Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Rey had thought, when leaving the throne room with the Supreme Leader's ship, that her connection with Kylo Ren was broken. The Supreme Leader had said he created it, and now he was dead, so maybe it was done.

Good, she thought. Whatever she had felt for and with that man through their bond was in the past; it had to be, because of the choices they both had made. She now tried desperately to think of him as Kylo now, since that was who he was, and not the Ben she had hoped for. 

But she was wrong. The force continued to connect them. She knew when Kylo gained consciousness again and realized that the solitude she had felt had only been because he was knocked out. The connection was even stronger than before. She could feel his hatred of Hux, his anger at her, and most of all the hurt that he was trying to suppress. However, she was able to separate herself from him by the adrenaline that kicked in once she was Chewie again. It was the same adrenaline, she would realize later, that had stopped her from feeling the bond while the fought together in the throne room once the Supreme Leader was dead. But she didn't have time to think about that once she was on the Falcon again.

She did have time to think about it later, when the remainder of the Resistance fit inside the Falcon, Luke Skywalker was dead, and the lightsaber was broken. The connection was not gone. She'd looked into Kylo Ren's eyes even though he was yards below her. She'd felt his heart beat even though they stood apart. She tried to hate him for what he'd done. He's evil, she told herself, but then the image of him with his hand outstretched to her, whispering 'please' would come to her, and try as she might to push that away, she still couldn't believe he was beyond saving. 

She was so tired. She couldn't believe that the last time she had slept had been on Ahch-To. She fell into the first available bunk on the ship and fell asleep almost at once.

It wasn't a peaceful sleep. She let her gaurd down in sleep and so the connection that she had been trying to ignore ran free again. Kylo was full of anger and frustration. It ripped through him fiercely and bled out to her as well. She awoke burning with rage and a feeling that she couldn't identify at first, because Kylo couldn't identify it or refused to acknowledge it, probably the later. It was something like regret and grief.

For Luke, she thought, but then she pushed that thought away. Kylo Ren was not mourning his old master. He'd hated him. He was probably mourning the fact that he had not killed him. She meditated and focused on her own breathing, bringing her mind back to herself and the anger dissipated because it did not belong to her. Then she felt him close. His emotions did not come to her but she could feel his heart beat and his breathing. She opened her eyes to find him standing in front of her bunk, watching her with expressionless eyes.

"What do you want?" she snapped bitterly.

"You know how this works," he said quietly, looking away from her. "I'm not choosing to be here."

"I don't want to talk to you right now."

"Yeah, I could do without it as well," he looked at something behind her that she could not see.

Rey sighed and he looked at her again. Their eye contact was tense, as it had always been, and full of the force. She could feel his mind again, not what he was feeling but his presence pushing in against her. "You could have come with me," she whispered finally.

"And you could have stayed," he countered. "We both made decisions."

"You know I couldn't have stayed."

"And you know I couldn't have gone with you." His expression was softer now, though full of intensity.

"You could have," she insisted. "You could have come home."

"Home," he repeated harshly. "I don't have a home anymore."

"Leia is your home."

He looked as though she'd just stabbed him. She felt a snap of pain come from him through their bond at the mention of his mother. She felt his rejection, not of her statement, but of her meaning that he could have returned to his mother.

"You could have," she responded to his unspoken reaction. "She wants you to come home."

"I don't have a home," he repeated, "and I very highly doubt General Organa would like to see me, not after everything that has passed." His voice was steady, but his eyes were downcast. "It's too late."

"It's not too late. She wants to see her son."

"Her son his dead," he spat at her harshly. "Ben Solo is gone." His eyes were full of anger. The soft expression on his face had been replaced by fury, but Rey felt, through the bond, that his anger came so that he would not feel his true response, the deep sadness that had coursed through him at the mention of Leia.

"I know that's not true," Rey insisted. "I can feel your emotions. I know you can be redeemed."

"I feel your emotions too," he reminded her, "so I know that you've finally realized who I am, that I am not Ben."

"Ben lives within you," she continued passionately. She reached out for him with her hand but he flinched away. She let her hand drop. "You've just forgotten."

"You aren't sure of that," he said darkly. "I can feel your doubt."

She signed, frustrated. She could feel her exhaustion as well as his. He hadn't slept at all and his mind was frayed from the events of the past few days. She closed her eyes and reached out to him through the bond. He closed his mind to her but she could feel his mind, the shape of it, ragged and raw. She gathered feeling of peace she had felt while mediating, the unity she had felt with the other members of the Resistance after they'd left Crait, the comfort she had felt when collapsing finally into the bunk and falling asleep (even though the sleep itself hadn't been very comforting). She took all these feelings and sent them to him across their connection.

He was surprised when he felt them, but relieved. When she opened her eyes, she saw that his face was soft again.

"Thank you," he whispered earnestly, and then he was gone.

Rey spent the rest of the voyage repairing the lightsaber and sitting with Finn at Rose's bedside. Sometimes Poe joined them, sometimes someone else. There wasn't much to talk about, and the confines of the ship were getting to everyone, especially those who were used to more freedom, like Rey and Poe. Rey slept better the following nights. She sometimes felt Kylo's emotions, but never so strongly as the first night, and she was able to sleep through them.

Half of her wanted to speak with Leia about the connection she had to Kylo, but the other half of her kept her from it. She came up with excuses like 'she's busy right now with strategy. I'll talk to her later' or 'she'll think I can save Ben, but clearly that's not going to happen.' Rey knew she was embarrassed about the bond and her feelings about it. She couldn't stand the thought that Leia might tell her to try to block herself off from Kylo, to resist the sharing of emotions and ignore him when the force brought them together. If Rey was being completely honest with herself, the bond made her feel less alone, and she couldn't give that up.

Finally they reached the outer rim planet where the remainder of the resistance and the Republic were congregating in a last ditch effort against the First Order. Rey began to train under Leia's guidance, with help from the books from Ahch-To. On the fifth night after they arrived, Rey was exhausted but proud of the work she had done with Leia as she prepared for bed in her quarters. Suddenly, she felt an odd feeling, similar to the way she felt when Kylo showed up, but different and strange. She turned around and found Luke Skywalker standing behind her, his outline a blurred blue but his face clear.

"Master Skywalker," Rey said in surprise.

"I see you've mended the lightsaber and continue down the path of Jedi training." His voice was the same as when he was alive, but just a little echoing.

"The war isn't over yet. Kylo Ren continues as Supreme Leader."

"Yes, I know, and you continue to see him sometimes, through the force?"

"Yes," Rey jumped at this opportunity to speak to someone about the connection. "I can feel his emotions sometimes as well, if they're strong."

Luke looked pensive but said nothing.

"What does it mean?" Rey prompted.

"It's called a force bond, or a dyad," he told her. "I've never seen one before; they're very rare. They occur between to force sensative people who can access each other's powers."

"Acess each other's powers?"

"Yes, how else would you have bested him when he was trained and you had never held a lightsaber before? How else would you have been able to resist him trying to break into your mind? The force bonded you and you became equals."

"That all happened before I came to Ahch-To. Why didn't you tell me then?"

"I admit I should have talked with you about it. I saw you with Ren that night and I panicked. I thought the connection would be a gateway to the Dark Side and was afraid. I should have remained calm, then I would have seen that there was no way you could be turned, as you have surely shown since then."

"Snoke said he created the connection, that he brought us together in order to bring me to him."

"He was bluffing. I think he was just as worried about the bond turning Ren as I was about it turning you. No one could create a force bond. It is a power belonging to the force itself, not those who access it."

"But why- why me and him? Why two enemies? We can't help each other; we're exact opposites!"

"In some ways," Luke agreed, "but in many ways you are similar. You both feel alone, for example. The force has brought you together for a reason, though it seems unlikely that either of you will succeed in turning the other."

"What do you think the reason is then?"

"It is unclear. Even with the clarity death has given me, I cannot say."

"What should I do about it?"

"To be honest, Rey, I have no idea. To continue to attempt to turn him seems fruitless. To try to gleen information from him seems dangerous as he may be able to take some from you. Be cautious."

Rey took a breath then decided to ask the question whose answer she dreaded: "should I resist it?"

Luke thought for a moment before answering. "The connection itself comes from the force, which can be trusted. If it is bringing you together, then I do not think you should resist. However, you should remain guarded against Ren. You can't know his intentions and when you trusted him in the past, it didn't end well."

"That's arguable," Rey said. "Snoke died, I lived, the Resistance got away."

"The only thing Ren had control over in that list was Snoke's death, which I remind you his did for personal gain. He would have obliterated the Resistance if he could. As for you living, I'm unsure. He seems to esteme you. I can't say what would have happened if he had got the lightsaber. Would he have killed you?"

"No," Rey said definitively, "not then, but he might now if he got the chance."

"Yes I agree."

"Have you visited him?"

Luke actually laughed, "oh no. You have more control over seeing me than you have over seeing him. You are open to my presence. He, obviously, is not."

"Should I tell anyone about the connection?"

Luke smiled at her kindly, something he had never done when she knew him in life. "That, of course, is your decision, as is everything else. I can only guide and offer advice. In this case, I would tell you to trust your instincts."

"My instincts can be clouded by... other factors."

"Such as your fear of being alone? You must conquer your fears, Rey. Only then will you be a true Jedi." And with that, he was gone.

The next time she saw Kylo was two days later. Once again she was preparing for bed when he appeared in front of her. He didn't notice her at first because, she realized, he was being tended to by a medic bot that she couldn't see. He was sitting, but he was semi-conscious. His face was bloody and his chest and arms, which were bare, were torn up.

"Ben!" Rey blurted without thinking. She moved to him instinctively, taking he face into her hands. His eyes focused at her voice and found hers.

"Rey..."

She realized that the blood on his face was either from the damage to his chest or not his own. The bot seemed to be working from left to right because the wounds were being cleaned and mended one after another in that direction. Unconsciously, she left one hand on his face and lightly touched a mended wound with her other.

"What happened?" she whispered.

"Oh, you know, just another day in the life," he replied shakily. "I'll be alright."

"You're safe now?"

An odd expression crossed his face, "yes, I'm on my ship."

Rey suddenly became aware of how close she was to him and her hands on his body, and she jumped away. "Sorry," she mumbled, embarrassed.

He pretended nothing had happened. "I'm surprised you care."

She looked back onto his face and saw that he looked slightly amused, though more guarded then he was when he had whispered her name. She didn't respond, but stared into his eyes, trying to determine what he wanted and why the force had brought them together at this moment. Finally he asked her, "and you? Are you safe?"

Is he trying to find out where we are? she asked herself. "Yes, I'm safe too."

He nodded and looked at what she supposed was the bot sewing him up.

"I fixed the saber," she blurted, immediately unsure why she was telling him that. Now he knows I have a weapon, she thought.

He looked back at her, clearly impressed. "I thought it was beyond repair," he admitted. "You are clearly a good engineer."

She was surprised at this compliment given so consciously. In her surprise she said, "I had help from the books."

"From Ahch-To." It wasn't a question.

Stop giving him information. Hadn't Luke told her to be guarded? It was his wounded state, and the shock of seeing him like this, that were causing her to say things without thinking.

The bot must have finished because he wiped his face off with a towel and stood, a little uneasily.

"Be careful," she told him.

That same expression from before crossed his face. Rey couldn't name it. Very quickly, his features settled back into the dark sterness she was used to. "Concerned for my welfare, are you?"

She ignored this, unable to deny and unwilling to confirm. "What is your plan?"

He looked amused, "against the Resistance? I wouldn't tell you."

"No, for the First Order. You're Supreme Leader now; what's your plan for the galaxy?"

"You would know," he said softly, "if you had stayed."

"How about we move past that?" she asked abruptly.

He looked at her for a moment before replying. "Alright, let's. Shall we also more past the fact that we're enemies and begin sharing what we're doing?"

"I didn't know it was a secret," she snapped.

"So, you'd be willing to tell me your plans?"

"Sure," she countered strongly. "I'm continuing to train, both in combat and in finding my place in the force."

"You're already surprisingly advanced at both."

"Only because of you," she said without thinking.

He looked at her sharply, determining what she might have meant by that. "So, you've learned about force dyads. Was that in the books as well?"

Rey felt she had already said too much and kept quiet, but Kylo had felt her thinking of Luke and already knew the answer.

"Ah, so Skywalker is still guiding you along is he?"

Still she said nothing.

His voice was now filled with anger. "Good to know you haven't lost your final father figure that you cling to most desperately."

"Don't!" she finally snapped.

"Why not? It's true. Even though he's dead you cling to him."

"Beacuse of you," she shouted at him. "He's dead because of you!"

"Oh I wish that were true," his words were cold now, controlled. "I wish I had killed him but I didn't. He's dead because of his own choices."

"He died to protect us from you! So we could escape!"

"You wouldn't have needed protection if you had-" he cut off. But Rey knew what he meant.

"I thought we moved past that!"

"That's right," he said savagely, and Rey could feel his anger puslsing through him. "We were talking about our plans. I'll tell you my plans, Rey. First, I'm going to wipe out the Resistance and anyone that sympathies with them. Then, I'm going to obtain control over every civilization in the galaxy, and that includes the outer rim where I know you are."

"You don't know anything about me." That statement didn't make much sense, but it was the only thing she could think of to say.

He laughed a deep, cold, terrifying laugh. "Rey, I know you. You know me. We both know how this dyad thing works. We understand each other, better than anyone else ever will."

"That's not true," she insisted though she knew it was.

He sneered at her, and then he was gone. 

Chapter Text

Rey tried to forget about the last encounter she'd had with Kylo. She threw herself into training, into strategy meetings, into any mission she could convince Leia to send her on, but at night, when she slept, she drempt about him. She saw his eyes staring intensely into hers while the force surged around them. She saw his face covered in blood, his body torn to shreds. She felt his face in her hands, his body against hers. Those were the worst ones; the dreams she couldn't believe she dreamed, and shame would fill her if she thought of them.

That she was worried about him and cared for him were facts she had resigned herself to. She didn't tell anyone but she tried to accept it. But that she craved him closer, longed for his skin against hers, that she would not allow. In that moment of weakness, when she had seen him wounded and bleeding, something had happened in their connection; it had tightened and widened so that now, every once in a while, she could feel him, not just his emotions, but his thoughts and his mind. Sometimes, if they happened to be asleep at the same time and both had their guard down, their minds integrated into one so that they dreamed the same things. Thankfully, she never dreamed about him during these times, but it was terrifying to Rey. She knew Kylo found it unwelcome as well.

The worst time had been when she was at a meeting. The leaders of the Resistance had been explaining their next move and she had felt him get hit by something, hard, in the stomach. She had cried out to him, thankfully just saying 'no' and not his name. Everyone had stared at her, and Leia, who felt something amiss but told them that Rey was probably fatigued from her training, had excused her to go rest. Rey had ran to her quarters as quickly as she could, her mind swimming. Once there she closed her eyes and reached out to him. He was in the aftermath of a battle. She couldn't see what he saw but she could sense it from his thoughts.

Are you alright? she asked him, her mind touching his tenderly. She felt his surprise that she was there, that she had felt it. She felt, too, a glimpse of his awe that she cared at all.

I'm fine, he reassured her. His mind seemed to wrap around hers, like a hug.

What's happening to us? she asked.

I don't know, he admitted. I don't want it to stop.

Rey knew he hadn't meant to say that last part. It was a feeling, more than a statement.

We can't do this.

Why not?

Because I'm Rey and you're Kylo Ren.

Can't we move on from that? he echoed her request from before.

This is different. We can't forget who we are.

That's what you've been trying to get me to do from the beginning.

No, I want you to remember who you are.

I know who I am, Rey. Do you know who you are?

Yes, and I know who you are.

Then we understand each other.

Better than anyone else ever will, it was her turn to echo him now.

Yes, he agreed, and she felt a wave of affection come to her through the bond.

We can't do this, she insisted.

He drew back, away from her, and she returned to the floor of her quarters and opened her eyes.

"What happened yesterday?" Leia asked Rey at the beginning of their training session.

Rey wildly tried to come up with something while thinking, I should have known she would ask me that. "I fell asleep," she said. "I've been very tired recently, you know, and I just fell asleep for a moment and drempt I was in battle."

Rey could tell Leia didn't believe her, but she let it go and began the session.

Finn was worried about her, so was Poe. She was distracted and would sometimes begin to react to something they didn't see, before catching herself and pretending nothing happened. She felt Kylo constantly. If either of them focused, they could communicate telepathically, which they did not do very much after they're conversation following the Resistance meeting.

The next time she saw him in person, she was out in the jungle, meditating. His presence broke her out of her peace and she saw him sitting in front of her.

"Listen," she began immediately. "I need your help."

He was clearly taken aback. "With what?"

"Can you feel me all the time? Feel if I get hit or if I'm sad or angry?"

"Yes," he nodded. "Yesterday you got hit in the nose."

"Yeah, during training."

"I thought-" he broke off and looked away, but she knew that he had worried she'd been in danger.

"Look, you're just so... angry, all the time. I can feel it constantly."

"So what? You want me to be less angry?"

"That or you need to help me back out of this a little. The bond, it got so strong so fast."

He nodded, "after you saw me wounded."

"Right," she agreed.

"It got stronger the last time we touched too, when you were on Ahch-To."

"I hadn't thought of that."

"It feels like it's bringing us to something. Like a thread being slowly tightened, dragging us along."

Rey was surprised how accurate that was. "What do you think it is?"

"You know I have no idea."

They sat in silence for a few moments. Kylo was watching her, but he was guarded with his emotions, and she couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"I'll try to be less angry," he said, finally, his mouth upturned just slightly in what may have been a smile.

"It's too much, all the time. You're in combat. Sometimes I move to block someone from hitting you and I end up looking crazy in front of my friends."

"You haven't told them?"

"No have you told anyone?" she meant this bitterly but felt sorry when he said, "I have no one to tell."

"I told Luke," she admitted. He angered immediately at this, but then he recognized that at least this might be an authority on the subject.

"What did he say?"

"Not much, but I think he agrees with you, that the force is trying to lead us to something."

"Any ideas what that might be?"

"He had one," Rey blushed deeply, and felt Kylo find Luke's words in her mind.

"The force seems to be trying to create a deep relationship between you, as it would with a force bond. However, it's going further than that. That it strengthened when you touched him, or felt compassion for him, implies that it wants you to continue. It wants your compassion to intensify."

Kylo said nothing. His face was expressionless and his eyes blank.

Rey reached out to him with her mind and found him still closed off. "Let me in," she whispered, and their eyes met.

"I can't," he replied quietly.

She gathered any positive emotions she could find within herself and sent them to him as she had before. He physically relaxed before her.

"Rey..." he said, softly. "You said it yourself. We can't do this."

"Tell me what you're thinking."

"I was thinking," he sighed, "that given Skywalker's theory, and our's that it strengthens when we touch, it would imply that we should... continue."

The sound of someone rumning toward them broke their connection and he disappeared. Within seconds, Finn appeared through the trees.

"They're coming!" Finn shouted. Rey was running towards him instantly.

"What happened?"

"We received a tip from a spy," he told her breathlessly as they headed quickly back to base. "We're going into full defense."

Were you distracting me? Rey thought at Kylo, feeling betrayed. She was also hit by the irony, or rather lack there of, of being betrayed by him, her enemy.

What do you mean? Distracting you from what?

The fact that you are attacking us!

You're on Exodeen?! 

He didn't know, Rey realized. He thought this was a a community of Resistance sympathizers, not the Resistance itself. Well, he knows now.

Finn and Rey reached the base and headed directly for the control room.

"Finn, Rey," Leia shouted at them, "I want you with Poe." "

"It's too late!" Rey shouted back wildly. "They're already here."

"She's right, General!"

"Send out the fighters," Leia called.

"We'll go join them," Finn said.

"No," Leia replied. "Finn, you go. Rey stay here."

Finn left immediately and Leia asked for a update.

"They're here. The attack seems smaller than we anticipated, but their defenses are strong."

"They didn't know this was a Resistance base until a minute ago," Rey told them.

"How do you know that?" Leia demanded. "How did you know they were here?"

"I- I-" she stammered but then she was overcome by his presence through the force. He's here, close, on the ground. Rey looked up and saw Leia knew it too. Their eyes met and she saw Leia understood, if not everything, enough.

"Call the pilots back," Leia ordered. "It's a ground assault."

"There are more coming," Rey told her. "He'll have sent for backup."

"Why didn't he wait for them?"

"He knew I was out in the woods. He knew we'd only just found out. That we weren't ready."

"We are now," Leia said harshly. "I need you on the ground."

Rey nodded.

"Rey," Leia's eyes were full of pain. "Can you do what needs to be done?"

Rey stared back at her, "yes, I can kill him."

How will it feel if I kill him? Even now I can sense him, his life. Will that be dead?

No, she replied. It'll be what it was before. I was fine then.

You were alone then, Kylo said to her.

I'm coming for you, she told him.

Yes, I know, his thoughts were cold and ruthless.

What had happened to the man who sat in front of her not ten minutes ago and discussed their bond?

"Go," Leia ordered.

Rey turned and ran to the front blockade. The fighter pilots were mounting speeder bikes and the soldiers were filing into the trenches. Rey followed them and stopped at the middle watching the tree line as they readied their guns. They could hear the snapping of trees as the walkers made their way toward them. Rey could feel Kylo coming closer and closer.

Finally the walkers came into sight and stopped. There was a moment of silence as everyone waited for someone else to fire first. Then Kylo Ren stepped into the clearing, directly in the middle of the line of walkers facing them. Fear shuddered through every soldier in the trenches, except Rey.

I am not afraid.

She pulled herself up out of trench and stood, facing him, fifty yards apart. He was wearing his mask, draped in black, with the hood up. She could feel him, stronger then when the force brought them together. This was real. She could feel his heart beat.

Trusting Leia to hold back the fighters until she gave a signal, Rey took a deep breath and reached out to him.

Ben. Don't do this.

What would you prefer?

Stop all of this.

I can't.

She heard him ignight his saber, but she also felt his decision to do it. It was wrought with conflict.

Please.

I said that to you once. Do you remember?

Yes, and I wanted to take your hand. Ben's hand. I did, but I couldn't.

Then you know that I can't stop this.

With that, he withdrew from her, and she knew that it was over. Whatever happened now, only one of them would survive this fight. She ignighted her lightsaber.

Chapter Text

Rey ran toward him, rejecting the bond with all the adrenaline that flooded through her, and as she came closer to him, so his mind became further away from hers. Leia must have given the order to fire when Rey broke into a run, because the world around her became an explosion of noise, blasters, and fire. Speeder bikes whipped past her toward the walkers, harpoons at the ready.

They collided with all the power they could muster. Rey's assault was stronger, as she used her running momentum in her blow, but he withstood it, blocking her with his lightsaber. She spun and swung at him again, but he bowed backwards away from her, and attempted to hit her in the abdomen as her turn took her too far around. Rey was able to block it by bringing her saber back behind her vertically before turning to face him again.

His hood had fallen backwards during their fight, and the black medal of the helmet shined in the sun of the clearing.

"Take that thing off," Rey demanded. "It's unfair that you can see my face but I can't see yours."

"Fair," he replied, his deep voice mutated by the apparatus, but his words clear. "You are worried about what is fair? I'll tell you what is unfair. It is unfair that your abilities are equal to mine, when I've trained all my life, and you picked up a lightsaber less than a year ago."

"I don't have any control of that," she spat back. Now he blamed her for the force bond? Hadn't he told her he didn't want it to end? 

Kylo did not respond right away. He stood before her with his lightsaber crackling red and ragged while the battle raged on around them. Then, he turned it off, and to Rey's utter disbelief, clipped it to his belt. Her mind could barely fathom the fact that he trusted her to not attack him while he was relatively unarmed, but she knew he did, and she knew he was right.

He reached up with his black-leather-clad hands and disengaged the helmet, lifting it up over his head and dropping it at his side. Rey was overcome by two emotions. The first came through the force, and it was the result of the knowledge that Leia was watching them from the control room above, and she could see her son for the first time in years, not his face but his black hair falling loosely to his shoulders. The second came from the moment Rey locked eyes with Kylo. The last time they had seen each other in person, not through the force, was after Snoke's death, and the bond had grown so much since then. She saw that it affected him too, that even though they were both suppressing the bond, neither of them could ignore the surge of the force that this action brought.

Rey didn't know if she was the first to pull away or if Kylo was, but when she swung her lightsaber at him, he was ready, blocking her easily. They continued to fight savagely, both avoiding looking into the other's face, until with a rush of strength, he hit her saber hard, farther down than she expected, and it spun out of her grasp. In her desperation, facing him without any weapon, she swung at his face with her bare fist. He blocked her punch by grabbing her wrist with his left hand and used her own momentum so that she spun and slammed her back into his chest. Rey cried out, not out of any pain, but out of fear as she realized her own vulnerability as he held her with an iron grip and his lightsaber came closer and closer to her face. Her left hand wrapped around his right forearm, pushing against his attempt to bring his saber to her neck. 

Rey struggled against him with all her strength. He leaned down, both his arms shaking with effort, folding her into him, just as his mind had before. 

But then his bare chin came into contact with her forehead. 

It was the first time they had ever touched in person, with no cloth or leather between them. It was as if she was floating, but she wasn't Rey anymore. She was some substance purely made of the force, and that substance was mixing with another that had been Kylo - or Ben, because she felt now that some part of his mixture was Ben and some was Kylo, though she was not able to tell which was which.

She felt what it was to be in his body, his arms tight around her form. She felt the conflict within him, stronger by far than she had ever felt it before. She knew that in the moment just before, as his lightsaber approached her neck, Kylo had been fighting her, but he had also been fighting the part of him that was Ben. That was gone now, lost in the river of what was neither him nor her, but both of them as one. They were beings of pure light and beings of pure darkness, but there was not suffering or strife, just balance and peace and safety.

He dropped her and she fell to the ground. She regained, when they separated, what it was to be Rey without him. Her mind was tangled with his but she knew which pieces were her and which were him. She turned, still on the ground, and looked at him. He stood above her, barely holding onto his lightsaber, his face broken and lost. Rey felt his mind turn wildly in desperation to regain control. Then he shoved her, with all the strength he retained, out of his mind and away from him. All of it had taken place in the span of a few seconds, but to both of them it felt like hours. 

"Ben!" she called to him, but a steely rage had replaced his expression of pain. Rey reacted quickly, grabbing her lightsaber and fleeing into the jungle. She had no real plan, but something within her was pulling her away from the battle and telling her to get him on his own. She passed the spot where she had meditated only a while ago, and ran to the ridge above a gorge that cut through the ground to the south of base. Rey leaned against a tree, listening for Kylo's approach as she fought to catch her breath.

He appeared through the trees a few moments later, walking calmly, though his face was more of a mask than the helmet had been. Their eyes met as he came toward her, and Rey felt that, though he had raised a mighty wall against her in his mind, there were cracks and weak points resulting from the complete and utter change in the bond after they had finally touched in real life.

He raised his saber, pointing it at her chest, though he stood a few yards away. Rey found her footing and held her lightsaber tightly, waiting for him to give the first blow. However, Kylo did not continue to approach, but stood like a statue before her, his empty eyes piercing hers.

"Listen to me!" Rey called to him. "Neither of us wants to hurt the other."

"Killing you wouldn't hurt me, Rey," Kylo said evenly. "It's you living that hurts me. This bond, it causes me pain. I want to free myself from it."

"That's not true," Rey insisted, knowing he was lying to himself.

"You are my greatest weakness, but soon that will be in the past, and I will move forward, stronger than before."

"It would tear you apart."

"We'll see." His tone was decided. 

He swung at her over her head so that she had to hold her lightsaber horizontally above her to block it. His second blow came to her side, and this she blocked with a vertical swipe, before spinning around and swinging at his head. They continued to fight, feet moving slowly as they turned about each other in a circle. Sometimes Rey was on the offensive, sometimes Kylo, but they were always able to block the other's attack.

That is until Kylo attacked her not only with his saber, but with his mind as well. Rey hadn't even know that to be a possibility, and the shock of it stunned her. She stumbled backwards, dropping her saber once again, and found herself backed against a tree, Kylo's lightsaber pointed at her chest. Rey's mind reeled from the blow. That use of their bond, maniacal and evil, was just so wrong, she could barely recover. 

What he had just done had clearly hurt him; his face was twisted in pain. The effort against their bond had ripped something out of him, but he held onto his weapon as if it was his only salvation.

They stood, staring into each other's eyes for a moment that felt like days. Rey rallied herself. In a last ditch effort against him, she turned the tables and attacked him though the connection, not the way he had, but with emotions as she had before.

Anything positive she could find, even embarrassing feelings, she pushed at him. The feeling of his arms around her, even though they had been in combat; the relief of Rose's eyes opening and the smile she'd given Finn; the feeling of belonging as Poe told a joke and everyone around them joined in the laughter; the dreams of holding his face in her hands; Leia hugging her tightly after Han's death; a whispered "You're not alone"; peace; strength; clarity; anything and everything, she sent to him in an onslaught his cracked wall could not withstand. She felt it break, her emotions flooding into him and overcoming the rage, hatred, and desperation that had consumed him before.

His empty eyes and steeled face flooded with the feelings, and were replaced by an expression she had only seen once before, in the throne room after they had defeated the guards, when he had told her that she meant something to him, when he had asked her to come with him. His hold of his lightsaber faltered.

"Ben," Rey whispered. Then she said it again stronger, "Ben."

His mind was desperately trying to gain control as a war was being fought within him. Rey wanted to reach out to him, but his saber, though wavering, remained pointed at her chest.

Then a feeling that was familiar to her now came to both of them. Luke stood behind Kylo, where Rey could see him and Kylo could not, though he knew Luke was there.

"Is he open to your presence now?" Rey asked Luke's ghost in surprise, "or am I?"

"Is there a difference now?" Luke asked.

Yes, Rey thought. I am still me, separate from him but not. Luke doesn't understand. I don't understand either.

Kylo turned to face him, lowering his saber but keeping it ignighted. "What do you want to say?" It was clear he was fighting for calm, but his words were still shaky.

Luke smiled at him. "I am here to tell you to go home. They miss you."

"Home," Kylo repeated. "I can't go home, not after everything I've done."

"What have you done, Ben?"

Kylo looked at him darkly, anger beginning to rise in him, but Rey fought to keep it down by sending him all the strength she could muster. "I have killed millions, most of them innocent. I have slaughtered children, destroyed worlds, killed my own-" He cut off harshly. 

"And you don't think you'll be forgiven?"

"I don't deserve forgiveness."

"You have already been been forgiven, by those who love you the most."

"I am being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain."

Luke's eyes were full of saddness and sympathy. "We all struggle against fear and anger. No one is free from evil, Ben. You cannot do this out of fear. You have to be brave. You have to be strong."

"It's too late. It's too late for me."

"It's not too late. That pain you feel, it's called remorse, Ben. It means there is good in you. There is a part in you that reaches out, trying to rectify what you've done. It's the same part of you that Rey sees, though you can't bare to show it to her."

Kylo stood silent, a little hunched over as if he'd taken a blow to the chest. Luke continued, "You are not blameless, but you have been punished long enough. You have the forgiveness of those that matter: Rey, Leia, me, your father. Your father forgave you immediately. You knew it, and that hurt you more than killing him did."

Kylo made a sound, a soft sound that Rey wasn't sure that he had made out loud, or if it had come to her through the bond. It was the sound of a wounded animal or a frightened child seeking comfort and safety. Exhausted though she was, Rey wrapped his mind into hers as he had done before. He turned off his lightsaber. 

"Luke," it was a barely audible whisper, and Luke smiled again, touching his face gently.

"You have the strength, Ben. You are forgiven."

With a sudden movement, Ben threw the lightsaber into the gorge behind Luke. He turned back to look at his uncle, but he was gone.

Rey could barely breath. Ben still stood with his back to her, and she reached out to him taking his hand. The black leather was hot and smooth. Ben turned to look at her. Their eyes met and the force surged though their blond because he wasn't keeping her out now. She could feel him all around her.

He took his hand out of hers and her heart dropped. Then she saw him bring his hands together, one working the other's glove off. Once one hand was free, he looked at it, as if he hadn't seen it before.

"Ben, " Rey said softly, holding out her hand to him.

He hesitated, then slowly reached out and slid his hand back into hers. She felt the same rushing feeling she had felt before; that they were substances running in a river, but she was able to also remain aware of herself and where she was. She reached up with her other hand and cupped his cheek. His skin was scarred where she had cut him, so long ago that seemed, but it was warm and soft against her hand. He was watching her intently, unsure of what she was doing.

"Ben," she said again, and then leaned forward, up on her toes, and kissed him.

He was surprised for only a fraction of a second, then his gloved hand reached around her and pulled her closer to him. She felt him, everything about him, in him, and through him. They were one soul, peaceful, balanced, safe, joined at last.

They broke apart and he smiled, a real, happy smile. Rey returned it, and their affection for each other flowed easily through the bond.

"The fighting," Ben said suddenly, breaking their eye contact and looking toward the base.

A plan was agreed upon quickly and silently, their minds working seamlessly as one. Together, hands still clasped, they turned and headed back to the battle.

Leia watched the fighting from the control room, continuing to give orders. The speeder bikes, captained by Poe, were doing very well, but the ground assault being raged by the troopers against the soldiers in the trenches was devastating. They couldn't hold on much longer.

"Come on, Rey," she whispered to herself. If anyone could kill her son, it would be Rey, but what good would it even bring them? Would the fighting stop if he was killed? Leia tried desperately not to react to this, but still, he was her son. She had held him in her arms when he was a child. She had comforted him and kissed him and loved him. She still loved him.

"General!" Amilyn broke Leia from her trance. "The First Order has stopped firing."

"What?"

"They've just stopped. They're not retreating."

"Cease fire," Leia ordered. "Whatever this is, we need to save resources." He's not dead. I would have felt it. What is this?

The First Order division was still lined up at the tree line. The speeder bikes zoomed from around the walkers' legs to back behind the Resistance trench line.

Then, in the middle of the walkers, Kylo Ren stepped out. His hair was stuck to his face with his sweat from fighting. His black robes billowed in the wind, and his eyes looked calmly up to the control room window.

He's killed her, Leia thought immediately, but then, no, I would have felt that too.

"What is going on?!" Amilyn said behind Leia.

The entire room watched in silence as Kylo Ren walked slowly into the no-man's-land alone.

"He's unarmed," someone said. It was true. They could see he did not have his lightsaber. His hands at his sides carried no other weapons.

He stood in the middle of the field, eyes fixed on their window. Then, slowly, he raised his hands.

"What the- He's not surrendering?!" Amilyn said in disbelief.

Leia reached out to him in the force and found him, unclouded by the Dark Side. "He is," she whispered. Then she told them, "I'm going down there."

"General, you can't be serious. It could be a trap."

"It's not a trap," Leia was sure. "I'm going down. No one is to fire."

She hurried through the base, her officers close behind her, still in shock. She entered the hangar and hurried past Finn and Poe, who joined the group behind her.

He still stood inbetween the two armies, bare hands raise level with his shoulders. His eyes had moved and were now watching her come toward him.

Leia reached him and saw her son, a man, blue eyes soft and sad, face somewhat broken but also hopeful. She would later find out how much strength Rey was sending him at this moment, how much peace and calm. This, what he had not been able to do alone, he could do with her. 

"Ben?" she asked hesitantly.

He gave a small smile, "Mom."

She pulled him desperately into her arms, her head level with his chest. He returned the hug, his arms wrapping tightly around her. She had to force herself to let go of him, and she pulled back to look into his eyes which she could barely see through the tears streaming down her face. His eyes were full of tears as well. She reached up and touched his face, holding him delicately in her hands.

"Ben."

"Mom," he said, "I'm so sorry."

"Ben, Ben, I'm sorry too."

He smiled again. Rey was coming towards them from behind him. She had been standing in the First Order line with the commanding officer, who was so confused and shocked, he had barely registered her presence.

Leia took her hand, smiling through her tears. They stood, the three of them together, the family Rey had longed for since before she could remember.

"What is going on?" Their reunion was broken up by Poe, who was staring icily at Ben. His expression was on many face of the group behind Leia. Finn especially looked like he was either going to throw up or punch Ben.

"Poe, everyone," Leia said calmly, "this is my son, Ben Solo."

More than one mouth fell open. They knew who Kylo Ren was, but none of them had ever entertained the thought that he might turn.

"Let's go inside," Leia suggested.

Ben turned around, calling to the commanding officer, "Go back to the fleet." Still in his shock, the only thing the man could do was obey.

Ben turned back to Leia, "We need to evacuate. I've bought you some time, but Hux won't waste any. This isn't over."

Leia agreed. "Issue a full evacuation," she ordered.

"Do you have anywhere to go?" Ben asked her.

"Of course. We have everything we need."

They walked back into the hangar. Everyone's eyes were still watching Ben suspiciously, unwilling to believe. 

I told Leia I could kill you, Rey told him through the bond. But I was wrong. I said that two would go in and one would come out, but I was wrong about that too.

You weren't wrong, Ben replied. You killed Kylo Ren.

You killed Kylo Ren. 

Let's say we did, he gave in. You were right that only one survived. We are two pieces of the same whole, sewn together by the threads that led us here.