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The often-dusty attic was still dark enough to give it the illusion of cleanliness. As I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, I scanned the room looking for Morgana. He never preferred to share the bed with me and Akira, though I was grateful in all honesty.
Honesty. There’s an interesting word. Not one that could really be considered befitting to my life. Yet, I was somehow still allowed into this cramped attic that I’d come to appreciate as home. It’s not like I minded the cramped nature. It just kept me closer to him.
I sat up on the bed and swung my feet down to the floor, the coldness working up through my legs and chilling my core. As I stood, I noticed the unmistakable ball of fur that slumbered peacefully atop the brown futon; Morgana had gotten comfortable at least. I slid my feet into brown slippers and padded over to the stairs so as not to wake him. The stairs themselves weren’t creaky at least, unlike the rest of the attic floor.
A sole light was on when I got downstairs. It reflected off the deep brown wood of the counter while a certain poofy-haired teen labored over the coffee machines. He met my gaze with a quick smile followed by a frown.
“I knew I should’ve stayed in bed. I didn’t want to wake you.”
“I’ll admit, the lack of warmth you usually give did get me up.” I offered a small smile, only to see a devilish smirk rise beneath his glasses.
“Oh really now? Well I mean I could abandon the coffee, but we should really take things upstairs if you wanna go like that. I doubt Sojiro would appreciate us christening his café.” I felt heat rise to my face at that.
“You are such a fucking perv Akira.”
“And you love me for it, Goro.”
“Debatable.” He feigned hurt before he poured two cups of coffee and slid one gently across the counter to me. I took it happily, knowing full well I wouldn’t be returning to bed at this point. “Besides, I’m sure that whatever the time is, it is far too early to indulge in your favorite activity.”
“You’re giving yourself a lot of credit there. And it’s only 3:30.”
“Only? How often are you up this early?” I sipped my coffee while he gave a pensive look towards the window. “Surely not that often, we sleep side by side every night.”
“You do.” He drank some of his coffee. “I just don’t leave bed usually when I wake up. I don’t wanna disturb you.” Something unpleasant lingered behind his cool, grey eyes.
Considering all that we have faced, it really shouldn’t be surprising. The world made it through ruin and then “utopia” all in the span of a few months, though the former I only heard about. While I am in fact alive and breathing, the gap in my memories between that man’s palace and Maruki’s still exists. At this point we’ve decided not to question it, and just take what we can get.
Which happens to be a lot of each other.
I stood up and moved to a booth nearby, knowing he would follow. He settled in next to me, but still wouldn’t meet my eyes. I wrapped one arm around his shoulders and pulled him close.
“I’d rather have you wake me than suffer in silence Akira, you know that. It’s not like I’m always lost in some blissful slumber.”
“Yeah well…” He kept his eyes fixed on his coffee. “They’re just stupid dreams.”
“I’m not sure they can be considered stupid if they keep you awake at night. At least now it makes sense why I hear about you falling asleep in class every day. Look at me.” I lifted his chin and locked eyes with him. “What was it?” He looked down and hesitated before starting.
“I just dream sometimes that none of this is real still…I go to sleep and wake up in that same prison cell I did after we fought Maruki, and nothing is different, Sae tells me I’m free to go but…” A single tear tracked down his face. “You’re not there.”
I sat my coffee down and pulled him into a proper hug, only then feeling him shaking as he continued.
“Everyone splits off to go do their own things after school ends; Ryuji moves schools to train for track, Ann goes abroad to do modeling, and I just go home. I find myself on a train back to where I don’t want to be, and just as the train leaves, I think I’ve spotted you.” He held on tighter at that. “The same jacket and gloves and everything, but just as I turn to see your face, the train moves too far, and I don’t get to see if it’s you. I hate it, it’s so stupid and–”
“Shhhh, I’m here. Hold on to me.” I rubbed small circles in his back and swayed a bit to try and soothe him. “I’m here. I was a fucking idiot for so long, and I probably don’t deserve to be here, but I am. And this time I’m not letting go.”
His breathing evened back out after a while, only for me to realize he had dozed off in that position. Even the delicious coffee couldn’t overcome that exhaustion I suppose. I glanced at a clock on the wall to see that it was four in the morning now, and surely Sojiro would be arriving soon to begin prep for the day. While I knew he wouldn’t mind us being up this early, I didn’t want to have to explain this to him.
Time and again he acted as a rock for all of the Phantom Thieves, and even me, but rarely with someone to return the favor. Time and again he gave everyone everything in an effort to protect them all, and it was successful. But it came with a cost that was clear now.
He was unsteady, never fully able to accept that the hard work had paid off. Worried he’d lose me and everyone else at any moment. Considering how much fate had tried to fuck him over, who could blame him?
I came to a couple of conclusions as I laid back against the booth with Akira curled about my form. Firstly, that I should try to carry him upstairs so he could get some real rest in a bed. That feat was easier said than done, as he merely looks like a toothpick. Secondly though, I decided to make sure that he finally had a rock he could depend on to take some of the burden away. That was the resolve I reached as I settled back into bed with my boyfriend, after a groggy-yet-worried look from Morgana.
As we settled in and I pulled the blanket over us, he tightened his hold once more, assuring me that I had made the right decision.