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They had shared hell together. They had shared meals together. They had shared victory together. They had shared grief together. And now, under what Levi knew
to likely be their last conversation, he and Erwin shared one final moment together. He was childlike, Levi thought so anyway. The dreams, the look of discovery in his eyes, the pout... Levi held on to it.
Erwin’s simplistic innocence, even as their entire world caved in around them, was intoxicating. ‘I just want to go to that basement.’ Levi had heard him say. It took everything in himself not to audibly scoff.
Of course a giant, ugly titan was raining boulders on them and all Erwin could think about was his dream. Levi thought he could have laughed, not in a malicious way.. more of a fond laughter. Maybe it was a comfort for the man at the moment. The familiarity of it.. the one thing that had given him so much passion and ambition..
“You’ve fought well.” Erwin deserved the praise. It wasn’t like anyone else was lining up to say it. He shouldered too much blame for a man that was asked to strip away his humanity. It was so easy for people to forget that they needed Erwin, that someone had to do it. So he had taken on that responsibility and done a damn good job, maybe even too good a job. They saw him as a ruthless killer but Levi knew better. No, Erwin wouldn’t die a monster. Levi wouldn’t let him.
“Give up on your dream and die. Lead those recruits into hell and I will take down the beast titan.” It was time to release Erwin from his chains, free him from the weighty guilt that tethered him to this cruel world. Levi would make the decision Erwin couldn’t make but wanted to. He watched Erwin’s face carefully. The solemn, sad expression slowly transformed into the softest smile Levi had ever seen.
He felt his heart flutter in his chest. The relief in Erwin’s eyes was overwhelming. He had needed someone to make the decision for him for once. Levi would shoulder that burden for him this time. “Levi-“ he finally heard Erwin speak. The way the blond said his name with an overwhelming amount of familiar affection almost broke Levi. He couldn’t though.. not when Erwin needed him now more than ever. Levi watched Erwin find his final words. This was it, the last they might ever see of each other.
Levi felt a burning in his chest. He couldn’t fathom the survey corps without Erwin. It wouldn’t even be the survey corps anymore.. would it? The man in front of him had completely shaped it into something meaningful. People stopped dying for nothing. Erwin found their purpose in uncovering truth after truth. Levi had never admired anyone so much. He held his breath when Erwin opened his mouth again. The chaotic air seemed to momentarily still around them almost like they were in their own bubble, safe from the rest of the world. “Levi, thank you,” he started and Levi lifted his body a little higher, a little closer to Erwin’s.
It was the most comforting sound, calming and pure. Levi let it warm his body while he closed his eyes and absorbed as much of Erwin as he had left. The soft familiar aura that radiated from the blond was something that Levi found irreplaceable. For some reason, he felt like he hadn’t experienced it in so long. It seemed like the warmth was a distant memory. Levi felt a pang of panic. Was he forgetting what it felt like? Why? Erwin was right there. Why did he feel so far away?
“Levi-“ he heard again, but he couldn’t open his eyes this time. They didn’t have the luxury of spending any more time together so why couldn’t levi move? Why couldn’t he see Erwin anymore? Levi could still hear the screaming, smell the hazy mist of blood in the air, and even feel the apocalyptic destruction gripping his limbs. He felt pinned to the earth, his head splitting in pain.
Why? Erwin? “Levi-“ again and again.. he could hear Erwin but he couldn’t see him. They were fighting the beast titan, weren’t they? Erwin had just agreed to let go of his dream.. hadn’t he? All Levi wanted was one more look at him. He remembered a night after they came back from schmoozing inner city government officials for sponsorships. Erwin had brought Levi for the very first time. They had ridden together afterwards on the way back to headquarters and Levi remembered how warm Erwin had been that night too. He had inadvertently moved closer to soak in some of it. He remembered that silly, all knowing smile on Erwin’s face. The man hadn’t drawn any attention to it at the time, but Levi knew Erwin knew. That warmth.. that was what Levi wanted at that moment.
“You’ve fought well,” Levi heard the familiar words. He’d.. he had said that to Erwin. Why didn’t it sound like his own voice? “Levi, are you alive?” A second voice sounded. His head was too clouded to differentiate them completely but he knew somehow. Levi had to say goodbye to Erwin. He had to promise he’d kill the beast titan. Did he already do that? Did Erwin know? “Levi-“ he heard again in that smooth, intoxicating tone. “Erwin.” Levi answered, finally cracking his eyes open just a little.
There he was, radiating that signature warmth standing above him looking down with that all knowing smile. “Levi,” he heard Erwin say, watching the blond’s hand reach for him. “You’ve fought well.” So it had been Erwin.. but why would he say that- why would he.. Levi felt Erwin’s hand touch his face and it seemed to come back to him. The all too familiar touch Levi had been starved of made him realize he really had forgotten what it felt like until then. It all made so much more sense then. rwin was gone. He had been gone for years and the emptiness Levi felt earlier was real. Erwin was dead. He died in Shiganshina because Levi decided it, and now? Well.. it seemed now Erwin had come back to take him too.
The rest followed. The four years without Erwin, the attack on Liberio, the babysitting Zeke and trying to maneuver politics without the one man who had a single clue what to do. They kept continuing to trust Eren despite Levi’s better judgement and then finally snapping, Zeke turning his comrades into titans and Levi being forced to end their lives. The thunder spear.. the explosion..
It all came back in a nauseating wave. He had made Erwin a dying promise and he didn’t even know if he had seen it through to the end. “Did I.. is he dead?” Levi whispered the question to Erwin. The man above him shook his head dismissively. “It doesn’t matter anymore, Levi. It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Levi!” They were shaking him in their arms. Hanji was desperate to hold on to Levi, bring any part of him back they could. But as Levi laid in their arms, even with one eye slightly cracked open, it was clear he didn’t see them at all. He didn’t feel any pain anymore. Erwin looked so peaceful in all that light. Levi noticed there wasn’t a single wrinkle on his face, no pinched brow, no stress lines in sight. It was just the Erwin only Levi got to see when nights were good and calm. He had never really thought of an afterlife but if someone was trying to make a believer out of him, they were doing a damn good job.
“It’s time for a good rest, Levi.” He heard Erwin coax him. The way he worded it made Levi feel like Erwin had still been alive when Levi made his vow.. a vow he most likely did not follow through on. But Erwin clearly wasn’t worried. Levi’s hand twitched towards him and his eye burned until a single tear slipped through the blood and dirt on his face. He could hear hanji yelling for him but Levi knew he couldn’t stay anymore. He had released Erwin of his burdens four years ago, a day Levi thought he regretted ever since. But as he laid there comforted by the fact that Erwin had come back to do the very same for Levi, he knew he’d made the only right decision then. Feeling his fingers lace with Erwin’s as his body lifted towards the blond’s, Levi was finally free. Erwin’s arms circled around him, pulling him closer to him and further away from the hell he had finally escaped. After countless days of agonizing over that day in Shiganshina, it had truly become a choice with no regrets.
With the world behind him completely forgotten, Levi touched Erwin for the first time in four heartachingly painful years. He spread his hand over Erwin’s chest and closed his eyes, soaking in that warmth he craved so badly. Levi lifted his head and opened his eyes to look at Erwin again. His purpose had been fulfilled, his fight had been fought, and now his turn for a good rest had come.
Levi was finally home.