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“Do you have a library card?”
Tony mumbled something under his breath that was supposed to be a yes, I do but sounded more like mmhss uh to the poor librarian behind the desk. He fumbled through his wallet until he found the right card; it had been so long since Tony had been here, he was surprised he had it at all.
“Nuclear physics?” the librarian read as he scanned the barcode on the back of the book. “Just some light reading, huh?” He laughed, and Tony looked at the man for the first time.
Holy… Now usually Tony would have a snarky remark to make, but he couldn’t put together a comprehensive thought with those blue eyes on him like that. He was beautiful.
Tony gave the librarian a lopsided grin, hoping for cute and charming and not a total oaf. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.” He handed over his card, which the gorgeous blond took a little too carefully. Tony just wanted to touch him, which sounded creepy once the thought crossed his mind. He wanted to know if this pull he felt toward the man was mutual.
“Anthony Stark?” He scanned the card and handed it back along with his thick physics book. “I haven’t seen you since I graduated. How have you been?”
Tony blinked. He knew this guy? There had to be a mistake; there was no way he’d forget that face.
“Good. I’m working on my master’s right now, and I’m home for spring break.”
“Master’s already? You know, that doesn’t surprise me at all. MIT still?”
“Yeah.” He bit his lip, tightening his hands on the book. “Sorry, but do we know each other?”
The librarian laughed. “I figure you wouldn’t recognize me. It’s, uh, Steve. Steven Rogers from IB physics your junior year.” He looked down at the book he just checked out. “I see you’ve gone a bit further than I did in that subject.”
Tony could feel his jaw drop. Steve? This Grecian god before him was skinny Steve from second period? “Man, you’ve changed.” What he meant was you are the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen, and I want to know what happened in the four years since he left high school.
Apparently, some of that sentiment was heard because Steve smiled. Tony felt like he was going to spontaneously combust if he looked at him like that again. “I had a bit of a growth spurt and started working out after graduation.”
“Well, you look great.”
Steve laughed again, and Tony was sure every song ever written paled in comparison to the sound Steve just made. “You do too. You-”
The woman behind Tony cleared her throat, obviously not enjoying the reunion in front of her.
“Sorry, I’ve got to get back to work. I’ll see you around?”
“Definitely.”
***
“Back already?” Steve grinned up at Tony, and he swore that pretty face could end wars with a smile like that. “Did you become an expert in nuclear physics overnight?”
Tony leaned his elbows on the counter, trying to look cool and not like he wanted to throw up from how nervous he was to talk to Steve again. “More or less. Like you said, just some light reading.”
“You did not read all of this in a day.”
“I did. Cover to cover. Chapter thirty-six has some really interesting stuff if you want to read it.”
“You know, I think I’ll leave that to you. This isn’t really my area of expertise.” Steve checked the book back into the system, despite not believing for a second it had been finished. He looked back at Tony, who could only grin like a dope at the sudden attention. Steve stifled a laugh. “Are you checking anything else out? Or just me?”
Tony’s entire face turned a deep shade of red, and he started stammering out something that neither understood. He backed up off the counter and felt his residing nausea returning.
“I’m just joking, Anthony. Calm down.” He held out his hand. “The book?”
“Tony,” he said, handing it over.
“Hm?”
Tony folded his hands in front of him. “Call me Tony. All my friends do.”
“Are we friends then?”
“I’d like to be.”
Steve gave the book back. “Okay, Tony. I work again on Thursday. I’ll see you then?” Tony nodded, stepping out of the way of the kids behind him. “Maybe you’ll finish your book this time.”
Tony watched Steve’s smirk be replaced by an award-winning customer service smile. He couldn’t help but watch him for a moment, wanting more than anything to see Steve outside of the library. Wanting to talk to him without soccer moms or grubby children stealing his attention. Wanting to touch him and cover that pretty face in colorful Marks. Wanting to kiss him until they were both breathless and completely lost to the world.
Steve looked over at Tony, still watching from the doors. And he smiled such a gentle smile, Tony felt like he would melt right then and there. He couldn’t handle Steve. He was going to kill him.
“Excuse me, mister.” One of the kids said. “You’re blocking the door.”
“Oh, sorry.” He held the door open for them. “Enjoy your books,” he said, not talking his eyes off the blond who had stolen his heart in a matter of words.
Tony groaned when he got to his car, dropping his head onto the steering wheel. Without lifting his head, he pressed his phone to his ear, sighing when the call connected.
“Hey, Rhodey. I have a problem.”
***
Tony hugged a set of books to his chest, not sure what to do with his body. Were his arms always this long? What are his hands doing? Oh God, why is he standing like that? “I didn’t see you at the desk. I thought I missed you.”
“Just re-shelving. Can I help you with something?”
“No, I found everything I need.” Tony realized how flirty that sounded and felt his face heat up. “Uh, have you always been this tall?” He wanted to smack himself. What the hell was that?
He laughed, not looking away from his task at hand. “Nope. Told you I grew a bit after high school.”
A bit? You’re like half a foot taller. “You sure you didn’t take some kind of crazy performance enhancing drug?”
“Just good genes and an even better personal trainer.”
Tony didn’t know what to say. Apparently, his hour long brainstorming session of what to talk about with Steve was pointless. And he didn’t even know if Steve wanted to talk to him. Steve might have just been humoring him when he asked about them being friends. For all he knew, he was just a nuisance interrupting his work schedule. He should just-
“So, what are you majoring in?”
Tony blinked, hiding his panic with a blank expression. He was too busy freaking out to process what Steve asked for a moment. “Uh, engineering and physics.”
“Impressive.”
Tony nodded to himself for a moment, for once not interested in bragging about his accomplishments. “What about you? Do you still live in Brooklyn?”
“Yeah, I inherited my parents’ place, so Buck and I live there. It’s not that far from our campuses, so that’s always a plus.” Circling back to Tony’s first question, he continued, “I’m studying fine arts at Pratt. Bucky’s at Brooklyn College.”
“Oh, are you and James still together?”
Steve finally turned to look at Tony, seeming to finish the re-shelving. “We haven’t been dating for a few years now.” Tony wasn’t sure what to make of that face. Was Steve upset about their breakup? Was that a sore spot he shouldn’t have mentioned? Does he still have feelings for James? But then he shrugged. “It’s fine; you don’t have to look sad for me. We realized we were better off as friends. We’re both a lot happier now.”
“That’s good.”
“Are you?”
Tony held his books closer. “Happy?”
“Single.”
He looked at the floor, hoping and praying his face wasn’t letting Steve read him like the children’s books he’d put away. “Oh, um. Yeah, I am.”
“Good.” Good? “Do you need to check those out?” He gestured to the books he was carrying and took them when Tony nodded. Good? Steve was so careful to not touch him, so careful to prevent a Mark or make it obvious there was no attraction there, so careful to hide his feelings or the fact that it was all meaningless flirting.
“You know, I finished the last one. The first one too. I don’t really have anything else to do until I go back to school on Saturday.” He hoped what he was trying to say was clear. He was terrified to just ask what he really wanted to know. Can we go out before I have to leave again? Can I spend more than a few minutes with you while you’re not working? Can I get to know you as much as possible before Saturday? Can I just touch you?
“The free time must be nice, though. I’m scheduled for full shifts every day until classes start back up for me. I know I need the extra shifts to help pay for tuition, but I wish I could just take a break and read.” He looked over the covers of the two books Tony was checking out. This time about artificial intelligence. “But maybe not the kinds of books you like to read.”
Once again, Tony was more flustered than he ever thought he could be. He wordlessly followed Steve to the front of the building. “Is this for school or are you reading these for fun?”
“Uh, a little of both I guess. I’m really interested in the idea of creating an artificial intelligence that’s above and beyond what we have now. You know, more intelligent and less artificial.” He shrugged, trying to look at anything but the man in front of him. The wall of kids’ art was really interesting. Nice color palettes going on there. “But I also just really like reading about the history of my field. It’s lame, I know.”
“It’s not. I think it’s great that you’re doing something you love so much.” Steve sat down behind the desk and began the process of checking in Tony’s old book and checking out the new ones. “It’s way above my head, but I’m really glad you’ve found what’s right for you. I always knew you were going to do remarkable things with your life.” He handed the books over with a soft smile, and Tony could feel his heart give out. He’d had people tell him he would be successful his entire life, but this one statement from this one man meant so much more. And he really didn’t know why.
Tony glanced behind him to make sure there wasn’t a line forming then leaned against the counter. “What are you planning to do after school?”
He leaned back in his chair. Tony couldn’t tell if it was a natural response to the conversation beginning or a defense against Tony leaning closer to him. “I’m thinking about children’s book or comic illustration. Definitely not as impressive as changing the face of A.I. as we know it.”
“Don’t say that. Pursuing a career in the arts is very admirable. It’s what we turn to when we need comfort or need to escape the world. It’s how we teach and learn and express ourselves and understand. It’s how we tell our stories, with or without words. And to be someone who creates spaces for people to project themselves into, whether it’s children, adults, or somewhere in between, I think that’s something special.”
Steve let out this little huff of a laugh. “Well, thanks.”
“And I want a copy of whatever you work on that gets published.”
A blush spread across Steve’s face as he shifted in his seat. “You sound so sure that you’d like it.”
“I will.”
“You haven’t even seen my art before.”
He gave him a lopsided grin. “You painted the mural by the high school entrance, right?”
“Not one of my best works,” Steve mumbled.
“Even more of a reason for me to see whatever book is going to make you famous.”
“Even if it’s a children’s book.”
“Especially then.” He waved a hand to the wall of art he was looking at earlier. It seemed most of it was covered in scenes from various Dr. Seuss books. “Kids are going to be replicating your scenes in a few years, and I want a head start.”
His phone vibrated in his pocket, so he missed the soft look Steve gave him. “Ah, I’m being called back home. I’ll see you around.” He said it as a statement, but it felt like a question the moment it left his lips. He wanted to leave it up to Steve, wanted the decision to continue seeing each other to be his alone.
“Good.” There it was again. “You better have both those books finished by then.”
Breathless, he said, “I’ll do my best.”
The second he walked outside the library, he was calling Rhodey again. Tony barely waited for him to pick up before he blurted, “Good.”
“What?” He sounded tired, and he probably was. His research project was coming to a close, so he was putting his poster presentation together for review.
“He asked me if I was single, I said yes, and he said good. What is that supposed to mean, Rhodey?”
His friend laughed. “Tony, I love you, but you are so dense sometimes. He must be interested in you. It doesn't sound like he's keeping it a secret. So just tell him how you feel or show him somehow or something so I can get back to work. You know my project deadline is coming up.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, just talk to him. You can tell me all about your boy troubles once you get back home and my project is finished.” He paused. “But you better not have any troubles because you will talk to him.”
“I’ll try.”
Rhodey mumbled something to himself. “Bye, Tony.”
“Thanks, pal. See you this weekend.”
He sighed, letting his Aura show when he was safely inside his car. Always conscious of where he did this, though he knew it was ridiculous. No one else could see the Marks decorating his skin, no one but his past lovers. No matter, Tony saved these moments for himself, and only on certain occasions. Only when he was feeling especially vulnerable. Especially overwhelmed. His skin was covered in so many Marks in so many colors, they’d started repeating in different shades. Ever since his particularly nasty breakup with Pepper, he’d been with quite a few people to fill his time and that empty place in his heart.
He ran his thumb over the small orange Mark on the inside of his forearm, one of the last Marks of Pepper’s that hadn’t been covered up by his flings. Because that’s all they were. Just flings to cover up the vibrant orange left by the fierce woman he couldn’t be with anymore.
She deserves better than me, Tony thought. So does Steve.
***
“Hey, Tony. I thought you’d stop by yesterday. Aren’t you leaving today?”
He nodded, not making eye contact with the pretty blond. “I am. Just needed to return these before I go.” He handed the books to Steve.
“No new ones this time?” Steve almost looked sad about that.
“I most likely won’t be back until summer, so they’ll be a bit overdue. That’d be a pretty big late fee.”
Steve laughed, not knowing how much that sound was killing Tony. “Aren’t you rich?”
“I still don’t want to pay it.”
Steve set the books aside after checking them in. “How about I take care of that for you? I’ll renew the check out when I need to, so you can take something.”
“What if someone else needs to check it out?”
Steve smirked. “You think anyone else reads these books you’ve read this week? I’m pretty sure this is the first time they’ve left the building since they got here.”
“Why do you want me to take one so badly?”
He looked directly into Tony’s eyes, causing his heart to skip a beat or two. He felt like he was going to pass out. “Just insurance. If you take another, you have to come back to see me.”
Tony turned around and went after another book.
***
Rhodey was waiting for Tony back at their apartment. “So, how did it go?”
He let out a frustrated sigh, falling face-first into the sofa. “I didn’t tell him or show him or do anything.” Tony just held up the book he’d been clinging to since he left the library and boarded his plane. “But I did check out another book so I could go back to see him this summer.”
His friend sat beside him. “That is the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.” Tony groaned. “You didn’t saying anything to him?”
“I told him I was looking forward to summer.”
“That’s definitely not nothing. Not much, but-”
“I didn’t even ask for his number.” Rhodey closed his eyes, mouthing Oh my God to himself. “Maybe we’re not meant to be together.”
“Or maybe you’re just an idiot who is too afraid to have another serious relationship after Virginia. And maybe you should actually try to be with him before you assume you’re not right for each other.” He put a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “It really sounds like he was into you, so I wouldn’t give up now.”
He sniffed a little, holding back some tears. “You’re the best, Rhodey.”
“Stop crying and put your stuff in your room so we can get dinner.”
Tony lifted his head. “Can we get burgers?”
Rhodey rolled his eyes. “Sure, man. Whatever you want.”
***
The semester finished as slowly as Tony thought was possible. His free moments were filled with thoughts of the muscular blond librarian who had stolen his heart in a matter of days. And he knew this was ridiculous. He knew he was acting like a lovesick girl in a YA romance novel, but he couldn’t help it. He just wanted to finish out the school year and go home, something he’d never wanted before. So, when finals wrapped up, he was on the first flight back to New York, his library book in hand.
It wasn’t until he reached the parking lot of the library that he realized he didn’t know if Steve would be working today. Months had passed; Steve could not even care that he was here. Why did he think he-
There was a knock on his window.
“You’re back,” Steve said.
Tony almost forgot how to speak. He was so beautiful. His hair was cut shorter than the last time he’d seen him, and his blue eyes sparkled in the sunlight, so much brighter without the harsh inflorescent lights inside the library. And his arms. Damn, they looked so nice in the tank top he was wearing, a nice contrast to the hoodies he saw him wear over spring break that hid how muscular he was. Tony shook himself out of his gay panic and got out of the car. He felt so tiny compared to the other man, looking up at him after all these months.
“I had to return a library book. I’m afraid it’s long overdue.”
***
That night, Tony laid in his bed with the newest book, wondering if he could even focus on the words with Steve consuming his mind like he was.
Eventually, he opened the cover, only to find a bright pink sticky note on the title page.
You forgot this the last time you were home, so I wanted to make sure you got it this time.
678-136-7092
Don’t be a stranger.
xSteve
Yeah, Tony was not getting anything read tonight.
***
Weeks passed as the two fell into a routine. Every couple days, Tony would come by the library to talk to Steve while he worked, checking out a book he most definitely was not going to read on his way out. What could he say, he needed insurance. They would text at night and during the days Tony didn’t visit. And they would simply talk. As much as Tony wanted to kiss him or ask him on a date, he never gather the courage to follow through with any of it. Steve would flirt, and Tony would get flustered, and they would move on like nothing happened. And it was driving Tony crazy. He spent every moment talking to Steve or thinking about Steve. What his lips would feel like on his. How his fingers would feel brushing over his skin. How his voice sounds after waking up. Whether he could sing. Whether he could dance. How soft his hair would be. What he would look like at every moment of the day and in every situation. Dirty thoughts turned filthy the further into summer they got. But most of all, he thought about how Steve would look covered in the dark blue he imagined his hands would leave on his skin. Blue kisses trailing down his neck and handprints covering his bare chest and so many other Marks that he couldn’t discern shapes anymore. He could barely control himself around Steve anymore. And after a month and a half, Tony finally snapped.
***
Tony knew Steve would be closing on Friday; he had kept him updated on his schedule so he could stop by whenever he was working. Tony also knew the library was fairly busy around five or six since parents usually brought their kids after they got off work. He knew he could see Steve before the rush, and he would think Tony left after that. And Tony could wait out the next hour or two before closing.
Sure enough, Steve gave him an apologetic smile when the first couple of parents brought their kids in to pick out new books for their summer reading logs. “Sorry, I’m going to have to go. I’ll see you later?”
Tony nodded. “I’ll text you.” And Steve didn’t even notice when he slipped into one of the study rooms with a few books rather than leaving the building.
Before he knew it, the door was opening to the room he decided to hide in. He closed the book in his hands, giving Steve a wide smile. “It’s almost eight o’clock. What are you still doing here?”
It’s eight already? “I guess I was so caught up reading I lost track of time.”
Steve looked down at the table. “You lost track of time reading ‘One Fish, Two Fish’?” Steve asked incredulously.
“Seuss is a genius,” Tony said with a shrug. “What can I say?”
Steve laughed, picking up the books left in the study room, the last place he needed to clean up. “Why are you here, Tony?”
“I needed to see you,” he blurted. “I needed to talk to you. I needed to know that you feel this too.” He pressed his hand to his chest.
“What-”
Tony practically ran over to him, taking the books from his hands. “God, Steve, you’re making me crazy.”
And finally, finally, Tony pulled Steve into a kiss. He could feel the man just melt into him, almost like he was waiting all these months for this too. Maybe he was.
Tony wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck, drawing him even closer while Steve pulled at his waist as if there was any space left to fill between them. His hands found their way under Tony’s shirt as he realized just how touch starved he’d been, just how much he’d wanted to do exactly this since the first day they met again. Tony ran his fingers through Steve’s hair. It was so much softer than he imagined. Steve let out a soft sigh, which made Tony stop and take a long look at him.
“Everything okay?” Steve asked. God, his voice! Tony swallowed, nodding. “Good.” Good.
And Steve brought his lips back to his, leaning on the edge of the table so their heights evened out a bit. Tony took advantage of his new angle and deepened their kiss. He lost track of the minutes that went by before his head cleared. Steve had sat fully on the table with Tony standing between his legs, hands on his ass while Tony’s own hands explored Steve’s chest and face.
Noticing the small change in Tony’s body language, Steve pulled away just enough to tilt his head slightly to look up at Tony. His eyes were dark with desire, and he breathed out, “Tony?”
“Why didn’t we do this before?”
“Because we’re stupid.” He laughed at that. “Tony?”
He hummed, not wanting to interrupt but also not being able to help himself. He ran his thumb over Steve’s cheek, turning it a deep shade of red. “I thought we’d be blue.”
“I expected yellow,” Steve admitted. “Hey, Tony?”
He finally looked into Steve’s eyes, feeling too many emotions for his brain to process at once. All he knew was that he wanted this man in every way imaginable. “Yeah?”
“Let me take you out for dinner. Tomorrow night. A proper date where we can talk as long as we want and don’t have to worry about interruptions, where we can really get to know each other.”
Tony let his thumb trace his bottom lip. “Do we get to do this again?”
“As much and as often as you’d like.”
“Pick me up at six?”
“Perfect.”
“Perfect.”
And it was, well, perfect.