Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

February 23 2018

"And the winner is... BAYONETTA!" Master Hand shouted. 

The crowed cheered and applauded their friend as she blew kisses to the audience. 

"Congratulations Bayonetta, you won the Smash Four Final Tournament! How does it feel to be the newest fighter to win the tournament?" Questioned Master Hand.

"It feels pretty nice, but I expected it. I may have only been here for two years, but before then, I fought so many battles. I knew you smashers were good, but I always had the feeling that I'm better."

"You truly are talented. Only two of the original twelve have one a final tournament. With another being a newcomer during that era. But even he was here for about five to six years. You've only been a smasher for TWO years. You must really feel special."

Shulk then jumped up and started doing the feel special dance. "You make me feel spe-"

"Shh that song hasn't come out yet!" Palutena shushed Shulk. He then sat down.

"Pat remember, he can see the future!" Samus reminded the goddess.

Meanwhile, Cloud, who just got his ass beat, walked over to Roy and Marth. Well, he tried to walk, before collapsing down onto the floor. That's when Fox walked over to them.

"Did you hear that Marth? Master Hand mentioned that two of the original twelve have won a final tournament. Remember when I won the Melee Final Tournament? And you got second. Remember that?"

"He doesn't speak English Fox, you've known this for seventeen years." Mario said as he walked by.

"You're just jealous that you haven't won a final tournament despite the fact that you're the most well known smasher." Fox sassed before realizing Mario had already walked away. He then walked over to Bayonetta, along with Kirby and Meta Knight.

"Congratulations Bayo. You are now a member of the champions club! As you know, Fox, Meta Knight, and I have all won a final tournament. And now you have!" Kirby shouted.

A loud voice then started speaking, and everyone stopped what they were doing. "Attention all smashers! As you all know, today was the Smash Four Final Tournament. Usually, final tournaments indicate that a new era is going to begin! So if you guessed that, you guessed completely right! Starting tomorrow, we will start to prepare for the new era! Now, you all may resume what you were doing." Master Hand then floated away from the microphone. 

"Fifth Era..?"

March 8 2018

"I bet you can't splat me!" Orange ran around, shooting her ink all on the ground. She then turned into her squid form, and swam through the orange ink.

She saw blue ink being shot at her by her brother, Blue. She dodged an kept running, shooting her ink in the process. Blue kept shooting at her, and Orange kept dodging. Orange then threw a bomb at him. He dodged just in time. Blue then transformed into the squid form, and swam away.

That's when the pale white room began to dim. Orange stopped running to catch her breath. She looked around. That's when a bright light shined. She turned around and saw a large flaming ball with perpendicular lines, along with many silhouettes. Blue walked up and observed the sight as well. They looked in and saw someone that resembled Mario and someone who resembled Link. 

"No way."

"I can't believe it! We're gonna be smashers!" Blue yelled in excitement. 

Orange stood there in shock. "We're... we're... we're gonna be smashers..."

Meanwhile at Smash Mansion

"Okay, so we sent a few of our current smashers to go scare those squid children half to death, now what do you want us to do to promote this new era?" Master Hand asked on the phone.

"I have nothing in mind until June. However, you may want to start expanding your mansion a bit for the newcomers." Said the one and only Masahiro Sakurai.

"Why not just use the spare rooms from the fighters that were cut?"

"Well because... they're all coming back."

"WHAT?! I can't even handle the amount of fighters we have right now. And you want me to bring back the ones who got cut AND add more?! Are you trying to kill me?!"

"Just do as I say, okay? Also, there's room for about fourteen more fighters, so you better start expanding your mansion. You should also start holding auditions soon, I want the roster completed by June. Right now, you have about twelve spots left for newcomers."

"Will we be adding any fighters after the era begins, like we did last era?"

"Of course, but for now, get those fourteen rooms installed."

"I'm on it!" He then hung up the phone. "Crazy! We need to get to work!"

November 1 2018

"Okay, so with Marth and Roy, I'd like them to speak English from now on, to appeal more to western audiences. And with Link and Zelda... get rid of them, they're outdated. You already know that you'll have The Hero of the Wild instead of Twilight, but with Zelda... well you'll see. I already sent her a letter, letting her into Smash. And with Ganondorf... replace him with the one from Melee, I liked that one more. Alright, that's about all I have to say."

Master Hand sighed. He then floated over to the microphone to announce something to the whole mansion. "Link, Zelda, and Ganondorf, please come to my office!"

The trio stopped what they were doing, and walked to Master Hand's office.

"Yes sir?" Asked Zelda.

"I have received some bad news."

"What is it?" Asked Link.

"You three are being replaced..."

Zelda felt her heart break. "Were being... replaced?!"

"Well... yeah. Remember in Brawl Era when you all replaced the previous ones, well... now that's happening to you. You're being replaced by the more relevant versions of yourselves."

"I mean... now that I think about it, we aren't really relevant anymore..." Zelda said, sound disappointed.

That's when Ganondorf stepped in. "Who am I being replaced by?"

"Well... you're kind of different. You're being replaced by a previous version of yourself."

"WHAT?!"

That's when Master Hand changed the subject. "Do any of you guys know Japanese? Because I need to let Roy and Marth know that they have to speak English now."

"It sucks, but I can use Google Translate."

"Please do."

Just as the three started to leave, Master Hand announced something something.

"Attention all smashers! The Ultimate Era will begin on December seventh! Original Twelve, please meet me in my office!"

Zelda and Ganondorf started to leave. "Wait, stay here Zelda." She then turned back around as Ganondorf walked out.

A few minutes later, the other eleven arrived. "Why did you call us in here?" Asked Captain Falcon.

"On December seventh, I'm going to have you guys show the newcomers around the mansion."

"Why did you call me here? I'm not one of the original twelve." Asked Zelda.

"I'm going have you show around the new Zelda. Same with you Link."

Samus' eyes widened. "Wait, you're being replaced?"

"Sadly yes." Master Hand said. He then changed the subject a bit. "Anyway, here's who you'll be in charge of. Mario, you'll be in charge of Chrom. Donkey Kong, you'll be in charge of King K. Rool. Link, you'll be in charge of Link. Samus, you'll be in charge of Ridley and Dark Samus. Yoshi, you'll be in charge of Piranha Plant. Kirby, you'll be in charge of Ken. Fox, you'll be in charge of Isabelle. Pikachu and Jigglypuff, you two will be in charge on Incineroar. Luigi, you'll be in charge of Daisy. Ness, you'll be in charge of Orange and Blue. Captain Falcon, you'll be in charge of Simon and Richter. And Zelda, you'll be in charge of Zelda."

"Dark Samus and RIDLEY?! Of all people, you asked ME to help them out!" Samus yelled at the top of her lungs.

"Hey, don't disrespect your fellow smashers. Whatever they did to you was probably just a small mistake, they won't do it again."

Samus was pissed. "What the HELL do you mean by that?! You think murdering my parents is just a small mistake?! I... whatever." That's when Samus just turned around and left.

"King K. Rool? Damn, you just love to match up the heroes with their enemies." Donkey Kong stated before also leaving. 

"Ultimate is the name of this era, huh. Well yeah this will sure be ultimate, ultimate chaos." Mario looked down, knowing he probably won't be able to handle this.

Link and Zelda walked over to the auditorium. 

"So, how do expect to tell them?" Asked Zelda.

Link screamed at the top of his lungs. "ATTENTION EVERYONE! COME TO THE AUDITORIUM IMMEDIATELY!" 

Wario, Dedede, Pit, and Mac were in the kitchen, eating, when they heard Link.

"Y'all hear something?" Asked Mac.

"Yeah, it's probably not important though." Stated Pit as he took a bite of his salad.

"I bet Link's just getting his ass kicked by Ganon again." Said Wario. 

Link headed towards Master Hand's office, before he was stopped by Zelda.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to announce it to the whole mansion."

"You idiot! Master Hand is in there, he won't let you use his microphone. Let's go to Crazy's office instead."

"Oh right." Link blushed. Link always found it adorable when Zelda called him an idiot. Who knows why.

They arrived at Crazy Hand's office. Fortunately, Crazy wasn't in there at the moment. Link Turned on the microphone, and started talking.

"Hello everyone, this is Link. Please come down to the auditorium. Zelda and I have something important to announce."

15 minutes later, everyone arrived at the auditorium.

"Hello friends. Link and I have received some sad news. We will be leaving on December seventh, just as the new era begins. We are being replaced by more relevant versions of ourselves." Zelda stated, with tears in her eyes.

"I have had a wonderful ten years here in smash. Zel and I only have about a month until we have to leave. I'll truly miss you guys." Link said, trying to hold back his tears.

Peach ran up to Zelda with tears running all down her face. "Zellie no! Don't leave! I'll miss you so much!"

"I'm so sorry, Peach. This is not my choice. I'm just... not relevant anymore." Zelda gave Peach a big hug.

Basically everyone was crying now. Even the people who rarely display any emotions. Probably because Link and Zelda were the only people that really nobody had a problem with. Well besides Ganondorf. 

Speaking of Ganondorf, Ganondorf walked up onto the stage. "Um hello, I'm going to be leaving too."

Nobody said anything. In fact, if they weren't being all emotional because of Link and Zelda, they'd all be cheering. All except a certain turtle lizard.

"No Ganondorf, you were my best friend! Why do you guys keep getting replaced?" Bowser started crying just like everyone else. 

"Don't worry bro, Melee Ganondorf will be replacing me. But yeah, I'll miss you too."

Just then, Master Hand announced something. "I forgot to tell you all, We'll be throwing a huge party on December seventh to welcome the newcomers!"

Everyone then stopped their crying and started cheering.

Mario looked at the ground. "This is gonna be crazy. Almost eighty fighters now... damn, time flies.”

Chapter Text

"Welp, that sure was exhausting." Master Hand stated as he put the broom in the closet.

Yes, today is the day. The newcomers would be arriving later, and to celebrate, Master Hand is throwing a huge party.

Master Hand had been cleaning the mansion for a whole 4 hours, from 6am 10am. Surprisingly, nobody had woken up yet, despite the big day ahead of them. Well, besides the known early birds of the mansion.

"Good morning Master Hand. You look like you've gotten quite the workout this morning. I sure can relate." W.F. said as she walked in the door. She had just gotten back from her daily morning jog, Wii Fit Trainer following close behind.

"Palutena, Rosalina, and Mario are probably awake by now, but the others are still asleep. I'm exhausted, so will you guys please go wake them up. We need to start working on our sleep schedules." Master Hand mumbled the last sentence, rolling his eyes(?).

"On it!" The fitness duo exclaimed, jogging around the mansion and up the stairs, most likely to show off their fit, healthy bodies.

"I want to have a healthy body like that. But who am I kidding? I don't even have a body." Crazy Hand chuckled, floating past his brother(?).

Marth got out of bed and looked over at his clock. His eyes widened when he saw the time. He quickly jumped up and walked over to his dresser. He put on a navy blue sweater and some black jeans, before styling his hair to perfection. He then left his room and walked down the hall to his best friend, Roy's room.

"Hello- oh shit, I haven't studied English at all!" Marth panicked. "Master Hand and his darn rules. 'YoU nEed tO sPeaK eNgLish tO aPpeAL mOrE tO wEstErn aUdiEncEs.' What is that even supposed to mean?" Marth scoffed.

"Uh... Marth, you just said that in perfect English. Wait, I just said that in perfect English!"

"Wait what? Roy, say something in Japanese!"

"Uh..." Roy sat there as if Marth had asked him to recite the whole dictionary in order. "Oh god."

"Oh boy..."

The boys stood around for a minute or so, before Roy's face lit up. "Let's go around speaking English to everyone and confuse them!"

"What? No, let's go and casually inform them that we suddenly speak English."

"You may speak a new language now, but gods, you're still so lame."

"This place sure is quiet today, am I right, Master?" Asked Crazy Hand.

"I know, it hasn't been this quiet since 2001." Master Hand stated, with an irritated tone in his voice.

"...that's good, right?"

"No, that's not good. Sure, I love peace and quiet, but today is a big day. They need to get off their asses and wake up! It's eleven o'clock!"

Mario, Rosalina, and Peach walked past the hands, greeting them in the process. "Good Morning, Master and Crazy, how have you b-"

"Tell those lazy children to wake up! Today is a big day! These newcomers come from all over the place, they could be here any minute!"

Mario sighed. "Those little- alright."

The 3 of them went to the kitchen, grabbing pots and pans, before leaving and going to the elevator.

"Don't worry Master Hand, this will wake them up." Rosalina shouted as the elevator doors closed.

It's been a few hours. By now, everyone has woken up. Most of them were helping decorate the mansion for the big party.

Meanwhile, Link and Zelda were packing their stuff, as they would be leaving as soon as they gave their successors a tour of the mansion.

"Okay, so your room is completely empty now, all you need is to pack your clothes and then you'll be done..." Peach said, helping Zelda clean out her room.

"Yeah..." Zelda looked down, tears started falling from her eyes. "You know, I'm really going to miss it here. I mean, I've spent ten years with you guys. We've gone through so much together. I've made so many great friends!"

Peach could feel tears in her eyes as well. "I know. I remember in Brawl Era when the previous Zelda left, I was so sad. But when you arrived, we instantly became friends. I don't know if I can get over this Zellie!"

The brunette looked at her large, empty room. She had had so many memories there, good and bad. She tried not to cry. That didn't go well. That's when she got a small piece of paper, and a pen and wrote:

Dear Zelda,

Hey Zelda, it's me... Zelda. Smash Mansion is... chaos. But it's so fun! You can make so many friends, you can date (I don't think MH banned that yet), you can do anything! Well... as long as it isn't against the rules. I hope you have a wonderful time here, and I hope you win all of your battles.

-Zelda

She placed the note on the bed before grabbing her suitcase and leaving. "Come on Peach, let's go down and help everyone out."

Meanwhile, Link, Mario, Luigi, and Ike were all in Link's room.

"So Link. What's up with you and Zelda? I mean we've all waited ten years for you two to finally start dating. So..." Ike asked.

"I was going to ask the same thing about you and Samus." Link smirked as Ike blushed.

"Well, I'm not really interested in her at the moment. I know you guys started shipping us back in Brawl because I liked her, but I'm kind of over her now. Plus there's other people she's shipped with. Like Snake back in Brawl. Now he's coming back and I don't want to get on his bad side. Anyway, you never answered my question!"

"I'm gonna ask her tonight before we leave. I mean we've been on and off for ten years, but now I actually want a serious relationship. Especially now that my Smash career is over, I have time to focus on my relationship with her."

"Good luck with that. Now let's start cleaning this room before the new Link arrives." Luigi stated as he stood up.

That's when Roy walked in. "Y'all need help with anything?"

"No thanks, we're good." Said Mario.

"Okay!" Roy then left. The four of them just stood there. Until realizing what Roy had just said.

"Wait, Roy can speak English?" Asked Mario.

The mansion was completely decorated. Like it will probably take days to take it down. Well it probably won't take days to take it all down, but knowing how lazy the smashers are, it probably will.

"Hey, I'm not that lazy!" Palutena yelled, looking up at the ceiling.

Ignore that. There was a large, yellow banner that read, 'Welcome Newcomers' at the main entrance, there were balloons scattered all throughout the mansion, and balloons and ribbons lined the stairways. Then there was a large table with punch and other drinks, and another table with cake and cupcakes, all of which were made by Peach.

That's when the doorbell rang. Olimar walked to the door and opened it. At the doorway stood two children, a girl and a boy.

"Hello, you m-"

Mario ran to the door to greet the two, pushing the small astronaut out of the way. "Oh hello there! You two must be the Inklings, Orange and Blue."

"Yes we are." Orange then squinted her eyes, looking Mario up and down. "I hope this doesn't sound weird, but why do you look so young? I mean, it's been almost twenty years since Smash started."

"Yeah, for some reason, we don't age here. I guess once you're accepted in Smash, aging stops. I don't know, ask Master Hand about it, he probably knows." Ness stated as he seemed to appear out of nowhere.

"Ness, there you are! Master Hand assigned you with showing the Inklings around."

"That's... why I'm here. Anyway, let's go guys." The 3 of them then left.

The doorbell then rang once again. This time, it was a tall blue-haired man. Of course, Mario went and greeted the man, as he does for every newcomer. However, he was pretty confused when he saw him.

"Uh... Marth, what are you doing here, you're not a newcomer." Mario asked.

"I'm not Marth."

"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry, Ike. But still, you're not new here."

The man looked slightly offended. "I'm not Ik-"

The man felt himself being squeezed. He looked down to his left and saw Lucina, with her arms wrapped tightly around him.

"Father! I'm so glad that you got accepted into Smash!" Lucina squealed. She then let go of him and looked at Mario. "Mario, this isn't Marth or Ike, this is my father Chrom. Although, Marth is my great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great..."

"Ah shit, here we go again. Chrom I would like to apologize for calling you Marth and Ike. Now we should probably get going on our little 'tour of the mansion'." 

Mario and Chrom then left. Nobody else showed up for quite a while. That was until two more people arrived.

"H- hey everyone! I'm-" The girl stated.

"Zelda!" (tp)Zelda shouted as she walked down the stairs. She then looked over to see Peach sliding down the railings. "Wait Peach!"

"Oh Hi! You must be the new Zelda! I'm Peach... you probably already knew that hehe. Anyway the old Zelda would like to show you around. Here, follow me!"

"Hi Peach, here, right next to me is Link."

"Oh my god. So... are you two like... a thing?"

"Uhm, I actually just met her a few minutes ago when we arrived here. Because you know, we're from like different worlds and stuff." Link informed. "So... yeah we're not a thing."

"Oh. Well let's go Zelda." The two started walking towards the stairs.

"C'mon, I just got down here and now we're going back up?" (tp)Zelda whined.

"We can take the elevator then, I guess."

Meanwhile, Master Hand was in his office, typing and printing the new rules of the mansion. He had been doing this for hours, not even realizing that some newcomers had already arrived. He looked at his clock to check the time. It was 4:00. 

"Oh my Sakurai!" He then picked up his phone and dialed Crazy Hand's number, putting his phone up to his ear(?).

[Yellow?]

"Are you still at the store?"

[You're supposed to say a color, because I said yellow!]

"I don't have time to play games right now! So... are you still at the store?"

[Just say it!]

"Blue. Now answer my damn question!"

[Yes, I'm still at the store. Why?]

"Well, a few weeks ago, I sent a letter out to the Melee and Brawl veterans who were cut, telling them that we would be at the airport to pick them up at three o' clock. So... did you just so happen to take the Smash Bus?"

[Nah, I drove my own car, it only has four seats. So I can't pick them up. Would you like me to go home and get the Smash Bus?]

Master Hand sighed. "No, it's fine, I'll just ask one of the smashers to go pick them up." Master Hand then hung up the phone. He looked through the list of smashers to find someone to send.

"Mr. Game and Watch, please meet me in my office." Master Hand waited for a few minutes until the 2D figure arrived.

"I need you to go to the airport and pick up the Melee and Brawl veterans who were previously cut. Take the Smash Bus, here are the keys." 

Mr. Game & Watch nodded his head and left. 

Meanwhile at the airport:

Nana, Popo, Pichu, Young Link, Snake, Red, Leaf, Squirtle, Ivysaur, Ganondorf, and Wolf were standing outside of the airport, in deep snow. Of course the Ice Climbers didn't have a problem with the snow, but the rest of them did.

"Wait, Ganondorf, when did you get cut?" Asked Pichu.

"Well, the character 'Ganondorf' didn't get cut, but I did. You could say I got replaced. But now they want me back."

"Makes sense."

"What time is it?" Asked Red.

Wolf looked at his watch. "Almost four thirty."

"Well, it's official, we've been scammed." Snake looked down. "I had a feeling I shouldn't have trusted that letter they sent. I knew I'd never make it back into Smash, because I'm 'not appropriate' or whatever."

"Dude, are you kidding? They invited Bayonetta a few years ago. They can't say you're inappropriate and then turn around and accept someone like Bayonetta. And the promotions for Ultimate is 'Everyone is Here'. So maybe they're just a bit late." Ivysaur assured.

"Yeah, by an hour and thirty fucking minutes."

"One time Link told me not to say that word." Said Young Link.

"Whatever. Wait who are you? You look like some Link wannabe."

"My name is actually Link, but on the official smash roster I'm called 'Young Link'. But back in smash, they all called me 'Time'. Because I guess I'm the future 'Hero of Time'. But regular Link was the 'Hero of Time'."

"He was the 'Hero of Twilight' when I was there."

"Hey why don't we go inside? It's pretty cold out here." Leaf asked.

"Good idea."

Just as the group started to walk inside, Wolf spotted a large black bus that read 'Super Smash Bros. Ultimate' and 'Everyone is Here' with the Smash Ball as the letter 'O'.

"Guys, I think that's the smash bus!" Wolf exclaimed as the rest of the group turned around and ran.

The door opened to reveal Mr. Game & Watch, sitting at the wheel. The veterans rushed inside the large 60-seat vehicle, looking for a place to sit.

Nearby, a group of squealing teenagers came running towards the bus, nearly falling in the snow.

"Please let me in! I'm a huge f-!"

Mr. Game & Watch closed the door on the squealing fans, leaving them disappointed. He then proceeded to drive, causing the smashers to fall.

"Dude, we haven't sat down yet!" Yelled Ganondorf.

Hours have passed, and finally, everyone was here. Besides a certain plant, nobody knew where that dude was. Other than that, the party had already started.

However, in the corner stood a certain green dinosaur with his head down.

"What's wrong with Yoshi?" Asked Falco.

"He's upset that Piranha Plant hasn't showed up yet." Mac added.

"Why?"

"Master Hand put him in charge of giving Piranha Plant the 'tour of the mansion' or whatever, and he was really looking forward to that."

"Why was he looking forward to that? I thought everyone hated giving people tours."

That's when Yoshi spoke up. "I want to impress Master Hand! Ever since the tax fraud allegations, Master Hand has seemed really disappointed in me. He gave me the task of giving Piranha Plant a tour, so I want to prove to Master Hand that I'm not just a disappointment! And the tax fraud allegations are NOT TRUE!"

"Oh... well I'm really sorry about that. I'm sure he'll show up soon. But you gotta stop being so lame and join the party!" Falco scolded as he walked away.

"He's right Yoshi, I mean, it's not that big of a deal."

Meanwhile, everyone was doing their own thing. Many of them were dancing, some were just talking, and others were eating or doing something else.

And then there was Kirby, Ridley, and Crazy Hand who were the DJs. So there was happy pop music from Kirby, death metal from Ridley, and 70s disco from Crazy Hand. All on shuffle.

However, just as it was Ridley's turn to play something, Master Hand went to the front of the room (They're in a ballroom or something) to announce something.

"Hello all smashers, newcomers, and returning veterans! ...Well I guess I can just call you all smashers now. That's besides the point. I don't have much to say, but I do have to tell you all something important. I spent hours today typing and printing the rules of the mansion for all of you guys."

A groan could be heard from many of the smashers when they heard the hand mention 'rules'.

"Many rules have changed, so I felt I had to print a copy for every single one of you guys, and a few extras to hang up all around the mansion. Here's the stack, right next to me. Take one and carefully read it over. I spent a long time on them." Master Hand then left as a few of the smashers walked over to the table where the rules were, taking a few.

"So why did it take him so long? Doesn't he know that he doesn't have to type the same thing one hundred times, and that he can just type it once and make one hundred copies." Asked Ike as he read over the rules.

Shortly after, Piranha Plant finally arrived, as the last newcomer... for now. Yoshi jumped up and ran to the door, greeting the plant.

"Ah, another joke character I see." W.F. stated.

The party had seemed to die down a bit as everyone wasn't really in the mood anymore. It was midnight, they were tired. However, before they all went to bed, (tp)Link caught all of their attention. He went to the front of the room, so everyone could focus on him.

"Zel! Come up here!"

The brunette ran up to him. "W- what are you going to do?"

He sighed. "These past ten years have been amazing. I had so much fun with everyone here, but most importantly, I got to know you better. I know over the years we've had an on and off relationship, but now, I want more. Zelda, I love you so much! Now that we're done with Smash, I want to focus on my relationship with you."

Zelda held his hand looking in his eyes.

"Our Smash career may be over, but our lives have just begun. So what do you say, do you want to give love another shot?"

"Yes Link! Yes! I love you too!" She cried.

They both leaned in for a long, passionate kiss, as the rest of the smashers clapped.

"I've been waiting for this since 2008!" Peach shouted.

"It's sad that they have to go, but at least they'll be happy with each other!" Palutena exclaimed.

"So beautiful." Crazy Hand cried, shedding a tear(?).

Soon after, the Twilight Princess gang packed up their stuff and said their final goodbyes, leaving the rest of the smashers in tears.

That's when Zelda turned to the crowd. "Goodbye everybody! ...and welcome newcomers!"

Chapter Text

It was a bright snowy early morning. It couldn’t have been past 9:00. Snake got up from his bed and looked out the window. 

“Aah the sun sure is bright.” The brightness of the sunlight reflecting off the snow hurt his eyes.

Just then, he smelled something. “What’s that? Did I leave my cigarettes out? Are they burning down the mansion?!”

Well if you couldn’t tell, it smelled like smoke and burnt food.

Snake ran downstairs to figure out what the smell was. As he got closer to the kitchen, he could smell it even more. When he got to the kitchen, he saw none other than Pit, Villager, and Bowser next to the oven, which was on fire. 

“Guys, what the hell happened here? It’s nine in the morning and you’ve already managed to set something on fire.” Snake sighed as he went over to the coffee maker.

“S-sorry sir uhm… we were just trying to make Peach’s delicious cake and uh… this happened.” Pit panicked. Snake always scared him, ever since the Brawl days.

“Damn kid, no need to panic. It’s early morning and I’m only about forty-five percent awake, do you really think I’m going to yell at you? Besides, it’s not like I’m Master Hand, I really don’t care if this place burns down.” Snake said back.

“Speaking of…” Bowser said as the four of them turned around to see none other than the right hand in charge, Master Hand. Even though he doesn’t have a face, they could see the rage radiating off of him.

“WHAT THE F-”

“Everybody. RUN!” Bowser yelled as they all ran in different directions.

“HEY! Get back here!” Master Hand yelled at them. They all figured they wouldn’t get away with it so they all went back to the kitchen.

Master Hand tapped his index finger on the floor. “Care to explain?”

Everyone stayed silent. Of course nobody wanted to confess what happened, it was Master Hand they were talking to. Also because Villager doesn’t talk and Snake didn’t do it. 

But finally, Bowser fessed up. “My dear sir Master Hand, as we were just explaining to our dear friend David… last name unknown, also known as Solid Snake, the main protagonist of the Metal Gear series, which was released in 1987 for the Nintendo Entertainment System, more commonly known as NES, we were trying to bake Peach’s delicious cake and we may have messed up just a bit.”

Master Hand still had that angry expression on his face(?). “Okay, first of all, there was no need to pretend to be proper while speaking to me because you’re not good at it, you’re just embarrassing yourself. And second… you think you messed up just a bit?! You set my oven on fire! What did you add fu- frickin’ gasoline instead of… milk? ...does milk go into cake?”

“I see you’re trying not to swear, huh.” Said Bowser.

Master Hand sighed in pure annoyance and frustration. “How are you going to talk all casually to me when there is an oven on fire right behind you?” Master Hand yelled at Bowser. But then he realized who he was talking to and figured he probably couldn’t care less. “Well anyway, Palutena specifically requested that we don’t curse around Pit. And besides that, you all curse so much around here, you should try to not curse as mu- HEY COME BACK HERE!”

By then, the four of them had left. Master Hand looked over at the oven as it was still in flames. He looked around the kitchen to see where things may have gone wrong. That’s when he saw a large container that read ‘Gasoline DO NOT DRINK’.

“They couldn't see that this clearly says it’s gasoline?!” He then remembered that Pit was helping them out. “What were they thinking? PIT CAN’T READ!”

Master Hand then walked out into the living room where a few of the smashers were.

Oh hey Master Hand! Are you ready for the Christmas party tonight?” Chrom waved toward the hand.

“I almost forgot about that!”

Today is Christmas Eve, and to celebrate, Master Hand is throwing a party at the mansion.

“It’s gonna be ho ho homazing!” 

“Was that supposed to be a pun? That doesn’t even- whatever. Anyway, where’s Peach?”

“She went to the mall with Daisy and Zelda.” Mario said.

“Dang it! Anyway, I’m going to need you and Luigi to fix something in the kitchen if you don’t mind.”

“On it! LUIGI!”

Master Hand turned back to Chrom. “It’s awfully empty in here today. Is everyone still asleep or what?”

“Crazy Hand took a lot of them to the mall. Y’know, last minute Christmas shopping. Why do you need Peach right now?”

“I need her to make her cake for the party tonight.”

“I thought Bowser, Pit, and Villager were making it.”

Master Hand just looked at Chrom in annoyance. “Who thought it was a good idea to put an evil turtle, an illiterate kid, and Villager in charge of making the best cake in the world?”

Chrom shrugged. “Crazy Hand I think.”

“That’s it.” Master Hand ran(?) to his office and grabbed his phone and dialed Crazy Hand’s number.

[...Yellow?]

“No time for games! Get your a- butt here now! And bring everyone else too!”

[On it!]

Just a few minutes later, the large bus pulled up into the driveway. And then, the whole group of 60 or so smashers spilled out of the bus.

60 angry smashers.

“Why did you make us leave the mall?!” Asked a very angry Marth.

“Yeah, we were shopping for Christmas gifts!” Yelled Richter. “Christmas is tomorrow! And I still haven’t bought anything for anyone!”

“And the mall is gonna close in a few hours!” Argued Daisy.

Master Hand slammed his finger onto the table. “ENOUGH! I called everyone here because we need to save our money to fix the kitchen!”

“What happened to the kitchen?” Asked Sonic. 

“Allow me to show you.” Master Hand floated to the kitchen with a few of the smashers following behind him.

When they got to the kitchen, they all just stopped. The kitchen was on fire and actively burning. Not just the oven.

“Master Hand! You just let this whole kitchen burn without putting it out?! Even if you didn’t do it, you should still put it out!” Yelled Palutena.

“Yeah, but then this chapter wouldn’t be interesting.”

“What do you mean? It’s a Christmas chapter, it’s already gonna be interesting.” 

“Wait, this is a Christmas chapter? Like I know today is Christmas Eve, but we’re 1,098 words into the chapter and there’s been barely any themes or mentions of Christmas.” Stated Falco.

“Yeah nobody reading this is going to be in the Christmas spirit.” Added Greninja.

“Well, that’s also because this is being written in late February.” Said Robin.

“Hey uh… can we stop breaking the fourth wall?!” Yelled Lucina. “Anyway, who caused this?”

“Well, I was going to explain before you all went on about the chapter. I saw Snake, Bowser, Pit, and Villager in here, watching the oven slowly catch on fire. That’s why I called Crazy over here, because he let them do it! ...well he’s the one who told them they could make Peach’s cake.”

Everyone gasped and Peach glared at Crazy Hand.

“Well then why did you call us all here?” Asked Marth.

“Because I don’t want you guys spending any more money. I may need help paying to get this fixed.”

“...Well, everyone who wanted something from me for Christmas, you’re not getting it.” Said Richter as he headed upstairs.

And then everyone followed and went their separate ways. 

“So… I take it the party’s off.” Said Crazy Hand. 

Master Hand glared(?) at his brother(?). “What does it look like?”

Peeking out from around the corner was none other than Isabelle. She whimpered at hearing the news about the party and ran to the auditorium.

After calling everyone to the auditorium, besides the hands, everyone showed up. 

Isabelle stood up on the stage. “uhm… attention everyone.”

Nothing.

“Attention everyone..!”

She figured nobody would listen unless she sounded as intimidating as Master Hand.

“ATTENTION EVERYONE!”

Everyone turned their heads. 

“Thank you very much. Now that I have your attention, I need to tell you about my plan to throw a Christmas party. From what I heard from the hands and a few of you guys, the hands always throw the biggest Christmas party each year, and I want to experience one of those parties since it’s my first year here. Also because poor Crazy Hand looked so sad. So… who’s in?” Isabelle declared as she looked out into the crowd.

“Wait, you mean we have to work? If so, I’m out.” Said King Dedede.

Isabelle casually stepped off the stage and walked over to the penguin. “I asked nicely who’s in. You didn’t give me the answer I wanted, so now I demand you to help out!”

“Ok ok, I’m in! Heheh, r-right guys?”

King K. Rool, and Incineroar, who were right next to him, nervously laughed and agreed. 

“Yay yay! Now everyone, wait here while I go talk things over with the hands.”

Isabelle left the auditorium and walked down the hall to the living room, where the hands were sitting, watching TV. 

“Oh hello there Isabelle. I was getting worried for a second there, because it’s awfully quiet right now.” Master Hand said.

“Yeah, I wonder why. Anyway, do you two want a foot massage?”

“Um, sure! But it’s Christmas Eve, everywhere is probably cl-”

“Go get a foot massage!” Isabelle gave the hands 2 coupons for a foot massage and walked away.

Isabelle got back to the auditorium. “So, I talked things over with the hands and they said we can throw a party!”

“Wait, you really convinced them that easily?” Asked Captain Falcon.

“Well, I didn’t tell them about throwing a party at all actually. I have them some coupons to get a foot massage and while they’re gone, we can get ready for the party.”

“Oh no Isabelle. They’re HANDS! They don’t have feet! How are they supposed to get a foot massage?!” Asked Reflet (F!Robin).

Isabelle whimpered when Reflet yelled at her. Zelda noticed this and quickly ran over to the small dog.

“Aww Isabelle don’t cry. It’s okay…” Zelda then picked up the yellow dog while petting her. 

Zelda put Isabelle down. “It doesn’t matter if they have feet or not, they’re gone, so let’s get this party started!”

The auditorium suddenly got quiet.

“There will be fooood!”

The audience cheered at the sound of the word food. 

“Now that I got everyone excited, let’s get to work!”

“So… how are we supposed to decorate the house? I mean, it’s been all decorated for weeks now, there isn’t anything else to do.” Said Shulk.

“Hmm, let’s see…” Isabelle looked down at a blank clipboard that she was holding, as if she was checking something. “Um, how about you go and make some cookies. The oven and the stove are… not working, but the microwave is available!”

“Well, okay then.” Shulk looked down as if he was thinking. “Who wants to make cookies with me?”

Luigi, Wolf, and Orange looked over (because they were probably the only ones who heard him).

“Hey you three! Since you’re probably the only ones who heard me, I want you guys to help me make cookies.”

The four of them arrived in the kitchen.

“So gang, what type of cookies do you guys want to make?” Shulk asked. They all looked at each other, then back at Shulk.

“I don’t know, what about you guys?” Asked Orange. Everyone just shrugged.

“Well then let’s just get out the old cookbook and find something to make!” Shulk exclaimed as he reached onto a dusty shelf, grabbing an old dusty cookbook that probably hasn’t been touched in 15 years.

He flipped open the book and started looking through it. He flipped through the pages until he finally found a recipe to make chocolate chip cookies.

“Here’s one! It’s called uh… Masahiro’s Famous Chocolate Chip Cookies. Sounds kinda generic, but it’s named after Masahiro Sakurai himself so it’s gotta be good!”

“Sounds great!” Said Luigi.

“Okay gang, I’m gonna need butter, sugar, brown sugar, vanilla, an egg, flour, baking soda, salt, and of course, chocolate chips.” As Shulk spoke, Orange grabbed the sugars and salt, Luigi got the butter, vanilla, and the egg, and Wolf got the chocolate chips, flour, and baking soda.

“Okay, and it also says to preheat the oven to 350º…” Shulk looked over at the microwave. “Eh, the oven currently isn’t available, but the microwave will work, so that shouldn’t be a problem.”

Orange looked at the book. “That’s... a lot of instructions. “Shulk, do we have to follow all these instructions?”

Shulk took another look at the book. “Dang, that is a lot. Well I guess we could just throw all the ingredients together in the bowl and mix it together. It wouldn’t be that bad… would it?”

“Nah, it’ll be just fine.” Said Wolf as he started putting everything in the bowl.

As soon as they put all the ingredients in the bowl, Shulk got the electric beaters and started mixing the ingredients together. 

He mixed the ingredients together until it turned into a crumbly texture, to which then he rolled into multiple balls of dough. He put 3 of them on a plate, then placed it in the microwave for 5 minutes.

“Now we will just wait here until the cookies are done.”

“How long were you supposed to put them in for?” Asked Luigi.

“Well, to make all of them in the oven is about twelve minutes, but I’m just making three in the microwave, so I just chose a random number.”

“Understandable.”

After waiting for five minutes, Shulk took the cookies out of the microwave. “Ahhh smells nice, hot, and fresh.” He picked one up, which just ended up breaking and falling, due to it literally being just hot dough. He then took a bite.

“So… is it good?” Wolf asked as he watched Shulk take a bite.

“It’s delicious!” He continued eating the cookie/dough, offering the others a bite.

Wolf was the next one to try it. “Mmm that is good. Y’know why?”

“Why?” Asked Luigi.

“Because it’s literally hot cookie dough, and cookie dough is delicious… but is it worth the salmonella?”

“There’s no salmon in here!” Said Shulk, not knowing what salmonella was.

“No that’s not- never mind.”

“Well anyway let’s make the rest of them!” Shulk said as he put the rest of them on a plate and put it in the microwave. “Now let’s let everyone else try the cookies while we wait for these to be done.”

They walked over to the living room where some of the kids were watching Christmas movies.

“Hey kids uh… do you guys want to try some cookies?” 

“COOKIES!” Ness yelled as he, Toon, Nana, Popo, Lucas, and Time came running at Shulk.

“AAH! Guys, calm down! There’s only two cookies!”

The children stopped harassing Shulk, and started fighting each other for who gets the cookies.

“Well done Shulk, you managed to put these kids against each other.” Said Orange as she put her hands on her hips.

“Geez sorry mom!” Shulk yelled back as Orange rolled her eyes. “Anyway kids, how about each of you get a third of a cookie!”

“Ugh, fine!” Toon groaned as he broke off about a third of the cookie. “Ew, why is it so mushy?”

Shulk panicked. “Oh uh… that’s because we um… we put in this uh… magical syrup tha-”

“He microwaved them.” Wolf butted in.

“SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGDHBIVFUJFSXJ!!!” Shulk shushed Wolf with spit particles flying all over his face.

“Goddamn Shulk, say it, don’t spray it!”

“So what if it’s microwaved? I microwave all my food!” Said Time.

“Well that’s because you eat frozen food that’s microwaveable. Like chicken nuggets and fish sticks.” Toon said to his counterpart. “However, raw meat, and foods with raw egg in them cannot be microwaved because you can get diseases from them, like salmonella. So here, take your ‘cookie’ back”

“That’s really cool Toon, but nobody asked.” Said Wolf as he started to walk away.

Soon, Shulk, Orange, Wolf, and Luigi left the living room and went back to the kitchen

“So Toon, what we’re all those things you were talking about with salmon and raw eggs?” asked Lucas. 

“I’m not explaining it again, just… don’t eat those cookies.”

“Well, how should we warn everyone else not to eat them?” Asked Ness.

“Tell them that they’re for Santa.” Said Popo

“Did someone say Santa?!”

The kids turned around to see none other than Santa Claus himself. Or at least they thought it was.

“SANTA!” The kids yelled as Toon rolled his eyes.

“That’s not Santa! That’s-”

“Will you shut up Toon! You’re ruining everything!” Exclaimed Nana.

‘Santa’ took out a list. “Hmmm, looks like I’m gonna need to add someone to my naughty list.” He took out a pen and paper and scribbled something down. He then pulled out 5 candy canes to give to the kids.

He gave one to Time, Ness, Lucas, Nana, and Popo while Toon just sat and watched.

“Wait, Santa, that’s all you’re gonna give us? A candy cane?” Asked Popo.

“Sorry kids, Santa’s on a budget this year. In fact, I just took these right off of the Christmas tree. I-I mean I uh… my elves made these candy canes and uh- I give up!” ‘Santa’ took off his hat to reveal that he was just King Dedede.

The kids gasped as Dedede slowly waddled away. From a distance they could see a disappointed Fox and Mario.

“Oh come on Dedede, you were perfect for the role of Santa Claus, and you blew it!” Said Mario.

“I think you’d be a good Santa, Mario. I mean you’re always happy and jolly, and you’ve got a big nose.” Dedede said in an irritated tone.

“You think I’m actually happy all the time? Nah, I just act like because I kind of have to, y’know, being the Super Mario and all. But it’s actually pretty hard to be the most famous smasher y’know? Constantly getting brand deals and…”

Dedede stopped listening to Mario brag about being the most famous, because he’s seemed to have heard it about 100 times.

“Anyway, why does someone have to dress up as Santa anyway? To entertain the kids? They were already having fun. Besides, we need to wrap up this chapter fast because we are now 3110 words in and the author is writing this in early March, nearly three months after she originally planned to finish it!” Fox yelled.

“Hey can we like… not break the fourth wall, it’s getting VERY annoying!” Yelled Samus as she walked in.

Little Mac then walked in. “Damn Sam, you get upset over the littlest th- AAH!” He tripped over the Santa hat that Dedede threw on the floor. But the worst thing is that he spilt his hot chocolate all over Samus’ white sweater.

Samus was pissed, of course, but she didn’t even yell or anything. She breathed a deep breath and gave Mac a death stare.

Just then, Ike butted in, coming out of nowhere. “Hey hey hey, let’s not start a fight here. You know how Master Hand feels about f-” Before Ike could even finish what he was saying, Samus punched him right in the jaw, causing him to fall to the ground.

And just as Samus and Little Mac were about to break out into a fight (or more like Samus was gonna beat him up), None other than Master and Crazy Hand walked in the door.

“So, you decided to throw a party while I was gone?” Master Hand asked, in an irritated tone. “Who’s idea was this?”

Everyone pointed to Isabelle.

“I’m sorry Master Hand for-” Isabelle started to apologize before the hand cut her off.

“There’s no way Isabelle would throw a whole party without my permission! She doesn’t seem like the type of person who would do that.” 

“But-” Reflet started to speak up, before she was interrupted.

“No buts! Now if someone doesn’t confess in the next thirty seconds, I’m gonna choose someone to clean up this whole mansion, even if they didn’t do it!”

“But Mr. H-Hand sir. These decorations were a-already up…” Ike said from on the floor, in pain.

“I don’t care. That’s your punishment for throwing this party!” Master Hand yelled at Ike. “Anyway, nobody confessed so… Bowser! Tomorrow, instead of opening presents like the rest of us, you have to clean up all these decorations!”

“What! Why me?!” Bowser yelled at the hand.

“Because nobody confessed. So I just randomly chose someone. Also you’ve been getting on my nerves all day, starting with the oven fire.” Master Hand talked back. “Now everybody… just go to bed! I’ve had a long ass day! I don’t care if it’s only eight-thirty, just... get out of my sight!”

The smashers all went to the stairs or up the elevator.

Master Hand then sighed in disappointment, looked at Crazy Hand, then looked back down.

That’s when Crazy Hand spoke up with a smile on his face(?). “Christmas, am I right?!”

Chapter Text

It was a normal, boring evening in the mansion. Everyone was doing their own thing, whether it be playing video games, watching TV, just talking, taking a nap, you name it. But one thing they weren’t doing was eating.

“Oh come on! It’s dinner time! Where’s my dinner?!” Asked King Dedede.

Ganondorf approached him. “Calm down Triple D. It’s been how long since your last meal? An hour?”

Dedede checked his watch before responding. “Thirty minutes.”

“Come on mate, that’s even worse.” Shulk butted in. “You gotta wait just a bit longer. Don’t let the Wii Fit Trainers or Doc find out about this.”

“Well yeah, but look at the time. It’s about six o’ clock. Come on, let’s go ask Master Hand what’s for dinner.” The penguin got up off the couch and started walking, while the other two were still sitting there.

King Dedede waddled across the whole living room. He arrived at Master Hand’s office eventually after walking for a while. The hand looked up from his desk and raised an eyebrow(?) as if to say ‘What do you want?’

“Mr. Hand sir, um uh… what’s for dinner?” Asked Dedede.

“Dinner? Yeah uh, I’m busy doing paperwork as you can see. So I was not planning on cooking tonight. So if you guys want dinner then you guys are gonna have to cook or get something out to eat. And no, I’m not paying.” Said Master Hand.

But of course Dedede didn’t listen and only heard “get something out to eat” and “I’m paying”. He ran out of the office, excited as if Master Hand just handed him a million bucks.

He ran up to the very top of the staircase like he was about to give an important speech or something.

“Everyone guess what!”

“What?” Someone said from below.

“Master Hand said that we can get anything out to eat that we want! And he’s paying!”

Everyone who was down there cheered.

“Since Master Hand is doing something good for us, I think we should all do him a favor and just choose one place to eat at. So it’s not as confusing.” Marth stated.

“That’s a good idea!” Corrin said as he put his finger up to his chin. “So what does everyone want to eat?”

That’s when Sonic spoke up. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m really feeling some chilli dogs. So I think we should get Sonic.”

“Gross. I think we should get McDonalds.” Little Mac argued back.

“Um no, we should get Sonic!”

“No, McDonalds!”

“Sonic!”

“McDonalds!”

“Sonic!”

“McDonalds!”

“Sonic!”

“McDonalds!”

“Sonic!”

“McDonalds!”

That’s when Robin cut in. “Red Robin!”

“Yummmmm!” Everyone said at the same time.

“Welp, I guess we’re getting Red Robin!” Robin exclaimed.

“Nah, I still want McDonalds.”

“And I still want Sonic!”

“Guys no, we have to all get the same thing!” Isabelle yelled at them.

“But I want SONIC!”

“And I want McDonalds!”

“And I want Wendy’s!” Wendy Koopa exclaimed.

“And I want BURGER KING!” cried King K. Rool.

The 4 of them got into a massive heated argument over what restaurant they should eat at. What was originally just a verbal fight, quickly turned into a physical fight. 

There was Sonic who was kicking everyone, Little Mac throwing punches, Wendy who didn’t have her clown car, and was just slapping everyone, and King K. Rool who was throwing his crown and trying to jump and land on top of them all.

“Hey hey guys stop fighting, I thought we all agreed on Red Rob- oof!” Robin tried to break up the fight before getting punched right in the face by Mac, and slapped by Wendy.

Robin was knocked out cold on the floor. “Robin! Are you okay?” Asked Lucina.

“Damn, what the hell guys?! There’s no need to kill a man over cheap, unhealthy fast food!” Robin yelled at the 4 who were fighting as his nose started to bleed.

Lucina then looked over to see Master Hand floating out of his office. “Guys! Master Hand is coming, stop fighting!”

“Ohhhh hopefully he doesn’t notice!” Peach cried.

“Peach, we’re right in the middle of the living room, if he can’t see us, then he needs to get his eyes checked.” Daisy talked back.

“Get his eyes checked? The man doesn’t even have eyes!” Dark Pit argued.

“The man? The man isn’t even a man, he’s a hand!” Yelled Fox. 

Just then, Master Hand arrived at the scene. “What in the name of Masahiro holy water Sakurai is going on here?!” 

Everyone froze in place.

“I asked a question, answer my goddamn question!”

That’s when King Dedede spoke up. “Well, I told everyone that you were going to buy us dinner out to eat, so we decided to do you a favor and try to choose just one restaurant so it isn’t confusing to you. However, it got just a bit out of hand…”

“Wait wait wait. I never said I’m paying for you guys to eat out. I said, I’m not cooking dinner tonight because I’m busy, so if you guys want dinner, you’re going to have to cook it yourself, or get something out to eat. And NO, I’m NOT paying!”

“Oh.”

“And what did you guys do to poor Robin here?” Master Hand looked down to his left to see the tactician laying on the floor. He had a bloody nose and a black eye.

“I- I thought we all agreed on Red Robin, so I tried to break up the fight between Sonic, Mac, Wendy, and K. Rool, but it was no use…”

“You four. Sonic, Little Mac, Wendy, and King K. Rool, come with me! And someone help take Robin over to Doc.”

“I got it!” Lucina said, helping Robin up. She grabbed his hand and started walking him to Dr. Mario’s office.

“Aww, she’s holding his hand!” Reflet gushed.

“Uh what?” Richter asked.

“Oh you didn’t know? I’m the president of the Robcina fan club! I’ve been shipping them since the smash 4 days.”

“Ooh can I join the club? They are pretty cute together!”

“Of course you can join! And yes, they are cute together!”

Chrom glared at Reflet. “I don’t even wanna hear it!”

Just then, Link walked out of his room. He walked down the stairs to see the chaos. “What happened here?!”

“I’m not explaining it again!” Yelled Dedede.

That’s when Marth spoke up. “Basically, Dedede misheard Master Hand and there was a big fight over what restaurant we should eat at. And then we got scolded by him and now we don’t know what to eat for dinner."

“You don’t know what to eat for dinner?! I can cook for you guys!”

“Wait, really?” Asked Dedede.

“Yeah! Y’know, back in Hyrule— my Hyrule, I was great at cooking! I had to cook almost everyday to survive. So, what do you say? Want me to make dinner tonight?”

Captain Falcon put his fingers to his chin. “Sounds pretty good to me.”

“Awesome! Are there any volunteers who’d like to help me out?”

Captain Falcon and Red raised their hands.

“Alright, Falcon and Red. Anyone else?” 

Nobody else said anything.

“Alrighty then, let’s get cookin’!”

The 3 of them arrived in the kitchen.

“So chef, what are you gonna make?” Captain Falcon asked.

Link scrunched his face into a confused expression. “Y’know, that is an excellent question. I have no idea.” 

He sat there for a bit before he got an idea. “Wait here, I’ll be right back.”

Link left the kitchen and started going upstairs, while Captain Falcon and Red just turned to each other and shrugged.

Meanwhile, Link was in his room. He looked all around, searching for his sheikah slate. He couldn’t find it. “Oh no, where could it be?!”

That’s when he remembered. He let Time borrow it a few hours before. 

He walked over to Time’s room. When he arrived, he saw his young counterpart laying on his bed, playing on the sheikah slate.

“Hey uh, I know I said I’d let you play on my sheikah slate today, but I really need it right now.” Said Link.

“Uh, what?!” Time looked up at Link with a confused and upset expression. 

“I need it because I’m gonna cook, and my sheikah slate has all the recipes!”

Time sighed. “Fine. But I’ll only give it to you for… fifty rupees!”

“Fifty rupees?! I converted all my rupees to dollars when I first got here! How about twenty dollars? That’s about the equivalent to fifty rupees.”

“Thirty-five dollars. Since I have to go out of my way to convert it to rupees.”

Link sighed. “Fine.” He pulled out his wallet and gave his young counterpart a 20 dollar bill, a 10 dollar bill, and a 5.

“Thank you very much!” The boy then handed Link his sheikah slate back.

“Thank you.” Link said as he started to walk out. “Wait… why do you need rupees?”

“Lon Lon Ranch doesn’t accept dollars, and I need my milk.”

“Whatever.” Link then walked out of Time’s room.

Link made it back to the kitchen after a few minutes. 

“Hey man, what took you so long?” Captain Falcon asked Link.

“Time had my sheikah slate and he wouldn’t give it to me unless I gave him thirty-five dollars.”

“Damn. Well anyway, we need to start cooking soon. Because everyone’s been waiting for a while now.”

“Okay, let me find a recipe.” Link looked through his sheikah slate. “How about gourmet steak?”

“Sounds good.” Said Red.

“Alrighty, all I need is raw gourmet meat!” Link said as he reached in his pocket. He pulled out some beef, or as he calls it, raw gourmet meat. Captain Falcon and Red just stood there in confusion.

He then pulled out a bottle of seasoning and some rice that looked like it was just picked fresh off the ground. 

“Alright, I got Goron spice and Hylian rice. That should be it!” Link said.

Captain Falcon spoke up. “Is there anything we can help with?”

Link put his fingers up to his chin and looked around. “Uh… you can go get a pot out of the cabinet for me. And Red… you can just stand there and play on your phone like you’ve been doing for the past ten minutes.”

“Do you need help seasoning the meat or something? Or preparing the side dishes?” Red asked.

“No need to.” Link said as he poured water into the pot that Falcon had just placed on the stove.

“What do you mean?” Asked Red.

“You’ll see.”

The 3 of them then proceeded to wait for the water to boil. After waiting 5 or so minutes, the water started to boil.

“Alright, that’s my queue!” Link exclaimed as he grabbed his 3 ingredients and threw them in the pot. He didn’t even empty the Goron spice out of the bottle. “Now let’s wait for the magic to happen!”

Captain Falcon and Red just stood there with a confused expression.

Link hummed as the food simmered in the pot. The food had finished after a few more seconds.

“Aaaaand done!” Link exclaimed, putting some food on a plate. “Alright, here it is! I call this Gourmet Meat Curry!”

“I- what?!” Captain Falcon was in shock. “I spent four years in culinary school for THIS?!”

“Oh please Falcon, you didn’t go to culinary school. You’re a high school dropout who can barely make a sandwich.” Samus said as she seemingly appeared out of nowhere.

“Uh, what about that BLT I made for you a few weeks ago?”

“I asked for no mayo and yet you still put a little bit on.”

“It was still good though! Right?”

“Eh, it was okay…” 

While the two of them were arguing, Link looked around with his fingers up to his chin, as if he was trying to come up with a plan. “Hey Red! I have something you can help me out with!”

The boy turned his head to Link. “What do you need?” Link could hear irritation in Red’s voice.

“Could you go and help set up the table?”

Red sighed. “Sure.” He left the kitchen and walked over to the large dining room.

In the dining room there are 9 long tables, each of which can seat about 10 people or so. Red looked around at all the tables. He sighed and decided to get to work.

He got a white tablecloth and laid it down on one of the tables. He spread the tablecloth over the table as best as he could. However, considering how big the table is, he didn’t do too well.

He continued this until he was done with all 9 tables. By the time he was done, Link was done making all the food. 

Link rang a bell to let everyone know that dinner was ready. All 70 or so smashers appeared faster than you could say “Masahiro Sakurai”. They were all lined up in a long line that went all through the kitchen, dining room, and living room. 

“Falcon, get more plates!” Link ordered as the racer went to the cabinet and grabbed a large stack of plates.

First in line was Red, since he was already in the kitchen and not really helping out anymore.

Link grabbed a plate and put some of the food on it. He served it to Red as if he were a lunch lady and Red was the student.

“Thanks Link!” Said Red as he went to sit down.

Link gave Red a little nod as he went to serve Samus, who was next in line.

“Hey Link, do you need any help?” Asked Captain Falcon. He was hoping Link would say yes so that he wouldn’t have to go to the back of the line.

Link put a finger to his chin. “Hmm… Nope! I don’t think so.”

“Dammit, now I have to go to the back of the line!” Captain Falcon started walking to the living room.

“Sorry about that, but hey, you can sit with me if you want!” Said Link.

“No offense, but I wasn’t exactly planning on sitting with you. Nothing personal, but yeah.”

Link sighed out of relief. He didn’t have anything against Captain Falcon, he just thought he was a bit annoying. Link and Falcon had no problem with each other, they just aren’t the closest of friends. Link just thought it’d be nice of him to invite him to sit with him because he had to go all the way to the back of the line.

Meanwhile, Red was walking to a table. He looked around the dining room. He hasn’t sat down and really taken a good look at this place yet. Of course he had been living here at smash mansion for about a month now, but he hadn’t actually sat down and processed it in his mind yet (if that makes any sense). 

It’s been over 10 years since he’s sat down in this dining room, and it’s quite different than he remembered. Of course over the years they’ve added new fighters, so of course the dining room is bigger than it was back then. He missed this place and was glad to be back. 

Just as Red was starting to get in his feelings, he noticed more of the smashers going to sit down, so he quickly snapped out of it. He looked to his left, and there was Pit with his food.

Red was a bit confused as to why Pit sat by him. Of course Red and Pit have known each other since Brawl, but they were never really that close.

“Hey Red!” Pit said, waving his hand. 

“Oh hey, Pit. So… why did you decide to sit by me ?” Red asked trying not to sound rude.

“What do you mean?” Asked Pit. “We were best buds back in Brawl.”

Red was a bit confused by this. He didn’t remember being that close with Pit, but maybe his mind was just playing tricks on him. “Oh yeah, uh, we were. How could I forget… buddy?”

The truth is, they weren’t that close, but Palutena is trying to get Pit to make new friends, and so Pit thought it was a good idea to unintentionally make Red have an existential crisis.

“So Red, what have you been up to?” Pit asked, sounding like a dad who just bumped into an old buddy.

“Uh… nothing much really. Y’know things really aren’t the same without my good ol’ buddy, Pit!” Red uttered. “I was wondering when you were finally gonna talk to me…”

Red was kind of glad that Pit came to talk to him, although he wished he would have approached it differently. Red needed friends. Back in Brawl, he mainly just hung out with the pokémon, but wanted other friends. He didn’t really fit in with the other kids, so he mainly just kept to himself.

“Pit, I thought you were going to sit with me.” Palutena complained.

“I was going to, but then I ran into Red, my best bud.”

Palutena looked confused. “Since when was Red your best friend? I’ve never even heard you mention him.”

“Hey, you weren’t here during Brawl, so you wouldn’t know.”

“Whatever.”

Just then, a girl sat down. She had blonde hair and was wearing a pink sweater. It was Zelda.

Pit looked over at her, and instantly felt his face get warm. 

“Hey guys, I didn’t really know where to sit, but I found you guys, so I decided to just step in. What’s up?!”

Pit looked like a cartoon character. His face all swoon and everything.

“Oh nothing much.” Said Red, breaking the awkward silence.

Just a few seconds later, Link sat down next to Zelda.

“Hey guys, I didn’t really know where to sit, but I found you guys, so I decided to just step in. What’s up?!” He said.

“That’s the exact same thing Zelda said.” Said Red, “Oh my god! You two would be a great couple? Are you two a thing?”

“Uhm no they are not!” Pit exclaimed, “Unlike the previous Link and Zelda, these two are not from the same timeline. Therefore, before joining smash, they had never met. So no, they are not a thing!"

The other 3 people just stared.

“What? I’ve been studying Hyrule history.”

“Interesting…” Said Link as he looked to try to change the conversation. “So anyway, how do you guys like the food?”

“Very good!” Said Zelda.

“I helped out with it!” Said Red, bragging a little.

“Uh, not really. All you did was sit there on your phone and set up all the tables.” Said Link.

“Well that’s because you didn’t need me for anything! I really wanted to help out!”

Link drew a blank. “Well uh, I’m sorry about that, but don’t take credit for something you didn’t do.

Red just stared.

“Here, because I made you upset, you can be the first to get seconds.” Link assured.

Red was upset, but he couldn’t turn down seconds, so he agreed.

Meanwhile, Captain Falcon was walking around the dining room, looking for somewhere to sit. He doesn’t exactly have a set group of friends, just a few people he was pretty close with. However, all those people were at different tables. 

He looked over and saw Mac, Ryu, and Ken, and started walking towards their table, but then realized that Snake was there. And Falcon and Snake are not necessarily on good terms with each other, and never have been.

He then saw Samus, whom he is currently on good terms with, however, she still kind of holds a grudge against him due to him harassing her in the past. Plus, she was sitting with Bayonetta and Palutena who have both threatened him before.

He was looking everywhere for a place to sit (which kind of made him realize that he doesn’t actually really have close friends). He then remembered that Link offered him to sit as his table. He sighed as he walked over there.

“Uh, hey Link. Uh… can I sit here?” He asked as he approached the group.

“Of course, I told you that you could. However, I didn’t expect you to actually do it.” Said Link

“Yeah, I know. But I couldn’t find anywhere else to sit so yeah.”

“Wow, for someone with an ego as big as yours, you sure don’t seem to have many friends.” Said Shulk, as he also sat down at the table. 

Captain Falcon just stared.

“Oh hi Shulk!” Link greeted.

Behind Shulk was the inklings. They followed after him and sat down at the table. 

“Wow, uh… this is a very randomized group of people.” Said Red as he watched the last two sit down. 

“Yeah, I guess this is the ‘I don’t know where to sit table’.” Zelda stated, looking around at the group.

The conversation died down, as many of them didn’t know each other too well. So they basically just sat in silence while they ate their food. 

That was when Link decided to break the silence. “So uh… would you guys like to help me make dessert?”

They all looked around at each other.

“That sounds like a great idea to me!” Said Orange as Blue agreed.

“It depends… are you actually gonna include me this time?” Red asked. 

“I’d almost guarantee it, but I’m never one-hundred percent sure about anything.” Said Link.

“Eh, good enough,” Red considered, “I’m in!”

“Last time I made some desert… let’s just say they didn’t turn out too well…” Shulk stated, scratching his head, while Orange nodded.

“Well the oven works again—due to the magic of inconsistent story events—so you don’t have to worry one bit!”

About 45 minutes had passed. Dinner was pretty much over, with a few of the kids taking forever to finish up. Link and the group met up in the kitchen while the rest of the smashers were in the living room or wherever.

“So guys, I’ve got a few dessert recipes in my sheikah slate… I think.” Link said. He looked through to see if he could find a recipe, but couldn’t find any.

…

“Welp, I couldn’t find any desert, so we got two options! We could look in one of these old cookbooks, or we could just not make anything.”

The group looked around. 

“Well I kinda want some ice cream, so I’m gonna go get some. I’m out!” Pit said as he walked towards the freezer.

“Yeah I don’t really feel like making anything. Plus, last time I used one of those cookbooks, it didn’t turn out too well…” Said Shulk, shrugging his shoulders. “I’m out.”

That’s when Orange butt in. “Hey, those cookbooks probably have some really good recipes, it just didn’t work for us because we microwaved it! I’m in.”

“Eh… I wanna play some video games”, said Blue, “I’m out!”

“Yeah, I’ve done enough cooking for the day. I’m out.” Captain Falcon walked away. He actually kind of did want to cook something else, but he didn’t feel like reading instructions. He also probably doesn’t understand measurements anyway.

And so it was just Link, Zelda, Red, and Orange.

“Okay, uh… so I didn’t actually expect anyone to stick around so uh…” Link stuttered, “I don’t have a plan and I really don’t feel like pulling out one of those old, dusty cookbooks. So dessert is off, enjoy the rest of your night!”

“Oh, well, okay. I guess I’m off to go play some video games with Blue.” Orange said as she walked away.

“I was kind of looking forward to making some sweets, but I guess I’ll help Peach make cake… whenever she decides to make it again.” Zelda then walked over to the freezer to get some ice cream, just to find that it was all gone.

That left only Link and Red. And Red didn’t look too happy.

“Why are you giving me that look?” Link asked.

“What the hell Link!” Red snapped. “First you didn’t let me do anything while we made dinner, and now you’re canceling dessert?! If you didn’t think I was capable of cooking, you could’ve just said so!”

“I- what?!” Link was confused. “I originally planned to make dessert! I just wasn’t aware of my lack of recipes! I canceled because I expected everyone to just leave after that! I didn’t want to use the cookbook because I wanted to use my own recipes I made from scratch, that are saved in my sheikah slate. I already apologized to you about what happened earlier. I’m sorry that dinner went that way and I'm sorry that I didn’t use your help. To be fair though, Captain Falcon didn’t do much either. But do not assume that I don’t think you’re capable, because I bet you’re more than capable. I’d love to see you cook!” 

“If you thought I was capable, you wouldn’t have canceled dessert! Who’s to say that I can't make dessert from scratch!” Red knew that he couldn’t make dessert from scratch, but he didn’t care, he wanted to prove a point.

“Like I said, I canceled due to an inconvenience! I didn’t specifically do it because of you! As you could see, there were six other people! This is nothing personal!”

Red really didn’t listen to anything Link just said. “Well you know what! Fine! But once you see what I can do, you’re gonna wish you had let me help!” Red then stormed off.

That’s when Link realized that he wasn’t really good at cooking with other people and that he should just do it by himself. And so he decided to start his own cooking show. He then ran off to get a camera and all other stuff he needed for filming.

Meanwhile, after Zelda noticed that all the ice cream was gone, she remembered that Pit had it. She walked to his room, hoping for him to share some.

She knocked on his door.

“Come in!” Pit yelled.

“Hey Pit! I was just wondering if you had any…” Zelda noticed the ice cream slightly melted on the carpet. “…ice cream…”

“Oh uh, h-hey Princess Zelda… uh, I-I didn’t know it was y…you?” Of course, Pit was lovestruck again.

“Um, you know what, I don’t need ice cream that bad. I’ll just see my way out.” Zelda began to leave.

“W-wait! Princess Zelda! C’mon! I-I can share! Pit yelled, not realizing that she left due to seeing him eating it off the floor.

As Zelda was walking down the hallway, she ran into Link, carrying a bunch of supplies. “Oh hey, what are you doing with that stuff?”

“I realized that I’m not the best at teamwork, so from now on, I’m pretty much gonna be doing all my cooking solo. And so I’ve decided to start my own cooking show!”

“Oh that’s wonderful! I wish you luck, and I can’t wait to try some more of your delicious food!” Zelda said, smiling, and winked at him, causing him to blush a little.

“Heh, thanks! Well, I’ll see you later Zel!” Link started to head towards the kitchen. He suddenly felt flustered, the same way he used to feel around the Zelda from his timeline. He wasn’t sure how to feel about this.

He then arrived in the kitchen, and suddenly decided to make a small, one-serving dish. What he didn’t know, however, was that Red was watching, probably planning to sabotage his show. Or better yet, start his own cooking show to compete against Link.

Before Link made his food, he of course pressed record on the camera, starting his show.

“Hello everyone, it is I, Link, the famous smasher and the Hero of the Wild! And welcome to the first episode of my very own cooking show, Cooking With Link!”

to be continued

Chapter Text

The next morning came fast. Red was ready to compete with Link. Link, however, had no idea what was going on. 

“Link!” Red yelled at the hylian.

Link had just finished taking a shower and was casually walking out of the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around his waist.

“Red, why are you just standing outside of the bathroom?” Link asked. This did look very suspicious, as if Red had been waiting for him.

“You think you’re all that because you are one of the most famous smashers, but that doesn’t mean you get to treat people who are trying to be friendly like crap!”

Link was very confused. “What?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about! You used me and wasted my time last night. You shouldn’t have asked anyone for help if you didn’t need it. Now you’re taking all the credit for making the food, even though I was there too, admit that you treated me wrong!”

“I’m sorry, what? I took all the credit because I was the one who made it. Yes, you were there, but I didn’t need your help. I’m sorry that I didn’t let you help me out, but just because I left you out doesn't mean that you can take credit for something I did! Now is there any way I can make it up to you?”

Red glared. “No need, I have… other ideas.” He then walked away, leaving Link confused, annoyed, and a bit frustrated.

He sat there, trying to figure out what that was all about. Until he felt the towel start to slide down a bit and realized that he was still dripping wet, basically naked. To which he took off, running back to his room.

“Hey Link, are you making breakfast this morning?” Asked Samus as Link ran by.

“Eh, yeah, j-just give me a second!” 

After changing his clothes, Link made his way downstairs to get started on breakfast. However, halfway down the stairs, he could smell something cooking.

“Maybe someone ordered breakfast for themselves.” Link thought.

Link just shrugged it off and continued his way down the stairs. He noticed the smell getting stronger and stronger, and almost smelled burnt.

When he got to the bottom of the stairs, he was greeted by none other than Red.

“Oh hey Link, would you like one of my tasty omelets?” Red asked. The omelet was almost black.

“Eh, I’ll pass for now…” Link then walked over to the couch and sat down next to Samus and Wolf. Samus had one of Red’s burnt omelets on a plate next to her. It looked like she took only one bite out of it.

“Link, I thought you were making breakfast.” Samus stated, a bit disappointed.

“I wanted to, but as I came downstairs, Red had already made it. He beat me to it.” Link sighed, as Samus nodded.

Link was too tired to express it, but he was not happy. He wanted to be the main chef around the mansion. Yes, the previous night was the first time he cooked for the smashers, but he did so much cooking during his adventures and really enjoyed it. 

Red then walked over to Link. “What’s up guys, are you enjoying your breakfast?”

“Look kid, your omelets suck.” Wolf stated, looking Red right in the eyes. Harsh. Even Link thought he’d gone too far.

Red looked back in shock. Yes, it was Wolf, who isn’t the nicest person, but it still hurt him. But Red being a kid, he knows a bit of mischief.

“I wasn’t the one who made it. Link did!” Red exclaimed. Everyone in the living room, kitchen, and dining room heard it. Red hoped he convinced everyone it was Link. He fooled some, but not all. He then left with no shame.

Everyone was staring at Link. Did they not see Red cooking it?

“Link, I know it wasn’t you.” Samus said, Wolf nodded.

“Thanks guys. I have no idea why that kid is so against me right now. Well, besides the fact that I told him he could help me out yesterday, but didn’t end up needing him. But I apologized! Why’s he still so upset?!” Link pondered.

“He’s probably just jealous that you got all the praise. He wanted to help you out so he could get the praise, but since you didn’t need him, he got jealous.” Palutena came by and reassured Link. “By the way Link, I watched your cooking show last night when you uploaded. You already have over two million views!”

“I mean, he is one of the most famous smashers.” Samus added. “Also, it’s not often that your favorite athlete starts their own cooking show.”

Little Mac walked by behind them. “No offense Link, but I could’ve made a better omelet with my boxing gloves on, blindfolded.”

“Yeah, that was just bad, Link.” Bowser scoffed.

Link rolled his eyes. “Oh come on! Hopefully those two are the only ones who believe that.”

“Doubtful. Red said it pretty loud. It doesn’t matter how good your food was last night, half of these losers are gullible and the other half live for drama.” Said Samus.

“Well at least I have you three to defend me.” Link expressed.

“Eh, I’m not the one to defend people. Yeah, Red framed you. That sucks. But is it really that big of a deal?” Asked Wolf.

“Well, I have you two.”

Red was in his room, hanging out with Squirtle. Aside from his Pokémon, he doesn’t have too many friends here in the mansion. He doesn’t fit in with the rest of the kids and screws up any other potential friendship.

“Do you think I went too far?” He asked the Pokémon.

“Squirtle.”

“I know it was wrong, but I feel like it’s too late to apologize.”

Just as Red just finished that sentence, he heard a knock on his door. “It’s probably Link…”

Red opened the door to see Captain Falcon. “Hey kid, I wanna talk.”

“Uh… okay?” Red answered.

Red went to sit on his bed as Captain Falcon sat on the floor.

“Look kid, you don’t see me trying to mess with Link, so there’s no need for you to. I didn’t get to help him much either, but come on, even I’m not acting out like you are.” The racer explained.

Red looked down in disappointment. “I know. I was just asking Squirtle if I went too far. Maybe I did, but there’s nothing I could do about it now. Link already apologized but I turned him down.”

“Yeah… maybe you shouldn’t have done that.”

“I know! I just continued to ruin his rep! I thought a little mischief would be funny! I thought maybe someone would’ve finally thought I was cool enough to hang out with! But I just hurt Link, and made everyone turn on him. Why do I always mess things up?” Red was on the verge of tears.

Captain Falcon just sat there. “Damn kid, I didn’t know you had so much pre-teenage angst built up in there.” He then left because he had no idea what to do.

“Squirtle!” 

“Yes, I think I will apologize to Link!” Red exclaimed with confidence, “But first… I wanna play some video games.”

Dinner time had rolled around again. Link was once again in the kitchen, and this time he had set up his camera to film another video for his show.

“So, you’re cooking again?” Asked Sonic, “After what happened this morning, I thought you’d be too embarrassed to show yourself in the kitchen again.”

“Yeah, very funny.” Link rolled his eyes and moved on.

Behind him, Link could hear a few of the kids running around and yelling at each other. Those kids always find a way to disturb everyone. “Hey guys, could you go somewhere else please? I’m kind of busy here.”

Toon, who was obviously annoyed, agreed to it. “That sounds like a great idea. I’ve been trying to get them to leave me alone all day.”

“Booooo, you’re so boring Toon!” Ness shouted as Popo and Time frowned. The kids walked away as Link turned around to get back to his business.

“Interesting to see you in the kitchen again.” Dark Pit stated, “Give me a second while I prepare my taste buds for food darker than my wardrobe!” 

Link was getting frustrated. “You know what?! Get your little two-thousand six emo phase wannabe ass out of the kitchen!”

“And what are you gonna do if I don’t?” Dark Pit sarcastically asked.

“I’ll turn your wings into chicken wings!”

“Well if you’re gonna cook me up, at least make it taste good.” Dark Pit declared as he turned around and left.

After that whole fiasco, Link attempted to get back to the food. He had to completely check his surroundings to make sure nobody was around that could disturb him. 

Once he figured he was clear, he turned his camera on. “Hello everyone, and welcome to the second episode of Cooking with Link!”

As all show hosts do, he talked about random stuff before getting to the rest. A few minutes later, he was ready to go.

“Alrighty, today I am going to make one of my favorite easy dishes, Spicy Meat and Seafood Fry! The heat from this dish will keep you warm this cold winter night.”

There were a few people nearby, which bothered Link a bit, but it was just Marth, Peach, and Zelda, and he could trust them not to bother him.

“The three ingredients you’ll need for this are raw meat, any type of fish, and a spicy pepper.” 

Link then turned the stove on as he placed down a pot of water. “So first, we need to boil a pot of water.” He then turned off the camera while the water boiled. 

“So, how’s it going?” Asked Samus. She had just walked into the kitchen, slightly startling Link.

“I’ve been harassed a few times, but otherwise, it’s fine.” Link looked over towards the stairs, where Red just so happened to be walking down.

“Oh, well look who it is.” Samus sighed in annoyance.

Red walked towards the two in the kitchen. This time, however, he didn’t look like he was going to destroy Link’s rep. He looked… ashamed.

“What do you want, kid?” Samus asked, crossing her arms as to show her frustration.

“I just- I just need to talk to Link for a bit.” Red muttered.

“Oh, well… I guess I have some time to spare.” Link assured.

The two of them walked away to… somewhere I guess, while Samus just stayed back.

“Am I supposed to keep an eye on the water for him? I mean, I would help him out but… I don’t really feel like it.” Samus thought before eventually walking off to somewhere else.

So there was just a pot of almost boiling water on the stove, with nobody watching it. Nobody was even in the kitchen or dining room at the time. Well except for some kids but, eh, what were they gonna do?

“Guys! Give it back!” Toon yelled from outside the kitchen.

Ness, Popo, and Time were running away from Toon, for… who even knows why.

“You can’t catch us!” Popo yelled, running all around the place.

“Yeah, you’re too old to be running, just relax and let us keep it.” Time spat at his counterpart.

Ness then looked at Time with a confused expression. “Time, he’s twelve.”

“Not the point! He’s gonna catch up with us, RUN!”

Toon had pretty much caught up with Popo, who had the item he was looking for.

“No! Popo, throw it to me!” Ness exclaimed.

Popo threw the item, which landed perfectly in Ness’s hands. He looked down with a smirk on his face. He finally had gotten a hold of Toon’s phone.

“Guys stop! I’m being serious!” Toon yelled, but of course, the others didn’t listen.

“We’ll give it back once you stop being so boooooring.” Time informed. 

“No! Give it to me NOW!” Toon was dead serious. 

Ness stopped. His smile shrank with guilt as he looked down at Toon’s phone in his hands. Toon was getting closer, Ness figured he should make a decision soon. He didn’t want the others to think he was lame, but he also didn’t like upsetting Toon.

“Forget it.” Ness said as he threw the phone to Toon.

“Bro! What are you doing?!” Popo yelled.

The phone flew through the air. Time and Popo started running towards it, but it was no use. Toon had basically caught up with them now.

But just as they decided to give up, Toon tripped. Time then dived and grabbed it, right as it was about to hit the floor. 

“Yes! I got it!” Time said as he stood back up. “Hah, loser!”

“Please… just, give it back.” Toon stated. He was just laying on the floor, defeated. He didn’t even sound angry at this point, he just wanted his phone back, and to be left alone.

“Nope!“ Time then went to lift the phone up to take a dumb picture of himself. 

However, his palms were very sweaty, causing Toon’s phone to slip out and fall… directly into the pot of boiling water.

“…Oops.”

Ness turned around to see the problem. His eyes widened at the sight. “Dude! What did you do?!”

Toon looked up from the floor. “What happened?!”

“Uh…” Time stammered while Ness just stayed silent.

Toon then stood up and walked towards the other two, with Popo following behind.

At this point, Toon had had enough. “Okay, spit it out. It can’t be that bad. Now hand it over-”

Ness burst into tears as Time just ran away. Ness pointed at the boiling pot behind him, sobbing. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”

“Dude, calm down. It can’t be that big of a- deal…” Toon looked into the pot to see his phone, completely fried. Or boiled in this situation.

Toon just stood there in shock, unable to form any words. Ness just continued to cry, while Popo had a look on his face as if to say, ‘Oh shoot, we fricked up!’

“Ness, thanks for trying to help. Popo, don’t talk to me. TIME! Get out of my sight… except he’s already out of my sight.”

Toon then just sighed in frustration, and stormed off. Leaving Ness and Popo in the kitchen.

“So uh…” Popo stated, while Ness just sighed.

Meanwhile Link and Red were in Crazy Hand’s office (because it was close and Crazy Hand never uses it anyway).

“So, what did you need me for?” Link asked.

“I wanted to apologize.” Red stated as Link looked up at him, “Look, I’m sorry. Last night when you asked for help with dinner, I saw that as a chance for people to finally notice me. So when you ended up not needing my help, I took it personally, because I thought you were doing what everyone else does to me…”

“Which is..?”

“Everyone just pushes me aside. But I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. I’m sorry.” Red finished.

Link looked away, processing what Red just said. “Red, I had no idea people treat you like that. I’m sorry that happens, but reacting the way you did won’t get people to like you. Trust me, that was not my intention. I’m sorry I brushed you aside like that.”

Red looked at Link with a smile on his face. “And I’m sorry for blaming you for making those… really bad omelets.”

“So… are we cool?” Link asked.

“Yeah, we’re cool!” Red stuck his hand out.

“Cool!” Link shook Red’s hand. “I better get back to the kitchen, the water’s probably boiling by now. But hey when we’re done with dinner, maybe we can go and play some games.”

“That’ll be fun! Thanks!” Red replied, excitedly.

Link then left and went back to the kitchen, while Red went somewhere else. 

When Link arrived in the kitchen, he noticed Ness and Popo just standing around. “Hey uh, what are you kids doing just standing around?”

“Oh uh… we were just watching over the water while you left. It sh-should be ready… I think?” Ness responded, paranoid that Link would find the phone in the pot and get mad at them.

“Oh, thanks!”

“You’re welcome!” Popo exclaimed back. He then looked over at Ness and ran. Ness following behind.

Link watched the kids run off, getting a bit suspicious about it, but then just shrugged it off. He then turned back to the pot, noticing that the water was really boiling by now. He then looked closer, noticing some sparks coming from the bottom.

“The water is sparking?! That must mean it’s really boiling!” Link exclaimed. “This food should be done in no time!”

He then pulled out his ingredients from… his pockets? and turned the camera back on.

“Alright, so now that the water’s boiling, it’s time to start making the food. Right here I have the meat, the spicy pepper, and the fish.” Link started. “Once you have your ingredients, you will drop all three of them into the boiling water and wait for the magic to happen.”

Link then started humming a melody as he waited for his food to cook. “Hm hmm hm-hm.”

Once it finally finished cooking, Link took it out and scooped it onto a plate. “And here we have it, Spicy Meat and Sea-” He looked at the food, and instead of seeing the delicious delicacy that is the Spicy Meat and Seafood Fry, it actually appeared to be… uh… [CENSORED].

Lets just say that the food was made up of green and purple pixels with a bone sticking out, because it’s so gross that it has to be censored.

“Dubious food?! How did this happen?!” He had done everything right, or so he thought. He turned off his camera as he knew he could not upload this online or his reputation would be ruined—and not by Red this time.

“Speaking of Red…” Link thought. “Could he have sabotaged my meal? But he apologized.”

Just as Link had thought that, Red walked in the kitchen. “Hey Link, is the food almost done?”

Link just slowly turned around with a strong glare on his face and pointed at the dubious food. “Would you happen to know how this happened? Were you involved? Did you do this?!”

Red looked at the food. It looked disgusting. “Link, I have no idea what that is, but I promise I had nothing to do with it!”

“You didn’t sabotage my food? This… prison food reject only happens when a bad ingredient—or rather, any item that does not belong in food—is added to the concoction. And I know you apologized, but I wouldn’t be surprised if you thought it’d be funny to put something bad in here to piss me off!” Link shouted.

Red stepped back. “Link listen, I know I did some not nice stuff, and I apologized for that, but I swear on my Ivysaur that I did not do this!”

Link figured he was probably being truthful, but he was still unsure. “Then would you happen to know who did?”

“No.”

“Well, I can’t serve this to everyone so, I guess I’ll just throw it away. “Link sighed. “I can’t believe I wasted those ingredients!”

Red felt bad. Link’s gone through so much today—some of it being his fault. Though the dubious food had nothing to do with him, he just felt bad because so many other things did.

Right as Link went to throw the dubious food away, Wario walked in. “Wait! Don’t throw that away!”

“Uh hey Wario… do you want this?” Link asked.

“Of course I do!” Wario then rushed over to Link. “You kids these days need to appreciate your food! When I was a kid, we had to hunt for our food.”

Link and Red just rolled their eyes. “Wario, how old are you?” Red asked.

“Shit, I don’t know. Thirty-five?” Wario guessed, shoving the dubious food into his mouth.

“Now I’m no math guy, but you were definitely not a kid during the hunting and gathering era. And I know you don’t come from a world where you have to hunt, like I do.” Link stated, Wario just ignored him.

Link and Red just slowly walked away, not wanting to bother with Wario.

“Listen Red, I figured it wasn’t you who turned my food dubious. Maybe it was just bad meat or expired fish or something.” Link assured as he and Red walked into the living room. “So whaddya say, wanna play some games?” Asked Link.

Red nodded. “To the arcade room we go!” The two then started walking towards the arcade room.

Meanwhile, Wario was still munching on the dubious food in the kitchen, when suddenly he felt a crunch, though the rest of the food was soggy.

“What was that?” Wario questioned. He then took the object out of his mouth. “A cell phone?! What type of ingredients are you cooking with, Link?”

Chapter Text

Robin sighed, “How do I figure this out?” He lowered his forehead into his hand.

He had been sitting at the same table in the library since about 7am. It was now 11am and he had not made much progress. Especially now that many others had woken up. Lucina sat on his right. She had joined him in his studies about an hour earlier.

“I think you should take a break,” Lucina assured the tactician, “I mean, you’ve been at this for-”

“Nearly four hours. Yes, I should take a break, but I need to figure this out! I’m a tactician, I should know how to set up a basic battle formation!” Robin exclaimed in frustration.

Lucina looked over at the tactician as he stressfully gripped at his hair. His brown eyes were glued to the book in front of him. Lucina took a quick glance down at the book before turning her attention back to Robin. She sighed.

“I think you’re being too hard on yourself, Robin. A break could do you well,” Robin turned to her, raising an eyebrow. “Come on, let’s just get up and clear your mind for a bit. Who knows, maybe you’ll find something that could help you figure this out.”

Robin gave the swordswoman a small smile. “I appreciate your concern, Lucina, but I’ll be fine.”

“Nope, you’re taking a break. Come with me,” Lucina got up from her chair, walking a few feet away. However, when she didn’t hear Robin behind her, she realized that she’d have to take matters into her own hands.

Lucina turned back around and made her way back to Robin. She took her pencil out from behind her ear, placed it in the crack of the book, and then slammed the book shut.

“Lucina-”

“You are taking a break! Now get up and follow me before I drag you!”

Robin sighed, slowly backing his chair away in surrender. “This better be useful…” Robin muttered as Lucina gave a sly smile.

Donkey Kong looked at markings he made in the snow. In front of him was a large square with 4 smaller squares within it. “Perfectly even… I hope.”

“Hey DK!” The ape heard a voice behind him. He turned around to see a muscular man in a white hoodie and red gloves.

“Ah Ryu! I could use your help!” Donkey Kong exclaimed.

The fighter glanced at the ape with a confused expression. “Uh, okay. What do you need?”

“Okay, ya see this little court I made right here in front of ya?” Donkey Kong asked, pointing in front of him.

“Yeah.”

“Well, I’m trying to set up a game. A snowball fight with a twist,” The ape explained as Ryu nodded, “There will be four teams, but there’s one problem.”

“And that is..?”

“There’s nobody here to play!” Donkey Kong expressed, “So, could you help me recruit some players? You could be the captain of one of the teams.”

Ryu shrugged, “Sure, why not!”

The two of them then went to find people to play their game.

The first people they stumbled upon were Falco and Little Mac. The bird and boxer had been sitting on a bench, taking a break from scraping the driveway. Donkey Kong promised them captain roles, which they agreed to.

Now with 4 captains, they had started looking for people both in and outside the mansion to recruit. Donkey Kong kept count, hoping to recruit 20 smashers so that each team would have 5 players (6 including the captains).

Two smashers in particular caught the ape’s attention as they made their way through the snow, a blue-haired swordswoman and a tactician with hair as white as the snow beneath their feet. “Hey!”

Lucina turned her attention towards the booming voice, “Hey DK, did you need something?”

“I’m setting up a game. It’s like a snowball fight but with four teams. I only need two more players, do ya wanna join?”

Lucina’s expression brightened, “Oh that sounds fun! I’m in!” She then turned her attention to her tactician friend beside her, “Robin, you should join. Maybe relieve a bit of stress.”

Robin scoffed, “And disappoint my teammates because I’m not as athletically inclined? That’s only going to add stress.”

“Oh come on, he needs two more players!”

Donkey Kong shook his head, “No it’s okay! I think we’ll be good!”

Lucina glanced back as her and the ape started walking away. “You better not sneak off back to the library!”

“Don’t worry, I’ll watch from the sidelines!” Robin yelled back, giving his friend a thumbs up.

Robin stood, shivering as the cold air bit at his face. Standing ahead of him were 4 smashers in the large square, staring at the 19 others on the opposite sideline.

“DK, this is only nineteen…” Falco explained.”

“Don’t worry about it, there are some strong ones in this bunch. One less player on one team won’t be bad.” Donkey Kong assured, vaguely flexing his muscles.

Falco shrugged, “As long as it’s not my team lacking.”

After a bit of small talk between the captains, they were ready to pick teams. Donkey Kong, of course, picking first.

The ape looked in front of him, considering who would be the best choice for his team. The players: Link, Samus, Fox, Luigi, Captain Falcon, Daisy, Pichu, Lucina, Roy, Meta Knight, Snake, Diddy Kong, Lucas, Sonic, Olimar, Greninja, Bowser Jr, Richter, and Incineroar all stood, anxiously waiting for the first pick as if they were waiting for their invitation to Smash.

“I gotta go with my boy, Diddy!” Donkey Kong exclaimed, watching as the young monkey ran his way.

Ryu raised his brow at the ape before turning back and making his choice. “I’ll take Richter.”

It was Little Mac’s turn to pick. He squinted amongst the players, carefully considering who he should choose. “Captain Falcon, you’re on my team!”

Finally, it was Falco’s turn. The smashers anxiously waited to hear their name, as it was the final pick of the first round. What is this? The NFL Draft? “I’m gonna go with Samus.”

Then it was back to Donkey Kong to pick. They went on with their little draft until there was nobody left.

Robin had watched the whole thing from the sideline as the cold continued to nip at him. He thought about just leaving, but he didn’t want to leave Lucina. He looked at the 4 teams, wondering how the game was going to play out. What strategies would each one of them use to make sure they win? Then he got an idea.

“Wait! Can I join the game?!” Robin shouted, running closer to the players.

Many of them turned, wondering what his sudden urge to join was all about.

“Join us, we only have five!” Falco urged. Falco’s team consisted of Samus, Daisy, Roy, and Greninja. Robin walked towards the group, engulfing them in a huddle.

“Uh, what are you doing?” Asked Daisy.

“I’m creating a strategy so that we can win,” Robin expressed, “You can’t just scatter about the field without any techniques! If you truly want to win, you’ll have to listen to me.”

“Uh…okay?” Roy responded, “So what’s the plan?”

“I’m glad you asked!” Robin put his fingers to his chin, thinking for a bit. “When the game starts, Samus and Daisy will go out, distracting the players on Ryu and Little Mac’s team. Try to get some hits on them.”

The girls nodded.

“Roy and Falco, you’re fast. I want you two to try and get quick hits on the opponents! Finally, Greninja, you will sneak around, sniping the opponents when they least expect it.”Just as Robin finished his sentence, Donkey Kong blew the whistle, starting the game.

Daisy and Samus were the first to run out, reaching their hands into the snow to form snowballs. Daisy began chucking snowballs at Ryu’s teammates, but they all dodged. However, Snake sneakily threw a ball right towards Daisy, almost hitting her. Roy noticed this and quickly interfered, catching the snowball. Snake was eliminated.

Meanwhile, Samus had just barely missed Fox. However, as Fox was distracted, Falco went in for the blow. He didn’t hit Fox, but he hit Pichu, who had suddenly appeared in front of Fox.

“Better luck next time, Fal-” Fox began, but he was suddenly hit by Sonic, who was on Donkey Kong’s team. Falco laughed at his buddy, but made sure not to let himself get too distracted.

Every once in a while, Greninja would attempt to get a few sneaky strikes as well. He stood behind his teammates, throwing snowballs when his opponents were too focused on someone else. He had managed to get Lucas, Diddy Kong, and Incineroar out with this strategy–all of which were on different teams.

By now, each team had lost at least one player. Except for Robin’s team. He was proud of his teammates, even though he didn’t usually care about team games. He was also proud of himself, as his strategy proved useful. He hadn’t really done much in the game itself, however. He stood and watched his teammates, but still made sure he was aware of his surroundings, dodging a few snowball projectiles every once in a while.

Daisy continued to throw snowballs, managing to get Olimar (who was being held by Richter) out. She continued to aggressively throw snowballs, not even aiming them at this point. However, this came to a halt as she heard a childish voice yelling back at her.

“Headshot! You’re out!” Bowser Jr. cried.

“What?! Oh come on, stop being such a baby about it!” Daisy fired back, unaware that she had even hit him.

“But you’re out! If you don't get out, I’m gonna tell my dad!”

“And what is he gonna do about it, huh?!” Daisy felt a gentle tap on her shoulder. It was Robin.

“Daisy, headshots aren’t allowed, you’re out.” Robin addressed, earning a slight glare from the princess. She then made her way to the sideline, groaning in anger.

Robin chose to ignore her little outburst, instead turning his attention to Little Mac’s team on his left. His eyes soon spotted Lucina, who was quickly dodging snowballs left and right. With each dodge she buried her hands back into the snow, forming a snowball. She would then throw the snowball quickly towards her opponent. Luckily, she seemed focused on Donkey Kong’s, so Robin didn’t have to worry. He couldn’t help but smile a little as he watched her. She had always been brave, something he admired about her. She would always get back up on her feet after being knocked down.

However, Robin’s thoughts quickly came to a stop as he felt a cold hit in his arm. His smile faded as the snowball slowly slid down his arm. He was out. Defeated, he made his way to the sideline, sitting in the snow next to Daisy.

The players on each team kept getting out one-by-one. They were in the endgame now. Donkey Kong’s team consisted of himself and Link, Ryu’s team was now down to just himself and Meta Knight, and Little Mac’s team had just Lucina and Captain Falcon left. Robin’s team, however, still had 4 teammates left. Falco turned his head towards Robin, as if asking what to do.

Robin squinted, thinking about what he should have his remaining teammates do. “Samus and Roy, focus on Ryu’s team for now! Falco and Greninja, focus on Little Mac’s team!”

Meta Knight had his attention on Link, who was aiming at him. Samus knew this was the best time to attack. Before he knew it, Meta Knight was hit by a snowball. Roy and Samus kept their attention on Ryu and Richter while Falco and Greninja were focused on Captain Falcon and Lucina. Lucina continued to dodge Falco’s attacks, keeping her attention entirely on him. This was Greninja’s chance to strike. And strike he did. Lucina’s eyes widened, not knowing how she got hit. Luckily, Captain Falcon was too focused on Donkey Kong at the moment, so the two of them figured they could move on. Greninja then went to help Samus and Roy, while Falco kept watch to make sure nobody would try to hit his teammates.

Since Captain Falcon was too focused on trying to get Donkey Kong out, he had completely forgotten about Link; which was made clear by the expression he gave when Link hit him fair and square. Little Mac’s team was completely eliminated.

Falco watched his surroundings, making sure nothing was coming his way. When he figured that he was safe, started to charge at Link. However, Donkey Kong had managed to hit him right in his tail feathers.

“Damn it!” Falco exclaimed.

Roy turned and threw a snowball in Link’s direction, in which Link threw one at him. Both of them hit each other at the same time, getting each other out. Meanwhile, Ryu tried to get Greninja, as he knew how sneaky he could be. However, he was left wide open for an attack from Donkey Kong. Ryu’s team was completely eliminated.

It was just Samus, Greninja, and Donkey Kong left. Greninja stayed back as Samus charged forward, 3 snowballs in hand. The ape dodged them all, soon building up a large snowball to launch back. As Donkey Kong threw the large snowball, Greninja quickly snuck out from behind Samus, sending a snowball his way. Samus felt a cold sensation on leg, which Donkey Kong felt as well. Samus was out, but so was Donkey Kong. 

Donkey Kong’s team was completely eliminated. The game was over. The team got up and cheered, congratulating Greninja and each other. 

Falco turned towards Robin. “You know, I kind of doubted you at first, but I’m glad you joined my team. You led us to victory!”

Robin smiled at this. “Thanks, but if it weren’t for you guys, my tactics wouldn’t have proved useful.

The other teams got up and shook hands with each other, bidding them good game and whatnot. Everything was going well for these smashers, it felt good for them to all enjoy a game together.

Lucina and Robin made their way back to the library after a while. Robin had managed to relax his mind, just as Lucina hoped.

“Thank you, Lucina,” He smiled down at her, “Thank you for convincing me to get out, it proved useful for my studies.”

“How so?”

“Well, I set up a bit of a battle formation with my team and gave them directions on how they should approach the battle. That’s how we won.”

Lucina looked up at her friend with a confident smile. “I knew getting you away from that book for a while was a good idea. What would you do without me?”

Robin looked down at her, hoping the subtle pink tint on his face was just from being out in the cold and not other reasons. “I honestly don’t know.”

The two of them walked back over to where they had sat this morning. Robin had a proud smile on his face, knowing he’d be able to get through his studies with the knowledge he gained from his snowy battle tactics.