Work Text:
One of the earliest skills a cultivator learns is that of shape shifting. It’s not an entirely useful skill, though Wei Wuxian thinks that’s a lack of imagination on the part of cultivators across the board. What animal a child settles on is complicated, some sect’s guide their young towards the more proper and respectable animals, some towards the most powerful and renowned, while the YunmengJiang Sect encourage diversity and value the unique.
Wei Wuxian settles before Jiang Fengmian finds him on the streets scavenging for scraps. Most children don’t settle until they were seven or eight. Jiang Fengmian calls it an act of resolute strength, Madam Yu calls it a weakness of the mind and predictable, Wei Wuxian changes the subject whenever it is bought up.
Jiang Cheng settles on a rhinoceros even though Wei Wuxian teases him that it’s so very boring and ugly, “but it suits you Jiang Cheng!” he cries from the lake as Jiang Cheng towers over him, and the next moment he’s brother has jumped in after him to try and dunk him under the water. Wei Wuxian laughs and kicks away and doesn’t mention it again.
The Twin Jades do not do performative shape shifting. It is understood by all that they are probably capable of quite majestic, powerful animals, but no-one inside of the GusuLan Sect discuss such things. Even while sneaking about the place trying to avoid curfew Wei Wuxian doesn’t catch a sniff.
The problem with shape shifting is that aside from its general uselessness it’s become different things to different sects. It was normal to try and respect each sects’ rules of propriety with shape shifting even though without close ties it was rare to know exactly what those rules were. Unfortunately the GusuLan’s rules were etched in stone along with all its others and they all had to read them as they made their way up the mountain.
“But what if I get cold at night?” One of boys demands when it’s revealed to him that GusuLan treat their animal shifts like a private affair not to be seen by others.
Lan Qiren looks ready to die inside but answers resolutely, “There are rules of conduct one must obey even in the privacy of their room, however your shifted form is a sacred part of any cultivator brought on by the power of their golden core. The Lan sect rules do not forbid shifting in privacy, especially to assist with meditation and healing.”
Wei Wuxian makes a pained noise at all the formality and Lan Qiren’s beard twitches unhappily as if he has heard but refuses to acknowledge Wei Wuxian. Thankfully the matter is dropped.
He stumbles upon the creature by pure accident. After all he’s not expecting anyone to be in the back of the mountains where he’s wandering despite all the warnings that it is forbidden. So it’s a bit of a surprise when he is confronted by the largest cat he has ever seen sitting perfectly still in the middle of a sunbeam. “What?” He asks and the head of the thing twists around to glare at him, ears flicking back in dissatisfaction. Wei Wuxian recognises ire when he sees it, even in the face of a snowy white cat. He puts two and two together and thinks maybe he should have paid more attention to the disciple’s warnings on his way here. “Ah,” he steps back, “sorry,” and does a firm bow eyes unable to look away because the cat is, frankly, stunning, “I was looking for-“ he realises he’s talking to someone’s animal shift still, a very big animal shift. “I’ll go.” And he does because the thing is nearly as big as him and its tail has begun to flick angrily.
Once he’s made it to safety he isn’t sure what to do, he had anticipated bothering Lan Zhan, and the junior disciples had explained that Lan Zhan was in that direction but was in seclusion. That hadn’t bothered him, Lan Zhan in seclusion was just Lan Zhan free to be othered. But there had only been the cat. Wei Wuxian puts four and four together and realises that the cat had been Lan Zhan, that he had seen Lan Zhan’s most private form. His breath gets a little hard to draw at the thought, but he overcomes it quickly and decides to feel quite pleased with finding out another secret he wasn’t supposed to find. It’s a struggle after that not to meow whenever Lan Zhan’s not paying him enough attention – he slips on at least three occasions and each time Wei Wuxian sees a little bit more of the icy fury the second Jade of GusuLan keeps under such tight control. It thrills him to pieces.
Nothing comes of his knowing Lan Zhan can turn into a leopard built for the snow mountains of Gusu, because Wei Wuxian is kicked out of GusuLan for punching Jin ZiXuan right in his monkey face not long after the incident. Besides in the end a cultivator’s shift is no more than a conversation starter, and it is a conversation he is uninterested in.
Wen Chao is interested in it though, he makes it clear on the first day when he looks at all the young masters who have been sent for indoctrination and says, “The Wen Clan are the only cultivators to truly fly above the clouds.” He points grandly at the sky, “None of your clans or sects can master flight in your shifts can you?” His smirk grates at Wei Wuxian, but Jiang Cheng holds onto his elbow to keep him still. Wei Wuxian isn’t sure why Jiang Cheng thinks he’d make a move for something so small as an arrogant little man lording it over his betters, but Wei Wuxian gives him a quick smile.
“It’s fine,” he assures, “I’m not going to cause any trouble.” Except it’s not even three minutes later that Wen Chao’s demanding to see everyone’s shift so that he can judge them. He turns on Lan Zhan first, and before Jiang Cheng can realise there’s intent Wei Wuxian is stepping out of line and making a show of himself.
“Ah I have a question!” He declares loudly enough to draw every eye to himself. He rubs the back of his head, meets Wen Chao’s furious eyes and asks, “Can chicken’s really fly?”
Everyone holds their breath and then Wen Chao explodes, “What are you saying?”
Wei Wuxian shrugs absently, “The Wen’s are a great sect,” he says amiably, “they have cultivated bird forms for many generations when no other sect alive can do the same, but can a Wen be a chicken?” He asks boldfaced. “Or can a chicken not fly? You should show us your animal so we can see for sure.”
He’d probably be okay with just that, maybe a whip or two for his cheek, except someone in the ranks chokes on a laugh and Wen Chao topples from enraged to embarrassed mania. Wei Wuxian is dragged off in front of all the other disciples and no-one breathes a word of protest.
The wolf is a monster made of teeth and hunger and Wei Wuxian knows he’s going to die. Just like that.
“See if you can talk your way out from between her teeth.” Wen Chao sneers as Wei Wuxian’s shouts to be let out. He’s ignored, the door is bolted, the peep hole sealed, and Wei Wuxian is terrified and weaponless. He attempts the impossible and does what has to be done to survive.
Wen Chao is disappointed he’s not a bloody mess when he’s released the next morning, and Wei Wuxian makes no noise as he’s forced to return to the rest of the disciples. By the time he gets there the tremor is mostly gone from his hands, but he still feels itchy and lost in his own skin. The hard labour they’re set to is a relief and he distracts himself trying to get under Lan Zhan’s skin once more.
It’s not until they’re rendered useless and trapped in the Tortoise of Slaughter’s cave that he makes any progress and by then he doesn’t want to see those cracks because it isn’t the time or place. He needs the second Twin Jade – he need’s Lan Zhan – to fight the battle with absolute unflinching perfection. Their chances are already too low to consider, any mistake and they’ll both die.
After it’s over and their cave smells like blood and rot and his own head won’t stop screaming, all he can feel is cold and empty its Lan Zhan’s careful hands picking him up that he remembers; it’s Lan Zhan’s melodic singing that he remembers.; it’s Lan Zhan’s fur as he lies along his side when Wei Wuxian can’t stop shaking that he remembers. They never speak of it, they don’t even have time and Wei Wuxian ignores the way his skin felt all the sizes too wrong when he’d woken because the reason doesn’t bare thinking about.
Mo XuanYu doesn’t have a shift, either it died with him or he was never powerful enough to manifest one. Wei Wuxian is thrilled by the development and makes a show of it if anyone asks.
Through the months of travel with Lan Zhan he stumbled upon Lan Zhan’s cat numerous times, as if Lan Zhan no longer cares if Wei Wuxian sees this most private part of him. Wei Wuxian thinks at first they’re accidents, but when has Lan Zhan ever lost his control? He becomes used to seeing the leopard stalk through their rooms in the early hours when his body isn’t ready to wake up. Wei Wuxian becomes used to reaching out a hand and burying it in a thick winter coat. It’s peaceful, it’s nice. He wants to feel like that forever.
He’s not conscious when Wen Ning gets between his brother and him a lifetime later. He’s not conscious when Wen Ning asks Jiang Cheng with the fury of a dead man, “When’s the last time you wore your shift? Why do you think Master Wei is so scared of you?” He finds out about it later though because no secret stays buried when you trade in the dead and fate never did give him a moments peace.
He finds out as Jiang Cheng seethes at him from across the temple floor though, and Wei Wuxian curls himself more behind Lan Zhan as if a single arm could protect him from the outcome of the choice he made.
“Couldn’t wait to get rid of it could you?” Jiang Cheng mocks. Wei Wuxian looks away from his brother, cannot face accusations for a thing that tore him apart to do. A thing he would have regretted not doing more. There had never been easy choices in his life.
“Jiang Wanyin,” Lan Zhan says in a hard voice, “no-one would do such a thing for something so small.”
Wei Wuxian hisses behind Lan Zhan, punched by the defence of his character when it is the last character worth defending.
“Is it small?” Jiang Cheng considers them both the anger has not left him. “It’s been so many years since Wei Wuxian couldn’t control his shift, I forget exactly what it looks like. Shall we see?” But Jiang Cheng is in too much upheaval and too injured to shift and Jin GuangYao eventually interrupts them all. Wei Wuxian is glad, Jiang Cheng’s anger doesn’t slide off his back the way it used to.
Wei Wuxian marvels at the softness of his partner’s shifted ears and does not want to stop reaching out and petting them, and is never told to, so touches them at every opportunity. Even when Lan Zhan is deep in meditation, his shifted form coming as naturally as breathing Wei Wuxian will sneak up and squeeze the little round ears at least once. Lan Zhan is just as likely to change back when he is that close, just so he can slip his arms around Wei Wuxian’s waist and draw him in.
“I miss it sometimes,” he confesses against the press of Lan Zhan’s chest when they’ve been married for years and the secrets don’t hurt as much to say, “I never tried to use it – but it was always there.”
“It helped you?” Lan Zhan has many guesses as to the whys and hows, some are possibly right, but he doesn’t need to know any of those things to know the man in his arms.
Wei Wuxian nods, “I hated it,” he says quieter, “but it was still me.”
“Mh.” This Lan Zhan understands more than anyone for there is no part of Wei Wuxian he doesn’t love. He says as much, and Wei Wuxian laughs at him and presses a kiss to his lips with unyielding affection.
“Only you could love me at my worst.” He admires, and Lan Zhan holds him so he can’t slip away.
The dogs fight over the scraps on the street, and little fingers can’t match those snapping fangs and guttural growls, but little Wei Wuxian is hungry – can’t remember what it’s like to not be hungry so he does something desperate and impossible. He holds his breath, counts to ten, and digs down into his tiny golden core, the one his parents said would get bigger and bigger until he outshone the whole world.
The animal is bigger than he is. The animal is what he needs.
When the dogs come at him he meets them with his own fangs, a scrangy mutt with teeth and claws like theirs, who bites and barks and hunkers over dried out rice and pig bones growling at any other dog that comes too near.
When Jiang Fengmian finds him he’s almost forgotten how to be human but Jiang Fengmian recognises him all the same and with care he carries his best friend’s son home. Wei Wuxian watches over Jiang Fengmian’s shoulders as the street dogs weave their way through the crowd and under stalls, stalking him while he’s soft and vulnerable, but he’s too high up, and Jiang Fengmian promises he’ll protect him.
And little Wei Wuxian tries to remember how to be human.