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Remus tapped his fingers on his scratched up desk, mind elsewhere.
Deceit was cold.
Deceit was cruel.
Deceit was mean.
Deceit was harsh.
He was absolutely enticing.
Remus pushed away from the desk, spinning his chair in circles.
Deceit was, under all of that, sweet.
Deceit was, beneath his disguise, kind.
Deceit was, hidden under his mask, adorable.
He was hard not to love.
Remus laid his forearm over his eyes, unable to stop himself from grinning wide enough that his cheeks hurt, just from the thought of him.
Deceit was the love of his life.
Deceit was impossible not to fall for.
Deceit was who he wanted to be with forever.
He was...Deceit.
And, god, Remus was so, so very much in love with him.
He wasn’t sure if Deceit was genuinely that oblivious or if he knew and was just actively ignoring it, because Remus thought he was very, very obvious about his ‘crush’.
He brought him flowers. They were dead and gray in color, the stems blackened even, but Deceit had smiled oh so sweetly at him and taken them gently with a simple, “thank you, Remus.”
He gave him gifts. They were dead things, like a cat might bring, dead rats and birds that he’d bring to Deceit. He’d hummed and examined each gift carefully before patting Remus’ head--the duke would always bend down slightly to receive them because Deceit was adorably and frustratingly small--and uttering a kind “I’m happy with it, thank you.”
He gave him a shoulder to lean on. He never knew what to say or do, he didn’t know how to comfort, but he’d learned after a while that being there was better than nothing. Deceit would often rant to him and he’d nod along without quite getting it but supporting him all the same--Remus would support Deceit until the day he, or rather Thomas, died. Other times, he’d end up crying into his chest or neck or shoulder and Remus would hold him, somewhat awkwardly, and rub his back.
Most importantly, though, Remus stuck by him and refused to ever leave, no matter how much Deceit complained about him.
He would never, ever forget just how horrified, hurt, and heartbroken Deceit looked when he first found out that Virgil wasn’t coming back this time. Every day on the anniversary, Remus set up a marathon of movies, including Nightmare Before Christmas and Black Cauldron, and a mountain of blankets. Soon enough, Deceit would inevitably shuffle out of his room in Virgil’s old hoodie, teary eyed, and wordlessly sit on the couch. Remus would get the ice cream and quietly sit.
It was one of few days he ever took seriously.
It made him mad.
Deceit was amazing, and Remus didn’t get why the hell Virgil would just fucking leave when Deceit had been the emo's best friend.
Maybe he’d been a little jealous--very jealous, actually--but he’d never acted on his jealousy. Deceit had been happy, so Remus was happy. Virgil abandoned them, and Remus was left to pick up the broken pieces of Deceit’s heart that he’d so carelessly left behind.
Deceit was strong willed, opinionated, and very much determined.
Which only made it worse when Remus, who knew this much about the other, had to listen to him ramble furiously with tears of frustration in his eyes about how he was...giving up. The strongest and most stubborn person Remus had ever known was giving up. The others wouldn’t listen to him because he was Deceit and therefore wrong .
Fucking lightsides.
Fine.
Fine!
Remus didn’t get seriously pissed about many things, but he had been fuming as he held Deceit in his arms.
He’d make them listen!
It hadn't worked.
But at the very least, Thomas knew of him now and he’d managed to fuck with Virgil, which he considered a huge plus. Karma, bastard.
Not to mention, Deceit laughed several times as he recounted what went down, apparently not even upset over the loss.
“That’s great, Remus!”
God, Remus was fucking whipped for him.
He sighed, smile slipping off his face.
Deceit was quick witted and sharp tongued, a witty or snarky remark always at the ready. Remus could never compare, his insults were comparable to that of a 3rd grader who had just discovered the word “poopy.” He wished he could be good with words, like Deceit was, or at least with insults, if only to impress the other. If he was good with words, maybe he’d be confident enough to finally confess instead of staying the coward he was.
Deceit hated cowards.
Remus knew this.
Of course he did.
He knew how Deceit liked his coffee--it was simple: Deceit didn’t like coffee--and he knew what music Deceit preferred listening to, he knew what kind of tea Deceit liked and what his favorite movies were, he knew how Deceit liked his beef cooked and he knew what Deceit thought of cowards.
“Cowards,” Deceit had announced as he strolled into the living room like he owned everything there, including Remus (which he did, unknowingly), “are pathetic individuals with small minds and weak hearts.”
Remus was a pathetic individual with a small mind and a weak heart, and, unfortunately, the latter happened to be owned by someone who despised cowards.
Remus didn’t often talk seriously with his brother, but when he did, it was about Roman’s feelings, not his.
He didn’t like feeling vulnerable or weak or stupid or anything like that, so he never bothered to bring up his own feelings.
But he really needed some outside help on this and Roman was the only one he trusted. Besides, he was good with romance and stuff, supposedly.
So he sighed, groaned, then picked himself up from his cool spinny chair and left his room.
“Hey, Double Dee, I’m going to go bother Ro! Be back soon!” He called. He received no answer, as per usual. That was fine. He just didn’t want Deceit to think he’d left him like Virgil had. He would never leave him like that and he didn’t understand why anyone would when Deceit was so, so lovely to be around.
Fuckin’ Virgil.
Anyway, Deceit was always waiting for him when he returned and he never missed the relief in the liar's eyes whenever he waltzed back into the Subconscious. He could hide it and deny it all he wanted, but Remus knew that, deep down, hidden behind his walls, Deceit was really and truly a softy. So he knew it wasn't just another weird Remus thing, it actually did help, and for that, the duke felt proud.
He hummed to himself, off-key and off rhythm, as he made his way through the lightside’s portion of the mind until he finally stopped outside of Roman’s room. He didn’t bother knocking--if Roman didn’t want him inside, he should lock the door--and instead flung the door open, ignoring the thud the door made as it hit the wall. Man, he really should get a stopper or something. What an idiot!
Remus made a note to make fun of Roman for being so stupid as to have not thought of that.
“Roman!”
Later, obviously.
“Jesus Christ, Remus!” Roman hissed, turning and going to scold his twin.
“Code pink!”
“No, seriously? Shut the door and get over here!” He said instead, plopping onto his bed. Remus shut the door and rushed over. He sat opposite his brother, then decided that wasn’t what he liked. He laid down, his upper half hanging off the bed. “Who is it?”
Remus closed his eyes.
“Deceit.”
“That makes sense.”
“Doesn’t it?” Remus agreed, feeling a smile tug at his lips.
“How bad you got it?”
“Really fuckin’ bad, Ro.”
“Talk to me.”
“Deceit’s...Deceit is like wilting sunflowers and circling vultures. He’s like a pretty knife, or a bouquet of dying flowers in the hands of a pristine corpse at a funeral.” He frowned. “I know that probably doesn’t make any sense to you because you're lame but, fuck, Ro, he’s amazing and I’d do anything for him.”
“You really do have it bad, huh?” Roman said, a tone of wonder in his voice.
“Yeah...and I want to tell him. But I’m not good with romance and you-”
“And I,” Roman interrupted, “am not you. If you’re gonna confess, it needs to be you. All of you, including the...uh, gross parts. If anyone’s dating my brother, they’re dating the nastiness, too, got it?”
“Got it,” Remus said, absolutely not getting it, “totally.”
“Be yourself.”
Be himself?
How was he meant to do that when ‘himself’ was a coward who didn’t confess?
“Don’t overthink it, Re. It’s still Deceit. Talk to him like you normally would, but instead of saying, ‘hey, the human anus can stretch up to 8 inches!’, say ‘hey, I’m very much in love with you!’” Roman continued. Remus was not surprised at how well he could imitate him.
“And that’ll work?” He asked suspiciously, sitting up correctly, which caused his back to crack horribly as if it broke. It didn't, but Remus wondered what the actual breaking of a back would sound like. Roman winced at the sound, then smiled.
“I didn’t say that. There’s always that chance that he doesn’t like you that way.” Remus, even though he felt all sour and bad and stuff at Roman’s words, appreciated the honesty (ironic, considering he was in love with a liar). Life wasn’t one of his brother’s favorite cheesy romance movies or Disney cartoons, afterall.
“Okay,” Remus said finally, “I’ll write him a note.”
-
Writing was really hard when what you said actually mattered.
‘Dear Deceit,’
No, that was way too formal.
Deceit was his best friend, not some stranger he was writing to as a pen pal in 3rd grade.
‘Dee,’
Better.
…
What now?
Deceit was always great with words. He made it look so easy .
He pulled words from nothing and took the attention of everyone in the room, demanding to be listened to, to be given what he wanted, and Remus always felt compelled to do so.
Remus took a deep breath.
Be yourself, huh?
Okay.
Fine.
He erased everything on the paper, starting over completely.
'Hey Double D,' he wrote, trying not to think too hard about anything other than Deceit, 'I know this is probably weird, but that's kinda my brand. You should be used to it by now, dork.'
Keep going.
'I need to tell you this. I've been trying to for a while but I'm a coward, which I know you hate almost as much as you hate mongooses.'
Remus nodded to himself, the pencil easily flowing across the paper.
'You're amazing, you know that? You're like'
He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to recall his earlier words. He opened them again and continued.
'wilting sunflowers and circling vultures. You're like a pretty knife, or a bouquet of dying flowers in the hands of a pristine corpse at a funeral. You're like a moonlit murder scene, complete with chalk outline, shattered glass, and bloodstains. You're like an elephant graveyard lit by the sunset or a pet cemetery hidden from the light of dawn by dying trees. You're like bright red blood splattering onto freshly fallen snow.' He paused, but refused to let himself stop.
'You're like...Deceit. Does that make any sense? Probably not. I just needed to get that out. Anyway, let me get to the point.' Remus sighed. Here it goes; the big, important words were about to be written on paper for Deceit to see.
'The point is: I'm very much in love with you. I hope that's okay. If it's not, then I guess it's just another thing I've done that I wasn't supposed to. You know how I am. That's all!
Hope you're not too grossed out,
The Duke'
Remus stared at the paper for a long moment, then added at the very bottom,
'P.S. Did you know that the human anus can stretch up to 8 inches?'
There it goes.
A perfectly Remus love letter.
Now all he had to do was...give Deceit the letter.
Yep.
Easy enough.
Remus didn't move an inch, eyes trained on the paper before him.
"Fuck." He whispered, suddenly realizing that, no, writing the letter was not the hardest part.
Should he give it to him in person or…? No, he didn't want to see Deceit's reaction. He wasn't entirely sure he could deal with it if he did.
Maybe he should just...slip it under his door. Yeah. That would work, wouldn't it? Hopefully?
It had to. Remus wasn't quite sure he could handle having to do anything more.
He sucked in a sharp breath and stood from his chair, grabbing the letter with more care than he usually touched anything with. Except for Deceit. He was always careful in the moments he touched Deceit, regardless of the snake's tough persona.
Remus considered folding the letter in half neatly, then decided against it because he couldn't fold neatly if he tried. Instead, he just scanned it for mistakes and made sure it was good enough for Deceit. He knew Deceit wasn't really...perfect, but that just made him better. He didn't have to be perfect for Deceit to like him, because Deceit wasn't even perfect himself.
Deceit was perfectly imperfect.
Deceit was his best friend.
Deceit was awesome enough to not have high standards for Remus to meet like the light sides, like Roman.
And Remus adored that above almost any other part of Deceit. He felt accepted, like he fit, maybe even encouraged when he was around Deceit. After all, he'd listened to him ramble about the size of a horse penis with only joke complaints and eyes on him the whole time. He'd watched Remus conduct weird experiments and even offered some constructive criticism and advice. He'd...he'd encouraged Remus to "be Remus, unapologetically, and crush anyone who disagrees." God , if Remus hadn't loved him before, he'd certainly loved him after he'd said that.
Deceit was supportive when he needed to be.
He triple checked the letter then inhaled deeply through his nose, comforted by the smell of rotting...something and unwashed clothes. Remus turned, leaving his room before he could talk himself out of it. Jeez, he was almost starting to sound like V-
Remus stopped.
No .
He continued on, shaking his head.
He'd never be like Virgil. Virgil was a traitorous little bastard who hurt Deceit.
It didn't matter that Remus' heart ached at the thought of his old friend or that he definitely still cared for Virgil even though Virgil clearly didn't return the sentiment. It didn't matter and Remus didn't care.
Wait.
Shit.
Was he lyi-
No, no , Deceit would show up if he was and he couldn't have that happen right no-
"Lying to yourself, my dear Remus?" Deceit purred from behind him. "Come on now, you know better."
…
FUCK !
No, no, no, no, no -
"Uh," Remus said very intelligently as he turned around, "hi."
"Are you always this articulate?" Deceit teased, throwing a Disney movie line into Remus' face as if quoting from something Remus liked wasn't attractive.
But it totally was and Remus was totally gay.
And totally holding a love letter addressed to the side in front of him.
Right, that was a problem.
He hid the paper behind his back and Deceit's sharp eyes followed the movement.
"You-" Remus started but Deceit narrowed his eyes.
"What was that?" He asked, his playful tone faltering a bit before returning full force when he continued. "Keeping secrets from me, now? Why, Remus, I thought you trusted me!" He gasped, placing a hand over his chest to play up the offended act.
"I do," Remus said weakly, his eyes darting to the side as he nervously licked his lips, "it's just, uh, I don't want you to see this one yet, it's a new idea I'm working on and-"
"Remus." Deceit interrupted softly. "You can't lie to the embodiment of lies. That, and you always share your ideas with me. Except for the 'getting revenge' one you pulled in that video." He tilted his head and Remus' heart stopped for a moment--or did it? If it was a different scenario, he'd rip it out and check--at the unbearably cute sight. Maybe he didn't like cute things but Remus found they were starting to grow on him, but only for one specific side.
"Sorry."
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But you can always, always talk to me." Deceit smirked again. "Okay, rat boy?"
"Yeah, okay." Remus grinned in response. This was his out. Walk away and give the letter to Deceit another time.
In a rush of adrenaline and confidence, Remus didn't take the opportunity and instead suddenly held the letter out to Deceit.
"Here." He blurted. Deceit took the letter and Remus idled for a moment, then bolted to his room. Once inside, he dove for one of his favorite comfort spots; under the bed! One of his others was the closet, but the bed felt more secure, more hidden, and that's what Remus needed right then. A hiding place.
Because Remus Sanders...was a coward.
He buried himself under the bed like the monster he adored being, pouting like a child.
He would wait here until tomorrow, where they could pretend it never happened and Remus hadn't confessed his love through a morbid love letter and they were still best friends and everything went back to the way it was-
The door creaked open. Remus stiffened. He...hadn't locked the door. Dammit.
"Re?" Deceit's heeled shoes clicked against the floor of Remus's room and soon enough, they came into his line of sight, the light shining on the perfectly polished black dress shoes. "Closet or bed this time?"
Remus shifted, the sound of his shuffling seeming to echo in the quiet room.
He huffed.
"...bed."
Deceit didn't move for a beat, then laid on the floor by the bed so they could look at each other, even forgoing his dislike of getting his clothes dirty--especially considering it was the floor of Remus' room, not just any dirty old floor--just so he could talk eye to eye with Remus. Remus' stomach did flips as Deceit's back touched the floor.
Deceit was caring.
Deceit was so, so kind, if only to certain people.
"Hi." Remus smiled, unnaturally wide but not unnatural for Remus. Deceit had to be used to it by now. He didn't smile back.
"Hi." He parroted back quietly. "We need to talk, you know. About the letter."
Remus felt and heard his breath hitched.
"Or," he suggested, "we could talk about some really freaky bugs, like those wasps that-"
"Later, Remus."
"But-"
"This isn't a lie, is it?" Deceit asked, holding up the letter. His other hand rose, a gloved finger underlining the words, all the way from the casual greeting down to the fact about anuses.
"You think you'd be able to tell." Remus snorted. Deceit's lips twitched up. "Considering you're literally Deceit and all."
"I don't know why you freaked out so bad, then. Come out, Remus."
"I'm gay."
"Not out of the closet- well, not this time. But you know what I meant, get out here you oaf." Deceit snickered and Remus' heart leapt to his throat. He hesitated as Deceit sat up and scooted to make room for the duke. Maybe he should just stay here. After all, the monster under the bed didn't have to worry about whether or not it'd just lost a best friend.
But he wasn't the monster under the bed, as much as he'd like to be.
He was the Remus under the bed, his bed. It didn't have the same effect when it was your own bed.
Remus slid out from under the bed, sitting up on his knees. He didn't mind the dirt clinging to his form.
Deceit stared at him for a long moment with an unreadable expression.
"De?"
"You love me?" Deceit asked quietly, as if to make sure it wasn't a dream that'd slip away from him, right through his fingers like sand, but that didn't make much sense. Why would Deceit dream of this ?
"Duh."
"Oh." Deceit blinked, the corners of his lips turning up and his expression softening.
"I can't believe you didn't notice." Remus grumbled.
Deceit was smart, but also very stupid, apparently.
"Shut up," Deceit dismissed and Remus went to argue only to shut his mouth when Deceit continued, "kiss me, will you?"
"Definitely," Remus nodded quickly, "absolutely. You sure I shouldn't brush my teeth first-?"
"Good idea, but I'm decidedly impatient today. After all, I've been waiting for years, you know."
"You've been waiting for years?" Remus scoffed. "Bitch, please, I waited for-" Deceit fixed him a look and Remus shut up with a grin. "Right. Kissing."
"Yes, kissing." Deceit mused. "Would you like to engage in it or shall I wait for you to brush your teeth?"
"Nope." Remus popped the p, grinning widely, too widely but wide enough for Remus and for Deceit, too. "Guess you'll have to kiss me in all my gross nastiness."
"Guess so. What a shame. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make." Deceit leaned closer, placing a hand on Remus' shoulder and the other one his chest. "Now I'd like to get to it, if you don't mind." Remus put a hand on the back of Deceit's neck.
"I definitely don't." Remus mumbled, leaning in and meeting him in the middle.
Deceit was a good kisser.
And Remus…
Remus was very much in love.
Luckily enough, there was good news.
Deceit was also very much in love.