Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

donghyuck was the sun, the moodmaker of the group. he made sure everyone was okay, and always cheered everyone up when they were having a hard time. 

however, he was also the type to remain silent and keep to himself whenever he was having a hard time...

donghyuck stumbled. it was normal to stumble during practices but this was the 15th time he had stumbled. his migrane was killing him and he felt as if his stomach was doing cartwheels. his vision was getting blurrier and blurrier.

"donghyuck ah are you okay? its the 15th time you messed up, do you need a break?" taeyong looked at donghyuck worriedly

"hyung, im okay, i just slept late thats all"

taeyong let him go unassuringly, still resting his gaze on donghyuck

not even 5 minutes later, they heard a crash

donghyuck fainted.

"HYUCK AH!"

doyoung and mark ran to his side immiediately. donghyuck was half conscious and barely knew his surroundings. yuta quickly got him a bottle of water and gave it to donghyuck

"hyung.. i-its okay, i-i can continue practising"

"no, thats it hyuck, you are going to the hospital now"

donghyuck saw the look in taeyong's eyes and knew that nothing he said would be able to change his mind. he sighed heavily and gave up as taeyong began phoning an ambulance and informing the managers.

Chapter Text

donghyuck hated hospitals.

from young, he avoided the hospital whenever he could. he just didnt like the thought of all the blood and ibjections and sick people there. but there he was, sitting in front of the doctor waiting for his diagnosis.

"lee donghyuck ssi, we would need to run some tests to find out exactly what is wrong with you..."

"really? must i? i refuse."

"we have to, it is for your own good please cooperate"

"doctor, he will do the tests" taeyong cut in.

"HYUNG!" donghyuck threw a glare at taeyong.

taeyong knew how much he hated this kind of things yet he was forcing him to go through this. he was perfectly fine he really didnt understand why everyone was over reacting.

"you have to hyuck ah, what if its serious?"

"fine, but you are buying me food after this"

donghyuck went through many many different tests. after the last one, he was so glad it was over. he was exhausted. so exhausted to even remember that taeyong was suppose to buy food for him.

"please come in 2 days to see the results, in the mean time please get plenty of rest"

"thank you doctor"

"hyuck ah, you will be okay right" taeyong asked worriedly.

"hyung, im fine, look at me" donghyuck tried to reassure taeyong, but deep down, he was scared that something might be wrong.

it had been 2 days and donghyuck was waiting for a call from his doctor about his results.

"is this lee donghyuck?"

"yes, how many i help you"

"im your doctor, im calling to tell you your test results are back and you will have to come immediately."

"ok, im on my way."

donghyuck put down the phone. shit its probably something serious. oh no. should i get taeyong hyung with me?

"taeyong hyung! taeyong hy-"

he saw taeyong's sleeping figure on the sofa. " i shouldnt disturb hyung, he barely has anytime to sleep." donghyuck took one last glance at taeyong before calling his manager to send him to the hospital.

"im sorry donghyuck but the results stated that you have stage 3 stomach cancer."

s-stomach cancer?

no way. theres no way. he had always been so healthy. he never fell sick once. how could he possibly have stomach cancer? no, no way.

"a-are you sure? you probably got it wrong"

"im really sorry but this is true, you have to start chemotherapy as soon as possible before the spread gets worse."

"im really sorry, but can i go and discuss this with my hyungs first?"

"of course donghyuck, but please be quick, we really cant afford to waste anymore time."

Chapter Text

donghyuck wasnt in the right state of mind on his way back. all he could think of was "stomach cancer...stomach cancer...stomach cancer" he still couldnt register that fact.

how was he going to tell the hyungs? they are already stressed enough. he didnt need to add another weight on their shoulders. but if he doesnt tell them he could die.

donghyuck sighed heavily as he thought about what to do as he made his way home in the managers car.

when he got back, he saw the entire nct sitting there at the living room looking worried. even wayv and dreamies were there. when they saw donghyuck at the door they all ran towards him immediately.

"where did you go?" "did you know how worried we are?" "why didnt you tell us you were going out?"

"ah, sorry hyungs i forgot to inform someone, i uh went to collect my results."

"how did it go? your fine right?" taeyong questioned.

"about that, i think we all sit down first" donghyuck said carefully which made everyone more suspicious.

when everyone settled down, donghyuck started.

he couldnt even say a word before he burst into tears.

the entire nct were shocked to say, they didnt know what was going on but donghyuck crying meant that it was serious.

"h-hyung, dongsaengs, im so sorry please dont hate me i-i have stage 3 stomach c-cancer."

the mood dropped drastically.

it was so quiet that you could practically hear a pin drop.

taeil was the first to break out of his daze. "you are joking right. theres no way. tell me you are joking please"

by now, everyone had tears streaming down their face already 

"h-hyung, is this r-real?" jisung asked 

donghyuck couldnt get any words out of his mouth so his just nodded.

"lets go get a second opinion, it will be different, maybe that doctor was just wrong, lets go" taeyong said standing up 

"its no use hyung, nothing will change."

everyone was broken, and nothing could fix it.

"then we get through it together." taeyong reassured donghyuck.

"you can go for chemo, in no time you will be well again. we can all get through this together, right?"

at this time, everyone wished they could.

Chapter Text

things were okay for a while. donghyuck started chemotherapy and his condition has improved slightly. he took a hiatus from the group in order to properly recover.

they didnt tell the fans. they did not want to worry them.

donghyuck was especially against telling the fans. telling them would only cause unnecessary drama and donghyuck didn't want that

however, after 3 weeks, donghyucks conditon suddenly detoriated. he got so sick to the point that walking became a difficulty. he still tried to be strong for his hyungs, smiling whenever they visited, reassuring them that he was okay.

but he knew that he was not okay and probably never will be 

after 4 more weeks of chemotheraphy and no improvement, donghyuck got sick of it.

when taeyong came to visit one day, he told taeyong how he felt, how he wanted everything to stop how he wanted to go back on stage...

"hyung, its...its not working hyung. i dont think it ever will. hyung i dont want to sit on a hospital bed and wait for my death. i want to sing and dance for czennies. i want to make people happy. hyung, please can you let me do that?"

taeyong wanted to just say no to donghyuck immediately, and scold him for his negative mindset. but he knew, that donghyuck was detoriating fast. the doctors told him that his cancer has became a stage 4 and the chances of recovery were way too slim.

it wasnt that, that made him change his mind though. it was the look of desperation in donghyuck eyes. yaeyong could see how much he wanted to perform for everyone.

"fine, hyuck ah, but we are having a group meeting after we discharge you"

donghyuck was extremely relieved. he could finally live his life. he didnt want to spend his last few months in the hospital. he wanted to be with nct, be with the fans and complete his wishes.

the group had a very serious meeting that day. all of them bursting into tears once they heard donghyucks decision to stop chemotheraphy. they just didnt want to give up on their sun yet.

johnny tried to lighten the mood. and soon enough, they were making a list of what they should do with this limitted time they have left. all of them throwing in different ideas.

they got:
- seeing the sunrise
- donghyuck photographer photoshoot
- boxing match
- going to the arcade
- movie nights

and donghyuck said, "hyung, i want to have a concert"

"i want a concert that all of us are at. we can perform all our songs to nctzens and i want to tell them"

"i cant keep them in the dark for too long, they would be heartbroken if they get the "news" all of a sudden"

everyone knew exactly what "news" he was talking about.

taeyong smiled. "then we will do a concert"

doyoung seconded it "thats right, if hyuck wants a concert, we do a concert"

donghyuck stood up and pulled everyone into a group hug and with teary eyes said "thank you, i love you nct"

Chapter Text

another 3 weeks passed. by this time, they had already checked off all the boxes on their to-do-list. all except one, the concert.

they were busy getting things finalised as the concert was only 3 days away. 

they decided to have a one day concert as it would be too tiring for donghyuck to perform for a few days straight. even though that meant that they could see less fans, but donghyuck's health was their priority

donghyuck was told to sit out the performance but he refused immediately and said that he will dance and sing for the fans no matter what.

no one could persuade him so they had no choice but to follow his decision.

the concert was called "for, donghyuck"

this sparked the fans curiosity as the concert was named over a specific member. however, they never got their answers before the concert.

the plan was going well, they were planning properly to choose the best songs to perform within that 3 hour frame. they made donghyucks priorities first as after all it was his concert.

they chose a wide variety of songs and practised so hard. everyone had such a fun time preparing for the concert.

a day before the concert, donghyuck was really nervous, he didnt know how to tell the fans. how would they react? will they still love him? he was so scared.

mark, who shared a room with donghyuck, could sense his anxiety. he went over to donghyuck and 

"hyuck ah, i know you are nervous, you can do this, we are all here for you okay?" he interwined their hands as he gave donghyuck a comforting hug.

donghyuck couldnt hold it in any longer. he burst into tears as he burued his head in marks chest. his voice was muffled due to being crushed in marks embrace howver what he said was still understandable.

"hyung, what if they hate me after this? what if they dont love me anymore? im scared"

"hyuck ah, you got us, you have nothing to be afraid of, im sure the fans all will support you as much as we do, its going to be fine okay?"

"okay hyung, thank you i love you"

they cuddled in each others warmth and slept until the sun rose and declared the next day's arrival

Chapter Text

it was today, the concert day.

everyone was beyond nervous. staff were running around backstage making sure that everything was ready. 

everyone already had their makeup ready and there was only 15min left to go on stage 

taeyong had called everyone for a group meeting. 

"everyone, we all know something will change tonight, but we will always have each others backs, no matter what happens, lets enjoy this night together with the fans okay?"

"YES!!" 

"NCT!"
"YO NCT! JJEORO JUJA FIGHTING!"

it was showtime.

to say that donghyuck had fun, was an understatement. althought there were times when he stumbled during a dance, or had a voice crack, he always laughed it off and kept a positive mind throughout the entire concert.

they performed every of donghyucks favourite song, some where he wasnt in, but he didnt mind. he found joy in watching them perform on stage.

he was running around the stage during trigger the fever, where all the members actually cam runnung on stage which surprised donghyuck.

all 21 members were having such a glad time together laughing as jungwoo pushed lucas on purpose, or when jaemin threw a ball at renjuns head

they were having such an enjoyable time that donghyuvk forgot the whole main purpose of the concert.

however good things have to come to an end.

it was time for donghyuck to tell the world, that he was dying.

it was after their song candle light. all 21 members were now on stage.

donghyuck took the mic.

"CZENNIESSSS"

"YES"

"hello, this is haechan, but today ill be donghyuck"

by the tone of his voice everyone knew it was serious already. some nct members (doyoung,jungwoo) were already trying to fight their tears.

"you must be curious right? why is this concert called for, donghyuck? i actually have something very serious to tell all of you"

everyone quietened down almost immediately. everyone could sense the tension in the concert hall.

"so actually, since about 7 weeks ago, i wasnt feeling too good. i had a serious migraine and stomachache. but i just pushed it aside. i kept practising, until i collapsed. so taeyong hyung forced me to see the doctor. honestly i am really thankful that he did. i thought i was okay. however, when the results came back, it wasnt something i have expected.,"

by this time, donghyuck was teary-eyed, along with the 20 other members of nct. but donghyuck had to continue.

"it was stomach cancer, stage 3. i didnt know what to do. i have always been so healthy. i-i was so scared. i went through 3 weeks of chemotheraphy. but...but it wasnt working. it progressed to a stage 4 cancer. by then, i-i knew i wasnt going to survive. so i talked to the hyungs and we decided to live my life to the fullest during this time. so here i am having this concert"

donghyuck had tears streaming down his face as the fans all shouted "its okay! its okay!"

"i-i just want to say that, i am really thankful for all your support throughout the time since i debuted up till now, please...please dont ever stop supporting nct, not even after im gone...please"

there was not a single dry eye in the concert hall. everyome began cheering for donghyuck, shouting words of encouragement.

donghyuck smiled. "wah, thank you, i know this isnt an easy news to accept but i hope you guys wont be too sad about it, now let us have the last song, walk you home"

...
we’re here, goodbye, get home safe, oh yeah yeah

i’m gonna watch you go inside so hurry and go in

after your pretty back disappears

i turn around and I start to miss you already

one evening, when I especially didn’t want to say goodbye

i called your name and we stood there

yeah, I have nothing more to say but wait

until we see each other tomorrow

i want to give you a hug to warm you up babe

first step, walk you home
(steppin’ close to you)

that step is heavy
second step, walk you home, that step is a waste
(it’s all you babe)

third step, walk you home
(with you)

that step is hard
(come on come on)

fourth step, Walk you home, that step is sad

we’re here, goodbye, get home safe, oh yeah yeah

i’m gonna watch you go inside so hurry and go in

after your pretty back disappears

i turn around and I start to miss you already

everyone started making way to the middle of the stage,

good night, good bye, see you tomorrow, oh yeah yeah

they all gave one last bow together, as 21

in a few hours, it’ll be the long-awaited weekend

they walk towards the closing place as they wave at their fans

i’ll pick you up so sleep in

just before the door closes, everyone hears donghyucks very last line

and let’s meet at that place at 2pm

"and that has been nct thank you!!"

Chapter Text

it has been a week since the concert and it has not been easy for any of them.

new articles came out like crazy and many were talking about donghyuck for days. 

and donghyuck just got weaker and weaker as the days go by.

he could not stand properly, everything he ate came straight out, he had mood swings and so many other problems.

on may 18th, donghyuck couldnt sleep. he rolled around his bed for a few hours but he still remained wide awake.

he was awake on his bed thinking about all the memorable moments he spent with nct.

when they went to see the sunrise together by the beach and everyone jumped into the sea

when they went to the arcade and yuta loss terribly 

when they went to the karaoke and jaemins voice cracked a thousand times

when johnny beat everyone in the boxing match

when everyone was acting all cool during the phtoshoot donghyuck had for them

he smiled as he turned to look at the side where mark peacefully slept.

he took out a piece of paper and began writing.

the moment he put down his pen, he felt his breath starting to be uneven and he knew his time was up 

he looked at mark lovingly one last time, as exhaustion washed over him, before closing his eyes one last time as darkness enveloped him completely.

mark woke up rubbing his eyes at 7.30am.

he glanced to his side to see donghyuck with a small smile on his face as he slept peacefully.

mark admired donghyyck for a while smiling as he adored the younger who looked so adorable at that moment of time. he checked the time, 7.35am

they had to start getting ready. he stood up and walked to donghyuck.

"hyuck ah wake up, wake up"

donghyuck didnt even move an inch.

mark started getting scared. he was panicking as he shook donghyuck while screaming

"hyuck ah w-wake up, wake up, hyuck ah, hyuck!"

by this time, the other nct members had heard the commotion and had went into donghyuck and mark's shared room.

"w-whats going on?" taeyong asked alothough he had a feeling he knew what had happened

"HES NOT WAKING UP HYUNG" mark shouted frantically

taeyong hesitantly brought his hand up to donghyucks neck to try and feel for a pulse but

there was none

taeyong's legs lost all its strength and he just crumbled to the floor and started crying.

everyone knew what that meant. their full sun, their golden maknae of 127 was gone.

everyone broke down immediately and the only sound you could hear in their dorms were crying noises ans shouts for donghyuck to come back. 

but he never will

" hi uhm this is mark from nct, 

i have decided to write this by myself instead of waiting for sm to confirm it. 

as all of you guys know, our full sun, donghyuck ah was battling stage 4 cancer since a 1-2 months ago. it honestly hurts my heart to remember and picture the moments that he struggled.

he could barely even walk on some days. everything he ate went straight back up and he would faint every now and then. im sure it was not only heartbreaking for me, but for all my hyungs who had to take care of him.

he is with the stars now. he left peacefully at night after writing us a letter. honestly, i have no words but i know he is watching us.

donghyuck, haechan, hyuck ah, i miss you 

im sorry for bringing such news but i hope you have a good day"

the whole kpop industry went crazy over donghyucks death. all of his close friends were griefing especially nct. nctzens did not take it lightly either as many of them struggled to go back to stanning kpop. the lost of the sun was so devastating.

Chapter Text

mark held up donghyucks note to them with trembling fingers. he took in a deep breath as he read

dear nct,

by the time you all read this i will most likely be with the stars. i have always wondered what that feeling would be like. it must be so comforting right?

its okay dont be too worried im im not scared, i have already accepted my fate i will just embrace it with open arms when it comes (which it probably has)

please hyungs, dont take this too hard. sure grief for a little, but promise me that nct will continue and do all sorts of miracles.

you all dont need to miss me ill always be with you. in the day im there, the sun and at night im the stars. please do not worry about me and live you own life.

i really want to say thank you and sorry to all of you 

thank you, for taking good care of me when i was sick, for accepting my affection, for tolerating ny sarcastic self. i know im playful at times but really deep down i am really grateful for every single one of you.

sorry because, i have to go first. i couldnt keep my promise of being with you guys till the end. but its okay. im still in your hearts, that is if you want to haha, but really, no matter what ill be there, sorry also because you all had to see how much i suffered and feel the same pain or even worse pain than i felt. im really sorry.

remember dont be sad okay? dont cry, smile.

to the world, this is lee donghyuck, thank you and goodbye

~full sun

at the end,everyone were in tears once again. donghyuck told them not to cry but they just couldnt help but cry. they lost their sunshine, their full sun, their spark of joy, the one who always made practice so much happier and lively, the maknae of 127 that everyone secretly wanted attention from.

it was difficult not to cry, it was more difficult to smile.

Chapter Text

it has been a whole month since donghyuck went to be with the angels.

no one was taking it well

mark often climbs into donghyucks bed and cries himself to sleep, taeyong has no appetite, jungwoo has anxiety, many others suffer from insomnia. the only one that was doing at the very least decent was surprisingly jisung.

it has been a month, and jisung was sick of how all how everyone was acting.

sure they were sad, he was sad too but they should have at least taken good care of themselves.

jisung called everyone for a group meeting

he saw the eyebags under everyone's eyes, he saw jungwoo's shaking fingers, he saw marks tear-stained cheeks, he didnt hear chenle's dolphin laugh. everything was just so different.

"hyungs, we cant be like this. think about it, would hyuck hyung want us to be like that? he told us that we should stay strong and continue our journey as nct. we cant fall apart, at least not for hyuck"

"we can do this hyungs"

Chapter Text

things had changed drastically after that meeting. things started becoming back to normal. although it was slow,at least there were improvements. 

they had been talking to do a tribute concert to donghyuck as he was so precious to everyone.

all 20 of them handwrote one single song to present for donghyuck, their fallen angel.

they loved him so so much

the song was a slow, ballad song that consisted of some of nct's previous lyrics but also new ones.

now, 20 of them stood on stage as they approached the last song of their concert, "to, donghyuck"

taeyong held the mic 

"czennies, i know it has been a tough time for all of us. this is going to be the last song of our concert. this song was written by all 20 of us for our full sun i hope you guys will enjoy."

mark took the mic this time

"we know it has been difficult, but donghyuck told us to always smile and not be sad. we have to be strong for him. i know you miss him, we miss him too. but he will always be here with us, in our hearts."

mark said as he pointed at his heart

"lets have the last song, 'to our full sun' "

song: to our full sun

mark(talk):
yo to our full sun, lee donghyuck, we miss you

jaehyun(sing):
we miss you
words cant express it
how much we miss you

johnny(sing):
the last time i see you 
i wont forget that
and now that you're gone
i feel like im gone too

renjun(sing):
i wish we could turn back time
maybe we could prevent this
maybe you would be just fine
maybe you would be right by my side

chenle(sing):
you were my light in times of darkness
now that you're gone
who's going to light up my life?

taeyong(rap):
you filled the emptiness in my heart
you healed all my wounds
patched up the scars
no i wont let then reopen
even when you're gone

mark(rap):
i still remember our last words
they're still etched in my mind
the tone of your voice
i will never forget it
not even after a million years

taeil (sing):
i love you, i love you
im telling you with all my heart
you shined so brightly beside me

doyoung (sing):
i miss you, i miss you
your voice, your face, your everything

jisung (sing):
i need you, i need you
you were the joy in my life

yuta (sing):
i want you, i want you
to just be here with me
the more i want you
the further you go

jungwoo (sing):
your laughter rings through my head
your voice echoes in my head
i tell myself i wont ever forget them

jaemin (sing):
it was so fun watching you laugh and talk
good night, go home, see you
don't forget our date at 2pm tomorrow

jeno (sing):
its been a day and i miss you already
i know i need to move on
i know you won't come back
but i just cant

taeil (sing):
you complete us
without you we aren't perfect
and i dont think we ever will be
you are the missing piece in all of us

doyoung (sing):
lets not be in pain
always remember to smile
even in hard moments
we have to smile

jungwoo (sing):
i love you, i love you
im telling you with all my heart
you shined so brightly beside me

jaehyun (sing):
i miss you, i miss you
your voice, your face, your everything

renjun (sing):
i need you, i need you
you were the joy in my life

jisung (sing):
i want you, i want you
to just be here with me
the more i want you
the further you go

win win (sing):
its okay, we are okay
maybe not now but at least in the future
we will be okay

lucas (rap):
you dont need to worry about us
just focus on spreading love to everyone up there

mark(rap):
are you having fun 
do you still remember us
or have you already found new friends 
that you dont need us

taeyong (rap):
dont forget us
like how we wont forget you
a part of us remains in you
and a part of you remains in us

ten (sing):
we will meet again
maybe not now
but one day, i know
we will meet again

taeil + doyoung (adlib):
yeaa~~~

xiaojun (sing)
我爱你，我爱你
我用我全心告诉你
你在我旁边如此的亮

kun (sing)
我想你，我想你
你的声音，你的脸，你所有的东西

yang yang (sing):
我需要你，我需要你
你是我人生中的快乐

hendery (sing):
我要你，我要你
在我的身旁
但我更要你
你就走的更远

taeil (sing):
but its okay, we are okay
maybe not now but at least in the future
we will be okay

all (shout):
donghyuck ah, we love you

donghyuck (walk you home bgm):
and lets meet at that place at 2pm again

at the end of the song, everyone was in tears

"hello everyone, its lee donghyuck"

donghyuck suddenly appeared on the screen shocking everyone

all the nct members turned back shocked and they slowly made their way to the middle of the stage and sat down together as they watched the screen and listened to donghyuck with tears still rolling down their faces.

"you must be surprised right?"

"i already knew that i wouldnt make it, so i made this video in advance."

maybe the members and fans broke down more because of this statement

"how was the concert? it must have been fun huh"

"i will never forget nctzens cheers ever"

"those just keep me going when in having a hard time"

"dont worry about me, im sure you guys will do fine"

"im always here no matter what okay?"

"please, smile for me"

"nctzens i love you"

"nct, i love you"

"we will meet again, maybe at 2? i dont know but we will meet again"

the screen went black.

the concert hall was filled with the cries of the nct members 
(as well as nctzens)

"nct! nct! nct! nct!" nctzens cheered as loudly as they could

"ah, everyone, how was the concert? you guys had fun right? the last song is something that is really precious to all of us."

"we will continue to be strong and bring good music to all of you and we hope that you guys will remain stong as well. we will be back soon, please wait for us"

"thank you for spending the night with us today and we will look forward to the next time we are together"

"we love you nctzens, thank you for everything"

"1,2 to the world this is nct, thank you!"

taeyong led the 20-membered group as they took their last bow and walked off the stage all teary eyed.

at the end of the concert, no words were spoken, but they knew one thing

they will be okay