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Him and I finally turned to one. My dream for so long turned to reality. I will be able to make him realise his worth. But the emotions he is showing... Why is it like this?
"I am happy with you, Ren."
I can't feel it. Why is he like this? His words... there's no reality in it. They're not reaching my heart. They don't match with his facial expression. His voice still sounds so strained, his aura seems aloof. Why, Goro? I thought...
I thought we already have connection...?
"I love you, Ren." He said bluntly, forcing a smile. Sorrow can be seen from his crimson eyes.
"...I love you too, honey." There's concern in my voice. He probably would've heard it.
One day, I passed by to our room and my ears caught something.
"The sky looks nice.... I wish I can reach it."
I must be hearing things... Am I not? He... still wants to reach the sky? Is that really his source of happiness? With all my might, I checked on him.
"Honey...?"
"Ah, Ren. Is something the matter?" He looked at me dully, another fake smile formed from his soft lips.
Why I can't say it? Why I can't ask about it? What is blocking me? His fake smile vanished and was staring at me with too much concern. Why is he suddenly...
"Ren? Ren???"
He came towards me, holding my arms so firmly. I don't get what's... Why did he suddenly wrapped his arms around me?
"Ren, please speak. Is there something bugging you?"
The first time I heard him this concerned. Different from his usual act. The reality is visible in his words and firm grasp. He then rubbed my back. Why is he comforting me?
"Ren, please don't cry. I don't want to see you cry..." He sobbed. I'm crying? Why I can't feel the tears falling down...?
"Ren you're really concerning me..."
"It's nothing, Goro." I said weakly and gave a faint smile. I returned his embrace. "Don't worry about it, Goro... I just remembered something. I'm okay."
"Thank you, honey..."
I leaned towards his angelic face, giving his soft lips a passionate kiss.
He kissed back. For once it felt real. I'm satisfied with it.
I thought things will turn different since that happened. But he's back. He's back from his usual act. Fake smiles, fake happiness... Am I not enough?
Until....
"Ren?"
He saw me staring at the sky. I heard his voice, but my gaze insisted to not look at him nor respond to him. I felt his presence drew closer, he sat next to me probably just gawking at my face. He then held my hand firmly. His hand is really warm... It's different compared the usual. I can feel reality in him again.
"Ren... Honey..."
He said our couple pet name. The way he said it with his soothing voice... I crave for it. But, this is temporary. He'll be back from his usual pace.
"...."
"Honey, you've been weird lately.."
I should be the one saying that to you.
"Honey... Please, if something's wrong tell me." Shakiness is present. As much as I want to answer that, I can't.
"Ren...." He embraced me firmly. What's happening to me? Why there's a pang of pain in my heart.
All of the sudden, my mouth moved. But not answering any of his questions. A different response.
"Tonight."
"Huh...?"
He broke the embrace just looking at me with curiosity in his eyes. I held his hand firmly. I finally looked at him and whispered:
"Let's get even connected, Goro." I placed a kiss to his ear. His cheeks has dust of pink. His gaze averted, he was embarrassed.
"I'm...scared" ...
"You don't have to. I'm here for you. Forever."
I gave him kisses while I watch him adorably squirming beneath me.
"The sky looks nice.... I wish I can reach it."
I heard it again. It's been weeks since we got more connected. I tried not to get bothered by it as usual. Well, I'm no longer bothered by it. After all...
"I will grant it."
....
"Ren?"
All of the sudden, he's behind me. He has this concerned look. He launched himself to me for a firm embrace and started bursting into tears.
"Ren...you didn't...right?" He hiccuped.
"You didn't hear what I said just now...did you?!"
I don't know how I'll respond.
"Ren... I love you..." He said weakly. I kept my mouth shut. Even if his clutches are firm, his hands are shaking.
Words are not enough to explain my love for you, my sweet Goro...
"Please...."
"The sky looks nice.... I wish I can reach it."
"I wish I can reach it just for you."
"I can reach it. I'll grant your wish, Goro. Just to make you happy."
"REN!"
Why are you shouting my name, honey?
"Why...why did you leave me?!"
Leave you? I'm still here, Goro. Don't be delusional, honey. I love you. I can't leave you.
"I didn't ask for this.... I didn't ask for any of this..."
Hey, I know you didn't asked for it. But, I love you.
"You were listening back then, were you not?"
I'll forever listen to you, honey. I love you.
"Ren..."
"Ren.... I fucking hate you."
I'll still love you, Goro. I did this for you. So you can finally reach it. I've held your hand, I already touched the skies above.
You've Reached It, Goro...
You have connection.... You've reached it....
Both of us have reached it.