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Chapter Text

It had been three weeks since Thanos snapped his fingers and decimated half the population of the world. Three weeks of misery, trying to undo whatever Thanos did, trying to maintain some semblance of calm. Natasha was nothing if not paranoid which came with the territory of being a spy. Even for her normal state of pessimism, this situation was beyond her worst nightmares.

She had seen Bucky, Sam, T’Challa and countless others disappear in front of her eyes. She saw Vision’s lifeless body lying in front of her. She saw the remnants of the broken Avengers. Now as she looked onto the screen, seeing each of their faces flash in front of her, she was reminded of how they failed, failed to fulfill their duties as avengers and failed to protect the world as they had promised.

Until she saw Tony’s face on the holographic screen and had to forcefully stop herself from flinching. Their last meeting had been less than friendly after she let Steve and Bucky leave during the whole debacle with the accords. She wondered if that’s the last conversation he will ever remember between them. One which will no doubt invoke nothing but feelings of her betrayal and distrust in him.

Some part of her wanted to hold on to hope that Tony was in fact alive and not decimated. That he was just floating in space and would soon figure out a way to come back home. That he would just come waltzing in through the door any minute now to berate them on how incompetent they were without him. Tony Stark, the man she had come to admire for the better part of ten years, carried a nuke through a wormhole and survived. If there was anyone who could survive this it was him. She hoped for once that that part of her was right.

As easy as it would be for her to succumb to her emotions, to break down, she could not afford to do that when people counted on her. What she desperately needed now was to contribute in some way to restore balance to the world again, reversing the damage which Thanos caused.

Which brought them to where they were, hunting for Thanos with deep space scans, satellites but to no avail. A part of her wanted to question what they thought they would achieve even if they managed to find him. They hardly stood their ground with him the last time whereas now with all the infinity stones he was unstoppable. But looking at Steve’s defeated form in front of her she knew they needed to keep busy with something so as to not feel useless.

As Bruce attempted to explain the mechanics of how the signature of the stones could help with tracking Thanos, she couldn’t help but ask,

“Couldn’t we hypothetically track Tony’s suit?” She felt Steve and Thor’s eyes on her, glancing at her with something akin to pity, conveying to her that they just thought she was having a hard time believing he was dead while Rhodey suddenly looked up in her direction.

“With Tony’s paranoia, I’m sure it would be anything but easy to track him. Either way I’d still need access to his labs, his tech...” Bruce rambled on.

“Pepper would have the override codes.” She said not wanting to give up.

“Even then the suit would need to be powered on. If it was possible to connect to the suit Friday might have already notified us.” Bruce rationalised.

“We still have to try. We have to assume he’s actually fought Thanos. Not to mention he might know where the raccoon’s friends are. They might lead us to Thanos,” she tried keeping her composure. As much as she wanted to believe she needed to find Tony because he  could actually help but deep down she knew she needed him to be alive, she needed her friend back.

Just as they were on the verge of another argument, whatever that thing Fury turned on, stopped beeping. As they went to check out what was wrong, Natasha came face to face with a blonde woman.

“Where’s Fury?” The woman questioned.

After recovering from her initial shock, she asked, “Who are you?” turning back into interrogation mode.

“I’m Carol Danvers. What exactly happened here?” She says seemingly as confused as they first were.

“Fury along with half of the population of the earth is dead, turned to ashes. You mind telling us what you’re doing here?” Rhodey snapped.

“That pager, I gave that to Fury so that he could contact me in case of an emergency. I guess that’s what he did,” she explained.

While Natasha couldn’t read this woman well and trust didn’t come easy to her, she had to give her the benefit of the doubt since Nick obviously trusted her. Once they were done getting her caught up on the current situation, Carol went out into space again to see if she could at least trace the Benatar and find the Guardians.

All she could hope for was for there to be other survivors. She hoped Tony was alright. She hoped this was just another nightmare.

Chapter Text

The first time Natasha read Tony’s file was when she was under cover as his personal assistant. Her missions were always classified, which ensured the fact that she had always known a tad bit more about him than the other Avengers. It also meant knowing that the only reason Tony didn’t drink himself to death, or blow himself up during his ridiculous inventive spurs, which would keep him confined to the lab for days on end only due to Pepper Potts.

Ultimately when he came clean to her regarding the Palladium poisoning and the two started dating a short while later, it came as no surprise to Natasha. She had been through everything with Tony whether it was his inherent self sacrificing tendencies or his PTSD. In spite of that Natasha could admit that she never really got along with Pepper, she couldn’t place whether it was due to her initial deception as Natalie Rushman which made Pepper unreceptive of her or if it was due to her own disagreement with how Pepper never understood Tony’s need to be Iron Man, resulting in them being the embodiment of an on-again off-again relationship which she knew spurred on Tony’s decision to be registered during the accords.

But through all of that she did always stand by Tony, she was his pillar, the one who kept him grounded giving him some sense of stability which he severely required.

Staring at the same woman, slouched against the couch, looking utterly defeated was something Natasha was unaccustomed to. Pepper had come straight to the compound after the snap in some desperate hope to see Tony survive only to get confirmation of what she dreaded. She remembers seeing the complete hopelessness in her eyes, her worst fears regarding Tony come true and she couldn’t help but be sympathetic towards her.

“Pepper?” She tries to get her attention cautiously.

She looks up from her seat on the couch, the remnants of tears visible on her cheek when she lifts her head finally registering Natasha’s presence.

“Hey, Natasha. I was just..I was...I don’t know what I’m doing here,” Pepper says sighing in frustration wiping at her tears.

“Are you okay?” Natasha asks  concerned seeing her so broken.

“No I’m not,” she says with a smile visibly straining to keep herself from breaking down again. “I was just wondering if you guys had any leads on Thanos or if you managed to find other survivors?” She asks when she finally manages to regain some composure.

“No, not yet. But we just met the woman, the one Fury called out for help. She seems to think she could find if there are others in space, who survived the snap.” Natasha provides knowing that’s not what Pepper needed to hear. “You didn’t come all this way for that, Pepper. I know we don’t have the most friendly relationship but if there’s something wrong you can talk to me. I mean if you want to,” she says wanting to help in some way, knowing Tony would want her to.

Pepper seems to ponder over her words for a while almost judging if she could trust her as an uncomfortable silence prevails in the room.

“I’m pregnant,” She finally speaks up, her voice suddenly filling the void in the room as the weight of what she said finally settles on Natasha.

“Oh,” she replies lamely not knowing how to comfort her.

“I just found out today. I don’t know why but I just thought maybe if I could come here I’d get some news about Tony, something to let me know he’s fine and we’re just being pessimistic. I know I’m holding on to hope but this doesn’t feel right. I’m not supposed to have a baby alone.” Pepper says her voice shaking as she progresses.

“If Tony’s out there then he’s gonna find his way home. He always does,” Natasha says firmly believing everything she said. “You’re gonna be an amazing mother regardless,” she reassures Pepper with a smile when she takes her hand and gives it a gentle squeeze.

Tony’s childhood was less than ideal that she knew. While he was paranoid about being a father, it didn’t escape her that he would’ve wanted kids anyway. A pang of hurt shot through her as she realised that he might never get to see his child. Even with all his reservations about being a dad she was sure he’d make a great one nonetheless. As she was mulling over her thoughts, she saw the table jerk slowly then pick up speed. She looked up as the entire room began to shake.

Natasha with Pepper in tow, followed by Steve, Bruce and Rhodey ran out of the compound, across the yard looking up at the night sky. The Benatar slowly approached the compound being carried by Carol Danvers followed by her landing the spacecraft in front of them. The hatch opened up to reveal Tony and a woman, Nebula, one of the guardians as per Rocket’s description. She felt a rush of hope seeing him just as Steve ran towards them to help him out. She saw Pepper take tentative steps forward still seemingly in shock.

She suppressed the urge to run to him and pull him into a hug aware of the fact that Pepper deserved to do that first. Her heart constricted in pain taking in the sight of his impossibly thin figure, barely able to carry his own weight as he clung on to Steve for support finally moving on to Pepper to engulf her in a hug.

None of that mattered at this moment. Nothing except the fact that Tony was safe and he was home did.

Chapter Text

It had been a few hours since they were rescued by Carol, just as Tony was on the verge of accepting his fate. Somehow it felt fitting that he was dying alone in space with no one but the blue meanie to keep him company. But now as Tony was staring at the Avengers Compound visible in the distance he couldn’t believe how surreal it felt.

The self-loathing part of himself couldn’t help but wonder if he really deserved to be saved. He largely blamed himself for losing Peter. If only he had been more prepared, prepared to face Thanos, prepared to protect the people he loved then it would’ve never come down to this. The spacecraft landing pulls him out of his self-deprecating thoughts.

The entry hatch opened to reveal Steve on the other side running towards him. He clutches on to the man, his self-esteem taking a backseat as he barely manages to stand without support.

“Couldn’t stop him.” He mumbles too tired to be hostile.

“Neither could I,” Cap says with an uncharacteristic hint of defeat in his tone.

“I lost the kid,” Tony manages to choke out.

“Tony, we lost,” He says soothingly.

“Is..uh..Pep-“ he began but was cut off by his fiancé as she let out a cry of relief.

“Oh my god! Tony!” Pepper cries out.

“It’s okay...” Tony assures her when she threw her arms around him. He closes his eyes in relief, only to find them open at Natasha’s voice.

“Bruce we need to get him on an IV drip immediately,” A hint of panic evident in her voice.

Pepper releases his hold on him only for him to be engulfed into a hug by Rhodes.

“You gave us quite a scare there, Tones.”

As they lead him to the compound, Natasha asks, “You alright?”, placing a hand on his shoulder with concern etched on her face. He nods his head in confirmation too overwhelmed to be back home.

When he had finally calmed down, hooked up to a machine presumably for his healing, they started to brief him with everything that had happened since he’s been gone.

“World government are in pieces. The parts that are still working are trying to take a census. And it looks like he did...he did exactly what he said he was gonna do. Thanos wiped out fifty percent, of all living creatures.” Natasha began to explain.

The holographic screen projected the images of everyone they lost, coming to halt at Peter’s image, Tony couldn’t help but flinch being reminded of his failure.

“Where is he now?” He finally asked. He glances at Natasha only to see her scanning him almost as if she’s trying to decipher if he’s fine.

“We don’t know. He just opened a portal and walked through.” Steve replied standing across from him.

“We have been looking for him for the past three weeks and we have nothing.” Steve informed clearly disappointed. “Tony you fought him-“ he started but Tony couldn’t take it any longer.

“Who told you that? I didn’t fight him. No, he wiped my face with a planet while the Bleecker Street Magician gave away the stone. That’s what happened. There was no fight.” He said his frustration seeping through him.

“Okay, Tony, I need you to focus. Did he give you any coordinates, anything?” Steve asked desperately.

“And I needed you. As in past tense. I remember telling all of you-“ he stood up walking over to Cap, “that what we needed was a suit of armour around the world whether it impacted our precious freedom or otherwise!” Tony was seething at this point.

“Well that didn’t work out did it?” Steve said as stubborn as he ever remembered him.

“I said we would lose. You said we’d do that together too. Guess what Cap? We lost and you weren’t there.  You split the team because you were too bullheaded to even accept supervision which drastically reduced our chances. Maybe if you didn’t, your precious Bucky would still be alive.” Tony spit out unable to contain his anger knowing that remark would be worse than a punch to the gut for Steve. As Steve went still, he ripped out his arc reactor to place in his arms just as he fell to the ground, the exhaustion finally catching up to him barely registering when Natasha’s hands come around his arms steadying him before he drifts to unconsciousness.

He had been asleep for a few hours judging by the clock on the wall when he noticed Pepper slumped in a chair next to the bed. He knew his outburst with Steve was long overdue. The pent up anger and frustration of the last two years culminating to that moment. A part of him thought he might’ve taken in too far, while the other part thought of it as retribution for everything he had put him through. Pepper looked up from her seat sensing his stirring.

“Hey, baby,” she said with a smile as her hand came up to caress his cheek.

“Pep, I thought I’d never see you again,” he croaked out and she handed him a glass of water.

“We don’t need to think about that anymore. You’re here, you’re safe.” Pepper assures him taking his hands in hers.

“I missed you,” he said giving her hand a squeeze.

“Me too, Tony. I wanted to tell you later but I don’t think I should wait any longer,” she paused before admitting, “I’m pregnant.”

His eyes widen at her confession, as he’s lost for words.

“I’m going to be a dad?” He says barely believing the news.

“Yes, you are,” Pepper says as he breaks out into a smile wrapping her arms around him. His body clearly not taking well to the renewed emotional stress as he drifts off to sleep again.

Chapter Text

Natasha watched quietly, noticing Tony’s patience run out. She could see him trying to contain his frustration at Steve only for it to come out stronger. The moment he mentioned Bucky, she saw Steve go quiet when Tony ripped his reactor from his chest placing it on Steve’s hand before his legs gave out. Moving to him as quickly as possible she steadied him with her hands.

His frail body went still in her arms when she along with Rhodey carried him to the bed in the Medical Bay. Bruce gave him a sedative to ensure he wouldn’t get out of bed for the rest of the day as Pepper took a seat next to him. Her need to make sure he was alright took over before she realised she would be intruding so she walked out of the room to give them some privacy.

She knocked on Steve’s door finding it half open then stepped inside when she took in his slumped form on the bed, head hung low.

“Bruce gave him a sedative. He should be fine,” she said. Steve nodded rooted to his place on the bed.

“Look Steve, what Tony said, he was just angry-“ she tried when he cut her off.

“That doesn’t mean he wasn’t right.” Steve replied.

“Yeah. We messed up. Maybe if we stuck together they would still be alive, Bucky, Sam and the others but we can’t change what happened. There’s no point dwelling on it.” Natasha tries to soothe him.

“Do you think I was wrong? With the accords, what happened in Siberia?” He asks looking for validation.

“Yes.” Natasha replied deciding to be honest with him. “I was always on Tony’s side regarding the accords. Not taking responsibility for our actions is something I can’t agree with. What happened at the airport, my letting you and Bucky go was only because I didn’t want anyone to be hurt. I never thought it would lead to Tony getting hurt in Siberia.” She saw Steve’s shoulder droop with shame.

“You told me staying together was necessary. I wish I listened to you.” Steve admitted finally looking her in the eyes.

“ I’m not here to place blame. You need to set things right with Tony. Apologise and then we can go back to working as a team.” She said hoping he listens this time around. Steve nods then adds, “Nebula says she knows where Thanos is. Danvers has a plan. We go there, get the stones, snap our fingers and get everyone back.”

“Alright, it’s a plan. Let’s go get him then.” She says determinedly, happy to be finally doing something.

Tony woke up this time around expecting Pepper beside him only to find Natasha in the chair sitting next to him.

“Thought you’d never wake up,” she said with that trademark smirk of hers.

“How long have I been..” he asked confused by her relaxed demeanour.

“A couple of hours,” she replied her eyes scanning him yet again almost as if she can’t believe it’s really him.

“Where’s Pepper?” He asked memories of their last conversation coming back to him.

“Rhodey finally got her to go to bed.” She replied not maintaining eye contact anymore. He was reminded of the last time he saw her, the balcony, their conversation leading up to her leaving.

“You left. You let them leave. Why?” He asked surprised to find himself seemingly calm as opposed to his outburst earlier that day. He was further unsettled when he realised he wasn’t mad at her, he just needed to know why.

“I think you know why. I was on your side, Tony,” She said forcefully, “I thought letting them leave would minimise the damage, that no one would be hurt but Rhodey got hurt anyway and so did you. It was all my fault,” she said with a self-deprecating laugh.

“No, it’s on Rogers. Is that where you were the last few years? With them?” He asked genuinely taking in the bags under her eyes and the pain and heartache clearly visible there. Sometimes he forgot how much she had gone through. The amount of excruciating pain and torture she had to endure. The red in her ledger matched his, which is why he knew she understood his need to always fix things.

“Nothing you need to concern yourself with right now. You need to eat, get your health back,” she said before adding, “ Seriously, you look terrible.” Leave it to her to not treat him like glass. His lips tipped up in a wry smile mimicking the one on her. A comfortable silence prevailed in the room when he decided to tell her,

“I’m gonna be a dad, Nat,” his lips curling into another smile.

“I know. I’m happy for you both,” she says genuinely taking his hand in hers. “I have to go. I just wanted to see you before we leave. We found where Thanos is, we’re gonna get him this time around,” she said as she began to move. He caught her wrist to stall her movements.

“What makes you think it’s gonna be that easy? He’s unstoppable, Nat.” He warned hoping she was thinking this through.

“Because this time he won’t see us coming and he won’t have an army.” She replied moving out of his reach.

“What then? What’s your plan after getting him?” He asks.

“We’ll snap our own fingers. While I’m skeptical it’s still a plan, Tony.” She says clearly not wanting to have this discussion any longer. She’s almost out the door when he says, “Just be careful, Natasha.”

She looks back to nod at him giving him one last smile before walking out.

Chapter Text

Were they really so naive to think their plan would work? This scheme was nothing short of a pipe dream.  She should’ve known something was amiss. It had been too easy really. While running recon when Danvers found Thanos alone, that really should’ve been their first clue.

No Satellites. No ships. No armies. No ground defenses of any type.

When Rocket flipped the gauntlet over to find none of the stones, she knew they were too late. Now, there was no going back. They should have known Thanos wouldn’t be one to take half measures.

The journey back home just served as a dull reminder of what their lives would be like now.  Thor, the guy who she had probably never seen feeling dejected had barely spoken a word in the last month. Steve hadn’t been the same ever since losing Bucky. She remembers him on his knees, the remnants of his best friend still fresh on the ground. From what she knew, Rocket and Nebula lost their only family, the guardians.

As they stepped inside the compound, she was overwhelmed with the need of being comforted. She needed to know they would be alright, that all hope was not lost. She fumbles with her phone, debating calling Clint then making up her mind to call him anyway only to reach his voicemail for the hundredth time since the decimation. As if on instinct she moves towards the med bay knowing Tony would be there.

Logically she knew there was no need to let him know about their failed mission at that very instant. She was also aware Tony would be smart enough to figure that out but her feet seemed to move of their own volition until it came to a halt in front of his suite. What she saw through the glass walls was anything but comforting. Pepper was raking her fingers through Tony’s hair while his hand firmly rested against her stomach. Overcome with an unexpected emotion, she retreated back to the stairwell.

Satisfied that no one would find her there she was perched on the stairs, the events of the day catching up to her as she got ready for her imminent breakdown. She heard the door open only to turn back and come face to face with Tony. She hurriedly wiped at her tears to at least pretend she wasn’t on the brink of a nervous breakdown. Whatever she expected from him it surely wasn’t the look of compassion etched on his face as he took a seat next to her. 

“Nat, What happened?” He asked cautiously.

“He’s dead,” she said too tired to put up a front.

“What? Rhodey, Thor, Steve are they-“ He began just to get cut off.

“Thanos, he’s dead. Thor killed him.” She said without looking at him. Relief washes over his face just to be replaced by confusion.

“I might not be in the best headspace right now but isn’t that good news?” Tony questions desperately needing answers. She realized he was the only one who had been preparing for Thanos. He had always warned them something worse was coming their way but they never took him seriously enough. 

“He destroyed the stones. There’s nothing we can do now. Half of the world is gone, reduced to ashes and we can’t do anything about it. Some heroes.” She said self deprecatingly. 

He tucks a strand of hair behind her ear before turning her to face him.

“Hey, look at me. It’s not your fault. You did everything you could. For godsake you went on a suicide mission yesterday which had a one in million chance of actually working out if it meant having the slightest chance at bringing everyone back,” He said firmly. “No one blames you.” 

“Clint won’t even speak to me. Laura and the kids snuffed into ashes like they never existed. It just doesn’t feel right,” she said unable to hold back the tears any longer. Gradually she feels Tony’s arms wrap around her and she lays her head on his shoulder. They stay like that for what feels like an eternity with him rubbing soothing circles on her back. She finally begins to calm down when she hears Tony speak again.

“I lost the kid. Peter, from the airport during the accords?” He said reminding her.

“I’m so sorry, Tony.” She said lifting her head up to look at him. She should’ve connected the dots that they were close. Tony had a habit of making people feel safe around him even if he did that unknowingly. As much as he was opposed to the idea of being a father, she knew the instincts always came naturally to him. 

“Yeah well what I was trying to say, we all lost people that day. I know, trust me I know I got the better end of the deal. But it doesn’t make it any easier. We have to move on either way.” He said soothingly.

“You almost sound like you believe that,” she retorted as the corner of his lips turned up.

“Feeling better now?” His fingers running through her locks again as she tried not to dwell on how that made her feel.

“I guess,” she shrugged. She stood up lending him a hand silently leading him to his suite in the med bay. He seemed better than when she left him yesterday but still so heartbreakingly thin.

As they reached his room, she saw Pepper pacing around until she caught sight of Tony.

“Where were you? I was so worried!” She said which prompted Natasha to leave the two alone feeling like an intruder. 

“I was just taking a walk with Nat. Calm down,” she heard Tony say faintly as she moved away.

Only when she was in the confines of her room did she let herself ruminate on how she felt around Tony today. Natasha was used to keeping secrets. Her feelings for Tony always felt like one worth keeping specially when it was easy to suppress them knowing he was happy with someone else. She couldn’t do this right now. Not when Tony was having a baby. Not when he was finally getting all the happiness he deserved.

Chapter Text

Tony couldn’t place what had happened but knew something had shifted between him and Natasha. When she walked him back to his room he felt how tense she got when they heard Pepper, how she immediately dropped her hands from his before silently leaving the two of them alone. He retreated back to Pepper’s arms which were familiar territory. There were no secrets, no mysteries, no dark past which could come back to haunt them. He felt safe with Pepper knowing she would never hurt him. Even then he couldn’t help it when the thoughts of the spy plagued his mind.

It had been almost a decade since they first met. That initial deception as Natalie took some time to get over but gradually he started trusting her again. He had always been attracted to her. Looking back to the night of his birthday party at what he believes was the first real conversation they ever had was when he realised whatever he felt for her went beyond attraction.

I would do whatever I wanted to do with whoever I wanted to do it with.

He’s not sure what spurred on that uncharacteristic moment of truthfulness from her but it was obvious that it was Natasha speaking and not Natalie. His suspicions were further proved when she was piloting the quinjet in Stuttgart as he kissed her cheek and she let him without any protest ignoring the confused looks from Cap and Loki. From then onwards she turned into the friend he would go to for advice, or when he simply needed someone to bounce ideas off of.

She surprisingly never denied him and he had always been terrified of losing that friendship to the point where he never admitted his feelings. He moved on with Pepper and she started a fling or whatever with Banner. Then S.H.I.E.L.D fell and he felt her physically distancing herself from him as they drifted apart. They had barely spoken by the time the accords came around when she surprisingly sided with him. It was so easy to think back to how supportive she had been, so easy to convince himself they were still friends when that illusion got torn apart by her betrayal.

With the world in a permanent dilemma he knew this was no time to hold on to grudges. But it had never been easy for him to let go. If he was being honest with himself he missed confiding in her, having her reprimand him when he was off to do something ridiculous, he missed their banter, the back and forth. He missed being friends with her. All he could do was look at Pepper and their unborn child as those feelings were threatening to resurface all over again.

It had officially been a two weeks since he had been back and it was time for him to finally be discharged. The last week had been uneventful but he was glad to be back in the compound even for a little while. Bruce, Rhodey, Natasha kept him company while Cap thankfully maintained his distance.

“The infection’s run its course. Your weight’s back into a healthy margin. I guess you’re going home today, Tones,” Bruce said checking him up.

“Finally. Can’t say I’ll miss this,” He huffed impatiently tugging on his IV.

He saw Natasha approaching the room, instantly putting a smile on his face when Bruce stopped her just outside the door. Pepper starts to ask him about something but he can’t help but glance at them trying to figure out what they could possibly be talking about. Natasha’s not one to easily forgive and after Ultron he wouldn’t have expected the two to be so friendly.

“Will you please just tell me where we’re going?” Pepper asked as he directed his attention back to her.

“It’s a surprise. I might have had us relocated,” he shrugged. In any other case he would’ve laughed when her eyes widened comically. Right now he was too worried about her reaction to the cabin to take it lightly. He took a page out of Clint’s book and got her a farm. That’s how he wanted to raise their child and he hoped that she would understand where he was coming from.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Pepper exclaimed.

“Nope. I’m actually pretty serious about this,” He admitted.

“I really hope this wasn’t yet another one of your compulsive decisions.” She could almost sense his unease and left it alone for the time being before leaving the room.

“Is he clear to go?” Natasha asked noticing Bruce leaving Tony’s room.

“Yeah he’s recovered pretty well.” He replied. “Listen, Nat. I know we haven’t really spoken since I’ve been back but I’d really like to explain what happened.” He said sheepishly. His eyes darting everywhere trying not to make eye contact with her. It was a nervous habit of his that Natasha detected early on.

“Let’s not do this right now. It’s all in the past. Honestly I couldn’t care less about it.” She admitted, instantly wishing she had phrased that better noticing the disappointed look on his face but she knew it had to be done.

“Well I guess I should leave you to it then.” He acquiesced than headed back to his lab.

Running into Pepper while she was leaving the room she waved to the strawberry blonde before approaching her.

“Everything alright?” She asked.

“Just Tony being Tony. Sometimes I wish I knew what goes on in that head of his,” Pepper sighed.

“You and me both. What did he do this time?”

“He wants to relocate. Well he already has. I just have no clue where. I’m still SI’s CEO and I can’t just abandon those responsibilities. Not to mention the baby. All my doctors are here.” She said her voice rising with each word.

“It’s Tony. You know he plans for these things. Maybe you’re overreacting a little.” She admitted before raising her hands in a surrendering gesture at Pepper’s glare, “Or maybe it’s just hormones.” Pepper shook her head with a smile.

“I need to call Happy,” She said excusing herself as Natasha entered the room.

Noticing Tony tugging at the wires connected to him, an amused smile crossed her face.

“You’re clearly eager to leave,” She said attracting his attention.

“Being a patient clearly doesn’t suit me.” His annoyance evident in his tone.

“Right. Staying up late at night, barely eating, going on inventive binges is clearly more in your wheelhouse.” She retorted.

“It’s the price to pay for my genius,” He flashed her one of his lopsided grins and she tried not to be charmed by it.

“Just take it easy for a while is all I’m saying.” She moved to where he was getting dressed before adding, “Where are you guys staying anyway?”

“Cabin in the woods,” he mumbled tying his shoes.

“Pepper’s gonna be pissed.” She smirked.

“She’ll come around. What’s up with you and Banner anyway?” There was no way he was jealous. He was just looking out for a friend, he tried to convince himself.

“What are you spying on me now?” She asked raising her eyebrows. “It’s nothing. He just wants to apologise is all.”

“Just be careful alright? Bruce is my friend and I’d trust him with my life but he’s not good at dealing with his feelings, usually ends up running the other way. I just don’t want you to get hurt again.” Tony said hoping she’d understand.

“I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself,” she teased. As much as she tried to pretend she should’ve known Tony would see through the facade.

“I’m just a call away if you need anything. You want me to talk to Barton?” He asked with concern.

“No. Just don’t be a stranger. Bruce feels too guilty to even hold a normal conversation and Cap hasn’t been the best company lately. So-“ She began before Tony cut her off with a hug. She held on to him as tears threatened to spill when he reluctantly pulled away.

“I’m here. It’s gonna be okay,” He assured before dropping a kiss on her forehead. “I gotta get going unless I wanna risk a confrontation with Cap,” he joked trying to lighten the mood. She smiled a teary smile beginning to lead him to the door when Pepper took his hand in hers and the illusion began to crumble. She would never have a life with Tony as much as she suddenly yearned to. She tried to convince herself that that was enough as long as they were friends. She hoped it would be, waving them goodbye, retreating back to the compound which no longer felt like home.

Chapter Text

The compound had been eerily quiet since Tony left. It was just her, Bruce and Steve living in the now deserted Avengers base, Thor previously having set off to find the remainder of the surviving Asgardians while Rhodey worked as the liaison between the Avengers and whatever part of the government was still functional.

Steve was hesitant to take charge of a team again, Bucky’s death still weighing heavily on his mind and in her desperation to make sure the Avengers remained operational she  inadvertently became their de facto leader. It was only a matter of time before something went wrong and the world needed them again.

Thanos wiped out half of the population but the resulting number of casualties was increasing with every moment. Suicide rates were at an all time high, without accounting for the car crashes and accidents due to the snap. Realistically she knew there was no way back from this but a part of her couldn’t help but wish for a miracle right about now.

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts when she saw Tony stepping inside the living area. It had been a few weeks since she had seen him let alone heard his voice.

“What are you doing here?” She asked suppressing a smile trying to conceal just how much she missed him.

“What? No ‘How are you, Tony?’ or ‘ I missed you’?” He replied sarcastically as she resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “Anyway the real question is why are you still awake in the middle of the night?”

He asked taking a seat across from her on the table and she looked at the watch realising it was half past three in the morning.

“Technically it’s early morning,” she deadpanned.

“Semantics,” he said with a wave of his hand.

“Yeah, not getting a lot of sleep these days but you can’t really blame me. And I could ask you the same thing considering the fact that you don’t live here anymore.” She couldn’t help but worry about him taking in his disheveled form.

“Bruce needed my help with something and we lost track of time.” He answered finally. She nodded realising she hadn’t seen Bruce in days presumably because he had been cooped up in the workshop.

“So how’s the cabin life treating you?”

“Actually it’s been pretty good. I mean Pepper’s having a hard time coming to terms with it but I think she likes it as well. It’s...peaceful I think,” he admitted thoughtfully rubbing his eyes trying to stifle a yawn.

“You want some coffee?” She asked concerned about him driving home in this state.

“Coffee would be nice,” he said when she moved to start on their brew. “The compound’s kinda quiet,” he remarked after a moment of silence.

“Not a lot us living here anymore.” She turned back to reply seeing him take off his jacket as he moved from the table settling on the couch instead. She carried the mugs over to the couch taking a seat next to him and handing him a cup.

“Did you and Steve talk yet?” She asked cautiously knowing this was a sore spot for both of them.

“Not since my outburst weeks ago. Either way I think we’re way past the talking it out stage now.” A somber expression crossed his face.

“Why aren’t you mad at me?” She asked turning to face him gauging his reaction. Noticing how his lips turned into a thin line when he registers what she’s asking.

“You had your reasons for it. Now just because it was done for the right reason doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. But I understand you did that to ensure that the team stayed together.” He accepted glancing at her.

“I’m sorry. I know it doesn’t mean much right now but if I could take it back I would,” she admitted honestly. He smiled at her taking her hand in his and she tried not to dwell on the sheer domesticity of the situation.

“You know it’s kind of ironic,” he paused for a second seemingly trying to gather his thoughts, “I can’t imagine the amount of people who lost their families because of the snap and here I am having a kid, starting a family. Feels a little ridiculous doesn’t it?” He scoffed, self-loathing lacing his words.

“Don’t do that. Don’t blame this on yourself, Tony,” she said sternly cupping his face to turn him towards her, “If there’s anyone who deserves to be happy then it’s you. I can think of multiple occasions when you put your life on the line for others. I know you don’t always end up doing the right thing, but I know you and I know you try your hardest to do so. What happened with the accords, with Thanos, none of that’s on you. You understand me?” She placated him, one hand caressing his cheek, the other still holding his hand.

Tony stared into her eyes for what felt like hours, trying to decipher this inexplicable connection which they seemed to have formed, wondering when the lines of their friendship had become so blurred.

His phone ringing brings them both out of their stupor. A flash of guilt passes through him seeing the caller ID, mentally reprimanding himself for letting his thoughts stray so far.

“It’s...um... Pepper. She’s probably worried. I should get going,” he mutters half-heartedly, ignoring the part of himself urging him to stay.

“We miss you at the compound you know.” She said her voice barely a whisper. Whatever conviction he had left starts to fall apart as he tried to imagine how lonely she must be in the compound.

“You don’t mean Captain Stars and Stripes himself?” He joked restraining the urge to comfort her, to hold her, extremely aware of his lack of self control at the moment. She shook her head, lips turning up into a rare smile and he considered himself lucky being among the few to be on the receiving end of them.

“I’ll see you later okay?” He said with uncertainty kissing her cheek as she nodded before leaving the room without once turning back.

Natasha wondered if he felt what had just passed between them. She was beginning to realise how hard being just friends with him was turning out to be. Thinking about Pepper and his baby, she knew what she had to do, deciding to put as much distance between them as possible from then onwards.

Natasha gave up trying to sleep that night instead changing into her training gear opting to go to the gym instead only to find Steve already there, hacking at a punching bag repeatedly.

“You must be really stressed,” she quipped leaning against the wall. He stopped his attack on the bag noticing her.

“Couldn’t sleep?” He asked, panting. She shook her head moving forward to the ring in the middle of the room.

“You wanna spar?” She asked needing to take her mind off everything going on around her.

“Sure,” he replied.

What she loved about sparring with Steve was how he never withheld his strength from her, never went easy on her. Even though he had the serum, she had been training in hand to hand combat all her life. After sparring for almost an hour, they walked to the lounge in silence as she started on their coffee. She saw Steve raise his eyebrows noticing the two mugs from last night.

“Tony came over last night,” she explained pointing at the mugs.

“Is he alright?” He asked warily.

“He’s doing really good actually. I heard you didn’t talk to him yet?” She asked trying to disguise the hostility in her tone. Steve had done nothing wrong to her, she reminded herself.

“I don’t know if I should. I did what I thought was right. You didn’t see what they did to Wanda in the raft, Nat. Or what Tony was about to do to Bucky in the bunker,” he explained stubbornly. She shook her head trying to calm herself down before she lashed out.

“Don’t rationalise leaving him out in the cold after you smashed your shield in him.” She said seeing a flash of hurt pass through him. “You owe him an apology,” she said firmly.

“I know. I’m sorry I know I do,” he said rubbing his hands over his face. “I think a part of me resents him for getting out of the snap unscathed. I lost Bucky, Sam and Wanda right in front of my eyes and it’s just overwhelming.”

“I know it’s hard but he lost people too.” She said trying not to be biased when he nodded in reply.

A holographic screen popped up in front of them alerting her of an incoming call from Rhodey.

“Nat? You there?” His voice came through the speakers.

“Is everything okay?” She asked trepidation creeping in knowing Rhodey would never call this early unless it was urgent.

“You know that mercenary, the one assassinating the criminals who survived the snap?”

“Yeah what about him?” Natasha asked confused.

“I tracked him down.” Rhodey replied.

“Well who is it?”

“It’s Clint.”

Chapter Text

It admittedly took Natasha longer than she would have anticipated, to find Clint. After all, he was pretty good at what they did. But it didn’t change the fact that she knew him, probably better than anyone else.

She tracked him to a shabby apartment in Chinatown, only a few blocks away from one of their safe houses. Remaining vigilant, she entered the apartment careful not to make any noise only to find it completely empty. His clothes thrown haphazardly around the room, which was devoid of any personal items other than a bed and his luggage.

As she’s about to leave, dull footsteps alert her of someone’s presence. Taking her position behind a pillar, she unholsters her handgun when she discerns the unmistakable metallic hum of the suit. Reaching the conclusion that it could only belong to one person, she steps out of the shadows just to see Iron Man in the middle of the tiny living room. He retracts his face plate when she takes in his stern expression.

“What the hell are you doing here, Stark?” She spat. Schooling her expression when he visibly recoils at the surname.

“I could ask you the same thing,” he said with a trace of something she couldn’t place. Distress? Concern?

“How did you even find me?” She asked, perturbed by the fact that she could so easily be tailed.

“I might’ve placed trackers in your Widow’s bites,” he confessed at least having the decency to be a little ashamed.

“That’s not possible. I-“

“Do you really think my tech can be detected by regular scanners?” He scoffed holding eye contact.

“Why?” She seethed unable to keep her calm.

“This is why,” he said firmly, pointing around them, “because you’d take it upon yourself to save Barton without thinking of the consequences and you would be too stubborn to even ask for help.” His voice never wavering through his rant and she wondered if she had ever seen him this on edge.

“I need him, Tony.” She pleaded.

“Well I need you to be safe!” He exclaimed.

“He’s not gonna hurt me,” She said trying to convince herself.

“I have seen the footage. That’s not Clint. He’s too far gone, Nat.” He tried to placate her.

“I don’t judge people on their worst mistakes. You of all people should know that.” She admonished.

“God, I just don’t want to lose you,” he said desperately placing his hands on either side of her. She decidedly ignores the hint of protectiveness in his tone or the warmth which spreads through her at the thought.

“He saved me. I’m here right now because he thought I deserved a chance to live, to atone for my mistakes. I owe him my life and I’m gonna be the one to bring him back,” she chided getting out of his hold. He grabbed on to her wrist manoeuvring her towards himself again.

“I know I can’t change your mind once it’s been made up. At least let me help.” He pleaded.

“What makes you think he’ll want to see you? What if you make it worse?” She asked imploring him to back off.

“I just want to protect you. I’m not leaving you alone knowing there’s even a slight chance that he might harm you.” His eyes conveying his despair and she wondered when they started letting their guards down around each other.

What she wanted to do was tell him that she didn’t need protecting but something about his steely eyed determination stopped her.

“Alright. But you’re gonna let me talk to him,” she relented as he nods in confirmation.

She walked out into the night, following his trail. It wasn’t hard to track him, the rumours catching on of the man dressed in black, armed with a katana, slaughtering criminals mercilessly. Her handgun was strapped to her thigh though she direly wished it didn’t come to that. Besides she knew Tony was currently perched on one of these dark rooftops, not close enough to be detected but enough to sweep in if something went wrong.

Standing right behind the man she considered her best friend, taking in the sea of dead bodies he left in his wake, she wondered if Tony was right. He sheathed the Katana on his back, lowering his hood and pulling off his ski mask.

“You shouldn’t be here,” Clint said despondently.

“Neither should you.”

“I’ve got a job to do,” he replied.

“Is that what you’re calling this?” She couldn’t help but berate him.

“Killing all these people isn’t going to bring them back,” she continued.

“You weren’t there. I wasn’t even looking at Laura when it happened. My daughter turned into ash right in my arms.” He wailed.

“I know and I’m sorry I wasn’t there. But I’m here now. And I could really use my best friend right now.” She said taking his hand momentarily worried he wouldn’t squeeze back but he does.

That’s all it’s takes for him to break down. They stay like that for a while, holding each other until Clint’s sobbing gradually recedes.

“Let’s go home?” She said gently pulling back. He nodded much to her relief.

She beckoned Tony over with her fingers when he landed right behind them.

“You brought Stark along?” Clint asked incredulously.

“He didn’t take no for an answer,” she provided glancing at Tony with a smirk.

Tony approached them somewhat apprehensively until he noticed Natasha’s expression as relief flooded through him.

“Hey, buddy,” he greeted Clint with a hug, unsurprised when he didn’t hug him back. They hadn’t exactly parted on the best terms after the accords.

“Nice hair. I guess when you go over to the dark side you gotta change your hairstyle,” he joked only to get a roll of eyes from Natasha and a glare from the archer.

“Right. I guess I’ll just get the jet ready,” he sighed.

Once on the quinjet, the ride back to the compound was fairly uneventful. They finally reached the compound when Natasha started to lead Clint back to his room, turning back to Tony.

“I’m just gonna make sure he gets settled in properly,” she provided expecting him to go back home.

“I think I’ll stick around for a while,” he replied, the implication not lost on either of them. Their talks had become a daily part of their routine and as much as she didn’t want to admit it out loud, they were probably the only highlight of her days. 

“Okay. I won’t be long,” she said giving him a smile.

Chapter Text

Tony wasn’t sure what prompted him to stay, being well aware of the fact that it was getting late and Pepper wouldn’t appreciate him suiting up again, but he couldn’t leave without at least apologising to Natasha about ambushing her. Intruding upon a moment which was supposed to be only her and Barton’s. Their friendship never failed to amaze him, reminding him of the many instances they literally risked their lives for each other, from Loki to Ultron and now from Barton’s own killing spree.

Natasha entered the room while he was seated in the lounge, dressed in pajamas and a hoodie, looking somewhat at ease for the first time since the snap.

“Is he alright?” Tony asked, not being able to shake his anxiousness just yet. In his defense, Barton was assassinating criminals on the streets of New York a mere two hours ago. So he was allowed to be a little uneasy. Not that he would ever mention that in front of Natasha.

“Just a little on edge but that’s expected,” she replied hair still damp from the shower as she took a seat next to him.

“Listen, I’m sorry,” he said once they were settled on the couch. She looked at him in confusion, urging him to elaborate.

“I had no right to stop you. I doubt you’d have listened to me either way but I couldn’t take that risk,” he apologised again.

“Why?” She asked, her voice managing to waver through that one word.

“Why what?” He questioned cautiously taking in her pained expression.

“Why do you care what happens to me?” She asked firmly, her eyes frantically searching his.

“Who else is gonna put up with my whining?” He joked, once again hiding behind his carefully constructed mask but the flash of hurt crossing Natasha’s eyes as she looks away makes him reconsider. He owes her the truth.

“Because you’ve always been there for me. I already lost the kid. I couldn’t bare to lose you too,” he admitted tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, ignoring the flutter in his chest as she leans in to his touch before continuing, “and if something happened to you then that would be on me.” They held each other’s gaze for a while drifting into a comfortable silence.

“Thanks, Tony. It helped knowing you were there as much as I wanted to believe Clint wouldn’t hurt me.” She said with a smile.

“I would’ve followed you even if you declined my offer,” he shrugged.

“I would have liked to see you try,” She chuckled.

“Hey, I know you could probably lose me but you’re seriously undermining Friday,” he huffed crossing his arms clearly offended. She shook her head with an amused smile.

“So I thought you were retired,” she began.

“I was retired until you decided to chase Barton.” He muttered knowing she would see through him.

“That’s bullshit. Do you really expect me to believe that’s not a new suit?” She narrowed her eyes.

“You’re way too observant you know that?” He asked rubbing his eyes as Natasha looked at him expectantly.

“The suit and I are one. Pepper doesn’t understand that. She wants me to stop and I get that. But I don’t think I can,” he admitted sheepishly.

“When’s the baby due?” She asked curiously.

“In about four months. We have a sonogram scheduled this week to determine the sex,” he said with a hint of pride in his voice. He still hadn’t quite come to terms with the fact that he was going to be a father.

“That’s great,” she said genuinely happy for them.

“Except I’m gonna screw it up. Dad wasn’t the greatest so I’ll probably be just as bad,” he sighed.

“You’re not Howard. I think you’re gonna be at least decent,” she smiled reassuringly, “besides Pepper’s there to counteract whatever you mess up,” she teased pleased to see a smile on his face.

“Were you and Barton ever a thing?” He asked never being one for self-preservation.

“Well when someone saves you from years of brainwashing and gives you a chance to leave that life behind, you tend to develop a crush. Until I met Laura and became the godmother to his kids,” she supplied.

They had been chatting for a while before dozing off right on the couch until Friday’s voice woke him up indicating that it was late. He sensed pressure against his shoulder looking down to see red hair sprawled against his chest. Stifling a yawn he carefully moved her off him, restraining the smile which threatened to cross his lips.

“Tash, I’m going home. It’s late,” he whispered when she stirred in her sleep leaving her on the couch draping a blanket over her sleeping form.

He finally reached home, desperately hoping Pepper would be asleep, opening the door and stepping inside his room. Finding her awake on the side of the bed, undoubtedly waiting for him with a phone in her hand, he started to rack his brain for excuses.

“What’s wrong with you, Tony?” She asked, disappointment clear in her voice.

“Pep, I’m sorry-“

“I’m sure you are. I’m used to you locking yourself up in the lab all day. But you can’t come home at four in the morning and expect me to be okay with it!” She exclaimed turning to him.

“I just uh I had to help Natasha with Clint and I lost track of time,” he explained only to be interrupted by her.

“Help? As in you suited up again?” She snapped glaring at him. There was no point in lying so he nodded at her straining to maintain eye contact.

“I can’t believe you. You’re gonna be a dad for godsakes!” She paced the room and all he could do was apologise stepping towards her and gathering her in his arms.

“I know. I’m sorry.” He said holding her, mentally rebuking himself for hurting her yet again.

“Just promise me you’re gonna stop,” she mumbled into his shirt. He kissed her instead, pointedly avoiding making a promise he was sure he couldn’t keep.

Lying in Pepper’s arms that night, he couldn’t help but wonder why this felt so wrong. His thoughts unwittingly drifted back to his kid, and the redhead he couldn’t seem to get out of his mind.

Chapter Text

Tony stared with disbelief, the picture of his daughter’s ultrasound in his hand, struggling to wrap his mind around the fact that he was going to be a father in less than four months. Never in a million years did he think this was within a radar of possibility for him. Certainly not after Afghanistan or becoming Iron Man. He remembered seeing the look of sheer incredulity followed by affection on his face mirrored on Pepper’s, the steady rhythm of their daughter’s heartbeat resonating across the room. In that moment he knew there was nothing he wouldn’t do to protect her. His Daughter.

Dropping Pepper off at the office after her demands about seeing through as many deals as possible before her maternity leave, the workaholic that she was, he seemed to drive to the compound unwittingly. With Rhodey abroad overseeing a military weapons deal, there was only one other person he could confide in.

Finding the compound relatively empty, he went to the lab deciding to wait for Natasha while working on improvements for Clint’s arrows when Friday informed him that Natasha was in fact in the gym and would be joining him a while later.

A knock on the door interrupted him as he turned around, fully expecting Natasha only to be met by Steve.

In the months since he had been back on Earth, this was the first time that they had been alone in a room. Tony wasn’t overly excited to see what this would lead to.

“I saw your car parked outside so I thought-“ Steve said as warmly as he could manage. His rigid posture radiating his discomfort.

“What do you need, Cap?” Tony cut him off saving them both from what was sure to be uncomfortable small talk.

“I wanted to apologise,” Steve admitted after a moment of hesitation, stepping inside the lab.

“Right,” a sardonic smile gracing his face, “about what exactly? Because I can think of quite a few things,” he sneered, determined not to let this affect him.

“About everything. Howard’s death, the bunker. I shouldn’t have kept the truth from you. It just never felt like the right time to bring it up.” Steve said, a hint of regret in his voice.

“How did you know?” He asked, clenching his fists, trying to keep his calm.

“When Shield fell, from Zola,” Steve answered before quickly adding,“but we didn’t know it was Bucky.”

“Oh don’t bullshit me, Rogers. Why didn’t you tell me then?” He asked, desperately needing answers.

“I’m sorry I was busy getting blown up,” he said arms crossed defensively.

“You mean after dismantling an entire organisation, divulging centuries worth of secrets, you couldn’t find a moment to call me and let me know that that same crazy Nazi cult sent the mercenary that killed my parents?” he lashed out unable to keep his anger under control any longer. Before Steve had a chance to talk, “What about all that disapproval you displayed towards me because of Ultron, Mr. sometimes my teammates don’t tell me things!” he shouted calling him out on his hypocrisy.

“Tony, I had no clue how you would react and I didn’t want to hurt you unnecessarily,” Steve said stepping towards him in an attempt to calm him down.

“Is that why you disabled my suit and left me to freeze to death?” He snapped, flashes of the bunker, the shield slamming into his chest clouding his mind. He sensed Steve faltering, his eyes glued to the ground.

“I’m sorry. I was just trying to keep you from hurting Bucky,” He apologised, shoulders drooping with shame.

“You’re sorry? Really? Is that why you sent me that fucking pathetic excuse of a letter?” He scowled, the frustration evident on his face.

Ever since returning from Siberia, Tony wondered if he was actually aiming for his head instead deciding to disable his suit at the last minute. He turned around, leaning against the table in the workshop to maintain his balance, restraining himself from doing something he’ll regret.

After a long while, regaining some semblance of control, he spoke up again, “I wish I could say bygones, Cap but things just won’t be the same again.”

“I know, Tony. It’s my fault. I just didn’t think it would lead to this.” Steve sighed rubbing his hands over his face.

“It’s about trust, Steve. You broke my trust.” He said tiredly, a pained expression taking over. Steve nodded in reply.

“I just hope that someday you can forgive me,” Steve said defeatedly, glancing at him once before leaving the lab.

Natasha was in the middle of sparring with Clint when Friday notified her of Tony’s arrival.

“Tell him I’ll be there in a minute,” she said looking up at the ceiling. Clint raised an eyebrow that she shrugged off.

“What’s up with you and Stark?” Clint asked as she was towelling off, stilling at his question.

“What do you mean?” She deflected, hoping Clint wouldn’t see through her.

“He’s been here everyday for the past week,” he said pointedly.

“It’s technically his compound,” she retorted.

“You know what I mean,” he said exasperatedly.

“What are you implying, Clint? He’s my friend,” she stated trying to maintain an air of confidence.

“Oh no. I’m your friend. Whatever you and Stark are, it’s definitely not friends,” he snickered challenging her to oppose him.

“Did you forget that he’s engaged? Or that he’s about to have a kid with Pepper?” She said defensively.

“Remind me again, do you suddenly stop being attracted to others because you’re engaged?” He teased falling back to their banter. If this wasn’t something that hit too close to home, Natasha would be relived to see Clint smiling again after all that he went through. But now all she could do was try to maintain her facade.

“Talking to him helps. He’s the only one who’s been there for me since the snap, Clint. That’s all this is,” she chided the warning clear in her tone.

“Don’t pretend with me, Nat. Like I didn’t just see your face lighten up the moment Friday mentioned him,” he admonished.

Mentally chastising herself for being so transparent, she desperately tried to convince him otherwise.

“I’m sorry. Are we in high school right now?” She retorted.

“Look, I don’t want you getting hurt. If you-“ he began.

“That’s enough. There’s nothing between us. Don’t push it, Clint,” She warned when he finally nodded backing off.

Taking in the scene at the lab, Natasha stopped dead in her tracks. Steve and Tony were obviously fighting inside the lab which was soundproof. Steve leaning against the door, shoulder slumped while Tony stood in the middle of the room waving his arms blatantly shouting about something.

Deciding not to intrude upon a conversation which was long overdue, she patiently waited outside until Steve left the room. She didn’t bother hiding.

Engrossed in whatever just transpired inside the lab, he ran into her as she reached out to steady him.

“What happened?” She asked when he registered her presence.

“I tried to apologise. I think I might’ve made things worse,” he sighed remorsefully getting out of her hold, heading towards his room.

Proceeding towards the lab cautiously, she saw Tony banging on a piece of metal with a sledgehammer which she doubted had anything to do with an invention rather than being a source for venting his frustration.

“That bad huh?” She remarked, when he turned at her voice dropping the tool on the table. He leaned against the table opting to remain quiet in favour of running his hands through his hair. They drifted off into a repressive silence so unlike what they were used to. His usual relaxed demeanour replaced by his clenched jaw, his expression a mixture of anger, hurt, betrayal as she took in the broken man in front of her.

“I was happy today. Not just happy...elated,” he said dejectedly. She stepped towards him, urging him to continue, grateful for once that he wasn’t shutting himself off.

“I found out I was going to have a daughter. But now I can’t even stop thinking about my parents’ death,” he snarled hitting the table as she stood rooted to her position unflinchingly.

“It’s a girl?” She asked hoping to ease some of his pain.

He nodded with a teary smile passing the picture to her. Restraining the smile threatening to cross her face as she stared at the tiny blotch on the ultrasound.

“I guess the apology didn’t go as planned then,” she grimaced.

“He knew for years and never once thought to let me know. Berating me about Ultron, calling me out for keeping secrets from the team all the while looking for my own parent’s murderer using my funding,” he shouted turning away from her.

“I know. I can’t justify his actions, Tony but in his own convoluted way I think he thought he was sparing you,” she placated reaching out a hand on his shoulder turning him to face her when he shrugged her off.

“For fucks sake Natasha. You weren’t there in Siberia,” he all but growled moving out of her grip.

“I know you’re angry at Steve, even Barnes but he’s gone now. We’re the ones remaining and we have to move on,” she pleaded.

She heard mutters of “he killed my mom”, her heart constricting in pain for the man in front of her.

“I know Steve’s at fault here. But you forgave me. Can’t you do the same for him?”

“Somehow it’s easier to forgive when the person didn’t defend my parents’ murderer,” he replied bitterly.

Moving to him determined to ease some of his pain, she cupped his cheek,

“We have to stop placing blame, Tony. Am I to be blamed for the innocents they made me kill? Hell I don’t even remember half of them. Brainwashing does that to you,” she said self-reproachfully. He stared at her, uncharacteristically quite.

“Nat...” Tony sighed, suddenly aware of the tears she was holding in, hands instinctively going to her waist.

Of course he knew about her past. The first thing he did after hacking into Shield’s mainframe was peruse her file. Though there were chunks of data missing which he assumed were details too gory to be stored electronically. Right now, seeing how much it affected her enraged him beyond belief.

“Who the hell cares what you did in the past?” His expression somewhere between murderous and sorrowful, aware of just how much the Red Room, KGB, Hydra put her through.

“That’s a little hypocritical coming from you. Almost sounds like you didn’t spend the better part of the last decade repenting for Obadiah’s sins,” she quipped seeing the tension seep from Tony’s shoulder. His lips tipped up in a smile, his appearance turning wistful.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that,” Tony muttered leaning in. She closed her eyes vaguely aware of his hands on her waist, their lips hovering bare centimetres apart when she realised what they were about to do. Her eyes snapped open as she stepped back taking in the shock in his eyes. She moved out of his reach then rushed out of the room as fast as her feet would allow without once glancing back at him.

Chapter Text

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid

What the hell was wrong with him? After years of secrets, lies, deceit now that they were finally comfortable enough to let their guards down around each other, he had to go ahead and try to kiss her like a dim-witted idiot. Would she even want to see him again? If her reaction was any evidence then he had managed to ruin what was already a fragile relationship.

Tony visibly cringed at the reminder of her rushing out of the room. Natasha guarded her secrets with her life, her past being nothing but a cluster of vividly gruesome events. Sure there were speculations, but no one had a complete picture of the enigma that was Black Widow bar Clint, he presumed. So when she opened up to him about her past, her eyes open, honest and so damn vulnerable he couldn’t help but try to comfort her in the only way he knew how, unintentionally overstepping.

Somehow managing to drive home without crashing the car, he exhaled a sigh of relief, realising Pepper wasn’t home. Oh God, Pepper. What was he doing dwelling on Natasha again? Immediately chastising himself for being so self-involved, he texted her only to get a reply which was expected and had been a recurring occurrence ever since he had been back.

Pepper: Caught up at work. Won’t be home till late.

With her as the CEO of Stark Industries and his stint as Iron Man, juggling a relationship had always been stressful but he could freely admit it had never gotten this worse. He had finally agreed to stop making suits and actually retiring this time around and so far was keeping his end of the deal. A surge of irritation coursed through him at Pepper’s indifference. Weren’t they supposed to work on this together?

She pointedly avoided him, drowning herself in her work. The only civil conversations they had were the ones involving their child otherwise opting to grunt and nod in response barely acknowledging each other. At this rate he wasn’t sure if this was yet another one of their off-again phases where Pepper needed some distance to cope with him or if this was finally the demise of their relationship. For the sake of his kid, he sure as hell hoped it wasn’t the latter.

A month. An entire month without either talking to Natasha or seeing her. For all he knew, she didn’t want to see him which would explain why she didn’t bother to reach out since that night. Swallowing his pride, he decided to just apologise without overthinking it. He needed her, needed to talk to her. Going so far as to admit, albeit begrudgingly, that he missed her.

The compound which was once a safe haven now served as a dull reminder of how the Avengers fell apart. A faint hum of classical music reached his ears, he followed it to the gym, curiosity peaking when he noticed Natasha dancing in the corner. While he was aware that she was a dancer, trained in ballet, nothing could have prepared him for the scene in front of him. The poise and grace in every step, every movement rooted him to his spot leaving him gaping. Leaning against the door, he knew she felt his eyes on her, not that he was hiding his awe. Disappointment flowed through him when she finished with a leap, propelling herself to the air gracefully and landing firmly on her feet.

Stepping towards her, he grabbed a towel which she hesitantly accepted, finally holding his gaze.

“How have I never seen you dance before?” He asked still mesmerised by her performance.

“You’d actually have to leave the lab for that,” she deadpanned. His lips tipped up in a smirk, grateful to see the playful gleam in her eyes. Maybe he hadn’t messed things up beyond repair after all.

“Seriously, that was beautiful, Tasha,” he said earnestly.

“Uh...I’m a little rusty.” She averted his eyes suddenly thrown off by the genuine compliment.

“Totally explains how you could get your leg up that high,” he teased deciding to keep it light.

Shaking her head in amusement she smiled at him.

“I guess I haven’t kept up with practice the last few years. It’s just one of the few things I can look back fondly to you know?” She admitted, a little surprised at how easy it was with Tony, taking off her pointe shoes.

He got that. He really did. Tethering himself to a fond memory, something to remind him of happier times when things got rough.

“Maybe I should build you a dance studio,” his voice distant and she could see the wheels turning in his head as he already started planning.

“I mean it’s only fair since Clint got an archery range,” she joked taking him out of his thoughts.

“It’s not like I can’t afford it,” he said slipping into a comfortable banter.

“Speaking of, where’s Barton?” He looked around inquisitively fully expecting the archer to be in the gym.

“We just finished sparring a while ago. He’s probably in the shower,” she answered as he nodded.

“Why are you here, Tony?” She asked, voice barely a whisper reminding him of the last time they spoke.

Why is he here really? He should be at home, with his fiancé, his fiancé who’s pregnant with his child nonetheless, instead of trying to fix a mistake which never should have happened with a woman he was obviously falling for. his friend.

“You know what happened the last time I was here. You were trying to help me and I was such an idiot. I didn’t mean for it to happen. It just kind of happened. Not that-“ he babbled on nervously.

“You’re rambling, Tony,” she sighed.

“Ugh what I mean to say is I’m sorry. I wasn’t coming on to you or trying anything,” he admitted finally dropping his head in his hands.

“I wasn’t gonna blame you for that,” she said incredulously. If anything she blamed herself for letting her guard down.

Immediately whipping up his head, the surprise visible in his eyes, he gushed, “Really? It’s just that you haven’t called or texted since then. I guess I thought you were mad at me.”

“We got caught up in the moment. It wasn’t your fault,” she said wistfully, trying to be as convincing as possible.

“So we’re okay right?” He asked cautiously, gauging her reaction, always, always trying to figure her out. She nodded in response as he exhaled a sigh of relief.

“Well Pepper banned me from my own lab and from making suits so maybe I could help you guys with your gear?” He said hopefully moving towards the elevator.

A brief flicker of surprise flashed in her expression which he undoubtedly noticed. Getting on the elevator along with him, she pressed the button for the workshop. Immediately regretting her decision when he silently studied her. Being confined to a small space with him was a terrible idea.

“What? You’re not gonna ask me what’s wrong?” He asked breaking the tortuous silence.

“It’s not my place,” she provided before continuing, ”Besides, knowing Pepper I can guess what it’s about.” It was no secret that Pepper didn’t support Tony being a superhero.

“Yet you seem surprised,” he remarked.

“I’m surprised because it’s the first time you listened to her,” she clarified noticing him faltering at her admission.

“Yeah, I’m gonna be a dad. Gotta be responsible and all that,” he said waving his hands flippantly.

“Right,” she said seemingly unsatisfied with his answer when the doors opened and they walked out into the workshop.

Tony craned his neck into the room looking for Bruce, surprised when he wasn’t there.

“Where’s Bruce?” The confusion evident on his face multiplying when she simply shrugged.

“You know with only four people living here, I would think you’d be better at keeping track of them,” he said sarcastically.

“Everyone’s dealing in there own way, Tony. Anyway, I’ve no clue what but Bruce has been working on something for a while now. Even though I should probably just ask you,” she said raising her eyebrows.

“It’s not my secret to tell,” he responded. He was aware of Bruce trying to merge the Hulk and himself. A middle ground of sorts. Bruce asked him for help but this was way outside his wheelhouse.

Natasha walked over to the armoury taking a few of her gadgets out before walking over to him.

“Since you’re so obviously distraught, I’m gonna throw you a bone,” she said placing her bites in front of him. He looked at her expectantly when she continued, “You can upgrade them. But nothing over the top,” she said sternly. A gleeful expression took over his face as he nodded.

“Trust me I have enough ideas,” he said confidently as he got to work.

As Tony raved on about increasing firepower and making minor enhancements, she decided to keep him company. Natasha couldn’t help but admire him when he was in his element. The world didn’t understand Tony Stark. They thought he didn’t care enough but the truth was- he cared too much.

Always inventing armours, weapons to protect the ones around him, sacrificing himself, his happiness whenever the situation demanded for it only to be misunderstood, betrayed and hurt at every turn. She was guilty of that as much as anyone else. But here in his lab, with his machines, inventions, things he could fix he was at his happiest. Fixing things, building suits was his way of remaining in control and she couldn’t help but loathe Pepper just a little for taking that away from him.

When he was finally finished, he urged her on to try it. Letting out a little squee of excitement when the bites successfully managed to blow a hole through the dummy situated on the other side of the room before pumping his fist in the air.

His mirth was contagious as she let out a small laugh. All their life they were taught, trained to be what the world expected of them. Her training as a spy and his to put up a mask every time he was in public. For all his arrogance and flair, Tony Stark was unabashedly human and she couldn’t help but fall for him all over again.

Chapter Text

When Tony was finally satisfied with his inventive binge which ended up involving updating almost all of her gear, which was somewhat redundant but she let him anyway, he tried to convince her to let him build her a suit.

“Sure the catsuit’s hot but it doesn’t do much to protect you,” he retorted.

“You know I rely on my agility on the field. A suit only gets in the way of that,” she countered rolling her eyes.

“First of all your lack of trust wounds me. Secondly, it’s only a matter of time before some other life altering event comes along and I doubt you can deal much damage in that suit,” he tried to persuade her.

Visibly shrinking when she narrows her eyes, he quickly adds, “I mean it’s not that you can’t handle yourself. It’s just for your safety, Tasha,” he sighed.

While she found his concern endearing, that was the last thing she wanted to think about right now.

“That’s nothing we need to be concerned about right now,” she soothed realising just how much this affected him.

“Besides, having one shell head on the team is tiring enough.”

“Technically I’m retired,” he corrected.

“Uh huh,” she said sarcastically. This woman was exhausting.

Tony flashed her a grin instead deciding to stop being adamant at that instant but he knew this discussion was far from over.

Completely aware that there was no reason for him to stick around any longer, he made up his mind to stay anyway when she fixed her eyes on him with a sad, almost melancholy look.

She was taken aback to say the least when Tony began to lead them to the screening room. Now that they were curled up on the couch watching a movie, maintaining what she could only call a safe distance which she assumed was his way of ensuring that night wasn’t repeated, she racked her brain for a logical explanation to all of this, coming up with none.

Halfway through the movie when she couldn’t be bothered to keep up with the story any longer she focused her attention on Tony.

They didn’t speak about Peter, Laura or the kids, Wanda, T’Challa, Bucky or anyone they lost in the snap. They didn’t talk about his ongoing issues with Pepper. They just sat in silence keeping each other company. It’s the silence that astounded her. The fact that he stayed only for the sake of keeping her company.

Giving up the pretense of actually watching the movie, Tony turned towards her, his gaze piercing and intent as she had to force herself not to look away.

She made a gesturing motion when a holographic screen appeared with a list of names.

“These are the kids who lost their parents in the snap or don’t have anyone looking after them,” she said hesitantly breaking the silence.

“Okay?” He urged her to continue.

“I’ve been thinking about helping them. Maybe getting them a place, supplies, caretakers and the sort,” she informed him, searching his eyes for a reaction.

“That’s really thoughtful, Nat.” He smiled at her as a sense of pride washes over him.

“As long as people volunteer,” she said with a rueful smirk.

“I know they will,” Tony reassured her taking her hand and squeezing it once. It wasn’t lost on her how Tony still had faith in humanity. He was a rare blend of hopeful and cynical. Even though his personal experiences made him distrustful of people on a normal basis, he couldn’t help but hope for the best, for a better future.

“So did you guys set a date yet?” She questioned not completely sure if she wanted an answer.

His face scrunches up in confusion before realization dawns on him.

“I guess we haven’t really spoken about it. You know with the baby and everything,” he stumbled over his words, taken off guard by the question. Shaking the nagging feeling off his mind when he realised they hadn’t broached the topic once since he’s been back.

Why hadn’t they spoken about getting married yet? Specially when Pepper raved about the wedding quite frequently before the snap.

Natasha’s overwhelmed by a sense of relief at his answer which she immediately pushes off her mind. Deciding to ignore his hesitation knowing he would only get defensive if she pushed, she tabled the discussion for that moment.

“I don’t think I’m ready, Nat,” he whispered with a sharp intake of breath.

“The baby?” She asked softly, aware of just how terrified the idea of being a father made him. At the same time she was unnerved seeing him confide in her.

“What if I screw it up? I don’t want her to go through what I did,” he admitted eyes wide with honesty.

“You won’t,” she said sternly making it clear this wasn’t up for discussion. Warmth spreading across his veins at her unwavering trust in him.

Something poignant passes between them, the lines getting too blurred for comfort when Natasha averts his eyes.

“And it’s not like you haven’t had enough practice,” she joked. For someone as doubtful of his ability to be a father, Tony was clearly meant for it. She saw it with the kid from Tennessee, the Spiderkid even with Cooper, Lila and Nathaniel. Suddenly realising what she implied, reprimanding herself for bringing up Peter, she hoped it wouldn’t reopen old wounds. To her relief his lips tipped up in a smile.

Tony doesn’t linger on the fact that he only ever genuinely smiles around her these days.

“Uh it’s getting late. I should probably get going,” he said looking at his watch.

Natasha buries the feeling of disappointment at his comment opting to just nod instead.

As Tony shrugs on his jacket, he glances back and turns toward her,

“You wanna drop by for dinner tomorrow?” He asked of his own volition.

“You sure? Won’t Pepper mind?” Her eyes widening in surprise.

“Yeah I’m sure she’ll love the company,” he assured her even though he wasn’t.

“Okay,” she agreed wondering if this was a mistake. Why would she willingly put herself through the pain of seeing Pepper and Tony together?

“I just don’t like the idea of you being alone in the compound,” he said earnestly taking in her expression, raw and vulnerable as an overwhelming urge to protect and comfort her consumes him.

What she should have said was that she wasn’t alone, she had Clint now to keep her company but even then she knew she would be lying if she said she didn’t miss him, that the only time she really felt happy was when he was around.

Moving slowly, giving her the option to back off, he wrapped his arms around her feeling her stiffen slightly. Letting out a sigh when she reciprocated, tucking her head under his chin, holding on to her longer then necessary.

“Am I interrupting something?” Clint’s voice chimes in from the door as they separate somewhat reluctantly.

“Nah I was just heading home, Barton,” Tony said with an edge to his voice. Decidedly ignoring his irritation at being interrupted, Natasha waves him goodbye as he leaves the room smiling at her.

A heavy silence settles in the room as Clint takes a seat next to her.

“What are you doing, Nat?”

To anyone else that question might seem vague but Natasha knew him too well at this point and so did he. Not an ounce of judgment in his tone, Clint was, as always just looking after her.

“I don’t know,” she admitted.

Torturing herself over something which would never happen was an infallible way to get hurt. At this point, she’s not sure if she will ever recover from this.

Tony drives home, confident that he would be returning to an empty bed again which is why he is surprised when he sees Pepper getting ready for bed.

Now in her third trimester, with their baby due in less than three months, Tony couldn’t help but wish things were different. Sure he was terrified but it didn’t stop him from being any less excited at the prospect of having a baby or the strange feeling of protectiveness which came with it.

As Pepper slowly waddled to the bed in her maternity wear, he winced realising it didn’t invoke anything substantial in him. Pushing the thought from his mind, determined to make things right between them, he approached her.

“You’re home early,” he began.

“I decided to start my leave from today,” she said slowly, gauging his reaction.

“That’s great,Pep,” he said genuinely happy about her decision.

“I want to work on us, Tony.” Her eyes hopeful.

“We will,” he said pressing his lips to hers, laying down next to her as she gives him a contented smile.

This doesn’t feel right, his heart screams.

“By the way, I invited Nat and Rhodey over for dinner,” he explained. It was supposed to be just Natasha but realising it might be somewhat awkward he called Rhodey on the way home asking him to join them.

“Okay. I guess we could use the break,” she smiled at him. Wrapping his arms around her, he decided he would do whatever it took to salvage this relationship.

Struggling to get over his fixation with Natasha, he wondered if things would ever go back to normal as he tried to quell the feeling of guilt plaguing him.

Chapter Text

Natasha was exhausted. People would assume halving the population of the world would also mean reduced crime rates but that was as far from the reality as possible. Admittedly taking down an entire crime syndicate singlehandedly was satisfying to say the least but she had to give credit where it was due. It was ingenious to resume drug trade right when all law and order enforcing organisations were ineffective.

Now that she was done tracking the cartel, tearing down their storehouses and handing them over to the police, she could finally breath a sigh of relief. While she was skeptical in the beginning, she’s now glad she didn’t involve Clint in the mission considering the last time he came to blows with the yakuza he ended up killing most of them, the kind of guilt he would have a hard time getting over, that she knew.

In the midst of her stitching up the wound on her forehead, Steve entered the room, knocking to get her attention.

“What happened?” He asked worriedly, pointing at the bruises.

“Just another mission,” she said flippantly, always downplaying her injuries.

“You need some help?” He offered but she shook her head dismissively.

Steve was more than accustomed to her evading tactics. Even though he had arguably known her for years, probably better than anyone else on the team, he wondered if there was ever anything resembling genuine friendship between them or if it was just about convenience and opportunity for her.

Now that they had the time he wanted or at least hoped to tear down her walls and get her to open up to him. Bucky was gone, so was Sam and Wanda. He wasn’t about to lose the only other person he really considered a friend.

“I should see the other guy right?” He joked instead hoping she would let her guard down.

She shook her head in amusement then asked,

“Where have you been, Steve?”

“I got a place in Brooklyn,” he admitted.

“Thought you couldn’t afford it,” she quipped as he let out a small laugh.

In hindsight, she should’ve expected it. Steve wasn’t even remotely ready to get back to being an Avenger again let alone being in charge of a team. Besides, she would be lying if she said she hadn’t noticed his blatant attempts at distancing himself from everyone. They were all partially responsible for what went down with Thanos so she understood his need to blame himself.

“I actually started to lead a support group recently,” he muttered somewhat anxious about her reaction.

Natasha’s eyes widened before she composed herself.

“I know, I know. That’s the last thing you expected me to say,” he said defending himself from the onslaught of teasing sure to come.

“No. I think that’s great,” she said giving his hand a squeeze. It was his way to cope while helping people with their loss and however surprised she may be, she couldn’t help but admire him for that. It was easy to hold a grudge against him when she thought about how he hurt Tony but Steve was trying and right now that had to enough.

Just then a text on her phone interrupted their moment.

Tony: Romanoff, don’t think I forgot about dinner. Get your ass over here.

Resisting the urge to smile, she noticed Steve’s expectant look.

“I’m supposed to have dinner with Tony and Pepper tonight,” she explained. For a split second, she was tempted to ask him to join them eventually deciding against it, aware of the fact that it would only cause more tension between the two men.

“Don’t let me keep you,” he said getting up from his seat.

“Are you moving out today?” She asked putting on her jacket.

“I’m gonna be here for a few more days actually,” Steve replied as she nodded.

She was almost at the door when Steve stopped her.

“Uh Nat I was...I was wondering if you’d like to get coffee tomorrow?” Steve stuttered.

“I’m not sure about tomorrow. Maybe some other day?” She questioned somewhat confused. It wasn’t like him to be so formal.

“I mean we could get dinner together or a movie. Whatever you prefer,” Steve said sheepishly as realisation hit her like a truck.

“Steve-“ she started completely blindsided by his admission. Captain freaking America just asked her out on a date.

“When? How? I had no clue,” she asked, confusion etched across her face.

“Back when we were running missions together. You were always trying to set me up on dates and I never could admit you were the one I really wanted,” he admitted averting her eyes clearly uncomfortable with the situation.

“There’s someone else,” she blurted out, immediately regretting it when Steve raised his eyebrow questioningly hurt flashing in his eyes. It’s the truth, she thinks. Even if it’s unrequited, it’s there, the feelings will always be there. There’s no way she would ever admit that to Tony but that didn’t change anything.

“Is it someone-“ he began before reigning himself in. “Forget it. Why did you never tell me?” He asked instead.

“It didn’t matter. Apart from that Steve, we would never work out,” she stated. Her lying and manipulation and his need for complete disclosure would only result in heartbreak.

Leaving him in her office without waiting for a response, she left the compound and headed towards the cabin. She could only hope that dinner wasn’t as disastrous as her conversation with Steve.

Pepper was used to being the one in Tony’s life who knew him better than anyone else or at least that’s what she assumed. Dealing with his quirks, managing his business and to some extent his life for over a decade provided her with an insight into Tony Stark, the man behind the armour which the world wasn’t privy to. Before she even knew it, she was in love with the guy.

When Tony mentioned dinner to her, all she could think was what could possibly go wrong. That was until she was aware of the changed status quo between her fiancé and Natasha Romanov. Over the years she had picked up on the way Tony glanced at the women he wanted, it was her responsibility to take care of them the next morning after all. Now seeing the same look reflected in his eyes when he looked at the assassin threatened her beyond measure.

It started out innocently of course. Opening the door to Natasha, she noticed both her and Tony’s eyes seeking each other out. The way his face contorted in pain as soon as he took in the stitches on her forehead and moved her to the side after they were done exchanging pleasantries.

“What the hell happened?” Tony inquired brushing a thumb across Natasha’s forehead and her stitches gently. It almost made her feel like she was intruding on something personal.

“It’s not a big deal. Relax, shellhead,” Natasha soothed exasperatedly but the fondness in her tone didn’t go unnoticed by Pepper.

Rhodey’s arrival a moment later saved her from feeling like an utter third wheel. As the night progressed, Pepper couldn’t help but feel completely out of the loop.

“How’s everything at the compound?” Rhodey asked from his seat next to her as they sat around the table with Natasha and Tony across from her.

“As well as can be expected. Mainly petty crimes below our pay grade but we go and help out anyway. Otherwise Clint and I spend most of the day training,” Natasha replied.

“Please, she’s being modest. Didn’t you just take down an entire drug cartel alone?” Tony intervened.

“Without any back up. Which was a questionable decision to say the least,” Tony chastised further, disapproval visible in his eyes. Pepper recognised the warning in his tone as he silently reprimanded Natasha for her carelessness.

“You’re the only one here with self-sacrificing tendencies, Tony,” she teased. Pepper didn’t miss the glare she sent Tony’s way suggesting him to stop prodding or the way he shrugged it off.

Since when could they communicate so well through only their expressions? How much had changed between them? Glancing at Rhodey she was sure he could see it as well.

Pepper cleared her throat before asking, “Doesn’t it get lonely in the compound?”

“Sometimes. Bruce barely leaves the workshop and Steve’s been busy lately. But Clint’s around now and I’ve had pretty good company,” she said winking at Tony imperceptibly as he barely managed to hide his smile. Suddenly engulfed by the feeling of insecurity, she wondered if that’s where he had been all those times she was unaware of his whereabouts.

To anyone else the rest of the night would have been uneventful with Rhodey and Tony discussing animatedly about the military, war machine’s deployment, calling dibs as the baby’s godfather or Natasha chiming in everyone once in a while but she barely payed attention to her surroundings, focusing on the subtle glances exchanged between Tony and Natasha or the way they seemed to have inside jokes all of sudden. 

For the umpteenth time that night, Pepper found herself wondering how things had shifted so drastically in a matter of weeks.

Natasha left early with excuses about having to work early the next morning.

“You sure you don’t wanna stick around longer, Tasha?”

Tasha? Pepper felt her breath catch in her throat.

“I’ll see you later, Tony,” Natasha said declining his offer, giving him a sideways hug as he saw her to the door.

Rhodey wasn’t naive and the apologetic look he sent her way before hugging her, convinced her that he had sensed just what she had.

When they were finally gone, Pepper wordlessly moved to their room with Tony trailing behind.

“That was fun,” he said coming up behind her to place his hands on her hips completely oblivious to the resentment raging within her. Getting out of his hold, she fought the urge to snap at him.

“What’s wrong? Pep-“ he asked gripping her hand and moving her to face him.

“Are you sleeping with her?” She asked unable to help the self-doubt creeping in.

“What? Are you serious?” Tony exclaimed disbelievingly.

“It’s a yes or no question, Tony.”

“No. That’s ridiculous. Do you really think I’d do that to you? That we would do that to you?” He yelled trying to figure out what went wrong.

“I can’t remember the last time you looked at me like that,” she sighed. If there’s one person who deserved her complete and unwavering trust then that was Tony. When he denied her allegations, she believed him but that didn’t make it any easier. They had been dancing around their issues for months and it was finally time they hashed it out.

“You wanna tell me what’s really bothering you?”

“Ever since you started donning your armour you have had countless brushes with death not including the times you basically sacrificed yourself. I wasn’t okay with New York, or the Mandarin and I still don’t agree with it now.” She recounted.

“You know I didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t just sit around and do nothing,” he insisted.

“But you did, Tony. I was the one who had to deal with the fallback whether it was the Avengers breaking up or Ultron. Then you came back after Rhodey was injured and I thought maybe this time it’d be different,” she snapped before continuing, ”Less than two years later you chased an alien spaceship to space without thinking about the consequences and disappeared for weeks.”

“I know I’ve only ever disappointed you. However I had to make amends, Pepper. I’ve killed countless people, destroyed more families than I’d ever care to admit and being iron man, putting my life on the line was my penance. But I swear it’ll be different this time around,” he begged her.

“You’re lying to yourself, Tony. I can’t see you destroy yourself,” she mumbled choking on a sob.

“What do you mean?” Tony hissed failing to keep his composure.

“I think we’re done.”

Chapter Text

If Natasha was being honest with herself, she had to admit dinner went better than she could have anticipated. What she never could’ve envisioned was Tony living in the quaint cabin as opposed to his penthouse or the extravagant Malibu mansion. Somehow she thought this fit the Tony she had come to know in the years past.

There were moments when a sudden surge of guilt overwhelmed her, her feelings for Tony threatening to spill over, taking in the swell of Pepper’s stomach or his conscious efforts to make sure his fiancé was comfortable. Easily suppressing them when Tony squeezed her hand in a comforting gesture every so often.

As much as she would’ve preferred to spend more time with him or catch up with Rhodey, she could only suspend her disbelief for so long. The reality of the situation wasn’t lost on her so she left, ignoring Tony’s offers to stay for a drink.

Now, back at the compound, she settled under her covers only to be woken up by a set of frantic knocks on her door. Instinctively arming herself with the glock hidden under her pillow even though she knew that breaching the compound was next to impossible.

A faint murmur of “Tasha” broke her out of her reverie prompting her to lower her weapon. The all too familiar voice could only belong to one person. Her suspicions were confirmed when she opened her door to a rather disheveled Tony, her eyes widening in alarm when she noticed his bloodshot eyes, shirt untucked on one side or the bottle of whiskey clutched protectively against his chest. She struggled to figure out what could’ve possibly gone wrong in a matter of a few hours.

“Tony? What’s wrong?” She asked, unable to hide the panic in her voice.

He barely grunted in her direction as she stepped aside to let him in. Plopping down on the corner of her bed taking a swig of whiskey, straight from the bottle, he grumbled,

“Pepper finally dumped my pathetic ass.”

Her mouth dropped open slightly at the revelation, not expecting that in the least.

Deciding to give him his space and resisting herself from badgering him with questions, she moved to sit beside him, holding out her hand for the bottle as he raised his eyebrows.

“If you’re gonna drink yourself to death, I might as well keep you company,” she shrugged.

They drift into a silence passing the bottle amongst each other.

After a considerable amount of time had passed she finally spoke up, “Do you wanna talk about it? Or do you wanna pretend like it didn’t happen?”

Either way she was determined to be there for him, regardless of what he needed.

“What’s the point?” He growled turning to face her.

“I just want to help you,” she said earnestly holding his gaze. “What happened?”

“You know what. You. You did. It’s all these feelings you manipulated me into having!” He snarled moving away from her, throwing the bottle against the wall causing it to shatter. She knew the words were aimed to hurt her.

She didn’t flinch, she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction if all he wanted to do was lash out. Disregarding his comments about his feelings or the flicker of hope it invoked in her, Natasha slowly moved towards him again, cautiously placing a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to calm him down.

“Are you done?” She asked gently turning him to face her.

Hesitating for a fraction of a second, he tilted his head up to look at her, shoulders slumped with none of the confidence or boisterousness of the Tony Stark the world was aware of.

“I tried everything, Tasha. I stopped making suits, gave up on being iron man. Hell I haven’t even gone to the lab in weeks! It still wasn’t enough,” he cried out, his carefully constructed facade crumbling. Her heart ached as she glimpsed into the broken man inside.

“You did everything you could to salvage this relationship, Tony.” She placated, her hands on either side of his face.

“No. I was never good enough for her. I wasn’t good enough for Pepper or my dad and I know I won’t be for my daughter either,” he mumbled.

“I heard relationships were supposed to be about sacrifices and from where I’m standing, I’ve seen you make enough of them. If you’re the only one compromising then it isn’t your fault,” she said bitterly.

“You shouldn’t have to change for anyone,” she added forcing him to look at her. That seemed to finally shift something within him.

While she never disliked Pepper, it was clearly evident that she would never understand the superhero shtick. And she couldn’t really  blame the woman for that.

“She thought I was cheating on her,” Tony said after a while.

“Okay?” She asked not bothering to hide her confusion.

“With you.”

“Oh,” she replied dumbly, unsure of how to respond.

“That night, all that flirting that we did, was that just a part of the cover?” He asked searching her eyes. They had known each other for over a decade and still there’s no doubt in her mind about the night he was alluding to.

“Tony-“

She was reminded of near death experiences, palladium poisonings and breaking covers just to reassure him.

“What about the last few months? I can’t be the only one who felt it,” he questions, desperation evident in his voice.

Unable to keep her emotions in check, she stepped back putting some distance between them.

“I’m not doing this. Not now, not with you.”

“Who am I kidding? Of course you don’t feel the same. You didn’t even think I was good enough to be a hero.” He snapped, repeatedly running a hand through his hair.

Iron man: Yes. Tony Stark: Not recommended.

She should’ve known it would come back to bite her in the ass.

Catching a hold of his hand, she attempted to appease him, “That’s not what this is about.” The fact that he even thought he wasn’t good enough for her broke her heart.

“I read your evaluation you know. I tried to get past it but if you thought I wasn’t capable of being a hero back then-“ he trailed off. “I was deluding myself into thinking there was anything between us.” His lips curling into a sardonic smile.

“Shut up!” She exclaimed placing a hand over his mouth before she continued, “I was wrong okay? It’s you and your plethora of masks. It took me a while to get to know the man behind the mask because you’re so frustratingly good at guarding your secrets.” She let out a small smile at this removing her hand, his gaze intent and focused on her.

“The Avengers wouldn’t have worked without you. If all we wanted was the suit then we could’ve easily approached Rhodey. You warned us about Thanos. We failed because we didn’t listen to you,” she admitted wholeheartedly believing herself.

“That doesn’t make up for the things I’ve done. It doesn’t change the fact that my daughter deserves better. Sometimes I think the world would be better off without me,” he said self-deprecatingly.

“I don’t believe that. You told me I was more than my past. And I wouldn’t have made it through those few months after the snap without you. You were there when no one was. Remember that the next time you don’t feel good enough,” she soothed him placing a hand on his chest.

Tony knew having shared life experience wasn’t easy to come by, but now with both of them here with the burden of their pasts, their mistakes he couldn’t deny it any longer. He was done with his pointless boundaries and doubts like he hadn’t been half in love with her for the better part of a decade.

“Tasha?” He said softly curling his fingers under her jaw.

Before she could respond he pressed his lips to hers, slowly backing her against the wall. The faint taste of whiskey lingering on his tongue. He deepened the kiss, her hands tangling in his short brown curls as she opened her mouth escalating the kiss. Reluctantly breaking apart when the need for air was too much to ignore, he rested his forehead against her.

“Tony we shouldn’t-“ Natasha trailed off when he peppered kisses along her neck and jaw.

“I just want it stop hurting,” he said burying his face in the crook of her neck.

“You’re drunk, Tony. I don’t want you to make rash decisions. If this is what you need then I’m here,” she said cupping his cheek before she continued, “But will you still be able to look me in the eye tomorrow?” She questioned still overwhelmed by the kiss.

Tony breaks apart somewhat hesitantly. The kiss wasn’t fuelled by a spur of the moment decision as much as she believed otherwise. But he was moving too fast, that he could admit.

“I’m sorry,” he apologised deciding not to push her any further tonight exiting the room, glancing back at her one last time.

As soon as the door slammed behind her, Natasha fell apart failing to suppress her emotions any longer. Sobbing so hard that she could barely catch her breath. When she had finally calmed down to an extent, she pulled out her phone to text Rhodey.

Can you check up on Tony? Make sure he’s okay?

Rhodey: Sure. What’s wrong?

I think you’d better talk to him.

Chapter Text

Natasha mulled over the events of the night ignoring the pang of hurt that shot through her when she thought about Tony’s defeated form. The slightly optimistic part of her, however minimal, couldn’t help but replay his confession in her mind and the subsequent kiss that had left her breathless.

How was she supposed to convince herself that the kiss wasn’t real?

Subconsciously, she knew it had been a while since they crossed the threshold of being just friends but she never expected him to acknowledge, let alone reciprocate those feelings.

Inevitably the cynical part of her won, eying the shattered pieces of glass on the floor, reminding herself that he was wasted beyond belief and couldn’t possibly be thinking straight.

Suddenly realising how moronic it was on her part to let him drive home in this condition, she picked up her phone when she got a text from Rhodey stating he couldn’t reach Tony and that he wasn’t in the cabin either.

A sense of dread settled in the pit of her stomach as she left the room ready to look for him only to see him passed out on the couch situated in the lounge. Sighing in relief when she sees his sleeping form lightly snoring, his face displaying none of the anger or contempt from their argument just a while ago. Draping a blanket over him, she settled on the arm of the couch, gently carding her fingers through his hair.

A part of her hoped that he forgot the events of the night. She was too damaged to have a real relationship anyway. The only way this would end would be with her hurting him or so she tried to convince herself.

Clint slipped into the lounge, surprised when Natasha doesn’t notice him. Catching the Black Widow unaware was somewhat of a feat in and of itself but then he realised who she was with. From his vantage point, leaning against the door, he saw his best friend hopelessly pining over a guy who would probably only manage to hurt her.

“When were you planning to tell me you had fallen in love, Natasha?” He asked softly, careful not to wake the genius.

Natasha darted her eyes to the door, startled when she registered Clint’s presence. Whatever happened, she would never lie to him even though denial would be so much easier when it came to her feelings about Tony.

“Never. I thought it would go away...with time,” she admitted hesitantly, caressing Tony’s cheek with such tenderness, that she wasn’t aware she was capable of.

 Love. Was that what she was feeling? She found herself contemplating Clint’s question as she vaguely registered him leaving the room and she knew whatever it was, she had never felt this way for anyone before.

She’s not sure how long she stayed there just watching him sleep until the sound of footsteps caused her to abruptly cease her movements through Tony’s hair and retreat from her position on the couch.

She was met with Steve’s accusing eyes as she racked her brain for an explanation. The last thing she wanted was to hurt Steve, hurt one of the only friends she had right now, specially after his admission which completely came out of left field. At the same time, she found herself fiercely protective of what she shared with Tony.

“He needed a place to crash. Pepper split up with him last night,” she said unwaveringly before he could question her.

Comprehension settled in his eyes as he accepted her answer without any doubt, nodding. At this point, lying was like second nature to her which is why she wasn’t surprised.

“I’ll leave you to it then. I-l w-was just looking for Clint,” he faltered unable to keep eye contact and if she wasn’t so worried about Tony, she probably would’ve felt pity for the guy.

Watching him shuffle out of the room, she couldn’t help but wonder what Tony’s reaction would be when he finally woke up. Would he pretend like nothing happened? Or would he force her to acknowledge the situation? Either way she had no clue what she would prefer. 

Tony finally woke up hungover and with a throbbing headache when the events of the night came rushing back to him.

Pepper. Their break up. Natasha.

Finding the room empty, he immediately moved to make himself a cup of coffee, mentally preparing himself for his conversation or rather confrontation with Natasha. If she was angry, which was understandable seeing as he was a complete asshole the previous night, he had to apologise.

Overcome with the need to hold her again, as he replayed their kiss over and over in his mind. There was no way he could lead her on to think last night was an accident. What he needed to do was make things right without any delay.

If last night was any indication, he was now assured of the fact that she wouldn’t shy away from them when things got messy or painful or complicated. Though there was always the chance that she would eventually walk away but it would never be because she couldn’t deal with him. Neither of them were ready to venture into a relationship just yet but that didn’t mean he had to be disingenuous with her.

Natasha picked just that moment to enter the room, her eyes flicking to the couch which led him to assume that she knew he stayed over. The moment their eyes met, he heard his own sharp intake of breath. She was freshly out of the shower, her damp hair pulled back into a ponytail, sporting a maroon sweater and baggy sweats.

God, she was breathtaking.

Clearing her throat louder than necessary when he was gaping at her for a while too long, she caught his attention.

“I thought you’d be gone by now,” she remarked, wordlessly passing the aspirin to him when she saw him rubbing his temples.

“Yeah, no, just woke up,” he said, wincing once the aspirin kicked in.

“Should I call Happy or Rhodes to come get you?” She inquired, not necessarily wanting to be in his company right now, her voice distant and cold. So unlike the raw honesty and vulnerability Tony was used to. 

“I actually wanted to talk to you first,” he said cautiously, gauging her reaction, trying not to be hurt by her indifference. Something about her felt off and it took him a while to realise he was no longer talking to his friend but the Black Widow.

“If this is about last night, we don’t have to-“ she began waving her hand dismissively.

“Just let me. Okay?” He interrupted her before continuing, “I’m sorry for being such a dick. I just lost control and I didn’t mean to get wasted.”

“Why did you then?” She asked, there was no mistaking her reproachful tone.

“I guess I just needed to feel numb,” he admitted sheepishly and suddenly she couldn’t bring it in herself to distance herself from him.

Every part of her was screaming to let it go, to get away from him because it would inevitably end badly. But she couldn’t even if she wanted to.

“Did you talk to Pepper yet?” She questioned, curiosity getting the best of her.

“I’m not sure what’s left to say. When I came over last night, I was actually planning to apologise to her. If I could maybe convince her that it’d be easier to raise our kid if we were together since that would be her priority,” he recounted.

“Why aren’t you doing that then?” She asked, almost afraid of the answer.

“I don’t think I want to,” his voice barely above a whisper as her gaze snapped back to his.

“Why?” She asked failing to conceal the quiver in her voice.

“It wouldn’t be fair to her,” he admitted before motioning between them adding, “or us.”

“You’re not doing this again, Tony,” she exclaimed disbelievingly.

“Tasha, last night wasn’t a mistake,” he said gripping her arms lightly.

“You were drunk. You couldn’t possibly be thinking clearly,” she rationalised, desperately trying to deny what he was admitting.

“From what I’ve seen people are actually more inclined to speak the truth when they’re drunk,” he quipped instantly grimacing when she moved out of his hold only for him to back her against the counter in the lounge.

“Listen, you were right. I was lashing out and trying to rush into things which would’ve undoubtedly gone wrong,” he tried to convince her, tucking a wayward strand of hair behind her ear.

“But I meant what I said. I kissed you because I wanted to. And I’ve wanted to for a while now,” he said cupping her jaw, tracing her cheek with the pad of his thumb.

“Tony-“ she started, staring into his eyes, almost intimidated by the sheer sincerity in them.

“I’m not asking you for anything. I’m not even sure if I’m ready, if we’re ready. I just needed you to know,” he said resignedly, content to just hold her.

“I need to think about it. Either way I don’t want anything jeopardising what we already have,” she said wistfully.

He sighed but nodded pulling her into a hug, cursing when Bruce’s voice in the distance caused them to separate reluctantly.

“Really? Now’s the time he gets out of the lab?” He whined at which Natasha chuckled.

“You better leave unless you wanna be cooped up in the lab with him all day,” she joked, glad that their relationship wasn’t shifting too drastically.

Silently leaving the room, he stopped once he reached the door, glancing back at her to give her a reassuring smile which she reciprocated.

If she needed time, he would gladly give it to her. Natasha wasn’t the kind of woman to make hasty decisions without weighing her options. But she was, without a speck of doubt, worth the wait. He would happily wait forever if it meant getting to be with her.

Chapter Text

Natasha’s not exactly sure how but things were back to normal, well, as normal as they could be where Tony was concerned. It took a while to wrap her mind around the fact that he could possibly want something more from her. It had been a few weeks since his break up with Pepper, their following argument and his confession.

Initially it was...awkward to say the least, all averted eyes and avoiding the proverbial elephant in the room. Until he had made it clear that he wasn’t going to push and things didn’t have to change unless she wanted them to and for that she was grateful. He was coping surprisingly well with the break up and his impending baby without falling back into old habits.

Now that they were back to some semblance of normalcy, they were also, she noticed, spending more time with each other. Which is why she was currently in her office, checking in with Rhodey, Danvers and what was left of the guardians with Tony just a few feet away, tucked in the corner of the room, tinkering with his StarkPad. As comfortable as she was with his presence, she knew better than to verbalise it.

Once she was done with the call, she immediately saw him focus his attention on her, dropping into the chair across from her on the table, silently watching her as she sorted through documents sent by the UN. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes, the world had pretty much gone through an apocalypse and all they cared about was re-enacting the accords.

“Why are you here again?” She asked curiously once he made it clear that he wasn’t gonna talk.

“I wanted to see if you needed my help?”

“You mean you’re bored.” She remarked, an amused glint adorning her features. If she had learned one thing in the years she had known him, it was probably that he could never keep still.

“Maybe.” He sighed.

“What do you want me to do about it?” Natasha inquired, knowing she would have to play along if she wanted an honest answer.

“I could help you guys out with missions.” He offered, his tone hopeful.

“Let me get this straight. You wanna unretire?” She asked raising her eyebrows.

“I mean I know it’d be tough with the baby coming. At the very least I could give you guys a hand when necessary, work on your gadgets, be the guy in the chair and the sort,” he rambled.

“Why the sudden change of heart?” She questioned even though she knew it was only a matter of time before he’d need an excuse to start building suits and donning the armour again.

“I retired because that was what Pepper wanted from me, because I wanted to settle down with her. That’s not really the case any longer so I might as well help,” he said sincerely. Sometimes she revelled in the fact that he could open up to her so easily.

“Besides, I get to spend more time with you,” he said suggestively, leaning towards her. She was no stranger to Tony’s attempts at flirting but being on the receiving end of them when she knew it wasn’t just a joke was weird.

“Doesn’t seem like that good of a deal to me. What do I get if I let you on my team?” She said playfully. She’s not sure if she’s ready for anything else with him, if she ever would be, but this, their friendship she could handle.

“The pleasure of my company of course,” he said, his lips turning up in a smirk.

Natasha snorted, “You know this whole arrogance thing, not really a turn on,” she quipped.

“Uhmm. I’m anything but modest. Does that mean you’re not attracted to me?” He teased, propping himself up on his elbow, his hand supporting his head as his gaze never once leaves her. Suddenly overwhelmed by the rush of emotions, she looked away.

Furrowing his brows at her reaction, he took her hands in his, urging her to look at him.

“Look I’m sorry. You know we only ever have to be friends,” he reassured her albeit dejectedly.

“You don’t mean that,” she said, looking at him once again.

“No, I don’t.” He admitted before adding, “But if that’s what you want-“ his eyes flickered to hers,” I’d rather not lose you completely.”

The silence in the room was all encompassing as the weight of his words started to settle in.

They started to train together of course after her many complaints about holding his own on the field if by any chance the suit malfunctioned or was disabled. She was surprised when he accepted it without any protest which she thought might have more to do with her than his safety.

Pinning him on the floor when they were sparring, she caught his wrists with both her hands. The proximity threw her off providing him with an opening as he hooked his legs to her waist, effectively flipping her on her back.

“Does this mean I win?” He exclaimed with an almost childlike glee, untangling himself from her.

“I was distracted,” she offered as an excuse, taking his hand as he pulled her up. 

“Sounds like an excuse to me,” he called her out.

“Fine. You weren’t completely awful for an old man,” she joked trying to rile him up.

“Oh I’ll show you old,” he said grabbing onto her arm as he tugged her towards him.

They were still dancing around their feelings and Natasha was no closer to admitting them to him but every once in a while he would fix her with an indecipherable look, a mixture of longing and affection when he thought she wasn’t looking. 

“Careful, Stark. I’ve killed people for less,” she said, slightly challenging him to try. Her anticipation rising with each heated look he sent her way.

Their moment is interrupted by a series of beeps from his phone.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, seeing him rush to the device.

“Uh Pepper‘s pulse is erratic.” He explained as her face contorted in confusion.

“I’ve been monitoring her vitals. The baby’s due any day now.”

“Shouldn’t you be with her?” She questioned, knowing Tony would likely never leave her alone in this condition.

“I wanted to. She didn’t want me loitering I guess. Happy’s supposed to be looking after her,” he replied.

Just then an incoming call from Happy draws his attention.

Before he can say anything though, Happy’s voice chimed in,

“Baby incoming!” then abruptly cut off.

“I think I’m having a baby,” he said, his eyes widening.

“I’ll drive.” Natasha provided, tugging his arm to lead him to the car.

Almost six hours later, she’s waiting outside their hospital suite with Happy. Pepper’s muffled screams could be heard through the room as they tried to drown it out with conversation.

“Rhodey’s in the Middle East,” Happy began.

“Yeah. He won’t be able to make it,” she supplied. He nodded.

“So you and Tony?” He questioned, trying to fill the awkward silence.

“Not really,” she answered somewhat truthfully.

“You and Pepper?” She inquired. It was obvious that the man had feelings for her and as far as she had heard, they were spending a lot of time together.

He seemed surprised then replied, “Not really.” She nodded.

The doctors left the room just then, saving them from an uncomfortable conversation.

Entering the room, the first thing she noticed was Pepper asleep on the bed. Tony was settled in a chair beside the bed, holding his daughter in his arms with an adoring gaze, his expression full of awe. Natasha’s sure she had never seen him more expressive.

“Hey,” she said softly.

He smiled as he took in her presence, moving towards her.

“This is Morgan,” he introduced proudly before, “And this is-“ Tony stopped suddenly, his face contorting in confusion.

The ridiculousness of the situation caught up to her as Tony struggled to describe her to his daughter.

Auntie Nat? Wouldn’t work. Not with whatever it was that they were.

“Morgan, this is Nat,” Tony said finally. “Hold her,” he ordered placing her in her arms.

“I don’t think-“ she started to protest but to no avail.

As the tiny bundle squirmed in her arms and caught Natasha’s pinky with her entire hand, she knew she was doomed.

Chapter Text

Tony loved being a dad, as terrifying as that notion seemed a few months ago, he was actually enjoying being a father and taking care of his little one. Whether it was holding her in his arms when she was falling asleep, flailing her little arms and legs, cherishing the moments when she laughed at seemingly nothing or giving him a darn anxiety attack every time she rolled over to the edge of the bed or even the tedious jobs like feeding and bathing her when Pepper wasn’t around.

At the same time, his urge to protect and tuck her away from this cruel world often overwhelmed him and to think it was only supposed to get worse as she grew up. He never dealt well with being separated from her even though logically he knew Morgan was safe with Pepper.   

Instead of torturing himself with unpleasant scenarios, he ended up driving to the compound. Tony was a betting man and if there was one person who could take his mind off of worrying about his daughter, it was without a doubt, Natasha. He had only seen her a handful of times in the six months after Morgan was born and since Pepper had officially moved out, he had every intention of rectifying that.

Seeing as it was still pretty early in the morning, he suspected that she was most likely training. Entering the gym without much preamble, he was unsurprised to see all the residents of the compound with the exception of Bruce training even though last he heard, Steve had gotten a place in Brooklyn.

Clint was shooting in the range while Natasha and Steve grappled in the ring. It wasn’t that he wasn’t happy to see the guys, but considering his last argument with Steve and the fact that he had yet to introduce either of them to Morgan which was more due to his somewhat irrational need to protect her from this part of his life, he wasn’t exactly looking forward to having a conversation with them.

After a moment of struggle, Natasha finally managed to wrap her legs around Steve effectively scissoring him as he just smiled at her from where he was pinned on the ground. The subtle smile tugging on the spy’s lips irritated Tony. Maybe a little too much.

Rather than dissecting his reaction, he decided to clear his throat loudly catching everyone’s attention.

Natasha’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second almost as if she didn’t believe it was really him before schooling her features into her usual stoic mask. Nodding at Steve and Clint in acknowledgement, he left the room assured of the fact that Natasha would follow. She catches up to him soon, asking him to wait in her office while she changed.

Suddenly nervous with anticipation as he waited, pacing in the room until she appeared. Her hair was longer than he remembered, an ensemble of red and gold, cheeks still flushed presumably from the training session, with him gradually becoming painfully aware of just how long it had been since it was just the two of them.

He was left a little breathless taking in all of her.  Then again who wouldn’t be? If they said otherwise then they were obviously lying.

“Are you just gonna gape at me or are you gonna gimme a hug?” He teased opening his arms as a gesture.

Shaking her head slightly in amusement, she silently stepped into his embrace.

“I wasn’t gaping,” she responded unconvincingly, squeezing him harder.

“Uh huh,” he assented sarcastically earning him a halfhearted shove from Natasha.

“You’re exhausting,” she sighed dramatically moving to her table.

“You know you love it.” He said taking a seat, a little unhappy at how she immediately puts some distance between them.

“Where’s Morgan?” Natasha questioned, eyes searching for her.

“Pepper has her. She finally moved out,” he explained.

“Are you okay?” She asked concern etched on her face.

“I’ve had enough time to deal with it. Besides, it recently came to my attention that our relationship is what people would describe as toxic,” he scoffed as understanding settled over her.

They had decided to live together until Morgan was a few months old and both of them had gotten a hang of being parents.

“Did you guys talk? About Morgan and everything,” she hesitated.

“Yeah, mostly about living arrangements. We decided on three days each with alternate weekends. I just don’t like being away from Morgan,” He said stifling a yawn.

While it was oddly comforting to have Pepper around the last few months knowing they were both just figuring this parenthood thing out as they went along, he also knew they had to get used to this. It’s crazy how easy it was being friends with her as opposed to how strained things were when they were dating.

“When was the last time you slept?” Natasha asked disapprovingly, noticing the bags under his eyes and his worn out demeanour.

“You don’t get to question my sleeping habits unless you have a kid, Romanoff,” he quipped.

“Мудак,” she cursed under her breath.

”Hey, that’s not fair,” He squawked in offence. 

“I’m surprised you’re not fluent in Russian,” she teased smirking at him.

He raised his brows suspiciously before deciding to just ask FRIDAY later on.

“I thought you’d drop by more often,” he finally admitted, cringing to himself when he realised how pathetic that sounded.

“You both had a lot on your plate. I d-didn’t want to intrude,” she faltered basically confirming what he had suspected all along. It didn’t take a genius to figure out just how uncomfortable she got with Pepper around. He almost felt guilty for putting her in that position.

Almost.

“I missed you, you know.” He admitted genuinely, hand reaching across the table.

A knock on the door caused him to retreat, revealing Steve on the other side.

“Hey, Tony. I didn’t think you’d still be here,” Steve said hesitantly, clearly uncomfortable to see him.

“It’s fine,” he shrugged him off.

“Uh, Nat we were supposed to get dinner tonight? I mean if you still want to?” Steve stumbled over his words.

“I’m not gonna get an invite huh?” Tony joked trying to get a reaction out of Steve.

“You can join us, Clint too-“ he hurriedly added.

“I’m gonna have to cancel tonight, Steve. Maybe later?” Natasha interrupted glancing at him from the corner of her eye. They both knew they had a lot to catch up on. 

“Of course,” Steve said dejectedly, closing the door on his way out.

“Well that was awkward,” Tony remarked once he was out of earshot.

“Tell me about it,” Natasha sighed.

“So what’s wrong?”

“He’s compensating by trying to show me we can still be friends,” she said cryptically.

“Huh?”

“Steve asked me out a while ago,” she muttered unintelligibly, careful not to meet his eyes.

“Wait what? Why didn’t I know about this?”

“You were dealing with your split from Pepper. The last thing I wanted to do was bother you with petty drama,” she said defensively like she didn’t trust her own explanation.

“He’s sulking which means you refused right?” He inquired unable to keep the possessiveness out of his tone. Massively failing when it gave away just how much it affected him. How the hell was he supposed to compete with Captain fucking America?

“Why does it matter, Tony?” She said trying to keep herself as detached as possible, well aware of where this conversation was inevitably going to go.

“So you’re telling me that you’re living in the compound with three men, one of them technically being your ex and the other, Captain America nonetheless, having a massive crush on you? While I’m just not supposed to care?” He exclaimed.

“Are you accusing me of something?” She narrowed her eyes.

“Fuck Nat! That’s not what I meant,” he sighed running his hands through his hair.

“You’re acting like a teenager, Stark,” Natasha berated, standing up from her seat.

“So it’s Stark now?” Tony huffed. “At least I’m man enough to admit my feelings,” he sneered.

“Where do you think that’s going to lead? We’re gonna end up hurting each other eventually,” she was fuming at this point, hands balled to fists on either side of her.

“You know what I think? You’re too scared to admit how you feel because you don’t think you deserve to be happy, that we deserve this,” he said unflinchingly.

“You’re deluding yourself if you think there’s a happily ever after to this, Tony,” she chided turning so that her back is to him.

“Maybe not. I’m not naive enough to think it’ll be all sunshine and rainbows but I’m willing to try. I want to be there through the good and the bad, through all the pain and misery. And I want it all to be with you,” he bares his soul to her, knowing he would probably never get the chance again.

Turning her around he cupped her cheek, wiping at the stray tears with his thumb which she desperately tried to hide.

“You already have a family, Tony.” The hopelessness in her voice damn near breaking his heart.

“Just because you’re not Morgan’s mom doesn’t mean you don’t have a place in her life,” he admonished, lifting her chin up to look at him.

“We can’t-“ she tried to convince him only to get cut off.

“It’s not just up to you. I think I get a say in this,” he said furiously trapping her against the wall. For a split second he saw a flicker of fear in Natasha’s eyes immediately causing him to retreat.

“I’m sorry. You have had enough choices taken away from you. I’m not about to make the same mistake.” He murmured backing away from her.

A crestfallen look taking over his features before Natasha tugged him towards her by his collar, roughly pressing her lips to his, hand curving around his nape pulling him closer. He groaned pressing into her, one hand snaking around her waist, the other keeping her head in place as he continued to kiss her urgently. She fisted her hands in his shirt, sighing when he traced her lips with his tongue as she parted her lips slanting her tongue over his. Moaning involuntarily when his hand splayed against the soft skin of her back before he tugged at the hem of her shirt insistently.

“We should talk,” she panted in between kisses.

“Later,” he growled latching onto her neck, nibbling and biting, dropping kisses all along her neck and jaw. Gently lifting her so her legs were hooked against his waist, moving towards the door.

“It’s gonna take too long,” she stopped him, impatiently unbuttoning his shirt as he laid her on the couch instead.

“Fri, make sure we aren’t disturbed.”

There was nothing gentle about it. It was rough, demanding, passionate to the point where it consumed them as they gave in to each other.

At some point during the day, they had managed to make it to Natasha’s bedroom, consciously avoiding running into the others. Stumbling across the room, leaving a trail of clothes in their wake.

Later they were sprawled on the bed, Natasha’s head buried in his shoulder as he sighed contentedly.

“I can’t believe we were missing out on this,” Tony said idly, running a hand down her arm.

“Tony,” she whispered.

“Hmm?” He hummed pulling her closer to his chest.

“Are we really doing this?” She asked, pretty sure this was the first time she had actually been honest about her feelings.

“If you mean having mind blowing sex then yeah,” he teased faltering when Natasha raised her head up to glare at him.

“That’s not what I meant.” She hesitated twining her fingers with his before continuing, “Tony, I don’t...I don’t know if I can do this. I mean I don’t know how this works. I’ve never really been in a relationship before,” she admitted with a sigh.

God, for two people who could charm their way out of any situation, they sure were terrible at this.

He caressed her cheek softly, satisfied when she leaned into his touch.

“Baby I’ve been in one proper relationship in the last decade and we both know how that went. I’m no better at this than you are,” he said quietly.

“Then we take this one day at a time.”  She leaned up to lightly peck him.

In that moment, they both felt lighter than they had in years. It felt something like affection to Tony. Someday this could be love if they let it grow.

He woke up with a start, hand reaching across the sheets for Natasha. His heart sank when he realised that the bed was empty. Pulling on his shirt and pant, a note on the bedside table caught his eye. He picked it up and there, scrawled in an oh so familiar handwriting was Natasha’s message.

I didn’t wanna wake you. I’ll be back soon. Duty calls.

Your girlfriend.

Nothing could wipe the stupid grin off his face as he felt happier than he had in a long time.

Chapter Text

• Natasha was too broken to have real relationships, pushes people away
• Choose me after cap rubs it in
• You’re driving me crazy 
• It’s just not upto you. I think I get a say in this (Tony Nat fight )
• Don’t let me hurt you.
• Think you can give up being iron man if it means you can’t protect Morgan.
• You chose to be a hero. You’re not obligated to. Whatever happened in that cave changed you. Don’t waste your life (echoing Yinsen’s last words from so long ago)
• They were not good at feelings or vulnerability.
• No missions, no assignments, no covers. To figure out who she was
• Passing the room, door swung open, grasped hand tugged inside pinned. No ripping.
• Fighting alongside her in battle. When they spiralled out of control one of them would tether themselves to reality. They both knew what it was like to be unmade. They thrived you be better, making up for the mistakes they committed in the past. 
• Way out of my league boss. She’s way out of anyone’s league happy. And I’m standing right here.
• For her own selfish reasons she wanted what Tony was offering.
• She’s caring yet not imposing. She reminds him to get some food in his system, get some sleep every once in a while and to control his drinking. She stops him from falling back into old habits, accompanies him almost always when he’s in the mood for tinkering in the lab and indulges his ludicrous ideas. 
• For two people who could charm their way out of any situation, they sure were terrible at being in a relationship 
• I’m gonna be a shitty girlfriend. I’m no better at this than you are!
• Clint makes her feel human but Tony? He makes her feel like it’s okay to be her. 
• It’s not like you’re lacking options.
• Though the idea of being legally bound to Tony with no scope of questioning their relationship was certainly...appealing. Marry me. You know I already proposed right?
• I’m not leaving Clint alone. So you’re not moving in? I initiated this and I’ll make it work. I promise. 
• Sure their deaths weighed heavily on her mind for the majority of her days but with Tony it was almost bearable. She’s sure she would’ve fell apart if it wasn’t for him. It made her regret not finding him sooner. 
• Someday this could be love if they let it grow. 
• Natasha hurts herself. Tony uses trackers. What the hell is wrong with you? Calm down. It was just a simple infiltration. I’m fine. I don’t think shattering your ribs can be considered as fine. I’ll live. Is this a joke to you? What the fuck were you thinking running off on a mission without informing us? I wasn’t about to put you guys in the line of fire. Last I checked they didn’t specialise in espionage. Stop acting like you care about me just because you’re on the rebound. Is that what you think this is? Where were you when shield fell and I lost all my covers? Where were you when the government was hunting me down? I’m sorry for bothering you. 
• That’s what they did best, push the people who cared about them away. A witty quip here, a snide remark there to tear the room apart. It’s crazy the amount of power they held over each other. How they could easily destroy the other. 
• He buries his head in her shoulder, trying to stop himself from shuddering. “I can’t lose you,” he whispered lips trembling against her temple. 
• How am I supposed to answer that? Honestly 
• She’s too distracted to even notice him undo her clasps. Sneaky. And you love it. Penchant for theatrics. 
• Carries Morgan. Hands over to Rhodey.
• It’s not about me. It’s not about how much I want you. It’s always been about you. 
• I hope she doesn’t inherit your ego. This thing with cap, was it because of me?
• Two years after civil war, did you..?
• Hadn’t been particularly skilled at asking for help, more out if stubborn pride than anything else. Wasn’t about to start now 
• She drew his name out. Knowing just how much he loved it.