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You never thought you would end up here, in the dorm of the Ultimate Supreme Leader, in a chair at his bedside and tending to his fever.
After Kokichi collapsed in the dining hall, Monokuma finally confirmed that he was sick after you all spent the whole day speculating why he had been acting so strange; though at that point, no one really thought otherwise. What you hadn’t expected, was that Kokichi’s fever isn’t just due to some infection or cold, but something you’ve never even heard of before: Despair Disease.
The group collectively agreed that in order to prevent someone from attacking Kokichi while he’s weak, or risking him dying from the fever, everyone would take turns watching over him, and you volunteered yourself for this shift. You figured since you sleep late anyway, it might as well be you with the night shift.
When you first entered the room, you were actually surprised by all the clutter. What even are all those boxes? Do you even want to know?
You try not to think about it, and instead decide to step out for a drink of water and a snack from the kitchen. You don’t know how long you might be here, so you might as well get comfortable.
But as you get up out of your seat and make your way to the door, Kokichi’s weakened whine halts you before you can leave, “(y/n)~”
“Kokichi, I’ll be right back. I’m just gonna get some water, okay–”
“But you can’t leave me here alone,” he suddenly sits up, eyes and skin dewy and hair a mess, “I might die!”
“That.. But, I’m only going to be gone a second.”
You couldn’t even refute his fear. If you’ve learned anything in this nightmare scape, it’s that you can’t trust anyone, that someone is always scheming and looking for any window they can to escape.
“You have to stay. Everyone knows I’m sick, and nobody likes me. Do you really think no one will try to come in here and kill me?”
You’re taken aback by his casually honest words. “Kokichi..”
“I took water bottles and snacks from the kitchen the other day,” he says in attempts to bribe you, “So stay.”
“..Okay.”
You go back to your seat, still registering what he said a moment ago. You always hesitate to believe what the boy says, but tonight his facade is different, softer.
Kokichi had spent most of the evening asleep, with Gonta and Tsumugi keeping watch over him to prevent anyone from taking advantage of his weakened state. Of course it would be your luck that by the time it was your shift, Kokichi would be awake and somewhat delirious, and eager to talk to you. You’re thankful though; this Despair Disease seems to have rid him of his crude remarks for some reason.
But somehow his somber and emotional demeanor isn’t as enjoyable as you thought it would be. It might be nice that he isn’t insinuating you’re promiscuous, or teasing you about any number of your quirks, but seeing him so.. sentimental has your heart feeling heavy instead.
“Hey, Kokichi.. Here, give me that,” you order gently, gesturing to the drying washcloth on his forehead.
You take the cloth and run it under the sink, wringing it out a little so it isn’t dripping excessively when you carry it over to him.
Without a thermometer, you’re left just pressing the back of your hand to his forehead and cheeks. You withdraw it quickly the first time, recoiling from the intensity of his temperature against your skin. It seems like his fever isn’t going down much at all.
“You know, you’re so nice, (y/n).”
You let Kokichi babble about how kind you are as you place the damp washcloth back on his forehead and search for the alleged water bottles he has lying around. Kokichi needs to start drinking more water, or you worry he might not get any better very soon. You might not be his biggest fan, but you certainly don’t want him to suffer through this, and even less, die.
“Really, (y/n), I think you’re suuuper nice. That’s why I like you.”
“Kokichi, I think you should save the teasing for later.. Just take it easy right now.”
“But I’m not teasing, (y/n). You’re really really nice.”
“Thank you.. Anyway, here, drink as much water as you can, okay?”
Kokichi obliges, and sits up slowly, his muscles aching and head pounding. The heat bubbling under his skin has him in a daze, everything seems a touch slower. You lean and reach over him to grab something, close enough for him to pick up your scent, and it feels like you’re there for hours - can’t you stay here that long? The urge to close his arms around you comes too late, and you’re back in your seat now, scribbling something in a notebook like you were when he just woke up.
In his daze, he can’t tell if you’re writing or drawing something. He also doesn’t realize he’s staring at you, but you don’t seem to notice it either.
He watches your eyelashes open and close, open and close, your eyes trained to the (f/c) notebook in your hands. Would you look up from your book more if he were someone else? If it was Shuichi, or even Kiibo, lying here? Probably.
“Um.. Are you okay, Kokichi?”
Having noticed his pensive stare, you ask him this, your head tilted cutely.
He smiles and says absently, “No.”
Your eyes flick up from your book instantly. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t wanna die.”
Die..? The word alone has your heart sinking deep into your chest. Your breath catches in your throat as you feel a duller version of the shock that overcomes you when one of your classmates’ body is found.
You want to believe it’s the delirium of his fever that has him talking like this, but something tells you that isn’t true.
“You won’t die. You’re going to be okay. You’re.. You’re making me nervous, Kokichi.”
“Sorry.”
His apology brings you a pang of guilt. Him talking like this does make you nervous, but maybe you should keep it to yourself. It’s understandable he would feel fearful when he’s suffering from this previously unknown disease; maybe it even causes paranoia. It is Monokuma’s conception, and he did say that it’s a motive of sorts, so it must be awful.
“No, it’s okay.. But, really, you’re going to be alright. That’s why I’m here looking after you, so your fever doesn’t get worse, okay? Don’t worry.”
You’re misunderstanding him. Even if he does survive the Despair Disease, will he survive the Killing Game? He becomes less sure of it everyday. If he weren’t pretty clever, someone might’ve already killed him by now. But it’s only a matter of time until it actually happens. Your hands might be the ones to get dirty. You could even do it now, while he’s weaker than usual. At least then it would have been someone he..
No. He doesn’t want to die at all, and he can’t pretend he would be okay with dying at your hands.
“Hey, Kokichi?.. About what you said earlier..”
He blinks, having trouble accurately recalling what he’s said, let alone what you might be talking about.
“You know.. About everyone not liking you. It’s not that we don’t like you, it’s just..”
How can you explain it? You can’t truthfully say that anyone else is fond of Kokichi, but you also wouldn’t say that everyone hates him.. At least you think so, until all the hostile or at least skeptical interactions between Kokichi and one of the others play back in your mind. A sense of guilt accompanies your memories of your own rude moments, and you have to remind yourself why everyone is wary of him. No one would treat him this way if he weren’t so dishonest, or crude, and if he didn’t seem to find this Killing Game so fun.
But the more you think about his actions, the more you realize that more of it might be farce than you thought before, that maybe you were missing that it’s something else he’s hiding when he lies. After all.. Would someone happy, with nothing to hide, and nothing to fear, really lie so much?
“I’m supposed to be the liar, not you, (y/n),” Kokichi grins. In spite of his smile, you can see pain is reflected in his clouded violet eyes. “I know everyone hates me. Even you. Thanks for taking care of me, though. It’s really nice to take care of someone you hate.”
“That’s not true, Kokichi.. I don’t hate you. Why do you think that?”
“I just know. I mean, I know why. I’m a jerk to you, so I deserve it.”
Normally he’d probably say something like that with a pouted lip and lilted voice, but as you scan his features, you see that he isn’t just saying this to mock you.
“…I don’t hate you. I wouldn’t be here if I did.”
But you had to be here, didn’t you? Everyone probably pulled straws or something to see who was stuck with him. Or maybe you’re here out of pity. Maybe you didn’t want him to get worse, but only ‘cause you care about people in general, not him specifically, and sure that’s a selfish thought, but the point stands.
You two sit in silence for awhile.
Kokichi occupies himself with the sliding puzzle you found in the warehouse, his thumbs deftly switching pieces like he’s being timed. You listen to the constant clacking, a storm of questions weighing heavy in your mind.
”..How are you feeling?“
"Okay, I guess. Head hurts and stuff.”
“Is it really bad?”
He hums in contemplation, “Kinda.”
Despite his casual answer, you can’t stifle the panic that’s starting to rise in your stomach. You wish there were some medicine or something you could give him to help. A fever can go away on its own, but without medicine Kokichi could also get a lot worse.
“Do you need anything? I can get more water or–”
“Sit with me,” he orders, “Please?”
He really is delirious. Your initial reaction is to refuse him, but the longer you look at his flushed face and pleading eyes, and the longer you think about how terrible he must be feeling, you find yourself unable to say no.
“Um.. Okay. But only for a second.”
It’s only because he’s sick, you tell yourself as you settle in next to him awkwardly. You keep your eyes on your lap, or on the opposite wall, or anywhere but Kokichi, and he doesn’t seem to mind. Unlike you, he isn’t uncomfortable at all. Instead, he’s so comfortable that he leans his head on your shoulder, and after a moment of listening to each other’s breathing, he closes his eyes and starts to hum.
Your eyes start to wander until you’re looking down at him, stifling the desire to stroke his dark, soft-looking locks. His humming lulls you into feeling less tense, and eventually you’re leaning your head onto Kokichi’s, trying to ignore the painful feeling in your heart as it races. If you’re not careful, you might end up falling asleep like this, and part of you doesn’t even mind.
Knock knock.
Both startled by the sudden knocks at the door, you exchange glances with Kokichi, who in his daze just stares at you owlishly. You glance briefly at the clock; your shift is still far from over. It essentially just started.
An uneasiness follows you as you make your way to the door, thankful for the pocket knife you always keep handy just in case. Never have you planned to use it, but you will if you have to, if only to incapacitate someone.
“Shuichi,” you sigh upon opening the door, “What are you doing here?”
Immediately your dread dissipates at the sight of him, and the hand at your side relaxes. He gives you a sheepish smile, his hand on the nape of his neck.
“Ah, hi.. I just thought I should check up on you. How’s Kokichi?”
“He’s still pretty warm,” you frown, stepping aside so Shuichi can see for himself.
“Hi, Shuichi,” Kokichi greets from his bed, to which the Ultimate Detective reciprocates with a small greeting of his own.
He speaks to you briefly, asking you if Kokichi has been acting suspicious at all and if you feel okay being alone for your shift. You assure him everything is okay and that if anything happens you’ll do your best to keep yourself and your ‘patient’ safe.
Still the slightest concerned, the male nods, “Well, I think that’s all. Oh, that’s right. Here, I found these in the warehouse. They seem safe and should help reduce Kokichi’s fever.”
You take the small bottle of pain medication and thank him. “Thanks, Shuichi. Be careful getting back.”
Painkillers. You’re surprised Monokuma was merciful enough to leave these in the warehouse for you all, you muse as you walk back to your chair.
Before you can even settle back into your seat, Kokichi hits you with a flustering question.
“Do you like Shuichi?”
“W-what? Of course, he’s my friend.”
“I mean do you have a crush on him,” he clarifies, sounding like a child asking his babysitter about her love life.
“N-no! I don’t like him like.. that.”
“Well then is there someone else you like? You can tell me. I probably won’t even remember any of this tomorrow.”
Suddenly you feel the need to avert your gaze, completely caught off guard by this conversation.
“N-no, I.. there’s no time to focus on things like that here..”
“That doesn’t mean you can’t have feelings. So… who is it?”
There’s a chance that you are telling the truth and the topic alone is just that flustering for you. But Kokichi doesn’t buy it. Or maybe he doesn’t want to. But really, isn’t this simultaneously the most and least perfect place for feelings to take root? Trapped within a limited space, with the same faces everyday, and, unless you’re a fool, with absolutely nothing to look forward to day to day? Isn’t that just asking for bonds to form, and then unceremoniously break, because this is still the Killing Game?
Even if you’re too afraid and too angry to pursue someone, you probably still think about someone when you’re sitting with them for breakfast, when you’re on the way to the location of a body, when you’re alone in your room.
“Kokichi, I’m not going to tell you something like that.. There’s nothing to tell anyway.”
“Hmm, how about this. I’ll tell you mine then you tell me yours. Deal?”
After some back and forth and endless prodding, the Ultimate Supreme Leader does what he does best and manages to persuade you, if only to get him to stop bothering you. Plus.. like he said, he probably won’t remember anyway, right? Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to get something off your chest.
“Okay, I’ll give you a hint.”
“What?? But you said–
"She’s cute, and she has (h/c) hair and… she’s looking at me right now.”
“W-what?! What are you saying..?”
“I’m saying I like you.”
You feel like you’re the one with a fever now. It takes you a moment, but you remember exactly who you’re talking to, and how he would never say something like this except to make fun of you.
“That’s not funny..,” you mutter, gripping the bottle in your hand as you avert your eyes.
Suddenly your hand is in his clammy one, and you’re staring at his flushed face, eyes shining with sincerity, or what he wants you to think is sincerity.
“I’m not joking, (y/n). I really like you,” he insists, seeming confused as to why you’re fighting him.
“S-stop it, Kokichi. Stop talking like that,“ you say as you try to pull your hand from his grip.
He doesn’t let you go, insistent that he’s telling you the truth. You wish you didn’t want to believe it so much. You should have let the subject go, but it’s too late to brush it off now.
"If you like me so much then why are you telling me now?.. Why haven’t you told me before?”
Why say it now, when he’s not even in his right mind?
“I didn’t know how to say it, but I mean it. I really like you.”
Of all the mean-spirited things he’s said to you, this is one of the worst. Here you are caring for him - after volunteering to no less - and keeping watch over him, and he still can’t even treat you nicely? Are your feelings really so insignificant to him that he can’t keep from toying with them?
“You don’t like me, Kokichi! I’m not going to fall for that so just stop, please!”
“How do you know that?,” he cries, voice wavering lightly. You almost believe he’s genuinely upset.
“I don’t know,” you reply bitterly. “I don’t know anything about you. How can I? You want me to believe you but all you do is lie and hide the truth.”
“But–”
You rise out of your chair, tossing two capsules of medicine onto his covers.
“No, just, just leave me alone. Take those and get some rest. I’ll be here if you need anything but if you don’t, then just leave me alone, please.”
And to your surprise, he does. He doesn’t say a thing for the rest of your shift, and eventually drifts to sleep, leaving you to soak alone in the wave of emotions roaring over you.
'Was I too harsh..?’
You can’t help but question yourself. At the time you were completely convinced that Kokichi was only messing with you, trying to play with your emotions for fun, but now you feel guilty. What if it was true? Or what if he didn’t mean any harm, and was just genuinely confused because of his high fever?
It’s 2 a.m. when someone knocks on the door. You don’t notice it at first because you’re so consumed with the cycle of emotions that run through you at the thought of everything that Kokichi has said tonight.
You don’t even feel relieved when Kiibo comes in for his turn; instead, you’re almost angry. Angry at yourself and at Kokichi, and how you can’t just have a normal conversation with him, how much you wanted to believe everything he told you in these past few hours.
After bidding the android good luck, you tuck yourself in for the night, still conflicted about the truth.
—-
By the next afternoon, it’s as if Kokichi was never sick to begin with. Due to everyone’s careful watch, he had almost fully returned to his regular, obnoxious self.
Once you were aware of his recovery, his previously flushed face back to its typical pale hue, you actively avoided him every time you saw him. Somehow you aren’t sure whether to be angry or happy that every time, he doesn’t acknowledge you at all. It’s not as if he would greet you like you want him to; he would probably just mock you, and tell everyone how sentimental you were being while watching over him last night.
You try to remind yourself that he probably doesn’t remember anything after all, but the thought tugs at your heart as you realize that would mean he was more delirious than you thought, that he didn’t mean anything he said..
Most of the day is wasted on those thoughts, little room in your mind to do anything else but mull it over.
Until you find an envelope on the floor of your room. It must have been slipped underneath your door, since you always make sure to lock it while you’re away, and it’s definitely meant for you because your name is scrawled along the back.
Upon opening it, you find enclosed a note and a small flower, its petals slightly crumpled.
'Dear (y/n),
Meet me in the courtyard at 7. It’s important, so please come.
- Shuichi’
You can’t imagine why Shuichi would summon you, and you’re not even convinced this really is from Shuichi, but you decide to go nonetheless. Whoever sent this, you’ll learn something from this encounter, you know that much.
Armed with your pocket knife and a mini taser you convinced Miu to make you, you step out into the courtyard, hoping you won’t need to use either.
The sun is set, but it’s relatively light out still as you move further from the dorm hall, which slightly eases your anxiety. But it comes back as you realize it’s only a couple minutes before 7, and Shuichi is nowhere to be seen.
You walk further, thinking maybe he’s coming from a different building, but you’re stopped when someone taps on your shoulder.
“Heya, (y/n),” Kokichi greets casually, his arms tucked behind his head.
Immediately you try to move in a different direction, your eyes avoiding his, “I’m supposed to be meeting up with someone right now.”
“Yup, me! I left you that note, not Shuichi.”
You turn around to see him grinning, unable to decipher whether he’s lying. “What..? But then why–”
“I knew you wouldn’t come if it was from me, so I lied a little.”
What else is new?
All the curiosity from before has left you now, leaving only exasperation. “What do you want, Kokichi?”
He drops his grin from a moment ago and sighs.
“Look, I’m sorry that I tricked you, okay? I just didn’t know how else to get you to come here. But hey, listen, did I say anything.. weird yesterday? I can’t remember much, so.. I wanted you to fill me in.”
That’s why he called you here? So he can clear up anything he said with some nonsense excuse?
“Yes, a lot…,” you reply curtly, ready to walk away.
Before you can get more than a few steps away from him he stops you, “O-okay, wait, wait! That’s not why I called you here. Just hear me out, alright?”
“Fine..”
“So.. I actually remember everything from last night. At least most of it, I think. I know I upset you, right?”
You nod wordlessly, and he continues.
“And it’s 'cause you didn’t believe my feelings for you. Right?”
“K-kind of..”
“Well.. I actually wasn’t lying. I was trying to give you this yesterday, but since you were pissed at me I’m giving it to you now, so.. here.”
In the arm hidden behind his back he holds a cardboard box, maybe a little bigger than the size of his head. Could it be one of the boxes you saw lying around in his room? He hands it to you, and it’s heavier than expected.
“What.. is this?”
“It’s a present, but y'know, there’s no wrapping paper here so I just left it like that. Anyway, just open it. I promise it’s not a bomb.”
That hadn’t crossed your mind but now you’re less convinced that this present is something innocuous. But if Kokichi is still standing less than a foot away from you, you reason that whatever is in here can’t be immediately dangerous. Hopefully.
You sit down, finding it easier to open this way, and when you open the flaps of the box, you’re left furrowing your brow.
“What is all this?”
“They’re weapons and stuff I told Miu to make.”
You can see that much, but you’re left wondering why. Is this some kind of joke too?
“I’ve had 'em for awhile. You can find out what they do if you look at her instructions and my blueprints.”
“But, I don’t get it.. why did you have her make these, and why give them to me?”
“'I had her make those so we could find the mastermind, but if I die before we can use them, then you guys are screwed. I was waiting to see who I could trust, so I kept it a secret. Plus, if I told anyone else, they’d probably rat me out to everybody. So.. since you’re not stupid enough to do that, and stuff.. I’m giving them to you.”
You look up at him, only met with his side profile while he stares elsewhere, hands behind his head like they were before.
“I didn’t know you thought so much about all this..”
Kokichi has his back turned to you now, in attempts to seem nonchalant, but really, he doesn’t want to have to mask the emotions that might break through his expression.
“Meh. I couldn’t let the game get boring, so. Plus it’s fun to order Miu around, have you ever tried it?”
You dig around in the box, curious if there’s anything else, and there is.
A kubspad.
Could it be..?
Your eyes flood first with happiness and then tears as images of your loved ones flash before you, first with smiles on their faces. You choke back a sob as Monokuma alludes to something terrible by the end of it. It’s nothing you haven’t considered before, but the thought that they could be suffering or worse is always distressing.
“K-Kokichi.. You had this?”
“Not at first, but yeah.”
He clears his throat, uncomfortable with the lump that’s started to form there.
“I was gonna show everyone’s motive video, right? But then you guys got in the way, but I still saw them all. I was tempted to show you yours but I didn’t know if you were trustworthy yet, so I held onto it.”
Kokichi half expects you to snap at him for keeping this from you for that long, and he braces himself for it. He couldn’t really blame you for being mad about that; you obviously care a lot about the people in your video, and even he could understand the dread of not knowing exactly what was happening to them. But you don’t snap at him - instead, your voice is the softest he’s ever heard it.
“Thank you,” you murmur, the pad pressed tightly to your chest.
He isn’t sure what to say now. What do you say to someone when they’re sad, when you don’t want them to be?
At a loss of what else to do, he sits down beside you and plays with the grass. He has the urge to crack a joke to lighten the air but he has a feeling you might not appreciate it right now.
Still, the silence is making him restless and you notice it.
“Kokichi.. Do you really.. Like me?”
He doesn’t say anything right away, leaning back and letting his back rest on the grass.
“Ha.. I don’t know why I said that. Just forget about it, ‘kay?”
It’s easier said than done, and he knows that. He knows you can’t just forget, and he knows he can’t just forget. What he doesn’t know is why he cares. Why should he care how you feel, or how he feels, or about anything at all? It was simpler before you became a recurring thought, before just seeing you was infuriating because his stomach would fill with butterflies and he didn’t understand so he thought you just made him sick. That thought is kind of funny now, especially after you spent hours tending to his fever, worrying about him.
Despite what Kokichi is thinking, his words make your heart drop into your stomach.
“What? How can I forget that?”
“Well it’s not like you.. like me or anything,” he utters, and for a moment you know he’s sincerely crestfallen, but he recovers with a nonchalant smile, “Sooo, just forget it! It’ll just be awkward if you don’t, and neither of us wants to deal with that.”
Your breath catches in your throat as you realize, it was never that Kokichi was lying to you; he was afraid all this time.
“I’m not going to forget it.”
He sits up, caught off guard by your serious tone. “Huh? Why not?”
“Because,” you pause, steeling yourself to say it, “Why would I want to forget if I feel the same way?”
Kokichi is ready to make a doubtful remark but you continue before he can.
“That’s why I got so upset at you.. I didn’t want you to get my hopes up. I thought maybe somehow you knew that I had feelings for you and you were making fun of me for it. Plus.. I never considered you could actually feel the same way.”
When you first realized you felt something for Kokichi, you were confused and angry more than anything. Sure, he is cute, but he’s always kidding about things you shouldn’t and stirring up trouble for everyone else. Not to mention that having feelings for someone, let alone someone like Kokichi, in a situation like this is just ridiculous, and not something to think about.
You finally bring yourself to look at the boy sitting next to you, curious why he’s been silent, but his knees are to his chest and his face is buried into them. Hesitantly, you place a hand on his shoulder.
“..Kokichi? What’s wrong? You’re making me nervous.”
At his continued silence, you tug on his white sleeve, “Kokichi.”
He lifts his head but doesn’t face you at first. You notice his shoulders shaking, and worry he might be crying. When he finally faces you, you see that tears are dripping down his cheeks, but he’s also.. smiling?
“What’s wrong?”
“Ugh, it’s this stupid disease. It’s making me all mushy,” he sniffles. “Don’t get used to this. I never ever cry. Ever.”
You’re only half convinced that his illness is to blame, but you’re relieved he’s okay anyway. Feeling emboldened, you slide a little closer to the boy and wrap your arms around him, for his sake and yours. It feels surreal being this close to him, feeling strands of his hair poke your cheek as you take in his scent and his warmth, a feeling you’ve thought about for so long.
Kokichi’s thin frame goes stiff, “H-hey! Geez, you’re needier than I thought..”
You pull away, a little disappointed but mostly embarrassed, but you’re pulled back into him almost immediately.
“But so am I! Guess we’re kinda made for each other or whatever, huh?,” he murmurs cheekily into your ear.
“Kokichi!”
He chuckles as he squeezes his arms tighter around you, and though you can’t see it, he’s smiling tenderly, newly instilled with determination to bring down the mastermind, to keep both of you alive at all costs.
The sincerest you’ve ever heard him, Kokichi rests his chin on your shoulder, and makes a simple request of you. “Stay with me, okay?”