Archive of Our Own ^beta

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I wake up before my alarm goes off. Not surprising at all, because today is the day. Or actually, tonight is the night. Adrenaline starts coursing through my veins the moment I remember, and I’m full of excitement already. Tonight I am finally going to see them live, in the flesh and blood, when they will stand on that stage, only a few meters away from me, doing what they do best: touching our hearts and healing our souls, with their voices, their music, their love for us. I jump out of bed, get dressed in the blink of an eye and leave my bedroom while humming my favourite song. One of theirs, of course. “Someone is excited this morning,” my roommate mumbles. She is not a morning person, so a cloud of grumpiness always surrounds her in the hours before the clock strikes noon. “Good morning sunshine,” I tease her, as I throw a pan on the stove and start cracking open some eggs. “What are you so cheery about, unnie?” is her gloomy reply. She is just a few months younger than me, but has always insisted on calling me unnie; probably in an attempt to make me feel old, while we are both still freshmen at our university. I flip my eggs with one hand while I point to our calendar with the other. “Tonight’s the TXT concert,” I say in a tone that should explain everything. “TXT? Who’s that?” I burst out in laughter, and turn around to her, convinced she must be making a joke. But her expression is dead serious, she looks genuinely confused, throwing me off guard a little. Either she just discovered her talent as an actress, or she really doesn’t have a clue. “Who’s TXT, are you serious? I talk about them like a hundred times every day?” No reaction. “Tomorrow by together?” I try. Still nothing. “Five boys who came together under one dream in hopes of building a new tomorrow?” “What the hell are you talking about? Is this some new kpop boy group that you are stalking?” “Stanning, it’s called stanning,” I correct her annoyed. She doesn’t care for kpop at all, and always mocks me with it. But how can she not remember TXT? I talk about them all the time, I’ve shown them to her a million times as well, I play their music when making dinner… She is probably just joking, I guess. Fine, whatever, if she doesn’t want to be nice this morning, that’s her decision. I’m not going to let her disturb my joyful mood. I carelessly throw an omelette on her plate (“Ya!”), and gently put one on mine, while I lean back to grab my phone from the charger to check where I have to be for my classes today. Huh? That’s strange. When I unlock my phone, I notice my background has changed to black, instead of the colourful TXT group photo that normally brightens my display (and my day). How odd. Maybe it had an update and something went wrong? I’ll have to change it back later, because when I look at my calendar, I notice I completely forgot I had an early lecture today, which means I have exactly twenty minutes to get to uni, which is a fifteen minute-ride with the subway. I devour my omelette in one bite, throw the dishes in the sink, and rush to my room. “Unnie, you forgot your morning classes again?” I hear my roommate shout, unmistakably amused by my forgetfulness. “Shut up!” I yell back, as I gather my stuff in a hurry. Scanning the room for things that I might need, my eye catches the autographed TXT album, my most prized possession, which I was so lucky to have won. But then my heart freezes. What in the world… I grab the album and turn it around several times. The autographs, the title, the group name… they’re gone?! An unnerving feeling starts to grow, a knot starts to form and twist in my stomach. What is going on…?

I struggle to get through my classes, the next lecture even more tedious and endless than the previous one. I try to forget about all the strange things from that morning, but they keep haunting me during the day. When I try to look through my saved images to restore my background, the gallery on my phone is eerily empty. There should be thousands of pictures of TXT in there (it’s bad, I know), but I can’t find any. When I ask my classmates about them, no one seems to remember any boy group named Tomorrow By Together. When I sing “CROWN” in the choir club, everyone asks me what the song is called and who sang it. Some of them even ask me if I composed it myself; as if I could ever come up with such amazing lyrics, or a melody as beautiful as that. The knot becomes heavier and heavier as it keeps twisting and turning. When I get home, I feel like I can barely breathe. What the hell is happening? Is this some sick joke where everyone collectively tries to trick me? Feeling paranoid, I almost check if there are any hidden cameras somewhere. My roommate is not home, but she left a note, saying she will be out late and wishing me a good time at the concert. Of course, the concert! I should still have my ticket. Why didn’t I think of this before? I drop my stuff instantly and rush to my desk, pull open the upper drawer with a little too much force, and rummage through my stuff, eagerly trying to find the envelope containing my ticket. I pull it out and… there it is, the seventeen letters I’ve been hoping to see, the confirmation that I didn’t go insane: TOMORROW X TOGETHER. I sigh and let myself fall back on my bed, slowly calming down again. I don’t know what has been going on all day, but I got the proof right here. I feel tremendously relieved. Let’s get ready for the concert of my life.

I arrive at the venue later than I wanted too, and I can already see the infinite line of fans waiting to get in. I groan in despair as I get in line at the end, after taking a few minutes to locate it. This is going to take forever… What if I don’t get in on time? Butterflies start to flutter in my stomach, but it’s a positive kind of nervousness though, because I know I’m going to witness something amazing tonight. To kill the time, I watch my favourite series on my phone, and sooner than expected, I am at the entrance to the venue. I confidently hand my ticket over to be scanned, but the scanner turns red and a negative buzz reverberates through the air. “I’m sorry miss, but this ticket is not valid for this show.” Excuse me?! “I’m pretty sure it is,” I say, encouraging the lady to scan it again, only to hear the sound of failure once more. How is this possible? I bought it at the official website, ticketing was hell and I miraculously got through it; my hard work won’t be for nothing! I walk over to the information desk, and explain the situation there. “Miss, I am very sorry to tell you this,” the man behind the desk apologises to me with frown on his face, “but there is no band called ‘Tomorrow By Together’ playing tonight.” I stare at him incredulously. Say what now? “We’ve never heard of this artist, I’m afraid you’ve been scammed.” Without giving me time to reply, he motions for the next in line to come up, and I am pushed away, too dazed to say something about it. The knot in my stomach is back, heavier than ever. Shivers run down my spine, as I try to grasp what the hell is happening. I start to walk back, forcing myself to move. When I listen to the excited chatter of the fans still waiting in line, I hear no familiar names being mentioned; when I watch closely to see what they are wearing, what they are carrying with them, I also don’t see any familiar merchandise. I curse at myself, I shouldn’t have watched the stupid series, or I would have found out much earlier what was going on. But… what is going on exactly? Why does it seem like TXT has disappeared from the earth, while I was listening to their songs, watching their videos, admiring their talent just yesterday? My hands start shaking, my breathing accelerates, and I feel myself freaking out as I start to pace up and down. Am I crazy? Did I make everything up? With every step, their names resound in my head. Left, right, left right. Yeon, Jun. Soo, Bin. Beom, Gyu. Tae, Hyun. Hue, Ning - last step - Kai. I stop. How could I have made those names up? Or their songs, their music videos, even their faces… Have I woken up in some parallel universe?! I need to get out of here. I try to suppress my panic attack as I walk away from the entrance, around the venue, back to the subway. And then I notice a tall figure, sitting on some stairs a bit further away, looking lost and in despair, his head in his hands. There is something familiar about him, but I can’t put my finger on it. Unintendedly, my path changes, I walk towards him. It’s like I’m drawn to him somehow, I can feel his tug, but I don’t know why. There is something about him… He is still not looking up, his hands going through his honey blonde hair like he is trying to prevent himself from losing it. Wait a minute. Blonde hair. More than average tall... He looks so familiar. I stop abruptly, just a few steps away from him. This can’t be. He must have noticed something, because he suddenly looks up, I can see the tears flowing from his eyes. Then his gaze catches mine. My blood freezes, my breath is halted. I know those eyes all too well. But now they are full of sadness, of complete heartbreak. He looks at me confused, he probably doesn’t understand why I just stand there and stare back at him. I still can’t believe my eyes as I finally manage to call his name, whispering. “Beomgyu?”

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His deep, brown eyes, so endless they seem to contain a galaxy full of stars, grow wider as he hears me saying his name. Who wouldn’t be surprised when a complete stranger whispers your name in awe? “Do you know me?” he asks, his voice unsteady, breaking, reflecting his current mood. My voice has left me altogether. I’m standing here completely frozen, still can’t believe my eyes. There he is, the living proof that I have not gone insane, that I didn’t make TXT up. My heart is pounding, my breathing becomes unsteady, but because of a whole other reason now. He is still staring at me, his eyes have locked on mine, and I am absolutely incapable of looking at anything else but him. My god. He is gorgeous. Even with his face red and puffy from crying, he looks like he stepped straight out of a book on Greek mythology, portraying some handsome god that has graced the peasants below by his presence. “Uhm, hello?” He waves his hand through my line of sight, and I blink a few times to snap out of my hypnotised state. Did he say something? “I-I’m sorry?” I stutter. “I asked you if you know me,” he repeats his question, speaking softly, clearly anticipating my answer. “Uh, I don’t. No, no, I-I mean, I do. Just not, uh, personally. So y-you don’t know me, but I do know you, kind of.” I am making a complete fool out of myself, but I just can’t think clearly with his beautiful face staring at me like that, like I’m his last hope, his salvation. “You know me, but I don’t know you,” he clarifies. I simply nod. Let’s avoid speaking for now. “How do you know me, then?” Or not. I take a step closer, again feeling drawn to him, but telling myself I’m only getting nearer to him to be absolutely sure I’m not mistaken. Which I am definitely not. “You are Beomgyu from… from Tomorrow By Together, right?” I wouldn’t have deemed it possible, but his eyes grow even bigger after hearing me say his group’s name. He breathes out forcefully, and then collapses back onto the stairs, shaking heavily. “I knew it wasn’t a dream,” he whispers, fresh tears rolling down his cheeks. “I knew it.” I clench my fists, trying to control my emotions, crumpling the concert ticket I am still desperately holding on to. “What’s that?” Beomgyu asks, looking at the ticket, but I can see in his eyes he already knows, because that’s the reason he is here. “A ticket to your concert,” I force myself to say, and then I collapse too, trembling as I feel the world spinning while I try to fathom the situation. Are Beomgyu and I the only ones who remember TXT? Has the rest of the world forgotten about them? Or worse… did they never exist at all? “What is happening?” I whisper, shaking my head. “I don’t know,” Beomgyu answers, looking frightened and upset too. “I woke up this morning in a strange apartment, with roommates I’ve never met before, but who knew everything about me. When I went out to look for the BigHit office, I couldn’t find it, the building wasn’t even there. I checked my phone a hundred times, but my members’ contacts weren’t in there, nor pictures of us together, or videos, or any of our songs… I tried calling their numbers, but I only got strangers on the line.” His tone becomes more and more desperate. “I came here as a last resort, because I knew we would be having our concert here tonight. But when I arrived…” He can’t even finish his sentence. “I had a similar experience today,” I manage to say. He looks at me, hopeful. “No one could remember you, nor your name, nor your songs. My album of you went blank, contained no title, no artist, and your autographs disappeared. All the pictures of you on my phone were gone.” Shit. It’s out before I know it. I feel myself blushing heavily because I just bluntly told my idol I have pictures of him on my phone. Unable to look him in the eye, I quickly continue: “All I got left of you guys, of proof that I didn’t lose my mind, is this concert ticket.” He gets up, moves over and sits down next to me, increasing my heart rate by about a hundred beats per minute. “May I see it?” he asks, holding out his hand. I give him the crumpled ticket, and he examines it carefully. It still says ‘TOMORROW X TOGETHER’ clearly, including the time, the date, the venue, everything. “You got a nice seat,” he jokes. “I still don’t know how I managed that, ticketing was hell,” I answer honestly. I immediately cover my mouth, afraid I might have offended him, but he just chuckles softly. It’s the first time I see him smile up close, and my heart skips a beat. He sighs deeply and stares at the ticket in his hand. “It seems like you and I are the only ones who know about TXT,” he ponders. “It seems so,” I say. He hands me back the ticket, and looks at me curiously, making me blush again. “I wonder why,” he mumbles barely audible. His stomach suddenly rumbles, making it his turn to blush. He smiles sheepishly. “I was so busy freaking out about all of this I have barely eaten anything today,” he confesses. He gets up, brushes off his clothes and extends his hand to me. I stare at it blankly. “Come on, I don’t have all day. All night, actually,” he says, and he grabs my hand to help me up, not noticing what effect of his hand touching mine has on me. “Where are we going?” I ask, a little dumbfounded. He frowns. “Usually, I would have invited you to my place, but to be honest… I have no idea where that is.” He looks hesitant, a little insecure. “Look, I just want to talk, to figure out what happened, why it seems like TXT never existed, while you and I clearly have memories of it.” His eyes meet mine again, the despair hasn’t left them yet. “Please, I am begging you. I only want to find my best friends back. Maybe they remember something as well, and we can turn this thing around somehow.” I nod, slowly, thinking, considering, and then deciding on some crazy idea. “Maybe… maybe we could go to my place?” I offer carefully. “Have a quiet talk, try to figure out some kind of plan?” He closes his eyes, the relief is visible all over his face. “I indeed wasn’t looking forward to discussing this in public, thank you. And yes, let’s go to your place, if you don’t mind.” It takes all my strength to suppress myself from bursting out in laughter. ‘If I don’t mind’, haha, that’s cute. Choi Beomgyu having dinner with me in my apartment. Why on earth would I mind?! I lead the way as we walk towards the subway station, pinching myself to make sure I’m not dreaming.

This is the most unreal situation I have ever encountered in my whole existence, flashes through my mind as I see Beomgyu sitting at my kitchen table, staring at his cup of tea, lost in thought, while I’m preparing some food. We are quiet now, but Beomgyu had been talking the entire forty-minute subway ride, asking all kinds of questions about my life, almost like he was looking for something. Maybe he was trying to figure out why I am the only other person on this whole wide planet who still knows anything about TXT. If so, then I wish him good luck with that, because I have absolutely no clue either why fate has chosen me. I take his plate and fill it with the last-minute dinner I threw together (some simple ramyeon with an egg, leftover meat and veggies), and sit down opposite of him. He smiles at me gratefully. “Thank you, noona,” he says and he immediately starts devouring the food. He has been calling me noona as soon as he found out that I am (just slightly) older than him, and it makes me blush every time. I’m surprised (and also, strangely, a little endeared) by his appetite; the poor boy must have been starving. Then the front door suddenly slams open, startling us both a little bit, as my roommate barges in loudly. She is already halfway across the room before she notices us sitting here. Her jaw drops as soon as she lays her eyes on Beomgyu, and honestly, I don’t blame her. “U-unnie,” she stutters confused, taking out her earphones slowly, her eyes still glued to Beomgyu. “You’re home early…” I’m unsure whether that is a question or not, and I think she doesn’t know herself either; Beomgyu kind of has that effect on people. “Yeah, well, uhm,” I try to make up some excuse. “The concert was cancelled, unfortunately.” I glance at Beomgyu, who is obviously trying to hide his misery. “Oh, okay,” my roommate says, not processing my answer at all. “Who is this? Did you guys meet at the concert?” “This is Beomgyu,” I answer her, ignoring the second part of her question. He gets up, and shakes my roommate’s hand, smiling charmingly. Despite the whole awful situation, he doesn’t forget his manners. Not just handsome, but a gentleman too. I make some small talk with my roommate, who keeps trying to engage Beomgyu in the conversation, but fails to miserably because he is too focused on his dinner. When she finally leaves us alone, he has already finished everything. I ask him if he wants more, but he refuses, and instead insists on doing the dishes for me, since I cooked for him. Gosh, he is so sweet. While he is busy washing up, I quickly go to my room to put away my stuff, and to try to calm my mind. For the second time that day, my eye catches the once autographed TXT album. And for the second time that day, my heart freezes when I look at it. A rush of adrenaline then kicks in, filling my heart with hope instead. “Beomgyu, it’s back!” I shout, my hands shaking while holding onto the album, as I rush back to the kitchen. But before I get there, I bump quite forcefully into Beomgyu, who apparently was also making his way to me, probably triggered by the excitement in my voice. He prevents me from falling by putting his hands on my back, suddenly making it very hard for me to breathe. O my god. He is so close. The moment only lasts shortly, as he releases me and asks with a serious expression: “Are you okay? What do you mean by ‘it’s back’?” I silently show him the album. Beomgyu stares at it, his eyes growing wide. There, in the middle, is Beomgyu’s autograph, visible once again in unmistakable, thick, black marker strokes. His fingers follow the pattern, his hand is trembling. “You said it was gone,” he whispers. “It was,” I say. “Only yours has returned, see?” He nods, and then looks at me. “What does this mean?” I bite my lip. I wish I knew. “Maybe because you remembered? About being part of TXT?” He doesn’t seem convinced. “But I never forgot about it, so it shouldn’t have disappeared in the first place.” Mhm, good point. A thought pops up in my head. “You thought it was just a dream, right?” “Right…” “So maybe, it was because you found out it was real. That it wasn’t a dream.” He nods, forcefully, hope has filled his eyes. “What if we track down the others, and convince them as well, that it is real, that TXT does exist. Maybe then we can turn things back to the way it was!” he says while he looks at me excited. I see a spark of the happy, cheery Beomgyu I know so well, and my heart starts pounding in excitement too (which might also slightly be caused by the fact that he keeps saying ‘we’, like we’re some kind of team). “Let’s make up a plan to locate everyone,” I say, already looking for my laptop to start our search. But Beomgyu stops me by grabbing my hand and turns me around, making me face him again. “You are the one that made me believe again,” he says softly while staring deep into my eyes. Oof, this can’t be good for my heart. “Thank you so much.” I smile at him shyly. “You’re welcome, Beomgyu.” He softly squeezes my hand before he lets go, smiling sweetly. “Let’s go find my members,” he says, and then he takes out his phone to start searching on social media, while I’m still trying to process what the hell just happened.

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I wake up the next morning to the sound of someone rummaging in the kitchen. At first I feel a little disoriented, being used to be woken up by my alarm (which should have gone off like an hour ago), but soon my memories of yesterday rush back to me and I’m immediately wide awake. After Beomgyu and I had been searching through social media sites all night, we managed to locate two members who were here in Seoul already: Yeonjun, who seemed to have joined a prestigious dance company, and Taehyun, who is a freshman studying physics at the same university as I am currently studying at. So we decided to focus on them first, and then try to track down the others, because it will be easier to search with four people instead of just two. I drag myself out of bed and put on some decent clothing before leaving my room. Beomgyu insisted on sleeping on the couch, so I improvised a bed and tried to make it comfortable for him, though I highly doubt he had a good sleep because of everything he went through yesterday. But when I enter the kitchen, I am met by the sight of Beomgyu wearing my pink, flower-patterned apron, humming to himself while making breakfast. My brain hardly manages to process what my eyes are seeing, and Beomgyu laughs at me when he sees my confused face. “Good morning, noona,” he says, still smirking. “Did you sleep well?” I shake my head and force myself to answer. “Yes, I slept fine. But you don’t have to make breakfast, Beomgyu, let me take care of that.” I try to make him move over, but he playfully slaps my hand away with a wooden spoon. “No, no, you just sit down, I got it.” A little dazed, I do as he says. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this… A few minutes later, breakfast is ready, and we start discussing our plan for today while enjoying the food. “So, who will we target first?” he asks while munching cutely. I contemplated about this already; I took me a while to fall asleep last night, so I had time to think this through. “I thought Taehyun might be best. He goes to the same university as I do, so I think he will be the easiest to track down.” He nods in agreement, and then frowns. “But how should we approach him? We can’t just come up to him and say ‘you’re part of a boyband that doesn’t exist, you just don’t remember it.’” He tries to sound cheerful, but I can see the pain in his eyes. “I have an idea for that too…” I say, and I explain my plan to him. He smiles and nods approvingly. “You’re smart and cunning, noona. I like that.” Unwillingly, my cheeks become red after hearing him say that. I pray he doesn’t notice. Then his face turns more serious. “Thanks again for helping me. I know you have better stuff to do, so I really appreciate you spending your time and effort on this.” “Oh, don’t worry about it,” I quickly dismiss his concern. “It’s not completely without self-interest, you know.” He laughs and says with a cheeky smile: “I guess not.” He then playfully winks at me, making me blush again. I don’t bother praying this time, because I’m certain nothing has ever been more red than my face is right now.

“Are you sure this is the right lecture room, noona?” “Who goes to this university, you or me?” “All right, all right, I was just checking.” Beomgyu is impatiently tapping with his fingers on the bench we are currently sitting on. He looks anxious, restless, probably because we haven’t located Taehyun yet. When we arrived at the university this morning, we went straight to the physics department and made up some excuse to get our hands on a copy of the first year curriculum. We managed to figure out Taehyun’s time table (or at least, we think we did), and now we are on watch, sitting outside of the lecture room where Taehyun should be listening to some professor giving an introduction on ‘electromagnetism and optics’, whatever that may be. The lecture should have ended a few minutes ago, but the doors of the room stay firmly shut, which is probably getting on Beomgyu’s nerves. What is getting on my nerves at the moment is his endless tapping, so without thinking it through, I put my hand on his and say, sounding a little harsh: “Could you please stop that?” For a second, we both freeze. Beomgyu looks at our hands surprised, like he didn’t expect my familiar gesture. As if I burned myself by touching a hot plate, I quickly pull back my hand, mumbling: “Sorry, it just… irritated me a little.” I can’t believe I just did that. I stare at the ground, afraid I’ve upset him or crossed a line. But instead, he says: “It’s okay, noona. I’m sorry, it’s a bad habit of mine. Yeonjun-hyung always got irritated by it too.” I hear him sigh, and I see he is staring in the distance when I secretly glance at him. “Your reaction just now reminded me of him, that’s all.” I can sense he misses them a lot. No wonder he is so eager to find them. The main entrance to the building opens as some students walk in, and a sudden icy breeze makes me shiver. It was an unusual cold spring morning, and I should have worn a warmer jacket, but to be honest my brain is a little fuzzy at the moment (perhaps due to Beomgyu’s presence, perhaps not) so I just grabbed the first thing I could find. My shivers don’t escape Beomgyu’s attention, and he offers to get some warm drinks at the cafeteria at the end of the hall. But as soon as he walks around the corner, the door of the lecture hall opens, and a stream of loudly chatting students flows out. There are so many of them, and they are moving around quickly while intersecting each other’s paths, making it hard to scan their faces. I panicky turn around, ready to run around the corner and call Beomgyu back, but he must have noticed the door had opened, because he is already standing next to me again, startling me a little bit. “Do you see him?” he asks, his eyes focused on the students walking around. “Not yet,” I say, turning my attention back to the crowd. A few minutes pass by, and then the hall is almost empty again, with no Taehyun in sight. “Did we miss him?” I mumble, trying not to sound disappointed. According to the timetable, he should have been here. Did we make a mistake? “I don’t know. Should we wait a little longer?” He has barely finished that sentence when the door opens again, revealing an older man, obviously the professor, engaged in a lively discussion with a student. And not just any student. Beomgyu gasps and grabs my arm in excitement, cause a slight malfunction in my cardiac rhythm, while whispering: “Noona, look!” With his hands casually in the pockets of his neat black trousers, wearing a dark blue pullover over a white shirt, and an equally dark blue beret on his black hair, no other than Kang Taehyun himself is arguing that some formula, in his opinion, was not written correctly on the chalk board by the honourable professor. The passionate expression in his exceptionally big eyes shows that he is seriously concerned by the matter; somehow, I find this so typical of him. We watch them go, they don’t notice us, and I carefully release myself from Beomgyu’s grip. “Sorry,” he mumbles as soon as he realises he was holding me little too forceful, but I understand his excitement. “Come on,” I encourage him, and we start following Taehyun who is going out of the building now. “We cannot lose sight of him.”

“Shit, where did he go?” Beomgyu and I are standing behind some plants while peeking through the bushes to watch Taehyun from a distance; awfully cliché, but necessary to stay out of sight. We have been following Taehyun all afternoon, going from one lecture to the other while walking around in circles over the campus, but we never found a good opportunity to approach him. Either there were too many students so we couldn’t get near to him, or he was talking to fellow students, making it difficult to interrupt… Even though he is just a student, he is immensely popular, and I can see why. He is always smiley and cheery to everyone he talks to, his dreamy eyes displaying nothing but interest in every conversation he has. And of course his naturally good looks help too; I’ve lost count of the number of female students that tried to approach him. But just now, he finally sat down at a table in one of the cafeterias, focussing on his studies with a thick book (probably full of complicated formulas) in front of him, casually sipping his drink while listening to some music. Still, Beomgyu was hesitant to go talk to him, so I asked him why. He didn’t really want to tell me, but I could see the doubt and slight fear in his eyes. He was probably afraid that Taehyun wouldn’t remember, or that we were too eager and would scare him off. So the past few minutes I tried to convince him that we should approach him right now, but that only led to more nervousness from Beomgyu’s side. I swear I only took my eyes off Taehyun for a few seconds during our discussion, and now he suddenly vanished into thin air. “I thought you were watching him?” Beomgyu blames me. “Ya, you’re supposed to watch him too!” I give him a grumpy look, feeling offended, but he just grins playfully when he sees my face. “Don’t worry, we’ll find him again.” We’re both scanning the area, but Taehyun remains nowhere to be found. “Damn it, where did he go?” Beomgyu mumbles. “Look behind you,” we hear an all too familiar voice say, sounding annoyed. We both freeze, and I glance at Beomgyu, suddenly feeling incredibly nervous. We have been caught. We slowly turn around, and there he is, staring at us with a frown on his face and his arms crossed, like a teacher who caught two students cheating on an exam – and we feel just as guilty. But at the same time, I am blown away by his presence. Taehyun really is mesmerising from up close, his sharp facial features and his big eyes make it hard for me to focus. And there is something else to him, a powerful aura that catches your attention and doesn’t easily let go. Obviously, I’m lost for words. I manage to tear my eyes away and quickly look at Beomgyu for help, but I can see he has a way harder time than I have. He is tearing up, clearly emotional because he is so close to Taehyun again, after he feared to have lost him forever. It must be very hard for him to not be recognised, to be a stranger to Taehyun. So close, yet so far. Poor Beomgyu. Instinctively, I want to reach out for him and take his hand, but I suppress that thought and move my attention back to Taehyun. He is staring back at Beomgyu, and then his face slightly changes; I would have missed it if I had blinked. His head slightly tilts, and the way he watches Beomgyu is different, almost like he is examining him. I hold my breath. Does he remember…? But then his eyes shift to me, and he says, warily: “Who are you? Why are you following me?” I quickly fall back on the little plan we made, while hoping Taehyun didn’t notice Beomgyu’s reaction, because he always has such a sharp eye for detail. “Hi, you are Kang Taehyun, right?” I ask him like I haven’t been stanning the boy since debut. “Yes, that’s me,” he says, hesitantly.  I introduce us to him, but his facial expression betrays nothing when he hears Beomgyu’s name. “We are from One Dream entertainment, and we are recruiting for our new boy group.” I tell him some made-up story, even showing a fake website I made on my phone during our hours of waiting while stalking him, but before I can invite him to our ‘audition’, he declines: “No thank you, I’m not interested in becoming an idol.” Shit. I start to panic. “But, we think you would make a great addition to our team – ” “And where is that based on? Just my looks?” “No.” It’s the first time Beomgyu speaks since we started our conversation. “We’ve seen the commercials and educational videos you did when you were younger. You made quite an impression on us, so that’s why we came to find you. It seemed you were making a name for yourself. We thought you would have continued your career, so we were surprised that you had not already joined some other company. I assume you auditioned for some, didn’t you?” I’m starting to feel anxious. Those are a lot of assumptions. I didn’t even check if Taehyun had an acting career when he was a kid in this world. It takes a long time for Taehyun to answer. “I did,” he says, looking uncertain, like he is trying to figure out how Beomgyu knows that. “But I got rejected, so I decided to pursue a university degree instead.” “You don’t seem like someone who would give up so easily.” “Ya, I didn’t give up, I –” “Well, if that’s the case, then come to our audition.” He walks up to Taehyun, I can see it’s hard for him to act so distant, and he gives him a note with his number on it. “I’m sorry I don’t have a business card, we already handed all of them out the past weeks. But do call us if you haven’t given up on your dream yet. We’re called One Dream entertainment for a reason, you know.” Taehyun takes the note silently, seemingly dumbfounded by Beomgyu’s brazen words. Beomgyu turns around and starts walking away. Without giving Taehyun another look, he says: “We’re looking forward to hearing from you.” I quickly follow Beomgyu, half-turning around to Taehyun to kind of say goodbye. Taehyun nods at me, and then stares at the note he is holding in his hand. When we are outside, Beomgyu suddenly stops, and breathes out with force, releasing the restrained emotions. “What was that?” I ask him, feeling confused, and a little upset with him. “It was a gamble,” Beomgyu admits, his hands are a little shaky. “With Taehyun, it’s not just enough to convince him. You have to challenge him, make it interesting. He doesn’t live for the ordinary things.” “But Beomgyu, that was a huge risk! What if he didn’t have an acting career here? Or if he didn’t audition? We could have–” “I know Taehyun.” He looks at me with an intense, serious expression in his eyes, making me fall silent. “I’ve known him for so long, I was sure he wouldn’t be any different here, in this… world. And I was right.” He stares at his shoes. “All we can do now, is wait.” I sigh. He is right, of course. Who am I to doubt his knowledge about his friend? “Let’s go, noona,” Beomgyu suddenly says and he takes me by the arm. “W-where t-to?” I stutter, feeling extremely conscious of his arm locked with mine. “I’m hungry, so let’s eat,” he shrugs, and he starts leading me away while I stumble behind him, suddenly finding it hard to remember how to walk.

Chapter Text

I’m so startled I almost spill my drink when Beomgyu suddenly drops his chopsticks in his bowl of noodles with a loud, clattering sound, puts his head in his hands and mumbles, clearly frustrated: “I was too bold, wasn’t I?” We are sitting in a small noodle bar, enjoying a well-deserved dinner after chasing Taehyun around the campus all day. Beomgyu was delighted to find out this place exists in this world as well; apparently he and the others used to visit it a lot when they were still trainees. It broke my heart a little when the owners (a sweet elderly couple who seemed like they should have retired years ago) didn’t recognise him and his face clouded over for a split second, but he sat down cheerfully when we were given a table near the window and his eyes turned nostalgic when he looked at the menu, immediately lost in precious memories. We chatted until the food came, and then we ate in a comfortable silence, but suddenly Beomgyu’s mood changed and now he is staring at his noodles in despair. “What do you mean, too bold?” “With Taehyun… He hasn’t called yet…” I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes at him because he is clearly overreacting. “Beomgyu, we gave him your number barely two hours ago…” “I know, I know.” He sighs deeply, leans back and shifts his stare to the ceiling. “I’m just… worried he won’t call. Should I have insisted more? Ah, I should have asked for his number as well, so I could just approach him instead. So stupid, I –“ “Beomgyu, please stop.” He looks back at me, his eyes a little misty, he bites his lip to control himself. “It’s only been a little while, Taehyun is probably thinking about it right now and weighing his options. You know how well he thinks things through.” The slightest smile curls his lips for a second, and he gives a little nod. “Just give it some time. He’ll call.” Beomgyu remains silent, and avoids my eyes as he looks down and mumbles: “But what if he doesn’t? I can’t lose him. Or any of the others.” I feel the same instinct as before, wanting to reach out and take his hand to comfort him. And this time, stupid as it may be, I do it: I carefully put my hand on his, which is lying next to his bowl of (now probably cold) noodles, and softly pat it a few times. “He will remember. I’m sure of it.” Beomgyu stares at my hand, making me feel uncomfortable (did I go too far?), so I quickly retreat. But then he gives me a warm smile, making my heart flutter, and says: “You’re right. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t despair like that. Thank you, noona.” I blush slightly and stutter: “Don’t worry about it. I understand.” His smile widens as he sees my cheeks have become red, but instead of teasing me, he turns his attention back to his noodles. We finish the rest of our dinner without returning to the topic again.

“So, do we have anything planned for today?” Beomgyu asks me the next day at breakfast. His hair is all ruffled and his clothes are wrinkly because he had to sleep on the couch again, since he still has absolutely no idea where he actually lives in this world. My roommate raised her eyebrows when she saw him, but she didn’t ask any questions when we told her some lame excuse about him being kicked out by his parents and needing a place to crash. She might be annoying, but at least she doesn’t cause any problems. “No, not really. Why?” I’m still not used to him sitting at my kitchen table and looking so seemingly at home. How he can be so comfortable anywhere he goes, I wonder as I munch on the pancakes that Beomgyu made for us this morning. “I was thinking of going shopping to buy myself some clothes. I’ve been wearing these for the past two days and I wasn’t planning on wearing them any longer, to be honest.” I have to suppress a giggle (his clothes really do look scruffy) as I agree with him: “That sounds like a good idea. But can’t you just go to your apartment to get some clothes?” He sighs and looks a little torn. “Well… I know who my roommates are, because they keep spamming my phone like crazy. But as I said before, I have no idea where I live in this reality. And I find it a little… weird to ask my roommates where our apartment actually is, you know? I mean, who would forget that?!” I can’t suppress my giggle this time. “I guess you’re right. You should definitely go then.” There is a short pause, before Beomgyu asks me: “Would you like to join me?” There is a longer pause as I try to process what I just heard. I feel completely dumbfounded. He wants me… to join him… for shopping…? Apparently my face mirrors my confused state of mind as he quickly mutters, seeming a bit shy: “Only if you have the time today, of course. I understand if you have lectures to go to, or other, uhm, university… stuff.” I can’t even remember if I have scheduled classes today. What day is it even? Friday, right? “I just thought it might be a nice opportunity to look for a place to have our ‘audition’ while we walk around town.” Oh. An awful feeling of disappointment spreads through my chest. So that’s the reason why he asked me to join. I feel so stupid thinking that he wanted me to come for other reasons. Of course, this sounds way more logical. “Yeah, sure, that seems like a good plan. I mean, even if I did have classes today, there is no use in going to them now, since we are planning to turn back time anyway.” He smiles, looking… relieved? “All right then. Let’s go quickly, I don’t think I can’t stand this shirt any longer.” He winks at me before he gets up and collects our dishes, making it a little harder for me to get up as well as my heart starts racing. The idea of having to deal with the other members of TXT soon as well is making me nervous already.

Shopping with Beomgyu was another experience that can be added to the list of 'situations I never thought I would find myself in'. But then again, I’ve been dealing with so many weird situations ever since I woke up two days ago, I shouldn’t be surprised anymore. We went in and out of countless clothes stores (I lost track after a while) all morning, and after lunch we roamed around town looking for a suitable place to have our fake audition. We just had a take-out dinner at my apartment (luckily my roommate left today to spend the weekend at her parents, so no more suspicious looks), and now we are arranging some stuff for our audition. I’m taking up the entire couch with my laptop resting on my legs, reaching out to the cafés and small studios who rent rooms we could use to meet Taehyun (we didn’t really find it credible if we asked him to meet in my apartment), while Beomgyu is sitting on the carpet, making a fake audition notice for our equally fake website. “Done!” he exclaims, and he shows me the message, obviously very proud. He gets up to make some tea, asking me what flavour I would like, while filling up the kettle. By now I’m not surprised anymore by Beomgyu’s familiarity, and his need (or instinct, maybe) to always take care of people, so I just let him roam around in my kitchen while I communicate with the owner of a small studio nearby who is willing to rent it to us for a reasonable price. “I think I found us an auditioning room, Beomgyu,” I let him know as he returns with our drinks. “Oh really? Show me!” Beomgyu says as he hands me my tea and motions to move over a bit so he can sit next to me on the couch. I was about to turn my laptop to him, but he already put his arm behind me on the couch and is leaning in close to examine the screen. O my god, he is very close. Stay calm, stay calm, I order my heart, which is beating wildly. “Oh, it’s perfect! We can use the audio system to play our album, maybe he recognizes some songs. And the price is okay too, you can go ahead and accept it.” He turns his attention to his phone, making my heart calm down a little again, while I answer the owner of the studio. “Oh? Wow!” Beomgyu suddenly gasps. “What, what happened? Did Taehyun send you a message?” I ask him, alarmed by his reaction. He shakes his head and shows me his phone. “No, but look at this… People are messaging the One Dream entertainment email account for details on our audition!” “Really?” I take the phone out of his hand and scroll through the inbox. Indeed, several people are informing about the time and location, thinking it is real. A feeling of guilt overwhelms me for a short moment; those poor people are really hoping for a chance to get accepted in a company, and we’re just fooling them… “Wait a minute, I know this guy!” Beomgyu says while looking at the screen over my shoulder. “I can’t believe he didn’t debut in this world, he is my sunbaenim even!” He shakes his head in disbelief. I feel the mood dropping again, just like yesterday at dinner. “Well, if people are this enthusiastic, I’m sure we’ll hear from Taehyun soon too,” I say in an attempt to cheer him up. He nods resolutely and says, sounding optimistic: “Let’s hope so.”

But, the next day passes without a message from Taehyun. And the day after, Beomgyu’s phone remains silent all morning. And all afternoon. By the time we’ve had dinner, Beomgyu has become a gloomy fatalist, refusing to talk to me while he just stares at his phone in agony. “You can’t summon him by looking at your phone until your eyes hurt, Beomgyu,” I say and I try to steal his phone, but he quickly gets up on his feet and walks away, avoiding me. “Why hasn’t he called yet?!” Beomgyu shouts annoyed and upset. “I don’t know! Stop being so sulky!” I shout back at him, getting a little tired of his behaviour. Beomgyu gives me a cold stare and with a loud “ARGH!” he throws his phone on the couch. We are about to have a real argument, but at that very moment, Beomgyu’s phone starts ringing. We both freeze for a short while, and then both rush to the phone. The display shows an unknown number. We look at each other excited, our almost-fight already forgotten, and with shaking hands, Beomgyu brings the phone to his ear and answers the call with a simple: “Hello?” It only takes a second before a bright smile appears on his face. “Yes, Taehyun, you are speaking with Beomgyu from One Dream entertainment.” I cover my face in relief and have to stop myself from doing a victory dance while Beomgyu explains the details of our audition to Taehyun. “All right, we’ll see you tomorrow.” Beomgyu ends the call, throws his phone on the couch again and then, probably out of pure euphoria by receiving Taehyun’s call, he hugs me tight. “He called, noona! He called!” I freeze again, but for quite a different reason now. Keep breathing, I tell myself. I awkwardly tap his back, but can’t stop myself from grinning as I say: “I told you so.”

“How long until Taehyun arrives?” I ask Beomgyu while I put my bag on a random chair in the tiny studio we rented for our meeting with Taehyun. We just got here a moment ago, a bit early for our meeting, but Beomgyu wanted to try something with the cd of my once fully autographed album. “Approximately thirty minutes,” Beomgyu says after looking at his watch, and he checks out the audio system while I go through my bag to find the album. “That should be more than enough time. Here you go.” I hand him the cd and he inserts it into the cd player. “What track do you like best, noona?” he asks me as he turns on all the seemingly complicated devices like he’s been doing this for ages. “Oof, that’s a good question, I can listen to that album head to toe.” He smirks at me as I bite my tongue; I still have trouble with controlling my inner fangirl sometimes. I really should find a way to suppress it soon though, because I know Taehyun and Yeonjun will be giving me a way harder time when I blurt out stuff like this. “But you can put on ‘Run Away’ if you like.” “‘Run Away’ it is,” he says confidently, but when he hits the play button, the room stays silent. “Huh?” he mutters confused, turning up the volume. And then suddenly, the music blasts loudly from the speakers, startling us both tremendously. Beomgyu quickly decreases the volume again, but after two lines, the room is silent again. “What the hell,” I say, feeling a little shaky. “Uh, noona? You can let go of my arm now,” Beomgyu smirks at me as I quickly release his arm with cheeks burning red. I didn’t even realize I grabbed onto him when I got scared. “Is the cd broken?” I ask him, but before he can answer, we hear some music again, from the pre-chorus this time. And a few moments later, part of the refrain. Wait a minute… My mind is starting to connect the dots. “Play the next track, please.” Beomgyu hits a button and we hear nothing for a while again. Then Beomgyu’s voice resounds through the room. “It’s only you,” I realise. “Huh?” Beomgyu stares at me confused. “It’s only your voice, Beomgyu. All the other parts of the songs are muted, only your lines are hearable.” We go through the entire track list, and it turns out that I am correct. “That’s odd,” Beomgyu mumbles. “Maybe it’s because I’m the only one who remembers?” I shrug. “Maybe.” We hear a knock on the door. That must be Taehyun. I instantly get nervous, as if I’m the one who is going on an audition, while I walk to the door and open it. In front of me stands Taehyun, hesitantly, but he soon recognizes us and says, a little awkwardly: “Hello.” I quickly welcome him and let him in, but I soon notice there is something different about him compared to the last time I saw him. It’s his eyes, I realise. They look tired, his entire face seems a little pale actually, and he got dark circles around his eyes as well. He rubs his face before he sits down and sighs deeply. Has he been sleeping well? I wonder. I take a good look at him again. Has he been sleeping at all? Beomgyu explains how the ‘audition’ will go, while Taehyun silently nods. “Any questions?” Beomgyu asks after he has finished. “Yes, actually, I do. Or more of a remark, really.” Taehyun’s tone is alarming, it's very serious and wary. I glance at Beomgyu and meet his eyes; he looks a little confused too, so it wasn’t just my imagination. “I tried to look up One Dream entertainment, but I couldn’t find anything online, apart from a website that was created just a few days ago. There is no company officially registered under that name, or any variants, and the address you used on your website doesn’t exist. You are fake.” Taehyun looks at us with a cold stare. Damn, he’s good. We should have known better, of course. That explains why it took him so long to give us a call. But something is bothering me. Why did he invest so much time in figuring this all out? Why did he come, even if he knew it was fake? I take a risk, looking Taehyun straight in the eye as I say: “If you know that it’s fake, then why did you come?” A flash of hesitance reflects in Taehyun’s big eyes, but he smooths his expression quickly. Too late, Taehyun. I saw that. Does he remember? Then he glances at Beomgyu. It’s just for a split second, but I know enough. “You recognize him, don’t you?” I ask Taehyun, acting a lot braver than I feel. He looks back at me, and for a minute, he doesn’t say a thing. Then he slowly nods, and looks at Beomgyu again, intrigued. “You seem weirdly… familiar. Like I’ve known you for a long time, but at the same time, I can’t remember a thing about you. It is all so… vague, as if my memories are shrouded in fog.” The atmosphere is getting tense now, Beomgyu’s fists are clenched, and I’m unconsciously holding my breath. “Do you recognise this?” I show Taehyun the album, with just the one autograph of Beomgyu and a vague outline of the logo. Taehyun's eyes look focused, and he mumbles: “No… Yes, maybe? I don’t know.” Okay, that didn’t work. “Perhaps the album is still too vague, it doesn’t really look like the real thing,” I mumble, and Beomgyu nods in agreement. “What do you mean, the real thing? What’s going on? Are you hiding something from me?” Taehyun looks confused. “Oh! Maybe this will work…” Beomgyu turns around and hits a few buttons, turning on the cd again. It’s silent shortly, but then Beomgyu’s opening lines of ‘Run Away’ resounds through the room again: 나만 빼고 다 행복한 것만 같아, 우는 것보다 웃을 때가 더 아파. I was expecting silence again, just like before, but then Taehyun’s voice chimes through the air as he softly sings: “맨날 참아보려 해도 버텨보려 해도.” A chill runs down my spine and I’m left with goose bumps all over my body. Did he just… sing the lyrics… Beomgyu and I both stare at Taehyun; Taehyun stares back at Beomgyu. I can almost hear the penny drop in his mind. And then, just when Beomgyu was going to say something, music comes out of the speakers: 숨겨진 9와 4분의 3엔, 함께여야 갈 수 있어 . Those are Taehyun’s lines. So that must mean… “Beomgyu-hyung,” Taehyun whispers, tears filling his eyes and quickly rolling down his cheeks. Beomgyu doesn’t say a word as he goes over to Taehyun, puts his arms around him and hugs him tight. I look at the album cover and there it is: Taehyun’s autograph has re-appeared. I sigh relieved. He remembers.

Chapter Text

It took us some time to explain everything to a very confused Taehyun, at least as far as we ourselves could understand what was going on. With tears and disbelief in his eyes, he listened to us as we first told him our separate stories of waking up in this parallel universe without TXT, and then our shared story up until the fake audition of One Dream entertainment we were having at that moment. “I thought that name sounded familiar,” Taehyun whispered with the faintest smile, and he asked who came up with it, to which Beomgyu proudly said: “Noona did!”, making me blush heavily. We continued answering Taehyun’s ongoing stream of questions, played all the songs on the album, with Taehyun’s vocals coming out of the speakers just as loud as Beomgyu’s, and we also showed him the album cover, which now had two autographs and a more clear outline of the design. Taehyun followed the pattern of his autograph with his fingers, just like Beomgyu did; I could tell he still wasn’t sure what was happening, and neither were we. We left the studio in a hurry, since we were so busy talking that we didn’t notice our time was up already, and found a small restaurant near to have dinner, were we are now, enjoying a cup of tea (or a caramel macchiato in Taehyun’s case) after our meal. Taehyun sighs deeply and long, and then shakes his head as he says: “I still can’t believe it. It’s so… surreal. For a minute I thought this all was one big prank, with hidden cameras and everything.” I nod and think back at how I became just as paranoid. “Somehow it’s real, and maybe we’ll never know how or why this happened,” Beomgyu says softly, but determined. “So we just have to turn it back to the way it was, by finding everyone and making them remember.” “Have you found any of the others already?” Taehyun asks. Beomgyu shakes his head. “No, you were the first one.” “Ah, hyung, I’m touched,” he jokes, mockingly placing one hand on his heart and wiping a non-existent tear away with the other. “Ya, you brat!” Beomgyu gives him a playful slap, only half-annoyed, with a frown on his face but a fond look in eyes. Taehyun grins while he takes the hit, but then he rubs his eyes and yawns. “I’m going home, I need to take a good rest to process it all,” he says as he starts to gather his stuff. “I must admit,” he continues, looking a bit puzzled, “I barely slept last night, I had such a strange feeling. Maybe I somehow already knew something was wrong lately, or I did recognise you in some way, hyung… It was such a weird experience.” “You didn’t remember anything before today?” I ask him. He frowns, struggling while he tries to explain: “I don’t know. Maybe I had a feeling that something was up, but at the same time I had a lot of memories of events in this world, like getting accepted into university, classes I followed and exams I took, even about friends I made here. So there was no reason for me to be suspicious of this reality. However, the last few days, I felt like something was missing, and I couldn’t put my finger on it. And now all those other memories have faded, I only clearly remember my life as part of TXT. It’s so odd, so confusing.” He shakes his head, and gets up. “Let’s meet up tomorrow to continue our search,” Beomgyu says, and Taehyun agrees. “Shall we meet up at your place, noona? Or somewhere else?” Beomgyu asks me. I hesitate a little. “I’m not sure. I don’t want to make my roommate more suspicious by bringing another stranger to the house, especially since you’re still staying there.” “Wait, you’re staying at noona’s place?” Taehyun asks surprised. “Yeah, I don’t know where I live here, so I’ve been crashing on her couch,” Beomgyu shrugs. “Oh hyung, that’s not healthy! Let me ask my parents if you can stay at our house, we have a guest room.” Beomgyu visibly brightens after he hears that. “Ah thank you Taehyun, I could really use a decent bed! No offense, noona,” he quickly adds, afraid I will be offended by him not wanting to sleep on our crappy couch. As if. “I’ll come by to make you pancakes in the morning if you want to,” he adds cheekily, and I deny his offer with burning cheeks while Taehyun giggles at me as he puts on his jacket. “Well then, see you tomorrow!” Taehyun says, and he waves us goodbye. I watch him as he leaves the restaurant, feeling happy we found one of the members so quickly already. One down, three to go.

The next day we meet up in a café close to my apartment, ready to do more research as we spread out our laptops, notebooks, and food on a large table near the window. The sun is shining brightly outside, as the weather is getting warmer this spring. The cherry blossom tree in front of the café is in full bloom, some flowers delicately twirling down at the slightest breeze. It’s so mesmerizing that it distracts me from time to time, but a sudden gasp and excited taps on my arm from Beomgyu bring me back to the moment. He turns his laptop to me and Taehyun to show us something he found about Yeonjun, which was his appointed member to search for. “His dance company is having performances this week!” He shows us a well-designed website, with information on the shows that they will be having the coming days. “We definitely have to go to one!” I say, and the boys nod in agreement. “And fast too,” Taehyun adds. “They’ll have a few shows here, but the ones of next week are in Busan.” “Busan?!” Beomgyu shouts, and he brings his face so close to the screen that his nose almost touches it. “We have to get to him before they leave,” I say, and Taehyun agrees: “You’re right, noona. Let’s order tickets now.” Beomgyu scrolls down the page, but then he suddenly stops. I poke him with my elbow. “Beomgyu?” But he doesn’t respond to me, eyes glued to the screen. I look over to Taehyun, and see the same expression of pain and longing on his face. “That’s… Yeonjun-hyung,” he whispers. I focus on the screen and there I see a promotion video, with a bright-eyed Yeonjun as the thumbnail. Beomgyu clicks on the play button, and Yeonjun starts talking enthusiastically about the performance, just as excited as he would normally talk about their songs on a music show, or about their the fans at the concerts, or about a new music video coming out. It only lasts about a minute, and then some other dancer appears, but it sure affects Beomgyu and Taehyun a lot, as their eyes are filled with tears. “We will get to him, don’t worry,” I say to encourage them, and I pat Beomgyu’s arm to cheer him up. He smiles at me weakly, and I smile back at him before I cast my eyes down, feeling shy; I totally miss the way Taehyun looks at us curiously. “I’ll get us some more drinks,” Beomgyu says as he gets up, probably to distract himself from the painful moment. He leaves after taking our orders, and Taehyun and I purchase tickets for the show on Thursday, since the premiere, which is tomorrow, is sold out already. “Now we only have to find a way to approach him,” I say, and Taehyun nods, seemingly deep in thought about it already. “We can’t go with the idol audition again, because he already clearly established himself in this dance company. Knowing Yeonjun, he would never give this up, it’s way too prestigious and we all know about his love and passion for dance.” I just nod as I try to keep up with his train of thoughts. I’m starting to think his brain works twice as fast as mine. “We need another way to get to him, preferably also by stroking his ego, that always gets his attention. But how do we convince him to talk to us alone?” We both ponder about it in silence, and I look around the room, trying to find inspiration. I see a family with a young child, enjoying lunch and taking pictures, obviously celebrating something. An older man is sitting opposite of a young lady, perhaps a granddaughter taking her grandfather out for lunch. Next to us, an eager reporter is interviewing some upcoming actress, meticulously scribbling down everything she says in his yellow, lined notepad. Hold on… A light bulb goes off in my head, and when I turn to Taehyun, my feelings are reflected on his face. “An interview!” we say at the same time, and then we both giggle. “It’s perfect, he will feel flattered by our attention and it’s a good promotion opportunity for his dance company, so I’m sure he'll say yes,” Taehyun says, his eyes sparkling with excitement. “Maybe we can get him to perform to one of your songs, perhaps he’ll recognise it, just like you did!” My heart starts pounding as a plan begins to form in my head. “Great idea, noona!” Taehyun looks at me, smiling bright, and we start brainstorming loudly about other possibilities. “What are you guys so excited about?” Beomgyu asks as he returns with our drinks, looking curious and even a bit sulky, as if he is bummed about missing out on all the buzz. “We just came up with a way to approach Yeonjun-hyung,” Taehyun answers and he starts explaining the plan to Beomgyu, who gets just as enthusiastic as we are. Then suddenly my phone rings, and I see a name of one of my classmates appear on the screen. I feel uncomfortable as I remember that I'm supposed to be working on some group project right now, so instead of answering the call, I decline and let my voicemail deal with it. “Is everything okay, noona?” Beomgyu asks me, and I look up at him distracted. He looks worried, and I wonder how well my face shows my guilty feeling about ignoring my friends. “It’s not important,” I say as and I try to brush it off, but he keeps frowning and doesn’t look convinced. “Is this about university? Should you be in some class right now?” he continues to question me, and now Taehyun looks at me concerned too. “Don’t worry guys, it’s fine,” I quickly say before Taehyun can speak. “If everything goes according to plan, I’ll just follow my classes in our own universe.” They both chuckle and agree, and we leave the topic. Luckily, I don’t receive any calls the rest of the day.

When we enter the theatre that Thursday, I can feel the tension rising. It’s not just the anticipation of the upcoming performance that vibrates through the air, as always before any kind of show, but I can sense that Beomgyu and Taehyun are getting nervous as well. Beomgyu stopped his cheery chatting and grew quieter the closer we got to the auditorium, and Taehyun is looking around anxiously, as if he could hear Yeonjun from backstage, or see him right through the thick, red curtains. I try to start up a conversation, but the boys are not responding anymore, so I give up and start counting down the minutes until the performance starts. When I look around the room, I see that all the seats are already taken, which is remarkable, since the performance is on a workday; I slowly start to grasp just how popular Yeonjun’s dance company really is. Then the lights go out and the show starts. Two dancers, dressed in loose, green clothes, enter the stage, which is decorated as a forest, with fake trees, some bushes, and a platform disguised as a big rock. While fog swirls over the stage, the dancers start their routine, and to my surprise, they seem to be doing modern dance. Wait a minute. Yeonjun joined a modern dance company?! I can hardly believe it, thinking of all the hip hop moves he masters so well, and all the challenging and upbeat choreographies they performed. I must admit, I didn’t really pay attention to which specific genre of dance this company specialised in; I just assumed it had to be hip hop... I watch the stage with mouth hanging open, feeling immensely impressed. These dancers don’t move, they flow on the stage, from one move seamlessly to another, gracefully and sometimes off beat, full of emotion and passion. I find myself having no idea what the story is about, because I am totally lost in the elegant and rhythmic performance. All of a sudden, a thunder crashes loudly, the lights flash a few times, and… there he is. It’s unmistakably Yeonjun who suddenly appeared on top of the platform; even though his face isn’t visible clearly, I would recognise those insanely long legs anywhere. Additionally, Taehyun just gasped loudly, and Beomgyu grabbed my hand, suddenly making it difficult for me to breathe. Calm down, I tell myself, as Beomgyu tightens his grip around my hand, making it a little painful. He probably only took my hand because it’s hard for him to see Yeonjun again; the same as when we first saw Taehyun. I force myself to relax. He just needs some support right now, don’t think anything of it. I pat his hand with my other one, to ease him a little, and his grip loosens, but he still doesn’t let go. Why doesn’t he let go? My cheeks turn red, and I’m glad the room is so dark, because Taehyun would never have shut up about this. I focus on the stage again, and I’m absolutely mesmerised by Yeonjun’s performance. He somehow managed to combine his hip hop moves with modern dance, smoothly transitioning from one motion to the next, as if there is no difference between the styles at all. I understand why he was accepted into this company at such a young age; he radiates talent with every fibre of his being, his place is there, under the spotlight. All I can do is stare, almost forgetting that Beomgyu keeps holding my hand during the entire 90-minute show. Almost.

“I am sorry sir, but no press is allowed backstage.” A bulky, though-looking security guard is blocking our way when we are trying to reach Yeonjun after the performance. “But we only need a few minutes of Mr Choi’s time, we were told we could – ” “If you are not on the list, you are not allowed to go backstage. So I ask you again, are you on the list?” Taehyun looks defeated, and mumbles annoyed: “No, we are not on the list.” “Then I am afraid you will have to leave.” The guard crosses his arms, making him look extra bulky and intimidating, and we retreat. “Stupid security guard,” Taehyun mumbles, and he gives him such a foul look that it scares me a little. I didn’t know Taehyun could be that frightening. “What now?” I ask, feeling powerless. If we can’t get backstage, how are we supposed to talk to Yeonjun? “I might have an idea,” Beomgyu says, his eyes sparkling mischievously, and he leads us outside, around the corner, all the way to the back. “I think it should be… ah, yes, here it is! The artists’ entrance,” he says while pointing at a somewhat hidden backdoor. “Why didn’t I think of that,” Taehyun says, and he grins as he pats Beomgyu on the back. “Smart, hyung.” Beomgyu looks very pleased with himself, like he just solved some complicated math problem. We wait around for a bit, the sun has already set and it’s getting colder. I try to hide my shivers, but of course Taehyun’s sharp eyes never miss anything, and he offers me his jacket. I decline, but he hands it to me anyway, so with a shy “Thank you” I put it on, and I instantly feel a lot better. Taehyun might seem a little distant sometimes, he is actually very sweet and caring. Then the door swings open and the artists emerge, chatting loudly, probably still full of adrenaline from performing. Yeonjun stands out in the crowd though, his shining personality attracts your eyes, almost like a permanent spotlight follows him everywhere. He laughs widely when a fellow dancer makes some kind of remark, and when his happy eyes accidently catch mine, my heart skips a beat. He turns his head sideways, examining us one by one curiously, and then comes our way. I wonder what made him realise that we are here for him, but then I glance at Beomgyu and Taehyun who are both staring intensely at Yeonjun; no explanation needed. “Good evening,” he says charmingly, and we greet him too, though Beomgyu and especially Taehyun have a hard time getting the words out. So I end up doing all the talking again, first complementing Yeonjun on his performance to stroke his ego, like Taehyun said, and then explaining that we would like to have an interview with him after seeing his stunning performance. Yeonjun barely looks at the boys; instead, his eyes have captivated mine, making me feel a little uncomfortable under his stare, as he says, his voice dripping with charisma: “I am flattered, and it all sounds very interesting, miss. I must admit I never heard of your magazine before, but I sure would have if I knew they had such cute reporters.” It takes all my strength to keep my mouth from falling open after I hear Yeonjun’s words, and for a moment I’m too dumbfounded to speak. It’s almost like he is... flirting with me…? He then winks at me smoothly and grins as I am blushing deeply. “Uhm, well, uh, thank you, I-I guess,” I stutter flustered as I try to continue the conversation. But nothing follows, I’m lost for words. “So, does that mean you agree to do the interview?” Taehyun asks, noticing my confusion and swiftly taking over. “Yeah, sure, why not,” Yeonjun says, and he takes out his phone. “Let’s exchange numbers, so we can talk about the details tomorrow.” Taehyun nods, and he reaches for the phone, but Yeonjun ignores him and gives it to me, after typing something into the contact details. “If you could type your phone number in here, miss, then I’ll call you after, so you’ll have mine as well.” I have trouble to keep my hands steady as I take his phone. I type in my number, and then I notice what he wrote as the contact name, blinking a few times to make sure my eyes are not betraying me. ‘Cute miss reporter’ it says. I stare at it incredulously for a while, making Beomgyu and Taehyun look over my shoulder out of curiosity. Taehyun starts to giggle, but Beomgyu scoffs, as if he doesn’t like it that Yeonjun thinks I’m ‘cute’. I quickly hand back the phone, and Yeonjun immediately calls me to make sure I have his number saved as well. “We’ll call you tomorrow,” Beomgyu says stiffly, seeming annoyed with his hyung and wanting to end the conversation. “I’ll be looking forward to it,” Yeonjun replies, looking amused, and after firing one last cheek-popping smile at us, he turns around and walks away. Again, all I can do, is stare.

Chapter Text

The next day, Beomgyu and Taehyun come over to my place, to have lunch and, more importantly, to call Yeonjun. “When should we meet up with him?” I ask after taking a bite of the pancake that Beomgyu prepared. “As soon as possible,” Taehyun says as he stirs his drink. “Their last show is on Saturday, and I think they’ll start moving to Busan on Sunday, or Monday the latest, since they’ll need time to practice for their show next Wednesday.” Beomgyu agrees with him, nodding while he effortlessly flips a pancake. “Tomorrow is our only chance I think,” he adds, which is not really helpful for my nerves. I mean, I have to make a call with the Choi Yeonjun in a few minutes, how could I feel calm right now? I always found him so intimidating and I kind of look up to him because he is so good at everything; he was the number one trainee after all. When we have finished our lunch, the boys do the dishes while I try to stop my hands from trembling as I select Yeonjun’s number and press the call button. It rings a few times, but then I hear a charismatic voice answer: “Good day, cute miss reporter, how are you?” His words make me almost drop my cup of tea. Why is he always like that? Does he like to play with people’s hearts? Beomgyu and Taehyun noticed my clumsiness, but I motion them to continue doing the dishes while I focus on keeping my breathing steady. “I’m fine, thank you,” I manage to say calmly, and I get to the point immediately before he starts blurting out more stuff like that. “About the interview, would it be suitable for you to have it tomorrow? We know you have to leave for Busan soon, so we hope it’s not too inconvenient to meet us at such a short notice.” “No, no, don’t worry, tomorrow should be fine! I’m looking forward to it, it’s an honour,” he says charmingly, but sounding sincere and modest. “That’s nice to hear,” I say, and I put my thumbs up to Beomgyu and Taehyun, who look relieved. “Just one thing though, could you meet me here in the theatre? We have rehearsals tomorrow and I can’t really leave for more than an hour, so travelling is no option.” Oh. That’s not as planned… “Uh…” I look at the boys, not sure what to answer. “What does he say?” Taehyun asks softly. “Hold on a minute while I discuss this with my… colleagues.” “Sure, no problem.” I cover the microphone and whisper: “He wants to meet at the theatre.” “At the theatre?” Beomgyu looks puzzled. “Why?” “He says he can’t leave because of rehearsals.” “Ah,” the boys say at the same time, seeming familiar with the situation. “Makes sense. Sure, it should be fine. We’ll figure something out for our plan, don’t worry,” Taehyun reassures me, so I pick up the phone again and tell Yeonjun it’s okay. “What time suits you?” Yeonjun asks. “Around one o’clock in the afternoon?” I suggest. “Perfect! It’s a date,” Yeonjun answers. I feel slightly uncomfortable by his use of the word ‘date’, and I’m really starting to hate his charms as they keep throwing me off guard. “Okay, it’s all settled then. See you tomorrow!” I quickly say to end the call. “See you tomorrow, miss,” he says cheekily, and then he hangs up. “It’s fixed!” I cheer, and Beomgyu and Taehyun smile bright, Taehyun even gives me a high five. Suddenly, the front door opens and my roommate enters. What is she doing here? I though she had classes right now? She doesn’t look surprised to see Beomgyu, but when her eyes fall on Taehyun, her jaw drops, which is not surprising of course. “Hi,” I greet her like it’s the most normal thing in the world to have two very handsome young men over for lunch on a weekday, and she barely greets us before quickly moving to her room, her cheeks burning red. “Is that your roommate?” Taehyun asks softly, and I nod before letting out a deep sigh. “Yeah, and unfortunately, she is getting a bit suspicious lately…” “We can leave if we are a bother,” Taehyun offers. “Maybe we can go to your place, Taehyun. Your parents aren’t home right?” Beomgyu suggests. Taehyun nods, and we start packing up, but before we can leave, my roommate calls me. I feel weirdly nervous, like I was caught cheating on a test or something. “Unnie, please be honest with me,” she starts as soon as she closes the door, while I anxiously play with a strand of my hair, trying my best not to look her in the eyes. If I would be honest with her, she would send me to the hospital to get my head checked. She would never believe me. “Who is this new guy? Why are you meeting up with strangers? The other guy, Beom-something -” “Beomgyu.” “Yeah, I've never seen him before and suddenly he stays here for a few days and you meet with him all the time. And now there is another boy, who is he?” “Taehyun, a friend from uni,” I answer quickly. “Taehyun… Wait, Kang Taehyun? Doesn’t he do physics? He’s in a whole different faculty!” I stay silent, not knowing what to say. She is right, of course. It doesn’t really make sense for me to know Taehyun so well. “Shouldn’t you be in class right now? Skipping is not your thing…” She looks worried, which makes me feel guilty. “You know, your parents asked me if you are doing okay, because apparently you have been vague to them lately too… Unnie, what is going on? You aren’t doing anything shady, are you?” “What? No, of course not! Why would you think that?” I anxiously try to figure out some credible excuse, but my thoughts are blank. “I don’t know! You don’t talk to me anymore, I don’t know what’s going on in your life…” I feel even more guilty as I see the sad look in her eyes. “Unnie, I miss you, but you’re always gone these days…” I take her hand and squeeze it softly to reassure her. “I’m fine, really. We are just… working on some… project for my choir club, so I’ve been meeting with them often lately.” She looks a little less suspicious now, and nods slowly, as if she understands. I calm down, feeling a bit more relieved, but at the same time I’m wondering if this lie won’t backfire later. Ah well. She won’t remember once we have turned back time.

The theatre has quite a different atmosphere in the daylight, I ponder as we enter through the lobby the next day. I suddenly notice that the red carpet is a little worn off here and there, the bright light from outside makes the auditorium look a lot less cosy and warm, and now our footsteps coldly echo through the room, instead of the usual happy chatter of excited visitors. When we arrive at the door leading backstage, we notice that the same bulky security guard who stopped us last time is on duty again.  “Nice,” Taehyun whispers, his eyes sparkling mischievously. The guard recognises us and scoffs: “You again? The same holds as last time, if you’re not on the list –” “We have an appointment with Choi Yeonjun. He said we would be put on the list, so if you would be so kind?” Taehyun lists our names, and annoyance flashes over the guard’s face as he looks at his clipboard before he steps aside and holds the door open for us. “Thank you very much,” Taehyun says with a grin as he walks by the man without even looking at him, and I have to hold back my giggles as I go through the door too. He sure got an attitude. “Taehyun likes getting his revenge, even small ones like these,” Beomgyu whispers to me, and I nod. I noticed. When we arrive at the stage, we can see the dancers practicing hard. Instead of their fancy costumes and beautiful make-up, they are wearing sports clothes and are all bare-faced. But even then, Yeonjun stands out, the invisible spotlight still following him everywhere, automatically drawing everyone to him. “Here we go,” Taehyun whispers nervously. I give him an encouraging pat on the shoulder, and then he calls Yeonjun, who looks up a little confused, but smiles brightly when he sees us. He excuses himself with the other dancers, and walks towards us, casually brushing his hand through his hair like he wasn’t already looking handsome enough. “Good afternoon sir, sir, miss,” he says as he shakes our hands, winking slightly when he shakes mine, his stupid charms making my heart flutter again. “Shall we go to the practice studio? The dancers are using the stage now, so we won’t be bothered by them.” He leads us away, and after passing a few doors and hallways we enter a small dance studio. One wall is covered by mirrors, and there is a ballet barre on the opposite side. A few chairs and a table stand in the corner, and next to it I see a magnificent grand piano and an acoustic guitar that looks so shiny as if it has never been used before. “Make yourselves comfortable,” Yeonjun says as he go gets us some drinks, and when I look at Beomgyu and Taehyun, I think that could be quite the challenge. Taehyun looks pale, and Beomgyu is restless, tapping his fingers on the table like he did when we first waited for Taehyun, which I again tell him to stop doing. “Sorry, I’m just...” he mumbles and he bites his lip. “I know you are nervous, both of you must be. But it will be okay. Relax,” I encourage them, and I squeeze one hand of each softly. Taehyun just smiles at me, but Beomgyu looks away, still restless. His hand lingers a bit before I can let go, which gives me nervous flashbacks to when he held my hand during the performance on Thursday, and I urge my heart to calm down. Then Yeonjun comes in again, and we start our ‘interview’. We came up with dozens of questions that contained subtle hints for Yeonjun to make him remember TXT: “What would you say has been your ‘One Dream’?” “Would you describe yourself as an angel, or devil?” “If you would have to be forever together with someone, who would it be?” However, he is totally oblivious and answers honestly, though sometimes with a slight smile, as if he is wondering why we are asking him such weird questions, but secretly finds them amusing. When we get to the end of our list, I can feel the tension rising, so I quickly switch to our plan B: “Okay, our last question, or more like a request, is if you would dance for us, like a little freestyle? We would love to post a video on our website.” Yeonjun’s eyes sparkle, his passion for dancing written all over his face. “Of course! It would be my pleasure!” Well, that was surprisingly easy. But I soon regret thinking that when Yeonjun informs us that he cd-player in the room is broken. My heart drops as I realise we can’t play the album with TXT songs. How are we going to make him remember now? “You could use your phone to play the song you like,” Yeonjun suggests sweetly, but of course that is not an option, because the songs don’t exist in this alternate universe. Beomgyu’s eyes meet mine and it’s like I’m looking in a mirror: panic all over. “Maybe…” Taehyun suddenly speaks, his eyes staring at the instruments in the corner. “Maybe, Beomgyu can play the guitar for us? He knows the song really well, and it would give an extra special feel to our video,” he suggests. Yeonjun loves the idea, and gets even more excited when Beomgyu insists that Taehyun should sing to the song. “Oooh you sing? Whoa, so talented!” he says with starry eyes, like he isn’t the most talented person on the planet himself. He gets ready by stretching a little bit, while Beomgyu tunes the guitar and Taehyun warms up his vocal cords. I put my elbows down on the table to steady my shaking hands as I hold my phone, ready to start filming, and when Yeonjun gives his thumbs up, I press record. Beomgyu does a little intro and then starts playing ‘Maze in the Mirror’, Taehyun soon joining him with his singing. I know how much this song means to them because they wrote it themselves, they even started with writing it pre-debut, and I have a hard time to control my emotions. This song must spark something inside Yeonjun, right? How could he not remember when he hears this? But his face betrays nothing yet, fully focused, concentrating on the song and letting his body flow from one move to another. Beomgyu looks over to me, I can see the doubt and fear in his eyes, and then he glances to Taehyun, whose eyes are closed out of concentration. I bite my lip nervously as my heart starts to pound. We’re already halfway now, what if he doesn’t… But then, slowly, his moves start to change. He frowns as his flow is disrupted, but continues to dance anyway, his memory coming back, taking over. I gasp softly when I finally see it. He is doing the choreo of Maze in the Mirror. I slowly drop the camera, there’s no need to pretend anymore, and I let myself be amazed by the performance: Yeonjun’s dance, Beomgyu’s music, Taehyun’s singing. When the last notes slowly fade, Yeonjun just stands still, his head hanging, a single tear falling from his eye. There is a long silence, everyone is expectant, hesitant, lost for words. For a second fear strikes me that I was mistaken, that he didn’t remember and just let his instinct dance for him, but then he finally looks up, with pain and confusion in his teary eyes. “Hyung?” Beomgyu asks carefully, sounding unsteady. “Guys… what’s going on?” Yeonjun's voice trembles. Then he collapses onto the floor, looking heartbroken and overwhelmed, while Beomgyu and Taehyun rush to him. He pulls them both in a hug and whispers: “I missed you, my little brothers.”

Chapter Text

I would be lying if I said I didn’t tear up a little when I saw Yeonjun hugging his two dongsaengies so tight as if he was never letting them go again. What followed was a conversation very similar to the one we had with Taehyun a few days before. “Pheeew.” Yeonjun lets out a long sigh after the bizarre story is told. “I can hardly believe it, yet I experienced everything myself. It’s… the strangest thing ever.” He shivers and shakes his head. “Where are Soobin and Hueningkai?” “We haven’t found them yet,” Taehyun says, “but we will look for them now we made you remember.” “I see. And, I don’t mean to sound rude, but what does she have to do with all of this?” He nods at me, looking curious, and I unconsciously blush. “Noona is the one who found me and made me realise that TXT was not a dream. Without her… I’m not sure what would have happened,” Beomgyu says softly. There is something in his voice, a warm kind of fondness, making my cheeks blush even more. “Found you? Hm, interesting,” Yeonjun says, and his eyes glance over me from head to toe, as if he is trying to find something special about me. Sorry to disappoint you, Yeonjun, I’m just ordinary me. “Oh! Noona, the album!” Taehyun suddenly remembers. “Right!” I grab my bag and rummage through it, but… “Oh, I think… I think we forgot it…” I mumble while turning my bag upside down, scattering the content on the table. Nope, no album. Beomgyu and Taehyun start to laugh, Yeonjun just looks confused. “What’s so funny?” he asks with a pout, obviously not liking the fact he can’t join on the inside joke. “I guess it doesn’t matter that the cd-player was broken after all,” Beomgyu says with a grin, and he comes over to me to help me re-pack my bag. “Come on, let’s go to noona’s place and see if we earned ourselves a third autograph.” He throws his arm around my shoulder and starts directing me towards the door, with a giggly Taehyun and pouty Yeonjun right behind us. I would be lying if I said my heartbeat didn’t just increase by about a hundred beats per minute.

I immediately notice something is off when I put the key in the lock on my front door. It’s not locked. Which is strange, because it’s Saturday today, so my roommate is not home… My hesitation is noticed by Taehyun’s sharp eye. “Is everything all right, noona?” he asks. “I’m… not sure,” I answer. The boys look at each other alarmed. “I’m quite sure I locked the door,” I hastily say to ease them (and myself), “perhaps my roommate came back early.” I slowly open the door, and we all peek inside. Then I freeze on the spot. Oh no. I see my parents sitting at the kitchen table: my dad has a face like thunder, my mom looks close to hysterical. They both look up when they notice the front door opening, and when they see me and the three boys, their expressions worsen. “Mom, dad, what are you doing here?” I ask carefully, trying my best to hide the boys behind my back. Why do they have to be so damn tall? “We received word from your roommate, young lady, so we came for a little talk,” my dad grumbles. I can almost see the steam coming out of his ears. I unconsciously shiver, and I can feel the guys behind me react in the same way. Perhaps that is also due to the fact that my mom is glaring at them in suspicion, as if she is trying to figure out if she can trust those beautiful faces or if they are just masks hiding their evil. They are obviously not amused by something, and my mind flashes back to the conversation I had with my roommate yesterday. I can’t believe she told my parents. I feel the anger rising, but I’ll deal with my roommate later. Calming my parents is my biggest concern now. I turn around to face the boys, and say in a weak voice: “I think it’s better if you stayed outside for a while.” Yeonjun nods, and Taehyun whispers “Good luck, noona”, before they turn around and leave. Beomgyu lingers though, out of sight for my parents, looking worried, as if I’m some lamb ignorantly strolling towards a pack of wolves. “Are you sure you’ll be all right?” he asks in a low voice. I smile bitterly. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry. They’re my parents, they won’t bite.” He makes a face like he highly doubts that, but nods shortly. Then he takes my hand and squeezes it softly in encouragement. “We’ll be right outside,” he says. Strengthened by his support, I turn around to face my parents.

I stare at my album after my parents have left. Yeonjun’s autograph stares back at me. I’m halfway there. I can’t give up now. “Noona?” I hear Beomgyu’s voice call out from the living room. They must have seen my parents leave and came back. I walk towards them, holding the album firmly, like it’s a safety vest keeping me from going under. They all look up startled when I emerge from my bedroom. “Are you okay?” Beomgyu walks towards me and softly strokes my arm. “Yeah, we just had a big fight. Similar to the one with my roommate yesterday… They’re upset that I’m dropping out of uni, and worried because I’m meeting up with… strangers.” The words get stuck in my throat, so I cast my eyes down. It was not a very pleasant conversation. I feel their eyes all follow my gaze, but they stop at the album in my hand. I hand it to Yeonjun. “Yours is here now too.” He takes it with a spark in his eyes. It must be reassuring to see something familiar in this strange situation. But then the spark is quenched, replaced by a watery sadness. “It’s weird to see the ones of Soobin and Hueningkai missing,” he whispers. “Like I’m missing a part of myself.” I see a similar expression roll over Taehyun’s face, and Beomgyu’s hand drops off my arm. A painful silence hangs in the air. We came so far… So we must keep going now. “Let’s find the missing pieces then,” I say with determination. “But, your parents…” Taehyun’s voice trails off. Before I can reply, Yeonjun’s hesitant voice cuts me off: “If it’s too much of an inconvenience, we can continue the search without you. We’re with three of us now, I’m sure we’ll do just fine.” My breath halts as I feel my heart drop. I don’t want to quit now, I must know how this ends! Not just because, as a fan, I really want them to get back together. But because I’m caught up in this too, I don’t belong here either. Fate has involved me in this for some reason, right? Why else would I be the one that still remembers, the one that found Beomgyu? Beomgyu… The thought of not seeing him again makes my stomach do a spectacular somersault, and my anxiety increases when I realise there might be another reason why I am so eager to continue the search. Oddly enough, I feel Beomgyu tense up beside me as well, as if he doesn’t like Yeonjun’s proposal either. I notice Taehyun’s glance shifting back and forth between me and Beomgyu, and a slow grin starts creeping up on his face. “I disagree, Yeonjun,” he says, smoothing his face in a more serious expression. “She is the only one next to all of us who remembers TXT’s existence. Also, she is the only person on this planet who still has something connecting us to our reality, which is her album. She has to turn back to our reality as well, I don’t think it’s wise to cut her off. Without her, I’m not sure we would all be here right now. We might need her again in the future.” I feel tears welling up in my eyes as I hear the sincere tone in his voice. He really means it. Yeonjun looks at me curiously, and a charming smile graces his face. “I guess you are right,” he agrees. I hear Beomgyu breathe out, as if he has been holding his breath all this time. I wasn’t wrong then, he was tense just now. “But are you sure it’s all right?” Yeonjun asks me concerned. “With your parents, I mean?” I nod, relaxing now I know I’ll be there at the end of this strange tale. “Don’t worry about it,” I say, and I feel a smile curl up the corners of my mouth. “We’ll succeed, and then this fight will never have happened.”

“Noona.” I wake up by a soft whisper in my ear. I rub my eyes and feel a little disoriented before I remember where I am. Or rather, where we are: on the highway bus to Ansan, on our way to find Soobin. We had to make quite a guess though, as we couldn’t really find any hints about his whereabouts. We tried finding him on social media, but only discovered a profile that hasn’t been updated for several years. We checked multiple companies to see if he might be casted somewhere, but no luck. We looked at universities in Seoul to see if he was enrolled there, but nothing came up. We even tracked down his siblings, but they all moved out of Ansan, not leaving any clues on where their little brother might be. It’s like he’s a ghost. Only because Hueningkai’s whereabouts were even more of a mystery, we decided to go to Ansan and try our luck there. Perhaps we’ll find some clues to where he went, and in the worst case we can always just knock on the door at his parents’ house, as Taehyun suggested. So we took the bus in Seoul today in the early hours of this beautiful Monday morning, and I must still have been quite tired as I apparently fell asleep. I shoot right up when I realise where I fell asleep. “I’m sorry,” I mumble to Beomgyu, apologising for using his shoulder as my pillow. He just fires a cute smile at me. “Don’t worry noona, feel free to rest here any time.” He pats on his shoulder invitingly, but I shake my head, blushing to the roots of my hair, mumbling that I’m fine now. I slowly begin to worry about my feelings for Beomgyu, which are starting to grow beyond those of a fan more and more each day, but I try to push that thought away. We have more important things to worry about right now, like finding Soobin. Yeonjun’s phone suddenly rings loudly, and some passengers on the bus, who were sleeping like me, look up to see who dared to disturb their sleep. But as soon as they see Yeonjun’s beautiful face, graced by a lovely, apologetic smile, they all forget their annoyance immediately and rub their eyes, unsure if they are not still sleeping. Yeonjun looks at his phone, frowns and declines the call. “Your dance company again?” Taehyun guesses, who is sitting next to Yeonjun in front of me and Beomgyu. “Yeah,” Yeonjun sighs, “they keep calling me. I mean I understand why, we were supposed to go to Busan today, and I didn’t tell them I’m not coming anymore.” “You didn’t tell them?” I ask him surprised. He shrugs and says with a playful smirk on his face: “Why bother? Like you said yesterday, when we succeed in turning back to our reality, this will never have happened. So I didn’t think it would be worth my time to worry about this now.” “When we turn back time, you mean,” Taehyun mumbles, just loud enough for Yeonjun to hear and start the whole discussion all over again. Beomgyu rolls his eyes and whispers: “They always do this, you know.” Yeonjun and Taehyun were arguing for hours last night about what had actually happened to us. Yeonjun is convinced we somehow managed to move to an alternate universe, meaning we have to find all the members in order to get back to our own. Taehyun on the other hand, is convinced we are on a different timeline because some event was changed in our past. He believes if we find each other, time will be turned back, and will make things right. I don’t know who to believe, and I don’t really care for it either. I just want everything to go back to the way it was. Their argument is interrupted by our arrival in Ansan, just a bit more than an hour after we left Seoul. We first decide to drop our hastily packed bags in the hostel where we booked our stay for the night, and then go to the suburb of Sangnok-Gu, where Soobin is from. We figured that would be a nice point to begin our search. I’m starting to feel like Sherlock Holmes, when we roam the streets and visit all kinds of places connected to Soobin’s past: his kindergarten, the schools he went to, his favourite restaurant, the place he used to dance… I’m surprised at the things we manage to find out about him, as people are quite willing to tell us bits when we ask. We discovered that he applied to go to the university in Ansan, but when we inquire there, they tell us that he apparently dropped out after the first year. Feeling quite frustrated, we decide to rest a bit in a park nearby. “Everything turns out to be a dead end,” Taehyun frowns. “It’s so annoying.” Yeonjun looks a little bored as he kicks away a pebble. “Is it always this difficult?” he mumbles. “Well, we started with the easy ones…” Beomgyu looks troubled. I can hear their unspoken question: what if we don’t find him? Not in the mood for depressive thoughts, I jump up and propose to get us some lunch. It’s almost noon anyway, and I know food will definitely cheer them up. I feel like they won't be getting up anytime soon by the way they just nod gloomily, so I take their orders and leave on my own. I think I saw a cute little bakery a bit further up the road, I’m sure they’ll have some nice things there. A soft wind makes cherry blossoms flutter down on my hair, and rays of sunshine gently kiss my face. It’s such a beautiful day, I wonder as I lay my eyes on the bakery again. I open the door and a delicious smell waters my mouth. The fragrance of freshly baked bread, cherry pies, blueberry muffins and chocolate cookies all hit me at once, and my tummy responds with a deep rumble. I’m glad the boys aren’t here with me, they would have teased me with this forever. Or, you know, for as long as I’m with them. I gape at the wondrous cakes that are on display: multi-layered, multi-coloured, delicious-looking creations with frostings in all kinds of shapes, like stars and flowers and cute little animals. The owner must have magic hands, I think as I move around the shop, which turns out to be a lot bigger than I expected form the outside. Where is the owner, anways? It seems like I’m the only one here. I stop in front of the counter, with all kinds of sandwiches and cakes and mochi lying behind the glass, and then I spot an old-fashioned bell. After a loud ‘ding!’ chimes through the room, I hear a somewhat familiar voice shout from somewhere in the back of the shop: “Just a minute!” I look over to the direction of the sound, but my view is blocked by a door that is standing half open. The owner is taking quite long though, so I turn my attention back to the food, trying to decide what I should get for the boys. It all looks so good… I’m startled when I suddenly hear someone say: “Good afternoon! How can I help you?” I look up to meet the person’s eyes and I feel my jaw drop. That gorgeous face. Those lovely dimples. His sparkling eyes that turn in two little crescent-moons when he smiles like that… I blink a few times, but he’s still there. I can’t believe it. I found Soobin.

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I can’t stop myself from staring at his face, my mind is not believing what my eyes are seeing. His happy smile slowly turns into a worried expression, as my answer to his question remains absent. “Uhm, are you all right?” he asks hesitantly. I feel like I’m drowning in his beautiful eyes. So no, I’m not all right. “S-Soobin?” I stutter, unable to make a decent sentence. How does every TXT member manage to make me act like a complete idiot in front of them? “Yes?” he answers, looking a little puzzled over my shocked expression. He turns his head slightly and narrows his eyes. “Do you know me?” My mind starts racing, trying to find a plausible answer. Then his face softens as if a lightbulb went off in his head. “Ah, I see, you must be a fan!” His crescent-moon eyes return as he smiles again, and I’m afraid I might pass out as the meaning of his words come through to me. Fan? Does he remember already…?! I manage to nod weakly, glad that he has given me a way out. His dimples pop up as his smile widens, looking very pleased. “How funny, some other people visited me last week too… I’m still getting used to it a little bit.” He scratches his head in an adorable way, then moves from behind the counter and takes my arm. “Let me show you around, I’m sure you’re curious about my work!” Dumbfounded by this turn of events, I let Soobin drag me around, while he happily chats about how he made a three-layered wedding cake for a famous idol, or about the special frosting he uses to decorate his cupcakes with little raccoons and bunnies. It takes me a while to realise he doesn’t think I’m a fan of TXT, but that he believes I’m a fan of his baking. I am endeared by his cute enthusiasm and somewhat baffled that he managed to turn his love for bread and other sweetness into a successful career. But I'm already trying to figure out how I will convince him that this award-winning bakery is not where his destiny lies. I’m so focused that I barely register anything that Soobin is saying, and I’m a bit embarrassed when he suddenly stops talking and looks at me, obviously expecting some kind of answer to a question I didn’t hear. “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that,” I say, cheeks flushed. He laughs cutely, and then repeats his question: “I asked if you would like to take a picture? I can upload it on my Instagram and tag you, if you want.” His Instagram? He has an Instagram account for his bakery?! “S-sure,” I stutter, trying to keep my head cool while inside I’m freaking out. Taking a picture with Soobin, even though he is a famous baker now instead of a famous idol, is still enough to make my heart flutter. We take a couple of pictures, and Soobin nods approvingly as he uploads one he likes. Then I suddenly remember what I came here for. “I also would like to buy something,” I say, and Soobin startles. “Oh, but of course! I’m sorry to distract you. What would you like?” I let him advise me on some of his best food, and he packs some cupcakes, sandwiches and juices, and hands them to me with a cute little wink, making my knees weak. I wave him goodbye as I leave the shop, feeling dazed. Finding Soobin by accident, what are the odds...?

I’m smiling like crazy when I walk towards the boys, who still look a little down and seem tired, lying stretched out on a bench in the park. “Noona, are you… okay…?” Taehyun asks me, his eyes narrowing. “Never been better!” I say, unable to hide my excitement, and I cheerfully hand out the food. “Did something happen?” Yeonjun asks curiously as he starts munching on a cupcake. He smirks and adds cheekily: “Your eyes sparkle prettily, like you just found a big treasure.”  Yeonjun loves to see how far he can push me until my inner fangirl pops out, but I’m too happy to get flustered by his remark and say cheerily: “Sort of, and thank you.” Yeonjun raises one eyebrow in surprise, obviously not connecting any dots yet. Beomgyu, looking a little irritated by his hyung, makes me sit down next to him and moves a little closer while he protectively lays his arm on the backrest behind me. This should have made my heart pound, but I barely notice it, still dazed by my meeting with Soobin. Then Taehyun suddenly gasps, and stares at me with his big eyes. “You don’t mean you…?” I nod, not the least surprised that Taehyun is the first one to realise what happened. “Whoa, amazing, noona! I knew it was essential to have you on our team!” Where Yeonjun’s remark and Beomgyu’s behaviour failed to get me flustered, Taehyun’s sincerity almost makes me tear up. “What’s going on?” Yeonjun pouts. He is the last to figure it out as Beomgyu exclaims incredulously: “Did you find Soobin?!” I smile wide, and say proudly: “I sure did!” Their depression and tiredness from before is replaced by relief and excitement. “Well done!” Yeonjun compliments me, and Beomgyu gives me a small hug. He leaves his arm around me, causing a storm of butterflies to swirl through my stomach while I desperately try to keep my expression straight. I can see Taehyun looking at us, and I pray he doesn’t figure out my true feelings. I’m glad when Yeonjun draws the attention back to my encounter with Soobin when he asks: “Did you meet him at the bakery?” “I didn’t just meet him there, he owns the place,” I reply, and I show them the Instagram page of Soobin’s bakery. “Wow, that is impressive,” Taehyun whispers while looking at all the awards Soobin has won. “He never baked this good back in our dorm,” Yeonjun mumbles as he takes another bite of his cupcake. “So, what do we do now?” Beomgyu asks. “Well, Soobin is a famous baker, right?” I say. “I’m sure he would love to get interviewed.”

We work all evening on our preparation for ‘interviewing’ Soobin, making up a story and defining roles for everyone. Since I already met with Soobin and therefore can’t pose as a journalist anymore, we decided that Yeonjun and Taehyun will act as interviewer and photographer and will try to arrange a meeting with him tomorrow. After making a list of questions for the interview and creating another fake website (we are becoming really good at this), I’m so tired that I almost fall off my chair when I doze off, if it were not for Taehyun who stopped me just in time. “Okay, I think it’s time for you to go to sleep,” he says, while the others just giggle softly. With my cheeks burning from embarrassment, I wish them goodnight and leave the room. Of course, only after I have entered my bedroom and unpacked my bag, I notice I left my jacket on the couch in the hostel’s common room. With a sigh I turn around and walk down the stairs again. The door of the room is slightly ajar, and I hear the Taehyun’s clear voice just when I reach for the doorknob: “So, Beomgyu, tell me. What is going on between you and noona?” I stop dead in my tracks. What… did he… just say…? Beomgyu answers softly, and I have troubling hearing it all, but it sounded something like: “What do you mean?” A little ashamed by my eavesdropping, but too curious to leave, I put my ear closer to the door. How awfully cliché. “Oh please, don’t try to deny it! You get mad every time Yeonjun makes a flirty remark!” Without being able to see his face, I just know  Taehyun must be smirking. “What? No, I don’t,” is Beomgyu’s muttering denial. “Oh really? Then I guess she also just happened to fall asleep on your shoulder by accident?” Yeonjun says, using the teasing voice he normally annoys me with. I’m afraid they might hear my heart pounding from behind the door, as it is beating a lot faster than it should be. “I guess,” Beomgyu mumbles, sounding less confident than before. There is a long silence, and though I’m not sure what is happening, I unconsciously hold my breath. Suddenly, Yeonjun and Taehyun burst out in laughter, and I hear Yeonjun giggle: “You’re an open book, Beomie!” Oh how I wish I could see his face. “Stop it!” Beomgyu says and I hear two short slaps. A deep sigh follows, and then Beomgyu mumbles: “I don’t know what it is, she is just… special, or something.” Special? I steady myself against the wall, afraid I will faint if i hear more. All right, time to go before I betray myself. “You are sure right about that." Taehyun's words are the last thing I hear when I hurriedly leave. I guess I’ll just come back for my jacket tomorrow.

Of course I barely slept that night, feeling restless because of what I overheard. I was so nervous to face Beomgyu this morning at breakfast that I dropped my bowl of cereal and knocked over my glass of orange juice in less than five minutes. Let’s blame that on lack of sleep, and not my lack of motor skills when Beomgyu is near. Around noon, we go to Soobin’s bakery. Beomgyu and I go in first to see if Soobin is present, and, if so, we will signal to Yeonjun and Taehyun that they can come in too. Still tired, I almost bump into the glass door when we enter, and I hear Yeonjun and Taehyun chuckle behind me. Today is not my day. “Are you okay, noona?” Beomgyu asks with a playful grin. “I’m fine,” I mumble, trying to calm my nerves and looking around to see if Soobin is anywhere. “Wow, this place is quite big,” Beomgyu whispers, obviously impressed. He strolls through the room, admiring the layered cakes like I did yesterday. “I would love a piece of this,” he says, his mouth already watering. “Oooh, or that one! Or maybe this one?” I giggle, and I’m not the only one. I turn around to see that Soobin has emerged, standing behind the counter wearing a blue-striped apron, his hair a little white from flour. Beomgyu didn’t notice though, his attention fully turned to the food. “Your boyfriend seems quite hungry,” Soobin says with a cute smile. His smile doesn’t throw me off guard this time, because I’m too busy freaking about his words. “Oh no, he isn’t, no, he is not my, uh…” I’m having trouble getting the word ‘boyfriend’ over my lips, so I just shake my head and make some flapping movements with my hands in denial. “Oh, I’m sorry I assumed that.” Soobin’s face has a light pink colour. “Assumed what?” Beomgyu joins us, his eyes glued to Soobin. He’s getting better at hiding his emotions when he sees his members, but I can hear by the light tremble in his voice that he must be nervous. “Nothing, what shall we get?” I quickly say. I could swear that a slight grin curled Beomgyu’s lips for a small moment, but when I blink again, it’s gone and he is contemplating whether he should get a chocolate scone or a blueberry muffin. “I personally love the chocolate scone, it goes really well with some whipped cream,” Soobin advises sweetly. Beomgyu, a little taken aback by Soobin talking to him, stutters and then just nods. Now it’s my time to grin. It’s so cute to see Beomgyu flustered. Soobin glances at me, then at Beomgyu, and then back at me, looking as if some penny dropped in his head, making me quite anxious because of his assumption before. What is he thinking now? My hunch was right, because after Beomgyu paid (he insisted), Soobin hands me the bag and whispers quietly: “Good luck on your date, I’m sure he’ll be your boyfriend soon.” My hand freezes in the air out of shock, suddenly forgetting how to function. What did he just say?! He winks clumsily and puts the bag in my hand, my fingers grabbing it more out of reflex than because I ordered them to do so. “B-bye,” I stutter, and I quickly turn around and walk to Beomgyu, who is already waiting at the door. I avoid his confused gaze and let my hair fall in front of my face to hide my flushed cheeks. “See you again!” Soobin greets us. Beomgyu waves at him and mumbles softly: “I hope we will, hyung.”

We are sitting on a bench in the same park again, waiting for Yeonjun and Taehyun to return. After we ate the food, we talked for a little while, but Beomgyu was way too tensed to keep up the conversation, so I just stopped trying. The silence that hangs between us now isn’t awkward though. It’s a weird kind of comfortable silence, with no need for words to be spoken. We simply enjoy the sun shining on our faces and watch the blossoms twirl in the breeze. I notice he is tapping his fingers again, and I only have to glance at his hand for him to become aware. “Sorry,” he apologizes. “Don’t be, you have the right to be nervous,” I say, trying to make him feel better. He smiles and then takes my hand, mumbling: “You hold it then, so I can’t tap it anymore.” And then we just sit in silence, holding hands, and I wonder what I did in a previous life to deserve this. Soobin’s words resound in my head: Good luck on your date. How ironic. Just as my mind starts drifting off, imagining me and Beomgyu going on actual dates, a shocking realisation hits me. What happens if we succeed in finding all the members? When we turn back time, or alternatively, get back to our own universe? Will they, will Beomgyu, still remember me? Or will we all forget what happened, and live our normal lives without knowing about each other? An immense sadness takes over. Just thinking about losing my friendship with the boys, about losing Beomgyu, makes my heart ache and my eyes water. A selfish thought crosses my mind. What if we didn’t manage to convince everyone? If we would stay here forever, I wouldn’t have to fear losing them, any of them… Guilt rushes over me and I feel the urge to slap myself in the face. How can I think that? How utterly self-centric and greedy! I can’t let them live in this pain, with the knowledge of how life should be, but without being able to return to it. I let go of Beomgyu’s hand, disgusted by myself. I don’t deserve him right now. He looks at me, with a hint of confusion in his eyes, but at the same moment we notice Yeonjun and Taehyun walking towards us, and Beomgyu blushes slightly. He must be thinking I let go because of the others coming our way… I’m glad he can’t read my mind. I wave at the boys, getting excited in anticipation, but then I notice their faces, and my excitement vanishes. With hanging shoulders they arrive at our bench and let themselves fall down besides us. Yeonjun buries his head in his hands and Taehyun stares in the distance, looking devastated. “What happened?” Beomgyu asks, his voice alarmed. “It didn’t work,” Yeonjun’s muffled voice mumbles barely audible. “What?!” Beomgyu and I simultaneously exclaim out of shock. “He wasn’t interested,” Taehyun grumbles. “He said he had enough exposure through his Instagram and the prizes he won already, so he has no need for interviews right now.” The air is filled with disappointment, and a cloudy of worry rains down on us. I feel defeated for a short moment, but try to stay optimistic: “Well, the fact that our first plan failed, doesn’t make things hopeless, right? We can always try another way.” “And how would we do that? Each of us has already exposed themselves to him, we can’t go to him again because he will recognize us!” Taehyun snaps. “We should have gone with a different approach,” Yeonjun mumbles with a frown on his face. “This would never have worked.” “It worked on you!” Beomgyu retorts annoyed. “Yeah because it fits my case perfectly! Interviews are part of the job if you’re a company dancer! Who interviews a bakery?” “Have you ever heard of food magazines, hyung?” Before I know it, they start to argue, angry remarks hurled at each other like cannon balls at a castle under siege. Soon they are not even on the topic of Soobin anymore. Getting upset myself at them ignoring me whenever I try to calm them, I jump up and yell: “That’s enough! Stop it, all of you! This is not going to help us convince Soobin at all!” “Oh yeah, and what is your great solution then?” Yeonjun snarls at me. “Wasn’t it you who came up with the idea of interviewing him? That didn’t do any good for us, did it? Maybe you should let us decide how to handle our friend, instead of letting your clouded fangirl opinion ruin it!” Yeonjun’s words pierce through me like arrows, and I’m completely dumbfounded. Everyone is, apparently, as a silence falls over us; definitely an awkward one now. Yeonjun’s face is still heated, though a hint of regret is visible in his eyes. Tears are welling up in mine, but I don’t want to break down in front of them. So I turn around and say: “Fine, if you don’t want me around, then I’ll leave.” I storm off, ignoring their calls, just running away, trying not to trip as my sight is blurry from my tears. After what seems like forever, I stop, and let myself fall down on the ground in a miserable heap of sadness. What if Yeonjun is right? What if I’m so eager to prove myself, too eager to get them together, that we rushed into this and wasted our chance? I could never forgive myself if I am the cause of our failure. Maybe he is right, maybe I should stay out of this, just go to sleep every night hoping to wake up in another world the next day… “I’m sorry to bother you, but is everything all right?” a friendly voice asks me. I look up and, of course, it’s Soobin who is bending over and watches me with concerned eyes. Him again. Are you freaking kidding me? “Oh, it’s you!” He recognizes me, eyes looking sorry now as he sits down beside me. “Your date didn’t go well, then?” he asks. I have to stop myself from smiling ironically at his misunderstanding; no one in their right mind would think this is funny, I don’t want Soobin to think I’m crazy. “Well, I’m sure it wasn't the food,” he jokes, and my smile breaks through after all. “No, it wasn’t that,” I say, and I wipe away my tears. “Actually, it wasn’t even a date.” A wild idea starts to form in my head. Soobin is here now. Our initial plan failed. We have no way of making up a new plan. So why not try it this way? “We came to see you.” “Always glad to meet a fan,” Soobin smiles courteously. “Well, that’s technically true. But I’m not a fan of your baking. And Beomgyu is not a fan at all.” Soobin looks at me confused, obviously not understanding anything. He’ll definitely think I’m crazy now. I take a deep breath, and then I tell him the truth, the truth he doesn’t remember. Yet.

Chapter Text

A silence has never lasted as long as the one after I finished telling Soobin the truth. I anxiously watch his handsome face, waiting for some sign of him remembering it all. He listened to me intently, not interrupting me once, though it must have all sounded like I have rocks in my head. I’m secretly hoping it doesn’t, that this bizarre and absurd story made sense to him and sparked a flame in his heart,  magically making an autograph reappear on my cherished album. But I don’t have the album with me right now to check, and after what seems like an eternity, a dimply smile graces his face and he starts laughing. Flabbergasted, I just stare at him. Is he laughing at me?! I can’t help but feel offended. “What’s so funny?” I ask, gritting my teeth in an attempt not to scowl. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude. I just can’t imagine myself as an idol.” He bites his lip to stop himself from laughing, but his dimples still pop out mockingly. “And you’re telling me I’m the leader even?” He shakes his head. “If your story had any credibility, you lost me there.” I clench my fists, suddenly starting to feel angry. First our plan failed. Then the boys got in a fight. Then Yeonjun yelled at me. And now Soobin is straight-out laughing at me too?! “Well, the joke is on you, because you were a damn fine leader!” I yell. He looks at me flustered, probably wondering why I am complimenting him so angrily, but I’m too irritated to care. “The whole group was doing damn fine! Winning stupid awards and going on stupid world tours! And MOAs all around the world loved you, but you’re just abandoning them now like some – ” “MOA? What’s a MOA?” Soobin interrupts me all of a sudden. I stutter for a little while, taken aback by his sudden question, swallowing the offensive word I was going to call him. Then I notice the spark in his eyes, a sudden spark of interest. Did the word MOA ring any slumbering bells? “MOA is the name of your fandom,” I answer him, sounding a little harsh from lingering anger. “It stands for Moments Of Alwaysness.” “That’s quite beautiful,” he mumbles. “It is,” I mutter. We are silent for a while. A cool spring breeze makes me shiver, and I see the sun has started to set. How long have we been sitting here exactly? “What was the band called?” he asks softly, not looking me in the eyes. My heart skips a beat. “TXT, which stands for Tomorrow By Together.” He frowns, his lips slightly pout, and he fumbles with the tied knot of the flour-stained apron that he is still wearing. And then he starts questioning me: “How many members are there?” “Five in total.” “What are their names?” “Taehyun, Hueningkai, Beomgyu –” “Wait, isn’t that your boyfriend?” “He is not my boyfriend!” “All right, all right, calm down.” When he is done interrogating me, he sighs and shakes his head, a faint smile returns, and with it, the mocking dimples. “Okay,” he says, and he turns to me, having regained the courage to look me in the eyes. My heart starts pounding and I wish he hadn’t, but his starry gaze has captured me already. Damn TXT and their stupid beautiful faces. “I still don’t believe you. I mean, who would? This story is so incredibly… farfetched.” Is he trying to make me feel offended again? “But… Well, I can’t explain it really. I’m a little curious, I guess?” A flame of hope kindles in my heart. “Come and meet the others,” I blurt out. He looks a little hesitant, but I take his hand and plead: “Please. You’re in doubt now, right? Feeling a little lost, or out of place? Like you’re missing something?” His eyes widen a little in surprise, his hand drops out of mine, and I know I got him hooked. “Trust me, when you meet them… You will remember.” I can see him weighing his options. Then he shakes his head and laughs softly. “All right, I’ll come with you, even if it’s just out of curiosity. Don’t get your hopes up though, I can’t promise I’ll remember.” I get up and extend my hand to him. “But I can.” 

“Noona!” I have barely even opened the door of the common room when I am almost thrown off my feet by Beomgyu, who comes crashing in and squeezes the air right out of my lungs. “Where were you? Why were you gone for so long? You made us so worried!” he scolds me. “Us?” I hear Taehyun say mockingly, but when I fire an irritated look at him, I can still see a hint of concern in his big eyes. Beomgyu releases me and grabs me by the shoulders, looking worried, upset and relieved all at the same time. “Don’t ever do that again!” “Only if you guys will stop fighting for no reason!” I grumble back at him. “We can only do this if we work together!” Beomgyu’s hands drop off my shoulders, and he stares at his feet. Yeonjun and Taehyun look equally embarrassed, and I realise they haven’t made up yet. “You’re right, noona,” Taehyun mumbles. “I’m sorry,” Yeonjun suddenly says, and he walks over to me to give me a small hug. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” I smile at him reassuringly. “Don’t worry about it, Yeonjun. I totally understand your frustration. To be honest, I was quite disappointed and upset myself.”  I drop my stuff on the couch and sit down next to Taehyun, who sweetly pours me a cup of tea. “Yeah, today was rough,” he sighs. “We’ll come up with a new plan tomorrow.” “Oh, no need for that,” I say unconcerned. Three heads immediately turn to me as they stare at me incredulously. “What do you mean, no need for that?” Beomgyu repeats. I smile wide. “Because Soobin will be here in half an hour.” Beomgyu chokes on his tea and drops his cup, Taehyun’s mouth falls open in a perfectly round ‘o’, and Yeonjun shouts loudly: “What?!” My dramatic reveal had just the effect I was hoping for, and I quietly enjoy my little payback for their childish behaviour of this afternoon. “How, what, when, why, I –” Beomgyu stutters and then he just stops talking, obviously lost for words. I can almost see the question mark floating above his head. Then I quickly explained how I bumped into Soobin this afternoon (conveniently omitting the part where I cried my eyes out), how I told him everything and how I convinced him to meet us here. “He just had to close up his shop for the day and then he would drop by,” I finish my story. Yeonjun grins wide and says, shaking his head like he still can’t believe it: “Did I already tell you that you’re amazing? Because you’re amazing.” “From ‘ruining things with my clouded fangirl opinion’ to ‘being amazing’ in a couple of hours, what an improvement,” I tease him, but he smirks and retorts: “Just take the compliment, will you?” “Well done, noona,” Taehyun says, but I can hear a hint of doubt in his voice, which is confirmed when he continues: “But you took a big risk by just telling it like that. What if he didn’t believe you?” “Uh, well… He doesn’t believe me. Yet,” I add hastily, seeing their surprised faces. “But there must have been something that caught his attention, otherwise he wouldn’t have agreed to meet us tonight. It was the same as with you, Taehyun, he seemed confused, like he was recalling something… Memories that are just out of his reach.” There is a short silence, I can see their pained expressions as they relive their own moments of confusion and doubt. “I couldn’t bring back those memories. But I know you guys can,” I say encouragingly, and I see their mood brighten. “Of course we can,” Yeonjun boasts confidently. “All right then, let’s make a plan of attack.” Beomgyu slams his hand on the table and get ups excitedly. “Time to bring our leader back!”

My phone buzzes when I get a message from Soobin. I’m here, it says. Not a man of many words, I see. “Was that Soobin? Did he arrive? Is he here?” Yeonjun asks excitedly and he peers over my shoulder to look at my phone screen. “Yes, that was Soobin. Yes, he arrived. And yes, he is here,” I answer all of his questions sarcastically as I push him away. “Now please, tone down your excitement, you’re going to scare him off like some crazy fanboy.” Beomgyu and Taehyun giggle, but Yeonjun sticks out his tongue to me and mutters softly: “It’s my first time okay, give me a break.” He is right of course, it is his first time to join the attempt of bringing back his friend’s memories, so naturally he must be nervous and excited. It’s quite funny to see the great Choi Yeonjun like this, you don’t expect someone who is that amazing to have these kinds of ordinary human feelings. I leave the boys and walk towards the entrance to pick up Soobin, who is standing there like a lost little lamb. His cute apron is gone, but there is still some trace of flour in his black hair, making it look like he is turning grey. “Ah, there you are,” he says relieved, and his face brightens like sunshine bursting through the clouds. “It’s this way,” I say as I gesture to the common room door. “They are waiting for you.” And they missed you like crazy. With every step I feel my heart beat faster. What will happen now? It has been different every time: Beomgyu never forgot anything in the first place, but Taehyun recalled upon hearing their song, and Yeonjun remembered when dancing to it… What will Soobin need to recover his memory? When I walk into the room, the boys all jump up and curiously stare at Soobin, who enters shyly, his ears turning a little red. “So,” he says awkwardly. “Apparently, I’m your leader.” The others giggle nervously, but the ice has been broken. Soobin sits down, accepts Beomgyu’s offered cup of tea, and then we start off. First, we play the album, the songs becoming a bit more recognisable with three voices singing now. “What’s wrong with the music? Why are there silences in between?” Soobin wonders. “Those are the parts you should be singing, hyung,” Taehyun answers. “Well, your parts and the ones of Hueningkai, but we haven’t found him yet.” Soobin nods, but then frowns. “But you found me, so why aren’t we hearing my voice?” “Finding you is not enough,” Yeonjun explains. “You have to remember too.” Soobin raises his eyebrows and nods again. “Ah, I see.” He doesn’t sound very convinced, though. After we played a couple of songs, it’s clear that it’s not working this way, so we move on to choreography. Yeonjun eagerly shows us bits of the choreos of their title tracks and several B-sides, but Soobin remains seated; even though he looks interested, and impressed by Yeonjun’s skill, he is not triggered to join him in any way. “But you came up with this move!” Yeonjun pouts as he shows it to Soobin one more time. “Are you sure it doesn’t ring any bells?” “Nope, sorry,” Soobin shrugs apologetically. I can tell Yeonjun is getting frustrated, but Beomgyu and Taehyun don’t seem to have given up hope yet. “Okay, hear me out,” Taehyun starts to reason. “If we would be band members, we would know each other really well, right? We would know all kinds of stuff about you we can’t possibly know if we were strangers to each other, like we are now.” “I guess,” Soobin agrees, a little overwhelmed by Taehyun’s logic. I know how you feel, Soobin. Taehyun’s mind is scary sometimes. “So then I should for instance not know that you have a dog named Sean.” Soobin’s eyes widen, obviously startled. “How did you…” he starts off, but then he retorts: “Well that’s not very personal, you could have looked it up on social media.” “True,” Beomgyu chimes in, “But we also know that you don’t like spicy food.” “My friends could have easily told you that.” “You hate working out,” Yeonjun adds to the list of trivia. Soobin blushes, probably feeling slightly offended. “Well, I –” he tries to defend his honour, but Beomgyu cuts him off as another Soobin-fact pops up in his mind: “Oh and your favourite animal is a bunny!” “No hyung, lately he was more into raccoons,” Taehyun corrects him. I can see Soobin is slowly freaking out about them listing all kinds of things they should not know about him, but before I can intervene, Yeonjun jumps up, pulls on Soobin’s cheek and says triumphantly: “And your skin is super stretchy!” “Ya!” Soobin backs away, obviously startled at Yeonjun blatantly expanding his skin to an abnormal length. “Why would you do that?!” Yeonjun looks a little taken aback and mumbles: “But I knew I could do that, Soobin, because I know you. We all do.” He gestures to the rest of us, but then stops when his eyes glance over me. “Well, not her, she is just a fan,” he waves at me dismissively, and I glare at him annoyed. “I know, she told me,” Soobin says. I instantly forget my annoyance over Yeonjun’s remark and hold my breath. He knows? But then Soobin shakes his head. “Yesterday, I thought she was a fan of my baking. Today, I find out she is a fan because I’m supposedly an idol. Me, an idol? I just…” He lifts his hands and lets them drop down again, looking bewildered and a little upset. “I don’t know how you know all these things about me, but I cannot… I don’t believe what you are saying.” It feels like I got slapped in the face. He doesn’t remember? Even after all of this? He must have noticed the utterly devastated looks of heartbreak on our faces, because his expression softens and he mumbles: “I’m so sorry to disappoint you, but… I just don’t remember.”

“So, what flavour would you like?” Soobin asks us, sounding pitiful, which doesn’t really encourage any of us to answer. After Soobin said that he didn’t remember, it was silent for a long while as none of us really knew what to say next. The boys looked so sad I felt like crying, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I failed them. What if I wouldn’t have told Soobin everything? Would we have come up with a better plan that would have brought back his memory? Feeling sorry for us, Soobin proposed to get us some ice cream to make us feel better, which would have endeared me greatly if it was not for the current situation. “Just like the time you thought you failed the audition,” Taehyun mumbled, but even that didn’t bring back the Soobin we know. So now, we’re standing in the tiny convenience store that lies just around the corner from our hostel, staring at a freezer full of brightly coloured boxes of ice cream in all kinds of imaginable flavours. I wonder why a convenience store should have so much ice cream anyway; you would think there are more important things to sell, like ramyeon or newspapers or umbrellas. “Chocolate, maybe?” Soobin suggests when we fail to answer him. “That used to be your favourite,” Taehyun mumbles. “I don’t care,” Beomgyu says in the saddest, tiniest voice I have ever heard him speak in, and I have to suppress the urge to hold him tight. Instead, I settle for rubbing his arm, upon which he takes my hand. I start to panic a little, but Yeonjun and Taehyun seem too preoccupied with their broken hearts to tease us. “Well, I could really use a pint of mint choco right now,” Yeonjun sighs, and he reaches for the door. But then Soobin stops him, and says, seeming absent-minded: “Hyung, that’s not fair, you know Beomgyu and Taehyun don’t like mint choco.” Then Soobin freezes. Yeonjun freezes as well. We all freeze as we stare at Soobin, who looks utterly dumbfounded at his own words. The shock is so great, it's like the world has stopped turning. He knows Beomgyu and Taehyun don’t like mint choco. That’s a very specific fact. He could only know that if… “Soobin-hyung,” Taehyun whispers, his voice trembling with emotion. Beomgyu’s hand is squeezing mine so hard that it hurts, but I hardly feel it. Then Yeonjun suddenly slaps Soobin’s arm repeatedly while he shouts angrily: “I don’t freaking believe it! We put so much effort in getting you back, but a freaking ice cream flavour does the trick instead?!” A smile slowly creeps up on Soobin’s face, his dimples not seeming so mocking now, and he whispers with teary eyes: “Well, Yeonjunie, it’s as the saying goes: the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.”

Chapter Text

I can’t imagine how strange it must have been for the convenience store clerk to see four boys hugging out of nowhere all of a sudden, holding each other tight with tears flowing down their cheeks. At least he had the decency to stay professional when they went to the counter to purchase five pints of ice cream (Soobin insisted we each had our own) with sniffly noses and red eyes. I have to admit that I teared up a bit too, though not as bad as the others. It seems like they get more emotional each time someone remembers; they are so close that they even affect each other’s emotions. I am amazed by their strong bond, and weirdly feel a little left out as we walk back to the hostel. Of course I shouldn’t feel this way, I don’t belong with them, they form a band and I’m just a fan. But at least in this world, I seem to have some sort of connection with them. However, with every member we find, that connection weakens. Will it disappear if we succeed? We sit down in the hostel’s common room, now filled with laughter and happiness instead of the despair and sadness from before. The lonely feeling disappears when Soobin takes my hands and says, his eyes still a little watery: “Thank you for making me remember.” I smile back, and squeeze his hands softly before letting go. “Well, technically, Yeonjun reminded you.” Soobin’s beautiful face look confused. “Yeonjunie did?” “She is right, I brought up the mint choco flavour,” Yeonjun chimes in while handing out the frozen sweetness. “And then you connected the dots yourself.” Soobin’s smile returns, and he agrees: “All right, then thank you for finding me.” “I’m not sure I can take credit for that either,” I ponder. “I mean, I found you by accident.” “Well noona, to be honest,” Taehyun says while eating a spoonful of ice cream, “After what we have been going through, I don’t believe in accidents or coincidence anymore.” “I agree,” Beomgyu says, smoothly taking my hand and holding it under the table, out of sight for the others. “Meeting you was destiny.” Oh, how I wish I could stop myself from blushing. My cheeks become even more red when I see the others nod in agreement. I don’t respond and just start eating my ice cream in silence, hoping my cheeks will cool off while the others talk with Soobin about how he experienced everything up until now. About an hour later, we’re done eating (I couldn’t finish my ice cream, so Yeonjun gladly volunteered), and Soobin gets up, yawning wide and rubbing his eyes. He looks like he could use a good sleep. “I’m going home. I’ll see you tomorrow when we go back to Seoul.” We wave at Soobin as he leaves, and then the boys get up to quickly do our dishes. “No, no, you go sleep,” Yeonjun declines my offer to help them. “You did so much today, you must be exhausted.” He pushes me to the door, insisting I go, and, too tired to resist (and probably also not physically strong enough), I give in and walk to my room to have a good, long rest.

The next morning we are standing in front of Soobin’s bakery, waiting for him to join us on our way back to Seoul. Soobin is still inside, I can see him collecting some delicious treats for our trip. “Why is he taking so long?” Taehyun mumbles. “Our bus leaves in fifteen minutes!” “Let him be, Taehyun,” Yeonjun says while putting a hand on the younger’s shoulder to calm him. “This was his life, his everything. It must be hard for him to let that go all of a sudden.” The nostalgic tone in Yeonjun’s voice makes me believe he is not just talking about Soobin. It must have been difficult for Yeonjun as well to leave the dance company, to leave behind what he worked so hard for. Well, what he worked so hard for in this life. Soobin picks up his bag, and walks towards the door. Before he opens the door, he hesitates, and with a sad expression, he hangs up a the little sign in the window: ‘closed indefinitely’. Then he steps outside, and locks the door. He doesn’t turn around though, but keeps staring through the window, as we wait for him to come with us. “Hyung…” Beomgyu carefully pulls Soobin’s arm. “We have to catch our bus…” “You’re right,” Soobin whispers, and I can see him wipe away a tear before he turns around and smiles faintly. “I’m just a little sentimental. I’ve put in so much work in this bakery… But at the same time, I started feeling I don’t belong here anymore. It’s a little confusing.” “We know, hyung, and it’s perfectly understandable. But you have also put a lot of work and effort into debuting with us, right?” Taehyun says. “That’s true, Taehyun. It’s silly, I know…” “You can always bake for us at the dorm,” Yeonjun jokes, making Soobin giggle. “I could, of course! Though I’m not sure I will remember all of this when we return to our normal lives.” An icy cold feeling slithers down my spine. The boys start walking towards the bus stop, but I can’t seem to move my feet. My anxiety monster just reared its ugly head, as Soobin somehow exactly worded what I am so afraid of: forgetting all about this when we turn back to our reality. I glance at the guys who are swiftly moving away from me. Is this what it will look like when they walk out of my life? “Noona? Come along now!” Taehyun turns around and calls me. “Coming!” I say, my voice sounding weak, as I try to shake the fear that I’m going to lose the ones I care about most, in this world and the other.

In contrast to the previous trip, I don’t sleep at all this time. An endless spiral of worry keeps me wide awake, even though I still feel the exhaustion of the roller coaster of emotions I went through yesterday. One minute I’m worried we won’t find Hueningkai, or won’t convince him, the next I’m dead afraid that all my memories of this adventure will be lost in the near future if we do. It’s driving me insane; I wish I could just shut my eyes and forget about all of this for one peaceful moment. I’m jealous of Beomgyu, who is fast asleep, lying on my shoulder this time. I let out a deep sigh and stare out of the window. The landscape flashes before my eyes so rapidly I can’t focus. “I know what you’re afraid of,” I hear Taehyun voice coming from my right. I look at him, his round, wise eyes reassuring and calm. I feel an anxious pang in my heart. I knew they suspected something about me and Beomgyu, but I didn’t know my feelings were that obvious… Just when I’m convinced that Taehyun can read minds, he continues: “I know it seems hopeless, but we’ll find Hueningkai, don’t worry.” Right, Hueningkai. Finding him has been quite a challenge until now. He is like a ghost. The lack of information has gotten us all a bit frustrated. “Yeah,” I mumble, “We have found everyone, no matter how difficult, and also managed to convince everyone until now, no matter how hopeless it seemed. I’m sure we’ll succeed.” Taehyun nods reassuringly, but I cast my eyes down and bite my lip. “However, that’s not the thing that has been bothering me.” There is a confused look in his eyes; I guess he can’t read minds after all. “What’s wrong? It’s good to get it off your chest, you’ll feel better if you put your worries into words.” Somehow he sounds like a therapist. He reaches out and rubs my arm to comfort me. “You can tell me, I won’t tell the others if you don’t want to.” I look over to Yeonjun and Soobin, who are sitting behind Taehyun, both with their eyes closed and their mouths hanging open a little, sleeping soundly. It’s quite clear this will stay between me and Taehyun anyways. “I’m just… scared that, after we find and bring back Hueningkai and return to our own reality –“ “You mean when we turn back time,” he interrupts me, correcting my words according to his theory. I roll my eyes. “Whatever,” I say, teasing him a little. “When we turn back time, then, I’m afraid that we will all lose our memories, that we forget about what happened the past few days.” I fumble with my sleeve, afraid to look in those bright eyes and see my fear confirmed in their reflection. “What if you guys don’t remember me?” What if he doesn’t remember me? “Don’t worry, he won’t forget about you.” Wait, what? He? I was pretty sure I didn’t say that last sentence out loud. I look at him again, struck by surprise. He just smirks at me with mischievous eyes. Damn it. He didn’t even say Beomgyu’s name, but still I can feel that he knows. “How are you so sure?” I ask softly. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He won’t.” Then he takes my hand and squeezes it encouragingly. “And to be honest, I don’t think any of us will forget you. We’ve been through so much together; you’re basically part of the group now.” “Taehyun, I…” I’m lost for words, he is too kind. Stupid tears, I think as I try to blink them away. “That is so sweet, thank you.” “You’re welcome, noona. And since you’re part of the group now, it’s about time you meet the final member.” He lets go of my hand, takes out his phone, and waves it at me cutely. “I’ll continue the search for our maknae. The sooner we find him, the better.” I nod and take my own phone out of my pocket as well. “Let me help you with that.”

“I found him!” Soobin suddenly shouts loudly, his triumphant cheer causing a chain of startled reactions. Beomgyu drops his phone out of surprise, which falls onto Yeonjun’s head; Yeonjun, who was dozing off, shoots up and bumps his knee on the edge of the table; his cry of pain makes Taehyun, who was just coming into the living room from the kitchen, drop his tray with tea, coffee and hot choco, spilling it all over the carpet and, sadly, also over my backpack; and I swear some birds outside the window got scared and quickly flew away.  But we all hardly notice as we simultaneously rush to Soobin, pushing each other out of the way to catch a glimpse of the screen and see what he found out about the missing maknae. We have been searching for two days straight since we came back from Ansan, while staying at Taehyun’s parents house, who frowned upon our presence but were kind enough to let us stay. Right when we were all getting irritated, an argument just one snarky comment away, Soobin seemed to have found something, his fresh enthusiasm preventing him from giving up. “Is that… Hyuka?” Taehyun mumbles incredulously. “Yeah, I had to look twice as well,” Soobin giggles. We are staring at a social media profile of a producer, who goes under the name ‘Kamal Kai’. When reading the description of this ‘young prodigy’, it’s hard to imagine that they’re talking about our maknae. But when I take a look at the profile picture, my heart skips a beat: even though he is dressed in a black hoodie instead of a brightly coloured one, even though his radiant smile is missing from his face, and even though his hair is long and blonde, these are definitely the diamond maknae’s eyes that stare straight into my soul. “I almost didn’t recognise him,” Yeonjun giggles. “I am not used to seeing his hair in anything else than a shade of brown.” “Hold on,” Beomgyu says shocked, and he points at the screen. “Hueningie lives in the US?!” “What?!” We all bend over again to check, several heads colliding with each other, but Beomgyu is right. Hueningkai lives in Los Angeles. “Well that explains why he was so hard to find,” Taehyun mumbles. I feel a knot tightening in my stomach. How on earth are we going to get to him now? “So what’s our plan?” I ask anxiously. It must be audible in my voice, because Yeonjun pats me reassuringly on my head, Beomgyu rubs my shoulder to comfort me, and Taehyun says sweetly: “Don’t worry noona, we’ll think of something.” But then we are silent for a while, all deep in thought on how to approach the young producer. I always used to have good ideas before, but my mind is irritatingly blank now. By accident, or on purpose…? I quickly push that thought away; Taehyun said it will be all right, I have to have faith in them. “What if…” Soobin starts off, then slightly getting taken aback as our heads instantly snap up his way, giving him our full attention. “You made up an entertainment company to get Taehyun on board, right?” Soobin asks, his question directed to Beomgyu and me. We nod simultaneously. “They called it 'One Dream entertainment',” Taehyun recalls with a smile, and Yeonjun giggles: “Really? Clever.” Soobin dimples pop out as he smiles too, and he continues: “I think One Dream entertainment could use a producer, don’t you?”

“I’m going to go for a quick walk around the shops,” I say, and I get up and stretch a little, feeling stiff from sitting for so long. “Are you nervous for the flight, noona?” Taehyun teases me, and I give him an annoyed look while I silently curse his sharp eye for detail for the nth time. “I’ll go with you,” Beomgyu says, and without even giving a reason why, he gets up too. I see Soobin glance at Yeonjun and Taehyun, who whisper something to each other and giggle softly, and then Soobin looks at me, raising one eyebrow and smirking mischievously. A flashback to the scene in the bakery pops up in my mind, where he mistakenly thought Beomgyu and I were on a date. I’m praying he doesn’t remember that; this is not good for my nerves. “Noona, are you coming?” Beomgyu is waiting for me, his hand stretched out in my direction. My heart skips a beat. Does he want me to take his hand? Out in the open, right in front of the others, just like that? Apparently I’m hesitating for too long, because he takes a step back, grabs my hand and starts walking. I automatically follow, too astounded to resist. A blush creeps up as I hear the others giggle behind me. There goes the last bit of secrecy around me and Beomgyu. Soon we pleasantly stroll around the airport, looking at the shops and duty free stores as we wait for our flight to Los Angeles. We contacted Hueningkai when Soobin found him last Friday, now five days ago, and got in touch with his manager, who asked for some things we were working on. So I recorded the boys while they sang some of their title tracks and popular B-sides and of course, the manager was very enthusiastic (I mean, who wouldn’t be, TXT’s discography is amazing). He invited us to come to LA and talk with Hueningkai in person, which is why we are at the airport now. “I just realised,” Beomgyu says after we have been quiet for a while, “It has been three weeks since we first met.” “Really?” I quickly count back in my head, and conclude that he is right. I still remember being strangely drawn to the sad, broken person I saw sitting on the stairs at the concert hall, and I also clearly remember the shock when I found out it was him. It had been such an awful and confusing day, so it was a huge relief to find him and know that I didn’t lose my mind. It doesn’t feel like three weeks ago, though. To be honest, it feels like I have known him forever. That thought, combined with the fact that we are still holding hands, makes my stomach do multiple backflips. “It feels like ages ago,” I say, putting my thoughts into words. I can feel him looking at me, and of course I try to avoid his gaze, but fail to; it’s hard to ignore his stare, and, to be honest, to ignore his handsome face in general. So I drown in his beautiful eyes, his soft look make me blush heavily. “Exactly,” he says, and he intertwines our fingers. Oh please lord help me, I’m pretty sure I’m about to faint. With great effort, I tear away my eyes, feeling shy and a little anxious, and then I notice a tall figure in the distance who swiftly walks towards the exit with big steps. He stands out from the crowd, partly because he is taller than average and is moving so fast, but also because people turn heads and marvel at him. He must be really good-looking. There is something familiar about the way he walks, but I can’t put my finger on it. Suddenly a baggage cart passes us, Beomgyu quickly pulls me out of the way, his arms protectively around me. The cart continues in the way of the tall guy, and it would have hit him if he hadn’t sensed it and looked up, facing my direction, allowing me to see his face. His gorgeous, unmistakable eyes strike me like lightning, it’s like the world suddenly moves in slow motion. My mouth drops and I mumble utterly incredulous: “Hueningkai?” Of course he didn’t hear me, and continues walking when the cart has passed, but Beomgyu looks at me confused and asks: “What did you say, noona?” I snap out of my shock and point in the direction of where Hueningkai is disappearing. “That guy over there! It’s Hueningkai!” Beomgyu looks unconvinced, asking carefully: “Are you sure?” I glare at him and start rushing after Hueningkai, pulling Beomgyu along. “Yes I’m sure! I would recognise him from miles away!” We run after him, and see him walk past the others, who are still sitting on the bench. They are clearly excited about something, and therefore totally miss Hueningkai passing them. When they spot us, they jump up, and Taehyun shouts: “We missed an email, apparently Hyuka is –“ “I know, he is right over there!” I let go of Beomgyu and run past the others and, realising I can never catch up with Hueningkai before he will pass the doors and be unable to turn back, I yell at the top of my lungs: “Kai Kamal Huening!” I sure manage to draw a lot of attention to me, as multiple persons curiously or disapprovingly stare in my direction. But I don’t care about them, I only care about that one person, who turns around, seemingly disoriented as he tries to find out who just shouted his name. I wave at him, and the others wave as well. He still looks a little puzzled, but suddenly his face darkens. With eyes spitting fire, he storms toward us, looking terrifyingly mad. Unconsciously, I take a step back, as if some force radiating from him pushed me away. What on earth is going on? “YOU!” he grumbles loudly when he stops in front of us, angrily clenching one hand, while using the other to point a finger at us accusingly. “Hueningie?” Soobin whispers, his voice sounding small, as if he has a hard time controlling his emotions. Hueningkai didn’t hear him, and instead gives us one by one a cold, furious stare, before he accuses us: “You are the ones who stole my music!”

Chapter Text

There is a long silence after Hueningkai yelled at us, as we are all too flabbergasted to react properly. Yeonjun is stammering softly, Beomgyu’s eyes reflect nothing but confusion, Soobin looks like he is about to burst into tears and Taehyun keeps blinking as if he is convinced Hueningkai isn’t real. “Well don’t just stand there and stare at me!” Hueningkai continues his tirade when he doesn’t receive a reaction from us. “I’d like to know how the hell you managed to get your hands on my unreleased music!” What on earth is he talking about...? Does it have something to with the TXT songs we sent to his manager? “Hueningie, we didn’t –” Soobin murmurs, but Hueningkai cuts him off: “Why are you calling me that? Don’t act like you freaking know me!” I can see that his hostile attitude hurts Soobin deeply by the pain in his eyes. Taehyun puts a hand on his shoulder and scoffs at Hueningkai: “Don’t be so rude, he didn’t mean to offend you.” “I’m being rude? Copying someone’s intellectual property and calling it their own is what I would call rude!” Hueningkai’s raised voice is attracting a lot of attention: people are staring, whispering, and pointing at us. This is getting out of hand. “I think there has been some kind of misunderstanding,” I say quickly, trying to sound friendly to ease Hueningkai’s mood. “Maybe we can discuss this in a more private setting?” I can see he wants to object, so I take a step closer and add quietly: “Avoiding bad publicity is in our interest as well as yours, I’d think.” I explicitly look at the crowd that has gathered, some taking out their phones trying to sneakily take a picture or perhaps a video, and Hueningkai nods, his face turning from heated to flushed. “I guess you have a point,” he says, sounding annoyed, as if he is reluctant to admit that I’m right. Then he moves towards me, bringing his face to my level, his eyes glaring like a tiger, making me flinch. “But don’t think you’re getting away with this.”

We have just about an hour before Hueningkai will meet us, but I’m not sure that it will be enough time to get the boys ready. I have never seen them this devastated before, sitting around the kitchen table in different stages of despair. It’s like they just returned from a funeral. I’m quite shocked myself to have seen Hueningkai like this, only used to knowing him as the sweet and caring angel that he normally is. His personality seemed to have made a 180 degree turn. I put down the cups of tea I just prepared in front of the boys, but they hardly notice. “Are you… all right…?” I ask carefully. They don’t respond for a while. I can see Soobin is fighting back his tears, still shaken by the hateful words the maknae hurled at them. Taehyun stares into his cup, his expression blank. “I’m definitely not,” Yeonjun eventually sighs, rubbing his eyes as if he hasn’t slept in days. “He has never been like this before, not even when he was angry or upset. I can hardly believe it’s him.” “I almost got scared of him,” Beomgyu mutters, shaking his head. “Scared of Hyuka. Out of all people!” “Something must have happened to him that made him this way,” Soobin whispers, his voice sounding broken. “I refuse to believe he is always like this here. It cannot be.” Their gloomy mood is making me a little anxious; we should be preparing for our meeting with Hueningkai, precious time is slipping away. “Well, he somehow seems to be convinced we plagiarised his music,” I say, trying to think of a way to handle the situation. “We should ask him to play his samples and then show him ours. Maybe if he hears how the songs should sound, his memory will come back.” “But he obviously already knows how the songs should sound!” Taehyun suddenly bursts out. “He recognised them as his own, but he didn’t remember us! How are we going to get his memories back now? It’s hopeless!” Taehyun’s emotional outcry makes my heart tighten. Giving up is not like him at all. “Taehyun is right. We should think this through more carefully,” Yeonjun mumbles. “We are rushing things, and we can’t afford to lose him.” “Maybe we should call it off, reschedule when we have a solid plan,” Soobin says discouraged, his fresh enthusiasm from before nowhere to be found. Okay, that’s the last straw, I had enough of their self-pity. I slam my hand on the table and shout: “Are you for real?!” They all look at me startled. “We are so close to our goal!” I continue, letting my built-up annoyance about their attitude run free. “We found Hueningkai, the last freaking member we need to convince, and you want to give up now?! When we can finally end this horrible nightmare?! No, I’m not having it! We are meeting with him in an hour so you better get ready this instant!” I am a little out of breath, as I always speak rapidly when I lose my temper, but my rant has the desirable effect. They snap out of their sullen state, nodding and mumbling and shaking their heads. “You’re right, noona, as always,” Beomgyu says. “I’m sorry.” He looks around and changes his words: “We are sorry.” I sigh deeply and mumble, feeling a little embarrassed for yelling at my idols: “I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” I bite my lip, but can’t keep myself from saying: “But, to be honest… You needed it.” They all laugh in agreement, the tension finally breaking, and Soobin agrees: “I guess we did.”

The aura of disdain still surrounds Hueningkai when he steps into the living room a while later. If he finds it suspicious that we are meeting him at someone’s home rather than at an office or studio, he does not show it; all of his emotions are hidden behind a mask of indifference. I clutch the autographed album tighter, holding onto it like a lifebuoy. Soobin had looked at the album just a moment before, traced his autograph like I’ve seen the others do too, then smiled at me faintly and whispered: “Just one more.” The ‘one more’ is standing in the doorway, his arms crossed, his face looking arrogant, like he isn’t even interested in what we will tell him. But he has dark circles under his eyes, and his skin is a little pale, as if he has been sleeping badly, haunted by nightmares, lost in a maze of strange memories. Or it’s just the jetlag. “Have a seat,” I say to him when no one else takes the initiative to speak. Of course they are all too busy fighting their emotions. Without a change in facial expression, he drops his bag on the ground and sits down on the chair closest to him. Sounding irritated, he asks: “Well? What do you have to say for yourselves?” His hostility hits us like a slap in the face, but Yeonjun manages to hold his ground, and suggests that Hueningkai shows us some of his music, so we can hear for ourselves if there is any similarity to ours. He nods shortly, takes out his laptop from his bag and starts looking up some files. The others all stare at him, jaws tightened, fists clenched, bodies tensed. I wish I could ease them a little, but I’m pretty nervous myself too. We are so close. “Here,” Hueningkai says, and he clicks on a file and turns up the volume on his laptop. “This is my work, ‘Troublemaker’,” he introduces, while the first beats of ‘New Rules’ blast from the speakers. I feel a shiver run down my spine as I notice how unnervingly similar it is to the actual version. “It’s ‘New Rules’,” Beomgyu mutters, obviously shocked too. “‘New Rules’? What a strange title. ‘Troublemaker’ makes way more sense, it’s in the lyrics,” Hueningkai disagrees with him. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter what you call it, it’s obvious that your version is copied from my work. And then this one, I haven’t given it a title yet, but listen!” The intro of ‘Blue Hour’ stars playing, one of my favourite tracks, though this one is slightly different than what I’m used to. In unison, the boys mumble “Blue Hour!” where they would normally sing it in the actual intro of the song; but it’s missing here. Hueningkai looks up surprised. “Blue Hour?” he asks confused. “That’s the title… The English one,” Soobin explains. “Hm. That would actually fit quite nicely,” Hueningkai admits unwillingly. And so it continues. Hueningkai shows us his songs, samples, and concepts one by one, and they are all eerily alike TXT songs; it’s as if he unconsciously remembers their discography, but doesn’t realise where it’s coming from and believes he came up with them on his own. However, he keeps missing important pieces of lyrics, or his titles are different, or a certain melody is left out. The others keep blurting out corrections, and Hueningkai’s eyes light up every time, like a missing piece of the puzzle is falling in its place. But, even though I keep checking, no autograph is appearing yet, and I start to get frustrated; we are not making any progress while the clock keeps ticking. The boys are getting anxious too, they must feel like we are losing him. “It’s not working,” Taehyun suddenly mumbles, putting our shared fear into words. “What is not working?” Hueningkai asks demandingly, but they ignore him. “Don’t give up yet, we still have things to try,” Beomgyu tries to encourage him. “Like what? What else can we do to make him remember?” Taehyun retorts. “Make who remember what?” Hueningkai’s confusion grows, and with that, his annoyance too. “Guys,” I try to warn them as I notice Hueningkai’s mood change, but they don’t hear me; their heated discussion has already started. “We have to ask him questions!” “Or tell him trivia like we did with Soobin!” “But that didn’t work very well, did it?” “We shouldn’t scare him off!” “Well the songs aren’t working either! He doesn’t realise they are the same!” They want to continue arguing, but Hueningkai suddenly jumps up, making them fall silent. “So you admit it!” he shouts angrily, pointing a finger at Yeonjun, who made the last remark. “You admit the songs are the same! Meaning you stole them from me!” Yeonjun can’t hide his irritation, as he rolls his eyes and grumbles: “We didn’t steal anything Hueningie, you just don’t realise yet that we made them together.” Hueningkai’s eyes grow wide. “Made them together?! That’s bullshit! You’re lying!” He slams his laptop shut and shoves it in his bag. “I have heard enough of this! Good luck trying to keep up those lies in court!” And then he turns around and storms off, leaving us behind in shock. Did he say in court?! Soobin and I are the only ones who recover quickly enough to go after him. “Hueningkai!” Soobin shouts as we get outside, looking around frantically to find him; luckily he didn’t get far yet. Soobin runs to him, and to my utter surprise he hugs him. I can’t see Hueningkai’s face, but it looks like he froze, locked in Soobin’s backhug. “I know you don’t remember now, but I will get through to you!” Soobin says emotionally, his voice shaking. “Ggumddakji’s always stick together!” Hueningkai doesn’t respond, and Soobin lets go just as suddenly as he grabbed hold of him. He turns around and rushes past me, leaving a trail of tears behind. “Soobin!” I want to go after him, but I shouldn’t lose sight of Hueningkai either. I walk towards him, but he notices me approaching, mumbles: “I have to go,” and runs away. No, no, he can’t leave! “Hueningkai, wait!” I try running after him, but I can’t keep up with his long legs, and when he goes around the corner of a busy street, he disappears out of my sight. I drop to my knees, beaten down by the weight of defeat. I lost him. He’s gone.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and someone kneels down beside me. “Don’t worry, we will find him again, noona,” Beomgyu whispers softly. I didn’t realise I was crying until he carefully wipes away my tears. “Don’t cry. It will be all right.” “How can you be so sure?” I sob, feeling hopeless. “I lost him!” “We’re meant to be together. It’s ‘Tomorrow By Together’ for a reason, you know.” He helps me up on my feet and wants to take my hand, but it’s already occupied by something else. “Oh? Why did you bring the album?” I look down and see I am indeed still holding onto the TXT album. “I didn’t realise I still had it,” I mumble, staring at it surprised. I was so caught up in the moment that my mind didn’t even register that I took it with me... Beomgyu wraps his arm around me instead and gently tries to make me come along with him. “Let’s go back now, the others are worried.” But I can’t move. I can’t believe my eyes. They have to be deceiving me. It must be because of the twilight that has just set in, the fading light is tricking me… “Noona?” Beomgyu’s voice sounds alarmed. “What’s wrong?” A streetlight suddenly flickers and turns on, and I can see it more clearly now. “Noona, please talk to me.” I feel Beomgyu’s hand on my cheek as he tries to make me look him in the eye, but mine are glued to the album. It’s there. It shouldn’t be, it can’t be, though it’s definitely there. But then, why did he… “Noona!” I finally look at Beomgyu, his worried eyes bring me back to reality. “It appeared,” I whisper. “What appeared?” I point at the album and his eyes grow wide. “Isn’t that …?” “…Hueningkai’s autograph.”

Chapter Text

I stop for a brief moment as I take in the view of the building, its black walls a little intimidating, the waiting lines towards the entrance empty, as the concert that is held here tonight has already started. I can hear music blasting from the opened ceiling, spotlights are waving through the night sky. It’s still a little chilly outside, but I’m certain the packed crowd in the venue, who are watching their favourite artist perform, will be glad to get some fresh air. Three weeks before, I stood here as well; it felt like ages ago when Beomgyu made this remark to me at the airport this morning. Just three weeks have passed since my world has been turned upside down, when I found Beomgyu sitting on the stairs in tears, and when we started this journey to get back to our reality. And now I have the chance to finally end this nightmare. It’s a guess though, I’m not certain that he is here. But maybe… When Beomgyu and I returned to the others and showed them Hueningkai’s autograph, a storm of emotions raged through the room: disbelief, relief, excitement, astonishment, but most of all, confusion. If Hueningkai remembers, why did he react so hateful to them? And if, as I suspect, he only remembered when Soobin hugged him, then why did he run away? But we did not want to waste a second of our time, as we had no idea what would happen. Apparently just making him remember didn’t bring us back to our world. All that’s left for us now is to find him (again) and make sure he is back to his normal self. With lightning speed, they made a list of all possible places where we might be able to find him, and we split up to check the places on the list as fast as we could. We really should just have asked for his number, I thought when I stepped on the subway towards my first location: the BigHit building. Or actually, where the BigHit building should be; it doesn’t even exist here. Hueningkai was nowhere to be found, so I checked the other two locations that were given to me: a former dorm of the boys, and Hyuka’s favourite café. Both no luck. But when I got on the subway back to Taehyun’s house, I was restless, like I wasn’t done yet. I felt the same strange pull which drew me to Beomgyu that day I met him, and decided to check out the venue where they should have held their concert those three weeks ago. I know it has a special meaning to them; it is that same venue where they had their first concert with MOA, where they got to see their fans enjoying their music in real life for the first time, where they were greeted by the first-ever sea of brightly coloured moabongs. I’m trusting my guts here, my instinct which made me walk towards Beomgyu, which made me stumble upon Soobin. Perhaps I’m lucky this time too. I start walking again, the same route as I took before, looking around carefully, which is quite difficult in the dark. And then I hear it, barely audible in the short break in between songs from the concert inside: a soft sobbing sound, coming from my right. I spot a person sitting on the stairs, in almost the exact same spot as where Beomgyu was sitting, his shoulders shaking softly, his blonde hair hanging down in front of his face. Long, blonde hair. I stop dead in my tracks, and laugh shortly, feeling utterly astounded. I look up to the stars and mumble: “Thank you,” to fate, to the universe, or to whatever has guided me towards him.

I hesitate for a second, though. If I go to him now, it will be definite. We have found all the members, reminded them all of TXT, and then we will somehow, magically, return to our reality. But will we go back with or without our memories of this adventure? Well, I’m about to find out. I push my doubt away and walk to the dishevelled figure that is pouring his heart out on the cold stone steps. “Hueningkai?” I ask carefully, and his head immediately snaps up. His eyes look so incredibly sad and heartbroken that I can’t help myself but rush towards the maknae and hold him in my arms. He freezes for a second, but then lets me comfort him, the need to be soothed bigger than the awkwardness of being hugged by a stranger. I let go of him quickly though, fearing I might have crossed a line there, and say: “Sorry, but you looked like you might needed that.” He smiles weakly and sniffs. “I did.” I sit down beside him. “I should introduce myself,” I continue, and I tell him my name. “I’m a fan of yours.” He is silent for a short while, processing this information. “A fan of Kamal Kai, or…” He doesn’t finish his sentence, almost as if he is afraid. “I’m a fan of Tomorrow by Together,” I answer his unfinished question, and he closes his eyes, fresh tears rolling down his face. “Do you remember it now?” He nods. “I do.” I show him the album, the autographs hardly visible in the low light. “We already knew that.” He looks at me confused. “What is this? What… what happened? Where are we, I…. I’m so confused.” I take his hand, and squeeze it to calm him. “Three weeks ago, I was supposed to go to your concert, which should have been held here,” I start off, deciding it might be easiest to just tell him the whole story. “But I woke up in the wrong universe, in a world where TXT never existed. To be honest, I thought I had gone mad. It seemed that I was the only one who remembered you. For a second I thought you guys were just a figment of my imagination.” I chuckle shortly when I remember thinking I was tricked, ready to go look for hidden cameras in my paranoia. “But then I found Beomgyu, sitting right here on these same stairs, crying about as hard as you are doing now. He was the only other person who remembered too. We started searching, for the other members, to see if we could bring back their memories. First we found Taehyun, he was easy to convince. His smart brain had almost figured it out himself already; not surprisingly.” Hueningkai giggles faintly. “Sounds like Tyun.” “Right? Then, the three of us found Yeonjun. He remembered through dancing, also very typical, if you ask me. After that, we searched for Soobin. He was quite hard to convince though, we tried a lot of things, but you know what did the trick? It’s the funniest thing ever, though we didn’t find it that funny after all the hard work we’ve gone through to make him remember.” He looks at me curiously. “What was it?” “Freaking mint choco ice cream.” He is straight out laughing now, the sound of it is music to my ears. “No way!” he says incredulously. I have to laugh at the memory too. “Yes, really! We’ll tell you the full story some time.” If we still remember everything. “But then we had to look for you, our missing maknae. And you, sir, were quite hard to find.” He stares at the ground, and I could swear he was blushing. As if it’s his fault that he happened to be living abroad in this parallel universe. “However, as always, we did find the missing member. And, as always, a new autograph appeared on my album when we made him remember. Though, I think Soobin was the one who did that, am I right?” He nods. I chuckle again. “Ggumddakji’s power… I’m impressed.” We are silent again. Hueningkai still looks upset. I wonder what is bothering him so much. Isn’t he glad that his memories are back? That he found his hyungs, whom he loves so much? “I have just one question left. Well, beside the big question on how the hell this happened to us,” I mutter, still wondering why we of all people were chosen for this adventure. “Why did you run away?” I don’t have to elaborate any further; I can see in his eyes that he knows what I’m talking about. He bites his lip, seemingly in doubt what to tell, but then he confesses: “I am so ashamed… So deeply ashamed about my behaviour. I’ve been an absolute jerk to the hyungs, so harsh and mean. I yelled at them, accused them of all kinds of things, badly hurt their feelings, no doubt. I… I’m so afraid to face them, I feel like I don’t deserve them. What if…” His voice trails off, and he stares at the ground. “What if my behaviour pushed them away too far? What if they don’t want me anymore?” I let go of his hand, and instead wrap my arm around him, pulling him close to me, feeling touched and most of all relieved by his words. Our angel is back. “Don’t worry, Hueningkai,” I whisper, having a hard time holding back the tears myself too. “They want you more than anything in the world.”

I’ve never seen or felt such an immense euphoria as the one I felt when Hueningkai and I arrive at Taehyun’s house, where the others were waiting for us after I’ve texted them that I found him. Before we could even ring the doorbell, the door swung open and they all came pouring out, almost knocking Hyuka off his feet when they clung to their youngest. “Told you so,” I whisper to Hueningkai, and he gives me his most angelic smile. But then the ‘hyungs’ all turn to me, squeezing the air right out of my lungs, thanking me for returning their maknae to them. “You’re welcome,” I barely manage to say, upon which they realise my discomfort and let me go again. “I told you we might need her again in the future,” Taehyun says to Yeonjun as we walk back inside, referring to the time when Yeonjun suggested they would continue the search without me because of my overreacting parents. “Yes, yes, you were right, Taehyun, you already said that after she found Soobin too. No need to keep mentioning it,” Yeonjun says, sounding a little irritated and also a little embarrassed. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m really glad you stayed,” he quickly says to me. I pat his shoulder and assure him: “I know, Yeonjun. Don’t worry.” We sit down again in the living room, a few hours after Hueningkai stormed off, now celebrating that TXT is reunited once again. “I think we’re all glad you stayed, noona,” Beomgyu says, casually laying his arm around me and pulling me in closer. “It’s thanks to you that we’re together again.” I can’t believe he still manages to make me blush so heavily, I think as I feel my cheeks turn red once again. The others don’t even seem surprised anymore about me and Beomgyu, except Hueningkai, whose widened eyes go back and forth between us. He bends over to Soobin and asks, softly but, unfortunately for me, still audible: “What’s going on between Beomgyu and noona?” Luckily I can’t make out Soobin’s answer, because Taehyun, who left to get us all a warm cup of tea, badly needed after spending a few hours in the cold, returns from the kitchen with the drinks. And then we bring Hueningkai up to speed, going over all the crazy things that happened to us these past few weeks, feeling freed to tell the tale instead of anxious, because we brought it to a good end. Although… We are all still here, in the ‘wrong’ reality. Why are we not back to ours yet? Just as I’m wondering about it, Yeonjun brings my thoughts to words: “It’s a bit strange though, that we’re all still here, and not back in our reality.” “You mean that time hasn’t turned back yet,” Taehyun corrects him according to his theory, but before the argument can start again, he continues: “But I was thinking about that too. I myself can’t really remember what happened, because my mind is still clouded with the vague memories from this timeline.” “This universe,” Yeonjun quietly mumbles, but we all ignore him. “However, then I remembered something, something that both noona and Beomgyu have said.” I look at him surprised. Something we both said? “What was it?” Beomgyu asks, sounding equally surprised as I feel. “You both remarked that you woke up in this… ‘world’, so to say it,” Taehyun goes on, giving Yeonjun a mocking look, who sticks his tongue out to the younger. “So perhaps we need to all be asleep to return to normal again.” Hm, that kind of makes sense, I think. For as far as anything about this whole strange situation can make sense. The others agree with his theory as well. “Well, there is only one way to find out, right?” Soobin says, and he finishes his cup of tea. “Time to go sleep.” I look at the clock and see it’s past midnight already; indeed time to go to bed. We move upstairs, to the two bedrooms we have been using before: Taehyun’s and the guestroom. I had the guestroom all for myself until now, the others gallantly sharing Taehyun’s room with the four of them, but with Hueningkai added, it is too crowded, so he and Beomgyu switch to my room instead. I can tell by Hyuka's soft snoring that he is off to dreamland as soon as his head touches the pillow, but I lie awake, tossing and turning and feeling restless. The more I force myself to fall asleep, the harder it gets, and after a while I just sigh deeply and sit up straight. Maybe if I make myself some warm milk, I’ll get sleepy then… “What’s wrong, noona? Can’t sleep?” Beomgyu’s voice whispers suddenly, breaking through the silence of the night. “No,” I whisper back, sighing deeply again. “The more I think about falling asleep, the more restless I feel.” “What are you worrying about?” he asks, sitting up straight too. He pats on his mattress, and I move over, sitting next to him for comfort. But I’m not sure what to tell him though. It kind of feels like everyone (including Hueningkai) already knows there is something between me and Beomgyu, but because the two of us never really talked about it, I don’t know where we stand. Does he even like me the way I like him? His actions would say so, but he never actually said anything… Ah, sometimes I hate my overthinking mind. He puts a lost strand of my hair behind my ear, and whispers quietly, so he doesn’t wake Hueningkai: “You can tell me. It’s hard to fall asleep with a troubled mind.” He sounds just like Taehyun that one time on the bus. I pull myself together. “I’m just… scared that we won’t remember anything about this when we turn back to our reality. It’s silly, I know, but I had the feeling I became friends with you guys during this weird adventure, and, well, I would really miss you if you would have lost your memories about this.” He is silent for a short while, increasing my nerves. I probably made a total fool out of myself. Being friends with TXT, who am I kidding? They just needed me to bring back their members, that’s all. “I’m sorry, it’s stupid, I’m probably assuming things. Never mind.” I want to return to my bed, feeling embarrassed, but Beomgyu stops me and makes me sit down again. “Don’t misunderstand my silence, please,” he whispers, sounding strange, almost… emotional? “I was just a little taken aback, because you worded my own fear exactly.” My heart skips a beat. He is worried about losing his memory too? “You’re not assuming anything, I know that all of us consider you a close friend after what we went through together. And I’m sure we are all afraid of losing our memories, and therefore losing you too, when we return to our own reality. At least, I know I am.” He bites his lip, and then looks up to me, his gaze catching mine. Even though it’s dark, I’m still drowning in his eyes. “This might sound crazy, because I’ve only known you for such a short while, but, in case we part ways after this, I want you to know that I do really care for you. A lot, actually.” He lays his hand on my face, which feels cold against my burning skin, and he softly strokes my cheek with his thumb, making my heart beat fast. I can’t believe my ears. Did he really just say that? He is silent, as if he waits for me to say something too, so try to snap out of it and force myself to whisper: “Same goes for me.” He smiles softly. “I was kind of hoping for that,” he says, and then he bends in to kiss me. It’s short but sweet and completely makes my brain malfunction. My heart feels like it’s about to burst from happiness, before the harsh reality hits me again: this might be the only kiss we get to share. “So,” he says, laying his head against mine, “If I forget about you, you just have to do what you do best.” I unconsciously move back a little when I look at him confused. “What is that?” He smirks, his eyes twinkling a little. “Making us remember.” Feeling like he made it even harder for me to sleep now, I return to my bed and hop under the blankets. “Good night, noona,” Beomgyu says, and with pain in my heart I wish him good night too. How I wish this night could last forever... Even though I wouldn’t have deemed it possible, after having struggled with my emotions for a while, my eyes finally stayed shut and I somehow fell asleep. But when I wake up the next morning, the boys are gone.

As I wake up and open my eyes, a few thoughts cross my mind almost at the same time. I’m in my own bed, in my own room! Beomgyu, Hueningkai, the guest room in Taehyun’s house… Gone. Did it work? Did we return to our own reality? Then it hits me. A shiver runs down my spine. I still remember. I still remember everything! My heart aches when I think of Beomgyu, though. I have to find them, find out if they still have their memories too. But first, I need to check if we indeed did really succeed in returning to our world. Or our timeline. Or whatever. I shoot up straight, putting on some random clothes I find near me and rush out of my room. My roommate is already sitting at the kitchen table. “Good morning, unnie,” she grumbles, moody as always in the early morning. I ignore her and grab my phone from the charger. I gasp as I unlock the screen. There it is. The colourful TXT group photo I have as my background. When I look at the date, I get goosebumps all over my skin. It’s the date from three weeks ago. We did it. We really did it! A storm of emotions runs through me, happiness and relief over our success, sadness and nervousness over the big, unanswered question that still remains. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I suddenly feel emotionally drained, fighting my tears as I don’t want to have a breakdown right in front of my roommate, who already glares at me suspiciously. “Are you okay?” she asks me. “Yes,” I sigh, a smile breaking through after all. “Everything is all right again.” “Again? What are you talking about?” I don’t answer that question, but instead start preparing breakfast, like I did last time I lived this day, cracking open some eggs while humming one of TXT’s songs. “So, are you excited?” my roommate asks when I put the finished omelettes on our plates. “Excited?” I wonder, as I sit down and search through my phone contacts. As expected, it’s in vain: no one from TXT is in there. They shouldn’t be, of course, but I still secretly wished for it. “Don’t tell me you forgot about it! You have been talking about it for weeks!” She laughs at my confused face. “The TXT concert! It’s tonight, right?” Hope fills my heart again. Of course! How could I forget? The concert! I’ll see them there, maybe if I can somehow sneak backstage, I could talk to them and find out of they still have their memories too. “Ah, yes indeed, I’m very excited!” I say, and I quickly eat my breakfast as I recall another thing from that morning. “Sorry, I didn’t follow you for a second there.” “Noticed!” she giggles. “Well, have fun tonight!” I thank her, quickly put the dishes in the sink and hurry to my room. I don’t need to look at my calendar to know that I will be late for my first class; I still remember that from last time.

It was the strangest thing ever to relive a day that I have already lived once, but I struggled just as much as before, as I keep looking at the clock, wishing time would go faster. I want to see them so bad, the urge to speak to them is eating me up. But most of all, I long to be with him. My heart hurts a little whenever Beomgyu crosses my mind, but I push it away and try to stay positive. If I still remember, they will too. Right…? When I get home again after following the same tedious classes and attending the same choir club meeting, I quickly check my album, which I totally forgot about this morning. Five autographs stare back at me, and when I put on the cd, five voices blast over the speakers. I knew this would happen, but still I feel so grateful that it does, having known what the alternative is. A world without TXT… I know I can’t live in a world like that. I grab my stuff and leave for the concert, arriving early this time. When the doors finally open, I get a little anxious again, but when my ticket is scanned, a positive ‘beep!’ chimes loudly. “Have a nice evening, miss,” the lady says to me, and I can’t hide a smile when I recognise her from last time. I definitely will have a nice evening now. I get to my seat, which is quite at the front, and I listen to the happy chatter of excited fans around me. The closer it gets to the concert time, the more nervous I become. Then the lights go out, and the music starts. My heart skips a beat when they get up on the stage. All five of them are smiling bright as they look at their fans, singing beautifully, their eyes sparkling and filled with joy. Beomgyu’s hair is still blonde, but Yeonjun’s switched from black to purple overnight, and Hueningkai’s hair went back to a dark shade of brown. What a shame. The fans would have loved his blonde look. I try to catch their gaze, but the spotlights seem so blinding, I wonder if they would even be able to see me. I feel torn. A part of me wants to enjoy the performance, another part is taken over by anxiety. Nothing from their behaviour shows that they still know what happened; they don’t refer to anything when they speak to the fans, they are not searching the crowd, they don’t seem restless in any way. They are just being their amazing selves. My heart drops further and further, and tears start flowing as I fear they have lost their memories. At least I still got mine. And I will make sure to cherish them forever.

After the show is over, I feel exhausted. I badly want to go home and lie in bed to cry some more over my loss. When I’m picking up my jacket from the wardrobe, the speakers screech and a voice announces: “Could the person who was seated at section B, row 3, seat 11, please come to the lost and found? I repeat…” Hold on. I quickly grab my ticket and stare at it. Section B. Row 3. Seat 11. That’s me. The lost and found… Did I lose something? I quickly check my belongings, but everything is there. Butterflies storm around in my stomach as I rush to the lost and found counter. What is going on? A bulky security guard, who kind of reminds of the one at the theatre where Yeonjun was performing, is waiting for me. He says my name, asking if I’m said person. “Y-yes, I am,” I stutter, my nervousness coming back full force, and I show him my ticket. “Follow me, please,” he says and without any further explanation, he starts walking away. I hastily follow him, having trouble to keep up, and frankly, feeling a little flabbergasted. He scans his id card and a door unlocks, granting us access to the backstage area. Why are we going backstage? “Uhm, excuse me, sir, but where are we going?” I'm almost too afraid to ask. “To the artists, miss. They asked for you, the girl in seat 11, row 3, section B.” They did what?! I almost trip over my feet out of shock. Then we suddenly stop in front of a door, and my heart starts beating way too fast when I see the letters written on the card next to the door: ‘TOMORROW X TOGETHER’. I feel like I’m about to pass out. The guard knocks on the door, and then opens it for me. I can’t seem to move, I’m telling my feet to go, but they’re stuck to the ground, so the guard shoves me inside and closes the door behind me. Five pairs of eyes look up at me, hesitating, as if they are insecure what to do or say. I don’t know what to say either. They are still in their concert clothes, there is no staff in sight. It’s just us. For a brief moment we do nothing but stare at each other. Then I somehow get myself together. I have to ask. I have to know. “Do you… remember?” I ask, my words barely more than a whisper. Instantly, they all start smiling wide. Beomgyu gets up, walks over to me, and carefully cups my face in his hands. “How could we ever forget about you,” he says softly, and then he gently kisses me on my lips. A single tear runs down my cheek as a wave of relief rushes over me. I didn't lose them. They are still my friends. And Beomgyu is still my love. He wipes my tears away and holds me tight. “No need for tears, noona. Everything is all right.” “I can't believe you remembered my seat...” I mutter incredulously. He giggles. “I'm sure glad I did.” The others come over as well, Yeonjun playfully pushes Beomgyu away, saying: “You’ll get plenty of time together later, I want to hug her too.” I embrace them all in tight, long hugs, and my tears are replaced by an euphoric smile. I hold Beomgyu’s hand while the boys excitedly talk about their experiences of today: how Yeonjun was startled by his own reflection when he saw his purple hair in the mirror, how Taehyun tried to solve a difficult physics question, but failed miserably (“I went to university for almost a year, how could I fail?!”), how Soobin caught Hueningkai hugging his beloved plushie collection this morning… I lean back and lay my head on Beomgyu’s shoulder, being immensely happy just to be listening to their stories, to hear their colourful voices, to hold the hand of my loved one tight. No need to be afraid anymore. They remember.