Work Text:
David woke up much earlier than he was accustomed to, but had no time to notice if he was tired or not. He barely had a chance to register that he was not where he was expecting to be before Ray burst through the door. A way too chipper “Good morning, Patrick! Would you like breakfast before you go to the store?” should have shocked him immediately into awakeness. Instead he responded “yes, please,” and sat blinking at the unfamiliar wallpaper while Ray walked out humming to himself.
I’m at Ray’s house. And he called me Patrick.
“Patrick? How many eggs would you like?” And here’s Ray again. In my--Patrick’s? Bedroom. “Three, please.” David was awake enough this time to notice that was not his voice. It was definitely Patrick’s voice and he was definitely in Patrick’s bedroom and oh god what was happening?
---
Patrick woke up by nearly falling out of bed. A bed which was smaller than the bed he had gone to sleep in and was in a hotel room? A hotel room he was sharing with Alexis Rose. He and David had shared a bottle of wine after the opening last night, that wasn’t enough to have forgotten going home with him. Wanting to go home with him? Sure. Hugging him a little longer than was strictly professional? Absolutely. But being drunk enough to act on it and forget it? He’d be feeling a lot more hungover now.
Where is David?
Patrick looked down at his hands in his lap, trying to piece together how he ended up in David’s hotel room. In David’s bed.
Those aren’t my hands.
He flexed his fingers and stared at the familiar, but not his, digits.
“Ew, David, what are you doing?” Patrick ignored her. “David!” “What?!” “Did you and your cute little business partner have a good opening night?” “Cute?” “Yes, so have you asked him out yet?” Patrick just stared at her. “Oh you poor thing. He said no. This is going to be like so awkward now. You just opened a store together and he rejected you. He’s probably going to be very professional about it though. Don’t worry, David. He’ll forget about it soon enough.” “Uh, no, I haven’t asked him.”
Patrick knew that he couldn’t trust completely what Alexis had said. Or implied. But he also knew that there was at least a chance that this confusing swirl of feelings he’d been having were reciprocated. Or had been reciprocated. That could be why David hadn’t asked him out after all. He could have moved on.
Oh god why am I not worried about literally being in the wrong body? Where is David?
A phone on the bedside table rang, and a picture of Patrick smiling in front of Rose Apothecary lit up the screen. He has a picture of me on his phone? “Hello?” “Hi David, it’s Patrick” the voice on the other line quipped. “David. Please tell me you have my body.” “How did this happen?” his voice went high pitched and almost squeaky and held, perhaps, the amount of worry that Patrick should have been feeling himself. “I don’t know. But we need to open the store in an hour. Let’s get breakfast at the cafe first.” “I already ate. Ray made me breakfast.” “I am so sorry.” “You’re sorry he made me breakfast?” “No, I’m sorry that you had to be so… social at this time of day.” “Well, next time we switch bodies, maybe you can have your own place first. But breakfast was nice.” “Good. Well, my roommate did not make me breakfast, so I will be at the cafe. If you bring my wallet I’ll buy you a coffee.”
---
Patrick sat hunched over in a booth at the cafe, exhausted from the exertion of being David. The balance between enthusiasm and general aloofness was trying him, and even worse when he tried to order a cup of tea, Twyla insisted she’d give it to him on the way out so it would still be hot for Patrick. He sat with David’s usual cup of sugar coffee order instead.
“What did you do to my hair?!” David’s arrival startled him. “Nothing?” “It looks like it! You’ve let people see me like this.” “I’m sorry. Your body didn’t exactly come with instructions.” “My body. You’ve seen my body. Oh my god” Patrick blushed. “Oh my god,” David repeated softly to himself. “Well, you saw mine too, so we’re even.” The thought made Patrick blush even more. Luckily Twyla came just then with their tea. David took a sip and grimaced. “Is that not what you wanted? It’s the same tea you had yesterday and called ‘very nice’. Unless I got them mixed up again, there aren’t any labels so I have to sort of guess.” Patrick did think the tea was very nice, and willed Twyla to leave so they could swap beverages. “Patrick, you did enjoy that tea yesterday, right?” David, luckily, took the hint. “Yes, it’s very nice. Thank you, Twyla.”
---
When they opened the store, Patrick flipped the light switch behind the register and it turned on like nothing had happened. “Didn’t that flicker out last night? Did you fix it again?” David questioned. “It did and I didn’t. I was going to call an electrician to do it properly.” “Do you think it has something to do with…” he gestured between them meaningfully. “How?” “I don’t know, how do two people just switch bodies?” “I don’t know, David.” “And how do we switch back?” “David.” “Right. It’s just that I have had a lot of surprises today? And I don’t think that I can handle pretending to be you to Ray again tonight.” “I’m sorry.” “This isn’t your fault.” “No, but it is my fault that I live with such a… friendly roommate.”
After what felt like hours of replenishing stock and fronting product, David couldn’t contain himself anymore. He abandoned a box of candles and turned to Patrick instead. “Did you upset one of our vendors and get us cursed?” Patrick didn’t even look up from the spreadsheet he was going over to respond, “You think it’s a curse to be in my body?” David snorted. “Do you? Think it’s a curse to be in mine?” Patrick did look up now, and made eye contact with David. “Maybe it’s a friendly curse.” David went back to his candles with a small smile. “Maybe.”
---
Stevie cleared her throat as she approached the register. Neither David nor Patrick had acknowledged her when she entered the store. “Just buying some more wine. You guys are actually stocking some decent stuff.” David scoffed. “Carefully curated products. Not ‘decent stuff’.” Stevie rolled her eyes “Okay, David.” “How did you know?!” “What?” “David, she doesn’t know. Or didn’t.” “Know what?” David sighed dramatically. “I woke up in Patrick’s body this morning.” “Dream come true?” Patrick blushed and flashed David’s dimples. David glared. “Not the sort of freaky you were hoping for your Friday?” “Nevermind. Can you help us?” “What do you think I am? A witch? ” “You might… know things. You’re from Schitt’s Creek.” “Wow. On second thought, I think I have enough wine and home. Bye.” “Stevie!”
“I don’t know, did you google it?” “How would I even google that?” Stevie looked thoughtful for a moment and almost whispered, “a kiss.” “What?” Patrick and David both asked, confused. “You know, all the spells in the movies are broken by a kiss.” David shook his head and rang up Stevie’s wine.
---
“You know, Alexis and I had an interesting conversation this morning,” Patrick remarked, after the end of a small rush of customers had left the store. “Oh?” David was straightening rows of facial products, ensuring that the Rose Apothecary label was neatly facing forward. “Apparently I’m your cute business partner.” “You’re my only business partner.” “Right, but what she said was ‘cute’” David hmmm-ed and continued straightening. “She also seemed to be expecting you to be asking me out.” “Is there a question there?” Patrick took the lack of denial to be a good sign.
---
They had just started to lock up by the time Patrick worked up the courage to suggest they try to switch back. There was no rational reason for switching bodies with your business partner/crush, so no rational method to un-switch. But Stevie had given them the only idea they had come up with all day, so they may as well give it a go. And while the concept of kissing himself was an odd one, the idea of kissing David--and it was technically David--was the most exciting and terrifying thing that Patrick could think of.
“We could try it, you know,” Patrick finally found the courage to say. “If you would be okay with that,” he added hastily. “Try what?” “A kiss” David held eye contact for long enough that Patrick was certain he wasn’t going to agree. Finally he reached up to grab Patrick by the back of his head and pulled him into a kiss. A thorough one, to give it a good chance of working, he would explain if it was questioned. The light flickered out again and Patrick pulled away from the kiss with a whimper.
“Did that?” Patrick started to ask, but stopped when he realized he was himself again. “It did.” David was grinning. Patrick leaned in for a second kiss. “Can we talk tomorrow?”