Chapter Text
He'd always had problems when it came to bedwetting. So logicly he wasn't too surprised when it started happening more often again, even if he tried not to think about it, put the others before him, he could admit it. He'd been through a lot recently, it did affect him. So if he really thought about it, no it wasn't a surprise.
Of course that didn't make the situation any better and in Daryl's mind it definitely wasn't okay. How was he suppose to call himself a Dixon when he wet himeslf at night like a baby. When he kind of, almost wanted to be treated like a baby?
No. No he wasn't even going to think about that. He wasn't allowed to think like that. To want that.
That never stopped his mind daydreaming about it.
The really sick thing was that he didn't even want to go back to when he was a baby, no because that was far too normal in itself for Daryl, no, he had to want that but as him now. With his group.
Daryl bit his lip and frustratedly sighed through his nose.
He abruptly stood up, making some of the group jump a bit, everyone was in a bit of a daze, there but not there. It was hard right now.
He barely glanced over his shoulder and quietly called out to Rick, he knew he'd hear him, wasn't like anyone really did any idle chatting now.
"gonna go out to the woods, see if there's anything we can eat"
Then he was gone.
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Rick watched him leave, sighing a bit.
The hunter pushed himself so much for this group.
They needed it, Rick knew that they needed it and he hated that he couldn't really spare Daryl that.
He was grateful, so grateful to have Daryl with them but he could see it, he was tired, they were all tired.
He knew that nobody else could hunt like Daryl though and even if he did tell Daryl to rest, he'd probably end up making daryl feel uncomfortable and then they'd all be hungry and-
He took in a deep breath.
Why did things have to be so complicated now?
He just wanted to take care of his family. All he'd ever really wanted. But now, he couldn't even risk that.
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Daryl stalked around the forest.
He was on edge, they were all on edge.
That's what made him so worked up, he knew that everyone in their group felt like that.
Not only that he couldn't do anything to help them stop feeling like that but that it wasn't just him. He couldn't run up to their leader and cry to him about how unfair life was and how shitty he felt because they all felt like that.
That's what he really wanted to do though.
Cry his heart out.
Somewhere along the line his bedwetting habits had moved into daytime accidents, god he hated how that sounded, and now he was forced to wear diapers (actually he wore pull ups in the hope that they would be less visible, if visible at all but of course Daryl wasn't going to make that correction) all the time because maybe today would be a good day and maybe it wouldn't and wasn't that just great.
They barely had any food, water, only as much shelter as the next house they came across.
Everyone was getting snappy, he knew it wasn't at him, at anyone, hell he was snappy long before their scavenging days. It still didn't make him feel good.
Every little thing felt like the worst thing in his life.
He just wanted to cry a river and never stop.
Then there was the matter of this baby stuff. He didnt want to be a baby, he didn't want to be defenseless. Not all the time.
He didn't want to be a burden or dead weight.
He didn't want the group to think he was stupid and let them down.
On the other hand though, he really did want to be a baby and be special to the group and praised for being such a good boy. For being their good boy.
He had a lot of thoughts and when you're alone in the woods it's hard to ignore them.
He'd always been a nail biter, he'd do it when he was anxious, not the worst coping mechanism but chewed up fingernails and bloody cuticles weren't the best either.
Still, with his thumb so close to his mouth, maybe he could-
No this wasn't okay. He wasn't okay.
Nobody was around. It wasnt like he would be found doing this.
So he tried it.
Slowly, gently, he slipped his thumb further into his mouth, until it was carefully resting on his tounge.
It felt nice, really nice.
He was certain his thumb was dirtier than the ground at this stage though and that there were far too many germs in his mouth, nobody was there to reprimand him of that though, or gently tug his thumb out and replace it with a pacifier-
He dropped his hand immediately.
Woah.
Where the hell had that come from.
Needing the diapers was one thing, one gross, humiliating thing but wanting a stupid baby item.
What was wrong with him?
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It was late, probably. It definitely felt late.
Rick had watched Daryl come back out of the woods a little bit ago, he was quiet.
Which certainly wasn't unlike Daryl, he was typically more reserved but this felt like more than just everyone's lack of energy.
It was Ricks shift first but he could clearly see sitting down, a couple steps away from the others, that daryl was awake, fiddling with his fingers.
Rick walked over towards the hunter, being careful to not wake anyone else up.
"hey" he spoke quietly to daryl as he slid down the wall, sitting just close enough to Daryl to not have to raise his voice too much.
"mmhm"
A typical Daryl response, a typical everyone response really.
Rick yawned behind his hand,
"everything go okay?"
Daryl looked up at him, a slight look of confusion there.
"guess so" he answered with the tiniest of shrugs before looking down again.
Rick looked around a bit before letting his eyes waver over Lori's stomach.
The baby would be born soon.
He let out a small sigh, things were complicated, whether he liked it or not.
Daryl heard him and lifted his head a bit, following his gaze. When he registered what Rick must have been thinking about he darted his eyes away,glancing down and turned his head away from Rick.
The leader was a bit surprised by Daryl's reaction but supposed that he was probably frustrated about their current situation too. He knew that Daryl wanted the best for everyone, he'd do anything for them.
"I know it's been rough these past months"
Daryl scoffed, "don't need to tell me"
Rick let out a low almost chuckle,
"wasn't quite where I was going"
Daryl peeked up at Rick, intrigued.
Rick was quiet for a second, glanced at daryl.
"I'm here if you want to talk"
Daryl looked down again muttering,
"what are you, a school councelor?"
Rick felt a small smile forming on his face and ducked his head.
"if that's what you need me to be"
He knew that Daryl heard him. He knew that Daryl wouldn't take him up on that offer. He didn't pretend to know what Daryls been through, he never had. Rick wouldn't ask Daryl to come and share his secrets and tell him about his mental wellbeing.
He wasn't expecting Daryl to take him up on that offer at all. Maybe that would be all that was said about it. An open invitation.
Maybe not?