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It was a Saturday night, silent in the Kujo home for all but one room: the dining room. Sitting at a table over plates full of microwaved leftovers was a quartet of the Joestar lineage: Jotaro, Josuke, Giorno, and Jolyne.
“You all know why you’re all here, right?” Jotaro asked, glancing at the three surrounding him, knowing they were all of age but seeing them as children in his eyes. Seeing everyone but Jolyne their head, he sighed. “I have an announcement.” It was an important one—at least to him—and he even used up one of his few leaves to do so, though only Jolyne truly grasped the importance of the situation.
She leaned forward, glancing at the men that surrounded him before keeping her eyes on Jotaro. “I knew you had something to say for weeks now, you know,” she said. “Just not sure if these guys know.” She tilted her head towards Josuke and Giorno, both of them staring at her with furrowed eyebrows.
“I wouldn’t know, I barely know anyone here!” Giorno said, bewildered. “You’ve all emailed me for years to go to family reunions, but it’s not like I knew I was related! You know how much Polnareff had to bug me to go here? I—”
“Save the breakdown for later,” Josuke sighed, elbows on the table, his head resting on his hand. He didn’t seem interested at all at what was happening, only truly there since it was a free flight and had free food. “Tell us then.” He paused. “Nephew.”
Jotaro rolled his eyes at the additional comment. “Don’t you remember how many times I’ve begged you not to call me that?”
“I know, nephew.”
Well, that was a lost cause. Pretending not a word was said, Jotaro continued on as if Jolyne wasn’t annoyed, Giorno wasn’t ignoring him and eating away at pasta with freezer burn, and Josuke was . . . something. “Look, I called you all here because I want to announce that, well, I have a girlfriend!”
Crickets. No reaction. Giorno continued to slurp on his pasta while the two surrounding him stared, uncaring for the announcement.
“I already knew,” Jolyne ended up replying just because the silence was unbearable, to the point that even Josuke began to eat his sad excuse of a Lean Cuisine Mac & Cheese.
Jotaro furrowed his eyebrows. “Wait, what?” he asked. “How did you know?”
She grimaced. “Who the fuck else are you calling babe over the phone at night? Come on, you’re so damn loud.”
With a sigh, Jotaro just nodded. She wasn’t wrong. “Okay, but look! This announcement gets even bigger.”
Giorno paused his eating, already halfway through the terrible food but only because he was starving. “What’s big about it? I genuinely don’t know how you can make a girlfriend reveal big.”
“Same here,” Josuke said with a raise of his hand, smiling widely as Giorno’s instinct was to reach over and give him a high-five.
At this point, Jotaro wasn’t even going to try to say anything more. Pushing his chair back from the table, making an awful screeching noise as it scraped against the floor, he called out to what seemed like the direction of the guest bedroom. “Babe! Come out here already!”
While the trio were still painfully cynical about the ordeal, their eyes went wide as soon as they saw who exited the room. With her heels clacking against the wooden floors and latex dress scrunching with each movement, Jotaro looked over his girlfriend with nothing but pride.
“Nicki Minaj?!” the trio asked in unison, in disbelief with the sight that beheld them.
“Hi, babe!” Nicki said, running over to Jotaro who stood from his seat to greet her. He bent down to give her a kiss on the forehead before pulling her in for a tight hug, and she yelped before falling into a giggle fit as she was carried closer towards the dining table. After being put down, she waved at the trio excitedly. “Happy to meet you all!” Pointing at each of them, she did her best to remember their names: “Josuke, Giorno, and Jolyne . . . right?”
As much as Giorno appreciated the cute display (he wasn’t heartless), he still didn’t know how to feel about this, the shock much too strong to let him think clearly. Josuke, on the other hand, stood up and dropped down onto the ground in front of her.
“I went to your concert in Tokyo, you were phenomenal,” he said, only to get kicked away by Jolyne who held a hand out to the shorter woman. All the while, Jotaro squinted his eyes and Nicki laughed, mouthing a ‘thank you’ to Josuke who’d rolled over onto his side. He smiled.
“I’m glad to know my dad’s in good hands,” she said, holding out a hand that Nicki took, causing the most unexpected handshake of all time to happen within the Kujo home. Then he looked to Jotaro. “You know, I could hear her too over the phone. You should really get your hearing checked, old man.”
And, despite wanting to retaliate, Jotaro instead stepped closer to pat her head. “Well, you want to know something I doubt you know?”
Jolyne nodded. “Yeah, hit me.”
Jotaro and Nicki glanced at each other, a smirk on his lips and a grin on hers. “This feels like too much, Jotaro,” she said, cheeks flushed and blending in seamlessly with the blush already on her face.
“No, trust me, it’ll be great,” Jotaro reassured, wrapping an arm around Nicki and moving down again to kiss the side of her head. That alone seemed to calm her mind.
“Well, all of y— Giorno?” She blinked as Giorno suddenly ate the freezer burnt pasta as if his life depended on it (though pausing to look her way).Josuke was still writhing on the floor in agony, so she directed the announcement to the two others before her. Holding up her hand, she revealed a ring with a large diamond on it, making the two before her gasp. “I’m getting married to Jotaro!”
A sudden pained cry escaped Josuke. “Why, Nicki?! Why not me?!”
Pretending that that didn’t just happen, Jotaro and Nicki’s lips pressed together, and the other two clapped.
What a beautiful couple.