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Chapter Text

The incident from last week was still fresh in everyone's mind. It had all the students of Class 1-A teeming with tension but no one had decided to address it, rather they allowed it to linger and left words unsaid. The tension was so thick that it seemed to take shape and hang in the air like a thick fog, looming over conversations so they were stopped short and eventually everyone had somewhat started to avoid each other, too exhausted to deal with the mist that would take dominion over their conversations that once seemed to be able to go on for a lifetime.

Kirishima for one hated it. It had just been a few weeks since they had moved into the dorms and he remembered feeling ecstatic to be able to bond with everyone. He could barely keep the smile off his face when he was inside the dorms which seemed to piss off Bakugou who told him to 'Fuck off and stop being so damn happy'. Kirishima responded with a laugh and only smiled wider, to which Bakugou responded by flipping him off. 

Kirishima couldn't help but chuckle fondly at the memory. Something he thought he'd be making much more of, what with how much time he'd be spending with his classmates. At the thought, Kirishima couldn't help but sigh, his smile dropping off his face when he remembered just how tense everything had been with everyone lately.

And here he was standing in front of the door of the person who caused all the animosity. Kirishima lifted his arm, forming his hand into a fist as he mentally prepared himself for what was to come. He let out a determined huff, brought his hand down to connect with wood, then stopped and thought better of his actions. He repeated this many times before sighing and realising that he wasn't getting anywhere. Maybe if he rather took an inhale of breath to prepare himself he would be more... ready.

Kirishima convinced himself that that would be a better approach and so he puffed up his chest and couldn't help but giggle slightly, imagining that he was a valiant knight and what he was about to face was a vile beast with blasts so strong that they would leave him as nothing more than ashes.

Kirishima frowned at that.

'Maybe this wasn't a good idea'

Suddenly the door he had been facing swung open and Kirishima let out a loud shriek, falling on his ass and glancing up at searing red eyes glaring down at him. Kirishima couldn't help but gulp as he took in the blonde's appearance and Bakugou did not look happy.

"Are you gonna fucking knock or are you gonna stay out here... " Bakugou gestured towards all of Kirishima, drawing a circle with his hand and wearing a disgusted expression on his face  "playing with your self"

Kirishima blushed in embarassment, realising that his friend had likely known he was there the entire time and even though it was likely impossible, Kirishima couldn't fight the feeling that Bakugou witnessed him make an absolute fool of himself outside the room.

Letting out an nervous laugh, Kirishima stood up quickly, feeling too much like prey under the blonde's angry glare. He rubbed the back of his neck again and laughed in an awkward manner when the boy cocked an eyebrow at him expectantly as if to say 'what the fuck do you want?' and knowing Bakugou that was probably exactly what he meant. And then some.

Kirishima shifted from side to side uncomfortably trying to decide how to structure his words so he wouldn't anger his temperamental classmate who already seemed ready to blow his face up. And to be honest, he was drawing up a blank.

The bitterness that seemed to form between everyone had also affected Bakugou and Kirishima's relationship and Kirishima couldn't help but feel frustrated that this felt like the first time in a while that he was talking to his friend, even more so that he didn't know what to say.

Apparently Kirishima had taken too long to answer and Bakugou had already moved to slam the door in the red-head's face so Kirishima quickly shouted out what he had come there for in the first place.

"I came to ask you to hang out with us!" 

Kirishima let out a sigh of relief when the door stopped, frozen in its place, before it swung back open and ash blonde hair peaked out again in its absence.

"Us?" Bakugou asked incredulously. Kirishima couldn't help but grimace but it was to be expected with how observant the blonde was. Even then, it didn't take a detective to realise how sour relationships had become in Class 1-A and so Kirishima didn't blame Bakugou for finding the implication that anyone was hanging out - and inviting him no less, the cause of the problem - suspicious.

Kirishima brushed the thought away, not wanting to blame his friend for his actions because he knew that at this moment, mending the class morale was more important, confronting Bakugou could come later. So Kirishima offered a smile and nodded, before backtracking slightly. 

"Well I hope it's 'us'. Kaminari and I came up with the idea to watch movies in the common room so everyone can bond again, so he's going door to door to invite everyone and I decided to come get you." Kirishima spoke cheerfully, making sure he maintained his bright smile that Bakugou always squinted at, mumbling something like 'fucking Sun in my eyes'. He decided to omit the fact that Kaminari mentioned that the only way to get Bakugou to join was to literally drag him down, screaming and kicking.

Kirishima hoped it wouldn't come to that but he couldn't be too sure with how the blonde was regarding him skeptically.

'Though skeptically was better than angrily, or murderously, or explodinglously.'

Kirishima couldn't help but laugh to himself at the last one, earning a strange look from Bakugou so he immediately pursed his lips and cursed his mind that seemed unable to focus.

Seeming too tired to ask about what the fuck was wrong with him. Bakugou just glanced down at the floor and stayed silent. Kirishima tensed, immediately noticing the change in mood and wanting to comfort his friend who's proud shoulders seemed to slouch and scalet orbs seemed unable to meet his own. 

"I don't think thats a good idea..." Kirishima blinked dumbly at him, the hint of something in Bakugou's voice, sounding too close to sadness for the red-head's liking, clouding his thoughts and causing him to forget what they had been talking about. Realising this, Bakugou groaned in annoyance but still refused to look up at the boy.

"I shouldn't come..." Bakugou spoke in a distant voice and seemed angry with this so he snapped his head up to Kirishima and hissed. "You guys go have fun." 

Kirishima's heart ached at this. Bakugou knew that it was his fault that everyone was so angry and in a way of punishing himself, he wants to allow the class to make amends, ostracising himself in the process. Well that wasn't going to happen, not on Kirishima's watch. He knew the soft route wouldn't work so decided to be a bit harsher. 

"Yeah maybe things would be better if you didn't join." Kirishima started and couldn't help but wonder if he made the right decision with how the blonde flinched at his words. Still, he continued "But I don't give a fuck about that. Your my best friend" Kirishima ignored the way Bakugou's nose scrunched up at the word 'best friend' "And you fucked up. True. But I'm not gonna let you wallow away in self-pity. Own up to your mistake and come outside because right now you're acting like a fucking coward. Your Bakugou Katsuki and I know that if your as manly as I think you are you're gonna come down with me and face your classmates, like a real hero would"

Bakugou blinked at Kirishima, mouth opening, then deciding against his words and closing, then opening again. Kirishima couldn't help but liken the image to that of a fish and laughed - in his head this time. But it seemed Bakugou heard even this because his eyes snapped upwards, wild with a fierce glare. 

Kirishima squeaked.

Bakugou was obviously thrown off on what he was about to say as his newfound determination dissipated into an annoyed glare. He looked at Kirishima and this time asked "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Kirishima smiled widely at this "Ah sorry, I probably cut off whatever manly statement you were about to make but we don't have time for that. I'm assuming you've agreed and so I'm taking you there." 

Kirishima didn't give Bakugou time to process his words before he was dragging the blonde out of his room and Bakugou let out a string of curses at the boys persistence and energy. 

'Huh,' Kirishima thought 'I guess I am dragging him down kicking and screaming' 

As they got closer to their destination Kirishima slowed down and Bakugou openly expressed his relief of this as; even though the boy was trying to hide it; it was obvious that Bakugou was nervous about facing his classmates. Kirishima knew the boy had seen them in class but the setting had allowed him to ignore them completly. The situation now was Kirishima practically forcing him to hang out with a group of people that might hate his guts and the red-head found himself feeling guilty. He slowed down further before coming to a complete stop in front of Bakugou.

Kirishima could feel the blonde eyeing him, observing him for his next move. Kirishima turned to Bakugou and sighed, the smile which he had tried so hard to keep plastered on his face finally peeling off. 

"Look dude, if you don't wanna do this that's fine. I don't wanna force you into anything-" Kirishima's words were cut of with a snort. 

"You already spouted a bunch of shit about how it wouldn't be 'manly' of me to and I quote 'Own up to my mistake and come outside because right now I'm acting like a fucking coward'. Bit late to backtrack from that one, Shitty hair." Bakugou rolled his eyes, a hint of amusment dancing on his tounge. 

Kirishima found himself rubbing the back of his neck once again, embarrassment clear on his features. "Yeah... Sorry... " 

Once again, Bakugou let out a snort "Don't know why you're apologising, it's the fucking truth and I needed to hear it." 

Kirishima brightened. A real smile finally tugging on his lips as he recalled Bakugou calling him 'Shitty Hair'. A term he had initially treated with offence but was forced to get used to as he now felt it represented his friendship with Bakugou.

(or maybe he realised he just had to deal with it since Bakugou didn't stop no matter how much he asked). 

"Alright fucker, lead the way" Bakugou huffed. Kirishima felt his smile falter a bit at the rude awakening at what they had to face just beyond the door that suddenly seemed a lot closer than it was a few minutes ago. 

Kirishima nodded and steeled himself

'If he was expecting Bakugou to stand in front of the class, exposed to be judged in front of scrutinising eyes, the least he could do was be prepared was to do the same. It would be unmanly not to.'

And so, without a second thought Kirishima... nodded to himself and steeled himself.

'because if he was expecting Bakugou to stand in front of the class, the least he could do was be exposed aswell-'

Bakugou scoffed at Kirishima's obvious hesitance so that the boy flushed at the exposure, feeling more embarrassed with how he repeated the words in his head to buy himself more time. 

"Stand behind me then." Bakugou grunted and made large steps so he was heading towards the door. Kirishima's eyes widened and quickly ran forward to walk in front of the boy and spoke in a similar gruff voice. 

"You stand behind me." Kirishima heard the boy scoff behind him and he was surprised to see Bakugou run forward to get in front of Kirishima, an evident smirk splayed on his face as he marched ahead. 

Kirishima quickly stuck his foot out so the blonde fell with a yelp and looked down at the splayed body and nodded, trying to keep a serious look on when all he wanted to do was burst out laughing. Immediately, he made his descent towards the door. He heard shuffling behind him and gasped, hurrying into a sprint, guessing that Bakugou was going to try and blast ahead of him at any moment. 

Kirishima felt his eyes gleam in amusement. He had missed this. Just acting stupid with his friends and the fact that it was a rare occurrence with Bakugou, made him feel that much happier. 

Kirishima heard an explosion go off behind him and was apparently too excited to think that stepping in front of a projectile that was hurling towards him just so he could win the ridiculous race they had created, was stupid. And would hurt. 

Bakugou - obviously realising how much this would hurt before Kirishima did - made a sound of panic and Kirishima couldn't help but imagine the boy flailing to stop himself. Deciding that seeing that was more interesting than winning the makeshift race, Kirishima turned around. His eyes widened and, ironically, he turned into the one with his arms flailing, finally undesranding his mistake. And how much this would hurt. 

But it was too late to move and Kirishima tried turning so his back would face the brunt of the pain. This ended with Bakugou slamming into Kirishima's side as the two boys launched down the corridor in a frenzy of pained shouts and curses. 

They braced themselves to be stopped by the sturdiness of a door but it seemed that the loud noises had alerted those in the common room and it has been opened by none other than Ashido. She shrieked when she saw the heap approach her and jumped out of the way. 

Kirishima felt like his head was exploding and the weight of the boy who was about to launch him into fricking orbit wasn't helping. So, without hesitation, Kirishima kicked Bakugou away and was shocked to see him shout "Fuck!" as he was launched into the wall on the other side of the room from the momentum. 

Though, Kirishima didn't have time to worry about him because he managed to slam his head into the marble island that stood in the room, accidentally activating his quirk and causing the material to crack. 

The room was silent. 

Until Kirishima groaned and Bakugou wheezed from his position on - more like in - the wall. And completely unaware of the classmates that were eyeing them with confusion and concern, Kirishima felt a loud laugh rip out of his chest and Bakugou followed his lead shortly after. 

Everything hurt and somehow that made the red-head laugh louder. He was clutching at his stomach, unable to stop and damn- he couldn't breathe. But it felt great. 

All this tension had been building up so high inside him and Kirishima couldn't help but dread when it would come crashing down. And now it was. But not how he thought it would. Because right now he was on the floor, cackling and wheezing and hearing reciprocating sounds from Bakugou.

Even though Bakugou was doomed to face his classmates in what was likely to be an awkward evening that would either make or break friendships. He couldn't help but feel that the night couldn't have started in a better way. 

Chapter Text

Ashido hadn't been that surprised when she found Kaminari knocking at her door. Nor was she surprised when he told her about his and Kirishima's plan to rekindle the class with Bakigou. She made sure to voice her doubts that anyone would even come but, honestly, she hoped they would.

She still wasn't sure how she felt towards the explosive blonde. His words still weighed heavy on her mind. It annoyed her to no end because she considered him her friend but each time she made a move to talk to him, she found her body recoiling, as if reacting in anger before her brain could catch up. And when it hit her. When she remembered what he said-

Mina let out a shaky breath, letting herself sink deeper into the couch of the common room. The raven haired girl next to her immediately responded to this and squeezed her closed fist so she'd look up at her. When Mina's eyes met hers she couldn't help but feel guilty at the concerned expression that wore down the girl's features.

It was obvious that Mina wasn't the only one who was affected by the blonde's words but she had cooped herself up in her room, acting like she was, what with how she was was the closest female friend to Bakugou. 

But now, looking into the tired eyes of her friend, she felt guilty that she hadn't spoken to anyone and let what happened affect her friendships. Mina knew it was small but she wanted make up for it and moved so she could squeeze the hand of the girl's before sending back a bright smile. 

"Thanks Yoamomo" The girl sent back her own smile and it made Mina feel warm. 

'Why had she separated herself from her friends in the first place?'

What did surprise Mina was that the entire class was sitting down in the common room and re-bonding over snacks as they watched a movie that blared from the large TV. She expected a few faces but found herself at a loss for words when she spotted all 18 students bustling around the common room (of course 2 were missing but Mina didn't want to think about that right now). 

This made the warmth in Mina's chest spread. They had probably all been tired of how tense it had been. At first the general emotion was disbelief, then anger, but now it had just become... Exhausting. 

Mina was glad that everyone had decided to talk to each other again but she found herself frowning thinking about how they'd react when Bakugou came. She didnt even know how she'd react. 

Suddenly, Ashido felt herself bound up in a hug and squeaked in surprise. It was Uraraka who had seemingly dragged along Tsu, Jirou and Hagakure so they could squish both Mina and Momo in a tight embrace. Mina let out a wet laugh and hugged them back as much as her arms allowed, before dropping them down and gazing upon her friends faces with a teary expression. 

Seeing Ashido on the verge of tears, the girls gasped and once again held each other in a tight hug. Mina sniffled and wriggled out of the grip with a giggle. When she looked back up at her friends - who she had isolated herself from - she saw they wore similar sad expressions. Mina opened her mouth, wanting to break the silence but something else did it for her. 

The sound of thudding footsteps, accompanied by shouts and curses.

The warm atmosphere halted and Mina felt herself hold her breath as some others around the room tensed for what was to come.

With a determination that Ashido didn't understand or know, she walked forward to open the door, wanting to be the first to face Bakugou. But when the acid-quirk user opened it, what she saw had her shrieking and jumping out of the way.

The tense mood that had built up in the room morphed into that of confusion at the pink girl's reaction.

And then a blur that looked alot like Bakugou slammed into the wall across the room, letting out a loud "Fuck!"

Following shortly after was Kirishima, whose head managed to crack the island that stood tall in the room as a center piece.

The room was silent. Mina could only gape. She was expecting a quiet and awkward entrance from Bakugou as an introduction to the evening which would likely last the entire night. But she hadn't expected this.

And suddenly, the room was filled with laughter. Wheezing and breathtaking laughter that she remembered having with the friendship group she liked to call the Bakusquad. But that group wasn't really complete without Bakugou, and hanging out just served as a reminder of his absence. So they stopped trying. 

Looking at the blonde boy now, she realised she had never really seen him laugh and the thought made her frown. She remembered making a loud deceleration to Bakugou, saying she would be the one to make him laugh. To which he responded with an eye roll 'Good luck with that, Racoon eyes'

Mina frowned at the sight, because right now Bakugou was laughing so hard that he couldn't stop himself, clutching at his stomach and trying to cover his mouth to prevent the burst of chuckles, and she couldn't go over and laugh with him.

Bakugo gasped and Mina wasn't sure if it was from his laughing fit or from pain. "Ow. Fuck. Okay, one: fuck you, and two: I won."

Kirishima jumped up from the floor, then winced, and decided to lean again the object that was now decorated with cracks along its side. "What?! No! I obviously crossed the finish first!"

Bakugou also stood up from the floor, using the wall that now had a dent, as support. "Even if you did, you kicked me. That's a fucking foul. And by the way, what the fuck?" Bakugou fumed, letting a few sparks go off.

Finally recovering from the shock of... Whatever that was, Mina spoke before Kirishima could form a retort. "Actually," The two boys jolted in surprise, obviously unaware that they were in a room full of people. "Bakugou did come first."

The pink girl cringed at how her voice sounded slightly awkward when she was actually hoping to make a joke.

Snapping out of his shock first, Bakugou turned to Kirishima and flipped him off with a smirk. "Sucks to suck" and Kirishima pouted in defeat.

All the playfulness that was on the blonde's face a second ago was wiped off as he turned to face his classmates, and stuffed his hands into his pockets. His eyes scanned over each of their faces, over Mina's face. And he seemed to frown further, obviously wanting to burn all evidence of him laughing just seconds before.

Mina frowned that Bakugou thought of her as someone he had to shield himself from. But it was to be expected. Kirishima had at least been making attempts to talk to the blonde boy while Mina had ignored his very existence. She couldn't help but regret it now.

Mina wanted to catch the boy's eyes so she could convey her feelings of remorse but Bakugou only grunted slightly, mumbling something under his breath as he shifted from foot to foot and his gaze met the floor.

Before the awkward cloud that was seeming to form could settle in the air Kaminari sprung up and spoke in a cheerful voice "Hey dude! I thought you guys weren't coming! I saved seats for you!"

Bakugou glared at the area that Kaminari was waving for them to come over to.

'He probably wanted to sit as far away from the class as possible' Mina thought.

Kaminari chuckled awkwardly when Bakugou didn't move from his spot and continued to glare. That's when Mina decided to take initiative and make sure the plan that her friends tried so hard to set up didn't fail. She wore a large smile and stuck her hands on her hips.

"Come on, Blasty! You planning on keeping us waiting?" Mina spoke proudly but she honestly didn't know how he would react and that forced an undertone of strain in her voice that she hoped no one had heard.

His eyes immediately snapped towards her. He was regarding her suspiciously and Mina held her breath but maintained her carefree stance. Bakugou lifted an accusing finger towards the television.

"You guys aren't waiting for shit. The movie's playing." He spoke with a sneering tone. Mina couldn't fight the giggle that left her lips at Bakugou who always managed to speak snarkily.

"It's fine. We can still watch." Kirishima chuckled and had moved so he could push Bakugou forward, leading him to the space on the couch near Kaminari and Sero. Bakugou didn't provide much resistance but still cursed like a sailor at the red-head.

When he had finally seated, Kirishima wedged in beside him, Mina realised that she had been standing in the same spot watching the entire interaction. Sero turned and beckoned her with a wave of his hand and the acid-quirk user shuffled forward slightly, making as much noise as she could and hoping that Bakugou was fine with her sitting near him.

When he didn't make any action in protest, she ran forward and sat on the floor in front of him and leaned back onto his legs. Bakugou huffed loudly and Kirishima laughed but otherwise none of them said anything.

Ashido turned her head to see Uraraka frowning at her new position. The girl responded with a sheepish smile and mouthed 'sorry'.

It had become an unspoken rule for the girls to ignore Bakugou and stay angry at him. But Ashido couldn't bare it anymore. Yes, his words were harsh and horrible but from the way everyone was acting, it seemed that situation would never be fixed and that bothered Ashido more than anything. It was a sensitive topic and it wasn't like Mina was letting Bakugou off the hook because when this had all died down, she was planning to talk to him about it. But it had been too much for the pink girl and she just wanted to be able spend time with her friend again.

Mina faced the TV when she saw Uraraka's frown deepen. Ochako had been the one most outraged by Bakugou, considering the whole situation started with their argument. But the girl had been really bitter this past week and, even though they were friends, Ashido found herself wanting to run away whenever an insult against Bakugou fell past her classmate's lips.

It had never been anything too bad. Just snide comments that were randomly dropped in, catching everyone off guard and yet Mina's stomach had twisted at her own silence, frustrated at her inability to defend her friend. One time it got so bad that Mina didn't say anything, she just stood up and left, unable to hear any more. From then on, she started avoiding everyone.

'But that doesn't matter now.' Mina thought as she laughed at a comment a character made. 'Things won't be so bad now'

Chapter Text

Midoriya smiled happily at his childhood friend and offered a quiet "Hey Kacchan. " It'd be a lie to say he was surprised at how the boy scoffed and ignored him.

In any other circumstance, he might've gotten a 'Fuck off, Deku', accompanied by a pointed glare but Izuku knew that wasn't the case.

Tonight had been planned to settle the bad blood between everyone and Kacchan was the guest of honor. He was smart enough to know that his words could antagonise the entire class against him and decided that silence was better because the whole evening would probably be ruined if he said whatever he wanted to Midoriya.

The thought made Izuku smile, proud at how Kacchan was attempting to form real relationships with the class.

Making sure to audibly express her annoyance with the blonde's actions, Izuku heard Ochako scoff beside him.

"Just ignore him, Deku" she grumbled. Midoriya offered her a tight-lipped smile, fighting the urge to reprimand her for her sour mood when everyone was here to fix things.

Not really wanting to deal with her, Izuku turned to face Todoroki and raised up his bag of crisps. "Do you want some?"

The dual-quirk user eyed the bag curiously, before reaching his hand into the packet and taking out a single crisp. Midoriya couldn't fight his small chuckle.

"You can take more, you know." The boy nodded his head and reached his hand into the bag, voicing his thanks as he, once again, took out only one crisp.

Midoriya laughed at his friend and took out a heap of crisps from the packet. "You can take as much as you want." Todoroki smiled curiously, probably confused on what was so funny. He nodded once again and took a larger portion of crisps (though Midoriya thought it was still a bit small) and leaned back to focus on the movie playing.

As if on cue, Iida stood and spoke in a booming voice. "Everyone, make sure not to eat too much junk food. We should be aiming to maintain a healthy diet as aspiring heroes!"

"No way! I'm here to pig out!" Kaminari shouted back with a smile. Earning him an annoyed groan from Bakugou.

"Don't fucking shout in my ears, Dunce face!"

Iida made a noise of disapproval. "Language, Bakugou!" His hand gestures, emphasising his displeasure.

"I can say whatever the fuck I want!" Bakugou retorted, earning some laughs around the room. 

Izuku was suddenly aware of Ochako who was beside him shaking in rage. It almost felt like he was watching in slow-motion as his friend stood up, trembling in anger as she ultimately ruined the night. 

"That's the thing! You can't just say whatever the fuck you want!" She practically screamed, venom and hate thick in her voice, allowing it to coat over and drip from her words. 

That drop caused a ripple affect and the carefree atmosphere died, choking and gagging on the poison that seeped in from her voice.

Everyone tensed and went silent and though Izuku couldn't speak for everyone, he knew that he was slightly annoyed at the girl for laying waste over what was supposed to be a joyful night.

Bakugou blinked in surprise but said nothing. He pursed his lips and turned to face the television, focusing solely on the movie. Midoriya felt relieved that the situation hadn't escalated and turned into a shouting match between the two. The freckled boy hoped that was the end of it and tugged Ochako so that she would sit down. 

But she shook his hand away and it seemed like she wanted to shout again. Midoriya saw Jirou grimace and also stand. "Ochako. Chill."

The offending girl looked like she wanted to say something but thought against it. A deep blush sprouted from her cheeks as she saw everyone looking at her. Izuku felt he could finally relax when he saw her drop back down onto the couch, crossing her arms with a pout playing on her lips. 

Thankfully, everyone decided to ignore the outburst and focused on watching the movie. 

Izuku felt like a couple years had been cut off his life from the stress of it all. He was glad that the night wasn't going end in a complete disaster but if Uraraka's emotional ourburst was anything to go off of, it was obvious that a calming talk was in order. 

'But maybe not tonight. ' He thought bitterly. 'I don't think anything calming can come after that.'

-

The night went on without anymore interruptions, rather it was filled laughs at comedic scenes, or coos and at romantic scenes, and sobs at sad ones. If you asked Izuku, he would say he didn't cry but how couldn't he? Even now he found himself sniffling remembering the scene where the dog died. Of course, he was faced with an onslaught of insults from Kacchan who exposed the tears that were dripping down his face to the entire class. 

They had already gone through 4 movies and were just stating their 5th.

Izuku let out yawn as his eyes struggled to focus. His lazy green orbs scanned around the room and he saw the blurry image of tired classmates.

Kirishima sat down after putting on the movie. "I think this is gonna be the last one guys."

The movie starred a strong female protagonist that had all the girls' eyes gleaming as they directed their attention towards the screen.

"Stubborn girls like that aren't attractive. Us guys need to have a little control over them." Izuku grimaced at Mineta's comment.

He understood why the short boy was here since this was something for the entire class, but when he saw the grape-headed boy he couldn't help but dread when the boy would say something that angered somebody.

Hagakure scoffed. "It's not like you're getting any girls in the first place. Beggars can't be choosers."

Midoriya had to stifle a laugh at that, not wanting to embarrass his classmate anymore than that comment definetly had. However, Sero had no qualms about this and let out a roaring laugh.

"Yeah dude. And your type is seriously old-fashioned." the black-haired boy nudged Kaminari beside him so he could say his own view.

Kaminari shrugged. "I mean, as long as they're hot. I'm all down."

Sero cackled at his friend's words. "All down for what? That just makes you sound like a man-whore"

Kaminari looked offended at the description. "Hey! No it doesn't! Anyone would think the same." Kaminari turned to the other boys for support.

Izuku felt his cheeks heat at the embarrassing topic and turned away when Kaminari's desperate eyes met his. Apparently Kaminari found a different victim to support him, because he jumped up and stood in front of a certain grumbling blonde.

"Right, Bakugou? Don't you agree that no one can resist a pretty face?"

Midoriya's face went pale and he felt his blood run cold as he saw Kacchan stiffen at the word 'pretty'.

"I don't give a fuck." Bakugou grunted, trying to conceal his blatant switch in mood, revealing how uncomfortable he was with the topic - much more now that attention was placed upon him regarding said topic.

Kaminari, ever the teaser, immediately caught onto this and a large smile graced his face. "What? Is Kacchan embarrassed? Are you inexperienced? Don't worry dude, I'm pretty sure everyone is." the energetic blonde spoke in a cooing voice, ending his words with a mocking tone of understanding.

Midoriya felt like he was going to be sick. He could only imagine what Kacchan felt like.

Kirishima chuckled and turned away, likely thinking that Kaminari was digging his own grave by mocking his explosive classmate like that.

Midoriya watched with a horror-filled gaze as everyone disregarded the situation as Kaminari just being his fun and energised self.

Izuku shook his head, causing his large green curls to fall into his eyes. He pushed them away in annoyance and tried to turn his large eyes to see Kacchan's expression. To see if he was okay with this.

And he wasn't.

He wasn't because Izuku could see how he held his breath, how his jaw was locked, how his blood red eyes glared up at the standing blonde. It was easy to write off his look as angry but Izuku knew Kacchan. He knew him. 

And swimming within those scarlet orbs was a signal of danger. They were observing Kaminari as if he was something different than what he was. In that moment Kacchan's eyes were clouded as the differing images of friend or enemy clashed with each other.

Midoriya couldn't even begin to fathom exactly what Kacchan was imagining but he knew that the boy was tense like a cornered animal and Kaminari's next move would be the deciding factor on his next action.

Kaminari leaned forward, enclosing Bakugou on the couch in what he believed to be in a joking manner. "If you want to gain some experience..." He waggled his eyebrows down at the boy whose body had gone completely stiff.

Midoriya was sure that Kacchan's mind had come to a conclusion as his uncertain eyes drowned in panic. And he stood suddenly, body stiff in terror. 

And as they all expected Bakugou's hand immediately raised to the face of the teasing blonde. What they hadn't expected was that - rather than explosions mixed with a string of curses and insults - Bakugou's fist connected with the boy's face and Kaminari was left howling on the floor, gripping his bleeding nose.

Yaoyorozu was the first to react. She shot up and ran to Kaminari's side. "Bakugou! What are you doing?!"

Midoriya stood and reached out for Kacchan as a choked sob broke past the blonde boy's lips. His hands were slapped away and Midoriya regarded Kacchan with wide eyes full of concern.

The explosive boy was breathing heavy, eyes glazed over with oncoming tears. Midoriya felt himself shrink back when Bakugou's eyes moved haphazardly around the room, not focusing on one thing, and frantic as if danger was everywhere and suffocating him. It was something Izuku could only describe as pure and unadulterated terror.

Kacchan stumbled back in fear before spinning around and sprinting back up to his room.

Izuku's blood that had seemed to ice over, frozen in his body suddenly thawed and started pumping at an alarming rate. He could barely register the voices of his classmates over the reverberate of his heartbeat. 

His blood was boiling-

Izuku whipped around to face the boy who had terrified his childhood friend. "Why would you say something like that to Kacchan?" He growled.

The blonde boy in question had his hands over his face and looked up to meet Izuku's rageful gaze, letting out a muffled "Huh?"

Izuku fumed and had to clench his fists to control the sparks of green that had started lighting up around his body. "You're his friend! How could you do that?!"

Iida let out an exasperated sigh. "Midoriya, calm down. While it's true that Kaminari's words were a bit inappropriate, Bakugou's reaction was completely uncalled for, not to mention an overreaction."

"An overreaction?!" Midoriya was trembling with so much rage, he didn't know what to do with himself. "It's Kaminari's own fault he got hurt!"

Everyone looked at Midoriya in surprise, shocked by his blatant rage, an uncommon thing for the green-haired boy. 

The injured boy made an offended whine from the floor. Izuku's eyes snapped to him and sent a glare so searing that the boy averted his eyes.

"I think its obvious that we don't really understand the situation but for now, I think you should calm down, Midoriya." Todoroki spoke calmly.

Midoriya squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep inhale of air. Trying to calm himself down. It was working a bit. 

'I shouldn't be angry. They don't know'

"I don't understand why your defending him."

Midoriya's eyes snapped open and he felt his rage flare up again when he saw that the snarky comment came from Uraraka.

Kirishima cleared his throat awkwardly from where he was inspecting his bleeding friend. "Maybe now's not a good time to get annoyed."

"Why not?" Ochako sneered and Midoriya had to bite down his tongue so he didn't say something he would regret. "Everyone seems perfectly fine with letting Bakugou do whatever the hell he wants. What with what he did last week and now this-" 

"Uraraka." Midoriya warned. His head was pulsing and he really didn't want to hear her voice anymore. 

Ochako didn't take the warning, rather she decided to continue. 

"No! I'm done turning a blind eye at how he treats everyone. And he treats you worst of all!" Izuku flinched but Ochako still didn't stop. "He doesn't even see you as a friend! He doesn't see you as an equal! Anyone who thinks of themselves as Bakugou's friend is kidding themselves!"

Midoriya saw Kirishima clench his jaw, Ashido tense and Sero narrow his eyes. 

Kaminari spoke up, voice muffled behind the mass of his hands. "Um, It doesn't hurt that bad and I'm sure he didn't really mean it-" 

Uraraka scoffed loudly. "Like I said, you're all in denial! After everything, can't you see what type of person he is!?" 

Izuku breathing was out of control. "What kind of person is he, then?" He spat, daring her to voice her thoughts.

"He's a horrible person! A bully! A villai-"

Midoriya felt his body move on it's own and before he knew it, his hand had punched through the wall. "Shut the fuck up! You don't know anything about Kacchan! So shut up!"

Ochako chose to ignore how Midoriya's rage was bordering hysteria. "I know that he would never defend you the way you do him!"

Rather than breathing, Midoriya was just gasping for air and hot tears poured down his face, scalding, just like his fury. "Because I don't deserve it! I don't deserve anything but hate from Kacchan!" Midoriya's voice was hoarse and yet he kept screaming.

Midoriya was sure that he saw people moving to stop the argument, probably realising that it was delving into something too personal.

And it was. Midoriya knew he should just keep his mouth closed. This wasn't something he had the right to tell.

But right now his mind was screaming at him that they were insulting Kacchan, defaming him and his gut twisted the more he allowed it to happen.

"I said it and I'll say it again!"

shut up

"He's." 

Shut up

"a" 

Shut Up

"Villain!" 

SHUT UP-

The words were leaving Izuku's mouth before he could stop them.

It did shut her up. In fact, it shut everyone up. 

And Midoriya was left gasping with wide teary eyes. His hands were clasped firmly over his mouth as it to try to force the words back down his throat, so he could choke on them. He broke out into a cold sweat and his body trembled. No longer in anger but with overwhelming regret. Because the words seemed to echo around the room in vibrations, beating on Izuku's body so it felt beaten and bruised.

"I-I..." His voice quivered in the silence.

It was too late. He already said it, screaming a confession in anger that didn't belong to him. He wanted to shrivel up and die because he had just stolen something that he could never give back.

Surely the words were ringing in everyone else's mind the same way it was for Izuku.

'KACCHAN WAS RAPED AS A CHILD!'  

Chapter Text

Kacchan had always been pretty ever since he was young. 

 

Adults had always told him this, and since Kacchan was in Izuku's earliest memories, grown-ups fawning over his friend was something he regarded as normal. 

 

But Midoriya's pretty sure that from the moment Kacchan could properly form words and get his view across, he made it obvious that he had a distaste for the description. His nose would scrunch up and he'd make an unapproving noise, taking offence to the compliment.

 

Eventually, Kacchan had started forming his eyes into slits, glaring at every living thing and pulling his lips into a frightening snarl. All so that the word 'pretty' would wither and die on people's tongues before they could even dare think of speaking it into existence. 

 

But Kacchan had always been like that. Always seeing the bad side of good things said to him, accusing people of trying to put him down and be better than him. Basically, he wasn't very trusting.

 

Which is why Izuku, a nerdy and emotional child, was so confused with how he formed a friendship with the loud and confident boy. But Kacchan had never seemed annoyed with his presence and Midoriya prided himself on the close friendship they shared. 

 

In the small boy's green eyes, he couldn't see a single fault in his childhood friend and so he had always chased after Kacchan. Going through every single adventure, every single trial. All because Midoriya couldn't help but admire the boy that seemed so many miles ahead of him no matter how close he was, always out of reach.

 

Midoriya would sometimes cry or get too scared while joining in on Kacchan's escapades, to which Kacchan's friends responded by taunting him, making him cry harder. 

 

The blonde boy would always shout at them saying "It's Deku. Of course, he's gonna to cry. He just needs a bit of encouragement." Which was as much comfort as one could get from the blonde boy. But Izuku always felt his chest swell with pride when Kacchan would offer him a hand and hold his the entire time, getting looks of jealousy from the surrounding boys. He would puff up his chest and laugh happily, tears long forgotten. 

 

It was obvious that he was Kacchan's closest friend.

 

Which is why Midoriya knew he shouldn't disappoint him. 

 

When the boy came knocking at the door, asking for Izuku, the emotional boy couldn't help but be surprised to see only Kacchan outside and no one else.

 

"Hey Kacchan! Where's everyone else?" Izuku tilted his head in curiosity but Kacchan didn't answer and just pulled him outside so Izuku stumbled forward with a yelp. 

 

The blonde boy spun around and walked in front of Izuku, shouting his goodbyes to the house. "Izu-chan and I are leaving, Auntie!" He got an exasperated laugh from inside the house in reply. 

 

Izuku finally remembered how to use his legs and ran after the retreating form of Kacchan's back. "Where are we going Kacchan? And where's everyone else?"

 

The fast-walking boy stopped suddenly so Midoriya had to skid to a halt. Kacchan turned to face him and wore a wicked smile on his face. But then he immediately changed his demeanor and appeared serious, seemingly about to say something very important. Midoriya held his breath in anticipation. 

 

Kacchan talked in a hushed whisper, eyes scanning the surrounding area as if someone was listening in on their conversation. "We're going on a secret mission. We were the only 2 heroes dispatched to deal with the villain."

 

The boy's green-eyes blinked dumbly in confusion before he understood that Kacchan was only pretending.

 

Izuku laughed loudly, feeling silly that he fell for Kacchan's act so easily. "Oh! Okay!" He cheered.

 

"Shh!" Kacchan hushed but couldn't fight his giggle. Izuku also giggled but made sure to be quiet as he nodded, attempting his words again. 

 

"Oh! Okay!" This time it was in a hushed voice. Kacchan nodded at him, his expression turning serious again and Midoriya attempted to copy it, struggling hard to fight the twitch of his lips. 

 

"My Hero name is Lord Murder. Nice to meet you..." Kacchan trailed off expectantly, asking for Midoriya's hero name in turn. Izuku giggled at how well Kacchan's name suited him even if he didn't have his quirk yet. When he thought of his own, he came up blank and shrugged at Kacchan, sending the boy a sheepish smile.

 

"Alright. You can be Hero Deku!" Kacchan decided and Midoriya smiled at the familiar name. "Come on Deku! We've already wasted too much time and the villain has been running free."

 

Midoriya - now Hero Deku - giggled and pointed forward. "Lead the way, Lord Murder"

 

They had obviously forgotten the rule of quiet because now they were running, Lord Murder leading the way, letting out loud laughs as they ran along the pavement.

 

They kept running and Deku wondered when they were going to stop but didn't bother asking, because excitement was pumping through his veins and willing his body to move.

 

It took Deku a second to register Lord Murder running into a dark alley and he forced himself to stop. Realising he wasn't following anymore, Lord Murder turned and frowned, before beckoning Deku to follow but the 'hero' stayed rooted in his position.

 

Lord Murder marched over to Deku and crossed his arms in as if to say 'What's the problem?'

 

"Um Kacchan-" Deku's words were cut off with a displeased grunt "Lord Murder, I don't think it'd be good to go in there" the blonde's expression seemed to grow in annoyance. "Can we just play away from these types of places? My mum says they're dangerous."

 

Lord Murder let out a groan. "We're heroes Deku. We're going in there because it's dangerous."

 

Deku wanted to protest. To say they weren't really hereos and that this was stupid but he didn't want Kacchan to get angry with him. He nodded hesitantly so the large smile returned to the other boy's face. "Come on!"

 

They ran in and it got darker with every step.

 

Darkness surrounded them. It's hungry jaws enclosing around them, blocking their route of escape. Rays of sunlight seemed to shy away from the mouth of the ravenous beast, refusing to follow the two boys on their treacherous quest no matter how much Izuku urged. He wished to turn and chase the rays that felt much safer than the cage of this dark prison but he knew if he did that, he'd have to leave Kacchan, who'd be too stubborn to join him in his escape. And so he stayed undeterred on his path to keep up with the silhouette of his best friend's back.

 

Izuku bit his cheek as he verbally recalled the memory. This was wrong. This was so wrong.

After Iida got the boy to calm down from his incessant sobbing, Izuku's trembled, eyes finally meeting those of his shocked classmates. "Please forget what I said..." he begged quietly. "I-. It didn't-. J-Just please forget it."

Ojiro had spoken up first, choosing his words carefully as he spoke in an uncertain tone "Yeah... I think that's the best thing to do right now."

But Ashido shook her head, eyes wide in disbelief. "No. What did you just say? W-What happened to Blasty?" She asked in a fearful voice. "You just said..."

Midoriya shrunk in on himself and looked at the ground, hating the sight of her tear-filled eyes and the trembling of her voice. But her words still found their way to his ears.

"You can't just say that and then- How can you expect us to forget that?" She croaked. Midoriya shook his head, eyes still focused on the ground as he let out a broken sob.

"Midoriya can you please explain what you just said." Kirishima spoke in a quiet voice.

The boy in question squeezed his eyes shut and frantically shook his head, digging his fingernails into the palms of his hand. 

'Oh God.' He let out another sob. 'I told them. I told them. I told them. Itoldthem-'

Izuku's eyes snapped open as he felt the gentle touch of hands rest over his closed fists. Yaoyorozu stood in front of him and offered a gentle smile, squeezing his hands so he would relax them.

"Izuku. Izuku. It's alright. Calm down." She spoke in a calming voice, lulling the boy like a mother would her child. "Breathe. Okay?"

Izuku nodded quickly and took in deep breaths, drawing them out again in loud exhales. He could feel himself calming down and the soothing rub on his shoulder from the raven-haired girl was helping him a great deal. 

"I know you're panicking right now but I think it would be beneficial for you to tell us what's bothering you." She spoke calmly. 

His breathing quickened once again. "I can't. I-I can't" She rubbed his shoulders and so his breathing pattern would return to a normal pace. 

"No one here wants to force you to talk, okay. We're just worried about you and I would recommend speaking your thoughts." Her voice was so reassuring that Izuku almost found himself agreeing. The past week had just been so stressful and he had felt a burdensome weight on his shoulders. He knew letting everything out into the open would help him but the feeling of betrayal was much heavier than anything else. 

"P-Please don't judge him!" The choked words came out as a sob.

"It's okay. No one is going to judge anybody" She soothed but there was a pointed tone behind her words as if daring anyone to say otherwise.

And so with the reassurance of Momo's coaxing words, Izuku was sitting on the couch surrounded by the rest of his classmates, retelling a story that didn't belong to him.

Deku wasn't so sure he wanted to play heroes anymore, especially with how late it was getting. They had been playing around in the junctions of dark alleyways, fighting imaginary villains and winning. But now Deku thought they were trying their luck to stay any longer and expect not to run into a real villain.

 

At that moment, It seemed like he had jinxed them. Because Deku looked up to meet a pair of grey eyes that were gazing down at the two boys, who most likely called attention to themselves due to all the noise they had been making. 

 

All the colour drained from his face and his body froze in fear as he regarded the cement-colored pupils. When those eyes snapped towards his, he screamed loudly, alerting Kacchan, who came bounding towards him to ask what was wrong.

 

Immediately, Kacchan saw the eyes as well and his body went stiff. But rather than standing frozen like Izuku, the blonde pulled his friend behind him and snarled at the figure that hid in the shadows. 

 

The figure finally stepped forward and revealed himself. Izuku felt himself let out a sigh of relief and Kacchan's body relaxed. 

 

It wasn't a villain. It was just a man.

 

"You really scared Deku, mister" Kacchan spoke accusingly, always the confident one. The man tilted his head and just stared.

 

"My apologies." His voice was distant and desolate. Izuku observed the man and saw that he was rather plain-looking. He giggled quietly to himself, feeling silly for mistaking the boring man as a villain.

 

The man crouched so he was eye level with them and Midoriya couldn't help but flinch when he looked at the man's eyes. Everything about the stranger was rather unremarkable. Everything except for his eyes. They were cold and barren and had the green-haired boy shivering when he held contact with them for too long.

 

Those eyes shifted over to Kacchan and suddenly Midoriya didn't feel well. Because, yes, this didn't seem like a villain. But it was still a stranger. 

 

However, the boy was too afraid to voice his thoughts with the man right in front of them. 

 

"What's your name?" The man asked with half-lidded eyes. Midoriya was thankful that - even if it was just partly - he couldn't see the man's remote grey eyes. He was also thankful that the question wasn't directed at him but it bothered him that that meant it was directed at Kacchan. 

 

"My name's Katsuki!" The boy pointed a thumb at his chest in a confident manner. 

 

"Katsuki." The man repeated. Izuku felt himself tensing at how the name sounded so... wrong coming from the man's mouth. His voice gave the name the same barren feel that his eyes held. 

 

For some reason this bothered Izuku because he knew how much meaning Kacchan put in his name. It was something he had always shouted out after every triumph, yelling that he was Katsuki Bakugou and that he should be remembered. It was how he claimed his victories, owned them. Kacchan's name was something close-knitted with his personality, full of exploding fire and oozing confidence from its pores. 

 

But the man had just said it like it was nothing, tainting its powerful message with his dull persona.

 

This must've bothered Kacchan as well because he narrowed his eyes slightly before mumbling "Uh… yeah."

 

Now it became silent and the man was just staring at the blonde boy. Kacchan shifted uncomfortably under the empty gaze, unable to discern the stranger's thoughts. 

 

Using the silence to his advantage, Izuku tapped his friend's arm so he would turn to face him. "I think we should go back now, Kacchan. It's getting dark." The boy could only hope his friend could see the desperate look in his emerald eyes.

 

Thankfully Kacchan did, and nodded. "Yeah. Uh, goodbye mister." the small blonde regarded the man but didn't feel the need to turn to look at him. Izuku was glad and also turned his back on those terrifying grey eyes.

 

When Midoriya didn't hear footsteps behind him, he whipped around.

 

"Um, Mister, I'm leaving so you need to let go… please." Hearing those words fall from his best friend's lips had Midoriya reeling in panic, understanding how serious the situation was if Kacchan was scared enough to plead.

 

And surely enough, the man had Kacchan's wrist in his grasp. 

 

"Ah!" The boy let out a shout of pain and Midoriya blanched in horror. The man's hands were turning white as he gripped the limb.

 

"You're... very pretty... Katsuki" The man mumbled to himself as he gazed into the little boy's eyes. "She was... pretty, too."

 

"W-Who?" the trapped boy gasped, trying to reason with the man so he didn't hurt him further.

 

"Her" He droned as if that was answer enough "You're pretty like her. Her. That woman. You're like her."

 

Midoriya charged forward and pulled on Kacchan. "He's not whoever you mean! He's a boy! Please let him go! We want to go back home!" He reasoned frantically, his childlike mind too young to understand the ramblings of a mad man.

 

The man continued to gaze at Kacchan. "I'll kill anyone... who tries to take her away." The boys blanched, finally understanding the danger they were in. 

 

Izuku screamed and pulled harder when he heard the threat.

 

'He had to help Kacchan. He had to save Kacchan.'

 

The blonde boy was pale, spooked by the stranger who had a hold on him. He started kicking and throwing fists around, in an effort to escape. It had worked because the man groaned and fell backwards, clutching his eye that was starting to bruise.

 

Without a second thought, they dashed away. They didn't remember where they came from or where they were going. But their gnawing fear kept them sprinting down whichever path opened up to them.

 

Midoriya saw Kacchan gripping his hand as the boy dashed ahead and even though he was scared, he couldn't have felt safer. 

 

'Kacchan is strong so we're going to be okay.'

 

Izuku's heart stuttered when he saw dead grey eyes watching them from within the darkness, right ahead of them and blocking the path they were running down. And he wanted to scream, but his throat was clogged up in all his horror.

 

But Kacchan made a quick turn away from the man and into an opening, branching off into more paths. He stopped and scanned the area and Midoriya trembled as his eyes swept around wildly, cowering at the thought of meeting bleak lead pupils. 

 

Kacchan was fast and his movements had Izuku stumbling but the trembling boy knew he preferred this, because he did not want to let go of the blonde's hand.

 

Before he knew what was happening, Midoriya was being shoved into a box that he noticed had been in the opening they ran into. He could tell that it was concealing enough and served well as a hiding place. Midoriya tugged on Kacchan's hand, silently beckoning him to join but the boy just shook his head.

 

"There's not enough space" He whispered. "Stay here, I'll hide somewhere else."

 

Izuku wanted to make a noise of protest.

 

Then he saw that the man had been looming over them. 

 

His small heart dropped at the sight, clanging noisily from where it smashed into his ribs. 

 

Kacchan was unaware of this as his back was turned. Unaware of how the man was looking at him. So Izuku had to warn him, he had to get him away.

 

But when the hidden boy scrambled to grab his friend, the attention of those chilling eyes switched to him and Izuku froze. The man was regarding the boy's wide green eyes bleakly and Midoriya didn't want the attention anymore. He was so scared, he was terrified. And suddenly, the boy found himself praying that the man's focus would return to Kacchan.

 

'Because Kacchan can handle it. Kacchan's strong.'

 

Needless to say, Midoriya regretted his pleas immediately after when the man grabbed the blonde boy and tugged him backwards so he let out a terrified scream.

 

Izuku watched in silent horror as the man-

 

And he could hear Kacchan screaming and crying-

 

Calling to Izu-chan for help-

 

Calling out for his mum-

 

Begging him to stop-

 

Screaming that it hurt so much-

 

And in a sudden fit of hysteria the man hit Kacchan over and over-

 

There was so much blood-

 

He wouldn't stop-

 

Jirou let out a loud sob. 

Midoriya watched as she buried her face into her hands, unable to handle the monstrous memories he was arousing from the darkest depths of his mind. 

Midoriya curled in on himself, bringing his legs up to feel a little safer in his own skin. He looked down at the ground, not wanting to see anyone's expression. 

"I…" He trailed off, annoyed at how weak his voice was. "I was too scared. I couldn't move. I-I just watched. Even after the man left and I-. I didn't even-. Kacchan was bleeding on the floor and I-I couldn't move. I just cried and called for him and-. I was so-. H-He wasn't answering. We were found the next day. Apparently, I passed out from shock."

'Pathetic'

He felt his fingers dig into his thighs. "Kacchan almost died there, just because I didn't- I couldn't move. If they found him minutes later he would have-. They said he needed surgery. I didn't see-. The man had a knife. Doctors said he was going to be f-fine. But they didn't know. They didn't know what happened. Fuck- I didn't even know. I-I couldn't understand it."

Tsuyu spoke up in a haunting whisper. "I-Is that why towards you he's so…" She trailed off, unsure of how to structure her words. "Does he blame you-"

"No!" Izuku shouted. He rocked himself a bit so he could calm down. "N-No… Kacchan...Not at first…"

Izuku trailed off, unsure of how to explain, then decided the easiest way would be to say more of what happened.

Midoriya gripped his mother's hand tightly as they sat in the worn seats of the waiting room. 

 

The small boy crinkled his nose at the crisp smell of disinfectant that wafted through the pristine, chalky building. He watched as people in cloaks of white bustled around the area as if they were too busy to slow down and yet they held an air of propriety and sophistication. 

 

'Kacchan would hate a place like this. He must be so angry at me. Because I'm the reason he's here'

 

Izuku felt his mother gently squeeze his hand and he looked up into her caring eyes. She offered him a kind smile. "Don't worry, you'll see him soon." 

 

Midoriya nodded before looking back down at the ground, waiting for that moment to come. 

 

It came sooner than expected as a female doctor with a gentle smile beckoned them saying that they could see the patient. Midoriya's felt his face screw up at the name.

 

'It's not a patient. It's Kacchan'

 

But not wanting to miss his chance to see his friend, Izuku ignored the rude title, hopped out of his seat immediately and followed the woman.

 

As they were being led to Kacchan, the doctor made conversation with Midoriya's mother. They talked about how Kacchan had been unconscious for 3 days and had just woken up 2 days ago. The woman also mentioned how it was unusual to get visitors outside of the family during the recovery period but since the patients guardians asked specifically for it, it could be allowed.

 

Midoriya couldn't care less what they were talking about, he just wanted to see his friend, and for the women to walk faster. But he did listen in about the part on Kacchan's parents. 

 

The boy couldn't even let his green-eyes meet the fierce gaze of Kacchan's mother when she visited them. She reassured him that he wasn't to blame for what happened, but it was the man who hurt them that was at fault. She reasoned with him that he didn't need to be scared because the evil bastard would be caught soon. He was told about when she visited Kacchan, that he was fine and recovering quickly. But he couldn't help the ugly rope of guilt that would wrap around his throat, blocking his airways whenever he saw her. Because she was forced to visit her child in the hospital and Izuku felt his tears welling up whenever he thought of his own mother having to do the same. It was even worse that her eyes were just like Kacchan's. 

 

The same eyes that showed so much hurt and pain, desperate and pleading for someone to save him-

 

"Izuku, we're here" The boy blinked as his mother's voice lulled him out of the tangle of his thoughts. "You were mumbling the entire way here." She said curiously, never remembering that to be a habit of the boy before.

 

Izuku couldn't focus on his mother's words at the moment because he saw a big white door in front of him and wondered how he got there.

 

The small child stepped back, suddenly scared of what he would meet on the other side. 

 

'Kacchan will hate me. Kacchan will hate me. Kacchan will hate me-' 

 

Unaware of the torrent of thoughts that was clouding her son's mind, the boy's mother pushed open the doors and led Izuku into the room. 

 

Blazing red met emerald green and Izuku felt himself shrinking as he saw anger in those eyes. 

 

"Why'd you take so long to come?!" The voice boomed. Izuku blinked dumbly, confused at how normal the boy seemed despite everything. 

 

His mother laughed and walked up to the blonde boy to hug him. "Nice to see you too, Katsuki."

 

The boy squirmed slightly in her hold and Izuku could've sworn that he saw a slither of fear in Kacchan eyes. He quickly shook his head. 

 

'That's silly. Kacchan isn't afraid of anything'

 

But then he remembered the boy's eyes on that day and the boy's screams and the only emotion one could use to describe them was that they were drowning in overwhelming, suffocating fear.

 

Izuku snapped out of his thoughts when he saw his mother frowning at him. "Izuku, you're mumbling again. When did you start doing that?" She asked no one in particular. "Just don't make it a habit." 

 

Kacchan was staring hard at Midoriya with an unreadable expression before he turned away. 

 

"I'll go and get you boy's some snacks. I'm sure Katsuki could use the break from hospital food." Izuku paled as he saw his mother stand, walk to the door, open it and leave. 

 

Now they were alone. And there was silence. 

 

Izuku started crying loudly and Kacchan jolted in surprise. Then the blonde boy rolled his eyes and held out his hands. "You're seriously always crying, Izu-chan"

 

Midoriya looked at the boys outstretched arms and cried harder. Without a second thought, he ran forward and struggled to scramble onto the large hospital bed. He moved fast to hug the boy. 

 

Then Kacchan flinched. 

 

They both froze in surprise at the reaction. 

 

Kacchan growled suddenly, and hugged the other with strong force, obviously annoyed with the blatant show of vulnerability. 

 

The hug was quick and uncomfortable because Kacchan was pushing Midoriya away immediately after and Izuku whimpered in unsatisfaction at the embrace, remembering the previous ones he shared with Kacchan. They were always rare and came randomly but the freckled boy always found himself cherishing them. Because Kacchan's hold was always reassuring and strong, making Izuku feel safe and content. But this was… different. 

 

The thought made Izuku start crying again. He couldn't help but think that Kacchan wouldn't attempt to hug him again. 

 

"I'm really sorry! I'm really sorry!" The sobbing boy chanted. 

 

Kacchan stared at him for a few seconds, letting the boy calm down from his frenzied cries. When Midoriya's loud sobs finally went quiet and his tears only left small trails of liquid down his cheeks, Kacchan spoke. 

 

"I don't care. You were scared so it's fine" 

 

Izuku shook his head and sniffled. "B-But you were calling to me for help-" 

 

Kacchan cut off his words quickly. "N-No! I was… It was stupid. You're Deku. Someone like you couldn't help me."

 

Midoriya tried to ignore just how much those words hurt. But it was true, he didn't help Kacchan at all. 

 

"I should be enough. I'm gonna be a hero. I can protect both of us." Kacchan mumbled to himself. 

 

Izuku bit down on his lip. "But. What that man did…" Kacchan went stiff as Midoriya formed his words. "I mean other than hitting you. H-He also… I don't really know what… It was- I don't know… like dirty." Midoriya stuttered and stumbled over his words, unsure of what he really saw and how to describe it. 

 

Apparently those were the wrong words because Kacchan was suddenly grabbing his shirt. 

 

"It wasn't! I-I'm not… ! Dirty… I-! Nothing happened!" Midoriya was surprised at the panic inside the boy's voice. It wasn't like the boy was trying to insult Kacchan, it was just the only description that came to his mind. 

 

"B-But Kacchan! The man! And it looked painful! We have to tell someone! An adult! We have to tell them what happened!" 

 

"How the hell would you know what happened?! You were hiding like a coward!" Kacchan's panicked shout felt like a slap to the face and Izuku's eyes watered as he looked away. 

 

The room was drowned in silence again.

 

Kacchan sighed quietly. "Izu-chan, I… Don't get upset." 

 

Midoriya felt his lip wobble but he refused to look at the other boy. "You do blame me. You're angry at me…"

 

More silence. 

 

"Izu-chan, look this way." Izuku turned his face hesitantly to see Kacchan pulling a silly face. It was so random and out of place that Midoriya found himself laughing out loud. Kacchan also chuckled slightly. 

 

When Midoriya was finally able to catch his breath, the room went silent again. 

 

"I'm not angry. I-I just… You think I'm strong, right?" Kacchan asked, voice doused in uncertainty. 

 

Izuku eyes gleamed and he felt a surge of passion rush through him as he whipped around to look straight into Kacchan's eyes, a wide smile on his face. "I think you're the coolest, strongest person ever. Like you could win against anyone!"

 

Both boys tried not to cringe, knowing that the blonde was in the hospital because he couldn't win against anyone. 

 

Kacchan laughed and puffed up his chest. "Yeah! I'm awesome!" Izuku clapped and giggled.

 

It went silent again and Kacchan decided to break it. "So if I'm strong… You gotta believe me when I say nothing happened. Something like… that. It wouldn't happen to someone strong."

 

Izuku shook his head. 

 

'Kacchan is strong, but he can still get hurt' 

 

The curly haired boy wanted to voice his thoughts but snapped his mouth closed when a warning glare was sent his way. 

 

So Izuku stayed quiet about the topic and talked about something else to Kacchan's relief. He ignored it when his mum came back with food, ignored it when they left the hospital, ignored it on the drive home and ignored it when he was tucked into bed.

 

But Izuku was struggling. He wanted to believe Kacchan's words, but he couldn't. Because his dreams wouldn't ignore it. He was plagued with nightmares of the scene every time he slept and woke up screaming that Kacchan was dying, that he was hurt and in pain and bleeding. His mother watched in horror every night as her son's body was frozen stiff despite being awake, unmoving and haunted because of a phantom with daunting ash eyes.

 

"He didn't blame me. He never did, really… I think he blamed himself more." Izuku spoke quietly "Believed that he was too strong to hurt, e-even though he was. Hurting" 

Midoriya heard a sniffle but didn't want to look up. If he did he might burst into tears again. 

He hated that he wanted to cry when he wasn't even the one in pain. He tried to make sure his voice didn't wobble and rubbed angrily at fresh tears forming on his eyes. "He hates me because of what happened after."

Izuku didn't want to go to school, not when Kacchan wasn't going to be there. But that didn't stop his mother continuously attempting to coax him into doing it, saying that Kacchan would be back within a week as he was getting discharged soon. 

 

She clicked her tongue when Izuku stubbornly crossed his arms, declaring that he wasn't going. "You're really learning from Katsuki." the woman sighed at her son's attitude. "Do you want me to call him now? I'm sure he wouldn't be happy to know your missing school because of him. " She challenged. 

 

Izuku paled and shook his head, already imagining the boy's annoyed expression. His mother chuckled slightly, relishing in her victory. 

 

So here he was sitting in a classroom without Kacchan, surrounded by kids who weren't Kacchan, yet wishing that they were. The small boy realised just how much he relied on the blonde boy's presence.

 

The presence that was almost removed from his life forever. 

 

Midoriya cringed at the chilling thought. He could barely listen in his lessons and was getting told off frequently by the teacher for his incessant mumbling, a habit he picked up ever since the incident. 

 

By break time, Izuku's head was swirling and he felt like it was about to explode. 

 

"So where's Katsuki?" Midoriya snapped out of his thoughts as he looked up to see a taller boy with brown hair and eyes staring down at him expectantly. 

 

The green haired boy racked his brain, wondering who this boy was and why he was talking to him. Then it clicked, it was one of Kacchan's friends. Izuku couldn't recall the boy's name as he had never made an effort to have a conversation with him before, but he did remember the boy making fun of him and trying to push him away when he hung out with Kacchan.

 

"Ugh, Why are you mumbling? You're so weird. Did you even hear what I said?" The boy spoke in an impatient and annoyed tone. 

 

Midoriya blinked. He didn't want to dislike the boy since he was Kacchan's friend but he was kind of mean. The boy nodded so his green curls jumped with the movement. 

 

"Kacchan is in the hospital." Midoriya spoke hesitantly. The boy's brown eyes shot wide open and his lip pulled into a smile. 

 

"What?! He got hurt? Wow, guess he's not as tough as he makes himself out to be. So, what happened?" The boy spoke excitedly. 

 

Izuku stomach twisted uncomfortably at the boy's words and didn't like how he asked the question as if it was interesting gossip. 

 

'But this is Kacchan's friend, he's probably just worried… Maybe he'll be able to help understand what happened.'

 

So Izuku told the boy. He told the boy everything he saw and how he was confused about what it meant, wondering if he could help. 

 

Midoriya watched as Kacchan's friend's face twisted in disgust. "What the hell? That's disgusting."

 

Izuku couldn't fight the feeling that something was wrong. It was all so wrong. The disgust could've been directed at the man who hurt Kacchan but Izuku wasn't so sure. 

 

Midoriya's doubts were answered when the boy formed his next sentence. "Can't believe I'm friends with someone so… dirty" Midoriya felt his heart drop at the descriptor, the one Kacchan had gotten so offended by when he visited him in the hospital. "My dad says people who do stuff like that are… What was it…?" Midoriya watched with horror-filled anticipation as the boy deliberated over his words like it was a fun game. "Oh yeah!" 

 

"Katsuki is a slut." He declared. 

 

 The boy turned around and shared his newfound discovery with the entire class. 

 

Midoriya didn't understand the word. The boy didn't understand. The class didn't understand the word. But that didn't stop them from saying it over and over again. Seemingly happy that the strong boy that was always ahead of them was finally knocked down a peg, because even if they didn't fully understand the word, they liked thinking that Katsuki Bakugou was now dirty, that he was now a slut. 

 

Midoriya would never forget Kacchan entering the classroom, expecting to be welcomed and acknowledged due to his return from the hospital. 

 

How he waved with a wide smile on his face to greet his friends. Then frowning slightly when they slapped his hands away saying not to touch them. His friends laughed in his face at his confused expression, saying that he shouldn't touch them because he's dirty. Midoriya stood up and shouted for them to stop because Kacchan's body went stiff. They ignored the plea and said that he was a slut. Kacchan looked at them with wide eyes. And then the entire class started chanting the word over, and over again. Kacchan stumbled backwards as if he had been slapped but they didn't stop. Then his eyes met Midoriya's. And-

 

Midoriya let out a loud sob. "The way he looked at me. I-I. He- Fuck- He looked so betrayed." The words could barely get past his lips.

He heard Yaoyorozu whisper from beside him. "They called him that?" The incredulous manner in which she spoke made him sob louder. 

"They were just kids. Didn't even understand what it meant. But when I saw Kacchan's face … I could tell that he knew. He's always been smart like that. A-And everyone else could see that he knew, too. So it didn't matter that we didn't understand, because his reaction was enough to tell them. That it was something horrible." Midoriya explained, trying his best not to stumble over his words.

The raven-haired girl shifted slightly then looked down at the ground. "That's… awful"

Remembering the way the class had started mistreating Kacchan all because Izuku couldn't be a good friend and keep his mouth shut, the freckled boy couldn't help but think that the past was repeating itself. 

Izuku finally willed himself to look up at his classmates' faces, fearing that he would see the same disgusted expression that Kacchan's old friend wore. 

Izuku blanched as he realised all their faces were unreadable. 

Mina had hid her head in her hands and was avoiding comfort from anyone. Todoroki had leaned back and gently stroked the red scar on the left side of his face. It seemed that Kirishima was out of it because he was staring ahead at nothing. 

The boy also noticed that there was a large portion of expressions he couldn't see. Like Tokoyami with his bird-like features, and Sero because of the long black hair that covered his face, or Hagakure due to her quirk.

Midoriya shivered because he didn't know what they were thinking. 

'What if they thought Kacchan was disgusting? What if they called him that too?'

Izuku shook his head. He knew he couldn't let that happen. He needed to make sure they knew, needed to make sure they understood. 

The boy forced himself to talk further. He had already started and was now willed on by paranoid thoughts that if they didn't understand just how much Kacchan had been through, how much it had affected him, then they might not take the blonde's suffering seriously, allowing themselves to make remarks and comments that would surely destroy the confident boy. Izuku couldn't let that happen so he had to make sure they could fully comprehend everything.

Because there was still so much more to this story. 

Chapter Text

Ever since that day, Kacchan had become quieter. He avoided speaking or calling attention to himself, scared of being called that word again if he got too loud. 

 

Izuku would just watch him as he closed-off from everyone else. It was scary to see how the burning flame inside the boy had died away, leaving nothing but withering embers.

 

Sometimes Kacchan would look up at him and their eyes would meet, then he'd break his gaze away as if Izuku was too horrible a thing to look at. 

 

Midoriya couldn't handle being so separated from Kacchan and being the cause of his friend's social withdrawal. 

 

He tried to talk to him once during break. When the boy was sitting in a corner outside out of other people's vision. 

 

"Kacchan?" Izuku tried. He bit down hard on his lip when the boy ignored him, turning his head away. "Kacchan. I… Can't we play together like before? I'm really sor-"

 

"Hey, Deku!" A loud voice called and startled both of them. 

 

Izuku turned to see a brunette haired boy with brown eyes - the cause of everything - who he now knew to be called Haru. "H-Hey Haru-kun…" The timid boy responded. 

 

The taller boy regarded the scene in front of him and frowned. "What are you doing hanging around with the slut?" Kacchan flinched and curled in on himself. "You should stay away from him."

 

Midoriya couldn't help but frown. The boy had been so quick to ostracise the blonde that Izuku couldn't help but wonder if he had hated Kacchan all along. He had started making fake shows of friendship with Izuku in front of Kacchan but otherwise acted like the green-haired boy didn't exist.

 

"You're really disgusting, you know." Haru turned his attention over to the blonde. "Deku here told me all about what happened. Probably would've been better if you hadn't made it to the hospital."

 

Midoriya let out a horrified gasp. He felt his eyes prick as he realised what the boy had been implying with his words.

 

Kacchan stood up and Izuku was hoping that he would defend himself, shout and scream like he used to, say that he wouldn't let anyone talk to him like that. But the boy just looked down at the ground and clenched his small fists. 

 

Haru scoffed. "You always acted like you were better than everyone but now everyone knows the truth." 

 

Kacchan tried to walk away. But Haru wouldn't leave him alone. 

 

"Everyone knows that you lied." The boy pushed Kacchan so he stumbled back. "That you're not strong." He pushed him again, with more force. "That you're weak-"

 

All of a sudden Kacchan was on top of the boy. 

 

He started hitting him with clenched fists. His blows were frenzied and wild and he didn't let up even when blood was coated over them. 

 

Izuku shouted saying that Kacchan should stop before he hurts the boy too much. 

 

But it was as if the boys ears were blocked. He screamed as he beat up the boy underneath him, the boy that was supposed to be his friend. And then-

 

BOOM! 

 

Izuku froze as he saw smoke rise from Kacchan's fist, small explosion popping in his palms and searing off the delicate skin there.

 

But Kacchan seemed too out of it to notice the pain, too immersed in hurting the boy who had dared to insult him, degrade him, call him weak. 

 

Midoriya watched in horror as Haru screamed out in pain. Watched as aching bruises became unforgiving burns. 

 

Because Kacchan was burning the boy, though the damage was done in small bursts, he was burning him. 

 

But it wasn't even Kacchan's brutality that made him shiver in fear, it was the fact that Kacchan's eyes were so dead. 

 

So dead that

 

One could mistake the scarlet orbs

 

As desolate grey. 

 

Izuku screamed. 

 

A teacher came rushing and paled when they saw the scene. He attempted to pull Kacchan away but the blonde hit and kicked, letting off explosions that the teacher backed away from. 

 

More adults were called and tried to detain the boy. Kacchan was grabbed and pinned down like a dangerous animal and he screamed and cried, his once emotionless eyes now glowing in panic. 

 

But the adults held no sympathy for him, shoving him down onto the rough gravel and worrying over the boy whose body was littered with bruises and burns. 

 

Midoriya is sure that someone asked him something. About whether he was okay or if he was involved in the fight. But his mind was so empty and yet so full, too jumbled to formulate words. So he stared silently. 

 

Once again watching Kacchan being forced down by an adult. 

 

And once again being useless. Paralysed.

 

-

 

Kacchan had gotten in a lot of trouble because of what he did. 

 

He was being constantly scolded for his actions, told that they were wrong and brutal. 

 

Izuku couldn't help his anger towards his teachers, who had seen Kacchan getting bullied constantly but had never decided to say anything until it was time to reprimand the boy.

 

Parents were called and were sat down in an office with the children involved sitting at the side of the room (Haru was not present as he was getting treatment for his injuries). 

 

When the blonde's mother came, she was bubbling with terrifying anger. She had gritted her teeth as she apologised to the injured boy's parents, saying that she was deeply sorry. And they responded back by shouting insults towards Kacchan, saying that he was a dangerous animal and that she should raise her son better. 

 

Midoriya couldn't help but think that they were hypocrites. 

 

The blonde woman had tried to stay calm while the two adults insulted her son and was reasonable all throughout the conversation, but her anger could only be held back for so long.

 

"Though I'm sorry for my son's actions, meeting the kid's parents I can probably guess what could've made Katsuki so angry." She said simply. 

 

"How dare you! Have you seen what happened to my little boy?! If you have any ounce of shame, you'd put that monster into a mental institution!" Haru's mother screeched. 

 

"I am very sorry for what happened to your child, he didn't deserve to be injured to that extent and I would like to pay for all medical fees that may come up." The blonde woman spoke formally. "However, I would advise you to fuck off and never talk about my son like that again."

 

The man who had stood behind the raging woman stepped forward. "I think it's obvious to see that there is something wrong with your child. It would be ignorant to ignore that problem and continue to allow him to remain in school as he is a danger to others."

 

The woman seethed. "There is no problem and Katsuki is not a danger. He is going to keep showing up at school no matter what you say. Once again, sorry for what happened to your son. Have a good day." The woman spun around and marched away. 

 

She stormed over to Kacchan and glared down at him from where he sat, expecting him to look up at her with a similar defiant gaze. But the boy just stared at his hands, rubbing thumbs over the blistered skin of his palms. 

 

The woman sighed and pulled him up by his wrist before walking out of the room, with Kacchan trailing behind.

 

When Midoriya was finally allowed to leave, his mother had fired many questions at him, her green eyes lit with worry, and Izuku tried his best to answer but he was zoning in and out of the conversation.

 

Realising the exhaustion of her son, the woman simply made him a meal before allowing him to go to bed. 

 

-

 

Kacchan came back to school within the following weeks.

 

But Haru didn't. 

 

The atmosphere had changed when he had come back. The class avoided him still but rather out of fear than anything else. 

 

The only one who didn't seem to notice the change was the blonde boy himself. 

 

As days passed quiet whispers of fear became whispers of awe. They stopped mentioning what they had been told, refusing to believe that the blonde could have ever been weak in the first place. And people started trying to talk to the boy. They had even started following him around. 

 

Izuku could see that Kacchan was at first shocked by the sudden shift, how all the people who were once shouting at him with insults were now shouting with praise, how their eyes gleamed with awe when his hands crackled with the explosions of his newfound quirk.

 

But then Kacchan started relishing in it.

 

His red eyes roared with passion again but it was somehow different.

 

His slumped shoulders stood with pride again but it was somehow different.

 

His forgotten smile once again stretched into a grin but it was somehow different.

 

Midoriya was the only one to notice that Kacchan was different than before. 

 

He no longer called people his friends, he had started treating them like underlings. And he started being obsessed with not letting anyone outshine him, riddled with paranoia and distrust. The boy had become meaner, more of a bully and he intimidated and hurt.

 

He hurt Izuku. 

 

In the first days of his return, Kacchan had avoided him like the plague. But Midoriya had been persistent in his approaches, naively thinking that now that the problem was solved, they could rekindle their friendship. 

 

The punch that knocked the wind out of his stomach was enough to show that he was mistaken. 

 

Izuku gasped and fell to his knees, clutching his aching gut as tears formed in his eyes. When he finally caught his breath he looked up to see his childhood friend standing over him. 

 

Kacchan looked down at him with an unforgiving glare of crimson. "I'm not your friend, Deku." The boy spat the word like venom and Midoriya couldn't help but flinch. 

 

Izuku had always known that the name wasn't the nicest, it was a title given to someone weak and useless. But he had found himself being proud of the name that Kacchan called him. The boy had always said it rather fondly as if Midoriya was an annoying brother who was clumsy and blundering but they both knew he never really meant it to be bad. 

 

But now hearing the boy say it with so much hate and spite as if it belonged to a disgusting pest, Izuku realised just how much he'd lost with Kacchan. 

 

Others in the surrounding area saw the scene and took it as a fight. They came crowding in to cheer Kacchan on, shouting that he should hit the other boy more. 

 

But the blonde didn't move, he just stared down into green eyes. 

 

Because they both knew. The punch and his tone was enough. Much more meaningful than anything else. 

 

They were enough to say that the beautiful friendship that the boys once shared had dissipated with the wind, riding on the breath of the words that were uttered from Izuku's mouth, the words that Kacchan urged him not to speak.

 

Unaware of the silent separation of the boys, the surrounding crowd cheered, guessing that the blonde had come out victorious. Kacchan turned, and walked ahead and they followed him. 

 

At that moment, Izuku understood what was different about the blonde. He had returned to being an image of strength in the class but he was no longer apart of them. The boy was surely still feeling the lingering embers of betrayal, and so he made himself separate from all of them. Never allowing anyone to know a single weakness, a seemingly strong and unstoppable force. 

 

Izuku sobbed as he stared at the back of his friend. Because he had fooled everyone that he was something that could never be hurt. He had fooled them into thinking he wasn't human.

 

"I've never blamed Kacchan for the way he acts." Midoriya uttered with bitter realism. "Because I'm the one who made him like that…"

Izuku saw a half-toned head shake from the corner of his eyes. "I don't think… you should blame yourself so much. It's not something you could-" 

"Thanks Todoroki…" Midoriya attempted a smile "But I think it's pretty clear whose fault it is."

The boy was surprised when he felt hands grip his own as he didn't notice anyone approach him, and then guessed that the person who took him by surprise was Hagakure. 

"I agree! I don't think you should blame yourself. For any of it." She spoke confidently

Midoriya shook his head and smiled to himself. 

'They still don't get it. They don't understand.' 

Kacchan's eyes had changed since then. Izuku had memories of orbs burning alight with fire and passion, so intense and spirited yet warm that one couldn't help but admire them. But they had now become roaring flames of fury, expressing his rage and hate and acting as signals to warn others of the danger of the scalding fire, for others to stay away. 

 

But Midoriya sometimes found himself being thankful for this. He would rather vengeful red than unforgiving grey. 

 

Izuku took every hit, and every insult all the way up until middle school, because he knew he deserved it. 

 

He should've been used to it. He was used to it. So why… 

 

"Take a swan dive off the roof and wish for a quirk in your next life."

 

Midoriya bit down hard on his lip and stared at the floor, unable to meet such familiar eyes that were currently staring at him with overwhelming hate. 

 

He was unsure how much time had passed but Kacchan had still not gone away, for some reason he didn't leave, even when his underlings had left the room. 

 

There was silence. And it was unbearable. 

 

So Izuku dared to look up and meet Kacchan's eyes. He was surprised to see no anger there, the boy just seemed to be analysing him, sizing him up. Then he finally spoke. 

 

"You wanna get into UA, huh?" He questioned. "Still planning on being a hero after all this time…" There was a slight hint of reminisce in his voice. 

 

Midoriya's eyes widened as a torrent of memories rushed through his head. They were all happy, and with Kacchan, when they were young and carefree. He wanted to return that time. Before Kacchan had hated him, before meeting the grey-eyed man. 

 

'Where did everything go wrong?' 

 

"You know exactly where it went wrong, Deku." Midoriya snapped out of his daze due to Kacchan's cold voice. "Don't act like you don't." 

 

'Had I been talking out loud?' 

 

The boy's eyes went wide and he stumbled backwards when he saw Kacchan marching up to him. The blonde grabbed him by his collar and slammed Midoriya into the wall, twisting the material so that he let out a cough and was struggling for air as he tugged on calloused hands. Kacchan had allowed him just enough space to breathe but not enough for comfort. 

 

"You can't be fucking happy with following me into middle school?" The blonde spat. "You think someone like you can enter U.A? What? Want to ruin my life there too?" 

 

Midoriya shook his head helplessly, hoping for the blonde to calm down but that just made his grip tighten and the boy coughed again. 

 

"Don't fucking lie, Deku. Don't fucking lie to me! I know! I know how you're always watching me, waiting for me to mess up, just so you can go running and tell everyone what a weak, pathetic loser I am!" Kacchan gasped and wheezed as if he was the one whose air was being restricted. "That's what you've always-. A-Always been like! You think you're better than me! You fucking pity me! That's why you told isn't it? Isn't it?!" 

 

The blonde gasped again and his hysteria allowed his grip to loosen but Midoriya stayed in place, staring wide-eyed as the boy came undone. 

 

"Everyone called me a slu-! They called me that word! And you were fucking laughing weren't you!? You wanted it to happen! That's why you did it! You got everyone on your side! Everyone's always on your fucking side, Deku! Even the fucking teacher! Even the teacher believed you!" 

 

Midoriya furrowed his eyebrows confused as to why he was mentioning their teacher from kindergarten, who he had always remembered being rather kind and-

 

"Bitch wouldn't stop fucking t-touching me! Said I was that word too, that I should shut up and stop whining 'cuz I was used to it!" 

 

Izuku let out a choked breath. He felt liquid build-up and flow from his eyes at the implication of the blonde's words. 

 

'Kacchan was... Again-! Because of me! Kacchan was-!' 

 

"All of you! All of you! You think I'm just weak! And useless! Even when that man-! You just wanted to show me. Wanted to make me understand how worthless I was! That's why you let him do it! Staying fucking safe while you wished I would suffer and die."

 

Midoriya cried out and shook, his body trembling with his sobs. "NO! NO! Kacchan, I would never! Please just listen-!" 

 

The blonde let out a bitter laugh, eyes wide, crazed and desperate. "But I'm not weak! I'm fucking not! I'll show you just how strong I am! I'll show you how much better I am than you! T-The best! The best! Better than All-might! Better than anyone! No one will ever dare to call me that again!" 

 

The grip around Izuku's neck tightened again and he could only gasp out in fear. "I said you should kill yourself but don't. Don't fucking dare to. First I'll show you just how useless you are! How weak, and pathetic! I'll make you understand exactly why your name is Deku. You don't need to die. You don't need to." The boy laughed and shook his head. "You're already dead to me. After you understand that, after you feel like the piece of shit you are when you see how superior I am to you. Then-! Then you can die."

 

Midoriya was dropped to the ground and he gasped and coughed, his hands wringing around his throat as he forced air back into his lungs. "K-Kacchan…"

 

The boy's green eyes could only see black shoes in his line of sight, and watched as they turned to walk away. The slam of the door made him jump in surprise and he was suddenly aware of the wetness on his cheeks. 

 

Midoriya lifted himself so his back rested on the classroom wall but he didn't get up. He just stared blankly as his breathing gradually returned to normal, stood himself up and gathered his stuff before walking out silently, no strength left in his body to wipe the tears from his face.

 

"Fuck…" Sero rasped "He sounded so…" The boy trailed off. 

He didn't need to finish his sentence, Midoriya was sure they were all thinking the same thing. 

'Broken.' 

Izuku looked down and wringed his scarred hands. "Whether he meant to or not, Kacchan opened up to me. Even if his words were full of hate, they allowed me to understand him a little. A-And yet, I completely ignored them." The boy rubbed hard at his eyes and sniffled. "He told me how he'd prove just how strong he was and I could see how important it was to him. And yet I still-. I still-." Midoriya bit down on his lip to silence any sobs trying to burst from his mouth.

"The sludge villain…" 

Izuku's eyes snapped up and he met Kirishima's wide ones. He nodded quickly and looked back down, feeling his vision blur with unshed tears. 

"M-My body moved on it's own." The boy whispered "I just saw Kacchan's eyes and they looked the same. They looked the same. H-His eyes. Just like that time when we were kids and that man-. He looked scared, terrified. And I couldn't handle just watching and being useless anymore. I had to help him. I had to." 

Izuku felt a sting of pain and realised that his fingernails had drawn blood from his palms. He quickly hid the signs of injury and hunched in on himself. "I was being selfish. Oh God-. I was being so fucking selfish. I didn't think. I didn't know how much it would affect him. I always end up hurting Kacchan so much."

Midoriya was laying wide-eyed in his bed, his green eyes staring at the ceiling of his room as he processed all that had happened that day. 

 

He had met All Might. The All Might. Who had believed that he could fulfill his dream, that he could be a hero. And Izuku was going to receive One For All, All Might's quirk. 

 

His thoughts were so jumbled that he didn't know whether to feel excited, scared or anxious. 

 

The boy let his gaze trail to his puny fist, the fist that had never been able to fight before, and clenched it, smiling as new-found determination surged throughout his body 

 

'I will be a hero. An amazing hero. Just like All Might.'

 

Midoriya looked up when he heard a knock on his door and saw his mother come in. She spared him a glance and whispered a few words into the phone that was being held firmly to her ear, before handing it to him. 

 

"Izuku. It's Katsuki's mum, she wants to talk to you."

 

Midoriya felt himself grimace. Even after all these years the guilt he felt still wrung around his neck like a noose and just the mention of Kacchan's mother left him suffocating, and struggling for oxygen.

 

"H-Hello, Auntie." The boy spoke awkwardly, cursing the stutter in his words. 

 

"Izuku! Have you seen Katsuki?" A booming voice replied in response. 

 

Midoriya felt his blood run cold. He hadn't seen much of the boy after All Might had saved them. He couldn't help but feel slightly worried as the boy had just been recently attacked by a villain. 

 

"No. I haven't. Why? Is he okay?" Izuku tried to keep the worry out of his voice. 

 

"I swear that brat. He's gonna give me a heart attack one of these days. He was just involved in a villain attack and he thinks he can just waltz out without telling anyone?! His father's worried sick! Every time he leaves the house, I always feel like I'm gonna get that call again, saying he's in the fucking hospital after almost being beaten to death by some evil bastard." Her voice trembled slightly and Izuku took in a deep breath at the sudden pang in his chest. "It's not like they've caught the guy yet! How the hell am I supposed to know he's safe when that fucker's still out there!" 

 

Midoriya tried calming the woman down. "Auntie, I'm sure Kacchan's fine. Don't worry. He's gonna come home soon." It was a bad attempt at reassurance and the boy grimaced at his voice riddled with uncertainty. 

 

But the woman didn't seem to notice and let out a sigh. "Yeah, I'm sure I'm just overreacting." She let out a loud laugh to lighten the mood. "Sorry for going off on a rant there, kid."

 

Izuku could still hear the tremble behind her words and spoke quickly. "I'll go look for him."

 

There was a long silence in return and Midoriya wondered if he accidentally ended the call. 

 

"Thank you."

 

-

 

Now Izuku was running around the streets looking for someone who definitely did not want to be found by him. 

 

His mother had looked at him quizzically when he suddenly shot out of bed and put on his shoes but he just gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before saying that he would be back home soon. 

 

Midoriya wasn't sure why he had offered to look for Kacchan. It was very unlikely that he would be the one to find the boy and he didn't even know where to start looking. It's not like they were close anymore, so Izuku didn't even know what place the blonde would disappear to. 

 

But he searched anyway, spurred on by the tremble in Kacchan's mother's voice and the worry weighing in his gut. 

 

It had started to get dark but the sun was still out so Midoriya wasn't that worried about the time. 

 

'Where would he be? Where would Kacchan-'

 

Then it suddenly clicked. 

 

Midoriya found himself sprinting faster, for a reason he didn't even know. The thing that was weighing him down wasn't even worry anymore. It was dread. But he didn't know why. He didn't know why, but something inside him was telling him that there was something wrong. Something he had to stop. 

 

Izuku climbed up the ladder on the side of the building. It was an emergency exit route that had been installed incase of a fire. Midoriya remembered when Kacchan had found it and showed only him. The blonde had said it led to a cool rooftop that would belong to only them. He remembered how they had laughed and yelled on the buildings peak, loving the feeling of standing on top and screaming in glory and triumph. 

 

And Midoriya had forgotten about the place. Until just now. 

 

'This is stupid.' He thought as his hands and feet reached to bound up the ladder. 'Kacchan is probably not even up here.'

 

When he finally reached the top, he was panting, out of breath and his eyes scanned the area to see if there was anyone up there. 

 

Then the boy saw a tuff of blonde hair, watched it lean over the edge and disappear behind the worn brick ledge on the side of the building.

 

His heart dropped and his body moved on it's own. He scrambled forward, tripping and falling, body unable to handle the speed he moved at. 

 

He crawled onward in a hurried frenzy, his body low to the ground and unable to function. 

 

When he finally reached the edge after what felt like years, his hands shot out and he grabbed for skin, praying that he would feel the weight of a limb in-between his desperate claws.

 

Midoriya let out a loud gasp and sobbed loudly. 

 

His hand had managed to latch onto a wrist. 

 

The boy dared himself to look over the edge. Just to make sure. Just to make sure that this wasn't all a cruel joke, and the feel of flesh between his fingers wasn't just a hallucination, that it was real. 

 

Surely enough, when he looked over he saw a pair of blank red eyes looking into his own. He saw that his childhood friend was fine and uninjured and let out a sigh of relief to see that the blonde wasn't hurt in anyway. 

 

But Midoriya cringed, hating the sight of the boy's body swinging above what could've been a plummet to his death. And so he pulled. But the weight was too much.

 

"K-Kacchan! You have to work with me. I'm gonna help you up, okay?" Izuku tried but the blonde just stared up at him blankly, not moving to help in any way as he continued to swing at a length above the unforgiving cement ground. 

 

Midoriya let out a gasp when he felt his grip loosen and he quickly reached his other hand forward to grab onto Kacchan's shoulder.

 

The boy let out a loud grunt as he tugged and pulled. "Please Kacchan! Please!" He cried and pleaded, his heart scattering and thumping erratically due the amount of times he almost lost his grip. 

 

Somehow, Izuku had pulled the majority of Kacchan's body over the edge and with one last tug, the boy's body lay safely on the rooftop. 

 

Midoriya gasped and clutched his chest. His breathing was so erratic that he saw white spots enter his vision and he felt like he was gonna pass out. 

 

'But I can't. I can't. Or Kacchan might…' 

 

The boy's head whipped up and his eyes frantically looked for the blonde. His heart calmed at the sight of him but also panged painfully when he saw that the boy curled up on himself, his head in his hands as he shriveled up where he sat. 

 

Izuku crawled forward, too tired to stand up and reached a hand forward but immediately thought against it and decided to speak instead. "Kacchan… Are you… Okay..?" Midoriya cringed at his choice of words. 

 

'Of course Kacchan isn't okay.'

 

The blonde stayed silent and Izuku realised that he didn't even hear the boy's breathing and even though he was right in front of him, even though he knew it wasn't the case, his mind immediately jumped to grim thoughts that Kacchan had-

 

"Stop mumbling, nerd" Izuku jumped at the sudden gruff voice and he realised the blonde had unfurled from his position and was looking up at him.

 

An uncomfortable silence stretched between them as neither of them had anything to say. 

 

But that wasn't true. Izuku had so much to say. He had so much he had wanted to say to Kacchan after all this time. And knowing that he was so close to never being able to voice his thoughts to the blonde, he wanted to just tell him everything, so badly. 

 

'But this isn't about me. This is about Kacchan.'

 

"You're so fucking cruel." Midoriya's eyes widened at the raspy words. "I get it now. I get it. I fucking know, that's why I did it. I know."

 

Midoriya felt his eyebrows furrow at the blonde's jumble of words. "Know what, Kacchan? What do you m-?" 

 

"I know! Alright? I get it! Everyone been trying to tell me but I've been too fucking stupid to understand." The boy gripped at his hair and sobbed, looking down at the ground. Izuku felt his eyes go wide as he watched the blonde, not knowing what he should do. 

 

"I know now." he whispered. "I know. I know." 

 

Midoriya felt unnerved by the blonde's quiet chant and gripped the boy's shoulders, finally daring to touch him in hopes that Kacchan would look up at him again. "Kacchan. Kacchan. What do you know?"

 

The boy didn't look up and kept clawing at his head. 

 

"I'm fucking useless!" Izuku felt his heart stutter at the confession and found himself gaping, at a loss for words. "You wanted me to understand? Well I get it now. I'm not fucking strong, I'm weak! Stupid! Hopeless! Useless! Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! I should die." Kacchan's voice rose with every insult but his voice reached a hollow whisper when he uttered the last few words. 

 

Izuku quickly shook his head as tears sprung to his eyes but then he realised Kacchan wasn't looking at him. He didn't know what to do, knowing that he shouldn't touch the blonde in his unhinged state. 

 

Calloused hands dug deeper into blonde hair and Izuku immediately tugged them away, ignoring his previous thoughts out of worry that the blonde would hurt himself. But he let go immediately after, not wanting to cause the boy anymore panic. 

 

Kacchan cried out again. "Ever since that fucker-. Ever since that fucker touched me. I fucking knew. How disgusting I was. Dirty. Dirty. Dirty." He gasped out and scrambled to stand and Izuku followed the boy's lead suddenly hyper-aware of Kacchan's close-proximity to the edge. 

 

"I just wanted to be fucking strong. But I'm not. I'm NOT. Fuck. I'm pathetic. So pathetic." The blonde's hands now scratched at his neck, leaving angry red lines in their wake. 

 

"No Kacchan! You're not!" Midoriya screamed. He wanted to calm Kacchan down but his words were cracked and weak in their volume. 

 

The boy's breathing increased and Izuku quickly realised that he was having a panic attack. "So pathetic that even my friend fucking hates me." Midoriya was unsure if the boy was talking about him. "Just a pathetic, useless slut." He sobbed. 

 

Izuku started shouting now, yelled any reassuring words that came to his mind but they weren't reaching the blonde. He couldn't hear anything. 

 

Smoke rose from the hands that clasped round the blonde's neck and Midoriya felt his heart drop for the umpteenth time that day. His hands uselessly clawed at Kacchan's and he quickly twisted them away from the soft, vulnerable skin of the boy's nape. 

 

The explosion was colossal and sent them both tumbling. 

 

Midoriya coughed as dust and rubble invaded his lungs and clouded over his eyes. He forced his eyes open despite how they watered and saw that Kacchan was laying near him, unconscious. 

 

Midoriya sobbed and let his head rest on the floor again. Even though his vision blurred, he didn't allow himself to sleep, out of fear that Kacchan would wake up before him and finish what he started. 

 

The boy's body ached and groaned in protest as he stood himself up and stumbled over to the limp body of his childhood friend, wading away thoughts of how lifeless said body looked. 

 

It took awhile but the boy managed to get them both down from the building, only resulting in minor scrapes and bruises due to the difficulty of the descent. 

 

Midoriya leaned against a wall with Kacchan's arm slung over his shoulder, exhaustion eating away at him. But he knew he couldn't let himself pass out here. It was dark and Izuku didn't want their unconscious bodies calling any unwanted attention. 

 

The green-haired boy decided it would be easier to put Kacchan on his back and continued to walk the rest of the way. He grunted and found himself stumbling underneath the heavy weight but trekked on towards the blonde's house. 

 

When Midoriya was stood outside of a door and met face to face with a man with brown hair and glasses, he immediately realised it was Kacchan's father. 

 

The man stared at Izuku in surprise, probably seeing the state both boys were in but Midoriya was too tired to make up a believable excuse and simply said they had fought when he tried to convince Kacchan to come home. 

 

He knew he shouldn't have lied. Any parent has the right to know if their child attempted to commit suicide. But Izuku knew Kacchan wouldn't want them to know and his past mistakes of ignoring the blonde's wishes had forced his mouth closed, too guilt-ridden to say anything. 

 

The man quickly thanked him and apologised for all the trouble before taking the sleeping boy into his arms and closing the door. Izuku had declined the offer to come inside, too fatigued and craving the feel of his bed. 

 

So Midoriya walked back home, albeit stumbling and with difficulty but he had made it. He had just shook his head at his mother's horrified gasp and ignored her questions about why he had come back home in such a state, collapsing in bed and passing out. 

 

The boy didn't see Kacchan the entire summer break and spent many sleepless nights wondering over his safety. He couldn't help the way his eyes gazed up at any rooftop, a nagging sense of dread filling up inside him at the thought of seeing blonde hair, peaking over and daring the lethal drop, but he never did. And Izuku could never bring himself to check up on the blonde at his house, too much of a coward to meet face-to-face with Kacchan and also too busy as he was training with All Might. 

 

When green eyes finally met red again, Midoriya could tell something different. Kacchan's gaze no longer held the hopelessness it had on the roof, but they also weren't roaring with the same fire he remembered. But Izuku didn't question it too much. Kacchan was okay. He was alive. And Midoriya was going to make sure he never messed that up again.

 

Mina had finally lifted her head up from her hands and she looked at Midoriya with eyes drowning in sorrow. "B-Bakugou tried to kill himself?" Her voice trembled and cracked. 

Izuku made no sound to answer her question, he only offered her a simple nod, squeezing his eyes shut at the sob that erupted from her at the confirmation. 

The boy's eyes shot open when he heard shuffling. He saw Kirishima shoot up from where he sat and march over towards the door. Midoriya's eyes widened and he ran ahead of the boy, leaning on the door and regarding the red-head with wide eyes. "W-What are you doing?"

Kirishima looked straight through him, seemingly on a path much more important. "Move."

Midoriya quickly shook his head and Kirishima finally registered the boy's wide eyes. "I need to check on him. I need to make sure Bakugou's okay."

"N-No." Midoriya gasped out and Kirishima gave him a look of confusion and annoyance. "Y-You can't. Every single one. Every person I've told…" He trailed off in fear. 

Kirishima's eyes widened as he realised what the boy meant. Midoriya saw his fists clench as he let out a low growl. "Are you saying I would hurt him?"

"No! No. I just-. Please don't go upstairs." Izuku found himself fumbling over his words as Kirishima's gaze gradually turned into a glare. 

"What? So everyone has to stay here then?" He spat sarcastically and Midoriya flinched at the bitter tone.

Seeing this, Kirishima's face immediately softened. "Ah. I-I'm sorry. I know you're just worried. I get it. You have every right to be. But I just want to make sure he's okay."

Both boy's turned their heads at the sound of Yaoyorozu clearing her throat. "Actually Kirishima, I don't think that's a good idea." The red-head looked like he wanted to protest but she quickly spoke again. "I'm sure everyone's emotions are frenzied right now so I feel that talking to Bakugou would only make matters worse."

Kirishima scoffed loudly. "Did you not just hear what he said? Bakugou needs his friends right now!" 

Iida hastily joined the conversation. "I agree with Yaoyorozu. Maybe it would be better if we all slept downstairs tonight so no one is tempted to bother Bakugou." 

Sero shouted angrily. "How can you say that?! For all we know he could be in trouble! And you want us to stay here and do nothing?! He could be having a panic attack! Or what if… What if he tries again-" 

Mina made a loud noise of protest and slammed her hands over her ears. "Don't say that!" She hissed. 

Izuku watched with paling horror as everyone started shouting over one another, all having opposing views despite sharing the same concern and worry for the blonde boy. 

'I caused this' 

The room became a cacophony of loud noise. 

Then a choked sob hushed everyone into silence. 

All eyes turned to stare at the snivelling blonde with a black streak in his hair. Izuku couldn't help but wince at the ugly bruise that was flowering from the middle of his face. 

"I-I'm sorry." The boy sobbed "I didn't know. I didn't-. I-I was just-. I didn't mean to make him panic like that. I saw how he was looking at me but I just ignored it. I-I thought-. Oh Fuck-. He thought I was gonna-. I made him think that-." The blonde let out a gasp and his eyes widened. "What if he does hurt himself? L-Like Sero said. It'll be all my fault."

Sero flinched at the mention of his name. "Ah. No, Dude. Ignore that. I was just saying nonsense." He crouched down to where his friend hid his face and reached out touch his arm. "Kaminari, let's get some ice on your face, and we'll visit Recovery Girl tomorrow."

Kaminari sniffled and kept his head down as Sero led him into the kitchen. The sound of the fridge door opening prompted Jirou to break the silence. 

"Maybe we should… all sleep downstairs?" She spoke contemplatively, frowning in the direction of the kitchen. "You know, like Iida said."

Everyone turned to look at Kirishima to see his reaction. He sheepishly scratched the back of his head and made a hesitant nod. "Um. Yeah… We should probably do that." 

Izuku let out a quiet sigh of relief and moved from his position in front of the door. He looked at the large clock on the wall and grimaced at the time. 

2.30

Iida was quick to point this out and said they should all sleep immediately despite the fact that there was no school the next day. Everyone quickly complied, likely exhausted from the day's events, and made themselves comfortable in the vast space of the common room. 

Izuku followed suit and returned to his area on the couch, trying to sleep and ignore the nagging thoughts of doubt that ate away at him. 

'Everyone's tired right now and they haven't really processed everything. But when tomorrow comes, the reality of it all will set in.'

Midoriya couldn't help but dread how they'd react to Kacchan who was completely unaware of his past being exposed to the entire class. The thought made guilt bubble up in his stomach knowing that the blonde would continue to talk to his friends normally while they stared and whispered about him, worrying over something he wouldn't have wanted them to know. 

Izuku let his gaze fall to Uraraka. He had avoided looking at her for most of the night, both out of petty anger and guilt for using Kacchan's trauma against her in an argument. 

The girl was unaware of his gaze and she sat still, wide eyes staring at her shaking hands, and he wondered if she had been like that from the moment the words had left his lips. Izuku was sure it was all making sense to her now: exactly why Kacchan had said what he did that day, the words that had caused everyone to become so estranged. 

He couldn't help but feel bad for the gravity-quirk user, after all she couldn't have known. But remembering her words, remembering what she called Kacchan urged the boy to look away from her. He didn't want to offer her any amount of sympathy. 

So he snuggled in and allowed a wave of exhaustion to wash over him. The waves kept coming in endless torrents and before Izuku knew it, he was drowning in an ocean of welcoming sleep. 

Chapter Text

Bakugou had slammed his room door shut and gasped as he welcomed air back into his lungs, letting himself rest against the wall. 

His head spun and his stomach twisted uncomfortably, forbidding him from calming his erratic breathing.

A feeling of disgust suddenly surged through the blonde's body and he bounded for the bathroom, quickly reaching for the toilet seat and emptying the contents of his stomach. 

It was painful and grotesque. Everytime he thought it was done, a sudden surge would run through his body again and he found himself retching as his crackling palms found purchase on the sides of the toilet bowl.

He gagged and tried to lift his head up, groaning at how his stomach twisted in protest, seemingly wanting to keep him there until he vomited out every inch of his insides. 

But Katsuki refused to lose this fight against his body and forced himself to stand, flushing away the disgusting concoction swirling in the toilet bowl.

He staggered towards the sink and turned the tap handle so water came rushing out of it's faucet. The blonde quickly used a cover to block the drain and let his hands soak in the water before splashing the droplets onto his face. 

Bakugou let out a sigh and, too drawn in by the refreshing feel of it all, dunked his head into the water sloshing in his sink. He stayed under for a few seconds longer than necessary before lifting his head out from the suffocating substance and allowing himself to inhale oxygen. 

The blonde had found that holding his breath had sometimes proved to calm him down and so - when it was needed- he put himself in situations in which he wouldn't be able to breathe otherwise. 

Katsuki glanced up at his reflection in the mirror. He gazed at himself for a couple seconds before bringing up a hand to pull at the side of his face. He was suddenly overcome with deep exhaustion and craved the sweet welcome of his comfortable bed. 

The boy allowed his eyes to graze over the state of the mirror and found himself glaring at dust that had clumped up in it's corner. He quickly grabbed a wet towel and rubbed tirelessly at the unhygienic spot, nodding proudly when he pulled it back and saw that it had been destroyed under his powerful wipes. 

'Fucking hate dirt.' He thought bitterly

Katsuki had decided that he would go to bed as he had stayed up for far too long, much longer than usual. He turned to walk towards his bed before his movements halted.

He was suddenly reminded of exactly why he had stayed up later than usual. 

'The movie night those extras had planned.'

The boy groaned as with those memories, he was also recalled ruining the night. By punching Kaminari in the face.

"Fuck…" He rasped, looking between the tempting softness of his bed and the harsh edges of his door. He knew he should probably go down and, not necessarily apologise but clear up any tension that might've been caused by his violent actions.

Then Bakugou remembered how someone had shouted his name in scolding and he let out another loud groan, realising that there was no chance of might, but rather there had definitely been tension caused due to his actions. 

The boy ran a hand through blonde spikes and sighed. "Whatever. Let's fucking get it over with."

Katsuki grumbled as he grabbed the doorknob and moved to turn it. But having his hands in his line sight, the boy was suddenly aware of how much they were trembling. Their movements seemed to further stunt in functionality at the thought of returning back downstairs. 

Then Bakugou realised that his entire body had been shaking and an unbearable feeling suddenly engulfed his very being. It was painful and loud and demanding. It thumped throughout him like a drum, each vibration bringing horrible waves of pain into his body. 

He quickly stumbled away from the door, hating the overwhelming feeling and, surely enough, the emotion died down to a dull ache. Yet his body still trembled and Bakugou immediately recognised the action. 

He was trembling in fear. 

Scared of facing the blonde downstairs. 

Katsuki quickly scoffed at his useless paranoia. He knew how strong he was, a powerful force able to overpower practically any one of his classmates, definitely strong enough to fight against Kaminari. 

Even disregarding that obvious fact, Bakugou couldn't help but feel a small sense of trust towards the blonde, and the thought of being in a situation where he would have to defend himself against the boy felt practically impossible. 

But wasn't that situation the one he just faced downstairs?

Katsuki eyes widened at the thought.

The way the blonde had towered over him, and looked at him. Anything could have happened.

Bakugou felt a sudden surge of sickness again. 

'No. Kaminari would never…'

He felt a sudden gross discomfort with the trail off of his thoughts.

How did he know? People's true colours sometimes came out in the worst possible ways.

The blonde bit down on his lip and shook his head. 

'This time it's different. Everyone here is different.'

Everyone except Deku.

A sudden feeling of anger rushed through the blonde at the thought of green-hair and freckles. At the thought of Deku. 

Deku, who had somehow always been there to witness Bakugou in his weakest moments. Deku, always watching and waiting for him to mess up. Deku who hid his sinister intentions behind a bright smile and passionate façade.

Even the nerd's friends were insufferable. Always disapproving of Katsuki's actions, always standing up in the green bastard's defence. As if Deku didn't deserve ill-treatment, as if he was something special. 

In fact, Bakugou could recall that it was one of Deku's friends that had started the argument in which he uttered words that made the atmosphere so dense and inhabitable.

Katsuki was hunched over his desk, a pen gripped in his hand as he scratched down English sentences and phrases onto a sheet of paper. 

 

It was a free study period that Eraserhead had sprung upon them as their last lesson of the day. He had said it was for them to work on anything from the previous lessons that they had been unable to understand but, looking at the yellow cocoon in the corner of the classroom, Bakugou couldn't help but think that his teacher had just wanted to sleep. 

 

When the lesson had been announced, a few students in the class had cheered, likely planning to waste the time on redundant things and talk about stupid shit. But not Bakugou, he was gonna focus on his work and use the time to the fullest. 

 

At least that's what he had been trying to do. But there was an obnoxiously loud conversation happening right beside him. 

 

Katsuki noticed that some of the class had moved to crowd around one table, and his veins popped in anger as he wondered why they had to be so close to him.

 

He couldn't help but grit his teeth to see that they had crowded around Round Face, or rather her phone. 

 

Out of all of Deku's friends, she seemed to be the one that had it out for him the most. So, of course, when he was busy trying to get peaceful quiet and study, the girl couldn't help but bother him, even if it was indirectly. 

 

It was hard not to listen in on the conversation as it was so unbelievably loud that the voices practically forced themselves into your eardrums. 

 

"Did you guys hear? These two women just came out about being sexually assaulted by a small-time hero." Round Face's voice was the first to enter the blonde's ear. 

 

Bakugou froze. His hands' prolonged position had caused a splodge of ink to gather onto the paper around the tip of his pen. 

 

Kirishima was the next to talk. "Seriously? And it was a hero, too? That's so unmanly." He shook his head in disapproval, a slight frown playing on his lips.

 

It can be anyone. 

 

The blonde shifted in his seat and hunched further over his desk as he attempted to finish off the sentence he had started. But his pen scattered over the paper due to his trembling hands, making a mess of whatever work he had completed. 

 

Placing the writing instrument down with an annoyed huff, he stared at his palms. Without a single object adding weight to them, Katsuki's hands itched to reach up and cover his ears, just to block out the voices surrounding him. 

 

But that action would call too much attention. 

 

Mina nodded and crossed her arms. "It really is. How can a man prey on weak, defenseless girls like that? They're really strong for coming out and exposing him."

 

Bakugou clenched his fists. Then stretched his hands out, then clenched them again. 

 

He didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to.

 

Weak. Defenseless.

 

'She also said strong.'

 

Katsuki really didn't mean to. It was like his body had reacted before his mind could catch up to it. 

 

He had let out a loud scoff.

 

The sound was already leaving his mouth before he could stop it. And the manner in which he did it, how he had scoffed immediately after Mina's words, made him worry that he wouldn't be able to act like he had made the noise for something else entirely. 

 

But who could blame him? How could she even call it that? There was nothing strong about exposing your weaknesses for the world to see. 

 

The conversation halted and they turned to look at him. Bakugou also looked right back at them, never being one to turn down a challenge.

 

Kirishima laughed awkwardly and smiled. "What's up, dude?" 

 

In response Bakugou grunted. "Nothing, Shitty Hair."

 

Mina tilted her head in confusion. "But it sounded like you had something to say?"

 

Katsuki sent her a glare. Hopefully sending the message that he wanted her to shut up. 

 

Round Face quickly jumped into the conversation. "Yeah, it did. Considering how you scoffed really loudly just now."

 

The surrounding students shifted uncomfortably at the accusing tone in the Uraraka's voice, and Katsuki narrowed his eyes.

 

'Fuck off. Fuck off. Just leave me alone.'

 

Not wanting to shy away from the obvious challenge, Bakugou voiced his thoughts. "Just couldn't help but notice how Racoon Eyes used weak, defenseless and strong all in the same sentence." 

 

Mina spoke up quickly, wanting to dispel any tension. "Oh! I guess that was silly of me!" 

 

Round Face crossed her arms. "Yeah. Because you're such a Saint with how to use words." 

 

Her sarcastic tone made a few small explosions go off in his closed fist. 

 

"If you have such a problem with what she said, why don't you share your own view about the topic?"

 

Bakugou tried not to show any signs of shock. 

 

'No. No. Fuck, no.'

 

"I don't have anything to say about it." He spoke through gritted teeth. "Seems everyone's said enough."

 

"True. I'm sure everyone feels the same, anyway." Kirishima pointed out with a smile.

 

"Sorry, but I have to ask. Knowing your personality, I thought you had scoffed at the victims' suffering, so I can't help but wonder how you feel about it." Uraraka continued, not allowing the conversation to be left where it was. 

 

Bakugou didn't need to feel. He didn't need to feel anything about it. 

 

He had already lived it-

 

"Just drop it, Round Face." He growled out, jaw clenched so his voice came out strained and full of warning.

 

She frowned at his obvious displeasure with the conversation, but pressed on with a tone of worry. Worried about her temperamental classmate's insensitivity. "But honestly Bakugou, What would you say if you met face-to-face with a victim of rape?"

 

All the air felt like it was knocked out of his lungs. 

 

Katsuki was sure he was staring at the girl like a deer in headlights. 

 

A victim of rape.

 

The gravity-quirk user had said the words so easily, the sound rolling off her tongue in simple syllables. And that's what it was: simple. Such fucking basic and superficial words, so generalised and cold and uninviting.

 

And it made sense. 

 

It's not like the words were supposed to be special. To be honest, they should be anything but. All they did was describe a group of people. A title given to whoever it applied to.

 

The words shouldn't have affected Bakugou that much. 

 

But they did. They really did. 

 

Because that title belonged to him. 

 

He was one of those people. Forced into a category because of what another person did to him. Forced to be described as something that he didn't even choose to be. 

 

Just because a few seconds of his life were stolen from him. Just because someone had beat him. Now he carried such a repulsive and nauseating name, one that would stay with him forever. 

 

Because he failed. Because he had allowed someone to get the better of him.

 

And he deserved it. 

 

For being so weak in that single moment and not coming out victorious. The words were just another way to describe someone who had lost. 

 

But despite the overbearing weight those words carried, they could apparently be said so easily. Because they were so simple. So fucking inadequate for the devastating meaning they held.

 

But of course they were. What else did a loser deserve? 

 

The pain that he felt, disregarded as four simple words. 

 

The ghost of hands that still had haunted him to this day, so effortlessly described.

 

Words that couldn't even begin to comprehend the panic and fear and terror and dread. 

 

Words that would never be able to articulate the inordinate meaning behind the horror of grey eyes. 

 

That's what Bakugou deserved. 

 

Katsuki realised he had taken too long to answer and his classmates had started to stare at him. 

 

Kirishima quickly spoke up in the blonde's defence. "Don't you think we should leave Bakugou alone, guys?" 

 

But the gravity-quirk user decided to ignore the red-head's words. "Why are you avoiding the question? I don't understand how someone so insensitive to something like assault wants to be a hero!" Uraraka's tone rose as she got more upset. 

 

Bakugou had decided that he had heard enough. 

 

He stood up abruptly and had started packing up his stuff, ignoring the seething girl that was currently shouting at him. Shouting at him to listen, to stay, to understand. 

 

But he didn't fucking need to. He didn't want to. 

 

And Uraraka could see that. But for some reason she was set on the boy understanding her point of view. Maybe that's why she said what she said. 

 

"The feeling of being vulnerable." She yelled in a final attempt to get a reaction out of the blonde. "It's something that women everywhere feel no matter where they go. So, of course,"

 

"Someone like you would never understand."

 

Bakugou zoned out. 

 

He doesn't remember exactly what he did after that. He wasn't thinking. He couldn't think. 

 

And suddenly he was shouting and screaming so loud that his throat burned in protest. 

 

"You wanna know what I understand?!" He had managed to gasp out. "You fucking bitch! I'll tell you exactly what I think!" 

 

"Why should anyone give a fuck about useless pieces of shit that were too weak to defend their own fucking bodies?!" 

 

No one does. No one did.

 

"Why the hell had they been stupid enough to let shit like that happen in the first place?! Who else is there to fucking blame?!" 

 

He is .

 

"There's nothing more disgusting than pathetic weaklings who can't even protect their own dignity. Low-lives like that deserve nothing! Not even fucking oxygen."

 

Disgusting. Pathetic. Weak.

 

Maybe it was silent, or there was noise but Katsuki couldn't hear any of it. 

 

His body was convulsing in overwhelming rage. He couldn't even speak anymore. Everything had become too much. His anger was hot, so hot. And it was burning him, scalding him, scarring him. Explosions erupted from his hands, varying in size and power, reflecting the frenzied jumble of his brain. He wanted to scream, or even cry. It hurt. Everything hurt. And-. 

 

"Bakugou. Calm down." 

 

The blonde felt the tug of bindings pulling on his body and was greeted with the face of his homeroom teacher.

 

Katsuki let out a choked sigh. He was thankful he had been saved from the sight of the infuriating, round-faced girl. 

 

The tightness of the capture tape wasn't too restricting and Katsuki allowed himself time to catch his breath. 

 

He was suddenly aware that they were no longer inside the classroom, but rather the corridor just outside of it. Bakugou guessed that his teacher had tugged him outside as he seethed and flailed like a raging bull, so that he wasn't a danger to others due to his blind rage. 

 

Bakugou was also aware that the door leading back into the classroom was still open, but he couldn't bring himself to peak inside. He didn't want to gaze upon the wreckage he most likely made of the room, or see the reactions of his classmates. 

 

"Do you want to explain to me why you decided to wreck the classroom?"

 

Katsuki flinched at the cold voice that Aizawa had directed at him.

 

He couldn't come up with an answer. Even if he could, he doesn't know if he'd be able to open his mouth and let coherent words flow out. 

 

So Bakugou opted for silence.

 

Aizawa didn't take kindly to this, and the man had made sure the boy was severely punished for his outburst.

 

Bakugou clenched his fist as he recalled the numerous detentions and scoldings. 

Not to mention the stares he received. 

Not even words, as most people had decided he wasn't even worth talking to, and yet that spoke much louder than any insult could. The gazes had been full of so much hate and disgust, as if Katsuki was nothing more than a dirty object. He felt the searing glares sent his way when he spoke too loud, or brought too much attention to himself, the scoffs and whispers. And it annoyed him how he sometimes found himself wanting to be silent, just to avoid the vengeful stares. 

They'd treated him exactly the same as how he had been back then. 

They were no different. 

It would be stupid of Katsuki to trust them so easily. Afterall, he had believed that Deku was once his friend too. 

His classmates were probably the same.

'But if that was true, then they wouldn't have tried fixing things with me.'

They only did that because Bakugou's number one. Because they think he's strong now.

'If they knew the truth. What happened to me…'

Katsuki would be called a slut again.

The boy lied on his bed and curled in on himself, terrified at the thought of history repeating itself. He grasped the skin at his neck in agitation, his goal clear in sight. 

'I have to show them. I need to prove how strong I am.'

He pulled his hand back from his nape and stared at the blood on his fingernails. 

And be careful of Kaminari.

The blonde cringed at the thought but he found himself agreeing with it.

He would never allow himself to lose again. 

That's what made Bakugou different. Different from all those idiots that came out about being victims. Looking for pity yet still wanting to be welcomed as a normal member of society. It was such bullshit. Because of how they'd exposed themselves, no matter what they did or said, everyone would know what happened and treat them differently, being careful not to offend or frighten the pathetic loser in the room. 

Before, he had believed that he could still be the best despite what happened to him, and that he could move on. But he knew the truth now. That that was idiotic. 

Something dirty could never become clean.

Katsuki knew that one's power was everything. And that true strength wasn't stained by even the littlest bit of weakness. Which is why the boy wasn't actually strong. He didn't deserve that title. He could never be that again. That right had been stolen from him the second it had happened. 

He was already disgusted at himself. He knew how pathetic he was. Which is why he couldn't allow himself to do anything but win. As punishment for being stained in such a way that could never be cleaned. But it was also because he couldn't handle being any weaker than he already was. 

Bakugou had been so close to ending it once before. The stain that now encompassed his being had been too much, too vile and grotesque. 

But now, even if it was still there, he found a way to hide it. The people around him knew nothing of his past, they only knew what he wanted them to, what he manipulated them into seeing. 

So even though there was a rotting corpse hidden beneath the sheen exterior of his personality, even if he would be dirty for all his life. If there was a better, more powerful Bakugou, one that lived in the mind's of others, he would happily indulge in it. Lamenting over the version of himself that would never be. 

But it's fucking repulsive. A disgusting fake living among aspiring heroes.

Katsuki shivered and pulled his blanket tighter around his frame. 

They'll notice. Katsuki won't be able to hide for long.

He raised one hand to scratch his neck. 

Bakugou can't remain among them forever. He's different. 

Both hands were now clawing at his nape. "I-I can't stay. But just for now. Just for now."

What if they find out? 

The blonde gnawed on his lip. 

'They can't. I won't let them.'

Deku knows the truth. He'll tell everyone.

He let explosions pop from his palms and didn't even notice the burns forming on his neck. 

He knows what Bakugou deserves. He knows what Bakugou should do.

"I already tried. He's the one who stopped me." Katsuki mumbled. 

Katsuki had to do it again.

The boy squeezed his eyes shut. 

Something dirty can never be clean.

"I'll never be… But just for now. I wanna act like I'm normal."

But when the time comes. When Katsuki can't act anymore...

"Maybe I'll be able to keep pretending. Maybe the time won't come. And I can keep acting." He tried. Reasoning with his own mind. 

It'll happen again. If not by Kaminari, by someone else.

The man will come back.

Bakugou's body suddenly locked up. The dull ache of fear in him had intensified into a surging pain. 

He shook his head quickly and let out a pained noise.

Katsuki's entire body was trembling now as surges of pulsing aches scattered through his brain. He gripped his head in hopes that it would stop spinning. Red eyes were squeezed shut, expecting to see pitch black, and yet, Bakugou was welcomed with the picture of blank and colourless orbs. 

He let out a gasp and shot his eyes open. 

He didn't want to see it. He didn't want to. 

The boy let out a quiet sob but somehow his breathing was mellow and dangerously slow. His eyes, wide and haunted. 

"If I continue like this." The blonde talked in a horrified whisper. "Again. I'll… I can't. I can't let it happen."

When the time comes. When Katsuki can't act anymore.

Bakugou nodded his head frantically, as he came to a conclusion and fingernails dug into the skin of his neck. "W-When I can't act anymore," The boy took in a breath, content with the agreement of his thoughts. 

"I'll do it."

Weak people don't deserve anything. 

It wasn't a thought that was new to Bakugou. He had thought about it many times. Knew how fucked it was that something as worthless as he was, continued to live. But he just needed to be reminded sometimes. When he forgot that the strong and unstoppable version of himself was nothing more than a fantasy. 

Katsuki was living on borrowed time, too selfish and cowardly to make a second attempt on his life. But he knew his time would run out. There will be a moment where he won't be able to deal with it anymore, being such a pitiful weakling. He won't be able to ignore his past that continues to follow and entrap him. 

And the boy was sure that he'd go through that experience again. It was inevitable. When everyone sees how weak he really is, he's sure to get taken advantage of. He'll be taught a lesson for pretending to be something he's not. For pretending to be a hero. 

The victories he had obtained were never truly wins. His insatiable desire to succeed stemmed from the fact that Katsuki could never truly win in life again. So before it would happen again. Before he was forced again, even if he deserved it, even if he was being greedy and selfish, he didn't care. Bakugou was already a horrible person. Which is why, when the time came, he would finally win the only way he could, the only way to avoid losing ever again. 

He would kill himself.

That is the only thing Bakugou will finally have control over.

-

Katsuki hadn't slept the entire night. He'd been laying, staring blankly in the darkness. 

The blonde was never really able to sleep easily, always spooked awake due to nightmarish images that plagued his dreams. 

But tonight, he hadn't even been able to rest. He wasn't tired and yet he was exhausted. Not bothered by nightmares but rather by his thoughts. 

His mind had been empty and yet it was also full. Vacant yet teeming. Tranquil yet pounding. 

It was such a surreal feeling that Bakugou forced himself out of his bed to get away from it, trudgingly slow due to the weight of his body. He picked up his phone and checked the time. 

5.00 AM

The boy groaned slightly to see that it was already morning. 

Katsuki staggered into the bathroom with the taste of vomit from last night still fresh on his tongue. He gripped his toothbrush weakly and looked up to gaze at himself in the mirror. 

The blonde let out a low hiss at what he saw. 

Blistering burns littered the blonde's neck. Vengeful red lines were scrawled there, most bleeding as they dug in past the abused surface of skin. 

He reached a hand up to touch his nape and winced at how it burned. 

"Shit." Katsuki croaked as he further inspected and found that the injuries went all the way down to just beneath his collar bone. 

'How the fuck am I supposed to hide that?'

The blonde had a habit to scratch at himself when anxious. If it got really bad, then his quirk would go off. For some reason, his hands commonly found purchase around his neck or his face. 

But it had been a while since he had injured himself bad enough that he'd have to hide it. Most people assumed that he got into fights so that had always been explanation enough. Though looking at the wounds now - which undoubtedly came from his explosions - Bakugou knew that creating excuses for them would be a struggle. 

'Even if I bandage it, people will still ask questions.'

The boy bit the inside of his cheek. 

'And if I go to Recovery Girl, it'll have the same outcome.'

Katsuki continued to stare at the reflection of the grotesque wound. 

'Everyone will definitely know how it happened.'

And then Bakugou would have to end it.

The blonde cringed slightly. He wanted to act for as long as possible before that happened. 

'How pathetic would it be if everything ended so soon because of something like this?' 

Bakugou quickly realised that his hand had been raised into the air, reaching for his already injured neck to deal more damage. He groaned in annoyance and allowed his limb to drop by his side.

The blonde was aware of how bad his anxiousness was getting and how the affect was becoming worse. It wasn't like this was the beginning of his many sleepless nights. He's been struggling to focus in class, has been more agitated and temperamental, and sometimes found himself overcome with a crippling fear of those around him. 

It was becoming harder to act like everything was okay. 

His time was running out.

Bakugou disregarded the thought and decided to get ready. It was early so he found it unlikely that anyone else would be awake. He had been planning on training that day to work on his quirk. 

The blonde's neck was an angry red due to the boiling water from his shower and he winced at the pain. Bakugou simply bandaged the area so no blood would seep out and wore a hoodie that covered his neck. 

'Just in case.'

Katsuki was careful as he shut his room door. He scanned the corridor with narrowed eyes and glared at the doors lining the area, daring any one of his classmates to come out. 

When he was sure the coast was clear, Bakugou walked quietly through the corridor before walking down the creaking stairs. His heartbeat was frantic and his hands were clammy. 

'Fuck. I don't want to see anyone.'

Entering the common room, the blonde was shocked to see sleeping bodies. 

They had slept here. Together. After Bakugou had caused a scene and left. 

Looking at their peaceful faces Katsuki couldn't help but feel guilty for almost ruining everything again the night before. 

There was also an underlying feeling in him knowing that his class was perfectly content with the fact that he wasn't there. It had Bakugou rubbing at the area over his heart due to a dull ache. 

Katsuki doesn't fit in here. It's fine. He won't stay for long.

The boy continued standing there in the tranquil atmosphere. He wondered how different it would be if they were awake. If they could see that Bakugou was among them, someone who had assaulted their friend the day before. Katsuki couldn't help the bitter laugh that left his lips 

'They'd treat me even worse than before.'

He dreaded one of them waking up. Imagined how their sleep-ridden eyes would blink lazily, looking around with an unfocused gaze, and maybe they'd even smile in comfort to see their classmates surrounding them. 

But then they'd freeze, realising that there was another presence in the room. They'd look at Bakugou and then those eyes would completely change. They'd turn to something ugly and hateful, twisting their faces in disgust at the sight of the blonde. 

Katsuki cringed at the vision his mind had conjured up. 

Prompted by the image of a hateful glare, he turned to head for the door. 

Then he heard a groan. 

Bakugou's body went stiff. 

His pulse went wild and he was struggling to control his breathing, wondering if the person would go back to sleep if he remained quiet. 

"Bakugou?" An incredulous voice whispered. 

Katsuki's eyes went wide. He recognised the voice immediately and the revelation made his blood run cold. The blonde heard shuffling and he felt his head pound as it was obvious the person was getting closer to him. 

Bakugou shouldn't have his back turned to them.

Realising that he had put himself in a disadvantageous position by not having his eyes on an enemy, Katsuki whipped around with narrowed eyes and hands ready at his sides. 

The sight of an black lightning streak in blonde hair made the boy feel sick. 

'Of course he'd be the one to wake up.'

Bakugou had no time to react to his bitter thought as he saw that Kaminari was just staring at him. 

His red eyes met the other's yellow ones. But Bakugou found himself snapping his gaze away as a shiver ran through him. 

He'd imagined the other's eyes losing their pigment, becoming darker, to take on a dull, colourless-

"B-Bakugou!" 

It seemed that Kaminari had snapped out of whatever daze he had entered and, as if he had just processed that the blonde was there, he quickly scrambled forwards in Bakugou's direction. 

Katsuki's eyes widened and he stepped back. 

Be careful of Kaminari.

The boy could see that no one else was awake and though a sense of relief ran through him because of that, he was now wishing for the opposite. 

Anything would be better than this. 

Denki seemed to notice Bakugou's obvious discomfort because he slowed down to a stop and frowned. Bakugou grit his teeth. 

'Show you're strong. Make him know.'

"What the fuck do you want?" Katsuki growled out in a thankfully even voice. On the inside though, he was shaking. 

Kaminari continued to examine Bakugou and it made his skin crawl. A crease formed between the energetic boy's brows. 

"Are you… Okay?" Denki asked carefully, making sure to walk forward with slow steps. 

Seeing the boy this close now, Katsuki could see the ugly purple bruise that decorated the blonde's face. Bakugou tried to ignore the feeling of guilt that bubbled up inside of him. 

He was just defending himself.

Seemingly in protest to his thoughts, the feeling grew the more he stared at the bruise. 

Realising what Bakugou had been staring at, Kaminari shuffled awkwardly. The ash blonde watched as he looked down as if preparing himself to say something, then, as if he had come to a conclusion, Denki's eyes snapped up to meet his. 

"I wanted to say sorry."

Bakugou's mind went blank at that. 

'Huh?' 

"I'm really sorry for what I did. I didn't know-. I mean-. I didn't know you'd panic like that. But that's no excuse." The blonde had started rambling. 

Before Kaminari could open his mouth to form more words, Katsuki cut in. "Why the fuck are you apologising? I'm not the one who got punched in the face." 

Denki bit his lip. "It's fine. If anything, I deserved it."

Now Bakugou was narrowing his eyes in suspicion. "It's… fine?" 

Kaminari quickly nodded his head in unnecessary earnest. "I know you're not the type of person to hit someone like that for no reason. I'm really sorry for scaring you."

He's lying. He's lying.

Bakugou snarled slightly. "Why the fuck would I have been scared?"

The other froze for a minute as if he had said something wrong and the action made Katsuki's mind fill with scepticism. 

"N-Not necessarily scared. Just-. I get that I made you angry. So I'm sorry." Kaminari stumbled over his words. 

Katsuki could only stare at the other, confusion running through him.

Apparently, Kaminari took this as some small acceptance of his apology because he walked forward and reached a hand out towards Bakugou. 

The blonde's mind was overrun with thoughts of panic. 

Katsuki shouldn't believe him. He's dangerous.

The fact that Bakugou didn't move made Kaminari smile, likely thinking that the blonde wasn't bothered by it and - at a much faster and confident pace - led his hand to reach Bakugou's shoulder. 

He's dangerous. He's dangerous. He's dangerous.

Katsuki stood frozen as he watched the blonde. Unable to find the connection between the boy and the enemy he'd imagined in his thoughts. 

'Maybe it's fine. This idiot apologised so it must be-' 

Is Bakugou going to let it happen again?

Katsuki's breath caught in his throat. He stepped back and Kaminari's hand fell through the area the blonde once stood in. 

Is he really stupid enough to believe Kaminari?

Bakugou eyes were wide as he stared at the other that was now sending him a look of concern.

If he's that fucking useless then he might as well end it now. 

The blonde clenched his fists, feeling the need to defend himself against the insult his own mind had directed at him. 

What? Is Bakugou fine with it happening again? 

Katsuki let out a gasp at that. The feeling of anger leaving him as tears built up in his eyes.

'That's not-. No!' 

Maybe he's no different from what everyone said he was.

"That's not true! I-It's not." He croaked. 

His hands slammed over his ears and his body shook, trying to block out the voice of his own mind. 

Maybe Bakugou really is a slut.

Katsuki's breathing quickened as he fought back the sobs that tried to sound, clawing at the area around his ears where his hands had clasped over. 

"Bakugou!" Denki shouted out but the other wasn't responding. The concerned boy reached a hand forward in panic.

The blonde slapped the offending claw away and stood straight. "Don't fucking touch me!"

He had seethed and gasped, words not even reaching the level of warning that he had hoped for. His lack of intimidation made fear grip him. 

Katsuki's being weak. Kaminari can see it. He's not going to stop.

Contrary to what Bakugou thought, Denki stepped back and continued to look at the other with those same fucking concerned pitying eyes. 

"Stop fucking looking at me like that!" Katsuki hissed. "As if-."

Both of them froze at the sound of shuffling. Someone, maybe even multiple people, had woken up due to the boys' loud shouts. 

Bakugou was fast to react, glad that something had distracted the other. He quickly whipped around and headed out of the door, slamming it shut behind him. 

Explosions crackled slightly on the doorknob Katsuki had in the grasp of his hands as he took in deep breaths of the air outside. 

Not wanting to stay too long, he ran to an area where he could train. 

Even if he would never be strong.

When the boy had found the large clearing that he often went to, he started immediately. Set on pushing his body to it's limit and then forcing it further than that.

-

U.A offered training rooms to anyone who wanted to use them but Bakugou didn't prefer them. 

He liked using his quirk in a place where he wouldn't have to practise any restraint, letting nitroglycerin explode into a large mass of destruction and noise, so bright that it made him blind, so loud that it made him deaf. Letting his quirk go rampant as it brought so much relief and joy. This was the one time Katsuki truly felt strong, watching as such an incredible source of power came from him. 

The blonde let out a laugh as he closed his eyes, remembering all the times people regarded him with fearful eyes when he showcased his frightening quirk, unable to say anything to doubt its undeniable strength. 

The sweat that coated him didn't stop him, the heavy weight of his body didn't either. All of that didn't matter because adrenaline was running through him, a wide grin graced his face and his mind was blank, not a single thought. Just him and his quirk. 

Bakugou stopped short when he felt the muscles in his arms ache painfully. He attempted letting off more blasts resulting in a protesting surge of pain from his arms. 

Katsuki let out heavy breaths, the interruption making him increasingly aware of his exhaustion. 

He groaned in annoyance knowing that this was his limit, that he couldn't go on anymore. Meaning that the euphoric state his mind had entered would dissipate and be replaced with aching limbs and depressing thoughts.

Katsuki fell onto his back, a feeling of fatigue washing through him. He saw that it was becoming dark and wondered if the whole day had been spent training, then hoped that he'd be able to sleep without any problem due to his exhaustion. 

The blonde stood with heavy fatigue. And trudged back to Heights Alliance.

Bakugou slowed as he got closer to the building. He hadn't left U.A's premises, it was just that the school was ridiculously large, enough to get lost in. 

A feeling of dread spread through him as he stood in front of the door. Even if it wasn't everyone, the blonde was sure he'd be forced to face at least one person.

Trying to empty his thoughts, Bakugou held his breath and pushed on the door. The entrance cracked open with a creak and all eyes turned to him. 

Not wanting to show his slight panic with just how many people were in the room, Katsuki strode forward, not making eye contact with anyone, just hoping to reach his dorm. 

Apparently Kirishima had other plans. "Bakugou! Where have you been?" 

The blonde couldn't help but inwardly groan at how the boy thought it was a good idea to start a conversation here. 

"Out." He replied simply. When he motioned to walk past Kirishima, the red-head moved to block his path. 

"Everyone's been worried about you! We even went out to look for you."

Lies.

"That's not my fucking problem." Bakugou growled. "If any of you idiots had a fucking brain, then you would know I always go out to train on the weekend."

Katsuki knew he was trying his luck. After hitting Kaminari yesterday, insulting people would only antagonise him further. 

Surprisingly, Todoroki was the next to speak. "We were aware of that. But Kaminari told us what happened-"

Bakugou scoffed. "Oh yeah? And what happened?" He sent an accusing glare towards the blonde on the couch that was avoiding his eyes. 

Kaminari jumped a bit at the sudden address and looked up at Katsuki with wide eyes. Bakugou could see that the boy no longer had a bruise on his face which he was grateful for since it lessened the guilt. But the redness of the blonde's eyes brought an ugly feeling to his stomach.

Denki spluttered in response, trying to form words to explain and not offend Katsuki at the same time. 

Bakugou simply rolled his eyes and turned to leave but Kirishima stopped him again.

"You don't look so good, dude." He gave him a once-over with concern in his eyes. "Actually you look horrible, like exhausted."

He looks weak. 

Bakugou narrowed his eyes. "Yeah. That's why I'm trying to go to fucking sleep. So are you gonna let me? Or are you gonna keep asking shitty questions?" 

The red-head didn't seem content with simply letting Bakugou go as he furrowed his brows and frowned, opening his mouth to speak again. 

Katsuki just shook his head and shoved past. "Just leave it, Shitty Hair."

But then he stopped due to a nagging feeling. There had been something that had been bothering the blonde, and it was making him itch with confusion. He spun around and scanned the faces in the room. 

Bakugou narrowed his eyes slightly. "Don't you guys have something else to say?" 

Some people seemed surprised by his sudden words. 

Sero, who had sat on the couch next to Kaminari spoke with a careful voice. "What do you mean?" 

"You fucking know what." Katsuki growled. 

The blonde's annoyance grew when Sero blinked at him in bewilderment. In fact, it seemed that Bakugou's statement had confused everyone. 

Four eyes had decided to voice his thoughts. "Bakugou, please clarify what you're referring to."

Katsuki could only glare at him. "You're one of the people who's supposed to be mentioning it the most!"

"You mean…" Sero was first to catch on. "Because you punched Kaminari." 

Katsuki shoved his hands in his pockets and didn't bother to answer as looks of realisation spread across the room. "Would've expected you to have fuckin' reported me by now or some shit."

Kirishima jumped in. "No! Dude. That wasn't your fault." Bakugou raised a brow at the unnecessarily loud tone. 

They're lying.

"Then who's fucking fault is it?" He retorted and then turned back to Iida. "You're telling me that you're fucking fine with it?"

They want Bakugou to trip up. 

The boy pushed up his glasses and nodded. "It was an accident. It should be fine as long as it doesn't happen again."

Katsuki squinted. "Why the fuck do you think it was an accident? No one accidentally punches someone."

They want Bakugou to think he's safe, and okay. 

Sero shook his head and sent the blonde a pained smile. "Seriously dude, it's okay."

Then they'll betray him. 

"Don't fucking lie." The boy seethed. 

And they'll laugh that he ever trusted them. 

Sero's eyes widened at the words and Bakugou was honestly slightly surprised himself. It was the closest he had been in a while to voicing his thoughts. The dark ones.

As if the day couldn't get any worse, Bakugou saw a tuf of green hair enter the corner of his vision. "Um, Kacchan. No one's lying. Everyone was really just worried and-" 

"Shut the fuck up, Deku." He hissed. 

The freckled boy flinched and turned his gaze away. 

Katsuki could help but raise a brow at Todoroki and Iida who hadn't said anything about how he had treated Deku, like they usually did. But they only stared back with looks of slight hesitance.

Bakugou scoffed "What? You're fine with that, too?" Katsuki could hear his hands spark in agitation. "Just tell the fucking truth. I'm not some shitty idiot so stop pretending."

Kirishima attempted to calm him down. "What we're saying is the truth. Can you trust that?" 

"No." Bakugou said lowly. "I can't."

The red-head tried to hide a hurt expression. Whether he meant to or not, Katsuki had made it clear that it wasn't just the class he didn't trust, he didn't trust Kirishima. 

"I said it was fine." 

Bakugou turned his head to meet Kaminari's gaze. The other blonde had now stood up and shifted uncomfortably in his spot but spoke with a strained smile. "It's already healed so everything's cool."

Seeing that the other was no longer sitting, but now in a more advantageous position, Katsuki stared at the boy with calculating eyes. 

He could try something. Bakugou had to be careful.

The blonde bit the inside of his cheek. 

Make sure it doesn't happen again.

The thought made him feel sick and Bakugou didn't want to be there anymore. Not with Kaminari. 

He mumbled a simple 'Whatever.' Before turning to leave. 

And no one stopped him. 

When he got to his room, he closed the door gently. 

Bakugou inspected the edges of the entrance, traced his fingers along the wood, then locked it. 

He tested the doorknob a few times to make sure it was secure, then he stepped back, slowly, eyes trained on the object as if it would swing open at any moment and something would jump at him. 

When he was satisfied, he turned around to breath in the safe encasement of his room. 

Now, alone with his bed, Bakugou couldn't help but wonder if he really was going to get any sleep. 

He lay down and attempted to close his eyes. But they would snap open at the smallest sound. At wind, or creaking of wood, or crinkling of bags in the corner of his room.

And his eyes kept fluttering back to his room door, so big and grand where it stood. 

Staring too hard caused the iridescent dots of black in his vision to scatter and jumble, forming anything he pictured in his mind's eye. Even things he didn't want to see. 

The door looked like a man for a second and Katsuki had to stare hard to make sure. It wasn't moving, or speaking, so it wouldn't make sense for it to be a person. Not to mention that it would be impossible for someone to enter his room without him knowing. But the longer he stared, the more features the man took on. Shoes, clothes, a mouth, hair. 

Bakugou didn't want to look, he really didn't want to. But because he thought of it, his mind drew the picture. He saw eyes-

The blonde launched from his bed and turned the light on. Heart beating frantically as he watched the silhouette of a man turn into the image of a door. He stared hard at the object with eyes of fear, wondering if it would take on a different shape again. 

Bakugou stepped back with his eyes trained on the door. He sat on his bed and continued to stare, not bothering to lie down or turn the light back off. All he did was stare at the door. 

'I just need to make sure. Just make sure and then I'll go to sleep.'

The boy stared for as long as he could and when tiredness washed over him, he'd reason with his body with promises of sleep to come, then he'd stare again for hours on end. Just to make sure. He'd go to sleep soon. 

'Just in case. Just in case.'

Chapter Text

The boy couldn't help but stare at the blonde's empty seat. 

It was still morning so it wasn't as if the other was late but Todoroki kept checking just in case he would materialise into the room. 

He didn't know whether it was common for Bakugou to come early or if he usually came late. 

In fact, he barely knew anything about the boy. 

What Midoriya had revealed two days before had definitely proven that. 

Shouto had always made a habit out of observing people. People close to him, or any of his classmates. So the fact that he didn't know anything about the blonde proved one thing:

Todoroki had never thought of Bakugou as his friend. 

Shouto had known how people had felt towards the boy prior to the discovery of his past, because of what he had said. Even if everyone else didn't verbalise their anger as loud as Uraraka did, many others in the class had felt nothing but disgust towards Bakugou. 

He remembered how his classmates had reacted after Aizawa had managed to pull the blonde out of the classroom. How Uraraka clenched her fists with a heaving chest. How Ojiro looked like he was about to throw up while Tokoyami clicked his beak. How Jirou seemed just about ready to go outside and punch him, only stopped by Yaoyorozu who was on the verge of tears. 

How Bakugou's closest friends had frozen at his words and disconnected themselves from everyone else. 

Despite the fact that Todoroki had gone along with Kirishima and Kaminari's plan to fix things with the blonde. He had found himself agreeing with the words that Uraraka had screamed. 

'Anyone who thinks of themselves as Bakugou's friend is kidding themselves'. 

The way Kirishima had tried to defend the blonde's words seemed to prove that fact to Todoroki. 

Shouto had been unsure with how he felt about what Bakugou had said in his argument with Uraraka. He didn't know how to describe the feeling other than saying he hadn't been surprised. The blonde had always seemed like that type of person to him. Someone insensitive and cruel, whose burning hot quirk resembled that of flames from a hand desperate to hurt and burn. Desperate to destroy everything in their wake. 

He had reminded Todoroki of his father. 

A bully. An aggressor. An abuser. 

Someone who didn't even deserve the title of hero.

And now guilt ate away at him for ever thinking of his classmate like that. 

Bakugou wasn't an abuser. But someone who had been abused. 

Someone like him. 

Even if it wasn't the same. Even if they could never really understand each other. Bakugou had felt pain. 

And pain was what Todoroki thought the blonde only inflicted. 

That's why he felt so guilty. 

He remembered how Kaminari had come rushing to wake everyone up the day before, with tears and jumbled words and snot. Talking of how Bakugou had reacted when he saw him, scared and panicked. Remembered how Kirishima jumped up and went out to look for him followed by many others, only to all come back with defeated slumps.

No one had been able to find the blonde, not until he came back himself with harsh words and insults before stomping up to his room. 

Even if nobody knew, anyone could see that Bakugou had alway tried his hardest. Always pushing himself to be the best. Probably fighting to overcome what happened to him, maybe even already overcoming it.

But it made Shouto's stomach twist. That something like that happened to someone so young. 

Bakugou was strong. Definitely stronger than him. 

Todoroki who was an abused child trying to become a hero. 

He had been young too, but he had already known and understood that type of life. Something he shouldn't have at such a tender age, but he was already desensitised to it all. Not surprised in any way at the shift from bruises on his mother's body to bruises on his. 

But to a child. Something like that. 

Something like rape. 

It made Todoroki shiver at the mere thought. 

He himself had suffered too. But people knew about it. And cared for him. He understood that now. 

He had his siblings. He had Midoriya, a friend who had helped him immensely. He had even made friends with his other classmates, and was starting to make more. 

And he had his mother, too. Something he never thought he'd be able to say. He thought he'd never get the chance. 

Not since boiling water met tender skin. 

But despite all the support and the kindness and the love, he would sometimes still find himself choked in fear at the thought of flames and hits that gave way to bruises, to scars. 

So he couldn't imagine how Bakugou felt. Bakugou who had no one. No one who knew. And the only one who did, had betrayed him in a way that was unforgivable.

Shouto cringed knowing Midoriya had betrayed the blonde once more. He had no right to criticise the boy for his actions as he had been one of the people who had urged him to talk, not to mention that he wouldn't be viewing Bakugou like this if it wasn't for it.

But the two-toned boy couldn't help how his heart clenched knowing Bakugou had been cheated a second time. 

That's why he had been staring at the other's vacant seat. 

He wasn't completely sure what he'd do when the blonde came. Whether he wanted to ask how he was, greet him or even do anything at all. But he just wanted to make sure the other was coming, wanted to see if he was alright. 

He had to make up for all the time he had been negligent to his classmate's suffering. 

Apparently Todoroki wasn't the only one who thought this, because despite the mutter of chatter drifting through the air, everyone seemed to be quiet, watching and waiting for the blonde to enter. 

The half-toned boy took time to examine the faces he could see. 

Kirishima seemed to be on edge, not even bothering to keep a smile on his face or act discreet as he blatantly gazed at the classroom door, jumping in glee at every opening of the entrance only to slump slightly and offer a half-hearted greeting to the visitor he hadn't hoped for. 

Mina and Sero attempted talking to a sullen Kaminari whose gaze was downcast as he hunched in on himself. They wore strained smiles and spoke with fake joy, hoping to cheer up the uncharacteristically sad blonde, both shooting glances to the door when they thought the other wasn't looking. 

Midoriya had been scribbling away in a workbook for school, trying to act unaffected by what was happening around him or perhaps trying to distract himself. He had tensed every time he heard the door open only to unclench his muscles in relief knowing it hadn't been who he had expected. 

And Uraraka. 

Uraraka didn't come to school. 

That's all Tsuyu had told him when he tilted his head in confusion at not seeing the pair together. He could only nod in understanding. Then wondered if he should have stayed back at the dorms as well.

'After all I agreed with everything she said, but she had been the one to say it out loud.'

And it was so much worse for her because of it.

The girl had raged to Shouto before about how she was starting to really hate Bakugou. She had revealed how much of a bad person she thought he was and Todoroki was somewhat surprised at just how much loathing she held towards the boy. And these were all things she had said to Bakugou's face. Always shouting insult after insult towards the blonde she despised, practically harassing someone who she now knew had been through something so traumatic. 

The same traumatic thing she had said he could never begin to understand. 

So of course she wouldn't come. It made sense.

No matter how cowardly it was. 

Shouto had been too caught up in his thoughts to notice how the surrounding noise had quietened. It had been so abrupt that he looked up in confusion. 

Then he saw ash blonde and understood. 

A feeling of relief washed through him at the sight. 

He almost wanted to laugh at how much his attitude towards Bakugou was changing, feeling bitter about how two-faced he was being. But he couldn't help it. Even if he had been close-minded in the past, he had been given the opportunity to make up for it now. 

The blonde glared at all eyes that turned to look at him and Todoroki couldn't help but notice how his hand still held onto the door, as if they were his only link to escape and he was going to run out any second. Shouto also noticed how jittery Bakugou seemed. His free hand clenching and unclenching, faint mounds of dark skin residing underneath his eyes, those same eyes scattering wildly around the room and

A thin jumper under his uniform that covered his neck. 

Todoroki's eyes widened. 

'Oh.'

Kirishima jumped up immediately, and let out an enthusiastic greeting that left the two-toned boy unable to organise his thoughts. "Hey, Bakugou! Good Morning!" 

Bakugou seemed to relax at this as he scoffed slightly and let go of the door, grunting out what was probably his idea of a response as he headed for his seat. 

Shouto didn't miss the way Kaminari had perked up and attempted to catch the blonde's eye but Bakugou had flat-out ignored him, causing the boy to return to a sorrowful stupor. 

The room still held an air of tension. It was different from the previous anger it had before but this was just as suffocating. 

Either it was due to guilt - that everyone in the room now knew something about the blonde that he would never want them to, something that he's unaware that they even know. 

Or frustration that no one could do anything about it even though they knew. 

Perhaps it was both. 

But what was bothering Todoroki at the moment was the thin piece of material coiling Bakugou's neck. 

The same neck that Midoriya had recalled the blonde scratching at. 

As a way to hurt himself. 

He must've been the only one to notice it because no one else seemed to focus on the covered skin. 

But Midoriya did. 

The boy's green eyes were wide and his jaw was open, seemingly in a daze. He probably didn't even notice how hard he was staring. Mind likely filled with memories of pulling sparking hands away from abused skin that dripped in blood. 

Shouto was sure the freckled boy would get called out for his staring and wanted to warn him. 

He was pondering over how to catch the green-haired boy's attention. But almost immediately after, their homeroom teacher entered the room. 

Thankfully, this caused Midoriya to snap out of it, and his hesitant eyes shifted to the dishevelled man. 

Tired eyes swept over the classroom, stopping short on Bakugou before a lazy voice muttered out. "Aren't you supposed to be cleaning up?"

The blonde only grunted. "Already finished that shit."

Aizawa simply nodded. "Then that should be it." To which Bakugou seemed relieved. 

It was a rather confusing exchange. And Todoroki couldn't help but wonder what they were talking about. But then he remembered that Bakugou had been punished for his outburst in class. 

He recalled seeing the boy in detention, cleaning the common room or throwing out trash all while loudly muttering profanities and curses under his breath. The heterochromia-eyed boy thought he deserved it but also thought it was a waste of time. He didn't believe there was anything that would make the blonde reflect on his actions. 

Or his words. 

Shouto found it peculiar that Bakugou had only been punished for wrecking the classroom and not for what he said. After all, this was a hero school so it would only be fitting that looking down on victims wouldn't be tolerated.

Maybe it would be better if the blonde did get punished for his words. That kind of thinking was highly toxic so the school should have already dealt with it, and maybe along the way, the heroes would find what the boy had really meant when he said it, and help him. 

Actually, that would definitely be better.

Because if Bakugou's words were anything to go by, it was obvious that he had a very broken outlook on life and possibly even himself. 

But that's what really stumped Shouto.

'Had the words Bakugou had said really been meant for himself?' 

The blonde had always presented himself as overconfident and arrogant. Always seeming to place himself above others and never acknowledging the people around him. So full of himself that it was irritating. 

'Could all of that have really been a lie? An act to hide how broken he was?' 

Todoroki mulled over the thought for the entire lesson, not focusing on his work and giving half-assed answers to the questions he was asked.

-

Before the boy knew it, a few lessons had passed by and it was already lunch. Some students had filtered out of the room to entertain themselves with other things and some had stayed, all using the time to relax.

But this felt impossible for Shouto, as his mind was on overdrive. 

'Did he really hurt himself?' 

That question was most important. 

After all, it was possible that Bakugou had just felt like dressing warm and Todoroki was overreacting. 

'But on the off-chance that he did…' 

He had to make sure. 

The dual-quirk user stood abruptly and made his way over to where Bakugou sat. The boy could see that Kirishima had already been talking to the blonde, but the red-head had made sure to maintain a careful distance between them, and spoke with words that seemed scripted, sometimes glancing over at his friends busy comforting a sullen blonde. 

It was obvious to Todoroki that both Mina and Sero could've joined the conversation and talked with Bakugou but that would've left out Kaminari, who the blonde had decided to ignore ever since the night he punched him. 

Shouto cut into the conversation. "May I speak to you, Bakugou?" 

The blonde raised a brow in questioning while Kirishima regarded Todoroki with a welcoming smile. 

"No. Fuck off." The boy answered. 

Todoroki blinked, completely unfazed by the blunt rejection. "It won't take too much of your time, but it is rather urgent."

Bakugou narrowed his eyes in annoyance. "Did you not hear me the first time or did all that ice freeze your fucking brain? I said no, bastard."

Todoroki only shook his head. "The use of my quirk does not affect the functions of my brain, neither does it my ears. I heard you perfectly fine."

The blonde sneered. "Then why the fuck are you still here?" 

"Because I'm not listening to you." Shouto droned. 

Kirishima waved his hands widely. "Whoa, dude. I get you want to talk, but Bakugou says he doesn't, so maybe you should just leave it."

Bakugou barked. "I have a fucking mouth, shit-for-brains! Don't speak for me!" 

Shouto watched the red-head apologise profusely as the blonde continued to scold him. 

He didn't want to waste time. The two-toned boy had already set out to do something, and wasn't going to be deterred from it. 

"So. Can we talk?" 

The two stopped their bickering. And stared at the scarred boy, one with a gaze of anger and the other with that of bafflement. 

Todoroki didn't notice that a boy with green-hair had walked up to him until he felt a hesitant tug on his arm. 

"T-Todoroki… Maybe you should leave Kacchan alone for now." Midoriya stuttered nervously. 

Green eyes looked up at him with a wide and pleading gaze. Shouto pondered over just dropping the whole thing and not bothering his classmates further but knowing how serious his worries of Bakugou's possible self-harming were, he knew it would be wrong to just leave things unsaid. 

Before Shouto could relay these thoughts to Midoriya, an angry voice called out. 

"Fuck off, nerd! None of this shit involves you and yet you're still in my fucking face! Just piss off, you annoying shit!" Bakugou's harsh words made Midoriya shrink in on himself. 

Todoroki was unsure what to do in that moment. He had always defended Midoriya in the past against Bakugou's incessant bullying but now that he understood the reason the blonde held so much resentment towards his freckled friend, he couldn't help but feel more understanding towards the constant insults he directed. 

He hadn't said anything yesterday when Bakugou was mean to the green-eyed boy, dumbly undefending of his friend, but that didn't mean it hadn't bothered him greatly. Midoriya was his friend, a very important one and it wouldn't feel right if Todoroki allowed him to be insulted just because he sympathised with his bully.

Shouto was about to say something but was surprised to hear that it was Kirishima that decided to comment on the blonde's words. 

"Dude, don't be so harsh towards Midoriya." The red-head frowned. 

There hadn't been many times where Todoroki found himself shocked. Finding out about Bakugou had been something that he thought was a one-off. But this was another event that had him stumped, obviously not as much as the first but the fact that it surprised him even a little said a lot. 

It's not like Kirishima had never scolded Bakugou for his words or actions, in fact, he seemed to be one of the only people brave enough to do it constantly. But the red-head had always strayed away from one topic. And that topic was Midoriya. 

Anyone could see that there was some sort of history between both Bakugou and Midoriya. But no one knew what it was so most didn't try to pry or get involved, this included Kirishima. Though the boy did stop Bakugou from harassing the nervous boy, he had never directly shown that his actions were to defend the other, likely avoiding offending his friend over what was obviously a very personal subject. 

But he had just done that now. And Todoroki couldn't help but wonder what the boy was thinking. 

'Did he think that just because he knew about their past, he could mention it now?' 

Shouto could only mark down the red-head's actions as stupid. In fact, they were down-right ignorant and idiotic. It was the only description he could think of looking at Bakugou's reaction. 

The blonde who had been previously seething at Midoriya blinked and turned to look at Kirishima with disbelief. 

"What did you say?" Bakugou muttered, words almost a whisper. 

Kirishima shuffled awkwardly, uncomfortable at the sudden shift of atmosphere. "Um, I just mean that you should probably calm down, dude."

The blonde was silent for a while before muttering again. "No. That's not what I'm asking. I'm asking what you said."

Kirishima rubbed the back of his neck and stayed silent. Todoroki could tell that this was going south. 

"You just said I should leave Deku alone." Bakugou growled as if the red-head had done something unforgivable. "You think I'm fucking bullying him or some shit! That's why you're taking his side!" 

Kirishima looked dumbfounded at how insecure and defensive Bakugou sounded. 

The red-head shook his head frantically and put his hands up in surrender. "No, dude! I'm just-" 

The blonde raged. "Why the fuck are defending Deku?!" He spat and the green-haired boy continued to shrink where he stood. 

"I-It's not that big of a deal! I was just helping him out a bit. Don't be mad, bro." Kirishima tried reasoning but Bakugou continued to sneer. 

"He has other dipshits in the class to help him. You don't need to! You're supposed to be-!" Bakugou stopped himself from finishing his sentence, probably realising that he sounded too emotional.

Kirishima's eyes widened hearing the cracks in his friend's voice and looked as if he wanted to say something more but the blonde spun so he was no longer facing the red-head. But rather, facing Todoroki. 

"You said you wanted to talk? Lead the fucking way."

Shouto blinked in slight surprise but nodded, shooting a glance towards Kirishima who had a hurt expression as he stared at Bakugou who was ignoring him. 

He led the blonde out of the classroom and had to calm himself when the boy barged past Midoriya . 

Todoroki could guess what Bakugou had been planning to say before he cut himself off. And from the look on Kirishima's face, the red-head knew too. 

'You're supposed to be my friend!'

-

When they got a distance away from the classroom to a more secluded area, Shouto realised that the blonde was no longer following him. 

He turned to see Bakugou eyeing him with scepticism. 

"Why the fuck do we need to talk here? You planning on murdering me or something?" The blonde grunted.

Shouto could see that, although he was trying to uphold an air of confidence, Bakugou was glaring at him in over-awareness, eyes following every move he made and posture uncomfortably ready for a fight. 

'Paranoia' Todoroki thought simply. 

The dual-quirk user walked up to Bakugou, making sure to keep a reasonable distance between them before he spoke. 

"We don't need to go any further than this. I suppose here is fine."

Bakugou grumbled. "Well start fucking talking, Icyhot. I haven't got all day."

Unfazed by the boy's prickly attitude, Shouto tried to approach in a way that was careful and sensitive. 

"Show me your neck."

The blonde froze and looked at him with wide crimson eyes. 

Todoroki cringed at his words and chastised himself for not preparing better, but he had only been focused on talking to Bakugou, not how he would. 

The ash blonde stepped back with shaking hands, so obviously panicked, yet trying to hide. "What kind of shitty request is that?" 

Shouto tried to choose his next words carefully. "I would just like to check something… to put my mind at ease."

Bakugou glared at the other. "Yeah, well I don't really give a fuck about 'putting your mind at ease'" He spoke mockingly. 

The blonde didn't give the other time to respond as he was already turning and walking away muttering how this was a 'waste of his fucking time.'

Todoroki realised he had to act quick.

His worry for what could've been hiding under the boy's collar had spurred him to stop the other from walking away.

Shouto grabbed Bakugou's wrist. 

"Just wait a second-" 

The two-toned boy's words were cut off when an explosion went off, targeting directly at his face. 

He was caught off guard but managed to push the other away and step back to gain some distance, resulting in the ends of his hair getting singed. 

Bakugou looked somewhat surprised at how he set off his quirk, attacking someone in a way that would've definitely been lethal if the blow made contact, but he quickly regained his composure. "Stop being so goddam persistent!" 

The blonde's voice strained slightly, not intimidating but more desperate than anything else. 

Todoroki stepped back somewhat, realising his mistake in not keeping personal space. "I apologise. It wasn't right for me to do that. I understand if you don't want to talk, but could you grant the request I-" 

Shouto stopped short when he saw Bakugou's harsh glare. "Like I said. Stop."

"I'm only concerned for your wellbeing." The two-toned boy stated, trying not to respond to the other's aggressive approach. 

"Since when did you start fucking caring." The blonde said simply, not a question but a statement. "You've never butted into my business before so fuck off. I ain't trusting any friend of Deku's"

Shouto stared at the blonde, his patience growing thin. 

He had no right to be angry. After all, it was true, he had never been interested in Bakugou before learning about what happened and all he was doing now was satisfying some arrogant saviour complex that told him the blonde needed help. 

But despite all this, Shouto's annoyance grew. Bakugou always managed to irritate him in a way that no one else could. The boy considered himself emotionally restrained but all of that was thrown out the window when faced with the frustrating blonde. 

"You say that and yet all the people you hang out with are Midoriya's friends." 

The blonde narrowed his eyes at Todoroki's words. "Hah?!" 

"Kirishima is your friend and yet he still defended Midoriya. It's not one side against the other. The only one with a problem is you." Shouto watched the blonde twitch at the mention of the red-head's actions and realised he should probably stop there. 

"You don't know shit. If you think Deku's actually your friend then you're dumber than I thought."

Todoroki shook his head. "He is my friend and he wants to be yours too. Whatever happened between you in the past-" 

Bakugou's hands sparked. "Shit didn't happen. Nothing did. I don't need a reason to hate Deku."

Shouto let out a sigh, trying not to let the conversation derail anymore than it already had. "Whether you have a reason or not, that's not what I came here for. Just show me…please."

The blonde grew agitated as his explosions grew in size. "Fuck off. Fuck off!"

Todoroki tried to seem as unthreatening as possible. "Bakugou. Just-"

This time the boy was forced to put up a wall of ice to block the large explosion that was sent his way. 

The dual-quirk user tensed, waiting for more attacks but nothing came. 

Shouto cursed and ran around the frozen structure he created to look at the other side. 

Bakugou was gone. 

He let out a sigh and stared at the glacier of ice he had created. 

'I went too far.'

It wasn't necessary. He overstepped his boundaries. Shouto needed to remind himself that he's not Bakugou's friend. The blonde wouldn't spill his guts to him just because he asked.

What he did was wrong. 

Todoroki had just hid his true intentions under a ruse of concern. When in reality, he had his own selfish reasons. 

As much as he loved his siblings and as much as Midoriya had helped him, they could never understand. And his mother… he would never dare bring up the subject with her. 

So yes, it was possible that Shouto had only called the blonde out of his own interests. True, he was worried, but it would be a lie to say that that was all. 

The two-toned boy couldn't help but laugh bitterly.

He had just been looking for someone. 

help. help. hurts. it hurts-. please.

Someone who… 

mum. mum! come back. don't leave. 

understood… 

imsorryimsorryimsorry. don't leave me alone! 

the pain. 

not with him. please… 

Todoroki lifted a hand to rest over his scar. 

'That would be nice.' 

The boy rested his hot palm on the cool solid structure. It hissed and gurgled in protest against the heat, white gas emitting from it. 

He was forced to look away as licks of violent flame destroyed the precious ice.

Chapter Text

He was lying in his bed, looked up and stared at his friends, then fell back again with a groan.

They all had such depressed looks on their faces and no one had said anything the entire time. Kirishima had to speak up. 

"When you guys said we should meet in my room I thought we were gonna actually, you know, talk."

He wasn't even sure if he had been trying to make a joke but Sero offered a quiet snort. "Yeah, I thought so, too."

Kirishima frowned when the silence returned and he watched as they all escaped into their minds. 

'Is this all we're gonna do? Can we not even talk to each other anymore?' 

"I haven't talked to him since." Mina muttered. She was strewn on the bedroom floor, black eyes staring at Kirishima, as if looking for answers. 

Her words seemed to snap everyone back into the present as Sero hummed. "Me too."

"Every time I look at Bakugou…" She took a breath. "I can't-. I feel like bursting into tears. So I've been avoiding him"

Kaminari, who had been quiet as he sat on a corner of the bed, spoke up. "You shouldn't. He would definitely notice."

Sero bit his lip and looked up from where he sat on the floor at the blonde's solemn voice. "I think I have as well . I just don't know what to say, you know? Like I can't pretend I don't know, when I do."

The black-haired boy turned to Kirishima so fast that the red-head flinched in surprise. "How do you do it?"

Kirishima furrowed his brows in confusion and Sero explained his words. "How do you just talk to him… like nothing's wrong?"

The boy couldn't help but feel attacked by the question. He had felt so frustrated not being able to even ask his friend how he was, if he was going to be okay. He was such a bad friend for being oblivious to Bakugou's pain, and wasn't even doing anything now he knew. 

He wanted to be a hero didn't he? And yet he found himself paralysed once again when it came to saving someone. 

There was nothing manly about it, nothing heroic. He thought he was changing. That he was becoming someone he could be proud of. But right now, Kirishima felt no different than when he was a weak middle-schooler. 

The boy shook off his thoughts. "It's not like it's easy to just talk to him. It's not even the same as it used to be. Every time I have to think if I'll offend him. If I'll say something wrong. I make the conversation so strained and I know he can tell, but he ignores it, I guess."

Kirishima frowned as he recalled how uncomfortable he'd been acting around Bakugou. It wasn't like he didn't want to talk, but he felt like they were talking about all the wrong things. 

It wasn't right to act different around Bakugou now. But the red-head was bothered that he had found out from a secondary source and not the blonde himself. It was wrong. And they were all just lying to him by acting like everything was okay, or trying to.

"At least you all have the option of talking to him." 

They all turned to the source of the bitter voice and went silent. It was true, out of all of them, it had been worse for Kaminari. 

Sero attempted a smile. "I'm sure he'll come around. You've made Bakugou angry before…"

The boy trailed off and no one said anything. 

They knew it wasn't the same. 

Kaminari sniffed. "I would actually prefer it if he was angry at me."

Kirishima rose a brow at that, confused at his friend's words. Despite what people believed, Bakugou wasn't the type of person to just punch someone for no reason. That reaction couldn't have been anything other than anger. 

Mina voiced his thoughts, tilting her head. "What do you mean? What else would he-" 

"Scared."

Kirishima's brows shot up and Denki sent him a wry smile. 

"I know. I didn't believe it either. But you know when I woke you guys up about Bakugou leaving?" He glanced at them but continued without confirmation. "He looked like it. Scared, I mean. I think I m-made him panic? He almost had a panic attack."

The red-head looked away at yellow eyes that were building up with tears and heard Sero's voice. "Bro, why didn't you say?" 

Kaminari fiddled with his hands. "I don't know. I just-. I didn't even believe it at first. But no matter how much I think over it, I know. He was-. Bakugou was afraid. A-And I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to apologise. He doesn't want to talk to me. He hates even seeing my face. I-. I'm scared we won't talk anymore, much less be friends again"

Mina rubbed at her eyes in annoyance at the oncoming tears and they decided to ignore the action.

No one could say anything. Kirishima couldn't just promise something he wasn't sure would happen.

'I can't control Bakugou.'

Then a thought came to him. 

He stood abruptly so all eyes turned to him. They blinked and squinted in confusion at the smile that adorned his face. 

"I have an idea." He spoke enthusiastically. Kaminari looked doubtful but no one made any signs of protest. 

Kirishima nodded and marched out of the room. He made sure to close the door behind him since his destination was only a few steps away and he didn't want his friends to know what he had planned as this could either be amazing or go horribly. 

Not wanting to hesitate, he brought his fist to the door and pounded it. 

When there was no reply, he wasn't deterred and tried again. 

The silence he received made him frown and he pulled out his phone. 

10.00 PM

The flash of the time felt like a cold dose of reality and Kirishima's shoulders dropped knowing that Bakugou would be asleep by now. 

With sad eyes he stared at the door and tucked his phone away, back into his pocket. He let out a sigh as all the excitement that he had previously felt drained out of him, leaving a hollow musk. 

He turned away with solemn steps, which grew heavier as he remembered his friends who had been expecting a surprise. 

'Now I need to make up a reason-.'

"What the fuck do you want?" 

Kirishima never thought he'd be so happy to be sweared at. He whipped around as a smile returned to his face, causing the blonde standing in the doorway to groan, only making his grin grow wider. 

"Bakugou!" The red-head shouted out causing the blonde to hiss. 

"Shut the fuck up, Shitty Hair! You know what time it is?" Bakugou looked anything but impressed. 

Kirishima apologised, but was unable to keep the smile off his face. "Sorry, dude. My bad." Then he gave the blonde a once-over and frowned at the presence of eye-bags. "Did I wake you? Sorry! Is that why you didn't answer-" 

"I wasn't sleeping, idiot." Bakugou tightened his grip on the doorknob. "I was just-." The blonde let out a sigh. "I can't."

The red-head couldn't hide his concern and wondered if he should just leave the blonde alone. He looked exhausted and Kirishima was pretty sure he hadn't slept properly in a while if the eye bags were anything to go by. 

Bakugou seemed to catch the red-head's train of thought and snarled. "Dont just knock and then leave without saying anything because you think I'm fucking tired. What do you want?"

Kirishima frowned. "Don't worry about it, dude. I don't wanna bother you-" 

"Kirishima."

The red-head blinked in shock at the use of his name, then sighed, realising he was fighting a losing battle. 

He took in a breath before speaking. "Well the thing is - and I get it if you don't want to. Actually it would make total sense if you don't want to, you know since it's really late and all so you probably have better things to do. I wouldn't worry about it since this was just a spur of the moment decision. It's really not that important so if you had were planning on doing anything else-"

Kirishima froze at Bakugou's harsh glare due to his rambling. He bit his lip and spoke in quick succession. "Everyone's hanging out so I'm asking if you want to join. You know, me, Sero, Mina… and Kaminari."

The red-head couldn't help but notice how the blonde had tensed at the last name.

Bakugou stared at him for a few seconds, as if to examine and decipher his intentions, and Kirishima gave him full access, showing a large smile as he waited for the blonde to respond. 

"I… I don't think so." The boy looked away in shame and muttered. "Even if I wanted to… I can't." 

A frown made its way onto Kirishima's face. "It's fine if you don't want to. I'm not forcing you. But if you do, then what's stopping you?" 

Bakugou let out an annoyed huff and looked at the red-head before looking away again. "I don't have an explanation for him. I can't explain why I punched him."

Kirishima's frown grew. "He said it's okay. That's what we were trying to tell you before. Nobody's mad-" 

"That's bullshit!" The blonde winced at his own volume, then spoke quieter this time "That's bullshit. I would want some fucking answers if someone punched me in the face."

Ejirou translated Bakugou's words and realised that the boy felt guilty for hurting Kaminari. 

He smiled at the blonde's inconspicuous care for his friends causing the other to sneer. "What are you smiling at?" 

"Nothing." The red-head grinned in response. "But if you really feel bad, then even if you don't have answers, you can start by apologising."

The blonde screwed up his face in disgust and Kirishima was sure he was moments away from slamming the door in his face. 

But then the Bakugou's face softened and, for a moment, Ejirou glimpsed at a flash of insecurity, of exposure. "And you think that's enough?"

It was a surprising sight, to see Bakugou being so open. He looked like nothing more than a lost child, with worry and doubt etched in orbs of crimson. Kirishima couldn't help but find the vulnerability laced in the blonde's voice and face somewhat endearing, but he forced himself to not react, wearing a wide smile so his friend wouldn't regret opening up to him. (even if it was by accident) 

"I think that's more than enough."

The boy's scarlet eyes seemed to light up at the firm confirmation of Ejirou's words and it caused the red-head's chest to swell with pride. 

Kirishima stepped away from the doorway and further into the corridor, causing the blonde's eyes to snap towards him. He let out a laugh but stayed put. 

The red-head had left the decision up to Bakugou now. He wanted to give the other the space to decide in a way he didn't feel pressured or forced. If the blonde wanted to, he could slam the door and forget the conversation even happened, or he could step out and join the rest in Kirishima's room. 

Bakugou scoffed as he quickly realised the red-head's intentions. Then made a face of defiance when he stepped out of his room and closed the door behind him. 

Ejirou tried not to smile too hard yet his face was aching at the stretch of his mouth. But he was definitely restraining himself as he honestly felt like jumping for joy. Bakugou rolled his eyes at the display. 

"Let's go, then." He muttered. 

It was a short walk. Kirishima's room was only the next door down but Bakugou seemed to be lagging behind him. 

Kirishima threw a glance to the blonde and tilted his head. "Don't you wanna take that off? It's kinda warm."

The boy gestured to the black jumper that the other seemed to be obsessed with. He had seen Bakugou wearing it at school for a couple of days. 

The blonde didn't seem to hear him since he continued to stare at the wood of Kirishima's room door. He looked to be seconds from turning tail and it made Kirishima's brows furrow. 

'What was Bakugou scared of?' 

It wasn't like he had ignored Kaminari's words but they were hardly believable. Sure, Bakugou had avoided his classmate but that didn't mean that he was scared. It just didn't make sense. Was what Kirishima thought initially but seeing the look on the blonde's face made him come to terms with that reality even more. 

As if sensing the red-head's gaze, Bakugou's face hardened, destroying any hints of weakness as he opened the door. 

Kirishima wasn't ready and neither was Bakugou apparently. He looked just about ready to throw up. 

"Hey, dude! Where did you rush off to?" Kaminari's voice called. It still sounded weighted but there was definitely a more joyous difference in his words now than it had been previously in the day. 

Kirishima would congratulate Mina and Sero for their unwavering ability to cheer up just about anyone, but his attention was currently concerned with Bakugou at the moment. 

Denki turned to them with a furrowed brow, wondering why his call hadn't been answered. His eyes went wide, complexion pale before he instinctively looked away. 

Ejirou couldn't help but feel that this might've been a bad idea. After all, all the work put in that had succeeded in lifting Kaminari out of his slump - even if it was only miniscule - had been reverted and gone to waste within seconds just by glancing at the agitated blonde beside him. 

Mina and Sero were quick to glance at what had made the blonde's mood shift so quickly. Their reactions were horrible. 

Sero's black eyes kept flitting around the room before landing beside Bakugou. Not on him. The boy wasn't looking at him for whatever reason, only staring at the air ahead as if that was the best he could offer to regard the blonde. 

Mina held true to her words and tears welled in her eyes. But it wasn't only that, she reached her hands forward, as if to bring the other into an embrace but then dropped them, then brought them back up again. Like a broken doll whose pained face was screwed up in hesitance and confusion. 

So yeah. Horrible. 

They all stayed silent and Kirishima could practically feel the waves of agitation rolling off the blonde beside him.

'He's going to leave.'

The way it had been between them and Bakugou was horrible. From his argument with Uraraka up until now, none of them had really properly hung out with him since. It was obvious just how separated they were becoming, the lines of their friendship thinning, coming so close to snapping. They hadn't hung out because it would've been too awkward. There was still so much tension, so it was best not to. But for Kirishima it had also been because of the possibility of this situation. The fact that they had avoided the blonde meant there was still hope to mend things. Even if they were so obviously estranged, there was no solid proof of it, avoiding and diverting allowed those type of fantasious thoughts. But Kirishima had unknowingly orchestrated this meeting. And depending on the outcome, they could possibly never hang out as a complete five again.

Kirishima was an idiot.

He was an idiot and now because of his sheer amount of idiocy he was damaging his friendships, likely ruining them in a way that could never be-. 

"Wanna play a round of Mario Kart, Blasty?"

And Mina Ashido was an angel. 

Ejirou was on the verge of tears when he saw a competitive grin make its way onto Bakugou's face. It didn't quite reach his eyes, neither did it hold the same burning ferocity they were used to being so fearfully subjected to, but it was enough. 

Sero glanced at the blonde's face and saw this, frowning, before letting his eyes flit away again. He caught Kirishima's glare and winced. Then he rolled his shoulders as if to loosen up and remove tension, before wearing a small smile - forced but not necessarily fake.

"He can't play you! You just went. Wait your turn, I'm playing Bakugou." The boy jumped into the conversation. 

Mina tilted her head in mock-confusion. "What was that? Sounded like the whining of a sore-loser."

Sero seemed to get too into the banter and quickly defended himself. "What?! I literally beat you! Like, last round."

Mina giggled and bounced up to Bakugou. "Not just a sore-loser, delusional too." She tutted solemnly and turned her attention to Bakugou, reaching a hand forward to grab his arm like she often did on so many occasions, but then downplayed it as she brought it up to her chin. "You don't want to hang around the likes of him, Bakugou. Come on. I bet I can beat you."

The blonde scoffed. "Bring it on, Raccoon eyes."

Sero threw his arms up in the air and gave an exasperated look to Kirishima who just shrugged. He decided to get comfortable and sat on his bed to watch the two play. Bakugou just needed to find a controller first. 

To be honest, the red-head had already been planning on playing and had set out the controllers and console prior to his friends' arrival, just in case the night would become one where words held too much weight and distractions were much more welcome. The controllers just needed to be charged and so he handed them over to Kaminari. 

Kirishima felt himself pause. As in his brain, his body, his breathing, his everything. Because he now saw the image of Bakugou looking down at Kaminari who had stashed away a horde of said controllers. 

The sight made him hold his breath. 

Of course, the blonde could just bend down and pluck one away from the other without saying a word, but that would be too… Kirishima couldn't find the words. He just hoped Bakugou wouldn't do that, otherwise this would've been a waste of time. The final nail in the coffin. 

Thankfully, that didn't happen. In fact, nothing did. 

Bakugou just stared down at Kaminari while the other fidgeted and looked at the controllers surrounding him. Kirishima couldn't decide if he was trying to pick one up and hand it to Bakugou - with how his fingers clasped over one - but just couldn't, or if the boy was trying to crush the poor thing out of anger for putting him in this predicament. 

Kirishima shared a look with Sero and Mina. The pink girl had put her own controller down with a quiet sigh, likely realising that the concept of games was no longer being entertained.

They all looked unsure of what to do. It wasn't like anything bad was happening that required intervention but it wasn't a pleasant sight - to see Kaminari get stared down, cornered and unable to escape. 

Finally Bakugou spoke. "I could beat your ass."

The atmosphere tilted at that. 

'That was… unexpected.' It definitely took Kirishima by surprise. 

"I'm stronger than your puny ass and I can school you any day of the week. In both academics and combat." The blonde went on. 

Kirishima stepped forward a bit. Bakugou saw this and squared his shoulders, not glaring but indirectly doing so, as if to say 'shut the fuck up and wait.' So Kirishima did. 

"Your a fucking annoying piece of shit that gets on my nerves and says stuff that comes out of your ass rather than your head."

"Uh…?" Sero sounded and if Kirishima wasn't so confused, he would probably nod in agreement. He didn't understand where Bakugou was going with this. 

"Basically, you're some weird, infuriating fucker that doesn't deserve to stand on the ground I walk on. I'm not apologising for shit so if you had that idea in your brain, lose it. I'm saying if I wanted to, I could beat you, in every way. Remember that. It doesn't make sense that a dumbass like you is my fucking friend. I don't need to explain myself. Pull the same shit as you did before and I swear-"

"Wait." Kaminari cut the other off. Bakugou was less than pleased, throwing a harsh glare and snarling. "Y-You called me…" 

Bakugou furrowed his brows at Kaminari's words, seemingly scanning his brain to understand what the other meant. He must've found it because he blanched. 

"I'm your friend?" The boy whispered incredulously. Bakugou swallowed and shook his head frantically but the damage had already been done. 

A sniffle sounded and all eyes turned to Mina. She had been full-out sobbing the entire time but managed to muffle her cries, only a small one sounding now that caught their attention. 

Kirishima let out a wet laugh as he saw Sero rub at his own eyes.

This was so disgusting that Kirishima was sure Bakugou wanted to barf. To be honest, it was pretty detestable. They were all reduced to mindless sacks of emotional tears because of a single word that Bakugou had accidentally included in his string of insults. 

Kirishima was sure that Bakugou had just been trying to say that he would give Kaminari another chance. But - probably due to the blonde's anxiousness - it came out in the only way that was possible, aggressively. Though, they were Bakugou's friends, so thankfully they had been around the blonde long enough to know the intent behind his words. 

Kaminari's body shook as he tried to hold back tears. "Can I… uh-. Can I hug you, dude?" 

Bakugou tensed. 

Kaminari immediately noticed and simply nodded.

That made Kirishima's mood dampen a little. It was stupid to believe that everything was completely fixed and things had gone back to normal. Although Bakugou had said all that, they hadn't actually tackled the real reason the blonde had punched Kaminari.

Kirishima couldn't help but wonder if it was right to keep up an act of ignorance. But he didn't have time to think too hard on it as Mina decided now was a good time to resume playing games.

-

They had gone through a couple rounds and Bakugou had won most so far. 

It was getting late and the sentiment of the night allowed them to converse more, putting less focus on the game while it's music played in the background. 

"Bakugou… About what you said. When you fought with Uraraka." Mina spoke hesitantly. The careful way she voiced her words wasn't very effective as Bakugou shot her a glare all the same. 

Kirishima perked up at the mention. He felt relieved that they were finally addressing something of actual importance.

"What about it?" Bakugou growled defensively, all evidence of lightheartedness gone from his face. 

"Do you really believe that?" Mina continued, undeterred by her killing of the atmosphere. "What you said about being pathetic. Do you really believe it?" 

Bakugou looked at her for a few seconds before scoffing. "Don't ask me a question if you're gonna get hurt by the answer."

"How can you believe something like that? It's wrong." Sero muttered. Kirishima could see he was struggling to not say what he really wanted to. The same thing Kirishima wanted to. 

'How can you think of yourself like that?' 

Bakugou reached a hand to his neck and pulled uncomfortably at the jumper that sat there. His fingers seemed to flex in their position. 

"Fuck off." Bakugou growled. Kirishima was slightly unnerved with how quickly the blonde had jumped to aggression. 

"Bakugou…" Kirishima tried.

"Fuck off!" 

The blonde's hand continued to pull at the fabric on his neck, itching as they flexed more in agitation.

Kirishima was going to try again. He had to stop this. The night was going to become a disaster if he did nothing. 

And then he saw it. 

His stomach dropped. 

His wide red eyes regarded Bakugou with fear as the blonde continued to argue with his friends. 

But the sounds were gurgled, quiet, unheard. His ears seemed to be drowning, just as his eyes were. The image of Kirishima's room was no longer clear, it was unfocused and jumbled. The colours swirled and danced mockingly forming an ugly red. Blistering, burning, bleeding. Red on Bakugou's neck. 

Kirishima didn't even notice that he had stood up. He had walked up to Bakugou in a daze and placed a hand on top of the unforgiving skin. Whether it was to cover up the sight or to check if it was real, Kirishima couldn't say. 

Bakugou winced and let out a loud curse. 

It was real. 

Kirishima didn't even need to say a word. He didn't need to ask what it was. The way Bakugou froze after his exclamation and looked at him was enough of an answer. 

He saw the blonde's eyes snap to the door before snapping to him, then back towards the door. It made Kirishima's heart clench. That Bakugou didn't trust him. That he didn't feel safe here.

When the blonde sat up quickly and dashed forward, Kirishima grabbed his wrist, keeping him in his spot. Bakugou struggled against it, whipping around to pry the hands off of him. 

He didn't look up into Kirishima's eyes. He was wholey focused on the hands that were clasped around his wrist, forbidding him from leaving. 

It made Kirishima angry. Angry at Bakugou for not trusting him, for not being the one who told him about what happened, for letting it get this bad. And he was angry at himself. For being angry at Bakugou in the first place when it wasn't his fault, when it was Kirishima's for neglecting his friend, for being the actual one that let it get this bad. 

So he didn't mean it when his grip tightened, he was just angry. He didn't mean the hostility in his voice, he was just angry. "Bakugou, what the fuck?!" 

The blonde's eyes went wide but he didn't look up, still clawing at Kirishima's hand. "I-I have to go… do something. Just let me go. Let me go." 

It was a plead. 

Mina came around and asked Kirishima what was wrong, when the red-head didn't answer she asked him to calm down. He wanted to but he couldn't. How could he? She didn't see it. She didn't see.

Tears sprung to Kirishima's eyes as he remembered the sight. His mind wandered, imagining just how Bakugou had done that to himself, making up visions of the boy hurting and harming. Harming himself. It made his grip tighten all the more. He had been such a horrible friend. And now Bakugou-. Bakugou had been hurting so much and Kirishima did nothing. He did nothing!

A gasp sounded. More shouts for Kirishima to stop, to calm down, to let go.

Bakugou finally looked up at him, his expression was unreadable but Kirishima could pick up one emotion.

It was fear.

He let go. 

The room was silent. 

Kirishima stared at Bakugou and saw that his wrist was bleeding. Then he stared down and saw there was blood on his hardened hand. 

His eyes went wide. "I-I…!" 

Bakugou's eyes stayed fixated on his bloody wrist. He took in a breath, then turned to leave. Kirishima started forward but stopped short when the blonde flinched.

'Oh god, Bakugou's not looking at me. He's not looking at me. I ruined it. I ruined it. I hurt him.'

Kirishima didn't know why he said the next thing. He wasn't thinking at the time. He just had to explain himself. And he didn't want Bakugou to leave. He was scared what the blonde would do if he was left on his own. It was because they hadn't said anything that it got this bad. Bakugou was hurting himself because of them. Because they had allowed it. Because they hadn't said anything. So Kirishima thought he should be the one to say it now. To help Bakugou. 

"I know what happened."

Chapter Text

Bakugou's neck was burning. It hurt, bad. And he grew annoyed with himself for not bangaging it. It seemed that every second he was alone, he'd drown in fear and paranoia and his hands would spark in agitation, begging for some type of release. And his head would pound painfully if he didn't do it, if he didn't listen. So he scratched and hurt and burnt and tore, falling prey to the desires of his own body.

His hands had started itching again but this time he wasn't alone, this time he was surrounded by enemies of black, pink, yellow and red. No, not enemies. friends. 

Hah.

He didn't know what to do. The urge had never been so strong around other people and the only thing he could offer was to pull the collar of his jumper as he continued to act unbothered despite his growing agitation.

Then he felt it. A hand on his neck.

A wince and curse. It hurt. 

At first, Bakugou wondered if it was his own palm - if he had finally lost all control over his body and his hands were acting on their own accord, adamant on doing harm. But then he saw that the hand belonged to Kirishima and thought - only for a second - that it was the red-head that was going to hurt him.

But the look on the boy's face didn't bring promise of hurt. It was conveying something else, and Bakugou couldn't put his finger on it. 

'Why is he looking at me like that?' Almost immediately after the question formed in Bakugou's mind, he knew the answer. 

Kirishima saw it. 

Bakugou shot up. hehadtoleavehehadtoleave. But something latched onto his arm and the blonde had to stop himself from crying out. 

It's over. It's over.

Bakugou clawed at the thing. getoffgetoffgetoff! 

Kirishima saw it. He knows.

Bakugou couldn't look up. He didn't want to see the look of disgust on his friend's face. His friend. Kirishima is his friend.

Bakugou's dead. He's dead. If he doesn't get out now, he'll-

"Bakugou, what the fuck?!" The blonde whimpered at the amount of hostility in Kirishima's voice. It was supposed to be safe here. Kirishima was supposed to be safe. 

Kirishima's angry. Angry at him for pretending. And now he's going to show Bakugou just how weak he is.

He didn't know what he was saying - most likely nonsense, but he had to convince Kirishima to let go. 

The blonde bit hard on his lip when Mina came around to calm the red-head down. He felt tears prick in his eyes at the show of friendship. 

He shouldn't be fooled. When they find out, they won't be any different than Kirishima. 

As if in punishment for his foolish thoughts, Bakugou felt something pierce the skin of his wrist. He cried out loudly and Kaminari gasped. When he tried to tug at his arm, he was rewarded with deeper cuts as the hardened hand dragged along his skin. 

He refused to let the tears run. He refused to. But his skin was crying. There were tears of blood. It kept running and dripping. Too much. It was too much. 

Bakugou's going to die. 

He sobbed out. 

Kaminari tried to get between them. "Kirishima! Dude! Stop!" 

They're going to let him die. 

"Let go!" He didn't know who shouted this time. 

Didn't he say he would kill himself? He's going to die here? Pathetic. Losing even in death. 

Then he looked up. And Kirishima let go. He didn't know why but he wouldn't dare ask.

He felt a pain in his arm and looked back down. 

Bakugou's eyes couldn't stray away from his wrist. The substance was warm and it's pigmented crimson was somewhat beautiful. He wondered if that's what it looked like when he scratched at his neck. There was a comfort in seeing it now - dripping and surging from blood red cuts. It helped put an image to the pain; reminded him that when he clawed, it did do something, that he was hurting himself.

"I-I…" 

But it hadn't been him who did it. It had been Kirishima. And that felt like too much of a violation. Something that the blonde had only reserved for himself, now so openly exposed and shared. If Bakugou allowed it, then it would mean that just about anyone would have access to hurt him. He didn't want that. He turned to leave. 

But then Kirishima started forward.

He's stupid for thinking he'll be allowed to escape.

"I know what happened."

Bakugou froze. 

"Kirishima!" Sero shouted scoldingly. 

"No! We have to stop pretending! All we're doing is hurting Bakugou!" The red-head raged, eyes not straying away from Bakugou's.

"The only one who hurt Bakugou is you!" That finally made Kirishima's blood red eyes snap away towards Kaminari, and Bakugou was thankful. A look crossed the red-head's face and Bakugou almost mistook it as guilt, regret. 

Bakugou should run. While they're distracted. 

He wanted to. His entire body was screaming at him of the danger and his legs ached to move. But he had to know. He had to understand what Kirishima meant. 

But when the blonde went to ask, he was forbidden from doing so. His mouth was dry and his heart pounded at the thought of speaking. He didn't want to catch Kirishima's attention. It was dangerous. He shouldn't. But it seemed that Bakugou didn't need to, the answer was brought to him almost immediately. 

"Bakugou was raped! We can't just ignore that!"

An explosion went off as the blonde widened his eyes in surprise.

'Fuck fuck no.'

The loud sound halted the argument and the eyes. their eyes. friends or enemies friends or enemies enemiesenemies they're enemies. Their eyes turned to look at him. 

THEY KNOW.

"I-I…" He gulped. "I didn't… That's not… I-It's not true…" 

TIMES UP.

Bakugou slammed his back into the wall. He frantically felt for the doorknob but didn't look away from them. enemies enemies. don't look away. don't look away. get out. oh god-. get out but don't look away.

"Bakugou… " His eyes snapped to the source. hands. she's reaching out to comfort, no, hurt. she'll hurt. dangerousdangerous stay away. who-? mina. it's mina. a friend. it's-. no. no. stay away.

RUN.

He whipped around, no longer concerned with keeping them in his line of sight. getoutgetout. run! He fidgeted and fiddled with the door handle, unable to focus. It was too hard. 

'Too slow! Go faster!' 

he'll get caught. he'll get caught. 

Finally, he managed to twist it. He jerked it open and- cowardcoward- ran. 

"Bakugou! Wait!" 

breathe. breathe. inhale, exhale. inhaleexhale in- in-. Bakugou choked. How did he breathe again? how does he breathe? he can't-- he can't breathe. 

He stumbled forward. Outside. He needed to breathe outside. 

Go downstairs. Into the common room. Out the door. outside, where it's safe. 

Nowhere is. 

Bakugou fell down the stairs. And - fuck hurts. ithurts. His ankle screamed in protest. He leaned on it and choked back a sob. footsteps. footsteps behind him. 

They'll catch him. He's dead. Or worse-

He forced himself up, biting hard on his lip at the pain, enough to draw blood. He ran forward. The common room. He was inside. almost there. almost there. 

In his frantic dash, Bakugou didn't notice the gaze of his confused peers in the common room. Eyes unfocused and frantic, he crashed into someone, sending them both toppling over. 

'no! i'm there! I'm almost there!' 

A voice from underneath him sounded.

"Kacchan?" 

Bakugou's body went slack. His fingers itched and flexed but it wasn't for his neck this time. He imagined the scratches and bruises and burns that adorned his throat decorating the delicate flesh of the boy underneath him, the boy who always ruined everything. His childhood friend. 

"It was you, wasn't it?" His whisper went unheard and unanswered - but for him, it was enough confirmation. 

Palms sparked. His hands were raised. So close. He was so close. Green eyes widened at hands wrapped around their throat. 

KILL HIM!

Bakugou shot off the boy, banging his head on something so hard that his skull rattled. He wheezed and hacked. 

'oh god-- oh god-- what's wrong with me? i'm sick. i'm fucking sick.'

He felt like gagging. 

'a hero isn't-- all might never-- a hero isn't supposed to hurt anybody' or want to. 

Bakugou isn't a hero. 

When he inspected his surroundings, the blonde could see faces. He couldn't-- He didn't know who they were. 

There was a cool hand reaching for him. where? what is it trying to do? ankle. it's reaching for his ankle. what's wrong with it? what's wrong with it? its broken, sprained, useless. He felt ice rest there and jerked. ice. who-? who is-? icyhot-- what was-?

Bakugou was lost. He didn't understand. runrunrun. it's still dangerous. it's still not safe. 

They saw him. Everyone. They saw him try to hurt someone. 

The door. It was right there. He could run. He could escape. And so he did. He pushed past the ones blocking and ran. He gasped and wheezed and no longer felt he would be relieved by the itch of his hands.

Cold air blew at him and he shivered. Even though he reached his goal, he didn't stop. It wasn't just safe outside. ua. he needed to leave ua. ua isn't safe.

Hazy crimson eyes could barely make out the UA gates in the dark. He put his hands behind him, felt his muscles tense and let off a blast. It was messy and unperfected. He wasn't aligned properly in the air and his limbs flailed uselessly. His flight was almost as disastrous as his landing. The floor was hard and the lush grass did nothing to cushion his fall. He screamed because he landed on his foot, causing the weak joint there to twist grotesquely, sending him tumbling as he clutched it in agony.

He wanted it gone. It hurt. It hurt so much. But he wouldn't stop. It was too late. 

Bakugou knew what he had to do. 

He hobbled on one foot, sometimes sending out blasts to propel himself forward. When he got far enough away from the school gates and saw the city, he allowed himself to catch his breath. But he didn't wait too long. It was quiet. The silence left him alone with his thoughts. And he didn't want to think. Anything was better than thinking. It was better to force himself to walk, and let his brain be overrun with spasms of pain.

The blonde spotted a bus stop. It was well hidden by overgrown trees that hung over it and adorned a quiet and lonely road, so thankfully, it was deserted. He scrambled towards it to sit down. Feeling the support of a seat on his body, he let his head fall back with a sigh. But once again, he busied himself in the silence. Thinking was bad. Bakugou scrambled through his pockets, a feeling of panic sprouted in his chest when he couldn't find it. He overturned them and something clattered out onto the cement floor. A sigh of relief escaped his lips at the appearance of the rectangular object. 

He turned on his phone and had to squint at the light that nipped at his retinas. 30%. 

'It's fine. It's fine. I can still use it.'

He growled at his shaking hands, having to press back after clicking on the wrong icon. Bakugou squeezed his eyes shut and took in a deep breath. "Come on. Come on. You can do this." When his eyes snapped open, he didn't give himself time to think, quickly clicking the app he desired, scrolling to find the desired button and letting his trembling thumb rest on it. 

When he raised it, he held his breath. The reaction was almost immediate and an annoyed voice sounded out of his phone. Bakugou inhaled deeply. He brought the cold metal machine up to his ears and cleared his throat, trying to hide all evidence of his desire to cry. 

"Hey, mum…"

Aizawa remembers that at the beginning of his career, he declared that he would always regret being a teacher. It was too much trouble and kids were annoying. What was rewarding about an occupation that paid minimum wage, had him up all night marking and forced him to deal with snot-nosed brats? Nothing. That's what. 

This is the mindset he often had when it came to teaching at UA. The only up-side being he wasn't actually paid minimum wage, what with it being a prestigious hero school and all.

He couldn't really tell you exactly when his view on teaching changed. When he no longer found the work tedious, but pleasant. When he no longer dreaded the sight of UA's gates but was rather excited to see what the new day would bring. Actually, that was a lie. He knows exactly what brought about that change. It was his homeroom class. Class 1-A. He would never admit it but those little brats had somehow managed to weasel their way into his dreary and tired heart. And though he made shows of annoyance, a swell of pride overtook him when Hizashi joked that it was if they were his children.

It didn't take long to realise that they were very, very troubled children, however.

Todoroki seemed to have a deep pain routed with the number one hero, Endeavour, his father. Aizawa could already guess the problem with that one and he isn't proud to admit that when he finally connected the dots, he had to be held back from dealing with the ugly bastard himself. Instead of ghat approach - which would likely put his hero career in jeopardy, he offers the dual-quirk user as much help as he can give, which has never really been effective as the boy doesn't accept it, or open up about his abuse. There was not much he could do as there was no evidence and Todoroki didn't seem ready to testify against his father anytime soon. 

Yaoyorozu appeared to be one of the most functional out of her classmates, however she was sometimes overcome with moments of weakness and insecurity. Thankfully, it had improved but Aizawa would definitely prefer it if it could be eradicated completely. 

Kirishima was a bright kid. He was always smiling and his energetic nature encouraged those around him. But same as Yaoyorozu, he seemed to have some insecurities he needs to work through. In all his years as a hero, Aizawa has seen what an unhealthy mindset can do to a person and he can only hope that a vivid child like Kirishima won't fall prey to the torrent of his own emotions.

Midoriya was a mystery. He seemed bright and optimistic. And yet he was sometimes quite hesitant when it came to social interactions and didn't always have confidence in his abilities. His awkwardness and fear sometimes sprung up on random occasions and could act as so much of a cripple, that he'd be deterred from doing something that he would've been excited to barely minutes ago.

And that leads him onto the next student. The one who seemed to be the stem of Midoriya's endless fear and anxiety. Bakugou Katsuki. From the first moment Aizawa saw him, he knew that the boy would make a lasting impact and the man groaned at the thought of teaching a brat like that. But of course, he did teach the boy and Bakugou became one of his highest-ranking students. The man had grown something of a soft-spot for the temperamental blonde. His anger and attitude was something to recoil from but it wasn't like he spoke with empty words. Each and every one of Bakugou's actions spoke in volumes, giving him every right for his arrogant and confident attitude. Which is why the man had never complained much about the blonde's personality - at least he had the skills to back it up. From the beginning, it was obvious to Aizawa that he had the makings of a great hero, even if he had to fix-up on his attitude by a large amount.

The incident that occurred between the students Bakugou and Uraraka had come as something of a surprise to the hero. He had felt a great sense of disappointment at the words that rolled out of Bakugou's mouth and made his anger known to the boy in the numerous punishments he gave. Though, of course, that wasn't the only way to deal with it. The most worrying thing about the ordeal had been what Bakugou had said and Aizawa knew that he had to deal with it - not just as a teacher, but as a hero. Those types of thoughts were much too harsh for any child to bear, making it even worse that they came from someone as aggressive as Bakugou. It was disturbing. Not to mention how the relationships between his students were worsening. It was unpleasant to see such low class morale. 

So Aizawa was sure that it wasn't a matter of if he would deal with it, but how. The whole situation had left him lost so he had confided in some other teachers, asking what the best course of action would be. 

Hizashi placed a finger on his chin as if he was deep in thought. "How about you just talk to him? Nothing more effective than a good conversation between teacher and student."

Nemuri who had been listening behind them hummed. "Yeah. I think that would be best. But if you're going to do something, I suggest you do it soon. Those thoughts shouldn't go unchecked."

Aizawa knew he should've responded to the problem sooner, but he didn't talk. He wasn't skilled at it. It wasn't that he couldn't comfort or scold a child, he was a pro-hero and teacher so of course he could, but this problem seemed to be more than just a simple conversation or telling-off. He couldn't put his finger on it but it seemed so much bigger. 

When he came to school one day, he was ready. He had thought out the conversation up until the last detail, having step-by-step instructions stored inside his brain and alternate routes prepared in case things went astray. But when he entered his classroom, it seemed that things had already been solved, solved and yet replaced with something so much bigger. The cloud of tension that once filled the classroom had been swapped with a substance that was much denser. And once again, Bakugou was in the centre of it all.

This new problem that made itself known was likely even more serious than the last, and seemed to require an even more sensitive approach. So once again, Aizawa was stumped. He begrudgingly decided to allow the situation diffuse itself, the same as the last one. But he would still sometimes find himself frowning at the estrangement of his students.

So yes, Aizawa hates to admit that he struggled dealing with his pupil's worrying words, but a student missing an entire day of school? That he could deal with. 

He had called Uraraka to meet him in the staff room after-school seeing that she had not attended a single lesson of the day, not even bothering to call-in sick. He was ready to scold her on her poor conduct. But seeing the often bubbly girl trudge into the room with a slacken demeanor and distress weighing on her shoulders, the man couldn't help but wonder if she really was ill. 

Uraraka sat in the chair across from him and even that action seemed to convey sorrow. He sighed at his growing sympathy. This class was making him too soft for his liking. "Next time you're unwell, report it to a teacher. I'll let you leave without any repercussions this time. But if it happens again-" 

"No!" Aizawa rose his brow at the rude interruption. Uraraka grew flustered and bowed. "S-Sorry! I just mean… I wasn't sick. It's not fair to let me get away with what I did. That's just wrong."

The teacher frowned at the way the girl's face clouded over at the last part of her words and couldn't help but wonder if she was referring to something much more serious than her absence in school. "So. You want to take responsibility for your actions and be punished accordingly?" Aizawa couldn't help his undertone of disbelief. 

Uraraka clenched her fists and looked down. Aizawa was sure tears were forming in her eyes. "Yes."

Rather than questioning it further, Aizawa fulfilled his student's wish and gave her a session of detention.

He couldn't help but feel that he would come to regret his lack of intervention. 

Aizawa rose a brow at the pounding on his door. All teachers of UA had been given resident homes along UA's campus and though the addition was practical, it also proved to be an annoying one that gave access to many interruptions. Most interruptions were redundant, ranging from as small as a bad dream during the night-time to a student opening up about fears or worries that made them unable to sleep. 

Aizawa would always ponder over not answering when it came to a situation like this, before eventually answering anyway. But this knocking seemed different in a way - more urgent, demanding. And it had Aizawa standing up much faster than he usually would.

The pro-hero had been surprised to see a panicking Midoriya at his door. He was given no time to ask the reason for the boy's presence as he was already frantically spewing out incoherent words. 

"Sir-! I mean-! Eraserhead-! Aizawa-sensei-! It's, um! Kacchan! Kacchan, he-!" 

The man sighed and stopped the boy's flailing arms. "Midoriya. What's the problem?" 

"Actually, sir, we're not sure. All we know is that Bakugou left the UA campus."

Aizawa hadn't seen that Todoroki was there beside the freckled boy but had no time to ponder over it in light of the worrying piece of information that was just brought to him. He sighed at the feeling of an oncoming headache. 

"Is there someone who can explain this to me?" 

The two-toned boy nodded but Midoriya was the one to answer. "Um, everyone's inside the common room. I think Kirishima was with him before he ran off."

The pro-hero knew he had to take charge of the situation and strode forwards for the common room. This was something that had to be dealt with quickly and efficiently as a student leaving UA premises was a serious matter, especially a student such as Bakugou who's involvement with villains was essentially the trigger for such limitations. 

Expressive faces, some confused, some worried and one… guilty. It didn't take Aizawa long to figure out exactly who he had to ask. 

When the man strode up to the red-haired boy, he seemed to shrink in his spot. Aizawa tried to school his expression to be less threatening - he didn't want to scare his student but they didn't have the leisure of time at the moment. Before the pro-hero could form a question, words were already rushing out of the boy's mouth. 

"I-It's my fault!" The boy clenched his fists in anger, not realising that his exclamation had called the attention of other classmates. "I-I… I don't know why I did it. I was just so angry. A-And worried. I didn't-- I didn't mean to do that to him! I-- It wasn't--"

"Kirishima." The boy froze at the call of his name. He bit his lip and looked down. Aizawa frowned at the closed-off nature of his actions.

"Kirishima…" Jirou spoke up fearfully. "What's that on your hand…?" 

Naturally, the room's attention was brought to the boy's palm. Aizawa was startled at the dried red substance that took dominion over the child's young fingertips and the room was shocked into silence.

Kirishima let out a choked sob at his classmates' reactions and moved his hand out of their line of vision. But everyone had already seen it, and - with Kirishima's words and now this revelation - understood the implications behind the substance's presence.

The quiet made way for fearful assumptions as mind's were clouded with thoughts of the worst.

The pro-hero had many years of experience under his belt in the underground. He was equipped for stealth and low-profile situations, always having a vast amount of knowledge on his targets before going in to attack. He held firm belief that spontaneity and missions shouldn't mix. One must always be knowledgeable and informed before making any type of action, because, for heroes, lives were always at stake. So now, Aizawa couldn't help the feeling of dread that overtook him at the seemingly boundless absence of information he had with the situation. 

"What did you do?" The voice dripped in malice. It was icy and cold, and evoked fear and yet it held an undertone of sweltering and boiling rage. 

"Todoroki. Not now." The headache that pulsed in the pro-hero's head grew stronger. 

Aizawa kept watchful eyes on Midoriya who was trembling horribly, wide eyes zoned in on his red-headed classmate. "Y-you acted like you wouldn't hurt him…" Kirishima's eyes seemed to snap up at that. "You weren't supposed to…" The shaking boy gripped at his hair. "Oh god-- I did it again. I keep-- I always-- always--" 

The boy's words grew thick and heavy and his face and body seemed to contort in agony. "Why?" He wailed out. "Why do I keep hurting Kacchan?" 

Aizawa didn't understand. He was blind to the small piece of information that it seemed all his students shared. And so when watery green eyes turned to him for answers, his heart clenched knowing that - despite being a guardian, despite being a teacher, despite being a hero - he didn't have any.

"Midoriya…" Uraraka called out to the freckled boy, about to say something, but then thought against it and went silent. 

At the sudden drop in temperature of the room, Aizawa turned red eyes to the dual-quirk user whose emotions seemed to be running rampant. "Everyone except Kirishima, wait outside."

The class seemed defiant towards the order but all begrudgingly trudged outside. Seeing the last back file out the door, Aizawa sighed and turned to the red-head who wouldn't meet his eye. He had to take on a more sensitive and gentle approach. 

"Okay, Kirishima. Now can you tell me everything about what happened?"

"Is dad there?" 

There was a crackling silence and the static tickled at the blonde's ear. 

"Katsuki? What's wrong?" 

Bakugou flinched at his mother's annoyed voice that switched to one of concern. He whipped his head around, suddenly overwhelmed with paranoia that she could see him. But she couldn't. No one was there. Despite not spotting anyone around him, he couldn't quench his growing fear. 

'Why does she think something's wrong? Fuck-- Does she know? shitshitshit.'

Realising his mistake, the blonde regained his composure and tried again.

"Nothing's wrong, hag. I just wanna know if the old man's there." He held his breath at the silent response, scared his mother could see through the cracks in his act.

"You brat! Calling at this time of night as if I have nothing better to do!" The tone of anger that returned to the woman's voice allowed Bakugou to relax. 

His mother continued to rage at him. He let his head fall back and his eyelids close. It brought a warm sense of familiarity - hearing his mother's emotively rageful voice. He had never seen the women anything other than fierce and confident. There was never a single worry that seemed to wear down her tough make-up. She is everything Bakugou could hope to be. A symbol to be revered. A symbol to be awed. Katsuki's symbol of strength. 

Too bad her son's nothing more than a weak-

"And no! Your father isn't home! If you checked in on your parents like a caring son, then you'd know that he's on a business trip!"

And her voice quietened his thoughts. It was powerful and overwhelming. Demanding every bit of his attention and focus, always filling up the corners of his mind and overflowing endlessly. It was calming and a tranquil source of comfort - to not think. 

But it was for this same reason that Bakugou didn't always like talking to his mother. When his thoughts were forcibly evacuated, pushed out by the booming vibrations of Mitsuki's voice, that meant that it was all his mind was left with. And of course, even the amazing image of his mother was affected by his messed-up brain. 

He heard it. The sneering voice he admired becoming something sinister and dangerous. It was disappointed in him. Disgusted with what he was. Loathed his very existence. And - even more than his own - Mitsuki's venomous voice tore him up, viciously destroying him and scattering the remains. It was all thanks to the dorm system which separated him from his mother that allowed him to wade off suicidal thoughts enough to not go through with it. But that wasn't important now.

"I'm sorry. "

Bakugou spoke the words before he could stop them. He cringed at how ugly they were - wet with sadness and tears and sorrow. 

weakweakweakweakweak. 

"Katsuki?! What the hell's wrong with you?! Are you sick? No son of mine apologises!" He winced at the loud tone. 

Bakugou jolted at the sound of a car going by and tried to move his phone away so it wouldn't pick up the noise. 

"Is that a car?" Bakugou cursed under his breath "Are you outside right now?! Do you know what time it is?!" 

The blonde was unable to form a coherent response or excuse. "... Fuck off."

He had to end it. He had to end it. fuckfuck. why did he call her? 

"Katsuki." There was that worried voice again, gone was the distracting comfort of anger. 

"Please tell me you're in UA." 

He couldn't answer. 

"It's dangerous to be outside. What if something happens?" 

He screwed his eyes shut.

"What if those villains take you again? And you don't come home?" 

Bakugou tried to quieten his breathing.

He won't be coming home.

"Katsuki. Please, tell me where you are."

He shivered at his mother's begging. His mother didn't beg. 

"Fuck, Katsuki! I'm not having a conversation with myself!"

The sudden shout made him jolt. He bit on his lip. he didn't want this. he didn't--

"Stop making me worried, you shitty brat!" 

He didn't like this type of anger - when his mother sounded on the verge of tears. 

"When I find you, I'm gonna drag your ass all the way home and-! Fuck!"

A sniffle sounded. Bakugou felt like vomiting. 

"I knew I shouldn't have agreed to that dorm system shit! Why do you always do this, huh?! Why do you always make me worried?!"

He should say something. He shouldn't go through with it. His mum is more important. He shouldn't--

"I should've known! From the moment some shitty police officer told me that they found my son bleeding out on the fucking cement floor because of some bastard, I-!" 

The reminder felt like a cold slap in the face. 

'Oh right.' He almost wanted to let out a bitter laugh. 

He's not her son.

The son she's worried about is the strong and bold Bakugou who had the ability to defy all odds. The Bakugou who had passionate eyes of fire that shone with endless opportunities of hopes and dreams. The Bakugou who's chest swelled with assurance in the greatness of his future. 

That's the son she's worried about. 

The son that he killed, that he allowed to die.

i don't-. don't deserve-- In comparison, his eyes burned with a withering red, pathetic and weak. And they didn't represent something as proud as fire, they were stains. Stains of blood. Blood that dripped from a young body onto cold, unembracing cement, taking away life and purpose and dignity as it departed. His eyes also represented pain. Pain in his head, pain on his body, pain on wrist and pain where the man-- oh god, oh god, oh god. painpainpainpainpain.

"Katsuki? What's wrong?" 

Drop fell onto the phone when he pulled it away from his ear to stare at it. He wheezed and gasped. he can't-- he can't--

Imposter. 

He's not-- He can't be her son. Not one she would want. If she finds out-- When she knows...

She'll understand why he did what he did. 

Why should he feel bad? 

For her worries? She's worrying for someone who doesn't deserve it. 

For her loss? She lost her child a long time ago. 

For her tears? Her tears will dry when she discovers the abomination that had been living in her house. 

The last thought made Bakugou's breath hitch. She won't be hurt forever so it's fine. She'll be thankful once it's all over. 

"Fuck off, old hag." Bakugou didn't know if she could hear him. His voice was barely above a whisper and the phone was held away from his face. 

"Nothing's wrong." I've been lying to you. 

"It's not a big deal." I'm always lying. 

"I'm in my dorm watching a movie. That's where the car sound was from." That's just the type of pathetic shit I am. 

"Stop fucking worrying." But I'll fix it now.

"I'll go to sleep soon."

Chapter Text

All Might was tired.

The man cringed uncomfortably. 

Toshinori was tired. That was more fitting. 

His body was thin and weak, a pathetic shadow of a feared and bulging stature. All strength and valor squeezed out of that once raging form that warded off all roots of evil and shone with the dazzling light of hope. Symbol of peace. Once words that were weighted with ineffable greatness, now thwarted and bruised, it's meaning snuffed out like the life of his withering body. Like people's withering hope. And what was left of it? Hacking coughs that caused writhing pain, spraying out that foreboding substance of red - always coming back to remind him of his current state. Always coming back to take away what he had left, like some damned harbinger of death. 

His knees knocked harshly and he grimaced at the feel of bones. 

It was cold outside. 

He had been given short leave from UA. It was only a few days - to recover, to get back on his feet. He didn't blame Principal Nezu's decision, after all, it's not as if Toshinori did a good job hiding the drops of blood behind the worn fabric of his sleeve. The former hero had assured the faculty of UA that he was in tip-top shape, even going as far as turning to his larger form to offer a gleaming smile and thumbs up, only to be sent into a coughing fit of blood as he returned to his normal size. His fellow colleagues offered him weary smiles and stared grimly but allowed it nonetheless, never minding the trail of red he left in his wake. And he couldn't be more thankful. Though, Toshinori supposes he should've known that he was being foolish. That truth came like a cold turret of reality when he attempted to stay in his large form for too long and had to be rushed to a scolding recovery girl. As he was reclined in a bed that the woman had demanded he rest on, the head of the school paid him a visit. Seeing how Nezu's nose twitched and his paws folded formally behind his back, Toshinori already knew what was coming but that didn't make the shock of being asked to leave any worse. No, not leave, 'spend some days resting at home' as the mouse hybrid had put it. 

The man sighed and shook off the memory, rather wishing to focus on buying himself some groceries.

He had never had to walk this far from home before to go shopping. But that wasn't the case anymore. After all, his weaker form had been exposed in all its pathetic glory for the world to see. So he preferred going to more desolate and empty areas now. And it wasn't as if people didn't still smile and cheer and wave, craving for his attention when they saw him, but it wasn't the same anymore. Citizens eye's would gleam at his mere presence, and it was unnerving. Anyone could tell that he was merely a shell of a once unstoppable, assuring force that protected and saved. He was no longer what they yearned for. What they needed. 

Could he really be a symbol when he could no longer do anything to insure peace? 

No. That was stupid. He shouldn't crave the title. The most important thing was people feeling safe, even if that meant living under the protection of a different hero. A hero that wasn't him. 

Toshinori's heart clenched at that but he ignored it. It wasn't as if he craved the fame. The reputation. It was just that he had worked so hard. He had lost so much. Given up almost everything. And it felt like he was just throwing everything away. Everything his master had left for him, putting his hopes in some unforeseeable future. A future that was starting to look bleak. 

'Ah, no. Young Midoriya.'

A feeling of warmth spread through his chest at the thought of the One For All successor. A bright kid, set on protecting, saving and becoming one of the best heroes the world had ever seen. And Toshinori had no doubt the boy could do it - achieve all he wants and more. Though of course he'll be faced with many hardships along the way. 

Bakugou Katsuki. 

The man was surprised at how the name suddenly popped up in his mind, but he shouldn't be surprised. The temperamental blonde was definitely a hardship that Young Midoriya would struggle overcoming.

But Toshinori doesn't think that was all it was. The thought was too sudden and demanding. Midoriya couldn't have been the only reason that the blonde had come to his mind. 

A dull thrum picked up in the back of his head. The feeling was all too familiar and sent a wave of nausea and adrenaline through him. The contrast was so off-putting and disorientating that Toshinori couldn't mistake it for anything else. 

It was his hero sense. Somehow still burning in his weak, decrepit body. He supposes that was the great thing about it, that it could show up in just about anyone at any time, any place, able to be maintained in even the weakest beings. This sense is what he had to thank for the countless lives he had always managed to save. 

But now it was going off. And it had something to do with his blonde student. 

He winced as the intensity of the thrumming increased the more he walked. It was an indication that he was getting closer to wherever he was needed. Where Bakugou needed him. 

Toshinori would be lying to say he wasn't worried. The thought of Young Bakugou's involvement was simply a hunch. But it was a dangerous one all the same. It was even worse that the man hadn't been in contact with the blonde at all after his kidnapping thanks to his forced leave. (other than his visits to his students' homes). 

If the boy was honestly in trouble and around the area, Toshinori is sure he'd be able to spot him. What, with both his volume and quirk, Bakugou Katsuki wasn't one to go quietly.

But that's what it was. Quiet. In fact, the dark street was so eerily silent that the former hero cursed himself for choosing to go out for shopping at this time of night. It was very unlikely that the blonde was even outside of UA. 

But his sense had never been wrong. 

If Toshinori had to go off his instincts rather than logic, then his student was definitely in need of saving. And that was more than enough to set the man off. If saving was what Bakugou needed, then he had to--

'He had to what?'

Toshinori cringed.

It was true. What could he do? Looking down at his skinny limbs just caused the man's heart to deflate even more. 

He quickly shook off his thoughts and grinded his teeth in annoyance. What did he think he was doing? Being overrun with childish thoughts of insecurities that had no place in the head of an experienced hero such as himself. 

How far the mighty have fallen. 

Knowing what he had to do, Toshinori immediately whipped out a small rectangular box, dialling the number he desired. 

The man waited in agitated silence on the quiet street, the ring of his phone doing nothing to soothe the growing thrum surging through his head. 

After what felt like years he heard a click, indicating that the call had been answered. Not waiting for the other to speak, Toshinori rushed to voice his worrying thoughts. 

"Aizawa. I feel that something is wrong with Young Bakugou." The words were grotesque and wrong to say. They left a bad feeling in the former hero's stomach, travelling to the receiving end of the line despite their dissipation into the crisp, night air. The surroundings swallowed his words greedily and the temperature seemed to drop because of it. 

The phone was silent in response. It was short, and barely lasted a second but still frustrated the man to no end at the feeling of losing precious time.

Toshinori regrets yearning for a response. 

Aizawa had always been curt and blunt with his words but even the younger hero seemed to struggle to form his next few sentences, or rather, his next word. 

"- raped…"

Toshinori felt like throwing up. 

A silence expanded between the two teachers. The quiet was filled with pounding, loud noise. It was filled with dread and disgust and worry. So silent and so loud. So frustratingly unanswering and so overwhelming revealing that it was too much. 

Toshinori hung up. 

It was unprofessional and uncoordinated and emotional but he ended the call and ran, cutting off what was likely going to be a rundown on an organised plan. On what to do. How to get their student back. How to make up for their failure, for their ignorance. But he didn't want to hear it. He couldn't. He had to get to Bakugou. He couldn't waste time talking. 

But Toshinori wasn't a child. He made sure to send Aizawa his location considering his hero sense was telling him he was close to the blonde's whereabouts. 

'A child…' 

The former hero narrowed his eyes as he ran down the darkening street, using the thrumming pain in his head to guide him. 

Bakugou is a child right now. And before that. Before now. Back when Aizawa said the boy was r--. When it had happened. Bakugou was younger than a child. He wasn't even an infant!

He was fucking four years old! And some low-life bastard--

Toshinori gritted his teeth and tried to calm himself at the angry heaving of his breath. 

He had to remain calm and rational. (He wasn't doing a good job so far, what with hanging up on Aizawa) Bakugou needed him right now. And if he went down that train of thought, he'd be reduced to a useless ball of nerves and worry, wondering what exactly he was doing when that kind of thing happened to his student. If he was busy saving someone, or if he was resting at home. If he could've saved a young child from being hurt in a way that no one should experience. If he could've punished a worthless rapist who had touched such a young boy. 

The man took in a breath to get a grip on his mind that was going to dark places despite his attempts to remain calm. 

Toshinori's head snapped towards a particular building. The thrumming had formed into unbearable waves and he knew he was in the right place. 

It made his heart thump painfully. The new piece of information he learnt had caused his mind to overflow with unthinkable thoughts. But the fact that the blonde was most definitely on the roof of this building spoke a truth that the former hero didn't want to believe. 

Once again, he sent Aizawa his location, hoping the other was tracking him. He decided to change into his larger form, scared of what would happen if he was too slow in his ascension up the stairs of the building. 

The man decided he would jump to the roof and persuade Bakugou to come with him. He cringed at the half-assed plan but had no time to waste and already started transforming. 

Toshinori only had one chance before he'd be rendered weak and unmoving due to overuse of a quirk that was no longer his. He had to make it count. He prepared himself, ignoring burdensome scenarios his mind poked at him. Thoughts of failing and becoming paralysed, unmoving, useless. Useless as he watched a body descend from the peak of the building like a broken doll, decorated with empty eyes of crimson and a spiky head of ash blonde--

He cursed the thought away and focused on his current mission. Focus on saving Bakugou.

The world shook violently. 

No, not the world, simply the rooftop. But to Bakugou, wasn't this rooftop his world? This tip of a structure that jutted proudly in the vast wasteland of what seemed to be a ghost town. It was the last place he'd ever be, so he might as well give it some meaning. Admitting that this was simply a place he stumbled upon and chose because it seemed to be the highest point that would ensure immediate death seemed too cold and uncaring an explanation for the location of his last moments. 

Though it was fitting nonetheless. Since that's how Bakugou was feeling right now. Cold and uncaring. Not angry or resentful or hurt like he had expected himself to be when he would finally go through with this. It wasn't even feeling calm. He was just… not there. It was nice, comforting. No thoughts, or doubts. Just him and his definite end. 

Maybe hanging up on his mother is what sucked away the remaining embers of his festering emotions. 

Perhaps it was because of this that the blonde managed to blink bleakly at the sight of his lifetime hero. All Might. 

The boy peeked down the drop, which seemed to set the former hero off as the man shot his hands out into the air with a worried expression. It was funny. As if he would reach him. 

Bakugou simply looked back at the man. "That's where you jumped from?" 

He didn't need an answer. It was the only likely cause of the ground shaking.

The blonde watched as the man standing before him was reduced to half his size and lurched over as he hacked and gagged. Bakugou's eyes rested on the splatters of blood a second longer than he needed to. 

All Might seemed to stumble forward weakly but didn't get too close, eyeing the edge behind the boy wearily. It was obvious that the man was racking his brain for something to say but his presence was frustrating. It was unnerving for Bakugou's hero to see him at a moment like this - about to do something so shameful. 

The blonde's scarlet eyes racked the ex-hero carefully. 

'Isn't All Might angry at me?' 

Of course he was. It was the only thing that made sense. He should be angry. That the person he had saved, thrown away his power for, sent the hero world into chaos for, was now about to end his life like the man's sacrifices were nothing. 

A wave of shame surged through the boy. It was sudden and ugly, and made him gasp out. Suffocating. He was sure that the man knew. What Bakugou had been hiding all this time. It was just obvious in the way the ex-hero looked at him. Maybe he was angry because of that. That he had saved such a pathetic piece of shit. 

But if that was the case, then he wouldn't be here right now. 

All Might flinched at the gasp the blonde had sounded and looked even more worried than he already had. 

Bakugou shook himself and looked away from the man in front of him.

'No. Don't think. Don't think. I don't feel anything. I don't.'

The blonde wasn't an idiot. He knew that even an inkling of emotion would send him into an endless onslaught of thoughts. the dark ones. dark ones. He didn't want them. An unforgiving wall of panic and doubt and painpainpain. And memories. That would slam into him and crush his being, his resolve, leaving him paralysed and useless, mind too shattered to do something as simple as fall. 

Bakugou's tired brain clicked pathetically. Right. That's what he was here to do. Fall. 

"Young Bakugou… ?" 

The blonde jolted. 

His surprise wasn't because of the sudden voice, it was because of the weight of those words. The man had said them thick and wetly, heavy with fear and worry and anger and care. So fucking weighted, and Bakugou could hear it. He could hear every one of those thoughts, of those feelings, emotions. 

He glared at the ground, unable to examine the expression his hero was giving him. He didn't want to fucking feel! Bakugou had nothing! He was finally getting some peace. Why was All Might trying to ruin that? 

"Young Bakugou, please…" 

The blonde still felt somewhat disconnected, disorientated. 

'It's fine. Ignore the man. Ignore him.'

Bakugou continued to stare elsewhere, busy convincing himself that the person standing in front of him was no one important, no one Bakugou knew. And it was working. It was-

"Please come home."

The blonde's chest collapsed painfully, squeezing hard. He had to bite his lip to resist the sob that was clawing through him. 

Bakugou had to get away from here. Fuck. Why was he stalling? Just do it. Do it. 

Spurred on by his thoughts, Bakugou took a small step back, before crying out loudly. He doubled over wildly, body jerking to get weight off his aching ankle. 

All Might ran forward frantically to the injured boy, throwing all thoughts to the wind in face of the pain-filled cry of his student.

The blonde slapped away the hand that reached out towards him, the hand of the man who had risked everything to save him. He wheezed, rooted in his position, on his hands and knees with a face contorted in pain that was grounded into the dirt. 

Then the night sky was filled with an inane sobbing. 

It was at the physical pain, nothing else. His ankle was the trigger. But that was enough. It was enough for Bakugou's pathetic attempt at indifference to be thwarted, stomped in the dirt by the man in front of him, and for everything to come crashing down on him like a wave. 

He was drowning. 

Bakugou gasped and wheezed and sobbed. disgustingdisgustingdisgusting. His body shook, unable to encompass and withhold the terrible things that lay inside of it. He hated it. He hated it. 

A hand rested on his back and it made him freeze. The thing retracted awkwardly at the boy's sudden stop and it left a warm imprint where it lay. 

Bakugou wouldn't look up. He couldn't. If he did, he knew he wouldn't go through with it. He knew seeing his hero, seeing All Might would do that to him. (or maybe it was simply seeing a person that wanted someone like him to keep living). And he'd go back. To his home where his parents were, and to UA where his classmates were, his teachers. And they'd all welcome him back. With faces of disgust. With sneering smiles at how far Bakugou had fallen. With mocking and hate and revulsion and horror and-- no no. -- and loathing and-- fuck. stop. 

And then they'll be the ones to push him off the edge.

It felt like a jolt back into reality. Bakugou cursed at himself for even considering going back. This was his choice. The thought of someone else stopping him, or worse, doing it for him, made him shudder. Bakugou had no place here. No one wanted him. 

He stood and backed away from All Might. Maybe it was the purpose in Bakugou's movements, or his eyes, but a feeling of dread seemed to surge through the man and Bakugou saw his face turn white. The blonde wanted to smile. All Might knew what decision he had come to. Of course, he was his hero after all. 

"Bakugou…!" The urgency in the man's voice did nothing to deter him. Maybe All Might did want him alive, maybe he was the only person in the world who wanted that. But All Might was too nice. He was a hero that wanted to save everyone, even Bakugou. And that fact brought a warm feeling that was too dangerous to explore, one that had the potential to change his mind in an instant. 

But it didn't. 

It was easy. Bakugou was already at the edge. All Might was at a distance away from him. The man was unable to catch up in his weaker form.

The blonde put his foot back, still the injured one but this time no pain came. It couldn't. After all there was no surface under it to cause any. 

It made Bakugou's stomach lurch. How solid ground became nothingness in a second. How his hero was only able to form a wordless scream as he ran to reach forward. And his face contorted in- oh. It almost made him regret his decision.

Bakugou's hair whipped wildly and All Might's daunting expression disappeared. 

It was surreal. He wasn't happy or calm. In fact, his heartbeat was ringing loudly in his ears and the pumping of his blood made his body hot and clammy. But he was content. With a future he would finally have control of. 

A draft of wind pushed upwards against his body and blonde could've sworn his plummet was faltered. But not even a second after, he was falling again. 

Falling...

Aizawa sent all his students to their dorm rooms. Whether they actually went to sleep or not wasn't his concern. 

His mind was filled with too much at the moment. 

But right now, focusing on finding Bakugou held utmost importance. But, of course, the man's emotions weren't going to make it easy for him. 

He had learnt too much in such a short span of time, and he couldn't help but feel frustrated with his students for not telling him sooner. But even more so, he was angry at himself. He had failed to gain their trust, and so they had chosen to suffer in silence rather than go to him. He had let his class down. And now Bakugou was paying the price. 

It was all too much for a child, for any living person, to have dealt with. 

Betrayal, self-harm, rape. 

And now the blonde had been exposed, so suddenly, too suddenly for his mind to comprehend. 

Aizawa doesn't blame him for running.

And the man who did that to his student-. He doesn't even want to think about it. Right now, Bakugou needed him to be of sound and clear mind. 

So Aizawa latched onto the feeling of annoyance that had currently exposed itself to him. It was an emotion he could handle, much easier to bear than the complicated thoughts that were nagging at his brain. 

It wasn't hard since getting hung up on was something that annoyed the man very quickly. 

He glared grimly at All Might's contact info and pondered over calling back but decided against it. It was unwise to tell the other in the first place, not when the situation hadn't been resolved. And knowing Toshinori, he'd definitely want to help. But he couldn't. Not with how he was now. All Aizawa had accomplished to do was worry a man who was unable to do anything about it.

That's what he thought initially but the message that Toshinori had sent proved otherwise. It contained no words or explanation. Just a location. And Aizawa knew he had to go there. 

It wasn't something he could bring heros into. This was an internal problem that UA had to deal with themselves. But he didn't feel comfortable getting teachers either, it wasn't something he could explain so easily. He would just have to handle it himself.

Aizawa started to leave. 

"Let me come with you."

The man turned to see determined green eyes boring holes into him. Aizawa sighed at the sight of other students standing behind the boy, likely hoping for the same thing. 

"No."

Aizawa wasn't an idiot. He knew very well how wrong this could go if Bakugou was really going to do what he thinks he will. Something like that… None of these children deserve to witness it. 

"P-Please, sir! I want to help him!"

Aizawa ignored the child's pleading voice. Whether Midoriya wanted to help or not, he would only slow the man down. This was a waste of his time. It was a waste of Bakugou's time. 

"All you're doing right now is putting him in further danger." Aizawa spoke coldly. He knew his words were harsh but they spoke true. He couldn't afford focusing on the safety of anyone else. "And don't dare to go off by yourself. At this moment, there is nothing you can do except make things worse."

Midoriya blanched and looked away but Aizawa had no time to comfort him. Thankfully, his other students also seemed to understand the reason behind his words.

Hoping what he said was enough, the teacher sent one last warning glare to all those in the room before leaving. 

-

Aizawa had never been one to panic. He preferred maintaining a level mind. Focused. Calm. It's how he kept his emotions in check. 

As he stumbled out of his car, he couldn't help but run to the second location Toshinori had sent him. It was unprofessional and amateurish but the thing he was feeling was definitely panic. 

The street was strange. It had numerous buildings, most of which were fairly tall but there didn't seem to be many people living here. The structures lined the street with rare occurrences of alleyways. The road followed only one continuous path so Aizawa had to go by foot to travel the rest of the way. 

He wasn't sure of the exact location but he couldn't bring himself to pull out his phone and check. He couldn't allow his attention to draw away for even a moment. Something… Something was telling him his eyes needed to be open, they needed to be ready to witness all that was happening. 

And thankfully he did. 

The tuff of ash blonde hair was unmistakable. 

Aizawa sighed at the sight of All Might standing alongside his student on the top of a roof. Aizawa wasn't a religious man but the feeling of relief that washed over him had him throwing his principles to the side. 

'Thank God… ' 

His muscles that had been tensely grinding together ever since he had received news on Bakugou's disappearance finally relaxed.

And yet annoyingly, that nagging feeling still ate at him, telling him it wasn't over, to keep his eyes open. But the relief of seeing the blonde was a stronger force. 

Aizawa took in a breath and let his hand rest over his face. He let it out in a humourless laugh. Of course, this still didn't change the fact that Bakugou made an attempt on his life. He didn't know how they were going to deal with something like this. 

But that didn't matter right now. Right now his student was safe, and alive.

The scream jolted Aizawa's bones. He felt a coldness that froze him to his core. It was frightening, chilling. His eyes were possessed by it and he looked up. 

The man had no time to react but he heard it. He heard bones and skin connect with the Earth. The sound was grotesque and made his eyes go blurry. He squinted at the mass to see what it was. Aizawa had to find out what it was. Because it couldn't be… 

The sight of red flowering like a halo around ash blonde hair made bile rise up in the man's throat. A strangled noise that was too humiliating to mention made its way into the air and Aizawa wondered where it came from. 

The hero was frozen. He shook where he stood. This wasn't like him at all. He was calm, composed, had his emotions in check. He took a step forward and the bile rose so he pushed it down. 

But it was too much. His body was shaking. He turned his head away from the image and once again his sight was robbed away from him as his vision blurred into a flurry of colours. It was dark outside. 

Then a gasp. 

Aizawa's attention snapped towards the source. His eyes widened at the sight of twitching limbs. This time the man ran forward to the body, no, his student and kneeled. 

"Shit. Bakugou!"

He let out a choked noise upon collision with the ground. 

He could feel it. All of it. 

Hurt--

Arm-. Fractured--

Broken.

Breathe--

Couldn't breathe--

"Shit. B---!"

Sob. Hacking bloodbloodblood. 

"Stay… - kid."

Black hair. Eraserhead.

And some-. Someone else. 

"Oh G… I'm -orry." 

All Might. 

"-tried to…" 

Head-- Head hurt. 

Hacking-- coughing. 

Regret. regretregretregretregret. Hurts. 

"Fuck-- Call… Ambul-"

Voices. 

Crimson eyes roll backward. 

"...! N… -! -awake!" 

"...!" 

. 

. 

. 

.

 Hurts. 

Chapter Text

Mitsuki was a strong and formidable woman. This was a fact that was never doubted. She was confident and proud, a dominating and overwhelming force. The woman loved how people immediately noted her powerful personality at first glance.

They knew that she was domineering, a force to be reckoned with.

Of course, there were always people who tried to belittle her. It was natural. Words such as loud, rude or bitchy rang from people's mouths. And Mitsuki hated those types of people the most. People who loved to bring others down. They always wanted to be on top and wished failure upon everyone else, calling others inferior due to their own fear of inferiority. Sad people like that. 

That's why Mitsuki had always worried over Bakugou. 

He showed all the traits of that type of person. And Mitsuki hated it. 

She hated the way he suddenly started treating his childhood friend. How he had started treating everyone.

Mitsuki thought she did something wrong. Maybe she skipped a teaching along the way, or she had said the wrong thing. Either way, it must've been her fault that her son was becoming so hateful. 

Masaru had convinced her that it wasn't her, that something else was likely the cause. He even suggested that Bakugou should go to counselling or therapy. Mitsuki exploded at that. She grew red in the face and screamed. 'I'll be damned if I send my son off to some shrink as if he’s a madman!' 

Mitsuki knew it was just her own doubts and insecurities but she wouldn't allow it. She wouldn't allow someone else to tell her how to raise her child. To Mitsuki, that simply meant failure as a parent. 

So she shouted at Bakugou instead. She argued with him whenever he said something rude or hateful, or if she heard he had been bullying Izuku. But he'd always argue back, that brat. And Masaru would be left fumbling for both of them to calm down. But Mitsuki wouldn't stop; she was going to fix Bakugou's attitude.

"Why can't you be more like Izuku?!" Bakugou would turn red in the face and clench his fists. But that was to be expected, he was always like that, so she pushed further. 

"If you could even be half as kind as he is, then I wouldn't have to scold you all the time!" At that point he would stop shouting back at her and just take in heavy breaths. 

"Is it so hard to act like a decent human being?!" By now he'd just stare. He was waiting for what she'd say next. And that was good, it meant he was listening. 

"I swear, sometimes I wonder why I ended up with a brat like you." After that he'd go still. He wouldn't make a sound, you wouldn't even hear his breathing. It'd be like that for a few seconds before he'd turn and leave the room. Quiet and silent, not even slamming the door on the way out. So much different from how he usually was and, though unnerving, it meant he was taking in her advice so Mitsuki was fine with it. 

That's how most of their arguments went. Mitsuki was always the starter and ender of their fights. She felt proud, accomplished, knowing that - although she had some flaws - she could still be a good mother, could still get her child to listen to her. Though the displeased looks her husband shot before leaving to console Bakugou told her otherwise. 

Mitsuki convinced herself that it was Bakugou's attitude that had put him in that place. Bleeding on the ground in an alley. A blurring memory that she wanted gone but remained vividly imprinted in the deepest roots of her mind. It was impossible to forget, when cuffs had never been wrung around guilty wrists and the perpetrator seemed to disappear off the face of the Earth. She was stuck in the cycle of what-if. What if it was her fault? What if it happens again? What if they had found Bakugou too late? 

Mitsuki felt justified in her actions, and became consumed with reprimanding Bakugou. Her worries deluded harsh words as acts of protection. And eventually she screamed and barked at every little mistake, at even the smallest flaw. All for Bakugou's sake.

She had done all of that. She had worked so hard, doing so much that she even put her relationship with her son on the line. And now. Now… 

She was going to kill him. 

Tears welled up in the woman's eyes as she stormed through white halls, barely registering her conversation with the woman who was sat meekly at a desk, except for the mention of a room number. 225, or her husband who was bumbling behind her, struggling to keep up. 

She was going to break the door down and kill her son. The one who had been unconscious for 2 weeks, and shown no sign of waking up. Had been in and out of surgery with his health getting increasingly worse as his heart ceased in function too many times to count. Her son who had forced his father to come rushing home from business outside the country, and who had sent her into a state of panic, anger and confusion all at once. 

Mitsuki had spent her days at home praying to anyone who would listen. They hadn't allowed her to visit him no matter how much she screamed or shouted (and eventually cried) because his condition was so bad that the doctors were worried even a moment's delay in treating him would be fatal. She neglected her needs and the presence of others, even her husband's. She had been so, so scared and lashed out at anything that even breathed too loudly in her direction (even things that didn't breathe at all, if the cracked picture of a young, smiling Bakugou was anything to go by). Every damn second Bakugou spent lying practically dead in a hospital bed, she imagined him awake, alive, okay. Imagined how glad she would feel, how fucking thankful she'd be. 

And that's exactly how Mitsuki did feel. Her husband had rushed into the bedroom of their house, a smile gracing his face that was wet with tears, shouting the good news from the hospital. Bakugou was awake. And Mitsuki broke down in tears, hot, feeling and ugly. She had rushed there immediately, chest pounding with an intense happiness that made her light-headed. 

But something gripped her suddenly the moment she entered the large, pristine building. A place she had already visited once before. That feeling curled round her chest and gripped it like a vice, so the beating organ locked inside caused insurmountable pain. It was a feeling that hurt and tore at her but one that was unnervingly familiar. 

Mitsuki was angry. 

Her vision was red and her nails stabbed her palms like knives. But the pain didn't stop her legs that stomped viscously as she teared down the halls. 

225. 225. 225. 225.

Mitsuki was going to give him a piece of her mind. She didn't care if he screamed back, if he shouted. He deserved it. For hanging up on her, for worrying her. 

For trying to throw himself off a building-

225. 225. 225. 225

For trying to kill himself-

225. 225. 225. 225

For trying to leave her-

225. 225. 225. 225

And she didn't even know why. 

She flung the door open, chest heaving. Mitsuki was ready for shouting and yelling and screaming. She was ready for the hateful glare Bakugou would direct her way accompanied by his deadly sneer. She was ready to direct it all back to him with double the venom. 

A nurse in the room startled at the sudden entrance but Mitsuki paid her no mind. She directed her attention to the patient in the bed. 

Then she froze. 

Guilt and shame swirled inside tired crimson orbs and it gripped her where she stood. The circles dilated, a bloody shape repulsed at her mere presence. They disappeared behind the slow blink of eyelids before reopening once more, a futile attempt to bring back life as they appeared even more dead than before their previous shielding. The orbs were heavy, and rested upon dark folded flesh, a ridiculous sign of fatigue considering the sheer amount of time the boy had been asleep, unconscious. (a time that could have easily been much, much longer). 

Bakugou’s eyes turned away from her and Mitsuki was finally able to breathe. The vice around her chest had become much too tight when accompanied by that cold, unfamiliar gaze. The gaze of a stranger. 

Mitsuki didn't dare turn to see what the boy was looking at. She didn't dare look away from him, not when the ghost of her son was withering meekly in an oversized hospital bed. 

"Oh, Katsuki!" A voice moaned sorrowfully and Mitsuki immediately recognised it as her husband. 

The woman wanted to warn the man to stay back, to tell him that this imposter was not who he thought it was. But it was. It was Katsuki. It was their son. But she could barely recognise him. 

Masaru, as emotional as he was, rushed forwards to hug the boy. But the blonde retracted fiercely, sending a harsh glare that lacked the feeling to be called a glare yet caused the man's smile to falter and his heart to weaken. 

Regaining his composure, Masaru smiled weakly and tried to make idle conversation with the blonde who turned away and didn't seem to be listening. 

Mitsuki's ears buzzed with static. Even though Masaru was being ignored, at least he was there. But she... She felt out of place - uncomfortable and awkward. She didn't know what to say or do. It was Katsuki but she didn't know how to act. 

So she didn't do anything at all. 

Aizawa’s anger had dissipated somewhat. 

Now he had time to think. Had time to assess the situation. But before, he couldn't help but feel a vast amount of anger toward his students. And the reason was simple. 

They knew. 

They knew and they didn't tell him. Not only did they not tell him, they made no active attempt to get Bakugou the help he needed. And the one attempt to deal with the situation had been done crudely and ignorantly, causing the blonde to run away and… for Aizawa to find him in a state where he needed immediate medical attention. 

Lessons had continued as usual but it was a waste of time. No one listened or paid attention and Aizawa didn't scold them for it. He also didn't care for droning on about a lesson, not when one of his students was currently fighting for their life.

'Or maybe not fighting at all.'

He cursed the crude thought away and pushed two large doors open.

The pro-hero barely paid mind to the tall man beside him, whose skinny build seemed to slump uncomfortably as his vibrant blonde hair sagged into his eyes, annoyingly calling attention to the pair in the buzzing noise of the hospital. 

They were both dreading what awaited them. After all, it had been a few days since Bakugou woke up and now they had to live up to the promise they made to his parents. 

Aizawa casted a glance at the woman beside him who looked like she had just rushed out of her house, which was likely the case. Her gaze was set ahead of her as she glared at nothing and her fists were clenched tight. Then he looked at Toshinori beside him whose eyes were glaring at the floor. 

He had asked the woman to come to the hospital immediately after they called an ambulance for Bakugou. 

Aizawa was slightly startled when the front doors of the building burst open, giving way to the sight of Bakugou's mother. She locked eyes with Aizawa and the pro-hero had tensed at the promise of incoming conflict. But to his surprise, she looked away and simply sat in one of the seats beside him. 

They had been sitting in silence ever since, just waiting for news on Bakugou's condition. Then Aizawa heard the words of a strained voice. 

"Why… ?"

The sudden sound seemed to have startled Toshinori because his eyes snapped towards the blonde woman. Her fists seemed to have gone lack and - as if they were weights pulling on her - her body was slouched forward. 

"Why would Katsuki… Why would he do that?" 

Aizawa tried to hide the grimace from his face. He expected this of course. It was a reasonable response: to want to know why your child would want to kill themselves. But his knowing didn't lighten the load of his dread. 

Toshinori shuffled uncomfortably. "I'm sorry. I couldn't get to him in time" 

In an instant Mitsuki's back straightened from it's slouch, and the glare that she had directed at her hands turned to them. "That's not what I want to hear." 

She breathed in deeply as if the flow of air was her only source of control. "That's not what I want to fucking hear! I want to know why my son is in a hospital when he was supposed to be safe in your school! I want to know why I had to call my husband at fucking 3 am for him to come back home because of your failure to protect my child!"

Aizawa frowned slightly at the annoyed looks of people in the surrounding area "Mrs. Bakugou, please calm down."

"I want to know!" Her chest heaved in sobs and her voice grew quiet. "Why would Katsuki try to kill himself?" 

Aizawa couldn't help but wonder if those last words were for their ears or if the woman was asking herself. Either way, he was thankful that she seemed to have calmed down and formed his next words carefully. 

"I cannot deny your claims that the school was inconsiderate of the well-being of your child. So we will take full blame for this." The woman gave him a dead panned look and didn't seem to be interested in his formal apologies. "And about the reason why… Of course, if you want otherwise, I will tell you. But I think it's something to discuss with Bakugou or for us to say when Bakugou is aware of it." 

Mitsuki seemed to grow angry at his words. Her lips pulled back into a snarl and seemed that they were going to open to curse him to damnation. 

"Guardians of Bakugou Katsuki?" 

Mitsuki's head snapped up to a startled young nurse who was holding a clipboard firmly in his grasp. 

"Yes…?" The woman's voice was hoarse with expectancy. 

"The doctors have managed to recover the patient but his condition isn't completely stable and I'm sorry to say that he likely won't wake up until it is." 

"What…? Like a coma…?" Toshinori spoke in a horror-filled voice.

"No. Don't worry, it's not a coma. It's the effect of a quirk of one of our doctors. You can meet him later if you have any questions. The patient has suffered a serious head injury from the fall so we want to limit the amount of trauma he's exposed to. Something as simple as moving too fast can cause trauma even if it's minor. Unfortunately we don't know the extent of the damage since we can't run an MRI scan without the permission of the guardian. When we run one, we can determine the next course of action."

"What might you need to do?" Aizawa asked and the young man sent him a grimacing smile. 

"Head trauma causes a lot of damage to someone physically as well as mentally. He might have to take antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication. He might also need medication to prevent seizures to avoid developing a coma. The patient will likely be admitted to psychological therapy sessions but depending on the damage caused, he might need speech, physical and cognitive therapy. Though it seemed that the damage was mostly done to the temporal lobe, implying changes to the function of senses, language and personality or behaviour. He might also need further surgeries. And if the damage is large, the patient may have to be put under a medically-induced coma to repair damages done to the brain."

"Oh my God…" Mitsuki put her head in her hands. The sheer amount of negative outcomes made getting Bakugou to the hospital in time seem less and less like a victory. 

The nurse saw their grim faces at the information he shared and backtracked slightly. "Ah, but that's only speculation. The results of the MRI scan might prove to be better than we thought and the most the patient will suffer might be a few behavioural changes along with need of physical therapy." The man shrank a bit under Mitsuki's glare but continued to try and brighten the atmosphere. "It's not unlikely since it seems that the patient's fall was cushioned by something."

Toshinori shuffled a bit at the side "Yes. That was me. I was on top of the roof and used a move in my hero form to create an up draft of wind."

The nurse's eyes sparkled. "As expected of All Might. What you did might've just saved that boy's life."

The nurse left quickly afterwards with an awkward bow at the sudden silence that stretched between the three adults. Even after they left, a cloud of tension lay thick in the profound silent air. Aizawa cringed uncomfortably. 

Then he jolted. At the sudden sound of sobs. 

He tried to look ahead, keeping his eyes off of the despairing mother but her hunched back and shaking shoulders still penetrated his vision. "Thank you…! Thank you for keeping him safe..! Oh God… Thank you so much!" Aizawa's stomach twisted. He thinks he preferred it when Mitsuki was blaming them. They didn't deserve her thanks. "You don't need to tell me why right now. I'll wait until he wakes up. It's the least I can do after being such a terrible fucking mother." 

Both men sat there in what they hoped was comforting silence, unable to refute her claims on her failed motherhood as they had no right or knowledge to. They waited for the sobs to reduce to sniffles, simply allowing the woman to compose herself before paying their respects and leaving. 

Aizawa felt his heart hang uncomfortably in his chest at the memory. Now Bakugou was awake, they had to keep up their end of the promise and explain it to both his parents.

Toshinori, ever the benevolent one, allowed Aizawa to hang behind him as he marched up towards the room, trying to alleviate the other's burden while increasing his own. Aizawa found it to be a futile attempt. They were still going to end up in the same place, in front of the same people. People expecting answers for the reason their son attempted suicide. 

Aizawa wasn't sure if he was glad or anxious that the father was there now as well. Or that he'd have to face Bakugou awake. 

He barely had a moment to decide when both men were practically pounced on upon entering the room. 

"You're here! That means you remembered what you promised. Please say it now. I've waited long enough." Aizawa was caught off guard. He wasn't expecting to have to break the news so soon. And from the sound of Toshinori clearing his throat, he seemed to feel the same. 

"Honey, calm down. Why don't you give them some space as they've just arrived? I'm sure they want to see Katsuki as well." The woman seemed to calm slightly at the man's voice and Aizawa decided that he was thankful for Masaru Bakugou's presence.

As Mitsuki stepped back begrudgingly, it allowed Aizawa the chance to scan the room and though his mind urged him to avoid it, his eyes fell to the body of a little boy sitting up, blankly staring at his fingers. 

It was almost laughable. Aizawa never imagined that he'd be describing the destructive bomb Bakugou Katsuki as a little boy. But seeing him now, with no fire or power in his eyes and looking so vulnerable that he gave off a fragility the man never knew he was capable of, it was like a wake up call. That Bakugou was a child. He had always been. It was just easy to forget sometimes, when his body seemed to be made-up of a blistering and vengeful hate that burned away at innocence, leaving only the dull shell of an adult. 

Masaru quickly noticed Aizawa's stare and gave the blonde boy a gentle nudge, coaxing him with kind words. "Katsuki. Your teachers are here to see you."

Those blank eyes disappeared behind the protective shield of eyelids. Once. Twice. Thrice. And with each blink, awareness seemed to grow in his eyes. Still blank, but no longer as distant. 

Bakugou looked up at Aizawa and stared into the man's eyes. It was unnerving and Aizawa wanted to look away but kept his stance. For the first time, some hint of emotion seemed to surface in the boy's orbs. Then they switched over to Toshinori and the same thing happened. 

Bakugou's jaw clenched as he looked away. Back down at his hands, and Aizawa worried that he'd be disconnected from the world again. But his lips parted and a raspy voice broke out. 

"S...or...ry..."

The words were broken, slow, hesitant. And they seemed to come out with some struggle. But Aizawa heard it. And it clawed at his heart, just as broken and painstakingly slow. Just as torturous. 

He was the one who was supposed to be apologising. 

The room seemed to become heavy with emotion and the silence weighted it even more. But the beep of the machine attached to Bakugou prevailed as the only noise. Reminding them all of the current situation. 

Mitsuki felt the need to break the quiet. "He's struggling with his awareness and speech right now." Aizawa's chest pounded in worry. Was it an effect of his head trauma? "It's the anti-seizure medicine and antidepressants. The side effects. Since it's a new prescription the doctors said he might face some problems, so we shouldn't be surprised" Her words were rushed to reassure his worries. Though it seemed to be more for her sake than anyone else's. 

Once again, the dawning of silence raised its head and took over the composition of the room. Of course, it was still unable to swallow the sound of incessant beeping. Mitsuki seemed to grow restless and Aizawa wondered how long she'd hold out before saying what they all knew was on her mind. However, her husband took on the burden for her. 

"Mitsuki says you know the reason as to why Katsuki… did what he did."

Immediately after those words, the beeping sound rose almost to a blaring noise. And all eyes turned to Bakugou. His eyes were frantic and wild, staring at his two teachers pleadingly. Aizawa wondered if there were really side effects to the blonde's prescription, because he seemed to be highly aware at that moment.

The teacher could practically read the words off of his student's eyes. 

Don't tell them.

Please don't tell them.

Both parents reacted to their son's obvious discomfort and reached for his hand but he evaded them. Masaru's eyes watered at that but Bakugou didn't seem to notice. "Katsuki. Please. It's something we want to know. If you don't want them to say then please say yourself."

The wetness of his father's voice made Bakugou throw a hesitant look over to the man and he seemed to waver. "...Nuh-Not...Nothing. It… was not...hing." His eyebrows furrowed as he grew frustrated at his inability to speak but he pressed on. "Stu...pid. I was-. Being… ah-I. Not sui… sui…cidal."

Masaru grabbed his hand and brought it to his head. It felt like a sight Aizawa shouldn't see. A man breaking down as he hunched over, clutching his child's hand. But here he was. "Please! Please. Katsuki. We just want to help you. This is the first time you've even spoken to us since you've been here. So please just tell us what's bothering you." Bakugou's resolve seemed to waver at the sight of his sobbing father but he retracted his hand and clutched it as his chest, as if to warn the man not to grab it again. Ash blonde hair hanging down created a shadow over the boy's face and he simply shook his head. 

Aizawa felt that them coming here was a mistake. Toshinori quickly spoke. "Maybe we should leave for now-" 

"No! You can't! Not yet." Mitsuki seemed to have grown just as emotional as her husband, but Aizawa already knew. In terms of emotions Masaru Bakugou was often one to go to sadness but Mitsuki Bakugou., the same as her son, 

she went to anger. 

"Katsuki! Why can't you just talk?!" Bakugou put his hands over his ears at her shrill voice. The action seemed to only increase her rage as she practically ripped them away from his face and held them firmly. "Why do you always need to make things so difficult?! Do you know how worried we've been?! Do you?!" The blonde's breath seemed to grow heavy as he looked up and matched his mother's fiery glare. 

"It's… none of your business…!"

"None of my-?! None of my business?! I'm your fucking mother. I think it's my business to know why my son decided to throw himself off of a fucking roof!" Masaru quickly realised the situation and attempted to calm it. 

"Mitsuki, please. This isn't what he needs-" 

"Don't tell me what he needs! I know! I know already! You think I'm such a terrible mother now?! What?! Because it's the second time my child's been hospitalised?!"

"Let… G-go…!" 

"Well guess what?! It's not me! It fucking you Katsuki! I care about you so… so much and I try so hard! And yet you think you can do something as selfish as kill yourself?! You always do this to me! You always make trouble for me! You always put yourself in bad situations! This is why these things happen! Because you bring them on yourself! Because it's your fucking fault!"

"Fuck… off! Fuck off..! Fuck off! W-What if I tell you… It-It is because of you…?! Because you… drive me so fucking… crazy?! Maybe I'd prefer… death than knowing I have such a shitty m-mother like-" 

Bakugou's head jutted to the side suddenly. And Mitsuki's hand was raised. It was too sudden, too fast. So it couldn't have been… Aizawa didn't want to believe it. That she would do that. But the sound was too distinct. The sound was too loud. And all inkling of doubt was eradicated by the reddening hand-shaped mark adorning Bakugou's cheek. 

Aizawa's blood boiled at the sight. He stepped forward but Toshinori quickly blocked his path with a raised arm.

Mitsuki was frozen in her spot and pulled her hand to her chest, seemingly in shock as she looked at the thing as if it was foreign to her. "K-Katsuki… I-" 

Bakugou turned his head back and looked at his mother. Her words got caught in her throat. It pained Aizawa to see the blank state his eyes had returned to. 

"Rape, Mitsuki."

All the air seemed to suck out of the room at Bakugou's uncharacteristically cold voice. Masaru shook where he sat. "W-What?" But the blonde ignored him and continued to gaze dimly at the woman that was supposed to be called his mother. 

"Since you… wanted t-to know so bad. That… That's what happened." The woman looked horrified and Bakugou chuckled humorlessly "The man didn't just beat me half to death t-that day."

"What…? Don't-. Don't say that." Mitsuki's voice quivered. 

"Why not? It's the…truth. Bet you're fucking… ashamed. D-disgusted… right? Y-You… think I need you to tell me it's… my fault…?"

Masaru sobbed. "W-Why didn't you say something?" 

Bakugou frowned and spoke sneeringly. "Who should...I have told? You? Her? Since I cause… so much pain, thought I'd save you the trouble and just… kill myself-"

"Don't! Don't speak!" Mitsuki turned to look into the two teachers' eyes frantically. She was looking for answers, for the truth. "That can't be true. T-the doctors would have noticed. They would have been able to tell."

"It's because… I'm not a fucking idiot. T-Think I don't know… what they'd need for that kinda shit? Most of the assault was already… more than enough to cover physical signs of it. A-All I needed to do… was get rid of the rest."

Aizawa frowned deeply. How would he have known how to do something like that? He was just a child.

"S-So what if I tried to kill myself? If… If you had known… you would have told me to do it anyway."

Masaru gasped and Mitsuki cried out as she fell onto her knees and took Bakugou's hands back into her grasp. "Oh God. I would never…! Oh my God, Katsuki. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry! I didn't mean it! It's not your fault, fuck Katsuki, it's mine. It's all mine. Please blame me. Please, please blame me. It's not your fault. Oh God, I don't know why I said that! I don't know why I hit you! I'm sorry. Don't believe what I said. Please don't believe it!"

Bakugou shook his head and tried to put on a more gentle look. "Don't apologise. Like you said… I deserved it." 

Mitsuki's sobs grew louder and Masaru hid his head in his hands at his wife's incessant babbles of what a horrible mother she was. Bakugou frowned at how his attempt to comfort had only seemed to make them more upset. 

"Young Bakugou, may Aizawa and I speak with you?" Bakugou's head snapped up at the voice and his eyes grew wary. But his parents were already backing away to allow the teachers some space to have the conversation they desired.

It took some time for Masaru to tug Mitsuki away from Bakugou's bedside but she eventually stood up and retreated, however, neither of them dared to leave the hospital room. 

Aizawa honestly didn't know what to say. He hoped that Toshinori would start since he had been the one to ask for the request but the man stayed silent. The quiet made Bakugou grow restless but he avoided eye contact, looking down and fiddling with his fingers. When the silence stretched for longer, he ghosted his fingernails over the nape of his neck. 

Then after what felt like ages, Toshinori finally spoke. 

"Do you want to be a hero?" 

All eyes snapped to the blonde man, including Bakugou's. Aizawa furrowed his brows 

'What is he saying…?"

Bakugou frowned. "I-I can't-" 

"Do you want to be a hero?"

The blonde clenched his jaw. "Like I said… I-" 

"Young Bakugou. Do you want to be a hero?" 

Bakugou seemed to grow annoyed at the repetition and sent a harsh glare (though it still missed the same amount of fire it once held). He scowled and seemed ready to lash out. 

"Do you want to come back to UA?" 

Bakugou's eyes widened and he snapped his mouth shut. He seemed at a loss for words. But Mitsuki was already prepared to provide them for him. 

"Of course he doesn't! After-. After everything. I can't let him go back!" 

Though Aizawa wasn't completely sure where Toshinori was going with this, he decided to help knowing the ex-hero definitely had a purpose in mind. The man directed his harsh gaze towards the blonde woman. "We're asking Bakugou. Not you."

Now Aizawa decided to ask. "Bakugou, do you want to keep going to UA and continue on your path towards becoming a hero?" 

The boy looked mystified. "I… I c-" 

"Because we want you to come back. All your classmates are at school waiting for you. We believe that you can become a hero. But it doesn't matter what we want. What matters is you. So, Bakugou. Do you want to come back to UA and become a hero?" Aizawa spoke simply but he hoped his words would reach the blonde. 

Bakugou bit his lip and his fingers were no longer ghosting his nape, but rather, firmly placed there. And he made a small movement, it was quick and minute, but it was definitely a nod. 

Aizawa felt his heart thump harshly at the overwhelming happiness he wouldn’t dare allow appear on his face. It almost made him smile. Bakugou was now looking up at them and that meant something, no matter how detached his eyes still looked. 

"Katsuki… Is that what you want…? You want to go back to UA?"

The blonde boy bit his lip again. "Doesn't matter. I can't… Not after…" 

Toshinori placed a comforting hand on the boy's shoulder. "But you can." Bakugou sent a half-hearted glare the man's way. 

"How would you… know? I've fucking lived with this for basically my… whole life. A-And it hasn't gotten better. It hasn't gotten-" 

Toshinori spoke again, calmly and carefully. "Because no one knew. And no one could help. But now we do, so let us help you, young Bakugou."

"Stop saying that…! Even if I did… You'd just waste your time. H-How could such a pathetic and weak…” He took in a breath at the surprised sob his father sounded. “There's not one! I've looked and looked…. but there's not one hero who has-" 

"Midnight" Aizawa cut in. 

Bakugou blanched slightly. "What?" 

"Nemuri told me to tell you that when she heard about you. Unfortunately, it wasn't something we could keep hidden from the faculty of UA for long." Bakugou's wide eyes showed he wasn't even properly taking in what the man was saying. "So now, knowing that, would you call her weak and pathetic? 

The blonde's eyes seemed to widen even more at that before he narrowed them and looked away. Aizawa simply nodded. "So neither are you. If you come to UA, you can talk with her and even if you turn down our offer, I'm sure she'll want to do it anyway."

Bakugou seemed to grow uncomfortable at Aizawa's words, so he left it at that. But surprisingly, the blonde spoke, himself. "Aren't you angry? Disgusted or something?" The boy mumbled and tried to sound indifferent, but they were obviously thoughts that had been weighing on his mind. "You don't hate me... ?" 

Aizawa's chest squeezed painfully at that and, from the look on Toshinori's face, it seemed his did too. "Young Bakugou, neither of us have any reason to hate you. What happened wasn't your fault and it never will be."

Bakugou didn't seem reassured at Toshinori's words. "A-And them…? my fr- no, my class... Those extras. Do they…?" He didn't didn't finish his question as if the words were too horrible to utter into existence. 

"Of course they don't. Like Aizawa said, they're waiting for you to come back. So they can apologise." Toshinori smiled. 

Bakugou looked skeptical. "I… I don't believe you."

Aizawa frowned. "Then why not come back to class and see for yourself?"

That was the last thing said. 

Aizawa and Toshinori were forced to leave as visiting hours were over. The man didn’t feel comfortable leaving Bakugou alone with someone as emotionally unstable as Mitsuki but Toshinori reasoned that they couldn’t do much at the time and would just have to hope they had been convincing enough for Bakugou to listen to his words.

Kirishima glared angrily at his overdue homework. 

He was hunched over a small desk in his room, scribbling each word that he wrote in frustration. 

'I don't get this. It doesn't make any sense!' 

He scratched angrily at his head, overwhelmed with his building anger.

'Why can't I get it right?!' 

Kirishima groaned when he realised he wrote the wrong thing, and crossed it out angrily. 

'Why is it so confusing?!' 

In a fit of anger, he crossed out another wrong answer and accidentally tore the paper with his pen. Kirishima paused for a second. He let his heavy breaths be the only noise in the room as he stared blankly at the paper. Rather than the seamless ink of his byro, the brown tint of his desk was on display. The sight made his rage grow, and he felt a hot wetness build-up in the background of his eyes. 

He cried out in an angry yell and scribbled all over the piece of paper, leaving numerous tears here and there. He threw the useless scrap to the side as it was carnaged to the point where he wouldn't be able to do his work anyway. 

It was late so he hoped he hadn't woken anyone but he also couldn't find it in himself to care. He wanted to scream and shout. He wanted to break things and trash his room. 

Work was just too hard for him. School was just too hard for him. Everything was just too hard for him. It was all too hard without Bakugou. 

Bakugou would know what to do. He'd slap Kirishima upside the head for messing up his homework and explain it to him in an annoyed tone while he made him write it all out again. And he wouldn't let Kirishima have a break until he understood everything and finished it all (or the time reached 8pm).

Not only that. Bakugou would call Kirishima an idiot for avoiding his friends just because he was scared of what they thought of him now. He'd say something along the lines of 'For whatever stupid reason, those extras like you. And because they're shitty idiots, they can't hate anyone. Just fucking talk to them, you coward' 

Kirishima chuckled. He could practically imagine those exact words coming out of Bakugou's mouth. He scuffed at the tears that had rolled hotly down his face in annoyance. What right did he have to cry? 

It was Kirishima's actions that made Bakugou run away. And it was because of Kirishima that Bakugou tried to kill himself. Maybe he wasn't completely to blame, but as Bakugou's best friend, he shouldn't even be partially responsible, and yet he was. Because it's true that Bakugou had run away because of him, so of course, it's Kirishima's fault. 

The way Aizawa had been looking at him. The way everyone had, proved that fact. 

And… What if Kirishima was more responsible for it than anyone thought? What if he was the one person Bakugou really hoped would help him and accept him? And because of how Kirishima reacted, Bakugou lost all hope and resorted to suicide? 

Kirishima knows how arrogant it sounds. To think that Bakugou thought so highly of him. But if that was the case, he doesn't know if he'd be able to forgive himself. If Bakugou had really hoped for his help, then Kirishima had definitely let him down.

It took the red-head awhile to notice the pain stemming from his head. He brought his hand down so he'd be able to view it. His stomach lurched at the sight. 

His frustration had caused his hand to harden and due to his scratching, he had cut the skin of his scalp and blood now decorated his hardened fingers. Kirishima could barely control his breathing. It looked just like… 

Kirishima grabbed his wrist, keeping him in his spot. Bakugou struggled against it, whipping around to pry the hands off of him. 

Oh God, he was going to be sick. 

The blonde's eyes went wide but he didn't look up, still clawing at Kirishima's hand. "I-I have to go… do something. Just let me go. Let me go." 

It was a plea. 

Kirishima wheezed and quickly stood, practically dashing to reach the bathroom. 

Bakugou finally looked up at him, his expression was unreadable but Kirishima could pick up one emotion.

Fear.

He twisted the tap at the sink of his bathroom frantically and sobbed when no water came out. 

He had to get the blood off. He had to. 

Kirishima stared at Bakugou and saw that his wrist was bleeding. Then he stared down and saw there was blood on his hardened hand. 

His eyes went wide. "I-I…!" 

The sound of water running made Kirishima sigh in relief and he quickly placed his hands under the running liquid. He scrubbed mercilessly, each dyed spot of red seemingly replaced by another but he couldn't go to sleep until they were all gone. 

He let his head fall forward as fatigue took over him but Kirishima still didn't let up until he was sure every spot of blood was gone. 

He closed his eyes and sighed, turning off the tap once he was finally satisfied with the cleanliness of his hands. Kirishima trudged back into his room and collapsed onto his bed. 

He didn't bother getting comfortable as he didn't feel like he'd be able to sleep tonight. 

-

Kirishima had cut it pretty close. He had barely made it into the classroom before the late bell rang. It's not like he had a reason as to being late since he hadn't slept, he just hadn't felt like getting out of bed. 

The boy was aware of how he hadn't received any amount of scolding from Iida and he wondered if it was because the class rep was ignoring him because of what he did to Bakugou or if he had lost all sense of reason just like everyone else in the class. 

Kirishima tried to avoid all eyes that went to him as he was the last one in the room, and so, called the most attention. He especially didn't want to be seen by Kaminari, Sero and Mina. They were the ones who had witnessed his wrongdoing first-hand. He didn't want to face them, so he'd been avoiding them, evading their presence every chance he had. They shouldn't have been trying to talk to him to begin with, not after seeing what he did, not when they knew as well as he did that Kirishima was the reason Bakugou's life was hanging on that of a thread.

When Aizawa entered the room, that was when Kirishima started to zone out. He placed his head on the desk and let his eyes close shut, the same he had been doing in all his lessons recently. Aizawa didn't bother telling him off about it anymore as he realised his attempts were futile. For some reason it was easier to fall asleep in the classroom than in his dorm room. 

-

When Kirishima came to, it was fairly silent in the class except for the slight murmur of conversation. He quickly realised that it was lunch but couldn't bring himself to get up and buy some food. 

He sat up and scanned the room. The red-head was surprised to see a few people at Midoriya's desk. Ever since what happened, people in class 1a hadn’t really been talking to each other, especially not in large groups. 

He registered Uraraka's voice first. She seemed hesitant with her words. "Um… Deku. Do you know the hospital that Bakugou is staying at…?" She looked down and fiddled with her thumbs. 

Kirishima perked up at the mention of Bakugou. No one had really said his name since.

"I could ask my mum. I think she would know since she talked to Kacchan's parents recently."

Uraraka smiled brightly at that. "That's good. Then maybe the entire class could pay him a visit!"

Kirishima's heart thumped as he bristled in expectation. 

However, the green haired boy frowned slightly. "I don't know if that's a good idea…" 

Kirishima furrowed his brows in confusion and Uraraka voiced what was also on his mind. "What do you mean? Why not?" 

Midoriya visibly gulped. "I just think there are some people that don’t deserve to-" The boy sent a glance over to Kirishima's desk, obviously expecting to see the red-head sleeping. His eyes widened in surprise when he made eye contact with Kirishima and his face went red, knowing that he had definitely heard their conversation. 

Kirishima's vision tilted. He didn't know what to say, or what to do. His blood was piping. It was boiling hot. All he could see was red and before he knew it, he was at Midoriya's desk and forcing the boy to stand up by pulling on his collar. "What the fuck did you mean by that?" 

Midoriya's eyes widened at his classmate's sneering voice and Uraraka backed away slightly along with anyone else who had surrounded the desk. Kirishima had never really been one to swear, or be angry at anyone about anything. "I… I didn't really mean anything." 

"Are you fucking stupid or are you deaf? I asked you what you meant! Finish that fucking sentence!" The raise of Kirishima's voice brought more attention than he wanted but he was too angry to care. 

Midoriya seemed to grow some backbone and hardened his stare. "Why were you listening in on my conversation to begin with?" 

Kirishima completely ignored his point. "You said 'I think that there's some people that don’t deserve to-' Don’t deserve to what?! See Bakugou?! And rather than being vague about it, why don't you say exactly who 'some people' are?!" The mention of Bakugou caught the interest of even more people in the class. 

"Don't you think there's a reason you were so set off by what I said even though I didn't mention your name?!" Midoriya's shout caught Kirishima off guard but he still stood his ground.

"Why don't you stop being such a sneaky little shit and say exactly what you think?!" The red-head practically growled. 

"I think that you shouldn't see Kacchan! Not after what you did!" Kirishima blinked at that. He couldn't say anything to refute it. It was true. "I don't think he would even want to see you!" Kirishima scowled. Even if it was true, even everything that was being said was correct, he wouldn't let Midoriya be the one to tell him. 

"And what?! You think he'd want to see you?!" 

"He'd want to see me more than you! You're the reason Kacchan tried to kill himself!" 

Kirishima growled. "You have no fucking right to speak! You've been with Bakugou since the beginning and what have you accomplished?! Only hiding and never telling anyone! And only when you feel like it do you spill Bakugou's past to whoever the fuck you want!" 

"I-I did that to help Kacchan!"

"Is that what you think? Is that what you really fucking think?! What good has it ever done? Has it ever turned out good for Bakugou?! No! It hasn't! And yet, it seems like you never learn your lesson. I wouldn't be surprised if you were purposefully trying to hurt him-!" 

"I would never! I would never try to hurt Kacchan!" Kirishima scoffed. "A-And you're even worse than me! Because I know Kacchan saw you as a true friend! He's never been as close to someone as he was with you but you ruined that! Now Kacchan might never open up to anyone again!" 

"You don't think I fucking know that?! That's why I want to talk to him! And yet you don't think I deserve to?! What the fuck is wrong with you?! Should I just ignore him and never talk to him again?!"

"That's what a good person would do! For Kacchan's sake-" Kirishima had heard enough. He didn't care about being civil. His body was shaking with so much rage, he was practically convulsing, and he felt if he didn't get this off of his chest, he'd physically hurt someone. 

"No, that's what you would do! That's what Deku always fucking does! You know why Bakugou hates you?! It's not just because of what you did when you were a kid, so stop spinning that shit so people will pity you. It's because you're a fucking coward! Any decent human being apologises for what they've done wrong but what do you do? You fucking avoid it and evade, never once showing any real sign of remorse."

"That's not true! I've said sorry to Kacchan before-" 

"When has that ever been genuine?! You only ever apologise when you've been cornered! And you do it with fucking snot and tears running down your face as if you want the person to feel bad! I'm here trying to own up for my mistake and yet you think I should avoid him just like you've always done. Guess what?! I'm not you! And I've been with Bakugou long enough to know that that kind of thing would just hurt his feelings more!"

"B-But what if Kacchan doesn't want to see you-" 

"Then it has nothing to do with you! You have no right to decide for Bakugou whether he gets to see me or not! Out of every person in this class you have the least amount of right to say anything on Bakugou's behalf! And yet, for some reason it seems you can't keep your fucking mouth closed! Always talking about his shit as if it's your own and acting like you know him best when your relationship is only built upon betrayal and distrust! Aren't you fucking ashamed?! Tell me honestly. You knew he would find out that you told the class eventually, and you knew that he'd freak out and hate you even more. Fuck, if I was him, I'd want to wring your throat! So you have another thing to apologise for and you still haven't!"

"How can I?! He's in the h-"

"Have you tried?! Have you tried texting him?! Calling him?! Calling his family?! And it's possible your mum even knows the hospital he might be staying at but from the sound of it, you haven't even tried to find out! Just goes to show how much you really care about ‘Kacchan’, right?" Kirishima took a breath, finally trying to calm himself down. "I'm trying my best to make it up to Bakugou. So why the hell would I take advice from one the person he hates the most?"

Kirishima grimaced sharply at Midoriya's tears. He felt somewhat guilty. Now that the anger had subsided, he knew he had just exploded at Izuku due to his own frustrations with himself. Whether he had told the truth or not, those words had not been for him to say.And here he was scolding Midoriya, despite becoming a hypocrite by saying what should've come out of Bakugou's own mouth. 

The sound of sniffles quickly evoked regret. He rushed out a quick apology - which he hopes was heartfelt and sincere - along with a small bow and left the room. 

He practically sprinted out, not wanting to see the faces of his classmates. They probably hated him even more than they did before.

Not wanting to go back to class, he returned to his dorm room despite it being only halfway through the school day. Kirishima couldn't find it in himself to care for the repercussions at the moment. It's not like he could focus on lessons to begin with. 

Kirishima swung the door of his dorm open, when he entered, he started closing it with the same amount of momentum but then stopped short just before the wood met it's crevice in the wall. He didn't have a right to be mad or angry about anything. So he shut the door carefully. 

The click of the door made his body tremble, the final sound of entrapment as he was bound in his cage. 

He glared coldly at his bed, an item of comfort now mocking him as he could never get any rest in it. 

He couldn't sleep here. This is where it happened. 

Where Bakugou had looked at him with such fearful eyes. 

Where Kirishima hurt his best friend and precious blood had soaked his hands. 

Where Bakugou had run away from him. Ran and ran until he reached the top of a building and… 

Kirishima gasped at the sight of blood on his hands. As if trying to run away from them, he backed up into the door and let his back collide with it. But it wasn't something he could run away from. He couldn't escape the fact that he hurt Bakugou, betrayed him. He was no better than Midoriya. 

Kirishima let himself slide down the door as he let out a whimper at the same hue of crimson that dusted his fingertips. He closed his eyes and counted, then opened them. 

To his horror, they had only become more bloodied. "Oh God…" He sobbed out into the air confined in the room, just the same as he was. Confined. 

Kirishima tried it again. He waited and waited with his eyes squeezed shut, afraid of the sight that would greet him. He let out a strangled sob to see that his hands were back to normal. 

The boy let his head fall forward into his arms and curled into himself at that same spot in front of his door.

He just wanted to apologise. Even if he couldn't do that, he just wanted… 

Kirishima bit his lip and cried.

"please be okay. please be okay." 

Chapter Text

"... been decided as the best course of action."

The first piece of news made his ears ring and his stomach churn. Only simple words and yet they made Kaminari's blood run cold and his eyes burn. 

Bakugou will not be coming back to UA. 

Aizawa's voice had been steady and cold, a ready and unforgiving sword that sliced his heart without care. The apathetic tone left a bitter taste. Betrayal. 

Kaminari's lips parted to mouth his woes but no sound came out. He snapped it shut, afraid of the festering sob brewing from the knot in his throat. 

The shocked silence didn't even last a moment before shouts and exclamations were shot around the classroom, much to Aizawa's annoyance. It only took the clenching of the pro-hero's jaw for the class to quieten. 

"Why…?" His voice didn't tremor. He was thankful, because everyone heard and their eyes were now pricking at his skin. 

"I didn't give any of you permission to speak, so maybe you can let me finish before you start firing me with questions." Aizawa's steady tone felt like static in Kaminari's ears and despite the glare directed at the whole class, his face burned in humiliation. "The hospital has stated Bakugou unfit to continue his course at school. I don't know the exact details but it seems there have been some unforeseen damages. He can't return to his daily life much less the vigorous training regime of UA." 

A soundless gasp left Kaminari's mouth."Is he okay?" 

Aizawa nodded stiffly. "As far as I know-"

"But sir, how can you say that? Are you really going to give up on him so easily?" Kirishima's voice was quiet and shaky and it made Kaminari tremble all the more. 

"The matter is out of my hands. No matter how we feel, it is something we have to deal with." Aizawa's eyes were stern as he formed his words "Either way, expect his space to be filled very quickly as there are many on the waiting list for UA's Hero Course. I hope you can understand that we cannot leave a space vacant when so many are waiting for an opportunity like this."

Kaminari blanched. He couldn't even begin to imagine someone taking Bakugou's place. It just felt wrong. It was a feeling that scraped at his throat. 

To UA, was that how much they were worth? Just things to be thrown away and given up on? Kaminari knew the thought was childish and petty but the burning behind his eyes was scalding, and blurred his thoughts.

The man glanced at him and Kaminari flinched. A look of understanding crossed their teacher's face and he let out a deep sigh. "It seems I have been too complacent regarding you all while worrying over Bakugou Katsuki. I will make sure that is no longer the case. The recent events must've affected all of you greatly, and so UA has added mandatory therapy sessions into your daily curriculum. Parents have already been informed of this and agreed to it."

The onslaught of information nagged at his brain. It made sense. Kaminari wouldn't mind actually having someone to talk to about the overwhelming confusion that clouded his mind. 

He bit his lip at the man's gentler tone, feeling guilty about antagonising his teacher in his thoughts. Despite the pro-hero's indifferent mask, the blonde knew that he cared for them more than he let on. 

Aizawa's eyes swept over the faces in the room with a somewhat forlorn expression before his eyes and voice hardened once again. "Despite the situation, you all need to start acting like you actually want to be here. Don't mistake my leniency these past few weeks as sympathy, and trust when I say that leniency has expired. That means paying attention in lessons, not skipping halfway through the day and putting the utmost effort in all your subjects. " 

The man's eyes passed over Midoriya and Kirishima. "And I'd prefer not to hear of any arguments taking place inside or outside of the classroom." Midoriya's face burned in humiliation but Kaminari couldn't work up the confidence to turn around and gauge Kirishima's reaction. 

Kaminari wanted to zone out at that point. Anything to fight the hot liquid building up in his eyes, but then Yaoyorozu raised her hand with her features set seriously. 

"Mr, Aizawa, could I suggest something?" The man nodded for her to proceed "I think the morale in the class has been really low and that we have all been very distant with each other so I thought it'd be a good idea to set up daily talks in the common room. Just to ask everyone about their day and to talk to each other. Iida and I have agreed to organise everything, and although it's not compulsory, I feel if we're to avoid something like this happening again, we should all confide in our peers for comfort."

Iida stood abruptly with a fierce nod. Kaminari couldn't find the same humour he used to in his classmate's dramatic hand gestures. 

He let out a breath at the suggestion.

'Talk to everyone… ?'

His eyes were automatically drawn to certain faces in the classroom but he snapped his eyes away after meeting Mina's gaze. 

They hadn't talked to each other. Everyone had been too lost in their own heads to notice anyone else. If Kaminari was being honest, he didn't think he wanted to. 

He could help but tremble when he remembered how Kirishima was that night. He had never seen the cheerful boy act so aggressively. And his fight with Midoriya was also out of character. The red-head had been behaving differently lately, and Kaminari could barely recognise him. There was no doubt that Sero and Mina wanted to talk to the boy but Kaminari avoided the thought, sick at his emotions of anger and fear towards his friend. 

Aizawa hummed. "I think that would be for the best. Please begin those talks as soon as possible."

Kaminari worried at his lip but looked ahead.

Aizawa looked ready to begin the lesson but stopped short at the sight of a raised hand. The exasperated expression on his face made the limb waver meekly in the air but it stayed. The man rose his brow as indication to proceed. 

"Is it possible to… visit Kacchan..?" Kaminari deflated a little when Midoriya shot a remorseful look into Kirishima's direction. "All of us?" 

"That's up to him to decide." The response was cool and logical. Kaminari hated it. "But I think you should rather concentrate on yourselves with how your performance has been recently."

A sigh, and the man's eyes swept over the classroom to gauge their expressions. 

"Now, may I start with my lesson?" 

Aizawa had left no room for argument, effectively dismissing any current queries and commencing his teaching. 

Kaminari blinked ahead dimly, trying not to look in the direction of the vacant seat. 

He was losing focus. The words of the woman in front of him became incoherent and his mind was busied with white, static noise. 

He wasn't even sure if it was the drugs. 

The doctors had come to the decision that he should remain under the hospital's care. 

Bakugou would like to say that he hated every second in the pristine, white prison, but he had grown dull to his circumstances and couldn't find it within himself to care. About anything. 

He had been drowning in the cold ever since the shock of learning he wouldn't be returning to UA. It was what he wanted, but he hadn't expected it. And it didn't elicit a feeling of joy within him. In fact, the news seemed to rob him of feeling anything at all. It stole from him like a gasp and left him feeling numb. 

He hoped it was just the drugs. 

At least they had provided a new prescription so his words didn't slur anymore. 

Anger surged in him and Bakugou scrambled to relish in the feeling, reeling due to the scarcity of his emotions. 

They were wasting their resources on someone who didn't want to be saved. 

He had wanted to die. 

And now… He didn't know what he wanted now. 

He blinked and realised where he was. The woman's words had become slightly clearer and her presence evoked nothing more than a blank stare. 

A shrink. 

The hospital had deemed him crazy enough and his parents had agreed. It made him want to laugh.

'After all the times the old hag said they were only for maniacs.' The truth of what she thought of him greeted Bakugou bitterly. 

It bothered him that he couldn't fully make out the shrink's face or recall how long she had been there. The edges of his vision swayed and blurred - a telltale sign to his lack of focus - so he narrowed his eyes onto the woman's auburn locks, her only distinguishable feature. 

Bakugou blinked his vision clear and finally allowed himself to look at her face. He decided not to remember anything about it. 

Her smile was tight and made him shuffle in his hospital bed. 

'How long had she been talking to me?' 

The thought aimlessly nagged at him but slipped away as quickly as it came, and he felt unfeeling again. 

He wondered bleakly if his newfound apathy was something worrying he was required to share with the shrink but didn't act on the thought. He didn't need to be disappointed when she failed to 'fix' him. 

The shrink tilted her head and smiled more genuinely. Bakugou cringed at the forced lines of her lips. The action was primed and proper, practically radiating rehearsed kindness. 

"Are you alright, honey?"

He offered what he hoped was a glare at the nickname. A wave of satisfaction washed over him at the flash of annoyance on her face. The look was brief but helped him sit more comfortably in the foreign bed. 

"You seem to be a bit out of it." Bakugou wanted to scoff at the comment, if just to see her facade crumble again. The thought made the beginnings of a smirk tug at his lips. 

He jolted at the feeling of a hand on his. 

Bakugou was shocked at the sudden, ridiculous disgust sparked from the contact. His skin bubbled in sensitivity and burned like some horrifying reaction, making him want to tear the tendons off his bones. 

He snatched it back and gagged.

The woman's eyes widened and she reached for him again in panic. 

Bakugou let out a cry along with a flurry of explosions, scared of the searing her touch brought. The burst of orange and red danced mockingly on the shrink's horrified countenance. He heaved, trying to catch his breath, filling up his lungs and hacking on air as oxygen left him. The backboard of the hospital bed felt grounding so he rammed his back against it and stayed, panting. 

Bakugou felt ridiculous, wheezing in front of a total stranger. He felt exposed. 

The rushing of his blood beneath his skin scalded him. His eyelids met each other tightly as he fought to gain some control. He snapped his eyes open and-

But the presence of the shrink, the remnants of her touch on his hand - he couldn't have felt more threatened. 

"Get out!" It came out more like a guttural cry than a shout. 

Bakugou clawed at his neck when she didn't listen. It felt he was choking on nothing, or maybe it was the constriction of his hands around his throat. He must've been screaming for her to leave. His dilated eyes could barely register the bodies of white that crashed into the room. 

Gibberish and incoherent words flew out of his mouth but one thing was clear, he wanted the woman gone. 

Thankfully, the newcomers understood and ushered her out. He finally removed his hands from his neck. Bakugou's breaths didn't even out until he registered the pain on his nape.

He exhaled deeply and drug his nails over the top of his right hand, where he had been touched. Calming red lines were left in his fingers' wake.

Pain on his neck, pain on his hand. Both of his choosing. 

His panic subsided.

A hand gently rested on the boy's shoulder and he didn't bother looking up. It was easy to link the meek and hesitant touch with his father. 

Bakugou found it unnerving that he didn't notice when his parents had replaced the presence of nurses.

But the touch was warm. And didn't burn. 

And Bakugou didn't want to pull away from it as much - at all. He even had to stop himself from doing something as embarrassing as leaning towards it to chase the feeling. 

Bakugou lifted his head when the pressure of the hand left his body. He opened his mouth, wanting to rebuke the loss of touch. Then thought against it. 

"Tell that shrink that she can fuck off." 

His father's eyes seemed to crinkle sadly at his words, the dark lines of crow's feet feeding into blackened sacs resting despairingly under his tired orbs. 

Bakugou's heart thumped guiltily at the man's exhaustion. 

"The nurse's told us what happened. What did she do?"

The blonde flustered at his father's question. A statement like 'she touched my hand' was too embarrassing to say out loud. The notion of it felt childish now, and spiralling into a panic attack because of it made him burn in humiliation. 

"I just don't like her." His father's lips pursed and an exasperated look adorned his features at the obvious lie.

"If she mistreated you in any way then just tell me. I will make sure she never comes near another patient again." Seeing his old man riled up would've been amusing in any other situation but it just solidified how much Bakugou had overreacted. He didn't want to make a big deal out of this when it was so ridiculous, and surprisingly enough, the boy felt no need to ruin her entire career over it. 

He shook his head quickly, but stopped short at the voice of another in the room.

"Please tell us."

He met an identical pair of crimson eyes. Though, they were the same only in colour, these ones had been darkened with age and exhaustion. It shocked him how they stared unwaveringly. He was the first to look away. 

Bakugou had forgotten his mother's presence in the room. She had been acting differently lately, becoming almost unrecognisable despite the same tell of ash blonde hair and blood red eyes. 

Ever since she had hit him, Mitsuki kept her distance, her guilt oozing from every pore in her body. It was disconcerting but no matter what he did to try and get a rise out of her, she would stay timid and continuously keep her stance of caution.

Bakugou would rather her be angry at him. For her to scream and shout and swear. He wished she would beg in convulsing rage for him to try again - and this time use a higher building. Because this silence was confusing. It was a vacuum, empty of insults or anger, and the longer the absence of her hate, the more he would hope that something warmer would take its place. 

He clutched the thin sheets that lay haphazardly over him and looked away. 

It was the first time she had directly spoken to him in days. 

"She touched my hand." 

The silence that followed his words ate at his gut. His body shook in mortification, and blood flowed hotly past his ears. 

"Then that's fine." His mother's voice replied simply, her cool and simple tone washed over him and dissipated the heat from his face. 

He looked up and frowned. "What do you mean it's fine?"

"She did something you didn't like, right? Then you don't need to see her anymore." He blinked dumbly at her explanation.

Next to him, his father chuckled. Bakugou quickly fixed his expression and glared but the man still laughed, ruffling his hair, before huffing slightly. He wondered why the touch didn't burn like a stranger's did. "She shouldn't have done that." 

Bakugou relaxed slightly at how his father patted his head, doing a poor job of fixing its shape, but he still made sure to scowl at the affection. He hadn't expected them to respond so calmly. 

"Do you want us to report her?" His mother's words came gently and her lips were tugged in a smile. 

He didn't know if he could get used to her attitude. It wasn't completely foreign but it was the kind of act that came out on birthdays and holidays, or when congratulating him for his achievements; reserved for special occasions. It was almost mocking how she was like this now, when his brain and body weighed on his soul, when there was absolutely nothing to celebrate. 

He shook his head in response and smiled minisculey, shocking himself and obviously his mother, the surprise momentarily replacing the glint of guilt in her eyes. 

He didn't feel angry, at least not right now. Not when his dad's calloused hands were stroking at his scalp gently, lulling him into calm and his mother's eyes shone brighter than the tug of her remorseful frown. 

"Don't you think you should let your friends visit?" 

Bakugou growled and tugged his head away from his father's reach. 

The moment was ruined. 

"They're not my friends."

His father waved his hands defensively. "It was just a suggestion, Katsuki." 

"Well my answer is no."

His mother frowned. "I think it would help, but if that's what you-" 

"Fuck off, old hag! There's no way I'd want to see any of those extras again." 

"Stop swearing, you brat! Let me finish my sentence!"

Bakugou smirked at her face that had slightly tinged red in anger. He took pride knowing he had managed to evoke some rage after days of her act-like-a-saint phase. 

This familiar version of Mitsuki was way more comfortable. 

Her eyes widened at the quirk of his lips, then his grin wavered, wondering if she would revert back to a docile state. But then she huffed and a smirk of her own graced her mouth. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever, brat."

Bakugou hummed and his chest buzzed gladly. 

She looked away, and was silent. Bakugou thought it in peace. But when she looked at him again, tears swam mournfully in her eyes. 

Bakugou flinched. He had never really seen his mother cry, definitely not as hard as she had when he first woke up. It wasn't a sight he wanted to get used to. Bakugou opened his mouth to say something, anything to stop those horrible sobs from racking her body again, but she beat him to it. 

"I won't hit you, Katsuki. Ever again."

Bakugou suddenly felt uncomfortable at the mention of the elephant in the room. 

'What am I supposed to say to that?' 

He gulped. He didn't know if he believed it. 

"I still won't meet any of them." Bakugou's response was snarky, hoping to deter his mother's thoughts.

Reminded of the reason for her outburst, Mitsuki frowned. 

"We just think they might help you, Katsuki…" His father's meager voice grated at his ears. 

Bakugou tried not to panic. He wasn't ready to see their faces. He didn't want them to see them now, or ever. Not when he was so vulnerable, and exposed. Not when they knew Bakugou wasn't what he acted like he was. 

Or rather they had always known, he was the only one being fooled all while putting on a show. 

"Don't make me." He didn't mean for his voice to shake, or for the word please to hang at the end of his sentence, but with how his father looked taken by his plight, he couldn't find it in himself to regret it. 

"We won't force you, Katsuki. But can you just tell us why? Why does it bother you so much?" His mother tried to look as understanding as possible. 

"Why?!" He could barely quell his anger. "Why? They hate me. They think I'm disgusting. You think I like being angry all the time? I don't. I hate it, but you've always made it so hard for me.You keep saying that you're here for me and you love me but how can I believe that when you never take my fucking side?!"

"You already know right?! That Deku's the one that told all of them? That he laughed with them behind my back?" His parents flinched at the mention of the green-eyed boy. "How does it feel knowing what he did? Whose side are you gonna choose this time, huh? The perfect child you've always wished for, or a loud, useless piece of-" 

"Katsuki!"

His father took Bakugou's hands and squeezed. "Of course it's you! It has never not been you!" 

Bakugou scoffed hotly, hating how close he felt to crying. 

"We are not choosing them over you." He wanted to retort but the hardened glare his mother shot made him shut up. "God, I am so close to giving them all a piece of my mind."

Bakugou pushed down the sudden need to defend them. "Then why do you want me to-" 

"Because they're your friends. And I know you've never had a lot of those. You're not the easiest person to get close to." Bakugou scowled, offended and she rolled her eyes. "That means they wanted to be your friends. And they succeeded. That fact is the only reason I haven't rained down on them."

Bakugou glared. 'Wanted. Past tense.'

They only want the person he pretended to be. 

"We just feel like you're running away. And I know that isn't like you." His mother's voice was gentler now, as if he was some bomb just waiting to explode. 

"Well then, obviously you don't know me that well. Or did you miss the part where I tried to kill myself?"

Bakugou knew she was right, he never ran away. But there had been so many times where he had wanted to. It made him wonder, had he ever really had a choice? Between running or staying. He had wanted to run from the slime villain, he had wanted to run from the podium of the sports festival. 

He had wanted to run away from the man in the alley-

Bakugou had always acted like he wasn't a coward because he had never once ran. But it was because in each and every situation, he never had any control. 

Even now. Didn't he want to run from the hospital again, get to height and run off that one as well? (he shivered at the dark thought that a noose would be more effective) 

If he had been given the chance - with a clear and sound mind - would he have run from UA before even entering? He should know. Shouldn't he know something as simple as that? 

Didn't he want to be a hero? 

Even if it didn't matter, and he would never get the chance to, he should know if the dream he had been chasing for so long had really been his, or if it was just an act like everything else. He should know whether it was still something he dreamed of. 

Bakugou had been pretending so long that he couldn't tell if he was the one his mother thought he was or if it was just that: pretend. 

So even if she says she knows him-

But feeling the vice-like grip his father had on his hands, keeping them to his chest with his head hung low. And the way his mother had staggered fearfully at his statement, Bakugou knew he had gone too far. 

The notion of an apology sizzled too grotesquely on his tongue. 

"Fine." Their heads snapped towards him. "But only one person."

His mother rushed forwards to sit beside him, nudging onto the bed with her shoulder and shooting Bakugou a glare. He would've complained, but the way sweaty fingers pressed his hands to his old man's face was more of a bother. 

Bakugou growled, wanting to protest to his father about letting him go but was silenced by the feel of liquid dropping onto his fingers, sliding through the gaps then soaking spots onto the mattress below. 

He shuddered but said nothing. Bakugou regretted saying something like that to his parents who were already drowning themselves in tears and worry, but he was sure the topic would arise again later. 

He inwardly groaned, knowing that statement had just ensured that just because he wasn't getting that shrink didn't mean he was getting no shrink. 

But that thought definitely wasn't prioritised in his list of worries. 

He had just promised to see one of his classmates (Ex-classmates. He didn't know how he felt about the prefix yet) and he had no idea who he should choose. 

Maybe spark plug? The guy was an idiot and didn't have a single hating bone in his body. There was a chance he didn't completely loathe Bakugou. 

How pathetic is he to hope for such a pitiful chance that someone will care? 

He shook his head. Kaminari had been there when he ran. And Bakugou had even avoided him the weeks prior. There was no way he wanted to see his face, no matter how gullibly stupid the energetic blonde was. 

If that was the case then there was no way soy sauce or racoon eyes would give him the time of day. And-

A flash of red and sharp teeth entered his mind. He tensed, then shivered. 

Bakugou groaned in anger. It bothered him how deeply he was thinking about this.

"I'll call the school. Who do you want to come?" His mother rudely interrupted his mind's anxious thinking. 

It didn't matter either way. No matter who he asked, they'd never show. Maybe it was better that way. 

But what if they did...

"But, there's nothing better than it!" 

"Well sorry, I don't particularly enjoy it."

"How can you not?!" 

"Sorry, I have to agree. It's pretty amazing." 

"See!" 

"What do you think, Todoroki?" 

The boy blinked at the mention of his name. "I'm sorry, what did you say?" 

Uraraka huffed and shook her head. "Iida doesn't like mochi when it's, like, the best food in the world."

Todoroki hummed thoughtfully, feeling guilty for zoning out beforehand. "I would have to say cold soba takes that position." 

Midoriya giggled beside him. His eyes looked dim. "Of course you'd say that, Todoroki." 

Iida started gesturing dramatically. "It is almost impossible to assuredly name one food as the best in the world. First you must expand your palette to all dishes in existence and take in a variety of perspectives, from those of professionals to…" 

Todoroki sat back, not listening after doing his part in the conversation. Too much was on his mind and as much as he cared for his friends, a debate on mochi didn't prove to be of that much importance. 

It was just yesterday that they were told that Bakugou wasn't coming back. Todoroki tried not to think hard on it, it was the blonde's choice so he shouldn't have any say in the matter. But the news definitely affected most people in the class, whether they felt negatively or positively about his leave. Todoroki was sure someone replacing Bakugou would make it even worse.

He could only hope the therapy sessions the school was setting up would help his classmates. 

Someone replacing Bakugou was a thought that made him feel uncomfortable but like Aizawa said, nothing could be done. It was none of his business anyway. 

Or that's what he had been trying to tell himself, before his teacher had called him out of the dorms and completely thrown him off balance. 

Todoroki was never one to panic, at least not outwardly, but the looks Midoriya has been sending him, showed that he was doing a poor job of hiding his worries. He was sure Iida noticed as well, but the boy was more discreet in his glances. 

He pondered over telling his friends. It wasn't something the entire class had to be aware of, but maybe if it was just them. 

He was sure they could keep a secret.

Todoroki tensed when a doubtful thought involving Midoriya flashed in his mind. He got rid of it before even having time to comprehend it. 

Shouto glanced at the boy guiltily. Even, if he didn't know what it was, he hated that the thought came to his mind. 

Todoroki frowned when he felt his temperature drop while looking at Midoriya. He looked down and surely enough small specks of frost were littered on the surface of his right hand. He urged some heat from his left side to melt them away and regulate his body temperature. 

Todoroki inwardly sighed at his slight panic. Midoriya had always said communication was important, that you should talk to your friends whenever you're feeling bad, but Todoroki never wanted the other to know what had crossed his mind, even if it was for a second. 

'I still want to be his friend so why would I think of something like that?'

He frowned. 'Bakugou's situation was different.' Nothing seemed to be calming Todoroki's nerves. 

'He hasn't told anyone about Endeavor.' 

The last thought calmed him and he tried to bring himself back to the present. Facing reality was better than being lost in the confines of his own mind, and thankfully when he came to, no objects - or people - had been encased in ice or destroyed by flames during his mini-breakdown. 

"Todoroki? You okay?" He turned to face the brown haired girl that was shooting him a worried frown. Todoroki felt bad for ignoring them a second time and stiffly nodded.

Midoriya saw through his lie and cut in. "But you've been acting weird all day. Or at least since Aizawa called you out." 

Uraraka tilted her head at him, her frown deepened. "Did you get in trouble? Is that it?" 

Todoroki shook his head. He didn't know what to say. He had never been good at lying, but people would usually just see his indifferent face and believe him. 

"If that's not it, can you tell us what's bothering you." The boy's green eyes shone earnestly. 

"There is something bothering me…" Todoroki knew he had to choose his words carefully. "And it's not that I don't want to tell you, but I'm wondering whether I should." 

"Of course it's your choice but I feel if something is the matter, you should confide in us, your friends." Todoroki smiled at Iida's stern voice, at the reminder that he didn't need to keep things to himself, because he had friends now. 

'But what if they react badly…?'

His smile faltered. 'Even if they don't show it, they'll probably feel bad when I tell them. Especially…' 

Todoroki glanced at Midoriya and the boy urged him even more. "Please tell us, Todoroki. We really want to know." 

It unnerved him how eager Midoriya was, and the thought came back to his mind. Todoroki looked away from the boy. 

He hated it but the truth was that he had started to doubt Midoriya. He didn't want to but it wasn't something he could help. And the distrust felt like it would only grow from there. Shouto didn't want to keep the ugly feeling. 

'I should just tell them' He determined his decision. 'So I can trust Midoriya again.' 

"I've been asked to visit Bakugou." 

There were varying amounts of shock on his friend's faces. Iida's brows rose slightly and Uraraka let out a gasp with widened eyes. But both of them schooled their expression quickly. 

"Oh…! That's great!" Uraraka smiled warmly at him, Iida beside her nodding his head affirmatively. 

"Did h-he ask for you…?" Midoriya's voice wobbled beside him. His body trembled slightly and there was a blatant forced smile stretched over his face. 

Todoroki tensed before answering. "I'm not completely sure but that might be the case…" 

Midoriya smiled wider, the lines of his lips forcefully cutting through his hardened features. Shouto thought his face would split in half. 

"I didn't know you two were that close…" Neither did he. "That he would ask you instead of one of his friends." 

None of them mentioned the lingering of an or me. 

Todoroki exchanged looks with Uraraka and Iida and he wondered if it was a good idea to bring it up to begin with. 

He honestly didn't know why he was chosen. Out of all 20 students in the class, why him? Him and Bakugou weren't close, and they aggravated each other more than anything. Being asked to meet the blonde pressured Todoroki more than he thought it would. 

"Is it that you don't know whether you want to go?" Uraraka inquired. 

"No… I think I should. After all, it'd be rude to decline after I was asked." Midoriya shook more beside him. "But I don't know what I should say." 

"Well Bakugou knows the type of person you are. I'm sure he won't expect you to do anything you're uncomfortable with." Iida added.

Todoroki almost nodded, but then Midoriya chuckled. "I don't know if Kaachan is that considerate" 

His sudden bitter tone stunned them into silence. 

"Ah, sorry." Midoriya looked down shamefully.

Todoroki didn't know what to say to the apology but Uraraka cut in with a smile. "Don't worry. We know it's a sensitive topic." 

The boy still kept his eyes downward. He fiddled with his fingers, pulled at them, then fiddled again. 

"Do you think you could tell him… " Midoriya muttered. "No, nevermind." 

Todoroki felt bad for the relief that washed over him when Midoriya didn't finish his sentence. He really didn't feel like saying 'no' to his already disturbed friend. Shouto wanted to make the boy feel better by saying he would talk to Bakugou about him, but it was obvious that Midoriya was a topic that set the blonde off, and Bakugou didn't need that right now. 

"But this is good." Uraraka chirped, ever so positively. "Maybe he'll let more people visit as time goes on." 

"And then I can finally apologise." 

Todoroki wasn't sure if she had meant for them to hear the last part. 

"Are you sure you aren't apologising to make yourself feel better?" Shouto didn't mean to say that as cold as he did, but he had never been one to not speak his mind. 

"Todoroki…" Iida voiced carefully. 

Uraraka gaped at him then looked down with a forlorn expression. "I-it's not that…" 

"I'm not trying to argue. It was a genuine question. It just sounded to me like you wanted to apologise and be done with it." Todoroki kept his voice even despite his friend's shocked faces. "Everyone is only sorry because of what they now know. So what are our apologies really worth?" 

Iida nodded slowly. "Well, that is true. But everyone is supposed to own up to their mistakes. No matter a person's feelings, all apologies lighten one's own burden to some extent." 

Todoroki hummed. "Which is exactly why Bakugou doesn't accept apologies. He prefers actions over words." He turned to Uraraka. "You should definitely apologise but that should only be the start, not the end." 

The girl bit her lip and nodded quickly, her brunette locks bouncing along with the movement. 

Todoroki felt a bit flustered, knowing he had lectured them - talking much more than he usually would - despite being the one looking for advice, but he couldn't help but feel satisfied with his words. 

"I guess you know Kaachan better than I thought you did." Midoriya mumbled beside him. 

Todoroki sighed and shook his head. 

"I don't think I know him that well. But I'm hoping that will change…" 

Unsure of how to comfort the boy, Todoroki patted his shoulder, to grab the focus of emerald eyes and offered what he hoped was an encouraging smile. 

"For both of us." 

Chapter Text

He worried at his lip, leaned back in his seat, before sitting upright and shuffling uncomfortably. The calm smile was warm but irked him and his hairs stood on end. His brain anxiously wondered if a sweat stain had soaked through the translucent white of his shirt. 

To put it simply, Ojiro felt incredibly uncomfortable. 

But his silence had gone on for quite a while - to the point where it could be perceived as rude, and he had never been one to forget his manners. 

"I-I'm sorry." He inhaled carefully. "I don't mean to be rude but…" He looked up at the woman across from him. A shock of light pink hair bounced from her roots in uniform curls, fixed firmly behind the points of elf-like ears. Her features were youthful yet adorned with soft cobalt irises that shone with an intense sort of maturity. The lady offered a single understanding nod of encouragement to finish his sentence. "I just don't understand why I'm here." 

Ojiro held his breath, anxious of the offense that would come with the slightly rude statement. 

But the therapist's - her name was Ms Uchida; remember manners - face remained calm as it had since the beginning of the session. "Do you not want to be here?" Contrary to the question, her tone wasn't accusatory.

"I mean, it's not like there's something… I'm not struggling with anything major. Unless stress over school work is enough to get a therapist." Ojiro chuckled at the end, but despite the woman's smile, she didn't seem to find the same amount of humour in his joke. 

"Actually, anything is enough to sign up for therapy sessions. Though others might not think certain scenarios are serious enough to get them, therapists are there to help, and can be used as long as a person wants one." Ms Maindo's face grew sombre while still maintaining her calm and serene features. 

"Ah, that's true… " Ojiro felt a sudden urge to wrap himself up in his tail. "But… I honestly don't think I need one - a therapist, I mean." 

"Why don't you think you need a therapist?"

He shuffled in his seat. "I mean the school set this up because of everything that happened with a classmate, and I understand where they're coming from, but I was never really close with him? No actually, I even hated him for a while but it was all over a misunderstanding. But even before that, I was never that fond of him" Ojiro tilted his head, trying to find the right words."I think his friends are the ones that need the most help. Like, if that happened to any of my friends, I'd be seriously messed up. I just feel kinda pretensions sitting here acting like I'm hurting as much as they are. Don't get me wrong, I am worried but… yeah… "

The woman hummed and leant back. "Well, if you really don't want to, then I wouldn't force you to stay but you're saying that you don't think you deserve to be here?"

Ojiro bit his lip again and looked away with a pondering expression. They were currently in a spacious room but it was small enough that it didn't seem too much for just two people. Hard wooden tiles spiraled the darkened floor and branched flourishing into various corners of the room, stretching up the walls and fading into a clean beige pigment. A single white-framed window protruded obtusely in the tranquil feel of the room, letting in an occasional breeze and letting him breathe easier. "Yes. That's basically what I'm trying to say. Since I'm not that classmate's friend…"

"Do you wish you were?" 

"What? No. I-I mean, I'm not sure. I wish someone was there for him when he needed it, and I wouldn't mind being said person. But to be honest I don't know if I'm just saying that to make myself feel better, you know? Because even if I was placed in that situation, where he turned to me to help with all of that… trauma, I don't know if I'd do anything of use, maybe I'd make things worse? But even knowing that, I still wished I helped." The boy cleared his throat when he realised he had been rambling. "But I feel like that's wrong. To change my attitude towards someone so suddenly just because of… what I found out. And he's not the type of person to accept shit-" Ojiro flushed, clearing his throat and Ms Uchida shot him an amused look. "Ah, I mean nonsense. He doesn't accept nonsense from people." 

"I really hate it, how I don't know whether it'd help if I just asked him how he was doing. Actually - knowing the type of person he is - that wouldn't work, but maybe if I paid more attention, everything could've been avoided? Even if it was something as simple as avoiding my own negative views on him." Ojiro bit his lip, realising this might sound very confusing to an outsider who didn't even know what the situation was. "But I don't really have any right to think that way when a few weeks ago I hated him for something he said. I understand why he said it now, but at the time, I honestly thought he was the worst person I ever met. Thoughts like 'how did he get into this school?' or 'he doesn't deserve to be a hero'. Which is so messed up but everyone else agreed so I just fed into all the anger and didn't look deeper."

Ms Uchida hummed and Ojiro sent her an apologetic look, knowing that it was the first chance in a while she had gotten a word in. "And the student you're talking about is Bakugou Katsuki." 

It was a statement that made Ojiro pale. He balked and stared with widened eyes. 

"Don't worry, I'm already briefly informed on the situation. You haven't spilt any secrets." 

He let out a sigh and slumped slightly in his seat, more relaxed knowing she had actually understood half the things he had just rattled on about. 

"Even now, when I think about what he said I get angry. Even though I know why, it still makes me hate him - or not him, I hate that he said it, I hate it even more that he believes it, and it's even worse knowing he was talking about himself. Sometimes I wish that he was just a jerk, that he wasn't actually suffering underneath all that rage while I was just… unaware. I know it's horrible but I couldn't help him then and I can't now."

"Who says you can't now?" Her questions were simple and made Ojiro feel socially inept at pouring his heart out for such basic words. 'Would the same have worked on Bakugou?' 

"I don't even like the guy so what right do I have? And no one even knows where he is now."

"Do you think your mindset of 'having no right' is what stopped you from concerning yourself on his well-being in the first place?" 

He flinched despite her gentle tone. The words clawed at him painfully but Ms Uchida was quick to calm him. "It is not an accusation. I'm just asking if you blame yourself for thinking like that in the past." 

He gulped and took a breath. Then nodded slowly. 

"It's not like I knew anything was happening with him. But I think I made myself not know. If that makes sense." Ms Uchida nodded and he exhaled in relief. "We weren't friends. I can probably count on one hand the number of times we've talked. And I thought badly of him. So I didn't really think too long and hard about questionable things surrounding him."

Ojiro looked away shamefully. 

"Did anyone else intervene? Teachers? Parents?" 

"What?" 

"Did any adults realise Bakugou's struggle?" 

"Umm, no." 

"Then that is an adult's failure, not yours. Trauma is not something a child is supposed to deal with. Of course, having friends by his side might've helped the situation but at the end of the day, an adult is needed to make change. Whether it comes to legal, financial or social issues, children are meant to have someone responsible to rely on, not just a friend, but a guardian."

Ojiro felt a burden leave his shoulder's and relief settle in its stead. The latter proved to be much lighter but to the boy's disappointment, it still had weight. "So why do I still not want to be his friend? That makes me such a horrible person. Even after everything, I don't want to help him." 

"I think it's evident from your past statements that you do want Bakugou to receive help. Perhaps, just not from yourself." Ojiro frowned at her gentle smile

"But I'm a hero…" 

"Pre-hero. You are still a child. You cannot force yourself to like someone. Doing so would be no different than enacting your fears of acting fake just to make yourself feel better." She eyed him knowingly. "And you can't force yourself to take on someone's trauma. Being open enough to accept that you wouldn't have been able to deal with it shows maturity that some adults lack. I may not be well-versed in the area, but just like I shouldn't take on every client just because I'm a therapist, you shouldn't take on every mission just because you're a hero. Unpreparedness can do more damage than good to the people you're trying to save. " 

Ojiro nodded. What she said made sense. It made so much sense that he felt stupid for not thinking of it to begin with. "I know it wasn't as a hero, and I know it wasn't as a friend, but why do I feel like I failed?" 

"Maybe you think you failed as a classmate. For not being able to help your peers." 

Ojiro shuddered and froze at the calmness of the woman's voice. Ms Uchida had been gently untangling the jumble of his muddled emotions, each strand becoming clearer to him as it came loose, but that last statement had practically tugged them all in one heap, pulling painfully at his roots and letting the thread fall free from each other, making everything so vivid that his brain blared.

She had hit the nail on the head. 

Ojiro had been dreary and despondent ever since Bakugou had run from UA. And the cause wasn't for something noble like the withered promise of a companionship. It had been because Ojiro felt he failed as a human being, as a classmate. It didn't take a hero, or even a friend. All it took was a decent person to do something as simple as ask, or even wonder if someone was okay. And even if asking brought annoyance or distrust or lies, Ojiro had never even attempted it with Bakugou. 

He worried if he had attempted it with anyone at all, because 'when was the last time I spoke to Hagakure or Kaminari or Yaoyorozu or… anyone?' 

"How do i stop it-" Ojiro sniffed. "How do I stop myself from doing it again?" It was all he could ask. Because Bakugou was gone - he might never even see him again - and even if they weren't friends, Ojiro couldn't even start afresh with the new vow of classmate. 

Ms Maindo straightened her back and smiled. "For now, why don't you try talking to your friends, maybe even people you haven't before." 

Ojiro nodded, hanging onto the woman's every word. "I don't really know where to start." 

"I heard of daily talks set up in 1-A's common room. I think that's a good way to start." 

Ojiro grimaced guiltily. "I don't think anyone attends those. I'm sure Yao-momo means well but everyone's just too caught up in their own problems." 

"Then I'd advise you to join if you want to, that way it encourages others to come." 

The boy sat back. He had honestly felt bad about not joining in with the Class-1A talks. Whenever he ventured into the common room to get a snack, he always saw a meager amount of students (maybe three, or four?) participating and every single time he'd have to duck away, trudging back upstairs with a feeling of shame. 

He nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, i think I'll do that." He stood up abruptly and collected his things, stumbling slightly in his determined rush. "Thank you, Mrs. Uchida." The woman offered a gentle smile as Ojiro bowed. He exited the small room feeling lighter than he had in awhile. 

Todoroki went down the stairs at a fairly even pace, knowing it was early enough that not many people would be up. He didn't sport sweaty palms for obvious reasons but felt hot and bothered with anxiousness and - honestly - excitement. 

Yaoyorozu saw him enter the common room and offered a smile. He minutely waved at her along with Koda, Asui, Iida and Jirou. He blinked when he saw a new face in the small group but greeted Ojiro as well. 

"Have you decided to join us today, Todoroki?" Yaoyorozu eyes twinkled expectantly. 

"Ah, no. I'm going out." He felt somewhat guilty. Never once had he tried to join in with the talks, but it wasn't because he didn't see the purpose of them, he was just never one for social situations.

"This early?" Iida piped in, chopping the air firmly. "Have you asked for Mr. Aizawa's permission?"

Todoroki nodded before throwing a glance towards the stairs leading to the dorms. He didn't really want to make a big deal of his departure. 

Iida seemed to understand immediately and shot Todoroki a knowing look. "Okay, then. Goodbye, Todoroki." 

And with that, the boy was out the door and one step closer to his destination. Todoroki's only show of emotion was his heart that thudded with the fall of his footsteps. 

-

The nurse at reception blushed the moment he walked up to the desk. She laughed boisterously at the redness of her face saying his looks were good enough to make her blush like a school-girl again. He politely bowed at the comment with an awkward 'Thank you'. 

Thankfully, the smell of a hospital wasn't one that fazed him, they were similar to those of a mental asylum with the only difference being the strong waft of antibacterial. 

"I'm visiting Bakugou Katsuki." 

The woman immediately interrupted her appraisal of his looks, and conjured a mask of professionalism. "I don't think you're listed in his list of relatives. May I ask for your name?"

"My name is Todoroki Shouto. I was asked to visit and informed the patient's family that I was coming." 

The woman nodded before typing away at the desktop computer in front of her. Todoroki stared at the white walls while he waited. The hospital was quite a distance away from UA and he had to ride by train to get there. He would've asked Fuyumi to drive him but she was busy with work and he didn't know if he was ready to be in a car alone with Endeavor, even if the man was trying to change. 

"Hmm. Yeah, you're here. Todoroki Shouto." She gestured to the screen as if he could see it from where he was standing "The person you're looking for is in room 225." 

He expressed his thanks and turned away - before the woman decided to make small talk, that he wasn't particularly skilled at - to navigate through the corridors. 

A hot, pitting feeling bloomed in his stomach as he neared the room, and he wondered if he was going to vomit. It was a very strong reaction, one that took Todoroki by surprise but he didn't lessen the speed of his steps. 

225. He read the number on the translucent blue colour of the opaque door. Readying himself, Todoroki raised a fist and knocked. No answer came, so he knocked again. Still nothing. He let out a breath before opening the door. Todoroki froze at the sight he saw. 

Bakugou was sitting cross-legged on his hospital bed with sheets lazily thrown over his shoulders. An IV drip cut into one of his wrists, delivering the required fluid to his body. The blonde's head was bowed forward, so much so that Todoroki was almost unable to see that his eyes were closed. The faint and quiet rumbling of snores fortified an obvious fact to him: Bakugou was sleeping. 

Todoroki looked around, wondering what to do in the situation. The room was completely empty and he didn't know if he was supposed to step out to wait for the boy to wake up. But before he could decide on what to do, Bakugou's head shot up, eyes wide, foggy and searching. Short breaths fell from his mouth as he hunched over and-

Todoroki darts for the bin beside the bed and holds it under Bakugou's chin. He grimaces as Bakugou vomits bile and saliva. The blonde had clutched a hand on the ends of Todoroki's sweater as his body heaved and trembled in intense hysteria. 

Bakugou gasped in an attempt to catch air and Todoroki waited for him to calm down. Bakugou sat up straight and flinched at the unsuspecting presence in the room. He blinked, and the shock turned to recognition, which turned to terror. 

Ruby eyes slinked towards the bin filled with sick and hot red shame pooled within them. Todoroki immediately put the metal tin down so it was out of sight. The action gained Bakugou's attention and his eyes were now focused on him. With a startled expression, Bakugou realised that his hand had clawed into the material of Todoroki's shirt and snatched it back as if it had burned him. 

A beat of silence. 

"I apologise. I thought you knew I was coming." 

The boy's eyes narrowed. "Why did you come?" 

Todoroki blinked in confusion. "Was I not asked to?" If it was a case of there being a mistake in his visiting, it would make the situation even more awkward. 

"Yeah, you were." Bakugou snarled, all previous vulnerability seemingly locked away. "Doesn't explain why the fuck you're here."

"I felt it'd be rude if I decided not to after being asked." 

Something flashed in the blonde's eyes and he looked away. The reaction told Todoroki that he had said the wrong thing, making him all the more confused. What had he said wrong? Bakugou scoffed. "If you came here because of a shitty reason like duty or pity, then fucking get lost." 

'Ah' Todoroki felt his paranoia diminish. 'He doesn't think I actually want to be here.' It was a good thing Bakugou was so open with his emotions, otherwise Todoroki wouldn't have been able to keep up with the social q's of the conversation. 

Well that's evidently not true. His brain subconsciously provided. Otherwise he wouldn't have to be nursed back to health in a hospital bed. 

Todoroki was brought back in the room by the crackle and pop of Bakugou's quirk. He saw the other's growing frustration at his silence and decided to relieve the blonde's worries. 

"I am here because I want to be. Otherwise, I wouldn't have come." He said simply. Todoroki didn't feel even the slightest bit unnerved being under the scrutiny of inflamed irises, and allowed the other to analyse as much as he required before coming to a conclusion. 

"Just…" Bakugou took in a breath, voice sounding resigned and tired. "Get lost, Icyhot." Bakugou got under the covers and turned his back to the other, firmly ending the short visit. 

Todoroki almost let out a sigh. It seemed even now, he would have to resort to clashing with the explosive blonde, because as he went to sit down in the seat beside the other's bed, Bakugou - hearing the shuffling - whipped around and shot him an intense look of incredulity. 

"What the fuck-" 

"I had to buy a train ticket to come here." Todoroki cut in smoothly. "So unless you're willing to compensate me, I'd like to make the most of my journey. After all, you did ask for me." 

Bakugou eyes flamed. "What are you, a fucking scammer?" He turned away with a click of his tongue, mumbling. "Asking for money from a fucking patient." 

The blonde glared at the amusement that formed in Todoroki's eyes. His face hardened as he stared past him, focus locked on the wall directly behind Todoroki. 

"Why did you even come, bastard?" Bakugou clenched his jaw. 

Todoroki lent back and thought for a second. It was obvious Bakugou required a thought-out answer. He repeated the question in the depths of his mind, then tested a response. But he wasn't content with anything he came up with. Todoroki looked Bakugou in the eye, despite the other's avoidance of eye contact. 

"Why did you want me to?" Todoroki couldn't help his curiosity but remained calm and rational in his expression. 

"Don't fucking answer a question with a question, dumbass." Todoroki deflated slightly at the boy's lack of an answer and decided that he'd have to settle with not knowing why-

"I don't know." Bakugou's words made him blink in confusion. The blonde scoffed in annoyance. "I don't know why the fuck I asked for you so don't expect an answer to your question. Just so you know, you weren't the first name that came to mind or even the second, so don't get full of yourself. You were just… the least headache-provoking option." 

Todoroki smiled. "I see. I also don't have an answer to your question." He ignored Bakugou's annoyed groan. "Thank you for considering me as the least headache-provoking option." 

"Is that you trying to fucking joke? And here I thought you were an emotionally-constipated freak." The words were a noticeable sting, but nothing Todoroki hadn't received from Bakugou before. 

"And I previously viewed you as a self-serving asshole." Bakugou's eyes dimmed, marking the end of their short-lived attempt at banter. "Thankfully, I realised that you are simply an asshole who I don't know much about." 

Bakugou scoffed. "Cool it with the swearing, half n' half. Otherwise people 'll think I influenced you. 

Todoroki furrowed his brows. "I knew of the existence of swear words before meeting you." 

"Oh my God, I'm already regretting my fucking decision." 

-

Spending the day with Bakugou had been uneventfully eventful. After Todoroki had insisted on staying, the boy had surprisingly not put up much of a fight. And afterwards, his visit had mostly been made up of talking between silences, Todoroki helping with some of the nurses' more meager tasks and checking up on Bakugou - however that last was carried out more internally than anything else. Of course, the blonde had made some annoyed remarks every now and then but with Todoroki's cool reminder of owed money, Bakugou didn't push it. 

"Aren't you going to fucking leave soon?" Bakugou commented. His words lacked as much venom as they did when Todoroki first arrived but they still held some suspicion. "You gonna keep milking that ticket excuse till midnight, or what?" 

Todoroki felt inclined to check the time on his phone at Bakugou's sarcastic bark. 

6.27 pm. 

He tried not to show the surprise on his face. Todoroki had spent practically the whole day here. He tilted his head, finally parting wide heterochromia eyes from the blaring digits. "What time do visiting hours end?" 

Bakugou rose a brow at the implication of Todoroki's words. He hadn't planned on it beforehand, but he didn't mind staying for as long as he could. "Dunno. Since you were specially invited, probably until I kick you out." 

Todoroki humed. Then, for some strange reason, remembered Bakugou vomiting, and how he had only managed to retch bile from his stomach. He looked at the boy. "Are you hungry?"

Bakugou flopped onto his pillow, then grimaced at his own actions before gently settling his head on the fluffy material. Todoroki decided not to question it as the blonde didn't seem to be in any pain. 

"All the food here is shit. 'M not allowed to eat anything else." 

"I could bring some food from outside for you." 

In that moment, Bakugou threw all attempts at caution - that he had upheld since the beginning of the day - to the wind, jumping on the possibility of food. "Fuck- ok. I don't have money on me or anything-"

"That's fine. I can use my own, you don't need to pay me back."

Bakugou narrowed his eyes. "No, fuck that. I don't wanna owe you. I'll pay you back." 

Todoroki nodded, deciding not to push it and incite Bakugou's anger (like posing the question 'What situation will arise that you'll get the chance to?' would) . He picked himself off the chair, stretching his legs that had remained dormant almost the entire day. Bakugou stared as he went, envious of only one, out of the two of them having the option of leaving the sterile hospital room.

"I don't trust you're gonna get anything worth buying. Send me a picture of restaurants and shops, and I'll choose the best. Or better yet, call me and I'll tell you over the phone." Bakugou sighed with a twitch of his fingers. "There's no way I can fucking cook in here so you're my only chance at getting something fuckin' decent to eat." 

Todoroki nodded, but paused, and pondered if he should mention it. Bakugou rose an impatient brow. "Why the fuck are you still here?" 

"I don't… have your number." He voiced carefully, staring to gauge the blonde's reaction. Bakugou tensed and went silent, before snorting mockingly and putting out his hand. Todoroki placed his device on the calloused palm and waited. The tense silence was filled with Bakugou's tapping on Todoroki's phone. When the sounds stopped, the blonde stared at the numbers on the screen as if he was pondering blowing the phone up. 

He didn't, thankfully, but threw it back in Todoroki's general direction so the two-toned boy had to reach to catch it. "Fuckin' delete it afterwards." Todoroki didn't say a word, and promptly left the room. 

-

Bakugou had been very vocal on his want of spicy food, to the point where Todoroki impassively moved the device away from his ear on many occasions. And now, the boy had to nod at a passing nurse, feeling somewhat guilty as he smuggled packaged food under his shirt that felt hot on his skin. 

Bakugou snatched the food out of his hands before he even had a chance to sit down. He looked almost ready to tuck in but paused and murmured a begrudged 'thanks'. Todoroki simply nodded and took out his own food. He had decided to get the exact same thing as Bakugou. After the blonde had praised it so much, he had gotten curious. 

It was a Japanese variation called Tantanmen, one compromised with plump Sichuan chinese dan-dan noodles that surged in an inflamed soup, accompanied by chili peppers and minced beef that swam tentatively on the surface. The flavour and steam tickled at his nose when he removed the clear lid from the black container, and he almost regretted buying such a spicy dish. 

Bakugou, who had already started happily eating, snorted. "Sure you can handle the spice, icyhot?" Rather than replying, Todoroki pried the disposable chopsticks apart, and took a medium-sized portion of ramen, before placing it on his tongue. The hot air swarmed in his mouth and he forced himself to down it before looking away, coughing and reaching for his water bottle. The food was delicious, but only once you could get past the spiciness of it all, and Todoroki had never had much of a tolerance to hot dishes. 

Bakugou laughs at the other's expense. "Add in the butter I told you to buy. Makes it less spicy. I knew you wouldn't be able to handle it." Todoroki used the advice gratefully and was thankful to see that it worked. Bakugou's consideration of him made him glad he had snuck the ramen in in the first place , and he discreetly made a show of enjoying the food. 

In the flow of the comfortable silence, Todoroki decided to question what he had been wondering since he arrived. "Where are your parents?" 

Bakugou's hand that held a large serving of noodles, paused mid-air. "They thought you were coming so they fucked off." He grunted simply, then resumed eating. 

"But you didn't think I would?" 

"You don't have a reason to. Not like we're friends." Todoroki hummed at the other's words and left it at that. 

Even before today, he had thought of what topics he'd mention while visiting. He had deliberated how to bring them up in a fashion that would not trigger the blonde or pry too deep. But now, he had somehow managed to not mention even a single thing he had been planning to. He didn't want to ruin the atmosphere so he decided to disregard most of his pre-planned questions, but one stuck out due to concern more than anything else. 

"Eraserhead informed us that there were some problems with your health." Bakugou paused once again. "Are you alright?" The container in the boy's hand was harshly set down and Todoroki hoped Bakugou hadn't lost his appetite. It didn't seem like he had eaten much before now. 

"None of your fucking business." He spat hotly. 

Todoroki looked down and ate the remains of his food. "I was simply concerned." 

"Yeah, whatever. It's not even as big of a fucking deal as everyone's making it out to be." Todoroki didn't want to cut the blonde off, since it seemed he was going to tell him anyway despite his previous claims. "Won't even let me get out of fucking bed because of a shitty seizure-" 

Todoroki's brows rose considerably. and Bakugou glared at the surprised reaction. "I skipped out on medication and apparently seized. Which sounds like bullshit 'cuz I don't even remember it but I guess it did happen. That's why I have this ugly shit attached to me, 'cuz they can't trust me to take my own medicine." The blonde growled, tugging on the tube that connected him to an IV. "And now it's like everyone's worried I'll fucking die if I move too suddenly, and they're hounding me with a bunch of annoying tests just to see if my brain is as fucked as it feels." 

"'As it feels'...?" Todoroki tried not to look fearful. If Bakugou was experiencing severe symptoms of head trauma, then his condition might be a lot worse than Todoroki had initially thought. 

Bakugou looked apprehensive and reached for the Tantanmen, finishing the rest slowly and gingerly. After tossing it into a bin, he leaned back to get comfortable but still appeared on edge. "I… Fuck, I don't know. I'm losing focus, and before I know it a couple hours have passed by."

"What does it feel like when it happens?" 

Bakugou glared as if he was going to tell the other off again for being nosy, but for some reason thought against it. "A freaky as fuck out of body experience, like…" 

"Like being disconnected from your body." Todoroki filled in where Bakugou lost his words. The suspicion that was directed at him after he spoke told him his guess had been correct. "That sounds like dissociation. But I'm not an expert so you should ask the doctors here. It's not a physical problem, it's a mental illness usually due to having a lot of stress." 

Bakugou seemed to be seriously considering his words. He made an angry retort. "Still sounds like a fucked up brain to me." 

Todoroki sighed and shook his head. "No. It is something that I experience as well, though not as frequently as before." Bakugou looked shocked at the admission. "I'm sure you know the reason why." The blonde had the tact to look somewhat guilty at the mention of his eavesdropping on Todoroki's conversation with Midoriya during the Sports Festival. 

"... Endeavor's a dick." Todoroki let out a surprised laugh at the blonde's muttered curse. 

"I think he's trying to make up for it now." 

Bakugou frowned. "And you're gonna forgive him after all that shit?" 

"Not anytime soon." Todoroki firmly stated. "There's no way I can forget any of it. When I see him, I can only think of what he did. But if he's really trying… if he means everything he's saying, then I don't want to disregard his needs the same way he did mine." Todoroki spoke solemnly. 

Bakugou huffed. "I say fuck the bastard. Let him grovel as much as he wants, and only give him a chance once you're satisfied." 

Todoroki smiled at the boy's heated tone. "I will take your advice into consideration." 

-

It was 8.48 when Todoroki finally left. After receiving enough stares of desperation from nurses, he had finally caved and decided to leave. Instead of saying goodbye, Bakugou commented 'You make a half decent slave.' to which Todoroki responded that slavery was abolished in Japan in 1590, and so it wouldn't be wise to start it up again. That was all he needed to say to be kicked out of the room. 

Riding the train home, Todoroki stood and held onto a railing. His chest felt much lighter than it had when he left the dorms. The visit went much better than he could've hoped for. As the metal vehicle groaned due to the pressure of air and the weight of those riding, Todoroki took time to organise his thoughts. He pondered over what he had learnt about Bakugou during his visit and amended what he previously knew. 

• Bakugou hates pity, not because of pride but because he views it as an ulterior motive. 
• Bakugou feels indebted by favours. 
• Bakugou lets his guard down at the prospect of food. 
• Bakugou cooks his own meals and has some kitchen-sense. 
• Bakugou has strong opinions on food. 
• Bakugou likes spicy food. 
• Bakugou dislikes Endeavor because of what he did to Todoroki. 

Todoroki smiled when one last one came to mind. 

• Bakugou finds Todoroki to be the least headache-provoking option

He fished his phone out of his pocket and pressed on a contact reading 'Almost Friend.' 

todoroki: the food was very good, thank you for the recommendation 

When he finally arrived at the dorms, as expected, many of his classmates were curious as to where he had been all day but he provided each question with vague answers. Surprisingly, Aizawa had been waiting for him in the common room and told everyone to go elsewhere. Of course, this would only fuel their curiosity even more, but for the time being, Todoroki was thankful. 

The boy took it upon himself to sit down on the couch and greeted his homeroom teacher. 

"What do you think?" Todoroki knew the man was asking about Bakugou and thought of what to answer but as if on cue, his phone chimed. Aizawa leaned back and waved a hand as permission to check the newly received message. And so Todoroki did without hesitation. 

almost friend: I told you to delete my number

todoroki: think of it as payment for the food

almost friend: sounds like fucking blackmail

todoroki: you are welcome to block me

Todoroki set down his phone when he saw the blonde typing, deciding to check if Bakugou was going to block him later (as he had for everyone in the class), and directed his focus back on his teacher. "I apologise but we didn't talk much on the topic of his feelings while I was there. I didn't want to set him off." Todoroki didn't want to mention the possibility of dissociative disorder yet, after all there was a chance that he was wrong and Bakugou's lack of focus was a whole other problem. 

Aizawa sighed in understanding. "No, it's fine. I didn't expect you to. We should be thankful that he even allowed you to visit." The man eyed him observingly. "But it seems it went well." Todoroki nodded simply and that seemed to satisfy his teacher enough that the man stood up to leave. His phone chimed and vibrated in his pocket and Todoroki didn't miss the knowing look on Aizawa's face before he exited the common room. Todoroki checked his phone as soon as he was sure he was alone. 

almost friend: whatever 

almost friend: should've just deleted it when I asked

almost friend: just don't bitch about paying for a train ticket next time

todoroki: next time? 

almost friend: fuck u, you annoyin fuck! 

almost friend: stupif ass fuckjng

almost friend: I should jus blovk your ass

Todoroki blinked at the barrage of swear words that popped up on the screen and wondered if choosing to tease the blonde had been a good idea. 

todoroki: you have typos

Todoroki smiled at the pissed off curses that practically flooded the messenger, deciding that if Bakugou really wanted to block him, he would've done so by now. 

todoroki: I don't mind coming again

todoroki: to fulfil my role as the least headache-provoking option

almost friend: whatever, fucker

Bakugou seemed adamant on ending the conversation there and so Todoroki left it at that, finally putting away his phone and heading upstairs for bed. 

He was sure he'd have to divulge the events of the visit to his friends, since he had already told them he was going to see Bakugou. Even if they didn't know the exact day (except Iida who had figured it out this morning), they would become curious as more time passed. Todoroki decided not to dwell on it, not wanting his dread to damper his mood. 

So if he had trekked to his dorm doing his best to avoid expectant green eyes, no one else would have to know but him.

Chapter Text

icyhot: I tried the recipe you recommended

icyhot: but I think something went wrong

icyhot: [attached.jpg]

Bakugou stared at the picture long and hard. He couldn't even laugh. That monstrosity was too ugly to even call food and the blonde was honestly disgusted. He made sure to make this known to Todoroki. 

bakugou: that's fucking disgusting

bakugou: can't believe I wasted my time sending you a recipe if you were gonna butcher it like that

bakugou: that thing is an insult to food

Bakugou set his phone down with a roll of his eyes when he saw Todoroki texting, likely trying to defend the dish. 

Todoroki had visited more than once since the last time, always claiming that no one knew exactly where he went but Bakugou knew the extras weren't stupid, they'd catch on eventually. The times Todoroki visited were… they weren't as bothersome as he expected they'd be, though the two-toned boy could prove to be a bit of an idiot when it came to social q's, he knew when Bakugou was in the mood to talk and when he wasn't. At least the fucker had enough tact to not bring up UA in their conversations. They weren't friends, at least he didn't think so, though Todoroki had mentioned on many occasions that that was his goal, to which Bakugou could only scoff at. No way he'd associate too much with a guy that constantly repeated Bakugou's words of him being 'the least-headache provoking option' with a smile as if it was a fucking medal. 

He saw Mitsuki enter the room and honestly wondered whether he would rather look at Todoroki's failed attempt at cooking than have a conversation with her. The moment he heard the door slam, he knew she was in one of her moods. Bakugou hated how fickle she was, switching from caring mother to pissed off tyrant every two seconds. 

"Who shat in your cereal?" He knew he shouldn't antagonise her too much, but the words had already slipped out of his mouth before he had the mind to stop them. 

"Your fucking medical bills." Bakugou tensed. That had been her topic of the week. Ever since he skipped on them and had that seizure, she had complained of the expense for testing sucking her dry (which he knew wasn't true - he checked the prices) though it had always been indirect bitching to the old man, or sighing angrily by his bedside, never anything to his face. She was probably bringing it up because she had hit breaking point. "Why couldn't you have just taken the fucking pills, Katsuki? You could've said if it was too bothersome, you could've said anything, but you chose not to!" 

Bakugou clenched his fists. It was true that the fault was on him this time. He may be an asshole, but even he could see that."They make me feel weird as shit! And I thought they were why I kept…" Losing focus. No way was he going to delve on that now, not when the hag was already raging over his other problems. "I didn't know it'd be that bad. Those fucking doctors made it seem like I was getting better and-" 

"Yeah, that's what happens when you fucking do what your told! But you can't even do that! Now I have to make up for it with my money and you can't even be fucking grateful." His mother was seething now. Bakugou knew his dad wasn't there but looked around the room for him anyway - not that he'd have done anything in the situation anyway, but maybe he could help her remain calm - then he looked at Mitsuki's hands and gulped. Bakugou suddenly felt incredibly trapped by the soft of his hospital bed, it was a bad position to be caught off guard in. Mitsuki immediately saw his eyes fearfully drag to her clenched fists and froze. The look on her face would've been priceless if he wasn't struggling to catch his fucking breath. 

They stared into each other's eyes, waiting for one person to talk. Bakugou didn't want to be the one, but he sure as hell didn't want the old hag to either. He knew she wanted to make up for hitting him like that but he didn't want to think about it. When she apologised - something she does on very rare occasions, when she promised to not do it again, he thought it'd be fine. But that wasn't the case, because now he got quiet faster when they argued, he flinched when her raised hand was paired with rageful eyes. It fucking pissed him off, he knew he was hurting her every time he did it, and Bakugou would say she deserves if it wasn't for the fact that he couldn't control it. He couldn't control being scared of his own damn mother. Bakugou knew it wasn't because of the slap, he had received a wack over the head more times that he could count and he'd always been fine, so that wasn't even a possibility. It was the fact that the slap came with the fear of knowing that even if he was hurt, or sobbing, or woken up in a hospital bed after trying to kill himself, she could still hit him like that. That no matter his state, distress or no, he'd always receive the brunt of her anger. 

"Katsuki, I-. I'm sorry." And of course she broke the silence, she just had to bother him all the fucking time. "I just-. Don't you even want to get better?" 

"That's the fucking first time you've asked. Seriously, thanks a lot." Bakugou made sure the sarcasm was dripping from his tongue. Her question made him want to scoff. Did they think he'd suddenly find new meaning in life just because he'd been revived? No one had even given him a moment to fucking breathe or even wonder if he was happy that he'd gotten out alive. Being practically chained to a bed and going through tests day in and day out, without permission to move around didn't make him feel particularly ecstatic about the situation. Bakugou needed to work out, or even freaking walk around or else he'd go insane and the softening of his muscles did nothing to ease his worries. 

Though he supposed if he died that day, he'd never get to laugh at peppermint for being such a fucking idiot. He can't believe the amount of times Mina and Kaminari swooned over that guy. 

The familiar names birthed something painful in his chest and he immediately blocked the feeling out. Or at least, he tried to. As if in mocking, it spread all throughout his body and left him feeling numb. Bakugou suddenly stopped moving, anything he was about to say or think or do evaporated from his mind. He felt the twitch of his fingers and every breath he dragged through his lungs. He knew what was happening and he should be more worried because it had never been this intense before but his brain pulsed as if belonging to a different being all together so the panic didn't register. Bakugou knew soft sheets were in contact with his hand, but he didn't feel it. And he saw red eyes and blonde hair and couldn't remember why he had been so afraid before. Right now this person's face, even as they opened their mouth to shout and their arms gripped and shook the body- his body, not a single emotion seeped out of him. Then they disappeared and he registers feeling just as calm.The body blinks ahead at a too white wall, sunken into the comfort of a bed. A thumping organ beats at his chest and surges of life come with it. And now there are multiple figures surrounding the body, their air of panic unable to chip at it's demeanor. The body is laid flat onto the bed, the flush of a pillow pushing past its earlobes. 

And it blinks. Then, breaths in. 

-

Bakugou shudders awake. He woke feeling so aware of himself, of his body, that it almost gave him a headache. Bakugou can't believe he did… whatever that was in front of his mother. She would definitely ask questions and he wasn't even sure yet if it was that dissociation bullshit Todoroki talked about. 

But surprisingly, it wasn't Mitsuki by his side, it was a nurse. He had his hand rubbing Bakugou's wrist, where the IV drip tube entered, and didn't even seem to notice that the blonde had woken up. 

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" Bakugou could've been a lot more soft-spoken about it, but he didn't take kindly to waking up with a headache and some stranger feeling up his arm. 

The man looked at him and smiled. "I'm doing a check up on you." But he didn't remove his hand, as if he didn't know that was Bakugou's main cause for his hostility. 

"While I'm fucking sleeping?!" Bakugou snatched his hand away from the nurse's reach and the man frowned. The blonde faltered, wondering if he would forcibly take it back, but he thankfully didn't. 

"You actually weren't sleeping. You seemed to have zoned out from what your mother told us and you've been like this for a few hours." 

Bakugou could barely hide his surprise. He toned down his shock and cautiously scanned the room. "Where is she then?" He'd take the threat of Mitsuki over that of a stranger's any day. Bakugou knew he was overreacting, the man was only doing his job, but understanding only went so far when weighed against the paranoia of his mind. 

"She became hysterical worrying over what happened to you, so she had to be escorted out to calm down." Even past his dark skin, Bakugou could see the flush of the nurse's face, as if it was his own mother who'd done something as humiliating as cause a scene in a hospital. Bakugou groaned and the man sent him a sympathetic smile. "I'm actually here to ask you some questions about how you're feeling." Bakugou grunted and the man stared at him, unsure if that meant he was okay with it or not. The blonde had no plans of clarifying so the nurse just coughed awkwardly after a short silence and began questioning him. 

"Has a situation where you've lost focus happened more than once?" 

"Yeah."

"How many times, including this one?" 

"Dunno, like five. This was the worst." 

"When you say the worst, what do you mean? "

Bakugou glared but answered anyway. "Never been for fucking hours. Usually short enough that nobody notices." 

The man hummed. "When we get the results for the testing we've been doing this past week, we might be able to find the cause, or to at least put a name to it." 

Bakugou leaned back on the headrest and crossed his arms. "Apparently it seems like some mental problem or some shit." 

The nurse smiled again as if Bakugou was some invalid child who lacked knowledge. "Dissociative disorder. Yes, it might be. Though it's not a good idea to diagnose unless we're completely sure." 

Bakugou scowled and let off a few sparks. He fucking hated these medical tests. This new development the hospital was now aware of, assured even more prodding from doctors and bitching from Mitsuki. The nurse grimaced. "I'd advise you not to use your quirk." 

"Hah?!" Bakugou almost sparked his hands again just to get the man to shut up. He couldn't believe it, he was already not allowed to get out of bed but now they wouldn't even let him use his fucking quirk. 

"Though we aren't aware of the exact problems yet, we know for a fact that you're experiencing some of the more severe effects of head trauma." 

"I feel fucking fine." 

"For now, but just like you said, your loss of focus got worse and that could be very serious if it is a symptom of your physical injuries. And more symptoms could appear the longer we don't know what the exact problem is." The man's expression turned stern. "You're not allowed to move around because it could make things worse, but the recoil that comes from a powerful quirk like yours would be enough to make all of our attempts at rehabilitating you, futile. Best case scenario is that it's nothing permanent but we need to get your tests back as soon as possible to decide what actions to take." 

Bakugou regarded the nurse with narrowed eyes. "And what actions would those be?" 

The man's face softened. "It might just be a new prescription, or it could be something as serious as surgery."

Bakugou stared at him for a while. "What symptoms could show up?" He clenched his shaking hands. 

The man simply smiled as if in pity. "Your parents have been informed." It made Bakugou's blood boil when he didn't answer the question. It was the guy's fucking job! Was it that hard to answer? Just how fucked up was he? Was there even any point in saving him if he'd be messed up for the rest of his life? 

Bakugou chuckled bitterly to himself. He wonders if Aizawa and All Might would still be so open to him returning to UA if they knew about this. 

He wondered if the chance to talk to Midnight was still open. He hadn't even entertained the thought from the moment her name had slipped from Aizawa's mouth. He didn't entertain it even now. Bakugou didn't like the woman from the first day he met her. Someone who showed so much skin as if she wasn't a teacher at a school, and made dirty jokes on the fly. Someone who held a certain type of confidence that he could never have. She was never worried about the inappropriate eyes, or hands that could linger on her. It always made Bakugou feel sick whenever one of his classmates, usually the grape bitch, made a disgusting remark. And now, knowing that she'd experienced what he had, made him want to throw up. If she could still dress and talk and carry herself like that, it meant that she must've gotten over it. Maybe she had never even been bothered in the first place. Bakugou knew it was a stupid thought but he couldn't shake the dawning dread of his loss. He'd always thought he was better than any other victim, thought death was the biggest accomplishment he could make but she had lived, not only that but she'd become a reputable hero. One look and you'd never guess that she'd experienced any hardships in life, much less… that. 

Bakugou could imagine it. He'd take up the offer to talk to Midnight and she'd be all understanding and soft-spoken as if he was a fragile piece of shit. Maybe she'd ask if he wanted to talk about his experience, maybe she'd tell him about her's. Then she'd go on and on about how she got over it and managed to keep fighting, eventually fulfilling her dream of becoming a hero and he'd listen and listen. And when she was done and he was allowed to leave, she'd pat herself on the back for comforting a troubled youth just like the hero she was. And Bakugou would walk away feeling lost, because everything she would say would do absolutely nothing for him, it'd make no change in his life. He'd realise that, despite his appraisal of his own strength for deciding to die, he had always been weak because he could never be strong enough to live. Because Bakugou could never be anything but a pitiful little boy with his back against the cement floor, hands clawing at much stronger arms that held him down, crying for it to end but being too useless to do anything. 

Bakugou let his head fall back and growled out in his mind at his younger self. 'Either shut up and deal with it, or stop it from happening, you useless piece of-' 

The blonde remembered where he was and took his hands away from his neck. Thankfully the bandages that already rested there stopped him from causing any damage and the nurse in the room had somehow not noticed his frantic scratching. He seemed to have busied himself with checking Bakugou's vitals, likely feeling guilty for his lack of an answer to the blonde's question. 

Despite his previous rage, Bakugou didn't ask again. 

"I've been visiting Bakugou." 

Todoroki went back to throwing yet another failed dish into the bin of the common room, he didn't look up to see his classmates' reactions. 

Of course, the boy had asked Bakugou first before divulging this piece of information to the class. The blonde had responded with a nonchalant 'do whatever the fuck you want' which had honestly surprised him, but he was grateful, he had started feeling guilty lying about where he was going. Though, the silence that stretched after he spoke made him uncomfortable. He knew that everyone was staring at him. Todoroki was half-expecting shouts or cries or looks of betrayal but-

"Is he okay?" Kaminari stepped forward with a pained expression. 

"I don't exactly have an answer for that." Todoroki knew his response wasn't one that comforted his peers so he wasn't surprised when Mina cut in with a trembling voice. 

"How- How can you not know? If you've been visiting him, you must know how he's doing…!" 

"He prefers not to talk about that kind of thing. But if you mean how he is on the outside, he seems to be doing… okay" Todoroki didn't mention the bandages, Bakugou seemed to be thankful when he acted like he didn't even notice them, so he definitely knew the blonde wouldn't appreciate it if he mentioned it now. Todoroki didn't want to lose the other's trust. 

"You don't know how Kacchan is doing? But you've visited more than once." Midoriya looked at him incredulously. "Why wouldn't you ask him?"

"If he doesn't want to talk about it, then-" 

"How is what he wants more important than knowing how Kacchan is doing?" 

Todoroki narrowed his eyes. "Yes, you've made your mindset of not caring what Bakugou wants very clear already." Midoriya paled but said nothing and Todoroki was thankful, he didn't want to have to say anything else that put any more strain on their friendship. 

Almost a month had gone by since Bakugou had been hospitalised, and in that time Todoroki had learnt something about his friend. It was that Midoriya was an amazing person, one who always put others above himself and cared deeply for his loved ones. But the boy seemed to have some type of obsession when it came to Bakugou. He says and does things he usually wouldn't, sometimes acting like a completely different person. It was as if he truly believed the only way he could function was to be at Bakugou's side. 

Todoroki looked away from the boy to answer more of his classmates' questions. He didn't want to pry but Midoriya definitely had a problem. He could confront the boy about it, but for now Todoroki could only hope he was working on it with the therapist provided by the school. 

"Do you know if he's coming back…?" Todoroki looked at Kirishima, sitting at the kitchen counter beside him, who had spoken for the first time since he'd revealed the truth behind his secret outings. There wasn't much point in asking now, Aizawa had already told them last week that the processing for a new student had been finalised and the person would be joining within the next couple of weeks. If Bakugou wanted to come back now, he'd probably have to go through testing to check his abilities after being hospitalised. Though, Todoroki wouldn't be surprised if UA had kept an extra space open for him if he did choose to come back. 

"I'm not sure." 

That didn't seem to satisfy the red-head. "But you're smart. Does it seem like he wants to?" 

Todoroki turned his head to look at him, then thought for a second. "It seems like he still wants to be a hero, so it's not impossible. But no, I don't think he wants to come back to UA. At least not now." 

Kirishima turned away and looked ahead. Todoroki could already guess that he was thinking it was because of him. He nodded solemnly, his styled-down red hair shifting and betraying the black colour of his roots. Then he stood on shaky legs and left the room. 

A brief silence settled over the room, and suddenly no one seemed in the mood to ask about Bakugou anymore. Surprisingly, no one had asked where the hospital Bakugou was staying at was, though he was sure some of them wanted to. 

Kaminari took the seat beside him, where Kirishima once sat, and stared in the direction of the door where said red-head disappeared through. "Do you mind going to talk to him?" 

Todoroki rose a brow. "Not to be rude, but why don't you?"

"We haven't been talking lately." 

Todoroki sighed. "But you're still closer to him than I am. Why do you think I'd be a good option?"

Kaminari looked down at his hands that he'd clasped on the counter. "Yeah, but I won't be able to comfort him. Kirishima's obviously worried about Bakugou so I can't try to tell him that he's fine when I don't even know for sure. But you've seen Bakugou, and you know how he is right now." The boy's medallion irises looked at him pleading. "I know it might be a bit weird, but can you please talk to him?" 

Todoroki looked at him for a second and pondered. "I wouldn't even know what to say." 

"Just--anything. Say Bakugou's getting better, or that he's doing really well. Just something to get him to feel better." 

Todoroki sighed and conceded. "I'm not going to lie to him like you suggested, though." 

Kaminari's eyes lit up. "Seriously, man?! Thanks!" Much to Todoroki's surprise, he grabbed his wrist and led him upstairs. "Come on!" 

"Ah, you meant right now." Todoroki didn't think Kaminari would stop now, so he might as well go through with it. 

Though it wasn't necessary, the excitable boy had dragged him the whole way to Kirishima's dorm. When they got there, without even giving Todoroki a chance to breathe, he knocked confidently on the door. Then he turned and shot Todoroki a thumbs up, whispering 'good luck, dude'. 

Todoroki let out a breath and prepared himself, but then he realised that the door was already open. The force of Kaminari's knock must have pushed it slightly, but then that meant it was already unlocked. Just for the sake of it, Todoroki knocked once more before stepping inside. 

"Kirishima?" 

The room was too dark but Todoroki could make out a lump against the wall, and it seemed to shake as it let out trembling breaths. Todoroki flicked on the light immediately, and froze at the sight that greeted him. 

Kirishima was curled up on the floor, panting and muttering under his breath. His hands were clenched into fists and pressed hard against his eyes. But the thing that made him dash forward was the boy's hardened fingers piercing through the soft of his palm and decorating his face in blood. 

Todoroki removed Kirishima's fists from his eyes with some struggle but, despite his open eyes, the boy didn't register his presence. Being this close, Todoroki could hear that he had been muttering apologies over and over again, paired with Bakugou's name. The dual-wielder almost cursed. He knew he shouldn't try to forcibly remove the hardened digits from the other's hand, but Kirishima wouldn't stop pushing them deeper into the wounds. 

"Kirishima… !" The boy didn't respond so Todoroki tried again more forcibly. "Kirishima, you need to calm down!" 

"Bakugou…! Ugh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry." 

The red-head sobbed loudly and his breathing quickened. Todoroki tensed. He'd made it worse. He didn't know what to do, he couldn't just leave the boy like this, even if it was for a second. He had never known just how much damage Kirishima could deal to himself with his quirk. 

This time Todoroki did curse. He pulled out his phone and his hand hovered over the dial icon. But Kirishima's cries urged him. He could deal with the consequences later. Thankfully, it only dialled for a few seconds before an annoyed voice flooded through the static. 

"What the fuck do you want?" It snapped. Todoroki opened his mouth to answer, but the blonde must have heard the quickened breaths, and the calls of his name in the background. "What the hell…?! Is that Kirishima?!" 

Holding the phone and Kirishima's hands proved to be difficult, so Todoroki set it down and took in a breath. "I don't know what to do. He's having a panic attack and I can't help him. You were the only person I could think of, I'm sorry-" 

"Alright. Calm the fuck down, icyhot." The voice took a second to breathe. "... Hand him the phone." 

Kirishima was too out of it to hold the phone, so Todoroki scooted it near him and put it on speaker. 

"Kirishima?" 

The red-head's entire body froze, he whipped his head towards the phone and dove for it, ripping his fingers from his hands in the process. Todoroki winced. Kirishima sobbed into the line. "B-Bakugou…? Bakugou! Is that you?! Bakugou?! I'm so-" 

"Shut the fuck up and breath, dumbass." 

Kirishima shook his head wildly and gasped. "I can't. I can't. Oh god, Bakugou. I'm so, so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry." 

"I know, okay? I heard you." Bakugou took on a softer tone. "So just breathe, yeah? Breathe in for two, hold it, then breathe out." 

"I-I…" Kirishima's voice trembled, and he didn't stop wheezing and sobbing. 

"Just fucking listen to me, okay?! You're really starting to freak me out! Just--fuck. Just breathe, Kirishima." 

Todoroki watched him nod wildly as if Bakugou could see him, and follow the blonde's instructions. With the help of Bakugou's voice, he had started to calm down, and was suddenly aware of Todoroki in the room. 

"I-I…" Kirishima flushed red in humiliation and stumbled to compose himself. "Sorry." Todoroki was going to answer, but a voice beat him to it. 

"You should be. Don't fucking do that again." 

The boy jumped as if he had forgotten the person on the phone. "Bakugou?" 

"Yeah, we've already established that, shitty hair." Todoroki could practically see the blonde roll his eyes through the phone. 

"I'm-" 

"'You're sorry'. We've established that too." It sounded like Bakugou had to take a breath to quell his anger and Kirishima noticeably deflated at the bitter tone. "Just… Not now, shitty hair. I was fucking worried, but I'm not ready to--to talk, okay? And don't freak out or some shit because 'm not fucking angry, I just don't… I don't forgive you yet. So don't expect anything from me right now." 

Kirishima looked down as if he was fighting off tears and nodded once. There was a pause on the other end of the phone. 

"... Either you're ignoring me or you're nodding knowing I can't fucking see you. I'm gonna need some confirmation here" 

The red-head shot Todoroki a pleading look, leaving him confused. Kirishima gestured to the phone and Todoroki quickly realised that the boy wanted him to answer for him, likely scared that his voice would betray his tears. But the two-toned boy simply shook his head. Bakugou wouldn't appreciate it if Kirishima didn't answer himself, and Kirishima knew that. 

"Okay… I-I get it. I understand." And just like he thought, the wobble in Kirishima's voice was prominent but Bakugou must've expected that because he seemed satisfied. 

"Okay. Okay…" The voice sighed. "Gotta go now 'm busy" 

And just like that, after the rushed goodbye, the call ended and the room drowned in silence. 

Kirishima was the first to break it. "Sorry you had to see that." 

Todoroki shook his head. "No it's fine. For now we should go to Recovery Girl about your hands." Kirishima looked down at the gushing red holes in his palms and nodded silently. First, Todoroki offered him wipes to to clean the blood off his face, then wrapped Kirishima's hands in a towel that he found discarded to the side. When Kirishima was ready, they stood up and exited the room, walking down the corridor in tense silence. 

Upon entering the common room, no one bothered them except for questioning glances at Kirishima's hands wrung with a towel, and the red-head's brooding face. Thankfully, they left the dorms without much trouble and the rest of the walk to Recovery Girl's room was uneventful. 

The old woman rose a brow at their presence, and Kirishima simply let the towel drop from his hands. She didn't look surprised, her most distinct expression being a sad smile, and Todoroki wondered how many times Kirishima had visited for self-inflicted injuries. He let out a shaky breath as he sat to the side, waiting for Recovery Girl to nurse Kirishima back to health. 

Todoroki knew it was probably selfish to think, but he hoped Bakugou would be ready to talk to Kirishima soon. 

-

Todoroki heard shuffling and looked up to see that Kirishima had been healed up. The injuries were quite serious so he looked at the other's hands just to make sure, and he was relieved to see that they looked perfectly fine. Noticing the direction of Todoroki's eyes, Kirishima seemed to curl into himself and hide his hands away. 

"Oh. I apologise. That was insensitive." The heterochromia-eyed boy wanted to scold himself. 

"No, it's fine." Kirishima looked away awkwardly. Todoroki stared at him. It was more than unnerving to see the happy boy in such low spirits. Most of the change obviously had to do with guilt regarding Bakugou, but Todoroki was sure there were other things that also weighed on the red-head's mind. Things that could be worked upon. 

"Would you like to join in with the Class-1A talks?" Todoroki asked carefully. "I don't mind accompanying you." 

Kirishima winced. "I don't know if that a good-" 

"I think that's a great idea!" Both of them looked towards Recovery Girl who had just cut into their conversation. "Both of you should participate." Kirishima looked like he wanted to refute but she shot him a stern look. "The school and your parents have already been informed of the constant visits to my room, and your therapist has been adjusting correctly but it is obvious that there hasn't been much change. If this continues, we'll be forced to take more drastic action and have you miss majority of you're hero course to focus on rehabilitating your mental health."

Kirishima paled and looked away. Recovery Girl smiled up at him and gave him an encouraging pat on the back. "I don't want to pull you from your lessons so we'll try to sort something out if it comes to that, but for now, go give those talks a chance." The boy nodded and offered her a weak smile back. 

Todoroki was already standing, waiting to walk Kirishima back to the dorms and the boy looked at him and smiled. It was a sight that relieved him, at least he was trying to smile now. 

Now when they walked back, there was less of an uncomfortable silence. It was still tense but not as stifling. 

"Bakugou likes you." Kirishima randomly blurted. "You guys must be really close." 

Todoroki eyed him sideways. "I don't think he likes me too much."

Kirishima shook his head and offered a more believable smile. "No seriously, dude. He wouldn't give his number to just anybody, and the fact that he even answered your call says a lot." 

Todoroki ignored the hope that bloomed in his chest. "I'm not sure. He seems too disgusted to even call me an acquaintance." 

Kirishima laughed softly. "He's the same with me. Even now, he struggles to admit that we're friends. Believe me when I say that you guys have already hit that mark, otherwise he'd have never allowed you to visit more than once." 

It was Todoroki's turn to smile this time. "Yes, I guess that makes sense." He supposed he'd have to change Bakugou's contact name from 'almost friend'. 

Kirishima walked past the lounge area in the common room, before circling back and walking past it again. Todoroki watched him with the same emotionless expression, likely not judging him but Kirishima felt the need to defend himself anyway. 

"I don't know why I can't do it!" The other simply nodded in understanding, which was great and all but Kirishima wished the boy would just ignore his protests and shove him towards the place they were having the Class-1A talks. 

This routine had already gone on for a few days: Kirishima approaching the common room with Todoroki then chickening out of it in a way that was completely unmanly. He had already acted like he was going to do it and it was only a matter of time before Recovery Girl followed up on that promise. It was just that when he peeked inside, there were a lot more people participating than he remembered. And those included Sero, Kaminari and Mina. He hadn't thought he'd face them so soon. 

Kirishima clenched his fists and drew in a breath. He couldn't keep doing this. "I'm sorry, Todoroki. There's something I need to do first." The other didn't even look curious, he simply nodded in understanding and walked into the common room without him. Kirishima chuckled to himself. It made sense that Bakugou wanted such an unproblematic person to visit him. 

He turned around, and went up to the dorms, but he didn't go to his floor. Kirishima walked down the quiet corridor, suddenly aware of the creak that came with his footsteps. Once he reached the door, he knocked without hesitating. 

The door opened almost immediately and Kirishima looked down to meet tired green eyes. He regarded the other's messy hair and frowned. It was the afternoon so he hadn't expected that the boy would be sleeping. 

"Sorry, did I wake you?" The moment he spoke, Midoriya straightened up as if he was only now aware of Kirishima's presence. He blinked up at him with wide eyes. 

"Um, no. I-I mean you did. Not that I was trying to lie, I was just saying it's fine since I shouldn't really be sleeping now anyways. But I thought people usually say no when asked that question whether it's true… or not." Midoriya seemed to catch onto his rambling and bit his lip awkwardly. "Um, sorry. What did you want?" 

"I wanted to apologise for what I said before." Kirishima started. "The way I talked to you, it wasn't right. It wasn't how I'd usually handle things. And I don't think I had a right to get angry on Bakugou's behalf after everything." 

Midoriya stared at him for a second. "But you believe what you said." Kirishima paused, but then nodded, he came here to clear things up, not tell lies. "So you're not apologising for your words, but you're sorry for how you said them, or that you were the one that said it?" 

Kirishima held eye contact with his tired classmate. "Yes. I shouldn't have snapped like that. Something like that is something only Bakugou has a right to say." 

Midoriya looked to the side with a sad expression. "So you think Kacchan would say the same? That I'm purposefully trying to hurt him?" 

Kirishima winced at the recital of his own words. "I shouldn't have said--I don't know what Bakugou thinks. It's not something I can know for sure. That's why I wanted to say s-" Kirishima cut himself off when he saw Midoriya tremble. 

"T-Then why would you say it? Now I can't help but think that Kacchan honestly thinks I want to hurt him." Tears welled up in his eyes and Kirishima bit his lip. "I really didn't mean any of it but I don't know how to make Kacchan understand that. You guys make it seem so easy to be friends with him, but I don't know when he'll ever forgive me. I bet he'd forgive you sooner than he would me." 

Kirishima wrung his hands. It was true. Bakugou had mentioned forgiving him in the future but the blonde didn't seem to even entertain the thought when it came to Midoriya. The red-head didn't like hearing Midoriya act like he had done nothing to deserve the treatment but he had honestly expected Bakugou to treat him the same. But he hadn't. 

"Maybe the betrayal was worse." Kirishima rushed his words out. 

"Huh?" Midoriya sniffled. 

"For a kid his age, you would've been his first real friend and first betrayal." Kirishima knew he shouldn't speak if he wasn't completely sure but he wanted the boy to feel better with the possibility that he wasn't being unfairly singled out, that maybe there was an underlying reason why Bakugou couldn't treat him the same as he did others. 

Midoriya's face hardened. "I accept your apology but please stop speaking for Kacchan. If that's true, I only want to hear it from him." 

"Oh, s-" Before he had time to apologise for his slip-up the door was closed. Kirishima sighed, he supposed he should be thankful the other accepted his apology despite him doing the exact same thing again. He decided not to feel bitter towards Midoriya for the prickly attitude because that's exactly how he had been acting the past month.

He redirected himself towards the common room, ready to join in with the talks now he had a clear conscience. 

-

Much to Kirishima's annoyance he had spent most of his time, still talking himself out of going in, but the moment he did, the room fell silent. His stomach sank along with the curve of his friends' smiles. And going against everything his mind screamed at him, he stayed planted in that spot. 

Then Yaoyorozu stood up and walked over to him. He wasn't expecting anything but his body tensed all the same. She took hold of his hand, the same one that hand once wielded self-inflicted injuries and guided him over to a couch with a soft smile. Kirishima shuffled forward, wanting to turn around when he saw that she was directing him to where Kaminari, Sero and Mina sat. Their faces were blank, a stark contrast to how he saw them laughing and cheering every time he peeked inside. And-

This was a bad idea. Kirishima should leave. He took his hand away from Yayorozu's grasp, overtaken by the sudden urge to vomit. He had to leave. The room was too silent. They didn't want him here. Not someone who had hurt Bakugou, not someone who had drove a fellow classmate, his best friend to suicide. And Kirishima knew it was stupid, that he hadn't been the sole reason. But that's what their disappointed stares were telling him, that it was all his fault. That he should leave. Now. 

Something pink stood in front of him and blocked his exit. But Kirishima couldn't stop, he couldn't take their stares, their disappointment, their hate. He didn't want to be hated. 

Then the pink figure wrapped its arms around him and his body froze. Soothing hands found their way to his back and rubbed comfortingly. And Kirishima couldn't breathe because-

Mina was hugging him. 

His arms were slack at his sides. He couldn't do this, he couldn't stay in this room. They blamed him-

"It's okay. I know it's not your fault. I could never hate you." Kirishima's hands shook in the air, he felt the air leave his lungs at those words. He wanted to hug her back. But then a force knocked into them and sent them stumbling slightly. 

Kaminari's voice wobbled from behind him, arms stretched to join the hug. "Of course we don't hate you, man. How could you ever think that?" 

The last knocking force almost sent all of them toppling over, though Sero was much gentler than Kaminari. "Took you long enough. We were waiting for you, dude." 

And that's all it took for Kirishima to break down crying. His knees gave way and the only thing stopping him from sinking to the floor was the support of his friends. He sobbed into Mina's shirt and clung to Sero's, putting most of his weight onto Kaminari. 

There were some 'awws' that came from the other's in the room, but Kirishima could be embarrassed about that later. Right now he was too focused on shouting incoherent apologies and messing up his friends clothes with his hysterical sobbing. 

Kirishima's heart pounded so hard that it was painful, and his face was screwed up, ugly with tears that were paired with uncontrollable sobs. His lungs screamed at him to breathe and his whole body felt weak. 

Kirishima guessed that's what being forgiven felt like. 

Chapter Text

I'm having a lot of mixed feelings with this story right now which is why I haven't updated it in a while. Since I made up the plot as I went along I feel like it's kind of gotten out of hand and doesn't flow well. I knew what I wanted to do for the last few chapters but it just seemed so random that I hated the idea and wanted to scrap it.

I don't know if I'm going to discontinue this book, continue with what I had in mind or re-write it to perfect the plot now I know what plot I have in mind. It'll probably take me a while to decide and even longer to start so I want to apologise to people who really liked this book. I still want to write so I think rewriting it is the most likely option.

I've learned a good lesson from this that I am a writer who needs to plan my stories and I feel really bad for wasting your time when I should've done this to begin with.

I won't be deleting the story though, so don't worry about that.

Chapter Text

It was a silent thing that grasped his soul. Something small and underwhelming that existed within the vague thud of his chest.

Then it became larger. Not so painfully small, growing to the point where it was incessant, loud,

Insatiable .

Back when Kacchan had allowed Izuku to follow him, it was small and quiet. He looked at that blonde head and saw a God, something forever out of reach to mortals and yet that unreachable thing stared at him with vivid crimson eyes, held his hand when they went on walks and played heroes, called him by that wonderful nickname that set his chest alight.

‘Deku ’ Kacchan would call out to him in front of all his friends, telling him to stop lagging behind as they trekked around the playground. And Midoriya’s chest would puff with pride as he strided past jealous glares, grinning because Bakugou Katsuki wanted him near.

‘Deku’ Kacchan would snicker with a roll of his eyes when he noticed the telltale sign of tears blurring Izuku’s vision. And Midoriya would urge himself to cry nonstop because every once in a while his blonde friend would pull him into a harsh hug and hiss at him to stop his babbling. 

Deku Deku Deku .

Midoriya had never hated the nickname. Not really. Even when Kacchan hated him, his flinches and jolts were more often than not exaggerated when Bakugou would spit the name like dirt on his tongue. 

At Least it meant Katsuki was looking at him. At Least when Kacchan thought he was hurting Midoriya, he could offer some kind of penance.

But it was different at UA. Bakugou didn’t tug at his hair or kick his feet to make him tumble or trash his notebooks like he did in middle school. No, he started… ignoring him.

Kacchan had started ignoring him and focusing on other things. On other people. He made friends. Genuine friends. Different from the lackeys who would follow him with awe and fear of his strength. Friends who joked with him, scolded him and lectured at him (Midoriya still remembers how badly he winced the first time Kirishima had asked Kacchan to quiet down after cursing too loudly in the middle of a lesson. Izuku expected a punch to the redhead’s face but Bakugou had only scoffed and simmered down.), even touched him.

Kirishima would swing his arm over Bakugou’s shoulder. Mina would cling to his side. Kaminari had even dared to mess at his hair as Sero attempted to tickle his sides (the last two receiving a deserving slap upside the head). Midoriya remembers watching in shock. Even when they were younger, he never really touched Kacchan, Bakugou had always been the one to initiate touch, whether it was a hug or a hand-hold or a harsh throw-down. But they were so brazenly touching him like it was nothing.

Like it didn’t set Midoriya’s world ashift.

He couldn’t help but wonder if he had ever truly been Bakugou Katsuki’s friend…or only a lackey.

The thought despaired him. With how Kacchan treated him now, Midoriya could only look back at the good times between them to get a taste of Bakugou’s world. For those lovely memories to be skewed with the idea that it had been nothing but his one-sided delusion would be…shattering.

It wasn’t something Izuku would accept.

This silent thing in his chest. Something he was sure had been there since they were kids. It grew louder with every passing day.

When he divulged it to the mandated therapist given by UA, the stout-looking man had said it was unhealthy, how obsessed he was with Kacchan. Midoriya shrunk in on himself.

Why did no one realise how much he loved him?

He had stored every waking moment with Bakugou in his head and replayed it over and over. The good and the bad. Isn’t that what you do with someone you cherish? And Izuku Midoriya oh so clearly cherished his dear childhood friend.

He could accept the rough patch they were in. He could accept…Bakugou hating him forever (maybe). But not a day went by that Midoriya didn’t look at Bakugou and see something horrifyingly beautiful and strong.

Despite how sick and twisted Kacchan’s rapist was. He was certainly right about one thing. Katsuki Bakugou was awfully pretty.

Midoriya gnawed on his lip, scribbling out that final sentence immediately after he had written it in his journal. It was a bit too much, even for him. 

It’s not…It’s not like he meant to see. It’s not like he meant to look, or remember. But Midoriya’s memory was a terrible thing.

And like he said, he remembered the good with the bad.

When he could, on his worst nights, replay it in his mind, it sickened him. Knowing he had seen what he shouldn’t have. Knowing that even if he screamed at the memory, nothing could change the chain of events as his younger self watched a stranger, larger than him and Kacchan combined, pleasured himself upon the writhing struggle of a four year old child.

Sometimes he wished he could have that second chance. To be there, present, and this time intervene. Make up for his wrongdoing and save Kacchan in the way the boy desperately needed to.

Maybe if Bakugou hadn’t punched Kaminari so soon that night so many nights ago…

Maybe if Kaminari had been a little bit more inappropriate with his joke…

Maybe if he had even paired it with a teasing touch of Kacchan’s body…

Then Izuku would’ve been able to step in, push the other away with a yell and usher Bakugou to safety. Then all those years of hatred would’ve surely melted to nothing and maybe Katsuki would offer a word of thanks and finally accept Deku at his side once again. Because Deku should mean safety.

More than Kirishima, more than… Todoroki . Neither of them knew Kacchan like Midoriya did. They meant well, probably, but Deku was at the genesis of Katsuki’s suffering. He was the beginning and that certainly meant he was the end.

That’s why…although something deep was thrumming at his bones and making him feel slightly sick with anticipation, Deku decided that if others were going to keep falling short of what Bakugou truly needed, then Midoriya would just have to take things into his own hands.

He tucked his journal away into a satchel that hung at his side. It was hard to write well anyway, what with the swaying meandering of the train. Midoriya pulled the hoodie down more snugly over his face, peering at his unaware friend through tinted sunglasses.

Something deep in him went unregistered as guilt as he silently watched Todoroki from afar.

He should probably feel something slightly more intense considering he was creepily following one of his closest friends without the other’s knowledge.

But it’s not like Midoriya did it with the intent of being creepy. He only wanted to help. And with what he could gauge from what little Todoroki exposed to him about hospital visits to Kacchan, it didn’t seem like the heterochromia-eyed boy was doing much to negate Bakugou’s suffering. It was an unfair burden to put on him in the first place. Everyone knew Shouto was…emotionally-stunted, for lack of better wording. How did they expect him to coax a proper conversation out of someone as prickly as Kacchan?

Midoriya was doing this with everyone’s best interests in mind.

So when he watched Todoroki stand from his seat as the train slowed at a particular stop, he immediately perked up, walking towards a different exit door than his friend as they got off at the same stop.

Todoroki paused and Midoriya stiffened, wondering if he’d been caught. But Todorki simply smiled at the sight of a stranger’s cat before going about his way. A sharp breath of relief left Midoriya’s lips.

After collecting himself, he closely followed.

Todoroki raised a brow at the sight of Katsuki curling a black dumbbell on his hospital bed.

Bakugou grumbled lowly, already catching Todoroki’s gaze and gritting his jaw. Shouto didn’t miss the crimson flush that creeped up the blonde’s neck.

Todoroki smiled.

“Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You might as well have. Shut the fuck up.”

“Well…I was only slightly wondering…” Todoroki gestured to the black thing in Bakugou’s hand which was straining pitifully under the blonde’s increasing grip.

“Nurses gave it to me when I asked them.” He spat. Todoroki learned a while ago that even if Bakugou verbally refuses, he ends up giving in to things quite easily. “After rotting away in a bed it’s the least they could do to get me more active.”

“Ah,” Todoroki nodded simply. “So you’re well enough now to gain some strength. That’s good.”

Katsuki scoffed, tossing the dumbbell onto the sheets and leaning back. “I’ve always been well enough. They’re just overdoing it. Who stays in a hospital for over a month when they’re perfectly healthy?”

Not perfectly healthy. Todoroki’s mind supplied but he ignored it. He didn’t know the extent of Bakugou’s head trauma but surely he was well enough to be discharged by now? The other reason he was still bed-bound was glaringly obvious: He was on suicide watch.

UA had faced enough backlash lately, and with that came critique of heroes in general. The last thing hero society needed was for the same name that seemed to keep popping up in all their failures to stick the nail in the coffin and commit suicide.

It was all grossly superficial in Todoroki’s opinion but he couldn’t help but feel thankful that Bakugou’s safety was being assured.

“It’s not like this stupid dumbbell would do much for me.” Katsuki hissed. “It’s barely, what, 10kg? The fuck am i supposed to do with this? I could curl it in my sleep.”

Shouto smiled at Bakugou’s haughty confidence. It was much better suited for the boy than anything else. The fact that even a month ago, he had planned to take his own life shivered in Shouto’s mind like a crude lie.

Todoroki stilled for a moment, wondering. He hadn’t ever really delved into it in his visits. What Bakugou had planned moving forward, whether he still felt that same hopeless dread that tugged him off that roof.

Todoroki wanted to know if Bakugou still wanted to kill himself.

He grimaced internally. There was no right way to ask, but he still selfishly wanted an answer.

He shouldn't overstep though. This thing between him and Katsuki had been comfortable, and honestly nice. It was a weird tranquillity that felt fake and haunting. One that he feared would break and found himself clinging more and more desperately onto the more sides of Bakugou he had been allowed to see.

Shouto could understand, somewhat, the effect Bakugou had on people. Some hated him, others adored him. But at the end of the day, they were all looking at him.

“I can bring in some of the dumbbells from my home gym.” Todoroki said softly. “The better you get, the higher the weight I’ll bring until you manage to get back to your original standard. I don’t want you to overdo it.”

Bakugou stared at him for a moment and Shouto almost cringed.

It was a crude attempt, pathetic really. To think that Bakugou wouldn’t catch onto it was stupid.

What, did Todoroki really think something as mediocre as receiving dumbbells from him would give Bakugou something to look forward to? That it'd have him looking forward to something in the future so he wouldn’t make another attempt on his life?

Bakugou’s lips parted and Todoroki found himself grimacing internally.

Apparently it showed on his face because Katsuki was already rolling his eyes, a smirk pulling at his lips.

“Or how about when I finally get the fuck out of this place, you just let me visit so I can see for myself.” 

He felt himself perk up at the words, shifting in his seat near the hospital bed. No matter how guarded Bakugou’s eyes were. No matter how his forehead crinkled with the telltale signs of saying a lie, Todoroki would make sure to hold Katsuki to those words.

“Of course.” He hummed, betraying a smile that made Bakugou scowl. 

“Don’t look so happy, Icyhot. It’s freaking me out.” The blonde deadpanned. “S’not some big deal. If anything I’m using you and your snobby rich kid life for my benefit.”

Todoroki had never felt so thankful for Endeavour’s money.

“I’m glad to help, then.” Bakugou groaned. “I imagine sitting all the time has made you restless.”

“They at least let me walk around or jog when I ask now…” Something flashed in the other’s eyes and his scowl softened to something pensive. “It just pisses me off…My body’s gotten weak as fuck.” He hissed.

Shouto blinked at that. Nodding softly. He gave Bakugou a once over. The blonde had certainly lost his previous muscle. His hospital gown hung somewhat loose, dipping at his chest and showing the slight lack of mass. His arms were slightly more lithe and lean where they laid at his sides. It still wasn’t much to scoff at. Bakugou was excessively fit and Todoroki doubted even years of rest would change that.

“I think you look fine.” Todoroki murmured, eyes finishing their observation down the length of Katsuki’s body, stopping at the point where the remainder was covered by the hospital blanket, as he casually drew his eyes back up to meet the other’s face.

Shouto paused.

Katsuki’s face seemed twisted in distress like he was frozen in shock horror. Red bloomed along his face in splotches, sprouting from his neck, over his ears and to his cheeks.

He looked absolutely mortified and Todoroki furrowed his brow.

“Did you just fucking-”

Todoroki’s eyes widened, heat surging to his ears as he shook his head with more urgence than he had ever moved with.

“No…!” Todoroki coughed. “No, I…I’m sorry. I realise that was inappropriate. I was only just…” He gulped, something hard forming in his throat. “...trying to reassure you…”

His mind span as he watched the range of expressions twist over Bakugou’s face but he could barely pay attention with the rush of hot blood prickling at his ears.

Bakugou had completely misunderstood.

He had thought- mistaken- that Todoroki was…being inappropriate. That wasn’t his intention at all. He would never. Not now…or, or ever.

Todoroki liked Bakugou trusting him. He liked their friendship. It made him feel earnest and selfishly proud knowing that of all people, he had been chosen to meet with Bakugou like this.

He didn’t want that to end. He would never purposefully offend Bakugou. His mind was reeling with how to properly apologise. He rattled inwardly with the mere concept that he could’ve been… checking Bakugou out . The idea fell away from him, crushed under the raging possibility that he might very well be kicked out of here and asked to never come back.

“Chill the fuck out, Icyhot. I haven’t even said anything yet.” Bakugou hissed and Shotou was snapped out of his inner panic.

“Bakugou, it wasn’t-”

“Yeah yeah, I know.” Bakugou rolled his eyes but his shoulders were still bunched up to his ears and some redness still dyed his cheeks. “I got what you meant.”

Todoroki nodded, snapping his lips shut. He was glad that’s where they left it. His chest was already thundering anxiously and he didn’t know what more to say on the topic. Thankfully, they moved on for both their benefit and fell into a more comfortable lull of conversation when the door suddenly creaked open.

Shouto frowned, wondering if it was a nurse, hoping to check some of Katsuki’s vitals once again. He turned to look, standing respectfully to greet the person who entered the room.

But then Todoroki froze, his eyes widening, his hairs standing on end.

He shouldn’t have frozen like that. He should’ve moved quicker. Should’ve shielded Bakugou’s view. Or maybe ran to slam the door shut before anything could be said.

But it was already happening. Bakugou was turning, his eyes bored and comfortable - fuck, was his comfort too much to ask for?!

There was silence loud enough that the voice was undeniable. As if the sight of green curls and freckled cheeks weren’t enough.

“K-Kacchan?”

Chapter Text

Midoriya doesn’t know what he expected. He hadn’t expected warm hugs and smiles. No, maybe he had expected something like that. He had been fucking stupid enough to expect some, some gratitude, some… acceptance at his presence.

Bakugou lunged at him.

And Midoriya was screaming before he even felt the pain. Something hot blistered at his side. His clothes bubbled and stuck to the wet redness scourged onto his skin.

He screamed when the same explosion was dealt to his neck, mouth opening like his body wanted his chest to cave in because he choked on air that wasn’t in his lungs.

Midoriya seized and writhed. Bakugou mirrored his screams, as if he were burning himself and not Deku’s defenceless body. The boy pressed down on him, crimson eyes wide and blown out and face twisted in something sick and loathsome. Snot and tears ran down Kacchan’s face as Deku registered the faraway pound of fists to his face.

He was so loud. The explosions rang in his ears and Midoriya didn’t even know if he was screaming anymore.

Hands wrapped around Bakugou’s torso and in an instant Izuku felt the weight disappear as Todoroki yanked Bakugou off of him.

Bakugou flailed and swung his hands out wildly, elbowing Todoroki’s gut and making the other gasp in pain.

Despite himself Midoriya croaked with concern. “Careful!” He croaked, going as far as sitting up in war with his aching body. “Y-You’re gonna hurt him!”

It was enough for mismatched eyes to snap to him. 

Midoriya took in a wheezing breath that seemed to whistle out his lungs.

If he could explain the way Todoroki was looking at him right now… 

Izuku felt his vision blur with tears and scooted backwards. Aquamarine and Ash eyes somehow constricted to pinpoints of black. Rage wasn’t the right word. This was something vile and undead, alive and teething. Piercing with an intent to hurt . A lethal knife tearing at flesh and leaving Midoriya wanting to claw at his own skin. He was laid bare there before Todorki, raw and exposed and flayed, and whatever it was that Todoroki saw beneath the ruin of Izuku’s skin, he gazed at it like it was something purely disgusting.

Deku was already dashing out of the room before he registered Shouto’s shout for him to ‘GET THE FUCK OUT!’

He had never heard Todoroki shout before. He’d never seen him make such a face.

He’d never seen any human being direct such an expression towards him.

He barged through down the halls, shouldering nurses and doctors and patients alike. He sobbed and stumbled, eyes red and raw. Something shattered in his chest and he crumpled to the floor, wheezing and gagging. The shards stabbed at him as he cried hysterically. 

Everything hurt. Everything burned.

Kacchan had burned him. 

Izuku’s eyes were rolling backwards, his consciousness finally succumbing to his wounds as the sour truth settled in his bones.

Kacchan would never love him.

He flailed back and forth, screaming and crying as his elbow swung back. 

Bakugou swung again and again until Todoroki finally released him, stumbling back with a groan and clutching his stomach.

Katsuki whirled on the boy, eyes wild.

It was ruined.

Everything was ruined.

DEKU DEKU DEKU.

Bakugou was already launching a fist to Shotou’s face before he had time to stop himself.

The other stumbled back again, back hitting the wall, eyes wide. 

Something shattered and Bakugou sobbed.

This was it wasn’t it? This was the plan all along. This was the FUCKING PLAN ALL ALONG!

“YOU BROUGHT HIM!” Bakugou shoved Todoroki’s chest. Something sickening curled in him. His tears wrought war down his cheeks. 

Everything screamed at him to hurt something. But Deku was gone. Was he even ever here? Has Katsuki dreamt him up like a sickening phantom?

Why was he hitting Todoroki?

There was only one person to throw all this rage onto.

“YOU FUCKER! YOU SET ME UP!” And it sounded more broken than angry and that was something Katsuki couldn’t handle. His rage, his anger. That’s what he needed. Please let him have at least that.

“No…!” Todoroki yelled back but it was drowned under the sound of Bakugou’s crackling hands. “No, Bakugou! I have no idea how he got here-”

Katsuki scoffed loudly and he watched Todoroki shrink. He looked comically fearful, brows drawn up and inwards like a meek lamb as he shivered before Bakugou.

“You think I’m fucking stupid?!” 

Clearly he was. He had been the one to trust Todoroki in the first place.

The familiar feeling of betrayal surged in his gut and it was enough to make him sick. He gritted his jaw, gripping at Todoroki’s collar and shoving the other to the wall again. His dormant limbs groaned in protest at their excessive use and Bakugou screamed in Todoroki’s face, a fire of ire fueling him. 

His body creaked.

His mind raged.

Todoroki made a small sound and Bakugou hissed at him. He wasn’t even fucking trying to throw Katsuki off.

That…That was proof! He had caught the bastard red-handed.

What had Bakugou been thinking?

How many times did he have to go through this to learn?

When the fuck was he going to learn?

Why did he keep trusting them? Why did he keep letting them use him?

His grip tightened. Katsuki felt like he might fall. Todoroki stared like a deer in headlights and it was hilarious enough to laugh.

Maybe being used is all he was good for.

“Bakugou…Please listen…” The boy’s voice lilted and Katsuki shuddered with horror. He wouldn’t be fooled by the telling tremble in Todoroki’s voice but he had to look away.

He didn’t want to see what Shouto looked like on the verge of tears even if it was all pretence.

“What was your plan, huh?” Hate dripped from his tongue like venom. He wanted to poison Todoroki with it. He wanted it to seep into the others bones and render him paralysed.

He wanted to hurt the other as much as he was. He wanted to render him useless. Let him feel the hopelessness that quaked in Katsuki’s soul.

“Is that why you made that little comment while you leered at my body, huh?” Bakugou spat. Shouto’s eye’s widened and he gripped the hand Bakugou had twisted into his collar.

“Bakugou!” Todoroki rasped.

“Am I wrong?” He couldn’t help but sob with satisfaction when he saw Todoroki tremble as much as he was. “Weren’t you scheming behind me? Wanted to remind me of what I am? Then you invited Deku here to-to seal the deal?”

Yes yes yes. Yes to all of those questions. Bakugou knew the answers already. Knew them like they were etched to his being.

“NO! No! I didn’t scheme! I don’t know how Midoriya got here, please Bakugou…!” The fake desperation in Shotou’s voice was like a slap to the face. “And I wasn’t…! L-Leering…I wasn’t.” It was ridiculous how Todoroki said that part like the accusation is what slighted him the most. 

They wanted to remind him what he was, what he would always be.

Maybe Deku would get Todoroki to hold him down this time as he watched for a replay of events.

The sickening thought was enough for Katsuki to rear away from the other, letting go as he shook.

Is that how Todoroki viewed him? Is that what all these days had been about? He was Midoriya’s friend after all. How stupid had Bakugou been to expect the other to, what, choose him over Deku?

His heart throbbed with humiliation.

Is that…how Shouto viewed him?

He wanted…that?

Todoroki entered his vision again, mouth moving but Bakugou’s ears rang and he could hear nothing. The boy reached for him without touching, eyes looking frantic as a bruise formed on his cheek.

Did he…

If that’s all anyone would ever want from him, what was the point? He could make them fearful, make them hate him but at the end of the day he couldn’t hide what his body had been made for. He couldn’t hide what it could be made to do, to…endure.

Hands were already pulling Bakugou’s wrists away from his neck as he made pain explode from his palms.

Bakugou was ripping his hand out of the grip, pushing Todoroki against the wall and then surging forward before he had the chance to feel sick.

Todoroki yelped against his lips, writhing. Bakugou bit at them, hard enough to draw blood. He watched as the boy flailed, pushing at his chest, grunting in discomfort. Wide eyes bared their shock, horror, stupefaction. 

What right did he have to act surprised? When this is what he had been planning all along.

It was with a mouth full of salt that Katsuki found himself being ripped away by hands. 

But he didn’t bother fighting them off, frozen and bruising.

Katsuki stood shock-still, eyes widening with realisation as the blur of his rage sank to his stomach. Fear bubbled up his throat but he had no words to say.

Every irrational thought, every scream of betrayal, every clang of misdirected hatred drained from him, leaving him pale and blanched. 

Empty, so he could only feel the bitter clang of his heart against his ribs.

He watched stiffly as Todoroki scrubbed harshly at his bleeding lips, eyes downcast and hair shielding his expression. 

It wasn’t enough to shield his tears.

Katsuki’s breath lurched with an apology. His throat burned and held it captive, daring him not to say what he had no right to.

What the fuck had he just done?

His mind went quiet when a doctor stabbed his neck with a needle, injecting something cold into his veins that had him stumbling.

Bakugou saw Todoroki snap wide eyes up to look at him. Looking fucking concerned. And jutting his arms out as if he might catch him.

Katsuki passed out before he could hurl .

Chapter Text

Vermillion eyes blinked open languidly. Something heavy hung beneath their unseeing gaze. His ears twitched, hair tickling at his lobes from growing unchecked. The first thing Bakugou registered was his father by his side. He didn’t want to cry but a lump choked at his words either way.

“He’s gone, right?” 

Masaru looked shocked at the words that cut through the silence. He knew he had done that dissociation shit again and for the first time he wanted to slip back into that feeling of nothing.

Ah, how could he forget? How long has it been since he’s wanted to feel nothing?

“T-Todoroki…he left, right?” Katsuki doesn’t know how his voice should sound. He doesn’t know what answer he wants to hear. He thinks he might break either way.

Masaru’s head tilted as a pained smile stretched over his face. Bakugou looked away, chest heaving as he already knew the answer.

“No. He’s still here.”

Shock gripped at him. And then rage, then fear and then…despair.

Masaru’s hand delved into his hair and a hiccup left the blonde’s lips. He turned further away from the man. He didn’t want it. Didn’t want his comforting words or the affection of his hands. The thought of touching another person made him feel sick right now.

“Katsuki…it’s okay. Everything’s-”

“I hurt him, dad…” Katsuki hiccuped, chest constricting with the weight of the words that left his lips. “I-I don’t know why but I…” 

No, that was a lie. Bakugou knew why. He knows why he did it. He just doesn’t understand how he could. He went silent. The whines of his excuses felt just as sickening as the bile threatening to claw up his throat.

“I know…” Was all his father offered and Katsuki wanted to scream at him. Is that all he had to say? Why not berate him, or punish him? Because his son had acted like a monster. He had been given kindness, more than he was due, more than he could take and fucking acted like a monster. 

He just wanted some revenge. Some…balance. To finally punch back at it all. Counter all the shit he’d been through with someone else’s suffering for a change, to make the scales equal for once. It was sick of him. It was so so sick of him. Todoroki hadn’t deserved that. Even through the fog of his paranoia, Katsuki should’ve known he had nothing to do with Deku. The creepy bastard was just about obsessive enough to pull off a stunt like that without the two-toned boy’s knowledge. 

All Bakugou had done was show just how dirty he truly was.

In that split moment where Todoroki’s eyes had tracked over him, making that comment on his physique, Katsuki had felt positively horrified. It was an overreaction but it was like a splash of cold water that even a rock like Shouto could have those urges, even if that hadn’t been his intention, the short second Katsuki had thought it was was enough to set him ticking. And the sight of Deku was just about the biggest motherfucking trigger the world could’ve thrown at him.

And the worst thing of all was that it wasn’t just horror that had steeped into Bakugou’s veins.

“Do you want to see him?” Masaru’s voice was soft but urging, as if sensing the spiral of thoughts his son was disappearing down.

Katsuki gulped. He felt the creak of his joints and the draw of his breath and it all felt too much all at once.

Why had Bakugou kissed him? If he wanted Todoroki to suffer, he could’ve kept beating on him. That would’ve done the trick just fine. Why did Katsuki have to take that further step, crossing the boundary of violence to… intimate violence ?

Because that’s what it was wasn’t it? That’s what had been done to him. And now…that’s what he’d done to Todoroki.

Katsuki whined, curling in on himself. His stomach hurt. It hurt so bad. He was sickening. He was trash, disgusting trash.

Masaru seemed despaired at the sight and soothed his hands over Bakugou’s hair in motions. “Just..apologise, Kats. Don’t you want to see him?”

Katsuki let out a scoffing laugh. It came out wet and wobbly. Apologise? Apologise. The joke was so crude that he could hunch over laughing. If his rapist knocked on his door, all smiles and waves and offered such sincere words of apology, then surely Katsuki would cheer with tears of gratitude. 

The blonde grimaced for a moment, the thought too chilling to even keep entertaining the joke in his head. What was the difference though? What was the difference between me and him? 

Oh, God. His mind raged. What was the difference?  

No, No. Katsuki wished he could take it all back. The realisation alone was enough to have him shattering. What was the difference?

He had to make up for it. He had to prove that wasn’t like him. 

Why did it matter? Why did any of it matter? Bakugou already knew he was a worthless piece of shit (but those labels had started to fade away before he could comprehend latching onto them with each passing day), maybe when he finally added assaulter onto the list, people would hate him enough to finally let him give up. To stop blocking him. To not only allow him back onto that roof but maybe push him off themselves.

Bakugou imagined heterochromia eyes, narrowed and hateful. A moving image played in his mind’s eye. The boy telling him to go. To jump off. He sees himself falter (why falter? Wasn’t death what he wanted all along?) and his victim’s vehemence grows, and suddenly Todoroki’s pushing at him, and his body falls.

Katsuki jolts with the mental image, hands sparking as he struggled not to heave. His dad was still watching. He needed to get a grip.

He didn’t want that. He didn’t want to be that. He didn’t want to be someone who could hurt his…his friend like that. He didn’t want Todoroki to hate him. He didn’t want the others to hate him.

He didn’t want them to want him dead. (Did he even still want to die?)

But… What was the difference? If push truly came to shove, hadn’t Katsuki shown that he really would be capable of that…? If he became angry enough, if the ramblings of his mind shook him enough to that point. Fuck.

He didn’t want to be that. He…wanted to be better. He wanted to apologise. Bakugou wanted to be friends again. The blonde had to make up for it, had to…

He couldn’t though. Katsuki couldn’t think of a single way that he could. 

“Don’t I want to what…” He rasped, mouth dry

His dad frowned. The man clearly wanted to pry, his caution evident on his brow but he relented with a sigh. “...see Shouto Todoroki.”

Bakugou couldn’t answer so he averted his eyes, hating that he was trembling. And like the coward he was, all he did was run away from the terror of it all.

“...Did I kill Deku?” He murmured.

His father made a surprised sound at the change of subject, eye’s widening at the question. The man’s jaw clenched and Bakugou saw the first embers of anger spark in his wary eyes. Who it was directed at, Katsuki didn’t know. The blonde knew just how deeply his parents doted on the green-haired freak. Maybe this was gonna be a telling-off for wailing on Deku like a madman.

Not that Katsuki… had meant to. Really. He doesn’t know. He can’t think about that right now.

“No…his injuries were severe but he’s alive.” 

Katsuki nods, slumping against his pillow and making a low noise as Masaru watched him carefully.

“I…I’m sorry, dad.” He mutters, eyes pricking.

“I know, Katsuki.”

His back was straight, rigid and stiff. All he could do was silently make note of the flow of his breathing. He pressed himself into the hardness of the metal chair. He tried not to make a noise, eyes fluttering closed to steady the uptick of his heart.

The boy beside him groaned.

Todoroki’s back straightened further, poised like a band to the point of snapping. He stared silently, unsure of what expression he was wearing as he looked upon Midoriya, all wrapped up in gauze and bandage, hooked up to an IV drip. 

Izuku’s face screwed up and a soft puff of air fell from his lips. Shouto clenched his fists and unclenched them. Eyelids parted to reveal hollow green eyes. Todoroki said nothing, waiting patiently for Midoriya to blink consciousness back into his body.

When Izuku’s eyes finally fell on him, he tensed up.

“Todoroki-”

“Do you have any idea what you did?”

Speaking finally made his lips hurt. A throbbing and cracking pain sang from his mouth and Todoroki felt himself coil like a spring. Bakugou had bit at him like something rabid. He settled a hand over his mouth and took some steadying breaths.

“I-” The greenete cut himself off, letting out a wheezing whimper.

“Please, Midoriya. Not now. Honestly I don’t even have the words to say to you, much less the care to comfort your tears.” The harshness of his words seemed to only make the other become more choked up. Todoroki didn’t want to grow angry. He had had time to be angry for the past hour that the green-haired boy was unconscious - licks of flames had sparked up his left side continuously throughout the time. He should be calm now, more calm.

But it didn’t change the truth of what his friend had done to him. Midoriya had…betrayed his trust, gone behind his back, sabotaged his relationship with Bakugou . Whatever comfortabilites the boy had managed to build up with the blonde, Todoroki was certain that they had all crumbled now. A sceptic like Katsuki would never truly trust him again. (And with the event of the bloody kiss, Shouto’s presence would be more headache-provoking than anything.)

Bakugou had looked…guilty, in the moments right before he passed out. Worse than guilt, he looked nauseated. Shouto’s breath quickened as he scrubbed at his own lips again. They hurt and he didn’t know what to think of the pain, or what Bakugou did.

All he wanted was to have the chance to make sense of it all, to ask Bakugou and explain himself. Some time alone, like before.

Ah…but all chance of that was ruined now, wasn’t it?

Shouto lamented mentally. What was there even to say to Midoriya? The sight of him was honestly just… enraging . Todoroki wasn’t used to rage. He was used to muted anger, thanks to his father, hatred that was ever-present like a pinging bell sounding at his temple, and it reflected in every action, every word, in the pull of his brow and the sound of his steps. But this was something wrathful, something that wanted to push itself to the forefront, claw it’s way from him and force him to go further than the norms of his silent, habitual resentment.

It had been Midoriya who’d saved him from that hollow pit of loathing and hostility. His friend who had extended a hand to him and spoke words that reverberated through Shouto so deeply that even his insides had spun on their head. So, what was this now? Because Todoroki’s heart was loud and hostile and there was nothing more painful than the realisation that it felt like heartbreak.

“You know I can’t forgive you.” Shouto trembled at the low keening sound that Midoriya let out.

“Please, I-”

“I can’t even explain how…” bad you hurt me . His mind supplied but it felt too vulnerable and he couldn’t bring himself to disclose it to the one he now deemed untrustworthy. “Why, Midoriya?”

“I-I’m sorry, Todoroki I-I-I must’ve lost it. I must’ve gone completely mad. I’m so, so…” The greenete scrubbed harshly at his tears, lips curling into a quiver as a sob racked through him. “I just wanted him t-to…I just want him.” He hiccuped again.

Shouto looked away from the other’s tearful display. He didn’t like the thoughts that sprung to his mind about the other’s cries. This was once a person he had deemed higher than all else. His closest friend. But then Todoroki’s brows furrow. “....Want him?”

That only made the other sob harder. “I-I never meant to hurt him. I just can’t handle him n-never speaking to me again.” Shouto scoffed lightly, eyes ablaze. 

“I love him.”

Those words had Shouto curling inwards. His eyes snapped to Midoriya, wide and caught-off. The other just kept babbling his excuses and apologies but the bi-coloured boy couldn’t listen. 

He… what?

“You. Love Bakugou?” Todoroki whispered. He didn’t know why the revelation was so debilitating. It just felt out of place and wrong. So wrong.

Who the hell did Midoriya think he was?

“You…think you’ve got a right to love Bakugou?”

Midoriya froze up, body locking with tension. “Why can’t I? Kacchan is perfect, m-my most perfect existence. No one else is like him a-and I…”

“Does Bakugou know you feel this way towards him?” Todoroki’s voice shook with something hot, like vitriol. 

Midoriya paused. “No… I-I’d never tell him-”

“Good.” Shouto’s eyes narrowed momentarily. “You shouldn’t. It’d just set him off if on top of all your history, he found out that you had impure intentions towards him all this while.”

The tears that tracked down Midoriya’s face soaked up in the bandages over his neck. “I-Impure? That’s not…” The boy sat up in bed, wincing slightly at his injuries but too impassioned to care. “Y-You can’t say that Todoroki. You can’t say that to me. You know it isn’t like that!”

“Do I?” Todoroki, pressed a hand to the other’s chest forcing him to lay back down. 

It made more sense now. Midoriya’s obsession, his bordering worship of Bakugou. That had been his feelings from the start. That had been driving him to act. Shouto insides churned. He had no right to comment but it made so much sense that it sickened him.

“Midoriya. I can’t speak to you as I am now.” Todoroki tried not to heave. “I don’t want to hear anymore, I think it’ll make me feel worse.”

The boy trembled in his hospital bed, fists shaking as he stared at the other pleadingly.

“I can’t look at you truly. You must’ve known the moment you followed me here that you were throwing our friendship away, right?”

Midoriya sobbed softly, eyes screwing shut as he nodded slowly.

Something guilty ticked in Todoroki but it drowned in the waves of the betrayal that plagued him. He didn’t have any more to give to Midoriya. It hurt to even be in his presence. Whatever help the boy needed wasn’t something Shouto would be able to offer, not anymore.

Shouto stood, feeling he had said all he needed to say. He turned away from the boy, steps dragging at him like lead. A hand encircled his wrist.

“Please, Sho…” The nickname scratched at his ears. “I don’t want you to hate me too.”

Shouto was glad he wasn't facing the other. He had no idea what twisted expression was reflecting on his own face.

“I don’t hate you, Midoriya.” He whispered. “I’m terrified by you.”

The confession gave away a truth Todoroki didn’t know he held. His relationship with Midoriya had already been souring before this, cracks forming at the ridges, at the centre. The greenete’s small comments, his observing and wanting eyes. His obsession had started to frighten Todoroki genuinely. It wasn’t normal. The way he acted wasn’t normal. And honestly Shouto didn’t want the unpredictable boy anywhere near Bakugou.

Shouto knew that might be wrong of him. Katsuki would blow a fuse at the slight mention of protecting him . But the doubt raged in his mind still, and doubt bloomed into genuine bone-deep trepidation.

Todoroki was terrified of what Midoriya would do to Bakugou.

Maybe he was stretching between the reality and the paranoia of his own mind but the way his intuition flared hot like searing flames made it hard to ignore. Izuku wasn’t safe. Not as he was.

“You chose to rank your delusion over the importance of your friendships.” Todoroki said finally, unwilling to turn but still needing to say something. He wrenched his wrist from Midoriya’s grasp. “Maybe if you stopped your obsession, you’d see that there’s people around you other than Bakugou that genuinely…” Todoroki felt choked up, vision blurring as he forced his gaze to the floor. “But not me. Not anymore.”

The silence that followed was his que to leave.

“Ah, also. I recommended the doctors transfer you to another hospital for your recovery. That’s the least you could do for Bakugou.”

Todoroki slid the door closed, the click of it’s latch spelling something final. And it hurt Shouto more than he could express that his hand had been forced like that. 

It didn’t matter now. None of it did. He steeled himself to sit in the waiting area, shaky and uncertain. Now he just hoped he would be able to explain everything properly to Bakugou.

-

Shouto jolted slightly, head snapping up. He hadn’t realised he’d fallen asleep. The window on the wall of the waiting area no longer shone the diming sun’s rays. It had passed into night.

How many hours had it been?

So…that was Bakugou’s answer then. He wouldn’t see him. Otherwise Todoroki would’ve been called in by now and visiting hours are well past over.

Shouto sighs as he begins to stand. He shouldn’t be surprised, this is what he had expected. Even the time he had managed to spend with Bakugou until now had been a luxury, he knew that. He just hadn’t expected it to end so abruptly, so unfairly. If only the blonde would allow him to explain himself, to barge in and hammer the truth into his mind. But that would make Todoroki no different from Midoriya.

All he could do was respect Bakugou’s wishes and go back to the dorms.

That’s all there was to do.

Shouto nodded to himself. Be mature and accept it.

Todoroki made to leave but stopped short. He wanted to move but his feet trembled at the urgence to take any steps. He screwed his eyes shut and slammed a hand over his mouth, a choked sound bubbling from his throat. He tried to gulp in a few gasping breaths, his other hand bracing against the wall as his shoulders hunched over. His eyelids felt hot and the boy dropped into a crouch, mouth curling. Searing ugly tears poured down his face and he wiped at them with his sleeve, the loss of support from his hand bracing the wall making his whole right side lean against it as he curled in further.

He needed to calm down. His mind reasoned but an inexplicable sadness still wrought through his body.

Shouto felt childish but it was just so so unfair. Why should he be punished for something that was completely out of his control?  Why was everything so-

“Young boy?” 

Todoroki inhaled sharply and immediately stood straight from his position. He blinked rapidly, his body finally listening as the tears stopped flowing and wiped the proof of it from his face. The heterochromia-eyed boy cleared his throat and turned to face the one who had called out to him.

“I’m surprised you're still here.” The older man smiled softly, skin crinkling at his eyes. Shouto coughed softly, neck feeling hot as he immediately recognised Bakugou Masaru. The older man had certainly witnessed him shamelessly sobbing on the floor.

“I…apologise.” Thankfully his voice didn’t shake at all. It sounded steady and even. “I was just about to leave.”

Masaru hummed. “I don’t think the trains are still running at this time and it wouldn’t be good on my conscience to let a young boy wander home in the dead of night.” Todoroki gulped, nodding. He didn’t know what to say to that. “If you truly wish to leave then allow me to drive you.”

The boy blinked at the man in questioning. ‘If?’

The kind-looking man’s expression soured with something more bitter but the smile stayed on his face. “This might be selfish of me to ask, but I hope you’ll choose to stay.” He raised a hand to lift up a small plastic bag. “I brought Katsuki some food, perhaps you could head in and give it to him instead.”

Todoroki stiffened, eyes darting between the bag and the man’s face. “Is…that okay?”

“Mm.” The other hummed in response. “Any parent wants to be the one their child can turn to and rely on but I think more than me Katsuki needs his friends.”

Shouto’s heart beat a bit faster. Hopeful. “And…Bakugou wants to see me?”

Masaru sighed. “He hasn’t admitted it but yes, I think he does.”

Ah, so Todoroki might still mess things up if he gets over excited and barges in when Bakugou hasn’t asked of him. He didn’t know what to do here. Surely the boy’s father would know him well enough to be right, but that might be Todoroki’s own wishful thinking. If he made the wrong move here, he could end up hurting Bakugou further.

The man seemed to sense his hesitance and dropped his arm. “It’s up to you. I understand if you’re worried. Especially after what Katsuki did to you, it might be hard to forgive him-”

“N-No…! That’s not it.” Shouto blanched. There was nothing to forgive. Bakugou was the one who had been done wrong. Of course he would go ballistic if he thought Todoroki had set him up. Why should the topic of Shouto’s forgiveness even come up in a situation like this.

And yet, it did make him feel…upset. That the blonde hadn’t heard him out. That he had taken to violence as if he truly believed Todoroki would betray him like that. That small nagging feeling of being wronged laid dormant under all his distress. 

“Even still, I understand if you yourself cannot see him. I won’t push your decision.” Masaru's eyes shifted and the man looked tired, more than the first time Todoroki had met him. “Atleast let me drive you back.”

The boy stared, silent and pondering for a moment. His muscles ached and his mind thrummed with the truth that he had to make a decision here. A wrong move could wreck things even more than the ruin they were already in. 

“I’ll take the food to him…” He whispered, uncertain and somewhat afraid.

-

“Seriously, did you get lost or something, old ma-”

Bakugou’s eyes widened at the sight of him and the comfortable snark on his face stuttered. Todoroki stepped further into the room, closing the door behind him and the blonde seemed to tense at the sound.

“Your…dad told me to bring this to you…” Todoroki mumbled, shuffling awkwardly on the spot after depositing the bag of food on the table far off to the side.

The blonde seemed frozen in a snapshot of surprise and dismay. But only for a moment and then his mouth slammed shut as he just stared. Shouto was unsure of what to do in the stretching silence and then Bakugou’s eyes shifted and he could feel an intense gaze over his lips. 

Todoroki covered his mouth, grimacing. It must still look all bitten and sore. 

Katsuki seemed to take offence at the action and his shoulders immediately bunched up to his ears.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

Shouto’s eyes widened at the harshness of Bakugou’s tone. He might’ve felt defensive if it wasn’t for the tremor he heard in the other’s voice. He had made a mistake. This was a bad idea and Todoroki was horrified by the realisation that Bakugou was about to cry because of him.

“Why are you still here?” The voice came out all scratchy and accusatory.

Was this something to be so surprised over? Of course Bakugou wouldn’t want him randomly popping up unannounced. And yet Todoroki had jumped at the idea with a little nudging from the boy’s father, hoping everything would be alright. Naive and stupid and humiliatingly opportunistic.

“A…Apologies. I’ll leave…” The two-toned boy took a wary step back and drowning crimson eyes immediately tracked the movement. That seemed to make matters worse as Katsuki turned away from him to cover his mouth as a choked noise broke past his lips.

Todoroki’s breath stuttered at Bakugou’s sudden upset.

He paused for a moment, unsure. This could be wrong but…Shit, Shouto’s hands were shaking. He might be wrong about this, lord knows he had never been one to pick up on how to respond well to other’s emotions but.. What if Bakugou didn’t want him to leave?

Feeling emboldened by the thought but just as scared, he dared himself to step further into the room, not halting his paces until he was stood beside Bakugou's hospital bed.

“Bakugou.” 

The blonde flinched. Todoroki could hear his breath hitch under the covers.

Whatever would happen now, he had called the other’s attention. He felt in over his head for a moment, realising with embarrassing clarity that he actually didn’t know what to say. It didn’t matter though, he knew that. All he could do was try because if Bakugou truly wanted him here then…that spoke volumes. That meant he needed to try.

“It’s okay.”

Shouto had to steel himself not to flinch backwards when the boy suddenly whipped around on him, face raging and teeth bared.

“It’s-!”

“It’s okay.” Todoroki cut him off, wondering if he’d get a fist to the face for that. But the only response was the falling of Bakugou’s features, his brows furrowing and a quiver at his lip. Todoroki tilted his head disarmingly, acting calm despite the harrowing thump of his heart. 

He didn’t know if he was doing the right thing. But Katsuki had always found a way of pushing him to a state of instincts first.

“It’s not…” The blonde whimpered and Todoroki’s ears strained at the sound. He understood suddenly that he was seeing something he shouldn’t be. Even throughout all his visits they’d never much delved into sensitive topics and if anything it was more Todoroki talking about his own twisted life not Bakugou’s. Not once had he witnessed this level of vulnerability with the other.

He blinked at the boy in slight wonder, unsure if this was okay. To see this.

“I’m not mad…And I don’t blame you.” He breathed, finding the words as much of a relief to say as they were to hear. He realised that no, he wasn’t mad at all at Bakugou. What was done was done but he held no negativity towards the other. Shouto was close enough to see every tick in the blonde’s face, every wrinkle of guilt and twitch of emotion. It was much easier to ascertain what to do and say from such a vivid perspective.

Heterochromia eyes tracked a downturn to the corner of Bakugou’s mouth, the way it pulled at the skin of his cheek and the way his brows furrowed inwards, scrunching the skin just above his nose. 

Apprehension and disbelief, Todoroki discerned. That was good…It was better than outright malice or disacknowledgement. This meant progress surely. Even if the blonde’s doubt was still so clear, Shouto must be having some type of effect. And Bakugou was listening to him but something still stormed beneath the other’s eyes that the boy couldn’t make sense of. 

No, there was no need for paranoia. Todoroki was just seeing what wasn’t there. This was good. They would say what they needed to say to each other and the whole thing would be sorted by the end of it.

“But…I blamed you.” Bakugou’s voice lilted, slow and more unsure than the other had ever been allowed to hear. There was something childlike and meagre about his tone. Like he was speaking from a curled-up ball, unsure if something was going to lash out at him yet ready to accept it all the same. It made Todoroki feel uneasy. This isn’t how he imagined the conversation going and he didn’t know if he should feel some relief at the intense meekness the blonde was putting on display. If this was Bakugou feeling guilty…then this must be how he acted: all…small and pliable. I mean, Todoroki should be thankful the other was being so accepting of the conversation but it felt out of place. “When it wasn’t…you.”

Wasn’t this level of guilt excessive for simply attacking Todoroki in a blind rage? It’s not like they’d never fought before (albeit the kiss did put a starkly wretched spin on things).

He had expected a brashness and hesitation along with a quick - but somehow genuine - apology that matched the brusqueness of Bakugou’s nature. But this was all…furtive glances and trembling eyes. 

As if he expected Shouto to hit him or something.

The thought almost had him backing up from Bakugou’s space but Todoroki’s distance seemed to trigger him just as much as his closeness. It was like he expected both, anticipated both, feared both. 

Did Bakugou want his forgiveness? Or did he want…

Shouto flexed his fingers, suddenly uncomfortable with his train of thought. He had prepared himself to speak to Bakugou as he always was. But this side of his friend was unknown and unexplored. Seemingly with its own sensitivities and fears which were very much the same but also starkly different from their norm.

It was adverse. It was like Todoroki had been thrown into a whole different ball game, like he was dealing with a whole different person. And after weeks of growing attuned to Bakugou’s sensibilities, this yielding and demure version before him left him feeling increasingly adequate to handle the conversation. 

He took a breath and steeled himself. It was still Bakugou. A vulnerable and repentant Bakugou but Bakugou all the same. Todoroki was his friend and he wouldn’t be scared away when he was already this deeply involved. From his standing position he could look down on the blonde patient, sat with his legs sprawled out on the bed, the furthest knee hiked up as he gripped the railing between them with a white-knuckle hold. He didn’t even really look at him, just kinda shot furtive glances out of the corner of his eye.

And each time he caught Todoroki’s eye it made him curl in on himself further, hunching as if he was lowering himself.

Shouto hated the sight of it. Hadn’t he conveyed well enough that he wasn’t mad? Had he messed up somewhere? Why was Bakugou being so…

It was almost shudderingly reverent. Like he was submitting.

Todoroki wasn’t thinking when he moved to hold onto the railing, hand an inch apart from Bakugou’s trembling one. “ Bakugou. ” He urged, trying not to grit his teeth. This wasn’t like Bakugou at all. Honestly it would’ve felt better if the blonde had just punched him again and got angry or cursed at his existence. “I…I’m not mad. It’s okay. I’m telling you it’s okay.”

Why did it feel like this was going somewhere past the limits of Todoroki’s grasp?

He saw Bakugou’s jaw tick, skin smoothing as some type of unreadable expression fell over his face. He thankfully didn’t flinch at the movement Shouto made but seemed to become even more reserved. Todoroki almost felt like hissing at the darkening of those crimson eyes. “I’m sorry…” Bakugou finally rasped, and the other boy felt thankful to hear that the tone carried a bit more life to it.“I wasn’t um…I’m really fucking sorry, icyhot.”

Shouto nodded, smiling slowly. That was…better. He honestly hadn’t expected such an easy apology to flow but it had gratitude warming his body all the same. It felt disarming, to hear the nickname Bakugou had assigned to him so easily paired with his habitual cursing. It felt like something he could work with, something a bit more…humane than whatever deference he was witnessing a second ago.

Now Katsuki turned to fully look at him. Todoroki blinked in surprise, reacting quick enough to lean back so he wasn’t nose-to-nose with the other. Whether Bakugou realised the almost daunting misstep or not, he didn’t show it, rather his eyes were boring into his, alight but dim like they were waiting for something. A signal. Shouto tried not to shudder at the lengthy stare-down that was slowly becoming disturbing.

He should be glad. Bakugou apologised without him ever even having to explain himself. He had chosen to trust that Todoroki would never betray him like that.

But Katsuki’s staring persisted. His eye’s stayed pointed and at a glance it seemed like he wasn’t even breathing. Expectant and…Shouto watched the other’s eye twitch, and defensive.

“Oh…” Todoroki perked slightly, recognising what the blonde was waiting for. The slow clawing of dread dissipated and he let out a slow chuckle at his own lack of tact. “I forgive you.”

“You shouldn't.” Todoroki paused, frowning at the quick retort swatting down his affable remission. Why did Bakugou seem suddenly disappointed by him? His crimson eyes swam and pooled with something inky but then they shuttered closed and Todoroki couldn’t see anything at all. The darkness of the room and that sudden purposeful act had the two-toned boy feeling like he’d been closed off from something and left in the dark. 

Like if he took anymore paces, he’d slip on something debilitating and unnerving and find himself plunging into a vat of repercussions. Or maybe he’d already been falling.

“You shouldn’t .” Bakugou repeated. He stressed the syllables of the word like he wanted to tear at them and watch it bleed.

“...But I do.” Todoroki countered slowly. It was starting to feel like he was talking to a wall and everything he’d been saying and thinking was being well-received, wasn’t even being received at all. “I think I forgave you even before I stepped into here.”

Bakugou fixed him with a look. One that stung like vexation but pierced like regret.

“You should wanna get back at me.” Bakugou growled, the previous meekness he had shown dissipating. “You should want to…hurt me back.”

Shouto’s brows furrowed. A displeased sound left his throat. Had he heard any of what Todoroki had been saying? “Stop it Bakugou. You know I don't want to do that. It won’t help either of u-”

Todoroki startled when the other fisted his collar and his eyes widened, mind flashing back to the barrage of fists Bakugou had dealt to him a couple hours before. Despite his preference for the fury over the guilt, he didn’t genuinely want to deal with another spout of violence.

“What if it’ll help me? ” Bakugou finally rasped out, eyes tearing again. Shouto’s lips parted in shock. 

His brain stuttered for a moment. And he couldn’t think.

“I…If what will…” He breathed.

That deep inky murkiness leached back into Katsuki’s eyes and with nothing to shield Todoroki from it this time, he was being allowed to glimpse at something tangible and foul and maybe the most vulnerable thing Katsuki had shown him since he’d stepped into this hospital room.

Shouto grasped Bakugou’s wrist, bracing suddenly and gaping like a mindless invalid.