Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"I'm sorry, but how does taking care of five year old relate to me saving the world? I'm a secret agent, not a babysitter." The agent looked outside of the office door to where a small brown haired child was taking apart multiple pens. The director rubbed her forehead before she spoke up.

"Sterling, that boy's mother was a vital field agent we had stationed on a secret mission to try and track down who might be trying to steal our agency's data. Wendy didn't leave any notes but before she died she said there was something important she needed to tell us."

"What was it?"

"We don't know. But he might." Director Joyless pointed at the boy fiddling with pieces of pen. "You're our best agent, maybe you could get him to talk."

"Usually I get people to talk through a combination of waterboarding and Nickelback."

"Sterling, please, we need to find out what he knows. Preferably without scarring the child for life." The woman opened the door and the little boy turned to the two CIA operatives. Lance sighed.

"This is going to be a long day...."

Chapter Text

"Whoa this is so cool!" Lance walked down the halls of the agency with Walter close behind him. The child gaped, ooohing and aaahing at everything. "You built this place underwater? Doesn't that seen a little impractical? How old is this place? Do you know what kind of material the structural foundation us-"

"Kid. I'm trying to think."

"Oh right. Sorry." Lance sighed as he pressed the button for the elevator. Entering the lift Walter noticed the kid playing with his watch. "You're a super secret spy right?"

"Kind of."

"Can tell you something super duper, really, really secret." Lance tried not to roll his eyes at the child.

"Sure kid."

"I've been working on this device that explodes glitter!"

"Why glitter? Wouldn't it be cooler if it just blew up?" Walter shook his head.

"Pffftt, no silly. That would hurt someone. This causes the nerurotransmitters in your brain to release serotonin!"

"What?"

"It makes people happy."

"Oh."

"Cool right? I'm trying to find a way to make kittens appear too." The kid fiddled with the switch on the side of the watch causing glitter to explode everywhere. Lance sighed, wiping the sparkles off his face.

"Listen, Wallace-"

"Walter."

"Yeah, right-anyway, I'm on a very important mission right now," the two exited the elevator into the weapons lab. Walter's eyes lit up with excitement as he saw the scientists testing out their gadgets. "And I really need you to help me."

"Really?!"

"Later." Lance entered his office with the now deflated Walter close behind. "Until then, I need you, out of the way. Here," Lance handed the child a couple of paper clips off his desk. "Kids your age love this kind of stuff."

"Mister, how old do you think I am?"

"I don't know, like, five?"

"I'm nine."

"Whatever. Just, stay out of my way." Lance sat down and began to type a report up about his last mission. The worst part of the job was the paperwork.

"Whatcha doing?" Walter leaned over the agent's shoulder in an attempt to see the screen.

"Work stuff."

"What kind of work stuff."

"Hey do you wanna play a game?" Lance turned around and Walter smiled.

"Really? Which one?!"

"The quiet game, whoever stays quiet the longest wins. Starting, now." Lance turned back to his computer and continued to type.

"...this is a dumb game." The agent groaned. Why did he have to deal with this?

Chapter Text

"Mr. Sterling, do you know why we called you in here today?" Director Joyless stood across from Lance who was now currently sat at the office desk. Two military officials sat on each side of her. The agent looked between them nonchalantly as he took a sip of coffee.

"Well I was hoping to get that weird kid off my hands but judging from the look on your faces? Probably not." He chuckled when a case was lifted on the desk. "What's that?"

"Well Sterling, you should know better than anyone." Their attention was drawn to the door where the silhouette of a woman stood. She stepped into the light revealing her face. "Agent Koeppel. Marcy Koeppel. And we're here to ask you a few questions, Sterling." She put emphasis on his last name, opening the case. Peering in Lance saw it was empty.

"And ugh, what an I supposed to be looking at?"

"You tell me." A woman with bright red hair and a short man holding some weird metal detector looking thing entered. The red haired woman typing away in a computer that projected a screen on the wall. A surveillance camera video of an aircraft landing. A video of...

"Me?" He muttered. Two security personnel approached him when the look alike clicked something. A drone appeared out of the helicopter, attacking the person before the camera abruptly cut out. "What the hell was that?"

"You. Killing agents on screen with a stolen m9 assassin drone."

"There's no way, it's dated two days ago-I was all the way in Hong Kong," Lance was cut off by the woman slapping cuffs on him.

"Sterling, you're one of my best agents," the director walked over. "I'm sure we can just talk this out and figure out what's going on-"

"Talk this out? There's bad hit out there, issuing my face. We don't have time to "talk things out"." Lance tried to walk past them but agent Koeppel stopped him.

"I don't think so." Lance made a face before backing away slowly.

"Aight, aight, guess we're gonna have to do this the hard way." He looked over at the table, tossing something small. The others didn't have time to think as the things, his cufflinks, sent out an electric pulse that knocked the room's power out. It took a moment before the backup generators turned on to reveal Lance was gone. Cuffs discarded on the ground as Marcy let out a sigh, tying he hair up.

"Why do they always run?"

~~

Lance panted as he ran to his car, slamming the door shut and slamming his foot down on the pedal. His mind racing a mile a minutes as he tried to understand what he just saw. How the hell was that even possible? His face-

"Hey Mr. Sterling, we're in a school zone. You really shouldn't be going this fast. And you forgot your seatbelt." Sterling almost choked on air, car coming to an abrupt stop as he pulled over. Looking behind he saw Walter in the backseat. Holding a large blue book as he tilted his head curiously.

"Wilbur?!"

"Walter."

"What the hell are you doing here?!"

"You told me to stay in the car, remember?"

Oh. Right.

"And you shouldn't curse. It's statistically proven to be detrimental to your-" There were loud sirens followed by red and blue lights speeding towards them.

"I don't have time for this," Sterling out the car into drive, speeding off again with the agency close behind and an annoying kid in back. Could today get any worse?