Archive of Our Own ^beta

Everyone was gathered in Logan’s bedroom standing around him lying in bed. He had a temperature of 102F that had yet to break and his whole body hurt.

“Logan,” Thomas said crossing his arms in a very Patton like gesture, “We’ve all been talking and we’ve come to a decision.”

“Well, you shouldn’t come to any major decisions without me. Allow me to put on my tie and we can-” Logan started sitting up and Patton pressed him back against the pillows.

“Nuh-uh mister, it’s strictly unicorn onesies and comfy clothes for you right now,” Patton said firmly.

“Actually Lo this conversation was about you,” Virgil said scratching the back of his head.

“You’re like sick as fuck and this is the third time this year that you ended up in bed with a temperature thats like nearly boiling your brain,” Remus said with a giggle.

“Actually that’s a myth brain damage only can occur at extremely high temperatures such as 108 deg-”

“Ah!” Roman cut him off, “Sorry specs but even if it isn’t causing brain damage getting this sick isn’t good for you.”

“And despite the absolute trust we have in your ability to stop working when your sick, we’ve come up with a new rule.”

A rule? Regarding sickness? Ah yes most likely limiting the number of sick days Logan could take per year, that made perfect sense. Limiting the number of days Patton could force him to lay in bed uselessly would certainly increase productivity.

“You have to tell us anytime you feel bad,” Patton said wiping his forehead gently with a cool cloth.

“I agree with you entirel- wait, what?”

“That’s right any symptom no matter how small and no matter the time of day, you have to tell one of us,” Thomas’s voice was firm.

“Everything from literally coughing up a lung to the littlest eye twitch,” Remus grinned.

“I don’t care if its three AM you better come to me, I’ll be up dwelling on our past mistakes anyway,” Virgil said giving him a serious look.

“Don’t be ridiculous I am perfectly capable of caring for myself.”

“Do I even have to say it?” Janus asked with an eye-roll, “Lie. Logan, even you don’t truly believe that.”

“Just do it for us teach!” Roman pleaded, “What will it hurt?”

Logan paused looking at the worried (or gleeful in Remus’s case) faces around him, “Nothing I suppose. Very well, I shall endeavor to tell someone if I experience any out of the ordinary symptoms in the future if it will ease your minds.”

“Thank you, Logan,” Thomas said with a grateful smile.

***

It started small with just Logan going to one of the others with whatever discomfort he had. The practice kept him strangely grounded in his body in a way that he hadn’t been before. The first report he had to give ended up being to Roman.

He knocked at the creative side’s door around five o’clock one evening as Patton was cooking dinner.

Roman came to the door, pen tucked behind his ear and sketch pad in hand, “Oh Logan! Look I’ve been trying to design a costume for when orangy shows up and eventually gets accepted, do you think he’ll like it?”

“I am not sure as I have never met him but I think that is an aesthetically appealing design. Excellent work.”

Roman lit up at the praise, “Thank you! Now you came here for a reason probably.”

“Indeed, I came to report pain in my neck and shoulders,” Logan told him.

“Hmmm,” Roman made his trademark thinking face, “Oh! Are your muscles tight?”

“I am unsure. What does that feel like?”

“Like you’re stiff and it hurts or pinches to move too much.”

“Is that not how muscles naturally exist?” Logan asked.

Roman looked at him in horror, “Logan you get your ass in here and let me massage you!”

"That hardly necessary."

"Did I ask if it was necessary? No. Now get in here.”

Logan came in and Roman shut the door behind him.

“If we are doing this we are doing this properly,” Roman snapped his fingers and the bed was replaced with a massage table, “I am going to step into the bathroom and you are going to get undressed, and lay face down on that table and cover yourself with the sheet.”

“Why must I get undressed?”

“Because you are getting a full body massage. I will not stand for you abusing your body this way now get to it, you Absent-Minded Professor.”

Roman stepped into the bathroom closing the door and leaving Logan to get himself ready. He did as he was told, choosing to leave on his underwear and laid down on the padded table pulling up the sheet to cover him.

“Alright, I have done as you asked,” Logan called hoping he was loud enough for Roman to hear.

Roman came out of the bathroom and his footsteps stopped quite suddenly before starting again, “Hey Specs?”

“Yes?”

“Why aren’t you scrawny?”

“Roman I am the embodiment of Logic. Why would a healthy diet and exercise not be a part of my daily schedule.”

“Oh… right… sorry, I guess I expected you to be thinner like Virgil,” Roman’s hand came to rest on logans shoulders and his fingers began applying pressure in a way that was both almost painful and very pleasant.

“How do you know what Virgil looks like without a shirt?” Logan gasped out as roman’s hands worked near the crook of his neck.

“We’re dating?” Roman said as if it was obvious, “Me Virgil and Patton have been dating since about a week after Virgil was accepted. Didn’t you know?”

“No I was- I was unaware of this shift in your relationship. My apologies for not saying so sooner but congratulations.”

“Guess that answers that,” Roman muttered as he dug his thumbs into the muscles along the back of Logan’s neck.

“Answers what?” Logan asked, attempting to keep a clear head and not fall into the foggy comfort of Roman’s room and the firm touch of his hands.

“Nothing, Teach, just relax for me okay?”

“Okay,” Logan said, “This feels pleasant.”

“Good, It should, but it’s going to take a while what with how tight your muscles are,” Roman told him.

***

By the time Roman was done with him Logan had fallen asleep on the table so Roman covered him with a blanket and sat quietly at his desk sketching. Soon the abstract lines would begin to form the lines and shadows of Logan’s sleeping face and roman sighed and shut the sketchbook.

He had to stop this, Logan clearly didn’t see any of them that way. He hadn’t even noticed they were together. The three of them needed to just move on.

***

The next time Logan felt symptoms he went to Patton.

“Hey Lo-Lo, what’s up?”

“My brain is malfunctioning and clothes feel bad,” Logan said tugging at his shirt, “Also The refrigerator is louder than usual.”

“Logan, are you maybe feeling a little over-stimulated?”

“Oh… Yes, I think that is the problem,” Logan said. He had forgotten that this was what that sometimes felt like.

“Okay, thank you for telling me,” Patton’s voice was gentle and less bothersome, “why don’t you go put on something softer and I’ll borrow some noise-canceling headphones from Virge and meet you in your room okay?”

“Thank you,” Logan sunk out into his room and put on his unicorn onesie, he also turned off the lights, and crawled onto his bed.

Patton showed up, holding a pair of headphones that he passed to Logan and Logan slipped them over his ears already feeling relieved.

“Thank you,” Logan signed to him. The others didn’t know much sign but they knew enough for rudimentary communication.

“I’m L-E-A-V-I-N-G okay?” Patton replied.

Logan shook his head, “Please S-T-A-Y?” He didn’t know why he just truly didn’t want patton to go.

Patton smiled softly, “Okay. T-O-U-C-H?”

Logan shook his head. As much as he wanted Patton there a hug would be too much.

“Okay,” Patton signed and just sat at the foot of the bed next to Logan until he felt better.

***

Patton was really glad Logan was actually following the rule they laid out. Roman had told him and Virgil about the massage. And now this, just sitting with Logan, making sure he was comfortable. Even if Logan didn’t love them back it was really nice just spending time with someone he loved.

***

The next time Logan felt bad he went to Janus.

“Logan,” Janus looked him up and down and grimaced, “You’re looking well.”

“I believe I am most likely sick,” Logan told him.

“Oh?”

“Yes, this suspicion was caused mainly by the fact that I have vomited twice in the past hour and my entire body hurts.”

“Oh! Well alright let’s get you back to your room and maybe summon Patton, he usually has a good sense of what to do.”

“You know what to do,” Logan pointed out. He knew that Janus was just as capable, after all, he had taken care of Virgil and Remus all those years the way Patton had taken care of him and Roman.

Janus looked at him, seeming even more worried, “Why don’t you want Patton?”

“I am having some… emotions right now. I don’t want Patton to sense them.”

The emotions pertained to the strange impulses Logan was having to touch Virgil and Patton and Roman more and more frequently. It was all he had been able to do lately to keep his hands to himself.

“Fine then you be left to my completely inept care,” Janus said rolling his eyes, “Tell me, am I being sworn to secrecy?”

Logan nodded, “At least until I’m well I don’t want the others to come take care of me. Promise you won’t tell them?”

He didn’t know what the feelings he was having were exactly but he refused to deal with it while sick.

Janus took off his glove and raised his hand, “You have my word.”

***

Logan was better after a day or two and true to his word Janus had told no one.

He felt better and yet so much worse but Janus was napping and he did not wish to disturb him after he had spent so long caring for Logan.

And Logan absolutely refused to go to Roman or Patton or Virgil. That would put him at risk of intertwining his pinkie with one of theirs as they sat together, or other such illogical actions.

So that left one option.

“Helooooo little-dick logic,” Remus greeted, he was hanging upside down inside the doorway and dropped with an impressive flip to the floor, “What can I do for you?”

“I am experiencing symptoms,” Logan said starting to feel foolish for having come here but where else could he go?

A very brief look of concern flashed over Remus’s face before being replaced with a grin, “Oh and what’s wrong with you? Do you have Ebola? E-coli? Economic Depression?”

“Economic…?” LOgan shook his head, “No, I don’t. I am feeling listless, I have difficulty focusing, I am having a hard time remembering the reasons for my work. And existing in my room makes me feel as if my lungs are not taking in enough air.”

“I don’t think You’re sick teach. That sounds more like a feeling,” Remus said with the same amount of disgust that Logan usually did.

“Oh… What emotion is it?”

Remus shrugged and started suggesting possibilities, “Maybe overwhelmed with your work?”

“No, I’m weeks ahead of schedule.”

“Maybe you’re hyper and need to exercise,” Remus offered.

“I am physically exhausted.”

“Kay fine maybe you have a crush or you’re lonely or some shit! God, don’t act like I’m the encyclopedia on feelings, I only get two emotions and one of them is horny!”

“Sorry, that is fair,” Logan apologized, the paused slightly curious, “If I may ask what is the other one?”

“I don’t feel that one as much anymore but Lonliness,” Remus said, his grin slipped from his face, leaving him peering at Logan far too honestly, “And frankly nerdy wolverine that sounds like what you’re feeling so why don’t you get your ass in here and we can turn my skin invisible and look at the organs.”

“That sounds… actually quite fun,” Logan agreed. He entered Remus’s room and the door shut with an uncomfortable swallowing sound as if it had just consumed Logan. The carpet made squishing noises as Logan stepped on it and the walls were oozing some liquid that Logan decided not to inquire about.

This certainly would be an experience.

***

The time with remus helped but Logan felt his symptoms double down after he left. He found the only thing he could do to alleviate the discomfort at all was hugging the Tardis pillow that Roman had given him on his last birthday.

There was something about thinking of Roman or Patton or Virgil that caused logan’s eyes to because dry and start stinging. Every time he saw them together he saw the signs of their relationship that he had been so oblivious not to notice before.

The way Roman’s hand trailed on Patton’s lower back as he stood behind him and reach for something from the cabinet. Logan didn’t know how he had interpreted those gentle kisses between Patton and Virgil as platonic. And there was the way that Roman and Virgil would always remain touching if they were sat on the couch together.

God he was an idiot, his three best friends had been dating for months and he hadn’t known. Less bothersome was the fact the Remus and Janus were dating. The only thing about it that bothered Logan was that it meant...

He was alone.

The dry stinging of his eyes increased and his tear ducts started producing moisture to compensate. His voice produced an involuntary whimper as he swiped furiously at the tears running down his face.

He knew he should go tell someone about his symptoms. Perhaps Virgil, he would still be awake at this late hour. Only Logan couldn’t find it in himself to move his legs and go seek out the emo side.

He wasn’t actually alone, he attempted to reason with himself. There was the same number of people around as there had ever been. They had all made it abundantly clear over the past three months that they would set aside hours at a time for Logan when he needed it. So what was causing his mind to keep looping the thought, “They don’t want you involved”?

His breathing was coming in fits and started and he opened his mouth to gasp in a breath. At the same time, a shaky cry left him that if Logan didn’t know better might have sounded like a sob.

He couldn’t seem to draw a breath in or out without another one of those sounds escaping him.

He needed it to stop, needed all of it to stop, it was too much, and not enough. His chest felt hollow, his mind felt overfull, what was happening to him?

“Logan, Logan,” A voice said drawing Logan’s attention, Logan jerked back not wanting anyone to see him in this state, “Hey it’s okay, it’s me, it’s Virgil.” He gripped Logan’s hand and pulled it to his chest.

The feeling of a solid body beneath his palm helped. He stopped trying to move away.

“Yeah see? It’s alright, just me. You summoned me by accident when you started panicking but I’m here to help Love. I won’t hurt you.”

Another rounded of body shaking gasps left him and the word “love” leaving Virgil’s lips.

“Do you think you can count for me?” Virgil asked. Logan shook his head fervently his head was so full he didn’t even remember the numbers for the breathing exercises.

What would Virgil think of him? Gasping, clutching a tardis pillow, whimpering, and damp from his own overactive tear ducts.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Logan managed between hiccupy breaths, unsure of what he was apologizing for exactly. His inability to do the counts? His disarrayed appearance? The fact that he had summoned Virgil here in the middle of the night?

“It’s okay Lo, it’s okay. Just try to follow my breathing okay?” Virgil still held Logan’s hand to his chest and let Logan feel the steady rise and fall of it. Logan tried to start breathing when Virgil breathed

“You’re doing so good for me, love,” Virgil said softly as Logan’s breathing calmed. The word still made his breath stutter and a whimper left him.

“Don’t call me that,” Logan pleaded, “It hurts.”

“I- what?” Virgil said.

“You called m- me love,” Logan said, pulling away his hand and clutching his pillow tighter, “It makes whatever this is worse.”

“Whatever this…? Logan this is a panic attack. Is me calling you that making your panic attack worse?” He asked seeming genuinely baffled, “I mean I won’t- I won’t call you that if you don’t like it but what is it that got you worked up that the word ‘love’ makes you feel bad?”

A panic attack? Was that what it was? He supposed his symptoms did match.

“I- I don’t know. I was just thinking about you and Roman and Patton,” Logan explained.

“What about us?”

“The fact that you are all together and- and that I didn’t notice that until recently. And how comfortable you all are together and you’re my best friends and I know you still care for me but everything’s different now and… something’s wrong.”

“Logan we’ll never leave you behind, we don’t have to be dating for us to love you- I- I mean- in the friend way.”

Logan didn't feel better. Why didn't he feel better?

Virgil clearly could read the lack of a shift in his mood.

"Unless…” He continued carefully, “that's not what you want?"

"No! I enjoy your company, I do not want to lose you," Logan said quickly. Was Virgil seriously suggesting they stop being friends?

"That wasn’t really what I meant. What I mean is… what if we loved you not… in the friend way?"

Logan froze.

"O- of course, that’s not necessary to even discuss if you don’t want to. It’s just something we've talked about and we all agreed we wanted but we figured you probably weren’t interested or if your interested in only one of us or two of us that’s okay we can maybe talk about it or-"

"You needn't invite me out of pity, " Logan said feeling so much worse, "I know that if I was of interest to you three you would have invited me when the rest of you got together.”

Virgil’s mouth fell open as he looked at Logan.

“Logan, please know I think you’re incredibly smart, but goddamn you can be dumb sometimes.”

“What?”

“We asked you out!” Virgil said, throwing up his hands in exasperation.

“When?!”

“You, me, and Patton were sitting in the living room and Roman burst in and asked us if we want to go on a ‘romantic picnic under the stars’ and you shot him down saying you had an early morning the next day??”

“That was a date? WHY DID HE NOT SAY SO?” Logan exclaimed, leaping off the bed.

“He literally said romantic dude what do you want from him?!”

“I was researching philosophy at the time for Thomas’s philosophy obsession that came up when Janus was starting to surface more! I thought he meant we would be discussing the merits of the romantic philosophy! I simply didn’t wish to turn what was clearly meant to be a relaxing intellectual discussing into a debate over the ties to the transcendentalist movement!”

“Logan, you oblivious genius,” Virgil groaned, “But wait... does that mean you’re interested?”

“Dear Newton, of course I am. You’re my best friends and you all are so sweet and smart and witty and you challenge me when I’m being insensitive and-” Logan found his mouth covered by Virgil’s.

He immediately forgot what it was he had been saying because it was Virgil and they were kissing and Logan felt dizzy and hyperaware that he looked awful but none of it mattered because Virgil’s mouth was on Logan’s mouth and it felt right.

Then Virgil pulled back and grabbed his hand, “Let’s go tell Ro and Pat they have a new boyfriend.”

“Wait may I please um clean up a little first?” Logan said looking down at his wrinkled clothes and knowing his eyes were red and puffy from crying.

Virgil smiled and released his hand, “Fine but hurry, They’re gonna be so happy,”

***

After Logan cleaned up, Virgil took Logan to Roman’s room. It was the only place in the mind palace where the three of them had been able to sleep without panic attacks because of how Patton’s room stressed Virgil out and Virgil’s room being the literal home of anxiety.

He opened the door and his boyfriends stirred.

“Virge baby, come back to bed,” Patton said tiredly.

“Maybe soon But I’m afraid I’m not here alone.”

Roman sat up like a shot, summoning his sword, “Who’s there? Come fight me, foul fiend!”

“And here I thought you said they liked me,” Logan said dryly.

“Oh! Logan!” Patton exclaimed drowsily, sitting up.

Roman put down the sword and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

“Logan, would you like to tell them?” Virgil offered, steeping to the side to allow Logan into the room.

Despite his love for Logan he couldn’t help being slightly nervous about someone new being in a room with his partners while they were tired and vulnerable. But he knew that he could trust Logan. Logan was safe.

“Virgil helped me to discover that I have… romantic feelings for the three of you and he has expressed that those feelings are… reciprocated? Is that assessment correct?” Logan asked clearly nervous.

Roman and Patton were dead silent for a few moments just looking between Logan and Virgil.

“Uhhh guys this is the part where you tell him you like him too before he panics,” Virgil said gently.

“Oh my goodness yes I’m sorry Lo-lo I was just so surprised I didn’t think you felt that way about us!” Patton exclaimed.

“Oh thank god. Was this realization because of the massage because I tried really hard to make you comfortable and I was hoping it would help? Like maybe you would fall for us if...” Roman trailed off clearly still drowsy and rambling a bit.

“I will admit that having your hands all over my bare skin certainly was part of it,” Logan said, his cheeks coloring a soft pink color. God, he was beautiful in the soft glow of the fairy lights.

“Well you know... you could have mine and Virgil’s hands all over your bare skin too if you want,” Patton said in that tone that sounded innocent but Virgil knew was flirty. Patton was apparently wide awake now.

Logan’s blush had deepened to a bright red and his eyes were wide. No one ever expected Patton’s flirting.

“Ah ah ah Patton, keep it in your pants,” Roman said tugging him back down to the pillows, “Logan deserves to be taken on a nice date with candlelight and music before any of those activities.”

“Well, how bout cuddles?” Patton asked opening his arms.

Logan looked around at the three of them before landing on Virgil.

Virgil nodded encouragingly, “It’s your choice man, you can stay the night or you can leave and we’ll see you in the morning. Either is okay by us.”

“I’d- I’d like to stay,” Logan said shuffling his feet nervously.

“Well then, lucky for us Princey has a king-sized bed,” Virgil said with a small smile and he gently shut the bedroom door.