Work Text:
Every year, the royal palace of Arendelle glows white.
The sovereign of the kingdom, the young queen Elsa, was called the Snow Queen and not by chance.
Every year, on Christmas day, the palace of Arendelle hosts a big party in which all good characters from animated movie take part. People danced, sang, played and exchanged gifts, in an atmosphere of joy and carefree.
As always, it was Elsa who opened the dances, along with her boyfriend Jack Frost, followed by her sister Anna and all the princes and princesses, the royals and ordinary citizens, animals and magical creatures.
As every year, however, there was someone who asked the same question: What did their enemies do during the party?
Why did they never try to attack them while they were unarmed, helpless and unprepared for combat?
The answer was simple, as only Christmas miracles can be. They, too, after all, liked parties.
At the opposite end of the world, far from the temperate Arendelle, stood the Forbidden Mountain, seat of the Lady of All Evil, the powerful witch Maleficent.
Every year, on Christmas day, even her castle lights up, not of the white of the snow, but rather of the black of death and the red of blood.
And from the great hall came at that moment sharp and drilling cries, which did not derive from the pain of losing a loved one or from the suffering of torture, but rather from the most genuine, legitimate and profound frustration.
" OK, THIS IS ENOUGH!"
A scream of uncontrollable rage exploded in the Great Hall. The large room with its shiny slate walls was barely lit by huge torches of green fire, and by the little light that leaked through the wide Gothic windows, soaring over a barren, gloomy and desolate landscape:the Moors.
In the middle of the room, a patibular figure wrapped in fire shouted furiously at his annoyance.
" It's incredible. I, the God of Death, forced to do such a thing. It's so humiliating!"
" Come on , Hades, chills the hot spirits," a tall man wearing a rich red tunic quietly added. "If it wasn't for you we would have finished half an hour ago"
"You have as much fun as you want, Jafar, but I don't intend to stay here a minute longer. I mean ... Do you realize it? We, the villains…preparing decorations? Does it seem like a job for me? It's a deadly bore, my eyes are crossing, and this sticky stuff is dabbing my fingers" Hades shouted, waving his arms like a madman.
" Look at your mouth " Ursula broke in, raising a few yellowish and rotting fish bones with her tentacles. Other similar ones hung above the windows like festoons. " My gelatin is a patented product!"
" Well, you should have patented it better, it looks like the slime of a Cyclops" Hade rubbed his hands on the tunic of wind and threw a punch at the black stone table that occupied the center of the big room. " This is a job for henchmen"
"Really?" The sea witch asked, putting her hands on her hips. "Well, it doesn't seem to me that your little devils were of much use."
Here, with a tentacle, she pointed to the ceiling of the hall, where Pain and Panic dangled from a beam like an improbable chandelier, trapped in a cocoon of the wire they were supposed to hang to the ceiling. The two little devils looked at each other, embarrassed.
" Hades won't be in a good mood when we can free ourselves," Panic stammered, twisting his fingers together.
"You want to say IF we can free ourselves" the other pointed out, indolent.
Panic hesitated a moment. " Yes ..." he said then, smiling happily. " I like IF".
"Come on, Hades, let yourself go," Facilier said briskly.
From the center of the room he controlled with his inseparable stick his numerous shadows, which flying graceful in every corner of the hall, attaching long and strange garlands on the walls of the large room. Some of them were made of braided bones, others of thorny brambles, others of those looked like cobwebs.
" We'll be through the preparations for a while and they can all come. I can't wait to see that crazy man, Rothbart, again, and dear Hans ... and obviously old Hook".
" I can't wait to see my friends again!" his wife Yzma exclaimed. " The dear Gothel, Madam Mim, Grimhilde, Narissa, the Fairy Godmother, then the Other Mother, Zelda, Eris and ..."
" Wait a second…" Hades interrupted her breathlessly. " Did you say Eris? Does Eris also come?"
" Did you got sulfur in your ears by accident? Of course she comes!" Yzma replied.
A wave of fire crossed Hades's body. After a moment of silence, the god turned his gaze to the ceiling.
" Pain! Panic! Get out of there immediately, we have a room to decorate!"
XXXX
The preparations were now going on for hours. The first bare and empty room had been decorated in a thousand different ways.
A group of cards cheerfully painted the walls red, humming a funny tune. At the center of the room, instead, there was a bare fir tree, decorated with dozens of skulls and various bones in place of balls and garlands.
" I'm curious…where are the skulls coming from?" Facilier asked curiously.
" What the hell do I know? Shan Yu brought them there, there is still some blood on them" Jafar answered pointing with his scepter the Hun chief, who together with his strong men moved tables and chairs.
The party of their enemies preceded songs and dances as the only program, from sunset to dawn. They, on the other hand, hated the dance almost like the good itself, so that to animate their parties they agreed: everyone tried to invent something to give a personal touch to the evening.
Meanwhile, the first guests began to arrive, in their best clothes. They came from every place and size, but they were happy to walk the whole distance if this meant they could finally reunite with people from their mold.
"This year it will be fun" Facilier said to Yzma. " It seems that Lord Shen and Tai Lung will compete in a Kung Fu fight. Then there will be the sword fight between Rubert and Shan Yu. Prince John said he wants to challenge the winner, but if I were him I would withdraw. Then comes a hand-to-hand duel between Scar and Shere Khan. Then the Fairy Godmother will sing us her last success. Finally, Rothbart will perform with his band."
" Does he have a band?" the alchemist asked.
" He does" Facilier answered. " With him, Clavius and Zelda. They call themselves The Forbidden Arts."
" I don't want to miss this, " Yzma said. "These three can't stay in the same room without arguing !"
She clapped her hands in satisfaction. "Anyone else?"
" I don't think so. Turbo wanted to put on a rally, but they told him there was no room. I also heard that Tzekel Kan wants to make a human sacrifice in front of everyone"
Yzma smiled interested. "This is ..."
" This is unacceptable," a third voicesaid. " The sacrifices must be made at a specific time, in a specific place! Didn't I tell you?"
The two turned abruptly. There he was, their best friend, as well as the celebrant of their wedding: black hair tied in a perfect tail, skimpy pre-Columbian clothes, a big nose and a smile long to the ears.
It was only a matter of seconds before Yzma and Facilier jumped on him with wide arms.
"My dears ..." he said after a moment of surprise. " It is always a pleasure to see you again after a long time, but it is advisable for you to leave: people are staring at us."
And since it was true, the two jumped back, and then grabbed their friend's arms more dignifiedly and drag it into the packed hall.
" But look at who's there! We have returned from the kingdom of the dead, my dear!" Facilier exclaimed, crushing his companion's cheek with two fingers. He immediately removed his hand in disgust, and rubbed it on his tail coat: his olive skin had a strange consistency.
" I had things to do over there" Tzekel Kan said. " These unbelievers are harder than usual during this time. They bring out a bunch of phrases about love and family, but if they believe we'll fall for that…well, thay are wrong! That bunch of lying bastards should be eliminated, from the first to the last!"
" Fortunately you are here now, together with those who really matter" Yzma trilled. "Finally you can let the beggars go and celebrate properly."
The other nodded, smiling absently.
"Do you like Christmas, Tzekel Kan?" Facilier asked.
" I'm honestly not used to it" the other vaguely embarrassed replied. "At El Dorado we had a slightly different calendar."
"I can imagine" Yzma chuckled. "The Sacrifice for the Beginning of the Year, that for Mid-Winter, that for Spring, that for the Hot Season, that for the Solstice ..."
" Don't you dare!" Tzekel Kan ordered, raising his angry fist. "You forgot the Sacrifice for the Equinox. Very important."
Yzma and Facilier looked at each other, uncertain whether to laugh or run away.
" Anyway, I don't know very well this Christmas everyone are talking about" Tzekel Kan said, settling his pigtail. "However, if the conditions impose it, I'm willing ..."
He couldn't finish the sentence.
" Get out of the way!"
A massive man, wearing a purple suit in a sixteenth century style, suddenly appeared from behind and pushed him to the ground with a slap. Behind him, a group of men in English settler armor chuckled mockingly as they lined up for two. A lanky little boy in a yellow suit ran behind the group, holding a pillow in his hand, lying indolently on a little white dog.
" Stupid savages." The man in purple muttered, throwing his cloak behind his shoulder. " Not only do they steal our gold, but they don't even bring respect to the real authority. It's decidedly primordial, isn't it, Wiggins?"
" Yes, Mr. Governor." the boy in yellow answered, always running out of breath.
Yzma gritted her teeth producing an inarticulate sound, while Facilier stretched his stick toward Tzekel Kan's hand to help him pull himself up.
"Ratcliffe ..." the sorcerer grumbled irritably. "I thought he would never been invited after the last time."
"What last time?" Yzma asked. " Do you mean when at the Thanksgiving dinner he called Shan Yu "dirty yellow face"? I am surprised that something of him has remained after that. However, if Maleficent says that we all come, everyone comes, even the brazen bullies "
Facilier cast a hateful look at the Governor, then turned to Tzekel Kan, who looked around with a look so confused that it seemed almost tender.
" Ignore him, my friend. That man believes to be better than us just because he has an army, but if he saw at least half of the things you can do…well, he would run away like a bunny."
The priest shrugged: " It's a real pity that the stone jaguars don't pass by the door, don't you think?"
Suddenly, in the middle of the room, green and black flame were lit, similar to those that burned on torches. Everyone present turned to them in a reverent attitude.
A mewing of pain was heard and an uncontrollable laugh crossed the room: the flame had formed right on the tail of Prince John, who screaming like a kitten and thrown himself into a jug of water to extinguish the flames.
Only Shere Khan didn't laugh: "It's not funny at all, I speak from experience."
The flames grew larger and larger until a human figure appeared from the crackling sparks. The powerful Maleficent, with green skin and black clothes.
"She has class." Ursula exclaimed, admiring the mollusk lipstick.
"At least she could help us decorate that damned room," Hades protested with his arms crossed.
" Oh, shut up, you remnant of a god." Jafar intervened. "Don't interrupt."
Hades would have gladly answered in his usual sarcastic way, but something stopped him. That something, to be precise, was Jafar's expression.
He had a smile on his lips, open and relaxed, a light and distracted look in his eyes, and his fingers caressed, absorbed in the stick's knob in a way that made one think that something big and unexplainable was happening in the mind of the vizier.
Even the Iago parrot, which fluttered nearby, noticed it.
"Hey, Jafar, what's the matter with you?" He croaked uneasily as he sat on his shoulder. "Jafar, I'm talking to you! Can you hear me?"
He pecked the top of his hat a couple of times: "Are you in love, by any chance?"
The last sentence was fatal for the bird. Jafar, as if recovering from hypnosis, blinked and barely raised the cobra-shaped stick. There was a high-pitched hiss and a croaking cry, and a moment later Iago was immersed in a cup filled to the brim with bitter rum, in which he struggled to stay afloat.
Another roar of laughter was heard throughout the hall. Pain and Panic came fortunately to Iago's help, animated by an unusual, but perhaps not so much, spirit of solidarity.
" Do you know what I'm thinking?" Pain whispered, taking care not to get noticed.
" What?" Panic replied waving his arms.
"I think he's really in love" the other answered.
And at those words, the two little devils and the parrot began to laugh apart.
Meanwhile Maleficent had finished materializing in the room, and the green flames were thinning. The figure of the witch was imposing, respectable: the torches illuminated her green skin and the large pointed horns, and traced deep shadows on her thin and staid face.
Diablo, her beloved pet crow, perched on a beam, rasped once as if to make an announcement; the witch looked at the people in the packed hall, then spoke.
" My dear and welcome guests, I'm proud to welcome you to our community's annual Christmas reception and welcome you to my castle."
Her cold and authoritative voice spread magically in every corner of the room. Many of the women present, even the vain Grimilde, listened with wide eyes, intoxicated with admiration, and even Hades had to admit that the witch, albeit a slacker, had a great charisma.
As for Jafar, his fingers were tight around his staff enough to make his knuckles whiten under the amber skin, and his expression was so absent and smug that more than one of those present nudged another and pointed to him laughing without him noticing it.
"The long speeches full of nothing don't suit our reputation and authority, so don't expect anything of sort." Maleficient went on. "Then keep in mind that this ceremony is not just a mere celebration. It's a symbol of our community, as opposed to that of our enemies. It represents our strength and the vision of the world that characterizes us. And it indicates, with its pomp and its aura of darkness on a day characterized by… " and here he turned her mouth in disgust " … the deepest and silliest goodness, that our authority cannot be and will never be questioned in no way!"
Maleficent raised the scepter and threw a bright green bolt towards the top of the stunted fir tree. The electric beam concentrated in a point above the top of the tree, condensing itself into a very bright green globe, which illuminated the surrounding area.
The witch put down the scepter and concluded: "My beloved companions, faithful servants of the Forces of Evil…The party is officially began!"
XXXX
From the main door of the hall, a group of devils in copper armor entered, holding innumerable chiseled plates filled with every kind of food.
At the largest table, Maleficient, Jafar and Ursula sat on stone chairs. Their faces appeared even more sepulchral in the cold light of candles.
A little devil trotted in their direction holding a tray full of living fish. Maleficient and Jafar shook their heads, while the Sea Witch licked her lips satisfied. She grabbed a fork and filled the plate to the brim.
" What a delight." she exhaled satisfied, eating with her eyes the still throbbing fish that gasped in the dish. She stuck one with her fork and ignored its spasms and swallowed it in one gulp.
"You'd better go easy on the buffet, Ursula," Jafar grinned. "That poor chair is only made of stone, it might not last long."
" Oh, shut up, you filfty snake" the witch replied, swallowing another large byte of food. " If you don't want me to grab you with my tentacles and hit you against the wall until you cry, you'd better think before you open your mouth."
The vizier couldn't hold back a hint of fear
" I preferred it when you were Vanessa." he said to conceal it . "You were less expansive, and even less expanded. What happened to that nice girl?"
" I don't use her anymore, not at parties. The last time Gaston was spinning around me like a hypnotized little mouse."
Ursula arranged the abundant backside in the chair and looked back at the other party.
" And anyway, Jafar, do you think I care about my hips? I'm not like those boring princesses"
" Not even mention those little girls. If I think that right now they are at their stupid party dancing with their crazy principles as if there was nothing else to do in their life, I want to burn someone." Jafar hissed .
" Those silly ones. They know nothing and can do nothing. You could sell them some sand and they'd think it's gold dust. And heck, they're so sticky. But it's enough for them to show off their beautiful face so that everyone forgets to groom them properly" Ursula continued, spitting out word by word all her hatred towards the sweet, kind, gracious adversaries.
"Not to mention their men," Maleficient said. " A bunch of dudes with a squirrel's brain. It's enough for their princess to stumble into a pebble and immediately draw their sword. And they don't even give thanks. They seem so happy to have a girlfriend that looks like a doll."
"They declare themselves good and then they plant a ship's yard in your stomach" Ursula snapped, punching the table.
" Or they pierce you with a sword." Maleficent hissed.
"Or throw your lamp in the burning lava," Jafar spat. " What do they believe, that just because we don't like them we don't feel anything?"
All three looked at each other, spraying the most heartfelt contempt from their dark pupils.
" Leave those geese alone" Maleficient said, after a moment of silence. " Leave them to their beautiful little party to dance and whistle. The day will come when they'll grow up, and they'll understand that their smiles will not lead them to become strong and truly respectable."
"You can bet on it," Ursula replied, and returned to throw herself on the food.
Suddenly, a little devil came up to the table and whispered something in Malefica's ear.
"Please excuse me," she said. " But it seems that the Queen of Hearts has decided to have Horace and Jasper beheaded. If you allow me ..."
She got up from the table and walked towards the other side of the room, where a bevy of playing cards ran in all directions, raising strange red and black spears.
Ursula leaned over the table and put her mouth to Jafar's ear.
"Did you bring what I told you?" she asked.
The man put his hand in a pocket of his tunic and took out a small chest of gold and precious stones.
" Here it is. Directly from the treasure of the Sultan of Agrabah."
Jafar opened the casket and showed its contents to the interlocutor.
The Sea Witch widened her eyes.
" It's perfect. I couldn't resist either" she said smugly.
Iago, perched on a nearby beam, greedily pecked corn from a dish.
"I say you should do it now, Jafar, before the lady gets distracted by someone else." he croaked, raising his beak from the food. Jafar shook his hand and nodded his head.
" Patience, Iago, patience. Now it's not good. Too much crowd and too much noise"
" That's right, "Ursula said, sucking a noisily oyster. " Too soon. Better to wait until the atmosphere subsides."
She threw back the shell of the now empty mollusk and, leaning on her large elbows, she stared at Jafar.
"Remember, be concise and dignified," she said with a low voice. " Look in her eyes and, above all, no useless speeches: straight to the point!"
" Your advice seems valid." Jafar said putting the casket back in the pocket.
" Don't bother, adulator. I know I'm an expert. "
Ursula leaned back in her chair in a gesture that in her intentions should have been sensual, and she threw back her short white hair.
" I bring joy to people's hearts. Is that what you do at Christmas, isn't it?"
Then she stood up straight and looked at Jafar again: "The important thing is that you pay me"
The other calmly took a second casket from his tunic and handed it to the witch, who opened it all excited and stifled a cry of excitement.
" You have proved yourself worthy, woman. Wear it carefully, it's a true emerald." Jafar said, looking at the dark figure of Maleficent.
Ursula put the big ring on her finger.
"Now that little slut Morgana will understand which of us has more style."
XXXX
"I'll tell you for the last time…disappear from my sight! "
"Come on, don't you feel like having a little chat with me?"
Pitch Black quickly turned around, bright black energy rays that shone in his pale hands.
" Listen here, you fool. I have no idea who or what you are, but I want you to leave. I can't stand you anymore."
The Boogeyman seemed more magnificent and elegant than ever under the transverse light of torches. The golden eyes shone with macabre rage as he tried to free himself from his extravagant interlocutor. It was from the beginning of the evening that he was wandering around, and after half an hour of stalking Pitch, the Guardians arch-enemy was very tempted to commit a murder.
He just wished that this hideous dinner would end and he could leave and go back to work. He hated Christmas like no other thing in the world: light, joy, colours ... A compendium of all that he couldn't stand. This without even counting the worst part of all: the influence of his archenemy, Santa Claus, who every time, that particular day of the year, opposed him with ever greater force. Not even the company of people closer to his tastes was enough to bring him up.
And now there was also that strange fellow who was buzzing around like a mosquito. It looked like a big brown jute sack with arms, legs and two hollow eyes cut into the canvas.
"Hi, I'm Oogie Boogie, and I want to tell something about Christmas", he had begun, and to Pitch's attempts to ignore him, he had responded by continually turning around him, without taking the slightest care of his annoyance.
Pitch didn't know who he was or what he wanted, but he was absolutely certain of one thing: if it hadn't been for Maleficent's strict protocol that prohibited fights, he would have removed him in a second.
"Looks like I need to explain it more clearly, creature. I can't stand Christmas, and I just want to get out of here as soon as possible. So avoid boring me with one of the usual speeches about the importance of this party, because I don't care!"
The sack crossed his arms, without ceasing to smile: " To me looks like we started with the wrong foot. Let's do this all over again, shall we? Hi, I'mOogie Boogie, and I want to tell you something Christmas."
Pitch looked up at the ceiling:" And I'll say it again because it seems you do not understand: I don0t like Christmas! Actually, I HATE it with all myself! "
The sack brought a hand to the hole that was his mouth and chuckled: " You are the one who don't understand: I do not like it either. I've been trying to tell you for half an hour."
Pitch fell silent, looking at the big living bag with surprise mixed with bewilderment and unexpected expectation. Rarely, to say the least, he had ever found someone to share his hatred for that annoying party, all lights and goodness. The idea that someone in front of him could share that hatred confused and intrigued him at the same time.
"Go on," he managed to say.
Oogie Boogiecircled around him hopping on his short legs and went on: "Some time ago, down at the old Halloween Town, I met that old man who everyone says is the king of Christmas. I wanted to eat him, you know, make me a gourmet dish with spiders and milkshakes, but ..."
"Sorry if I interrupt you." Pitch broke in, vaguely agitated. " What did you want to do? "
" I told you, didn't I? Eat him. Along with some juicy insects."
Pitch brought a hand to his mouth for a moment, then the fascination of that idea began to make its way on his face.
" Actually it wouldn't be a bad idea. He and all his Guardian friends. Including the dear Jack ..."
" Jack?"
On the hollow face of the sack there was a totally surprised expression. "Do you mean the same Jack who tore me apart long ago? Jack Skellington? "
" No." Pitch replied in shock. " I'm talking about Jack Frost the Guardian. I don't know any Skellington, and I don't see why I should know him. "
He paused:" What a bizarre coincidence"
" Right? The amount of annoying Jacks in our lives is definitely embarrassing," Oogie Boogiereplied excitedly.
" I'm starting start to like you, tall boy. Do you want to come and visit me down at Halloween Town? We eat a spider cake and we play a dice game. You know, I'm a player"
The bag winked, fiddling with a pair of fluorescent dices. "Then I absolutely have to introduce you to my lady."
Wich lady, Pitch was about to ask, wondering in his heart which lady could be so lost as to come close to such an individual.
The answer came a few seconds later in the form of a black-haired woman, wearing a pretty black dress with white dots that gave her a maternal and gentle air. To eliminate any semblance of sympathy and joviality from the woman, however, provided the two black buttons that replaced her eyes.
At her feet three strange little children were advancing, wearing respectively a devil costume, a witch costume and a skeleton costume. The children chatted to each other briskly, and Pitch picked up a few words: "pliers" "spiked mace" "pitfall" "poison" "insects".
He smiled in fascination: he normally hated children, but those three seemed at least tolerable, indeed, almost likeable.
"Lock, Shock, and Barrel" Oogie Boogie exclaimed. " Greet Mr. Pitch Black"
The children, at those words, ran excitedly in his direction, and clinging to his robe began to suffer from him questions as his admirers.
" How much scary are you?"
" You ever killed someone?"
"Do you know how to make pitfalls?"
" People run away when they see you?"
" Do you like spiders and milkshakes?"
Pitch looked at them strangely. Those little pests would surely have ruined his black suit, and their small little ears pierced his eardrums. There was not even the option to order Oogie Boogie to take the children back: the sack had moved away with the button-eyed woman, who also seemed to be changing shape. She became taller, thinner, and paler, and her good mother's skirt turned into eight thin spider legs.
"These people are obsessed with spiders," Pitch thought impassively. Just then he heard the voices of Lock, Shock, and Barrel cheering excitedly.
""" Wow, this is disgusting! Please, do it again!""""
Pitch looked at his hand in surprise: with all that talking about spiders he ended up shaping one with his powers, without even realizing it.
However, Lock, Shock, and Barrel seemed to like it. They seemed to appreciate everything about him: his powers, his appearance and even his nature as a bearer of fear.
No child had ever reacted like that before, and who knows how long it would have taken for such a moment.
"Want to see some of my powers?" Pitch asked, captivating, creating more black spiders with his hand.
Lock, Shock, and Barrel shut their mouths. Their sepulchral little faces shone with amusement.
" Wooooooow! You're incredible, Mr Pitch!"
Pitch squinted with amused golden eyes. "What nice children..."
XXXX
"And so I told him: of course you can see my cave. Only if you don't touch anything, you don't say anything, you don't think about anything and you don't do anything. "
Facilier sipped elegantly a glass of golden champagne and smiled as he listened to Yzma's story. " What did he do?"
" Kronk? What do you think?" Yzma answered, scratching the stone table with her nails. "He drunk a whole bottle believing that it contained lemon juice. He turned into a rhino and began to devastate everything. To pay the damages I secretly sold one of the emperor's mirrors and blamed one of the peasants for its disappearance"
Facilier chuckled. "It's almost better than the time I sold an amulet to an adventurer that made him fascinating. It ended up that his wife didn't recognize him and called the police. They were close to condemning him."
Yzma burst out laughing loudly, showing off the piece of vegetablesstuck between her teeth for who knows how long.
"Yes, you have class," she said, touching his hand with a skeletal finger. "Not like my assistant!"
And out of irritation, the alchemist squeezed the chiseled metal cup tightly in her hand, tearing it to pieces.
Facilier widened his eyes: how strong was his wife?
"I'll take another one," he said quickly, fearing the wrath of Maleficent. "Leave it to me, and no one will notice that one is missing."
The sorcerer rose from the table and headed for the exit. Yzma, left alone at the table, absently wiggled her fingernail on her plate, not caring about the condition of the food.
Suddenly, a movement behind her caught her attention. Yzma turned abruptly and found herself in front of a troubled-looking Tzekel Kan. His black hair dripped a thick flame-red liquid that streaked his dark face.
Yzma blinked twice and let go her plate, which shattered into a thousand pieces
" But what did you do, a sacrifice? You're full of blood!" she exclaimed, uncertain whether to be excited or terrified.
" This is NOT blood." he other replied, wiping his left cheek. "It's red wine."
The expression of the alchemist froze.
After long seconds of pause she managed to raise an eyebrow and speak. " And of grace, for what logical reason should you pour a glass of wine on your head?"
Before Tzekel Kan could open his mouth, Facilier came charging in with a look of deep annoyance painted on his lips. "The "logical reason" is that he didn't do it to himself "
And with a sharp gesture, he pointed to Radcliffe's table.
Yzma stiffened: " That piece of shit..."
Tzekel Kan nodded, dripping wine: "He gave me a gold thief, and as soon as I turned around to answer, he poured the whole cup over my head and said" Stay in your place, savage ".
He rubbed his hands on the cheeks: "Uh, this is disgusting."
"He has now officially exceeded the limit!" Yzma screamed, so sharply as to force the two friends to plug their ears quickly. " That bully ... How can he do such a thing? I ... I ..."
" Don't worry about it." the priest said placidly: " I solved by myself."
Suddenly there were shouts, and five gunshots sounded throughout the room. The two turned abruptly.
A table smoked, in correspondence of the five holes left by the bullets in the stone; beside the edge lay the remains of a chiseled cup. Ratcliffe had climbed up on his chair, his rifle in his hand still pointing at the empty table.
The entire room had burst into uncontrollable laughter, while Maleficient, aware of the damage brought back from her table, approached the chair of the English Governor, which, realizing his mistake, started screaming to the poor Wiggins.
Yzma and Facilier, who had eaten the leaf, turned slowly to Tzekel Kan.
" I solved, I told you" he said, settling his hair dripping wine.
His full lips twitched into a sadistic smile: "I turned his cup into a two-headed snake. After this, he'll learn to bring respect to the spokesman of the gods."
The couple looked at each other, then burst into a loud laugh that doubled over.
Meanwhile, the elegant figure of Maleficent had moved away from the table. Ratcliffe stepped out of his chair and strode forward to Tzekel Kan. As he neared him, he slammed him violently against the stone wall, then lifted the rifle and brought it dryly to his throat.
"I warn you, you little dirty pagan" he hissed. " Another trick like that and you'll find yourself rotting for life in the Tower of London. Do you understand me, impudent of a savage?"
That said, he drew back a few inches to see the expression of fear that he presumed to have painted on the "savage" face. But he had an unexpected surprise: there was no sign of fear on the marked traits of his enemy. The priest smiled quietly, granite-like, as if those words meant nothing to him.
Suddenly the Governor felt a touch on his shoulder. As he turned he met with his horror the seraphic, grinning faces of Facilier and Yzma.
" Now it's up to us to warn." the sorcerer said pointing the stick on the man's stomach. " If we see you again mistreating our celebrant, or we learn that you did it, you better hide because ..."
It was up to Yzma to finish the sentence: "Because otherwise we could, by pure chance, turn you into a nice little animal. Like a frog, or a blade full of fleas. Then we could, always by chance, suck away all the blood, and offer your spirit as a gift to our Friends on the other side."
She paused and concluded triumphantly : "Do you understand?"
Ratcliffe looked around, a look of pure terror carved on his face. He tightened his grip on the rifle and tried to argue. But before he succeeded Tzekel Kan made his way between the two. He grinned cruelly, and a green light lit up in his palms. A moment later two spiders the size of teacups materialized in his hands, madly shaking the eight paws like in a macabre dance.
Ratcliffe knew he was defeated. Grinding his teeth he threw the rifle at the feet of the priest, then turned his back and walked away towards the table.
Yzma wrapped her arms around Tzekel Kan's shoulder. "If that smirky whale tries to touch you, he will see what Christmas gift my husband and I will give him."
" Christmas gifts ... Yes ..." Tzekel Kan murmured thoughtfully. "I think I should thank you for that."
" No need ot thank us!" Facilier exclaimed, spinning around him with the grace of a royal cobra. " It was fun, and then ..."
Here he printed a kiss on the cheek of his wife, and clasped his friend's shoulder with his arm.
" At Christmas you have to spend time with the people you love, right?"
Yzma looked at him shocked. "Facilier! Since when have we got a moral?"
"We can take what we want, when we want, if we want it." the sorcerer said with a dazzling smile. " And now I want this: my beloved and my best friend. The rest can wait; I do not care"
And, having said that, he surrounded Yzma with his arms and kissed her on the lips.
The alchemist smiled and answered the kiss, tickling the sorcerer's forehead with her feathered headdress.
Leaning against the wall with his arms folded, Tzekel Kan looked at the two with a satisfied smile. And even if he would never have confessed it to anyone, at that moment he was sure he had felt a tear falling down his cheek.
XXXX
A man sat alone at a table in the corner of the room. His hair was red as clay, and his face was elegant and well made; he could almost look like the face of a Good guy, if it weren't for the dark and thin shadow that circled his eyes, making that aristocratic face almost scary. The man wore regal clothes, and on the table there was only a glass of wine and a piece of roast, not eaten.
Suddenly the man heard a thin rustling and lowered his eyes abruptly, without showing a sign of terror at the sight of the big black lion crouched at his feet.
"Is there space in your kingdom, Prince Hans of Westergard?"
He lifted his glove finger grudgingly. " Comfy at your leisure, King Scar of the Pride-Lands."
The lion seemed to smile through its fangs. " Finally someone remembers that I exist. I like your style. You know, if you were a lion, I could even take you as my second. "
" I feel honored, but I think I'll pass, "the prince replied with a glacial smile. "I'm interested in a different kind of kingdom."
"Ah, right." Scar rolled onto his back and shook his mane. "The Ice Kingdom. You know, I heard about Queen Elsa. Really lovable. Loud as Zazu and strong as a cockroach. If this is the queen ideal that you humans refer, I don't want to have anything to do with your kingdoms."
Hans chuckled. "She wasn't better than your nephew Simba. It was enough for me to tell her that her naïve sister had died because of her…and she believed it immediately. If I'm not mistaken, your nephew also did something like that. "
" You're not wrong. "Scar said.
He pulled out his claws and rubbed them against the stone of the table producing a screech of files. " But, what a grim life. So much ambition, and we find ourselves defeated by a couple of tearful kids."
Hans sighed slightly, and shook his hand around his glass. Then he reached for the chicken leg, but suddenly he started: the plate had risen in mid-air, and floated in the void in front of him as if supported by threads.
Even Scar noticed it. For a moment the surprise seemed to make him go silent, then he seemed to remember something. He sighed and began tapping the stone floor with his fingernails.
"Come on, let me see you," he said. " You don't make anyone laugh."
In response, a third voice replied: " In fact, I don't intend to make anyone laugh; rather frighten ."
The air around the table seemed to thicken; then it took shape, becoming a monstrous creature with scaly skin, purple like envy. He had an elegant and thin body, even graceful; it looked like a big lizard, but the eight limbs and the three small crests at the top of the head let assume otherwise. Two large green-eyed eyes stood out in the middle of the wide head, now staring Scar and Hans with an air of forced arrogance.
"Is there anything you need to tell us?" Scar asked.
" No" the creature said, moving gracefully around the table. "I just thought that if this has to be the table of registered losers, you should leave a place for the number one in the sector "
Scar rolled his eyes, emitting a roar full of annoyance.
Hans, however, inclined his hand twice, as if to invite him to sit down.
"Make yourself comfortable, Randall Boggs."
The creature stretched its slender body on the stool and filled a glass of wine.
"What are you doing here, Randall?" Scar asked without concealing his annoyance. " That factory where you work, don't have a Christmas party?"
" Of course it does" Randall answered crossing his four arms. " I would have gone too, but each time it's the same story. As soon as Sullivan enters, they forget about everything else. He arrives, he greets everyone, like he was the king of the world. "
At those words, Scar rolled his eyes again.
" Then everyone goes to him and they hang from his lips. "Hey, Mr. Sullivan, he was so good this year, keep it up. Now let's have a nice toast to Mr. Sullivan, who is our number one. I'd like to dedicate this song to Mr. Sullivan, because I admire him so much. Mr. Sullivan, can you take a picture with us? " What a ridiculous thing. "
When the curse was over, Randall clenched his fists and hissed between his teeth, leaving his forked tongue visible.
"I told you a million times, Randall," Scar said, crawling around the table. "Why don't you kill him and you don't finish it?"
" And I told you a billion times, Scar," Randall answered. " that I don't see how I can prove to those mindless idiots that I am the best if ..."
" And yet" Scar interrupted him. "On that occasion you had no trouble trying to get him out."
Randall clenched his fists in irritation. " You know very well that it was a special case."
The monster brought two arms to the temples. " Everyone believes that I'm worthless. If I could get all of them to eat their hands things would change."
"You're too soft, Randall," Scar said, grinning. " If you were a king you would have much clearer ideas."
"And what does this have to do with it?" the other hissed.
" Stop, both of you." Hans ordered.
Scar and Randall fell silent in unison. And at the same time they wondered why: Hans had not raised his voice, nor unsheathed any weapons, yet both were automatically plunged into silence. There was charisma in that man; his gaze was as cold as obsidian, but emanated the charm and strength of a true king. And for some reason, the more they thought about it, the better they felt.
" Do you want people to admire you? Do you want to become the king, or the number one, or whatever? Very well, you can do it. But I assure you that screaming at you in this way will not change things."
Hans squeezed the edge of the table, looking at the two quarrels with a watchful and glacial look.
Scar and Randall glowered at each other with clenched teeth. Then an idea seemed to make its way into Randall's mind. His big green eyes widened as if surprised.
"I may never be a king like you two and I'll never know what it means." He said. " But if you ask me if I know what it means to live in someone else's shadow ... Well, welcome to my life. Sorry for bothering you, I'll leave. "
The monster rose on its four hind legs which served as legs and started to get out of the chair.
Before he set foot on the ground he heard Scar's voice stop him.
"You'll not go anywhere." the lion ordered.
Randall winced. His very green eyes looked at the feline with circumspection. " What do you want to do?"
Scar raised himself on his paws. He walked over to Randall and pointed his thin yellow eyes into his. Hans, who watched the scene from the table, was surprised not to see any hint of arrogance in the lion's eye.
"Just drink something with a companion in misfortune," Scar said, stepping onto the bench. He looked again at Randall, and finally the monster understood.
After all, at least for Christmas, even the three of them could have put aside their envy. Perhaps it would only serve to make it stronger at the end of the party, but they were fine with that, because there was someone else to share it with.
And he decided that, at least for that evening, Sullivan and the record of scares would be far from his mind.
"I see we understand each other," Hans said, pouring himself more wine.
Three glasses rose in unison, while three voices proclaimed together their eternal struggle for supremacy.
""" Merry Christmas to us! Fuck all of them and their little friends. """
XXXX
" Hey, you. Skeletor, I'm talking to you. Did you see Eris?"
Rasputin turned wearily, looking up from his plate full of Russian blinis. " No, I haven't seen her. Why do you care so much, about her? Did she steal your car or what?"
Hades decided that there was no need to explain to that kind of living corpse that he had no unfinished business with the Goddess of Discord, indeed. He turned his back and held back a flame of frustration: he had been looking for Eris everywhere for at least half an hour, but he didn't see her anywhere, nor did anyone seem to know where she was.
Suddenly he thought he saw a purple and hopeful flash advanced in his direction. Here it was, the beautiful Goddess of Chaos, who animatedly talked with someone.
He took a sip of mead from a glass to calm himself and approached the gracious figure of the Goddess, talking to himself without even realizing it.
" Come on ... Keep calm ... Don't panic ..."
He ran a hand through his fiery hair and began: "Good evening, Eris. I've been looking for you everywhere. " "What a coincidence! "The goddess said, floating towards him. "I was also looking for you."
Hades instinctively smiled, then, suddenly realizing she was in a crowded room, decided that it was better for him and for her partner a less crowded place.
"Do you want to go out?"
"Very gladly," the goddess replied.
She took a hand from Hades and led him along one of the corridors. He followed her, smiling in such a way as to seem almost hypnotized.
From the terrace of the room you could see the dark landscape of the Moorland, lit by a pale winter moon: dry trees, gray and marshy rivers, barren and dusty plains and numerous ruined stone castles.
Eris sighed like a little girl as she looked at the sepulchral landscape.
" Do you like it?" she asked Hades, who had followed her from behind.
" More ugly than death ... I love it." the god answered, smiling, fascinated.
"I'm thinking of doing the whole world like that," the goddess said.
Hades looked again at the dark scenario. He wasn't so sure he liked it anymore. With that gray and opaque air and the subtle cold that danced in the air, it reminded him too much of the underworld, and Hades hated that place like few other things in the world.
The god looked up over the heavy clouds, where a thin ray of sunshine was visible with some effort. Behind, hidden from the eyes of mortals by the clouds, was Mount Olympus, the seat of his fellow gods. At that moment it had to be empty: everyone had probably gone down to Arendelle to take part in the festivities. And as usual, he was excluded.
Instinctively he wrapped his hands around the balcony. He hated them all, his so-called companions, and most of all he hated his brother Zeus, who lived as a king in that heavenly palace.
Suddenly he remembered Eris, who without realizing that he was not listening to her, listed the most beautiful creations of men and the way she intended to appropriate them.
He decided to reconsider the previous thought: he didn't hate all the gods, not all of them. Eris seemed to be the only one among them that he could tolerate. He felt her closer than he felt his own brother. Unlike him, who had been confined to the squalid and boring Afterlife for all eternity, Eris had spontaneously chosen to move away from Olympus, choosing to live alone in a kingdom of her own with the only company of a number of hideous monsters. Why, he didn't know. The Goddess of Discord was an enigma for him too.
" Hades? Are you listening to me?" Eris' soft voice brought him back to earth. The goddess dematerialized the perfect Parthenon miniature that floated in front of their eyes and surrounded the shoulder of the god with an evanescent arm.
" Don't tell me you're still thinking about Olympus. Trust me, you'll ruin your soul with this useless story. "
"No, Eris, of course not, I wasn't ... "Hades tried to justify himself by jerking his arms, but Eris's inquiring gaze left no space for any lie.
He sighed heavily and admitted: "Yes, I was thinking of Olympus. Give me a good reason not to do it."
Eris smiled, indicating that she understood. Then she dematerialized from Hades's shoulder and reappeared sitting on the parapet, the wind skirt that melted with the cold winter air.
" Still with this story? Really, Hades, you're getting boring thinking about it."
Her smile widened: "Do you want a reason why you shouldn't think about it? Here's one: it's Christmas. You shouldn't spoil it with these thoughts. "
Hades shrugged:" What do you want me to change? Whether it's Christmas, Easter or the end of the world, Zeusnever deigns to bring his Olympic buttocks down to the Underworld and ask himself two questions about his beloved little brother."
Eris's smile faded. The goddess folded her arms and floated away from the parapet, climbing up the terrace. Hades raised his eyes for the last time to the hated Olympus and turned towards the inside of the building.
As he passed Eris, the goddess spoke again.
"Maybe he is less important than you think."
Hades froze. Red eyes flickered in surprise as Eris spoke again.
"Maybe it's a good thing that he doesn't deign to wonder how you are. It means that you can prove that you don't need him to feel good. He's your brother, sure, but he hasn't been able to prove that he's worthy of it. Out here, however, there are people sharp enough to see how much the God of Death is worth."
"And who would these meritorious person be? " Hades asked, skeptical.
Eris just winked.
Suddenly both sensed a movement behind them, and instinctively turned.
Hanging from the queues at the ceiling beams, Pain and Panic towered them upside down. The two devils smiled amused, but the one who worried the God of the Dead more than anything else was the twigs that held in their hands: it was useless to deny it, it was mistletoe.
Hades' jaw felt, while the glass of mead escaped from his hand and spread to the ground. Eris, on the other hand, smiled quietly, as if she knew from the first moment what was happening. She turned to the two little devils and winked at them. Pain and Panic, pulled up, gave each other a laugh.
A few very long seconds passed before Eris spoke.
"Now" she said softly, floating around Hades. " Do you want to let yourself go?"
The god of the dead didn't know how to answer. To disguise the embarrassment he started looking around.
And finally he saw them, beyond the window, in the great hall.
He saw Yzma and Facilier drinking wine from each other's glasses, their arms intertwined and their eyes abandoned in the void.
He saw Tzekel Kan showing Hotep and Huy, his Egyptian colleagues, the best technique for a perfectly done human sacrifice.
He saw Ursula and Morgana happily tossing pieces of roasted snake against each other.
He saw Rothbart, Clavius and Zelda playing in the middle of the room.
He saw Oogie Boogiestroking the hair of the Other Mother in front of an inviting spider cake ready to be eaten, while under the table Lock, Shock, and Barrel gorged themselves with coockies.
He saw Randall Boggs, intent on showing his camouflage skills to a group of bewitched and cheering villains.
He saw Frollo and Ratcliffe sitting at a table on the sidelines, immersed in a fierce discussion about who was the most harmful kind of people between savages and gypsies.
And he saw Jafar and Maleficent in the middle of the room. He had just pulled a diamond ring out of his tunic, and ... Yes. It was true. He even knelt at his feet. And the expression on her face was indescribable, so much she seemed pleased, complete, satisfied.
While the fireworks provided by Lord Shen for the conclusion of the party began to crackle in the air, illuminating the dark hall with a thousand colors, Hades returned to look at the beautiful goddess of chaos.
"Yes, my dear," he said, smiling at the goddess. "I can do that."
Then their lips met, and every thought about Olympus seemed to vanish like a miracle.