Chapter Text
A state of melancholy washed over the usually hyperactive Rory Keaner. Moments before, they laughed along with Ethan and Benny, two of their best friends. But all of a sudden realizations crashed over them like a tidal wave. The first drop being that they were sitting on the floor.
Rory always sat on the floor whenever the trio was hanging out. Rory thought it was because they were used to it, or that maybe it was because there wasn’t space on the bed next to Benny and Ethan. But no, they could definitely scoot over. There’s no logical reason, why the three of them couldn’t all sit up there, Rory thought. But the reasoning isn’t logical, it’s emotional, Ethan and Benny preferred each other over them.
Rory was used to being the expendable friend. The one that was fun to hang out with in a group, but no one ever wanted to be with just them. They knew that in 6th grade when all of their friends dropped them to try to be popular. They knew that in 8th grade when they were the only one in their friend group not invited to stay the night after a party. They knew that the day before freshman year when the only person they thought they could count on broke off their friendship because after Rory came out as pan, he thought Rory had romantic feelings for him. They did but that’s beside the point.
Rory had suspected it when they entered a friendship with Ethan and Benny, and then with Sarah and Erica. They had become comfortable with this friend group. They thought they could trust everyone, and everyone felt the same about them. They must be wrong, though.
Maybe it’s because they knew that halfway across town Sarah and Erica were on their second date, completely infatuated with each other. Maybe Rory was finally seeing how similarly Erica acted with Sarah as Ethan was acting with Benny. They couldn’t stop touching each other, looking at each other. Ignoring Rory.
Fuck.
Benny and Ethan were talking about some tv show that Rory hadn’t gotten around to watching yet. They silently excused themself to the bathroom, neither noticing they had left. They locked the door, and turned around, sliding down to the floor.
A single tear broke from their eye, others soon to follow. It hurt that none of their friends cared about them. But Rory could recover from that. They had so many times before, what’s once more? But what really broke them this time was that it was Benny. Rory had begun to suspect that they had a crush on Benny about a month prior. Rory had never been in love, so they didn’t really know what it felt like, but they were pretty sure they were in love with Benny.
Rory let out a sob. They quickly tried to stifle it, to be silent as they always did when they were alone. The last thing they wanted was to worry their friends. Or make them pity them. If the two of them saw them like this… If Benny saw them like this… Crying over some pathetic overreaction? Rory would have to explain, and as soon as they found out that they had feelings for Benny, they’d be appalled and they’d be kicked out of Ethan’s house. Benny would be embarrassed by them and not talk to them at school. The two of them would tell Erica and Sarah. Maybe Erica would still hang out with them. When she wasn’t with her girlfriend. Who she never wanted to be apart from. Rory would have to eat lunch in the library for the rest of the year again. They’d have to wait until the next year to try to find another friend group. They’d have to hide their true self, because they were pretty sure that they’d run out of groups who’d be accepting of an agender, pansexual, they/them kid. They’d stop wearing skirts, they’d wipe off the nail polish, and quit correcting people when they misgendered them, so hopefully no one would remember who they really were by the time Autumn came around. Rory had already accepted their fate.
Rory was suddenly aware that the talking and the laughter from Ethan’s room had stopped. They tried to silence their tears more. They couldn’t find out. They couldn’t find out. They couldn’t find out. They couldn’t find out. Rory began rocking themself back and forth, holding their breath and biting their lip. Their fangs pierced the inside of their lip. It hurt, but being a vampire, they didn’t bleed. They could feel their body trying to heal itself. They bit their lip again.
Footsteps came towards the bathroom door. Fuck fuck fuck no. Benny knocked twice on the door, “Rory? Are you in there?” Xe sounded worried.
Rory scrambled to stand up, and turned toward the mirror to see how much it looked like they had been crying. No reflection, of course. They clumsily felt under their eyes, wiping the tears away. Their eyes were definitely puffy and red. They couldn’t go out like that. “Um yeah. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be out in a minute.” They bit a different part of the inside of their mouth, piercing it too.
“Are you sure?” Benny asked.
“Uh, yeah. I mean, it might be more than a minute or less than a minute, but I didn’t think you cared about technicalities like that.” Rory tried to laugh but it sounded forced.
“You know what I meant.” Xe said.
Rory took a deep breath, hoped it didn’t look like they had been crying, and opened the door. “See? I’m fine.” They walked back into Ethan’s bedroom, sitting back where they had been before. They tried to act like everything was fine and normal.
Ethan stood in the doorway, and he glanced at Rory before sharing a look with Benny. A pang of jealousy rang through Rory. They both broke the look, and walked towards Rory. Ethan got to them first, and grabbed their arm to pull them up. He and Benny deposited them on Ethan’s bed. Benny closed the door.
Ethan sat to their right. “You know you can talk to us about anything, right? Anything, no matter what.” He said.
Yeah right. Rory thought. “Is there a reason you guys are acting all weird?” Rory pulled back, trying to make themself small.
“Well…” Ethan trailed off.
Benny cleared xer throat. “You started acting weird all of a sudden, then you ran off to the bathroom, and we thought we heard…”
Ethan looked down at his hands. Benny inspected Rory’s face to try to figure out what they were thinking. It took them a second to figure out what Benny was implying.
“I wasn’t throwing up, if that’s what you’re thinking. I don’t have an eating disorder. I don’t think eating, or not eating, or throwing up, really, impacts the way my body at all. As long as I get enough blood, which I am, I’m fine.” Rory rambled. They weren’t sure if that’s what either of them thought, but it was safer to go with a truth.
Benny sighed.
“Are you sure? Like, do you know how food affects your body?” Asked Ethan.
“No Idea!” Rory tried to get back to their usual tone of voice, “But it’s been months and with a weird diet, so I think I’m fine!” Benny and Ethan still looked uneasy. “Hey what was that show you guys were talking about earlier? It sounded really good, and I don’t think I’ve seen it.”
“You haven’t seen it yet? Well we need to spend the rest of the night showing you it’s glory.” Said Ethan, eager to get back to normal conversation.
“I mean, I don’t need sleep so I’m down.” said Rory.
“Sleep is for the weak.” Said Ethan.
Rory and Ethan looked to Benny, “Uh, yeah, sure. Sounds good.” Xe sounded like xe were still concerned for Rory.