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White. That was all Nobunaga saw as he relaxed, little disoriented. He felt the thin mattress against his back on the hospital bed he was laying on.
"Now just close your eyes," the doctor told him.
So he did.
"Do you hear anything?"
Nobunaga took a moment to listen. He heard a guitar play in the background. And then a familiar voice hopefully asking if he can hear the rest of a story. And then he saw those electric blue eyes he had dreamed about...
Hi. You're probably wondering who that character is and how he got into this situation.
It all started when Nobunaga was four years old and he had his first vivid dream.
He had been napping as he sometimes did, although the other kids at his school were more likely to pretend.
In the dream he was taller and blond, although he couldn’t actually see his hair, as his eyesight was focused on a slightly shorter boy with bright blue eyes and darker- though still blue- hair.
Nobunaga, to contrast with his dream self, has dark hair and amber-brown eyes.
He and the other boy-, whose name he just knew started with a Y, were both on a stage and singing, and it felt like coming home.
Little did he know that that dream- or memory- would become very important later on.
"Wake up sweetheart,"
Soon he felt himself being jolted awake by his mother.
His mother had dark hair just like him and was very fashionable, her hair long and down her back in waves, and for a thirty-something-year-old- was very pretty.
Though he still felt distrustful of her. For some reason.
She also had amber eyes, although his father did too, so it wasn't that much of a surprise when Nobunaga realized he had gotten them as well.
One early summer day less than a year later, his mother had taken him out shopping for new clothes.
As they walked through the mall, Nobunaga could feel people stare and gaze at him, but he didn't know why.
"Excuse me Mrs-."
His mother groaned. "Not you again."
Nobunaga looked up to see a funny man with a newspaper, notepad, and a pen.
"Please, just one moment of your time-,"
"No."
His mother tried to hurry them away, only to be stopped as the man blocked their path.
"People love this story, it makes us more yen every-."
"Why does it?” Nobunaga saw his mother’s fist clench. “Why do you make money off of other people's pain?"
Nobunaga had never seen his mother so angry. He didn't think she had it in her.
"Ah, didn't mean it like that Mrs, but- Look at how well received last years edition was then!"
The journalist kept persisting, blocking their path out, and holding up a newspaper with a picture that made Nobunaga feel uneasy but he didn't know why.
It was of two very old people, but still younger than his mother who was absolutely ancient.
Anniversary Issue of the Most Tragic Love Story Ever Told
Read to find out new and exclusive details!
Nobunaga didn't know quite what the words meant, but the idols in the picture beneath looked so familiar...
"That's me," he had said suddenly, pointing to the light-haired idol. He didn't know why he has said it, but it felt true.
His mother and journalist stared shocked as he then had pointed to the slightly shorter person beside him. "That's my fiancé!"
"No Honey-."
Suddenly the journalist let out a bark of laughter, confusing Nobunaga greatly.
"Little kids huh? Sorry, I'll leave you two alone now. Enjoy your day, and sorry for your loss."
Nobunaga was six when he first met him.
A boy in his class that had blond hair with blue eyes.
Aside from being strangely familiar, the boy also made Nobunaga’s heart beat loudly in his chest, his pulse quicken, and butterflies stir in his stomach. He didn't like it.
He didn’t know what to do, but it just so happened that the next day, they were paired together for an assignment.
"Hi, what's your name?" he had asked the boy as if he knew how to make friends.
"None of your business."
Then the boy stuck out his tongue childishly.
Later at Recess, they played tag together with a few other kids.
The boy’s name was Kouki, which he offered later on.
And that was how Nobunaga met his best friend.
Dinner at Nobunaga’s house was normally a somewhat quiet affair.
It was just him, his mother, his father, and his baby brother, Aizou.
His father was weird. Most times he would laugh and be funny, gross, like when he kissed his mother who would pretend to be angry before laughing as well, or boring and serious, like when Nobunaga's parents were discussing boring grown-up stuff.
His brother was boring too, though. His mother said he would grow up to be just as interesting as his namesake, but Nobunaga didn't believe her.
Nobunaga was ten when he wanted to play the guitar. His music teacher had let him try to play one, and he absolutely loved it.
He brought it up with his parents over dinner that night.
"Can I get a guitar?"
The question was posed innocently enough.
"No," was his father's reply. It was cold and harsh, different from his usual tone of voice. Almost as if something within him had shrivelled up and died.
"Sorry, Honey," was his mother's.
"But why..?" he had whined.
His father then folded his napkin and excused himself from the table. "I forbid you from ever taking up music, or playing an instrument."
"Why?"
His mother then gazed at him. "Your father cares about you a lot. He just doesn't want you to get hurt, Honey. It's time for bed now. I'll discuss it over with him, okay?"
And Nobunaga solemnly complied.
That was the first time he had heard his parents fight. He couldn't sleep. When he heard the sounds, he slowly crept over to his door and opened it a crack, just enough to see what was going on.
"Just let him!"
"No Arisa, it's too dangerous!"
"It's a guitar!"
"Which was the instrument my brother had! It's the Guitar for now, soon he'll want to sing, and the next thing we know, he'll- he...!"
"I know," his mother had tried again softly. "We can stop him if it gets out of hand."
"Fine. Just don't let him play it near me."
And that was how Nobunaga got his first guitar.
Kouki was amazed when Nobunaga proudly showed it to him.
"Wow! I can play the grand piano, but Okasan won't let me get one. Says it's too big, I think that's stupid."
Nobunaga smirked, sitting on his bed, his cheeks heating up a little. "Any requests?"
"Sure," Kouki sat beside him, subtly tugging the neckline of his shirt away from his actual neck. He sometimes complained about feeling as if he was choking if anything was near it.
"Let's sing Rodeo!"
"That songs ancient. What about Dream Fanfare?"
Nobunaga never played the song himself, but he had listened to it enough times. In secret because his parents would kill him if they found out.
"Okay, I'll start."
Nobunaga's fingers glided over the strings as if he had done this many times before.
Kouki started singing. “Everyone else is the same colour, and the ones who weren't were hated until they were duller."
Nobunaga then stared at him, caught off guard, before smiling stupidly. Kouki's voice was magical, and Nobunaga thought he should seriously consider becoming an idol.
And then it was his que. "Hiding in fear, and a bit of shame."
His singing must have been a bit rusty because Kouki laughed before they both sang the last line in the stanza.
"I had tried, even lied, painting my colour the same."
"Tomor-."
Then Nobunaga heard a door open, and his father announcing that he was home. Quickly he stopped playing, growing tense.
"What's wrong?"
"I'm not allowed to play my guitar when father's home."
"Your parents are weird."
"Yeah, I know. I was once kept home from a school concert! All because of the song!" Nobunaga complained to Kouki. "And I had practised A Small Lion and everything!"
The summer Nobunaga was fifteen, he realized something.
Kouki and him were closer than ever, though they would sometimes fight- but they always came through for each other in the end.
One day in the summer they had found a grand piano in the music classroom.
So naturally, Nobunaga brought his guitar along the next day, and they both played and sang.
There was something nostalgic about it, something that Nobunaga couldn't place, but with the happy and light feeling in his heart, and the sunlight that filtered through the classroom window, he didn't really care.
While they played, Kouki glanced up at him once, sending nervous butterflies into Nobunaga's stomach as his cheeks heated up.
That night he had lied in bed, wondering why he had that reaction. After all, it was Kouki and he had known him for years. And that's when it hit him. He was in love. He was in love with Kouki, his best friend, and partner in musical crime.
And as the time they spent together flashed in front of his eyes, Nobunaga guessed that he had always loved him.
That night, he had a weird dream.
It wasn’t your usual weird dream; the weirdest thing about it was that it felt real.
Above, he could see the night sky, a dazzling array of glimmering stars and constellations. The grass he walked on was a vivid green, the tall blades tickling his boots as he walked. Fireflies surrounded him, and cricket’s chirped loudly.
He in question had blond hair, which was framing his face messily. His name was different too, but Nobunaga couldn’t remember what it was.
“What happened next?”
He looked to his side, gazing into bright, round blue eyes that Nobunaga swore he had seen somewhere else before.
A boy around his age, the owner of said eyes, walked beside him, looking regal against the hue of the night sky, almost as if he were a prince. Maybe he was.
“He did a backflip, snapped the bad guy’s neck, and saved the day.”
The boy next to him suddenly combust into a fit of giggles, getting him to laugh as well.
But when the boy wouldn’t stop laughing, he frowned. "What's wrong?"
“Ha- I’m sorry- that’s a nice story...”
“No, it actually happened! My father’s a hero; you can ask him if you ever come over to my palace."
“Alright, alright,” the boy held up his hands in surrender. “I believe you.”
Then Nobunaga woke up, feeling unusually wide awake and full of questions. It didn’t feel like a dream, it felt real. Like a long-forgotten memory.
He had spent the week thinking over and over about it, and a week later, Nobunaga only had one possible answer to the weird dream.
It seemed silly, and maybe, maybe, it was just a dream and nothing else.
... but if he was reincarnated, it would explain a lot.
“Okasan,” Nobunaga found his mother in the kitchen, already finishing up dinner. She only stayed at home a few days, his father and her taking turns to be the 'Stay at Home Parent.'
His father was still at work, and Aizou was over at a friend's, which was good.
“Oh, hi Honey, yes?”
Nobunaga hesitated for a second, grabbing an apple out of the fridge.
“What is it?”
“Um...” suddenly he was uncomfortable. “This is for a school assignment... Okasan, what do you think happens when we die?”
“Hm... I don’t know. I never really thought about it.”
“What if we’re reincarnated?”
His mother tapped a finger against her chin thoughtfully. “Come to think of it, when you were little you used to think you were your late uncle.”
Oh. This was interesting. “The uncle my brother was named after?”
She nodded in confirmation. “I remember when you were little in the mall, and this reporter wanted me to give another interview for an anniversary issue on them. Well, you pointed to the cover photo and declared that you were Aizou and that Yuujirou was your fiancé.” She chuckled at that memory.
Nobunaga didn’t ask any more questions, but the new information reeled in his mind.
So.
He might have been Aizou, huh?
And Yuujirou...
Nobunaga stopped in his tracks, his eyes going wide.
The boy’s blue eyes in his dream...
The eyes of the boy in a dream from when he was a little kid...
Kouki’s eyes...
Was- was Kouki, Yuujirou? No, maybe?”
Kouki who felt like home, Kouki who he loves...
Nobunaga needed some sleep.
The next day, Kouki and him were back in the music classroom.
It was slowly becoming their secret hideaway.
Kouki slowed and then stopped his playing as Nobunaga was gazing into the distance, his hand strumming his guitar slowing down.
“Are you okay?”
Nobunaga’s cheeks grew even hotter, and he glanced away so Kouki wouldn't see. "Nothing."
"Your face is heating up. Are you sure you aren't sick?"
"...Yeah." Nobunaga almost fell off of his seat on the grand piano when Kouki tugged on his sleeve lightly.
"You look as if you've seen a ghost."
“It’s nothing,” then Nobunaga thought of something else he could say. “I’ve just been thinking about something.”
Kouki drew back, puzzled. "What?"
"I think I might have been reincarnated.”
"Er..." Kouki was rendered speechless. "Say that again?"
Nobunaga then started laughing as if it were a joke. "We might be reincarnated!"
"It must be the heat," Kouki muttered. "Come on, let's go home."
Ignoring Nobunaga's state, Kouki helped him to his feet, got both of their bags, and then they left.
When they both got to Nobunaga's house, Kouki forced him to lay down on the couch and drink some cold water.
"Are you better now?"
"Yeah, thanks."
"You must have gotten heat stroke or something!"
"I’m serious."
"So am I,” Kouki frowned. "You're crazy."
"Yeah, maybe a bit. And what about you?" Nobunaga was gazing at Kouki now, sitting up slightly. "I remember a dream I had when I was little," he continued, looking up at the ceiling.
"So?"
"We were standing on a stage, beneath rainbow stage lights," Nobunaga stretched up his hands in front of his face as if illustrating it. "I had messy blond hair tied back in a ponytail, and you- I'm positive it was you- had short dark blue hair that made you look ethereal."
It was silent for a few moments. "They’re not dreams," Nobunaga said finally. "At least- they don’t seem like it. Has anything like that happened to you?"
This caused Kouki to falter for a second. Silence became the most popular noise in the house...
"So what if I do too? It's just our imaginations!"
"But what if it isn't?"
More silence.
"There's a thing you can get done in the hospital to get past life memories back," Nobunaga mentioned offhandedly. "I'm getting it done once I have enough money."
Kouki frowned. "A-Are you sure this is a good idea? Even if they’re not just dreams, there’s a reason you must have forgotten them.”
"But even so... I want to see if there’s any chance my hunch is correct or not. I mean, if it isn’t we’ll know, and if it is.... it is.”
"Still."
"Yeah I know," Nobunaga sighed, letting his arms flop back down.
A few moments of comfortable silence later, Kouki started talking. "When I was little I had these weird dreams of being someone else too. But I didn't think it in as much detail as you have."
"Yeah?"
"I was... different. Beside me was my... husband? I don't know, he said something, and I don't remember what, but I said 'I will, but I could never forget you!'" Kouki made a face. "Geez, I hope I wasn't that sappy if that ever happened."
"Yeah, that's pretty sappy. Did you forget them though?"
"Unfortunately. I wonder if they remember?"
Then they hung out in comfortable silence for the rest of the afternoon.
And that's how Nobunaga ended it in the hospital a few months later, seeing memories he didn't know if he actually had or not. But, he thought, if there's an operation for it then it must be more common than I thought.
Kouki was also here, as he decided to do it as well, though Nobunaga guessed it was more for the sake of doing it than any curiosity.
"Close your eyes," the doctor said.
And he complied, growing a little afraid as he realized the full weight of what he was doing.
Seeing memories that his brain had locked away. Did he want to actually see them? What if he saw his death? What if it hurt? No, he concluded. I can't back out now!
"And now... open them."
He did. But he could still feel his eyelashes against his cheek. It was weird.
He was on a stage, not as fancy as the one he saw in his dreams. And it was bigger?
Nobunaga didn't know what was going on, but he was singing, very high pitched, and a little off-key.
The audience whispered to themselves.
And then he heard a female voice talk coldly. "Shut him up."
He felt another person walk beside him, and would have gasped if his past self did then.
The person was a little taller than him, with the same amber eyes and light brown hair, much shorter than it is now.
Nobunaga was seeing a younger version of his father.
"Come on, Aizou!"
Nobunaga couldn’t help but feel betrayed along with Aizou, tears bubbling in his eyes, but he couldn't stop it, damnit.
Then the scene ended. So I knew my father?
Not even a second later, another scene formed, he was sitting at his grandfather's dining table.
He didn't feel so small like he was almost a teen? He didn't exactly know but he had a feeling...
Ken was sitting at Nobunaga's left, on the other side of the table as him. His grandparents- well, mother and father were sitting across from them.
Then, all of a sudden, his much younger grandmother's phone went off, and she picked it up, growing noticeably happier.
"I have to take over my co-worker's night shift tonight."
"Again?" his younger grandfather posed.
She hummed in response, getting up from the table immediately, before kissing Ken's forehead and attempting to kiss Aizou's, the latter moving away in apparent disgust.
Then she stood in front of the hall mirror, fluffing her hair, and applying some deep red lipstick.
A second later they heard the door close.
Ken, who had been scrolling through his phone, quickly scrambled up, leaving the table too.
Nobunaga must have gotten up as well, but he didn't know because the scene rearranged itself again.
He was standing in front of a front yard on a suburban street, leaning against a 'for sale' sign.
The sky was a crystal blue, but Nobunaga wasn't focusing on that.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his Grandfather and Ken moving cardboard boxes that contained all their stuff to the family car.
"Aizou, get your box, Dad wants to leave as soon as possible!"
Without responding to Ken's call, Aizou did as he was told, a bit bitterly, not wanting to go inside that house again.
Although it wasn't said, Nobunaga just knew they were moving to another city.
To his city.
The next memory was much brighter; Nobunaga was standing on a stage again, playing his guitar, and singing in front of some judges sitting in the audience front row.
Aizou’s singing sounded much better then it had before, but still it managed to be somewhat worse than Nobunaga's today.
This memory lasted longer than the previous ones. Once Aizou finished his audition song a few minutes after he started singing it, he bowed and walked backstage, where he saw a boy silently judging him with narrowed eyes.
Nobunaga's heart skipped a beat.
Because this wasn't some random boy. He knew him.
Even though the rest of the boy looked nothing like him, the boy in question having blue hair in a bob cut, Nobunaga just knew.
The boy was Kouki, and he could tell he was, from his cute demeanour, that small frown he would make sometimes when he was trying to figure something out, not to mention his beautiful bright blue eyes.
They were the same.
And along those lines, Nobunaga supposed he had Aizou's eyes too.
A tense moment passed between them, as Kouki’s past-self caught Nobunaga's gazing.
"Someya, Yuujirou!"
Ah. So Kouki was Yuujirou.
Nobunaga watched the boy silently walk away and onto the stage, savouring the moment, and just knowing that this was when they first saw each other.
Then Nobunaga was swept away into a burst of colourful memories, just as if he were a sakura blossom.
He saw how Yuujirou and his relationship grew- from fighting to friends. Sometime around then, they stopped fighting, though Nobunaga couldn't tell when.
And then, to when Aizou had confessed to Yuujirou, one summer’s night during a gathering with the other Idols and a very interesting game of Truth or Dare.
Nobunaga watched as they grew, distinctly remembering one of his teachers, a tall man who had always looked in pain for a second whenever Aizou was with Yuujirou.
Nobunaga never found out whether it was hate or jealousy, but Mr Akechi always hid it well most of the time.
Years passed by before his eyes.
They had shone brightly like fireflies, glowing and making the dark world around them much brighter. Jeez, when did he become so poetic?
"If we meet again in our next life, will you help me remember?"
Yuujirou was beside him, and Nobunaga's heart skipped a beat for a second even though he couldn't feel anything. Yuujirou had shaken his head, laughing at Aizou's question. They were somewhere in their twenties.
"If I remember I will. But I won't forget you. You're unforgettable!"
Nobunaga's heart swelled with happiness, even though those words weren't exactly for him.
And then...
It felt like just a few days later.
Nobunaga found himself on a modern-looking white couch, staring down at his phone in nervousness and worry.
If he could, he wished he could have seen what the rest of the area looked like. But Nobunaga guessed that wasn't what made this memory important.
"Yuujirou...."
The name slipped from his lips painfully, and Nobunaga became just as worried as he was back then.
Wait- what's happening? Oh gods, did something happen?
He looked back down at the phone again to finally notice how many texts and voicemails he had sent Yuujirou.
Aizou pushed the call button next to Yuujirou's name again, and Nobunaga heard it ring.
One. Nobunaga's heart was beating rapidly. Two... Yuujirou was going to answer. Yuujirou was going to answer and he was going to be alright.
"Your call has been sent to voicemail. At the tone, please record your message. Press one for more options. To leave a call-back number, press five."
Nobunaga's heart sunk miserably, and he had to remind himself that Kouki was actually safe and alright, here with him in the hospital.
After the beep, Aizou began his voicemail. Nobunaga noticed through his voice that Aizou was full of worry and concern, even though he sounded angry. "Yuujirou, where the hell are you!? What could you have possibly needed to do in the middle of the night?! It's been almost six hours, why didn't you wake me up?!"
The more information Nobunaga got, the more he was sure something was wrong.
"If you don't return home soon, I'm heading out there myself so-."
His voicemail was interrupted by a knock at the door.
Without a second thought, Aizou quickly put his phone down and almost flew to the door.
"Finally," Aizou had mumbled, in nervousness and relief.
But when he opened it, it was not who he had expected.
"Is this Mr Shibasaki?"
Nobunaga's heart was beginning to shatter painfully. He couldn't believe this. The police were not at his door, they couldn't be, no, they had absolutely no reason to.
"Have you found Yuujirou? Is he okay? Yuujirou?!"
Aizou tried to stick his neck out the door frame, but the police officer stopped him.
"We have some distressing news. Come with us."
A second later, Nobunaga found himself in another memory. But one extremely close to the previous one.
He was in the back seat of a car, pulling up to the front of a forest.
"Um, what are we doing here?"
The two people in the front seat ignored his question. Looking out of the window, Aizou's worry only increased.
With his heart pounding in his stomach, Aizou frowned, his eyebrows furrowed. "For- this is for a music video, right? Right?"
Aizou had gotten no responses.
When they got out another officer immediately walked up to them. "Is this Mr Shibasaki?" he had said, before getting confirmation from the others.
Then he walked up to Aizou.
"Did Mr Someya have any enemies? We don't want to rule anything out- despite the location."
Aizou was silent for a few moments, and Nobunaga's heart stopped, a sinking pit in his stomach. "Well, yeah, but he's not the kind of person to get revenge years afterwards!"
The officer had frowned and then walked away.
There was a lot of chatter around him; Aizou was frantic, trying to find out what was going on.
"Poor kid."
"Does he know?"
"Apparently n-"
Aizou didn't notice what they were saying. Nobunaga did.
"Yuujirou?" he had called out hopefully.
Then out of the corner of his eye, Aizou spotted one of those beds that can roll and transport people.
And in it...
A body that was covered with a white sheet.
Aizou ran to the body instantly. "Who it is?" he had asked the woman who was wheeling it. "Is it someone we know? Who-?"
She just gave him a look of pity.
Half of Nobunaga didn’t want to stay, wanted to wake up, and knew what was coming next. But he had to stick it out. He had to find out the whole truth, even if...
Aizou felt a hand on his shoulder and jumped, turning to see none other than Minami.
"Mina-"
"I'm sorry. Yuujirou was a good person underneath, you know?"
Aizou finally snapped. "What are you talking about?! Is there something I don't know? Where is Yuujirou?!"
Then something unexpected happened.
Minami started tearing up while staring at Aizou in a state of shock.
"No."
Aizou was finally piecing it together. "No!"
He ran back towards the bed that was already halfway inside an ambulance. "No!"
Nobunaga's mind was dizzy with all the new information, and being overcome with emotion.
His heart physically burned, and his voice swelled up. "No...."
Not him. It couldn't be. Never him...
Always him.
But then, just as always, Nobunaga found himself in another memory.
He was sitting alone on a double bed in the same flat Nobunaga had seen earlier.
Aizou wasn’t looking at anything but his lap, he was shaking, tears quelled in his eyes that burned and threatened to close, but he couldn’t close them.
His breathing was heavy and coarse; each breath struck a needle into his heart. His throat burned and he couldn’t do anything about it. He couldn’t do anything but try not to think. Try not to think about the fact that Yuujirou...
He was sitting on the only side of the bed that was made, the other having been thrown aside in haste when he discovered his fiancé wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Aizou hadn’t been bothered to be put right since.
Nobunaga tried to read Aizou’s thoughts, but they were screaming in pain so he resorted to just sitting there, feeling as helpless as his past self.
A few moments later the door opened.
“Aizou we’re ready to go,” Ken came in, taking a black suit out of Aizou’s closet, and setting it on top of the bed. “You haven’t gotten dressed yet?”
“Go away,” Aizou didn’t look up, but clenched his fist and gritted his teeth.
“You have to go, Aizou. Yuujirou wouldn’t want you to still be sad like this. Yuujirou would-.”
“How the hell do you know what Yuujirou would want?!” Aizou snapped, finally forcing his head up.
Ken’s eyes widened and he took a step back, seeing Aizou’s tear-stained cheeks and his glare as the latter shakily stood up.
“You don’t know anything! And... I- I was just as clueless!”
“Aizou...”
“How could I not see through him? W-Why didn’t I notice how he must have felt? Yuujirou-,” Aizou’s voice was strained as his throat burned. He took a few wobbly steps forward haphazardly, the wooden floor cold beneath his bare feet.
Ken caught Aizou as he almost fell, keeping him upright.
“You don’t know,” Aizou clenched his fist around Ken’s suit collar, gritting his teeth, his gaze cast downward. “You- you just tell me to forget about him.... as if he was one of your girlfriends!” more tears threatening to spill from Aizou’s eyes.
“And he... it’s my fault....” Aizou shakily tightened his grip. “It’s all my fault... Hey...” Aizou glanced up at Ken’s face. His voice was broken, like shards of glass on a stained glass window. “What about his life was so unbearable? Wh- what did I do wrong? He- he must’ve wanted to die before, right? That’s why he did it. I should’ve known... I should’ve noticed!”
Ken’s eyes widened and he pulled Aizou closer, the latter pushing away almost immediately.
“Don’t try to comfort me. Don't pretend to be a good older brother. Not now. It's too late.”
Ken sighed. “...Aizou... We're family. I care. Of course I want to help."
Aizou was silent for a full two minutes before glaring at Ken. “Why? What about our fucked up family is worth saving?! After all... the only- the only person who was... I failed to save.”
A shiver went up Nobunaga’s spine as Aizou started chuckling bitterly.
“Aizou stop, if you don’t let him go you’re going to lose yourself! Look, it wasn’t your fault and you have to move forward with your life!”
“YOU THINK I DON’T KNOW THAT!?”
Ken stood there frozen for a second, lost and searching for an answer of what he should do.
After his momentary anger, Aizou shakily drew a breath in slowly, before puffing it out and repeating the process. Not looking at Ken or anything else in the room, he then slowly shuffled over to the bed and collapsed upon it, curling up into a ball, letting his ragged breath slowly even out.
Neither of them spoke for a few minutes. Then Aizou’s voice filled the space.
“Just go...”
Aizou closed his eyes, and although he knew it would hurt him, although it was the reason he hated sleeping, he let himself imagine that Yuujirou was there right behind him, holding him tightly with a sleepy smile on his face and nestling Aizou into a warm cocoon, Yuujirou’s warm body pressed against his back, his arm draping over Aizou’s sleeping form.
But just as it arrived, the ghost soon disappeared, the warmth turning into a deathly cold, the bright colours dulling until they were a monochrome grey, and Aizou's heart shattering once again, seemingly beyond repair.
And Yuujirou, the person who mattered the most to him, was about to be laid to rest, six feet beneath the ground.
Because Aizou hadn’t woken up in time.
Because by the time Aizou had woken up, Yuujirou was already gone.
Already.... already dead.
The next thing Aizou knew, he was being engulfed in a fiery pain, one that burned into his heart, tightened around his neck, brought hot tears to his eyes, and he suddenly needed to vomit.
“I- I w-wish I was dead...”
Aizou hadn’t meant to speak out loud, but even so, his thought echoed throughout the whole room.
With that Ken snapped to attention, striding over to the bed and sitting next to Aizou.
Aizou didn’t stop the tears that began to leak out of his eyes, just opened them, hoping that would make the pain leave.
He tried to say something else if only to tell Ken to go away, but when he opened his mouth to speak, the only thing that left was a choked sob. And then another.
After that, Aizou squeezed his eyes shut, giving in to the tears.
For a few moments, the room was silent except for Aizou’s crying.
Unsure, Ken placed a hand lightly on Aizou’s back, wanting to offer some sort of comfort, but not knowing what. “Okay, but I know Yuujirou wouldn’t want you to die. At least... give it a month, okay? Maybe this funeral will help you to move on.”
Nobunaga could feel Aizou’s warm and wet palms clenched tightly into fists, the warmth of the blanket that he laid on unfairly betraying his mood, the air that never seemed to quite reach his lungs before it went back out again, and the hollow pit in his heart.
Then the scene faded into one last one. Nobunaga didn’t need to know what it contained. Aizou had given it a month.
In the memory the wind shifted through the crystal blue sky, gently caressing his hair and skin.
Aizou closed his eyes. He was way above the city. It was quiet and peaceful.
"Yuujirou.... gomen. A-Aishiteru yo."
The words were whispered carelessly, although placed together with more care and love then anyone could ever hope to understand.
He wanted to fly. Nobunaga knew Aizou wouldn't be able to.
Nobunaga didn't think he would be able to handle this anymore.
He opened his eyes.
When he awoke, Nobunaga squinted at the brightness of the room, shielding his eyes from the overhead light.
"Argh, too bright..."
Nobunaga stayed lying down for the next few minutes, trying to properly process everything that happened. He could hear the doctor writing something down on a piece of paper.
So that’s what happened. But now all that was left was an overwhelming desire to see Kouki again, to feel his heartbeat, and to hold him close.
“Okay, Mr Shibasaki, we can talk about the memories to help you process them, but otherwise, you are free to go.”
Nodding faintly, Nobunaga shakily got up and after thanking the doctor, left the room. He needed to get to Kouki... needed to make sure...
"Nobunaga!"
Faster than he could register what was happening; Nobunaga was enveloped in a bone-crushing hug.
But a second later, and with teary eyes, he recognized who was hugging him, breathing in the familiar and calming scent of his best friend, while clutching onto him as if he would disappear at any moment.
"Kouki..."
"It feels like such a long time! What happened? Are you okay?"
They stayed tightly wrapped in an embrace for a few more minutes, and Nobunaga let the warmth wash over him. He wanted to cry.
But the minutes passed by, the tears didn’t spill, and they parted, Kouki sitting beside him in the waiting room, their hands only ten centimetres apart.
"Did you see anything?" Kouki asked.
"Yeah," Nobunaga turned to gaze at him. "You."
Kouki blushed slightly, leaning into him more. Nobunaga's side was burning as if it was on fire.
Kouki had gotten the same procedure done, not wanting to let Nobunaga go through it alone. "I saw you too. You were Aizou, right?"
"Yes... Kouki, why did you die back then? What- what went wrong with...us?" Nobunaga turned to his friend.
"I'm sorry..." Kouki smiled sadly. "I only meant to step outside for a second... they killed me."
Nobunaga's breath hitched. "They? Who?"
"Some of my old enemies. But you didn’t- you didn’t think I killed myself did you?”
He did. Nobunaga pulled Kouki into a hug, emotions enveloping. “I missed you so much-.”
“Nobunaga- you- you died too, right? How long-?"
"I think about a month after you."
Kouki’s eyes widening in shock and he hugged Nobunaga tighter. “I’m so sorry...”
"You don’t have to be. It was a long time ago anyway. Do you regret it?"
"Hm?"
"Remembering."
"Never. Do you?"
"No... I wonder..." Kouki sat up straighter, looking across the room as if something was interesting. A blush coloured his cheeks. “If we were to go out again, would it end up like before?"
Nobunaga gazed at him in shock for a few seconds. Kouki wanted to...
Kouki wanted for them to date again. Nobunaga couldn't help his wide smile or the blush that took over his face. "This is like a new beginning for us, right?"
Kouki smiled, finally looking back at him. "Yeah, you're right."
"I love you."
The words slipped from Nobunaga's lips before he could stop himself. "I- I mean... I already realized it before today, so-."
His cheeks heated up and in the stunned silence that came afterwards, he wished the ground would swallow him whole.
Then Kouki stopped hugging him, and Nobunaga knew he messed up.
But then Kouki drew nearer, and a second later, he felt lips press against his own. They were soft and sweet, he couldn't believe what was happening.
Only a few seconds later, Kouki pulled back, smiling. "I feel the same."
And Nobunaga allowed himself to smile before drawing Kouki in for another kiss.
When he got home, Nobunaga never told his parents about the outcome, letting them believed it hadn’t worked.
It was better this way, for his father especially, who still seemed hurt by his son’s past-life death.
Though, Nobunaga now had a new respect for his father and tried to help him out as much as he could.
Soon, Nobunaga went to study music alongside Kouki, finally out of high school.
But right before that, Kouki and him decided to visit their own graves, to say goodbye.
“So that’s us huh?”
Kouki murmured, staring at the two graves side by side in front of them, before placing his flowers on the headstones, Nobunaga doing the same. Both their hands were intertwined.
“Yeah.”
“Nobunaga.”
Upon hearing his name, he turned around to see his father look at them in shock.
“Otou-san.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Burying the past,” Nobunaga said as they went up to his father. "You were right. We do have to move forward.”
“Wha?”
Ken looked at them on confusion before his eyes widened. “How do you know about that-?”
Nobunaga placed a hand on his father’s shoulder, squeezing it. “I forgive you. You did enough.”
“You-.”
Nobunaga and Kouki started walking away, going to pack for the move into their new flat, which was close to the collage.
“Wait!”
And Nobunaga did, turning to face Ken before smiling.
Ken looked at them in disbelief. “It- are you really him? And you!” he turned to Kouki. “Y- You’re Yuujirou, aren’t you?”
Kouki nodded and left Nobunaga’s side for a second, hugging Ken for a short moment.
“Thank you for helping Aizou the best you could.”
Tears fell softly down Ken's face as his shocked expression turned into a smile.