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Chapter Text

The good side of this mess, Nie Huaisang had found out, was that people had started talking to him with far less condescension and disdain. 

The bad side of it was literally everything else. 

In the few months that had passed since the death of Jin Guangyao, Nie Huaisang’s life had become more complicated than ever before. He wouldn't have thought it possible, because being a Sect Leader had been hell already, but fate liked to toy with him. 

People, these days, wrote him many letters. Some were to say that he was a monster for the things he had done, for causing so much death and destruction in the name of revenge, for using the body of his own brother as a weapon and thus showing him no more respect than Jin Guangyao had. Others wrote to call him a hero, to say he had avenged this or that person or sect, that they would now offer him help and support should he ever need it. 

Nie Huaisang read everything with bafflement, then made careful note of who hated him and who, for now, did not hate him yet but soon would, when they'd realise how clueless he really was. 

Through all this, the one letter he was actually waiting for never arrived. 

"There's always tomorrow," his First Disciple Hu Zhiwang said every time they got to the bottom of his correspondence. "Or the day after." 

After half a year, Nie Huaisang had started losing hope on that front. 

"He just won't write," he sighed one morning. He hadn't even checked his mail of the day. There were only a few letters. None was in the handwriting he was anxiously waiting for. 

"People say he's gone in seclusion," his First Disciple cautiously announced. "Nothing is official yet, but…" 

"People say a lot of things," Nie Huaisang bitterly pointed out, glaring at the letters on his desk. "You and I both know how much stock to put in rumour. Do I really come off as the sort of person who would do those things?" 

Usually, his First Disciple tried to comfort him. That man was old enough to be his father and, quite frankly, acted like it more than the real one ever did. 

That day, Hu Zhiwang's face hardened at Nie Huaisang’s question. 

"You don't look like it. But did Sect Leader Jin?" 

A slap in the face would have been kinder. 

It wasn't that Nie Huaisang hadn't come to the same conclusion. If Jin Guangyo could have turned out to be someone like that, why not him too? Still, he would have preferred to hear that anybody who knew him would also know he could never have done those things. 

"I know you did not do this," Hu Zhiwang added. "But that's because I live here with you, Sect Leader. I know where you are at any moment of the day, and when you leave the Unclean Realm I'm with you, or someone else is whom I trust to look after you. But most people… They only see you here and there, they don't know what you do with your time. You could be the same as Jin Guangyao and they wouldn't have known."

That was true, but still unpleasant. 

"I miss him," Nie Huaisang bemoaned, sprawling his upper half on the desk in a gesture of dramatic despair. 

"I imagine," his First Disciple replied, his voice a little gentler. "You could write to him again." 

Nie Huaisang sighed, deeply and pathetically. He had written to Lan Xichen a few times already. The last letter had been sent back to him, unopened. Nie Huaisang did not need to be a cunning and ruthless mastermind to get the message. 

It had hurt more than words could say. It was one thing for the world to accuse him of wrecking havoc in the name of revenge, to be a manipulating monster who pushed a man to suicide, brought back the Yiling Patriarch, put children in mortal danger, and caused so much death but… He could have born it, if only Lan Xichen had still trusted him. 

They had been in love for almost twenty years. It had taken Jin Guangyao and Wei Wuxian only a few minutes to ruin all that. 

Nie Huaisang, in his youth, used to wonder if someone like him really was good enough for a person as extraordinary as the First Jade of the Lan Sect, beautiful beyond compare, well versed in all arts, skilled in cultivation and everything else that Nie Huaisang wasn't. He had outgrown these insecurities over the years, but maybe he shouldn't have. 

After all, it had taken so little for Lan Xichen to think the worst of him. 

"I don't know what to do," Nie Huaisang whined. "About anything. I didn't ask for any of this! I'm not made for that stuff."

"But you must do your duty," Hu Zhiwang scolded him. "It's only been a few months, give Zewu-Jun time. And until then… Do what you have to do, lead this sect. Although… there's not much work to do today, you might have time to paint if you stop complaining and get busy." 

Nie Huaisang pouted, annoyed to be treated like a child… but as Hu Zhiwang liked to remind him, that was his fault in the first place for behaving like one. Hu Zhiwang, like Lan Xichen, was always perfectly willing to treat him as an equal whenever Nie Huaisang acted as one. 

Still, where usually the promise of some free time enchanted him, that day it did little to lift his mood. Few things did anymore. 

It was hard, after all, to find joy in the world, when the man he loved now hated him for a crime he never even committed. 

Chapter Text

The next Discussion Conference, held at Lotus Piers, confirmed the rumour that had been on everyone's mind: Lan Xichen, overcome with guilt at his role in his sworn brother's death, had entered seclusion. His brother and uncle gave no further details, simply stating that they had been asked to take over his duties in his absence. 

Nie Huaisang had never had a bad relationship with Lan Wangji up to this point. The man knew there was an arrangement between Nie Huaisang and his brother, and he had never judged them for it. So Nie Huaisang tried to come near him to ask if, as an old friend, he might be given more news than what others were granted. Before he could even open his mouth, Lan Wangji silenced him with a cold glare of an intensity he had, so far, always reserved for Jiang Cheng. At his nephew's side, Lan Qiren appeared less angry, but only slightly so, and Nie Huaisang had always been too scared of him to dare talk to him. 

This promised to be the worst Discussion Conference that Nie Huaisang had ever attended. 

He had never liked those conferences in the first place, of course. Since their aim was to exchange about cultivation and politics, two subjects he found boring beyond words, Nie Huaisang would have stopped coming years ago if not Lan Xichen. 

No matter how difficult it was for them to spend time together normally, they could always be sure to see each other at Discussion Conferences. They needed to be a little more discreet than they would have been in Cloud Recesses (a lot more discreet than they were in the Unclean Realm where nobody cared) but it gave them the certainty of a few nights together. 

To be with the man he loved, Nie Huaisang would have gladly put up with many more hours of boring talk. 

Now he still had to suffer through all that chatter, and without a pleasant night to look forward to.

Busy missing Lan Xichen and reminiscing on better days, Nie Huaisang did not pay attention to the conversation going on until he heard his name. 

"What do you say, Sect Leader Nie?" 

Instinctually, Nie Huaisang looked up to the seat that Jin Guangyao would have normally occupied, only to meet Jiang Cheng's glare. Ah. Right. He spared himself the embarrassment of turning toward the Lans' seat, but the impulse was still there. 

He hated dealing with that sort of inter-sect business and usually let Nie Mingjue's sworn brothers decide for him. 

If something happened within Qingge Nie, he could usually handle it. These days he could even do it without pestering Hu Zhiwang about it. The disciples who had decided they still wanted to cultivate in the Unclean Realm knew to be patient with him, as did the people who somehow still came to his sect for help. 

But other sects were never so kind, he always felt the disdain in everyone's eyes if he said something stupid… and he always said something stupid. At this point, other sect leaders usually looked at him as if they expected him to ridicule himself. Some seemed to look forward to it, as if his foolishness had just become part of the entertainment provided during conferences. 

That day, the air of expectation on their faces felt different. 

He was no longer the cultivation world's buffoon after all. He was the great mastermind, the man who had brought back Wei Wuxian and taken down Jin Guangyao. That day, for the first time in his entire as Sect Leader, people wanted to hear what he had to say. 

Sadly, all he had to say was this:

"I'm sorry, I got distracted. What was the question again?" 

Even that got more of a reaction than anything Nie Huaisang had ever said before. Apparently even his lack of interest meant something now. 

He hated that. It had been hard enough to not offend people before, when nobody except Lan Xichen thought he was worth any attention. But if suddenly people thought his every word or gesture had meaning, he was going to be making enemies left and right. Without the help and protection of Jin Guangyao, how was he supposed to deal with that? 

"We were talking about whether we should have another Chief Cultivator," Jiang Cheng explained with the same annoyed impatience he had for everyone. It was a relief to be treated normally by someone. "Sect Leader Yao was saying we might offer the title to Zewu-Jun." 

Nie Huaisang couldn't help a snort. He immediately regretted it. Several faces around him hardened, while other people nodded as if he had said something deep. 

Shit. He had just wanted to laugh because he knew Lan Xichen would have hated the offer and being in seclusion gave him a good excuse to refuse! He'd never had to control his reactions before, so of course this had escaped him. It didn't mean anything! 

No wonder Jin Guangyao had gone crazy and decided to murder everyone to get out of a scandal. After just some months of suspicion, Nie Huaisang's nerves were so frayed he almost wanted to pick a saber and fight his way out of Lotus Piers. 

Instead he took a long, quiet breath, and frantically wondered what Jin Guangyao would have said to defuse the situation. 

"If you don't want a Chief Cultivator then just say so," Nie Huaisang admonished, trying to model his tone on the one Hu Zhiwang used when he was particularly childish. "I mean, it's something recent, so we wouldn't be breaking any big tradition if we stopped, right? But to say you still want it, and you want to offer the title to someone who isn't there… We've just been told Zewu-Jun is in seclusion, so of course he will most likely refuse. At least give the name of someone who is there, right?"

Nie Huaisang did not dare glance toward Lan Qiren and Lan Wangji. Everyone else already seemed displeased with his words, he didn't want to know how angry they would be. 

Sect Leader Yao, to his horror, just grinned. 

"When you say we should offer it to someone who is here… Sect Leader Nie, what if we offered the title to you?" 

The room exploded in an uproar at the suggestion. Half of the sect leaders were shouting that they couldn't let a murderer in power again, while the other half argued they needed a clever man. There were some confused people, the leaders of minor or distant sects who had not yet heard all the sordid details of Jin Guangyao’s fall, but they were quickly told the ‘official’ truth and immediately joined the cacophony. 

Nie Huaisang sat there, frozen in fear and horror, not daring to look at anything but his own hands clenched on his knees. 

It wasn't just the shock of being suggested for a job like that (although, there was that too: at the end of the day he'd probably known Jin Guangyao better than these people, and he knew what being Chief Cultivator entailed) but also the realisation that everyone really thought he had done these things. The shouting around him wasn't because people didn't trust his capacity. Not a single voice was rising to say maybe he hadn't orchestrated the death of one of his only friends. 

Nie Huaisang wanted to cry. It wasn't that he'd been unhappy to see his brother avenged. On the contrary, he was glad that someone had uncovered the truth and given Nie Mingjue some much deserved justice! But that person just wasn't him, and he did not want to be paying for their crimes. 

"Silence!" Jiang Cheng barked after a while. "A proposition had been made, let's hear the answer!" 

It took Nie Huaisang a few seconds to realise he was supposed to speak again. It was probably the most he'd ever contributed to a Discussion Conference in the last ten years. 

"What answer could I give?" he stuttered. "No, of course not! How could anyone even think of me for this? Sect Leader Yao, and everyone else too, you shouldn't joke with this! Saying you want me for the title… It's no better than saying you want Zewu-Jun! In fact, it's even worse. If you really want an Excellency, then please be serious about who you suggest!"

With everyone's eyes on him like that, Nie Huaisang really had to fight tears. Getting so much attention somewhat made him miss Jin Guangyao who had always protected him from such things in the past. The man might have been a murderer, he might have killed Nie Mingjue… But hadn't he tried to atone by being kind to Nie Huaisang after? At least, that was how Nie Huaisang had rationalised things. It made him feel a little less bad for those selfish moments when he regretted that Jin Guangyao had died. 

Mostly though, Nie Huaisang desperately wished Lan Xichen had been there. His lover would not have suffered to see him harassed this way. And when they would have spent the night together as they always did, Lan Xichen would have made sure to be even more kind and tender than usual to compensate for that stressful conference. 

Or perhaps if he had been there, Lan Xichen would have just glared and disapproved along with everyone. After all, he too believed in Nie Huaisang’s guilt, didn't he? 

"Listen here, Sect Leader Nie," Sect Leader Yao tried to insist, only to be cut by a young voice. 

"If he said no, it's no!" Jin Ling said, with an assurance Nie Huaisang could never have had at fifteen. "Are you going to beg him? Is that all the pride you have? If he wanted the title he should have said yes. If he says no, he's playing games or he just doesn't want it, so let's move on already!" 

Instantly the attention shifted on the boy. Jin Ling bore with it better than Nie Huaisang had, comforted by his own confidence and by the knowledge he had Jiang Cheng on his side. Nie Huaisang couldn't help feeling grateful to that boy, even when he knew sparring his nerves had probably been the last thing on Jin Ling's mind. After all, the teenager had been there at the Guanyin temple. He had heard his uncles' accusations. 

He, more than anyone else, must have believed in Nie Huaisang’s guilt. 

At least, after this, nobody addressed Nie Huaisang again. They seemed to take his earlier reluctance as a sign he preferred to work from the shadows. Well, they weren't wrong about that: the less attention there was on him, the happier he was.

Chapter Text

"I saw him move too," Jin Ling said. 

That took Nie Huaisang by surprise, but that day had been a hellish string of surprises anyway. He would not come to another Discussion Conference ever again, not until Lan Xichen personally requested his presence. Which wouldn't happen, so it was a safe vow to make. 

Because if the discussions of the day had been awful, the banquet that had followed had, somehow, managed to be worse. A lot of people had flocked around Nie Huaisang to chat with him, most of whom would have rather talked to a donkey rather than with him, just a year before. 

That wasn’t an exaggeration on his part: he had heard someone say that once, and it had stuck with him ever since. 

Nie Huaisang, in spite of being in dire need of getting very, very drunk, had cautiously abstained from drinking anything stronger than tea. He had also done his best to not say a word to all these people, regardless of whether they were trying to praise or insult him. Then, when a group of dancers hired by Jiang Cheng had offered a diversion, Nie Huaisang had quietly escaped the banquet halls and run toward the Jiang Sect's private piers. He knew from previous Conferences held in Yunmeng that hardly anyone ever came there. 

And yet, Jin Ling had easily found him. He had actually probably left at the same time and followed him, Nie Huaisang realised. It made him uncomfortable, because it meant Jin Ling must have been paying attention to him. 

And yet the boy did not look angry or vengeful or any of the things he might have rightfully felt in front of his beloved uncle's murderer. Of course, considering how he'd threatened him, perhaps Jin Guangyao had not been so beloved anymore in the end. 

Sensing his confusion, Jin Ling huffed impatiently. 

"In the temple," he clarified. "I was watching Uncle too. When you cried out… He really had moved, I saw it." 

Nie Huaisang blinked a few times. 

In all honesty, he did not remember what he had seen that night. He had been angry like never before at the confirmation of Jin Guangyao's crimes. He had felt betrayed, as much as Lan Xichen did, by the friend who had always been so kind and patient towards him. Nie Huaisang was not a violent man, but in such a state of rage and shock, maybe he had wanted Jin Guangyao to die. Maybe enough to lie. He didn't know. The rest he could deny in good faith, but that cry which had condemned Jin Guangyao… He really didn't know. 

He did not want to know. 

So to hear those words, and from Jin Ling of all people… 

"I just did not want Zewu-Jun to get hurt," he mumbled. "I'm sorry for… I didn't mean for that to happen. He was always nice to me, you know." 

Jin Ling's eyes narrowed in a way that made him look like Jiang Cheng. 

"Did you do it? All the rest, the hiding and plotting…" 

"There's not really a right answer to that?" Nie Huaisang chuckled bitterly, turning to look at the lake. "If I say yes, it's a confession. If I say no, you'll think I'm lying."

"But you told the truth about seeing something," Jin Ling insisted as he walked to his side, petulant and young.  

Too young for dealing with that sort of thing, really. Nie Huaisang remembered being fifteen, the first year he'd come to Cloud Recesses. All he'd had in mind was to have fun and, after a certain point, to kiss Lan Xichen every chance they got. He'd failed all his tests so badly that Nie Mingjue had sent him again the year after, warning him not to come home if he failed again. That was what he'd been doing at fifteen, while Jin Ling was ruling a sect and dealing with scandal and doing all sorts of things that Nie Huaisang, twice his age, still couldn't handle sometimes. 

"It's just that I've been thinking about this," Jin Ling explained. "Maybe it's you, and you're just so good at pretending that no one noticed. But if you said the truth and it's not you… Then someone else must have done it." 

Again, Nie Huaisang could only blink stupidly at the boy next to him. 

"I hadn't thought of that," he admitted. "But someone must have sent those letters, you're right. If I could find out…" 

For a second Nie Huaisang felt hopeful, a grin pushing at the corner of his lips. He was innocent, but someone else had to be guilty. If he could expose them, then everyone would have to treat him normally again, and Lan Xichen would no longer hate him, and… 

His tentative smile collapsed. 

"If that person could destroy your uncle's reputation without ever being suspected, what chance does someone like me have against them?" Nie Huaisang lamented. "And even if I find them, people will think it's part of my plan. I don't know why, but they seem to like the idea I did this." 

Although he said that, Nie Huaisang had some suspicions as to why people wanted him to be guilty. Between having among their ranks a devilish genius, or a incompetent fool… it was more flattering for other cultivators to think he'd always been a mastermind in disguise. 

Nie Huaisang sighed. He just couldn't win this, could he? 

"Thank you for what you've told me tonight, Sect Leader Jin," he said, bowing to the boy. "It has been some difficult months, and sometimes even I couldn't be sure what was true or not. But if you also saw something, I feel comforted." 

Jin Ling shrugged. "You just don't look like you're capable of doing that stuff anyway." 

At some other time, Nie Huaisang might have felt slightly insulted by the boy's disdainful tone, which sounded so close to the way most sect leaders used to talk to him. At this point though, he was almost grateful to be treated normally by someone, even if it was just a child. 

"Jin Ling!" someone called out behind them. "What are you doing there?" 

From the voice alone Nie Huaisang recognised the person, but it was still a mild surprise to turn around and find that Wei Wuxian was there. Since he had not been at Lan Wangji's side when the Lans arrived to Lotus Piers, Nie Huaisang had assumed Wei Wuxian hadn't come. A mistake on his part when rumour said the man never left his husband's side for long, but… Nie Huaisang did not like gossip these days, and he had assumed Wei Wuxian was smarter than to come to Yunmeng. 

Right then, Wei Wuxian was watching them from a small distance, with an expression not unlike the one he'd had in that temple, only angrier. Nie Huaisang couldn't even begrudge him that. He did not have family, but he had two or three young disciples he doted on. If he saw them talking with a man he thought capable of the things Wei Wuxian had accused him of, even Nie Huaisang would get protective.

"Sect Leader Jin, I think you had better go back," he advised mildly. "Your uncle Jiang must be wondering where you are anyway." 

"That's his problem," Jin Ling grumbled, but for all of his bravado he was still a boy of not quite sixteen, and bolder men had been rightfully scared of Jiang Cheng's anger. "That thing I said, about there being someone else… I'll look into it if I can and you should too, so let me know if you find something." 

Without leaving time for Nie Huaisang to protest he had no intention to investigate anything, Jin Ling strode away. He turned up his nose as he passed Wei Wuxian, clearly expecting a scolding of some sort, but none came. All of Wei Wuxian's attention was on Nie Huaisang. 

When Jin Ling was gone, Wei Wuxian came closer. Nie Huaisang wished he wouldn't. 

"Sect Leader Nie, I'm surprised to find you wandering around uninvited, and in such company." 

Nie Huaisang grimaced. He had been so desperate to escape that awful banquet, he hadn't considered how it would look to the other Sect Leaders. They were going to assume the worst again, weren't they? 

"I just needed some fresh air," he protested, even though he knew Wei Wuxian of all people wouldn't believe him. "Jin Rulan followed me because he wanted to talk. As for wandering uninvited… Does Sect Leader Jiang even know you're here?"

"He knows what he needs to know," Wei Wuxian replied with a dismissive hand wave. "What did Jin Ling want from you?" 

Nie Huaisang sighed. Now that he thought of it, he had been relieved before to find Wei Wuxian absent from the Conference. 

"I don't know why you ask me," he complained. "You've already made up your mind as to what sort of a person I am, so no matter what I'll say you'll think the worst of me. Ask him instead, since hopefully you value his word more than mine." 

It must have been the wrong thing to say, because Wei Wuxian's face hardened. But then again there was no right answer to anything these days, so Nie Huaisang might as well speak his mind. 

"I'll ask him too," Wei Wuxian assured him. "But I'm interested in your version of it. I'm still trying to figure you out, Nie Huaisang, so why not have a little chat?" 

"I'd rather not," Nie Huaisang hissed with an anger that took him by surprise. "Last time you've wanted to chat with me, it ended badly for me! What are you going to blame on me this time? Who have I killed now? Or do you think I’m still seeking revenge?”

That must have hit a chord, because Wei Wuxian glanced away. Nie Huaisang gritted his teeth and clenched his fists, his entire body thrumming with a rage that would not have been out of place in his brother.

“Are you going to accuse me of wanting to kill Jin Rulan next?” he exploded. “Everyone needs someone to hate I suppose! First there were the Wen, but we murdered them all. Then there was you, but now you have Hanguang-Jun on your side, so who would dare attack you? Right now people are still hating Jin Guangyao, but that won’t last forever. I might as well be the next one! Who will come to defend me after all? Of the three people who ever were on my side, two have killed each other and the last one hates me!”

Wei Wuxian flinched and stepped away, looking mildly worried. As he should. Nie Huaisang was still a Nie. His anger was more rare than his brother’s had been, but it burned no less fiercely.

“Sect Leader Nie, calm down. I’m not accusing you of anything.”

“Not yet!” Nie Huaisang shouted, “but we both know you will soon!”

Anger rose until it reached its peak. If Nie Huaisang were his brother, that desperate rage would overcome him and he would strike, whether with words or with blows until everything around him broke. But he wasn’t Nie Mingjue. His emotions, with nowhere higher to go, crumbled in his chest like a sandcastle hit by a wave, leaving him empty and ruined.

“We were friends once,” Nie Huaisang sobbed, shameful tears washing his face. “We were friends and now you’ve taken everything from me.”

Silence fell, or at least something close to it. Somewhere in the distance there were the faint noises of the ongoing banquet. Frogs were croaking around and under them. The loudest sound, easily, was that of Nie Huaisang’s heavy sobs.

Wei Wuxian, hesitantly, put one hand on the other man’s shoulder. Nie Huaisang slapped it away.

“I don’t want your pity,” he spat. “You’ll just say later that it was an act, if I let you pity me. Leave me alone now!”

“Huaisang…”

“Go away. Can’t I get that at least?”

Through the tears, it was hard to gauge Wei Wuxian’s expression, not that Nie Huaisang particularly wanted to. It was a relief when the man who had once been one of his favourite friends, a lifetime ago, left the pier without another word.

Alone at last, Nie Huaisang cried until there wasn’t a single tear left in him. His head ached and his chest felt empty, but his mind had a new clarity that only a long bout of crying could bring.

He had no friends or allies, a horrifying reputation, and Lan Xichen was gone, but at least he was still alive and that was something.

He had survived everything else up to this point.

He would survive this too, and make the best of it.

Chapter Text

Qinghe Nie was probably the worst sect the disciple of Moling Su could have chosen to join after their was dissolved. It was also the only one that would take them, now that their leader had been revealed as a villain of the worst sort. 

Soon after the Discussion Conference where he refused to become Chief Cultivator, Nie Huaisang welcomed nearly thirty Su cultivators into his sect. 

That decision provoked a lot of gossip in the cultivation world. Everyone had an opinion as to why Nie Huaisang would welcome the disciples of a man who had likely contributed to his brother's death, one who had always openly despised him. Some said it was to further humiliate Lan Xichen as punishment for his blindness to Jin Guangyao’s crimes. Others suspected an attempt to grab the secret techniques of the Lans. A few saw it as a way to atone for his crimes, or to start rebuilding the fame of Qinghe Nie now that there was no need to fake weakness. 

In truth, Nie Huaisang had just felt sorry for these people. They too had been deceived by Su She. That slimy man had used his own people and put them in danger at the Second Siege of the Burial Mounds, before abandoning them to the wrath of other sects without a second of hesitation. These men, women and children had sincerely believed they were learning a proper way to cultivate and defend the weak. They had found in Su She a hero of sorts, a man going against the great clans and daring to demand a place in the sun in spite of his birth. Instead, they had been treated in a way even the Wens might have found despicable. 

None of the ones that had agreed to join the Nie Sect were exactly happy there. The cultivation method was too different. But given a choice between that and being rogue cultivators… And at least, they were treated well. Nie Huaisang had been particularly insistent about that when he had decided to welcome those Moling Su disciples. He had warned his sect: anyone found making trouble would be punished. Even like that it wasn't always smooth sailing, but… They made do. It was what Qinghe Nie was best at, these days. 

Even with this huge addition to Qinghe Nie, life went on as usual. Nie Huaisang did his best to rule his sect in a way that would not betray just how little he knew what he was doing. He hated his new reputation, but it had its uses so he did not want to ruin the illusion too fast. Besides, with no more Jin Guangyao to rely on, and with Hu Zhiwang showing no mercy, he really was learning to deal with some of this. 

Other things he still disliked and avoided as much as possible. And when it wasn't possible… 

Night Hunting was never much fun, but Hu Zhiwang had insisted it would be good for Nie Huaisang to leave Qinghe for a few days. Besides, he had claimed, the junior disciples were always working harder when they felt that the safety of their Sect Leader depended on them. It made them feel important, apparently, and Nie Huaisang liked the juniors to be happy, so he had given in. He had taken the six oldest junior disciples, two of which were formerly from Molin Su, and left Qinghe. 

The haunting was easily taken care of. Nie Huaisang was what he was, and his sect's numbers might have dwindled in recent years, but Nie disciples were as fiercely efficient as ever when given the chance. A little too enthusiastic sometimes (there had been some property destruction, for which the owners were immediately compensated) but good at what they were doing. After pointing out the few errors they had made, Nie Huaisang made sure to let his juniors know how proud of them he was. So proud, in fact, that he decided to treat them to a very good meal. One inn in that town was very reputed, and the children deserved a proper reward for their effort. 

The innkeeper gave them an odd look when they entered. Nothing unusual. Outings with the older juniors always garnered a lot of attention. Nie Huaisang had learned to accept it. He knew how funny it must have been for others to see him, short and delicate, leading this team of six tall and bulky teenagers. Even Lan Xichen had teased him about it sometimes, saying he looked like a hen who had raised wolves. 

"We already have some immortals," the innkeeper informed him when Nie Huaisang announced they would be dining there. "Does this young master wish to be seated near or far from them?" 

The man discreetly pointed at a table where a group of young people sat. Recognising the Lan uniforms as well as one or two Jin robes, Nie Huaisang grimaced. He quickly put on a smile when his eyes met those of Jin Ling. Of course he would have such bad luck. He was about to give in and ask to sit near them (it'd be good for his juniors to be around their peers anyway) when he noticed one significantly older person at that table, monopolising the conversation and causing poor Jin Ling to wince and roll his eyes. 

Nie Huaisang did not know why those poor boys had ended up dining with Sect Leader Yao, but he had no wish to share their fate. 

"Put us as far away from them as possible," Nie Huaisang muttered. "If you have a way to make sure they won't see us, I'll pay…" 

"Sect Leader Nie! What a surprise!" Sect Leader Yao exclaimed. "Come here, we'll make room for you!" 

"Nevermind, we'll sit with them," Nie Huaisang grumbled, still sliding some extra money to the innkeeper. "Serve us quickly." 

Feeling very sorry that the pleasant evening he had planned for his juniors was being ruined this way, Nie Huaisang led them to the table. The young people there made room for them. Lan Jingyi and Lan Sizhui made sure to free a spot between them for Zhang Minhui, whom they knew because she had studied in the Lan sect for a few years. 

"What a lucky coincidence that we should all meet here!" Sect Leader Yao exclaimed, refusing to notice that nobody was happy to have him around. "I was just giving these young people some advice on how to deal with a haunting they're headed for. There's a house in this town where it rains blood, and…" 

"Oh, that's our haunting!" Zhang Minhui exclaimed. "We've just dealt with it! Why would they be here for it too?" 

Even as she asked that, she looked at Nie Huaisang who felt so embarrassed that he had to hide behind his fan. It wasn't the first time this happened. Between Nie Huaisang’s indecisiveness and their sect's low numbers, it was difficult for Qinghe Nie to answer calls for help in due time. More often than not, the people who still tried to request their intervention would also ask another sect to check their problem, just to be on the safe side. It was kind of embarrassing, and something that Nie Huaisang really wanted to correct in the future. 

"A coincidence I'm sure, or a misunderstanding," Nie Huaisang mumbled. "I am sorry you fine gentlemen came all this way for nothing. If only I had known, we could have seen how to deal with this together." 

"Some other time," Jin Ling replied with a diplomacy that Nie Huaisang would not have expected of him. "Since this is so close to Qinghe, I should have checked with you before accepting to help and inviting others to come." 

Nie Huaisang couldn't help a smile. He was still a little rough around the edges, but Jin Ling would make a very fine Sect Leader in a few years. 

"Yes, it's just too bad," Sect Leader Yao agreed. "You have some Su cultivators now, don't you? If you had worked together, it would have been a good chance to see once and for all who was better between the Lans and the Sus!" 

The juniors all fell silent. Nie Huaisang closed his fan in a sharp gesture. 

"There are no Su cultivators in the Unclean Realm," he protested in a voice that only slightly trembled. "Only Nie disciples." 

"You can't tell me those two are real Nie," Sect Leader Yao replied with a conspiratorial smirk, pointing at two youths who had taken great care to sit away from the Lans.

They were a little shorter and more slender than the others, and still carried normal swords rather than sabres since they were more proficient with these. They had looked uncomfortable since first joining the Lans at the table, but being brought to attention this way only made it worse. 

"All my disciples are real Nie," Nie Huaisang claimed, anger making his voice steadier. "I will not stand for anyone saying otherwise." 

Feeling very bold, he glared at Sect Leader Yao, challenging him to say otherwise. The man was as confident as ever though, and opened his mouth to reply. 

"So, Zhang Minhui, how have you been?" Lan Sizhui interrupted with a worried edge to his voice. "We haven't had news in a while. Do you still like Qinghe?" 

"A lot better than I did Gusu," Zhang Minhui replied cooly, glancing at Sect Leader Yao. "If you get tired of all your rules, you should join us. I'm sure our Sect Leader would be happy to take you in. We accept everyone in Qinghe Nie." 

Nie Huaisang reopened his fan and nervously fiddled with it, his eyes darting to Sect Leader Yao. Zhang Minhui was a good, hard working girl but she had the diplomatic sense of a rock. 

"We accept everyone willing to work hard," Nie Huaisang corrected. "Not that I'm saying you are not a hard worker, Lan Sizhui!" he quickly added. "But, ah… You have never struck me as being unhappy in Cloud Recesses, so I don't expect to find you at our door any time soon, of course."

"Ah, but is Gusu Lan even a worthwhile place to study at these days?" Sect Leader Yao sighed. "No offense to Master Lan Qiren, he is still an honourable teacher of course. But the Twin Jades have damaged their sect's reputation a fair bit, eh? You boys will suffer for it in a few years, with your Sect Leader in seclusion like this… his father was the same, but he had Lan Qiren to rely on."

The Lan boys all froze. If they had been from any other sect, they would have answered something very rude. At least, that was Nie Huaisang’s temptation, and he could tell Zhang Minhui was seconds away from defending her former sect. 

Lan Jingyi beat them to it. 

"Zewu-Jun also has Master Lan Qiren," he protested. "And he has Hanguang-Jun too, and he's not going to stay in seclusion for ever." 

The rest of the Lans nodded emphatically, as did that Ouyang boy that rarely left Jin Ling's side these days.

"No offence, none at all," Sect Leader Yao protested in the tone of someone about to say something very offensive, "but Hanguang-Jun isn't doing your sect's reputation any favour these days, is he? Protecting a character like the Yiling Patriarch, eloping with him even… Everything that the Lan sect used to represent, Lan Wangji has gone against." 

All of the boys present, Lan or not, Nie Huaisang recognised as having been present at the second Siege of the Burial Mounds. To badmouth not just the esteemed Lan Wangji, but also Wei Wuxian in front of the teenagers they had saved… 

Someone needed to get Sect Leader Yao to shut up before one of those children just punched him in the face. 

Nie Huaisang realised, with horror and no small degree of wonder, that it could be him. After all, who would want to cross the Mastermind, the Genius, the Man Who Took Down Jin Guangyao?

If he had to suffer the negatives of his new reputation, he might as well have some fun with it too. 

"Sect Leader Yao, I don't think I can let you speak like that of my friends," Nie Huaisang said, forcing himself to smile even when the situation made him so anxious he might have thrown up. "I remember you being far more complimentary than this toward Wei Wuxian when he saved all of us in Yiling. He made mistakes and he made right choices, as we all do. As for Hanguang-Jun, I do not believe he has ever done a single immoral action in his life."

A true mastermind would have been more ckever than this, Nie Huaisang lamented. If he'd had the subtlety of Jin Guangyao, he could have threatened the other man in a more frightful manner while defending his fr… his acquaintances more effectively. Hopefully, that would be enough. 

It did appear to shake some of Sect Leader Yao's confidence, so that wasn't so bad already. 

"Of course they've done us all some great good in recent times," Sect Leader Yao conceded. "Still, as for Zewu-Jun…" 

"Do not speak ill of Zewu-Jun in front of me," Nie Huaisang cut him quickly. "I do not want to get angry." 

That was the complete truth. 

Mostly because he had a certain habit of stammering when he was angry and often ended up crying, but Sect Leader Yao did not need to know that. 

It worked, anyway. Sect Leader Yao fell silent as he realised that he might have misjudged who Nie Huaisang counted as enemies. There was something very pleasant to the slight fear in that man's eyes. Nie Huaisang suddenly felt he could understand why some men liked power and strength so much. Being able to instill that sort of feeling in someone he disliked was more intoxicating than the sweetest of wines. 

It wouldn't last, Nie Huaisang knew. In another few weeks, some months at most, people would figure out that he was just as clueless as he looked. He expected they'd start treating him worse than before to make up for the humiliation of giving respect to a harebrained idiot. Until then, he'd be a fool not to use the situation to his advantage.

Chapter Text

Even Nie Huaisang, who did not care much for politics, had always been aware that Lanling Jin was a vipers' nest. He had seen Jin Guangyao struggle to be accepted as their leader in the middle of the in-fighting that followed Jin Guangshan's death. He had also been aware of some of the less glorious aspects of that same Jin Guangshan's rule, because Nie Mingjue had copiously ranted about it. He'd heard about the corruption, the favouritism, the debauchery, the wasted money… 

If Jin Guangyao had managed to rule undisputed for ten years, it was because he had appeared to change that. An appearance only, as they had all learned. 

So when it had reached him that Jin Ling had also determined to cleanse his sect, like his uncle before him, Nie Huaisang had been… doubtful at best. 

It wasn't that he didn't like the boy. Jin Ling was, so far, the only person to have openly told him that he didn't think he was a murderer. Aside from that, he had seen that boy grow, and he knew what it was like to be thrown too early into a position of power. Of course he felt deep sympathy for him. 

But as Nie Huaisang had learned a year earlier, just because you liked someone did not mean you should trust them. 

As a result, Nie Huaisang followed Jin Ling's efforts with cautious distance. He listened closely to gossip, trying to figure out truth from rumours, and to get an idea of people’s opinion of him. Everyone needed someone to hate, and he did not want that boy to be next on the list.

With all this, it still came as a surprise when one day, Nie Huaisang received a letter from Lanling, asking if he could come to Carp Tower to help its young Sect Leader solve a problem.

His first reaction was to laugh.

Hu Zhiwang was with him, and he appeared very concerned at the half sobbing laughter coming out from his Sect Leader. Nie Huaisang was sorry to worry him, but he could not help it. After so many years of sending that sort of letter to Lanling, to receive one in return was an irony he was not prepared to face. All he could think was that Jin Guangyao would be appalled that his nephew would turn to Nie Huaisang of all people in his hour of need. Be it before or after his supposed role in his downfall was revealed, Jin Guangyao would never have trusted him with anything more important than choosing how to arrange the decorations for a banquet. Meanwhile, Nie Huaisang still sometimes found himself wondering how to ask for Jin Guangyao’s input when he was in a difficult situation, before remembering that not only was he dead and buried, but also that his counsel had probably never been so valuable and wise in the first place.

“I don’t get why he wants me to come,” Nie Huaisang sighed when he calmed down, passing the letter to his first disciple for inspection. “He knows I’m a fraud.”

“You’d only be a fraud if you said you planned Jin Guangyao’s death,” Hu Zhiwang retorted. “Which you’ve always denied. If people still believe it that’s their problem… and that boy isn’t half stupid if he wants to take advantage of your reputation.”

“What, so I’m supposed to come, show I’m on his side, and that’ll be good enough?” Nie Huaisang pouted at the idea. “I suppose that is pretty clever of him. And he doesn’t say anything about what he needs help about. Does he expect to get me on curiosity alone?”

“Is it working?”

Rather than to answer, Nie Huaisang pouted some more. He could easily guess the sort of trouble that boy had. The Jin elders were notoriously not pleased with this child trying to change all their habits, and there were more than a few people in the smaller Jin branches who had been extremely happy with the way Jin Guangyao let them run their private business however they liked, so long as they contributed financially to the sect and did not cause any visible scandal. Those were powerful enemies for anyone to have, let alone a boy of sixteen with no direct relatives in his sect to help him.

“I don’t want to create trouble again,” Nie Huaisang sighed, flopping on his desk. “It’s a bother. Sect Leader Yao still looks at me like I’ll poison his tea whenever I’m in the same room as him!”

“You enjoy that,” Hu Zhiwang pointed out.

“I do, but that’s not the point. Do I really want to make enemies in Lanling Jin? Do I want to make friends in Lanling Jin?"

Nie Huaisang grimaced at the thought. 

"Mingjue had both in turns, and I'm not sure which was worse. No, actually, that's unfair," he muttered. "Meng Yao was a friend perhaps, but never Jin Guangyao. Damn the Jin, there's not a single one of them that's not rotten." 

With a snort, Hu Zhiwang handed him back the letter. 

"So you'll refuse?" 

"No, I'll go," Nie Huaisang sighed, grabbing the peace of paper and sitting straight once more. "At least once. I don't want to become someone who expects the worst of everyone and… He's just sixteen. What would I be if I refused to help a boy of sixteen?" 

Someone worse than Jin Guangyao, he thought. Whatever else he'd done, no matter his own agenda, Nie Huaisang could not pretend the man hadn't supported him when he'd needed it.

He would pass on the kindness paid to him, however twisted that kindness had originally been.

It was unpleasant to go to Lanling. Nie Huaisang had not been there since that dreaded Discussion Conference where Qin Su died and Wei Wuxian’s return was revealed. It had not been a conscious effort to avoid the city: he just had no reason to come there anymore. When he arrived at the gates of Carp Tower, Nie Huaisang almost changed his mind about this whole business. Jin Ling was a clever boy, he could handle things on his own, he…

He was sixteen.

Nie Huaisang remembered how lost he’d been when he became Sect Leader in his early twenties.

He also remembered that Nie Mingjue had been the same age as Jin Ling when he had to rise to power. Nie Huaisang himself had been very young, and there had been a lot he had not understood at the time, but he’d still known how hard that had been for his brother… and Qinghe Nie wasn’t anywhere near as bad as Lanling Jin.

Nie Huaisang took a deep breath, and presented himself to the guards at the gate. It surprised him to learn that he was expected, and that Sect Leader Jin had ordered he be brought to him the moment he would arrive. Back in Jin Guangyao’s days, he was usually made to wait for a chance to see his friend and cry about his latest problem. He had never minded, knowing too well that Jin Guangyao had bigger things to deal with. Still, it was not unpleasant to have his arrival awaited in this manner. It hadn’t happened to him since he stopped going to Gusu.

Although they had seen each other barely six months before, Jin Ling had managed to grow nearly half a head taller than Nie Huaisang in that span of time. For some reason, it made him miss Jin Guangyao yet again. It had been nice, not been the shortest man in the room. A silly thing to regret when all was said and done, but Nie Huaisang couldn’t help feeling upset that he was now the smallest Sect Leader around.

“Thank you for coming so quickly, Sect Leader Nie,” Jin Ling greeted him as he entered his very messy office. “I’m glad you could make it.”

“I’m not very busy these days,” Nie Huaisang replied, which was only half a lie. Su She’s former disciples were finally starting to settle in, and all the other sects avoided bothering him if they could. “Your letter sounded rather urgent… and a little vague, I must say.”

“I figured it’d be enough to get you here,” Jin Ling retorted. “I couldn’t say too much, in case someone intercepted the letter. It worked, anyway. You’re here, aren’t you?”

Nie Huaisang didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or grimace. 

“You’ve manipulated this mastermind, how clever of you, Sect Leader Jin.”

The boy scoffed, a slight blush on his cheeks. 

"We both know you're no mastermind! You're just unlucky and a good scapegoat, any idiot could see you don't have the guts for this."

That boy certainly had a way with words, Nie Huaisang thought, wincing. He'd gotten a lot of insults in his life, but never before had they been so clearly intended as compliments. Jin Ling had learned from the wrong uncle when it came to diplomacy. 

"Just tell me why you requested my presence, Sect Leader Jin," Nie Huaisang sighed. "Then I'll decide if I can help or not." 

"Of course. The situation is this…" 

In a blunt but refreshingly honest manner, Jin Ling described the troubles he had encountered with some of Jin Guangyao’s former supporters. Even after finding proof of their misdeeds (which Nie Huaisang demanded to see to check their value), Jin Ling could not get his council of Elders to take appropriate measures to punish these people who had either money or ancestry to protect them. No matter how good of a case he made, Jin Ling found himself dismissed because of his age and temperament. He did not want to wait until he was of age ("People are suffering because of this!") and each dismissal only made it harder for him to keep his anger in check. 

But if people did not respect him, Jin Ling had figured they might behave a little better if he had on his side a man notorious for his dedication to bringing justice even against those more powerful than him. 

“So I just need to parade around, smile mysteriously, nod here and there, that's it?” Nie Huaisang asked, half amused.

To his credit, Jin Ling had the good grace of looking somewhat embarrassed.

“I’m not saying I wouldn’t like to also have your opinion! If you think you can help in other ways, I suppose I’ll take it. I’m letting Wei Wuxian help after all, and he’s a lot more annoying than you. At least you’re not snogging your husband in every corner of the garden. And that’s when they stop at kissing…”

Jin Ling made a disgusted grimace, as if perhaps he’d seen a little more of Wei Wuxian and his husband’s affection than he would have preferred. From what Nie Huaisang had heard, they sometimes forgot that there were people around them. Thirteen years was a lot to catch up to, he supposed. Still…

“Are you saying that Wei Wuxian is in Carp Tower?” Nie Huaisang asked with a nervous chuckle. “Right now?”

“They arrived a few days ago. I didn’t ask them to come!” Jin Ling specified with indignation. “If anything, I’m trying to get rid of them. They both suck at politics! All they know to do is be indecent and threaten people! That’s not what I need, but try telling that to Wei Wuxian who always thinks he knows better than everyone!”

Nie Huaisang could only nod. He had experienced first hand the downsides of Wei Wuxian's certainties. 

"I hope I can avoid them," he said without thinking. "I don't think we're on speaking terms." 

"That'll be hard. I told them you were coming. Wei Wuxian was annoying and I wanted to annoy him back." 

That boy's temper would be his downfall, and Nie Huaisang’s as well. 

“I bet he did not like hearing that.”

“I thought he wouldn’t, but he wasn’t that upset,” Jin Ling admitted, sounding puzzled. “Maybe he’s figured that even if you did those things, you’d have no reason to harm me? And I don’t think he really cares about anyone else in Carp Tower. We’ve done him little good.”

About someone else, Nie Huaisang might have agreed. But they were talking about Wei Wuxian there. He shouldn’t have cared either about who had orchestrated the death of Jin Guangyao once it was revealed all the man had caused him to lose… but he had cared anyway, because he believed in fairness and justice, even for his enemies.

“I suppose we’ll see how this goes,” Nie Huaisang sighed. “Hopefully, he’ll remember our last conversation and avoid talking to me.”

Nie Huaisang desperately clung to that hope. He had done a great job of not crying publicly since that business in the Guanying temple, and he knew if it happened now, it would let everyone see how clueless and weak he really was, ruining everything he’d tried to do in that past year.

It was surprisingly fun to help Jin Ling deal with his Elders. These old fools wouldn’t stop trembling and throwing worried glances toward Nie Huaisang every time Jin Ling invited him to a meeting. He did not even need to say anything (although the two of them had prepared some lines, in case an intervention became unavoidable). All he had to do was frown, smile, or in very extreme cases take out a fan and fiddle with it, and suddenly everyone stopped treating Jin Ling like an over-imaginative child. 

At times Nie Huaisang felt some uncertainty about doing this, but… Jin Ling and those select few people he had decided to trust really had accumulated some trustworthy evidence against their enemies, so it wasn’t wrong to be helping them. And while some deception was involved, Nie Huaisang was never actually making threats against anyone, nor did he at any point claim that he was the mastermind. He never lied about anything. People were choosing to interpret his attitudes a certain way, and that wasn’t his fault, was it?

Still, it was a relief when after a week in Carp Tower, Jin Ling and him agreed that his support to the young Sect Leader had been made clear enough, and that he could now return home. The Jins were not such a problem, but Nie Huaisang was getting tired of being constantly fearful he might encounter Wei Wuxian somewhere.

He hadn’t, so far. The closest he had come to Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji was during some meals, and even then Jin Ling took care to have them seated far apart. The young Sect Leader wanted them to interact as little as Nie Huaisang did, since he too relied on his new reputation and wanted it to stay strong a little longer. And it appeared that Wei Wuxian too was happy to stay away from Nie Huaisang, or else no careful planning in the world could have kept him from ruining everything.

In truth, that distance between them was a comfort of sorts, Nie Huaisang decided as he took one last solitary stroll in the vast gardens of Carp Tower. It had to mean that whatever else he thought of him, Wei Wuxian did not consider him an active threat. That was progress, since last time they had spoken in Lotus Piers, Wei Wuxian had treated him as if he might organise the murder of Jin Ling. Perhaps from then on, they could just coexist without interacting ever again. It would be a tolerable option.

That hope was kind of ruined when, as Nie Huaisang was thinking of returning to his room to finish preparing his return home, he heard his name shouted in a too familiar voice.

“Sect Leader Nie, what a happy coincidence!” Wei Wuxian exclaimed, half prancing in his direction, Lan Wangji following behind at a slower pace. “You are just the man we wanted to see!”

“And here you found me," Nie Huaisang noted, barely containing a grimace. "How may I help you, master Wei?”

Arriving at his level, Wei Wuxian grinned. An improvement from the anger and distrust of their last meeting, but Nie Huaisang had known him long enough to have learned Wei Wuxian’s cheerfulness was not always good news for those around him.

“I don’t need help, Sect Leader Nie, although I’m glad you’ve given Jin Ling a hand. You two seem to be getting along very well these days.”

“Please, let’s not play that sort of game,” Nie Huaisang sighed. “If you have something to say, just tell me.”

“I’m sorry, I thought you enjoyed playing this way now,” Wei Wuxian retorted, his smile a little sharper.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji said, managing to make those two syllage come out as a soft warning.

The way Wei Wuxian turned to smile at his husband, his face full of adoration and mischief, made Nie Huaisang’s heart ache with envy, as did the small smile on Lan Wangji’s lips. But they had earned their happiness, and being bitter wouldn't do him any favours.

“Fine, fine, I’ll play nice,” Wei Wuxian said. “Sect Leader Nie, we have something for you.”

He started looking for something inside his sleeves, shouting triumphantly when he finally found it.

Seeing an envelope in Wei Wuxian's hand reawakened a hope that Nie Huaisang thought he had managed to kill. 

"For you," the man who once was his friend said, handing it to him. Nie Huaisang’s hands trembled as he fumbled to open it, but Wei Wuxian quickly cut down his fervent hope. "Our marriage is in three months. We've hesitated, I won't lie, but… you're invited."

Nie Huaisang stopped tearing at the paper. What had he thought anyway? It had been over a year already, and Lan Xichen would have written to him directly rather than to use a messenger.

"Are you not already married?" he asked in a hollow voice. 

"Uncle insisted," Lan Wangji explained. "We are having another ceremony."

"And Jiang Cheng too, if you can believe!" Wei Wuxian grumbled, not quite hiding a small smile at the thought. "Apparently we have shamed the whole cultivation world by eloping. I think he just wants an excuse for a party, and he knows he's not getting married anytime soon, not with how picky he is, and Jin Ling’s still too young, so he has to make do with us." 

Once, Nie Huaisang would have laughed at that statement, and perhaps offered that they try to look for a suitable spouse for their favourite grump. Back when they were young, in Cloud Recesses, it was the sort of things they had talked about. Back then, the three of them had known how to laugh. These days, only Wei Wuxian seemed to remember how. 

"I'm grateful for the invitation," Nie Huaisang politely said. "Where will the ceremony be held?" 

"Cloud Recesses of course." 

"Of course. Then, Master Wei, you will understand why I cannot come. Considering the circumstances…" 

Instantly, Wei Wuxian's face turned serious. Even Lan Wangji appeared to react, though Nie Huaisang would have been hard pressed to guess what that meant.

"You said you didn't do it," Wei Wuxian pointed out, his voice too casual to be sincere.

"I didn't, although I no longer care that everyone believes this of me,” Nie Huaisang announced, fiddling with the half open enveloppe in his hand. “It's no worse than the reputation I had before, I suppose. Still, I… It would be in very poor taste for me to come into Sect Leader Lan's home. He has made it clear that he does not wish to be associated with me anymore and I… I will respect that."

It was not just something he said to sound wise and aloof. These days, Nie Huaisang could more easily think about Lan Xichen without feeling tears prickling at the corner of his eyes.

He hated that he was getting used to this absence. He hated that life without Lan Xichen was becoming something normal, that he was resigning himself to never seeing him again.

And yet, he was getting used to it anyway.

"Hm… I guess that makes sense,” Wei Wuxian conceded. “Still, it’s a shame.”

Nie Huaisang shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t even know why you’d invite me in the first place, master Wei. After everything that happened…”

“If it was you, you are to thank for Wei Ying’s return,” Lan Wangji cut him. “If it wasn’t, you are an old friend.”

The explanation surprised Nie Huaisang. 

Even before this whole mess, he wasn’t sure he would have gone so far as to call himself Lan Wangji’s friend. They were acquainted, certainly, and he had gotten used to the other man’s silence over the years, so they had sometimes spent time quietly doing something in the same room, when Nie Huaisang visited while Lan Xichen was busy. He hadn’t thought of it, but he had missed those quiet moments. Lan Wangji was a comfortable person to be around.

Or was it supposed to mean that he would have been there as Wei Wuxian’s friend? That was an even odder thought. They hadn’t been friends in years. Even during Wei Wuxian’s first life they had drifted apart. At the time, Nie Huaisang hadn’t really understood the length his former schoolmate had gone to for those Wen. He thought he did now, if only a little bit. With everyone thinking him a monster, he’d taken in the Moling Su people to prove himself he could be kind. He wondered sometimes if Wei Wuxian had thought like that, on his way to Yiling.

“Seeing as you can’t seem to decide if I’m guilty or innocent,” Nie Huaisang said after a moment, “it’s really for the best that I cannot come.”

"So nothing will change your mind?" Wei Wuxian insisted.

"Perhaps if Zewu-Jun personally invited me," Nie Huaisang tried to joke, but it came out more bitter than he'd have expected. "Even then, I’m not sure it would be wise. Ah, it's fine anyway. I'm not fond of weddings honestly, that's why I never got married. But I'll make sure to send you a present of course." He forced himself to smile, which he'd become better at lately. "Master Wei, what if I sent you a volume of two from my personal collection? To give some inspiration for your honeymoon."

Wei Wuxian laughed at that, while next to him Lan Wangji frowned, his ears turning pink.

“We have all the inspiration we need,” Wei Wuxian assured him with a pleased smirk. “But I guess I wouldn’t say no. You’ve always had excellent taste for rare prints, Sect Leader Nie.”

“I do, don’t I?” Nie Huaisang pouted. “I’ve always thought I was wasted as a cultivator. My true talent lies in collecting rare books. Hm… which to send you though? Not a too nice one. I do remember what happened last time I let you have one of my books and you took it near Hanguang-Jun!”

Wei Wuxian protested that circumstances had changed, and tried to argue he deserved some great porn as his wedding gift, while Nie Huaisang did his best to contest that. Lan Wangji mostly refused to intervene, except to nod here and there when Wei Wuxian demanded his support. It was a fun conversation, all things considered. When they separated at last, Nie Huaisang could almost have felt like he had just spent some time with some old friends.

Almost, but not quite.

The following morning, Nie Huaisang left Lanling. He was glad he had no reason to linger in Carp Tower. This place, which he once loved almost as much as the Unclean Realm or Cloud Recesses, held too many pleasant memories turned sour. He was happy when he got home again, to his disciples both old and new, his fans, his birds, his work. No matter what had happened outside, his home was still the same, and there was a comfort to be found in that.

Two weeks later after his return, a letter arrived to the Unclean Realm. It was another invitation to the wedding of Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, with the exact same words as the one they had given him in person, nothing added or removed. 

This one, though, was in Lan Xichen's handwriting.

Chapter Text

It was a beautiful ceremony, of course. The Lans never did anything that wasn’t perfectly elegant. Still Nie Huaisang kept thinking he should not have been subjected to a Lan wedding sober. For it to be Lan Wangji’s wedding of all things made it much worse, because it made it all too easy to imagine what Lan Xichen would have looked like in red robes.

Nie Huaisang needed a drink. He needed ten drinks, and Wei Wuxian had barely arrived. He would have killed for some wine, but knew he wouldn’t be getting any, not even at the feast, because this was stupid CLoud Recesses so drinking was forbidden. He would have to survive this sober.

(Zhang Minhui, who knew her Sect Leader better than a girl of seventeen had a right to, had offered to hide some wine on her when they passed in Gusu, so he wouldn’t have to be clear headed through this ordeal)(Nie Huaisang had refused, because no matter his heartache, he couldn’t risk making a fool of himself in public, not anymore)

(He still had to constantly restrain himself from sending Zhang Minhui or someone else to rush back to Gusu for that purpose)

When at last the time for the three bows came, Nie Huaisang forced himself to pay attention again, and saw that only Lan Qiren and Lan Sizhui were standing there as Lan Wangji’s family. 

That was both expected (everyone knew Lan Xichen was still in seclusion) and utterly wrong (Nie Huaisang knew Lan Xichen, even on his deathbed, would never have missed his brother's wedding). Without thinking, Nie Huaisang started scanning the crowd around him until his eyes dropped on a silhouette hiding in the corner, in the back. Their gaze met for the briefest moment. 

Nie Huaisang looked away first. He did not want to attract unwanted attention on Lan Xichen when he clearly did not want his presence known.

He needed a drink so bad it hurt.

At least, after that, they were all led to the banquet halls. While the feast was alcohol-free (Nie Huaisang rejoiced in knowing Wei Wuxian must have suffered too) at least the food was less plain than what was usually served in Cloud Recesses. On the exceptional event of their Second Master’s wedding, the cooks had discovered that food could, sometimes, be flavoured. It had to have been the influence of Jiang Cheng. Rumour said he had forced Lan Qiren to accept his help in planning the event, all the while shouting and raging at anyone who dared to accuse him of caring in any way for his former brother.

These two used to talk about the great wedding they’d throw for their sister, back when they were young. Sometimes Nie Huaisang had gotten roped into the conversation, since he clearly had superior tastes when it came to fine things. It had been fun. They used to have fun. They used to look forward to the future. Then things had gone so wrong. Nie Huaisang used to consider himself luckier than Jiang Cheng because he had lost less. He supposed that was not true anymore.

As Nie Huaisang was reminiscing and playing with the food in his bowl, Zhang Minhui elbowed him in the ribs, hard enough that it would probably bruise.

“He’s coming our way,” she hissed, nodding toward Sect Leader Yao. Behind him was Sect Leader Ouyang.

Nie Huaisang was absolutely not drunk enough to talk to both of them at the same time. He quickly rose from his seat.

“I need to go ask the servant for…” he hesitated, looking around. The table was covered with everything he could legitimately want. Damn the Lans and their perfect hospitality. “I’ve had too much tea,” he announced instead. “I’ll be back shortly.”

Zhang Minhui snorted at the pathetic excuse, which Nie Huaisang ignored in favour of making a hurried strategic retreat. Sometimes, he was glad to be so short, it made it easy to hide and sneak around. He made it unseen to the door of the banquet hall, while Sect Leaders Yao and Ouyang were now standing near poor Zhang Minhui and apparently interrogating her. It couldn’t have been more than a few seconds, but she already looked on the verge of losing patience. Nie Huaisang felt a little guilty for abandoning her. He considered going back to rescue her, but before he could move Lan Sizhui had joined Zhang Minhui and seemed to make an effort to smooth the conversation. Bless that boy, neither of his fathers deserved a son so polite and kind.

Reassured that Zhang Minhui was not at risk of exploding and murdering certain annoying Sect Leaders, Nie Huaisang decided he could continue hiding a little longer. Not wanting to stay somewhere to be visible he determined it wouldn’t be a bad moment to go for a late afternoon stroll around Cloud Recesses.

He hadn’t taken two steps that, distracted and looking behind to ensure nobody had noticed him, he bumped into someone. It was a tall man who appeared nearly the same age as him. When Nie Huaisang saw his face though, he recognised him as someone much older whom a high level of cultivation had preserved exceptionally well.

“Sect Leader Qin!” he gasped. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… I… that is… It was a beautiful ceremony, wasn’t it?”

Qin Cangye gave him an amused smile.

“I suppose it was. Weddings, they’re all the same in the end.”

Unsure what to answer, Nie Huaisang nodded quickly and grabbed his fan, just to have something to focus on. Qin Cangye was the last person he would have expected to meet there, considering everything that had happened. At the same time, since it was Lan Qiren who had insisted on this second ceremony, and they were of the same generation and got along fairly well… maybe he shouldn’t be so surprised.

Still, he didn’t know how to behave in front of a man whose daughter, as far as rumour was concerned, he had pushed to suicide.

He knew even less what to do when Qin Cangye did not appear disgusted by the sight of him.

“You seem very nervous, Sect Leader Nie.”

“I tend to be, these days,” Nie Huaisang blurted, before wincing at his own clumsiness. He did not even have the excuse of being drunk for this.

“Hm. I’m told you are very busy lately,” Qin Cangye remarked, an odd glint in his eyes contrasting with his still amused smile. “I suppose you have to be, with everything that has happened.”

Cold seized Nie Huaisang, who gripped his fan so tight he feared the wood might break.

“Sect Leader Qin, I must tell you that…”

“I know what people say about you,” the older man cut him. “I also know that none of it is true. You had no part in my daughter’s death.”

The cold in Nie Huaisang’s chest thawed so fast that he felt tears coming to his eyes and had no strength to wipe them away. Later he might regret that a year without crying in public had been ruined but the emotion was too strong to keep inside.

Finally, a second person believed him. And not just a hopeful child this time, but a strong, wise cultivator, someone who had lost enough in this scandal that he’d have had every excuse to gladly hate whoever had been chosen as a scapegoat.

Unable to stop crying, Nie Huaisang at least opened his fan to hide behind it in case someone came their way. To hear those words, in this place… And yet, they did not come from the person he wanted to hear them from. 

"She was a good woman," Nie Huaisang said when his tears finally relented. "She was always very kind, even to someone like me." 

"I raised my children well," Qin Cangye simply replied.

Once more unsure what to say, Nie Huaisang nodded, before wiping his eyes with the hem of his sleeve. He really had liked Qin Su. They weren't close by any means, but they had exchanged a few words here and there, and he had always liked how happy Jin Guangyao and her seemed to be. Perhaps he missed her. He missed a lot of people these days, too many to dwell on it. 

"I'll leave you to your business," Qin Cangye said when the silence between them lingered too long. "And… I bid you good luck. It is sad that people  are talking about you the way they do, but I've been glad to see you make the best of it. You are a more interesting man than I would have expected, Sect Leader Nie."

A little confused by that declaration, Nie Huaisang watched the other man return inside and drift away among the guests. Sadly, he did not have time to ponder that declaration. Lan Sizhui excited the banquet hall and approached him with a very hesitant smile. 

"Sect Leader Nie, if you have time?"

"For you, always,” Nie Huaisang said with utmost sincerity. “Do you need something?" 

"Yes. If you could follow me?" 

It was an odd request, but Lan Sizhui was the most sincere and upright teenager that Nie Huaisang had ever met, right after Lan Wangji. Any other Lan he might have suspected of planning something to avenge their beloved Sect Leader. But Lan Xichen's nephew was someone Nie Huaisang could trust. 

"Of course. Will this be long? Should I warn Zhang Minhui?" 

"No need. I've taken the liberty of warning her already," Lan Sizhui explained. "As for how long… I could not say. However long it will take." 

Instantly, Nie Huaisang wanted to reconsider his earlier thought about blindly trusting that boy. There was premeditation in the air, and he was not sure he liked that. Still, he allowed Lan Sizhui to lead him away from the feast. Curiosity was one of his many weaknesses. 

As they walked together, Nie Huaisang pointedly refused to feel disappointed when they crossed the path to the Hanshi and did not take it. It would have been stupid to hope for that, so Nie Huaisang convinced himself he hadn't. Instead, Lan Sizhui led him towards the classrooms, which were deserted at that moment, stopping at the door of one in particular. 

"In here, Sect Leader Nie." 

"Aren't you coming with me?" 

Lan Sizhui winced slightly. 

"With all due respect, I really think it's preferable if I do not." 

"Then I'll do this alone," Nie Huaisang sighed, pushing open the door.

The interior of the classroom was dark, but Nie Huaisang stepped in anyway. It should have worried him when he heard Lan Sizhui close the door behind him, but at that point his full attention was already focused on something else. 

Lan Xichen, standing tall among the desks.

In spite of a year of separation, or perhaps because of it, Nie Huaisang felt as strongly as ever the need to run into his lover's arms and demand a kiss. He had always done so the instant they were in private, but for the first time in his life he resisted the impulse. 

He hated that he could even resist it at all. 

His willpower was helped in that by the way Lan Xichen looked. During the ceremony he had gotten no more than a glimpse, but here in this dark room he was able to look more freely. 

Lan Xichen seemed… older. None of his features had been changed by aging, but there was a tension to his face and body that had never existed before. The closest thing to it that Nie Huaisang could think of was how Lan Xichen had looked the first time they'd met after the burning of Cloud Recesses. Yet even then, there had been a life and determination to his features that was gone now. 

"Thank you for coming," Lan Xichen said, even his voice sounding hollow and lifeless. 

"Thank you for inviting me. I'm… How are you?" 

"I'm happy, I suppose. It's Wangji's wedding. I should be happy." 

Nie Huaisang couldn't help taking a step toward this other man, desperately needing to hold him close and comfort him. He then remembered how unwelcome his touch would be and stopped himself, which for some reason made Lan Xichen frown slightly. 

"You look well enough," Lan Xichen pointed out. "I was expecting… I don't know what I was expecting. I'm glad you're doing well for yourself."

"I'm not!" Nie Huaisang protested, taking another step without realising it. "Do you have any idea how awful my life has become? Everything is just…" he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. "Xichen, why did you make me come here?" 

Lan Xichen flinched. "Can't I want to see you? You’ve never needed a reason before."

It was the tone, so flat that it bordered on disdain, that pushed Nie Huaisang from concern into anger. He could have taken Lan Xichen shouting at him, accusing him of murder. He could have dealt with tears too, with regrets, with an apology for the long silence. He could have taken anything, but not this indifference.

“So that’s what it’s gotten to?” Nie Huaisang snapped. “Am I a dog that you can ignore as long as you like but who must come running the instant you whistle for it, and gets scolded if it’s not wagging its tail?”

Lan Xichen paled. “I did not…”

“Didn’t you? I’ve sent you countless letters! I’ve waited for news from you! A year, Xichen! More than a year! And when finally you deign to make time for me, you can’t even say whether you’ve missed me or hated me?”

Unused to his anger, Lan Xichen stared dully at him as if he were looking at a stranger. 

This, Nie Huaisang decided, was not a situation he wanted to deal with sober. He turned around, determined to leave this stupid wedding and head to Gusu, where he would proceed to get thoroughly drunk for at least a week. Maybe longer. 

He could only take one step before a cold hand grasped one of his wrists, keeping him in place.

"Huaisang, wait!" Lan Xichen begged. 

"Do you still think I did it?" Nie Huaisang exploded, pulling in vain to free himself. "After so many years together, this is who you think I am? You think if I had known the truth about Mingjue's death I wouldn't have run to you for help?" 

Lan Xichen did not answer, but his grip tightened on Nie Huaisang’s wrist. 

"I see," Nie Huaisang hissed, fighting tears. "I feel like a fool. I used to think I had your trust! I used to believe… I thought you loved me, but I suppose that too was a lie, in the end!" 

“I love you, I trust you," Lan Xichen whispered, looking down at the hand that kept Nie Huaisang from leaving. "But how am I to trust my own judgement when for years I was blind to his actions? Does it matter that I want to trust you when I trusted him until nearly the very end?”

Lan Xichen sighed, nearly a sob. “I have been blind to so much. How can I know that I was not mistaken about you too when I'm apparently so stupid I never saw the truth about him?”

The anger in Nie Huaisang’s chest crashed as fast as it had risen, but for once he did not break into tears. He was too dumbstruck by his lover's words to even cry. 

Neither of them were good at politics, and they had both always known it. But Lan Xichen had always been better at playing that game. Because of his calm nature and excellent cultivation, he had always inspired trust and goodwill in others. They mistook his lack of interest for impartiality and his noncommittal decisions for wisdom, as was now happening to Nie Huaisang. Really though, just like Nie Huaisang, he had only just managed to handle the private affairs of his sect with the guidance of his uncle, and heavily relied on Jin Guangyao for everything else.

Of course learning that this trust had been misplaced could only hurt. Nie Huaisang too had doubted many things in the aftermath of Jin Guangyao’s death, but at least he had had the certainty of his own innocence to ground him. It had given him something to fight for. 

All Lan Xichen would have had was doubt planted in his mind by Jin Guangyao who he used to trust, and Wei Wuxian whose intelligence was beyond words. 

"I would never have hurt you," Nie Huaisang protested meekly. "You have to know this at least. Even if it had been me behind all this… Surely you must know I could never do anything to hurt you?" 

Lan Xichen’s cold fingers tightened on his wrist.

"I know. But I knew the same about Jin Guangyao. Now, I don't know… I don't know what to believe anymore. I thought I knew you. Then they told me that I never did, that you planned those horrible things that I would never have thought you capable of. And now… now Wei Wuxian is saying maybe you didn't after all? I just… I don't know who and what to believe anymore. "

Just an hour earlier, Nie Huaisang would have been thrilled to hear that Wei Wuxian was finally reconsidering his initial impression. Now he could not rejoice at the thought, not when the news only served to further distress Lan Xichen. 

Now he could only feel sorry for his lover, overcome by pity for this broken man. 

Pity was nothing new in their relationship. Nie Huaisang had always thought that part of Lan Xichen pitied him from the start for everything that was wrong with him. He had never minded, enjoyed it even. That hint of pity in the other man's love made Lan Xichen treat him as something a little fragile and delicate which Nie Huaisang enjoyed… But he did not know how to handle it now that the situation was reversed. 

"I wish I knew what to say so you'd believe me," Nie Huaisang sighed, no longer fighting to free himself. "I've tried to tell people I'm innocent, but they just took it as proof I'm guilty. Everything I do is taken as confirmation of it!" 

"People see what they want to see," Lan Xichen replied with a deep sigh. "I've heard… Wangji says that you have started acting differently though. He says you've become invested in politics. That you… took in Su She's people?" 

Nie Huaisang snorted. It was not the right moment to laugh, but of course Lan Xichen would be upset by that particular decision of his.

"Someone had to. Couldn't risk having them become mistreated. Wei Wuxian would have heard of it, spirited them away to Yiling, and then what would become of poor Wangji?" 

A smile crept up on Lan Xichen's lips. It was small and sad, but a smile nonetheless. 

"You did not do this for my brother." 

"I don't really know why I did it. It just felt like the right thing to do."

"Hm. I heard you've also been threatening Sect Leader Yao?" 

"He spoke badly of you! Was I going to let him? If they all fear me, let that fear be useful!" 

The smile on Lan Xichen's face became a little wider and warmer, though it still did not quite reach his eyes. 

"You've changed, Huaisang. You… It has been a hard year for you too, hasn't it? And I made you face this alone." 

Nie Huaisang stepped closer, until their chests were nearly touching. 

"Will you make me face the rest alone too?"

It was foolish to hope. And yet he couldn't help it. Not when the hand on his wrist wasn't so cold anymore and Lan Xichen looked at him with nearly the same fondness as before.

"I don't want to," Lan Xichen sighed, avoiding his gaze. "It's stupid of me but I don't want to believe that you could have done those awful things. I've seen you cry at an exorcism because you felt sorry for a ghost, how could you be someone who plots murder and ruin?"

“I only cried that one time,” Nie Huaisang muttered, fighting a grin. “So you… you don’t hate me? Truly?”

The hand on his wrist released its grip, and came to cup his cheek instead.

“Do you really think I could hate you?” Lan Xichen asked. “Do you… A-Sang, do you hate me, for turning on you?”

“No, I don’t,” Nie Huaisang assured him, pressing himself against the other man’s body. It wasn’t the whole truth because he had probably hated Lan Xichen during his lowest moments, but it wasn’t a lie either because he would never hate this wonderful man, not really, not for long.

“Do you still love me?”

“Like you need to ask,” Nie Huaisang retorted, knowing he was about to start crying and finally feeling like he did not need to hide it for once. “I love you, Xichen. You won’t be rid of me so easily. You’re stuck with me.”

To his surprise and delight, Lan Xichen laughed, his eyes lighting up at last. He was so beautiful like that, Nie Huaisang couldn’t resist throwing his arms around his lover’s neck to pull him closer, while Lan Xichen’s free arm immediately wrapped around his waist.

“Won’t you kiss me now?” Nie Huaisang demanded, in the begging tone he had always used, falling into an old and familiar routine. “We haven’t seen each other in so long, I’ve missed you so much. Don’t I deserve to be kissed?”

Pressed like this against each other, Nie Huaisang could feel his lover’s laughter against his chest. He had missed that too. He had missed so many things about being near Lan Xichen.

Nie Huaisang held no illusions that things would magically return to normal after just one conversation. Too much had happened, too much had changed. They had changed, more challenged by this new hardship than by any other they had encountered before, and it would take time to figure out how to heal from this.

They would worry about that later.

For now all Nie Huaisang cared about was the lips against his, the strong arms keeping him close, the warmth between them. 

Everything else might have changed, but they had survived the storm and would not be alone again.

Chapter Text

Lan Xichen stood proudly before the banquet halls as he welcomed the guests to this Discussion Conference. It was rather amusing to see everyone’s eyes go to Nie Huaisang who remained at his side the whole time. People knew they had reconciled, but clearly had not expected for them to be this close again already. They did not dare to ask of course, but there would be gossip. There always was gossip.

Gossip was the only reason Nie Huaisang dared not take Lan Xichen’s hand when he noticed the toll that being in public this way was taking on him. It had been a few months since he had ended his seclusion, but Lan Xichen had hardly left Cloud Recesses in that time. Even this Discussion Conference hadn’t been his choice. Lan Qiren had offered to host before knowing when his nephew would return to public life. So Nie Huaisang had arrived a few days early, to provide whatever help he could give, and offer plenty of moral support. Not that Lan Xichen was not getting plenty of support from his family, but… Nie Huaisang’s presence had mattered in a different way.

It certainly mattered just the night before, when they laid in bed together, waiting for sleep.

“I don’t know if I am ready for this,” Lan Xichen said at one point.

It was neither the first nor the last time he expressed such a sentiment in the past few days. Nie Huaisang silently nuzzled his lover’s neck. There wasn’t much he could say when Lan Xichen was in such a mood, except stay close, listen, and wait for it to pass. 

“What right do I have to lead this sect? There are children who would have shown more common sense than me, and now I’m daring to hold a Discussion Conference.”

“Technically, your uncle is the one conducting it, you’re only the host,” Nie Huaisang couldn’t resist pointing out. “And he did it to save all of us from a conference held by Sect Leader Yao. No matter what you think about yourself, you have to know you are, and by far, the better of the two options.”

Lan Xichen chuckled, pulling lightly on Nie Huaisang’s hair to punish him from saying something so mean.

“Thank you for liking me better than Sect Leader Yao, I suppose?”

“I certainly do!” Nie Huaisang muttered. “I swear that man is so insufferable, someone will poison him just so we can have a little quiet at those conferences.”

Again Lan Xichen chuckled, a little less cheerfully. Nie Huaisang regretted the joke immediately. There were things that he’d learned to laugh about in the two years since Jin Guangyao’s death, but Lan Xichen struggled with his humour at times. For him, the wound had not yet closed enough to joke about certain things.

Silence fell for a while. Nie Huaisang thought he might start falling asleep. It wouldn’t be a bad idea, since he would have to wake up early.

“Huaisang?” Lan Xichen murmured. “Do you want to get married someday?”

“About as much as you do,” Nie Huaisang replied, wide awake once more but closing his eyes to pretend otherwise. “It’s not like either of us needs to, thankfully. You have Wangji and his son, and I have… you know, I’ve been thinking Zhang Minhui could take over after me, if she’s interested. She’s more of a Nie than I’ll ever be, so if I adopted her it would be…”

“That’s not what I meant,” Lan Xichen cut him with a hint of amusement to his voice. “Would you want to get married to me?”

At the unexpected question, Nie Huaisang tore himself from his lover and sat up. Lan Xichen looked up at him, perfectly calm in a way he hadn’t been in a long time.

“Xichen are you proposing to me?” he gasped.

Lan Xichen smiled at his shocked face. He looked proud of himself for managing to surprise Nie Huaisang, and while it was wonderful to see him feel pride again, Nie Huaisang was too astonished by the suggestion to appreciate this.

“If you want me to,” Lan Xichen replied. “I know we have talked about it before and how it wouldn’t be possible, but as you just said, neither of us needs to marry someone else. And after everything… I want to be selfish for once. It was stupid of me to ever think I would marry someone else.”

“There will be gossip,” Nie Huaisang warned him. “You know how people are, there will be so much gossip. I’m not saying I don’t want to! Heavens know it’s all I’ve wanted since… since at least the Sunshot Campaign! But we’re both under scrutiny already. Are you sure you can deal with that?”

“Can you?”

After those difficult past two years, Nie Huaisang felt he could endure anything, although that was not something he liked about himself. He missed being clueless. Life hadn't been easy before Jin Guangyao’s death, but it had been easier for sure, back when nobody except Lan Xichen cared what he might have to say and his most impactful choice was which fans to take with him on a visit to another sect. 

He missed the quiet certainty he used to have that, really, he just wasn't capable of anything on his own. It had been nice to rely on others for everything. 

He missed the stupid man he used to be, the one who would have jumped from joy at the idea of marrying Lan xichen, consequences be damned. 

Nie Huaisang had been serious and collected for two years. He was tired of it. 

"Let's elope!" he exclaimed, and it was Lan Xichen's turn to look shocked. "Come on, your brother did it, why not us too? Imagine, just you and me, taking our three bows! Let's have a secret wedding, Xichen!" 

His overeager tone made Lan Xichen laugh, his eyes crinkling in delight as they used to do before whenever he thought Nie Huaisang was particularly ridiculous in a way that pleased him. 

"When should we do this?" Lan Xichen asked. "After the Conference?" 

"Too long! Let's do it now! A-Chen I've waited all my life for you to propose, now I can't wait a second more. Let's sneak into the Ancestors' hall right now and get married!"

Nie Huaisang laughed at his own words until he met Lan Xichen's intense gaze and fell quiet again. It was a silly idea, something he had suggested mostly to lighten the mood, but the earnestness in his lover's eyes was undeniable. 

It would be a stupid thing to do. 

Nie Huaisang was tired of having to be clever and good all the time. He too wanted to be selfish again, just for a moment.

"Let's get dressed," he decided, jumping out of bed.

Lan Xichen stared for a second, his expression so unreadable that Nie Huaisang feared he had misunderstood the mood of the moment and made a blunder. Then, slowly and with his usual natural elegance, Lan Xichen rose from the bed. He smiled as he put on the robes he had carefully folded earlier, sending Nie Huaisang’s heart racing.

It was stupid, even by their low standards for good decisions, and Nie Huaisang doubted that it would have much legal value without any witnesses to confirm it but...

They had earned a little stupidity.

The burning memory of their escapade in the night certainly helped Nie Huaisang survive that bloody boring Discussion Conference. Lan Qiren was probably the world’s most knowledgeable cultivator (it might be a tie with Wei Wuxian actually, yet Nie Huaisang liked Lan Qiren better these days) but he had no idea how to make all of that sound interesting in the least. Then, to make it worse, Sect Leader Yao had decided that since he had almost hosted this conference, it gave him a right to give his opinion on nearly everything. 

Every time that man opened his mouth, Nie Huaisang found himself exchanging a long suffering look with Lan Xichen. Once, on accident, he also found himself glancing at Wei Wuxian and they both rolled their eyes at the stupidity of that man.

Poison felt like a more tempting option with every new word Sect Leader Yao said.

It got worse when they all gave up pretending these Conferences were ever about cultivation, and started talking politics. Without Jin Guangyao to reign them in and force some semblance of order upon them, all the Sect Leaders started arguing over every single quarrel that they had ever had… and of course once again, Sect Leader Yao had his opinion on everything. If he did not, then Sect Leader Ouyang did, and he managed to be equally annoying. To make it worse, that man had developed a grudge of sorts against the Jin Sect (possibly, Nie Huaisang suspected, because his son had been living in Carp Tower since nearly the Second Siege of the Burial Mounds and refused to go home) so at every occasions, Sect Leader Ouyang would try to put the blame on Lanling Jin.

“If Sect Leader Jin cannot respect his borders then it’s a problem,” Sect Leader Ouyang concluded about an argument concerning a recently founded village that, in fact, happened to be right on the border between Lanling Jin and a much smaller sect. “Even if you are in a position to force your decisions upon others, then surely recent events should have taught you to not be so ruthless. Although, I can see why it would be tempting to continue acting as previous sect leaders of Lanling Jin have done before and simply take whatever you please.”

Jin Ling paled at the attack, but to Nie Huaisang’s amazement the boy did not shout abuse at Sect Leader Ouyang. His temper had really improved a lot lately.

Nie Huaisang wished he could have said the same. The more he was exposed to Sect Leaders Yao and Ouyang, the less self control he had.

“This is ridiculous,” he grumbled, only for many heads to turn his way. He had said this a little too loud apparently, still forgetting sometimes that people paid attention to him now.

“What’s that supposed to mean, exactly?” Sect Leader Ouyang asked coldly.

Taking a deep breath, Nie Huaisang forced himself to smile. He still did not like having so many eyes on him, but it no longer sent him into an uncontrollable panic anymore. He wasn’t sure how much better a controlled panic was supposed to be but it was the best he could do.

“It means what it means,” Nie Huaisang retorted with all the assurance he could fake. “You are being unreasonable on a matter that doesn’t even concern you. Sect Leader Zhang only brought up this matter because he was unsure under whose jurisdiction this village fell and wanted external opinions. This could have been resolved in a very civil manner, but here you are turning this into a bigger deal than it is. Sect Leader Ouyang, please keep your grudges for a private setting, I think we’re all tired of them.”

Sect Leader Ouyang's face turned black with shock and anger at being told off in that manner. Nie Huaisang would have worried about making an enemy, but the relief of Jin Ling and Sect Leader Zhang at having someone point this out made it worth it. They were worthier people to keep on his side.

“Sect Leader Nie, you really have become quite vocal in your opinions lately,” Sect Leader Ouyang noted bitterly. “Do you fancy yourself some sort of peace keeper? In that case, I’ll have to remind you that you refused to become Chief Cultivator when the title was offered to you, nobody has any reason to listen to you.”

“And seeing as no one ever asked you to be Chief Cultivator in the first place, we need to listen to you even less when you poke your nose in other’s businesses. To be honest, if I had realised how much problems it would solve, maybe I would have agreed to the title.”

Silence fell upon the room. Nie Huaisang felt the blood drain from his face as he realised what he had said. He did not want to be Chief Cultivator, now less than ever, but after saying such a thing…

“Sect Leader Nie, have you perhaps changed your mind?” Sect Leader Yao asked, exchanging a worried look with Sect Leader Ouyang.

“I think that hardly matters when clearly nobody is talking about having a Chief Cultivator anymore,” Nie Huaisang protested with an awkward chuckle. “Now, back to the subject at hand…”

“And if we offered again?” Jin Ling interrupted. “What would your answer be this time?”

Nie Huaisang threw the boy a wounded look. After everything, how could Jin Ling turn against him this way? What had he done to deserve that betrayal, especially from one of the few people who knew just how unqualified he’d be for that stupid title? And yet there was no trace of dislike or mischief on the boy’s face, only genuine curiosity. A prank in bad taste might have been better.

“Sect Leader Jin, surely…”

Before Nie Huaisang could find a way to politely but firmly point out that he would never accept such a responsibility, he saw Qin Canqye rise from his seat, a smile on his lips.

“Sect Leader Nie, do consider this carefully,” he suggested. “You are unsatisfied with our current state of affairs and so are most of us. It seems we do need someone to make sure our squabbles do not turn to full conflicts. I think you should not lightly refuse this again.”

Nie Huaisang shivered at the words, and at the too calm smile on the other man’s face. They had never spoken again since Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian’s wedding, nor had they exchanged any correspondance. Still, Nie Huaisang had grown to have the uncomfortable sensation that Qin Cangye was carefully observing his every move from a distance, and he was not sure he liked it. 

That was to say, he liked it even less than when everyone else did the same thing.

At the same time, Qin Cangye was right that things could not go on this way. Nie Huaisang was not interested in power, but he did greatly enjoy peace. However with the current state of things, peace was a precarious thing at best. Lanling Jin was already getting better but remained a nest of snakes ridden with internal conflicts and exposed to the hatred of all its enemies… which were many. Gusu Lan had suffered blows to its reputation between Lan Xichen’s closeness to Jin Guangyao and the presence of Wei Wuxian. It mattered little that the latter's reputation had been partly cleared, or that he mostly avoided demonic cultivation these days, he was still a controversial figure. Then there was Yunmeng Jiang which wasn’t doing too badly so far, but the old rumours of torture still hadn’t died down and so its reputation remained complex. Adding to that all the small sects waiting for a chance in the spotlight, ready to steal power from the Three Great sects or from one another no matter the cost…

Nie Huaisang glanced toward Lan Xichen. His lover, his husband now, looked uneasy, but he gave the most imperceptible of nods. Whatever Nie Huaisang chose, he would have support.

“Very well then. If I can help, I will do it,” he announced, clenching his hands on his robes and hoping his absolute terror would not show too much. “I accept the title of Chief Cultivator.”

The room exploded into an uproar. Some agreed with the decision while others protested he couldn’t accept something that hadn’t been formally offered to him. Those voices, led by Sect Leader Ouyang and Yao, were not the majority and soon started to be drowned out by the people congratulating Nie Huaisang on his new responsibility.

Doing his best to smile through it all, Nie Huaisang replied to the kinder words while silently taking note of the less pleased Sect Leaders. 

He was the least competent person anyone could have chosen for this, and it would be a disaster, but…

There was comfort to be found in the fact that Nie Huaisang would be hard pressed to do a worse job of this than Jin Guangshan and Jin Guangyao. 

He would survive this, just as he had survived everything else.