Archive of Our Own ^beta

“ Fekt! ” Shatterstar yelled, scattering his cards across the table and throwing his hands up dramatically. “This is a childish game!” Sam locked eyes with Tabby, who was trying to hold in her laughter, then looked across the table at Rictor, who looked slightly panicked at Shatterstar’s outburst. The group had been trying to teach the alien poker, which was an ambitious endeavor due to him not really understanding the nuances of human expression quite yet.

Sam turned to his right and started to say something to Roberto before remembering that Roberto had uncharacteristically opted out of the game. Sam was filled with the same sort of dread he’d been feeling before they’d started; ‘Berto would normally never miss a chance to take the piss out of someone as easy to make fun of as Shatterstar. Then again, his friend hadn’t really been the same ever since they’d rescued him from Gideon.

“Hey, y’all, I think I’m gonna sit this next one out,” Sam said, handing his cards back to Jimmy, who had already started dealing the next hand. “I’ll be right back.”

Sam exited the compound into the cool desert evening, a slight breeze blowing his hair into his face. Sam ran a hand through it, pushing it back. He’d never grown it out before, and he still wasn’t used to it being this long, but he was getting to like it. He walked up the hill and saw a short figure standing in the distance, arms crossed. Roberto.

Sam approached him from behind and put a tentative hand on his shoulder. “Hey.”

“Hey, Sam,” Roberto murmured, not turning to look at him.

“Talk to me, ‘Berto,” Sam said. “You’re not yourself. I know there’s something goin’ on.”

Roberto was silent for one breath. Two breaths. He turned to face Sam. “I can’t stop thinking about Gideon. I can’t sleep, I…” He met Sam’s gaze. “They tortured me, Sam, experimented on me, every day, constantly. And now…” he trailed off, breaking eye contact.

“I’m just scared of hurting you guys.”

Sam put his hands on Roberto’s shoulders. “Roberto, you could never hurt me, you know that.”

Roberto shoved Sam’s touch away. “Maybe before, yeah. But now… they seriously messed with my powers. I was finally understanding how they worked, before, I was finally getting a grip on it all. But I feel so out of control now. I never know what’s happening.” Roberto’s voice broke. “I have hurt you before. What if I do it again, lose control? What if you don’t just get a concussion next time?”

“That won’t happen,” Sam said firmly.

“You don’t know that.” Roberto’s voice was getting increasingly trembly, and his skin was starting to waver, as if he was going in and out of his Sunspot form. Sam’s heart spiked-- he hadn’t had problems controlling his Sunspot form since they were kids. Roberto looked down at his own unsteady hands, then looked back at Sam with an expression that broke his heart. “What’s happening to me, Sam?”

“Just relax, ‘Berto,” Sam said. He was unsure of what to do, but he tried not to let Roberto know that.

“Y’know, whenever I’m upset like this, I just kinda… let loose.” Sam searched for a good way to explain it. “Just… stop thinking about everything and blast, fly around ‘til I feel better.”

“Are you saying I should try that?” Roberto let out a curt laugh. “I don’t think that’s the best idea for me right now.”

“I mean, it could be. There’s no one else out here. All the frustration, the anger, the grief you’re feeling… just let it out.” Sam shrugged. “It might be a way of finding the upper limits of your powers.”

“Sam, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t.” Sam closed his eyes, concentrating, and activated his blast field. “See?” He didn’t let Roberto know how hard it was to maintain the field without blasting off.

Roberto shrugged, still looking the slightest bit uncertain.

“‘Berto, I trust you.” Their eyes met. “You won’t hurt me, I promise.”

His friend gave a short nod, turning away from Sam to face the open desert. He closed his eyes, let the darkness wash over him. He wasn’t wearing his specialized new uniform, so his clothes faded with him, a sight Sam hadn’t seen in a while. He gave a guttural scream, and Sam blinked rapidly from the brightness as he unleashed his newly acquired solar blasts. You could tell when someone’s emotions were intertwined with their powers, and Sam felt it all: the loss of their teammates, the loss of their mentor, their home, his father’s death, Gideon’s torture. The yearning for the way things used to be, a normal that they’d never quite reach again. Sam could feel the heat through his blast field, and it was almost more than he could manage to concentrate enough to maintain it.

All at once, it stopped, and Roberto was stumbling over to Sam and collapsing in his arms. He held Roberto close to his chest. Sam could feel him shaking, and he tightened his hold. Roberto clutched at the back of Sam’s shirt, burying his head in the crook of his neck. Sam felt the hot tears seep through his shirt.

“It’s okay, ‘Berto, I’ve got you,” Sam murmured, rocking back and forth with Roberto in his arms. “Shh. You’re okay now. Everything’s alright.” His hand found its way up to Roberto’s neck, resting there, keeping him close. Sam closed his eyes. Something about the way they fit together like this made Sam’s chest blossom with feelings he didn’t feel like confronting at the moment. They stayed like that for a few seconds, a few minutes, Sam didn’t know. Eventually, ‘Berto stopped shaking, and Sam felt him relax.

“Thank you,” Roberto whispered. Sam could feel his breath on his neck. “It felt good. Just needed someone to tell me to do it.”

“That’s what I’m here for.” They separated, Sam keeping a hand on ‘Berto’s arm for a moment. He wiped a stray tear from ‘Berto’s cheek with his thumb. His friend ducked his head to the side, and Sam cleared his throat.

Ears hot, he dropped his hand from Roberto’s arm. “Let’s go inside and get you cleaned up. You’ve already missed five of Shatterstar’s temper tantrums.”

Roberto laughed, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. “Has Ric gone insane trying to keep him from killing everyone yet?”

“Y’know, he was looking a bit strained before I left,” Sam chuckled.

He threw his arm around Roberto’s shoulders-- he was short enough for it to be comfortable-- and the two started to walk back towards the compound that they could almost call a home, friends that they could almost call a family. And once again, they left their feelings behind in the desert sand.