Work Text:
Her boys are waiting for her in the living room. So Calla has told her twice now.
“Give me one more second,” she calls out, cutting through to the kitchen, and she's almost there when something about Gansey pulls her back.
He raises an eyebrow, "Everything alright, Jane?"
For a moment she can't speak, can't breathe. She's seen him in those clothes before.
"That shirt," she starts. Her voice comes out strange and hoarse. She starts again. "You need to change your shirt.”
He grins. And Blue can’t look at him. Adam is not looking at either one of them, and there’s something pained in the set of his face. She realises they think it’s some strange attempt at flirting, and any other day she’d be mortified, but all she can think is he’s going to die in that shirt, and if she doesn’t get him out of it, he could die today.
“You can’t wear that shirt,” she says again, trying to keep her voice steady. She still can’t look at him.
“What’s wrong with my shirt?” he asks, and there’s laughter in his voice.
“It’s.. it’s..” I’ve seen your ghost and he’s wearing those clothes. “It’s ridiculous and impractical. Why can’t you just wear something else?”
“The shirt is fine. I have managed to dress myself for years, Jane. And it's not like I keep my wardrobe in my trunk."
"Then buy a new one!" She sounds hysterical. She can hear herself. But he can't wear that shirt.
She can feel Ronan's unflinching stare, and she's afraid to so much as glance in his direction.
"Blue," Adam starts softly.
"Jane," Gansey interjects. "It's just a shirt." His voice is even, calming. As if he's trying to soothe a startled child.
"Can you stop being such a condescending prick, for once in your life?" I'm trying to save your life, you idiot, she wants to shout.
He jerks back. Flinches away from her as if she'd physically slapped him.
"It's not like it's going to kill me," he mutters, and Blue feels all the blood drain from her face.
"I'm," her voice is thick and uncertain, "I can't," her hands won't stop shaking, "I'm not going with you. Not today."
And she flees.
They call her name. Names. Blue and Jane. They sound panicked. Confused. Hurt, even. But she can't give them the explanation they want.
--
When Calla arrives at her door, she's curled up on her bed, shaking with unshed tears.
"Gansey has to change his shirt?"
She forces herself to sit up. "It's the one his ghost was wearing."
For the briefest second, Calla's face is transformed by something that looks like pity. She sits down beside Blue and wraps an arm around her shoulder.
"You knew this would happen eventually. Hiding yourself up here won't change his fate one way or the other. It just means you'll spend one less day with him. And, you never know, he might survive to wear the shirt again."
"I'm not ready. There hasn't been enough time."
"You'll never be ready. You'll never have had enough. But you can have today."
Blue closes her eyes, and Calla tightens her grip.
"Okay," she says after a moment.
"Okay?"
"Okay, let's go downstairs."
Calla gives her shoulder one last reassuring squeeze before helping her up.
--
They don't say a word when she first comes back into the room.
"Sorry," she offers. Her voice doesn't shake quite as much as she thought it would.
"I, uh, found a jacket." Gansey says. He gives her a weak smile. She wishes she could give one back, but she knows any attempt will look like a garish mockery. She can still see the shirt poking out from underneath it.
"Are you okay?" Adam asks, at the same time Ronan pipes up with, "Are you going to tell us what that was about?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." They know it's not quite true, and she still can't quite meet their eyes, but Adam nods, and Gansey's smile grows a little bit more solid.
She ignores Ronan's question, and tries to ignore the way he's studying her.
"We should really get going," she says, and regrets it almost immediately. What's wrong with staying nice and safe in her living room? But the boys jump up instantly, eager to move on, hoping to leave Blue's whatever that was behind.
"Yes, of course." Gansey catches her eye, and her heart stops. Please don't let today be the day.
--
"If you find today's shirt offensive, you should probably avoid Gansey's closet. He has terrible dress sense." Ronan drawls, later. Blue laughs, and laughs, and can't stop laughing.
--
He lives to wear the shirt another day.
That night, Blue cries for two hours straight.
Gansey is still alive.
Gansey will be dead within a year, and for the first time his death feels real.