was okay with a little murder, some arson. He didn’t have a problem with the kidnapping or physical abuse of a young boy. But this was too far for him. He was going to do his best to be around his boss at all times but not for selfish reasons this time...but to do a little good while doing some crimes.

Finally, the door opened. Olaf sneered at the young girl, “Finally,” 

“Fuck off,” Carmelita replied. “That cake-sniffing lunch lady is here,”

“Are they wearing metal masks?” Olaf asked looking around the room for his henchwomen.

“No...he’s the cake-sniffer with the hairnet,” Carmelita said pointing at a man who was looking around desperately for something he had lost.

Olaf was taken aback. “Larry?” he asked confused. He gave a low growl. “Snicket is dead. So they send him?” he chuckled to himself. “If this is the best they can do, they should just hand over the Baudelaire fortune,” He leaned close to Carmelita. “Can you do me one last favor,” 

Carmelita nodded as Olaf whispered something into her ears. Carmelita smiled and then skipped towards Larry, who jumped when he saw her.

“I’m still hungry,”

“I already gave you my burrito. I thought we agreed that was more than fair. Why won’t you leave me alone?” Larry asked desperately. 

“I”m hungry for revenge,” Carmelita explained smiling a devious smile.

“What?” Larry asked confused. “I don’t know you,”

“You made me suffer long enough,” she replied.

“The menu is chosen by your school district,” 

“For years you’ve infiltrated my schemes, relying on morals and literature to muck up my life,” Carmelita said, causing Larry to give her a super confused face. “Well, these are your victoriously final days, ”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Larry explained.

Olaf facepalmed and appeared into the light. Larry’s eyes widened as he looked at the man that he knew murdered his friend. “How did I do?” Carmelita asked smiling up at Olaf.

“Those last few lines were for me, ” Olaf sneered, rolling his eyes.

“But I’m so adorable when I say them,” Carmelita pointed out.

“But theater is about context,” Olaf explained.

Carmelita nodded. “Let’s take it from the flop,”

“Flop?” Olaf repeated. “Take it from the top. Ugh nevermind. The adults are speaking,” He said patting her on the head.

She huffed crossing her arms across her chest. “Oh, alright, fine,” she said walking away.

Olaf looked back at Larry. “Working with kids, am I right?” He chuckled.

“No. You’re wrong about everything,” Larry said.

Both men got into a rather ineffective fighting stance, both giving off bare intimidation. 

“Same goody-goody moral stance, I see,” Olaf said. “The only things that’s changed is your hair,”

“It’s a hairnet, as required by the Department of Education. In our organization, that’s called successful infiltration!” Larry yelled. 

“I learned what that word means, but then I forgot,” Olaf said shrugging.

“All you need to remember is that we’re one step ahead of you,” Larry replied.

“Really? Tell that to Snicket. Oh, wait,” Olaf said smirking.

Larry glared at him grabbing one of the dishwashing hoses and pointing it at Olaf.

Olaf glared at him back. “You wouldn’t dare. This is dry clean only,” 

“You’re in luck, because we’re taking you to the cleaners,” Larry said still pointing the water hose at Olaf as if it were a gun. “I don’t know how you got in here,”

“That little girl propped open the door,” Olaf said incredulously. “I thought that was obvious,”

“Well we’re sending you back out,” Larry explained.

“What do you mean ‘we’?” Olaf asked confused.

“The pronoun for first-person plural,” Larry explained. “I’m not working alone,” 

Olaf looked around confused. “What? Is Jacquelyn here, too?”

“Well...no,” Larry said meekly.

Olaf smirked. “Oh, goodness me, you have comrades? You have cohorts?... Well, why didn’t I think of that?” He asked sarcastically smirking at Larry as the two white-faced women grabbed him by his shoulders.

“En garde!” One woman yelled.

“That’s French for “We Gotcha!” the other explained loudly. smiling.

Larry glared at Olaf. “do you think you can win?”

“Totally,” Olaf replied sarcastically. “And do you know why? You may have the smarts and the skills. You may have the overly classified codes and secret libraries. You may have the wisdom and integrity and various poems committed to memory...But do you know what I have?” 

“What?”

“An obsession with revenge,” Olaf answered, simply shrugging his shoulders. “You’re not much of a competent volunteer, Barry,”

“It’s Larry. Larry Your-Waiter,”

“Well, you know what they say about the foodservice industry. It’s a cold, cold business,” Olaf said pushing Larry into the freezer and locking him in there. 

“You fucker!” Larry yelled as he pounded on the freezer door. 

“Now…” Olaf said smirking at his henchwomen, “We’ve got to rally ourselves!” 

He began to cruelly laugh as he walked out of the cafeteria.

Larry looked around the freezer desperately. There had to be something in here that he can use to save himself, so he can help Lemony’s daughter and her siblings. He was already feeling a little cold. To his surprise, he found a landline phone in the freezer. He wasn’t really sure why they had a phone in the freezer but he wasn’t going to question it. This was going to help him. Frantically, he dialed the number to Mulctuary Money Management,” 

“Mulctuary Money Management, Mr. Poe’s office, Jacquelyn speaking,” 

“J-Jacquelyn! This is Larry Your-Waiter,” 

He could hear Jacquelyn rush under her desk with the phone, he could also hear the confused voice of Mr. Poe asking Jacquelyn what had happened. “You sound cold. Are you in the mountains? We’re not due there until the end of this season.” 

“N-not funny,” Larry replied in shivers.

“Did you give the book to Lemony’s daughter?”

“Uh…” he chuckled. “About that…”

“What?” she replied impatiently.

“I l-l-lost the book,” he admitted shivering from the cold.

“How the fuck do you lose a book that huge?” she asked angrily. “Like seriously? Is this how Snicket felt when I was second in command?”

“I-I’m s-se-second in command?” Larry shivered.

“No...that’s Snicket,”

“Kit...or Jacques?” Larry asked.

“J. Snicket,” she answered. “We haven’t gotten ahold of K, she’s trying to locate a certain very important piece of porcelain,”

“You don’t mean?” Larry asked.

“Yes, that piece of porcelain,” 

“So you didn’t deliver the book?” 

“I’ve had some complications,” he explained. “H-he locked m-me in the fre-freezer and took m-my hai-hairnet,” 

“That monster! He will stop at nothing,” 

“This is all bullshit,” Larry stated.

“You must be freezing. Try jumping, or reciting a Jack London story,” she suggested.

“Oh that’s a good idea,” Larry said. “But would you mind sending…”

“Yes, of course. I’ll call you a taxi,” she said smiling.

_________________________________________

Olaf frantically walked through the halls of the school. He had given his henchmen his disguise and now he had no idea where they were. As he was passing in the hall, he spotted a boy he believed to be Klaus Baudelaire. His face gleamed with a devious smile. “Piece of cake,” he mumbled to himself.

Duncan Quagmire had met up with his sister, Isadora and his sister’s maybe-girlfriend, Violet Snicket after class. They had told his maybe-boyfriend, Klaus that they would meet him and his and Violet’s little sister, Sunny at the mandatory pep rally. Klaus had separated from the group to pick up his sister at her job. The three children were talking amongst themselves when a creepy old guy came up behind them causing them to freeze in their tracks.

“Hello, hello, hello,” the man said leaning towards them. He had a creepy and vile aura about him. Just his presence alone sent a few chills down each of their backs. “What are helpless orphans like you doing in a place like this?” the man asked. The kids turn to face him as he started to walk closer to them. The children joined hands when Duncan grabbed Violet’s hand in his left and Isadora’s in his right. The children began to back away from this creeper. 

Once they felt the wall pressed against their backs, Duncan glared at the man. “Who are you?” 

“Don’t pretend this handsome face doesn’t haunt your every waking and sleeping hour, boy,” Olaf said sneering at Duncan, who he mistakenly believed to be Klaus. He poked Duncan’s chest harshly. Violet and Isadora began to glare at the man. “You will never be rid of me! You’ll never be safe . So much to learn, orphans, and I am here to school you,” He smirked, glaring mainly at Duncan. “The three of you...Wait? You two…? Wait…? Where’s the biting midget?... Wait..? When were there three Baudelaires?” He asked puzzled. Taking a long, glaring look at each of the children he had backed up against a wall. “One...two...three? You’re not the Baudelaires?!” he cried angrily. Violet’s eyes immediately went cold and dark, as she intensified her glare at the man. He had mentioned her siblings by their surname.  “Who are you?” 

Olaf finished examining Isadora and Duncan, his glare stopped and focused on Violet. The intensity of his glare gave Violet reminded her of when she had followed her father to the movies during one of his attempts to save her siblings. When that Stephano character glared at her as if he could see past her disguise. If this man was who she thought he was, the glare he was giving her was making her feel as though he could see through her tough, badass demeanor and could see the scared and confused little girl that lived right under the surface. Olaf, on the other hand, was wearing the expression of someone who believes he is looking at a ghost. But in this case, he believed he could see two ghosts...two pain in the ass ghosts from his past that he’s glad had burned for their acts against him. This both intrigued him and annoyed him. It’s impossible. He thought to himself as he cocked his head to the side. He raised a hand to Violet’s face, grabbing both her cheeks between his fingers. Turning her face first to the left and then to the right. Violet froze under his touch, Isadora and Duncan both glared at the man but he didn’t seem to notice or care.

“Who are you, you miscreant?” Duncan asked angrily as Olaf let go of Violet’s face but continued to stare at her. 

“Miscreant?” Olaf replied back in a questioning tone. 

“Yes, ‘miscreant’...a word which here means…” Violet began, finally able to resume her glare towards Olaf. But she was unable to finish her sentence because she was interrupted by Olaf smirking at her, causing a wave of chill to collapse on her, freezing her in her place. 

“I know who you are, now…” Olaf sneered at Violet. “You look just like your mother...and you talk just like your father...and...you’ve got his eyes, darling,” He smiled at her. Violet froze as she noticed the look on the man’s face. “Who would’ve thought that Snicket would make such a pretty little thing . You must get your looks from Beatrice...she’s the prettier of the two,” he sneered as he began to lift a hand to her head. Immediately Duncan slapped his hand back.

“Don’t touch her!” he yelled as he watched Violet shudder from all the unwanted attention that Olaf was giving to her.

Olaf sneered at Duncan as he turned to Isadora. “What a pretty little twin...not as pretty as Snicket here,” Olaf commented. Isadora intensified her glare at Olaf but stayed frozen in place just like Violet. Duncan smacked Olaf’s hand when he tried to touch Isadora’s head. His eyes became bright when he recognized who these two children were. “Oh, I know who you are now,” he said smirking at Duncan. “You sound just like your mother, Quigley. You look just like your father.”

“Duncan,” Duncan corrected angrily

“Doesn’t matter,” Olaf replied. “‘You miscreant, never again will you darken the doors of this airplane hangar’” Olaf mocked in a high pitched voice. “Such a tiresome woman. Always reading Italian poetry and activating trap doors. Not as bad as her mother,” he sneered smirking at Violet.

“How do you know our mothers?” Isadora asked.

“Oh, I know everything, orphans. I know the number of hairs on each of your heads, the number of sapphires in your secret vaults.” he said to the Quagmires, then turning to Violet, “I know things about your father’s past,” Violet’s eyes widened as Olaf turned his body towards her. “The number of tombstones in each of your family plots. Well, well, well, it seems this trip to Prufrock will bring me not once...not twice... but three times the fortune! And there’s nobody who can stop me! ” he cheered smirking at Violet. Raising his arm to touch her hair again.

He caught Duncan’s hand in his, holding it tightly. He raised his free arm to try and touch Violet’s hair again. Isadora was no longer having it, she grabbed her brother’s hand and kicked Olaf in the crotch as hard as she could, she waited until he proceeded to fall down cussing and threatening her. Isadora grabbed Violet’s hand with her free hand and began running away from Olaf.

“He had one eyebrow…” Duncan said as the three kids ran. 

“And a wheezy voice,” Isadora added.

“And I bet he has a tattoo of an eye on his ankle,” Violet said angrily. “We have to warn Klaus and Sunny!” 

The three children continued to run until they had literally bumped into Vice Principal Nero, who looked at them and growled. “No running in the halls!” he yelled. The three kids frantically stood up.

“Vice Principal Nero,” Violet began her voice thick with urgency. “We need to tell you something,”

“I don’t care about whatever it is you need to talk about,” Nero replied holding a hand in front of Violet’s face to indicate for her to shut up. “This is a very exciting day for me, so you orphan girl and you twins should be excited, too.”

“The Quagmires are triplets ,” Violet corrected irritated.

“‘Twins’ is what you call triplets when one has burned to a crisp,” Nero explained. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to get my violin for the pep rally.”

“Who cares about your violin!” Isadora shouted.

“There’s a villain on the premises!” Duncan cried.

Nero began to attempt to walk away from him but they followed him all trying to explain to him that Count Olaf was on campus and going after the Baudelaires. “Vice Principal Nero,” Duncan begged.

“Get moving!” Nero yelled. “I’m talking to you, cheerleaders,” he yelled at two elderly women. Duncan’s eyes got wide when he realized who they were. He opened his green commonplace notebook reading the list of descriptions of Olaf’s henchpeople.

“Count Olaf is here!” Violet yelled.

“You weren’t the one with the stalker problem,” Nero commented shrugging off Violet’s concerns entirely. “Besides the advanced computer is preventing him from entering this school,”

“He’s here though,” Isadora explained.

“Those old cheerleaders are two of his henchfolk!” Duncan cried.

“Get your costume on, mascot!” Nero yelled still ignoring the children.

Isadora and Violet glanced at who he was talking to and saw a bald man and a man with hooks instead of hands holding a mascot costume. Duncan gave them a worried glance as they tried to convince Nero again. “Vice Principal Nero, that mascot is working with Count Olaf,” 

“If you’re trying to get out of this pep rally, you can think again,” Nero warned. “It’s mandatory. That means you, too, health and hygiene instructor,”

“I”m not sure but that’s probably one of his associates, too,” Isadora commented.

“I prefer the term interdisciplinary gender studies,” the henchperson of indeterminate gender called back.

“Nero!” Violet yelled.

“Shush, girl,” Nero barked as he reached his office, entering and turning around to face the children. “Oh, you are in the administration building, you three will be losing your silverware for the rest of the day. See you at the pep rally!” he said before slamming the door in their faces.

Violet turned to the Quagmires. “We have to warn my siblings something terrible is going to happen, and I don’t mean a pep rally!” she said angrily but both of her friends could tell that she was frightened. She had no idea what trouble was going to follow, she just knew whether she was ready or not, it was time to fight like a big sister should.

Chapter Text

Chapter Seven:

The One Where Bastard Man Ruins Everything Yet Again

The very second Jacquelyn had hung up the phone with Larry, she threw herself back under her desk and dialed the number to the man that she had called just a little while ago. “Snicket?” she whispered as the person on the other line answered. “Someone needs a ride, and quick.”

“Got it,” Jacques replied. “May I ask who though?” 

“Larry,”

“Larry…” Jacques repeated. He gave a small smile. It’s been a while since he had seen Larry. They had tried to remain close friends after the relationship had faltered but VFD missions surely got in the way of that. “Where from?”

“Prufrock Prep,” 

“Ah, I was just headed there to help my niece,” Jacques replied. “I will help Larry as soon as I can…”

“Thank you, Jacques,” Jacquelyn replied. 

“Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill,” Jacques replied. “The world…”

“Is quiet here,” Jacquelyn finished. 

The world is quiet here. This might sound curious, as the motto of a secret organization, or something an associate of yours, like in Lemony Snicket’s case, his brother, might say when he arrives in his taxi to smuggle you across the border, high up into the mountains for a while until you successfully fake your own death and hideaway in the town where you did your apprenticeship for a secret organization. When the world is noisy...the world may feel as if it is coming apart like in….the case of the Baudelaires and Violet Snicket, who’s life was getting very loud and coming apart very fast. 

Klaus and Sunny sat amid a crowd. Klaus had found a row of five seats and he and Sunny were looking around desperately for Violet, Isadora, and Duncan. Suddenly, he saw the three running out to the athletic field. The crowd of other students was chanting and cheering making it vastly fucking difficult for any of the five kids to hear. “What’s wrong?” Klaus asked confused as the three slid in their seats passed him. Isadora sat the furthest away from Klaus and Sunny, Duncan sat between his sister and Violet. Violet sat next to Klaus and Sunny sat in the seat right next to the aisle. 

“We think we saw Count Olaf!” Isadora cried. 

“What?” Sunny asked unable to hear Isadora.

“We think Count Olaf is here!” Duncan screamed.

“Huh?” Klaus asked confused blocking his ears with his hands because the noise was becoming too stimulating for him. 

“Thank you. Thank you.” Nero said as he stepped upon the stage. “Welcome to the mandatory pep rally. I don’t know which I like more, the word ‘pep’ or ‘rally’,”

“I like ‘pep’,” Mrs. Bass said, who sat behind the children.

“I like ‘rally’,” Mr. Remora said, who sat behind the children beside her.

“Maybe we should ask our mascot! What do you say?” Nero asked the crowd, who cheered. 

“What’s Prufrock’s mascot?” Klaus asked Duncan. 

“A dead horse,” Duncan replied.

“What?”

“He said a dead horse,” Isadora replied.

“But that doesn’t matter...You have to listen,” Violet pleaded. “The Quagmires and I saw…”

“Shush!” Mr. Remora hissed from behind them. 

“I know things seemed less peppy since our athletes, cheerleaders, and beloved gym teacher vanished on the way home from that away game. But Prufrock Preparatory School has a motto and that motto is ‘Memento Mori’ and it’s an ancient Greek saying…”

“Latin,” Klaus said rolling his eyes.

“...which means, ‘Remember, you will die.’ and soon, indeed, the sun will set, the fiery orb of life, leaving me alone!...alone!...Alone!” he shouted as he looked at the grey sky above. Everyone on and off stage stared at him confused. Duncan took this time to try to write Klaus and Sunny a note, but Mr. Remora closed his commonplace book tossing it to the ground next to Violet and Duncan’s feet. Nero stiffened up. “Until, of course, you meet someone who truly understands and supports you with friendship, camaraderie, and cash bribes. Our gym teacher was irreplaceable, but I have found someone who I know can fill her shoes,” 

Violet looked down at the commonplace book saddened by the fact that it had been thrown to the ground and closed shut. She looked up at Klaus and Sunny with a desperate look in her eyes. “Klaus!” she shouted.

Klaus just stared at her for a moment. Trying to block out the noise. “What!?”

“Count Olaf is…” she began before Mrs. Bass shushed her.

“And now, please welcome to the stage, a man with no resume, no letters of recommendation, no credit history, but with such a marvelous ear for music that I’ve hired him as the newest member of our faculty!”

A tall, skinny man stepped onto the stage. The man was wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt, such as any gym teacher might wear. On his feet were some expensive-looking running shoes with very high tops, and around his neck was a shiny whistle. Wrapped around the top of his head was a length of cloth secured in place with a shiny red jewel. Such things are called turbans and are worn by some people for religious purposes, but Klaus and Sunny took one look at this man, feeling both of their hearts drop instantly. Klaus frowned miserably at the man on the stage, they both knew that this man was wearing the turban for an entirely different reason. 

“Your new gym teacher, Coach Genghis!” Nero cheered. The crowd cheered except for the five orphans. Isadora, Duncan, and Violet all turned to Klaus and Sunny, who stayed staring at the man on the stage. 

“Count Olaf…” Klaus whimpered.

“Bastard,” Sunny growled. 

“So much to learn,” Olaf shouted to the crowd, his eyes fixating right on Klaus and Sunny. His eyes became shiny when he saw his prey sitting next to his newest targets. He smirked. This is going to be easier than I thought… he thought to himself smirking. “...and I am here to school you,” he said smirking mainly at Klaus.

The crowd began to cheer and applaud the awful man. Carmelita jumped on stage dressed up as a cheerleader and began to chant. “Who can’t be beat?!” 

The crowd around the kids began to chant in response. “A dead horse!” 

This went on for a couple of minutes. The crowd around the children were showing an exceptional amount of school spirit. The term ‘school spirit’ is, in my opinion, a curious one. The phrase might sound as if it refers to a ghost or other undead phantasm haunting an educational establishment like very old gum clinging to a trophy case. Now what I was told ‘school spirit’ actually referred to is the belief that one particular school is better than another. Though, as Violet Snicket and the four younger orphans were about to learn, there are much worse things that can haunt a school.

“I love the energy! I love it!” Olaf shouted to the crowd. Every student besides the five orphans clapped and cheered for Olaf. Sunny bared her teeth at the man, Violet and the Quagmires glared intensely at Olaf, Klaus just stared at the man with sorrow and worry in his eyes. Why can’t he just leave us alone? Klaus thought as he felt Violet slip her hand into his. When he felt her hand, he looked over at her, realizing that he had begun to shake.

“Okay, everyone, settle down,” Nero said addressing the audience.

Olaf feigned a look of pure shock. “Settle down? Do you hear what Vice Principal Shapiro just said?” he asked the crowd.

“It’s Nero, ” Nero corrected.

“‘Settle down’? How often I hear those words come out of people’s ears and into my mouth,” he took his glance from Klaus and began to glance towards Violet. Violet glared back, she was at a safe distance away from where Olaf didn’t have the upper-hand. “‘Settle’ a word which here means ‘settling...for less’ and ‘down’, my personal least favorite direction,” he said as he reached the edge of the stage and began to walk slowly down the steps from the stage to the aisle that separated the crowd of students in two. “Let me tell you a story,” he said in a voice that sounded more like one of those inspirational life coaches rather than a gym teacher. “Some years ago...a woman came to me. She needed my help. ‘Coach Genghis’, she had said to me. ‘I’m a failure. I have no job. My love life is in the pits. I can’t seem to lose these last twenty pounds,” he turned to the students. “I bet that describes just about everyone one of you, am I right?” he joked.

“Ummm, Genghis, they’re schoolchildren,” Nero pointed out.

“Exactly!” He replied to Nero, turning back to the crowd. Beginning to slowly walk again. “And what did I say to her? Do you think I told her to settle down?...” he paused waiting for a response from the crowd. Sunny couldn’t help but giggle when no one responded to him. “Answer me, pippity-squeaks! Do you think I told her to settle down?!” he yelled glaring at Carmelita, who still stood on the stage.

“Probably not?” Carmelita chanted in a rather confused tone.

“Probably not!” the crowd chanted back.

“Probably not, indeed. I told her to stand up. I told her to actualize and incentivize! I told her to keep her eyes in the clouds and her feet on the stars,” Olaf said reaching the orphans’ row of seats. He turned to face Sunny and Klaus, glaring and smirking down at Klaus, who’s face was slowly turning from one of fear and sadness to rage and madness. “And. do you. Know. what. Hap-pened?” He asked staring directly at Klaus, his shiny meeting the death glare of the very angry twelve-year-old. He enunciated every syllable, slowly giving a Grinch-like smirk at Violet’s two younger siblings. He tilted his head so his gaze was also on Violet. “ She died...in a mysterious fire.” He stood for a few seconds looking at first Violet, then Klaus whose face turned dark as it became full unbridled rage. If looks could kill, Olaf would surely have dropped dead due to this face Klaus was giving to the villain, no question about it. Olaf then glared at Sunny, keeping his eyes on Sunny for a rather long time.

Klaus noticed his gaze on his baby sister, Klaus quickly grabbed Sunny and passed her quickly to Violet, who felt it necessary to pass her to Duncan, who shifted Sunny to sit half on Isadora’s lap that way both Quagmires could protect their young toddler bestie if Olaf tried to hurt her.  Both Isadora and Duncan put an arm around Sunny, Sunny may have leaned into their grasp but she still bared her teeth at the villain when he simply smirked at Klaus’ attempt to keep Sunny safe. Violet slipped an arm around Klaus as Olaf began addressing the crowd of students again.

“Wait...what?” Nero asked, the words that ‘Genghis’ spoke finally registering in his tiny brain. 

“Settling down is what losers do,” Olaf explained making his way slowly back on stage. 

“But the woman you were talking about…” Nero said curiously.

“Settling down is what started World War I,” Olaf misinformed the students of Prufrock. 

“Okay, but the story you were telling,” Nero tried again.

“You see, settling down is what happens when you bite your lip, and your lip gets swollen, so you bite your lip again and then you keep biting your lip over and over. I don’t want that. Do you want that, Prufrock Prep?” he asked.

“No!”  the students cheered.

“Let’s bring in the violin!” Olaf cheered. Nero smiled as he took center stage and began to horrifically play his violin. The crowd began to cheer even though no one was interested in his attempts to destroy classical music. The crowd was surprisingly cheering for Count Olaf and he was eating it up. Taking bows. 

Klaus just looked like he wanted to die. He just stared frantically at Olaf. “No…” he whimpered, his breathing becoming rapid. 

“Klaus?” Duncan asked looking at his maybe-boyfriend.

 “He...he...he found us again ,” Klaus said terrified. “ I told you guys...he’s...he’s right there,” Violet could hear the quiver in Klaus’ voice, she turned to see a few tears glistening his eyes behind his glasses. He quickly wiped them. “We’ll never be safe,” he whispered this sentence, the only one who could hear him was Violet and it took a lot of straining to hear him entirely. “I have to do something,” he said aloud, more so to himself. 

Violet looked at him confused. “Klaus?”

“I have to do something,” Klaus repeated, only slightly louder this time. “The school is falling for the treachery of an unhinged lunatic,” 

Duncan and Isadora looked towards Klaus. “That always happens during pep rallies,” Isadora commented trying to light up the mood.

“I have to do something,” Klaus said taking a deep breath. He slowly stands up, all four other children could tell he was shaking. “ For them, ” he said slowly beginning to walk into the aisle. His legs were wobbly and with each movement on his feet, he felt like he was going to fall. He turned to his baby sister, “Stay here, Sunny,” 

“Luck!” Sunny replied sticking both her thumbs up at her brother, knowing it was not the time to argue with him. She leaned back into the Quagmires’ grip. As Klaus slowly reached the stage, Violet realized the closer he got to Olaf, the harder Klaus would shake.

“E-everyone!” Klaus tried to shout, his voice quivering. He looked desperately at Nero. “T-this...this...th-this...man,” 

Carmelita began to mock Klaus relentlessly, which was causing some of the other kids to laugh at Klaus. Olaf just smirked at Klaus, making pretend crying faces to the twelve-year-old. “You…” 

“What’s wrong, student? Having a panic attack...induced by some unexplained trauma?” Olaf asks in a low hiss, reaching out to grab Klaus’ shoulder, but Klaus flinches back, throwing his arms in front of his chest.

Violet glared when Olaf began to laugh along with the crowd at Klaus. “ That’s it! ” she hissed as she stood up.

“Where are you going?” Duncan asked.

“To help Klaus,” she replied not even turning around. She kept her gaze on Olaf and her younger brother. “Stay here with Sunny, please,” she called back, hissing under her breath as Klaus backed away from Olaf again.

“We’ll help if we can!” Isadora shouted to Violet, who gave a small smile towards Isadora.

“I know and thank you, Isa,” she said blushing a bit. She turned back to the stage. I got this, Lemon Man, I got this. You didn’t risk your life for nothing, I will finish the job. Snickets take care of their own. She thought to herself as she rushed on the stage. She took a deep breath and practically yelled, “ Everyone! Please! Listen! This man is an imposter! ” 

“How dare you interrupt a genius!” Nero barked at Violet angrily.

“And his guest violinist,” Olaf remarked.

Everyone on stage turned to look at the feral Snicket girl who was breathing heavy with unbridled fury. Even Klaus, who looked a conflicted mixture of relief and fear, watched Violet in silence as she took a place on the stage near Klaus.

Olaf turned to her with very shiny eyes and back at Klaus smirking at the poor boy, which sent chills down the boy’s spine. 

“This man is not a genius…” Violet barked through gritted teeth.

“Vi...what are you doing?” Klaus whispered to his older half-sister, doing his best to keep eye contact with Olaf rather than Violet to pretend like he doesn’t even know who Violet is.

“Helping you,” Violet replied back. “Snickets take care of their own,” she said patting him on the back. He looked at her with a face of worry. 

“You don’t have to…you can free yourself from this tragic tale…” he warned her. She shook her head.

“We fight together,” she replied.

He opened his mouth to reply, trying his best to find the words that could make Violet understand just how dangerous Count Olaf truly was. But she turned to him again. “ This man is a fucking imposter!” she yelled again taking a defensive stance between the vile man and her younger brother.

“I think you mean...improviser, dear,” Olaf replied. 

 “This so-called gym teacher is the notorious villain, Count Olaf!” 

Violet and Klaus could hear a gasp in the crowd, it seemed to be coming from the librarian, Miss Caliban.

“A-as long as he’s at Pru-ru-fr-frock Prep...n-n-nobody is safe,” Klaus warns.

“That’s not true,” Carmelita cried. “You’re just jealous. Vice Princie throw them off the stage, and I’ll start my dance over with extra twirls,” 

“Well said, adorable little cheerleader,” Olaf commented smiling at Carmelita. 

“This man is Count Olaf and we can prove it!” 

She turned to Olaf remembering the characteristics of the vile man that Klaus and Sunny had described. She glanced at his disguise, her eyes fixating at the top of his head. She gave the man a smirk. “ If Count Olaf were to remove his turban…!” she yelled, as she reached her arm up towards the creep’s turban. But with cat-like reflexes ‘Genghis’ grabbed Violet’s arm keeping her from ruining his disguise.

“Isn’t she just lovely? Everybody?” he asked the crowd as Violet struggled to reach his turban. He kept a good grip on her wrist causing her to grunt. Klaus watched in a silent panic hoping that Olaf wasn’t harming Violet. “But I am afraid my two bushy eyebrows are going to stay under my turban, which I wear for religious purposes,” he explained.

Klaus rolled his eyes. “A-and what religion would that be?” Klaus asked incredulously. 

Olaf glared at Klaus with his shiny eyes, causing Klaus to shake from behind Violet. Violet glared again as Olaf held her arm above her head. He looked at his smartest henchperson. 

“Reconstructionist Judaism,” the henchperson of Indeterminate Gender replied as the Hook Handed Man nodded.

“Re-recon-reconstruct…ism... ” Olaf mumbles. He rolls his eyes. “ What they said,” 

“I would never ask you to remove your turban, Coach Genghis,” Nero explained sympathetically to Genghis. “I’m against religious persecution, but I can’t speak for the orphans, ”

Both Violet and Klaus rolled their eyes. Seeing that no one was believing them but instead believing Olaf. Olaf ignored the two children’s glare and released Violet’s arm but not before a harsh squeeze and a shove. 

“O-Olaf can also be i-identif-fied by the tattoo of an eye on h-his a-ankle,” Klaus studdered. 

“My body is a temple, young man!” Olaf snarled at Klaus, who stayed behind Violet.  “I would never sully my skin the way so many young people do nowadays with their hedonistic lifestyle of loud music and abstinence,” 

Klaus gave a look of confusion towards Olaf as Violet looked down at Olaf’s shoes, remembering the tattoo that has been haunting her the last couple of days. 

“W-why don’t you t-t-take off your sh-shoes and prove it!?” Klaus suggested from behind Violet. 

“ If Count Olaf were to remove his running shoes…!” She yelled glaring at the man.  

Olaf interrupted her. “I will absolutely not be removing my running shoes,” 

“Oh! L-le-let me guess, is that due to ‘religious purposes’?” Klaus asked him mockingly.

“No. It’s just taking off my shoes, you’ll see that my socks are sweaty...which means they’re smelly..which is gross,” Olaf explained.

“We can…” Violet said her voice trailing off. “We can compare Genghis to the photograph of Olaf in the Daily Punctilio!” she suggested desperately. “Please, this is serious!”

“C-count O-Olaf is wanted by the authorities...for sus-suspicion of fraud, th-theft, mur...murder, kidna-napping,” Klaus studdered slowly. He closed his eyes, “Ch-ch-ch-child abuse, and chi-child en-endangerment,”

“You sound like a boring librarian,” Nero mocked. Miss Caliban huffed in response. “Plus we don’t need newspapers now that we have our advanced computer system.”

Violet, Klaus, and Olaf watched as a few AV club members pushed the advanced computer to the stage. Olaf’s eyes widened and Klaus and Violet looked at one another and smiled.

“Oh. Uh, you mean that computer?” Olaf asked nervously, pointing a bony finger at the advanced computer. 

“He’s sweating!” Klaus said happily. “He’s nervous!” 

Olaf gave a quick glare Klaus’ way. Klaus was right when he said Olaf was sweating and nervous. The vile bastard carefully wiped his forehead making sure he didn’t accidentally knock off his turban. He began to use his hand to fan himself. He began to stutter. “N-no, I’m not… I have naturally leaky pores,” 

Nero sighed. “Will you and your pores please stand in front of this very expensive electronic device and just clear this matter up, once and for all?” Nero asked.

“I...I…” he backed away from Nero. He realized that Violet and Klaus were both smirking at him as if they were winning. “I...uh...mmmm...this reminds me of a story,” 

Violet and Klaus looked to one another, both siblings sharing a slight nod as they both walked over to the advanced computer system. They both grabbed its side and rolled it towards Olaf, who had backed himself against the wall. Olaf began to shudder nervously as the computer stopped in the perfect spot to get a clear view of his face. He closed his eyes nervously, waiting for his disguise to be fucked. He was trying to decide how to escape. 

The computer made a whirring noise and finally, it beeped. Olaf held his breath at the same moment that Klaus had. But unfortunately for Violet and Klaus, the computer’s robotic, monotone voice declared to the crowd, “this is not Count Olaf”. When Klaus heard this, his heart shattered in his chest as he fell to his knees. Violet looked at Klaus and then looked to Olaf, who gave the computer the same confused face that Violet had given it when it claimed Coach Genghis was not Count Olaf. Olaf opened his eyes slowly, his fearful expression disappearing behind a gleeful one. 

“See?” he said confidently as he pushed the computer away from him. He glared down at Violet and Klaus, crossing his arms against his chest. 

“Yeah, see?” Nero mimicked. Violet just glares at the villainous man as they both realize the same thing at the same time. Klaus was now paralyzed. Both could tell he was trying to not have a breakdown in front of the whole school. Olaf looked at the boy wondering just how far he can push Klaus, while Violet looked down at him with a sorrowful and pitied expression. 

Olaf takes this chance to take a step closer to Klaus, who flinched back away from Olaf with a soft whimper. “Please…” he begged in a meek voice, not looking up.

Violet stepped in front of Klaus to shield him. “I think this calls for a little democracy, my second favorite style of government. How many of you want to continue hearing tiresome accusations hurdled at an innocent man by pathetic little orphans?” 

Duncan picked Sunny up as he stood tall. “ Investigate further!” He yelled. 

Isadora stood alongside her brother and best friend. “ We demand this issue receive further scrutiny!” she yelled.

Surprising to all, the librarian, Ms. Olivia Caliban stood up as well. “Klaus Baudelaire and Violet Snicket seem like honest and decent people. I think we should listen to what they have to say!” she called out.

Violet gave the librarian a quick smile. Even Duncan, Isadora, and Sunny smiled at her. Other than her, no one else in the crowd was willing to help the children out.

“Now...who would love to hear about a new exercise program?” Genghis asked. Genghis smiled when he heard Klaus groan at the word ‘exercise’ but other than that, Klaus stayed there on the ground breathing heavily. Although he was relieved that Violet was still with him. “This new, exciting program is sure to blast your school spirit right out your blowhole!”

Everyone in the crowd cheered.  Nero began to play the violin. “Students! Faculty! Don’t worry if every exercise program you have tried has failed you because I am here to fail you more by putting the ‘whip’ back into ‘whip you into shape’! Everyone, get on your feet, and let's try something that I invented one lonely night at a truck stop, called jumping jacks.” He waited for the crowd to stand, the only three people in the crowd who refused to stand were the two Quagmire triplets and the youngest Baudelaire orphan. “Here we go! Ready? One! Two!” He shouted as he did only two jumping jacks before yelping in pain. “Okay...all right. All right. Let’s cool it down...we don’t want to ham up the old hamstrings.” He groans. “Oh, God, can someone say, ‘class dismissed...for ice water and some deep breaths?” he asked as he grabbed onto one of his henchpeople for support.

“Um…” 

“I know...I’ll be okay...I just need a second,” he explained groaning.

“But the…” The henchperson said glancing at Violet and Klaus. Violet stood there waiting for Olaf to explain whatever bullshit he was talking about. 

“What? What? Oh...oh yeah...the orphans,” he muttered. “One last thing, everybody. As anyone who has been to junior college knows, orphans tend to have unsound bodies, which as you can see,” Olaf commented pointing at Klaus. “Leads to paranoia...delusion...and of course, untapped wealth.” He smirked at Violet, then turning to the crowd. “That’s why I have developed the Special Orphans Running Exercises or S.O.R.E, for short, which I will be offering to a few select students.” 

He stepped forward to address the crowd, glaring at Sunny who sat between the two Quagmires. “Will the orphans in the house please stand?” 

After exchanging a look of dread, Isadora and Duncan stood up, this time Isadora held Sunny who simply glared towards Count Olaf with her teeth bared. To all five children's surprise, even Miss Caliban stood up again giving them a small smile.

Olaf gave Sunny a slight wave as she growled at him. Olaf smirked as he began to walk in a small circle around Violet and Klaus as if they were stranded without a boat amid shark-infested waters. This caused Klaus to close his eyes and reach his arms out for Violet pulling her closer to him as she countered all of Olaf's movements dragging a shell shocked Klaus in a circle making sure that he was never exposed to Olaf.

"Hmmm," Olaf snarled bending down a tad bit to make sure Klaus knew that Olaf was referring to him. " I choose you," he said menacingly as he touched the young boy's shoulder. Violet yanked Klaus away from Olaf's cold grasp.

"No…" Klaus whimpered in a rather saddened tone. His tone reeked of desperation and fear, which caused Violet's heart to break for her younger brother and her blood to boil as she did her best to shield her brother from the wicked man. Klaus continued to shake, refusing to look up at his nemesis.

Olaf turned to face the crowd, his glare sent chills down Sunny and the Quagmires' backs. "I choose...the little baby secretary I have heard so much about," he said.

Sunny, still in Isadora's arm, flipped him off. "Toddler!" she yelled angrily although her friends could tell she was scared. Not as scared as her brother but she was definitely scared of what Olaf had planned.

Violet's glare towards the villain intensified as her blood began to boil hotter. This man was definitely Count Olaf, she had no doubt about it. She could hear Klaus cry another desperate "No…" as he shook harder. "She's just a toddler...leave her out of it…" she could hear him whisper.

" And…" Olaf snarled, once again slowly walking the stage. Giving Duncan and Isadora one last look over before slowly turning to Violet.

Klaus, who had his head hidden so he didn't have to see Olaf, felt his heart stop beating. And?... Klaus panicked. There shouldn’t be an ‘and’! Just me and Sunny! His eyes became wide. His absolute worst nightmare was happening. Olaf was now targeting either Violet, his half-sister, or the Quagmires, his new friends. Klaus began to tremble harder in fear blaming himself for ever letting the three get close to him and Sunny. Then a question popped into his mind, causing his breathing to become rigid. Did Olaf also know that Violet was related to the Baudelaires? 

Olaf stopped circling the two orphans just as Klaus raised his face to meet the shiny eyes of his arch-nemesis staring at his older sister in a way that Klaus couldn't describe. he just knew the face had vile intentions behind it. He silently glances up at Violet, who stood there stone cold, glaring back at Olaf acting as a human shield for her brother.

" And...Miss Snicket," Olaf snarled. His tone of voice sending massive chills down Klaus' spine. If Violet was afraid, she was good at hiding it because Klaus looked up at her in disbelief. she stood tall, not allowing Olaf or Klaus to sense any fear behind the cold demeanor even though there were fear and uncertainty plaguing at her mind. 

Olaf paused for a moment to truly look at Violet. She continued to stand her ground, staring back at him with a face of indifference. The man's stare was getting extremely uncomfortable, just as Violet was going to slightly turn her head allowing her eyes to avert from the villain’s shiny ones, She felt Klaus’ head shift. Dammit! She thought keeping her stare at Olaf. She knew Klaus was now looking at her, she couldn’t be weak now. For Klaus. She told herself as she tried to drain all of her emotions from her face, holding in her fear. For Sunny. Remember, Violet, Snickets take care of their own. They’re counting on you! Everything falls on you now. They’re safety, comfort, and happiness. Keep strong for them! She quietly sighed, hoping Klaus and Olaf didn’t notice. She had to be strong, she couldn’t let Klaus know that she was intimidated. Big sisters are supposed to chase away the monsters, not also be afraid of them. As she stared back as Olaf, with a hand gently placed on Klaus’ head, Violet realized that if she replaced her fear with anger, it was easier to hold her composure.

Olaf waited until both orphans were looking at him. Violet with her cold, emotionless demeanor and Klaus with his desperation and fear. “ Thank you….for being so eager to... volunteer ,” he hissed looking directly into Violet’s eyes, his eyes so shiny that they could blind her. The second he called her a volunteer, her face became dark. He must’ve realized that she wasn’t going to let him get away with killing her father and hurting her siblings.

Violet refused to show him fear, she couldn’t do that because she had to convince Klaus that with her around he is safe and her pride refused to allow it. So she stared right back with a face that could kill. Olaf merely smirking at her. While Klaus adverted his gaze as his face drained of all color and then flushed red with anger. “No…!” He said again but Violet noticed that it wasn’t the same desperate ‘no’ that he had whispered when Olaf mentioned Sunny. This one was stronger, angrier, even. Before Violet could process what was happening, Klaus had shot up to his feet, grabbing Violet and harshly whipping her behind him. He kept a grip on her hand, though and she could tell that he was still shaking. 

“ No!” He yelled glaring at the disguised coach. “ Do NOT fucking involve Violet in this shit!” 

“Oh, my,” Olaf feigned confusion like it was his first language. “What are you talking about?”

Klaus can feel the tears streaming down his face. “Leave... you better leave her alone!” 

Olaf continued to look at Klaus as if he had no idea what the young orphan boy was talking about. 

“Klaus…” Violet asked concerned.

“T-th-this batter is between you and me! ” 

“Whatever are you talking about?” Coach Genghis asked.

Klaus’ shaking began to be more than he could handle because soon everyone at the pep rally could clearly see his panic attack. Olaf took this opportunity to put a hand on Klaus’ shoulder which put the young boy into a frenzy. Shaking faster and more visibly, crying harder, as he flinched away quickly causing himself to fall backwards on his ass. 

“Leave him alone!” Violet yelled at the vile bastard.

Olaf looked down at Klaus, “There’s no need to cry like an infant. Be a man, orphan!” Olaf says cruelly poking Klaus in the chest just as Carmelita began chanting “Crybaby cake-sniffers in the Orphan Shack!” and all at once nearly everyone in the crowd was making fun of Klaus and chanting along to Carmelita. The only faculty member who even gave a shit was the kind librarian, who stood up, and started shushing children and yelling at Carmelita. 

Violet glared at Olaf. “You three orphans are to report to the athletics field at sundown and every night until further notice,” he announced as the crowd began to disperse.

Nero laughed. “This, of course, does not excuse you from missing my nightly violin recitals. Oooh, you are going to owe me a lot of candy!” 

“Now that’s the sort of leadership I was talking about,” Genghis mentioned. “You are a genius,” Violet rolled her eyes as she listened to the two pieces of shit stroke each other’s egos.

“You’re the genius for nothing,” Nero replied.

“YOu’re the genius for saying so,” Genghis admitted.

“You’re a genius for agreeing,” 

“All right, I’m the genius,” Genghis bragged smirking at Violet. 

“Drat!” Nero yelled. 

The vice-principal began to walk away. 

Duncan, Isadora, and Sunny walked over to the stage just as Genghis took a step closer to Klaus. Violet stepped in between the two, glaring daggers. “Whatever you’re up to, Count Olaf , we will put a stop to it!” she hissed.

“ Really?” He asked, feigning confusion. “Because it seems to me, if you Snickets had the skills to stop me, you wouldn’t be having this batch of episodes in your new lives,” he hissed back. 

Klaus curled up into a little ball, trying to hide behind Violet’s thin legs. Violet looked down at him and then at Olaf and her heart broke. What did this fucker do to her little brother? She hated not knowing important things. 

Olaf smirked as the Quagmires joined them on the stage carrying Sunny. 

“Fucker!” Sunny hissed.

“Oh, little Sunny when will you and your cry baby, wimpy brother learn? You can’t survive me! ” he laughed, “your parents really taught you nothing at all.”

This angered Violet, she took Sunny from Isadora’s arms and the two orphaned half-sisters glared at Olaf as they guarded their brother against the cruel fiend. 

“ Our parents taught us to survive!” Violet yelled as Sunny nodded waving a tiny fist at Olaf.

Olaf laughed a cruel, sadistic laugh. “Well, I guess...sweet little Miss Snicket... those who can’t do, teach, ” he replied bitterly.

Violet’s face rushed with anger to sadness. She tried to push the anger back to the surface but she soon realized that pushing sadness was harder than pushing down fear. Olaf could see that he had effected her because her eyes lit for about three seconds, a small flare of fire and it flared out almost immediately, quickly turning into a broken ocean blue. She couldn’t hide it, and he could definitely see it. 

And with that he gave Violet, Sunny, Isadora, and Duncan an evil grin and then put a hand on Klaus’ shoulder, causing Klaus to jump and scream in shock. “ I told you,... no matter where you go...no matter what you do...I will find you,” he smiled a vicious smile when Klaus looked up. “ At least one of us can actually keep our promise! ” He then began laughing as he pats Klaus on the head, still laughing. “See you three at sundown,”

This time if looks could kill, Sunny Baudelaire would be the orphan killing Olaf with her look of pure, concentrated hate. “ Bitch! ” she shrieked at him as Olaf simply flipped the toddler off. 

Sunny and Violet knelt down to Klaus. Sunny rushed to her brother to hug him. Olaf walked away cackling like a madman. 

“Prom,” she said to her brother, holding him close. This was her way of saying, “Ignore him, Klaus. You’ve kept good on your promise,” 

Klaus shook his head in response. “No, no I haven’t. He’s right, Sunny.”

Sunny shook her head furiously and playfully slapped her brother in the face. 

“No!” she said simply. “Bueno,” she told him sternly, which meant, “you’ve done, good.”

Violet looked at Klaus. “Sunny’s right, Klaus. Comparatively, you’re the more fucked up. You’ve obviously sacrificed yourself for her,” 

Duncan placed a gentle hand on Klaus’ shoulder which made the bookworm flinch but he looked up seeing Duncan and gave the journalist a small smile.

He turned to Violet. “Sunny and I are never going to be safe,” 

She shook her head. “Oh yes, yes you are. Cause you see, Olaf made one very fatal idiotic mistake...he got me involved,” 

“Us, too,” Duncan said.

“Don’t worry Baudelaires, don’t feel disgrace. The Quagmires triplets are on the case,” Isadora recited smiling.

Klaus continued to shack his head. “No…” he pleaded with them.

Violet smiled at Isadora. “Sweet poem. I love it.” 

“Th-thank you,”  the poet responded blushing.

“You guys...I’m sorry,” Klaus cried.

“For what?”

“For letting you get attached to me and Sunny,” Klaus explained. “Now he’s targetting you too,” 

“Klaus...that’s not your fault,” Duncan reassured

“You’re kinds and generous, all three of you are, but we can’t let you get involved,” Klaus said pointedly staring at his older half-sister, who simply glared at him. 

Sunny was slowly nodding her head in agreement with her brother. 

“Olaf is too dangerous,” Klaus explained.

“He’s too dangerous for you to face alone,” Duncan pointed out. Isadora and Violet nodding in agreement.

“We can run away,” Isadora suggested.

“All of us,” Duncan added as the triplets looked to Violet to agree with them. 

“...it’s plausible,” she admitted.

“Our parents' inheritance will be ours once we come of age,” Isadora explained.

“We’re not of age yet.” Klaus countered. “Besides, it wouldn’t matter if we ran away...Count Olaf will still find us...he found us...he always does,” He sighed. “Everywhere we go, he shows up to steal our stupid fortune.”

“How can he get your fortune as a gym teacher?” Violet asked confused.

“Well...there’s treachery lurking in most exercise programs,” Klaus replied laughing at his own joke. “I just...I just can’t believe he fooled everyone again.” 

“Not everyone,” Duncan said pointing at himself and his sister. 

“Come on, you guys, let’s go back to the Orphan Shack and figure shit out,” Violet suggested holding her hand out for Klaus’. Isadora picked up Sunny as Duncan took Klaus’ free hand. Isadora slipping her free hand into Violets. The five children walked from the athletic field to the Orphan Shack, all trying to think of a way to put a stop to Olaf once and for all.

Chapter Text

Chapter Eight:

The One When Jacques Makes a Few Very Foolish Decisions

From the moment that he had hung up the phone the first time with Jacquelyn Scieszka, Jacques felt like his world had shattered into a million tiny pieces in front of him. Lemony had been alive for fifteen years? Did Kit know? Did Beatrice? He pondered as he drove his taxi. And now he’s dead...or so...possibly dead. Jacques couldn’t bear knowing that his baby brother had been murdered by Count Olaf...it was not possible. If Lemony had faked his death before who is to say he couldn’t do it again. Jacques refused to fully believe that Lemony was truly gone. Call it denial, call it intuition. Jacques wasn’t in the state of mind to communicate his feelings accurately.

Jacques sighed loudly. None of this made any sense to him. Lemony had a daughter? A fourteen-year-old daughter? ...with Beatrice Baudelaire? And somehow got custody of said child? Jacques didn’t know what to think of all that, this thought did create a devastating point to counter Jacques’ ‘Lemony faked his death again’ theory. He had a daughter. There was no way his brother would ever leave her to fend for herself in a cruel world like this one. He knew Lemony well. His brother was a good man and he had no doubt within his mind that Lemony was a great father. I have a niece. He thought. It was the only good news to have come to him. 

Well besides his discovery about one of the fires. He had told VFD about a possible survivor of a recent fire and they had asked him to make time for an interview. He didn’t see why this was important but he knew to follow their orders. He sighed. Was it a good idea leaving him at Montgomery’s house? He asked himself. He remembered the scene as though it had just played out minutes prior. 

Jacques had rushed back into the herpetological library of Montgomery Montgomery, his associate had glanced up from their eight scattered maps to see that Jacques’ eyes were red and puffy. Jacques then explained that he was going for a while and that he would be back. He remembers the look of fear his associate had given him when he explained to him that it was better, for the moment at least, that no one else knows that he is alive. Jacques makes sure to not explain to his associate where he’s going. He knows his organization had a habit of separating siblings, he didn’t know whether it was the better choice to keep his associate and his siblings apart in the hopes of sparing the pain of being separated once more. He remembered when they had taken Lemony to Staind-by-the-Sea, he and Kit were allowed bare minimum contact with their younger brother. Jacques followed VFD’s orders while Kit...well, she did her own thing. She always did her own thing. Jacques sighed. Should I call her? He asked himself. It had been around ten years since he had spoken to his own twin sister last. The first five years or so without Lemony were rough and Jacques believed that both siblings made an effort to be there for one another, in the beginning, at least. But something happened in the sixth year. He couldn’t remember entirely if it was he or Kit who had ceased all communication, but he did know one thing, if it was her, he never tried to fight her about it and he never decided to reach out for her. 

He was the eldest, even if it was only by a matter of minutes. He knew that if he tried hard enough, he would be able to contact her. But every time he had thought about it, he decided against it. Deciding that the awkward silence or heated discussion that may follow was simply not worth his pride or time. 

He shook his head at himself as he remembered how he patted his associate on his back. “Remember...you’re dead. No one can know you’re alive. Don’t answer the doors or windows to anyone,” Jacques had advised. “And focus on studying,” he said pointing at a large book entitled The Incomplete History of Secret Organization. Inside this particular copy was the quote, Life is a conundrum of esoterica, which inspired Jacques young associate to agree to volunteer. Jacques waved goodbye promising to return in a matter of days. Again, deliberately holding very important information about everything and anything from his newest associate who had a true knack for maps and globes. 

He stared at himself in the rearview mirror for a good, long moment. Eventually shaking his head at himself in disappointment. You should have told him the truth. Hell, you should have brought him along. Jacques thought to himself. Trying very hard to push away any and all distracting thoughts to the side. He contemplated turning around for his associate. But ultimately decided against it. He’ll be fine. He told himself. Your niece is in more danger. Everyone thinks he’s dead, even his...siblings. He thought to himself sadly.

Without even trying he described Lemony. Everyone, including Kit and myself, thought he was dead… he thought. ...but it turns out we were wrong, and even though he was presumed dead someone still murdered him. He shuddered. He couldn’t imagine that happening to a young child. Lemony was an entirely different case. He convinced himself. In a way, Jacques was right. Lemony was a different case altogether. The only reason that Lemony was even found out to be alive was due to the fact that he came out of hiding to help two children. Jacques' heart shattered. That lovestruck moron. He grumbled. Why hadn’t Lemony just trusted VFD? They would have helped the two Baudelaires. 

Jacques believed this wholeheartedly, although he knew VFD wasn’t perfect. It had its...issues. He remembered a few wrongs that VFD committed against the Snicket siblings. He thought first of that fateful night at the opera. He hit the steering wheel as he drove. He remembered that night like it was yesterday.

Bertrand’s urgent call, calling for a taxi for an associate. Jacques never understood why Bertrand didn’t warn Jacques that the associate was his own little brother who was running away from the life that he knew. Did he think Jacques would have refused to let Lemony leave? Did he think Jacques’ big brother mode would have turned on and he would’ve fought Olaf for even threatening his brother? Jacques regrets never asking Bertrand. 

Jacques remembers slowly driving into the alley that was located in the back of the opera house. He could remember how it felt to feel his heart stop and shatter when he recognized the two people who were hiding in the back of the alley, presumably telling each other goodbye. Jacques recognized Beatrice immediately. Her red shawl slightly waving in the wind, her make-up slightly a mess from her tears. He could see only his brother’s backside, as he was facing Beatrice, he could tell by Lemony’s body language that his younger brother was devastated and scared. He watched as Lemony kissed Beatrice, taking a piece of porcelain out of her hands and running for the taxi. 

Lemony had rushed into the passenger seat without even looking at the driver, his face focused on Beatrice who stood outside watching as he departed, just as the rain began to fall. Jacques could see the tears on his brother’s face as Jacques slowly pulled out of the alleyway. Both brothers not speaking a word, Lemony’s gaze only on Beatrice as she waved goodbye and oddly placed a hand on her stomach. 

“...you are to take me far away,” Lemony said in a monotone, still staring in the direction that Beatrice had stood. 

“I am aware,” Jacques replied turning towards his brother. “Is Stain’d far enough for you?”

Lemony had recognized his brother’s voice immediately and turned his head towards him. “Jacques?”

“Lemony...what happened?” Jacques asked seeing that his brother was still crying. He looked down at the porcelain sugar bowl in his brother’s hands.

“La Forza Del Destino,” Lemony replied crying harder. “I’ve ruined everything.”

“The faults of this world do not lay on the shoulders of one man,” Jacques explained.

“No, Jacques. I ruined everything. I involved Kit...and Beatrice...and Bertrand. I was supposed to do this alone, but I couldn’t sneak in the box of darts...Kit was always the best at that.” Lemony had rambled. “Beatrice had always been the best at darts.”

Jacques had sighed. Unsure of how to make his brother feel better. He looked at the sugar bowl in his brother’s lap. “Mission accomplished, though,” Jacques said. “Two in one night,” 

Lemony opened the sugar bowl’s top out of curiosity, peering inside. His face turned into a grin as he began to laugh a little to himself. 

“This makes so much sense,” Jacques recalls Lemony stating.

“What?” Jacques asks confused. “What’s in there?”

“ special sugar ,” 

“Special…? What do you mean ‘special sugar’?”

“‘Special sugar’ a phrase which here means,” Lemony began laughing.

Jacques playfully hit him in the chest. “Seriously, smart ass,”

“Think about who the previous owner of this sugar bowl is,” Lemony advised.

“... oh!” Jacques said as he too began to laugh. “You’re right...that makes a lot of sense when you think about it,” 

Jacques remembered the two brothers going silent for a while after that. Neither one knowing just what to say. Jacques knew what he was doing as he drove Lemony to Staind. He was taking his brother to safety where he would be advised to not contact any of his old associates or siblings for years or however long it takes to convince every one of their enemies that he was dead. He knew this was his last few hours with his baby brother and he regretfully spent at least two of them in dead silence. He now wondered as he drove in an eerie silence, what Lemony was thinking during this time or how he felt about the whole situation. Lemony cried on and off during the ride, but never loud enough to make Jacques feel he should intervene. 

When the two Snicket brothers began speaking again it was to play a game that Jacques had taught Lemony when they were younger. It was called Beethoven. Jacques, at first, hadn’t been paying much attention to what Lemony was doing until he realized that every time Jacques spoke, Lemony’s reply wasn’t a true reply, more of him just regurgitating back similar words which is how the game works. The brothers had spent some time playing that, laughing, both silently reminiscing the old days to themselves. 

Jacques now pondered if Lemony had this all planned from that point in his life. Was it the plan to fake his own death but still keep in enough contact with Beatrice to gain custody of Beatrice’s actual firstborn? He couldn’t fathom Lemony choosing this sort of life instead of the alternative, which for him was being married to both Beatrice and Bertrand. Spending the rest of his life with them and raising children as a unit of three parents rather than two or one. Jacques refused to believe that this is what Lemony had hoped life would be. Because in all honesty, Jacques wished the night at the opera had gone a little different. A vicious part of him wonders what would have happened if a third dart had been thrown at the son of that night’s targets. The only thing that would have truly remained was the guilt that he was sure everyone involved felt even if they’d never admit it and his sister’s heartbreak, which would eventually cease to exist. Or...maybe it never did? He wouldn’t know, he hasn’t spoken to her in a decade. He has no idea if she’s still hung up on her ex-fiance or if she had found a new partner and began a family. He feared his pride would never allow him.

Jacques drove in silence to Prufrock trying to keep his mind on rescuing his niece. If Jacquelyn sent her here to purposely meet her half-siblings this meant that Jacques would have to rescue them as well. He pondered whether or not he should take Duncan and Isadora Quagmire. Their family were prominent members of VFD as well, their training was just as late as the eldest known Baudelaire, if not more, seeing that they were a tad bit older than him. He could fit 5 children in his taxi, it’d be a tight squeeze once he went back for his associate or maybe he’d wait. He remembered why he didn’t bring his associate in the first place, to reunite siblings just to tear them apart is cruel and something Jacques refused to do. He debated whether or not of telling his associate’s siblings the truth.

Jacques remembered the day that he and Kit received the news that Lemony had died. Both of them were devastated. The two twin siblings wouldn’t separate for more than a couple hours for the first few weeks after hearing of their little brother’s death. Kit blamed VFD while Jacques blamed himself. But although Kit blamed VFD she still did everything they had asked of her because she didn’t have anywhere else to go and VFD was all she knew. But for a couple of years, she was bitter. Never bitter enough to sabotage VFD, but bitter enough to speak ill of the organization every chance she got. Jacques had feared his sister was going to rebel, somehow leave the organization, he knew that Beatrice and Bertrand had also discussed this, telling Lemony’s siblings that “this decision is in the best interest for their children,” At the time, Jacques didn’t understand his friends’ thinking. VFD had raised all of them and did a pretty decent job, he had thought. At the time, he was scared for his friends and sister, he knew what VFD did to members who no longer wanted to volunteer. He shuddered. He was loyal to VFD although he could see some of their minor and major issues, but as he drove in silence to Prufrock he was beginning to question everything in his life. Was VFD the reason that Bertrand and Beatrice burned to death? Because they weren’t allowing their children into the organization no matter how many times VFD had pressured? If they had killed Beatrice and Bertrand...had they killed the Quagmires for the same reason? Or was this the work of VFD’s greatest enemies? Jacques was no longer sure of the answer to these questions. At one time, he believed he had all the answers, especially to the ones pertaining to VFD but now...he sincerely felt like he didn’t. He was blissfully unaware of the possible evils that lurked behind VFD’s message of morality and volunteering.

Then a dark thought had popped into his mind which caused him to become enraged. If VFD had caused the Baudelaires’ death...then they also caused Lemony’s. By taking him out of hiding so he could protect Beatrice’s children, it allowed Olaf to discover him. Jacques hit the steering wheel angrily If... if Lemony is truly dead...there will be Hell to pay. He thought to himself as he pushed all remaining thoughts from his mind focusing on reaching Prufrock as fast as he could using the map that his associate had given to him. 

__________________________________________________

After his second phone call with Jacquelyn, Jacques began to drive in a way that reminded him of his sister. Jacques sighed heavily. He frowned as he thought again of his sister. Maybe he should call her. He didn’t want to regret not talking to her if she were to die unexpectedly like Lemony. He stared silently at the taxi-phone, weighing the pros and cons of calling his sister. He knew she was on a mission to retrieve the same piece of porcelain that Beatrice and Lemony had stolen so many years ago, would she have time to chat? You can call her once you’ve saved your niece. He told himself.

_________________________________________________________

“Th-that fucking bastard,” Larry muttered as he shivered. He walked around the freezer desperately. His attempts of knocking on the door were futile. No one was coming to rescue him. Least he was able to call Jacquelyn, who promised to send help. 

He remembered her advice about reciting a Jack London story. Couldn’t hurt. He thought to himself. “He laughed at his own foolishness. Ha-ha-ha. As he laughed, he noted the numbness in his bare fingers. Also, he noted the feeling which had come to his toes when he sat down was already fading away...He wondered whether the toes were warm or numb. He moved them inside the moccasins.” he recited as he shivered.

“Jack London, if I’m not mistaken,” a familiar voice called out.

Larry’s heart dropped for two reasons. One, he was being rescued which was amazing because he really wasn’t looking forward to freezing to death in the freezer of his old school. But the second reason was that he knew that voice all too well. That voice was definitely the voice of Jacques Snicket, his ex-boyfriend. “Wh-what?” Larry shivered.

“The story you were reciting is by Jack London,” Jacques replied. “I would advise standing away from the freezer door,” 

“Wh-why?” Larry asked backing away. “Snicket...is that you?”

Jacques waited about ten seconds before kicking in the freezer door. Larry looked at Jacques in surprise as he stood in the middle of the freezer’s doorway. “Oh, Larry, Snicket is so informal. You know you can call me Jacques,” he said smiling. “Did somebody call for a taxi?”

Larry just stood there in shock. He averted his gaze away from Jacques. Jacques picked Larry up bridal style. “I-I’ve got to get the book to Lemony’s daughter,” Larry explained shivering.

“Try not to speak until we get some hot chocolate in you,” Jacques advised. 

“B-but...Violet…” 

“Violet?...is that her name?” Jacques asked, his eyes lighting up when his niece was mentioned by name.

Larry nodded. “S-sh-she looks just like Beatrice,” Larry explained. “She has Lemony’s eyes,”

Jacques gave a small smile to that. 

“Well, well, if it isn’t a cake-sniffer and his cake-sniffing friend?” Carmelita asked popping out of nowhere. Larry screamed as he clung tighter to Jacques. 

“Sh-she’s back!” 

Jacques looked at Carmelita confused. “I’m going to assume that is not my niece,” Jacques whispered.

“N-no. She’s not,” Larry confirmed.

“Ah, this must be Carmelita Spats,” Jacques replied looking at the girl.

Carmelita looked slightly uncomfortable with a grown man knowing her name without her introducing herself. “How...how do you know who I am?” she asked meekly.

“I work for an organization that keeps tabs on young people of interest,” Jacques explained as he began to walk while carrying Larry.

Carmelita scoffs and smirks in response. “Well, obviously. I’m interesting,” 

“‘Interesting’ can mean a few different things. A polka-dot suit is interesting, although no one looks good in one,” Jacques explained as Carmelita glared at him. “You see, this man here is my friend, and I don’t appreciate anyone mistreating my friends, no matter what age they are,” he walked passed the little girl who just crossed her arms across her chest. “Oh, and by the way, I believe it takes one to know one. Cake-sniffer. “ Jacques replied smirking.

He exited through the back of the cafeteria still carrying Larry bridal style. “...you...you stood up for me,” Larry said confused.

“Well going back to school can be traumatic. That’s why I keep a trauma blanket in my cab,” 

“You’re my hero,” Larry said happily.

Jacques smiled at this. “Now...I’m going to take you back to the city so you can be treated for frostbite,” he begins.

“No...I have to get the book to Lemony’s daughter,” Larry explained.

Jacques frowned, weighing his options. “If...if I drive like Kit...I can get back here in no time,” he explained.

“But…”

“No buts,” Jacques explained. “You need to get to a hospital,”

“There’s a hospital in the hinterlands…”

Jacques shook his head. “Too far, even if I were to drive like Kit. I will take you back to the city where Jacquelyn can look after you and I will come back for the kids,”

As Jacques helped Larry into his taxi, he looked back at the school and frowned. If I take just her… He thought. Then he thought of his younger brother, how he had supposedly given his life for the Baudelaires. I could take all three… He debated and then thought about his associate waiting for him back at Monty’s house. Could five kids fit in the taxi with Larry and I?  

It’s like Larry could read Jacques' face like so many years ago. “She’s safe...for the most part,” he muttered. “She found her siblings. I saw them together at lunch. She seems happy,”

“As happy as she can be with her father being dead…” Jacques replied as he slowly got into the driver’s seat. 

“If you need to...drive like Kit…” Larry said.

“A part of me thinks I should get them now,” Jacques explained. “Are you sure she’s safe?”

“As safe as she can be. Olaf is here...unfortunately. But he hasn’t been able to find the children and she has back up,” Larry explained. “Besides, Olaf doesn’t know about her,”

“But he knows about the Baudelaires,” Jacques replied.

Jacques sighed. Larry could tell that he was weighing his options. After a few moments, he started up the taxi. “If she’s anything like Beatrice...she’ll be fine,” he told himself as he began to drive off from the school.

_____________________________________________________

When the children reached the Orphan Shack, Violet paced angrily around the tiny shack, all four younger orphans watching her.

“So, our new gym teacher is definitely Count Olaf,” Duncan noted.

“ Really?” Isadora asked her brother sarcastically. “What was your first clue?”

“Stop,” Sunny said as Duncan opened his mouth. Duncan looked down at Sunny, who smiled back at him.

“So...what’s the plan, Violet?” Isadora asked Violet, who was pacing the shack tying her hair up. 

Klaus stood up. “The plan is you three say goodbye to me and Sunny,” he began. All four other orphans could tell that he was choked up even thinking about this. “It’s too dangerous. Sunny and I can handle this,”

“Bull,” Sunny noted.

“We can!” Klaus practically yelled. Sunny was taken aback as she glared at her older brother. 

“Stop,” Violet told Klaus, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Stop trying to protect me. I don’t need protecting,”

“Um, yeah you do. Did you see the gleam in his eyes as he stared at you…” Klaus warned shuddering. “It’s...it’s different than the gleam in his eyes when he stares at me and I can bet you I know why !” 

“Why?” Sunny asked, a little confused.

“We’ll explain it to you when you’re older,” Duncan said quickly. All four older orphans knew exactly what Olaf’s intentions with Violet were. But none of them had the heart to explain to someone as young as Sunny. 

Violet opened her locket and stared at the picture inside. “What are you doing?” Klaus asked his sister.

“Oh, it is silly…” Violet said. “But sometimes I just need to look at...our...mother. Like she’s here with me…” 

Klaus slowly nodded. “Honestly, that’s not silly at all,” he said taking out the two photographs that were still in his pocket. “I might start doing that,”

“Hey, wait,” Isadora said looking at one of the photographs. “That’s our parents,” 

Duncan rushed towards what Isadora was talking about. “We had this photo in our library,” he explained looking at the picture of several volunteers standing in front of Lucky Smells Lumbermill. 

“These are my parents,” Klaus explained pointing at the couple beside the Quagmire parents. Violet’s eyes went wide as she took the photo from Klaus’ hand. “Hey! What the…”

“Mr. Lemons,” she whispered placing her thumb where her father stood in the picture. The furthest to the left. He stood away from her mother, he only slightly faced the camera. 

“Who’s Mr. Lemons?” Klaus asked looking at Violet who held the picture close to her face, examining it. 

“My father,” Violet explained. “He’s in the photo,” 

“Wait...but my father seems to be the one in a relationship with our mother,” Klaus said confused. 

“We had this photo in our library, but we never paid attention to it,” he explained, glancing at Violet who continued to stare at it in silence.

“I bet there were other mysteries we never noticed,” Klaus said staring at the photo that was left in his hands. He stared at the young couple in that picture. He didn’t know the woman entirely, but he knew the man who held on to her. The smile on his face was foreign to Klaus. He’d seen the man smile but it was always a vicious smile, this smile seemed genuine...soft even. 

“Like a spyglass,” Isadora noted.

“Book,” Sunny added. 

“We need to survive long enough to find that book,” Klaus explained. 

“The librarian said to check back in a day or so,” Duncan reminded them.

“We don’t have a day or so,” Isadora explained. “It’s almost sundown,”

Violet looked up and noticed Klaus was holding another photo. Eager she snatched that one from his hands, too.

Klaus looked at her. “You know, you can simply be like ‘hey Klaus, can I see that photo?’” he said annoyed.

Violet didn’t reply, her eyes simply widened looking at the photo. She recognized several people in the photo, but her eyes stayed focused on the man who had his arms around a woman who looked very familiar, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. “What the fuck?” she cried. “That’s Olaf,” she said pointing at the man who was holding the woman happily in his arms.

Duncan and Isadora looked over Violet’s shoulders at the photo. “Oh my God,” Isadora exclaimed.

“You’re right,” Duncan said. “But why is he in a picture with our parents?”

Violet scanned the photo. Olaf had been friendly with their mother and both fathers...but how? He was friendly with the Quagmires as well? She handed Klaus back both photos. “Do not lose those,” she warned.

Klaus nodded as he scanned the photos one more time, frowning as he carefully folded them back into his pocket just as someone knocked on the door of the Orphan Shack. Isadora answered the door and to the kids’ displeasure, it was Carmelita in her cheer uniform.

“I have a special message for the Baudelaires...and the cake-sniffing Snicket,” Carmelita noted before beginning to sing, ‘The sun is setting, hooray. Hooray! Coach Genghis sent me here to say that you three orphans need to report to the field after dinner! And my name is Carmelita!” 

“That doesn’t rhyme,” Isadora noted.

“Only cake-sniffers care about poetic form!” Carmelita yelled before staring at Violet, Klaus, and Sunny.

“Can we help you?” Duncan asked.

“I’m waiting for my tip,” Carmelita said holding out her hand.

“We don’t have any…” Klaus began before Violet put her hand up, smiling at the young cheerleader.

“I got this,” Violet said calmly, walking closer to Carmelita. “You want a tip?” she asked.

Carmelita glared at her. “Yes! Finally, someone gets it!”

“There’s a book that takes place on an island,” Violet began smiling. “A group of young boys is stranded there and they slowly start to go mad and some of them lose their sense of morality…” she began before Isadora started laughing.

“Vi…, we all know that’s not on her reading level,” Isadora interrupted. “There’s a book that takes place on a rainy day, two children sat bored until a magical cat with a large hat…”

Duncan, Violet, Klaus, and even Sunny started laughing as Isadora continued to describe the Dr. Suess classic, The Cat in the Hat to Carmelita. Carmelita simply glared at the two girls. “What kind of fucking tip is that!?”

Isadora shrugged. “Oh, sorry. Did I spoil the ending for you?” she asked.

Carmelita stuck out her tongue and grumbled away. “You owe me a real tip, you cake sniffers!” she called back at them.

“Lord of the Flies,” Klaus mentioned to Violet. “Good choice,”

“First thing that came to my mind,” Violet said laughing. “But Isa’s explanation of The Cat in the Hat was comedic gold!”

“Thank you, thank you,” Isadora said taking a bow as Sunny clapped and cheered. 

Violet looked outside as she watched the sky glow orange. “It’s almost sundown, we may want to hurry to eat before we have to meet fucker,” 

Klaus frowned. “Y-yeah,” he said picking up his sister and following Violet to the lunchroom.

_________________________________________________________

Nero was true to his promise, when Violet, Duncan, and Isadora reached the masked cafeteria worker who was handing out silverware, they had only given Klaus silverware. Klaus looked at them confused as they walked away. 

“What happened?” Klaus asked as the children sat down at their usual table.

“We followed Nero into the administrative building,” Duncan explained as Klaus passed his silverware to him. 

“To warn him that Count Olaf had found his way in the school,” Isadora explained.

Klaus frowned. “I’m sorry,” he said. “You three have already sacrificed a lot,” once Duncan had passed him back his silverware, he handed it over to Isadora. Who gave him a grateful smile. 

“It’s what friends are for,” she replied as she took a bite of her meatloaf and handed Klaus’ fork back to him. 

Violet gave her younger brother a grateful smile as he handed her the silverware. “I guess we’ll be eating slowly,” she commented laughing. 

“We’ll just keep passing my silverware around. It buys us more time to figure out what Olaf’s plan is,” Klaus pointed out as Violet passed him his silverware and he took a bite of his meatloaf and then fed Sunny a piece of hers. 

“Well, we can always try taking off his turban,” Isadora pointed out.

“I tried,” Violet muttered annoyed. “The bastard has cat-like reflexes,” 

“What about his shoes?” Duncan asked. “Sunny, do you think you can bite through them?” 

Sunny thought about it for a mere second before nodding her head. 

“I don’t think that would work,” Klaus pointed out as he passed his silverware to Duncan. “He would hurt Sunny if she tried,”

“I dare him to try,” Violet said angrily. 

“I’m still all for the plan where you three,” Klaus says pointing at Duncan, Isadora, and Violet, “forget all about me and Sunny,”

“Klaus,” Duncan said as he passed the silverware to his sister. “We’re here to help you,”

“Count Olaf is too dangerous,” 

“Do you really think we’re going to just sit around while you try to escape him on your own?” Isadora asked.

Klaus shrugged. “Part of me wishes you would. What if he hurts you guys?”

“Again, I’d love to see him try,” Violet responded taking the silverware from Isadora. “Besides he involved me… so even if I wanted to abandon you, which I don’t, I couldn’t.”

Klaus sighed. Violet was right about her involvement. He turned to Duncan and Isadora. “You’re risking your lives…” he warned.

“Never mind about that,” Duncan said smiling at Klaus. 

It is at this time, that I feel it a tad bit necessary to warn you, the reader, yet again that this story is all downhill from here. I am sorry to inform you that the Quagmire triplets should have minded about that. They should have minded very much. Duncan and Isadora Quagmire were very brave and caring to try to help Violet and her siblings, but bravery often demands a price. By ‘price’ I do not mean something along the lines of five dollars. I mean a much, much bigger price, a price so dreadful that I cannot speak of it now but must return to the scene I am writing at this moment. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.

“Never mind about that,” Duncan reassured Klaus again when Klaus merely frowned in his direction. “What we need is an actual plan,”

“We need to prove to Nero that Coach Shitface is Count Olaf,” Isadora agreed.

“Well the computer didn’t help our case,” Violet said rolling her eyes.

“I knew it fucking wouldn’t,” Klaus muttered annoyed.

“Shit,” Sunny agreed.

Violet glanced towards the windows of the cafeteria, sundown was minutes away. “It’s almost time,” she warned. 

Klaus felt his heart sink. “I can’t…” 

“Sunny and I will be there for you,” Violet explained.

“And while you guys are stuck with fuckface,” Duncan explained. “Isadora and I will do some investigating of our own. Maybe we can figure a few of these mysteries out while you guys are doing S.O.R.E, whatever the fuck that is.”

Klaus nodded his head but he wasn’t liking this at all. As the five orphans stood up, Violet picked up Sunny and grabbed Klaus’ hand. Isadora and Duncan looked at their friends as they bid each other goodbye. Isadora and Duncan headed towards the library while Violet and her siblings headed towards the athletic field. With each step, Klaus felt like his world was crumbling around him. All he could think about was how it felt like he and his sisters were walking towards their doom and walking into a trap.

Klaus looked first at his older sister and then his younger sister and then back at the Quagmires, who were waving at him and his sisters. It was very brave of both Violet and the Quagmires to not be frightened of Olaf and to be so eager to help Klaus and Sunny. But Klaus could not help but wonder if they should be brave. Olaf was such a wretched man that it seemed very wise to be frightened of him, and he had defeated so many of the Baudelaires’ plans that it seemed a little foolish to be so eager to get involved. But he was appreciative of Violet and the Quagmires' efforts that he said nothing more about the matter. I hate to report that in the years to come, Klaus Baudelaire would regret this, this time when he said nothing more about the matter.

________________________________________________

The last few rays of the sunset made the children cast long, long shadows as they walked as if Violet and her siblings had been stretched across the brown grass by some horrible device. The children looked down at their shadows, and wished with every step that they could so something else, anything else, other than meet Coach Genghis at the athletic field. 

Klaus wished he could take his sisters and his friends and just keep walking, under the arch, past the front lawn, and out into the world. But where would they go? He knew by now that he was relatively alone in this world. His parents were dead. His estate’s executor was too busy to take good care of him and Sunny. And his only friends were orphans, too. His thoughts were put on hold as he heard Genghis yelling at the three half-siblings about them being late.

“Punctuation!” Genghis yelled as Violet and her siblings walked up to him and Nero.

“Punctuation?” Violet asked confused.

“The art of arriving late,” Genghis explained.

“That’s punctuality, ” Violet corrected.

“Dumb ass,” Sunny added glaring at Genghis. 

“Y-you...you said to be here at sundown. So we’re technically not late,” Klaus explained, hiding slightly behind Violet and Sunny.

Genghis smirked at Klaus. “Hmmm,” he said. “That’s curious. Someone just referred to you as the late Baudelaires...maybe they were talking about your parents,” 

Violet glared at the villainous man, who kept his gaze on Klaus. Genghis smiled up at her before turning to Nero. “See, this reminds me of a story,” he said. “Some time ago, a pair of wealthy children came to me, needing my help. There were two of them, one of each. Boy and girl.” He gave a wicked smile to Sunny and Klaus. “‘Coach Genghis’ they said to me, ‘We’re failures. Our parents have abandoned us for careers as burnt-up skeletons. We have nothing in our lives but all these bags of money, and they’re making us failures who read books and bite things.” He paused and looked at Violet. “And do you know what I told them?” 

“Ooh, I know this one!” Nero said. “Did you tell them to stand up,”

“They were already standing,” 

“To actualize and incentivize?”

“What? That...that doesn’t mean anything,” Genghis said annoyed. “I told them to put on these very expensive running shoes,” he tossed three pairs of shoes Violet’s way. Violet turned her body to shield Sunny from the shoes being thrown at the sisters. “Now even stupid children like yourselves should remember what I said about orphans having excellent bone structure for running. That’s why you are about to do Special Orphan Running Exercises, or S.O.R.E for short,” 

“Ooladu!” Sunny yelled, which meant, “What are you really up to you, fucker!?”

“Now before you run, you’re going to need a track,” Genghis explained as he picked up a can of paint. “This is a can of luminous paint. The word ‘luminous’ means to glow in the dark,” 

“We know what ‘luminous’ means!” Klaus yelled angrily. 

Genghis smirked at the bookworm. “Well, since you know so much,” he said pushing the can of paint into Klaus’ arms. “You can be in charge of painting the track,” he tossed a paintbrush at Klaus. “You are to drag this bucket around and around until you made a luminous circle on the ground. I want you to paint a big circle on the grass so you can see where you are running,” he explained.

“That’s it?” Violet asked confused.

“For now,” he replied smirking. “Genius ideas are simple, like the wheel or neurosurgery. You will make a luminous circle on the ground and once you’ve finished you’ll report back to me,” 

Nero looked from the children to Genghis. Genghis growled under his breath. “Isn’t it time for your little light to shine?” he asked the Vice Principal. 

“Oh!” Nero said happily. “You’re right! I just need a few minutes to rosin my bow,” 

Genghis looked at Nero in disgust. “Ew… don’t say that in front of the children,” he commented as Nero began to walk away.

Violet set Sunny to the ground and stared intensely at Olaf. She took the paint can from Klaus’ arms, handing her brother the paintbrush. 

“Go on! What are you three waiting for?” Genghis asked blowing his whistle in Violet’s face. 

The three siblings looked at one another in confusion. “Come on,” Violet called out to her younger siblings as she walked a few feet from Genghis. 

“What are we really doing?” Klaus asked nervously.

“I...I don’t know,” Violet admitted. “Just follow my lead,”

Chapter Text

Chapter Nine:

The One With Special Orphan Running Exercises

Violet and her siblings stood looking at Genghis, who blew his whistle again. “What the fuck are you three waiting for!?” he yelled. “Maybe a good kick in the ass will get you going!” he barked glaring specifically at Klaus. 

“We’re going!” Violet called back pushing Klaus and Sunny in front of her. What the three siblings were waiting for, of course, was for Genghis to reveal what he was really up to with the paint, the brush, and the ridiculous Special Orphan Running Exercises. But in the meantime, Violet figured it was best if they did what Coach Genghis said. Painting a big, luminous circle on the lawn didn’t seem to be particularly dangerous, so Violet picked up the paint can and Klaus reluctantly dipped the paintbrush and began to make a big circle. For the moment, Sunny was something of a fifth wheel, a phrase which here means, ‘not in a position to do anything particularly helpful’, but she walked alongside her siblings, offering moral support. 

“Sunny, keep an eye on him,” Violet warned. “Tell me if he starts walking towards us,” Sunny nodded as Genghis blew his whistle.

“Bigger!” he yelled at the orphans. “Wider!” 

The three orphaned siblings followed his orders making the circle bigger and wider each time he barked at them. Violet and Klaus were getting quite annoyed hearing him yell directions at them. Sunny flipped him off each time he opened his mouth. “Bigger! Wider! All right, all right! That’s big and wide enough! Finish the circle where I am standing! Hurry up! We don’t have all night!” he said as he began to laugh at his little joke.

“What do you think we’re really doing?” Violet asked Klaus. “You’ve dealt with him more than I have,”

“I don’t know,” Klaus replied. “I’ve only read three or four books on paint. I know that paint can sometimes be poisonous or cause birth defects. But Genghis isn’t making us eat the paint and no one here is pregnant, of course. So I can’t imagine,” 

“Signal?” Sunny suggested which meant, “Maybe the luminous paint is serving as some sort of glowing signal?” 

Violet and Klaus looked at one another worried. “He does have associates,” Klaus reminded Violet.

She noticed that they were getting close to where Genghis was standing. “Just...just stay behind me,” she warned them.

“I suppose that will do, orphans,” Genghis hissed once they reached the spot where he was standing. “Now, you orphans are going to run around and around and around along this circle to exercise your mother- and father-less legs,” 

The children looked at him confused. He merely smiled at Klaus and Sunny. “Ah...how I’ve missed you brats in an inordinate amount,” he snarled. 

Klaus and Sunny glared at the man. 

“But...don’t worry your little heads, children,” he said putting a hand on Sunny’s head. “Soon, you’ll be back in my custody…” he turned his head slowly to Klaus. “Cause this time there’s no one here who will save you,” 

Violet glared at the man. “Whatever you’re really up to, Olaf, I will put a stop to it!” she barked. 

“Ah, and Miss Snicket, always a...pleasure,” he said smiling at her.

“The feeling isn’t mutual,” she spat back.

“Very well…” he replied, smirking at her. “Before you begin...this reminds me of a story,” he said, his shiny eyes focusing on Violet specifically. “Ah yes, this reminds me of another Snicket... who was in way over his head… ” Violet’s face turned dark as she glared at the villain. He merely laughed. “Maybe you’ve heard this one?” he asked her.

“Fuck off and die,” Violet spat bitterly. 

Genghis merely blew his whistle in her face.

“Now, take your marks, and when I blow my whistle, begin running around the track until I tell you to stop,” he ordered.

“Wait...I must have misheard you,” Klaus said to the fake coach. “You want us...to run? Laps…? That’s it? ” 

“That’s it,” Genghis replied.

“You went from hypnotism to making us run laps?” Klaus asked. 

Genghis merely nodded. 

“Your plan…” Klaus repeated again, unable to believe it. “Is to make us run laps?”

“You are to run laps until I tell you to stop,” Genghis repeated obviously irritated.

“I’m asthmatic...I can’t run,” Klaus explained. “And Sunny’s only a toddler,”

“I don’t give a fuck. She will run and you will run,” Genghis barked.

“I’m asthmatic! I could die!” 

Genghis smirked a dark smirk. “Well, it’s a good thing that I only need one of you alive to get the Baudelaire fortune,” he said staring at Sunny. “It might be a longer wait...but...I can spend all of that extra time breaking her as I broke you,”

Klaus and Violet both glared daggers at the man. “If you touch my sister!” Klaus yelled. 

Genghis blew his whistle in Klaus’ face. “Start running and stop talking!” he barked in the young boy’s face. “Now on your marks! Get set! Go!” 

Violet and Sunny looked at one another confused and then at Klaus, who looked back at them utterly defeated. Genghis blew his whistle again and the three children began to run. Doing their best to pace themselves so they could run together even though they had different legs.

Violet turned to Klaus and Sunny as the three ran laps. “I”m confused…” Violet admitted when they were far enough away from Genghis. “I thought you said he tries to kidnap and kill you,” 

“He does. I just...I don’t understand how making us run laps gets him our fortune,” 

Violet looked back and watched as Coach Genghis sat down on the bleachers. “I don’t trust this…” she said. “You two stay in front of me at all times, you understand?” 

“Then you might as well walk because as I informed Coach Fuckface, I‘m asthmatic and Sunny’s a fucking toddler...we aren’t the best runners,” 

Violet nodded. They finished one lap, and then another, and then another and another and then five more and then another and then seven more and then another and then three more and then two more and then another and then another and then six more and then nine more and then they lost track. 

“ Keep running orphans!” Genghis yells as he blew his whistle. The three siblings groaned. “Run for your lives!” 

“What are we doing?” Klaus asked.

“Runnin’ in circles,” Violet replied annoyed.

“Profit?” Sunny asked, which meant, “How does this help Olaf steal our fortune?”

“I don’t know,” Klaus replied. “Something else has to happen. There’s no way he’ll make us run laps all night,”

Genghis blew his annoying ass whistle again as the orphans began to slow down. “Keep your asses moving!” 

“Hey, boss,” the Hook-handed man said. “I brought you a quintuple macchiato so you can make them run all night. ...You want me to keep you company?” 

Genghis ignored him, blowing his whistle again. 

“I-I know I get lonely sometimes,” he explained.

Genghis turned to him annoyed. “Why don’t you check out the concert,” 

“Oh,” he replied. “Okay,” he slumped his shoulders and walked away as Genghis continued to yell at the orphans.

He kept blowing his whistle and occasionally shouted tedious and unhelpful things like “Keep running!” and “Another lap!” The children looked down at the luminous circle so they could stay in a circle. And the children would take turns looking over at Genghis as he grew fainter and then clearer as they finish a lap and the children looking into the darkness to see if they could catch a glimpse of sunshine. The children also looked at one another from time to time, but they didn’t speak, not even when they were far enough away from Genghis that he could not overhear. One reason they did not speak was to conserve energy, because although the children were in reasonably good shape, they had not run so many laps in their lives, and before too long they were all three breathing too hard to really discuss anything. But the other reason they did not speak was that they were all focused on figuring out what Olaf’s actual plan was. Coach Genghis kept blowing his whistle, and the children kept running around and around the track, and echoing in each of their minds was the fact that they could not believe that S.O.R.E was the extent of his evil plan. The orphans kept running around the glowing circle until the first rays of sunrise began to reflect on the jewel in Genghis’s turban, and all they could think was What? What? What? 

_______________________________________________

Duncan and Isadora Quagmire rushed to the library after they bid goodbye to their friends. Both Quagmires were worried about their friends. But what could they do? It was better for them to investigate the mysteries that surrounded the three families and Count Olaf. As they reached the library, they saw Miss Caliban exiting and locking up.

“Quagmires!” she said happily turning to address the two siblings. “What can I do for you two triplets?”

“We know it’s after hours, but did you find that book?” Duncan asked desperately.

“I’m sorry,” she frowned. “I know you’re desperate to get your hands on it,”

“It’s not just the book. There’s a whole mystery,” Isadora explained.

“There certainly is,” she agreed leaning in closer to the children. “I couldn’t find the book, so I poked around. It’s not in any system. It’s like it doesn’t exist,”

Before either Quagmire triplet could answer her, a loud authoritative voice barked from behind them. “Who dares not be in the auditorium for my recital!”

Both Quagmires jumped in shock as Miss Caliban stood in front of them to protect them from the vicious Vice Principal. “The children had a quick question about the library,” she explained. “They were just on their way…”

“The library is closed until further notice,” Nero explained slapping a closed sign on the doors of the library.

“Says who?” Miss Caliban asked angrily.

“By order of the gym teacher,”

“He can’t close the fucking library,”

“I will admit...I should have looked over his contract more closely...or at all,” Nero explained, as he began to pout. “He has also designated the freezer as off-limits, so there goes all my Popsicles. It’s only temporary, though, until he gets his Special Orphans Running Exercises and what he wants,s something, something, blah blah blah,”  He glared at the two Quagmire Triplets. “Now get moving, twins,”

Duncan growled and stepped forwards towards the Vice Principal. “We’re not twins! ” 

“Our brother, Quigley…” Isadora began stepping forward, alongside her brother.

“ Our brother, Quigley died in a fire, ” Nero interrupted in his nasty, mocking tone. “I know, I know! Try to work up some pleasant small talk for a change,” 

Nero walked away as Miss Caliban sighed, giving the two triplets a small smile. “I’m sorry, children,” 

Duncan and Isadora looked at one another and decided to head back to their broom closet. They had no patience to sit through one of Nero’s horrible violin recitals. They were saddened by their parents and brother’s deaths. They were terrified for their friends. They gave a small smile and wave to the only kind adult in their lives as they walked away wishing they had been able to help their friends more.

___________________________________________________

Jacques groaned loudly as he listened to Larry explain to Jacquelyn for the umpteenth time why they were leaving the children at Prufrock when they knew Olaf was there.

“Look, I understand that the library being is closed is alarming,” Larry explained as he continued to shiver. “But I couldn’t stay! There’s a girl who keeps tap dancing!” 

There was a pause on Jacquelyn’s side of the phone call.

“Jacquelyn?” Larry asked.

“So let me get this straight. You didn’t give Lemony’s daughter the book, instead, you lost the book and then you left the children alone!?” she asked annoyed.

“They found each other,” Larry explained. “And...they’ve made friends. There’s also a stunningly skillful librarian who’s keeping an eye on them. You should see her shelve books, Jackie. Wowza,” 

“There’s only one book I’m worried about...and you didn’t give it to Violet,” 

Larry sighed. “You’re right,” he admitted. “I’m sorry. I’ll go right back now and…” 

He was interrupted by Jacques rudely taking the phone from him. “Jacquelyn?”

“Snicket?” she replied, her tone obviously annoyed.

“I need to get Larry into the city to be treated for frostbite and overexposure to off-brand dishwashing liquid. I’ll leave my meter running and be back at Prufrock soon,” 

Jacquelyn rolled her eyes. “You act as though he won’t make a move while you’re gone,”

“He doesn’t even know I’m on the case,” 

“Does he know that you have a fucking niece?” she asked. “Because the second that he does, that’s it!” 

Jacques sighed. “You’re right. But I have this under control,” he tried to reassure her.

There was a silence again. Jacquelyn debated whether or not to reply to that. She sighed. “Want to know the last person to tell me that? ”

“Who?” Jacques asked, part of him already knowing the answer, the other too consumed with curiosity not to ask.

“Lemony,” Jacquelyn explained. “And look what happened to him. So forgive me for not believing a Snicket when they say that,”

“Here’s the thing,” Jacques said. “I’m not Lemony…” 

“How...how is that reassuring,” Jacquelyn asked laughing.

“I got this,” Jacques reassured.

“Just...hurry,” she sighed in frustration. “These are dark days,”

“I know,” Jacques replied as he hung up the phone.

That night was indeed a dark day. If you think about it, all nights are dark days, because night is simply a badly-lit version of day. But a dark day also refers to a time when something terrible is going on. It was a dark day for the students of Prufrock and Count Olaf’s troupe, who were enduring the migraine-inducing concert being performed by the talentless hack of a vice principal. It was a dark day in the history of music, as Vice Principal Nero, who could not play the violin, insisted for several hours on doing so anyway. It was a dark day for the Quagmires, who hoped to help their friends any way they could. And it was a dark day, for Jacques Snicket, who would find himself in his own series of unfortunate events soon enough. It was a dark day, for Kit Snicket, who would soon receive a phone call that would make her lose all faith in the world. Not to mention, a certain school librarian, whose own fate maybe even worse. But of course, night had become the darkest day for Violet Snicket and her two younger siblings, as they ran lap after lap after lap after lap knowing nothing of Count Olaf’s plan. Nothing of how they could defeat his treachery. Nothing but their own desperate exhaustion, acute boredom, and the terrifying suspense of not knowing what was to happen next.

After Jacques had hung up the phone, he sighed. Larry, who couldn’t handle anymore of the awkward silence between the men, broke the silence. “He died a noble man,” 

Jacques looked at Larry in the rearview mirror, giving him a puzzled look. “Lemony...died a noble man,” 

Jacques slowly nodded his head in agreement. “Why didn’t he call us…?” he asked, his voice slightly breaking. “Kit and I...we would have helped him,”

Larry frowned. “Well, it may be for the same reason you won’t call Kit,” 

“Wait, how do you know…” 

“Jacques, if you haven’t forgotten we did date. I know you. You let your pride get in the way. Not to say that Kit isn’t also at fault…”

“He didn’t call us out of pride?”

“That...and he didn’t want you guys to be involved. He knew what he was doing was dangerous,”

“I’m involved now,” 

“Because he died,” 

“We...we don’t know that,”

“But...Jackie said,” 

“I don’t care what Jacquelyn Scieszka said,” Jacques replied coldly. “Without a body...he’s as good as alive. Besides, people survive fires all the time,”

“What do you mean by that?”

Jacques thought about whether or not he should tell Larry about his new recruit. After debating it rather quickly in his head, he decided to keep that piece of information to himself. It wasn’t important. “I don’t know…Just let me have hope,”

Larry nodded slowly. “Get you to cope?” he asked.

Jacques looked at him confused. “I mean...there’s nothing to cope…”

“You’re tasting the soap?” Larry asked laughing.

Jacques looked at him confused again but after a second, he had realized just what Larry was doing. He gave a big smile towards Larry. “Tour racing the slope?” 

The two grown men had stopped actual conversation and continued to play the same game that Jacques had played with Lemony so many years ago. Although both men had mourned the death of Lemony Snicket, they tried to keep happy as they continue to make each other laugh as best as they could as Jacques drove Larry to the hospital. It wasn’t much, but it was something. Jacques and Larry enjoyed each other’s company while they still could. 

_________________________________________________

“What?” Isadora asked incredulously.

“I said, ‘Finally, as the sun rose, Coach Genghis had us stop running laps and let us go to bed,’” Klaus reiterated.

“Isadora heard you, we just can’t believe it,” Duncan explained.

“I can’t believe it, either,” Violet yawned, wincing as she took a bite of the salad that the masked people had served for lunch that day. It was the next afternoon, and Violet and her siblings were doing a great deal of wincing. When Coach Genghis had called last night’s activities S.O.R.E, had had merely used the name as an acronym for Special Orphans Running Exercises, but the three children thought that the name S.O.R.E was even more appropriate than that. After a full night of S.O.R.E, they’d been sore all day. Their legs were sore from all the running. When they’d finally entered the Orphans Shack to go to sleep, they had been too tired to put on the noisy shoes that Violet had invented, so their toes were sore from the claws of the tiny territorial crabs. And their heads were sore, not only from headaches, which often occur when one doesn’t get enough sleep, but also from trying to figure out just what the fucker was up to in making them run laps all night. “Jokes on him though,” 

“Huh?” Sunny asked, her eyes barely staying open as she settled her head on Isadora’s shoulder. Isadora moved her arm around the young toddler as she shushed her allowing her to take a brief nap.

“I’ve done all-nighters before working on my inventions,” Violet announced. “I’m tired, sure. But nothing I haven’t done before.”

“I’ve had all-nighters, too,” Klaus yawned. “Never was I that active, I would just lay down in my bed with a book or two,” 

Violet smiled at her brother. “Is that why you know so many words?” 

Klaus nodded. “Our mother and my father owned a library, I had read about three-fourths of the library before the mansion burned down…” he frowned remembering all the books that he’ll never get to read like the ones that his father had stored on the top shelves where he knew his son could not reach even with his step ladder. 

Violet smiled again. “You know...you and my dad would have gotten along,” 

“How so?” Klaus asked curiously, yawning again. He slowly leaned his head on Duncan’s shoulder. Klaus was too tired to realize that he was making Duncan blush and Violet was too tired to giggle, but that didn’t mean Isadora was.

Duncan glared at his sister as he relaxed allowing his cheeks to lose the heat from the blushing. 

Violet yawned in response, holding her index finger up indicating for Klaus to give her a second to answer. “He was a bibliophile, too,” she replied.

“Biblio-wha?” Sunny asked yawning. Her eyes were still closed but she was not fully asleep yet.

“It means someone who loves words and books,” Violet explained.

“Actually,” Klaus informed. “The word ‘bibliophile’ means a person who collects or has a great love of books, not words. The term ‘logophile’ means a person who loves words,”

“See what I mean,” Violet replied laughing. “All that your missing is the phrase ‘a word which here means’,” 

It was lunchtime, and the five children were currently discussing what had happened the previous night.

“I would have thought he’d insist on getting your fortune before you could stop running,” Duncan suggested.

“Well if that was what his plan was, he failed,” Violet replied.

“Do you think the luminous circle was supposed to serve as a landing strip,” Isadora wondered. “For a helicopter, piloted by one of his associates and maybe they got lost?”

“But it didn’t seem like Olaf was waiting for anything,” Klaus explained taking a sip of water and wincing.

“Maybe he forgot about your fortune?” Duncan asked.

“He wouldn’t forget,” Klaus replied. 

“He’s up to something, that much is for sure, but I just can’t figure out what it is,” Violet said taking another bite, wincing.

“Of course you can’t figure it out,” Isadora said turning to Violet. “You three are exhausted,” 

“But don’t worry like Isadora’s poem said, the Quagmire triplets are on the case,” Duncan replied. “We’re going to use all our spare time to investigate. We’ll go through all our notes and we’ll sneak into the library to find that book,” 

“I can do research, too,” Klaus said, yawning. “I’m quite good at it,”

Duncan smiled at Klaus, putting a hand on top of his. “I know you are. But not today, Klaus. We’ll work on uncovering Genghis’ plan, and you three can catch up on your sleep. YOu’re too tired to do much good in a library or anywhere else for that matter,” 

Violet and Klaus looked at one another’s tired faces and then down at their baby sister, who had successfully curled up in Isadora’s lap. Violet had been so tired that she had taken only a few notes on Remora’s painfully dull stories. Klaus had been so tired that he had incorrectly measured nearly all of Mrs. Bass’ objects. And although Sunny had not reported what she had done that morning in Nero’s office, she couldn’t have been a very good administrative assistant, because she had fallen asleep right here in the cafeteria. Violet gently took out one of her many ribbons from her backpack, choosing a nice yellow one for Sunny. She cautiously took out Sunny’s old, tiresome looking ribbon and replaced it with her barely used yellow one. She slowly tied Sunny’s hair up and rubbed her sister’s head smiling down at her. Sunny winced in her sleep but curled up more in Isadora’s lap. A smile appeared on Sunny’s face as Violet’s gentle touch caused her to feel even more secure than she had felt in a long time. She was in the lap of her honorary big sister and her actual older sister was sweetly interacting with her. “Perhaps, you’re right, Duncan,” Violet said after a moment. “We’ll stumble through the afternoon somehow and get a good night’s sleep tonight. If we’re lucky, we can sneak out of Nero’s recital again,” 

Now you can see, with that last sentence, just how tired Violet really was. Or maybe, she just wasn’t in the loop as much as Klaus and Sunny were about their luck. Because saying “if we’re lucky,” is not a phrase that she, or either of her half-siblings, used very often. The reason, of course, is quite clear: these three orphans were entirely unlucky. Were they smart? Yes. Charming? Yes. But lucky...no, I have warned you several times about this and all of my warnings seem to be futile because you remain right here where you should not be. I only say this because if they had been lucky, Carmelita Spats would not have approached their table at this particular moment and delivered to them another unfortunate and off-key message.

“Hello, you cake-sniffers,” she said. “I have another message for you from Coach Genghis. I get to be his Special Messenger because I’m the cutest, prettiest, nicest little girl in the whole school,”

“If you were really the nicest person in this whole school,” Isadora replied. “You would have actual friends,” 

“Like you have any friends, cake-sniffers,”

“I have three friends and my triplet brother,” she pointed out.

“Your girlfriend can’t be your friend and your girlfriend!” Carmelita pointed out. Both girls instantly blushed. 

“Girlfriend?” Violet choked.

“Who-who said anything about a girlfriend?” Isadora asked nervously. “What...what was your message?”  she asked desperately trying to change the subject as Duncan and Klaus were both suppressing their laughter.

“It’s actually the same as yesterday,” she replied. “But I’ll repeat it in case you’re too stupid to remember. The three of you,” she said pointing specifically at Violet, Klaus, and Sunny. “Are to report to the frown lawn tonight, immediately after dinner.”

Klaus’ heart dropped. “What?”

“Are you deaf as well as cake-sniffy!?” she asked.

“That's not a word…” Klaus pointed out.

“Klaus heard you, dumb ass,” Duncan replied to Carmelita, who stood there glaring at them. 

“What?” Violet asked.

“You owe me two tips now,” 

“No, we don’t. We gave you a tip yesterday,” 

“I want a real tip,” 

“Fine,” Violet said smirking. “There’s this book about a rather lonely, green...man? Yeah, we’ll call him a man. You see he had a heart that was three sizes too small and because of that he hated Christmas…” she began.

“I know this one,” Carmelita said sticking out her tongue.

“Oh, did you just finish reading it...yesterday?” Isadora asked.

“Read?” Carmelita asked laughing. “I watched the movie, duh,”

“Oh, dear God,” Duncan replied. 

“Now give me a real tip!” 

“Fuck off,” Violet said.

“You’re just jealous that Vice Princie and Genghis like me the best,” Carmelita explained.

All four awake older orphans gave each other a worried yet confused glance. Finally, Duncan spoke up. “I couldn’t care less about Coach Genghis,” 

“ It would be a stroke of luck if Coach Genghis were hit by a truck, ” Isadora recited agreeing with her brother. “Now if you don’t get the fuck out of here,” 

“I’m going, I’m going,” Carmelita said flipping them off. “You still owe me two actual tips, though,” she said as she walked off.

“Sorry about randomly reciting my poem, I actually thought it would make you guys feel better,” 

“It did. I loved hearing it,” Violet replied.

“Same here. What I didn’t like hearing was that we are to report for S.O.R.E again,” Klaus said worriedly.

“What if he’s putting his plan in action tonight? ” Duncan asked.

Klaus’ eyes went wide with fear. “Duncan...has a point,” he said to Violet. “He doesn’t usually wait very long to put his evil schemes into action,”

“We need a plan to counter whatever he has planned,” Violet explained wincing.

“Kosbal,” Sunny muttered in agreement.

“Does Sunny mean, ‘I have a plan’?” Isadora asked Klaus. “Duncan and I are trying to get the hang of her way of talking,”

“So am I,” Violet added.

Klaus smiled at the fact that not only was his big sister trying to understand Sunny like he can but the Quagmires were, too. “She means she agrees with Violet. We have to figure out a plan and fast before Olaf enacts his plan,” he explained. Klaus’ face was full of worry as he scanned the faces of his sisters and friends.

“Don’t worry,” Duncan said when he noticed just how frightened Klaus truly was. “It’s still early afternoon. We have all day to think of a plan,” 

Klaus slowly nodded, pushing his plate away. Everyone at the table could tell that Klaus was not eager to meet up with Coach Genghis again, at night, all alone. But Duncan was right that the children still had the rest of the day to figure out Olaf’s dastardly plan. But it did not feel like they had all day, to Klaus, it felt like they only had mere minutes before the sun will eventually set and Coach Genghis will again be awaiting them. It felt like he already had Klaus and his sisters in his clutches.

The rest of the school day for the children was particularly austere, although Violet, Klaus, and Sunny barely noticed. Violet sat at her school desk, and anybody who did not know Violet well would have thought that she was paying attention to everything that Remora was saying because her hair was tied up in one of her classic ribbons to keep it out of her eyes. But Violet’s thoughts were far, far away from any and all of Remora’s dull stories. She had tied her hair up, of course, to help focus her keen inventing brain on the problem that was facing herself and her siblings, and she did not want to waste an ounce of concentration on the rambling man in the front of the room. She barely paid any attention to the girl who sat next to her, her thoughts too busy on her predicament.

Klaus was having a similar issue as he was stuck taking turns using Duncan’s ruler to measure a box of pencils Mrs. Bass had brought for her class. If Bass wasn’t so busy pacing around the room shouting “Measure!” she might have looked at Klaus and thought that perhaps he shared her obsession with measurement because his eyes were sharply focused as if he were concentrating, but Klaus was spending the day on autopilot, a word which here means, “measuring pencils without really thinking about them.” Duncan, who was sharing his ruler with Klaus, could notice that Klaus’ movements were all robotic like Klaus wasn’t truly there at all. Duncan worried about Klaus when he noticed that Carmelita was poking the bookworm with the stick and he wasn’t acknowledging her at all. He was too busy concentrating on the many books he had read that could maybe help him and his sisters escape the villain’s clutches.

And if Vice Principal Nero had stopped ‘practicing’ his violin and looked in on his infant secretary, he would have guessed that Sunny was working very hard, mailing letters he had dictated to various candy companies about their candy quality. But even though, Sunny was slowly typing, stapling, and stamping as if she were briefly re-energized by her power nap at lunch, her mind was not on the secretarial supplies but on the second appointment that she and her siblings had with Coach Genghis that evening and what they could do about it.

The Quagmires were curiously late for dinner, which worried the three children. They hadn’t seen their friends after class either. It was Violet’s turn to pick up Sunny from outside the administration’s building and when she reached the Orphan Shack, the two sisters were only met by Klaus, who merely shrugged his shoulders as he laid down on the uncomfortable hay bale. The three children had barely spoken a word to each other since lunch, all three trying desperately to figure out what Olaf’s plan must be before they had to meet him a second time. They knew, without discussing the matter, that none of them had been able to guess Coach Genghis’ plan, and that they hadn’t figured out a way to avoid their appointment with him. Would skipping S.O.R.E be a good idea? Could they get out of it by saying they need to attend Nero’s concert? The children honestly couldn’t decide what the worse option was between the two. They just knew that with each passing minute, their appointment grew closer and closer. The children sat in complete silence trying to conserve all their brainpower to thinking about their dire predicament. 

The three had been so quiet and thinking so hard that when the Quagmires had arrived at their table, the three siblings jumped in surprise. “We’ve solved your problem,” Duncan said.

The three stared at the boy triplet confused.

“Goodness,” Violet said, “You startled us,”

“We thought you’d be relieved,” Isadora explained turning to Violet.

“Did you hear me?” he asked looking at Klaus. “I said we have solved your problem,” 

“We’re startled and relieved,” Klaus explained, not mentioning that the three siblings were also very confused. “What do you mean, you’ve solved our problem? The three of us have been thinking about it all day, and we’ve gotten nowhere,” 

“We don’t know what that fucker is up to, although we are sure he is up to something. And we don’t know how we can avoid meeting him again,” Violet explained.

“Mori,” Sunny explained, which meant, “although we’re sure that he’ll do something terrible if we do,” 

Klaus translated for Sunny.

“See, at first I thought he might simply be planning to kidnap us,” Violet suggested. “But he wouldn’t have to be in disguise to do that,” 

“And at first I thought we should call Mr. Poe after all,” Klaus said, “and tell him what’s going on. But if Count Olaf fooled an entire school and an ‘advanced computer’, he’ll surely be able to fool an average banker,” 

“Dipshit,” Sunny added, which meant, “Average? Poe is so far below average, he makes Olaf and Nero seem like geniuses,” 

Klaus again translated for Sunny while laughing. 

“Duncan and I have been thinking about it all day, too,” Isadora explained as the triplets took out their commonplace notebooks. “I filled up five and a half pages of my notebook writing down possible ideas, and Duncan filled three,” 

“I write smaller,” Duncan explained.

“I know,” Klaus replied blushing. “You’re handwriting is super cute,” 

“Wanna know what Duncan thinks is really cute,” Isadora replied laughing.

“Isadora Avi...either shut up or get to the point about our plan,” Duncan hissed glaring at his sister.

“Okay, okay,” Isadora said smirking at her brother. “Right before dinner, we were busy comparing notes and the two of us had the same idea. So we snuck away and put our plan into action,”

“That’s why we were late,” Duncan explained. “You’ll notice that there are puddles of beverages on our trays,” 

“Well, you can share our glasses,” Violet offered handing hers to Isadora as Klaus handed his to Duncan. 

“But what is your plan?” Klaus asked.

Duncan and Isadora looked at one another, smiled, and leaned in close to tell their three friends their plan. 

“We propped open the back door to the auditorium,” Duncan said. He and his sister smiled triumphantly. But Klaus and his sisters did not feel triumphant. They felt confused. They did not want to insult their friends, who had broken rules and sacrificed their drinking glasses and who took the time and energy to even come up with this minuscule plan, but the three were unable to see how propping open a door could help them with their situation. 

“I’m sorry,” Violet said after a pause. “I don’t understand how propping a door open can solve our problem,”

“Don’t you see?” Isadora asked. “We are going to sit in the back of the auditorium during Nero’s horrendous recital, as soon as Nero has begun his concert, we will tiptoe out and sneak over to the athletic field. That way we can keep an eye on you and Coach Genghis. If anything fishy happens we will run back to the concert and alert Vice Principal Nero.”

“It’s the perfect plan, don’t you think?” Duncan asked Klaus. “I’m rather proud of my sister and me if I do say so myself.”

Violet glanced at Klaus, who glanced back at her, both glancing at Sunny, who slowly shrugged her shoulders. They had their doubts. They didn’t want to disappoint their friends or criticize their plan that the Quagmires had cooked up, especially since Violet and her siblings were unable to come up with any kind of plan themselves. But Count Olaf was so evil and so clever that Klaus and Sunny, especially, couldn’t understand how propping a door open and sneaking out to spy on him was the suggested defense against his treachery. 

“We appreciate you trying to solve our problem,” Klaus said gently. “But Count Olaf is an extremely treacherous person, as I have warned. He always has something up his sleeve...I wouldn’t want you to get into any danger on mine or Sunny’s behalf.” As he said this, he glanced at Violet, who merely rolled her eyes.

“Don’t talk nonsense,” Duncan replied firmly. 

“You guys are the ones in danger, and it’s up to us to help you. It’s what friends are for, “Isadora explained just as firmly.  “And like Violet, we’re not frightened of Olaf. I’m confident that this plan will work,” 

“If you three are sure about this,” Klaus began.

“Say no more about it,” Violet explained. “You’re my siblings, I’m doing this no matter what,” 

“We’re here for you, too,” Duncan explained.

“No way we’re going to sit here and let him hurt you guys,” Isadora added. Isadora smiled at Violet as Duncan smiled at Klaus. Sunny rolled her eyes after muttering another “Get a room”. Once she had said her famous line, the four older orphans began to laugh. They laughed and smiled at one another even with knowing that they were attending an atrocious boarding school with a villain lurking somewhere nearby, plotting something dreadful. But happy moments came rarely and unexpectedly in the lives of Violet Snicket and her siblings, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire, and the three children had learned to accept them when they came. Duncan placed his hand on top of Klaus’ again, both boys trying to pretend as if they didn’t notice that they were holding hands with one another as they discussed terrible concerts Duncan had attended back when the Quagmire parents and Quigley were still alive. Isadora began working on a poem about inventing and mechanics and showed Violet what she had written in a notebook, Violet even being happy to give suggestions. And Sunny snuggled down in Duncan’s lap this time happy to repeatedly bite on a rock that she had put in her pocket last night during S.O.R.E. 

And I am sure you know, even if I didn’t tell you, that things were about to get much, much worse for young Miss Snicket and the two plucky Baudelaires, but I will end this chapter with this moment of companionable comfort rather than skipping ahead to the unpleasant events that follow like the unpleasant recap of the following week or so, or the terrible trials of days that followed, or the horrific crime that marks the end of the orphans’ time at Prufrock Prep. These things happened, of course, and there is no use pretending that they didn’t. But for now let us ignore the terrible sonata that Nero attempts to play every night, the dreadful teachers, the nasty, teasing students, and the even more wretched things that will be happening soon enough. Let us enjoy this near-final brief moment of comfort, as Violet Snicket and her siblings enjoyed the company of the Quagmire triplets...even if evil awaited the children. Let us enjoy, at the end of this chapter, the last happy moment any of these children would have for a long, long time.

Chapter Text

Chapter Ten:

The One With Sleep-Deprived Orphans

After dinner, Violet and her siblings bid the Quagmires goodbye as the Quagmires bid the three rather unfortunate orphans good luck. Violet led her siblings to the athletic field. All three children’s hearts were in their chests. Violet was mentally preparing herself to fight Olaf and his lackeys if they were to try anything. Klaus was cautiously looking around the three siblings as they walked, the silhouette of Olaf getting closer and closer to them with every step. Sunny had her teeth bared, ready to fight if she needed to.

“I see you’re on time tonight, orphans,” Coach Genghis said smiling.

“Again, you said ‘after dinner’...” Klaus explained cautiously. “Since there is no specified time we can not be late or on time,” 

Genghis rolled his eyes at the orphan boy. “Less talking, more running,” he barked as he blew his whistle. “You are going to run laps just like yesterday,” he blew his whistle again. The three siblings looked at one another miserably.

“All night?” Violet asked annoyed.

Genghis shrugged. “Maybe…” 

“But…” Klaus interjected.

Genghis blew his whistle again as Violet motioned for her siblings to start running ahead of her. Sunny and Klaus groaned in annoyance as they both started running. Violet took a second to glare at Genghis.

He blew his whistle at her. She stood her ground.

“Get moving, orphan,” He barked at her.

“...you will pay for what you’ve done. That’s a promise I intend to keep,” she replied as she began to run after her siblings. 

As the three ran, they would occasionally take turns looking around the athletic field for any sign of either Quagmire, wondering if the Quagmires were able to sneak out of Nero’s atrocious concert and was now watching them in case Olaf put his actual plan to a start. The children ran lap after lap after lap just like the night before. All three felt like their legs were going to give in on them. 

Klaus eventually broke the silence. “What if…” he said, out of breath, “he plans to torture us until we just hand over the fortune?”

“Depriving someone of sleep is a form of torture,” Violet commented. 

“Tired,” Sunny commented as she began to slow down, she picked up her pace the second Genghis noticed that she had stopped running. 

He blew his whistle at the children. “You just bought yourselves another hour,” he said laughing.

Sunny growled at the man angrily, she turned to her siblings, “Sorry,” she muttered.

Violet and Klaus looked at Sunny. “It’s okay, Sunshine,” Klaus insisted.

“He was going to keep making us run either way. He’s just trying to make you feel guilty,” Violet pointed out.

“Look, if giving him the fortune means I don’t have to run anymore,” Klaus whined. “I’m so close to signing it over,” 

Violet gave a small chuckle at that. “We can do this,” she told them. Although, both younger orphans could tell that she, too, was just as tired and exhausted as they were. She could try her best to hide it, but it was written all over her face.

The silence between the siblings continued for several more laps until Violet eventually couldn’t take the silence anymore. “I know we should reserve our energy for running,” she began. “But...I can’t take the mundane silence anymore,”

“Same here,” Klaus sighed as Sunny nodded her head in agreement. “What do you want to talk about?” 

Violet smiled at her younger siblings, “Maybe...we can spend this time to get to know each other,” she said. “You guys can go first if you’d like,” 

Klaus and Sunny looked at one another. “You want to know how we got here, first?” Klaus asked.

Violet nodded her head slowly. “Pyro,” Sunny started, which meant, “Well it all began when our parents sent us to Briny Beach and then we met Mr. Poe there and he told us our parents had perished in a terrible fire,” Klaus quickly translated for Sunny.

“We were then sent to live with…” Klaus began, breathing heavily. “.,..with…” 

“Count Olaf,” Violet guessed.

“Yeah, him,” Klaus admitted. “He...he was the absolute worse,”

“Pelzer!” Sunny explained, which meant, “He was horribly abusive towards us but especially Klaus,” 

Klaus frowned as he hesitantly translated for Sunny. Violet gave her brother a small frown. 

“He...he had this insane idea to run us over with a train. I had overheard him so I explained to him that his logic was illogical because if we were to die then he’d get nothing…” Klaus said. “The next day...he kidnapped Sunny and…”

“Avem,” Sunny interjected, which meant, “He stuffed me in a fucking birdcage. During this time that I was separated from Klaus...he did something to Klaus...but I still don’t know what because Klaus won’t tell me,” 

Klaus looked to the ground as he translated only half of what Sunny had said. Sunny glared at him. “Organorum!” she yelled at him, despite being tired. This was Sunny’s way of saying, “Don’t leave out the part about how he traumatized you,”

Klaus looked from Sunny to Violet. “I...I foolishly tried to rescue her...and I was…” he closed his eyes, shook his head. “I was...for lack of better word...punished for my rescue attempt,” he wiped a few tears from his eyes.

“How?” Violet asked.

“I...I would rather not talk about it,” Klaus admitted. “Just...know...whatever he did, I’m still not over it,” 

“Obvi,” Sunny commented, which meant, “Obviously,”

“A social worker...came to the house and he tried to help us…but to no avail,” Klaus explained trying to move past that specific topic. “Eventually, someone called the police but Olaf escaped after warning us he’d be back,”

“Monty!” Sunny added, which meant, “We were then sent to live with Uncle Monty. He was so sweet. He was a herpetologist, he was unfortunately murdered by Count Olaf while he was disguised as Stephano,” 

Klaus translated for Sunny. “Monty...was the first time after our parents’ untimely death where we felt...happy and safe. But Olaf ruined that,” 

“Kronk!” Sunny chimed in, which meant, “Then some guy named Kronk, who claimed he was working for the Herpetological Society but we later found out he was lying, had come to help us. He helped us prove to Mr. Poe that Olaf was Stephano in disguise,” 

Klaus translated for his sister before adding, “Olaf escaped again and Kronk had disappeared. We were then sent to live with our Aunt Josephine, who was better than Olaf but not a very good guardian. She had fallen for Olaf’s disguise hook, line, and sinker. He had forced her to write a will instructing we were to be left in his care. He had almost won if it weren’t for Sunny’s brilliant idea to eat peppermints, which we are allergic to,”

“I’m allergic to peppermint, too,” Violet mentioned. “We have something in common,” 

Klaus and Sunny smiled. “You get that from Mother,” Klaus explained.

“I know, my father told me,” 

“Storm,” Sunny added, which meant, “Then we had to survive a storm...which is a lot more difficult than you’d believe,” Klaus translated as he laughed. 

“Then Sunny had the crazy idea of stealing a sailboat and sailing across a leech-infested lake amid fucking hurricane but before we could, a ferry operator named Steve Barkin had offered us a ride. It was...weird. He had life jackets and raincoats prepared like he knew he’d need them,” Klaus explained.

Violet looked down at the ground, sighing. “Did...you ever see Kronk’s face?” she asked curiously.

“No, he wore a bee-keepers mask,” Klaus explained. “Which is still very odd,” 

“What did he sound like?” 

“He had a deep voice. It’s weird, he had the voice of someone who you would think was cruel and scary but he was kind and helpful,” 

“What about Steve?” 

Klaus thought about it for a second. “Same,” 

“Did...you ever see Steve’s face?” Violet asked.

“Yeah,” Klaus said, “Why?”

“Do you have the pictures on you?” 

“Yeah,” 

“Take them out, will you?” Violet asked as Klaus slid his hand in his pocket and took out one of the photos. She pointed at her father, who stood at the far end of the picture. “Did he resemble him?” 

Klaus’ eyes widened for a second. “yeah...I mean he didn’t look completely like this...it’s like he was,”

“Wearing a disguise?” Violet interrupted.

“Olaf,” Sunny mentioned, which meant, “Like Olaf?” 

“Wait… so...your father was...helping us the whole time not just at Lucky Smells?” Klaus asked, his heart sinking in his chest. He felt guilty. He felt like Violet’s misfortune was his and Sunny’s fault, but mainly his. If he was able to handle his own, then Violet’s father would have never needed to get involved and she could still be safe and happy. 

“What happened after that?” Violet asked curiously.

“Immergo,” Sunny continued, which meant, “Well after we survived the hurricane, we had found Aunt Josephine’s hiding spot through figuring out codes,” 

Once Klaus had said the word ‘codes’ as he translated for Sunny. Violet’s heart stopped. She turned to her brother, “You know how to code?”

“Huh?”

“Do you...did they…” Violet was trying to figure out how she should word her question.

“Who’s they?” he asked confused.

“Who taught you how to code?”

“No one,” Klaus explained. “It was fairly simple,”

Violet slowly nodded. “Then?”

“We found her, convinced her to come back with us. Our boat started sinking cause her dumb ass ate a banana and didn’t tell us. We thought Steve...I mean...your father was coming back to rescue us but it turned out to be that fucker,” Klaus said pointing at Olaf. “He threw her to the leeches, but not after she tried to bargain our lives for hers,” 

“Wow, I already don’t like her,” Violet said angrily.

“We managed to convince Poe of his disguise and we were sent to Lucky Smells,” Klaus said. “But I don’t remember much of that... because I had been hypnotized,” 

Violet frowned as both older orphans looked down at Sunny. “Recap,” Sunny said, which meant, “My turn to tell the story,” 

Sunny explained in great detail the two younger orphans’ adventure in Lucky Smells. From being forced to work for gum and coupons, to Klaus being tripped by the Hook Handed Man and being taken to the optometrist. Sunny described how she felt waiting that entire day for her brother to return, how she had spent the rest of the day with Phil or Charles. Even detailing how she made it to Charles’ library and finding the page with their father’s handwriting. She explained how devastated she had felt when Klaus finally arrived back but it seemed to her as though he was dead. She told Violet about how Klaus had nearly killed her, not on his own accord, of course. Which when Klaus heard this, he glared daggers at the Coach who sat on the bleachers picking his teeth. Sunny detailed how Klaus’ eyes had changed back to their normal color so she knew that he was back but was terrified when he had to go to the optometrist again. She then described the scene where the children realized just where Olaf had been hiding the entire time during their stay there and how Klaus was so blind, he was spinning in circles trying to find Olaf. This made Violet chuckle at her younger brother.

“Cookies,” Sunny explained, which meant, “Then when he was trying to scare me by telling me what he was going to do to Klaus, I got off the couch and began to threaten him. He was so scared of me that he threw cookies at me and ran into the room that Klaus was being held in,”

“We are definitely related,” Violet commented. Sunny smiled up at her big sister. 

“Bite,” Sunny explained, which meant, “He traumatized Klaus so I traumatized him. He freaks out like a little bitch when I try to bite him,” 

Klaus and Violet laughed at this. Sunny waited for them to stop giggling for her to finish her story about their stay in Paltryville. She explained how she had tried to open the door to rescue Klaus but she was too short but during her attempt, she had overheard Orwell use the secret word.

“Inor,” she explained to Violet. 

“She means ‘inordinate’,” Klaus explained.

“Ooh, that is a big word...no wonder it was difficult for you to say it,”

“Zombie,” Sunny continued, which meant, “So then Orwell and Olaf tried to make a hypnotized Klaus kill Charles in hopes of getting us back into Olaf’s custody,”

She opened her mouth and pointed at her teeth. “Hook,” she explained, which meant, “This is when I had sword fought a grown woman with my bare teeth,”

Both Klaus and Violet could not believe their ears as Sunny continued to explain. She detailed how she had nearly lost the swordfight and she would have been murdered if it weren’t for ‘Sir’ arriving.

Sunny looked up at Violet, who looked down at her. “Hero,” she said, which meant, “Your father is a hero...he figured out the word to unhypnotize Klaus and save me from Orwell,” 

As Klaus translated for Sunny, Violet felt a tear in her eye.

“Sunny’s right,” Klaus yawned. “Your father is a hero...if it weren’t for him…”

“I know,” Violet replied quickly. “Don’t...don’t finish that sentence...I can’t imagine losing you before ever meeting you,” she said quietly.

“And...well...Olaf escaped and we ended up here,” Klaus finished. 

“That’s...a lot of sadness and woe,” 

“Yeah,” Sunny said sadly. “Just us,” 

“It was just us…” Klaus explained turning to Violet as the three children ran another lap. “It was just Sunny and I...but now…”

“Just us…” Sunny said holding out three fingers, “.,.three,” 

Violet smiled at that as she noticed that the rays of sun rising, she was thankful. She and her siblings could get a little rest before school and work. Finally, Genghis blew his whistle. “You may go to your shack!” he barked.

The day that followed was vastly similar to the day prior except the children were even more tired from running laps rather than sleeping for the second night in a row. The three were still very confused as to what Olaf’s plan was. Like the night prior, nothing happened. All he had them do was run laps...that is it. But unlike the day prior, the children were too tired to use any brainpower to think of a way for Olaf to get their fortunes by forcing them to run laps all night. 

Violet was unable to pay attention to any of Remora’s stories, she was even dozing off a couple of times. Isadora would notice that Violet’s head had dropped in her arms, and she’d wait until she knew for a fact that Remora wasn’t paying the two girls any attention before waking up Violet, who would barely open her eyes but gave Isadora a grateful smile.

Klaus was also unable to even hold the ruler in his hand. Each time that he and Duncan would pass Duncan’s ruler, he would accidentally drop it. Duncan understood why Klaus was this way and didn’t mind picking the ruler up each time it fell to the ground. Klaus had tried to pick it up a few times, but he would become imbalanced, nearly falling to the ground. Duncan had to catch him quickly before Klaus plummeted to the ground. Carmelita would snicker each time Klaus dropped the boys’ shared ruler, but Klaus was too tired to care.

Sunny was unable to do any of her secretarial duties, she was unable to keep her eyes open. She was extremely irritable that every time that Nero yelled at her, she would yell back not caring about the consequences. When Nero had asked her why she was slacking, she refused to answer him because she knew that he wouldn’t care or understand her and she didn’t have the energy or patience to even try.

By lunchtime, the three children awaited to discuss the previous evening with the Quagmire triplets, who weren’t as sore and not nearly as tired as they were. One reason was that they had been hiding behind the bleachers, spying on Genghis and their friends, instead of running laps all night. The other reason was that the Quagmires had done their spying in shifts. After their friends had run the first few laps and there was no sign of them stopping, the two triplets had decided to alternate between Duncan spying and Isadora sleeping and Isadora spying with Duncan sleeping. The two siblings had promised each other that they would wake up the sleeping one if the spying one noticed anything unusual.

“I had the last shift,” Duncan explained, “So my sister didn’t see the end of S.O.R.E but it doesn’t matter. All that happened was that Coach Fuckface finally let you stop running laps and let you go back to the shack.”

Klaus slowly nodded as he and Sunny were leaning up against Duncan and Violet was leaning up against Isadora. Duncan and Isadora looked at one another giving their friends a saddened look. “What?” Violet yawned.

“Don’t look now but…” Duncan began.

“Carmelita is coming this way,” Isadora finished.

“No...no...no…” Klaus whined hitting his fist on the table. “I want sleep...I need sleep,” 

“Maybe...she’s just coming over to tease us?” Violet asked hopefully.

“Guess what, cake sniffers!” Carmelita yelled.

“Can you shut the fuck up?” Violet snapped. “Can’t you see our baby sister is sleeping?”

Sunny had taken the opportunity to use her brother and his boyfriend as a makeshift bed. “I don’t give a fuck what the cake sniffing baby is doing,” Carmelita said. “Coach Genghis wanted me to give you another message.”

“Let me guess,” Duncan replied. “He wants them to meet him after dinner at the athletics field,”

“Yep!” Carmelita replied. “Now where’s my tip,”

“No tip today,” 

“Why the fuck not?”

“Duncan gave us the message, technically. Not you,” Isadora explained.

“You cake sniffers owe me three tips!” she yelled.

“Get out of here before you get a hair full of spaghetti,” Violet warned.

Carmelita glared at Violet. “Fine,” she said as she noticed Duncan’s book bag on the table. Before the two awake orphans could stop her, she pushed it on to the ground with all her might. The bookbag fell to the ground with a loud thud! Which woke Sunny up. Sunny, being a toddler and being sleep deprived began to throw a fit by crying. 

“Don’t cry like your cry baby brother,” Carmelita teased Sunny.

Klaus and Duncan glared at Carmelita as Sunny continued to cry. “Sleep!” she yelled desperately. 

“Too-da-loo, cake-sniffing orphans,” Carmelita said as she twirled and tried to walk away. 

Violet looked to Sunny, who was still crying and waving her tiny fists around. Violet stood up slamming her hands on the table. “ That’s it! Spats! ” she yelled. “You want to make a baby cry!” She stood up quickly and took a few steps towards Carmelita, who turned around to face the angry older sister.

Isadora sat back to watch the scene that would have followed. “Isa,” Duncan called out. “Stop her,” 

“No, this is going to be funny,” 

“Isa,” Duncan cried. “I would but I’m trying to calm down, Sunny.”

Isadora sighed as she stood up and grabbed Violet’s hand. Violet was stomping her feet to the bratty little girl, who looked both intimidated and regretful. 

Violet stopped as she felt Isadora’s hand slip into hers. “Vi, just...let it goes,” Isadora said half-heartedly. “She’s not worth it,” 

Violet looked to Isadora and then at Carmelita and back at Sunny, who was still crying. She released Isadora’s hand and stepped closer to Carmelita. “Let me make myself abundantly clear, Spats,” she hissed as she pointed a tired finger at the bully. “If you make either one of my siblings cry ever again, I will make you regret it. I promise you that.  Do you understand me!? And trust me when I say, I keep my promises.” 

She waited for Carmelita to slowly nod her head before getting out of the girl’s face. She turned around and put her hand back into Isadora’s as the two older orphaned girls walked back to their lunch table. 

As they sat back down, they noticed the boys were successful in getting Sunny to go back to sleep. “So what are we going to do about Genghis?” Duncan asked.

“I can’t do this again. Not a third night,” Klaus begged.

“My legs are almost too sore to walk, let alone run,” violet agreed.

“Maybe he’s putting his real plan into action tonight. In any case, we’ll sneak out of the recital again...and keep an eye out for you,” Isadora suggested keeping her hand within Violet’s as Violet leaned against her again. 

“In shifts,” Duncan added, nodding in agreement as Klaus leaned his head on Duncan’s shoulder. “Isadora and I will keep using our free time to investigate and research. Maybe we can figure out his plan,”

“Thank you,” Klaus yawned. “We are so very thankful for all your help. If we’re lucky, all of us working together can defeat Olaf once and for all,” 

And it is at this time that I feel the need to remind you that Klaus and his sisters were not lucky, they were extremely unlucky. They wanted to be lucky, but they were not. The three siblings did not want to be extremely lucky...they just wanted to be lucky enough. They wanted to be lucky enough to figure out how to escape Coach Genghis’ clutches, and it seemed that being lucky would be their only chance. Violet was too tired to invent anything, Klaus was too tired to read anything and Sunny, even though she was lucky enough to be small enough to fit in the comfort of someone else’s lap, was too tired to bite anything or anybody. It seemed that even with the diligence of the Quagmire triplets, they needed to be lucky if they wanted to stay alive. And as Violet huddled against Isadora and Klaus and Sunny huddled against Duncan as if the cafeteria of Prufrock Prep was extremely cold, wincing in soreness and worry. It seemed to the three orphaned siblings that they wanted to be lucky more than they had in their entire lives.

Occasionally, events in one’s life become clearer through the prism of experience, a phrase that means that things do tend to become clearer as time goes on. Coach Genghis’ dreadful S.O.R.E program, however, was one event that didn’t seem to get any clearer at all through Violet, Klaus, and Sunny’s prism of experience.  If anything, it grew even harder and harder to understand, because Violet, Klaus, and Sunny had become so utterly exhausted as the days and the nights wore on. After the children had received their third message from Carmelita, they spent the rest of the day in anticipation wondering whether or not that night would have been the night Olaf put his true plan to action. Even the Quagmires wondered what Genghis had planned that evening, so everyone was surprised when all Genghis had done was order the children to run laps. All five orphans imagined that he would have something far more sinister planned than more laps. But while the third evening of running laps might have lacked in sinisterity, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny were too exhausted to notice. They could scarcely hear the shrieks of Genghis’ whistle and his cries of “Keep running!” and “Another lap!” as they tried to focus on getting to know each other. The children realized after the second night that when they spoke to each other, it made time feel as if it was flying by them faster, so even though the three of them were so exhausted, they tried to continue their conversation. With each passing night, their conversation was slower and less enthusiastic but during the hours of S.O.R.E, Violet was able to tell Klaus and Sunny a lot about her life growing up with her father. Sharing fun stories about him, discussing her likes and dislikes. On the fifth night of S.O.R.E, Klaus had asked Violet what she was up to when her father was investigating them, with a little tweaking of her story, she managed to tell a summarized version of events. She left out details about VFD, considering them unimportant at the time. She did discuss how she had met the Quagmires before Prufrock and even boasted about how obvious it was that both Isadora and her brother, Quigley seemed to have developed a crush on her the day they met. During these brief, slow, but impactful conversations, Violet had learned that Klaus had read more books than she could ever imagine. He explained to her that his memory when he was able to get sleep, was near photographic. He even info dumped, even if it was slowly, about a few of his favorite books to her. On the sixth night of S.O.R.E, Klaus was asked by Violet to describe the house that they had lived in and he did. He had to keep closing his eyes to picture it as if it were a memory that was being consumed by smoke of a fire. He told both his sisters stories of his youth as an ‘only’ child, making sure to not distinctly mention that he was an only child until he was eleven to spare Violet’s feelings. Sunny, with the delayed help of Klaus, spent the eighth night of S.O.R.E trying to help Violet understand Sunny better. Sunny also told stories about her parents that she could remember and even told Violet about Klaus’ bedtime routine of reading to her until she fell asleep. She even boasted about how Klaus was teaching her to read and talk before the fire, which was one reason why she was able to say actual words at such a young age. She, with Klaus’ help, explained how their mother and father would be so happy when Sunny learned a new word. Sunny, finally remembering that she had learned a new word during their stay at Paltryville explained to both her siblings how she learned the word ‘fire’ by herself. Although both her siblings were beyond tired, they were also beyond proud. 

The children spent as much time as they could during S.O.R.E getting to know each other, trying their best to stay awake and keep running. Every morning when S.O.R.E was over, Violet and Klaus would take turns taking small half-hour naps before class. They had both fallen asleep on the fourth morning of S.O.R.E and decided to ultimately ditch lunch because they both refused to have their hands tied behind their backs. The Quagmires were nice enough to sneak them some food as they hid in the Orphan Shack during all meals. When the Quagmires had arrived with food and the fifth message from Carmelita Spats who said her message was from Genghis, the children felt like they were going to lose their minds, though. After the tenth night, Violet and Klaus couldn’t take it anymore and they longed for the weekend. They wished that Prufrock believed in weekends because both were too tired to take or pick up Sunny from work, so that job was now on the Quagmires, who didn’t mind at all. Every morning, one of the Quagmires would knock on the door of the Orphan Shack, where Sunny would crawl out, desperate to keep sleeping. The triplet would then carry her to work as the other arrived ten minutes later to make sure Violet and Klaus were awake in time to get to class and then whoever took Sunny to work that day would also pick her up from work where they would find Sunny trying to spare herself five minutes of sleep on the ground in front of the administrative office.

But every day went the same. Coach Genghis would allow them to report back to the Orphan Shack only allowing them a little under an hour to rest before school would begin. Either Isadora or Duncan would take Sunny to work, while the other would arrive a few minutes later to help the older two orphans to class. The Quagmires would also grab their friends' lunch. It got so bad that Violet no longer wanted to carry her backpack so Isadora had offered to carry it for her. Klaus’ notes became so unorganized and messy that Duncan had offered him his satchel to share, which Klaus accepted the offer. Carmelita would then deliver another message during lunch, and it got to the point where the children stopped trying to figure out Olaf’s plan because they knew, by now, what he had in store for them the following nights. More laps. Carmelita would then demand another tip and a rather tired Violet, would continue to summarize children’s books as tips and when she couldn’t think of one, Duncan would help her out. The first few days after Violet had scared Carmelita went by easier than the ones that followed. As Carmelita noticed that Violet could barely stand up and keep her eyes open, she went back to hounding all five orphans, no longer afraid of Violet. Then after dinner, when night fell, the three children would walk miserably to Genghis in the athletic field (as the Quagmires would sneak out of Nero’s recitals to make sure, yet again, that all Olaf was doing was making their friends run laps). 

By the thirteenth night, Klaus couldn’t take it anymore. He craved sleep. His body had given in and he fell to the ground desperate to sleep. This angered Genghis, who threatened to kick Klaus if he didn’t get up. Violet warned him that since he is their teacher, he couldn’t physically harm any of them as she tried her best to pick her brother up. Genghis had rolled his eyes and blew his whistle directly in Klaus’ ears to wake him up. 

All three children grew so sweaty that they had nearly decided to give up all of their inheritance in exchange for a long shower, two days worth of uninterrupted sleep, and to never see Olaf again. And their legs grew so sore that the children forgot what it felt like to have legs that didn’t act from thigh to toe. 

Lap after lap, night after night the children ran as Olaf sat his lazy ass on the bleachers, laughing and blowing his obnoxious whistle. It got to the point where the three children stopped all communication with each other during S.O.R.E hours, desperately trying to keep their eyes on the luminous paint that still glowed brightly on the darkened lawn. All three desperate to preserve whatever energy they had left. As each silent evening went on, the luminous circle was all they could really see, and it imprinted itself into their eyes so they could see it even when they were staring desperately at the darkness.  If you’ve ever had a flash photograph taken, and the blob of the flash has stayed in your view for a few moments afterward, then you know exactly what I am talking about. But the glowing circle that stayed in the minds of Violet and her siblings stayed so long that it became...symbolic, in a way. To the children, it felt like the glowing circle stood for more than merely a track and what it stood for was zero. The luminous zero glowed in their minds, and it was symbolic of their situation. They knew zero about what Genghis was truly up to. They knew zero about why they were running endless laps every night. And they had zero energy to think about it.

Each night for what seemed like an eternity, Coach Genghis would dismiss his orphan track team and I shudder to tell you that...each morning, when Violet, Klaus, and Sunny desperately hoped for it to be their last groggy day...that it was not their last groggy day. The dreadful Carmelita continued to deliver them messages from the dastardly coach. The children would spend their mornings dozing off in their classes and at their job. And with each message, the three siblings would put their heads on the lunch table and whine and groan in utter defeat. The Quagmires would try to comfort them but to no avail. The five orphans hadn’t had a true conversation in a while, because the three orphans were too tired to talk even to their closest friends. The Quagmires understood completely and did not find their silence rude or discouraging. 

I know it seems impossible to believe that the three orphans managed to survive all these nights of S.O.R.E but you’d be surprised, in times of extreme stress one can often find energy hidden in even the most exhausted areas of your body. I had discovered this myself one night when I realized I had to escape the clutches of cult-like organization and I was chased nearly sixteen miles by a few unhappy volunteers who refused to allow me to defect from their organization. And the three children discovered this as they ran laps each night for those thirteen nights.

As Violet and Klaus suffered, their schoolwork suffered and as Sunny suffered, her performance at work suffered as well. As I’m sure you know, a good night’s sleep helps you perform well in school or work, and so if you are a student or employee you should always get a good night’s sleep unless you have come to the best part of your book, of course, and then you should stay up all night and let your responsibilities at school or work fall by the wayside. In the nearly two weeks that followed, the three siblings were much more exhausted than somebody who stayed up all night reading, Klaus Baudelaire could tell you that himself, seeing as he has done both. But their performance at work and school fell way off the wayside. 

For Violet, it meant that she was so drowsy that she did not write a single word of Mr. Remora’s stories:

Violet sat in her seat, her head thrown back. Soft snores could be heard. Isadora tried and tried to wake her up but Violet’s eyes refused to open.

“Pop quiz!” Remora shouted. “Everybody grab a piece of paper and write down everything you can remember about the time I spilled soup on my sweater, including the vegetables in the soup, the washing instructions on the sweater, and the number of geese on the farm where my in-laws opened their bed and breakfast,” 

Isadora looked worriedly at Violet, who continued to sleep. Not hearing Remora at all. Not realizing that she was sleeping through yet another test.

For Klaus, it meant that he was so weary that he didn’t measure a single one of Mrs. Bass’ objects even when Duncan placed the ruler on his desk. 

Duncan resorted to poking Klaus with the ruler in hopes of waking him up, but Klaus had his head thrown back, his mouth a tad open as he drooled. Carmelita was taking the opportunity to stick some sticky notes on him as he slept. Duncan glared at her as he pulled the sticky notes off of Klaus. I, of course, don’t know what kind of dreams Klaus Baudelaire was having during his naps in Mrs. Bass’ class but I believe it is safe to bet that if he wasn’t bothered by Duncan trying to purposely wake him and Carmelita sticking sticky notes on him, it didn’t matter what kind of dream was plaguing him, he was not waking up.

“Pop quiz!” Mrs. Bass shouted. “Question one. What is the circumference of yesterday’s pomegranate? Question two. What are the dimensions of the vault at Mulctuary Money Management?” Question three. How far apart in decimeters are the security cameras? I need you to really pay attention to these numbers, and give me exactly what I’m asking for.” 

Duncan frowned as Klaus only shifted a bit in his sleep. Blissfully unaware of the pop quiz that Mrs. Bass was giving the class.

For Sunny, it meant that she was so exhausted that she didn’t do anything Vice Principal Nero had assigned for her to do. He wanted her to type out more of his insane ramblings, create her own staples, and put a large stack of files away. But Sunny had sat down at her tiny typewriter, and fell asleep instantly on the keyboard, her head pressing down on the keys.

So as Nero dictated, “‘Dear Mr. Mozart, I have now written you six times and I can not think of a possible reason why you've not replied. Perhaps you’re afraid of a little competition?” Nero mused, unaware that his young, overly exhausted toddler secretary was softly snoring and slightly moving her mouth as if she were biting something in her sleep. “If I’m not mistaken,” he continued. “You’re written only forty-one symphonies...I’ve written over four thousand. I’m writing one right now, it’s titled, ‘Why Won’t You Write Me Back?’” 

Sunny continued snoring, unaware that her head was still pressing down on the keys of the typewriter. Unaware of all the tasks that Nero had assigned for her in the twelve days prior.

The children believed that doing well in school was extremely important, even if they had been homeschooled by their parents and even if their new school happened to be run by a tyrannical idiot, but they were simply too fatigued from their nightly laps to give a shit about their classes and job. Before long, the circle of luminous paint was not the only zero the three saw. Violet saw a zero at the top of her paper when she was unable to recall any of Mr. Remora’s stories for a test. Klaus saw a zero in Mrs. Bass’ grade book when he was called on to report the exact length of a tube sock he was supposed to be measuring and was discovered to be taking a nap instead. And Sunny saw a zero when she checked the staple drawer and saw that there were zero staples inside, remembering that instead of making her own staples, she had ignored Nero and snuck away to take a nap where he couldn’t find her.

“You seem to be on your last leg,” Duncan commented.

“I haven’t been this exhausted since I stayed up all night with my first Tesla coil,” Violet whined as she placed her head on the lunch table. She gripped Isadora’s hand tightly.

“At least you guys haven’t been late to class, well besides that one time,” Isadora pointed out.

“I’ve  never flunked a test before, but I got every measurement wrong…” Klaus said miserably.

“Of course you flunked,” Duncan said softly putting an arm around Klaus’ shoulders. “Olaf has been making you run laps every night,” 

“And we’re no closer to figuring out his scheme,” Klaus whined.

“It’s like that luminous circle he made us paint is a giant fucking zero,” Violet complained. “And we still know nothing about it,”

“Maybe he is hoping you’ll be so sick of running, you will hand over your inheritances?” Duncan guessed.

“He’s had stranger plans,” Klaus muttered.

“Honestly, I’m starting to think that may be his plan, too,” Violet admitted. “It’s been what...two weeks?...he hasn’t tried to kidnap us, yet,” 

Sunny lifted her head. “Staples,” she said softly, which meant, “Oh, I forgot...I need to make staples in my free time…”

“This is getting fucking ridiculous,” Isadora replied. “Look at you, Sunny. It was inappropriate to hire you as an administrative assistant in the first place, and it’s simply absurd that Coach Fuckface is having your run laps by night and now Nero wants you to make your own staples by day?”

“Don’t call my sister absurd or ridiculous!” Klaus snapped. 

“Our…” Violet corrected in weak protest. She didn’t have the energy to care about Klaus’ common mistake. 

Isadora looked back at Klaus crossly. “I”m not calling her ridiculous!” she snapped back. “I’m calling the situation ridiculous!”

“‘Ridiculous’ means you want to laugh at it,” Klaus explained, who was apparently never too tired to correctly define words. “I don't know about you but I don’t see the humor in this fucking situation! I don’t need nor do I want you laughing at us!”

“I”m not laughing at you,” Isadora countered. “I’m trying to help.”

“Some help you are!” Klaus snapped. “Some help all of you are!” 

“Klaus…” Duncan began.

“Your sister laughing at us doesn’t help at all!” Klaus yelled at Duncan.

“Yelling at my brother isn’t helping at all either, asshole!” Isadora yelled at Klaus.

“Calling me names doesn’t help either, bitch!” Klaus snapped back.

“Okay! Okay!” Violet snapped. “Both of you stop! I am too fucking tired to deal with your guys’ fucking bullshit!” 

“Shut up!” Sunny snapped, lifting her head from Violet’s lap to growl at Violet and the other’s who were keeping her awake.

“Everyone…” Duncan said calmly. “Stop yelling. Isadora, can’t you see that Klaus is just...really tired? And Klaus, can’t you see that Isadora is just frustrated?” 

Klaus and Isadora glared at each other before they both looked back at Duncan. Klaus gave Duncan a small smile. “I’m too tired to see anything, honestly,” he said before turning to Isadora. “Isa, I’m sorry. Being tired makes me crabby. In a few more days I may turn as nasty as Carmelita,” 

Isadora gave a small chuckle. “I’m sorry, too. I get nasty when I’m angry sometimes,” Isadora claimed. “You’ll never be as nasty as Carmelita Spats, no matter what.”

“Where?!” Violet asked, lifting her head from her tray. She had dozed off through Klaus and Isadora’s apologies but woken up at the sound of the Special Messenger's name. “Please...tell me she isn’t coming here again to tell us to do more laps, is she?”

“I’m afraid she is,” Duncan said ruefully. 

“Speak of the Devil,” Isadora commented.

“Oh, fuck no….not another night. I can’t do fourteen nights,” Violet whined.

“I think I’m going to cry,” Klaus whined.

“Hide?” Sunny suggested as she lifted her head.

“Sunny’s right,” Klaus said frantically.

“Where would we hide?” Duncan asked watching Carmelita begin to smirk as she got closer to their table.

“The one place she’d never go,” Isadora suggested.

“The library,” Klaus replied. But it was too late.

“Cake-sniffers talking about a library,” she teased. “Is there anything less adorable?”

Violet sighed angrily. “Go away Carmelita,” 

“We’re not in the mood,” Klaus warned.

“But I’m here to deliver two messages today. Meaning you owe me two tips,” she said.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Klaus said annoyed. “You haven’t gotten a tip for the last thirteen days, and I see no reason to break that tradition,” 

“That’s because you’re a stupid orphan,” she replied back. “In any case, message number one is the usual: meet Coach Genghis at the athletic field after dinner,” 

Violet gave an exhausted groan. “And the second message?” she asked.

Without prompting or warning, Carmelita began to sing her response. “Vice Principal Nero wants to see you right away because he’s very mad at you today. I’m the cutest girl in school and my name is Carmelita!”

“Still doesn’t rhyme,” Isadora remarked.

“Cake-sniffers are all jealous of me! Because I’m C-U-T-T-E. Dancing and singing is my thing and my name is Carmelita!” she sang angrily.

“None of this rhymes! Songs have to rhyme,” Isadora explained. 

“There’s twelve more verses,” Carmelita informed.

Klaus threw down his fork in pure anger. “ We get the fucking message! ” he barked at Carmelita. Carmelita stuck her tongue out at Klaus.

“Wait?” Violet asked. “Why is he mad at us?” 

“I’m sorry,” Carmelita replied with a nasty smile to indicate that she was definitely not sorry. “I don’t answer questions from nontipping orphan cake-sniffers.” With that, she began to chant “Cake-sniffing orphans in the orphan shack!” and neighboring tables chanted along with her.

“We’d better go to Nero’s,” Violet replied sighing as she slowly got to her aching feet, volunteering to carry Sunny. “We’ll see you later,” she said to the Quagmires.

“Nonsense,” Isadora said standing up, taking Sunny from Violet. “We’ll walk with you. Carmelita made me lose my appetite, anyway. We’ll walk you to the administrative building, and wait outside for you so we can still have two pairs of silverware for dinner.”

I wonder what Nero wants,” Klaus muttered as Duncan helped him to his feet. 

“Maybe...he’s discovered that Genghis is really Olaf...all by himself?” Isadora suggested. Klaus and Sunny silently looked at one another, highly doubting this but both of them still offered their friend a kind smile. They appreciated their friend’s hopefulness. The five children handed their scarcely eaten lunches the cafeteria works, who blinked at them silently from behind their metal masks. Once they reached the administrative building, Duncan and Isadora wish their friends luck as Violet, Klaus, and Sunny trudged up the steps to Nero’s office.

Chapter Text

Chapter Eleven:

The One With Higher Stakes and Dire Consequences

“Thank you for taking the time out of your busy orphan schedule to see me,” Vice Principal Nero barked, yanking open the door before they could knock. The children looked uneasy at one another. “Hurry up and come inside. Every minute I spend talking to you is a minute I could spend practicing the violin, and when you’re a musical genius like me, every minute counts.” 

The three children walked into the tiny office and immediately noticed Coach Genghis standing in the far corner, leaning his back against the wall, smirking at the three children. Nero glared at them waiting for them to clap their hands for him. All three siblings slowly and softly began clapping their tired hands together as Nero took a few bows. “There are two things I wanted to talk to you about,” He said once the children stopped applauding. “Do you know what they are?”

“No, sir,” Violet said annoyed.

“ No, sir,” Nero mimicked, “Well, for starters, Coach Genghis, here, tells me that even after running laps for nine hours every night, you remain out of shape and winded. Your teachers say you’ve flunked quizzes in personal anecdotes and measuring random objects. And finally, don’t even get me started on Sunny’s employee evaluation. I couldn’t more disgusted if I’d written it myself!” He barked throwing the employee evaluation at the children.

“You did write it yourself,” Klaus pointed out.

“ You did write it yourself,” Nero mimicked. “Don’t get smart with me, boy!” 

Klaus shrunk back a bit behind Violet but kept a firm grip on Sunny’s hand. 

“Not to mention, you three have missed thirteen of my violin recitals, and each of you owes me a bag of candy for each one. Thirteen bags of candy times three equals forty-nine,” 

“Thirty-nine,” Violet corrected.

“ Thirty-nine,” Nero mimicked annoyed. “Are you getting smart with me, too, orphan girl?”

Unlike Klaus, Violet stood tall, keeping her head up. Glaring at both the despicable men in the room.

“Also, Carmelita Spats informed me that she has delivered you fourteen messages and you’ve never given her a single tip,” Nero said. “That’s a disgrace and rather cheap of you three. Now, I think a nice tip for such an adorable little girl should be a pair of earrings with precious stones, so you ower her fourteen pairs of earrings. What do you have to say about that?”

“I think a Vice-Principal should not be referring to any of his students as ‘adorable’,” Violet said angrily. 

“You’re just jealous,” Nero remarked angrily. “That no one finds you to be adorable,” 

“I wouldn’t say that,” Genghis remarked under his breath. Nero did not hear him but the children definitely did. Violet’s skin crawled and her blood boiled. Klaus glared daggers at Genghis as he made his way in front of Violet rather than behind her. He still kept his grip on Sunny’s hand but he felt like it was his job to protect Violet as much as she would protect him. 

“Now do you have anything to say about the topics at hand?” Nero asked.

The orphans looked at one another with their sleepy, sleepy eyes. They had nothing to say about that. They had plenty to think about that, that they’d only missed Nero’s atrocious concerts because Coach Genghis had forced them to. They wondered how someone who didn’t know that thirteen times three was thirty-nine was able to be a Vice Principal. And that tips are always optional and usually consist of money instead of earrings. But the children were too tired to argue all of these points to this tyrannical piece of shit. This disappointed Nero as he stood waiting for one of the children to say something so he can rudely mock them. 

“You three,” he began when he realized that the children weren’t going to respond to his question. “Have become the three worst students Prufrock Preparatory School has ever seen. Mr. Poe told me that you two were very intelligent and hard-working children, but you’re just a bunch of cake-sniffing orphans!” 

This was Violet’s breaking point. “We’re the three worst students because we’re fucking exhausted!” she barked.

“And we’re fucking exhausted because that piece of shit forces us to run laps every night!” Klaus barked, pointing at Genghis.

“Galuka!” Sunny shrieked, which meant, “So yell at that piece of shit! Not us!” 

Nero gave the children a big smile, delighted that he was able to answer them in his favorite way. “ We’re the three worst students because we’re fucking exhausted!” He mimicked. “ And we’re fucking exhausted because that piece of shit forces us to run laps every night! Galuka! I have had enough of your nonsense! Prufrock Preparatory Schoool has promised you an excellent education, and excellent education, you will get...or, in Sunny’s case, an excellent job as an administrative assistant! But…” Nero said slowly calming down. “Luckily, for you, your new gym teacher has a solution. Jim,”

Genghis smirked at the children as he walked slowly towards them. A dark grin plastered on his face as he looked at each tired child in front of him. “Let me tell you...a story,” 

Klaus groaned in agony as Genghis continued. “Homeschooling,” 

“What?” Klaus asked, his eyes widening and his heart shattering. 

“Homeschooling,” Nero explained, “It means staying at home, sitting at your kitchen table, instead of clogging up a classroom,”

Sunny gripped Klaus’ hand tighter as she felt him begin to shake. “V-vice Principal N-Nero,” Klaus stuttered. “Mr. Poe specifically placed us at Prufrock. He wants us to stay here at least a trimester.”

“Keep your grades up, or I’ll toss you three out on your rears!”

“Your wealthy rears,” Genghis commented.

“Now, tomorrow morning I’ve instructed Mr. Remora and Mrs. Bass to give you both more-or-less comprehensive exams in front of the whole school. Violet, you’d better remember every detail of Mr. Remora’s stories. Klaus, you’d better remember the length, width, and depths of all of Mrs. Bass’ objects, or I will expel you from school. And for Sunny, a professional reappraisal featuring a special sequence of demeaning menial tasks. If you don’t complete them to my satisfaction, I will fire you.”

“What happens…” Klaus asked worriedly. “If we’re expelled and fired?”

“If you fail,” Genghis said, smile plastered on his face, “it’s off to Coach Genghis’ Ultra-Dynamic Life-Ending Workshop,” he said chuckling.

“We’ll pass those exams and reappraisal,” Violet replied.

“O-of course, we will,” Klaus agreed nervously.

“If you’ll excuse us, we’re going to study in our shack,” Violet said picking up Sunny slowly. 

“You don’t have much time,” Genghis commented. “You’re due at the athletic field for Special Orphan Running Exercise in a matter of hours,”

“We still have to run laps?!” Klaus yelled.

“Of course,” Genghis replied.

“And it doesn’t mean you’ll be excused from tonight’s violin recital. Ooooh, you’re going to owe me three more bags of candy!” 

“We can’t study for comprehensive exams and run laps all night!” Violet pleaded.

“We’d have to be two places at once!” Klaus reasoned.

“Consider this a learning experience, orphans,” Genghis said. “It’s important you figure out the balance between academics and extracurricular activities,” 

Nero nodded his head in agreement. “Well said, Genghis,” 

Violet sighed in frustration.

“Listen to us!” Klaus begged. “This man is…”

“This is not Count Olaf.” The advanced computer interrupted as Genghis stuck his face into its camera.

“Oh, goodness, how careless of me,” Genghis replied glaring coldly at Klaus. “Now...what is it you were saying?” 

Klaus whimpered as he and his sisters turned to leave Nero’s office. Once outside, the three children quickly explained what was happening to their friends.

“This is awful!” Duncan cried as the five children trudged across the lawn so they could talk things over in peace. “There’s no way you can get an A on those exams, particularly if you have to run laps tonight!”

“This is dreadful!” Isadora cried. “There’s no way you can make all those staples, either! You’ll be homeschooled before you know it!”

Klaus, who was the quietest of the three when they were updating the Quagmires about their meeting with Nero, shook his head. “Oh...he’s not...he’s not going to homeschool us…” he whispered. “He’s going to do things much, much worse. So much worse,” 

“Klaus…” Duncan said putting a comforting hand on Klaus. “It’s going to be okay,” 

“No...no it’s not. It’s never going to be okay!” Klaus yelled. “He’s...he’s won. Do you know why!?”

“Why?” Isadora asked.

“Because there’s no one here who can help us,” Klaus whispered. Violet looked at him with a look that was a mix of hurt and anger.

“Wait a minute,” Violet began.

“No!” Klaus yelled looking up at her, with his tear-soaked eyes. “I’m sorry but you can’t do this...you can’t...you can’t help us and the one person who did help us...he’s dead. He’s fucking dead because of us…” 

“Klaus…” Violet began. “It’s not your fault that he’s…”

“Yes, it is!” Klaus yelled. “You’re a kid, Violet! You can’t stop Olaf...I can’t stop Olaf...no one can stop him! Your father was an amazing man for trying...and I do apologize that I got you into this mess…”

“Stop talking like that,” Isadora chimed in taking Sunny from Violet. Violet hugged Klaus tightly.

“Stop…” Violet whispered to him. “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. Remember my promise?”

Klaus slowly nodded his head. “I’m giving you the chance to take it back. Take back your promise,” 

“Why would I ever do that?”

“It’s too dangerous. He’s got us. Sunny and I are as good as dead...but you. You can run...hide…” Klaus pleaded.

“I’m not..”

“Violet...this should have never happened to you. Your father didn’t deserve to die...I’m sorry for ever involving you or him…” 

“Stop talking like this,” Violet cried sternly. “I am in this for the long run. No matter what,” 

“I can’t let you,” 

“That’s funny...I never asked for permission,” Violet commented. “Klaus...I am doing this because I am your sister...I am doing this because this is what my father would be doing had he not met a fiery death...I’m not going to let his death be for nothing. He died trying to save you guys. I’m going to do the same...because that’s what family is for,” 

“You’re in way over your head,” 

“Like father, like daughter,” she replied shrugging her shoulders.

He smiles at that but shakes his head. “No,” Klaus cried grabbing Violet by her shoulders. “You...you don’t know what he’s capable of!”

“Well, I will once you tell me,” 

“NO!” Klaus yelled. “You’re going to have to just...trust me on this, Vi. You and the Quagmires are to run to safety...Sunny and I can handle our own,”

“Snickets take care of their own,” She informed him. “You and Sunny...are my siblings. Which means…” she spoke slowly, trying to get this through Klaus’ thick skull. “ You are my own. I’m not letting that piece of shit hurt you guys anymore. He wants you, he’ll have to go through me.”

“That’s exactly what I’m afraid of!” Klaus yelled shaking her shoulders. “ You don’t know what he’s capable of!” 

Violet looked into her brother’s eyes and what she saw...not only destroyed her but enraged her all the same. She could see so much fear in his eyes, a level of fear that she couldn’t explain because he wouldn’t. She could see desperation...she can also see just how exhausted and fatigued he truly was and she knew it wasn’t only because of the thirteen egregious days of S.O.R.E that he had endured...it was because whatever Olaf had done to them back when she wasn’t involved, haunted him. It eats at him...it eats him alive. She swore that she would make the man who did this to her brother and sister pay. She gave Klaus a small smile as she pushed his hands from her shoulders. “That’s fine,” she said finally. “He doesn’t know what I’m capable of either,” 

“Are Snickets all this stubborn?” Klaus asked annoyed.

“Actually,” Violet replied smirking. “My father said I get that from our Mother. So that means Baudelaires are stubborn,” 

Klaus rolled his eyes. 

“Look, I ran into a burning building in an attempt to save my father,” Violet told him. 

“Wait, you did what?” Klaus asked. “Are you crazy?”

“Possibly. But that’s not my point,” Violet replied. “I’d honestly do the same for you guys...and I’ve only known you for two weeks. But it feels like I’ve known you two your whole lives,” 

“Elsna,” Sunny shrieked, which meant, “Yep, you and I are definitely sisters!” Klaus translated for Sunny as Violet smiled. 

He turned to the Quagmires. “I wouldn’t blame you if you guys were to leave and forget all about us,” 

Duncan put his hand in Klaus. “I’m not leaving you,” he said staring into Klaus’ eyes. “The five of us will defeat him,”

“Together,” Isadora added, slipping her hand into Violet’s. “Now we need a plan,” 

“Well…we now know his plan. He made us run laps all those nights because he knew we’d be exhausted. He knew we’d flunk our classes, or fail to perform our secretarial duties. He knew we’d be expelled from Prufrock and then he can get his filthy hands on us,” 

Klaus groaned. “We were waiting for his plan to be clear, and now it is. But it might be too late,”

“It’s never too late,” Violet replied letting go of Isadora’s hand as she began to tie up her hair. “The comprehensive exams aren’t until tomorrow,”

“But we have more laps tonight,”

“What we need is a plan, a complicated plan that,” Duncan suggested. Violet stepped a few feet away from the four younger orphans, which allowed them to continue on their conversation while she focused solely on concentrating.

“We have to get Violet ready for Remora’s test,” Isadora mentioned. “And Klaus ready for Bass’ test,”

“And we have to make staples for Sunny,” Duncan reminded.

“And you guys still have to run laps,” Isadora commented.

“Brooklyn,” Sunny chimed in, which meant, “And we have to stay awake and go another night with no sleep,”

“I can’t think of anything,” Violet admitted frustratingly.

“Mama,” Sunny suggested as she pointed to the silver, heart-shaped locket that hung from Violet’s neck.

Violet smiled at her little sister as she opened the locket starting at the picture of the woman inside. She stared intensely at her mother. Come on...if there was ever a time where I absolutely needed a brilliant idea, it would be now. I have to protect them! Help me protect your kids! Violet thought. 

The four younger orphans all watched as she silently stood there, locket opened and at eye level. Her hair tied up to keep from distracting her. Klaus took this time to polish his glasses and set them back on his nose. Sunny scraped her teeth together, to make sure they were sharp enough for any task ahead. And the two triplets took our their notebooks from their uniform’s pockets. Coach Genghis’ evil plan had become clear through the prism of the Snicket, Baudelaire, and Quagmire experiences, and now they had to use their experience to make a plan of their own.

Violet’s head shot up as she closed her locket setting it back to where it belonged. She turned around to face the four orphans, giving them a big smile. 

“Violet?” Isadora asked with anticipation.

“I think I’ve got it!” She said smiling deviously.

“We’re listening,” Duncan replied.

The three siblings and their two triplet friends now sat in the Orphan Shack, which had never looked less unpleasant than it did now. All five children were wearing the noisy shoes that violet had invented, so the territorial crabs were nowhere to be seen. The salt had dried up the dripping tan fungus into a hard beige crust that was not particularly attractive but at least did not plop! Drops of fungus juice on the youngsters. The Orphan Shack had become quite a bit less mountainous and quite a bit more molehilly since their arrival. It still had a long way to go to be attractive and comfortable living quarters, but for thinking of a plan, it would do in a pinch.

And the children were certainly in a pinch. If Violet, Klaus, and Sunny spent one more exhausting night running laps, they would flunk their comprehensive exams and secretarial assignment and then Coach Genghis would whisk them away from Prufrock Prep, and as they thought about this, they could almost feel Genghis’ bony fingers pinching the life right out of them. The Quagmires were so worried for their partners and best friend that they felt pinched as well, even though they were not directly in danger...or so they thought, anyway.

“I can’t believe we didn’t figure out his plan earlier,” Isadora commented mournfully.

“We did all that research, and we still didn’t figure it out,” Duncan remarked remorsefully.

“Don’t feel bad,” Klaus replied. “Sunny and I have had many encounters with this fucker and it’s always difficult to figure out his scheme,”

“We were trying to find out the history of Count Olaf,” Duncan informed. Violet’s head shot up in interest. A history of him...might have pieces that could be of her parents’ history. She thought. “When we snuck into the library, we found that the library has a pretty good collection of old newspapers, and we thought if we could find out some of his previous schemes, we might figure out this one.”

“That’s a good idea,” Klaus muttered.

“I never would have thought of that,” Violet admitted.

“We figured that Olaf must have been an evil man even before he encountered you, Baudeliares,” Isadora explained. “So we looked up things in old newspapers. But it was difficult to find too many articles because as you know he always uses a fake name and disguise. But we found a person matching his description in the Bangkok Gazette, who was arrested for strangling a bishop but escaped prison in just ten minutes.”

“That sounds like him, all right,” Klaus muttered.

“And then in the Verona Daily News, there was a man who had thrown a rich widow from a cliff. He had a tattoo of an eye on his ankle, but he had eluded authorities,” Duncan explained.

“Violet?” Isadora asked gently shaking Violet. “You’re not napping, are you?”

Violet giggled. “No silly goose, I’m concentrating,” she said pointing at her tied up hair. “I think I figured out how to help Sunny with the staples. But I can’t figure out how I can invent something and study at the same time. And since S.O.R.E began, I haven’t taken good notes in class, so I won’t be able to remember his pointless stories.”

“Well you don’t have to worry about that, silly,” Isadora replied smiling at Violet. She held out her black journal for Violet. “I’ve written down every one of Mr. Remora’s boring ass stories. Every boring detail is recorded in this notebook,”

“And I’ve written down how long, wide, and deep all of Mrs. Bass’ pointless objects are,” Duncan informed handing Klaus his green notebook. “You can study from my notebook, Klaus. And Violet can study from Isadora’s.”

“Thank you,” Klaus said smiling at Duncan. “But you’re forgetting something. We are supposed to be running laps this evening. We don’t have time to read anybody’s notebook and he definitely isn’t going to let us read them while running.”

“Fuck,” Sunny replied. “Tarcour,” she whined, which meant “you’re right. S.O.R.E always last until dawn, and the tests are first thing in the morning,”

“If only we had one of the world’s great inventors to help us,” Violet said, “I wonder what Nikola Tesla would do.”

“Or one of the world’s greatest journalists,” Duncan said. “I wonder what Moxie Mallahan would do in our situation.”

“And I wonder what Hammurabi, the ancient Babylonian, would do to help us,” Klaus informed. “He was one of the world’s greatest researchers.”

“Or the great poet Lord Byron,” Isadora added.

“Piranha?” Sunny mused.

“Who knows what any of those people or fish would do in our shoes?” violet said. “It’s impossible to know.”

Isadora’s head shot up. She looked at Duncan, who seemed to be having the exact same idea, “In our shoes!” Isadora yelled happily.

“That’s it!” Duncan yelled agreeing with his sister.

“What’s it?” Klaus asked confused.

“How will my noisy shoes help?” Violet asked.

“No, no,” Duncan said. “I’m thinking about Coach Genghis’ expensive running shoes that he said he couldn’t take off because his feet were smelly,”

“I bet they are smelly,” Isadora commented. “I’ve noticed that he doesn’t bathe much,”

“But that’s not why he hears them,”  Klaus explained. “He wears them for a disguise,” 

“ Exactly!” The two Quagmire triplets yelled in unison.

“I’m sorry…” Violet said.

“Lost,” Sunny said, which meant, “We don’t follow,” 

“When you said, ‘in our shoes’, you gave us this idea,” Isadora explained.

“We know it’s an expression meaning ‘in our situation’ but what if someone else were actually in your shoes?” Duncan added.

“What if we disguised ourselves as you,” Isadora suggested. “Then we could run laps for you and you could stay here and study for your exams,”

“And make your staples for your job,” Duncan added.

“Disguise yourselves…” Klaus repeated in panic. “...as us? No way! Absolutely out of question!” he yelled.

“You two look exactly like each other, anyway,” Violet countered. “But you don’t look anything like us,” 

“So what?” Duncan said. “It’ll be dark tonight. When we’ve watched you from the bleachers, all we could see were three shadowy figures running,” 

“That’s true,” Isadora agreed. “If I took the ribbon from your hair, Violet and Duncan took glasses to look like Klaus, we’d look  enough like you that I bet Coach Shitfuck wouldn’t tell,” 

“But your hair is shorter than mine, I have bangs,” Violet countered.

“We’ll figure it out,” Isadora insisted.

“Out of the question,” Klaus replied. 

“We can even switch shoes, so our running sounds like your running,” Duncan added.

“But what about Sunny?” Violet countered.

“We’re not doing this!” Klaus shouted.

“Shush, hun,” Duncan replied patting Klaus’ hand. “What about Sunny?”

“There’s no way two people can disguise themselves as three,” Violet countered.

The Quagmires’ faces fell, “If only Quigley were here,” Isadora mused.

“I just know he’d be willing to dress up as a toddler if it meant helping you guys,” Duncan said.

Violet closed her eyes, her hands untying her ribbon and tying it up again. “What if I built a pretend Sunny,”

“Robot?” Sunny mused.

‘Not necessarily a robot but...like a dummy,” 

“That could work,” Isadora agreed. “Sunny’s super tiny even though I know she’s a toddler, she’s small for her age and still looks like a big baby...no offense, Sunny. You know I love you,”

“Denada,” Sunny said, shrugging but smiling at the triplet girl.

“We can find a lot of material that’s as big as Sunny,” Duncan announced as Violet nodded.

“No!” Klaus yelled. “Being in each other’s shoes seems like an extremely risky plan! If it fails, not only are we in trouble but you are as well, and who knows what Coach Genghis would do to you?” 

I hate to inform you, but, this, as it turns out, was a question that would haunt the orphans for quite some time, but the Quagmires gave it barely a thought. “Don’t worry about that,” Duncan said. “The important thing is to keep you out of his clutches. It may be a risky plan, but being in each other’s shoes is the only thing we’ve been able to think of,” 

“And besides, it’s what friends are for,” Isadora explained as Duncan nodded. “You would do the same for us, and you know it,” 

Violet looked at her siblings who both slowly nodded their heads. All three siblings knew that the Quagmires were entirely correct. 

“Now we don’t wanna waste any time trying to think of something else,” Isadora stated. “Let’s get moving,”

“We need to find material to build a pretend Sunny,” Violet explained.

“Kitchen?” Sunny suggested.

The four older orphans looked at one another and then at Sunny, all nodding their heads at her suggestion.

______________________________________________________

A little before dinner, the children snuck into the deserted kitchen. Violet pushed open the doors. “Coast is clear,” she whispered as Duncan walked in with Klaus’ hand in his. Isadora held tightly to Sunny. Violet waited until all four younger orphans were inside before closing the door slowly. “Duncan…” she whispered. “Can you be look out?” 

Duncan gave her a thumbs up. “Okay...find some material to make fake glasses,” Violet whispered as the four others split up.

Almost immediately, Sunny grabbed a pair of egg tongs. “Focals?” she asked her older sister.

“Sunny, you are fucking brilliant,” Violet whispered in reply, rubbing Sunny’s head. “You think you can help me out with that…”

Sunny studied the tongs carefully and replied with a thumbs up.

Klaus grabbed a pair of dishwashing gloves. “These might come in handy,” he whispered.

Violet smiled. “Good job, y’all. You guys are thinking like inventors. Remember there is always something,”

Violet glanced at Sunny. “We need something for the body,” she whispered to Isadora. Isadora looked around the kitchen, her eyes fixating on a big bag of flour. 

“Would flour work?” she asked Violet.

Violet glanced from Sunny to the bag of flour. “Hell yeah, it will. Okay. Isadora grab the flour. I’ll carry Sunny and…” 

“Fuck,” Duncan whispered. “Someone’s coming,”

Sunny quickly hid behind the bags of flour. Violet and Isadora ran for the pantry, making sure to keep the door slightly ajar, so they can see what was happening. Klaus and Duncan quickly ran behind carts containing clean cookware. All five orphans didn’t dare make a peep as the person entered the kitchen. They couldn’t see who it was because they made sure to keep all the kitchen lights off but all five orphans were pretty sure they knew exactly who it was because they could hear the tapping of her tap shoes. 

They listened and watched as the silhouette of Carmelita grabbed a bucket from where Sunny was hiding. Sunny held her breath as Carmelita didn’t notice her and carried the bucket to the dessert case. All five orphans looked at one another as best as they could, utterly confused. They watched as the bully stepped on top of the bucket, take a deep breath, and then plunge her face into a cake covered in powdered sugar. They could hear a few quick sniffing sounds as Carmelita removed her nose from the cake. All five orphans had to suppress and muffle their laughter as they watched the bully, whose nose and mouth was now covered in powder sugar, put the bucket back where she had found it and gave a few quiet sneezes as she exited the kitchen.

Once they were sure the coast was clear, all five children burst out laughing. Isadora laughed so hard that she and Violet fell on to each other. Klaus and Duncan were laughing so hard that they couldn’t breathe and even Sunny, who slowly walked out of her hiding place to meet with her siblings and best friends was laughing so hard that she was wiping tears from her eyes.

“That…” Violet said still laughing.

“Was…” Duncan said chuckling.

“Perfect,” Sunny said practically squealing.

Klaus grabbed the smaller materials as Duncan grabbed Sunny. Isadora grabbed the bag of flour as Violet grabbed a few more random objects that she believed could come in handy and all five children exited the kitchen, heading towards the Orphan Shack laughing their asses off. 

The five orphans walked back to the Orphan Shack, they walked nervously from the cafeteria to shack. And although they were laughing at Carmelita’s expense, they were all very nervous. They were nervous because they were not supposed to have snuck into the kitchen to steal materials for an invention. They were nervous because their plan was indeed a risky one. It is not a pleasant feeling, as you and I know, to be nervous, and I would not wish for small children to be any more nervous than Violet Snicket and the Baudelaires and the Quagmires. But I must say that they weren’t nervous enough. They didn’t need to be more nervous about sneaking into the cafeteria, even though it was against the rules. But they should have been far more nervous about their plan, and about what would happen that evening when the sun set on the brown lawn and the sunrise to shine brighter than the luminous circle. They should have been nervous, now, in their regular shoes, about what would happen when they were in each others.

Chapter Text

Chapter Twelve:

The One When Olaf Kidnaps Some Orphans

“I’m impressed you know how to pick a lock,” Isadora commented when the children returned to the Orphan Shack from the library. 

“You’d be surprised how often it comes in handy,” Violet comments.

“Violet’s right,” Klaus agreed. “Sunny’s used her teeth a few times to lock pick things like Olaf’s suitcase,”

“That is so cool!” Violet said as Sunny nodded her head.

Now with all of my research in the Snicket and Baudelaire cases, I have investigated many instances where someone had been in disguise. If you’ve ever dressed up for Halloween or attended a masquerade ball, you’d know that there is a certain...thrill...to wear a disguise. A thrill that’s half excitement and half danger. I once researched all about a famed masked ball hosted by the Duchess of Winnipeg, in a remotely located headquarters of a secret organization. And if my research stands true, it was probably one of the most exciting and dangerous nights of Lemony Snicket’s life. As my associate and I were told, he was disguised as a bullfighter and he had slipped into the party while being pursued by the palace guards, who were disguised as scorpions. He had found his way to the bar where he and his older brother, who was also disguised as a cow. Several guests of the ball had said that once they had entered the Grand Ballroom, they felt as if their true selves had disappeared, so I can guess that that is how Lemony had felt once he entered the ballroom. He was wearing clothes he had never worn before, a scarlet cape made of silk and a vest embroidered with gold thread and a skinny black mask, and I can bet it made him feel like a different person. I was told that then he dared approached a woman he had been forbidden to approach for the rest of his life. The witnesses remember that the woman was alone on the veranda, which I was told is a fancy term for a porch made of polished gray marble and costumed as a dragonfly, with a glittering green mask and enormous silvery wings. As his pursuers scurried around that party, trying to guess which guest was me, he slipped out to the veranda and gave her the message he’d been trying to give her for several long and lonely years. “Beatrice!” he called out as loud as he could, just as the scorpions had pushed passed his brother and found him. “Count Olaf is…!” 

I’m sorry...but the horrid details that follow are too much for me to share at this point in Violet Snicket’s story. I cannot go on. It makes me weep to think of that evening, and of the dark and desperate times that had followed, and in the meantime, I’m sure you are curious what happened to the three siblings and the two friends during this time. So I will go back to reporting on that rather than the sad events of Lemony Snicket’s life.

“This is sort of exciting,” Duncan said, “I know that we’re doing this for serious reasons, but I”m excited anyway,” 

Violet was busy tying strings together as her brother shoveled flour into the dishwashing gloves. Sunny was busy at work with the material they stole from the school’s kitchen as Isadora was taping a piece of unused mop head to her forehead to act as Violet’s bangs. Duncan was busy toying with a pair of skates that the children had found outside the locker rooms.

Isadora, once her newly found bangs were on her head, looked up. “It may not be particularly wise, but it’s a thrill to be disguised,” she recited smiling. Violet looked up and smiled back at her. “It’s not a perfect poem,” Isadora admitted. “But it will have to do under the circumstances.”

“This knot is called the Devil’s Tongue,” Violet explained. “It was invented by female Finnish pirates in the 15th century.”

“How do I look?” Isadora asked as Violet finally looked up and began blushing at Isadora who smiled back at her. 

“Beautiful,” Violet said smiling. “Not...not that you weren’t before...cause you definitely were,” 

“Thank you, Vi,” Isadora said blushing. “You’re...beautiful, too,” 

The two girls stared at one another for a moment. Everything felt as though it had disappeared. The shack, their brothers, Violet’s sister, and their troubles. The only thing they could see was each other. The thing that brought the kids back to reality was Sunny biting the egg tongs to make them into glasses for Duncan’s disguise.

Once she was done, she handed them to Duncan. “Here,” she said.

Duncan took the fake glasses from the toddler and put them on his face. He turned to face Klaus. “So...how do I look?”

Klaus looked up at Duncan and couldn’t help but blush at the boy triplet. “D-different,” he said. Duncan smiled back at Klaus. “Not...not that you didn’t look good before. I mean...you do...you did...do look...Sunny, good job on the glasses,” He said trying to change the topic. Duncan gave a small chuckle as Klaus continued to blush.

The three siblings took a step back and regarded the Quagmires carefully. All three felt their hearts in their chests as they worked quickly to get their risky plan put into action. Violet pulled out the fork, a few teaspoons of creamed spinach, and a small potato that she took from the kitchen to work on her invention that will help Sunny create staples. Now they had a few minutes before the Violet and the Baudelaires, or in this case, the Quagmires in disguise and Violet’s invention had to show up for S.O.R.E. Duncan and Isadora handed over their notebooks so the three orphans could study for their comprehensive exams, and switched shoes with The Quagmires’ laps would sound exactly like their friends. Now, with only minutes to spare, the three siblings were nervously looked over the Quagmires’ disguises and realized instantly just how risky their plan was.

Isadora and Duncan Quagmire simply did not look like Violet Snicket and Klaus Baudelaire. Duncan’s eyes were a different color than Klaus’ and Isadora’s hair was shorter than Violet’s, even before tying it up in a ribbon. Being triplets, the Quagmires were closer in height to each other than Klaus and Violet were, being only half-siblings. As Sunny noted to Klaus a few weeks prior, Klaus was going through a growth spurt so right now he was only a few inches taller than his older half-sister. Violet did not have the time or material to make stilts for Duncan to mimic this height difference, so she hoped Count Olaf wouldn’t notice. But it wasn’t entirely really these small physical details that made the disguise so unconvincing. It was a simple fact that Violet, the Baudelaires and the Quagmires were different people. And a hair ribbon, unused piece of mop, a pair of glasses, and some shoes couldn’t turn them into one another any more than a woman disguised as a dragonfly can actually take wing and escape the disaster that awaited her.

“I know we don’t look much like you,” Duncan admitted after the three had been quiet for some time. “But remember, it’s quite dark at the athletic field. The only light is coming from the moon and the luminous circle. We’ll make sure to keep our heads down when we’re running, so our faces won’t give us away.”

“We won’t speak a word to Coach Genghis, so our voices won’t give us away. And we’ll have your hair ribbon, these fake glasses, and shoes, so our accessories won’t give us away,” Isadora explained.

“We don’t have to go through with this plan,” Violet admitted quietly. Somewhat now siding with Klaus. She was severely worried. She was beginning to have her doubts. These are my siblings….My getting involved makes sense...but the Quagmires… She thought to herself.

“Violet’s right,” Klaus said frantically. “You guys can still back out now.”

“Plan B,” Sunny added, which meant, “We can find another way to pass the test and job reappraisal,” 

Klaus translated for Sunny. 

“My sister and I won’t sit here and let him hurt you...not if there’s a way we can stop him,” Duncan explained.

“Look, I severely appreciate your help with protecting my siblings,” Violet started. “But as the eldest one here, it is my job to protect all of you. We don’t have to try and fool Genghis. My siblings and I can...just run away right now, tonight. I have my father’s wallet...so we have funds. We’ve gotten to be pretty good runners, we’d have a good head start on Genghis.”

“You can come with us,” Klaus added. “We could then call Mr. Poe from a payphone somewhere,” 

“Soli,” Sunny added, which meant, “Or attend a different school, under different names,”

“Those plans don’t have a chance of working,” Isadora argued, “From what you’ve told us about Mr. Poe, he’s never very helpful,” 

“...you’re right,” Klaus admitted.

“And Count Olaf seems to find you wherever you go, so a different school wouldn’t help, either,” Isadora countered.

“ This is our only chance,” Duncan explained. “If you pass the exams without arousing Genghis’ suspicion, you will be out of danger, and then we can focus our efforts into exposing him for who he is,” 

“I suppose you’re right,” Violet admitted. “I just don’t like the idea of your putting your lives in such danger, just to help us,”

“What are friends for?” Duncan and Isadora replied simultaneously.

“We’re not going to sit here and attend some atrocious recital while you run laps to your doom,” Isadora said. “Look, you three were the first people at Prufrock Prep who weren’t mean to us just for being orphans. None of us have any family, so we’ve got to stick together.”

“That’s exactly why I want to protect you guys as well,” Violet explained. “Maybe Klaus was right about you guys getting involved,”

“At least let us go with you to the athletic field,” Klaus pleaded, not liking this plan at all. “We’ll spy on you from the bleachers, and make sure you’re fooling Coach Genghis,” 

Duncan shook his head sternly, offering Klaus a smile. “You don’t have time to spy on us,” he said. “You have to make staples out of those metal rods and study for two comprehensive exams,”

Violet slowly nodded her head as she finished tying the string to the Sunny mannequin. She handed the string to Isadora. “Here, use this to pull Sunny along. The string isn’t wide enough to be visible even in the moonlight,” Violet explained.

“Oh, that’s a good idea,” Duncan said. “I thought we were just going to kick it around the circle,” 

Klaus looked at Duncan in surprise. “No, no, no,” he said shocked. “If Coach Genghis thinks you’re kicking your baby sister, he will definitely know something is up.”

Even Sunny looked at Duncan, with a soft glare. He looked down at her and chuckled. “I meant gently .” Sunny continued to give him a soft glare as she pointed her index and middle fingers at her eyes and then pointed them at Duncan. Duncan gave her a small smile as Sunny’s soft glare turned into a small, hopeful smile. She, like her siblings, was very worried about their risky plan. 

“Well...we’d better go, Isa,” Duncan said sighing. “Genghis will be waiting. Good luck with studying,” 

“Good luck with running laps,” Violet replied. 

The children looked one more time at their friends. Klaus and Sunny were reminded of the last time they saw their parents, waving good-bye to them as they left for the beach. Violet was reminded of the last time she saw her father, hugging him tightly confused and begging him to not make her leave him. The three had not known, of course, that this would have been the last moment they would spend with their parents and again and again, each of the orphans had gone back to those days in their lives, wishing that they had said something more than a casual good-bye. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny looked nervously at the two triplets and hoped that this was not such a time, a time when people they cared for would disappear from their lives forever. But what if it were? 

“I have this feeling we’re never going to see you again,” Violet admitted as she stared Isadora in the eyes.

“You could go back to your broom closet,” Klaus pleaded, staring at Duncan. “And forgot about this,”

“Forget us,” Sunny pleaded looking at her two friends, stepping forward and hugging one of their legs each. 

“Is that what your parents would have done?” Duncan asked Klaus and Sunny.

“Is that what your father would have done?” Isadora asked Violet. 

“Our parents are not here, none of them,” Violet explained.

“I bet they taught you the same thing our parents taught us,” Isadora said.

“What?” Sunny asked.

Duncan and Isadora looked first to Violet and then to Klaus and then looked down at little Sunny offering all three of their friends a hopeful, optimistic smile. “What friends are for,” Duncan answered. 

“If we never see…” Violet stopped, swallowed, and began again. “If something goes wrong…” 

Isadora took Violet’s hands in hers and looked right at her. Duncan did the same to Klaus, both Violet and Klaus could see the serious look in the Quagmires’ wide eyes. “Nothing will go wrong,” Isadora replied firmly. Even though I hate to be the one to inform you that she was wrong at the very moment. 

“Nothing will go wrong,” Duncan repeated. “We will see you in the morning,” 

Isadora nodded solemnly and the Quagmires turned to leave.

“Duncan, wait!” Klaus called out. Klaus ran to Duncan, as Duncan shifted the fake glasses that Violet and Sunny had invented together, on the rim of his nose. “Duncan...one more thing,” Klaus said as Duncan looked into his eyes.

“Yeah…?” 

Klaus opened his mouth to say something but then closed it. Duncan looked at him concerned. “You okay?” the triplet asked his boyfriend. 

Klaus nodded although he was anxious about the Quagmires’ insane plan. “If...he speaks...to you directly ...or if he tells you to... behave ...you have to start trembling or he’ll realize...you’re not me…” 

Violet face palmed knowing damn well that is not what her brother wanted to say to Duncan. Duncan looked worried at Klaus. “Will you tell me what he did to you?” he asked.

Klaus sighed but gave a small smile. “I promise...I’ll tell you after my test,” he replied.

Duncan nodded as he frowned. “Is that all you wanted to say?”

Klaus bit his lip but nodded his head. Sunny walked over to her brother and hit him in the leg. “Say it…” She instructed.

Klaus looked down at Sunny and then back at Duncan. “If...if something goes wrong...I just...I just wanted to say…” Klaus began.

“Nothing is gonna go wrong, Klaus. I promise,” Duncan interrupted putting a comforting on Klaus’ shoulder. 

“Don’t make a promise you may not be able to keep,” he warned.

Duncan puts a loving hand on Klaus’ cheek. “I can and will keep this promise,” Duncan looked as though he wanted to kiss Klaus’ cheek, but he noticed the three girls staring at him so he decided against it. But he did keep his warm hand on Klaus’ cheek for a few more moments.

Klaus nodded. “You’re right...everything is going to be fine,” he repeated half-heartedly.

“Hakuna Matata,” Sunny agreed, although she and her siblings were very anxious about their risky plan. But right now, Sunny and Violet were annoyed that Klaus didn’t tell Duncan what he truly wanted to say. Duncan continued to smile at Klaus as he lifted his other hand to Klaus’ face and the shorter boy gently pulled off Klaus’ glasses and used his uniform shirt to wipe them clean. 

“You’re going to need these,” he said smiling. 

“Th-thank you,” Klaus replied.

Isadora giggled as Violet smiled at Isadora. “Our brothers are stupid, aren’t they?” Isadora said laughing. Violet smiled and nodded her head. She reached into her pocket and took out a black hair ribbon that she had taken out of her backpack earlier that day. She handed it to Isadora, who felt the black silk between her fingers.

“Here, you’ll need this for your disguise,” Violet said looking worriedly at her.

“Thanks. I’ll make sure I give it back when this is all over and done,” Isadora reassured.

“Ummmm, no...you can...you can keep it,” Violet replied smiling.  “I have plenty. I picked that out specifically for you.” 

Isadora blushed rather quickly. “For me…?” 

Violet smiled back at the poet. Both girls looked at one another. Isadora began to tie her hair to look more like Violet. “Here...let me help,” Violet said to her as she began to tie Isadora’s hair up. Isadora loved how gentle Violet was as she tied up the younger girl’s hair. “You look wonderful,” 

Isadora blushed when Violet continued to stare at her for a moment. Her eyes widened with a quick thought. She pulled her purple backpack from her back and quickly reached into one of the front pockets. She pulled out her father’s spyglass, she pulled it apart, holding two equal pieces in her hand. Isadora pulled out her front half of a spyglass as Klaus reached into his pocket to pull out his back half of a spyglass. Violet handed the front half of her father’s to Klaus, who connected the pieces and handed Isadora the backside of her father’s spyglass. 

“Take it...keep it,” Violet assured when Isadora and Duncan looked at her confused. 

“But your father’s spyglass,” Isadora said staring at the full spyglass in her hands. 

“You guys have your parents half… Klaus and Sunny have their parents half and because I split mine in half...I have my father’s half,” Violet explained. “I know it’s silly and complicated but it seems right,” 

“Violet’s right, besides if anything goes wrong…you guys may need a full spyglass,” 

Isadora took a deep breath and smiled at her friends. Duncan held open the door to the Orphan Shack. “I don’t think anything will go wrong, We’ll see you three besties before long,” Isadora recited. She stepped closer to Violet and turned her head to kiss Violet on her lips. Violet sighed in shock and then relief. She kissed the poet back. Klaus put his hand over Sunny’s eyes as Sunny smiled as she said her famous line. 

“Get a room,” Sunny joked.

The two girls kissed again. Afterward, they both looked awkwardly at each other, blushing knowing that their siblings were snickering. Isadora turned to walk away as she grabbed Duncan’s arm and pulled him and the Sunny mannequin along. 

“What was that?” Klaus asked chuckling softly.

Violet who stared in Isadora’s direction, smiled and blushed. “A couplet…” 

The three orphans watched them walk toward the athletics field until the triplets were merely two specks, dragging another speck along with them. 

“You know, from a distance, in the dim light, they look quite a bit like us,” Violet muttered.

“Abax,” Sunny agreed.

“I hope so,” Klaus murmured. “I hope so,” 

“Either way,” Violet said closing the door of the Orphan Shack and turning to her siblings. “We’d better stop thinking about them and get started on our half of this plan. Let’s put our noisy shoes on and get to work,”

“I’m actually excited,” Klaus mentioned. “I can’t imagine how you’re going to make staples, with only a fork, a few teaspoons of creamed spinach, and a small potato. That sounds more like the ingredients for a side dish than a staple-making device,” 

“Aloo palak,” Sunny agreed, which meant, “Honestly...if we had some curry and coconut milk it would actually be quite delicious,” 

Klaus translated for his sister as both older siblings smiled.

“Not to be rude,” Klaus said. “I hope your inventing skills that you’ve mentioned haven’t been dulled by a lack of sleep,”

Violet rolled her eyes kindly. “I don’t think they have,” Violet informed. “It’s amazing how much energy you can have once you have a plan and some motivation, of course. Besides, my invention also involves one of the crabs in here.” She looked at Klaus and Sunny. “Now, when we all have our shoes on, please follow my instructions,” 

The two Baudelaires were quite puzzled at this, but they had this feeling in their bones that when it came to inventing, Violet could be trusted absolutely. From what she’s told him, she had been inventing since she was a little girl and her father considered her to be a mechanical genius and they didn’t know much about her father. Just that Olaf apparently hates him and that he raised one hell of a daughter. So there was no doubt in either of their minds that now, come hell or high water, Violet was going to invent a staple-making device. 

The three siblings put on their shoes and, following their elder sister’s orders. As usual, the tiny crabs were lounging around, in the corner, hiding from the children's noisy shoes. Normally, Sunny would be wildly stomping on the floor to direct all of the crabs where she wanted them to go. But this time, however, Violet instructed her siblings to step on the floor in carefully arranged patterns, to herd the grumpiest and biggest-clawed crab into a corner all by itself. Sunny, eventually, successfully did just that. 

“Good work, Sunshine!” Violet cried happily. “Keep him in the corner, Sunny, while I ready the potato.”

“What is the potato for?” Klaus asked.

“Fortune?” Sunny asked, which meant, “yeah, how is a potato going to help us from stopping Olaf steal our futures?”

“As we know,” Violet said as Sunny tapped her little feet this way and that to keep the crab in the corner. “These crabs love to get their claws on our toes. I specifically snitched a potato that was toe-shaped. You see how it’s curved in a sort of oval way, and the little bumpy part looks like a toenail?”

“You’re right. The resemblance is remarkable. But what does it have to do with staples?” Klaus asked.

“Well, the metal rods that Nero gave us are very long and need to be cut cleanly into small, staple-sized pieces. So while Sunny keeps the crab in the corner. I’m going to wave the potato at him. He...or she, come to think of it, I don’t know how to tell a boy crab from a girl crab…”

“It’s a boy,” Klaus said. “Trust me,” 

Violet and Sunny looked at one another and then to the bookworm, both very confused about how and why he knew that. 

“Well...he’ll think it’s a toe,” Violet continued. “And snap at it with his claws. At that instant, I’ll yank the potato away and put a rod in its place. If I do it carefully enough, the crab should do a perfect job of slicing it up.”

“And then what?” Klaus asked.

“First things first,” Violet replied firmly. “Okay, Sunny, keep tapping those noisy shoes. I’m ready with the potato and rod number one,”

“What can I do?” Klaus asked feeling useless.

“You can start studying for the comprehensive exam, of course. You mentioned a near-photographic memory, right?” Violet said. “I couldn’t possibly read all of Isadora’s notes in just one night. While Sunny and I make the staples, you need to read Duncan and Isadora’s notebooks, memorize the measurements from Mrs. Bass’ class and teach me all of Mr. Remora’s stories.

“Roger that,” Klaus said. 

And over the next two hours, that’s exactly what the three children did. While Sunny used her noisy shoes to keep the crab in the corner and Violet used the potato as a toe and the crab's claws as clean cutters, Klaus used the Quagmires notebooks to study for the comprehensive exams, and everything worked the way it should.  Sunny tapped her shoes noisily that the crab remained trapped. Violet was so quick with the potato and metal rods that soon they were snipped into staple-sized pieces. And Klaus read Duncan’s measuring notes so carefully that before long he was sure he had memorized the length, width, and depth of just about everything.

“Violet, ask me the measurements of the navy blue scarf,” Klaus said, turning the green notebook over so he couldn’t peak.

Violet yanked the potato away just in time and the crab snipped off another bit of the metal rod. “What are the measurements of the navy blue scarf?”

“Two decimeters long,” Klaus recited. “Nine centimeters wide and four millimeters thick. It’s boring, but it’s correct. Sunny, ask me the measurements of the deodorant soap,”

The crab saw an opportunity to leave the corner, but Sunny was too quick for it. “Soap?” she asked her older brother, tapping her tiny noisy shoes until the crab retreated.

“Eight centimeters by eight centimeters by eight centimeters,” Klaus said promptly. “That one’s easy. You’re doing great, you two. I bet that crab’s going to be almost as tired as we are,” 

“No,” Violet explained. “He’s done. Let him go, Sunny. We have all the staple sized pieces we need. I’m glad that part of the staple making process is over, though. It’s very nerve-wracking to tease a crab with your baby sister standing next to it.”

“Now what?” Klaus asked.

“Next you teach me Mr. Remora’s stories,” Violet instructed. “While Sunny and I bend these little bits of metal into the proper shape,”

“How?” Sunny asked confused.

“Watch,” Violet said smiling, exciting to show her siblings the second part to her. Sunny watched as Klaus closed Duncan’s dark green notebook and began paging through Isadora’s black notebook. Violet took the glob of creamed spinach and mixed it with a few pieces of stray hay and dust until it was a sticky, gluey mess. Then she placed this mess on the spiky end of the fork and stuck it to one of the bales of hay so the handle end of the fork hung over the side. She blew on the creamed-spinach-stray-hay-and-dust mixture until it hardened. “I always thought that Prufrock Prep’s creamed spinach was awfully sticky,” Violet explained. “And then I realized it could be used as glue. And now, we have a perfect method of making those tiny strips into staples. See, if I lay a strip across the handle of the fork, a tiny part of the strip hangs off each of the sides. Those are the parts that will go inside the paper when it’s a staple. If I take off my noisy shoes,” she explained as she took off her noisy shoes. “And use the metal ends to tap on the strips, they’ll bend the handle of the fork and turn into staples. See?”

“Brill!” Sunny yelled, which meant, “You’re a genius! But what can I do to help?” 

“You can keep your noisy shoes on and guard us,” Violet said. “Klaus, you start summarizing the stories,” 

All three orphans listened to Violet’s orders and would act accordingly for the rest of the night. Violet tapped away at the metal strips, and Klaus read out loud from Isadora’s notebooks, and Sunny stomped her noisy shoes in order to guard herself and her sister from the crabs. Soon, the children had a pile of homemade staples on the floor, the details of Mr. Remora’s stories in their brains, and not a single crab bothering them in the shack, and even with the threat of Coach Genghis hovering over them, the evening actually began to feel rather cozy. It reminded Klaus and Sunny of evenings they had spent when their parents were alive, in one of the living rooms of the Baudelaire mansion. This reminded Violet of her favorite evenings when her father was alive, and they were at the park, in their house, or at Briny Beach. Violet would often be tinkering away at some invention as she explained the mechanics to her father. Klaus would often be reading and info-dumping the information he was learning to either one of his parents or his baby sister. Sunny would often be making loud noises irritating Klaus for fun.

Of course, Violet was never tinkering frantically at an invention that would save her life. Klaus was never reading something he found so mundane and boring and Sunny was never making loud noises to scare crabs away from her toes., but nevertheless, the night wore, the orphans felt almost at home in the Orphans Shack. And when the sky began to lighten with the first rays of dawn, the orphans began to feel a certain thrill that was quite different from the thrill of being in disguise.

It was a thrill that I have felt a few times in my life, and it was a thrill that the orphans did not feel very often. But as the morning sun began to shine, the orphans felt the thrill of thinking your plan might work after all, and that perhaps they would eventually be as safe and happy as the evenings they remembered mournfully. 

_________________________________________________

Sitting with friends, talking about something important is one of the most powerful and necessary forces in the world. It is the way so many noble organizations begin, with a conversation between associates, or that is what I have been told. People gathered together to fight treachery, as Violet, her siblings, and the Quagmires gathered together at Prufrock, which is the reason that so much wickedness is defeated. My associate told me this. I’d give anything to sit and talk with these three again someday.

The Quagmires nervously reached the athletic field. Duncan adjusted his fake glasses as Isadora made sure that her hair ribbon was visible enough to Genghis. Genghis blew his whistle angrily. “You’re late!” he yelled.

“Sorry, boss,” the Hook-handed man said handing Olaf a coffee.

“Not you,” Olaf said annoyed. “Those brats,”

“Boss, the waiter is long gone,” the bald man explained. “We searched everywhere,” 

“Somebody broke him out by smashing the door,” the hook-handed man explained. 

“And then they left in a taxi,” the henchperson of indeterminable gender informed.

Duncan and Isadora stood there awkwardly. Far enough from Olaf where he couldn’t see them clearly but close enough to hear him. “Enough!” Olaf barked. “Leave me alone so I can finish my plan.”

Two of his henchpeople walked away muttering something under their breath. The Hook-Handed man looked towards his boss. “Me too?” he asked.

“I can’t believe I’m here,” Olaf whined sitting down depressingly on the bleachers. “Staying up all night in the athletic field waiting for things to go my way. Just like when I was in school. My whole life is going around and around in a circle. Like those things a hamster plays in before you put it in the oven.”

“Ummm,” 

“Well, it ends here!” He barked standing up, glaring at who he believed was Violet and her siblings. “All right, orphans! Start going around and around in circles!” He blew his whistle.

Both children looked at one another as they started to run. After running a few laps, making sure to keep their faces down when they passed closer to Genghis. “I know we’re doing this for serious reasons, but...this is really exciting,” Duncan whispered to Isadora.

“I agree,” she whispered back. 

They heard Genghis blow his whistle again, causing them to jump. They began to run a bit faster, Isadora looking back at the Sunny mannequin making sure it wasn’t falling over from the increasing speed. Although Isadora could tell that the mannequin wasn’t affected by the Quagmires’ increased speed, she didn’t notice that the string that pulled the mannequin along with them was beginning to fray, nearly ready to snap into two.

____________________________________

“What did Mr. Remora have for dessert last Tuesday?” Klaus asked Violet. 

“A pudding,” 

“What kind of pudding?”

“I don't know,” she admitted. “Butterscotch?”

“Rice,” Klaus corrected.

“Rice pudding. Rice pudding. I have to remember that!” Violet told herself.

“How're the staples coming?” Klaus asked Sunny.

“Good!” she replied as she stomped her foot again.

The children went back to do their assigned tasks, all three starting to feel bettwer about this situation as a whole.

________________________________________________

The Hook-Handed Man sighed. “I had it tough at school. Did I tell you what my nickname was?”

Olaf looked at his henchman confused. “Did you tell me your name?” he asked. His henchman opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Olaf turning his head quickly towards the luminous circle. “Wait…?”

“What?” 

“Wait…” he said glaring at the track. 

“What?”

“The baby’s pooped out,” he explained pointing at the figure he believed to be Sunny. “She’s stopped running. She’s standing there like a bag of flour.”

“Run, baby, run!” the Hook-Handed Man warned noticing Olaf’s change in tone. 

Duncan and Isadora froze in place, turning behind them to realize that the string that Isadora held had indeed frayed so much that it ripped in two. They glanced at where the Sunny mannequin stood, on the other half of the luminous closer. The mannequin was at the closest point to Olaf as it could have been, which was good news to the Quagmires, this meant they were the furthest point from Olaf. “Uh-oh,” Isadora gasped as Duncan’s eyes widened.

“Maybe she needs a good kick to get moving,” Olaf growled standing up.

“Get moving, baby!” his henchperson warned as Olaf proceeded to walk towards ‘Sunny’.

“ Move your ass, you biting brat! ” Olaf yelled as he stood behind the Sunny mannequin. 

“What do we do?” Duncan whispered both triplets stood watching Olaf glare down at the fake Sunny.

“Keep running,” Isadora suggested grabbing her brother’s arm at the exact moment that Olaf kicked his foot as hard as he could. A cloud of white flour surrounded him as his foot pierced open the toddler-sized bag of flour.

“ What!?” He roared, his head shooting up, turned directly at the two triplet orphans. The Quagmires could see his shiny, dark eyes even from afar.

Duncan and Isadora took this cue to start running...for their lives.

“Can we make it to the broom closet?” Duncan asked his sister frantically. “Or the Orphan Shack?”

“There’s a better place,” Isadora informed him, panting as she gripped his arm tighter and dragged him along.

“Oh, dear god,” the Hook-Handed Man cried as he watched his boss stomp angrily across the athletic field. He looked down at the mannequin. “Are you okay? Huh? Stay here,” he told the mannequin as he ran after his boss. 

Genghis growled as he entered a building in the school. He noticed a library immediately. He growled as he broke into the library with complete and utter ease. He looked around the entrance of the library, straining his eyes as he looked around the room. Looking for orphans that he was currently planning on doing some terrible, terrible things to. 

“Boss?” the Hook-Handed Man called out as he reached the library.

Olaf jumped and glared at the henchman. “You scared me,”

“Sorry,” 

“I looked for them, but it was dark and creepy,” Olaf admitted. “Stay and guard the library. All smarty-pants kids end up here.”

His henchperson nodded. “Did baldy get the car?” Olaf asked.

“Yeah,” he answered. “You have a little...flour on your face,” 

Olaf glared at his henchperson. “ I know...and soon...I will have the blood of orphans on my hands,” He replied darkly wiping his face egregiously.

From the other side of the library, Isadora and Duncan huddled together. Isadora held the spyglass in her hand, ready to use it if she needed to.

“We have to warn them,” Duncan whispered.

“We can’t go anywhere with him guarding the only exit,”  Isadora whispered back. “The Baudelaires can pass the test,” 

Duncan nodded his head but he wasn’t looking at his sister. Instead, a large black book had caught his eye. “Isa?” he whispered.

“Yeah?” 

He pointed towards the book as a smile formed on his face. “The book,” he said.

“Let’s do some studying of our own,” she whispered as she slowly crawled toward the book. The triplets opened the book and the moonlight had given them enough light to read. They opened the large book to a random page. “The spyglass,” Isadora whispered as she quickly read the page, and fiddling with the dials on the spyglass. 

“That ...explains the fire,” Duncan whispered as Isadora turned a few dials to turn the light from the spyglass on. They turned the page and gasped at the picture they could see.

“We’ve seen that man,” Isadora whispered.

The Hook-Handed Man noticed a light turn on in the library. “What..the…?” he said slowly and quietly walking in. He slowly walked towards the source of light. But the Quagmires were too mesmerized by the book to notice. 

“It’s all connected,” Duncan explained as he turned another page. “What is VFD? Didn’t Violet say something about volunteering,” 

The page he turned to, had a picture of a blue and white sugar bowl. “What’s so important about a sugar bowl?” she asked in a whisper.

But her brother wasn’t able to answer her question. In all honesty, that question was never truly answered by anyone that I asked. I’m nearly positive that even Violet and her siblings, to this day, don’t even know the answer to Isadora’s question. When I find them...I will be sure to ask them seeing as though, that is one mystery in this long, tragic story, that I, your slightly faithful narrator, have yet to solve. 

As the words escaped Isadora’s mouth, she looked up and the Quagmires both saw the cold, devious face of Count Olaf’s henchman. Both triplets screamed in utter shock as the henchman grabbed the book from their arms, throwing it across the library.

___________________________________________

“What color were the cows on the dairy farm?” Klaus yawned.

“Brown?” Violet guessed, also yawning. “How long was the…” she yawned again. She heard a small snore from where Klaus laid. “Klaus?” she called out.

When he didn’t reply, she looked towards Sunny, who was slowly slumping to the ground. “Well, that’s the last staple,” Violet said to Sunny, stretching her tired muscles. “I think we can safely assume that you won’t lose your job, Sunny.” She said picking up her baby sister.

“Nilikoh,” Sunny replied, which meant, “And you seem to know every detail of Remora’s stories and Klaus seems to know all of Bass’ measurements, so I think it’s safe to assume that you guys won’t be expelled,” Violet slowly nodded her head.

“I’m going to assume that you’re agreeing with me,” Violet said as she laid herself and Sunny down on a hay bale. “Maybe we can take a quick nap,” she muttered as Sunny curled up into Violet’s protective arms. Violet took one glance at her and Klaus, gave a small smile, and closed her eyes. She thought of the Quagmires and hoped that their part of the plan worked as well as theirs.

_____________________________________________________

A little over an hour later, the three siblings woke up to a knock on their door. The person on the other side opened it with a slight push. “The sun has come up! The day has begun! Watching you flunk will be so much fun! Because you’re just orphans and you’re probably dumb! And my name is Carmelita!” Carmelita Spats sang loudly.

Violet opens her eyes as Klaus and Sunny groaned miserably. “Maybe I’m just tired, but I think she may be improving,” Violet said as she and her siblings stood up. Gathering up the staples and the notebooks. The three siblings were worried about the Quagmires. As Carmelita led the three siblings to the auditorium. They looked around worriedly for the Quagmires.

“Have you seen either one of them?” Klaus asked nervously.

“We haven’t seen them...but maybe they went right to bed after running laps all night,” Violet hoped. “I think we can safely assume that their part of the plan went well,”

“That’s true,” Klaus agreed as Sunny nodded her head. “I assume if they’d been caught we would have heard by now,”

Assumptions are a dangerous thing to make, and like all dangerous things to make, if you make even the tiniest mistake you can find yourself in terrible trouble. Making assumptions simply means believing things are a certain way with little or no evidence that shows you are correct, and you can see at once how this can lead to terrible trouble. For instance, one morning you might wake up and make the assumption that your bed was in the same place as it always was, even though you would have no real evidence that this was so. But when you got out of your bed, you might discover that it had floated out of the sea, and now you would be in terrible trouble all because of the incorrect assumption that you’d made. You can see that it is better not to make too many assumptions, particularly in the morning.

“I’d make the same assumption,” Violet said as they reached the auditorium.

“ I’d make the same assumption,” Nero mimicked in his nasty voice. The children were startled to see Nero holding a huge stacks of papers. He was accompanied by Mr. Poe, who looked at the children in disappointment. The children could hear the advanced computer as it scanned every students’ face, they could hear Carmelita starting a chant. 

“I hope you’ve been studying all evening,” Nero warned. “Because I told your teachers to make these exams extra challenging, and the pieces of paper that Sunny has to staple are very thick.”

“Mr. Poe...what are you doing here?” Klaus asked.

“Well, I’m giving you a very disappointed look. You’ve been spending too much time with extracurricular activities. I don’t think homeschooling is the answer, but I brought along the necessary paperwork as suggested by Vice Principal Nero and by a gym teacher who I met wandering around creepily outside.” He explained in between coughs.

“That gym teacher is Olaf in disguise,” Klaus tried. “He tracked Sunny and I down and is in the middle of a scheme to steal our fortune and Violet’s,”

Mr. Poe pointed at the advanced computer. “Olaf? But…” he coughed. “What about the computer system Nero told me about it,”

“It didn’t work,” Violet explained. 

Mr. Poe watched as it scanned another student and stated the obvious. That the student was not Count Olaf. “It certainly appears to be working,”

“The computer system didn’t recognize Olaf, because he’s in disguise!” Klaus pleaded.

“What sane man would disguise himself four times in a row?” Poe asked.

“Who said Olaf was sane?!” Klaus asked incredulously.

“Believe me, Poe, I’ve seen this sort of thing before,” Nero began.

“You’ve seen three children preyed upon by an insane lunatic?” Violet asked angrily.

Nero rolled his eyes. “Children will say anything to explain getting bad grades and failing at their work as administrative assistants!” he yelled glaring down at Sunny, who flipped him off.

“Administrative assistant?” Mr. Poe asked.

“Sunny’s been working as a secretary,” Klaus commented. “Great job at picking a school for us,”

“Sunny should be in preschool.” Mr. Poe commented before coughing. “This doesn’t seem suitable,’ 

“No duh!” Sunny yelled, glaring and pointing at Nero in disgust.

“Well, if they flunk these exams, all three of them will be expelled, so it hardly matters now,” Nero explained. “Mr. Remora and Mrs. Bass will take turns asking you questions until one of you gets an answer wrong, and then you flunk. Sunny will begin her reappraisal with stapling these booklets of five papers each, and if your homemade staples don’t work perfectly. Then you’re fired. Well, a musical genius like myself doesn’t have all day to oversee exams. I’ve missed too much practice time as it is.”

“This is not Count Olaf,” the computer claimed as Genghis walked in the auditorium. A smile upon his face.

“Oh! Coach Genghis, come on in,” 

“

The children glared at the fake coach. Genghis was walking straight towards them, nonchalantly, whistling an irritating tune to himself. Their hearts sank in their chests as they realized how incorrect one of their assumptions had been. It was not the assumption that Sunny would not lose her job, although, that assumption, too, would turn out to be incorrect. And it was not their assumption that Violet and Klaus would not be expelled, although that, too, was wrong as well. It was the assumption that the Quagmire triplets and their part of the plan going well. As Coach Genghis walked closer and closer, Violet and her siblings saw that he was holding Violet’s black hair ribbon in one of his scraggly hands, and the fake pair of glasses in his other. And with every step of his expensive running shoes, the coach raised a small white cloud, which the children realized must be flour from the Sunny mannequin. But more than a ribbon, fake glasses, or the small clouds of flour was the look in Genghis’ shiny evil eyes. As Coach Genghis reached the children, his eyes were shining bright with triumph, as if he had finally won a game that he had been playing for a long, long time, and the three siblings realized that the assumption about the Quagmire triplets had been very, very wrong indeed. 

“ Where are they?!” Violet yelled as Coach Genghis stopped in front of her and her siblings. “ What have you done to them?!” 

Genghis' eyes were shining as bright as they could, but his voice was calm and pleasant. “Here they are,” he said handing Violet the black ribbon and handing Klaus the fake glasses. “I thought you’d be worried about them, so I brought them over first thing in the morning,”

“ We don’t mean these them!” Klaus yelled. “ We mean them them!” 

“I’m afraid I don’t follow,” He replied. “Now are you three ready for the worst morning of your lives?”

“ Quaggies!” Sunny shrieked, which meant, “Tell us where the Quagmires are, you rat bastard!” 

“You see,” Genghis explained. “The orphans ran laps all night as part of my S.O.R.E program, but they had to dash off in the morning to take these exams. In their hurry, Violet dropped her ribbon and Klaus dropped his glasses…”

“ You know very well that is not what happened!” Violet yelled at the Coach. Although the chanting of the students’ continued to roar louder than the conversation they were having. 

“ Where are the Quagmires!?” Klaus cried. “ What have you done to our friends!” 

“Stop talking nonsense, orphans,” Nero yelled. “We have an exam to take! Let’s begin!” 

Nero and Poe walked away to their seats. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny all glared daggers at the Coach.

“ Where are they?” Violet asked coldly.

“Who?” Genghis asked pretending he had no idea what she was talking about.

“ The Quagmires!” Klaus replied back.

“Oh, the twins?”

“ Triplets!” Sunny corrected.

Genghis gave them a devious smirk. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” Genghis replied. “Now let’s go, orphans, I want to watch you three get expelled.”

“We don’t give a fuck about getting expelled,” Violet hissed. “We care about our friends!” 

“Well, the Quaggies had to be punished for their part in your little...scheme,” Genghis whispered deviously. “So I walked them over to the cafeteria and put two workers in charge of them. They’ll be whisking eggs all day long, I hear.”

Klaus looked at his sisters confused, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. He stared back at the cruel man. “That’s it? That’s all they’re doing?” He asked suspiciously. “Whisking...eggs?”

“That’s what I said,” Genghis replied and leaned so close to the three children that all they could see were his shiny eyes and the crooked curve of his wicked smile. “Those two Quagmire twins will whisk and whisk until they are...simply whisked away,” 

“You’re a liar,” Violet said glaring at him.

Genghis smiled a twisted smile. “That’s an assumption,” he muttered as he walked onto the stage to address the crowd of students. He listened for a moment as the students chanted ‘Remember, you will die!’. “This school...has a new kind of spirit energy. A sense of unity and joy which you usually cannot find unless you are at a birthday party or a public hanging. I think the flunking of Miss Snicket and the Baudelaire orphans out of this school is bringing out the best of all of us. And so, without further ado…” 

“A violin cadenza in the style of the Human League!” Nero announced as he began to play a few sour notes on his violin.

“Dear God…” Genghis whispered in annoyance. “Whoa...no no...let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Hey Gomorrah! Sass! Test them! ” 

“It’s Mrs. Bass and my name is Remora,” Mr. Remora corrected.

“We’ll find out who’s full of remora soon enough. Test them!” he began chanting. 

Mr. Remora cleared his throat and addressed Violet. “Violet, in the story about my pet donkey, how many miles did the donkey run?”

“Six,” Violet answered confidently.

Nero began laughing. “ Six.” He mocked. 

“Yes...that’s...correct,” Remora explained confused

“Rats!” Genghis muttered as he tapped a bell.

“Klaus,” Mrs. Bass addressed the orphan boy. “How long was the book with a yellow cover?”

“N-nineteen centimeters,” Klaus stuttered nervously.

“ Nineteen centimeters,” Nero mocked. Laughing.

“Correct.” Mrs. Bass responded confused. 

Genghis rolled his eyes as he hit the bell.

Nero stepped onto the stage staring at Sunny. “Sunny Baudelaire, I need you to organize these file cards of students who owe me candy. But not by name! No! But by the color of candy I want!” he demanded as he threw a pile of file cards on to a small desk that Sunny sat comfortably at. She looked to the file cards and then at her siblings. She picked up the cards and began to shuffle them like her father had taught her to do some time before his untimely death. Nero continued to laugh but his laugh soon became silence as Sunny effortlessly and flawlessly sorted the file cards into piles separated by the color of candy that Nero wanted.

“Oh, that’s…” Nero said watching Sunny. Even her siblings watched her in awe. “That’s...very impressive, Miss Baudelaire. I must admit.”

Genghis growled under his breath as he hit the bell again.

“In my story about the mushrooms, what was the name of the chef?”

“Maurice,”

“Maurice,”

“Correct.”

“How long was chicken breast number seven?”

“F-fourteen centimeters and fi-five millimeters,”

“ Fourteen centimeters and five millimeters. ” 

“Correct.”

Mr. Remora and Mrs. Bass looked at each other with confused expressions. But they continued to question the two elder orphans as Nero kept demanding Sunny to do several menial tasks. But with every correct answer that Violet or Klaus would give and with every completed task that Sunny performed, Genghis would angrily hit a bell, glaring at the children with his shiny eyes as he waited in anticipation to see if he was winning all five of his orphan prey this morning. The comprehensive exams went on and on, sometime during the middle of it, Sunny had noticed that the librarian, Miss Caliban, had walked out after seemingly being annoyed by the rambling of an idiotic coughing banker. Sunny and her siblings wished they could be excused from the remainder of the exams because the exams were so boring that the three siblings worried that they would doze off in the middle of them and fail. But they dared not doze off. One wrong answer and one incomplete task would expel them from Prufrock and they would be in Genghis’ clutches. Violet tried her best to remember each detail Klaus had taught her, Klaus tried to remember each measurement he had taught himself and Sunny stapled like mad. Finally, Mr. Remora stopped and addressed the crowd. 

_____________________________________________

As Miss Caliban exited the auditorium, she made her way to her library. “In a world too often governed by corruption and arrogance, it can be difficult to stay true to one’s philosophical and literary principles,” she said to herself as she reached the door of her library. She looked inside and saw a mess of books all over the floor, a true sign of foul play. Her eyes fixated on a book that laid on the ground. She walked over to it and scanned its title in complete silence as she wondered what in the world had happened in her library. It had not been like this when she left last night and she had a sick feeling in her stomach. Her eyes went wide as she glanced at the book The Incomplete History of Secret Organizations. The title read. 

She scanned her library desperately wondering if the children had been in here last night and found the book. But if they had...then where were the children? She knew where Violet Snicket and the two Baudelaires were...she had just seen them on stage taking their exams. But where was the Quagmires?

It can sometimes be overwhelming to witness, or even research, a series of unfortunate events that rumble through one’s life like a mysterious automobile with its engine running. Which is why some people need to excuse themselves from time to time to a place where the world is quiet. Like a crystal ball ready for anyone who has an important question. I urge you to do the same...look away from this austere academy before it is too late. This episode in the lives of Violet Snicket and her siblings is nearly over, but there is still time for it to get much, much worse.

And as Olivia Caliban realized that sometimes when you are trying to find a quiet place to think, you stumble upon a loud mystery that will consume your entire life until it’s over.

_______________________________________________

“We’ve come to the end of the comprehensive exams and the professional reappraisal for Violet Snicket, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire. Violet Snicket is a fine student and passes language arts with high marks even if she’d been sleeping in class lately,”

Violet smiled triumphantly. 

“I’ve never encountered anyone more fluent in the metric system than Klaus Baudelaire. He gets an A-plus, two centimeters by one centimeter,” 

Klaus smiled triumphantly. 

“I hate to admit it,” Nero began. “But Sunny Baudelaire is a fantastic administrative assistant.” Sunny finished typing something on her little typewriter and handed it to Nero. “Look, she even edited my resume, highlighting my musicianship without drawing attention to the fact I never graduated middle school!” 

Sunny smiled triumphantly. “Magic,” she remarked, which meant, “I don’t know how I managed to do that...it wasn’t easy,”

“What my sister means is, did we all pass?” Klaus asked desperately. The three children resumed glaring at the Coach, who sat in a chair looking pretty pissed off.

“No,” Carmelita commented. “You’re not adorable enough to pass. You flunked! You flunked!” she chanted.

Violet and Klaus looked at one another annoyed as the crowd of students began to chant alongside Carmelita.

“No, no, no, no, no,” Nero said shushing the crowd. “I share your discomfort with orphans, Carmelita. But...I have to admit that Miss Snicket and the Baudelaires pass with flying colors. Mr. Poe, I will allow these three to stay the remaining trimester, and you may leave after giving me the candy.”

“Thank you, Vice-Principal Nero,” Poe remarked, coughing. “Baudelaires. Lilac…”

“Violet…” Violet corrected.

“The, uh, disappointment that I expressed earlier has been lifted by the fact that you clearly memorized anecdotes and measurements to the best of your abilities. And sunny, I may consult with you later about the bank’s latest quarterly report, which could use a more dynamic layout,”

“Fuck off,” Sunny replied.

“Not yet...you won’t!” Genghis said slowly standing up, turning towards the children. “This is a comprehensive exam, isn’t it? Well, I am their gym teacher, and I haven’t given my test. According to the Prufrock Preparatory Handbook, gym teacher evaluations are worth a full fifty-one percent of their grade.”

“That’s actually correct,” Nero remarked as Klaus gave Violet an uneasy glance. “But how did you know?”

“Let me...tell you a story,” He said smirking. “A long time ago, a handsome young man was expelled from this very school, on this very stage, for that very reason. So, one last challenge, orphans. And this one will determine your entire future.”

“We’d be more than happy to run laps,” Violet replied bitterly.

“You’ll see that we are in extremely good shape,” Klaus noted just as bitterly as his elder sister.

Genghis smirked. “I think there’s a better way to test your physical princess,” 

“I think you mean ‘prowess’,” Klaus corrected rolling his tired eyes.

“I think I mean ‘arms’,” Genghis hissed back. The two elder orphans glanced at each other worriedly. “Arm wrestling. No holds barred. Against an opponent who is as heavy and as slow as a bag of flour… Sunny Baudelaire.” 

Everyone gasped as Sunny looked at Genghis like he was crazy.

“Nerds! Arm wrestling furniture!” Genghis yelled. 

“Five bucks on Genghis!” Nero shouted. 

“This isn’t fair!” Violet protested.

“You’re a full-grown adult. Sunny’s barely a toddler.” Klaus pointed out.

“That hardly seems sporting,” Mr. Poe commented before coughing into his handkerchief again.

“Fine,” Genghis said rolling his eyes. He focused his attention to Klaus, who was slowly starting to shake. “I’ll take on the bookworm,”

“That seems fair,” Nero commented.

Violet looked from her brother to the disguised villain. Not that she doubted Klaus could take Genghis in an arm-wrestling contest, although if she did doubt him, she wouldn’t be wrong. She could see that Genghis was singling him out because Klaus was the easiest one of the two older orphans to fight against. Violet could already see that Klaus was slightly shaking at the mere prospect of Olaf touching him. She knew Klaus was not in the state of mind to do this alone and she wasn’t one hundred percent sure she could do this on her own either. She couldn’t chance this. Her siblings’ lives were on the line. 

She stepped forward. “You can take the both of us,” she explained. 

“Uh, I’ll pass,” Genghis said laughing.

“What’s wrong, Coach Genghis?” Violet asked.  “Afraid you’re not strong enough?”

“A real gym teacher could do it,” Klaus added, realizing almost immediately what Violet was doing.

“Yes, Coach Genghis, surely you’re stronger than two simpering orphans,” Nero said.

“Of course, I am!” He yelled as he sat down. Violet and Klaus looked at one another, both feeling very uneasy. They sat next to each other on the small bench that was placed on the opposite side of the table. Olaf slammed his elbow on the table, glaring at both children. Klaus nervously placed his hand into Olaf’s as he tried to stop himself from shaking.

“I’m right here,” Violet whispered before placing her hand around Klaus’ to get a grip on Olaf’s. “He can’t hurt you, I won’t let him.”

Klaus slowly nodded in response as Olaf smirked at the two children. Sunny noticed that Olaf was now completely focused on her siblings. She remembered something that Duncan Quagmire had suggested when Olaf first showed up at Prufrock. She looked in the directions of his shoes. She shrugged her shoulders as she slowly made way towards Olaf’s expensive running shoes, glancing up at him every so often as she crawled, making sure his focus stayed solely on Violet and Klaus. 

“This reminds me of a story,” Genghis explained as he pushed both children’s arms a bit, worrying them. Klaus and Violet strengthened their hold on Olaf’s hand as they tried to keep him from slamming their hands down. “Some time ago, two orphans came to me needing my help.” His voice was strained as he was using as much strength as he could muster to beat a fourteen-year-old girl and twelve-year-old boy at arm wrestling. “‘Coach Genghis’ they said to me, ‘We’re complete failures. We have an enormous fortune, and we're keeping it all to ourselves out of our own selfishness…’” 

Violet and Klaus glared at him as they tried to counter all of Genghis’ advances. Genghis was getting very irritated that the two children were holding their own in this arm-wrestling competition. Violet stared at Olaf with a face of pure, unbridled hatred as Klaus, who still had worry written all over his face, glared at the villain as well. He hated the fact that he was touching Olaf’s disgusting hand but he trusted Violet...he felt safe around his older sister. So as bad as it was, the fact that she was right there with him, helping him face his worst nightmare helped him stay planted in reality. “Then one day…” Genghis continued, his voice still strained as he pushed against the combined strength of Violet and Klaus. “They met this third orphan...this pretty orphan…” he said, making sure to whisper the word ‘pretty’ so only Violet and Klaus could hear. “What...a pity, this newest orphan...just like her father, in way over her head.” He hissed, although his voice was still strained, it was full of venom. A venom he hoped would distract Violet to where he could win this.

Violet’s eyes glared at him with a brighter intensity as she and Klaus felt Genghis exerting more strength. “ How do we learn to share?’ all three had asked me. How do we learn to give up in the face of all-powerful, very good-looking physical strength?’ And...do...you...know...what...I...told...them?!” Genghis practically yelled, straining his voice and his even his face as he spoke. He pushed the children’s arms closer to the table with each passing word, although it wasn’t an easy thing to do.

Sunny managed to reach underneath the table undetected by Olaf and even her siblings. She held her hands up, forming two L’s with her fingers to figure out which shoe she needed to undo. Violet and Klaus’ faces were strained with worry and exhaustion. All that was going through their minds was that Olaf might actually win. 

Snickets take care of their own. Violet remembered as Klaus felt her grip tightened. “ You can never give up!” She protested as she pushed Olaf’s arm back.

All three arm wrestlers grunted in frustration. “You can never... give up...if you find yourself in terrible circumstances!” Klaus protested, his voice strained from exhaustion. 

Olaf was too busy to notice the tiny hands unlacing one of his shoes.

“You...must...keep...struggling,” Klaus cried, his face turning red from all the strength he’s been exerting.

“You must struggle until you find a safe place to live!” Violet explained as Olaf was beginning to worry. The children seemed to be gaining the upper hand on him.

“You must struggle until you find noble and reliable friends!” Klaus cried.

Olaf using his free arm, grabbed the side of the table to hold his balance, as Sunny completely removed the shoelaces from his left shoe. 

“You must struggle…” Violet said glaring at Olaf.

“And struggle,” Klaus added, glaring daggers at Olaf.

“Until the world can see who you really are!” Violet yelled. Just as Violet finished her sentence, to everyone’s surprise, Sunny jumped up as high as she could, placed both her tiny hands on the hands of her siblings and worst enemy and effectively pulled their arms, causing Genghis to fall out of his chair and for his unsecured left shoe to fly into the air and land in front of Nero. 

Genghis looked a mixture of shocked and pissed. 

Violet and Klaus looked at one another and smiled. They then both looked at Sunny, who took a bow. 

“I love you, Sunny!” Violet squealed happily.

“Good job, Sunshine!” Klaus said patting his sister on her back.

“That kid came out of nowhere!” Genghis yelled angrily. “That’s cheating!”

“Holy Beethoven,” Nero said as he seemed to be looking at Olaf’s tattooed ankle. “I see what you orphans mean,”

“Finally,” Violet cried.

“What you mean is that I should keep on struggling, and then perhaps I’ll be invited to join a legitimate orchestra,” Nero replied.

“What?” Klaus asked incredulously. “That’s not what we mean at all!”

Nero picked up the running shoe and handed it back to Olaf. “Your shoe, sir,”

“Look at the tattoo of an eye on his ankle!” Klaus shouted.

“Egad! I know that ankle anywhere!” Mr. Poe shouted form the crowd, before coughing.

Violet looked hopeful at Mr. Poe. Everything is going to be okay. He’s going to be arrested. She foolishly thought as Mr. Poe stood up.

Olaf quickly put his shoe back on. “You flatter me, kind sir!” 

“Don’t call me ‘kind sir’, kind sir. You are Count Olaf and that tattoo proves it. It is too late to cover it up with a probably overpriced running shoe.” Mr. Poe said.

“I am not covering up anything,” Genghis said smirking at Violet, Klaus, and Sunny. “I need to wear these,” 

“Don’t be ridiculous! Why would a notorious criminal need running shoes?” Mr. Poe asked. 

Klaus’ eyes widened as Olaf gave each of the children one last smirk. He could feel the Quagmires notebooks in his pockets. He was afraid that the notebooks might be the only sign of the Quagmire he would ever see again. His heart dropped as Olaf faced the crowd.  “ For running, of course,” he hissed as he ran out of the auditorium.

Violet looked at Mr. Poe in pure shock. “ Go after him! Mr. Poe!” she shrieked desperately. Mr. Poe just stood there.

The orphans were startled for a moment, not only because he had started running so suddenly but because it seemed to the three siblings that Olaf had given up too easily. This worried them. After his long, elaborate plan of disguising himself as a gym teacher, forcing them to run laps, getting them expelled, he was suddenly racing out of the auditorium without even glancing back at the children who had begun to chase him.

“Sunny,” Klaus called out as he lifted up his sister. He didn’t know how fast he could run while carrying Sunny but he didn’t trust leaving her alone... “Come on, Vi,” he said to his older sister, who just stood there in shock as to why no one was helping the children and trying to capture Olaf. Violet and Klaus began to run as fast as they could, Klaus holding Sunny as tight to him as he could to make the bumpy ride a little better for her. 

They quickly passed the bald man and the Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender. “Wow, they’re fast!” the bald man exclaimed.

“Well...they have been running lap for two weeks,” the henchperson replied.

Just as Olaf was passing the Orphan Shack, Violet grabbed on to a loose piece of cloth from the man’s turban. She gripped it around her hand and began to unravel the man’s disguise as Olaf began to spin around in an exaggerated motion. When the turban was completely unraveled and the other end of the turban wasn’t holding on to anything, Violet fell flat on her ass as Olaf backed into the tin shack, causing it to fall over.

He got back up faster than Violet had and he continued to run. “ Don’t think I’ve given up on you, orphans!” He called back as he sprinted. “But in the meantime...I have two little prisoners with a very nice fortune of their own!” 

All three of the siblings felt their hearts shift in their chests. Olaf began laughing like a lunatic as he pointed a skinny, bony finger across the lawn. The children gasped. At the far end of Prufrock Prep, they saw a long, black car with dark smoke billowing out of its exhaust pipes. But the three siblings were not gasping at air pollution. The two masked cafeteria workers were walking towards the car, but they had taken off their metal masks at last, and the three could see that their faces were covered in white make-up. But this was not what made the children’s hearts sink into their stomachs. Although it was a surprising turn of events. What they were gasping at was what each of the women was dragging toward the car. Each powder-faced woman was dragging one of the Quagmire triplets, who were struggling desperately to getaway.

“Put them in the backseat!” Genghis called out. “Hooky, be ready to drive!”

“NO!” Klaus yelled desperately as he put Sunny down on the ground and began to run towards Olaf’s car. Violet and Sunny followed suit and although the three siblings had endured thirteen nights of S.O.R.E, the three orphans never wanted to run more than they did now.

“After them!” Violet shouted. 

The three siblings ran as fast as they could. Calling out pleads and begs to Olaf to leave their friends alone. Violet ran, her hair flying wildly behind her. Klaus ran, not even bothering to care that his gut was telling him this was not a good idea. And Sunny ran as fast as her legs could carry her, her mouth bared ready to use her teeth if needed. If you had been hiding the archway, spying on what was going on, you would have seen what looked like a strange race on the front lawn, with Count Olaf running in front and Violet and her siblings right behind. But if you continued watching, you would have seen an exciting development in the race, which was the three siblings were gaining on Olaf. The villain had much longer legs than the three siblings, but he had spent the last thirteen nights sitting down, blowing a whistle. The children had spent those nights running hundreds of laps around the luminous circle, and so their tiny, strong legs were overcoming Olaf’s height advantage.

I hate to pause at such a suspenseful part of the story, but I feel I must intrude and give you one last warning as we reach the end of this part of this terribly miserable tale. You were probably thinking, as you read that the children were catching up to their enemy. That perhaps this was the time in the lives of Violet Snicket and the two Baudelaire orphans when this dastardly bastard would finally be caught, and that perhaps the children would find some kind guardians and that Violet, Klaus, and Sunny would spend the rest of their lives in relative happiness, possibly creating the printing business that they had discussed with the Quagmires. And maybe they spend the rest of their lives in each other’s companies, happy and free from Olaf. And you are free to believe that this is how the story turns out if you want. The last few events in this chapter of Violet Snicket and her siblings’ lives are incredibly unfortunate and quite terrifying, and so if you would prefer to ignore them entirely you should put this book down now and think of a gentle ending to this horrible story. I have made a solemn promise to write the Snicket and Baudelaire history exactly as it occurred, but you have made no such promise, well, as far as I know, and you do not need to endure the wretched ending of this story, and this is your very last chance to save yourself from the woeful knowledge of what happened next.

Violet was the first to reach Olaf, she stretched out her arm as far as she could, trying to grab his arm to stop him from running. Her fingers graced his arm as she continued to stretch her arm as far as she could. “ Get back here! ” she called out to him as she grabbed the sleeve of his shirt. She gripped it tightly and was trying her best to hold him back. He noticed that she had grabbed hold of him and he elbowed her in the chest sending her back to the ground, landing on her ass. 

Sunny was the next orphan to reach Olaf because she was the closest to the ground, she was in the perfect position to attack his legs and maybe that would stop him from running. Using all four of her sharp teeth, she dove towards his shoes again, her teeth making contact with the heel of his shoe. It did stop him, but only momentarily. He stopped running as he proceeded to slip his foot from his shoe and began running again. “Drat!” Sunny yelled throwing his shoe at him. Her face scrunched up in disgust because his shoe was rather smelly and tasted utterly disgusting.

Klaus, however, didn’t say anything and he didn’t stop running either. He was putting all of his energy towards running, but he was not running towards the man he feared the most. Klaus was running towards Olaf’s car. The powder-faced women were shoving the Quagmires into the backseat, and he knew this might be his only chance to rescue them.

“Klaus!” Isadora shouted.

“Oh my God, Klaus!” Duncan cried. He reached the car. He grabbed Duncan’s hand desperately. “Help us!”

“We found the book!” Isadora called out.

“We can discuss that in a moment,” Klaus said desperately as he began to drag Duncan out of Olaf’s car. “Hang on!” Without a word, one of the powder-faced women leaned forward and bit Klaus’ hand, forcing him to let go of Duncan. The other powder-face woman leaned across Duncan’s lap and began pulling the car door closed.

“ No! Please!” Klaus begged and grabbed the door handle. 

“VFD!” Duncan explained as he tried to push the white face women away from the car door. “Violet was right! It’s all connected to VFD!”

Back and forth, Klaus and Olaf’s henchwoman tugged on the door, forcing it halfway open and halfway shut.

“The notebooks, Klaus,” Isadora called out.

“I have them. Don’t worry,” Klaus cried. 

“Klaus!” Duncan screamed. “Listen to me, Klaus! If anything goes wrong…”

“ Nothing will go wrong! I won’t let him take you! ” Klaus cried tears in his eyes. “ I’m sorry...this is all my fault….but I’m going to fix this. I’ll save you! ”

“This isn’t your fault!” Isadora reasoned.

“I’ll have you out in a second!” Klaus promised. Klaus pulled on the car door as hard as he could. 

“If anything goes wrong…” Duncan explained. “There’s something you should know. When we were researching the history of Count Olaf…”

“And what we read from the book,” Isadora added.

“We found out something dreadful!” Duncan said.

“We can talk about that later,” Klaus cried, still struggling with the door.

“The notebooks!” Isadora cried. The first white-faced woman put her hand over Isadora’s mouth so she could no longer speak. Isador turned her head roughly and slipped from the woman’s grasp. “The…” the powdery hand covered her mouth again.

“Hang on, Isa!” Klaus called desperately. “Hang on, Duncan…”

“Look in the notebooks!  VFD!” Duncan cried just as a powdery hand covered his mouth.

“What?”

Duncan shook his head vigorously and freed himself from the woman’s hand for just one moment. “Ask Violet….VFD!” he managed to scream again and that was the last thing Klaus heard before Count Olaf, who had been running slower without one of his shoes, had reached his car and with a deafening roar, he grabbed Klaus’ hand and pried it loose from the car door.

“ No! No! Don’t take them! Please! ” Klaus begged. 

Olaf merely glared at the boy as he kicked Klaus in the stomach so hard, sending him falling to the ground and rolling in the lawn with a loud thump! The villain towered over Klaus and gave him a sickening smile, then leaned down as close as he could to Klaus. “ Look’s like I’ve won! ” he hissed as grabbed Klaus’ ankles and began dragging him towards his car in hopes of kidnapping him along with the Quagmires.

“ NO! ” Klaus screamed, but Olaf merely smiled. Klaus began furiously kicking and screaming. Turning his head every which way. “ Violet!”  

Violet and Sunny looked at one another worriedly. Violet quickly looked from Klaus, who was desperately trying to dig his nails into the lawn to grab on to something as Olaf struggled to drag him into the car. “Hooky! Get ready to drive!” Olaf yelled.

“Stay here, Sunshine,” Violet warned her little sister as she grabs Klaus’ hands.

“ Violet! Please! ” Klaus pleaded as he gripped Violet’s hands tighter. “ Don’t let him take me...please...you can’t let him take me!” 

“He won’t!” Violet cried as she gripped her brother’s hands desperately. Pulling with all her might. “ He’s not taking you or the Quagmires! I promise! ”

Violet was exhausted but she continued to pull at her brother’s arms. Sunny watched with a frown on her face. She loved Violet and understood that Violet was her sister but she felt a ping of jealousy when Klaus had called our for Violet to save him instead of her. After everything she had done back in Paltryville, she still hadn’t proved to him that she could hold her own? Sunny just couldn’t fathom why Klaus was still acting as though she couldn’t hold her own.

“ Violet! ” Klaus cried as he felt his sweaty, shaky hands were beginning to slip from Violet’s grasp.

“ No…! ” Violet cried desperately.

Olaf began laughing. “You idiots better be ready to floor it!” He called to his henchfolk. “We’re going to be rich!” 

Olaf pulled Klaus’ legs harder trying to get Violet to let go. But even though her arms were tried from the arm wrestling match and her lack of sleep, Violet was still holding Klaus’ hands as tight as she could. She refused to allow Olaf to take her siblings or her friends away. She glanced at the car, watching as the Quagmires continued to struggle with Olaf’s henchpeople. 

Sunny watched in horror as Olaf seemed to be winning this little tug of war that he and Violet were playing. She looked at her brother and frowned. She couldn’t let Olaf take Klaus. She didn’t know what happened to him back when they had lived with Olaf. And the unknown was the scariest part for Sunny.

Never again! Sunny told herself as she quickly ran up to Olaf. Violet noticed what Sunny was doing but she wasn’t able to stop her. All she could do was yell a desperate, “ Sunny! No!” 

As Violet spoke, Sunny bit down as hard as she could on Olaf’s hands that held her brother’s ankles. “ Let go! ” Sunny yelled. “ Of our brother!” It was the longest sentence that Klaus had ever heard from his baby sister. The vile man screamed in pure agony as he released Klaus’ ankles quickly. The hand Sunny bit began to bleed. When he had let go of Klaus, the sudden absence of force caused Violet to fall back on to her butt for the third time. Klaus landed with a slight thud, dropping the Quagmires’ notebooks in the grass near Sunny. Sunny quickly gathered them, stuffing them into her uniformed pockets before Olaf could notice.

“ You blasted demon…” Olaf screeched at Sunny as his face lit up from an idea coming to him. Sunny’s eyes got wide when she realized why he was making that face. Before any of the orphans could react, Olaf quickly scooped up Sunny by the collar of her uniform and literally threw her harshly into the back of his car. She landed with a thud on the laps of the two Quagmire triplets. Her head resting on Duncan’s lap and her body landing on Isadora’s lap.

“ Klaus!” Sunny cried desperately. “Violet!” 

Olaf began to laugh maniacally as he pushed Duncan further into the car, to make room for himself in the back seat.

He put an arm around Duncan as he slammed the car door. He rolled down the window as his henchperson started the car.

“ NO!” Violet and Klaus yelled simultaneously as they both stood up.

“ Violet! ” Isadora screamed.

“ Klaus!” Duncan cried.

“ Save us!” Sunny pleaded.

“ Isadora! Duncan!” Violet yelled, tears forming in her eyes.

“ Sunny!” Klaus cried, tears already pouring down his face. 

Klaus looked at Violet desperately. “What...what do we do?” He asked, his voice trembling as Olaf’s henchmen began to drive away.

Violet growled. “Keep running!”  

Klaus didn’t need to be told twice. Both Violet Snicket and Klaus Baudelaire ran as fast as they could. They ran for their lives. 

“VFD!” one Quagmire screamed.

Sunny crawled from the Quagmires lap to Olaf’s trying to peer out of the window he rolled down. She waved her tiny hand outside of his window as if trying to reach for one of her siblings. “ Klaus! Violet!” 

“ Sunny!” they screamed in unison. “ Quagmires!” 

Olaf put an arm around Sunny, who tried to bite him. “Remind me that we need a muzzle for this one, ” he told his henchpeople pointing at Sunny.

As the Quagmires continued to yell VFD! As loud as they could, Olaf continued to laugh as his henchperson began to drive over the speed limit. He peered his head out the window so he can watch and laugh at the two orphans foolishly chasing his car. 

He grabbed Sunny by her chin and forced her face partially out of the car. “ You’ve failed your parents, you little bookworm!” He yelled to Klaus. Klaus’ heart shattered when he saw the look of fear in Sunny’s eyes. Even from far away, he knew his baby sister was scared out of her mind. “ And Miss Snicket...you think that you’re all that...but you’re not even close! ” He yelled laughing maniacally. “You couldn’t stop me, unlike your pitiful father!” 

Violet and Klaus continued to run. Both shouting “Give them back!” 

“Two fortunes down and one to go!” He called out to the two running orphans. “And don’t worry...my sweet...sweet...little Snicket...I’ll be back for you and your precious orphan skin!” 

And with that, he rolled up his window with a final wave to Klaus and Violet.

Olaf rolled his eyes as the Quagmires and Sunny continued screaming for help. The Quagmires had managed to push passed the white-faced women and began to pound on the rear window of the car. Violet and Klaus couldn’t hear what they were saying, but they could tell that Duncan and Isadora’s face was desperate and terrified. “Would someone shut these kids up?”

The Hook-Handed Man tried to shush the three kidnapped victims as he drove passed the archway of Prufrock Prep.

“ Duncan!” Klaus cried.

“ Isadora!” Violet cried 

Both siblings stopped running. “ Sunny!” they both cried in unison.

Violet looked to the ground in anger as Olaf’s car drove out of sight. 

Klaus fell to his knees on the ground. Breaking down into sobs. “ Take me…” he whispered.

Violet looked at Klaus as the young boy sobbed. “ She’s just a toddler...take me,” 

Violet walked over to Klaus and put a loving hand on his shoulder. He looked up at her, “I should have let him take me,” he whispered softly.

Both siblings had tears in their eyes. Violet fell to her knees and sobbed alongside her brother. “We have to go after them!” Violet screamed angrily. Her face streaked with tears. She turned to face her brother. “We have to go after them!” 

But Klaus sank further to the ground, weeping in frustration, exhaustion, and depression. Klaus knew by experience that Count Olaf would soon be long gone. This time, Olaf had not merely escaped though, but this time he escaped with Klaus’ boyfriend, his close friend, and his baby sister. Violet and Klaus wept because they both feared they would never see Sunny or the Quagmires again. They were wrong about this...but they had no way of knowing they were wrong, and just imagining what Olaf might do to the Quagmires and Sunny was enough to make them both weep even harder. Violet wept, thinking of how kind the Quagmires had been to her and her siblings and how accepting Sunny had been when she found out that Violet was her older sister. Klaus wept, thinking of how the Quagmires risked their lives to help him and his sisters and how Olaf was right when he said that Klaus had failed his parents. He was not keeping his promise to them at all, Sunny was now kidnapped and in Count Olaf’s clutches. And they both wept as they thought of the information that the Quagmires had discovered that they might never get to share with them. 

“What did Duncan and Isadora shout to you...from the car?” Violet asked.

“V.F.D,” He replied. 

Violet’s face grew dark with anger as Klaus spoke the name of the cult that her father was working for. Violet looked at Klaus and then at the direction that Olaf had sped away. She needs to find out everything she could about VFD and the dreadful secrets it is hiding. Perhaps it could help her rescue Sunny and the Quagmires. Perhaps it can bring Olaf to justice. And perhaps it could somehow make clear the mysterious and deadly way that she and her siblings' lives had become so unfortunate.

Klaus grabbed onto Violet and sobbed. Violet held her brother close. If you have lost a friend...or even a sibling, you know it makes your world feel incomplete, like a puzzle with a piece missing, or one half of a broken spyglass. I’m sorry to tell you that this story does not end with the rescue of two brave and noble triplets and a brave and noble toddler. This story ends the way all stories end. With the motto of Prufrock Preparatory School.

That motto is ‘Memento Mori’ and it means…

Remember, you will die.

Chapter Text

Chapter Thirteen:

The One With The Kidnapped Victims

It was not a pleasant ride from Prufrock Preparatory School to the newest location where Count Olaf was already planning his newest scheme to obtain the final fortune he needed for his...collection. Well, it was a pleasant ride for him, who continued to laugh maniacally as he drank bottle and bottle of trunk wine. With the Hook-Handed Man behind the wheel and himself in the passenger seat, Olaf continued to brag about his latest scheme earning him not one but two fortunes.

“I did it! I finally fucking did it!” He shouted happily as he hit his fist on the glove compartment. “Hooky! Didn’t I tell you that with Snicket dead and gone we would be able to destroy the Baudelaires!” 

“Yeah...you did, boss,” The Hook-Handed Man replied uneasily. “Although technically you didn’t destroy them…”

Olaf glared at his henchman. “Can I ever be happy? Can I ever be able to gloat my victories without you and your technicalities ruining it?” He asked rolling his eyes.

“Well, I was just informing you…”

“I may not have completely destroyed those two blasted Baudelaires but with wittle one in my trunk, you best believe that the bookworm is destroyed, at least emotionally and or mentally. And that’s good enough for me...for now, of course.” Olaf explained laughing again. “And not only did I capture his precious baby sister but I also caught two orphans with sapphires as an inheritance! Sapphires! Those shiny red jewels will soon be…” 

“Blue,” The Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender corrected.

“What?” Olaf asked turning around to glare at his henchperson.

“Sapphires are...typically blue,” 

“So I can’t be happy,” Olaf said annoyed.

All of his henchpeople were very surprised that Olaf was calmer, more relaxed than usual. He usually would have tried to kill one of them for ruining his happiness.

“So what’s next, boss,” 

“We go meet my newest...collaborator,” Olaf said smirking as he opened yet another bottle of trunk wine.

“Boss, do you really think you should be drinking all that wine?” The Hook-Handed Man asked. 

“We had to make room for the prisoners somehow,” Olaf commented as he listened for any noise coming from his trunk. “Ahhh, there much quieter now. No more screaming for those pitiful orphans or yelling the name of that wretched organization.” 

He began to laugh again and he waited impatiently for his henchpeople to join in on his evil laugh. “ Klaus! VFD! Klaus!” Olaf mocked, doing his best Quagmire impression. “ Violet! Save us! Violet!” He wiped a few happy tears from his eyes as he couldn’t control his own laughing. “I can still see them...running after us...both so desperate...so pitiful. It’s such a shame we only get to kill the bookworm once,” he muttered, his expression turning dark. 

“W-what about the Snicket girl?” The Hook-Handed Man asked.

“She’s got spunk...but spunk only gets you so far in life,” Olaf replied. 

“I think she’s pretty,” the bald man replied.

Olaf glared at the bald man through the rearview mirror. “ You will not touch the Snicket girl,” he explained to his bald henchman.

The Hook-Handed Man sighed a breath of relief. “I’m glad you feel that way boss...it’s one thing to kill her but to...for a lack of a better word...touch her…” he began but stopped when he felt Olaf’s shiny eyes glaring at him. 

“Oh, I was talking about all of you . That pretty little Snicket is mine… ” 

The Hook Handed Man began to feel extremely uncomfortable by his boss’ tone. “She’s like...what...fourteen?” 

Olaf shrugged. “Doesn’t matter, I want to destroy her,” 

The Hook-Handed Man felt his stomach churn. He didn’t need his boss to explain what he meant because he knew what his boss meant when he said that he wanted to destroy Violet Snicket. It was not the same meaning he had when he spoke about either one of the Baudelaires. He shuddered. 

“She could be the ticket to two fortunes,” Olaf explained. “Which is why we have to go after her. The second that we have her we can do away with the baby because she’ll be dead weight,” 

“What about the bookworm?” one of the white-faced women asked curiously.

Olaf smirked a devious smile as he downed the remainder of the bottle he was holding. “Well with little Sunny in our possession...we really don’t need him alive, now do we?” 

Olaf cackled as loud as he could as he reached for yet another bottle of wine. His henchpeople looked at one another and then at him as they followed suit and laughed along with their deranged and unstable boss.

_________________________________________

The children could not see because it was so dark in wherever the hell they were. They couldn’t remember much. They assumed that they were in the trunk of Olaf’s car but they couldn’t be one hundred percent certain. All they remembered was once they got far enough distance away from the school, Olaf had demanded the Hook-Handed Man to stop driving. This was where Count Olaf and his despicable henchpeople blindfolded the three orphans, tied their hands behind their backs, and taped their mouths shut. Duncan and Isadora had struggled and tried to fight against the villainous adults, even Sunny tried to bite a couple of their attackers but all the children’s efforts were fruitless. They were surrounded by six awful adults and one by one the children had been subdued. Duncan couldn’t get the sound of Sunny shrieking when the bald man had ripped her from his arms. Isadora wasn’t completely sure but it felt like either Olaf or one of his vile troupe members had groped her when they threw her into the trunk alongside Duncan and Sunny. All three children were thrown into the trunk of his car as if they were small pieces of luggage and not small, precious children who deserved to be loved and cared for.

Duncan turned to where he believed Isadora to be, he tried to mumble something to her but he was unsuccessful. The three orphans were more terrified than they had ever been in their entire lives. It wasn’t even Sunny’s first time as Olaf’s prisoner, she could remember back when she and her brother had the awful misfortune to be placed into Olaf’s custody immediately after their parents had died. It had been a scary moment, to wake up and see the Hook-Handed Man carrying her away from their depressing bedroom and being shoved into a cage wondering where int he world her brother was at that exact moment but other than that, her time in the birdcage wasn’t nearly as bad as this experience, which I am sorry to say has only just begun.

Duncan could hear Sunny’s whimpers and his heartfelt shattered. How did this happen? He wondered. What was going to happen next? Was the only question replaying in his mind as Olaf’s car came to a screeching halt.

“What are we going to do with them?” Duncan could hear one of Olaf’s nasty troupe members ask.

“Should we get rid of one of those twins?” another asked causing Isadora’s heart to drop. 

Triplets! Duncan thought to himself angrily. We are fucking triplets! 

“No, no, not yet, at least,” Olaf replied. “We need leverage...maybe after the girl is obedient, we’ll kill her brother,”

Duncan started struggling desperately, trying to break free from his restraints.

“Wait...you’re choosing the girl?” another henchperson asked. “Isn’t the boy older?”

“They’re twins, you idiot!” Olaf barked angrily. “And who cares if he’s older? I have more use for the girl than I do the boy,”

“ Speak for yourself, darling, ” a wicked female voice replied. The children could hear the sharp sound of heels clattering on the ground as they approached closer and closer to the trunk of the car. “The boy can be very useful, too, ” she explained.

The three children gave a confused expression at anyone calling Olaf ‘darling’. How the fuck did this rat bastard have a girlfriend ? Duncan asked himself as he could hear Olaf sigh angrily. “We’re keeping the girl. ” 

“Darling...I want a pet, too!” the woman whined, stomping her feet.

“We’ll discuss that later,” 

“But darling, orphans are in! Hostages are in! Revenge is in! ” the voice screeched.

“Yes, yes. I know. You’ve told me like a million times…” Olaf replied in a whisper, knowing full well that the orphans in his trunk could hear him and he didn’t want anything messing up his plans in the slight chance that the two remaining clever brats find his captives.

Isadora tried her best to hear what Olaf was saying. “Now...speaking of… orphans ,” Olaf began saying ‘orphans’ in the lowest tone he could muster. “Did you get that little arrangement settled?” 

“Oh, yes!” the woman said laughing. “Our package should be here tomorrow afternoon!” 

“Wonderful,” 

“I have your disguise picked out already,” the woman whispered to Olaf.

“Wait...what?”

“You’ll love it, darling, it’s smashing!” 

“Uh-huh,” he replied in a very unamused tone.

“Now can I see them?” the woman squealed pointing towards the trunk.

“Do you have the supplies?” Olaf asked.

Sunny could hear the shuffling of the woman’s coat. “Of course I do,” she handed Olaf three syringes. He smiled wickedly at them and then her.

“Hooky! Open the trunk!” Olaf yelled at his henchperson who hurriedly began to open the vicious man’s trunk.

The woman squealed and clapped her hands in utter delight. Although, Olaf quickly saw her facial expression change. “Ugh, this one won’t do,” she said pointing a finger at Sunny. “Hmmmm...but…” the woman began as Isadora could feel a cold, detached hand grab at her face, “Ugh, this one isn’t very appealing,” 

Olaf shrugged. “I agree but she’ll do for now,” 

“Wait...what does that mean?” the woman asked in a jealous but curious tone.

“ I want the Snicket girl,” Olaf hissed in a tone that sent chills down everyone’s back.

The woman rolled her eyes after scoffing at Olaf’s statement. “ Which one?” she asked bitterly as Olaf glared at her.

“ We don’t mention her!” Olaf barked. His tone was a confusing one. The three orphans could definitely hear the anger in his voice, but they thought they heard a different emotion, one they knew all too well... sadness. “Besides she’s a woman! I’m talking about the girl! ” 

“ No, I am a woman!” The female barked back. “ That bitch is nothing but a thief and a murderer! Or have you forgotten?” 

Olaf took a deep breath.  “So are we...and we’re also kidnappers,” Olaf replied trying to change the subject point at Duncan. The woman glared at him but turned her attention to the Quagmire boy. 

Duncan could feel a soft but cold hand grab at his face. The hand turned his face to the left and then slowly to the right. “Well...this one’s more appealing than that one,” the woman remarked gesturing to Isadora. 

“They’re twins... my sweet,” Olaf replied.

Triplets! Isadora thought to herself. We are fucking triplets! 

“I wanna keep this one,” 

“We will talk about it!”

“If you get to keep the Snicket girl than I get to keep one of the bratty boys!” 

Olaf rolled his eyes. “I need the Snicket girl to get her fucking fortune, you dumb bitch!”

“Good excuse,” she replied bitterly.

“I’m either keeping Beatrice’s little mommy’s boy or the boy twin,”  

“We will discuss that later, come one we’ve got to hide them,” Olaf said.

“I know just the place!’ the woman replied. 

And that was the last thing that the kidnapped orphans heard. They felt sharp nip at their arms as they blacked out. 

When the orphans finally awoke, they woke up with the blindfolds off, the tape around their mouths was gone and their hands had been untied. But as Duncan and Isadora glanced around, they could barely make out the metal bars that were all around them. 

“We’re in a cage,” Isadora whimpered. It was still so dark. Her fingers graced the cold metal of the cage. Her heart shattering.

“...Sunny...where’s Sunny?” Duncan asked straining his eyes to look around the dark, dark room. The only light around was from a few candles that had been lit to offer them some vision.

“Here,” a small voice whimpered groggily. Isadora quickly rushed over to where Sunny’s voice was coming from and scooped the toddler into her arms. “It’s fine, Sunny...we’re...we’re going to get out of here,” she said although both Sunny and Duncan could tell that her voice was filled with uncertainty.

Duncan reached the bars of the cage, pressing his face against it as he began to scream for help.

“Oh, screaming won’t help you, Quigley,” a wheezy voice replied causing all three children to jump. Isadora held Sunny tighter as Sunny growled softly towards the direction that the voice was coming from. Both Quagmires could tell that Sunny’s growls weren’t as enthusiastic as they had been back at Prufrock Preparatory School. 

“My name is Duncan! You rat bastard!” Duncan yelled. “Where are we!?”

“Your temporary new home, orphans,” Olaf replied laughing. “I hope you children are comfy,”

“Fuck off!” Isadora screamed as she began to cry.

“Oh, darling...don’t cry. You’re not pretty when you cry,” Olaf said to Isadora, slowly walking up and placing a hand in the cage to try to grab at her. Isadora, who still held Sunny close to her, flinched back away from Olaf’s scraggly, bony hands.

Duncan, who could barely see Olaf’s arm in the candlelight, rushed towards the man’s arm, quickly grabbing it and twisting it back. “Keep your pedophilic hands off of my sister, you worthless piece of shit! ” he spat. His voice was so full of rage and venom, it took a second for Isadora to realize that that was her brother talking and not some hallucination.

Olaf yelped in pain but managed to maneuver his arm away from Duncan’s grasp. “Quigley...Quigley...Quigley...you will soon learn that that isn’t how you’re going to behave while in my custody. Hasn’t your little boyfriend told you anything about me?” He asked. Duncan couldn’t clearly see Olaf’s face in the dim candlelight but the sound of his voice indicated to all three children that Olaf was smirking at them.

“Again, my name is Duncan. And better leave Klaus alone, you fucker! ” 

Olaf reached in and grabbed Duncan by the shirt, he roughly pulled him against the cold steel bars of the cage. He continued to pull Duncan, allowing his face to smash and press up against the bars. Duncan’s face and skull were being pressed up harshly against the cage, he struggled to get Olaf to release him. Isadora and Sunny were huddled in the farthest corner from Olaf and Duncan, unaware that this was going on.

“You will learn to behave…” Olaf warned, tauntingly. “ If you don’t want to end up like that anxiety-ridden brat! ” 

Despite the discomfort and pain that he felt, despite the fear in his heart. Duncan stood his ground when it came to his sister. “And you will learn not to touch my fucking sister!” he yelled back at the villain in defiance.

Olaf smirked as he pushed Duncan away from him as hard as he could with the metal bars in his way. Duncan landed on his ass with a thump! That worried Sunny and Isadora.

“Duncan?” Isadora called out.

“Don’t worry, child. Your sister is just a substitute for what I’m really after,” Olaf explained.

Duncan glared at Olaf. “ Don’t even think about touching Violet, you sick fuck! ” 

Olaf merely laughed. “Oh...too late for that. I’ve thought about it... a lot, actually. And soon...she’ll be in your little predicament,” Olaf said between laughs. “I have a foolproof plot that will go off without a hitch…” he said as his casual laugh turned into one that was truly maniacal. “Enjoy your prison, orphans,” he said as he blew out the candles that served as the only source of light, leaving the children in complete darkness.

Duncan and Isadora sat down, Isadora placing Sunny into her lap. The three sat together in the darkness, contemplating their lives and how they got into this situation. After a minute, Isadora could feel Sunny’s head tilt up as it bumped her chin. She and Duncan looked down in the direction that Sunny was sitting.

“Sorry,” Sunny whimpered to her friends.

“Hey,” Duncan replied. “Why are you sorry?”

“Yeah, what do you have to be sorry about?” Isadora asked as she settled her chin atop of Sunny’s head. 

“This,” she replied.

“Sunny...don’t be sorry. We would do it all again,” Isadora explained.

“It’s what friends are for,” Duncan explained to her as he settled in closer to the two orphaned girls. “Besides you did the same thing for Klaus...and got captured, too.”

Isadora could feel Sunny slowly nod her head from under her chin. “Nick,” Sunny uttered, which meant, “You’re right. I’m a captive, too,” Both Quagmires turned their heads to look at one another, but as stated before, it was too dark for either sibling to see anything let alone each other’s facial expressions. They weren’t completely sure what Sunny had meant when she said “Nick,” but they couldn’t imagine that it was anything positive.

“Well...at least we’ll have some time to understand you better, Sunny,” Duncan pointed out.

“Before Violet and Klaus rescue us,” Isadora added optimistically.

“Notes,” Sunny said as she pulled out Isadora and Duncan’s journals that she had snuck into her pockets mere seconds before Olaf had kidnapped her as well.

She handed the journals to the two siblings unsure which journal belonged to who because it was so dark.

“Where do you suppose we are?” Isadora asked after a few minutes.

“Hell?” Sunny suggested.

“You’re not far off, Sunny,” Duncan muttered. “There’s got to be something,”

“There’s always something,” Isadora pointed out.

Sunny looked worriedly around the dark, dark room as she nodded her head. She didn’t know what to make of this. She didn’t want to be scared, although she was. She didn’t like Olaf hunting her siblings without her there to help protect them. She also didn’t like the fact that her friends were in danger because of her. But as Isadora began to lay down on the cold floor of their shared cage, Sunny had followed suit.

“Maybe we should get some sleep...to pass the time,” Isadora suggested. “You must still be tired, Sunny.”

“Here I’ll lay the closest to the cage door that way he can’t…” Duncan began but didn’t want to finish the sentence. He didn’t want to imagine what Olaf would do to his sister if given the chance. “On second thought,...we should sleep in shifts,” he suggested. “You two can sleep first and once you wake up then I’ll sleep.”

“Are you sure?” Isadora asked worriedly.

“Yes, you guys’ safety is more important than sleep,” 

Sunny nodded her head as she laid down snuggling into Isadora’s arms. Isadora had taken off her uniform jacket and placed it over her and Sunny to work as a blanket. Duncan followed suit and placed his own jacket over his sister and toddler best friend.

“...sweet dreams, you guys,” Duncan said after a minute.

“Wake me up if you get tired,” Isadora instructed.

“Will do,” 

And with that, the two orphaned girls despite the terror in their hearts and the scenarios playing in their heads closed their eyes to sleep. All three orphans hoping that this was all just a super realistic nightmare that would be over the minute they opened their eyes.

Chapter Text

Chapter Fourteen:

The One When Violet and Klaus Are Off to a New Guardian