Chapter Text
Dear Xiao Zhan,
When I thought of going around the world in search of art in every form, I made a promise to myself. A promise that I will love and cherish every piece of art I come across because I know -- the pain of creation is no simple matter. Every artist puts in so much of effort to create. They pour their blood, sweat, tears and passion into their artwork. That is why it becomes worthy of admiration, of course. When I met you, I realized that even God creates art, just like us. He must’ve put His everything into making you, right? After all, even after seeing the finest art created by the finest artists, never before have I even come close to finding a masterpiece as splendid and breathtaking as you. When I saw you, all I wanted to do was just…look at you, look at all that makes you; I wanted to see; I wanted to touch; I wanted to know what makes you you.
You’re like…stars in the night sky. Your smile dissipates the darkness to make way for the brilliant light your smile brings. Your eyes twinkle like they contain the galaxies and that which exists within. Your face…your face is the most beautiful and stunning piece of art I have ever come across. How can such a human exist? How can God create such an angel in the midst of all these ordinary humans? How can we mere mortals even compare to such a magnificent being?
When you smile, I want know what you’re thinking about. What goes on inside that beautiful head of yours? Oh, how desperately I want to know. How desperately I want to know your everything. Your smile, it draws me in. It makes me want to see you smile every day. If, every day, I had the privilege of seeing you smile, then that alone would be enough to keep me going. Has anyone told you how beautiful and precious you are? How beautiful and precious your smile is? Please don’t lose your smile. I don’t think I would be able to live in a world where your smile doesn’t exist; isn’t there to illuminate the world. The way your whole face lights up when you smile; your eyes glow and your pearly white teeth emerge and it’s like I’m breathing for the first time.
Everything about you is so alluring, so…breathtaking. The way you scrunch up your nose like a bunny when you’re annoyed, or when you’re sad and your eyes…God, your eyes…every single emotion is laid bare for everyone to see, and it leaves me breathless and in wonder, because how, how can someone’s eyes be so expressive and so honest? It feels like your eyes behold all of the universe’s secrets, and I want to know everything. I want to know your everything.
Your smile warms me up like hot cocoa on a winter day. It feels like the refreshing scent of flowers blooming to welcome spring after a frigid winter. It feels like the rhythmic pitter-patter of rain that hits your window and lulls you into a peaceful slumber. Your smile is the soothing spring breeze in which the brilliant green leaves dance to. Your smile is the youthful green of the young shoots, nurtured by the warm sun and gentle rain. Your smile is all the good things in the world, like a shield from that which causes sorrow. Your smile…I wish I could tell you how beautiful it is, how precious it is, how special it is, how breathtaking it is, how real it is in a world filled with lies…
I wish I could tell you how much I love that smile of yours, and I wish that, more than anything in this world, I can be the one to put that smile on your face, every day. But not all wishes come true, right?
-you know who.
Wang Yibo wasn’t surprised to feel tears rolling down his cheeks. They dripped down onto the letter he wrote, smudging some of the words. He hurriedly wiped his face in fear of the letter being ruined further. Now all Yibo had to do was deliver the letter and leave.
Leaving this place and him would probably be the toughest thing he will ever do in his life. He was not just leaving a person. He was leaving a piece of his heart behind.
Why is this so hard?
He knew better than to get attached. He knew the day where he had to leave would come. Yet, how could he possibly resist such an irresistible pull? How can he, when everything felt so, so right and complete when they were together?
Yearn for the sun and you get burnt.
In his mind he knew but his heart refused.
Yibo wanted to stay. So, so bad, more than anything. But that’s not what he came here for. Xiao Zhan will find someone worthy of his presence. Someone worthy of his love. Someone willing to stay.
I am not that person, he thought bitterly, every inch of him feeling his self-loathing.
I wish I could stay forever, my darling, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I have to go. I’m sorry that I can’t stay.
Yibo shook his head, trying to rid himself of these thoughts, these words that were twisting his heart, confusing his mind. He glanced at his phone. 1:13 am, it read. Perfect. No sane human would be awake at this hour.
He got up and grabbed his helmet and leather jacket, shoving the letter into one of its pockets. He briskly walked out of his apartment and bee lined towards his motorcycle, and soon, Yibo was zipping down the streets, heading to the place where Xiao Zhan lived.
The streets were empty and void of any vehicles and pedestrians, amplifying the sound of Yibo's motorcycle racing across the streets. This was silence that only settled in the dead of the night. He let himself cherish it as the wind buffeted against his face. It was then he realized that he forgot to put his helmet visor down, and he quickly flicked it so it protected his eyes from the harsh wind.
Since there was no traffic, he freely rode his bike, reaching speeds he would not have been able to during the day. Soon, Yibo arrived at a well-kept neighborhood. He slowed down a bit, and when he arrived at his house, he brought his motorcycle to a halt. Yibo kicked down the peg and left the motorcycle leaning against it and walked towards Xiao Zhan's front door.
He pushed his visor up and took a deep breath. This is it, Yibo told himself. This is the final farewell.
He fished the letter out from his pocket and crouched in front of the door. Yibo inhaled shakily as he slid the letter underneath, passing it through the minute gap between the floor and door.
Yibo stood up, unsteady at his feet and walked back towards his motorcycle. He hadn’t even removed his helmet in his haste. As he was swinging his leg over the motorcycle, Yibo heard the sound of a door creaking open. He startled at the noise, and froze at the voice that spoke.
"Yibo? Wang Yibo, is that you?"
Xiao Zhan's voice sounded eerily loud in the quiet streets. Yibo was frozen; what should he do?
Shit shit shit I need to get out of here, he thought in his mind, his thoughts in discord.
He quickly revved his engines and tried to leave, but before that, a hand clamped down on his. Yibo looked up and saw Xiao Zhan's face in all of his glory and for the first time, instead of being able to breathe at the sight of his face, he couldn't breathe.
"Yibo, what are you doing here?" His question hung in the air.
Yibo took a shaky breath and made up his mind. It looked like Xiao Zhan didn't see his letter yet. Good. Gently, he pried Xiao Zhan's hand away from his own gloved one and slightly pushed him away.
If that action hurt Wang Yibo's heart, the confusion and pain in Xiao Zhan's eyes tore it into pieces. Giving his Xiao Zhan one last lingering look, he sped away, leaving him confused at Wang Yibo's behavior.
If Yibo had tears streaming down his face the entire ride home, well, no one had to know that. Only his heart, his mind and he knew of the pain.